#it’s crazy how much bullshit people be spewing

[sokkabaddiebender2021]

i love going to tumblr and seeing actual valid critiques of the live action (writing is bad, female characters are written poorly, certain changes fuck too much with the story, etc) and then go to the rest of the internet and the critiques are (azula’s actress is too overweight, mai isn’t thin enough, zuko is too ugly??). so weird to me that people are so obsessed with how these young actors look (especially when they are all still very conventionally attractive people). it’s almost like when actual poc play characters y’all have the most to say about it (unlike for ian ousley who could still very well be a white man playing an indigenous character 🤔)

[realisticfanfictions]

Being Sanji's Girlfriend & Baratie's Head Waitress - Part 2.

Sanji x Waitress!Reader: Part One.

Working at Baratie wasn't without its challenges, and the fights that sprung up because of them weren't rare either. You and your boyfriend never sweated the small stuff, after all working in a high stress environment made you, well, stressed. But maybe some things can't be resolved that easily.

Tags: Sanji x Reader, Waitress!Reader, constant bickering, mostly fluff with some angst, (heavy) swearing.

A/N: I'm so glad the first one was well received! I'm pretty self-concious about my writing, but seeing everyone's hearts and reblogs has made me so happy! There's also been a ton of new people following this page, and I'm so appreciative you guys are liking my stuff enough to keep up to date with my writing <3.

Word Count is 5,427. Hope you enjoy!

"What the hell was that?" You knew that this made you look like a crazy girlfriend, dragging your significant other into the cold room and locking the door behind you. You'd gotten a few curious and slightly concerned glances from other staff, but by this point they knew better than to intervene. White fog spewed from your mouth as you spoke, giving you the appearance of a mighty dragon ready to burn down anyone who stood in her way.

Sanji, who hadn't fought you the entire way here, rubbed his face with his hand and shoved the other into his pocket. "I was just trying to be friendly." He shrugged.

A cold breeze caused you to flinch, but you refused to show any weakness. "Bullshit." You hissed and gritted your teeth, unable to fathom this man's arrogance. "I'm not dumb, Sanji-"

"And I never said you were." Both hands were now in his pockets and he finally met your gaze. He looked tired and you could tell he was chewing on the inside of his cheek - a habit you knew stemmed from his nicotine addiction. But his forced eye contact didn't last long and his gaze soon drifted to the corner of the cold room. He let out a small sigh. "I'm sorry. I can't help what I say to women-"

You held up a hand. "I don't care about you miserably failing at flirting. Well, I do care, but that's beside the point." You took a breath, counted to five and stared at your boyfriend's beautiful blue eyes. "I know that you're upset, and though I am very annoyed at you, I will say that I appreciate you telling me you're sorry."

"So it is about the-"

"Sanji." He slowly closed his mouth and subtly nodded. He was listening. "I know that you like women, and that you'll move heaven and earth for one to glance your way. I know that. I knew that when I started going out with you." You licked your suddenly dry lips. "What I get upset about, is that you went over my head and spoke to my customers in a rather vulgar way. I know you think it's beneath you, but I take a lot of pride in what I do. I'm good at it. And when-" God, your lips were so dry. "And when you go over my head, take over my table, insult the place that took me in when I had nowhere else to go-when we had nowhere else to go, and then ignore my discomfort and make a joke of it?" You met his eyes. "I am your girlfriend, Sanji. Something that you're meant to love and cherish- like how- I can't-"

Before you realised it, you found yourself slowly enveloped by the love of your life. "Hey," He shushed you gently as he cradled you against his chest. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you feel that way." He murmured and placed a kiss against your temple. "My love, you're shaking. I didn't realise I made you this upset. Please, forgive me."

You couldn't help but laugh. "I'm just cold, dumbass. And still pissed at you." Despite what you said, you still buried your head in his chest and soaked up his warmth. It was then you realised how long it'd been since the two of you had been alone like this. Just soaking up each other's warmth and committing the other's smell, touch and the feel of their skin to memory. You're embarrassed to admit you forgot just how much you love his cologne. "Guess this is what happens when we don't have sex for a while."

He gave a breathy chuckle and leaned back enough just to press his lips against your forehead and stare into your eyes. "Well, I'd offer to remedy that, but I'm afraid the cold will affect my performance."

"Like you need an excuse for a bad performance."

"Oh, really?"

"Really."

His usual, charming smile stretched across his face and he licked his lips, before hungrily diving in and punishing you with a particularly brutal kiss. He softly moaned into the kiss, and pulled back enough for you to see the devilish look in his eye as he bent down to press a kiss to your neck.

The door suddenly flung open and Pattie groaned. "I should've known." He exclaimed and threw his towel at the both of you. "Move. I'm trying to get some stuff for dessert."

Sanji grew a wicked grin. "What a coincidence. I'm trying to get me some dessert too." He chuckled and moved in to continue his assault, but was thwarted by an incoming barrage of hits from the disgruntled chef.

Backed by the sound of Pattie yelling in disgust, you laughed and shook your head, worming out of Sanji's hold and skipping out of the cold room with said blond on your heels. You both quickly ducked out of the kitchen and into a small hallway where you turned around to look at him once more. "Thank you for listening to me, Sanji. I may have blown my lid a bit too much back there." You fished around in your pocket and pulled out your lighter. "Go take a smoke break."

"Darling-"

You pushed it into his hand. "Take a break, and have a smoke. If not for you, for me. Because I honestly can't handle you when you're being all bitchy."

His shoulders dropped and a tired smile replaced his worried expression. He wrapped his hands around your own and placed a kiss against your knuckles. "Thank you, my love." He exclaimed and you waved him off with a smile.

"Whatever, you wallowing wag. While you're walking, watch the weather and water, and warn the workers if we're wayward. We don't want any wild winds, or another wreck this week."

He smiled. "You still don't realise you do that, do you?"

You blinked. "Do what?"

A hearty chuckle escapes him and he presses a kiss to your forehead. "Don't worry about it." That damn smile of his made your heart flutter and while you were confused, you returned his kiss with a quick peak of his lips and watched as he walked off. You didn't understand why he was so weird, but you guess it's just part of dating someone.

Before you could go back to serving, a faintly familiar face poked his head around the corner. You squinted your eyes and watched as he walked around aimlessly. "Excuse me, are you lost?"

The boy in the straw hat turned his head in your direction and smiled when he noticed you. "Oh! You're (Y/N), our waitress!" He spun himself around and hastily walked up to you, almost tripping on the aging floorboards. "I didn't get to introduce myself," He tipped his hat. "My name is Monkey D. Luffy, and I'm going to be King of the Pirates!"

That made you pause. "Oh." You dumbly said, not really sure how to respond. "That's... nice. But this is a staff only area-"

"You're a good fighter." The boy- Luffy you corrected yourself, interrupted and leaned in uncomfortably close. "Well, Sanji's a really good fighter, but you're pretty good too!" He made a pistol with his fingers and pretended to shoot. "You seem good with a gun. And the way you backed up Sanji and knocked that guy out? So good!"

Again, you weren't really sure how to respond. "I was only helping out, but thanks, I guess." You put your hands on your hips. "Is there something I can help you with?"

He tilted his head in confusion. "No, I'm fine."

You blinked. "But you're in a staff only area."

He nodded. "I am."

"...And you know you're not a staff member?"

He shook his head. "I'm not."

You sighed and squeezed the bridge of your nose. "I mean, why are you here?"

A smile returned to his face. "Oh, why didn't you just say so!" He waved his hand around as if announcing something great. His eyes wandered around the room, as if searching for something in the distance. You were intrigued. "I'm trying to find..."

You leaned in. "You're trying to find...?"

"Yes, I am trying to find..." His eyes slowly drifted downward until they met yours. They sparkled with great mysteries waiting to be unveiled, a sense of adventure and bravery and fearlessness that you couldn't help but admire. He smiled. "A toilet!"

Before you could stop yourself, you smacked him upside the head. "Don't pretend like it's some big, life-altering explanation, you dumbass!" With each word, you brought your hand down to slap him on any part of his body you could touch. "Besides, there's three signs for the bathroom on the way here!"

He held up his hands, trying to block your attacks. "Ow! I'm sorry! Stop hitting me!"

You rolled your eyes and stepped back, crossing your arms and glaring at him. "You're such an idiot. Fine, come with me. You can use the staff bathroom, it's right down this hall."

Luffy slowly uncurled himself and nodded. "Thanks a lot! I was sure I was going to crap my pants, you're a life saver!"

"I didn't need to know that." You sighed and beckoned him to follow with a finger. "So, King of the Pirates, huh?"

He nodded, his straw hat bobbing with him as you both walked. "Yep! We have a map to the Grand Line, and we're going to find the One Piece."

You laughed. "Only idiots with a death wish go after that thing."

"Hm, not really. I don't have a death wish." He replied with a shrug.

With a dramatic sigh, you playfully shove him. "Sure you don't, straw boy. What's next? You're gonna tell me you don't plunder and raid villages wherever you go?"

He shook his head. "We don't."

You quirked an eyebrow. "Don't yet?"

He shook his head again. "No."

"Fine then, where are you going to get money?"

"Finding the One Piece will give us all the money we'll ever need."

"And until then?"

"I don't know, but we'll figure something out."

You scoffed. "They always say that."

He tilted his head. "Do you know?"

"I do. You can kidnap a princess and random her, rob an orphanage, maybe even take a business hostage and demand money or you'll start executing patrons."

Luffy stopped and stared at you. "That's really dark."

You shrugged and continued walking. "That's what you have to do if you want to find a crazy man's last fuck-you to the government."

His smile turned into a frown. "You don't think it's real?"

"I think that Gold Rodger wanted to bring about the age of pirates, and he did." You explained. "Doesn't matter if it's real or not. Its impact on the world is more valuable than any treasure he ever got his hands on."

Within a second, he was in front of you with a cheeky grin. "Ah ha! So you do think it's real!"

A sigh escaped you. "I honestly don't care enough to believe if it's real or not. What is real is the pain, and death it's caused. Nations tearing each other and themselves apart just to find a glimpse of a shred of evidence that horrid thing is real. And men setting sail and abandoning everything just because they think finding a gold chest is worth losing their family over. Then those same men kill other men with families just like theirs, spreading their filth and disease to every home, town and village just because they can't stand the thought of a man doing the right thing by taking care of his family."

Luffy tilted his head. "You sound like you care a lot."

A tense silence filled the air and you stared at this strange, but oddly charming character. So innocent, so naive. He had no idea of the world you knew, the one that you grew up in. It's rare to find someone this optimistic, or sheltered. You pointed behind him. "Bathroom's there. Leave when you're done."

To say that you were affected by his words would've been both an understatement, and a poor choice of phrasing. You weren't affected, per say. They rubbed you the wrong way, and brought up memories you would rather just forget. It didn't help that they ordered one of everything on the menu, and you were constantly bringing out dishes to a smiling, unbothered Luffy who just shoveled food into his mouth. It was actually really impressive, and you were glad that they didn't come last week when the Baratie did that eating competition. You're pretty sure you probably would've gone out of business.

