#it was only supposed to cook for 20 lmao

[sga-owns-my-soul]

oh my god i made chilli for dinner and i had to improvise on the spices and it turned out SO GOOD and i'm so PROUD of myself AHHHHH

[lincolndjarin]

Bound in Beskar

From the world of Best Kept Secret...

A down on her luck traveler finds employment with a gruff Mandalorian. He's quiet and reserved, she's resourceful and quick witted, and things are heating up in the forge... one can only imagine what happens in this tale of lust and steel.

Some of you may recall our dear princess!reader in bks reading a book in chapter 20, this is that. Vaguely in the style of those campy romance novels that you read in the bathtub with candles and wine.

warnings : armorer!mando, no use of y/n, reader is not described past the fact that she is manhandled and carried by mando, smut, unapologetic porn with a little plot, i use the phrase 'throbbing member' just once i promise it's ironic please believe me guys, spanking, pussy slapping, dom/sub undertones, sir kink, unprotected sex, creampie, praise, overstimulation, multiple orgasms, humiliation, p in v sex, inappropriate use of blacksmithing abilities, ro makes things up about blacksmithing, bondage, use of restraints, briefly mentioned ass play, inappropriate use of a hammer, size kink, sweet rough sex, power imbalance (mando is readers boss, but both parties are consenting), definitely a few things i missed my apologies, barely beta read i was in a rush sorry!!

word count : 3.8k

a/n : this is so bad but also like i love it LMAO like i promise it's supposed to be kind of bad guys you have to believe me lmaoooo. this was really fun to do omfg this is my magnum opus in the worst way possible

You don’t know his name. 

There wasn’t even an interview. You’d come knocking on his door when you saw the sign in town on the news bulletin board. You’d shown up with everything you owned in the canvas bag on your hip as you knocked on the large brass door. The house didn’t look like a shop, it just looked like a house, a large house, when he finally opened the door you could see why. Just beyond his hulking figure you can see his work space, the majority of the building is devoted to just one room, high ceilings and brick walls surround the enormous forge. 

“I saw your flier for a live-in housekeeper, is the position still available?” You’re so sick of sleeping in alley ways and rooftops, you’d do nearly anything for adequate lodging. 

He had examined you, the cold, unfeeling steel of his visor scanning up and down your body until he nodded. 

“You can clean?” The low, controlled voice drips through the modulator making your blood run hot. 

“Yes, and cook.” You hold your hand out to him, he only nods in response as you tell him your name. 

“You start now.” Is all you get as he motions for you to step inside.

So yeah.

You don’t know his name and he never tells you.

So you just call him sir. 

The room is nicer than any you’ve ever had. A little space at the top of the stairs, a soft worn out mattress and a desk with a crooked stool. You take it with a grin, you can’t remember the last time you slept somewhere warm. 

You set your things down as he instructs you to follow him back downstairs. He shows you around, although there isn’t much to see. The main room is large with an open ceiling for the smoke, an ornate forge takes up the center, the fires crackle from within as he leads you to a small kitchen. 

The first thing you note is how barren it is. One skillet hangs from a hook and as you search through the drawers most of them are empty.

“I will give you extra credits this week for supplies.” He sounds almost embarrassed as he ushers you out of the room towards his own. “Once a week I’ll need you to tidy up here and do the laundry, it is of the utmost importance to me that you knock when you do.”

“Of course.” You nod slowly and he puts his hands on his hips. There’s a moment of silence before he turns and returns to his work without another word.  

You are to cook his meals, buy the groceries, clean the house, and stay out of his way. In exchange he provides housing and a salary of two hundred and fifty credits a week along with any change from the grocery money he gives you. 

You almost want to ask how no one else applied to such a generous job offer but the quiet foreboding presence of your employer makes it obvious enough. It wouldn’t surprise you if people feared him, you’re certainly a bit jumpy around him. He’s just so… big. He takes up so much space, stomping around the shop all day as you take care to stay out of his path, cleaning up the messes he leaves behind. 

You stay extremely vigilant, opportunities like this do not often arise for you so you give him no reasons to question your performance. 

You go to the markets, bundled up in your cloak once a week to keep the kitchen stocked. You wake before him to prepare his breakfast, you tidy up the forge before he opens the shop to make it presentable. You cook, you clean, you repeat. When there is no work to be done he dismisses you, telling you to make yourself busy elsewhere and you always do. Taking walks or retreating to your own quarters. 

