#pressure my jobs awful my car is breaking down the dog needs a tooth pulled and my dad is dead
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got un depressed enough to take the dog on a walk immediately got re depressed and had to lay down after letting mom know she didn’t have to walk her tonight
#personal#oh okay thanks mom i frequently flash back to moments with dad at a worrying rate#came home crying yesterday#i’m losing more and more hair in the shower and i’m trying to tell myself it’s not what i think it is even tho getting worse with my ed#am considering just never reaching out to my eldest brother again bc he 180ed during dads thing or like just showed who is he is under#pressure my jobs awful my car is breaking down the dog needs a tooth pulled and my dad is dead#and my mom can’t just keep it straight on if she likes or hates me#or if i’m selfish or not#and ignores me but not cruelly which is worse actually#like my mom stone walling me bc she’s upset or something? okay#it’s so hard to describe like. she cares but she doesn’t#she’ll bring me food or ask how my day is going#but i try holding a conversation or anything and she can’t acknowledge me or turn away from the tv#not even bc she’s mad!! she’s just. not? interested?#i don’t know how to describe it#and im upset she said i was selfish during dads death but she’s a acting like we’re fine now#how are we good. if you genuinely resent me and how i acted during that period how are we good#i can barely talk to you without getting super angry or really desperately wanting you to just. i don’t know not be you? be normal ?
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