With a perfectly manufactured smile, you set down the plate of ribs on the only available space between piles of plates and stacked glasses. "And this is the final dish - our limited-time French-Style Ribs braised in red wine and cranberry." You straightened up and the plate was instantly pulled towards the centre of the table. The man in the pirate attire groaned, but he shoved a rib in his mouth and moaned. "I hope everything's been to your satisfaction. Can I get anything else for you tonight? A refill perhaps?"

The orange-haired woman smiled. "We're fine for now, thanks." With a nod, you turned to leave. "When does the bar close?"

"It's open all night, but we do a deep clean around three to four in the morning. So you may not be able to get anything on tap, but prepackaged drinks are always available." The words flowed off your tongue like a rehearsed speech, probably because it was. She smiled and nodded her thanks, before turning back to the conversation they were in. As you walked away, you spotted a certain red-haired pig-tail wearing waitress near the till. "Macy."

Said waitress flinched and slowly turned to you. "Yes, Ma'am?"

More than a little annoyed, you walked up to her and lent against the counter. "Why are you at the till?" She opened and closed her mouth like a fish, trying and failing to start a proper sentence until you stopped her with a hand. "Macy, there was one rule; don't touch the till. What are you doing right now?"

She paused. "Touching the till?"

You nodded. "Good job, you got something right." With a small glare, you pushed past her and looked at the total that she was charging, then compared it to the bill laying on the countertop. "Unless they've agreed to add a ฿65 tip on top of your 10%, I guess we've just found out who's been messing with the till."

"I-"

"You're done for the night." Her shocked expression turned into a bitter snarl and she began to tug at her apron. "Macy, you've got the body of a used fucking tube of toothpaste. No one wants to see you undress here, get the fuck out. You'll make the customers sick." She gasped, but you dismissed her with a wave and she stormed out of the restaurant. You sighed and opened the drawer beneath the counter, pulling out the book of paid receipts and bookings. Both luckily and unluckily, it was getting close to end-of-shift which meant that you had time to fix Macy's mess, but that the mess was probably smeared dog shit on a window at this point.

Grabbing out your pen and a calculator, you mentally prepared yourself for the long night ahead, when you felt something touch your back. "Hello, my darling." Sanji greeted with a kiss to the back of your neck, then rested his chin on your shoulder to watch what you were doing while his hand lazily stroked your side.

With a sigh, you turned your head to kiss him. "Hey, jerkface. Glad to see someone with a shred of intelligence." You greeted, then scribbled down some notes. "Someone's fucked the till again, and screwed the customers' out of at least three-hundred berri from what I can see."

His smile dropped and he reached for the book, tilting it so that he can see it. "Closer to five-hundred than anything. This table didn't even order the Lobster Thermidor, what the hell's going on."

You slammed your pen down in frustration and leaned back against him. "No idea, but I'm going to have to make some calls and refund tables." He wrapped his arm around your stomach and kissed the back of your ear which made you sigh and rub your face. "I need to make a list and figure out how much we fucked people out of money." You happened to look over at Luffy's table. They looked like they were toasting. "Can you bill them? It'd help a lot."

He smiled and took the piece of paper you had offered him. "Of course, my love. And give me a list of the rich pricks you want me to call. We'll divide and conquer."

"What did I do to deserve you?" You asked as he picked up the golden dish used to store cash.

"You, my love, didn't need to do anything." He pressed a kiss to your forehead and then your lips, before turning around and walking over to do as you asked.

Turning back to your mammoth task, now with a smile, you picked up your pen again and started to scribble down the sum total of every receipt that was put in by Macy. It was a good call by Zeff to bar everyone else but yourself from accessing the till. It was pretty easy to differentiate your neat and straightforward ones from Macy's abominations, but it still didn't make it any less painful. The Baratie didn't even serve quiches, so why would she even put that in there?

The telltale sound of Sanji's shoes smacking against the floorboards broke your concentration, and you looked up confused. "That was fast-" You were interrupted by him flashing you what was on the bill. You frowned at his abrupt interruption, but then squinted and jolted back slightly to look at your boyfriend. "What the shit is a 'treasure tab'?"

"We're going to find out." He said with a smile and walked past you to the kitchen. This was going to be interesting.

Just as you thought, the kitchen door slammed open and Zeff's wide, intimating frame appeared in the doorway. "Who the hell is Monkey D. Luffy?"

Luffy, sweet and innocent Luffy, popped his head out of his booth and waved his milkshake. "Here!" Zeff locked onto him and marched toward the young boy.

"You seem to be confused about the rules of the house," You and Sanji, who had just come out of the kitchen, exchanged knowing glances and you placed down your pen. Led by your boyfriend, you grabbed a jug of water while he grabbed a tray of complimentary scones and he slowly walked around the scene that was unfolding. "But Baratie doesn't offer credit. You eat, you pay." You both stopped at a nearby empty table. You started to examine the glasses in detail, admiring the way the light hit the material, while Sanji wiped the table with a piece of lettuce someone forgot to clean up.

Setting down his glass, Luffy looked up at Zeff. "I think you're confused." Sanji and you shared a look. "The meal has already been paid for. I just haven't given you the money yet."

Pretending to look around the room, you caught the stern, no-shits-given look Zeff was offering the kid. "Yeah, and how's that?"

Luffy smiled. "You can add it to my treasure tab."

You and Sanji snickered at the tone in Zeff's voice. "And what, pray tell, is that?"

"A way to get your ass beat." You mumbled and Sanji quietly shushed you with a smile, trying to hear the rest of what was being said.

Still not realising what's happening, Luffy kept talking. "I may not look like a big deal yet, but you're talking with the future King of the Pirates. And as soon as I find the One Piece, I'm gonna come back here, pay this bill in full, and with interest."

Zeff chuckled. "I got a better idea." And yanked Luffy out of his booth, dragging the confused pirate to the kitchen.

A sigh escaped you. "That certainly didn't disappoint." You commented and picked up Sanji's makeshift lettuce-rag, pocketing it to throw out later. "Guess we have a new busboy."

Sanji shook his head, but kept his eyes on the door. "Wouldn't be good at anything besides dishes." He said and paused for a second. You could see the metaphorical gears in his head turning, before he nodded toward the kitchen. "Hold on."

"Sanji, don't-" But it was too late, the love of your life had walked off, probably to rejoin the line. Your fists balled up and you let out a frustrated groan, your heels clicking as you followed after him. "Sanji! Don't piss him off. Sanji-"

The doors swung open as the blond barged in the kitchen with you on his heels. Your words fell on deaf ears and you rolled your eyes at Zeff who looked between you two confused. "Oy, oy. What do you think you're doing?"

You threw up your hands, but helped Sanji shrug off his coat. "I tried to stop him." You said as you wrapped his jacket around your arm and lent against the wall behind you.

The blond scoffed and held up a hand. "Com on, old man. Enough's enough-"

"Put the jacket back on, little Eggplant. You're not done with your shift yet." Zeff's face was tired and stern as always, and all you wanted to do was pull Sanji back and apologise for the extra stress. However, you knew that the two were stubborn and that would only cause more trouble than it's worth.

Sanji's tone suddenly sharpened. "Let me back on the line, or I walk." You almost said something, but considering you said something similar this afternoon, you settled for a glare.

"You can walk right back into the ocean for all I care. You cook another meal like that in my kitchen, it's going right where the last one did."

"You can kick me out of the kitchen all you like. I'll never be a waiter."

"Well that's fine by me, because you sure as hell are never gonna be a cook in my restaurant. Have you got that?"

Your heart broke seeing your boyfriend's face when he glanced over at you. He was so angry, and hurt, and upset. His hands were balled into fists, but you just shook your head. It wasn't worth it. His gaze shifted back to the man who had taken the both of you in, and then he turned heel, storming out of the kitchen via the hallway.

"So it was Macy, then?" When you nodded, Zeff sighed and held his face in his palm. The two of you were alone on the balcony overlooking the ocean. You were all on a thirty minute break before the next service, and you'd stumbled across the old man while trying to get some peace and quiet. The man you both admired and respected more than anyone was sat beside you tiredly rubbing his face. "And where is she now?"

You fought back what you really wanted to say, and simply shrugged, picking up your glass and taking a sip. "I sent her home for the night. Didn't want to see her fucking face, the red-haired bitch."

He shifted in his chair and leaned forward toward you, pointing a finger in your direction. "There is no talk like that in the Baratie."

You rolled your eyes and put your glass down. "It's not a big deal. Everyone here curses-"

"But you never use such vulgar language when talking about a woman." He said, his tone firm and leaving no room for arguing. "I always taught both you and that boyfriend of yours to never speak badly about, or to, a woman. Just because you're twenty-one now, doesn't mean a thing. Get that?" Ever since you were fifteen, he's drilled his way of life into your head. From scrubbing the decks every time you dropped food, to spending late nights learning the difference between the various cutlery the Baratie offered, it was almost like his life's mission to turn you into a mini-him. To this day, you couldn't eat salad with a table fork, even though the minute difference between a salad fork and a table fork were so inconsequential they were practically the same fucking thing.

You bit the inside of your lip. "Well that bitch-"

"Macy."

The condensation floating slowly down your glass seemed to be more interesting than his face. "Macy has ruined all the work I've done to make the Baratie a place where you can just sit down and enjoy a good meal with the best service around. You know, I've had to deal with so much shit. More than anyone in this goddamn place. All the harassment explained away as jokes and if I'm uncomfortable with it, I'm just 'not getting the joke'. And then having to spend hours listening to the most intolerable stories about slick, rich pricks with small dicks bitching about their toxic chicks with plastic tits. And expecting me to not spit or get sick when they talk about me like I'm some quick flick." You took a breath, counted to five, and licked your lips. "But it's not enough that she'll get away with it. You also won't let me complain about her."

He sighed. "She isn't going to get away with it." You scoffed and raised your glass to take another sip, but a hand under your chin guided your gaze to him. "Look at me." Hesitantly, you lifted your eyes to meet his. "She," He spoke slowly, his intense blue eyes piercing into mine in a way that made you feel small. "Is going to be dealt with." His hand released your chin and migrated upwards to rest atop your head, softly patting your head like he used to when you were younger. "You've done well, little Sprout." You sucked in a breath and nodded, but your pseudo-confidence wasn't fooling the old man. "And if any of these 'rich pricks with small dicks' ever bothers you again, tell me. Nothing is worth you being treated like a sack of shit over. Not the Baratie, not anything."

A fake chuckle wormed its way out of you, trying to lighten the atmosphere. "Thanks, Dad."

A smile spread across his face and he wrapped an arm around you, pulling you in and pressing his lips to your forehead. Zeff smelled like a thousand scents, oregano, paprika, and a dash of vanilla extract, but his warm touch and the feeling of his scruffy beard against your scalp only felt like one thing: safe. You hadn't realised you closed your eyes until you felt him pull away. "Now then, I've got some calls to make."

With a groan, he got up to his feet. "Are you sure? My waitress, my mistake."

He shook his head. "My Baratie, my mistake." He walked past, patting you on the head as he left the balcony.

It was time to face your boyfriend, and you were dreading it. With his coat jacket wrapped over your arm, you slowly made your way down the hall to the kitchen. The doors were swinging slightly, so you knew that someone had just walked in, and you took a deep breath, walking over to the entrance - ready to go in.

"...banned from the line." You paused when you heard Sanji's voice float through the air.

"But that meal you cooked was incredible!"

