mermaidlighthouse

[mermaidlighthouse]

I want to talk for a moment (or a LONG few moments but…) about my special little angel face, honeysuckle, cuppie cake…Stede Bonnet

From the start of the season, Stede is desperately seeking a person who he’s afraid will think he’s not good enough, that he is somehow lacking. He’s afraid he blew his chance at real happiness because he was scared and panicked (as he explicitly tells Ed in Fun and Games) but there’s so much more going on here. He wasn’t just scared and panicked because they were moving so fast during all their time together- he DIDN’T KNOW what they were doing. He didn’t realize they were falling in love because he didn’t know what it meant to be in love.

He was scared that running away to China was just going to be a rash decision borne out of a need to escape - he didn’t understand his value in general but more importantly, in that scene, to Ed. He didn’t understand that the “You wear fine things well” moment was special for Ed - we see that he’s come to understand that NOW in the flashback in Red Flags. He didn’t realize that to Ed, Stede is special. In all the moments that we understand Ed has been vulnerable because he’s willing to open up to Stede, Stede doesn’t have our insight. Not because he’s emotionally unintelligent - I would argue he’s generally well aware of how people see him - the problem is that NO ONE has seen him as worthy before and therefore is very easy to undervalue his significance. 

If we look at all the scenes that we as an audience can tell are meaningful to Ed, from Stede’s perspective he’s either unaware of Ed’s motivations even though the audience is aware (the treasure scene) or can, through the dialogue or lack thereof, discount the importance because of his poor self-worth. For instance, in the bathtub scene, Ed specifically says he outsources the big job - Ed has told Stede he doesn’t kill people not personally - it implies Ed’s decision to NOT kill Stede isn’t all that big a deal or at least to a person who doesn’t see their value (Stede) it would be very easy to write off the idea that Ed specifically didn’t want to kill Stede. Stede is aware that the fuckery has been triggering for Ed - this doesn’t make Ed’s confession any less impactful but it does bring into question the reasons behind his decision to not kill Stede. For Stede, it can easily be explained by saying “Ed has just relived a traumatic moment, he’s currently dealing with a heavy emotional burden, Ed doesn’t kill people (he just said so) and so he doesn’t want to kill me because it would be further trauma. Ed didn’t even see me as his friend so I’m simply a random person who happens to be here.” There, a neat little box of reasons that has nothing to do with Stede - not in any meaningful way, he’s merely a prop in the story. 

On the cliff, that was the first time he was even aware he was having an impact on Ed in any sort of meaningful way. Ed had literally, just walked away, yeah he came back but it’s not that difficult to see how it seemed easy for Ed to leave. Ed opted not to be Blackbeard anymore ostensibly to save Stede but, Stede is aware that Ed’s been thinking about packing it all in for a while now. Stede doesn’t understand how big an influence he’s had on Ed. It would be easy to say that he did ruin history’s greatest pirate because he put Ed in a position where he felt obligated to save Stede. Stede knows that Ed knows that Izzy sold them out. Ultimately, Ed put Stede in the position of being found by Chauncey and his first mate made that possible. It’s not that much of a stretch to assume that Ed simply feels guilty for putting Stede in that position and is saving him from the firing squad because of that guilt. Stede doesn’t see his worth and can’t imagine that it’s him as a person that Ed is attracted to, that Ed adores. That Ed’s quasi- or Izzy’s direct involvement in bringing about the situation has nothing to do with Ed’s decision because that would mean giving himself more credit, giving himself more agency and Stede has routinely been told that he has none, he never earned his status and he never will. The things he enjoys are worthless and weak. 

Stede so undervalues himself that excuses for people NOT hurting him or saving him can’t be due to his appeal or importance. He’s unimportant, therefore Ed’s reactions and decisions have little if anything to do with him. 

