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riagraie · 1 month ago

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The Extinct People of Balance: Harmonizers pt2

WOOOOO PART TWO!!!!

Ok so as a recap, in part one I discussed: Where Harmonizers Came From What The Lost Realm Is What Is In The Lost Realm How The Lost Realm Fell

And ofc there was some extra lore stuff put in there. If this is the first part your seeing, I highly recommend you go see the first part otherwise this stuff might not make sense.

This is a long one gang, buckle up.

What is a Harmonizer?

To start off, I'm saying again, Harmonizers are an original species I've created that come from the 17th realm called The Lost Realm. I'd also like to mention, Harmonizers in modern day Ninjago (so Dragon's Rising Season 2 Part 2) are extinct except for two people.

That set aside, all the information from here on out will be about the Harmonizers when they weren't extinct.

I'm cutting it off here just bc there's A LOT of shit below.

If you have any questions, comments, or ideas, please comment, reblog, or send them to me! I love getting stuff about my au (i've gotten like 2 things but my braincells jumped around for 30 minutes straight bc of it)

General Notes:

Harmonizer's are a humanoid (2 legs, 2 arms) species with some non-human characteristics. I'll talk about their physique later on. They can either be male or female and require both biological genders to reproduce.

They come in 2 different "sub-species." Or as I like to say, factions because the two factions can still produce viable offspring if they interbreed. The 2 factions have different appearances, characteristics, and abilities.

Before I dive into the factions, I have to talk about the abilities of Harmonizers and what common traits all Harmonizers have.

Traits:

All Harmonizers have a few non-human characteristics in common which could change/alter depending on your faction and abilities.

A set of horns/antlers. Harmonizers can have either horns or antlers. I say antlers bc they look more like extra pointy antlers than horns lol. They can range in height from being 4 to 14 inches tall, and in width though most are thicker where they meet the skull and get thinner as they go up. Those statistics are dependent on genetics.

Sharper canines. Nothing major, but if you look to long, you are able to notice the canines of Harmonizers are just a bit bigger and longer than normal human canines. This is also depending on genetics.

Pointed & rotational ears. They have slightly pointed ears, (think half elf but less of a curve), which can turn or rotate up and down depending on the Harmonizer's mood. For example, if they just got good news, the ears may be pointed upwards. If they are angry, the ears will be pointed to the ground. This does give them a slightly better ability to hear as well, but nothing much better than a human's ability to hear. They do have sensitive ears so don't scream in them.

Glowing eyes. Harmonizers, no matter which faction, can see perfectly in the dark. For them, pitch darkness is like it's mid-day in the room/area. However, as a downside, their eyes glow like they have mini flashlights in their eyes. So they cannot be sneaky at night unless they have their eyes closed. This also means Harmonizers are very sensitive to light, especially after a period of being in darkness.

Skin markings. While the color of them changes depending on your actual skin color and your abilities/faction, all Harmonizers have full body skin markings that can range from being straight lines to swirls to loops to a couple dots, it really doesn't matter. The general shape of the markings (like thickness or the actual line shapes) depends on your genetics.

Black fingernails. Harmonizers have black fingernails that are usually naturally pointy like little claws. They aren't long, the longest recorded fingernails being at most an inch.

Natural beauty. For no reason other than character development and plot for Hanna, Harmonizers are naturally attractive. While they have different body types (hourglass, pear, apple, stick, etc.) they almost always will look attractive to another species. They have symmetrical faces and do not struggle with acne the same way humans do.

Otherwise, Harmonizers have normal human characteristics.

Other Physical Features:

THEY ARE TALL AS FUCK. Which is why Hanna is 5 feet 10 inches(177.8cm). She'd be taller if not for her human genes muting the height factor.

Adult Male Humanizer height, regardless of faction can range from 7 feet 2 inches to 8 feet 10 inches. Or, 218.44cm to 269.24cm. Adult Female Humanizer height, regardless of faction can range from 6 feet 8 inches to 8 feet 7 inches. Or, 203.3cm to 261.62cm.

They also don't know what being obese is, most of them having good to great muscle tone. So weight is in accordance to the average weight for their height and gender lol.

Harmonizers can have any skin tone and/or hair type. You could see a black Harmonizer with dreadlocks just as much as you could see a white Harmonizer with beach blond waves. Hair color and eye color, I know darker skin tones for humans means probably black or brown hair and eyes. For Harmonizers, this doesn't matter. If you part of a specific faction but have a skin tone that conflicts with the specifications, those conflicts wont happen lol.

Abilities/Powers:

Harmonizers are able to control 1 of 3 abilities with the third ability only being known to exist within 2 alive or once living Harmonizers.

The first ability is control of the Essence of Peace.

The Essence of Peace looks like either white or yellow/gold mist. It's function or how it can be controlled is similar to Scarlet Witch's magic from Marvel. In general, it's connected to the aspects of being like Life, Renewal, Growth, Continuation, Stability, and Community. The Essence of Peace, when housed or utilized by a Harmonizer can be used to undo destruction (like the Ladybug Miraculous after defeating an akuma lol), bring on fertility, heal active wounds, calm conflict, and give people a sense of serenity in the mind.

This may sound like it is a tranquil or steady power to control, but a Harmonizer who uses/has it is just as able to use it for negativity as Krux and Acronix were able to use their elemental powers for evil. The Essence of Peace is sometimes referred to as the Power of Control since it can so easily rectify "negative" situations without the consent of others.

The second ability is control of the Essence of Chaos.

The Essence of Chaos looks like either a lavender or dark purple mist. It's function or how it can be controlled is similar to how benders from the Avatar cartoon/anime control the elements. In general, it's connected to the aspects of being like Death, Decay, Despair, Conflict, Closure, and Isolation. The Essence of Chaos, when housed or utilized by a Harmonizer an be used to cause destruction(Like Chat Noir lol), cause illness or wounds, vegetation to decay/rot, cause conflict inflicting emotions, and give people a sense of hysteria in the mind.

Just like The Essence of Peace, the Essence of Chaos can be used for either good or evil, just because of what it is related to doesn't mean a user of Chaos can't use it for good or positivity. The Essence of Chaos also has a special name, it's name is the Power of Turbulence because it's uses may come off as disastrous or negative, the things it causes are just a part of life so they are necessary in a way.

The third ability is the Power of Discord.

Yep, the third power able to be used by Harmonizers is the power of Discord, Hanna's abilities. The only other person who has been able to say they are the user of Discord is Fuwa, who is Hanna's ancestor.

The Power of Discord looks like either a combo of purple and white mist, or is silver. The power function's like Lloyd's powers in many ways but can also be used like the Essence of Peace and Chaos.

This is connected to both The Essence of Chaos and Peace, The Power of Discord is a combination of both so in turn, it is connected to the same things as both and can be used to do the same things as both.

I'll explain why only Hanna and Fuwa can use the Power of Discord later on.

Factions

So, now that I've got the powers explained, I can explain what each faction of Harmonizers is and why there's separate ones. Something to note however, the Females of this species are referred to as Ladies and Males are called Lords. They have no royal status it's just what I decided to call them lol.

The first faction are the Lords and Ladies of Peace.

As you can guess from the name, this faction can use The Essence of Peace. Only this faction can use this Essence and as such, they take on characteristics of the Essence.

They often have lighter hair colors like blond or white but they can have darker versions of these hair colors that are like medium (dirty blond, red heads/gingers, etc.) They also have a specific kind of eye color to them. The whites of their eyes remain white ofc. The iris can be blue, green, yellow, or amber, sometimes light brown.

I mentioned above that skin tone is just skin and has no relation to hair and eye color for Harmonizers. This still stands. A Lord/Lady of Peace could be black as hell but have the blondest hair and bluest eyes ever seen. The only thing which remains to their skin tone is the hair type.

I mentioned before how Harmonizers are humanoid with non-human characteristics. Well, for Lords/Ladies of Peace, these are what the non-human characteristics can look like.

Horns/antlers: - usually antlers with 2-4 connection points to the skull and around 6-10 off shoots from there. - they are also usually white, yellow, or light brown in color with a gradient towards the root(connection to the skull) that matches the skin tone and/or markings.

Skin markings: - usually more straight in shape but more in number and less thick. - the markings color changes in how dark or light they are depending on the Harmonizer's skin tone so they can still be seen. But in general, Lords and Ladies of Peace have gold, yellow, amber, orange, pink, or white markings.

Eyes: - Lords and Ladies of Peace have normal eyes except for the pupil. For humans, the pupil is black. For them, it is pure white just like the actual whites of their eyes.

The second faction are the Lords and Ladies of Chaos

Noo... I wasn't lazy with naming, I just found the names fitting. This faction can use the Essence of Chaos. Only this faction can use the Essence of Chaos and as such, take on it's characteristics.

They have darker hair colors like black or brown but can also have medium shades of the hair colors just like a Lord/Lady of Peace. They also have a select few eye shades. Unlike those of Peace, Lords and Ladies of Chaos have the whites of their eyes as pitch black. Otherwise, the iris can be light shades of purple (lavender mostly), darker shades of blue (navy), dark or muted shades of green (sage), browns, blacks, and deep shades of purple.

Just like the first faction, skin tone doesn't matter for hair type n shit.

Also just like the first faction, the non-human characteristics change.

Horns/antlers: - Most have horns with varying structures (think the different horns in My Little Pony). They can have 2 - 6 horns or 1 to 3 sets. usually, one set will be bigger than the other two with each set getting smaller. - The horns tend to be darker colors like dark purples, blues, dark greens, browns, blacks, and at times very dark gray.

Skin markings: - usually more curvy in shape having multiple swirls and off shoots. They also tend to be thicker - They also change how dark or light the color is based on the Harmonizer's skin tone. But most of the time, they are black, dark purple, dark blue, dark gold and orange, or brown.

Eyes: - The only thing going on is that the whites of their eyes are black instead. Everything else remains normal lol.

I was going to do more BUTT this is again a lot of stuff happening in one post. So I'll be putting out a part three with some pictures of what the Harmonizers look like. I'll be using Gacha Life 2 for the general designs just because I don't feel like drawing people from scratch.

In part 3, I'll explain more about the lifestyles of Harmonizers, how The Lost Realm fell more in-depth, and how Hanna (my oc) is affected by her Harmonizer genetics since it is such a distant relation.

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antiendovents · 9 months ago

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[ Vent Below ]

TWS: Cultural Appropriation, very very brief gun mention

I'm confessing my sins to you, and I pray this never gets traced back to my actual account. I just have never, EVER been able to share this with anyone. Ever. I don't think you will necessarily be a "safe place" either, but this is a vent/rant space with an anon option. I feel very slightly safe. No one in the system community would accept me if they knew what I did, so I'm like "anon vent mode".

When I was thirteen, I ''''''created'''''' [heavy quotes because it isn't an actual thing] an alter who we will call A, since he'll be a reoccurring part of this all. I did not call him an alter at the time. To be honest with you, mod of this account and I guess anyone who reads this, [my first sin] back when I ''''''created''''' him, I called him a tulpa.

