#it’s not crack it’s just goofy

[stergeon]

say it

Byleth makes Edelgard say swear words.

(~350 words; too stupid to post on ao3)

“‘Shit.’”

“Grotesque.”

“Give it a try.”

“… Shit.”

“Very good. ‘Ass.’”

“That one is easier. I’ve said it before.”

“Then why don’t you say it now?”

“I… er…”

“If it’s so easy, then do it.”

“… Ass.”

“Excellent.”

“Don’t mock me.”

“How about this one? ‘Cunt.’”

“Wh—I actually, um, don’t know what that means.”

“You don’t know ‘cunt’?”

“I don’t know what to tell you, Byleth, it’s simply not in my lexicon.”

“It means va—”

“All right, I understand. The gesture was absolutely unnecessary. I’m astounded at how many words there seem to be for the same thing.”

“If you think that’s bad, you won’t believe how many there are for pe—”

“Well, this has been a fun exercise and hopefully a source of great amusement to you, but I think I’m finished.”

“Wait, wait.”

“No.”

“One more, one more.”

“Mm, no. I don’t think so.”

“Please?”

“… You know it’s not fair of you to give me those eyes.”

“Is that a yes?”

“All right. All right. One more.”

“Yesssss. ‘Fuck.’”

“Byleth!”

“What?! You said one more, and that’s the one to say.”

“I’m—I am not—”

“Please?”

“You can’t pull the same maneuver twice in a minute and expect to succeed. That’s poor strategy.”

“Is it working?”

“… Regrettably, it is.”

“Then it seems like a good strategy to me. Just say it. ‘Fuck.’ It’s easy.”

“It most certainly is not!”

“Try it. Say ‘fuck.’”

“… Fuck.”

“Oh, that’s rich. That’s very good.”

“Are you quite satisfied?”

“Nearly. Now use it in a sentence.”

“Byleth.”

“I’ll give you one. It’ll be easy.”

“I did not—and do not—agree to this!”

“Just repeat after me.”

“No!”

“Say, ‘Byleth, I want you to fuck me.’”

“… Oh.”

“Go on, El. You can do it.”

“… Byleth, I…”

“Keep going.”

“Byleth, I-I want you to… f-fuck me.”

“Good girl. Wasn’t so hard, was it?”

“Less than I—ah—thought it would be.”

“Mm. Well, you’ve certainly earned a reward, haven’t you?”

“Yes, my teacher. Fuck…”

“Aren’t you a fast learner? I’m impressed.”

“If you don’t shut up and kiss me right now, I’m going to start swearing in earnest.”

“Don’t threaten me with a good time, Your Majesty.”

[whatacatch]

One thing that caught me off guard but I loved was when Naruto and Sasuke kissed for the first time and all the girls in the classroom we’re soooo mad at him and I thought it was gonna be some dumb homophobic comment like “you’re a boy you can’t kiss him blah blah blah” when it was just them being like “YOU TOOK SASUKE’S FIRST KISS AND IT SHOULD’VE BEEN ME!”

[foursaints]

barty characterization is so troublesome because he is at his most canonical (and most compelling) when treated with utter seriousness & placed squarely in context of an austere, repressed upper class childhood leading to patricide… he is not goofy! his prevailing theme in canon is the violent denial of his bodily autonomy - the living body horror and tragedy of his stint under imperius!

so the fanon version of barty as a sleazy trash-talking fuckboy with a tongue piercing is…. uncanonical. there’s literally zero basis for his fandom treatment as hogwarts’s resident dirtbag and in fact it makes no sense… but it’s such an entertaining direction to take him that i would argue fanon’s reshaping made him more interesting? or has given us more opportunities?

like the fan decision to shove hp canon’s most tortured martyr-machiavel into a thrasher hoodie is objectively hilarious and ripe for exploration. basically my point is that true barty enjoyers can juggle both interpretations at once, explore the inherent contradictions, and decide which better suits their purposes for different scenarios. also i would like to see canon!barty and fanon!barty making out

[adultish-momma]

Cool Off

[iwozlegit]

Incorrect Huskerdust quotes

(Realistically the canon confession we’re gonna get)

Husk: Angel, you remember when we had that chat at the bar and agreed we were better off as friends?