A smile graced your face and you lent against the wall just beside the doors. "The True Bluefin Sauté?"

"Yeah!"

"You tried it?"

"Yeah, of course I did! I couldn't help myself. I didn't think the food here could get any better. You know, you're a really good cook. Why is Zeff making you wait tables?"

"'Cause he's jealous. I should be running this place, but the old man's so stubborn it'll never happen."

"So, that's your dream. To be head chef of the Baratie."

A pause. "I guess-"

"No, it's not." Both men looked up at you when you entered the double doors.

The other voice who you now realised was Luffy looked at you confused. "It's not?"

Sanji laughed breathlessly and looked at the table he was sitting at, flicking open his lighter and closing it again. "It's not." He confirmed. You smiled and walked over to where your boyfriend sat, draping his coat over an empty chair.

"So you love to cook. You just don't want to cook here?"

The blond grabbed out a cigarette and looked to you where you had taken up residence next to him. When you nodded, he ignited the lighter you gave him earlier and lit the end of his cigarette. He took a drag and hummed. "There's... this place," He started and his eyes drifted to yours. You both shared a small smile. "Where you can find ingredients from all four seas. East Blue, West Blue, North and South - they call it the All Blue. Nobody knows where it is, but..." His gaze lifts heavenward. "There's fish there that have never been seen. You know, rare seaweeds, spices that have never been tasted. It's a cook's paradise, and I'm gonna find it one day." He looked back at you and placed his hand over yours. "That's my dream."

Luffy's gaze was soft, but also intense. "If you want to cook, you should cook. Don't let some stubborn old man stand in the way of your dream." He smiled. "Stand up to him! Tell him what you want."

"It's more..." Sanji looked over at you. "Complicated, than that."

The young boy shrugged. "I don't really do complicated either."

You scoffed. "For someone who claims to be a pirate, you don't like a lot of things that pirates are known for."

Luffy looked at you. "For someone who doesn't like pirates, you sure do act like one."

Before you could say anything, frantic banging on the staff exit caught you all off guard. Begging for help, a man tumbled in and fell to the floor, barely having the strength to cling onto the countertop. On instinct, you went to pull out your gun but stopped when your boyfriend raised a hand to you and marched toward the man. Being the good Samaritan you certainly weren't, Sanji and Luffy helped him up onto a chair. "Are you okay?"

The man's voice sounded croaky and scratchy. "I'm so hungry, please."

Sanji nodded and moved to the stove. "Okay, you got it, man. How does some corned-beef fried rice sound?"

Pattie, appearing from his break, quickly stood up and followed after him. "What do you think you're doing?" He demanded.

The blond didn't bother to look at him and you gave the pirate a warning look before moving to the fridge. "At Baratie, everyone eats." The love of your life explained as you rifled through the fridge for the ingredients he would need.

"And who's gonna pay for that? This is a business, we can't be giving handouts to every down-on-his-luck pirate that washes up."

"If a man is hungry, I feed him. Thank you, darling." He said when you handed him the beef.

Pattie looked at you for help, then back at him when you just shrugged. "Zeff kicked you off the line."

"Yeah, well, I don't see the old man here. Do you?"

The other chef looked at you once more, and you shrugged at him again. You both knew it was a losing battle, and so he waved his hand dismissively. "Fine, your funeral."

You couldn't keep your eyes off the strange pirate while he sat and ate, and explained what had happened to him. Sanji was way too nice a person for people like him to deserve. You knew pirates, and a part of you was tempted to hide the silverware.

"He's a good guy." Luffy, who was slowly becoming less and less of a pirate in your eyes, said and you nodded.

"Sanji's brilliant." The words came easily. "He's the kind of guy that only comes once a generation. He's a dumbass, sure, but he's a good dumbass."

He thought for a second, before turning to Sanji. "You know, if Zeff doesn't appreciate you, you should join my crew."

Your chair scraped as you stood and left the room.

A/N: I am genuinely loving writing this! As said above, I normally tend to leave the reader's backstory and personality ambiguous, but this character has just taken on a personality of her own! This one is a bit longer because I felt like there wasn't enough content in this upload to justify it. I wouldn't want to waste everyone's time with like, two conversations. I'm kinda happier with the longer/more in-depth parts because I get to spend more time building up characters and relationships, and I'm less tempted to accidentally write and spoil things that the OPLA fans haven't seen yet.

Also, I've grappled with the ages for a while now, and I've officially decided that this AU will have Sanji and (Y/N) be 21. Normally I'd leave the reader's age ambiguous, but since age is important to this story, it's needed to be put in there.

[bunnylovesani]

I know you said that you want to move on from this, but I have to tell you my thoughts because I can’t stop thinking about all of this.

I am a content creator as well, and I write for Anakin. I have been writing for various characters from various shows for years on here, and nothing - nothing - is more toxic than this fandom right now.

From everything I’ve witnessed, I can only attribute it to one person. Indy.

Unfortunately he cannot be helped because of how vain he is, which aren’t even my words. They are his. And it would be fine, if he just left other people alone.

But indy is a bully. A big bully. He polices this whole fandom like he’s got nothing better to do at all. And I’m so sick of it. It makes me and other creators feel like we have to walk on eggshells when we post on here (thus why I am anon. Because god forbid indy sees this, and his little squad of bitter rejects try to ‘cancel’ me too - which, don’t even get me started on cancel culture).

Indy has been called out for creating things before that other people don’t like. His advice? “Just block, don’t read, keep scrolling.” How fucking hard is it to practice what you preach, rather than dragging a new person through the mud each week?

Not to mention, that shit indy was spewing a few weeks back about “not liking how other creators are writing about Anakin because it’s not correct” ? “Be careful with my toy?” “I’m taking him back until you can learn how to handle him correctly?” What kind of entitlement let’s him believe Anakin is HIS to write for only. Anakin is not his idea. He is not his toy. He is George Lucas’s idea that EVERYONE can enjoy, and play with.

And his opinion is not the only correct one out there. I don’t care how much “character studying” he’s done, he can be wrong. Other people can “character study” and come up with completely different conclusions about Anakin. And he can also just let people write what they want to write. Don’t like it? Block, don’t read, keep scrolling. Stop fucking posting about it and laying claim to something that was never his to begin with.

I tried to support indy, because again, he is a phenomenal writer. but he’s way too problematic. It makes me sick seeing his name pop up on my feed, cause that blog literally emits toxic energy.

I am sorry he sunk his claws into you.

Anyways, this isn’t about indy. He was told it was a private matter so he had no reason to butt his big head in anyway. This is about you and Ava.

While Ava may have written an Anakin stalker au, she DOES NOT own it. Nobody own that. Cause nobody owns the ideas of stalkers, and nobody owns the idea of Anakin except GL and Disney. Your work does not resemble hers even slightly. And whose to say someone else hasn’t already written that au in the past? Maybe it’s buried somewhere in tumblr’s vaults. Do they own that idea? Should you dig through years of posts and credit them somehow?

The whole idea is ridiculous. You credit people for their original ideas if you are inspired by them and have permission to use it. You do not need to ask permission or credit something that belongs to everyone.

I could start writing about, I don’t know, firefighter!anakin right now - do I then OWN that au?

Fuck no!

We are all here for the same reason. To write fake scenarios about fake people. Of course, don’t blatantly steal peoples words and ORIGINAL ideas, but the fact that people are spouting all this bullshit about OWNING these common au-ideas now is crazy. Unless you’ve done some kind of world-building or OC-creating, that shit is not original. It’s been done before and it will be done again. Cry about it.

Now let’s bring the linecook Anakin au into consideration. How is it fair that Tilly can write about it, not credit anyone, and get away scotch free? Why didn’t she get called out like you did?

Granted she took it down, but I still think it’s horseshit. Nobody owns that idea. I’ve seen it used for so many different characters on various platforms. She did not have to take it down for some bullshit law indy place on this fandom.

I really am saddened that so many people got dragged into this. Ava left; an amazing content creator. Tilly deleted her work; also an amazing creator. And indy continues to show his true colors; an entitled asshole who can’t let anyone breathe on here.

I want to go back to when this shit was enjoyable. Now all I see on my feed is people throwing each other around because no one can play nice anymore.

Don’t steal peoples ideas. But don’t claim ideas as your own if they are NOT original.

I am on your side bunny. I think you’ve made some very good points, and I commend you for keeping your work up and for standing up for yourself.

At the end of the day, you are a victim of circumstance. I truly just think people need to stop dick riding indy. And I know if he ever sees this, he’ll try to make some witty comeback that only halfway makes sense. he always sounds so defensive when he tries too hard to make it seem like he doesn’t care. He probably cries himself to sleep over these things. I think he needs that.

DAMN ANON. Wish I knew who you were so I could kiss you.

I second everything you’ve said. Blocking me without giving me the chance to respond or explain to a public post made about me was very high and mighty as well as cowardly of him.

I don’t have much more to add since I said I was done talking but I’m gonna post this masterpiece so others can read it.

Seriously thank you for taking the time to write this out and share your valuable thoughts, much love ⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡

[drill-teeth]

So glad to see your being fat on purpose positivity, the last time I had interaction with another heavyset person they tried to imply my weight was my misery. It's honestly so nice knowing there's other people who CHOSE to do this. People acted like I was crazy for it.

I don't struggle because I'm fat. I struggle because of how society treats fat and fat people. Being fat is cool as hell. The root of most problems with being fat is fatphobia. And that is not my fault or my responsibility to conform to or mean that choosing to be proudly fat is incorrect. It's incorrect in the eyes of society and society spews a bunch of bullshit so I think I will not care what others think if I decide to gain some weight. It's my body and anyone who doesn't like it genuinely doesn't get a say and is being a nosey, insecure asshole.

People LOVE to project their own insecurities onto others bodies. Fat bodies especially. They think "well I wouldn't be happy if I was that weight so I will tell you not to be happy with it either and this is extremely shitty of me to do and makes other people feel bad but I will not understand that because I think I'm helping" and then encourage you to do a diet that won't even stick anyway. It's bullshit. And it's so hard to find like. Positivity and solidarity with other fat folks sometimes because this mindset really runs deep, even for fat people.

My big ol' rant on that aside. I'm glad you liked my being fat on purpose positivity post! Being fat is cool and epic and choosing to gain fat is just as much of a normal goal to set for your own body as gaining muscle or anything else. I hope I can put some more squishy meat on these bones before the end of this year, myself! And I think you're epic for choosing to gain fat too!

[roo-bastmoon]

A bit of housekeeping...

I'm so glad to welcome some new friends to this blog, but I just want to make sure everyone knows what they are in for, so here's some quickie reminders:

I'm Jimin ult-biased and a Jikook supporter, so that's mostly what I post about. But I'm OT7 and I love loving on all our boys.

I am streaming and buying for Yoongi, just as I do for all 7, and I am excited that Yoongi will be my first ever concert! But I won't be posting tips and tutorials and reminders and such for D-Day. The info provided for Jimin also applies to all BTS works, and honestly I need a bit of a break as I have a lot of deadlines and some (thankfully minor) health issues to tackle.

Just so you know, I'm a toddler ARMY. Joined the fandom about a year and a half ago. I'm still finding my way, still working through official content. I'm not a big blog. I'm not an important blog. I love discussions and I never mind answering questions, but I'm not clever enough to be anyone's guide, so, please do your due diligence with the big accounts, and we can learn together!