We found out later that the professional who diagnosed us with DID [because, yes, we are a medically recognized system] had done so without bringing it up being a possibility up a second time. I mention second time because the first time she had brought it up, she commented that the specialists she talked to said that they would be hesitant to diagnose me [rightfully so]. She, in hindsight, probably didn't mention any of our trauma to them because of HIPPA. i [alter front] personally believe she diagnosed us around this time.

The second time it was brought up, it was actually an entirely separate alter than the one she told about the hesitance to diagnose. The alter at that time was like "I think we may have to consider DID.. It sounds like what I experience...." and she was like "I already diagnosed you months ago, I talked to 3 other alters".

Talk about a surprise pikachu moment for that alter.

When I first joined the system space, I was a semi-newly discovered system. I had already known about several alters-- A and his creation was what made us be able to communicate with as a system, but all communication was slashed when we had a new host front for three years , which was the host who got us diagnosed. So when we were joining tumblr, we were just establishing good contact again, and when I made my blog I was diagnosed for, like, idk a year before [social media scares us, community spaces scare us, and this is our first time using tumblr again since 2013].

We forgot about the whole term of ''tulpas'' because of amnesia, straight up had a different alter eat those memories to keep the system functioning [in hindsight, its beneficial to know about, but also not]. I had ENTIRELY forgotten the actual term for "tulpas" [in quotes bc its not the actual Buddhist practice]. I just remembered it as "oh i made this dude, he was a ball of light and then suddenly he was having full conversations and chose his own appearance and personality, and why did he choose to be a dickhead [a joke at him /lh]".

Up until making my blog, I didn't engage in plural communities. Not even the tulpa community when I engaged with the content. I was a traumatized kid terrified of everyone, i simply learned how to 'create' a 'tulpa', did it and it worked better than I thought it would, and then fucked off. It was the most traumatic period of our life [when I made A], all I wanted to do was have someone to be with me so I wasn't alone with it all. He very much took on a protector role from the beginning, fronting once for 3 days in a blackout amnesia episode because another alter felt silly [he was an anger holder and was very angry, to sum it up].

Then I joined Tumblr. Because of joining system spaces, I have since re-found the term Tulpa, and ffs?? The absolute guilt and shame we feel is so immense. Not only because I appropriated a cultural practice I have no fucking right to be in, but also because I'm also someone made a mockery of the very disorder I have. It feels like I don't even deserve to be diagnosed.

That's why I don't fit completely into anti-endo spaces, but I don't fit endo spaces either.

We were posting to a small audience of 0 notes in system spaces, which felt safer for us. So we were going ham on our blog, enjoying our time, but we got our first ask.

"You guys seem so nice,,, why are you anti-endo?"

I'm like??? anti-endo?? wtf is that??? what's an endo?? oh foolish, sweet summer child,,, I had not put it in anywhere that I was anti-endo, which makes it so much worse to me. I guess this was probably someone testing the waters or something. So we go look it up, look up endos and we get reintroduced to the culturally appropriated term. And it's like fuck. It was a moment where I realized I had gone against my own morals in a way I was extremely disgusted with. I ended up dipping for a whole month because of it, which caused a system uproar and a shit ton a bad stuff happening while we were also going through new tons of new trauma at that time [thanks to our ex-bestfriend, a silent fuck you to nem. already so stressed, tell that to her, and then it flies over nirs fucking head so she beats a dead horse but ANYWAYS].

While I'm gone, an alter takes my place. I'll call him P. and P? Well,,,, P takes my spot as host [im now one of 4 cohosts, P is not one of them]. P sees tulpa, P sees other spiritual stuff in the endo spaces, and P goes, well, gee,,,, spirits and talking to them exists [a belief we do hold, but i would have to explain eons of shit to explain why we do], I can almost see how it would work. P responds with 'we're not anti-endo' [my second sin].

And then I'm back. It's been a month, things have carried on without me and we are an 'endo neutral' blog with more than two followers, and posts that hit more than 10 notes [which,,, I hate public attention. The thought of more than a few people engaging with the stuff I post is terrifying to the point I might puke if I think too hard about it /gen. 3-10 notes is the ideal. Maybe like 5 followers? i didn't think about that, dont want to].

I relearn about endos, I go 'fuck no??? are you fucking kidding me???' but then I remember A. That? Well, That ruined EVERYTHING for me. Suddenly I'm having to figure out how to manage having people perceiving me in a scale that terrifies me, but I also have a fucking turkeyball mix of followers. Endos, Anti endos, Endo Neutral, Endo Apathetic. All while truly standing as an anti-endo behind those good ol' closed doors. Then I have to look down the barrel of the gun and accept i did something that goes wildly against my own fucking morals. I didn't remember A, I didn't remember Tulpas, and now I wished I had never joined any system space. I wish I had never tried to find community. I don't even know how to right what has been wrong, I don't have anyone to tell me how to fix this.

I don't feel like I belong anywhere. There is no space for me with anti-endos because of what I have done, and there is no space for me with endos because of my anti-endo beliefs.

When I made my blog I wanted a space to be me, to be us, but now I don't even want to be me. A's presence was needed to keep me alive, I love him, but I can't even be cocon with him or I end up having a breakdown. Whether it be from the guilt of the shitty thing I did that I can't make up for because he's literally forever going to be there, or the fact that because I can't be around him, and considering I'm a host, he's secluded to his own section in the innerworld. Alone. Literally like how we were when we made him. It's wicked fucked up to me, but i guess it probably shouldn't be, considering his 'origins'. What once saved my life has become something I can't even face.

I feel like shit. I feel like this is a lose-lose situation. The one time I tried to step out of my comfort zone and do something that I think will be beneficial for us, it ends up being the worst thing to do. All I wanted was friends like me, only to find out, no... I'm not like them and I probably don't even deserve the diagnosis I have. On top of that, I engaged in harmful behavior, cultural appropriation. Furthermore, the people I could've engaged with would've been people I entirely disagreed with.

I feel like i should self undiagnose, if that makes sense. Like I do not care whatever professionals said I am, I'm just,, IDK a shitty person?? A cultural appropriator?? I've been diagnosed more than once, but I feel like I still shouldn't even claim being a system. I feel disgusted with myself. I feel ashamed. Cultural appropriation has a permanent scratch in my brain, a permanent mark. I feel like this is something I can never fix.

I'm confused on what to do. How do I fix the wrong of being a cultural appropriator in such a vile way? Even if I actually am a system, which I don't even know anymore, what the fuck would I call A? What do I even do about getting over the guilt? My therapist isn't equipped to deal with this, I have no friends, and the only people I talk to are my abusers. I'm to scared to talk to people online, and considering my circumstances, who would I even talk to about any of this? Am I even an anti-endo if I practiced what the endos preach? I'm just,,, ugh, It's been a lot, but thank fuck for the anon ask on a blog amirite?

Sorry to dump all this on you, and feel free to ignore it/not upload. I've just needed to talk about this for a while, and this felt like a safe space for a lil bit.

this is complicated but i'm going to try give the best advice i can here. cultural appropriation is bad yes, but you were a child. you didn't know what else to call A at the time, it seems. you admit you have done wrong and you seem guilty over it and really i think thats all you need to improve. you are a system, you are diagnosed as one, yes you made a mistake but so have many others. ex-pro endos are welcome in this community and always will be. as long as you have learned from your mistake i do not think you are a bad person. as i said, people make mistakes all the time, it doesn't mean they're bad, they just need to learn better, and by the sounds of things you have. i really hope you find your place in this community or even a different community. if you need help leaving pro-endo and pro-tupla communities i would recommend slowly distancing yourself, unfollowing or blocking some accounts that may interact with you and maybe even announcing you're anti endo if you feel safe (this isn't required, but it does help avoiding them). if necessary i would also suggest maybe making a new blog / account if you feel like you can't fix the current one (even a side-blog might work). good luck anon and i while i don't speak for the whole anti endo community i am sure you will at the least be accepted by most of us.

#tw cultural appropriation #tw gun mention #tw abuse mention #anti endo #actually did #did #did system #plural #endos dni #alters #system #did osdd

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caitie-likes-talking · 1 year ago

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Jonathan headcanons bc I’m so mentally ill abt him

appearance headcanons

freckle Jonathan is SO real to me. his face is covered with them and he only gets more every time he’s in the sun

he’s the guy who’s hair is crazy curly as a kid but once he goes through puberty it’s suddenly super straight

he looks way more like his mom than his dad

i hc that after the mansion fight w dio he has actually remaining burns (idc if that doesnt comply w canon!! i do what i want!!)

tan Jonathan REAL! my out in the sun king

relationship headcanons

While I do think he’s an “every single love language ever” kinda guy, I think his main one is words of affirmation. Definitely can’t go a day without gushing abt how much he loves Erina and Speedwagon (also jonerinawagon polycule real)

speaking of which, bisexual jonathan is extremely real 2 me.

he loves doing any boring task for someone he cares about. folding laundry for erina is basically heaven for him

he proposed to erina by the tree w their initials carved into it bc i said so

uses horrible archaeologist pick up lines on his baes (for ex: hey babe, are you an ancient artifact? bc i wanna date you!)

just overall horrible at flirting when he's actually trying to be flirtatious. endearingly cringe, if u will

stresses out every time erina is on her period. she's getting princess treatment and it slightly pisses her off bc she's capable of still doing things but jonathan insists on her staying in bed all week

modern au headcanons

he's the kind of person who's just naturally decent at most things, so even when he's never played a game, he'll end in 2nd or 1st place. for example: bowling, minigolf, darts, and pool. he's comically bad at twister tho

he LOVES movies and once he watches a new one he's quoting it every two seconds and is just a little too upset if they other person doesn't recognize it

I interpret him as autistic (I’ve made a whole video abt his autistic traits in canon lmfaoo)

a real sweater and bomber jacket kinda guy. he has fun funky sweaters w silly patterns on them for sure

collects shoes. idk he just seems like the guy who has so many pairs of shoes for absolutely no reason. he's got every color of the rainbow in his shoe bin

volunteers at a museum part time. great w the kids and loves infodumping to these like middle-schoolers about some artifact.

horrible at reading tone over text. has misinterpreted lots of passive aggressive texts from erina as positive. (she has since learned to either use tone tags or the angry emoji to make her point more clear. the emoji is more effective every time)

has smoked weed before and every time he does its obvious that hes high as balls but he always thinks hes being sneaky abt it

cheated off of erina in high school to pass some classes. its his darkest secret and if anyone ever finds out he will like explode on the spot

also was super popular in high school but didn't realize, as he was too used to being a loser (12yr jonathan is a friendless loser no matter the universe)

im so insane i love him

#jjba #jojos bizarre adventure #jonathan joestar #headcanon #im insane #headcanon dump #hcs #modern au #alternate universe #canon hcs #also hes a cat guy i think #bisexual jonathan joestar #bisexual #lgbtq #silly