Angel: (naked in Husk’s bed) Can’t say I remember that one…

Husk: (midway through taking his clothes off) Fuck... Me neither.

[nina-the-ninth]

[l3viat8an]

"THIS IS JUST IN! HUMAN EXCHANGE STUDNET DEEP THROATED THE SEVEN LORDS SO GOOD THEY BECAME THEIR SLAVES. OTHER DEMONS WISH TO TRY THEIR LUCK BUT ARE IMMEADIATELY KILLED MY THE LORDS! More at 11."

Lucifer rolls his eyes and turns to glare at the other brothers, “And which one of you fools, gave out such a ridiculous headline?”

all the brothers shaking their heads and protesting,  varying versions of ‘Not me!’, ‘Nope!’ and ‘Why’d ya look at me first?!’ echoing between the other six demons as MC just sits in the middle of everything and grins knowing they’re responsible-

‘n already planning how much they’ll add to the story before the brothers figure out it was them 😌

[seungkw1]

seventeen’s responses if they were your bf and you randomly sent them a text asking them if they would still love you if you were a worm

seungcheol:

(doesn't understand but he just goes with it)

jeonghan:

joshua:

junhui:

soonyoung:

(he has told you this no less than three times)

wonwoo:

jihoon:

minghao:

mingyu:

seokmin:

seungkwan:

hansol:

chan:

[ka-wa-bunga]

Got some more harpy Au doodles, then just something silly I drew for alerudy (because Rudy is best man) While I blasted Magnolia

Livin my best life with these lil freaks

[lets-try-some-writing]

Brainrot and possibly crack-ish thought that I spent too much time thinking about: The Forge of Solus works a bit too well, and now everyone who has been a Prime has been revived. The Fallen, who through some miracle, also ends up on Earth and dragged into family shenanigans. In short, pure chaos with all the Primes.

Heck yeah, this could go a thousand and one ways and I could even make it angsty if I try. I love this.

━━━━━━ ⊙ ❖ ⊙ ━━━━━━━━━━━━ ⊙ ❖ ⊙

Optimus had not expected to be saved. He was dying and he had largely accepted that fact as the Allspark welcomed him. However when the Forge of Solus Prime repaired him, he felt something else be dragged along back to his fallen form along with him. He was not sure what it was when he woke in his new frame, but something felt... off. He did not question when he flew to Darkmount and collected his team after driving his foe back, but once his team was settled in Hanger E, he was absolutely certain there was something wrong. Ratchet already wanted to do a scan on Optimus after his near death, but when the Prime came to him in minor terror, the medic all but tripped over himself to get scans completed.

The team ended up gathering around to watch as Optimus had his scans taken, and they were all shocked and in awe at what they saw.

Within Optimus's spark chamber were fifteen small sparks, each fluttering around Optimus's lovingly. They were tiny, still developing, and yet had none of the unsettled energy of sparks in need of a host. It was... unsettling for Optimus, largely because he never felt any spark ignite within him, nor had he taken on the role of surrogate for a mech waiting on a frame to inhabit. He knew the Matrix had creation capabilities, but he had not at all expected it to be so extreme. Ratchet chalked it up to the Forge possibly causing the Matrix to use some of its power to ignite newsparks, but deep down Ratchet, Optimus, and the rest of the team did not believe that at all. Sparks do not come from nothing, nor do they come from a frame transfer totally stable. The newsparks within Optimus were far too controlled and powerful to be the result of the Matrix, at least in theory.

There was brief discussion of extinguishing the newsparks, but that idea was shut down the moment Optimus registered familiarity amongst the lives that orbited his own. He did not understand entirely, but they felt like family. And so the Prime opted to keep them, but to the dismay of Ratchet and the combined confliction of the team. Ultra Magnus was ready to accept the young without a moment's hesitation. Their people were lacking in numbers as it was, they needed every life they could to ensure their kind did not join countless others in extinction. Arcee, Bulkhead, and Wheeljack were largely neutral, if a little worried about getting enough energon for fifteen new lives. Smokescreen and Bumblebee were elated at the prospect, if concerned over taking care of more young bots in such a dangerous situation. Ratchet refused to state his opinion and focused on making sure Optimus got enough energon to support himself and his charges.

