#it’s a technicality and it’s hilarious

[confusedshades]

Tags via @frownyalfred

Technically all of these are true.

Alfred can definitely be worse than Batman the only thing is no one quite knows why they feel ashamed when they're being scolded by him, especially in first meetings which I find hilarious. Of course there's also the chance that someone may be on the receiving end of Shotgun Wielding Alfred which is... dangerous to say the least.

And to an extent Alfred is a Godfather. If you consider it's less (technically) crime front and more semi retired and watching over things. You best believe if things go absolutely wrong he will pull out the shotgun, but until then the Eyebrow and Stern Disapproval and Quiet Reproof are quite enough.

using “Agent A” as Alfred’s code name and using “B” for Batman’s shortened name in the field suggests there’s a world where “Agent A” is shortened to “A” and everyone in Gotham and on the Watchtower is terrified of him. because they’ve met B. and if this is B??

[misspermitted]

Not to randomly talk about Apothecary Diaries, but almost every time Mao Mao talks about Jinshi she uses the most romantic and poetic terms possible but says them with the banal factuality of a nature documentary narrator, and it is absolutely sending me. Like:

Mao Mao, completely deadpan: He is such a heavenly beauty, people would start wars over him.

Mao Mao, legitimately concerned: I best not put makeup on him. If he were made any more beautiful it would topple nations

Mao Mao, watching girls fawn over Jinshi: This makes sense, he has such otherworldly beauty that he would be irresistible to any woman or man

Mao Mao, as if taking a scientific observation: Something must be amiss with Master Jinshi, usually he glitters like the sun

(I’m not overdramatising, these exact narrations happened)

[taejaejung]

dumb things svt does during sex

s.coups (seungcheol) this strong mf always tries to fold you like a pretzel when you’re not flexible AT ALL. he’s done it so much, once he accidentally dislocated your hip, taking the phrase, “i’m gonna make sure you can’t walk for a week” to a whole new level.

jeonghan he doesn’t have many kinks, or any really. so when he unexpectedly wanted you to wear a blindfold, you were surprised. well, come to find out, he only wanted you to wear it so that you couldn’t see him sleeping and he’d have an excuse not to move.

joshua thought it’d be fun to have sex on the balcony, UNTIL A BUG LANDED ON YOUR SHOULDER. he screamed and dropped your legs before running back inside, slamming the door shut. you were left butterball ass naked outside.

jun when junhui started going down on you, you began squirming and wincing. he asked what was wrong and you told him that your vag was burning, not knowing that he had eaten something spicy beforehand.

hoshi for some reason, soonyoung always tries to hold in his moans. like...he thinks they’re embarrassing. maybe because most of the time he’s growling- but it’s nowhere near as embarrassing as shouting “hORANGHAEEEEEE” right as he cums.

wonwoo he gets serious and always uses technical terms. you try not to, but when he said “fuck y/n, you’re so lubricated” you couldn’t help but burst into laughter.

woozi he'd always beg you to let him bring food into the bedroom. the one time you did, he got hungry in the middle of missionary and left you on the bed pussy ass naked.

dk (dokyeom) asked you to sit on his face and almost died because he wouldn’t tap out to come up for air while he was eating you out. you didn’t notice until he was gasping against your center.

mingyu he dropped the damn soap while y’all were having sex in the shower. and you already know what happened. y’all were slipping and sliding all over the place and gyu’s big clumsy ass fell out the tub and took the shower curtain with him.

the8 (minghao) hao cannot fuck you on his bed. he’ll do it on the floor, on the couch, or on the kitchen counter, but NOT his bed. he claims it’s because he used to put kermit the frog on the same pillow your face is buried in and it just doesn’t ‘feel right.’ okay hao

seungkwan boo always tries to make you queef. yes, you read that correctly. he thinks it’s hilarious when you have vag gas and will not stop until you yell at him.

vernon try to keep your sanity when having sex with this man. sometimes he does not give you ANY reaction. he just lies there and looks bored. it got to a point where you asked if he’d rather be doing something else. and he straight up says “yeah. i’m tryna read webtoons.”

dino you’re trying to ride him and all of a sudden he wanna crack jokes. deadass stares at you, hands cupping your titties, “what type of bees make milk?” LIKE- CHAN PLEASE NOT NOW. it’s boobees btw..

[guujikaroko]

So, two days until Amphoreus! I remember Shaoji in the 3.0 livestream saying there would be internal and external storylines progressing simultaneously.