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mariamlovesyou · 1 year ago

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salam. i hope you are holding up ok w everything that is going on. i wanted to ask how you deal w being muslim and gay? i don't know anybody like me so it feels like i am a lonely unicorn. feel alienated by both my own community and the LGBT (i live in the west). i feel angry, lost etc. at both communities and i am often reluctant to practice my religion when i hear homophobic remarks etc. somehow i am too resigned to pray and then that feeling goes away and i go back to worshipping, esp when in crisis. i want to wear hijab as well but i realize that's only a response to my anger at westerners and one of the reasons i do not wear hijab is obv to avoid discrimination (i'm passing) in the professional field & also bc i think no gay woman will like me if i wear it. sorry if this question is too much, you don't have to answer, but if you have any experience or advice to share i would be grateful. thank you ❤️

hi angel .. im sorry for the late reply i had to run to an inspection when i got this i really hope u see it even though i dont know that i can offer much i just want to say im here for u.

i hope u are okay, the world is shaky and scary. im really happy u reached out to me and i think if u take anything from this it’s that reaching out is the first step. i wouldn’t say im at all entrenched in any community or fully at peace w who i am, that’s lifelong work, but it does get easier and sometimes u find little blessings in the people who show up. i feel the exact same way you do rn - alienated, angry, lost, at a crossroads. i often feel there’s no space for me anywhere and many lgbt muslims/religious gays in general feel the same especially when we’re young. i’ve also experienced periods where my faith slipped and i felt too defeated and betrayed to practice my religion fully or even in the smallest most private ways (until a few days ago i had not prayed for months since some very distressing things happened to me) but i always find myself coming back to it bc for me personally islam brings me immense comfort and grounds me, even or maybe especially after long periods of not being a “good muslim”. religion is a deeply personal thing no matter what everyone has told and will keep trying to tell u. the question is does it soothe you? does it bring you peace and comfort? away from everyone else’s eyes, do you feel connected to something higher when you take the time to do these designated rituals? i really think that’s the only thing that matters. and you might not have an answer for that rn or for a long time and that’s ok too, no one has everything figured out. stay away as much as you can from ppl u aren’t forced to be around who try to tell you how to be lgbt how to be muslim how you can’t be both etc. they’re just parroting what they think to be true and they don’t realise how draining it can be for others. protect yourself and listen to yourself. be careful what u share with whom. those r the biggest lessons i’ve learned and the only thing that’s helped make the burden feel lighter is finding other people like you and trust me when i tell u they exist!!! u just have to be a little braver and more intentional in seeking them out, if u can do so safely, bc like you they probably feel that they are alone and there’s no one else who will understand. (and when u find them, hear them out, share a little bit, but remember they are there for a sense of shared community, a delicate connection, not as a strict guide on how YOU need to be; only you decide that and that becomes easier w time)

now depending on where u are it may not be feasible to do so - i spent most of my life as an immigrant in qatar, a very small country w a death penalty or best case scenario deportation “solution” for people like us, where the idea of finding community was not only unthinkable but also seemed straight up ridiculous to me. i never tried looking, i wouldnt encourage doing so if ur in a western country that is similarly rigid unless u know what ur doing and have a support network. in this case all i can recommend is to reach out to organisations that sympathise if there are any, and hang on until ur in a safe space. BUT if there is no such threat to ur daily life, i really really urge u to seek out others like u.. and it’s likely you’ll have to look outside ur immediate circle. at first you won’t know where to look, i didn’t, i tried looking through uni, through apps, through meetups, groups specifically run by lgbt people of colour/marginalised lgbt ppl, and it will take time and a lot of trial and error and at times even ‘desperate’ or embarrassing attempts, at least it did for me. i got lucky by finding friends through friends and then friends of friends of friends etc who were like me and while i definitely wouldn’t say i connected w all of them or even liked all of them or that i have a stable network of other lgbt muslims (most of the ones i met live really far away and meetups are extremely rare but whenever i do talk to them it’s really healing) it really does help to know that somewhere not too far, u have someone who understands. so reach out. it’s hard and gruelling and isolating work but that’s the first and main thing to do to combat these unpleasant feelings of loneliness and anger. i wrestle w very complicated and conflicting things on a daily basis that most of my immediate circle couldn’t even begin to understand, so don’t do the mistake of sitting on it forever.

as for other people, gay women, muslims, whoever, i don’t have much experience here w the latter because im mostly focused on sorting myself out first before trying to fully integrate into like, being w other women in that capacity, and maybe im taking a little longer than i’d like but the good that comes out of this is im a lot less concerned about what other people have to say to me abt my identity. if gay women don’t like me bc of my hijab or my religion i really don’t gaf, they’re obviously not meant for me. don’t cater yourself to anyone but yourself, this goes for both sides. u don’t need to appease the gays by shutting down your religion and u don’t need to appease the muslims by believing u are wrong and an abomination. u were created this way, gay and it seems like u have a sort of tether to ur religion, how is that ur fault or something for u to adjust? the right people will come and the wrong ones will make it obvious (inshallah very quickly). and sometimes in our situation we find ourselves loving and deeply caring for people who just really don’t get it. that’s not ur fault either or something to resent! im starting to enjoy thinking of it as a variety. just do ur best to make sure these ppl are looking out for u and genuinely care for ur well-being even if they don’t really “get” you. and if u have no choice in the matter, hold on to the hope that people who DO get you are coming. islam is the connection between you and allah - that’s it. drown out everything else and don’t let noises distract you from that. i personally wear a hijab because it’s a part of who i am and makes me feel more protected (in a spiritual sense, i am of course very aware now that i live in australia that on a social level it can make me more of a target but i have not been threatened yet to the point of where im forced to remove it. u are not a bad muslim for choosing not to wear it, whatever ur reasoning is).

god gave us a tricky life, one can only theorise why, but what i do know is there are very few people on this earth who will understand u completely, even other lgbt muslims, and even fewer who will have ur best interest at heart. inshallah u find those few sooner rather than later, and remember the point is to let others lighten the load because this is a heavy thing to carry all by yourself. even online ppl in the same position will help. u have me 🧡 i am not experienced or developed enough to offer much more beyond this but i hope you can find some clarity and peace and i hope this helps in even a tiny way. i feel for you

#long post

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dancedance-resolution · 5 months ago

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low punctuation posting

i don’t know what’s wrong with me, maybe burn out??? bc i’m filling my life with seratonin boosting activities but i feel fucking done and angry all the time and it’s not the pmdd i literally felt like through through my period and the week after now so like What Is It. i think it’s been going on since the beginning of the month, maybe longer but i only let myself acknowledge and notice it recently. HMM. ugh it’s frustrating im not supposed to be depressed i was doing so well for so long what the fuck is going on!!! do i need to up my meds dose bc i don’t know if i want to risk the side effects getting worse again also idk i kind of don’t want to im too tired for this shit that’s why this is all so frustrating i mean im posting like it’s past my bedtime but im well rested and it’s a reasonable hour and on paper i had a great day so like bitch WHAT. WHY. UGH.

i don’t know what i’d be burnt out from though i barely spend much time on school work im only at work work 20ish hours a week and it’s been going well and easy and ive been doing fun things but also leaving myself enough time to rest and waste time on youtube and tumblr so like AGAIN. WHAT. i just want to stop feeling like shit for no good reason and my brain is like well find the reason and fix it but i can’t find it that’s the issue which is so frustrating bc it’s pride month and i want to take advantage of the time i have and savor it etc etc and it’s not even like im putting a ton of pressure on myself for that either yk so ugh idk

i’m also afraid of being straight which is hilarious but also depressing and indicative of larger issues i suppose but im pretty sure unrelated to the shitty mood or at the very least not its cause

i need to do something very stimulating like bust my ear drum or get a super painful tattoo or scrape my knee and run my fingers over the scabs i think or a go in a cold pool ugh FUCK FUCK FUCK

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nicistrying · 4 months ago

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Meh I did some of those things

Messaged the stationer

Did housework

Ordered 2 dresses one short and one long (and some other clothes I don't really need but they were on sale so... got me some cute dungarees)

Should really do some yoga bc I feel gross. Trying so hard not to beat myself up - I slept terribly last night so I'm tired, I'm hormonal and in pain bc my period is due, I got up early and walked for an hour with Mags, and I've made an effort to stay hydrated. It's okay if I then spend the rest of my Sunday relaxing especially bc the next 2 weeks are mega busy 💀 work is going to be crazy, I have the final flower consultation on Saturday, it's my niece's birthday on Sunday so will be going to see her, we're also celebrating Matt's brother's birthday a month late on Sunday evening. 3 more very busy office days of angry phone calls, then a half day on Thursday to get my hair cut, then go straight for my hair & makeup trial. Back to work on Friday and straight from work to babysitting 🫠🫠🫠 I kind of just want it to be September I'm so fucking tired and it hasn't really even started yet 😂

I can do it. The list for this afternoon:

Order the last bits of stationery for the wedding

Order ANOTHER white dress to try on for the registry office

Vacuum

Clean downstairs bathroom

Take Maggie out for a little walk / play

Do a teeny workout / yoga

Early night bc we both slept like shit last night

#wish me luck #nic's wedding #could do without people putting more on my plate but my sister has done so much for me that i cant say no to babysitting her kids #another thing to discuss in therapy after the wedding lmao #sunday #relax #i am allowed to relax #even if i get a little softer bc im not working out anywhere near as much as i'd like to #just got to work with what i've got atm and try to take care of myself #personal

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evansbby · 2 years ago

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you are currently sick (get well btw baby <3 )and i am struggling with my periods rn which got me thinking a looot about poyt!Steve!!!

Now imagine if omega got her periods (she is prego but let's say it happened before that), what would it be like for Steve and their sex?

Because from one side he is this insatiable, wild sex-animal that will never stop but he is also misogynist, so will it idk disgust him away?

If not, can you only imagine how it will be? 😭 Like omega is all scared, and her belly hurts from the cramps but Steve doesn't give a shit and thrusts in anyway. As usual he uses ✨gaslighting and manipulation✨ in a form of "Cmon, baby, I will fuck the pain away" or "I heard orgasm helps with cramps down there, just the tip baby" (LMAO NOT THE TIP) and if she keeps whining he straight up tells her to stfu. It might also turn him on that she is in pain idk?

-🪐

Oh you know what would happen. POYT!Steve is a fuckboy through and through, and if he’s horny then it doesn’t matter if you’re on your period, he will take what he wants bc he usually thinks of his own pleasure first RIP 😌😭

Warnings: smut, period sex, daddy kink, noncon, coercion, a/b/o dynamics, manipulation, gaslighting

(Let’s say this takes place before omega got pregnant obviously)

“Ah, Steve! Stop, please just… Give me a second to… Ah!”

Steve’s kisses are ravenous, plump lips trailing hungrily from your mouth to your cheek and down to your jaw, so insistent as his knee nudges your thighs apart.

“Why are you wearing all this shit?” He mutters impatiently, tugging off your robe before scowling at the sight of your leggings. “You knew what time I was coming home, so why aren’t you prepared for me?”

Steve prefers you in as little clothes as possible when you’re in the bedroom. And of course you comply because when have you ever said no to him? You’re often clad in just a shirt of his and panties, sitting on the side of the bed and waiting for him to return from football practice all riled up and ready to fuck you.

But today is different.

Today, Steve had come home to you curled up in his bed — which you had basically turned into your own nest with a bunch of blankets and pillows surrounding you. You also had your trusted hot water bottle plus your fuzzy robe and fuzzy leggings too.

The same fuzzy leggings that Steve is currently peeling off your body.