This is the repressed trauma that he carries around with him, that he buries beneath the smiles and silliness. He has moments of working through that (“I am adequate”) but that doesn’t remove the deep-rooted insecurities. The fact that he gets up and smiles and allows himself to be silly speaks to his strength of character. The moments when the demons rear their heads are so impactful but the fact that they return below the surface doesn’t mean they go away, it doesn’t mean he’s defeated them. Is it healthy? No. Is it still so courageous? Abso-fucking-lutely. He’s simply one of the strongest, most capable, genuinely wonderful characters BECAUSE he does all he does, saving the crew, working against his selfishness (most of the time), trying to figure out who he is and where he fits in the world while carrying this burden of internalizing his worthlessness.

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No matter how many times I rewatch the cliff scene when they kiss I always squeal as if I didn’t know it was gonna happen…when Mer-Stede appears I still start giddily clapping as if it’s not burned into my brain…I’m never not cheering when Stede pushes Ed up against the wall and screaming OH MY GOD! when they kiss like it’s the first time I’ve ever seen it…I still gasp when The Letter is discovered as if I don’t quote it along with them…when I watch the beach reunion I always jump up and down in unbridled joy like I don’t know they’re always gonna find their way back to each other…

I’m not afraid this show is gonna kill me. I’m afraid my brain rot is beyond fixing…………….

[mermaidlighthouse]

Since I’m apparently making this a fuckin series of posts…I’m gonna look at another Izzy moment/scene from the perspective that while a separate character with other functions and characterizations, Izzy narratively is a personification of Blackbeard and therefore an extension of Ed…this time we’re gonna look at the “you know me better than anyone has ever known me and I dare say the same is true for me about you” and recontextualize it around that premise…

Two things before we begin - First, this is going to be highly critical of Izzy if that’s not for you then skip it, however, this is critical of Izzy from the perspective of someone who does enjoy his character both as a separate entity and in this framework. Second, this interpretation is predicated on the idea that Izzy is both a personification of Blackbeard and that the persona of Blackbeard functions narratively as a physical manifestation of Ed’s poor self-worth and darkest thoughts about himself.

To get to the meat of the scene I think it needs to be said first, that Izzy is canonically and categorically WRONG in his assertion. He doesn’t know Ed all that well at all frankly and it’s apparent from the very first interactions between them. So, let's go through some of those:

The scenes in the Captain’s cabin on the QAR: Izzy didn’t know that Ed was so fucking bored that the idea of something…really anything…out of the ordinary would interest him. We know that Izzy has no qualms with straight-up lying to Ed. “I explicitly told him Blackbeard desired his company.” Even if you take the stance that there should be no way Stede wouldn’t know canonically famous for being Blackbeard’s First Mate Izzy Hands (which I have said before) that means that Izzy assumes he’s just that famous that he should be a known entity but, that still isn’t explicitly saying Blackbeard. With that in mind, why didn’t he just lie to Ed about losing Hornberry? He could have very easily lied about not having been “bested at swordplay”. That’s just another interesting thing about Stede…Izzy ends up being the person who ultimately keeps making Stede seem like the MOST interesting person. The fact that he couldn’t recognize that Ed would not only find Stede initially interesting but would find him even more interesting because he told Blackbeard to “go suck eggs in hell” after they’ve already been following him around is a huge indication that he doesn’t understand Ed at all, let alone better than anyone else.

The first day on The Revenge: so Izzy NEVER realizes that Ed already has a plan to get away from the Spanish. I’m not litigating whether Ed’s actions are manipulative (which I do think there’s a sound reading there btw) I’m simply saying that Izzy was unable to read Ed’s actions or nonactions to recognize he was being played with. I’m also not litigating whether the plan was sound because again my whole point is that Izzy never realized Ed had a plan from the moment Izzy found him on deck. This one may be up for personal interpretation but, if you know a person better than anyone else, it seems like you should have some sort of inkling that they are messing around with you. 

I’m not actually going to go through every interaction between them but I think these showcase that from the start of the show Izzy doesn’t understand Ed, he doesn’t know Ed. Izzy is not telling the truth, he’s lying.

