#it’s so obvious that i either have autism or add or like something

[shivroyslut]

my life would’ve been fixed if any educator or caretaker in my early childhood just looked at my behaviour and went hmm maybe this child should get tested for something

[gatorbites-imagines]

Hallo! Could I possibly request a Tim Drake x M!Reader?

Seeing your autistic reader mirroring the batboys. I think it would be funny seeing the other Batboys (+ Batman maybe), react to reader and Tim mirroring eachother.

Maybe it doesn't start right away, but builds up steam over time. It starting with them rocking back in forth in sync while bouncing off info from an going case, to them picking up mannerisms.

Then maybe continued with their wardrobes becoming so mixed up, they just have double the clothes.

______

Honsetly, the thought of Damien being creeped out by Tim and Reader lifting their cups of coffee or energy drinks up in unison, makes me laugh harder than it should.

That or Bruce seeing Reader and Tim mirroring eachothers fighting style for the frist time and just like, 'what the fuck???'. Because, he probably tested Damien for autism snice they are blood, it's generic. Maybe, Dick for ADHD.

Then, it just slipped his mind to get Tim tested or even see the signs of autism in Tim. Because Bruce is autistic, so would just look at Tim and think, 'Yup, that's normal development .'

- Crow

Tim Drake x autistic male reader

Headcanons

Funny thing is I hc that pretty much the entire batfam is on the autism spectrum in some way or another. Bruce is autistic , Dick has ADHD or ADD, Jason has ASD or ODD, Tim is autistic, Damian is autistic and mild OCD.

Is this me projecting onto my comfort characters? Yes, yes it is. But come on, look at the batfam and tell me there isn’t at least a little tism in all of them.

You are also very right in Bruce just not noticing the signs in most of his kids since he’s autistic himself and that behavior is the norm for him. Alfred was most likely the one who had Bruce tested when he was younger, so it would have to be Alfred who steps in and advises them to get checked out, just in case.

Tim just happens to slip under the radar, maybe because of the stress at the time he joined the family, or they were all just too busy at the time, so it just slipped their minds.

Tim is also very good as masking, having grown up with his parents, acting “strange” wasn’t allowed, so he’s mastered the skill of hiding his less approved quirks. So, you’ll never see him stimming or rocking in public, or around people for that matter.

It was only after you two started dating and became very close that he started to let it slip, unconsciously of course. But it’s because he doesn’t feel the need to hide around you, and you are one of his comfort people.

The family doesn’t fully notice in the beginning as Tim grows more comfortable not masking and starts mirroring you. Infodumping is a common occurrence in the family, especially with the type of work they do, so when Tim is talking to you about cameras or his favorite band in extreme detail, They just think it’s a normal happening.

Damian is the first to notice, and he would think you two are trying to punk him somehow. When you and Tim always do things in tandem, picking up your drinks at the same time, always pushing your chairs back and getting up together, using the same type of glass or plates, etc.

He wouldn’t confront either of you obviously, since he doesn’t want to play into your hands. But then your mirroring becomes even more obvious. Like mirroring stims, meaning Tim starts stimming the same way you do.

Do you flap your hands? Tim now does too. Verbal stims? Catch Tim making the same noises over comms during patrol. You both also come to enjoy the same textures if you don’t already, because those textures remind you of each other.

It finally clicks for Bruce when he sees Tim and you wearing each other’s clothes and using stim toys, whilst rocking back and forth on the couch, excited to see your comfort movie. It makes Bruce want to facepalm because it’s been so obvious this entire time.

When he asks Alfred about it, the Brit just gives him a bland look whilst saying something along the lines of “Master Bruce, I thought it was obvious from the start”, because Bruce has a habit picking up kids with the tism.

After that Tim finally gets tested and gets his diagnosis. Not that it changes anything other than what’s on paper. But it does help Tim feel better, as in the past he probably struggled with feeling wrong or like he didn’t fit in.

When Damian also realizes you two weren’t trying to dupe him, he settles with his arms crossed and huffs, saying that of course that was the reason since you two couldn’t get the upper hand on him anyways.

The entire fam shares fidget toys or different coping things. The house is stocked with everyone’s comfort food, clothes, media, etc. The walls are made so sound doesn’t pass through them, the fridge and electronics are also upgraded so they don’t make those buzzing sounds. It’s like autism heaven.

You also are included since your dating Tim, and you two are very happy together. The family is also thankful in you helping Tim come out of his shell, even though neither of you realized you were doing it.

[strayheartless]

Neurodivergent Cloud things that I’m definitely not (am) projecting:

When Cloud feels overwhelmed it feels like someone has put two bags of sand on his shoulders and then sucked all his energy out with a straw. He has to sit down for a while and rest his forehead on his hands for a while before he can function again.

Meltdowns don’t happen often, he is more likely to go completely numb and appear rude and apathetic towards people. However when he does reach critical mass he throws things. There was once or twice as a child where Cloud got in trouble for braking something they couldn’t afford to fix because he’d had a really bad day and didn’t know how to cope.

As a young man Cloud only ever melted down in front of Zack once and surprisingly Zack handled it pretty well. He took Clouds PHS out of his hand before he could throw it and directed him to the bed clothes saying “if you ruin that we can just remake it,”. After Cloud hand we’ll and truly wrecked the bed and screamed in frustration for a bit Zack pulled him in and let him cry himself out.

As an Adult Cloud holds on and holds on until he is no longer able to control it and ends up scaring people with how violent he gets towards objects. Later (mid/post AC) he will take himself off to the wastes and scream in Canyons because he feels like he’s being pathetic when it happens.

Cloud is not diagnosed with Anything until Denzel is. Reading booklets about autism made him seriously uncomfortable. Not because he didn’t accept Denzel but because it was like having his life explained to him.

Socialising is incredibly hard for Cloud. He gets triggered by little things really easily and even when he is the “saviour of Gaia” he still catches people calling him ‘weird’ or ‘odd’ or complaining about how he never seems interested because he doesn’t look people in the eye.

His masking habits are odd because it’s not so much covering behaviours as it is consciously triggering a freeze response. If he feels like he will react wrong he goes still or responds with less words to try and minimise the “damage” he thinks he will do.

Clouds space is his. People don’t go in it, they don’t “just pop in to check on him” and they certainly don’t change things in his space. His distress is never obvious but people who know him know that on the inside he’s either extremely angry or wanting to cry but not being able to.

He went through a period of having to fake emotions as a teenager. There were times when people would say “are you not excited?!” And Cloud would find it easier to lie and say yes then explain he literally felt hollow 90% of the time.

Zack, his mom Claudia, and Sephiroth (as clouds special interest) are the only people who have ever elicited a strong emotional reaction from Cloud. Later he would be able to add all of Avalanche to that list of people but it takes Cloud a very long time to get past his numbed emotions.

Okay ramble over! Did I project a bit? Yeah, but I tried to keep it true to his characterisation too. Some of it hits a little close though 😬.

[annon-secretcave]

Sonadow, Sonamy...

OK so we all know that there's a civil mid-joke war inside the Sonic Fandom about preferences between Sonadow and Sonamy, right?

And yeah I don't care barely at all about ships or ship wars and stuff, and everyone can have their opinion! But as someone who loves to relate the lore to everything because autism I really like analyzing things and it helps me understand everything better, I thought to maybe give all the canon/non-emotions related stuff to explain how these relationships, friends or something more (spoiler alert, something more does not exist in canon), work inside canon and how they would work in the far future.

REMINDER THAT THIS WILL NOT SIDE WITH EITHER SIDE MUCH UNTIL THE END ("In my humble opinion..." part)

THERE'S ALSO AN ANALYSIS! But at the end, since it's more of a personal analysis that is not fully factual, just a study of the characters.

Yeah so here it goes...

(Everything with a "*" means that it will be explained at the end with the more "sonic" stuff, less related to the ship.)

Sonamy

Realistically, Amy was created to be more of "just an addition to the Sonic team" with more female representation. She started off as just Sonic's girlfriend or love interest, even though he never showed as much interest for her as she did for him. In short, her interest in him did show since she made her first appearance, clearly showing that that would be the main or most shown romantic relationship in the franchise.

At the beginning, she was completely a Sonic fangirl and had much interest in him, specifically shown in shows or some comics... but as they realized the potential of the character, they stopped making her whole reason to be there sonic, changing it slightly, but still firing the character. This also meant that they stopped making her be "madly in love" or that interested in sonic, who was never interested in the first place. This, outside of the franchise is clearly the creators noticing the potential of a character with a heart as big as Amy's, but inside of the franchise it was probably her maturing (going from typical teenage romance-obsessed phase to just a normal crush), which was (ok this one thing is my opinion, yeah...) a big improvement to the character, to give her a story, more personality...

Now, about the ship itself... Sonamy has always been one-sided, or at least in most cases. And this had been stated and was seen clearly throughout the franchise (ok realistically I did not watch sonic boom but that one is not really canon in the main story which is the one that I am talking about). At first, maybe it was not shown in a very modern or uh... less obvious way... but listen the 90's are the 90's ok. but they showed it nonetheless. So, respectfully, Sonamy has not been canon from both sides clearly in most of the canon storyline.

Sorry Sonamy shippers...

(further study of this ship is after Sonadow, but that is a more personal review so I understand if you are not so interested)

(I'd add a single picture of these two but all I can find is FANART...)

Sonadow

So yeah I think we can all accept that no matter how gay it looks we have no proof that they are canon with facts and from a less biased point of view...

We have Sonic's line "I heart you too, Shadow" hope that's enough to feed ya xd

Nah but seriously there is an analysis to these two, it's just not that based in facts and hints like Sonamy had.

The analysis...

Now that the factual part has been explained, let's see this from a more Sonic POV, okay?

Sonic

Sonic is a character that likes to do everything, achieve everything, and be the fastest. His quote is quite literally "Gotta go fast". Of course, in a relationship, he would, not only be interested in, but also need, someone who can "keep up", as toxic as that sounds. He does not really need someone as fast as him, just someone that he can trust to be there by his side at every fight (or most of them), someone who will be at his level enough to fight by his side, otherwise it would be too dangerous. Something else that I've noticed is that the ones he is closest with, or has shown more attachment towards, are also people that can keep him with his feet on the ground, people that know when and how to say "You are not going to do this" and convince him, or, people to just keep him company and remind him who he is when he forgets (and, hey, it's Sonic, he also likes to have a few laughs).

As coincidental as that sounds, being able to both keep up and slow him down are traits that both characters mentioned earlier fulfil (yeah maybe Shadow more specifically... but shut up this is also supportive for Sonamy shippers ok LET THEM BE HAPPY LET THEM ALL BE HAPPY)

In any case, Sonic is a free-spirited supersonic hedgehog that will go wherever he wants whenever he wants, he helps people that are in trouble if he has the chance, and will fight and laugh alongside people who were once, currently are, or have tried to keep up. But being in a relationship itself is more effort than occasional visits, and Sonic knows that; he will be in a relationship with someone that can "keep up" and stand by him for the good of both of them. Obviously, he will also give, put in the effort to make the relationship work, but he knows who, when he gives 50, can give back 50, and those are people that will keep up with his adventures.