You do this for quite some time. 

He doesn’t necessarily soften up towards you but he seemingly grows to tolerate you more. 

You try different things, baking, knitting, painting and anything else you can get your hands on but no hobby ever seems to stick so eventually you take to watching him work. Sitting at the top of the stairs, dangling your legs over the railing as he hammers the smoldering metals. He’s an artist really, the quick precision of his strikes with the hammer, bending steel to his will to craft the custom fitted pieces. It makes you wonder why his own armor looks so worn down when he clearly has a gift. Everything but his helmet is worn down, scratched up dark metals that he often tosses aside when he works late into the night. 

After long days of work when the shop is closed he’ll toss aside his chestplate and pauldrons, opting to remain only in his helmet as he rolls up his sleeves revealing the warm tan skin beneath. You always feel as though you can’t breathe right when he does this. His strong, toned arms, littered with burn scars from years of work. 

You can’t deny his appeal. 

Even without the armor he is huge. The wide expanse of his shoulders that smooth down into a narrow waist. You don’t even need to wonder about what’s going on under the helmet because everything else is just so much. Those hands, that neck, his chest, you’re practically drooling when you watch him work late into the night, sitting at the top of the stairs, clutching a steaming mug of caf as you squeeze your thighs together. You spend most nights with your hand between your legs thinking about your employer.   

It isn’t a bad life, it’s repetitive but it’s happy and safe which is more than you’ve ever had before. The Mandalorian treats you well, sometimes he speaks to you outside of orders, sometimes over dinner he asks you how your day was. You even have enough money to start a savings box. 

Nothing changes and you’re fine with that.

Until one night when he’s working late, working on something smaller and detailed. You had started to tidy up around him, already in your pajamas as you padded around the forge in your nightshirt and shorts. You were sweeping when it happened. 

“Kriff-” You slip on a scrap of fabric, you grab onto the ledge of the forge, trying to catch yourself. Your breath catches in your throat as you knock a hammer off of the stone, nearly falling face first into the molten metal.

You don’t even have time to scream as the wind is knocked out of you and you’re sharply yanked backwards away from the heat. 

“Do you have a death wish?” It’s the most emotion you’ve ever heard from him, anger that threatens to spill out of his helmet. “If you fall face first into that you’d be dead in an instant.” He hisses out, hands now shaking your shoulders. 

“I- I’m sorry, it was an accident.” Your face gets hot with shame as the veins in his neck pulse. “Please don’t fire me.” You whisper, fear of losing everything you’ve worked for over one simple mistake. 

He sighs.

“I’m not going to fire you, I’m just going to discipline you.”

“Discipli-” You start to question him but he sits down on the anvil, motioning you forward with two fingers before patting his lap. Your eyes go wide at the implication.

“Tell me to stop and you can go back upstairs, it won’t affect your job." He whispers earnestly.

You don’t want him to stop. 

So you go to sit in his lap but he clicks his tongue under his helmet.

“On your stomach.” His voice is lower than before as you swallow loudly, bending yourself over his knee, hiding your face in your hands. Your ass is on display for him under the short sleep shirt you wear. “How many do you think you need to learn your lesson?” 

“How many what, sir?” 

“How many spanks.”

Oh.

You pray to the Maker that you aren’t soaking through your shorts right now. 

“Umm… fifteen?” You aren’t exactly experienced in the subject but you don’t want to pick a number too low.

“Fifteen? Look at you my little over achiever, you must truly be sorry.” He muses with an amusement you’ve never heard from him. His large palm massages the globes of your ass, you’re so painfully turned on at this point you’re honestly a little worried you’re gonna come the second he starts. “And can you tell me why you’re being punished?” 

“B-because I knocked over your hammer?” You stammer out and you feel a sharp sting as he pinches your ass. 

“No, you sweet thing.” He bunches up your top a bit higher as he simultaneously yanks down your shorts pulling a yelp from you, he definitely knows you’re wet now. “It’s because you weren’t being careful, you weren’t focused on what you were doing and you almost got hurt.”

“No, I was focused I promise-”

“But you weren’t. You were sitting up there watching me, getting yourself all worked up and by the time you got down here you were so horny you got distracted and almost got yourself killed. What would I do without my pretty little housekeeper?” You’re speechless for several reasons. He knows why you watch him? He knows how much it turns you on? 

He called you pretty. 

And his. 

“Tell me why you’re being punished?” He repeats as you clear your throat. 