Things went well enough for a few months after the matter. The children were not alerted to Optimus's state and only commented on the situation when they noticed the team taking more hits for the Prime than usual. But with time, the newsparks grew more demanding and needed frames. In turn, since there were no protoforms to be collected, Optimus needed more energon to prepare to make protoforms himself.

That was when things got tight. Optimus needed more, regardless of his stance on the matter. The team needed to find more energon for him and continue the fight. Rations grew smaller and Optimus grew more and more agitated with receiving greater quantities. Just as things were reaching a breaking point however, something unusual happened. Optimus grew mad with the team for their offering of more energon. He could see that they were tired and he knew the limits of his frame. He could go a few cycles without, especially with how strong the newsparks were. There was debate and anger over the situation, leading an argument that ultimately ended with Optimus emitting an EM field flare that synced up with a pulse from his spark. It didn't seem to do anything at first. The team were startled, but that was all.

Then, two weeks after the fact, an object of Cybertronian origin came careening into Earth's atmosphere, landing in the middle of Alaska of all places. The team quickly hurried to investigate and were promptly met by a mech who towered over all of them, even gaining a solid head on Optimus when he came through. Covered in black and red accented plating, the mech wielded a deadly looking blaster and vaguely reminded the team of Megatron. He bore no factional marks, he carried no sign of any allegiance, but after a while of standing and staring, the mech spoke.

"Thirteen, I sensed your distress... along with the calls of our kin. Where are Solus and the others? I know they are near."

It took a long klik for Optimus to figure it out while the team reeled, but once it settled, he almost choked in pure shock. Megatronus, the Fallen Prime stood before him and evidently believed that Optimus somehow had the other original Primes with him. There was a great deal to unpack in his singular statement, but Optimus did not deny the Fallen access to Hangar E to explain. The team were given to explanation as to who the Fallen was and were only given the name of Megatronus to work with. But it did not take long for things to make sense as the Fallen Prime spoke with the current Matrix bearer.

"You carry them within you? Fifteen sparks... it should not be possible." "And yet it is. I did not know they were Primes, but they felt familiar."

"They will need frames, and you do not have enough energon to produce them."

"Yes, but we are doing what we can-"

"You require protomatter and energon. There is no need to play with words Thirteen."

"Then you are correct."

"I will get you what is required for their survival. In turn, I wish to play a part in Solus's development in order to... make up for my prior mistakes."

"..."

"..."

"That is acceptable."

Confusion radiated from all of the Autobots as the Fallen nodded like nothing happened and promptly fragged off again, not to be seen for another three months while Optimus patiently waited and explained exactly nothing. But of course, not being fools the team started to put things together. Ultra Magnus worked with Bulkhead to create a conspiracy board while the rest of the team collectively tried to not think about the deeper implications of Optimus being called 'Thirteen' and supposedly 'carrying all of them within himself'. So when the Fallen returned with stupid amounts of energon and surprisingly healthy amounts of protomatter, the team opted to not look a gift horse in the mouth, especially considering Optimus seemed calm.

The team shut up and watched as soon enough, Optimus had his fill of energon, received protomatter injections, and within two additional weeks, vanished into his room and did not emerge. The team hovered around nervously for days on end while the Fallen watched human TV shows without a care in the world. It went on for about a week, with Ratchet nearly busting down the door in fear for his leader before Optimus quietly stepped out of his room with plenty of small sparklings in his arms and on his frame.

Ratchet: Optimus, what are those?

Optimus: These are my sparklings. Nominus, Nova, Guardian, Sentinel, Solus, Prima, Quintus, Vector, Micronus, Amalgemous, Nexus, Alchemist, Onyx, Alpha Trion, and Liege Maximo.

Arcee: Sir with all due respect, what the absolute frag-?!

Megatronus: Finally. Now let me see the reincarnation of my beloved.

Fifteen small sparklings, each looking startlingly similar to their namesakes all clung to Optimus as if he were a jungle gym. the Prime simply smiled with all the patience in the world and offered up the one who carried Solus's name with a happy sound. Fifteen sparklings, fifteen sparklings who looked like fallen Primes of times long gone by.

There was no way this was going to end well.

[the-witchhunter]

Dairy Prince AU

Danny is royalty

What? Because he defeated Pariah Dark? Don’t be ridiculous! Danny is the heir of the Dairy King of course!