“Stop, Steve, please! I can’t!”

The alpha pays you no attention, his kisses getting more desperate, and you can feel his hard dick through his sweatpants, pressing into your clothed core. And being on your period, you’re extra sensitive so you can’t help but whimper softly, “Steve, I can’t!”

“You can’t, huh? I don’t remember the word ‘can’t’ being in your vocabulary, baby.” The blond forcefully tugs your top off, throwing it somewhere behind him and licking his lips at your bare breasts, “I’ve just come home from a hard fucking day at practice. The least you could do, as my omega, is wait for me without all this bullshit covering your body. What have I told you about easy access, huh omega? Tell me.”

“That good omegas wait patiently for their daddy to come home and fuck them. Preferably with no clothes on for easier access.” You recite before pressing your lips together, knowing it’ll get him angry when you push his roaming hands off you, “B-But, Steve, this is different! I’m on my period!”

Steve stops short, blue eyes narrowing as he gazes down at you almost suspiciously. You’re not sure how he’ll react, but his crotch is still rutting into you, almost as if he can’t stop.

“I’ve got really bad cramps, Steve. M-Maybe we could just… cuddle?” You feel embarrassed saying it, and so bashful because you’ve never asked him to do anything like that before.

“My little baby wants to cuddle huh?” Steve coos, putting on that condescending voice that he does whenever he wants to baby you and do depraved things to you, “You think just because you’re on your period, it gives you the right to deny your daddy? Huh? Is that what you think?” He taps your cheek meanly.

“N-No, wouldn’t deny you!” You cry, feeling his scent start to make your senses go numb, and you’re so torn because you really want nothing more than to rip his clothes off and let him have his way with you. But you’re also cramping so badly, you know it wouldn’t be the best idea.

“Really, because it sounds like you’re denying me. Denying your alpha. After everything I’ve done for you.” Quick as a wink, Steve flips you over onto your tummy, hiking your hips up and ripping your leggings clean down the middle. “How about this, baby. You give me what I want, and then maybe I’ll consider giving you those cuddles that you want.”

“But Steve, my cramps, I, ah!” The next thing you hear is the rip of your panties, and you feel this rush of embarrassment, heat blooming on your cheeks because you’re on your period, and Steve just doesn’t seem to care, looking straight at your bare pussy and pulling at the string of your tampon, taking it out and throwing it in the bin beside the bed while you bury your head in the pillow.

“You think a little blood’s gonna scare me off, omega?” Steve swats your ass, making you yelp, “I own your sweet little pussy. You’re my omega, I have every right to fuck you whenever I want. So you better remember that the next time you try to deny me. You should know better by now, but you still find ways to disappoint me, don’t you?”

You feel a rush of anguish, hating that you’ve disappointed your alpha. But it’s soon replaced by sparks of pleasure that bloom in your belly when Steve drives his big, thick dick inside you in one unforgivingly hard thrust, distracting you from the pain of your cramps in the process.

“Oh fuck, fuck, daddy!” You whimper, grinding your hips back against him while he holds you steady with his unforgiving grip, his dick so big and invasive inside of you — he’s fucked you so many times now but you still can’t seem to get used to his size. Your pussy squelches noisily around him, stretched out and feeling used already.

“Look at my sweet little baby, on your period yet still so horny for daddy’s dick. I knew you wanted to get fucked deep down, daddy always knows.” Steve’s got one hand fisted into your hair, jerking your head back as he completely ravages you, “What if I told my friends, told everyone what a huge slut you are, getting fucked on your period?”

“N-No, please! Daddy, please don’t tell them! I, oh fuck!” You’re slowly going delirious — it’s the effect that he has on you every single time he fucks you, renders you so dumb on his cock that all you can do is whimper and moan and take it.

“God, fuck. Tightest little baby pussy I’ve ever had,” Steve murmurs through gritted teeth, the squelching sound of your arousal mixed with your blood is embarrassingly loud, but it only seems to spur him on more.

“Never fucked a girl on her period before. But you, fuck baby, you drive me insane. Can’t get enough of your tiny body. Can’t believe you’re all mine, my little baby, my omega. My fucking wife, fuck!”

Your eyes widen when he says “wife” and it’s that one word that somehow seems to drive you over the edge — that and the fact that you’re so sensitive because of your period. You squirt around Steve’s thick dick in record time, moaning and crying out his name, rutting into him to prolong your high as he continues to fuck you.

“Mm, you couldn’t help but cum already, huh baby?” Steve gives your ass another harsh slap, “Bet you were all riled up, just waiting for daddy to come home. Bet you regret denying me now, don’t you? Well don’t you worry, baby. Daddy’s nowhere near done. But by the time I am done, you’re gonna need those cuddles — because you sure as hell won’t be physically capable of doing anything else.”

#steve rogers #steve rogers x reader #chris evans fanfiction #chris evans #poyt drabble #dark steve rogers #chris evans x reader #mcu #marvel

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teklarn · 3 years ago

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hi, this is my first ever ask so I'm not sure I'm doing this correctly, if that's the case I'm sorry; I don't know how tumblr works just yet >:')

would it be possible for you to write something about bakugo, pining incredibly hard for fem!reader and initially hating how strongly he feels about her? because they're not even friends, they only exchange few words occasionally and she doesn't even glance at his way whereas he slowly finds himself unable to divert his eyes from her during classes? shes always with damn deku and his friends and doesn't even seem interested in him at all but his heart can't ignore the way she looks at him proudly whenever they spar together, the way she sends him small confident smiles as they fight each other with all they have; so he thinks that maybe, maybe he might have a chance. basically bakugo liking reader so much he's completely lost in self-hatred because he always thought feelings were for weak romantics and not great people like him, but everytime he sees reader doing some badass things (again, like sparring with him and basically matching his skills etc...) he's reminded of how badly he likes reader? but when he finally accepts he's fallen for reader, after ignoring and trying to forget about how she makes him feel, he masters up the courage to confess? and it's a very clumsy confession because he's awkward and has no idea how to deal with those feelings? and he tries so hard to make reader realise he's never been more serious than now? and reader is startled and speechless before rejecting him? and at that point he's just completely humiliated, so he nods and walks away.

it might be a little dramatic but I've always been into unrequited love and one-sided pining. thank you, its okay if you don't want to write about this, i'll understand <33

𝓫𝓻𝓾𝓽𝓪𝓵 - 𝓴. 𝓫𝓪𝓴𝓾𝓰𝓸𝓾

character(s): katsuki bakugou x fem!reader (my hero academia)

reblogs are greatly appreciated!

a/n: AHHHHH this is so cute <33 honestly this is super exciting for me and this ask made me so happy, lovey. i’m fairly new to tumblr, i’m usually just a reader but i wanted to migrate here from wattpad so this made me so happy. here u are my love <33 i hope this lives up to what u wanted !! :)) a bit lengthy, but i had a lot of fun writing it !!!

summary: bakugou finds he’s rejecting his feelings for you in fear of becoming weak, however he just can’t seem to ignore you.

genre: fluffy, fluffier than the clouds istg, however the clouds are sprinking a little teeny weeny droplet of angst.

warnings: cursing (bakugou, duhh), one-sided pining (on bakugou’s part) second hand embarrassment (on bakugou’s part bc we can all agree he’s a complete idiot when it comes to trying to get someone’s attention), just bakugou being a jackass, i gave the reader a quirk

word count: 3,859

(pls excuse any typos or mistakes, i edited to the best of my ability but i miss some things sometimes !)

- - -

part 2 is here my loves <3

brutal. it was utterly ruthless. he couldn’t focus, couldn’t think right. his hands were already exceptionally sweaty, but gosh when he saw your damn face, he was ready to explode. literally.

what the hell was it about you? was it your stupid smile? or the way you just seemed to carry every battle on your back? was it all the undeniably sweet things you do for others ‘just because’?

it made him angry that he thought about you, but gosh he couldn’t wait to see you every day.

just like any other day, bakugou found himself staring at the large door to the classroom, awaiting the moment you would bounce into his day, skirt shifting around your legs, bag slung loosely around your shoulders.

his leg was bouncing eagerly.

bakugou didn’t know when the feelings came. his cheeks just started flaring up all of a sudden and one day you just looked...different. you hadn’t done anything different to yourself. it was just him. not that he would ever admit that, to you or anybody else.

you were insufferable. you were stupid and obnoxious and so...so damn...

“y/n! come look at this!”

you’d come walking into class just as expected, and as soon as you did, that stupid nerd had called you over.

it didn’t help that deku sat right behind him, either. the two of you had recently gotten closer. bakugou noticed it last month when he yelled at the two of you to shut up about all might and get to work. he’d turned around to find you leaning over deku, hands resting on his shoulders while you peered at his phone.

“sorry, bakugou,” you’d said, barely acknowledging him. you had waved him off like an annoying fly. is that all you were to him? some nuisance that got in the way of your oh-so-entertaining conversations with deku?

all he heard nearly every day was your chipper voice talking to deku. always, “oh my gosh, midoriya, did you see the fight edgeshot was in last night?” or “midoriya! i have something to add to our quirk analysis book!”

that was the one that took the cake. you two dorks shared a notebook, occasionally passed between one another, and filled it with junk about quirks and pro heroes. but no matter how much he tried to tune you out, no matter how he tried to zone off and think about something else, you were always there. it made him want to vomit how much he thought about you.

you were doing an adorable shuffle over to midoriya’s desk and leaned over the table as you usually did while he angled his phone your way. “did you see this hero report?”

deku let you slip the phone out of his grasp to get a better look.

“no,” you breathed. “was this just recent?”

“yeah,” deku said, taking the phone back. “last night.”

“holy—”

“can you guys shut up over there?” bakugou said, his voice quaking.

“sorry, kacchan.” deku scrolled through the article.

dammit, bakugou thought. “i wasn’t talking to you, nerd. i was talking to shitface over here.” he jerked his head towards you. his eyes flared in anger when he saw you were looking down at your phone, now focused in on the article yourself. “i was talking to you, asshat!”

your eyes flicked up to his. you looked around for a moment before slowly pointing to yourself as if to say, “me?”

his face scrunched. “yeah, you. you’re so damn loud.” gosh, he hated how his voice was cracking, how he could feel his ears and cheeks lighting up in a swollen, cherry red. his stomach flipped.

she’s looking at you, gosh i’m sweating. i’m going to throw up. she’s so gorgeous. what the hell? they’re ugly as shit, i don’t think anything of them.

his eyes bore into yours.

“did you...need something?”

your voice broke his trance.

“kacchan, are you okay? you dozed off there for a second. you look like you’re burning up.”

bakugou looked to deku who was currently stretching out of his seat, arm extended. he pressed the back of his hand to bakugou’s forehead. “you’re really warm, kacchan. should we call recovery girl?”

it took him a moment to realize what was happening. his vision got blurry every time he was with you. bakugou smacked deku’s hand away. “i’m fine!” his voice lifted at the end, cracking. “i’m not sick. don’t you think i’d take better care of myself?”

“i don’t doubt you take good care of yourself, kacchan, but everyone gets sick once in a while. there’s nothing wrong with that.”