I just cannot stand drama. I don't have the heart for it. It literally pains me when people get meanspirited. So when in my presence, please never ever shade any of the members. Don't share weird creepy invasive stuff. And yes, some things need to remain closeted and bad shit happens in life, but I'm allergic to conspiracy theories and victim narratives.

To the new folks who joined me but have only one or two posts... it's entirely possible you're using a fake account to keep tabs on Jikook accounts. And listen. As long as you don't start drama and spew hate? It's okay by me if you lurk here. You might see things from a new perspective, or you might not. I support your right to make up your own mind. I have no agenda. I will never go into other people's spaces and insist they see things the way I do. Just know, I will block so fast your head will spin if you start up with bullshit. Simply try to be a good human, that's all I ask.

And with that in mind, every time I do anything as a Jimin fan, I ask myself "Would Jimin feel honored by this?" and if the answer is no, I course correct. I am human and I will make mistakes, but I at least know the following to be true:

Jimin loves his members. Jimin has a very special bond with Jungkook. Jimin hypes up other artists. Jimin never brags about himself nor speaks ill of anyone. Jimin works hard in silence. Jimin tells the truth but never shares much of his personal life. Jimin strives to be perfect, but no matter what is always authentic.

All these things are clues as to how he'd like fans to behave. So I act accordingly and hope you do, too.

All that being said, I strongly suspect Hobi will be coming to us again around Easter, and I really hope we ask him thoughtful questions and share meaningful messages of support. Let's do our best to raise the level of discussion they have with us on Weverse! And let's be sure to send him off feeling bolstered by our love, instead of weighed down by our demands for reassurance around his military service.

Right now, I need to take a bit of a rest. It's been a crazy three weeks! PLEASE make free trial Pandora accounts if you are a US ARMY, and no matter what, keep streaming and reaching out to funding accounts to buy.

Let's do our best for our boys and walk with them each step of the way! It's been quite a journey so far, hasn't it?

Love, Roo

[reflections-in-a-critical-eye]

I genuinely do not understand why everybody wants BTS to be goody-two-shoes. For f-k's sake, I personally don't give a rat's a-s, even if they start following gangsters one fine day. It's their life, their choice, it's their account, as long as the person they follow is legally allowed on the platform, it's fine. I get that they are celebrities and need to stick to certain rules, but this is truly difficult for me to understand. They can't follow fellow female k-pop stars or anyone who perhaps interests them, like, what is this?!! I used to think that this is a cultural difference because maybe, I just don't understand Korean Idol culture in depth, but now to my utter dismay, I see it's my friends who I hang out with that make a big deal out of who they follow or unfollow.

I mean, everybody's allowed to judge anyone for being friends with people of questionable reputation, but to spew hatred and nonsensical stuff of this degree, just for this is just so f-king toxic. I swear this fandom is bat shit crazy. And for once I wish they would just start randomly following anybody and everybody they want to, and keep following regardless of the hullabaloo of "ARMY". This catering to the fanatical whims of "their" fandom gets on my nerves. Sometimes I feel BTS themselves are also very insecure about losing their fandom, which funny enough, kind of makes me feel sad for them. This whole need of BTS Armys to forever visualize them as sweet soft teddy bears, who don't have vices and needs and wants and everything else like regular humans, (when they are actual billionaires) is simply delusional.

And BTS needs burner accounts, for what it's worth.

You're preaching to the choir here. Army obsesssed with the IG accounts, obsessed about the people BTS members interact here and how it's perceived. All from this moral high ground, as if their opinion matters. As if they can control the actions of some adult men that can can and should do whatever they want, especially in the case of such non-issues. I wish Tae would grow a pair and just follow whomever he wants and not backtrack on it. What would actually happen? Nothing. Because it's not that serious. The fact that they only follow each other on their public IG accounts is such BH ot7 bullshit cause god forbid there's a chance for their narrative to be in danger. It's silly and innacurate of their real life, which is the case with so much BTS content out there. That entire need for authenticity and what made them relatable in a way through the way they interacted online and shared so much of their process and journey, it's long forgotten.

They won't lose their entire fanbase. They'd still get their money and fame and adoration. But nothing will change for the better if they don't put their foot down and send a clear message to their fans that they're not some kids. Because Army is not treating them like adults (and everything that entails) as long as they call BTS "our boys" that need to be protected in situations when there is absolutely no need for that. Imagine thinking you need to protect men close to their 30s. Like, just think about it and take out BTS out of the equation and them being regular men. Is this where we are at? Not me, certainly.

[foxfairy06]

HIIIII poookkksss its ollie, u banned me so ill yell at you on tumbllrrr <33333. YOU ARE A JOKKKE. "No cause i literally got diagnosed on the phone but ok hunn go off". okay sure, seriously doubtful because you could lie over the phone... did you know that... bet you didnt. anyway. like thats your reply to what u actually have to do to get a diagnosis, so your over the phone shit is actual bullshit. like its not covid no reason to do that, and also they need to see you in person and have you explain how your feeling aswell as your movements and the way that you respond to questions to get a diagnosis, or they will ask your family and friends or your teaching if they have noticed behavior that is needed for your diagnosis. so BULLSHIT BULLSHIT :333. Telling me to touch grass, god you so basic oml. also calling me a hypocrite when your a literal exclusionist , which you get to decide what is and isnt in the lgbtqia+ community is hypocrisy. from the merriam webster "a person who acts in contradiction to his or her stated beliefs or feelings" and something you said in our messages, "The basis is lgbt topics. It's meant to be a place for lgbt exclusionists to gather" you say you support ppl of lgbtq but if they dont meet your criteria or if you dont think their queer you exclude them. thats hypocrisy. anyway hope you actually get the help you need so you can WAKE THE FUCK UP for you stupidity <3 which i will continue to state because my proof above proves it <3.

-ollie p.s you are still a ball of sperm we all are its not rude its a literal fact

p.p.s if you bring up what i said in the server here is a message i sent to you "i was spewing BULLSHIT" which you know is because i am a troll and i was gathering dirt on you pooks

p.p.p.s i have screenshotted all of out chats <3 karmas a bitch she is coming for you.

Karma for??? Being a good person? I didn't say anything rude, homophobic, or bad to you so you have no actual leverage here. That's like saying "i took screenshots so karma is coming for you<3" to the poor child you just harassed that eas being respectful and kind to you the whole time.

For those who don't understand, green text to the rescue!

> be ollie

> be sitting at your moms computer, bored

> decide your life isn't angry enough

> create an entire Tumblr spewing radmed shit thinking transmeds will follow you

> find a transmed with a server

> start saying super homophobic shit and harass everyone

> get muted for being homophobic and transphobic and harassing people

> message all the mods and call them names for muting your

> admit you were trolling then scream and cry at the owner for being transmed while calling him names and making strawmen and adhominem

> get banned

> still be a pissbaby who can't stop being angry with his life

> decide touching grass is too much

> go leave a novel of an ask under the owners Tumblr that makes several assumptions and zero sense then question their means of diagnosis.

For those who don't have context, i am trans, I am duosex, I went to a therapy place for free, and saw a therapist. He immediately started going through the criteria for dysphoria because I asked but we ran out of time. So I'm getting my diagnosis finished over the phone. It took me two appointments and $0 to get a gender dysphoria diagnosis. So stop acting like this is difficult or hurting anyone.

It's not hypocrisy to provide a safe space for a group and exclude people. You would provide a safe space for enben that has binary people in it? Because they aren't enby. Thus they don't need that space, and could fuck it up.

You're the hypocrite calling me names and crying and screaming at me calling me crazy. Seriously get some help. Therapy is an option. If you don't feel safe in your current mental state you could always check in at an ER and tell them you need help. You could also look around. Many places provide therapy for free. Utilize these resources and stop harassing strangers online. I hope that goes well for you.

[its-moopoint]

When you thought shippers couldn't sink any lower they spew this vomit.

wildfernflower

I'm pretty sure the choice of this very "remarkable" date for the funeral was not accidental. She with her family could organize it one day earlier or later if only they wished so. Monaghan is a small parish, I very much doubt all days around Aug 10th were booked out for funerals, weddings, or other ceremonies. But C has now a perfect excuse not to celebrate or even mention the anniversary and mourn her late father instead.

margareth-lv

She’s just a victim of her own fate… 🤦🏻‍♀️

auburncurlslass

There's not one shred of evidence of C and maestro except MC from GRO.UK with zero validation. Z E R O.

loveoutlanderworld

Such a sad coincidence 😔 fate is very interesting. Anyway, she posted a pic of herself with a goat after her wedding, so maybe she will post a pic with a horse or with Adso for her anniversary, you know the “husband” is very shy 😂😂😂

jays911

OMG!!! Stars aligned!!!

auburncurlslass

Omg....what a fucking coincidence!....who would have thought that fate had other ideas regarding Caitriona's bag of lies. August 10, 2019....the fake wedding that never happened...

=================

They posted anniversary wedding photos of Priyanka Chopra and Eleanor Tomlinson and the one with Cait and her brother at the funeral to mock her and Tony, because that photo is of her and Sam "holding each other". Pushing aside the fact that PC and ET don't have crazy shippers stalking their homes and trashing them and their spouses, but do these imbeciles even know how funerals are planned, especially for large families with relatives and friends scattered all over the country or the world? That it takes time to gather everyone who wants to attend? Her family is one of those and her dad was a well liked and respected police officer. He passed away on August 2nd and the funeral was on August 10. Basically one week which is normal to gather everyone together.

They intentionally want her to think of August 10 as a wedding spoiler. This is how evil they are.

I have no doubt that Cait is able to lovingly remember her dad and celebrate her wedding without diminishing either, but these women are so demented they can only think one evil way.

Yes I'm aware of this disgusting piece of bullshit. Several people found it as offensive as you did and reported it to me.

I have only one warning for "dear" Margaret above: karma finds its way sooner rather than later and the amount of bile in her posts regarding C's father's death will come directly back at her.

It's ridiculous that this needs to be said to full grown ups but it's clear by now these idiots don't form a full working neuron together between the lot of them so lets break it down easily. You can't choose when your loved ones die, it happens when it does and then there are formalities and time periods to observe. Finally at such ages there's important stuff and minor stuff and no one of 40 years will throw a tantrum at having their birthday or anniversary or holidays postponed by the death of a close relative FFS.

As for the rest of the stupid post regarding celebrity couples who share their lives on social media, you can't put CB there since she never shared in her SM footage of her private life with her husband or son. It's all under her control, what she shares and what she doesn't.

I'm glad there's the comment above mentioning the marriage certificate from GRO and these lunatics saying it means nothing. At least any outsider tempted by their rubbish would leave the thought immediately at reading that.

