#kb rambles

[kagedbird]

So: further bad news, gang

Laptop I bought shit a brick and would no longer boot (had several blue screens even during before and after attempting to factory reset it and multiple windows recovery errors) so no more writing for a bit.

Instead of buying a new laptop, I'm going to take my original borked desktop to Best Buy to see if Geeksquad can't fix her because god almighty if I trust another local shop and they forget her again, I will actually commit murder.

So if you would like to assist me in paying for repairs as I attempt to save every last penny I have for rent, food, and travel, you can do so here:

I don't know how much it will be but I fully anticipate having to get another new motherboard or a brand new psu since it won't boot up at all since the local shop incident— so any amount helps.

Thank you for your time and hhhhhhhhh I am so tired man

[bitterkarmaa]

“The Creature” and Eclipse having a chat about Eclipse’s trip home, and how dire it is that he leaves before things get ugly. But, if they do, “The Creature” will have his back…despite what the others think of it.

If anyone wants a lore-dump post on “The Creature,” please just let me know. I want to brain vomit about him so so badly :,) his bond with Eclipse is just so adorable 😭

[kbthebearcat]

My parents and I got covid and we’ve been recovering from it for a couple days now. Not as bad as it was when we got the very first version of it a couple years ago, but still not pleasent of course. Still not out of the woods yet. It’ll take some time to be active again or respond to things so don’t think I’m ignoring you! I just have very low energy dealing with this thing, and I’m trying to take it easy. Hope whoever else may be sick that’s reading this recovers! 💙

[softsnzstuff]

Guys I totally just woke up from a dream that JQ had a snz fit like right in front of me.

Like I was freaking out obviously bc in the dream I now knew what it sounded like but also not to be extra kinky but he sneezed into the sleeve of my sweatshirt while I was wearing it?!?! 😳📯

[daisukino]

Made a beautiful curry and forgot to buy rice. Born to die world is a fuck

[chaotic-deity]

I love this gif so much why does Luigi just stand there. Is he dumb

[fennthetalkingdog]

I'm just figuring out how important music is in my life! This is coming from a long while trying to cut down on my music use, mostly because I was listening to it so much that it felt more like I couldn't do anything without popping in some earbuds, and partially because of other personal reasons. Some of my routines changed, forcing me to not listen to music while doing certain things, and it ended up becoming that besides working on homework or drawing, I didn't listen to music at all. But I've given myself a break today since I have nothing to do and since, for reasons, I'm feeling just a lil crappy today—and boy, I'm starting to realize again just why I love music!!

I love the diverse music taste I've developed over the years! My family is not only big about music but big about listening to it loud, so the majority of my music taste for most of my life has just been Christian hiphop (Lecrae, KB, Andy Mineo, Trip Lee, and ironically Tonex, whose album where he was struggling hard with his gayness has been my favorite concert movie since I was 5) and gospel music (Kirk Franklin, Tye Tribbett, etc.). And music was one of the few connections between me and my race (I grew up feeling pretty estranged from my blackness as a kid, but the popular songs they played at the YMCA in the 2010s were some of the few things I could use to feel more connected) and between me and my classmates/friends at the Y (I still have fond memories of playing FNAF songs in mat forts and reciting lyrics at pool parties). But I got tired of knowing I could never bond with anyone besides family friends music taste-wise when I was in high school, and so I started listening to secular music on my own time. And that's how I first found Ghost and Pals, a vocaloid artist and one of the first secular music folks I listened to as a kid (can you smell the religious trauma yet? Lol), and that's how I bonded with one of my best friends in early college (ironically, also my first time being publically queer). Now I listen to Kpop, anime songs, songs from warriors MAPs, songs from musicals (Hamilton and In the Heights <3), latin songs, metal songs, and even some secular songs young me would've been too scared to listen to.