In my opinion... (the logic of the analysis applied to my train of thought, this is more biased from now on)

Sonamy

I understand why people see these two as a cute couple. Honestly, it makes sense. She does fulfil most of the traits and he does fulfil many of her expectations, from what I have seen of her...

But it's the keeping up part. Amy is a kind, warm hedgehog who loves nature and loves protecting nature. I have always had the feeling that, at some point (when she's a young adult probably), she would get a small house, near a natural area, where all her friends are, and stay there to protect them in that area. She would stay in one place that would fully grow on her and she would spend all her life there, protecting what she wishes to fight for and taking care of nature, as well as some visits every now and then to her friends if they are far away.

Sonic does not seem to like physical affection too much, except for certain moments with certain people, and the way Amy keeps asking for affection might make him uncomfortable or even bore him most of the time. In a relationship? It might just bore Sonic too much, and Amy would not change to much anyway...

I have never been a fan of the concept of a one-sided ship, due to how toxic it can be. But there is something about the way that Amy, even with her crush, respects Sonic's boundaries, that makes me feel like this is the one single one-sided ship I find interesting and perfect as it is. Sonic is not uncomfortable with her, on the contrary, he enjoys spending time with her a lot, but when she goes to a more romantic mode, he does seem more uncomfortable in most cases.

Plus... this one small part is way more of a personal opinion, but Amy staying single and possibly being a single mother feels very in-character and sweet.

Sonadow

Shadow. As cryptic as he chooses to be at times, he has shown that he cares about Sonic before, which for the character, someone who lost everything in a person who meant the universe to him, is quite a lot. He has been open- or as open as he can be- with Sonic before, which clearly makes their friendship-rivalry slightly more different that his relationship with other people. Shadow's only "problem" is that at times he cannot express himself well.

They respect each other, even if they don't always show it. They care about each other, and even admire some actions the other does. Their rivalry is not toxic, it's just competitive.

Shadow does have the traits that Sonic would be most interested in, like Amy, but in his case, he is less feeling, but he can definitely keep up and even slow Sonic down. He has followed him when he thought he could put the world or himself in dagger multiple times, but he has not shown that well his ability to encourage Sonic (yeah no he has his own way with words and that way is not saying anything, much less to someone with Sonic's high self-esteem)

Sonic loves excitement and enjoying life to the last minute, doing everything that might sound extreme just for fun. He has always admired Shadow's power and angry determination, and found him and his powers amazing, even if he won't admit it. Shadow doesn't mind living extreme situations at all, apparently even enjoying certain activities that involve the excitement of a battle of any kind. Sonic finds that part of Shadow fun to mess with, and Shadow either doesn't care or is barely angry, but actually, in a way, enjoys having someone to fight or just spend time with that won't push any emotional talk or physical signs of affection too much.

Apart from that, my pov again for the future, both of them could make great parents, and their relationship in a family could be interesting since they already act like a married couple xd but then again, Sonic does not seem like the kind of person who will just have a kid unless something "eye-opening" or lifechanging happens to him.

Conclusion

But then again this is just an analysis that would be in case he would settle with either of them for life, so it might not be the best if we are just keeping them with their current age or a bit older xd

Plus, this is more related to their personalities, facts and lore... since I'm not the most adequate to judge how romantic and other kinds of attraction work haha (aroace nation rISE)

Also, as un-biased as this is, this still has a bit of personal opinion, so don't take it too canon and stuff

And remember everyone had the right to have their own opinions, even if we don't like them. Respect everyone and their opinions! They aren't hurting anyone anyway, right? (unless it's something highly immoral or just straight up not legal worldwide)

So yeah, at the end of the day, it doesn't matter if you ship Sonamy, Sonadow or something else, we're all just having fun after all, and if you insult people's opinion you're just being the angry bully in the playground who steals toys and breaks them because it's fun for them, a bitch.

Sonic's got 2 hands after all, ammaright

(this is totally official art trust not al all made in 2 minutes in board with a mouse)

[dirtytransmasc]

I don't see it talked about enough (outside of Song of the Banshees) but the whole thing with the recoms kinda brings up a philosophical conversation about the nature of cloning in terms of identity, and whether Quaritch is really Quaritch.

Like he has the memories, but they aren't his, are they?

There do seem to be some key differences between Colonel Miles Quaritch the human, and Miles Quaritch the recom.

Like from the source material that I can find, human Quaritch didn't really seem to care all that much about his kid, and we kinda see that when he first wakes up as he doesn't seem to ask about Spider at all. You'd think a parent, knowing that how that war ended, would want to know about the fate of their child.

But then, when the recom's come across the kids and Quaritch realizes it's Spider, you start to see the change. It's slow at first but even in the beginning, he does things that I'm not 100% the old human Quaritch would have done. The big one for be is that he doesn't push Spider to give up the Sully's and respects Spider's loyalty to them, and frankly, I don't think human!Quaritch would have.

Bringing Spider along is also interesting for me because sure it serves a purpose, but it's also relatively risky. Tracker in the mask aside, Spider could have easily led them into a veritable death trap.

Then we have that clip, the one with Spider ducking under Miles' arms and him smiling at Spider when he does it. The body language (something I'm usually shit at reading because of autism) reminds me of a father finding amusement in something their kid did.

It's all the little things that add up for me that don't match up with the Quaritch from the first movie.

Giving Spider the dog tags. I have family who served and giving someone their dog tags is not a small thing. (One family member used their dog tags to propose to their partner after their last tour.)

That first time in the interrogation room (where he gives him the dog tags) it's obvious that Quaritch is being mindful of his strength when grabbing Spider and once Spider 'calms down' a bit, he makes an effort to be non-threatening.

Spider is with them for months, and not only does he still dress and act like a na'vi, he still has his blue stripes. Quaritch doesn't make him dress in human clothes, doesn't correct his behaviour in regard to the climbing/crouching, and someone had to either get the paint for Spider or let him gather it himself, and then help him apply it.

Quaritch burns the villages instead of killing any of the metkayina. He planned to -he was going to- but he didn't because Spider begged him not to.

watching the premade identity the RDA created devolve and fade away, slowly being replaced by who we know as recom quaritch was so interesting and well done, even if by chance, not intentional.

they are clearly 2 different people, human and recom quaritch, with the 'identity' that makes up the recom when he first wakes up, "the puppet" as I typically dub it, being the transition between the two.

spider was the breaking point, he broke through the haze, caused recom quaritch to form contradicting memories, thoughts, opinions to the "puppet" identity, compromising him.

I think spider also 'woke up' some memories in recom quaritch. I think with the uploaded memories, they put emphasis on certain things, things that would help make a better "puppet" or toy soldier. I think they would make other memories dormant, not wanting to risk wiping them completely which could raise alarm, even in the best made soldier, he is still conscious. I think seeing his son, woke up some of those fonder memories, ones not of war times, and it started a domino effect.

we start to see him act more "human" he stops acting so cold and detached, the anger dials back a bit when he has moments to back away form his mission, he has empathy and mercy.

he connects to eywa's creatures (his ikran) and claims her the way any other na'vi would, he proves himself worthy. he shows mercy to the metkayina. he shows true care and love for his son.

he makes so many risks to keep spider at his side, as he flip-flops between 'identities' as if both sides are fighting for control. even if its a subconscious battle, it's clear he's devolving.

he is truly having the most classic clone crisis, "to be or not to be", fight or obey, do whats right and risk it all or let it happen and stay numb.

[spamtoon]

DCRC Paperinik Week 6

Day of the Cold Sun gaming, some would even say. Raider gaming...

Hold on let me just get the book... ah here we are.

Club Pe.nguin Jumpscare sorry I've been sitting in the lofi room a while but uh. If you played the game as a kid i'd recommend cp.j wholeheartedly i've had fun with it ANYWAY paperinik time

hi camera 9... i've only been told one thing and that its that we May or May Not get camera 9 lore this issue so ooh. hohoh. autism hands

oh poor lyla. i'm sure there is actually a suspicion here considering its lyla lay but i'm sure they're selling power to st. canard. and other cities outside of calisota and into other states, because lord thats what real plants do sometimes

JFIOEAJFIOEAJ THE STUPID JESTER HAT im so mad. a bright green suit okay. alright. the most suspicious thing ever but sure

i love the way the "portable neutralizer" is just a machine gun.

the setup is intriguing in this one... donald choosing to stay for uno and smiling when scrooge is assigning him work, unlike what he'd usually do

i love the way he's just like Donald, Please. There's crime afoot, which is More Important Right Now i'm so. uno's so silly...........

camera 9 :((((( another you can see both their perspectives situation like lyla has to erase the tape to maintain the space time continuum but camera 9 :(((((((

omg... i know this is probably another situation where its like haha! we don't appreciate you and i just. lyla standing up for him because she KNOWS nothing is his fault and he's just trying to do his job and vnbvnxb.

the little raider winds look cool... sorry the way they show the juxtaposition of the two reporters and their personalities and their philosophies here--for the greater good utilitarianism versus public duty--sorry i took a class on visual communication and it counted as journalism so there was some journalism ethics stuff in there

im so mad. the way the raider did a perfect angus fangus because he can just. act like a total jerk and the only slipping was in. the vocabulary

i just realized it uses a truffula tree style text box to showcase the fake one thats silly

camera 9...... i dont have anything to add just camera 9.....................

the scene where lyla talks to donald as uno while teleporting him there is so stupid. goofy ahh dramatic irony im so mad OH NO WAIT IM STUPID ithought she was doing an uno impression. and she's WHAT A CLUB PENGUIN UPDATE

sorry i just. i accepted wholeheartedly that uno was in the future for a second (thinking lyla was immitating uno and duck avenger just saw uno in his vision because i jumped sentence to sentence) forgetting it was in the past like. if nobody knows about the stuff in ducklair tower and its that advanced before scrooge bought it either this ducklair guy must have been the third richest duck in the world or there's some kind of time-alien something going on. but thats for the larger plot

spamtoon g spamtoon gets confused by obvious time skips more at 5

i love how she waits until he's like full on his swing and focused determinately to be like man. that sure sucked that conversation i just had! relatable lyla

ough... her robot eyes are so cool sorry like i know shes more android because shes supposed to blend in but the litle hints like this are so cool

sick panel....... once again commenting paperinik's use of action lines and hatching

she's cute in these panels... i love how much faith she has in donald

nooooooo dont call her inefficient she likes having a personality....... caring about people..... you cant replace lyla lay....... i do wanna know what death you want to give her to you know convince people she's still definitely a normal duck

bro the robots are beefing. uno please lyla can think too

so thats why the time police said In Our Future... i am admittedly owndering why paperinik gambled on taking a Deal with the guy--maybe because he's like okay well i dont know how to stop you right now if the time police can't so um. i'll make myself look bad because theres no other way probably. but i guess they needed a safe space for donald and the raider to talk in. sorry boys this might be my fisrt misconception of the day

raider paperinik bonding... im glad everyone in this universe does not like angus fangus until proven otherwise

the panel integration in pk. this shot in paritcular ooh. sorry maybe this is because im not used to comics but i like when they get playful with the panel format

the little camera nine hints... sorry i am actively engaged in this story right now. good time travel dilemma they've presented here

the stupid fucking raider text bubble im so mad. i almost wish it was cloaked when he's disguised but i suppose its supposed to be the same voice the traditional raider has so characters like lyla would be able to tell

donald's so Smug in this little panel bit... interesting that he's here despite y'know. fate of the universe and stuff. but maybe he's gonna try and convince them for both outcomes--duckburg Doesn't explode and yet they snatch the thing from raider. we fucked up time but like for good! we hope.

oh hey! they actually did explain how they would have killed her right here right now actually--so i guess we're going Against the space time continuum now neat, and the future's going to be up in the air again. donald and the police are at odds now thank cog

get their ASSES paperinik!!! this replacement looks pretty cool though just maybe send them back a few decades

sorry i love this panel the way they end pk issues... ough. i like how much she tries to make it up for camera 9 knowing she can't actually tell him what's going on to all the footage and the pictures and ough. oughghuhg. she has her own decisions and she geuninely cares about people even though she's not supposed to and its beautiful

i thought several times about continuing in this but i think i may need to like. Not and thats okay. i'll get paperinik another time boys but at this rate i might catch up! one could hope! maybe next week i'll read that week's issue on the actual week rather than the first day of next week or far far later

[pantwolf]

Healing is great, and I'm making good progress

But old bones get dug up.