[coughsyrups]

there are so many thoughts stirring in my head and now that i’ve sat down to start spewing them out i’m overwhelmed by the magnitude and stuck, like i’m trying to squeeze chunks of my emotions through a hole big enough to fit one at a time, but easily blocked by many. i can’t say everything i want to say all at once. i backtrack, and repeat myself, and wander aimlessly around what i want to say like a fool.

i think i’m going crazy.

getting better is never linear. life imitates art imitates life imitates poetry; which is art, which, naturally, imitates life. don’t romanticize your suffering, because pain isn’t necessarily beautiful, and just because you can find beauty in your sorrow doesn’t mean you needed to suffer. just because you put your vase back together with golden glue doesn’t mean it never broke in the first place. being fragile and pretty and traumatized is not cool, actually, and i’m sick of the metaphors, and the narrative, and especially the foreshadowing.

i have always read writings written on walls. and i sit down and i write my little songs about it, and when i get hurt inevitably it’s marginally easier because i knew it was going to happen. and i already wrote some four chord ABAB bullshit that i can sing over and over again until i process it by desensitizing myself to the situation. because i have to make everything funny, i have to make everything palatable, i have to make everything art. and i haven’t been creating art lately. god, haven’t i suffered enough? this isn’t the kind of suffering i know how to write about. not having money to eat isn’t something you just slip into the second verse. i’ve tried and tried, and no one ever sees the part where i try except for him. they see me quitting jobs, they see me calling out sick, they see me spending forty bucks on chinese takeout when i have bills and rent and appointments. what about me holding two jobs with 60 hour work weeks, and STILL struggling to save a fucking a dollar? i overwork myself to the point of burnout, and when i get a pitiful fucking nothing paycheck there’s nothing i can really do to hold out any longer mentally. so i quit. so i chase a dollar’s worth of a promotion and jump from job to job, sitting at the lowest rung, looked over and taken advantage of and talked about and misgendered, misgendered, misgendered. i want to hide!! i don’t want to see myself in windows walking from job one to job two, i hate everything about my body, and i use it as an excuse to not correct people using the wrong pronouns for me, which just makes me hate it even fucking more. oh, i understand why people use she/her, my boobs are just so big teehee!! but i don’t get how nobody even fucking tries. i’m not saying i’m some magical perfect person but i make an effort, a conscious, serious effort, to remember people’s pronouns, to ask their pronouns, to properly gender them. the only people who use my pronouns consistently are max and my mom, who are both cisgender. it hurts so bad when my trans friends don’t use my pronouns. you should know more than anyone! how much it sucks! do i have to take hormones? do i have to “dress nonbinary”? i don’t want to change my voice, i don’t want to change my closet, i don’t want to change anything except my chest, and that’s more a health and comfort and weight thing than dysphoria!

if i don’t get this breast reduction, i genuinely feel like i might give up entirely. on everything. on living well. on waking up. because wouldn’t that just be fucking great? the chance to be comfortable in my body for the first time since i was… 14? 15? if this gets ripped away from me i might just run away, i don’t know! i don’t have a cent to my name but i could do it. go home, work a job for a few months. save up a couple hundred. then go no contact with everyone who’s ever known me. buy a plane ticket. move somewhere far, where the cost of living is low, and just restart. i could steal my documents. i could figure something out. craigslist exists, i’m sure someone needs a roommate. would my loved ones try to find me? i’d leave a note, of course. something to say that i’m gone, and that i might come back, but i don’t know when. would they be willing to wait? i don’t know what i’d want them to do. part of me would want to be found, like some princess in a castle, waiting to be rescued and returned to the kingdom. but if i chose to leave, i would want to stay gone. maybe after a few months, i would send a letter. no return address, of course. i don’t want them to think i got murdered.

i don’t want to make people sad. i don’t want people to hate me. i don’t want people to even dislike me. i want to be loved, and make people happy, and be everybody’s best friend who they can talk to about anything. but i’m lonely, and i’ve always been lonely, and i always will be lonely. in every lifetime, every timeline, every minute, i’ve always been a step removed, like the narrator is possessing my body and observing characters in a story. i can see them, and they can see me, and we can talk and have fun, but i’m here to see this story through. i’m here to tell this story. i’m here to check for plot holes and predict the twists nobody sees coming, and then when everything’s over i move on to the next chapter. moving along like everything is fine. that’s just how the story goes, nothing i can do. i am lonely, and this last year and a half has been nice, because i think max is lonely like i am. i think we deal with it in different ways. i think i’m fighting my loneliness, challenging it, trying to change how i’m written, but he handles it so well. he can be alone, not that he always wants to be, but even when he doesn’t want to be alone, i don’t think it drives him half as insane as it drives me.

i want to rip my hair out, or shave it off, or give myself bangs. i want to scream, but everybody wants to scream. i want to drive my car off a bridge. (i want to fly.) i want to float motionless at the bottom of a bathtub. (my hair makes a halo.) and see? there’s the metaphors. there’s the poetry, and the art, and the symbolism, oh the symbolism, because i can’t just process my feelings like normal people do. but this is good, because the alternative to writing this is laying awake thinking this. or, rather, thinking three sentences at once, because of all these voices in my head talking over each other. i’m at the breaking point. i don’t want anyone to help me right now, i don’t want someone on snapchat messaging me “ily! i hope u feel better soon” which is ironic considering how many of those messages i’ve sent to others.

i’m confused. i don’t think i’m scared. but i’m anxious. and i’m frustrated. i don’t know what to do, going forward? i’m not gonna run away to wyoming. i’m not gonna kill myself. i have to keep living. and keep going. i have to prove to myself that things will get better. it’s sunk cost fallacy, i didn’t kill myself at 19 so why should i now? i could’ve then. maybe i should’ve, the only people i would’ve hurt would have been my family. nobody else was close enough to me where they wouldn’t be able to get over it. it’s funny, getting dumped after a month was the end of the world to me back then. like a kid, falling off their bike and skinning their knee, screaming and wailing so hard at the sight of a few drops of blood and some scraped skin that the neighbors come outside to see what’s wrong. the world is ending! but it’s not. you put on a bandaid and move on.

i’ve had worse injuries since then. and even though they hurt just as bad, i learned to push through the pain, to conquer it mentally. i’ve put on a lot of bandaids. but i’m not trying to minimize how it felt in the moment, because it is the worst thing you have yet experienced. and each time you have a worse experience, you’re better equipped to deal with it. even better, when you experience something of equal or lesser trauma, it’s no big deal! you’ve had worse! wayyyy worse. what i’m saying is, how i felt that night in 2019 was valid, because i had never experienced heartbreak before. i didn’t know how to deal with it. i didn’t know i could hurt like that. now i’ve been hurt like that so many times that i can shut it off, deal with it mentally, think it through, push through the pain. and i hope i come to a day when i feel the same way about right now.

i’ve met the love of my life. i’m scheduled for a life changing surgery. i’m finally been living on my own. i have two sweet little kitties. and i’ve been trying hard not to let the negatives outweigh the positives, but that’s not the full picture. i’m not being negative when i say things are bad right now. i’m being honest. things aren’t perfect between max and i. i have this weird sense of jealousy where i think about how i’m the “first partner he’s actually, genuinely loved” and also, the first partner* he hasn’t actually, genuinely fucked. (*a few outlier relationships have been excused from this statement.) and that’s so stupid, right? it’s so shallow. isn’t this what i wanted, something beyond just a sexual agreement between two people who don’t seem to like each other all that much? yes, it is, and i am grateful, i am beyond grateful to love someone who loves me, and cares for me and about me, who i love to spend time with and talk to, who i fall asleep next to. i just get this hangup. why not me? i know the answer. the answer is i’m not pressuring him to do something he doesn’t want to do, and that will never change. i’m not going to guilt trip him into having sex with me, and the thought of ever doing that makes me sick. but i feel odd thinking that there’s other people who have loved him, just like me, that shared this experience with him, and i haven’t. and i don’t know when i will. if i will? i don’t know!

the surgery has me scared. not because it’s a surgery, i’m not scared about complications. but what about the money, how long will i be paying this off for? what if there’s an issue with healing? an infection? breasts become misshapen? bottom out? uneven? i gain more weight and they grow again? as soon as i’m able to i need to work out. i don’t want to have my stomach be larger than my breasts and that’s probably going to be the case after the surgery. i just hope i like the way i look. i know i’ll be more comfortable but i just… i didn’t think this would happen so soon. this happened incredibly fast and i have barely begun to process it. i’m just basically half dissociative every day at this point.

and august is our last month in the apartment, and then we’re moving home. i won’t live with max anymore. i won’t live with the girls anymore. no more late night hot tub, no more queen sized mattress, no one holding me every night. everything’s going to be over. everything that we built here, we’ll try to get a storage unit but what if we can’t, what if we have to get rid of everything? we don’t have a lot of space in our new living situations. it just doesn’t seem fair.

i wish the money from the tax return had been spent wiser. i wish max hadn’t been unemployed for so long. i wish i could work 60 hour weeks without getting burnt out. i wish i made $100 a minute for playing cookie run. wouldn’t that be nice?

and now… the lawsuit. where do i begin? it’s entirely unreal. i thought i felt insane, now i’m starting to think i actually am. this is some serious psychosis, lilia, you should be admitted asap. i want this to happen for him and his family, they deserve it more than anything, i don’t really know… what i’m supposed to say about it though? i don’t want to say anything. i just want to say, cool, you have money now, my shift starts in ten minutes though so i have to go, i’m already late. what does this change? does this change anything? why would it? it’s just money. but then i think about when i was working runrun and the saint, working til 3 in the morning, crying and panicking over being a hundred short for something or other. is that over now? forever? i don’t know how he’s planning on budgeting/using it, i don’t want to say a word of advice to him on it unless he asks me. he doesn’t need unsolicited advice from me. this has been happening his entire life, and i’ve known for like, two days? there’s nothing i can say or suggest that he hasn’t already thought of.

but it’s strange to think about how this has been here the whole time, in the background, beyond my knowledge. never mentioned. never explained. “well i bet you have it figured out by now” no actually! despite how badly i’ve been wanting to snoop or eavesdrop out of curiosity, i have fully respected your wishes to keep this private! all i thought it was was some sort of settling of affairs. how the fuck would i have ever been able to guess a fraction of this situation?

i guess it’s not the worst thing to be blindsided by. at least you don’t have like, a kid, idk. but i hate to say it… if you were hiding this for so long, what else is there? is there anything else you haven’t told me? you’ve never given me a single ghost of a reason not to whole heartedly trust you and believe you’re giving me the full story. until now! that’s what i feel weird about. that’s why i’m kind of upset. what else do i not know about you? i’m pretty sure you know everything about me.

i love you. that hasn’t changed. i’ll always love you. i just don’t know why you let yourself be unemployed for over a month. i don’t understand how you could keep something as crazy as this under the table for our entire relationship. today is actually a year and a half from our first date. a year and a half without a word, except for, “would you be mad if i pulled a crazy rich asians on you?” i guess i should’ve said, no, i would not be mad at all! if you had worked that month, we might not be moving out. or we might still be, i don’t know. i’ll never know, because that’s not what happened.

i’m tired. see, this is how my writing always goes. all deep and flowery and full of metaphorical rambling that doesn’t make sense and is way too self referential and meta. but then the moment i start talking about my relationships i get more direct. and, idk, sassy. and i start saying fuck.

hey. you say you wish i could’ve met your dad almost every time you talk about him. and i’ve never told you this, because i don’t want to sound crazy, but i probably am crazy, and knowing me i’ll show you this some day, or, knowing you, you’ll just find it, so basically, i don’t mind sounding crazy. you wish i could’ve met him, and i wish so as well, but in a way, i feel like i already have. i see him in you, in how you act, and how you talk about him, and the stories, and the rare pictures and videos. when you’re talking about him, i feel like he’s here, next to us. i think we would’ve been friends. i think he would’ve liked my tattoo. i think he would’ve liked my music. i think he would’ve liked my family. he’s your angel, and that sounds silly, and i don’t mean it super literally, nor do i mean it in a cheap psychic way. i think what we put into the world stays there, our love. you have his love. you carry that with you, and i think you also carry his pain, because no one else was there to pick it up for him after he was gone. i don’t know what else to say, just that i’ve always felt connected to him through you. your love for each other is so strong that i can see it today.

pain isn’t beautiful. neither is suffering. it’s a misconception, because what’s really beautiful is perseverance, and strength, and every little good thing in the world. the scar is beautiful, but that wound isn’t. just because the healing was because of the pain, that doesn’t mean the pain was what created the beauty. we shouldn’t need to hurt.

thanks to sunk cost fallacy, i’m going to get better, because i missed my chance to kill myself four years ago, and now i have no choice but to keep living, to keep loving, and to make new reasons to stay alive. the only way out is through, because you can only go forward, and i missed the suicide exit and now i’m stuck on the bridge of recovery.

at least i have a sunpass.