And music has always been one of my biggest sources of stimming! I can't dance to save my life, but music will sure get me to flick my fingers and hit my fist against my shoulder furiously. Music was one of the first clues that I like stimming with vibration too (since I love laying against the car door and turning up the music loud enough to feel the world shake around me). And music was one of the first things that made me look into ADHD or autism (specifically, listening to Ghost and Pals songs for a month straight and getting my friend at early college [who also has ADHD] to start looking at me funny when I was discovered doing chores and listening to one of three songs for the fifth time). Music is so cool it'll get me to wax poetically. It was one of the things that kept me together during my roughest times and soothed me during my best. I listen to it while I write, while I cry, while I hang out with my friends and family and while I chill by myself. It's how I relax after a long day, and it's how I feel safe. I feel kinda emotional finally having music hit that spot in me without feeling like I need it to do stuff.

[goldennika]

so far, the year-end awards season has found me:

dying over beomjun’s gotta go stage

being brought back to life by soobin’s dun dun dance stage, and

being serenaded by tyunning’s angelic vocals during their endless rain stage

[tearsofperseides]

Did we all forget that Taika threw a hissy fit (affectionate) over Kate Bush being in Stranger Things and at the time no one understood why?

Are we sure that the "Kate Bush song" that's announced in OFMD isn't Running Up That Hill??

[kenobster]

It's interesting to learn about identity disturbance with BPD because it really starts to explain everything. If your entire sense of self is held up by external sources (aka your friends! your environment!), then so many other things start to make sense. Like, for example, if your opinion on a character or a movie doesn't match your friend's opinion, then that's two parts of your identity contradicting each other!!! It's literally going to cause you cognitive dissonance! No wonder it's so distressing to me when that happens!!! 😖

Or another example!!! The clinginess omg. You realize it's because you practically have NO boundaries whatsoever. You've practically been begging your friends to inhabit your fucking body lmao. And obviously people can't do that (for one, physics.... but for another, people got their own bodies to deal with lol). So when they inevitably aren't around, it's like the driver of the vehicle you're a passenger in just passed out unexpectedly. No wonder you're trying everything you can to get their attention lmao — they gotta wake up and drive!!!! 😱

It's also really interesting when you start to try to develop your sense of self (in DBT, it seems to be worded as "self respect"? I could be wrong though). Like, you've spent most of your life not knowing who you are or what you want/need. And the SECOND you find that one little decision you can make for yourself? That one little kernel that's you and nobody else? Well, suddenly it's like you've got the crown jewel (XD) in your hands and the world seems to transform into this armada of invaders trying to take it from you. Like bruh. Step away. This is ME i've got here, and I'm not letting her go without a fight lmao. (Narrator voice: but no one is actually fighting her...... lol)

Anyway I feel bad for ppl who learn all this in less-than-ideal circumstances because like... I think a lot of people would probably get confused/upset/angry at the change in behavior (like someone is going from doormat people-pleaser to some sort of Napolean Boneapart world-conquerer type lol). So damn, I'm super grateful because I've been getting needlessly feisty about wanting some autonomy lately, and pretty much everyone I know has been super supportive and encouraging about it???? And that's really neat. 🥰 -feels very loved-

Anyway this has been a Ramble sorry. I just feel really good about things I've decided to do to improve myself lately, and I wanted to share lmao. I still haven't started writing as much as I had hoped I would, but like.... I'm starting to feel like ME, and I'm really happy about it. :)

[kagedbird]

Pretty please asking any rich individual on this earth to take pity on me and offer me 2k$ for a fucking bike so I don't have to spend entire paychecks just getting to fucking work and back PLEASE I AM BEGGING I AM SO TIRED OF THIS LIFE OF LITERALLY PAYING TO GO TO WORK WHAT KIND OF FUCKED UP GACHA AM I IN

IF YOU HAVE ANY PITY TOWARDS ME AND ARE IN A COMFORTABLE SETTING WITH YOUR MONEY CONSIDER THROWING ME A BUCK FOR A BIKE OR TO BE ABLE TO GO TO WORK I AM SO SICK OF THIS CAPITALISTIC HELL THANK YOU GOOD NIGHT

[bitterkarmaa]

*KICKS DOWN YOUR DOOR* HI I HAVE MORE RAYS RAMBLES TO SHARE.