I'm remembering things that I locked away

Things safer to ignore.

I feel old wounds opening up, scars dissolve

So new flesh can grow.

Emotional neglect, a little here, a little there

A timer of sand.

I'm not the victim of a major crime, my cuts are small

But many makes mighty.

Each grain finds their friends against the wind

Making a mighty shifting dune.

Sometimes I feel trapped trapped by society

And me.

I feel like the last of my kind - alone

Extinct.

Even in the company of kin, I feel alien

Incomplete.

But running kept me alive and going

A sprint on all fours.

Filled my time with work and school

Ignored the flame in my soul.

I was lost in the woods. No luminous moon glow.

But it turns out I wasn't alone.

In the end, I found my pack.

And they found me.

Our old new wounds will close

And we will be free.

Now we howl and play in Moon's soft glow,

And my heart beats with renewed fervor.

Yet I mourn the life I thought I had,

How could a pup have known any better?

"Healing"

- Felix

(Commentary under the cut)

This is about trauma, healing, and found family. Werewolves, nature, and instinct. Autism, ADHD, and unmasking.

And journies.

I have spent a very long time under the haze of dissociation, I think. I'm coming to realize that I haven't been able to actually address some of the traumatic events in my life, because they were small (but consistent) patterns, instead of a single, obvious tragedy. More importantly, they were normal. I didn't know I was hiding my fears, shame, and sadness.

I was a bullied kid. I was an outcast; I felt like there were miles between my peers and I (shoutout to my childhood friends, y'all were the Real Ones). I don't think I was actually despised by my peers, but the bullying did its job; I assumed I wasn't welcome, so I kept myself small.

My dad had cancer since I was 6, on and off for 20 years. Thankfully, it was a mildly-aggressive and very treatable cancer. It was just the background radiation of our family until COVID got him in 2020. He was as old as my peers' grandparents. Add in the chemo, and he was always tired and dozing off. But he never complained about feeling sick.

With that radiation (the radiation metaphor has like 3 levels at this point), my parents relationship strained. I was kept awake many nights by my mom yelling at my dad, them fighting about something. My mom made it sound like he was abusive or neglectful, and that he didn't treat her right. I believed her. I mostly remember my dad as detached and emotionally distant, uninvolved. One time, I told my mom that I felt like dad didn't love me. I'm sure she used that as ammo to try to get him to Step Up or Be Better or something. Either way, you can only really deliver a bullet with a gun. If she did tell him that at some point, I'm sure it killed him on the spot. I really wanted to rebuild a relationship with him. I never got the chance.

Fast forward to today, and I have little to no sense of identity. I'm in my third try at college, the first two were nonstarters. I work retail, all I've ever known. I feel lost and stuck. I don't feel welcome in the common culture.

But im starting to open my eyes. I'm starting to feel again. I'm becoming more confident, I feel better, I'm expressing myself, and I feel like I actually have agency to become who I want to be. I've been in a dark tunnel for so long that I forgot what it was like to be content and happy.

If you, dear reader, take away anything from this poem and my tale, let it be that it will get better.

[blubushie]

Monsieur Blu, your blorbo opinions on Sniper are very accurate, and I would like to add on to the discussion of why mischaracterisations are so common.

I do apologize if my wording in this makes me sound like a pretentious cunt, this is simply how my brain uses words when writing something thoughtful.

Preface: your opinions, although very good and accurate, are not canon, for they aren't explicitly depicted or shown or mentioned within canon. So I won't be calling them canon, but rather, canon-compliant. That is, your characterization of Sniper as a bushman, who is a strict proffesional hitman, who lives in a modified Land Rover series 1 with a cabover camper, is not wrong. In fact, all of that is literally canon. But there are few things that are genuinely, no ifs and or buts about it, rigidly canon. And, because of the nature of tf2's story, so much of what we can gather about the characters outside of the rigid canon is simply that- gathered assumptions. Like, we can gather that Sniper has absolutely spent time alone in the bush, and that he prioritizes thinking of things in a logical and practical mannor, rather than prioritizing thinking about what counts as "civilised" and "appropriate", especially in social contexts. He does what he has to, and is comfortable in doing those things basically shamelessly. For example: He abruptly headshot csniper, point blank, completely starkers. And proceeded to walk about, completely starkers. After sitting down next to spy and casually having a smoke with him, completely starkers. But none of what I wrote before the example is explicitly said, it's all gathered info. Sniper isn't shown skinning a rabbit and sorting through its meat and bones and viscera in order to eat and save the extras for later. He isn't shown tracking and hunting game. He isnt shown drinking the bitterest coffee to grace the earth, or smoking pot. And although some things seem obvious and make the most amount of sense, or seem incredibly accurate to his character, to the point where that thing is basically canon, my autism does not allow me to ignore the distinction. And so, I call it canon-compliant. Mostly for my own peace of mind. Yes. Rant over. Onwards.

I think the whole uwu blushes madly gulps loudly and stutters like a broken record thing comes from the Basic Knowledge you gain of Sniper's character. Through either playing the game and interacting and consuming canon content like the comics and whatnot, or through interacting with and consuming fan content through tumblr or twitter or fanfics, etc.

The latter being much more likely to lead to mischaractarisations of characters. In fandom, folks obviously have their own interpretations of literally everything, but there are some common themes that I suppose would be called fanon (an implicit collection of concepts and ideas that are often used in fan depictions of characters, but don't explicitly exist (or often don't exist at all) in the real storys canon.), that have become very common over the around 12 years that tf2 has had a storyline.

Now, there was a poll conducted a bit ago on tumblr that asked about the tf2 fandom's interraction with canon. How many people actually played tf2? How many people read the comics? How many people do both? How many people do neither and only interract with tf2 through fandom and fanfiction?

And that last one got a surprisingly large percentage of votes. So it's safe to say that fanon definitely has quite a bit of significance within the fandom, and it's not just an insulated thing that gets shared around a group of people. I'd say, in fact, that newcomers to tf2 are far more likely to be exposed to fanon than they are to be exposed to canon/canon-compliant ideas.

And oftentimes, the Basic Knowledge one gathers about Sniper upon consuming fan content, is as follows:

- Reclusive and quiet

- Awkward

- Tall and lanky

- Deep voice

- Speaks strine

- Lives in a camper

- Pisses in jars

- Cherishes proffesionalism

- Hates spies

And most of that is not... technically wrong. Although it is a very shallow, uncritical, reductive analysis of Sniper's character, it's not wrong. But because of how much time all of that has spent marinating within fandom, parts become exagerated or ignored. And what was once a very basic understanding of the character, becomes the understanding of the character, alongside a myriad of added tropes and ideas. All of it becomes further and further removed from canon.

It's like trying to draw something from memory 20 times over the course of 2 years. You spend a good hour studying what you're about to draw, but after that, you never see the thing again, you never reference the original source material again. It's completely from memory now. You're going to forget some parts, you're going to add on new parts, you're going to explore new ideas, you're subconsciously going to be influenced by the media and content you consume, which tends to change over the years. Your drawings will likely start to resemble the source material less and less.

And every once in a while, you may catch a glance at the thing you've been drawing from memory, and you get a refresher as to what it actually looks like. And maybe from then on you'll draw it more accurately to the source material. Or maybe you'll ignore it, and continue drawing the thing your way, because you've come to like the changes and additions you've applied to it over the months.

Or, you'll see someone else draw the thing in a different but intriguing way, a stylised way, and you find yourself adopting aspects of how they drew the thing in the intriguing and stylised way. You'll adopt the way they make things more angular and rough. Or the way they crosshatch meticulously to indicate shadow. Although these changes seem minute and insignificant, they add up, and eventually you are left with something entirely unique to what your source material is.

And I think that's what's happened with our beloved bushman. He has undergone so many interpretations simply because of the sheer size and age of tf2. And there are eras to it all, and the most common fanon depictions is often dependent of where you consume your tf2 content from; whether its from tumblr, twitter, deviantart, instagram, reddit, or the game and the steam community itself.

Not all artists use references in the same way as eachother. Some do browse the tf2 wiki and refer to the comics in order to get as accurate of a depiction as possible. But some use other peoples' depictions as references. And maybe there's a popular fic that many people read, or a drawing that many people saw, that influenced other artists to also borrow and use and base their own drawings and writings off of.

Shy reclusive clutz who doesn't know squat about intimacy or how to People is simply a popular trope, and having Sniper be all of that clashes in a funny way with his professionalism in a way that a lot if people enjoy. Like, you're telling me this worldly survivalist assassin, man who has slept in the corpse of water buffalo tougher than all of us, happens to also be a pathetic wet cat of a human being who can't sustain basic conversation without being irked by the Anxieties? This man, who will shag you silly, unflinchingly and confidently, but when you wake up the next morning in his bed he's as red as a robin and stuttering about clean clothes? That's silly. That's amusing. I can see why it's popular to make him like that.

Of course, there's nothing wrong with fanon or ones own interpretation of a character. There's nothing wrong with adhering to canon as closely as possible. If someone claims Sniper as their wife and makes that their own fanon, so be it. We can all coexist. Mmmmyeah.

Ok thank you for reading this thumbsup

Good morning!

(And I don't think you sound like a pretentious cunt. It gives me "theorising over cigars and Scotch with old English bloke in a 1930s smoking room" vibes. I like it!)