[heys0ulmate]

lottie raping nat without drugging her is also very hot tbh like. natalie being so much more aware and resistant and scared, because this is lottie, lottie who she used to shoplift with. lottie who used to bum cigarettes from her after practice. this girl, the one who has her pinned against a tree right now, is not the lottie she used to know. this one looks at natalie like prey. like shes going to devour nat. and maybe thats what this is. lottie is consuming her, putting nat in her place for all of her recent pushback and disobedience. and natalie cant fucking do anything about it. everyone else has become a follower of whatever crazy bullshit lottie has been spewing. even shauna and tai have joined. natalie is back to being the outcast, and instead of the lottie she used to know, the one who didnt care about nats outcast status and treated her as an equal, this version.. this version says natalie needs to let lottie protect her. even as she holds nat in place, and fucks her, bloody, recently cut hand pressed firmly over nats mouth, lottie growls to her about how the wilderness is already in her. that its in all of them, and natalie needs to let it in before it punishes her. and natalie.. nat just squeezes her eyes shut even tighter, because what is punishment from the wilderness if not this? fucking crazy ass forest deity lottie raping her, scraping her face against the bark of the tree, or the dirt on the ground. it makes nat sick, cus this isnt an entirely unfamiliar experience, but despite their recent hostility, natalie never once thought lottie would be capable of doing this to her. this lottie has wanted nat to submit to her will since the day she became some cult goddess. this lottie takes what she wants. and natalie tries so hard to disassociate as lottie bites at her and fucks her ruthlessly. nat cant do anything but whimper behind lotties tight grip on her mouth and she wishes more than anything that she was back on the school bleachers, smoking and talking shit about people who deserved it with the old lottie

[struggle-but-its-all-ocean-floor]

Ah, I'm afraid of posting this because I'm unsure of my own reasoning. People are going to read this and be like "Duh, we know that", or call me a Jimin anti because of the timing, which is why I also mentioned JK. I'll admit my bias because if JK had gotten that number 1 I would've been way happier, but I keep seeing ridiculous praise about his achievements on Twitter too and I think most of it is bullshit - just like that crap every solo spews about x member being hated by the company.

I don't know how to express this without sounding like I'm shitting on Jimin's hard work and talent, but Armys saying they're so proud of Jimin because he ended kpop (quoting PDogg) and because he got that number 1 on the Hot 100 without any radio play or a collab.... Did Jimin achieve those things, or was it Army? BTS don't have an industry backing them up so it's much harder for their music to be heard by the GP - unless their song is a huge hit, it's hard for the GP to listen to it. I understand this, which is why Army needs to stream and buy the fuck out of their music for it to do well. If Jimin hadn't released a song people generally loved, and if he wasn't super popular even among BTS for all the wonderful things he is and does, he would not have gotten that number 1. But claiming that Jimin achieved this feat all on his own is just untrue. Like Crazy isn't that huge of a hit and Jimin wouldn't have gotten that number 1 without the fans doing the most for him. I'm proud of Jimin too - we wouldn't do that shit for just anyone - but Army should be proud of Army too. Jimin could've worked way less and gotten similar results, simply because he's that loved and Army have been planning for his debut for a long time. Hybe also did a good job helping Army get Jimin that number 1. I honestly feel like this is, first of all, Army's achievement, just like that number 1 for LGO was all Army, or any other solo achievement. Except for Dynamite, Butter, PTD, and My Universe and a few other songs which had GP support, all the success BTS have gotten with their solos has been at least 70% because of Army. It's great that BTS are breaking down barriers and their popularity is undeniable. It's also true that BTS don't have the privilege of their music being shoved down everyone's throats, but, for the most part, BTS's music isn't the kind that goes viral - even if racism and xenophobia weren't an issue.

I don't know how to express this. I'm not trying to rain on Jimin, or BTS's, parade but fans exaggerate so much and I need to get off Army twitter. They talk about Jungkook's huge success with L&R as if Charlie's name and Army's efforts weren't half the reason why the song did well. All of these achievements are way less impressive than Army let's on. Having a fanbase this dedicated is amazing in itself, but it's like when talking about BTS's achievements Armys leave themselves out of the conversation as if they aren't the driving force behind BTS's achievements. I guess you could say this about any celebrity - they usually have money and connections backing them up and very few of them have an organic story of success like BTS's - but I wish fans acknowledged Army's role a bit more. BTS are huge - you have to be to have a fanbase getting you a number 1 on BB without any radio play or playlisting, but, at the same time, Jungkook's talent isn't the main reason why L&R did well, is it? It's why fans love him, maybe, but the song itself would've done just as well even if Jungkook had sounded bad in it.

I really don't know how to phrase this, but, essentially, bragging about BTS going viral when Armys are usually working overtime to make them viral is a bit contradictory. But I guess most things don't go viral by accident.

[alyosiuscreightonward]

Dearest Nomi-San.

In our recent conversation, you mentioned that you had felt some kind of way about not having a village to raise a child and that you like me also felt as if we were cursed.

As cliché as this meme is, it’s actually pretty close to our reality.

Unlike other children, you had a village and I appeared as the shaman attempting to make it all better. There were instances where I triumphed and I had spectacular failures.

So much has happened since then and since we actually saw each other. Our relationship has been frayed for years because of the shit storm that was swirling around us. Our memories of what went down, well…it’s similar but also skewed towards who was to blame and we were just a subset of numbers in that crazy ass equation which at times just didn’t add up to anything but “Reality stranger than fiction.” I think that when we tell our stories starting from Montello Street then via Calvary Street to you being in Rock Ledge and me being in Texas.

Today in 2023, we continue to work on ourselves as best we can and with what tools we have available to us. I’m realizing that I need meds to help with my mental health issues and you have your own bullshit to contend with on the daily.

I have my own thoughts and I could offer up my opinions but I have to say that I’m going not be the one. I have to figure it out myself and I’m sure that you will do the same. Now we just aren’t going to give into that nonsense or negativity anymore because we must find our own moment of zen.

We are soldiers. We have no other option but to march. We have no other choice but to fight back against it all. There are moments when we feel as though if we have had a chance to take that one giant leap forward, fuck!!! We’ve gone two steps back. Ugh!!! I too like you want to know first hand what it means to ease the pain of the day away and then take time for ourselves. It’s a fifty fifty shot at the wheel of fortune. Sometimes the roulette wheel hits double zero and it’s fabulous. Yet the other times, shit hits the fan. WTAF??!! FML!!!

It’s true, do we win the battle or lose the war? Whatever happens to us we will always be in the game and we will never stop marching forward. I’m sure that your Gawd or my higher power will come to aid, abet, assist and help us in some itty bitty teeny tiny little way regardless. We will stumble, fall and or just land flat on our heads. It’ll be a hot shitty boo boo mess. We ended up here and now we’re going to figure out how to get out of it. We’re not living under the delusion as some of our contemporaries are.

Give your self permission to scream in the vacuum of space meanwhile knowing that we can’t dodge the raindrops and we will get soaking wet. We will continue to shed our exoskeletons and one day, I know it’s coming, we will have all the accolades for what we’ve accomplished. I also know that we don’t take our own advice. So, whatever drivel I spew, I keep on marching on no matter how much I hurt mentally or physically and you are right there with me.

We are unable to care for or care about the other people who have been in our lives. We are the toughest and the most important.

[humanityinahandbag]

If anyone actually took time to read the article they'd see that this is only true for positions that do not require rigorous activities, like dragging people off of a battlefield. Even those who never see combat and work in the army offices need to take a physical, and those jobs are reserved for people who either can't handle intense strain to their bodies or want to serve but don't want to see combat.

Women aren't given a lower standard for combat positions. These ones specifically are given that because they'll literally never see combat. That's like saying it's insane that the woman or man serving kids in the lunchroom needs to first complete the PRAXIS like the rest of the teachers in the school first, because it would be lowering standards if they didn't.

The goal of this post was not to point out facts about the army. It was rage bait meant to give the poster a pass to spew whatever vitriol they wanted about women.

To those reading it and reacting - don't let idiots with too much time on their hands fool you into believing bullshit like this. These are people who love to hate and are hoping to drag you into their trap with them. This is how we get young, sometimes even violent, conservatives who hold tiki torches because they believe every issue they're facing is due to a woman (or any minority, really).

Do your own research. Make sure to get all the facts. Don't believe everything people tell you. Don't even believe what I tell you until you do your own investigation. But do the investigation.

So yeah. You could do what the poster of this did and go off about the feminists I guess.

Or maybe (and this is crazy, so work with me here), learn how to fucking read instead?

This is insane. If women aren’t passing this test about what you need to do to be physically fit, then so fucking be it. The battlefield won’t lower its standards, so neither should we.

[wtl-archive]

What happened between the creators of this AU? Was there drama and/or toxicity that broke down friendships?

Short answer:

Some Grade-A bullshit, and yes.

Long answer:

What happened was a million little things that escalated into not-so-little things, that escalated into very big things, that escalated into the complete destruction of my psyche and by extension this project. There's no single thing that tore it all apart, which is why it's so frustrating to talk about, even more so hearing other people get it all wrong.

I would be lying if I said if I wasn't partially responsible for what's happened, and I'm not going to lie to you. I've done more than enough of that.

I fucked up. I was an idiot. I did stupid and bad things I shouldn't have. If I had the power to go back in time, I would've done things differently.

I'm not exactly sure when things started to fall apart. It was like I was the frog in the pot being slowly boiled alive, not realizing how much danger I was in and how stupid I was being until it was too late.

Working on this AU, as much as I loved it and still love it, it drove me crazy. I mean, my mental health wasn't exactly the best going into it, but I've never felt so empty and angry like I did then, and yet it was the only thing keeping me going. I felt terrible when I wasn't working on it but when I was, I was stressed and frustrated. It was just this endless insanity spiral.

*sigh* I'm getting ahead of myself.