I hope i'm not bothering with more ramble because this boy gives me so many brain worms you have no idea- ANYWAY full disclaimer this is all headcanon i've got for him AND IF YOU DEEM IT NON-CANON THAT IS FINE 100% I AM FINE WITH IT! PLEASE FEEL FREE TO CORRECT ANY MISINTERPRETATIONS I'VE MADE!

SO-

I've made some slight hints toward it in my writing already and have only now worked up the courage to share it in full hjdkfg so- I'm kinda playing on a general DCA headcanon i have that DCA models mainly Sun and Moon ones need counterparts in order to basically function. Because that is how they were designed, two halves of a whole that were made to exist together.

So a Sun needs their Moon and a Moon their Sun. Or a Moon their Moon or a Sun their Sun. Eclipse's included! The main point is there's gotta be two (or more) DCA models who are 'imprinted' or 'bonded' in order to properly function (Ruin would be mostly exempt ofc due to the two being one)

NOW WHERE DOES RAYS COME INTO PLAY HERE? So as i rambled about on A03 in the comments of Canary and Crow, i had a headcanon that Rays had 'imprinted' onto Lord Eclipse because, he is technically a Sun who lost his counterpart, that being Moon. So baby Rays, fresh and new sees Eclipse - possibly still a DCA model himself before changing his form - and automatically imprints onto him!

And this ends up carrying over to KB Eclipse and again, possibly Veil too because they are both of the same/similar ai that Rays own code has logged as being his natural other half (and counterpart relations can be whatever really, siblings, friends, family, partners whatever but ofc in this situation its 100% family or siblings)

And this is why i've written Rays to be so attached to Eclipse and why he seeks his company first and foremost when he feels lonely. And again this could later extend to Veil too! (Because i have not forgotten that oneshot where Rays comforts Veil and mourns with him that broke me Shep IT BROKE ME- /pos)

Anyways thankyou for attending my ted talk i shall now disappear into the cosmos!

I love your rambles honestly- it astonishes me that I’ve made characters that people find are WORTHY of rambling about 🥹❤️ it means a lot to me that Rays means so much to some people :)

I could defiantly see Veil “imprinting” on Rays as a sort of younger brother, for sure! Veil has a lot of emotions that he doesn’t understand and Rays being so gentle and patient with him would really give him brownie points in Veil’s eyes.

The drabble with Rays and Veil mourning was meant to be a sort of introduction into how both of them are accepting that vulnerable side of themselves that they’ve tried to ignore for so long, which would foster a sense of security for Veil since he’s still learning how to let people in (he’s still ahead of Eclipse on that one though LMAO) and accept that he’s ALLOWED to be different from Eclipse. He is, quite obviously, a lot more open-minded than Eclipse is. He may not ENJOY negative emotions, but he’s willing to learn and experience them in order to become a better person.

Eclipse…is not.

The main difference between Veil and Eclipse is that Veil is actively trying to better himself, while Eclipse is doing it without realizing and still has violent, sociopathic urges that others use as reasons to avoid him or discredit the progress he HAS made. Except for Rays, which is why Eclipse has a certain fondness for him, and tries to reign in his frightening tendencies in order to stay on his “good side.”

Rays knows Eclipse is struggling with something, but is too afraid to push it or ask questions.

Eclipse wants to do better for Rays, so he keeps his problems to himself in order to avoid scaring him.

Veil wants to understand himself in order to prove he can be different from Eclipse.

It all goes in cycles between the three, which is why their dynamic is going to be so interesting and unique when their arc begins later on, after Veil is introduced into the main storyline.

Do with this what you will :)

[kbthebearcat]

Uggggh I’ve been listening to character ASMR RP videos again lately and I really wish there were ASMR videos of my own characters I could listen to. I NEED IT!!!😭 I need to find a voice actor I can work with and pay to do it haha. 🥲

[softsnzstuff]

Me:

I just want a hot guy to whisper feverish sweet nothings into my ear

The feverish sweet nothings I want:

“Tauriel. You cannot be her. She is far away…”

[daisukino]

Ok no more blazed thirst trap posts. Im blocking thots now

[chaotic-deity]

Fellas how do we feel about mirrorshipping