I try to keep as canon-compliant as possible. Sniper is confirmed to be a former hunter of dangerous game turned assassin, and he's shown drinking his coffee black, the rest is merely speculation both on his canon characterisation and my own experiences and assumptions on my life. I rarely comment/speculate on the canon incarnation of a character for this reason. On this blog for example Sniper is Sniper and Mundy is Mundy. My characterisation and interpretation of him is Mundy, if I say Sniper I'm referring to him as he's depicted in canon.

Also I don't think he smokes hooch because, again from my own experiences, bushmen develop a very delicate sense of smell and the smell of hooch is overwhelming and disgusting to me. Smell like decomposition in a way.

And I do think a lot of the mischaracterisation issue is because of people not consuming everything they can from the fandom. The comics teach you that Sniper can be cold and bloody calculated, that he always felt like an "other" growing up, that he has no qualms walking about in the nuddy when he's on the hunt, that he treasures his family and seeks his parents' approval over everything, and that his mantra of "be professional" is sometimes taken to the extreme, for example when he's raised from the dead and his first thought of all things is "Being dead's the longest holiday I ever took. Time to get back to work."

Fanon often infects people's interpretation of canon characters. I see it a lot with Pyro, where he's always chipper and upbeat and uwu soft boy and never goes absolutely apeshit like we see in his very own Meet the Pyro video or even the comics (The Bear Scene, cutting off Soldier's hand, burning Ross and Greg alive).

I reckon a part of that is why my characterisation is good? That makes me sound like I have tickets on myself, but I was told once that I have one of the best characterisations of him a reader's ever seen and I will carry that compliment until the day I die, damn it! I was never involved in the fandom until I started writing. And I came here to kind of promote the fic I guess? I never consumed fandom content outside of art, and I don't usually gravitate toward "domestic" art but instead the mercs in action as mercs. My interpretation of him is strictly from what I've seen in canon (be it in-game dialogue and items, the Meet the Team videos, Expiration Date, the comics, the Sniper vs Spy update, etc). I never really consumed "fandom" media and I can't count how often my immediate response to something is "Canon Sniper would not say that."

But I keep my mouth shut about it, and I move on. There's no point in arguing, especially over something so petty.

I think he can still be anxious and professional, especially since I'm anxious and professional. I get nervous when people approach me, but I don't get red in the face or flustered or stutter. I mask and keep it under wraps because I have a certain image I have to uphold in the name of professionalism. No one will hire someone who's a fumbling, stumbling mess. They want someone bold. Sniper wouldn't have gotten any clients if he was actually the way he's often depicted in fandom. He can hold a conversation, but he can also be made more and more uncomfortable the longer it continues on. It's a careful balance and something he'd suffer through for the sake of professionalism until he couldn't take it anymore and politely excused himself.

And he'd never do it with a client.

And yes, he's absolutely the type to be keen on a confident root and then be a mess the next morning because he usually leaves before his partner wakes up and now he has no idea how to handle the Aftermath.

And I reckon a lot of it is also my own experiences? I'm a bushman who lives in the Australian Outback like Sniper, and a hunter of dangerous game, like Sniper. One of the last, really, and I reckon a part of me does feel I have a sort of... authority, I guess, on certain aspects his characterisation? On what this kind of life does to you and makes you feel as a person, of how it changes the way you act and think. Maybe that's why I write him the way I do? I relate to him as a character better than most can, I suppose.

And sometimes I even take offence to certain assumptions about him, especially ones that aren't really thought through in fanon? Like the idea he smells like piss, or he's always dirty. Sure, there's some dirt and dried blood on my clothes, but I wash up every day because hygiene is very important out here. Maybe the reason I'm so stingy about his depiction in fandom is because I'm a lot like him. I don't want people saying I'm a dirty bushman or that I smell like piss because I don't.

I suppose it just hurts sometimes to see people's interpretation of what Sniper must be like and see that reflected onto me because I'm so much like him. I'm not shy, I'm introverted. I don't panic when someone approaches me, but I do get a little nervous until I know what they want. I'm strong and capable and I wouldn't have survived this long out here if I weren't. I'm level-headed. I'm quiet, because that's what the job requires. When you're alone long enough, eventually you just stop talking entirely.

People talk about representation a lot and I've never once felt "represented" until I found out about Sniper. There's I suppose a mild exception for Crocodile Dundee, but he's largely made out to be a buffoon and doesn't really get to show off his actual bushman knowledge until the second movie. Sniper is the first character I've actually felt represented by and "clicked" with who's been treated seriously by his own creator, and I enjoy that. I'm used to being the butt of a joke (bogan, short, etc) but with Sniper? He's respected as a hitman, as an assassin, as a hunter. I envy that respect that other characters in canon show him.

But I don't typically comment on things I think people get intrinsically wrong since I feel like an arsehole doing it. I just judge silently.

[jinxedshapeshifter]

i might end up making a side blog dedicated to the good doctor

anyway here are a few reasons i love it so much.

yes the autism representation is good. there are some incredibly subtle representations of autism that are represented that aren't brought up even in autism centric spaces much and that fact makes me incredibly happy (for example, i don't see a lot of discussion about shutdowns, but as someone who experiences shutdowns more than meltdowns, seeing an autistic character shutdown because he's overstimulated, then see another character refer to it as "falling apart" made me feel represented because it can feel like you're falling apart, and from the outside, it looks like you're falling apart). like at the very least i feel represented.

i swear to god lea has adhd. shaun and lea give me audhd couple vibes and i love it. at the absolute least, lea is definitely not neurotypical.

the good doctor made me want to pursue a medical career again. not just "oh, something like bioengineering where i'd be working in the medical field would be super fun!!" no. i want to get a bachelor's in biology, go to medical school, and do a residency in either neurology or surgery (possibly something else, i'm not entirely sure yet). if i can get some structure in my life and find a place to live in salt lake city (where they have a university that doubles as a med school and a teaching/research hospital) i can absolutely start the journey to being a doctor at an actual hospital as soon as next fall.

im learning about actual conditions i didnt know about. did you know theres a real congenital deformity of the spinal cord that leads to your spinal cord being split in half at a certain point, leading to what basically results in two functional spinal cords? or that your heart can develop outside the ribcage, and protrude outside the chest? or that just getting a surgery, no matter how sterile the operating room and surgical tools are, can give you sepsis, because cutting you open can leave you vulnerable to bacteria regardless of sterility of the surgical environment due to the bacteria inside your body (risk goes up depending on the surgery; for example, your risk for sepsis goes up if you get surgery on your intestines for obvious reasons)?

theres what i perceive to be a realistic balance between personal experience/empathy and objective medical knowledge when it comes to the doctors in the good doctor. for example, morgan not wanting to fuck up a patient's chances of playing violin in the future, and this resulting in the patient's arm getting amputated. on the other hand, shaun's objectiveness means in that same situation, he was trying to convince morgan to do testing, something she was hesitant to do. i think that experience helped morgan find a middle ground between being empathetic and being practical about what tests and such she needs to do in the future; as melendez tells her, one day, she will kill a patient. all doctors eventually do; mistakes are made, surgical errors are made, signs and symptoms are missed, things get misdiagnosed, and a patient dies. i feel like that's a very grim reality in medicine that people don't like to acknowledge (especially people who practice medicine) and adds some realism to the good doctor that isn't seen much in shows centered around anything medical. it's something i'll have to accept if i do decide to go into medicine. yes, the goal is to save people; but i can't save everyone, and in my career i will almost be guaranteed to make mistakes that result in someone dying. the earlier i can accept that (before residency is best), the better off i'll be as a doctor, no matter what specialty i decide to go into.

most of shaun's colleagues are super accommodating when it comes to shaun's autism. it's just a detail i appreciate. they also figure out what helps him out of meltdowns/shutdowns fairly fast, which is another thing i can appreciate.

[sailorasyuri]

WHY IS AUTISM A FILTHY WORD IN MEDIA?

Growing up I didn’t see autistic people like me within the media I consumed. As a child the only time I felt like I could relate to characters in tv, and movies was when they were either the social outcasts, the ones with the high social compass or the ones who had some sort of double identity. Seeing these kinds of characters in the media I consumed as a child would make me feel as though other people could see me but as I got a bit older, I started to realise something.

Once my parents started to expose me to the popular adult shows of the mid 2000s early 2010s, I would notice that some of these characters would have other traits that I could either see in myself or other autistic people around me. Things like seeing characters who were overly blunt in their social interactions, taking things too literally or finding it hard to make friends. That’s when I would realise, they are autistic just like me, but it was never actually mentioned that they were autistic despite how obvious it was. Now having access to the internet, I know that I wasn’t the only one who could see this and that there’s a term for this. Autistic-coded characters is when you see a character that it is so obvious that they are autistic they must be autistic. Whilst I think it’s cool that we have a word for this I can’t help but feel a little annoyed that we have to have a word for something like this.

Within the past there has been a big move to embrace who you are but that seems to stop when it comes to Autistic people. Maybe it’s because we are not built for a neuro-typical world but even so why aren’t we seeing outwardly Autistic characters in and across mainstream media?

One of the first Autistic coded characters I remember seeing is Doctor Temperance Brenan from the American crime tv show “Bones.” During its run there was a lot of speculation both within the Autism community and outside the Autism Community if Bones was supposed to be Autistic or not.

Despite the show going on for 12 seasons this was never properly addressed within the show. It was later revealed that the reason why her being Autistic was not mentioned was due to the fact the creators of the show believed no one would be interested in that. You read that correctly, the reason why we never got to see Dr Temperance Brenan identify as autistic is because the creators of the show believed that no one would want to see an accomplished, hardworking, intelligent woman who fights crime by using science that she also happens to be autistic. I should probably add that this school of thought was going through the writer’s head whilst, towards the end of the series, they portrayed one of the characters as a paraplegic because of an accident. Whilst “Bones,” finished up in 2017 and is quite well-loved within autistic community due to how well autism was shown it also comes with its issues. Many non-Autistics, who followed Dr Temperance would take the autistic traits we would see in her, idolise the traits and at times they would find it “Quirky,” or “Cute.” Unfortunately, this is still a thing that happens with Autistic coded characters.

With the recent Netflix adaption of “Wednesday,” we saw Wednesday Addams from the Addams family adapted for a 2022 audience. Wednesday for as long as I can remember has been somewhat of a kindred spirt for autistic people. This is thanks to her bluntness and difficulties around understanding social situations. These same traits were seen in the 2022 adaptation which resulted in an influx of people idolising Wednesday for her autistic traits. A lot of autistics including myself were happy to see this show as we felt like how Wednesday was portrayed in the Netflix series was relatable to autistics however, like with “Bones,” many Autistics were seeing non-Autistic people celebrating the traits that they see on Wednesday as “Quirky,” or “Cute.” But when Autistics were to bring up that we could see ourselves in this character there would be massive backlash.

Having characters that are Cleary autistic within the media but is never actually mentioned is affecting autistics and we need to stop this within the media.