The people who worked on this AU are not bad people. I think it's important I preface with that. Some of them are far too gullible for their own good, but being stupid doesn't make you a bad person, it just means that nothing has taught you to be cautious yet. I don't have the highest opinions of some of them, but at the end of the day they're just that; opinions. There are no bad people, just hurt people that have far more reach and the potential to cause far more damage than they realize, just naïve people who have the misfortune of being an easy target and being naturally louder than everyone else, just broken people that need more than a few kind words to fix them, just misguided people that don't have enough experience points invested in their Wisdom stat to tell them when they're being played, just people that have good intentions and no idea how to use them, just people that are fundamentally incompatible.

For all of my frustrations, and as much as I'd like to, I can't bring myself to properly hate some of these people. Even when I've tried talking about this with folks who've got no context for any of it, I feel like I'm constantly trying to defend them despite how much the things they've done piss me off.

My only desire is that this story be told correctly. I hope you can understand how incredibly fucking obnoxious it is to see the people with the biggest microphones and the least amount of context spewing utter nonsense out of their mouths will full confidence despite having no goddamn idea what they're talking about.

Anyway... at the core of this, yes, it was broken friendships that forced the AU to be discontinued. I really don't want to use the term "toxic" though. I've noticed this trend of over-the-counter therapy buzzwords being tossed around in online spaces (Tumblr, Twitter and TikTok being by far the worst offenders) when they don't feel very applicable once you think about it for more than like 15 minutes. I've caught myself doing it more often too, now that this site and the people on it have sufficiently rotted my brain, but I'm trying to be better about it.

I keep getting sidetracked, but - while "Yeah, we stopped being friends so we stopped doing the AU too," isn't an incorrect assessment of the situation, I think it massively over simplifies what happened and understates how much it destroyed my sanity, which I might be okay with if it was just left at that and not turned into a slander campaign. Not to mention, it makes it really fucking easy for everyone else to completely ignore and lie about my side of the story, as if being the foreigner and the newbie didn't make that easy enough already.

Just about everything I could say "Yes" to has some sort of asterisk behind it. Context is king and summaries take away the context.

Yes, some of my so called friends tried to help me (not like I had much of choice in saying no despite my best efforts), except when I finally let my walls down a little and decided to trust someone, it blew up in my face! You know how much it sucks to tell someone "I really would rather not talk about this because the things I have to say are really fucked up, and you're not gonna wanna hear it despite how much you're begging for it," several fucking times, and when they insist over and over that they can handle it and it'll be okay Nugget, you can trust me, I won't tell anyone only for it to be painfully obvious that they can't handle it and you can't trust them once you finally cave in and start talking? You know how much it sucks to be poked at over and over and over again, and when you've had enough and finally snap people just think you're crazy? You know how much it sucks to be told to just talk it out over and over again despite it doing absolutely nothing and it all being a big waste of time? To be told that your words mean nothing and no matter how much you try all you ever do is fuck up and make things worse? Yeah, some help that was.

Yes, I posted DMs, only after I realized people were sharing mine, and only after I got banned from my own Discord server for shit that wasn't even true, and only after I found out that there was an entire sperate server made just to talk shit about me behind my back, and only after I got blacklisted on Tumblr by my mutuals because people were telling them a bunch of fucking lies, and only after my sister of all people got a message accusing me of plotting a murder, and only after my ex got recruited to participate in this pile of shit being thrown my way (God, what a terrible, disrespectful judgment of his character... he's my ex, not my nemesis, we're still friends and he loves and cares about me a lot, I cannot overstate how much that pissed me off), and only after I got accused of drawing sexual harassment of characters that weren't mine in a callout post filled to the brim with bullshit (totally untrue btw... still baffled as to where this claim came from), and only after every other possible avenue of defending myself and saying "Hey, actually that's bullshit and you know it," was taken away from me.

Yes, I have a venting side blog, WHICH THESE PEOPLE WERE BLOCKED FROM, and that has probably the worlds biggest disclaimer as a pinned post explaining the purpose of the blog, something that repeatedly gets swept under the rug every time it gets mentioned. I'm supposed to feel sorry because a bunch of people are nosey and like to jump to conclusions?? Give me a fucking break. I blocked about half a dozen people from my side blog a few months after I made it specifically because I knew exactly what kind of reaction it would garner if they new it existed. They can't handle me being a little upset on Discord, of course I knew that blog would make them lose their fucking minds! I mean this is the same group of people that struggle to say the word 'pregnant', my expectations weren't exactly the highest, that's why they were blocked! And as usual, my paranoia was completely correct! They found out about it and look what happened! Maybe if my fears weren't confirmed at every possible turn I wouldn't feel the need to be so reactive.

Yes, I keep chat logs, no, that is not what stalking means despite everyone's insistence on using that word. Information visible on your public internet profile is not stalking either. Neither is using Google Analytics, something available to literally every tumblr user for free on any of their blogs and something that is used by advertisers to be much nosier than I would ever need to be. I only started keeping chat logs because I had my suspicions that something funky was going on I wanted to keep receipts (and I'm a natural hoarder anyway... I don't like to delete stuff if I don't have to). I understand that it's a weird thing to do, but it's not fucking illegal to keep an offline copy of something you would have access to with an internet connection. This is a feature partially built into Discord, by the way (Though it's definitely easier and more inclusive with a third party application). In fact, most chat services will allow you to download a copy of your messages. If not the entire conversation, then at least the message you sent. Wild to me that people are totally unaware of how mush shit online gets tracked and recorded in some way shape or form, it's like the concept of a digital footprint does not exist in their minds at all.

Yes, I was not the best at managing this project and I've never denied this. I've apologized for it several times, and I tried my best to do better. I've apologized for things that weren't even my fault. I've said sorry so many times it doesn't even feel like a real word anymore. I do not have a time machine to fix every mistake I've made, so unless someone wants to give me a schematic for one, I kindly ask that you shut the fuck up. I beat myself up enough every time something goes wrong, I don't need everyone else to constantly tell me how shitty I am too.

I tried so hard to do a good job running this project despite it growing to be way bigger than I ever expected or intended it to be. I tried to take everyone's input into consideration, I tried to please as many people as I could.

You want more than just a cameo? Sure, you can make your own timeline, that sounds like fun. (x2)

You hate Connie and anything to do with her character? Sounds like you just wanna fuck Steven and you're jealous, especially considering the other people in this fandom you like to hang out with, but okay, I'll do my best to keep Connie x Steven out of as many channels as I can.

You say these two clowns are mean to you in your DMs and want me to fix it for you? Seems like personal beef you should be dealing with yourself, but since they're causing some problems in my server too let's try to talk to them and make it seem like I'm the one who's upset with them so you don't have to be the bad guy or have any sort of backbone (you can guess how well that went).

You're worried these side blogs have too many spoilers even if they're hidden? You think these posts shouldn't be on the main blog anymore? A completely valid concern, I'll delete them.

You think it's annoying to hear people talk about FNAF when you don't know about it (even though I've heard people talk about Deltarune for weeks despite not giving a singular shit about anything Undertale related)? Okay, I'll make some new channels just for you.

You say I don't give you enough credit for your work? Okay, that's fair, here's a special Discord role so people know that you've worked really hard and announcement to make it clear that's what it's for.

You don't think you're getting enough appreciation for working on these characters? Okay, you've done a lot for them, you can have them. I'll make sure everyone knows that you've done a lot of work on them, you can even review what I'm going to say about it before I make it public.

You don't wanna tell these other people working on the AU that they hurt your feelings 'cause you're too much of a pussy to do it yourself? Fine, I'll go ask them to apologize to you even though I don't really think they did anything wrong and were totally justified in being pissed at you.

You wanna spend an hour telling me how much of a piece of shit you think I am and how much I suck? Sure! Go right on ahead! I'll let you rant to your heart's content and I won't say a word.

You think I'm so terrible at running this project, you think I'm such horrible person, okay, fine! It's your problem now, you can have it! Have fun without me or any of my contributions!

Everyone kept pushing and pushing, kept testing me despite how much I warned them to stop, and when I can't take it any more and I'm absolutely sick of it and bite back, then they want to hide. Only then do they want it to stop, only then do they want to let go, sweep it under the rug, leave it all in the past. Only once they've got exactly what they fucking asked for do they realize the mistake they made. "Hey everybody, let's poke the bear and then act like it's crazy for growling at us!"

So. Yeah. You could say there was some drama. And of course, now everyone likes to pretend it wasn't a big deal and wants to move on. Which, I guess for them, it wasn't a big fucking deal. This changes nothing for any of them! They can fuck up and destroy as much as they like and they never have to worry about a thing, 'cause everyone is still gonna love them no matter what and believe everything they say as long as they keep up the soft and innocent cry baby routine. Wonderful. I'm sooo happy for them.

Look, I'm not gonna pretend I'm the nicest person out there or that I'm perfectly innocent and I've never done anything wrong. I hurt people and I didn't run the project as well as I should have. But if you're going to tell this story, then for the love of fucking God, tell all of it. The idea that I was the only one fucking up is just wrong. The way people recite it makes it sound like I was a tyrannical, psychotic murderer the entire time for shits and giggles. Like I just enjoyed feeling like absolute shit and being slowly convinced over the course of a year that I'm horrible person and no amount of trying to be better is going to fix it, that do matter what I do I'll always be scary and a villain in their eyes, so why should I bother doing anything good? As if people fall apart and lose their minds for no reason besides they just want to, I guess. Yeah, that was so fun for me.

Though, to be fair, when I'm angry, I get very short-sighted and petty (which is why I try so hard not to be angry). That's what the venting blog is for. Things can get vitriolic on my venting blog... its my little corner of the internet where I can release some frustration in a place where people who know me irl wont be able to easily find it and in a way where I don't have to worry about offending somebody or being too dark or fucked up. Which is why it's a vent blog in the first place... one that I went through the effort of blocking people from and was intentionally very vague on... one that had basically zero interaction until after other people made a big fuss about it... and tbh, I'm not gonna try to explain away what's on it. My brain is fucked up sometimes and I'm not gonna lie about it. But I think it's a little unfair to judge someone's entire character off of how they are in their lowest, darkest moments. I happen to be willing to share a few of mine on that blog, and I don't think that's worth being lied about over.

//Tangent:

The concept of a venting blog is not some revolutionary new idea btw, I feel like it should be stated. If you've never explored Tumblr outside of the confines of whatever safe space you've made for yourself on your dash then maybe this idea might seem new to you, but there's thousands of venting and mental health blogs out there in a similar vein to my own. It's the reason I realized I could even make a blog like that — I went down the rabbit hole one incredibly depressed night and learned that, hey, there's other people on this site going through shit too, and they're willing to say the things I was far too scared to admit to myself. (At least, I was too scared at first. Now not so much.)

//End Tangent

If you wanna judge me then okay, but at the very least I think it'd be smart to look into things yourself instead of blindly believing what people tell you without question. You've got all the resources to come to your own conclusions. Walk the Line's Discord server and the Chaos Pit Discord server are archived and all their channels made public, along with all of these chat logs, this massive doc about two specific AU creators (that actually wasn't made by me if the typing style didn't make that obvious) and the old blog's archive.

Have fun diving further down this rabbit hole if you're really that curious, but I'm exhausted. Maybe you can do me a favor and make sure that people are spreading this part of the story so they have all of it.