“Because I wasn’t paying attention.” You mumble. 

“I want the exact answer.” 

You’re so embarrassed you could just die but something about the shame makes your blood run hot as you rub your thighs together rather obviously, earning a chuckle from your companion. 

“Because I was so worked up from watching you and I was distracted, and I almost got hurt.” You whisper, hearing a pleased hum from him. 

“That’s my smart girl. Are you ready?” 

“Yes.”

“Yes…?”

“Yes, sir.” You quickly correct yourself before bracing yourself for the first smack. 

One. 

You’re surprised by the softness of the smack. It’s more like a pat against your rear. 

“Still good?” 

“Yes sir.” 

Two. 

You squeak a bit, this one being significantly harsher than the first, before you’re prepared he’s back on you. 

Three, four, five, six. 

You’re making a sound that’s a mix between a moan and a squeal as his bare palms come in contact with your ass in four consecutive sharp spanks. He rubs his hands over the flesh that you’re certain is already welted and swollen. The next spanks come long before you’re ready. 

Seven, eight, nine, ten. 

Tears sting your eyes as he lays into you as if you’re beskar steel that he can bend to his will.

“Look at that.” He remarks with a sense of accomplishment as you let out a soft whimper. You feel his finger gliding along your thighs and up your seam making you shudder before he holds his glistening digits in front of your face. “Are you enjoying yourself, sweet thing?” You nod with a small hum, praying he’ll just touch you already but you aren’t so lucky as you feel a slap against your pussy (Eleven.) that has you whining, loud and high pitched as you clench around nothing. 

Twelve. 

Another slap to your cunt, you can feel your clit twitching as a groan is punched out of you. 

“Gods, are you gonna come like this?” He sounds terribly amused as your body tenses. 

Thirteen. 

He spreads you wide open, giving your clit a little tap that has you lurching forward in his lap. 

“Come on, you can do it.” The condescending tone only makes you want to please him more, you want it so bad as he ghosts a finger across your dripping hole. 

Fourteen, fifteen. 

On the final slap his hand stays pressed against your mound, applying just enough pressure to throw you over that edge. You’ve never come quite like this, nearly wailing as tears now flow freely as your body turns to putty in his lap. He has melted you down and made you something new. 

He lets you work through it for a while, rubbing your back until you come back to your senses. He lifts you from his lap, your legs wobble and shake as he stands you up.

“I gotcha.” He murmured as he picked you up bridal style, carrying you up the stairs before laying you down in bed. “You did so good, such a good girl for me.” He whispered as you closed your eyes, absolutely exhausted. You felt the blankets pulled up over you before you drifted off. 

You swore you felt something press against your forehead. 

When you wake for the first time since you started working for him, breakfast is already made. A plate of bread and meat sits on your desk along with a glass of water. Your ass is raw but other than that you feel more than fine. You aren’t sure what to expect when you go downstairs but it certainly isn’t the silence you're met with. 

It’s as if nothing happened at all. 

He doesn’t even acknowledge you as you frown, attending to your daily tasks. 

He barely even looks at you. 

You go to bed that night frustrated and upset.

So you come up with a plan to get his attention.

You mess up in every way possible. 

You ‘forget’ to make his breakfast. You leave metal scraps on the floor. And you go to bed early, hoping he’ll come upstairs and punish you for your mistakes but he never does. You ignore your duties for a full week before you finally snap at him while he’s locking up. 

“Do I have to throw myself into the forge again to get your attention?” You finally snap at him. 

“Excuse me?” He turns to face you, holding his tongs in hand. 

“I have been a terrible housekeeper for days and you haven’t so much as scolded me!” You throw your hands up in exasperation as he shakes his head. 

“Is that what this is about? My forge is a mess because I haven’t been giving you enough attention?” He tilts his head to the side and you actually feel a bit guilty, when he puts it like that you seem rather petulant. You nod, feeling rather ashamed. He points at the anvil. “Lay down. Now.” You waste no time, rushing over and laying down on your stomach across the large steel surface, his large hands pin you down in place as he takes position behind you, clearly fuming and clearly hard as his hips meet your ass. 

It’s a harrowing juxtaposition, how careful yet rough he is with you as his hand holds you by the back of your neck, pressing you into the cold metal of the anvil. You’re practically giddy with anticipation as you feel a faint heat on your wrists as they’re yanked behind your back. There’s a sizzling sound and you register a metal wrapped around your wrists, arousal and fear course through you as you feel a nearly painful heat that has you trying to look over your shoulder. He pushes back harder on your neck.