Having tv shows and movies that are set-in modern-day settings that show autistic coded characters who are never directly identified as autistic is showing us that we are only to be

partly seen within the media and that neurotypical people only want us during our “cute” or “Quirky” times. Our stories are just as valid as non-autistic people’s stories, we deserve to have our stories correctly shown with mainstream media, this includes having identified autistic characters. Whilst we are starting to see some improvement in seeing autistic stories being told in media such as seen in the Australian teen drama “Heartbreak high.” We need to see more identified autistic characters in media, that show us in a diverse number of ways just like we are in real life. Whilst there is a time and place to use autistic coded characters in parts of the media like in period pieces or following a character who is undiagnosed and then gets diagnosed. Autistics deserve to see character’s that are not just like us but are acknowledged as being just like us especially when we are in an era of embracing who we are. It’s time the media stopped treating autism like as a taboo word and started embracing us.

[cazort]

This is such a great post and I want more people to read it. You articulate a lot of things that I've experienced, better than I've been able to.

I want to add one thing, which is that, under the guise of "many feminist men have no friends", I am nonbinary but was living closeted, as male, for most of my life and still am often seen as such. And some people, including both women and "feminist" men, can be really, really nasty to me when I express even the slightest disagreement with something that they have framed in feminist language, even if the sentiment itself is deeply regressive.

Examples include:

(a) disagreeing or speaking out against statements like "men are scum" or "men or trash"

(b) disagreeing with or speaking out against other negative overgeneralizations about men

(c) disagreeing with statements or defending men when a woman makes a remark that reads negative intent in his action, even in cases where I know the man and know that that was not his intent.

Some examples of this reading of negative intent include:

(1) people thinking a man is coming from a place of misogyny because he is intimidated by a woman (i.e. they assume he is intimidated by her intelligence and want women to be "dumb" or intimidated by her assertiveness and want women to be passive, but in reality the man is intimidated because the woman wields a great deal more social power than the man, i.e. often it's a woman of high socioeconomic status, or a woman who is well-connected in a subculture, and the man is of a lower socioeconomic status and/or is an outsider in the specific subculture, so the women are shaming men for perceived "misogyny" when in reality the women are actually acting out classism towards the man.

(2) a man oversteps a boundary of a woman in a way that she feels uncomfortable with, it could be something like how he looks at her, something he says to her, or a way he touches her. the woman assumes the intent was to make the woman uncomfortable and/or exert power over her. but in reality the man never wanted to make her uncomfortable and he would have never done what he did had he known the woman would have reacted negatively. the actual cause of the overstepping of boundaries can be diverse, it could be autism leading to poor reading of social norms or cues, cultural differences leading to different social expectations and norms, or just individual preferences (the man has had most women before like or respond well to the behavior, and this woman is just different), or it could be social anxiety (the man is anxious and is "lost in his head" and in doing so, overlooks or misreads social cues the woman thinks are obvious), and here's the most aggravating thing, often the woman is intentionally withholding any verbal or even nonverbal expressing of boundaries, like trying to act "nice" and "polite" either intentionally or unintentionally because women are often socialized that way in our society.

These sorts of things happen frequently, but I've noticed that it's totally taboo for men (or rather, anyone perceived as men) to challenge them. When I have done this, I've often gotten a disproportionate amount of hostility directed at me. I have people use harsh negative language, like calling me a "potential rapist" or a "rape apologist" if I say something very mild or gentle like: "Do you think there could have been any cultural differences that led this man to act the way he did?" or "Are you sure that he was able to accurately read your cues and that he didn't just accidentally misread you?" And when I say things like: "Did you try expressing the boundary to him verbally?" people practically explode at me, escalating to language talking about violence, like talking about being afraid of the man killing her, things like that, and then implying that I want women to get murdered and condemning me for it.

It's absolute batshit the way people can react.

So it's not just right-wing circles that can be hostile to men, it's a lot of left-wing circles as well.

Thankfully, I've found great social circles where my friends aren't like this. But it's a serious problem and I want people talking about it.

Thank you for your post!

If your vision for the deradicalization of right-wing men begins and ends with "other men telling them that that's gross and to stop it" then I'm sorry, you do not understand how masculinity works.

"Men who hold patriarchal status" and "men who are feminists" are two groups who overlap less than you want them to. I'm sorry. That's not solely because men are so happy with patriarchal status that they don't want to risk it by policing misogyny/queerphobia/racism, It's because being misogynistic, queerphobic, and racist, end expressing other forms of toxic masculinity(and often abusively so) are part of how people establish and maintain patriarchal status. The men who have the ability to stop this via nothing but peer pressure are the very people who are doing it. That's by design. And engaging in feminist intervention is, in and of itself, usually the abrupt end of that status and its associated power to persuade misogynistic men.

Like, I have worked in blue collar jobs as a notably queer person. It was pretty much a constant deluge of verbal abuse. In my experience, most blue collar work environments are exploitative, abusive, and bigoted, and very gleefully so. On the occasions I have spoken up about someone saying something that was super fucking out of line (asking me which of the girls walking by was hottest. We were installing a portable classroom at a middle school), believe it or not, they completely failed to be shamed! Because nobody else on the crew gave a fuck. *I* was the weird one. They ghosted me. A full blown company ghosted me. I suddenly didn't have a job anymore because they just straightforwardly stopped telling me where the next job site was.

Like, this doesn't mean that it's your job to do it, but this vision you have of these big groups of men where everyone is on the fence and there is precisely one shit stirrer who can be shut down by a brave feminist man who can single handedly set the example for all these other guys...you are high. You are describing an "everybody clapped" level absurd scenario. Most of these truly virulent misogynistic guys either have zero friends, because, you know, our society is atomized to fuck, or they are in a group where the feminist guy is actually the weirdo who can be shut down and ostracized much, much easier than the misogynists, because there is no such thing as a man misogynists respect who stands up for women.

You might be saying "well, we're talking about longstanding personal relationships, actually. Like, they need to have to want to spend time with you and then, as a side effect, you can mind control them out of being a threat to us."

Problem with that being:

1: Many feminist men also have no friends, see the atomized society above.

2: Feminist men already stopped hanging out with men who make rape jokes because why the fuck would we want to spend time with them.

3: That isn't just because we respect women so hard. We are in many cases talking about men who are also deeply queerphobic, heirarchical, violent and abusive to other men. What initially drew me to feminism and women was a lack of heirarchical squabbling and constant bullying, and the ability to be openly queer. A lot of men who came to feminism did so because they knew that the patriarchy was not a place they would find success or acceptance. These are not the men who are gonna be able to change right wing minds.

4. Men do not view themselves as a monolith. There is no universal brotherhood of men. The actual meaning of the term "Fragile masculinity" is that men are constantly expected to prove that they are deserving of the status of being a member of their own gender. There are large swathes of men--including most of the men who you'd look to as examples of good, feminist men who you want to undertake this project--who are considered failed men, sissies, f****ts, soyboys, ect. They are. Not. Going. To. Convince. These. Men. Of. Jack. Shit. Much less successfully *shame* them. Jesus.

I know all of this sucks. I know it would be cool to be able to just point at a group and have them be responsible for the work. But nah. It's gonna have to be a societal project, one that will probably outlast all of us. Sorry. The thing you want these men to do is, absolutely, the morally correct thing to do. But presuming that it would be effective is, and once again I am so sorry about this, just ignorance of how these social groups function.

[brokenmachinemusings]

Pmmm x alnst anon here lolllllz. I think I can kinda explain that what I think about who would be who. Warning that it's long. Here we go.

Ok sooo obviously mizisua is madohomu but it's a little hard to decide who would be madoka and who would be homura for a number of reasons. Apon first looks you might think that sua would be madoka and mizi would be homura because of the whole sacrificing thing+ that one piece of angel sua devil mizi official art buuuuuuut if you look deeper you'll realize that it doesn't really fit: the most noticable part is that mizi has pink hair and sua has black hair+ purple eyes . Mizis whole thing is that she was unaware of her worlds dark nature until her gf died which kindaaaaa defeats the whole thing about homura as opposed to sua who was generally always kinda sad because she knew what was gonna happen if she lost which isn't really something like madoka??? (Also. Mizi is shown to have a generally supportive alien family while sua is shown to have a neglectful one which kinda contracts the thing about homura basically being a Catholic orphan and madoka being the only character in the show to have a supportive AND alive family. Idk if you get it but yeah) anyways I still decided that mizi would be homura and sua would be madoka because of some other reasons but. Yeah. You kinda understand

Next up is ivantill kyosaya. While I can understand why you're not a big fan of kyosaya I actually think that they fit ivantill perfectly (sorta) because it's kinda obvious who would be who here: kyoko would be Till because of her overall aggressive nature BUUUUUT also because till crushing on mizi would kinda also fit homuras and kyokos relationship since kyoko is basically the only person that homura can always trust. sayaka would be Ivan because of the whole "longing for someone who doesn't love you back" thing+ some other reasons (thought Ivan sayaka having beef with sua madoka while being close friends with mizi homura doesn't. Rlly make sense so) Ivan being fated to death could also kinda add up the fact that sayaka witched out every time she became a magical girl. I think you kinda understand why

Sooo Mami is Luka for a number of reasons: both have a reasonable amount of yellow in their designs, both are (physically) the eldest of their groups both are kindaaaaa insane ect ect. It's also fitting because Luka being the "king" of the stage could also add up the thing about Mami being an experienced magical girl and being WAYYY too much in the whole thing. R5 could also be a parallel to the Mami vs homura gun fight (specifically the part where mizi beats the tar out of Luka) . The ONE difference between these 2 is that Mami genuinely feels remorse lol

Anddddd last but not least (drumrolllllllll).... Hitomi as Hyuna. YES I know this seems strange but I actually have multiple reasons to believe why this sorta fits??? First of all Hitomi never becomes a magical girl no matter what which kinda fits hyunas rebel thing. Also iirc Hitomi had a crush on homura in one of the timelines???? Which could kinda add up to the thing about Hyuna rescuing mizi In r5. I guess Issac and Dewey could be those 2 friends of madoka from the first episode but idk. Also since Hitomi doesn't rlly have any association with Mami Hyuluka is cut up from this au LOLLLLLL.

sorry If this seems stupid I stayed up late writing this because autism made me

interesting…! i am listening anon. i personally have some different beliefs but i generally agree

i also think that it’d be best to kind of put the pmmm characters in base-shapes of the alnst characters, BUT let them flourish from there. does that make sense?

i personally think madoka would be in mizi’s place, but i think madoka would be the one to die. and they’re not exactly the same characters, either; just similar enough? homura could be sua and live on and only feel anger at everything and everyone (after madoka dies, anyway). well, at least that’s how it’d work with a first or early-timeline homura. if it’s a homura from the later timelines, she would probably try to sacrifice herself, except madoka would still end up losing maybe? the scores are unfair sometimes

ACTUALLY i think that sayaka would be in till’s shoes (with a crush on madoka, or maybe even kyousuke if he’s in this au, and he possibly dies or something, and then sayaka herself despairs) while kyouko would be in ivan’s shoes (longing for sayaka). or maybe the other way around, like you said, just that the relationship dynamics are a bit different? does that make sense on my part? hmmm the more i think about it the more i want to switch them. that’s also the problem with constraining characters specifically but if you’d like i / we can work on this au to develop the characters and relationships more 👍

i’m glad u also see the mami luka thing tho!!! i definitely 100% agree there

i’m not entirely sure about hitomi hyuna but i’m willing to agree with u for now!!!

a big question tho is nagisa. bc she’s beloved by most of the fandom (albeit… in my opinion she is a little bit forgettable. forgive me, nagisa)

and don’t worry it’s not stupid!!!! if no one else indulges u i will. love listening to weirdass rambles even if i might have a different opinion

[catgirlforeskin]

I always find games that try to simulate people or society very interesting because, though all games reflect the beliefs of their creators to some degree, the only thing these simulators are is a reflection of someone or a team’s ideas about how people and the world work.