“i never get sick!” besides, if i got sick, i wouldn’t want you to be the one taking care of me.

he was still pissed. he was always in a bad mood, however, more so right now because you’d gone straight back to your phone and that stupid hero article that was supposedly so damn interesting.

soon enough, the bell rang, and you were seated at your desk. it was jirou’s old spot, however, after much convincing, you two had switched spots so you could be closer to deku. just a few months of getting close to the idiot and you two are suddenly best friends. jirou hadn’t minded one tiny bit, claiming she needed a break from how loud that section of the room was.

late as always, aizawa came trudging into your room. thankfully, his entire body wasn’t obscured by a yellow sleeping bag that smelled of something unwashed and coffee and gasoline. (for some reason, aizawa’s clothes always smelled of it.)

“lucky for you,” he began while shuffling papers on his desk, “all of you are doing training for these first periods.”

the class cheered in perfect unison, followed by their individual chatter. you had erupted with glee along with them, and bakugou was sure he felt his heart clench and then explode. just a tiny bit. but he shoved the feeling down just as quickly as it had come up.

“go out to the field and wait for further instructions. don’t make a sound in the halls otherwise, i’ll expel all of you.”

this shut everyone up in almost a second, the sound draining out just as water does. the first years trailed out into the hall, single-file mimicking the positions baby ducklings would take when following their mother.

bakugou found himself walking faster when he saw you take up your spot in the line, hoping to land his spot right behind you.

unfortunately, this idiot who considered himself bakugou’s friend tugged him back. “bakugou!” a familiar voice rasped.

“shitty hair, let go of me.”

“hey man, chill out. wanna partner up if we’re doing training in pairs?”

bakugou glanced at the line, the spot that should have been reserved for him now taken up by sato.

bakugou tugged his sleeve from kirishima’s hand. “whatever,” he snapped.

“sounds good!” kirishima flashed him a toothy grin and a thumbs-up. the bubbly feeling in bakugou’s chest died down as he stood behind sato, the overwhelming scent of sugar filling his nose, various candies that would go straight to your arteries.

“you smell like ass, damn,” bakugou remarked, squeezing his nostrils together.

luckily, sato was tall enough to not hear the insult, as he towered over bakugou by just another head. the line began moving like a sloppy train down to the change rooms.

bakugou scoffed as he listened to your giggle. he should be making you laugh.

“you’ll be given partners randomly from this box.” aizawa held up a familiar red box. “inside are all your names. i’ll select one, then that person will come up and pick another name from the box. that will be your assigned partner for today. as soon as you have your assigned partner, i want you guys to get straight to work.”

denki raised a hand, speaking before being called on. “sensei, why are we getting random partners? we’re always allowed to choose.”

“in the real world, you’re going to come across different villains every day. you’ll never improve your skills or your quirks if you keep fighting the same person.”

denki sighed, slumping back.

dammit, bakugou thought, gritting his teeth together. there wasn’t any way he wanted to be partners with you. it’s obvious he’d win the fight in the first few seconds.

yes! exactly right! bakugou internally grinned. his fluctuating feelings had finally soothed themselves. you were just another extra, and he had no room for you in his head.

aizawa took a moment to fiddle with the slips of paper inside the box. soon enough, he pulled out a name. “todoroki.”

todoroki walked up, digging his hand into the box when aizawa held it out for him. he pulled out a name, delicately unraveling the slip. “uraraka, you’re my partner.” he deadpanned.

the brunette grinned. “great!”

the two found their own spot on the field, and the class’s attention was once again diverted to their grouchy teacher as he pulled out another name.

“bakugou.”

bakugou strutted up without a worry in his mind. he pulled a name to find...

“y/n,” he said, voice a low growl. instead of the annoying fluttering in his chest, his eyes met yours, and they were filled with a different, new ferocity. he crumpled the paper in one hand, letting it twirl to the ground.

you looked at him, unsmiling. your eyes gave away nothing, and to bakugou’s knowledge, all you saw in him was another opponent.

it took him a moment to realize you had both locked eyes for about a minute. perhaps the two of you would have stayed as you were if aizawa hadn’t snapped at the two of you to get moving as yaomomo’s name was called.

bakugou was on his way to the back of the field, you followed close behind. while there was plenty of room still, he chose a secluded area. while it was still open enough to view everything going on so nobody got hurt, it was often nobody chose to train here. for whatever reason, you weren’t sure.

“wait up, bakugou,” you said. after a bit, you caught up to him.

“if you can’t keep up, then...” then what? he looked at you from the side of his eye. “then don’t keep up...” gosh, here came the embarrassing, disgusting feeling of redness in his cheeks.

you laughed. “what?”

“shut up.”

“you’re an idiot, bakugou.”

“i said shut the hell up!”

“what, so you can call me shitface in front of the entire class but you get all pissed when i call you an idiot?”

so you had heard him!

he tongued his cheek, curling his hands around an invisible ball, explosions sparking in the centers of his palms. “don’t expect me to hold back, dumbass.”

“i wouldn’t dream of it.”

gosh he loved that about you.

bakugou caught his thought in the air.

ahem...gosh he hated that about you.

you both charged in at the same time. his cry was louder than yours, but you struck first.

he admired your quirk. while he’d overhead you explaining all the drawbacks it had, it was strong, and you were strong because you knew how to control it.

purple arrows flew from your arms, going in your desired directions. if you lost focus for one moment, they’d vanish and weaken. if you focused too hard or long, you’d be plagued by a splitting headache.

he’d spent too much time obsessing over your strengths and weaknesses.

your arrows were weightless, however they were solid objects capable of carrying any mass, any thing, and worked as extensions of your body.

the violet arrow had shot out at him, twisting around his right gauntlet and crushing inwards. it’d snaked around him without him noticing, slithering along his back.

bakugou struggled to get the air-light arrow off his wrist, but it was no use. he glared back, only to see your focused, furrowed brows. he’d expected to see your cocky ass smiling. it was nice to see you weren’t.

that was one thing that had also caught his eye. you never underestimate your opponent, but you never underestimate yourself, either.

you conjured a larger arrow. it snaked around your right arm as you hurled bakugou into the air, releasing your grasp on him. you shot your other arrow into the air, and it raced into the sky.

it swerved. bakugou’s eyes went wide as the tip of the arrow came down on his chest. if they weren’t intangible things, he would have been bleeding out.

another drawback: the arrows, while they could solidify, they couldn’t do any actual damage. you had to use your surroundings to inflict harm on your opponent.

he coughed out as the arrow shot him into the ground. he hadn’t even touched you, and here he was, vulnerable and so...so...

you stood over him, hands on your hips.

vulnerable and so lost in that adorable, winning smile.

“get away from me, idiot,” he grunted and turned onto his side, his back crying out in pain.

“i think i won this fight, bakugou,” you chirped, rocking on your heels.

“don’t get arrogant, shithead. you won’t be winning against me anymore.”

you grinned, arrows shooting out behind your back.

the dorms were exceptionally quiet. you were typing away in the common room, bakugou on the couch reading. everyone was off doing something else. it was the weekend, luckily. he’d expected you to go bounding out with everyone else, however you’d stayed back, claiming you had some homework to catch up on.

bakugou being classic bakugou had stayed back. he was excited to have the dorm to himself, but your dumbass was stuck here with him. couldn’t you have done your typing in your room?

you were so aggressive on that poor keyboard.

“oi, quiet down with your shit typing.”

you barely grunted in response.

“don’t ignore me.”

“i heard you, mom.”

“the hell did you call me?”

no response. only your aggressive typing is a bit less aggressive.

“i can still hear it,” bakugou remarked, eyes fixed on your back.

“‘kay,” you said. your typing slowed a tad, and your pressure on the keys lessened.

it was quiet now. bakugou should go back to his book. he shouldn’t still be looking for a reason to talk to you.

the pages crinkled in his fingers. he bit his tongue, keeping his snarky comments in.

“you’re a fucking idiot, you know that? doing your damn homework. it’s due tomorrow.”

you turned, pursing your lips. “and how would you know what i’m working on? are you stalking me?”

“i- what? no. you’re such an idiot, of course i’m not—”

“i’m messing with you,” you breathed, face un-moving.

“o-oh,” bakugou stuttered out. he blinked awkwardly.

“gosh, what’s gotten your panties in a twist?”

“you’re annoying.”

“you’re a jackass.” you returned to your work. bakugou settled with reading in his room. reading consisted of jumping onto his bed just as the stereotypical high school girl would in an eighties movie. he buried his face in his pillow, face burning bright red. he cursed you for making him feel this way, and hated himself even more for how much he enjoyed it.

the next day came swiftly. you’d left early to go train with midoriya. there were many improvements needed to be made, but you weren’t doing too bad.

you propelled yourself forwards with an arrow, and your green-haired friend shot back, lightning flickering around his body.

landing back on the ground, you panted and swiped the sweat from your brow. from the corner of your eye, you could make out both kirishima and bakugou coming to the training grounds.

bakugou stopped in his tracks, frowning at the sight of you.

it was evident he hated you a bit more than everyone else. he was always making his annoying comments, he was always snubbing you. you saw no reason to talk to him, so you didn’t. either way, even if you tried, he would still get angry for no reason.

it’d taken you quite some time to get used to his obnoxious attitude. tuning him out had been the best course of action, in your opinion.

the way you and midoriya had bonded was through bakugou, in a way. the first day of school, bakugou had snapped at you for tripping over your laces and nearly crashing into him. later that day, midoriya had stepped up and apologized for his old friend’s actions.

you two had never been too close until now. the recent incidents going on with the league of villains had snagged your attention, and it seemed you were the only person who didn’t mind listening to him ramble on about heroes.

you were just as passionate and just as dorky, but midoriya could talk your ear off. you never minded, and he always took the hint when you didn’t want to listen.

you brought your leg up, twirling in the air with ease and watched your heel collide with midoriya’s face. he grunted, stumbling back.

you were about to charge in again when a hand landed on your shoulder, big and rough. you turned to see bakugou standing behind you, a scowl on his face.

“fight me again,” he demanded.

“excuse me?”

“don’t act like you didn’t hear me.”

“i’m in the middle of fighting midoriya right now.”

“so?”

“so if you think that i’m just going to ditch my friend because you want to fight, i won’t.”

“you’re being stubborn.”

“i’m being reasonable. back off.”

“y/n?” midoriya rubbed his jaw—right where you had struck him. “what’s going on?” he jogged up to you and bakugou.

“he wants to fight me in the middle of our fight. it’s nothing serious. don’t worry about it, midoriya. let’s just ignore him.”

bakugou made a sound someone would only make if they were choking. “the hell did you just say?”

“we’re ignoring you!” you waved him off and placed your hand on midoriya’s shoulder, wandering away.

it was new to him, not getting what he wanted. and what he wanted right now was to be around you. again, it wasn’t like he would ever admit that to himself.

“dude? you good? i thought you went off to fight y/n. i was so ready to cheer you on, dude,” kirishima’s chipper voice piped in. “she’s not fighting with you? why not?”

“the dumbass was just probably scared of getting her ass beat by me.”

“dude...that sounds really weird.”