Okay so I love the theory that Danny is basically a baby ghost because of how long(or specifically how recently) he’s been dead. Now a lot of people place Clockwork as some kind of ghost guardian for Danny, but let’s think about it. Who was the first non hostile ghost that actually helped Danny out?

That’s right, the Dairy King

So Danny, much like a baby goose, has imprinted on the Dairy King and is now technically his ghost son... making him the Dairy Prince

So now we get a Danny really confused about his sudden surge of dairy based abilities. Sure, being able to heal faster after drinking milk is nice, but the cheese blasts are a bit... odd.

[samthehyena]

Event Announcement!

Crack(fic) or Treat is a BNHA event dedicated to the Crack and Crack Treated Seriously tags (we all know how much I love the sillies). This event will run from September 10 until October 31 2024 at 11:59 PM EST. This event took a lot of inspiration from @aimportantdragoncollector's Three Weeks of Trioholders and @fractiflos's Middle May events which were both well organized and so much funnnnn!!

Rules:

Works submitted should have humor, silliness, Crack (Treated Seriously) and/or general goofy premises as a main focus. I welcome mixtures of tone so if you want to write “crangst” (crack + angst) for this contest be my guest!!

The minimum for submissions are fics with at least 1000 words.

Any multi chaps submitted should be completed by the October 31 deadline.

No AI should be used to write submissions.

Any degree of NSFW works for me as long as the crack (treated seriously) tag is still a main focus. Please do note that I am pickier when it comes to reading NSFW works so I might have a subconscious bias.

Submit as many fics as you want, but note that an individual person can only receive one prize.

Collaborations are allowed and should a co-written work place, the co-authors will share a prize.

Prizes:

First place winner will receive a fic with a 2500 word minimum from me (samthehyena on AO3) based on a prompt of your choice.

Second place winner will receive a fic with a 1500 word minimum from me based on a prompt of your choice.

Third place winner will receive a fic with a 1000 word minimum from me based on a prompt of your choice.

I reserve the right to ask you to request a different prompt should I feel uncomfortable/ incapable of writing it.

Submission:

Please submit through AO3 and use the tag Crack(fic) or Treat so I can find your submissions. Also if you want to make extra sure that I see your submission feel free to @ me here or on Discord 😀

Anyways, have fun y’all! Stay silly and feel free to ask any questions. I’m looking forward to seeing what y’all create!!!

[pwhl-mybeloved]

live footage of me trying not to speculate about the pwhl logos

[daringdarlingdt]

Big fan of any time Mulcahy plays along with a bit or makes a joke of his own and Hawkeye is just so delighted and will full-bodied laugh about it. It’s the sweetest thing I love their dynamic so much.

[befuddled-calico-whump]

Spy/Team Leader whumpee shrinks themselves for a high-stakes intelligence mission, but something goes wrong and they get caught

- Normally they give their enemies a hell of a fight, but now all it takes to restrain them is the weight of a hand, or even a single finger, and it's frustrating

- Whumper has to build a doll-sized interrogation set. While they feel ridiculous, it's worth it to watch their enemy struggle

- Needles instead of knives, a glass of water instead of a tank, a breadboard and a battery instead of expensive electrocution equipment... maybe whumper should invest in a shrink ray

- Not to mention the dramatic difference in size and strength. Where whumpee would normally be full of insults and banter, they seem a little too scared of being crushed to say anything too dramatic

- Whumpee is freed by a stranger, but still unable to get to their normal size until they reach their base. Despite being rescued, they still don't feel safe

[soaps-mohawk]

Will reader ever kneel to Simon?🥺

I know it's a huge step considering how fast things have been developing for them and I understand he still needs time to adjust to their new relationship in general so I'm not expecting for it to happen too soon, I just wanted to know if you've considered it?<3

I feel like Simon would be speechless if reader asked to kneel for him, having her want to be in the utmost vulnerable position before him, putting all that trust, care and respect in his hands ugh, my heart melts just thinking about his reaction ~

It's possible?? Maybe??

They'd have to be working towards claiming for it to really work. Gotta be in that courtship kind of phase like the reader and Price were in at the beginning. Kneeling isn't something omegas can just do for alphas (they can be forced to in a way but that's not true kneeling).

If she had to, she probably could, but it wouldn't be as impactful as it would with that kind of desire to mate and be claimed tied in.