In Call of Duty, there’s still the obvious thumbprint of ideology, there’s the reason you always play as NATO forces and never against, but the main thing the game wants to simulate is guns, how they look and sound and feel, and that’s fairly cut-and-dry. But when your core simulation is an economy, or city infrastructure, or interpersonal relationships, you don’t get that.

The game I’m most interested in with this is Rimworld, in large part because it’s mostly a one-person project, and it’s on a more intimate level than something like Cities: Skyline. It also has an expansion called “Ideology” where every faction now has an intricate belief system (where you can also customize your own) where it’s fairly obvious that the creator has, at best, weird ideas about how governance and gender and sexuality and bigotry work.

And while there’s been writing on that already, what I really want to talk about is how this reflection doesn’t go one way, because the game has a huge modding scene that’s extremely accessible, and while many mods are quality of life features or just silly additions, a lot are active disagreements with the way the game constructs people and society, whether it’s overhauling how mental illness is coded, or how relationships form, or trying to add the ability to be trans and non-binary

And then these mods are often in conversation with each other, either building off of each other or outright competing, because even the most well-meaning additions still have to contend with the fact that translating the human experience into code is never going to go perfectly.

For example, I don’t use the biggest mod that adds trans people to the game, even though I obviously want us there, because the way it systemizes dysphoria and what transition means is in total conflict with my experiences.

A lot of the mods that add/change mental illness or disorders end up very imperfect, but there’s one mod’s version of autism that I love because, in addition to the basic stuff like “this character gets stressed by large groups or people trying to talk to her too often,” it also makes it so the character just straight up follow orders you give her, and she’ll get mad that you had the audacity to try disrupting her routine. She might do it later when she finishes her other tasks, or she might just never do it. I based a character on my wife and her little person hates the feeling of a rifle slung over her shoulder and will only pick up her gun when she absolutely needs it. She also won’t wear her proper helmet and instead wears a shittier one because she likes how it looks more.

And sure, the mod isn’t perfect, no effort to take the complexity of a person and simplify it into code can be, but to everyone who has ever had a game try to define you out of existence and fought back, I love you. Whether it’s the trans woman who dubbed over all of Jedi: Fallen Order because EA didn’t care enough to put women in, or my friend that I spent hours with figuring out how to replace all our soldiers in some indie rts game with women, or the countless modders for the Sims and Rimworld and every other game that simulates people who tried to make people who felt truer to themselves and those they loved, and everyone inbetween, I love you. I love you, and I’m glad I’m not alone in that fight

[seeingteacupsindragons]

YuuMori has a lot of villains (it’s, y’know, about the villains). YuuMori has a lot of characters with mental illnesses and neurodivergences.

Most of the time when you see this combo, well. Mental health issues have a pretty strong stigma.  Usually the reason they’re evil. Something’s just wrong with them, and their mental health and inability to fit into society is another sign and symptom of it.

And yet, in YuuMori, we have these characters who call themselves demons, who are actively, intentionally, the villains of their story­—and their mental health issues are not one of their sins. They do not add to their villainy.

So Albert is obsessive-compulsive. Whether it’s OCD or OCPD can be argued, maybe (although I lean toward OCPD, myself), but he is in fact seriously mentally ill, desperate enough because of it to commit murder. Personality disorders especially are hard to treat, in part because they’re so ingrained into a person. Someone with generalized anxiety might see their anxiety as separate from themselves, but personality disorders are harder to distinguish that way—and it’s part of what makes them so easy to demonize, even more than most others.

But Albert’s? Instead of making his mind looked warped and twisted, his very soul seeming wrong, his reasoning makes more sense now than it ever did before. This was a boy desperate for relief from constant discomfort, from the dissonance between how he knew this should be, how he’d been taught things were meant to be, and how they so obviously were. And it’s very obvious that he is suffering from something outside himself. He is not suffering because he is evil and his soul is wrong. He was suffering before he’d done anything wrong at all.

His discomfort was one of the most rawly emotional moments he’s ever had: Albert is usually quite cool and collected, sometimes angry, sometimes smug, but he has typically felt quite distant, even on the rare moments his internal thoughts are shown. His mental health issues, his suicidal ideation, his OCD? Those were not villainous, not cool, not collected, not careful. Those were human and desperate and fragile.

And while autism is not a mental illness, in this case it performs a similar function for William. He and Albert both have brains screaming at them constantly because that’s not right. That’s not Just. That’s not the way things should be. That doesn’t follow the rules. This can bring people with obsessive-compulsion disorder to their knees and claw their own skin open. It can bring autistic people to wordless shutdowns. It brought Albert the brink of suicide and William to murder.

They are in agony. Unless they fix the wrongness. And they have tried, so many ways, to fix it, and so many of those ways have fail.

William’s guilt may also be agony, but he’s choosing between two different forms of torment. And he thinks one helps others. Not much of a decision, that, not for someone with a soul and a heart, someone who burns so hot with love and hate that he has to turn it into something.

William’s depression, his mental illness, the way his brain doesn’t conform to society, his guilt, his understanding of his own misdeeds is so deep and his self-image so wholly negative, compared how virtually every other character in this series, even John, who barely knows him sees him, and especially compared to how the audience who adores him so much they overwhelmingly voted him their favorite character sees him.

We know he knows what he did was horrible. We are confronted with it constantly. And we are inclined to forgive him even when he might not, because we know despite it all, he has a solid moral center, a good core, the moral understanding of right from wrong. His depression is so all-consuming how could he not? Those things cause his depression.

Albert and William are the focal point of the villainy of the story in many ways: the two who started everything. The two who birthed James Moriarty, Lord of Crime. But while Albert and William may have started everything, they are not the only two with mental health issues.

Louis has always been quite stable. Anxious, to be sure, type A, very high strung. But not really mentally ill—everything he was ever anxious about was entirely reasonable (of course, I have an anxiety disorder myself, so my evaluation of that might be off—but still, worried Sherlock might ruin William’s plan, might lead to his death, might ruin something, worrying about William’s death, worrying about Milverton? All entirely reasonable, thank you). Informed by trauma, surely, but not necessarily mentally ill.

Moran, though? Louis’s behavior is informed by trauma, but Moran’s is poisoned by it.  That double-dose PTSD not only from the war, but from his actions in The Final Problem tore him apart, and we saw it tear him apart. His PTSD pushed him into crime the same way William and Albert’s mental health did.

When Moran first gets his character focus, when his personality and character is delved into properly, it’s to show his trauma and mental health issues. His character is deepened, given structure and reasoning and understand, by showing us his mental illness, the way Albert just was in chapter 62. The way William’s has been for several arcs now with his depression.

I find Moran particularly interesting, because he’s not the only character with Shell Shock: John is also a veteran, and has a psychogenic illness from his time at war. When you take those two, loyal bosom friends of William and Sherlock, who are also set to contrast and parallel each other, down to their mental health issues and neurodivergencies, it becomes very apparent how differently the two teams have portrayals of their illness. Of course, John’s not a villain. Sherlock, for all that he can commit horrible acts, is not a villain.

But Sherlock suffers from bouts of listlessness and gloom just as William does—and he hides it even less. He doesn’t quite manifest as traditional depression the way William does—it really reads more like manic depression—but Moran and John’s PTSD doesn’t manifest the same way either. And Moran’s physical disability rooted in something more concretely physical than John’s and his struggle much more debilitating. The way he suffered pushed him to do worse things than John ever felt pushed into.

But suffering, like it did with Albert and William, makes us feel closer to him. It makes them these powerful men who call themselves devils vulnerable.

Human.

[whysodelirious08]

He ain't like the rest

- A Eddie Munson x OC Danny (Autistic) short story

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Pairing: Eddie Munson x OC Danny (Autistic)

Summary: a cute friendship with some angst and a twist.

Genre: Fluff, angst, minor friendly

TW: Swearing, Slurs (retard), autism.

Word Count: 3k

A/N: Hi! Hope you like this little story. As always I can add onto this story with another part. Just wanted to show some Autism Visibility for those who don't see it very often. I can make a E.M x Autistic Reader if you guys want.

(Please comment if you liked it! I'd really appreciate feedback. As well as any interaction with this post it's appreciated!)

_____

Danny POV:

"Yo Danny! Wait up!" Daniel heard as he started toward the woods. A heady set of footsteps behind him before he saw the white shoes next to his own. His eyes were on the ground, almost always when he was walking. Unless he was totally alone, he rarely looked up unless he needed to; for crossing the road and such.

"Hey-" the metal head said slightly out of breath from having to jog over. He spoke to Danny normally though knew to expect no vocal reply. The two had known each other for years yet no one knew that, Danny was home-schooled while Eddie studied at Hawkins High. The two never hung out in town either; no shops, no busy places, no where anyone would recognised Eddie. DNny just stayed to the woods, the long forgotten playground and his own house. The places where no one ever was. Other than his family and sometimes Eddie; like in this instance.

"It's been a while. Thought you had left town or somethin" Eddie commented as he followed Danny through the set of trees where a path was starting for form after Danny's daily visits. Danny looked over only for a second, only enough to show he was listening before he carried on. He hummed in response, a rare thing.

"So uh- did you get all your exam shit done? Heard you had to go into school to sit it. Must've been tough. All that noise and people expecting you to actually talk" Eddie chuckled and Danny nodded in agreement to all of what was stated. You see, Eddie did the talking, Danny listened and nodded. That's how it always had been.

Danny hated crowds, noise, new things which included unfamiliar food and drink, he dislikes too many lights, the buzzing from the fridge which he could hear from his bedroom. He struggled to understand social queues and sometimes sarcasm, he couldn't get his head around unsaid rules and unspoken agreements. He needed things to be stated, made obvious. For instructions even if it was something others could just know to do or took initiative to do. He couldn't. If someone needed Danny to do something, they'd need to spell it out or else he wouldn't do it or stand there like a lemon. Eddie knew all this. Eddie was the only one who accepted Danny and his quirks, who tried to understand him. This included Danny's parents, they and Eddie were the only ones who knew Danny.

"What's today adventure? Trolls? Elves? Dragons? Oh! Maybe...werewolves?" Eddie suggested, his hands moving whimsically as he smiled, trying to guess what Danny was up to this time. Danny shook his head and stopped, moving to pull a large book out from his backpack, a bird book with lots of tags where Danny had been researching, clearly a new interest taking over his life.