“whatever, shitty hair. let’s go.”

the clock ticked. his ears were on fire. again.

gosh, it was happening again. it was all you. his face scrunched up, his voice would surely crack if someone were to ask him what was wrong.

bakugou was once again stuffing his face in his pillow, hiding his expression from no one. why did you have to go train with that shitty nerd? why were you always around deku? deku, of all people. what did he have? why was he so great?

bakugou was a man of many insecurities, but losing to deku? that was possibly his biggest fear.

perhaps he wasn’t the nicest, or the most soft person out there. bakugou could admit that, at least. but he was smarter than deku. he was stronger and he was better and people liked him more. right?

what was so...amazing about deku?

it was often bakugou would find himself obsessing over little, insignificant things such as these.

you were what he was thinking of most of the time. just yesterday, he’d gotten a test returned. he was expecting an eighty at the lowest, but more so expecting a high ninety. it’d come back exactly sixty percent.

sixty. percent.

bakugou vividly remembered staring at your face. he also remembered not being able to focus because of it. his grades were dropping because of you.

you were the only person to be able to do this to him.

his heart grew quiet, but the pounding of his didn’t cease. he lifted his head.

“alright, fine,” he said aloud. “you win, y/n. you win.”

he settled with getting over his feelings the way he’d read them in his collection of romance manga.

bakugou left his room and knocked on your door. (he was banging on it, but it was his nice way of knocking.)

you answered, looking around awkwardly. “yes?”

his hands shook. how was this supposed to go? sure, he’d seen it in romance movies and read it in books but it was always easy to tell whether the guy would get the girl or not.

in this instance, bakugou was clueless. for once in his life, he was clueless. you stood, tapping your foot with a hand on your hip, waiting expectantly for him to tell you why he was here.

“um.” he scratched behind his neck. “you uh- i uh...i’m sorry i called you a, um...a shitface.”

“okay? is that it?”

what? come on! it was already unlike him to apologize. what else did you want from him?

“did you...i’ve been thinking, maybe? maybe we could..train together as...friends?”

“...what?”

gosh dammit, as friends?

“whatever, um...the uh...” oh gosh, what did the boys do in all the books he’d read? right! bakugou stretched out his arm, resting his forearm on the door, leaning to the side.

although he didn’t, really, because like the clumsy jackass he was, bakugou missed completely and nearly toppled to the floor.

this earned a snicker from you.

his stomach flipped and churned, and bakugou found himself unable to reach your eyes. “uh, would you maybe..? okay, um. do you want to go on a date with me? you absolute fucking dumbass.”

your eyes flew wide. “...what?”

“no, that’s not what i— i mean i didn’t mean the last part. um, i meant the first part. the first two parts. the part where i was asking you if you wanted to go on a date with me and then before that when i said maybe because it’s still a maybe until you say yes. or...or no because that’s an option too.”

he swallowed.

you resisted the urge to mock him, just a little bit. “um, bakugou, listen.”

he leaned closer. “yes?”

“it’s going to be a no. i’m sorry, but i’m just not interested in you like that.”

it took him a moment to register everything. his shoulders sagged. gosh that was brutal.

“oh, alright.”

“yeah, uh, sorry about that.” you offered him a weak smile, still a bit shocked yourself. he did his best to return it, and when you closed the door, his face was ready to explode.

it was so damn difficult to deal with these feelings, but maybe it was better this way. knowing where you stood on your end, he knew he wouldn’t miss out on anything.

perhaps it was alright to admire from afar. things could happen in the future, right?

right now, he’d just wait. for a long, long time. bakugou pressed a hand to his chest, feeling his erratic heartbeat. maybe it was alright to not have you right now. perhaps he could better himself for you. just for you.

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realcube · 4 years ago

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trying to be nice to their crush hcs

navi | masterlist | taglist

thank you to 🍦anon for this cute request!

characters: tsukishima, kyōtani, sakusa & suna

content warning: swearing & sexual references

kei tsukishima

♡ this is all yamaguchi’s fault （︶^︶）

♡ he found out tsukki had a crush on you bc he mentioned you a lot in conversation so yamaguchi interrogated him for answers then lo and behold, the beanpole had a lil thing for you

♡ you sit in front of tsukishima in homeroom while yamaguchi sits beside him so when you leaned back and asked him if you could borrow a pencil and he spat back a snarky remark about you being too irresponsible to care for your own pencils, yamaguchi hastily offered you one of his own before scolding tsukishima

♡ he explained to his clueless friend that being nasty to people isn’t a good way to get them to like you

♡ so perhaps he should be nicer :)

♡ honestly, tsukishima would’ve just looked yamaguchi straight in the eyes and went ‘no’, if it wasn’t for the fact you shot tadashi the sweetest smile anD PLAYFULLY BLEW HIM A KISS AFTER HE JUST GAVE YOU A DAMN PENCIL LIKE WTF

♡ after that, he decided to give up his current personality and pick up a new one

♡ jk jk

♡ but he had to binge a whole bunch of those youtube psychology videos that are like ‘psychological tricks to make people like you’ and ‘THESE 5 MIND TRICKS WILL MAKE YOU THE MOST POPULAR PERSON *EVER*’!!

♡ spoiler alert: he wasn’t the most popular person but perhaps that was bc he only went to the effort of using those tricks on you

♡ god bless him; he tries hard, he really does. (not his best, just hard)

♡ but you don’t have to be extremely observant to realise that he’s began acting different around you and of course, it confused you seeing tsukishima being nice

♡ what irritated you was how dismissive he was being of your questions though, as he was clearly trying to lead you to believe that you were crazy and he’s just always been a nice guy

♡ but as soon as he figures out that he angered you, he’ll instantly switch back to him normal self - draining his mind of the hours of phycology studying he did last night to just pretend like it never happened

♡ and if he’s feeling flirty, he might be extra mean to you （￣︶￣）

♡ also he makes a mental note to never take yamaguchi’s romance advice ever again 🙄

♥　♡　♥　♡　♥　♡　♥

you sighed, removing your hand from your bag after desperately rummaging through it in search of a pencil once again - deja vu. once you accepted that a pencil wasn’t going to materialise out of thin air, you peered over your shoulder and tapped the corner of yamaguchi’s desk, who wore a suspicious grin which you decided against questioning.

“yamaguchi, do you think i could borrow a pencil again? sorry, this is the last time, i swear. i’ll be sure to get some on my way home after school tod--”

yamaguchi dropped the line him and tsukishima had rehearsed many times beforehand, while clutching his pencilcase dear to his chest, “woah, (y/n). you’re so irresponsible. sorry, i can’t lend one of my pristine pencils to someone who is too forgetful to remember to buy some; what if you forget to return it to me?”

tsukishima cringed at how forced it sounded but he couldn’t help but admire yamaguchi's dedication to his role. this allowed tsukishima to swoop in, pencil in hand, “here.” that wasn’t in the script but he panicked! okay, now, eye contact.

you just sat there and stared at both of them with the most dumbfounded look plastered on your face. what just happened? why were they both acting like they were in drama class? and why are they both so bad at acting? they’re both passing performing arts for fucks’ sake!

kentarō kyōtani

♡ sorry but i firmly believe kyōtani is the sorta guy to be extra mean to ppl he fancies smh

♡ the rest of them just act (somewhat) like themselves around their crush but kyōtani is himself2 (himself^2)

♡ like one time yahaba found you trembling in your locker bc you had gotten mud on mad dog’s white shoes so he chased you through the hallways of the school, threatening to trek mud on your forehead

♡ yahaba took it upon himself to investigate as to why kyōtani was so rude to you and he got his answer as soon as he mentioned your name to mad dog and the boy’s face immediately flushed red

♡ so after practise, yahaba schools mad dog on how to get chicks (⌐■_■)

♡ in short, his advice was ‘good guys get laid’ and for kyōtani’s understanding, ‘good’ and ‘kind’ were interchangeable

♡ mad dog wasn’t completely oblivious to how he treated you and he was aware that he was far from ‘kind’

♡ although he usually doesn’t listen to people in general, yahaba seemed to know what he was talking about so he figured there was no harm in trying to be nice

♡ but ngl, he just spent the rest of the day wondering...what is kind?

♡ after a few messages back and forth with yahaba, he figured that the best place to start was by apologising for - y’know - chasing you around the whole school

♥　♡　♥　♡　♥　♡　♥

“oi!” kyōtani bellowed through hallway, paying no mind to the students that cast him dirty looks as his sights were locked on you. standing unsuspecting by your locker, stuffing your textbooks into your bag until you heard his deep voice echo through the hall, to which you visibly perked up and began frantically looking around.

he marched towards you, hands in pockets and when you noticed him out of the corner of your eye, you were more than ready to drop all your shit and bolt away. but he didn’t let you as before you were able to take off on your heels, he grabbed your shoulder and spun you around to face him - then he noticed your hands raised in defence by your face and your head hung low.

his heart sank and his grip on your shoulder immediately softened, “i’m not gonna punch you, idiot.” he spat, rolling his eyes and gritting his teeth, trying to appear angry in hopes you’d mistake his light blush for pure rage.

“i just wanted to say that i felt bad for chasing you through the halls yesterday - you didn’t stand a chance so i guess it was a bit unfair.” he said, frowning as you replied with silence so the duty fell on him to fill it, “and i got the stain out, anyway so.”

more silence. lovely.

suddenly, he puffed his cheeks out as his eyes snapped to meet yours and he roared, “ARE YOU GONNA FUCKING SAY SOMETHING OR ARE YOU TOO BRAINDE-”

“are you wearing eyeliner?”

and that was the true story behind why you missed last period, because you and kyōtani had a 30 minute conversation about eyeliner and make-up, then he convinced you to skip the rest of class with him so he could buy you ramen as an apology gift.

so yeah, he figured that perhaps he should try being nice more often.

kiyoomi sakusa

♡ he didn’t need someone to tell him to be nicer, he’s just predisposed to attempt to show kindness to someone he is fond of

♡ in his mind, showing kindness, respect and stripping himself of all his personality = the only way to be desirable

♡ (ofc this takes place before he meets atsumu tho lol)

♡ so it’s not the realisation that’s the problem for him, it’s the execution

♡ like how is he supposed to be nice without either sounding creepy or condescending?

♡ *cut to sakusa practising in the bathroom mirror* ‘your hand looks- no-’ he scoffs, flicking cold water onto his face, ‘your hair looks cool- pretty- nice?’

♡ *camera pans to sakusa laying in bed, staring intently at the ceiling while imagining vivid and scarily detailed scenarios about ways he could mess up while talking to you*

♡ *camera zooms in on sakusa’s face as he manifests a nicer version of himself*

♡ he might - depending on how insecure he is - watch one of those psychology videos or read a wikihow for help

♡ but other than that, he independently tries to alter his personality in order to gain your favour bc..true love ?