Back to the original premise then

looking at this line from the perspective that Izzy functions as an extension of Blackbeard. So, a lot of the dialogue between Ed and Izzy throughout the show can be read as showcasing when you have self-loathing, the voices in your head will lie to you because you can’t see a way around them. That you can and will lie to yourself when you hate yourself because it’s easier at that point to perpetuate the lies because they’ve been what you’ve told yourself for a very long time. That you may have a skewed perspective especially about yourself. Essentially, I’m saying that Izzy functions as a way to show the audience how Ed talks to himself in his darkest moments, Blackbeard’s voice (in the same way ghost!Nigel functioned for Stede). 

Izzy telling Ed that he knows him best and vice versa is the voice in Ed’s head, Blackbeard, saying “we are the same. I’m the only one who understands you and no one else will see you better than me. I know all your darkest moments which means I know the REAL you. The version of you that I desire is the REAL you. I’m here to protect you from the darkness within and from outside because I’m your only point of contact in the world.” It’s a personification of how low self-esteem or self-worth preys on and isolates you by creating a false dichotomy where no one else will ever identify with you. Or that anyone who thinks you can grow beyond what your low self-worth dictates is “the right way to be” is wrong because they don’t know you, not really. 

It’s the ultimate mindfuck because it’s the voice in your head manipulating you from the inside, it can be very difficult to argue against your own thoughts. We see this in the scene as well, Ed never actually contradicts Izzy even though we already know there are several ways in which Izzy doesn’t know Ed.

This scene shows how Ed can easily feel as though there will be nothing but this, this constant boredom, this constant pain in trying to conform to the darkest thoughts in his head, Blackbeard.

This same logic can be applied to the "This is Blackbeard. Not some namby-pamby pining for his boyfriend" line. Izzy is voicing the idea that the persona of Blackbeard isn't supposed to have emotional entanglements. He's implying that Blackbeard doesn't want or need to be loved, Blackbeard only needs prestige and power. The desire to be loved is all Edward and Edward is nothing without Blackbeard. That Stede is an impediment to who Ed REALLY is. It's mirrored in Izzy telling Stede "I know you think you understand him." It's how your self-loathing can and will attempt to push people away. And Izzy falters when Stede proves that he actually does know Ed, he's fully aware of who Ed is as a person in his entirety and Stede is the person who is going to accept ALL of Ed's iterations. All of these lines from Izzy are lies and manipulation disguised as self-preservation.

The voice of Blackbeard is literally just how Izzy speaks to Ed…and in this way Izzy is the rotten leg that needs to come off................

This is no way justifies or allows Izzy to get off the hook for being manipulative and being an outside person who does all this shit...I'm just looking at how the show allows you to understand Ed better by giving an outside voice to the things Ed is struggling with internally. It can be both.

[mermaidlighthouse]

Just thinking about Ed’s fisherman thing…so imo Ed wasn’t breaking up with Stede…

Yes this is a panic induced run and hide…but he chose to tell Stede he was leaving and didn’t just walk away. He had ample opportunity to just not be there but he could be found if Stede sought him out.

What stands out to me about this entire conversation is that at no point does Ed say we’re over I’m done with our relationship, in fact he specifically says let’s just stop before we say something we can’t take back…he’s not looking to ruin the relationship

He thinks he’s giving Stede the opportunity to live out his dreams while respecting his own boundaries of not wanting to be a pirate anymore, of knowing this isn’t the lifestyle he wants.