It's going to work well, right? Amphoreus' main story is gonna last a whole year, so nothing will feel too crammed in. Actually, I was worried that the story would feel dragged after a certain point, so having two whole storylines going on is the best.

...But technicalities aside, isn't that damn hilarious? The external team is March, Himeko, Welt, Sunday, Black Swan and Herta, while the Trailblazer and Dan Heng will have to brave Amphoreus by themselves.

It's too fucking unequal, lmao. And Dan Heng promised he'd go on the next expedition, so when he realized he'd get no backup from the Express he probably thought "Oh, fuck" and went anyway. Just him and the raccoon against the world, bless his soul.

[rosiebun28]

It's still infinitely hilariously ironic that the one transformer who is always begging for his life turns out to be the one who is technically immortal xD

"you disgust me"

[mya-valentine]

Can I have some hilarious headcanons with Denki, Ochaco, Momo, Shinsou, and Shigaraki with a Narcoleptic S/O that sleeps a LOT due to their quirk, Like they can even fall asleep while standing up!

Headcanon: Narcoleptic S/O

Denki Kaminari

The first time you fell asleep standing, Kaminari thought you’d fainted and freaked out, running in circles yelling for Recovery Girl. Now, he just gently props you up against a wall like it’s no big deal.

He gets startled constantly because you’ll doze off mid-sentence and then wake up like nothing happened. One time, you fell asleep holding an electric whisk, and he screamed when it turned on as you dropped it.

Denki has accepted his fate as your default nap station. He’ll just carry on conversations with the others while you snooze on his shoulder. He’s weirdly proud of how “cozy” people think he looks.

He’ll try to wake you up at the worst times. “Wait, babe, are you okay? Are you ALIVE?!” He’s so loud you end up startling awake and accidentally smacking him.

Kaminari keeps a daily tally of how many times you’ve fallen asleep in random places, like standing in the elevator or on a park bench mid-conversation. He has a betting pool going with the others.

Ochaco Uraraka

At first, Ochaco panics every time you suddenly drop off to sleep, rushing to catch you before you hit the ground. Over time, she gets better at spotting the signs and just guides you gently to a chair before you keel over.

On movie nights, you inevitably fall asleep halfway through. She’ll try to nudge you awake so you don’t miss the good parts, but you just mumble, “I’m awake” and promptly start snoring again.

One time, you used your quirk and fell asleep while floating. She had to panic-jump to pull you down before you drifted into a tree.

If you fall asleep on her during training, she’ll just sit there, stroking your hair and giggling about how adorable you look.

She once told villains that you were the team’s “ultimate sleeper agent,” which confused them long enough for the team to ambush them.

Momo Yaoyorozu

Momo tries to plan around your sleepiness, setting alarms and keeping snacks nearby to help keep you awake. It works… until you fall asleep anyway.

She’s made custom chairs, pillows, and even a portable mattress for you. She insists they’re practical, but your classmates tease her for spoiling you.

You fell asleep standing up during a school assembly once. Momo frantically waved her arms to block others from noticing while whispering, “Wake up!” You didn’t.

She reads up on narcolepsy and quirks to help you manage better. One time, she accidentally turned a study session into a lecture about sleep cycles, and you fell asleep halfway through.

If you pass out in battle, she panics and assumes the worst. “Are they unconscious or just sleeping?!” Cue her aggressively shaking you while trying not to cry.

Hitoshi Shinsou

As someone who’s perpetually tired, Shinsou relates a lot. You two could nap through an entire afternoon, curled up somewhere cozy, and call it a successful date.

He’s so used to you falling asleep randomly that he barely reacts anymore. You once fell asleep during training, and he just sighed and muttered, “Guess we’re done for the day.”

If a villain catches you sleeping mid-fight, Shinsou plays it off. “They’re bait. Wanna test your luck waking them up?” The bluff works surprisingly often.

He jokes about using his quirk to keep you awake. “If I brainwash you, you technically won’t fall asleep, right?�� He wouldn’t actually do it, but the threat makes you glare at him.

He’s perfected the art of positioning you so you don’t fall over when you pass out. One time, he even carried you piggyback-style during training while you napped.

Tomura Shigaraki

The first time you fell asleep while standing, Shigaraki thought you were messing with him. “Are you serious right now?!” He only realized it was legit when you started snoring.

The League is lowkey fascinated by your ability to fall asleep anywhere, anytime. Dabi has taken so many pictures of you passed out in weird positions.