♥　♡　♥　♡　♥　♡　♥

you smiled as a basketball rolled up to your feet during gym class, followed by the sound of someone approaching you and upon raising your gaze, your eyes met sakusa’s unmistakable black ones. his face hovered only a few inches away from yours due to the fact you had both reached down to pick up the ball at the same time.

he quickly pulled himself away, tucking the basketball under his elbow as he adjusted his mask so it properly covered his face to ensure that you didn’t see the light blush slowly spreading across his cheeks. he then proceeded to blurt out what he had been rehearsing for the past few nights, “oh, thank you, (y/n). your hair looks lovely today, by the way.”

you giggled, holding your hands firmly by your side to avoid fidgeting and making it obvious that his sudden comment flustered you, “thanks, sakusa. and, if we’re handing out compliments today, i didn’t know you were good at any sport other than volleyball but you’re doing surprisingly well at basketball.” you joked, your lips slowly curling into a cocky smirk, “though, i don’t think you’d stand a chance against my team.”

god, you’re such a tease. you make it so hard for him to be nice to you. so, of course, your comment returned his ability to utter almost every sarcastic comment that comes to mind - screw being likeable. “you think so?” he quirked a brow, tossing the ball onto your lap then pacing backwards, “go on, then.”

rintarō suna

♡ it was probably those tips on social media that told him he has to be nicer

♡ and plus he saw terushima get all the chicks and he was just sitting there like ‘where are my bitches at? 🥺’

♡ anyway, all the guys on social media that had girls lining up outside their door always had one thing in common: misogyny obnoxious personalities !!

♡ and his whole personality was a sacrifice suna was willing and ready to make for just a crumb of cooch 🤲

♡ though you weren’t exactly his crush yet, suna thought you were the best person to carry out this experiment with bc he heard through the grapevine that you had a crush on him so perhaps this would make you happy

♡ he didn’t prepare much beforehand though which he immediately regretted as soon as he approached you bc admittedly, his game plan of ‘be self-assured but friendly’ was a bit vague

♡ so he basically just had to bullshit through a whole, awkward conversation with you while wearing a forced ‘bold’ smirk which, in reality, looked as though he had just seen tiddies for the first time

♡ hardly self-assured or friendly

♡ also, the fact you thought he was playing a prank on you must’ve drastically altered the results of his experiment

♡ at one point he says something extremely stupid you’d just quit playing along and just blurt out ‘wtf is wrong with you today’

♡ to which he’d be like ‘ahaha, nuthin much bbg, how bout you?’

♡ THE EXPERIEMNT ISN’T OVER UNTIL HE SAYS IT’S OVER OKAy?!

♥　♡　♥　♡　♥　♡　♥

you rubbed your temples in order to soothe the throbbing headache suna gave you simply by existing. like yes, you had a crush on him 10 minutes ago - but that was before he came up to you and started acting like terushima on dodgy medication. “oh and your skin is glowing bab--”

“jesus christ, rintarō, shut up!” you cried, gripping the edge of your skirt to prevent your self from delivering a swift punch right to his stupid face. he’s seriously gotten on all your nerves at this point; firstly, by spamming your phone in the middle of the night asking for homework answers (accompanied by cursed memes) as he actually managed to wake you up. secondly, by acting so oblivious to the fact you clearly had a crush on him and now, this!

heat rose to his cheeks in embarrassment as his creepy smile instantly fell right back into his resting bitch face, “this isn’t working, is it?”

“what’s not working?”

suna scoffed, rolling his eyes - his façade having evidently disappeared. “this.” he sighed, looking around as if someone was going to save him before his eyes finally settled on you and he was reminded of what he wanted in the first place, his sparkle was rekindled for just a moment which caused him to blurt out, “just fuck me already, i’m not asking for much.”

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lawisnotmocked · 3 years ago

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@clouiis asked: sorry for the like fkhskjfhjskd sudden dm but i wanted to ask since youre a fellow javert enjoyer! what's your take on all the animalistic imagery that gets assigned to him? Especially in terms of it's relation to violence, dog son of a wolf that would devor his kin and all (but then arguably, the imagery shifting to gentleness in Javert Derailed w the whole dog licking the hand of its master thing) and the???? pleasure sounds weird but ig???? thrill????? that he gets from pursuing valjean w all the predator imagery?? mans just a furry

[tumblr straight up deleted the ask you sent when I was trying to answer it but I had all the text saved bc I thought something like this might happen omg :’3]

I can’t tell you how excited I am to get to answer this omg :’3 I, Known Javert Enjoyer And Furry, am being asked to infodump about my special interest?? Hell to the fucking yeah let’s go!!!

Javert being The Man With The Literal Dog Soul has so much personal importance to my dog man self that I am literally incapable of being normal about it no I will not explain myself yes I’ve written multiple paragraphs as an answer thank u for your time and I hope you enjoy uwu

The first thing I’d probably want to talk about in relation to Javert’s animal imagery is the way it fits into Victor Hugo’s Characteristically Complex And Layered Web Of Furry Symbolism bc I love that shit ☺️

Just gonna set some stuff up before I get into my ramblings lol so it’s accessible to anyone reading it uwu’’ But Hugo’s symbolic animal code is woven throughout the whole text of Les Mis and is most often used to assign moral worth to actions, illustrate the emotional state of characters, foreshadow future events and make broad ideological statements about society and the ways people interact with each other within society. It’s a pretty common French literary device for the period and one I’m personally absolutely in love with! But like a lot of things in lm it also relies on the reader having the full cultural context to be able to understand a lot of what he’s talking about and obviously most modern audiences won’t have that ^^’ I’ve done my best to decode some of Javert’s most important animal symbolism but I’m still learning so I’m sure there’ll still be some things I miss uwu’’

One of the commonly recurring symbolic animals in Les Mis that’s very relevant to Javert’s own symbolism is the wolf! Wolves in Les Mis often mean two things - that a person has dangerous, malicious or violent intentions, or that a person is prohibited from being part of Polite SocietyTM, normally because they’re in extreme poverty or are a criminal. Lots of people who are both violent and criminals get assigned wolf imagery in Les Mis, including Thenardier, Montparnasse and Valjean while he’s in prison and he’s traumatised and angry. Javert however is not a wolf, he’s the dog son of wolves, and this is an Important Symbolic Distinction to make.

A common reading of Javert’s character is that he’s the romani son of two imprisoned parents. Again just gonna give some brief context just in case anyone needs it, but the romani people are an incredibly persecuted ethnic group who live mostly in Europe. I grew up next to a British Romany community, and modern romani communities still face a lot of racism and violence both from governments and individuals in the present day. If you’re not romani I’d definitely recommend taking the time to learn about the issues romani people in your country and community face because ignorance to these issues only allows violence against romani communities to continue. As a white English man I’m definitely not the right person to talk in depth about any experiences Javert may have had as a French Romani person but I’ll try and give some basic context with links to posts made by people with a lot more knowledge on the topic than I have.

As two people who were most likely in poverty and also possibly both romani, Javert’s parents would have been considered ‘wolves’ before they even ended up in prison, hence Javert is the son of wolves. However, Javert is not a wolf himself, his main Symbolically Significant Fursona is a dog. Javert was born outside of society without much hope of ever being able to enter it himself - ‘as he grew up, he thought that he was outside the pale of society, and he despaired of ever re-entering it. He observed that society unpardoningly excludes two classes of men,- those who attack it and those who guard it; he had no choice except between these two classes’ (1.5.5) He had the choice between becoming a wolf and most likely ending up imprisoned himself, or turning himself the state’s guard dog, aka a prison guard then a police inspector, so he chose to become the dog who devours his wolf siblings. The peasants of Asturias quote makes me crazy and stupid it’s my favourite part of the whole book it makes me rabid and feral!! This bitch gets me so emotional man his whole character motivation comes from a place of trauma and self hatred and trying to escape the same fate as his parents 😭

Going slightly off topic to link some other related posts for a second but! since Javert was born in a prison, he was most likely taken from his mother at a very young age and placed in the care of someone else until he was old enough to work at Toulon. Even ‘Javert’ would be a name given to him by the state to prevent his bio family from being able to find him once he grew up. This post also has an interesting discussion about Javert having internalised racism as a romani person and how that might have affected him growing up, especially if he was taken from his family as a child, and it’s definitely worth a read.

There is a lot of violence in the dog symbolism too like you said!! He is first and foremost a hunting dog belonging to the state, and he gets used by the state to do the dirty work of dealing with other lower class ‘animals’ who are excluded from society just like he is. At a certain point though Javert is choosing this line of work as opposed to just being forced into it, and he derives a vicious pleasure from doing his job! Javert isn’t an exceptionally violent police inspector, he’s actually an unrealistically perfect and idealised police inspector for the 19th century, but his character illustrates that the law itself is violent, and even by following the letter of the law and being incorruptible Javert is a dangerous man.

This is where Javert’s other main symbolic fursona comes in - the tiger! Cat symbolism in Les Mis is A Whole Complicated Thing and cats have a lot of different symbolic meanings but as far as I can figure out, domestic cats in Les Mis represent progress, potential, indecisiveness, neutrality and choices to make/paths to take. Lions are heavily associated with the barricade scenes and revolution and represent an action or person being a force for good, while tigers are associated with dangerous people and Morally Bad Actions. Domestic cats also represent the potential for an individual to become a big cat - when Valjean enters Myriel’s room at night he’s described as catlike, but when he leaves with the silver he’s a tiger. Tiger = merciless cruelty and Morally Bad Actions is actually an established part of 18th and 19th century writing, and Robespierre was often compared to a tiger after his death in order to portray him as bloodthirsty and ruthless. Javert is introduced with both dog and tiger imagery, and this imagery is consistent throughout the book. ‘Javert, serious, was a watchdog; when he laughed, he was a tiger.’ (1.5.5)

In relation to all of the hunting and predator imagery associated with Javert, I do actually think pleasure is the right word to describe what he’s feeling! And, gonna get a lil bit nsfw here but, I think there genuinely is an intentionally sexual subtext to some of the ‘hunting’ scenes!

‘Then he began the game. He experienced one ecstatic and infernal moment; he allowed his man to go on ahead, knowing that he had him safe, but desirous of postponing the moment of arrest as long as possible, happy at the thought that he was taken and yet at seeing him free, gloating over him with his gaze, with that voluptuousness of the spider which allows the fly to flutter, and of the cat which lets the mouse run. Claws and talons possess a monstrous sensuality,—the obscure movements of the creature imprisoned in their pincers. What a delight this strangling is! Javert was enjoying himself. The meshes of his net were stoutly knotted. He was sure of success; all he had to do now was to close his hand’. (2.5.10)

Like?? ‘one ecstatic and infernal moment’?? ‘Monstrous sensuality’?? This is very intentionally intense language!! Hugo even literally says ‘Javert jouissait’ in the original French!! Which is modern slang for orgasm!! I joke that Javert is into vore but you cannot make this shit up!! :’D

There are like Actual Academic Discussions about this word choice that aren’t just me screaming on tumblr dot com lol, and a 2 second google search brought up this passage from Richard D Burton’s book ‘Blood in the City: Violence and Revelation in Paris, 1789–1945’ - ‘Hugo’s inspector Javert stalking Jean Valjean from afar, delighting sadistically in the godlike power he exerts over the unwitting object of his gaze, postponing the moment of capture as a lover defers the moment of orgasm’ (p.285)

I’m also gonna bring attention to this post that talks about this scene - ‘these combinations having been effected, feeling that Jean Valjean was caught between the blind alley Genrot on the right, his agent on the left, and himself, Javert, in the rear, he took a pinch of snuff’ (2.5.10) - as reading very much like a premature post-coital cigarette, both bc it’s funny and because everything wolfsbaneblooming says is really interesting 😌

Of course you don’t have to read anything in this scene as sexual pleasure! Like any kind of literary reading there are so many different ways to interpret the text, but I personally get joy out of reading this scene as Javert being very horny about hunting Valjean down in the streets of Paris and I personally think he would benefit from quitting his job and getting involved in the kink scene instead uwu

Last tangent I’m gonna go on I promise but you also mentioned the dog imagery in Javert Derailed and that means you’re gonna be subjected to my Javert Is Canonically In Love With Valjean reading of Les Mis 😌

I’ve talked about this reading in more detail before in this post here, but a lot of Javert’s animal imagery is used as a way to show how he emotionally reacts to things. Javert is going through a whole lot of complicated emotions during the derailment chapter and a lot of this is reflected in the dog symbolism!