I think part of why he shuts down the conversation after Stede says this can be whatever we want it to be is that they STILL haven’t really talked about their future and where they both are and he’s afraid of the fact that if Stede really wanted to he could absolutely convince Ed to go back to pirating but also Ed still equates pirating with Blackbeard they are one in the same and he can’t separate them. He doesn’t want to go back to what he was…this is where the panic comes in he’s afraid of being vulnerable and is making a spontaneous choice based on past traumas (I'm never calling them whims)…

The problem with deciding you know what your partner is thinking or what they would choose given the options is you put them on the back foot when you confront them with just an I’m gonna go do my own thing…

If Ed had asked or indicated he wanted Stede to go with him, I fully believe Stede would have but the dock has scared Ed out of doing that right now and Stede doesn’t really know A) what’s happening, he’s completely blindsided by the entire conversation and B) that Ed does want him to come, Ed will always want to be with Stede

But that’s kinda my whole point I think this wasn’t ever a break up from Ed’s perspective…he was not saying to Stede I don’t love you, I don’t want to be with you, we’re not right for each other…he was saying where you are and the lifestyle you want isn’t for me anymore I’ll be here on my little fishing boat you’ll know where I am when you’re done being an infamous pirate living your dream I’ll be here

The fact that he does it while assuming he knows what Stede would choose because past experience tells him that’s what would happen without talking it through because Stede was clear this can be whatever we want it to be, we can make this work in whatever way we need to, is what’s heartbreaking about the scene...

[mermaidlighthouse]

Ricky really is an odd duck…

What kills me about Minor Prince Major Douche is that he keeps telling PIRATES that he’s a minor prince as if these people don’t by their very existence flout the monarchy…why would any of them give a flying fuck that he’s a prince but to then lean into being MINOR oof…if anything he’s painting a bigger target on his back…I mean what a fuckin moron

[mermaidlighthouse]

So whittling is a metaphor……

Nah it’s really fuckin dumb but I can’t stop thinking about Black Pete whittling Lucius a new finger and Izzy whittled a fuckin shark to give to Lucius

People keeping making wood projects for Lucius and I’m also thinking about how Black Pete made something Lucius needed to make him physically “whole” and Izzy gave him something to help remind him how to be mentally/emotionally “whole”

That Lucius was on the verge of being lost in his really bad infection of his (justified) hurt and pain about Ed that he faced a different type of death by holding onto the anger

[mermaidlighthouse]

Ok I’m rewatching s1 and I’m not sure why it never occurred to me that when Stede, Olu, and Jim are talking in front of the ship after they’ve run aground…that Stede and Olu had to bring out something to sit on…and I just give that a pass because you know what fine

BUT the fact that they DECORATED the seating is just…I’m imagining Stede being like “these need some set dressing before I open up about my mental devastation. Olu please place this basket type thing next to you…why? Well…uhhh…it contrasts nicely with the bit of blue fabric on your stool…”

My headcanon is that Stede had the crew decorate their own chairs after flag making craft day went so well and Jim was like nah man I’m not ruining my chair by putting it in the sand I’m good…and Stede borrowed the Swede’s chair

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Sometimes I think about how the crew pimped out the Swede and EVERYONE except the Swede knew what was happening…that it ended up being the best thing to ever happen to the Swede and how sometimes it’s the unknown/unexpected things that make the biggest difference…sometimes you don’t know what it is that make you happiest/your best self and sometimes it comes out of nowhere but others it’s the people in your life that can put you on the path to finding your true joy

And that’s a beautiful thing to see….the way this show uses unconventional means to show the most human and wonderful aspects of life is my kink

But like don’t pimp out your unsuspecting friends…even if you need a job and a place to sleep…

[mermaidlighthouse]

Do you ever think about how they decided to use The Times Are A-Changin’ as the final song for the season…a song that represents where the characters are yes, but more than that it’s a signal to the audience…

That it brings to the forefront that you can’t stop the world from progressing…that it’s telling the past generations you don’t get to dictate the future…to not criticize what you don’t understand…to get out of the way if you can’t lend a hand…that people you held authority over are beyond your command…that this queer show that doesn’t need to throw it’s queerness in your face or make it the entire plot because that’s not the point because being queer isn’t something to fix that it’s just another aspect of humanity, is the future…that it’s telling it’s marginalized audience happiness is in your future…that the times are a-changin and it’s not all bad there’s beauty in the progress that’s been made…that the line is drawn and the present will later be the past…

Cuz I cry about it everyday tbh

[mermaidlighthouse]