"Birds? No mystical adventure today? Shame! I needed some inspiration for a campaign" Eddie chuckled before looking over Danny's shoulder while Danny pointed to a bird he was searching for which would explain the binoculars that hung around his neck.

"Here. Lemme try and find it!" Eddie said and took the binoculars off Danny and held them to his eyes every now and then while they walked. Once spotted he flapped a hand around to try and find Danny and get their attention before handing them the bonus to see.

"Finally! I thought we wouldn't find it!" Eddie explained and watched as Danny pulled away from the boot that Eddie was holding, bouncing a little while humming quite loudly, clearly very happy at Eddie's find. Eddie wouldn't admit it but he lived for the moments he saw Danny like this, happy in his own kind of way. Happy in a way that others usually called him weird for. The bouncing, the hand flapping, the happy hums and squels. Those noises were the most vocal responses anyone would get from Danny.

The day carried on like that. One bird, one rock, one leaf find after another. One happy sound after another, Eddie didn't mind spending his days like this when he was able to hunt Danny down. Usually Danny walked the woods for hours, deep into the woods that most wouldn't even dare to go but Eddie was always fascinated by how well Danny knew the place. After heading back to Danny's, the two found comfort in cups of hot chocolate and some old documentary Danny loved. Of course Eddie had seen this same documentary nearly twenty times before but watching the same things over and over again was comforting for Danny which Eddie understood.

They were at home for no more than an hour before Danny's mother walked through the door, coming home from work, her hair a tangled mess and her face showed how tired she was but she still smiled upon seeing the two boys cosied up on the couch like they had always done since they were kids.

Eddie POV:

"Evening boys. Eddie, good to see you again. Come, we need to chat. Tell me how you've been" Mary smiled softly, something Eddie found comfort in. Mary was the comforting female figure he had so needed as a child, she took him in like her own whenever he came over to hang out with Danny, something he was forever thankful for. Eddie watched from the couch as she placed her bag on the counter and shrugged her coat off, bringing the cool October air in with her. Eddie pulled himself up and moved into the kitchen which was open plan and attached to the living room. He emptied the last of the hot chocolate into the sink and washed it away as well as the cup before setting it aside.

"It's been alright, I guess. I'm gunna graduate this year so I've been tryin to get good grades. Who knows knew school was so hard" he laughed as he looked in the cupboards but ended up just pulling some soup out and a pan, emptying the contents out and adding some water since it was a concentrated soup.

"Oh love, you don't have to do that for me. I can do it. And if you're struggling just ask Danny, he's got load of experience. He's much better than me at all the subjects. He doesn't even need a tutor anymore. Thank god" she smiled, saying "thank god" under her breath so Danny didn't hear. It was saving them a fortune to not have a tutor since Danny was pretty good at most subjects when left to work it out in his own way. Eddie shook his head, continuing to sort dinner out for her.

"It's the least I can do after how you've helped me out over the years, Mrs P" Eddie smiled and stirred the soup while the bread was toasting.

"Well it was the least I could have done after you looked after Danny for me. You know what the other kids are like. Even now" she sighed a little and lit up a cigarette, taking a long drag followed by a small sigh of relief.

"Yeah…yeah." Eddie knew. Eddie knew all too well how mean the other kids were, to Danny. To himself. Eddie was the freak of Hawkins High. He was just thankful they didn't look into Danny too much. Everyone in town knew who Danny was, they just never saw him. Danny was the retarded kid and the only child of Mary and James Pennington. He hated that word, especially agaisnt Danny because Danny was one of the smartest people Eddie knew. Maybe not in social skills but hell, if you needed something fixed, Danny could figure it out. With that said, James was never home. Danny's father worked away a lot on the fishing boat, he was gone most parts of the year and despite their distant relationship, James and Danny had a close bond.

"Hey…I know the kids aren't exactly nice to you either. You know I'm always here or you can come see me at work if it's urgent and you can't get ahold of your uncle. You have me. And Danny. And James when he's in town. Don't forget to ask us when you need to." Mary comforted with a rub on Eddie's back while Eddie just nodded and gave a weak smile, moving to dish the soup and toast up.

"Here…I should get going. My uncle tends to worry" Eddie smiled, giving a quick hug before heading over to Danny and kneeling down, knowing Danny wouldn't look at him.

"Hey…I'm off dude. Maybe you can he brave and we can go get some Halloween costumes tomorrow. We don't have to go anywhere but I think dressing up for some pictures would be great, yeah?" Eddie smiled, his hand on Danny's lower leg, them being crossed. Danny merely nodded and smiled, he liked being involved and Eddie tried which Danny appreciated. Eddie moved away and grabbed one of the spare coats from the closet since it was cold out now. Knowing he was allowed to borrow whatever he needed. Once on he moved back over to Danny from behind the couch and moved his arm around their head, pressing a kiss into the top of Danny's head, Eddie always liked how soft Danny's hair was, and how it smelled of apples.

"Be good Danny boy. I'll see you tomorrow. Later Mrs P" he called as he headed out the front door and borrowed one of Danny's many bikes. Danny had a hobby of fixing bikes but not knowing what to do after fixing them so they were just gathering against the side of the house. Eddie would probably just claim that bike now,

Danny POV:

Danny knew this and didn't mind when it came to Eddie. His face had reddened at the kiss on the top of his head, bring his mug to his lips to drink the last of hot chocolate. Yes, Danny was different but he was still nineteen, he was able to know his feelings and able consent and be like any other nineteen year old. The only difference was that he didn't like to talk and he had different interests.

____

Danny POV:

The morning came and Danny chose to wear a variation of the same outfit he always wore, ever since he was a kid; a sweater, blue straight jeans and converse. That was it. His mother could probably line up matching sets from different age groups of the same outfit from when he was five. It was eight in the morning and he was sat with his usual bowl of Cookie Crisp™. Its had been his favourite cereal since he discovered it in 1978, which was about a year after the cereal launched. The house was never without it since Danny refused to eat anything else other than maybe toast on the odd occasion. His eyes were glued on the TV screen, cartoons dancing around in black and white, not minding the rerun of the show. His mother was getting ready to leave, rummaging in her purse before setting a twenty down on the counter. This was more than enough but he knew she always gave him more than he needed incase he and Eddie went out to eat too.

Danny waved without looking over as his mother left. He heard Eddie walk in not ten minutes later and scrape his boots off outside before stepping in.

"Hey you ready? Oh you're still eating. Alright I guess I'll eat too" Danny heard Eddie comment as he walked over, feeling their hand in his hair, messing it up a little just to be annoying.

"You need a haircut" Eddie's statement earned a grunt in response and that was enough for Danny to see Eddie put his hands up in fake surrender. Danny's eyes soon moved back to his bowl of cereal, starting to eat again. Danny would be lying if he said there were no feelings for Eddie. But he knew better than most that no one, not even Eddie would date a "retarded freak" like him. People treated him like a small child, as if he wasn't nearly an adult with wants, needs and desires. Like he didn't want what other nineteen year old boys wanted. It annoyed him.

He noticed how Eddie sat with his own bowl of Cookie Crisp™, hoping that wasn't the last of the box yet he didn't make any sign of complaint. The two just sat in shared silence.

Danny had been making a good amount of progress when it came to interacting with people, he was able to talk just a little bit more like "yes" and "no". As well as hold eye contact for longer than five seconds, which was harder than talking. If course Danny could talk if he really wanted to, for a short period of time he did speak but after the age of six or seven he slowly just became mute. Mainly after people started to bully him for his monotone voice. He became self conscious though would talk to himself when no one was there, home alone or out in the woods. Danny finished up his breakfast and placed the bowl in the sink, hearing Eddie follow suit.

"Off on a new adventure we go!" Danny heard Eddie half shout, trying to lighten the mood. Danny just smiled and grabbed his coat, pulling it on before feeling Eddie put a knitter hat in his head. Though Danny had to readjust it since he didn't like the feeling of it the way Eddie put it on.

"It's chilly out there. Warm enough?" He heared Eddie ask as they grabbed the house keys and turned the lights off while Danny was getting his shoes on. The two set off on bikes toward town racing each other in fits of laughter until they arrived in town, only to see a group at the entrance of the mall. People from Hawkins High. The popular in particular.

Eddie POV:

"Hey. Don't worry. I'm here. If they say anythin I'll just say somethin back and we move along" Eddie reassured as they parked and chained up their bikes outside the mall. Of course if they could get in unnoticed it would be better. But the pair walked in knowing they had been seen and now followed by the assholes who wanted to prey on them. Eddie noticed how Danny was getting anxious, especially with the crowd. He slung his arm around Danny's neck and pointed to one of the shops.

"How about here? Don't worry. The shops aren't as busy. It's just busy in the walkway" Eddie tried to comfort though he knew the assholes were right behind them. He was trying to weave and dodge through people to loose them. He felt Danny shrug, sighing a little before pushing on toward a store with costumes. Nearly in the shop when he was blocked by the assholes.

"Whoa slow down there freaks. There's no need to be rude. We can get along can't we?" The blonde one said with a horrid smirk.

"Fuck off. We want nothin to do with your pathetic little group." Eddie stated, glancing to Danny and seeing their eyes ok the ground like usual.

"The only pathetic ones here are you two. The freak and the retard. A match made in heaven. Is he your boyfriend Danny?" Blondie asked, Eddie watching as they leaned down to Danny to forcibly make eye contact.

Eddie felt Danny tense up and he grit his teeth a bit. The anger bubbling in his chest. He hated these assholes when they came for him but even Danny was involved? That just made it the times worse.

"Enough asshole! Go fuck one of those slots your have on speed dial" Eddie snapped and dragged Danny away. Trying to calm down as he walked.

"He ain't like the rest. As least I have people who want to fuck me. No one wants the freak or the retard. Disgusting!" Eddie heard blondie say just before they were out of normal talking range.

Danny POV:

That last statement was particularly hurtful for Danny, no one would want him. It just confirmed what he had been thinking over the last few years. His eyes becoming teary and his hands locked tightly together.

Eddie tried to cheer Danny up and Danny was thankful but he honestly just wanted to go home now. This was why he didn't leave his comfort zones. Because of assholes like them. But they got their costumes at least.

"I think you're going to look sick in that wizard costume! We can customise it as much as you want, there's a week until Halloween. And all I need is a blue overalls I'm sure I can borrow a pair from the mechanics for the night" Eddie tried to lighten the mood as they way down the street. Dragging Danny off his bike and into a video rental store to find a movie they could watch tonight. The store was dead empty, not even employees since they didn't really care enough to watch and wait for customers, they'd just come and check in when they heard someone in the store ring the bell at the desk.

"Hey don't worry about what those asshats say. They're just bullies. You're just fine to me" Eddie smiled as the two of them were kneeling down looking at the action movies. Danny nodded and looked to the movies and Eddie did the same.