One example I’m absolutely insane about of Javert’s conflicted feelings is this passage here - ‘when he had so unexpectedly encountered Jean Valjean on the banks of the Seine, there had been in him something of the wolf which regains his grip on his prey, and of the dog who finds his master again’. (5.4.1) He still has the ‘hunting instinct’ telling him that he’s supposed to capture Valjean, but now he also feels that to do so would be ‘wolf’ behaviour - it would be violent and malicious and serve no greater purpose. Now ‘the dog who finds his master again’... Javert’s ‘master’ up to this point has been the state and his superiors in the police - he’s belonged to and dedicated his whole self to the state for his entire life, but this quote implies that he’s now starting to see Valjean as his ‘master’ instead. I don’t think Javert is in the right emotional state to be forming healthy normal bonds with anyone at this point (or arguably at all?? King u need community support and so much therapy :’3), but I read this scene as Javert starting to almost replace his devotion to state authorities with a devotion to Valjean and protecting him from harm. Also like!! A purely surface level reading of ‘dog who finds his master’ immediately suggests feelings of excitement and adoration and relief!! Sounds kinda like love to me, as weird and canid as Javert’s love is!!

But oh no!! Javert’s weird canid love strikes again!!

‘A terrible situation! to be touched. To be granite and to doubt! to be the statue of Chastisement cast in one piece in the mould of the law, and suddenly to become aware of the fact that one cherishes beneath one's breast of bronze something absurd and disobedient which almost resembles a heart! To come to the pass of returning good for good, although one has said to oneself up to that day that that good is evil! to be the watch-dog, and to lick the intruder's hand! to be ice and melt! to be the pincers and to turn into a hand! to suddenly feel one's fingers opening! to relax one's grip,- what a terrible thing!’ (5.4.1)

I’m!!!! Hhhh!!! The tenderness!!!! The gentle adoration and devotion!!!! The resignation to what he already knows must be true!! God I’m never gonna get over this paragraph!!!! He loves Valjean like a dog loves its master!! He’s in awe of him in the same way that men are in terrified awe of angels!!

A benevolent malefactor, merciful, gentle, helpful, clement, a convict, returning good for evil, giving back pardon for hatred, preferring pity to vengeance, preferring to ruin himself rather than to ruin his enemy, saving him who had smitten him, kneeling on the heights of virtue, more nearly akin to an angel than to a man. (5.4.1)

What could this be but weird canid love from this man? Javert spent his whole life devoted to system that placed no value on his life and ended it devoted to the man who cared enough to save him.

I tried not to repeat myself too much because this is already obnoxiously long but I did go into more depth with my Javert loves Valjean reading here if anyone hasn’t already had enough of me going ape about dogs or whatever uwu’’

Hsvsbsv anyway in conclusion I think Javert is a fucked up little man who needs to be held gently and my professional recommendation is that he quit his job, join a furry kink group, try to reconnect with his bio family and see a therapist 😌💞

#javert #valvert #les mis #les miserables #les mis meta #monsters of our making #was gonna queue this but I want immediate validation rn so I’m posting it and I’ll schedule it for later too uwu #fave posts tag

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sun-flower-children · 4 years ago

Text

BakuSquad’s Boy Part 1

A/N: Based on a fic that doesn’t exist anymore :( I’ll be adding my own head canons from what i remember of the og fic. This whole thing is in a headcanon format :)))

Kirishima was sitting down when he noticed their new transfer student walking into the cafeteria looking lost. Without thinking twice he quickly caught the attention of the male and motioned him to come over.

“Is it okay if I join you?” you asked, recognizing the spiky haired student as your classmate.

“Of course, let me introduce you to everybody!”

The redhead introduced all the guys sitting at the table. The talkative blonde with the lightning bolt in his hair was Kaminari . The smiling black haired boy with oddly shaped elbows was Sero and the angry-faced pale blonde with red eyes was Bakugo. While the rest smiled at you he merely sneered and ignored you.

“Don’t let him bother you too much, he's a grouch!” Kirishima said smiling.

The entire lunch period was spent talking to the Bakusquad and explaining how you transferred from the hero school in your home country and enrolled at UA. Laughing with them and bonding over memes and hero training.

It didn’t take long for you to become part of the friend group.

Y’all are a chaotic group of motherfuckers

The group chat is mess; Bakugo is trying to help people w homework, Zero is constantly sharing tick tocks and at 2 am Denki will spam it with memes ( which pisses Bakugo off bc it wakes him up when he forgets to mute his notifications)

Y’all will study together, which surprisingly, can be super productive sometimes.

It honestly didn’t take very long for you guys to become inseparable. They have you back and you have theirs. Training and working out together is a plus because sometimes y’all are too busy to actually fully hangout.

Kirishima will compliment you in a “manly” way and will totally be your hype man. Will be ecstatic when you give back the same energy. One time Bakugo joined you guys for his morning workout and his jaw almost fell to the ground when he saw you take your shirt off. He couldn’t help but stare like holy shit you were ripped. Training with Kiri really did pay off. Bakugo smirked to himself when he noticed his red haired friend was also checking you out when you didn’t notice.

Going to the mall with Sero and Denki is a whole ass ride. Y’all will go to so many stores and either waste all your money or just fuck around. Hot Topic is definitely a favorite of theirs. They don’t care if it’s not your vibe because they will want to deck you out in the fitting rooms to see what you look like. Once they pushed the curtain before you were done changing your shirt and both pairs of eyes went straight to your body, making you blush.

After being friends for so long the Bakusquad could read each other's emotions and all recognized that they had crushes on you. They talked about it and concluded that this would by no means would get between their friendship but would amicably flirt with you.

They organized a sleepover not too long after. But it was basically them all fighting each other about who’s room they would be staying in. Ended up going to Bakugo’s room because it was the closest for most of them. When you got there you were so caught up with the movie that you didn't realize they were low-key fighting each other for a spot next to you/ touching you in general. It was when y’all were going to sleep when you realized you left your sheets and what not in your room. Bakugo without missing a beat said you could sleep with him which then prompted Denki to tell you that “Bakugo’s feet smell like shit you don't wanna sleep with him” for Kiri to go “ Hey that isn’t manly, you should sleep w me Y/N.”. While the three of them were battling it out you and Sero were just sitting crouched in the corner. “I mean Y/N I could always get sheets and stuff from my rooms ‘cause it's not that far from here.” only for Bakugo to throw a pillow straight in his face yelling “Shut it Soy-Sauce face!!” Yeah they felt really bad in the morning when you ended up sleeping on the floor with nothing covering you.

Sero will want to smoke with you. The first time he smoked with you, you ended up having a panic attack and he felt responsible for making you panic and so anxious. He tries to smoke by himself for the meanwhile until you convince him to let you try again. It goes much better this time. Y’all start vibing to his latin playlist and he tries to teach you but y’all just end up stumbling over each other and constantly laughing. When dancing becomes physically exhausted and watches tick tocks and videos on his phone. Which ends up with y’all crying over the video where the racoon tries to wash his cotton candy but it dissolves. At some point the tears become too much and you both reach for each other which ends up with y'all sobbing and cuddling each other. Y’all fell asleep like this :)

The whole squad smokes at one point or another. Kirishima does it whenever he’s just in the mood to hangout and he uber chills. Bakugo does it to relieve stress and just enjoy life a bit. Denki smokes the 2nd most in the group just whenever he needs to kill time or he wants to vibe.

There will be times when y'all will smoke together and just fuck shit up. Like, one night after exam y’all are smoking but shit starts getting wild. Like y'all are hopping off the walls and dancing around to random music. Denki will find a roach that's stuck on its back and trying to get back off its legs but y’all are dancing all around it thinking it's like break dancing. “ AYYYY FUCK IT UP” Bakugo would yell “GET INTO IT” Sero would then yell. One of y’all took a video and accidentally posted it on Snapchat so the next day Mina would ask like wth happened last night bc y’alls tik toks and snapchats were wack af. Sero would probably speak on behalf of the group and say “ We were just really hyper.

When they all become hyper aware of their feelings not only for you but like low-key for each other they all change a lil bit. Like:

Denki stops flirting with people outside of the Baku Squad. He’s more touchy with y’all. Holding onto arms, arms over shoulders, hands on waists, holding hands, sitting in y’alls laps (this is a big one)

Kirishima has more energy when he’s with you guys. Like he could be running lower on battery than normal but one of y'all just comes up to him and he lights up like a light bulb.

Bakugo stops ruining desks and promptly yelling at people. He’s toned down and becomes a bit more chilled out. Mostly when he's with you guys. He is still a grumpy gremlin when he is with people who aren’t the Baku Squad.

Sero actually hides it pretty well and no one notices and changes that are indicative of a crush. Probably a bit more confident in himself

Kirishima and Denki acting like they haven't seen each other in sages when it really has only been like five minutes.

“ OMG BRO IT'S BEEN FOREVER”

“OMG DENKI MY MAN I MISSED YOU SM!”

“ BRO C’MERE AND PLANT A PHAT ONE ON ME!”

“HELL YA MY DUDE, THIS IS GONNA BE MANLY.”

And then proceed to aggressively walk toward each other, slap each others asses and plant a kiss on each other's cheeks before erupting into a huge fit of laughter. While people around them are just like ‘wtf is going on’

Touching becomes a thing.

Y’all will actively find each other when y'all want a hug or cuddles or smth. Forehead and cheek kisses are a thing. Bakugo takes much longer to warm up to everyone starting really with you and Kirishima. most comfortable holding y’alls hands loosely and rubbing your knuckles. Denki probably does this the most. He lives for physical affection, just give this poor boy his much needed cuddles and kithes.

Despite y’all high-key crushing for each other you all still are absolutely focused on your career paths as heros. Bakugo helping teach english and you trying to help ( if you know english well enough to teach )

“Ok idiots for the last time what word do we use to describe Sarah?”

“I mean she took these poor dudes apples and all of these are positive adjectives...i think.”

“Yeah Sarah’s kind of a bitch.”

“SHUT IT YOU TOO AND ANSWER THE DAMN QUESTION!”

“I mean Bakubro they aren’t wrong...”

“NOT YOU TOO KIRI!”

You guys work so well during team vs fights bc of how well you all know each other.

It’s an absolute mess but y’all love eachother <3

I will be making a part 2 ( + 3 i think ) so hang around for more :)

MASTERLIST

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