[acrosstheafterlife]

One: The Diner (Segment)

“It sounds crazy, I know,” Casey said as she took another chip from a patron’s plate, “but if you could get out of this place, wouldn’t you?”

I smiled, an involuntary reaction to her stupid question. “Face it, Case, you always ask, and it’s never going to happen. You’re getting scammed.”

“But it might be real, though, M! This guy could be legit…it’s not fair to dismiss people that easily. Maybe he’s telling the truth. You don’t know him.”

“Neither do you, Case.” I put the rag and cleaner down on the counter. “Take that plate to table five, please. You know Michael doesn’t like us slacking off.”

Across the room, Jeremiah stumbled through the door, an empty tray in his hand. He plopped it down on the counter and sighed. “Didn’t realise it was a party in here.”

“It’s not,” I replied, watching as Casey muttered to herself while she picked up the tray and walked out of the room.

Cassandra Rae — or “Casey” — Baumgartner was one of the waitresses at the diner. Of us all, she held on the most to her past life, or what it could’ve been. She’s a dreamer, and I can’t blame her for that. But I can blame her for the terrible trouble we’d get in if Michael heard we were just standing around when there’s work to be done.

“There are rumours…” Jeremiah whispered, “that Casey and Big Mike are going out. ‘s that true?”

“I wouldn’t know.”

“How don’t you? That kind of gossip gets around fast,” he sneered.

Usually, I was just a bartender. I didn’t have to deal with this teenage-like gossip about who’s kissing who — the only reason I did today is that Ulysses needed someone to cover him. I’d give anything to get away from the wait staff; all they talked about were easily disproved intercommunal scandals that only the likes of them paid attention to, Jeremiah being the perpetrator of many.

He’s got confidence, considering his second death would be inevitable if Mike caught him spreading these kinds of things. Every time he tried to get me in on it, I just nodded or mumbled a quick mhm before getting back to work — it’s one of the only times I’d rather be cleaning glasses and hearing drunken men spew nonsense and rum.

“I don’t care,” I said, “and spreading that kind of thing could get me fired. Go away.”

He groaned, much like an indignant younger sibling. “You’re no fun.”

The bell rang, “Order up!” and off went Jeremiah. Thank the Heavens, as cruel as they could be.

As I stared at my reflection on the passably-clean countertop, I thought about what Casey had said. A journey, one that citizens of Hell could take to get into Heaven. I told her that it was bullshit; there was no way the higher-ups would let us leave without excessive force, but she insisted that it was true like she always did. I didn’t know what to think. Part of me knows not to trust much that comes out of Casey’s mouth, but her words ignited a spark of home somewhere deep in my mind— if this was true, it would mean everything.

In Heaven, people get to remember who they were on Earth, living with their loved ones in eternal bliss. Ever since I had come here, just like everyone else, I wanted to know if I had anyone up there who remembered me. Who was I to them? A partner? A mother? A grandmother?

Maybe I cured cancer. Maybe I was some zillionaire who spent the later years of her life travelling the world. Maybe I was no one that special, and I just lived. And for most of my time here, I was content with never knowing everything. I knew enough.

My name, Morgan Anabel Nicholas. Birth year, 1985. The most specific thing I know is just from older people’s observations — I have British mannerisms, apparently, according to an old woman I’d served before.

Before I got the chance to get too introspective, Casey came back into the kitchen, her back towards me and plates in hand. The minute she turned around, the large, prize-winning smile on her face deflated into a miserable frown. She dropped the tray down on the counter and shrunk like a popped balloon.

“Why is it that the worst people always sit at table five?” she asked, face buried into her arms.

“‘Cause it’s got itself a window,” I said. “Terrible people love a good view.”

“They sure do.”

Casey pulled something out of her pocket as quick as she said it — a pack of cigarettes. We weren’t supposed to smoke in the restaurant, especially not in the kitchen — absolutely not in Michael’s kitchen, but she never followed that rule. She’d only ever do it if the chef or I were the only other people in the room. If Jeremiah or — God forbid — Michael came in, she’d stump it out, right on the counter, and pretend nothing ever happened. I never was a huge fan of smoking anyway, but I never said anything. Bless her soul he never noticed the stains on her fingers.

“What were you saying,” I asked, “about the Journey?”

“Oh, that?” she grinned, knowing she finally caught me in her trap. “I’ll tell you later.”

“But—”

The bell rang twice, and just like that, Casey collected the new, freshly-made food and took it out to the floor. I internally groaned and pinched the butt of her cigarette, tossed it into the trash, then covered it with a napkin.

I hated working in the kitchen.

[world-of-wales]

Hey Ash! I hope your exams are going well!

I’m curious about where you stand on the spectrum of “this will soon blow over” to “monarchy ending crisis”? Many fans seem to be at the latter end of the spectrum. I agree that there were some mistakes made, and it looks really bad to outsiders right now (just considering the random tweets that pop up on my tl with 50k + likes believing some of the worst theories), but it just feels like such an overboiling pot in a quiet kitchen situation, the fact that it all came to a head over a photograph??

I think the worst thing that will come of it is that so many neutrals will take certain things to be “fact”, some of the WORST include that W has a mistress, he has fathered her children, he is a raging alcoholic, and (shudders) he is a domestic abuser, and Catherine attempted suicide. How are people with a huge reach even allowed to state these things with no evidence or consequences?? But then, what can WC even do? Any statement won’t be believed, and suing as we know will lead to a never-ending spiral of litigation and questions over what they don’t sue against. Maybe legal papers is the answer (to some of the bigger sources, like Stephen Colbert for one). It still wouldn’t be well received at this point.

I don’t quite think it’s a no-return catastrophe yet, but a lot depends on what happens when Catherine returns. That’s huge pressure on her, especially after her ongoing health issues! Honestly the craziness gets too much for me sometimes😅

Hi, they are going well thanks for asking. The one in afternoon tmrw is actually my last one for this exam session. The rest are in April & then in May. Out uni is weird like that, they take exams in stages.

I honestly think, and this is my honest opinion, people blow things out of proportion a lot, just as the people on the internet who are spreading all these theories. Sometimes, the Royal fandom also takes things on the extreme. It's not monarchy ending, if it was so easy to change the whole political system of a country, then the monarchy would have gone with diana but it didn't.

And people on social media sparking ridiculous notions and conspiracies isn't going to be able to being that political system down because like I said we might consider royal-watching as our hobby but in reality the monarchy is intertwined with UK as Sovereign State. And that doesn't go away just because people, most of them from outside of that country, are crying wolf online.

What I don't think they realise is that, at the core of it, the monarchy is the integral part of the UK's structure. That's the head of state, same as a president. And nobody can just change it on a whim. In fact, this is one of my issues with the Republican movement in the UK at times. A lot of them want to remove the monarchy. That I get, but where's the tangible alternative? And a proper plan to execute it. It's not child's play. It's a whole institution around which a political system - a state system is built.

I never found Stephen colbert funny, and tbh I didn't even know who he was when I was young because our parents were placed mostly in countries in Asia and like man's not a popculture figure here. Kimmel, Fallon people know, but not him. It's got to do with him and seth meyers both catering to the american political spheres, and honestly, that's not what most of the population are interested in here. I found out about him when I got into American politics and elections. Anyway, I don't know what he said exactly, but I saw on one of the other blogs what he was insinuating. And yk what? FUCK HIM. Not just for spewing tabloid bullshit & lies about people. For dragging and bullying a woman going through a fucking health crisis for tv, for dragging another woman who's a private citizen and defaming her, for making it possible that 6 children who are all at an age where they can access internet will be able to read lies about their parents and disgusting things being said about them, don't even get me started on all the other ways they'll might have to deal with these allegations. Truly and utterly repulsed by this whole segment, which was done for fun. And yk what? Legal letters are the least of things he deserves.

Yk, I have been saying this, but they could have posted a picture. They could have done a video. They could have done an engagement. But whatever they did? The people online would have said or done something to find some sort of discrepancy. The regular sane people I know or have been following online have only said that this whole thing is a joke, and the way people are blowing it out of proportion is just plain bullying with a nice sprinkling of misogyny added in. I was actually talking about this with my dad on call last night, and he and i both landed on the same thing, that it's just simple economics. The whole problem with the photo for the press is that they didn't get to click it. Hence, they don't get rights, so there's no cash for them. Another thing media doesn't have things to report rn, they could easily cover other royals and not wade into conspiracy theories but they know what sells. And people online are just plain fucking crazy, these people will always say something or have some conspiracy theory. I mean flat earthers, the lizard people thing, the ones about Obama etc are just some of the properly wild, idiotic, and completely untrue things people actually believe are true.

An average voter/citizen in the UK with a real life outside of the twitter bubble doesn't give a fuck about it all. Heck most people including royalists don't even pay attention to royals as much as royal fandom thinks they do irl. I'll speak from personal experience, I end up chatting more about the royals with my mum's side of the fam than my dad's, and the latter are actually uk citizens. The royals exist for them, and thats it. They literally couldn't care less about this online drama, and they dont. Do they pay attention to the imp events like the jubilee or the coronation or the Christmas addresses? Yes, but not what the gossip people are up to online. So it's a complete non-issue. Also, most of this is just the twitter echo chamber which has 368 million users out of a 7.8 almost 7.9 billion population. Most of whom I.e. 77.75 are from the USA. Even the stats don't support the idea that we aren't gonna have a monarchy coz of this. A constitutional monarchy which is a state system might I add, coming down in the UK because a bunch of idiots from Murica online is quite literally not in the cards rn.

I don't want Catherine to come back if she isn't 100 percent well and I have seen people say she should just do the parade on st. Patrick's etc etc just to put the conspiracy theories to rest. And I don't in any way agree with it. A woman taking time for her health being expected to come out as a show pony for deranged idiots is not what I believe is right. Which I'll never believe is right. She's not just taking time for her health, she's had a major surgery one which probably doesn't even let her walk comfortably because everytime she tries to, her muscles contract and expand leading to pain and discomfort on the wound/stitches. Even smaller abdominal surgeries are literal bitches to get over let alone one with a long recovery period like this.

All this hoopla will die down as soon as she comes out. Why because most people spreading these rumors want them to be true, e.g. the Sussex squad and a lot more people who like 'drama' as they say themselves. And the rest of them are chronically online people who most likely don't have any life irl at all. And if institutions like Harvard and oxford are to be believed the most likely candidates for having distress, depression and other problems because of all of their personality being about the internet and their inability to connect with people irl. And the press will be all going gaga over her the day she steps out because they finally get their top cash source back. That woman has been used by the press for clicks and cash for the past 20 years and if they want to cry about it rn then they can, they arent the victims. They never were. Even a lot of british press members have been like you have all lost the plot if you believe all the conspiracy and what you're doing is not journalism at all, just plain fucking bullying. Watch all these papers and journalists calling her out rn change their tone post easter, just less than 3 weeks and watch it happen.

Omfg I just realised how long this turned out, I'm so sorry.

I'll just end it by saying that I completely get you when you say the drama and the noise gets to you because I have the same problem too. I just shut off everything and just come on here to post if I want, but mostly just to talk shit about stuff bothering me with a few very kind people I have been very fortunate to find here. If it gets too much and you just want to chat, about anything really, the ask box is always open and so are the private messages if you don't feel comfortable talking about it in front of everyone 💗💗