Goddammit, Stede is so fucking emotionally intelligent…

After Lucius tells him about Ed pushing him off the ship and Stede has spent the day trying to reconnect with Lucius and help him begin to move on from his trauma and finally there’s some headway made for Lucius in talking to Pete but he’s still not healed he still needs to hold Ed accountable and he tells Stede “maybe the time he spent with you is the best it’s ever gonna get for him” and rather than outright shut Lucius down rather than lash out at Lucius’ reading of “some people are just broken, no matter what you do.” He just tells him he’s “not ready to believe that”...there’s an implication that at some point he may be ready…that he may come to believe that but not YET

And that yet…THAT YET?!?!…is doing A LOT of heavy lifting because he would never believe that about Ed…he never thinks that Ed has overreacted or that Ed is unloveable or past the point of no return and he NEVER will his fear lay in his own self worth…but he knows that’s not where Lucius is at, Lucius is not in a place where he can hear that so he doesn’t come out swinging against Lucius’ assessment because he recognizes Lucius needs to believe that right now…Stede understands that Lucius needs to know that he’s been heard but he’s not going to stop searching for the man he loves.

[mermaidlighthouse]

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again…every time Ed or Stede refers to themselves as whim-prone I yell I OBJECT TO THE WORD WHIM!

They are not “whim” prone, they have longstanding issues, they have lifelong traumas, they are not doing things on a whim…panic is not a whim…months/weeks of preparation is not a whim…weeks of getting to know each other is not a whim…knowing you’ve wanted a change for a long time and picking something is not a whim…not knowing where you stand with someone because you haven’t actually communicated and making decisions based on that misconception is not a whim…having a traumatic experience where your worst fears are seemingly confirmed and hiding from your pain is not a whim…

Trauma responses are not whims…finally making headway in healing by starting down an unknown path is not a whim…

Just because the end result may seem random does not mean there wasn’t thought behind the decision that there wasn’t weeks, months, years where this issue sat in their minds…

Gaahhhhhh sometimes self-perception is so fuckin hard and it’s harder when you go on a journey with someone with similar flaws in their own perceptions. But it also feels so reductive as if they aren’t so fuckin intelligent it makes their choices feel less impactful when the implication of the word whim is literally head empty no thoughts

But more than that, the implications of the timing of calling themselves/each other that, of saying to each other I was a whim to you, of when they talk about their relationship it’s talked about in terms of a whim, that they not only don’t contradict that assertion but agree with it…what does that do to the foundation of the belief in the relationship for both of them…it certainly makes it easier to claim “it was a mistake” it certainly makes it easier to leave…

[mermaidlighthouse]

Ok, I’m sure it's been said somewhere else but I haven’t seen it and I’m just so mad at myself for missing the parallel here…

So, in this post I was talking about how Ed used to love pirating but had moved beyond it and then had tried going back (the Kraken era)…and I was just like FUCK…that’s just Stede’s entire plot in s1. Stede was able to reconcile that he didn’t “fit” in his old life anymore in s1 whereas we needed to give Ed more time. As the post says, this is mostly because he had Izzy being the devil on his shoulder and the voice in his head and Izzy was a constant presence in his life. Stede was able to be outside the toxic environment and frankly, his issues had more to do with his situation and less to do with actively toxic people constantly undermining his growth - a lot of his issues are more internalized.

Ed’s arc is recognizing and dealing with the fact that he doesn’t “fit there (pirating) anymore”.

Stede did love at least some parts of being landed gentry: his clothes, his books, his children, he didn’t love Mary but he didn’t hate her either. (I do recognize the order I have put these in and that was on purpose…). He loved them “best he could”. He tried going back when he was told he would never be more than what he was always perceived as, that he was a cancer, he was weak, he was poison. Take into consideration the fact that one of the Badminton twins was also literally the voice in Stede’s head telling him he was worthless and the Izzy parallels become apparent. 