"Plus I'm sure there's someone out there for you. You're kind and interesting, great listener and you deal with all my school drama shit-" Danny was bearly listening as Eddie spoke and laughed, watching them turn to face him though Danny's face was much closer to Eddie's than it had been a minute before. As with Eddie turning to face Danny, their lips almost touched. Danny noticed how Eddie fell silent, a thick silence falling in the store before Eddie started to lean in before stopping and pulling away.

"Danny I- I'm not…I- don't-" Danny listened to Eddie's stammered words and it eas enough to bring him back to reality. His stomach dropped to the floor and a panic arose in him before he stood suddenly, stepping back while finally looking at Eddie, tears starting to show before he dashed out of the store and onto his bike, struggling to get on and push off for a moment as he hopped down the street on his bike. He took off as Eddie called after him, peddling as fast as he could even if it was reckless since he was on a busy street, he managed to miss every car before turning to head down a small hill, a car coming in ahead wasn't paying attention and swerved in a panic at the sight of Danny, Danny's own breaks being pressed but the force of the sudden stop flung him over the handle bars and into the street…

(Please comment feedback and if you'd like a part 2)

[hargrove-mayfields]

the tags on your football Billy story about autistic kids not being allowed to play sports, gave me the idea of Steve with autism not being allowed on the basketball team and how Billy and maybe Tommy if you want since you write kegboys sometimes would react

It doesn’t take Billy long to notice him, the benchwarmer boy who sits on the sidelines, never getting his shot in a single game, just riding the bench with a smile on his face.

At first he sort of pegs it to mean the kid is just really not good, maybe riding the tails of his daddy’s sportsmanship legacy, but then Billy realizes something, that this kid doesn’t even get to play at practice.

He shows up and he sits there like being excluded is the happiest he’s ever been, and the only time he ever has the ball in his hands at all is if it’s to toss it to one of the boys on the court when it rolls to him.

Despite this though, he has his very own jersey. Number zero. Harrington.

Billy asks Tommy after practice once who this mysterious jersey kid is, and he smiles sort of tight, like maybe Billy shouldn’t have asked him that, and tells him, “I’ll introduce you.”

Tommy walks over to the kid and tells him something that makes him light up, jump to his feet and follow Tommy back over, “Billy, this is my best friend, Steve Harrington.”

Steve just sort of waves, so Billy jumps straight into it. This kid intrigues him and he wants to know more, “There a reason you don’t play, Harrington?”

In response he shrugs his shoulders, hands stuffed in the pockets of his way too big basketball shorts, “I’m not allowed.”

“Why not? You fail some test or something?” Billy tries to ask lightly, not noticing the way Tommy’s face scrunches up before Steve drops a bombshell on him instead, “They don’t let special ed kids on the basketball team.”

And if that’s not bad enough, Tommy then adds, though significantly more bitter than even Steve is, “Or on any team for that matter, whether it’s sports or clubs or debate, you name it. School board denies every last application.”

“Oh.” Billy frowns, totally dumbfounded, his school in California never had any issues with that, “Oh that- that’s bullshit.”

“I know.” They say at the same time, prompting Billy to ask, “They don’t even have like, a separate team?”

“Not enough kids would do it.” Tommy says, and he gets a sharp look from Steve, who corrects him quickly, “Not enough kids could get permission to do it.”

“But that’s such bullshit.” Billy repeats, not very helpfully.

“Nothing we can do about it. We’ve tried everything. Not even momma Harrington could convince the school board, and let me tell you, that woman is scary.”

Steve elbows Tommy for that one, and Tommy laughs softly, throws an arm around his shoulder, but Billy is thinking, biting the corner of his nail in concentration, “Why don’t we start our own team?”

“I don’t know.” Steve’s face scrunches up, and he turns to Tommy, like he doesn’t trust what Billy says, so Billy continues, “No, I’m serious. School says you can’t play for them, so fuck ‘em. There’s courts in the park, I have a ball, and I’m out there half the time watching my little sister anyways. Let’s start our own team.”

Tommy answers for him, “Practice takes up too much time. We’re not gonna be much of a team unless we’re going to be playing at night or in the winter.”

“Then we quit the tigers.” Billy shrugs, like it’s obvious.

Instantly Tommy narrows his eyes, “Very funny, man.”

On the other hand though, Steve looks at him with awe written all over his face, eyes wide and spelling, “You’d really quit for me?”

And Billy, he plays it off like that look doesn’t make his heart melt, claiming, “For you and for Max who’s been talking my ear off about how much she wants to play soccer and whose heart is going to break when she finds out she can’t.”

Convinced, Tommy looks over at Steve, “If you’re in Stevie, I’m in too.”

Steve seems like he’s considering his options, drumming his fingers on the outside of his thigh, occasionally humming softly in thought, and it’s making Billy impatient.

“So?” He asks, to which Steve nods a confirmation to his offer, his hair bouncing with his enthusiasm.

Tommy cracks a crooked smile, holds out a hand for Billy to shake, seal the deal, “You’ve got yourself a team, Hargrove.”

They decide not to give their little team a name, the idea of being called something feels too exclusive, which was the reason they’d all quit the school's team in the first place. Billy had gotten in big trouble when his dad found out he quit for wasting their time and money on basketball, but that was all bullshit anyways, games were only usually a half hour long and were free to get into for the players family, and the school paid for the uniforms.

But that was what he said and what he’d been going to punish Billy for until they found out about the reasoning behind quitting, after which Susan was flattered he cared so much about his little sister, and he got his permission to freely go down to the park and play with the “special” kid.

Neil of course didn’t care about him doing it for Max, he was just concerned with Billy’s public image. Playing ball with the richest family in town's dopey son did nothing but good things for the way their neighbors saw him, so he’d allow it.

A few weeks into their games though, which are mostly just playing HORSE or teaching Steve how to do trickier shots since no coach ever would, Billy has to bring Max along because nobody was going to be home and she wasn’t allowed to be by herself. It’s a dreary day so there aren’t many people around at all, so he decides he’s going to loosen her leash, and walks her over to the playground (that they can see clearly from the courts, he’s not that irresponsible.)

He teasingly offers to push Max on the swings or lift her up to the monkey bars, making her roll her eyes and proudly declare that she’s not a baby anymore, so he chuckles and leaves her be, walking back to the basketball hoops.

Tommy and Steve are just sitting on the old wooden bench just off to the side of the court, waiting for Billy to get back because he’s their little impromptu coach and they can’t start without him, but he notices that they’re sitting awful close together, and between them, Tommy’s hand sits slightly on top of Steve’s, pinky fingers linked together.

Now he knows these two are affectionate, he couldn’t even count how many times Tommy picked Steve up after he made a good shot or ruffled his hair and smiled at him when he messed up, but that was all just friendly affection.

This was different though, he could tell it was from the way Tommy’s eyes snap up and he pulls his hand away, the both of them looking away from each other guiltily.

He feels a little something like jealousy in his chest, or maybe it was just anxiety at the fact that they’d been so obviously holding hands in the public park, but either way, he just kind of freezes up, looking between their two terrified faces until Tommy’s turns angry, standing from the bench so fast the old rusty things creaks loudly and Steve has to cover his ears.

He grabs the front of the baggy jersey Billy wears from his old school's team, the bears, and gets right up in his face, sneering, “You gonna say something, Hargrove?”

And Billy’s not afraid of Tommy, he might be mean, but he’s on his toes to threaten him, and he’s pretty sure they both know Billy would win the fight anyways. He’s not going to fight him though, and he makes that clear, putting his hands up as a clear sign of not going to sock Tommy for yelling at him, “Secrets safe with me, dudes. You go down, I’m going down with you.”

Tommy doesn’t get it though, because he growls, “Right. ‘Cause all that matters is what will happen to your reputation after giving up your precious sport just to hang with a couple of fags, right?”

“Tom.” Steve snaps, but he gets ignored, Billy arguing over him, “Actually, no. You know all that talk about queer kids flocking together without even knowing? That doesn’t come from nothing. I out you, it’s putting a target on my back, and from there it won’t be not long before a little birdie tells the wrong person the right rumor and we’re all dead.”

“Oh.” Tommy says softly, his face falling.

Billy nods sarcastically in response, “Yeah, oh. So let go of my damn shirt before I find a reason to punch you in the face.”

“Can we just play basketball?” Comes a timid request from behind them, so Tommy lets go, wipes his hands on his shorts, and answers him, “‘Course we can, Stevie.”

It doesn’t take long for them to get bored though, none of them are really in the mood to play after that. They play a small game that’s pretty much just Tommy blocking Billy the whole time, but after he shoots the ball they all just let it roll, none of them caring enough to keep the play going. So instead, Tommy offers up his place to hang out there.

It sounds at least better than this, so Billy drops Max off back at home, making her promise not to do anything stupid to get them in trouble until he gets back later that night, and heads straight to Tommy’s like they planned.

The whole drive he’s worrying that they’re gonna pissed at him and beating himself up for not just pretending like he didn’t notice, to the point where he almost just drives right past, but Steve waves at his car from the front window, and he can’t do all this petty angry shit to him.

Tommy’s house is empty for the night, so that means two things, that they’re free to drink as much as they want, (smoking’s a no go though, the smell is too strong and makes Steve upset), and that Steve sits right on Tommy’s lap like it’s nothing.

Which, it is nothing. Billy just told them he was gay too, and now they don’t have to hide from their best friend, so it’s common sense that they wouldn’t.

But Billy, well, he wouldn’t say he’s jealous watching the two of them together, it just makes his chest burn every time they touch or laugh at some joke and whisper amongst themselves like he isn’t even there, or when Steve kisses Tommy’s cheek.

Yeah no, there’s no pretending, Billy is totally jealous. He’s had a thing for Tommy since like, day one of practice when he bounced a basketball back in his own face trying to show off, and Steve for just as long, yearning to know more about the pretty faced mystery kid who turned out to be a total sweetheart and won him over. It’s tearing him to shreds watching them just being happy together without being a part of that.

He wonders if these small town boys have ever even heard of having more than one partner other than like, mormons, and if they haven’t, how is he supposed to bring it up without sounding like a total weirdo. Maybe he could claim that he was just trying not to be left out since they were probably the only queer kids in Hawkins. Or maybe not and Tommy would try to kick his ass again for even trying.

He doesn’t have to do much wondering though, because as pointedly as he’s trying to ignore them, Steve keeps getting closer to Billy on the couch until he’s sitting in his lap, and Billy has to ask, blue eyes going a little wide, cheeks flushing red in a way that had nothing to do with the sunburn he’d gotten at the park earlier, “What’re you doing Steve?”

“You included me. Now I’m including you.” Steve hums and leans his head on Billy’s shoulder, holding eye contact with Tommy.

To say that Billy is flustered and doesn’t know what to do with himself is more than an understatement. He'd like to say he’s not the most inexperienced one here, but it’s not looking good, because he’s flushed as red as a tomato, and the only thing he can think to say is just, “Oh.”

“Yeah, oh.” Tommy says and smiles that big goofy smile of his, a playful imitation of their little argument from before, “And I’d much rather you kiss me than punch me.”