Shigaraki tries to “test” your limits by seeing how long it takes for you to nod off. It’s a weird game, but he finds it hilarious when you fall asleep mid-glare.

He’s terrible at waking you up and just pokes you with one finger, muttering, “Oi, wake up, idiot.” When that doesn’t work, he just leaves you there.

If you doze off during a mission, he’s ready to throttle you. “Seriously?! You’re just gonna SLEEP in the middle of this?” But if anyone else comments, he’ll snap, “Shut up—they’re fine!”

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Masterlist

[avionvadion]

Wait a minute. If Malleus is based on Maleficent, does that mean he's the reincarnation of his own aunt in your fic? Reminds of those stories you hear about little kids claiming to be the reincarnations of dead relatives. xD

Great-Aunt, technically, lol.

Also, I mean, Eleanora also has a name VERY similar to his mother’s so like. It’s weird no matter how you look at it. 🤣🤣🤣 I’m still cackling at that reveal, like REALLY twst??? Also, I mean, El is technically a reincarnation of her own ancestor too... sort of. Well, multiple ancestors, because Ellis kept reincarnating into the same dang family. Not, like, directly from his ancestry, since Ellis never had kiddos, but same bloodline. His distant cousins. Technically, because this most recent reincarnation world-hopped as the result of another person's wish. But that plays into another character who El won't meet until she goes to RSA at the start of Playful Land. It'll all get explained.

El: “Oh nice to meet you, Lilia and Horned Person! The name’s Eleanora.”

Lilia, choking on his tea and Malleus momentarily dissociating: “Wh-What?”

El: “My name. Eleanora.”

Lilia: “Oh, I thought you said Meleanor at first. PHEW.”

Malleus: “………….There’s an odd irony about this that’s almost kind of hilarious.”

Going through the history books in several centuries be like-

Historian: “And here is the Draconia family tree! We have Princess Meleanor, who died valiantly to save her son, Malleus, who then went on to marry a human woman named Eleanora- yes, I’m aware their names are similar, and yes had Meleanor been alive she’d have likely smited the human not only for courting her son and for being human, but also for daring to have a similar name to her. Can I continue the lesson, please?”

[littleplantman]

I just wanted to say, out of all the life-series/hermitcraft ships. (excluding Joel x Lizzie, even if it’s technically cannon)

absolutely none of them are straight. Like, I’m just sitting here thinking about it, and all the fanart, and basically everything is all lgbt. It’s honestly hilarious to me, how basically everyone in the fandom is like, “alright, can we all agree that these funny little Minecraft beans are all gay? And the only straight ones don’t get to be shipped with anyone?”

it’s just funny and very sweet, and I’m on here like, once a day, to just collect lgbt fanart to save so I can look at it later and treasure it forever.

just love it, please feed me more.

[puppetmaster13u]

You know what I need more of? The Batkids completely fucking with the Justice League and their rogues and coming up with stories for their existence.

Like I am talking about the creation of demigods sort of stories, like Loki sort of stories.

Duke has convinced all of Gotham that he's the Bat Signal brought to life and that's why he's never seen at night and why the signal literally doesn't work during the day. He's waiting giddily for the story to spread outside of the city.

The batkids have convinced half the League that Nightwing is quite literally Batman's lovechild with Justice. Hey, Constantine had a one night stand with the manifestation of a city and they've dealt with gods before, so surely it's not that surprising? Right???

I need more of the Batkids being little shits, of Alfred the-greatest-enabler Pennyworth backing them up and Bat(the-biggest-troll)man to never confirm the stories, but he doesn't deny them either.

[bacchuschucklefuck]

three people who were going to three different concerts run into each others in an alley

[frownyalfred]

I love how Nolanverse Batman was like “oh I don’t use guns” and then proceeded to body the hell out of some goons with the disassembled pieces of a rifle

[nanaonmars]

jason: why won’t you leave my dad alone?!

clark: because we’ve been together for 20 years jason… we have 8 kids, you included, and… we’re in love

duke, in the background: boke!

jason: i’ll find dirt on you yet. i’ve got people working on it.

clark: 🧍🏻

[vynnyal]

I've been having a delightful time stumbling over my emojis being used in random servers, so here's more

[excessive-moisture]

[5a-alf]

I finally colored the sketch i posted some time ago, enjoy!

[erinwantstowrite]

if ao3 had the comment option that wattpad had (being able to comment on paragraphs) i would be unstoppable