“Don’t move.” He grumbles as you go still. When he finally takes a step back you turn to look at what he’s done only to find your wrists shackled behind your back, they aren’t just locked in place. 

He’s welded them together.  

“You want my attention so badly? Then you’re gonna get it.” He yanks down everything below your waist, your tights bunching at your ankles as he pulls your skirt up to your hips. “You’re a terrible housekeeper, maybe I should find another use for you.” He kneels behind you, spreading you wide open with his hands, the cool air from the skylight chills your soaking folds. His fingers poke at you as if he’s examining you. You’re grinning as you wait for him to finally touch you in earnest but instead you feel cold steel pressing into you. You flinch away from the sensation but he holds you in place. 

“Sir- please-” You whine but all that gets you is a slap on the ass as he pushes the object in deeper. You groan, it isn’t all that thick but Maker it’s long, brushing up against spots inside of you you’re certain you’ve never reached before until the base of it bumps against your clit, the heavy weight shifting inside of you as it clicks. 

He put his fucking hammer inside you. 

“Maybe I can use you to hold my tools.” He remarks as he stands. “Would you like that? If I kept you around to hold my things?” He walks over to kneel in front of you now, tapping your face with his fingers. “This is a lesson, you know.” 

“What lesson?” Your voice is more strained than you expected. 

““That if you want something, you need to ask for it.” He whispers through the modulator as you nod.

“Please.” You whimper.

“Please, what?” 

“Please, I want you to touch me.” You sway your hips as best you can like this as he runs his fingers across your cheek.

“Like this?” Bastard.

“I want you to fuck me.” No point beating around the bush. “Sir.” You add on a beat later, hoping to encourage him. 

“That’s all you needed to say.” He stands back up and you groan as he yanks the tool out of you, running his fingers through your wetness as you hear the rustling of fabric and zippers before something thick and soft swipes through your folds. As he sinks himself into you at last one of his hands grips the meat of your hips so hard you’re certain it’ll bruise. The other holds the metal linking your cuffs as he pulls you back onto him, impaling you on his cock at a distressingly slow pace. 

Ask for it. 

“Please sir- I need you- I need you to fill me up.” 

“Such a polite girl.” You can hear his grin as he slams forward. Your hips are flush now as he thrusts his throbbing member into your soaking heat. “Such a- sweet cunt.” He groans as you slump forward, the size of him knocks the wind out of you as he splits you open. His cock stretches you open wider than ever before as he immediately takes on a punishing pace. 

Your body is on fire, your nerves igniting as he pounds into you. The hand on your hip moves lower, circling your clit sending another jolt of fire through your veins as you barrel towards an unavoidable orgasm. 

You cry out as he angles his hips to hit that spot inside of you and all too quickly you tumble over that edge, strangling his cock within you as you spasm wildly. Your eyes flutter shut as you soak him. 

He doesn’t let up for a second. 

“Gonna give you enough attention to keep you content for a few days.” He spits out through grit teeth, already pushing you towards another climax your body isn’t at all ready for. 

“So fucking needy. Maybe I should make some toys for you to play with while I’m working.” He grumbles, you feel his thumb prodding at your other entrance as you gasp. “Could make you something real pretty to put in here.” You nod furiously as he laughs, rocking his hips forward again. It’s a good thing you’re being held up by the anvil because your legs go limp underneath you as you come again. He pinches your clit, nowhere near hard enough to hurt but enough to make you sob as your eyes go wet from the overstimulation of everything that’s happening. “Think you can give me one more?” The dominating condescending tone is gone as he leans down, his helmet knocking against your spine as if he’s kissing you there. 

“I- I don’t know.” You manage to whisper out as he slows his brutal pace, an act of mercy to your puffy, sensitive cunt. 

“Do you wanna try?” His voice is sweet now as he stills inside of you. Keyword there is try. Your skin tingles in a way that is nearly painful as you nod. 

“Yes sir.” You turn your head to the side, resting the hot skin on the cold steel.