Stede’s conversation with Mary about love is a parallel to Mary (Read)’s conversation with Ed. Both Marys function to tell them or allow them to realize they are joined together, they are wrapped up in each other. Stede needed to understand what it meant to be in love and Ed needed to understand love wouldn’t be stolen from him, it wouldn’t slip through his fingers like so much silk…

They each have a scene in which they are told what they aspire to be is out of their reach. That they aren’t good enough for what they desire. They then both run back to what was comfortable, not because it was healthy or good but because it's what they’ve known for so long. They each come to realize they have been changed by having met the other. And we get to watch them acknowledge that to themselves AND each other.

The fact that we are allowed to see them come to this realization individually and on their own timelines is SO vital because while there are parallels and while they may be in a relationship; they are each allowed their own path of self-discovery and each allowed to take as many steps as they need to get there. The fact that they are also allowed to have backpedaled because change is scary and sometimes you make a misstep is just so important. Trauma is not one size fits all and neither is healing.

[mermaidlighthouse]

The subtle foreshadowing of Buttons saying that he’ll never be parted from the sea again is just 🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽👌🏽👌🏽👌🏽👌🏽👌🏽

The writing is so fuckin good because you believe it from the very beginning but could never have guessed at that point how he would change and work to make that happen

The fact that it’s a parallel to Ed and Stede’s relationship…is just…you know from Stede’s “I will find you Ed” that he meant to keep him…you know from Ed’s “I’m not about to” that he does love Stede but he needs to come to terms with himself…but the growth, the how’s, the changes can be fuckin whack-a-doo or the most subtle thing ever but they’ve never not actually known they were endgame…never more shall they be parted

FUUUUCCCKK….

[mermaidlighthouse]

I REALLY REALLY want for the crew to come for a visit and Ed and Stede are like yeah we don’t really like being innkeepers tbh there’s people in our house ALL THE TIME…can we come back to the ship please? The crew jokingly grumbles but are excited about it and while Stede goes to get his half of the treasure orange, Ed’s like well we gave it a try but this place is shit and Wee John asks “Can we light it on fire?” And Stede pops his head around the door jamb and says “I’d be disappointed if we didn’t.”

[mermaidlighthouse]

I want the first scene of s3 to start with a seagull yell and then a pan over to Stede standing on the porch “what we’re about to do will be perilous. Very perilous! Some of us won’t be coming back, others may be wounded. Still others may come back looking totally fine but in reality, be mentally devastated by what they’ve witnessed…”

And Ed’s just like “Babe, it’s been five days, please stop. I get it you don’t like carpentry. We can talk it through later…I’m still not sure how you get the seagull to squawk every morning…”

[mermaidlighthouse]

A scene I NEED:

Stede: so how do we contact your ship btw?? Should we tell your crew you’re an innkeeper now?? 😊

Ed: 🧐 my ship????

Stede: 😕 yeah the one you sailed with the spikes on the rails and stuff??? The one you were on before The Revenge???

Ed: ……🙂

Stede: 😟 You do know where that ship is right?!?! Did you abandon your ship and the entire crew?!?!

Ed: 🤔 that doesn’t sound like me…why would I do that??

Stede: 😐 nevermind darling…let’s just…fix the door latch shall we? 😚

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Listen….LISTEN….. what are housing prices like in the Caribbean in the 18th century???? Because like I know they Robin Hooded/partied away Ed’s guilt money but uhhhhhhhhhh he’s “got more riches than you can shake a fuckin stick at…” so where is that at????

Like I get he has a fleet or at least the QAR is floatin out there somewhere full of leather daddies BUT where his riches???? Did he abandon his money AND his ship??

How much did that shack fuckin cost???? Did he buy the whole fuckin island????

Jeff’s Inn by the Sea?? More like Jeff’s Island but we ran out of money to actually fix up the shack so please buy a “Treasure Map” that’s really just a hiking trail but does point out the impressive foliage…it’s got tatty edges…..please buy one there’s holes in the roof and it rains pretty regularly and even though Ed can apparently change into leathers under water it’s actually really hard to pull up my pants when they’re damp……………….