“That’s my girl.” He murmurs, starting a new pace, a gentler one as he pushes the blunt head of his cock against your cervix, pulling a drawn out whine from your chest. “That’s it, just a little more, such a good girl, so good for me.” He begins to ramble as his thrusts grow a little erratic and sloppy, his fingers tensing against your hips as he stumbles forward, his entire body flush with yours as he empties himself into you. You can feel the warmth leaking between the two of you as you’re hit with an entirely new sensation that makes you come one last time. Your vision goes entirely white now as tears wash down your face. He steadies you, holding you through it and whispering more praises that don’t entirely register before he carefully pulls out of you. Your eyes remain shut as he carefully takes your wrists, after a moment they’re back at your side as he puts you back together. Pulling up your panties and tights, keeping his cum inside of you in the process as he lays you on your back, eventually sitting you up. “Are you okay?” 

You grin. 

“Yes, sir.” He chuckles, leaning forward just enough to tap his helmet against yours for a moment. You look down at your wrists where the metal bands remain. 

“I made them for you, they aren’t always shackles, they're pretty when they aren’t stuck together.” You bring them up to your face, getting a closer look at the intricate details. There’s a small mythosaur embossed on each one. A symbol, something that binds you to him. 

“I love it.” You smile up at him, looking around the still dirty shop. “I should probably catch up on my work…” You start to stand but he sits you back down. 

“Take the day off, worry about it tomorrow.” He walks past you, you turn to watch him throw more kindling into the forge. 

“What are you gonna do with the rest of your day?” You tilt your head, watching as he takes the hammer that was inside you only moments ago and spins it in his hand. 

“I believe I owe you a couple of toys.” He tosses a handful of steel into the hearth as you sit back a bit and watch him start to work. 

a/n : this was ridiculous but also i did take it very seriously. this genre was what i was unapologetically born to write.

if you liked this and aren't familiar with my work this is a one off from my mandalorian series Best Kept Secret, which you can find here!!

I don't have taglists but follow @lincolndjarinnotifs for updates on any and all fics!!

[daydreaming-robot]

My thoughts for the Murder Drones Series Finale

MASSIVE SPOILER ALERT

I'm gonna start this here with being honest about the runtime. It's short, that's all. I was thinking that it would be almost 40 or 30 minutes because it's a series finale. But having it about 20 minutes isn't something new(from my experience)

The reunion with Uzi and Nori was short, but needed, with Uzi having a chat with her mom in the silent scenery of space. And the way to beat the Solver is to permanently separate the solver from it's host by taking out the core and destroying it. Only for N to accidentally hit her with the landing pod.

Nuzi is canon. I'll be honest, I'm not much of a Nuzi shipper, that's all. But seeing the two admit their love to each other and hug each other while descending into the planet while on fire is honestly beautiful. Also I love their logic; save the world first, do all the corny awkward robotic dating later

V IS BAAAAAAAAAACK MOTHERFUCKERS. Throughout the series, I started off disliking V. But as the series progressed I started to appreciate her character development. And I felt heartbroken upon seeing her supposed death on episode 6. So upon seeing V throw hands with J, I SCREAMED my lungs off seeing her again. And I like that she has a pet sentinel now

J admits that she was also tricked by the Solver was surprising, but still worked with it. Why tho. Her loyalty eventually became her downfall after losing to her former teammates

Uzi has her own singularity bomb(that's what I call the [NULL] thing)

If there's one thing I love the series for, it's the horror. I'll explain in a separate post lol

THE FIGHT SCENE OMG THE TEAM AT GLITCH IS COOKING IN THE KITCHEN. The nightcore music as Uzi and Cyn fought is something I laughed at cuz it reminded me of my childhood watching Creepypasta AMVs with nightcore music in the bg. It's not something bad but it gave me a nostalgic punch in face

"Nobody traumatizes these weirdly hot robots but me!" bi Uzi bi Uzi bi Uzi bi Uzi

The defeat of the host Cyn imo is very satisfying. Uzi destroying the outer shell of the core to reveal the singularity is a clean transition. But then a monochromatic singularity formed between the two as Cyn tries to get it back in her body in order to survive. And Uzi's quick thinking was to... eat it. It worked for a bit because Cyn LITERALLY MELTED IN FRONT OF UZI. But it caused her to pass out as her body cannot handle two cores in one body for a brief moment

Uzi now has a yellow and purple ombre eye color after she has fused with the Absolute Solver

I like how Khan had a feeling that's still Nori after she scrambled off, which make sense considered she was pronounced dead up until episode 7

Her saying that she's now a "Damaged OC" is hilarious and personally call out to all artists and writers because we gave our oc traumatic events character development that they're traumatized in the end lmao

I love how the teacher, throughout the entire series gave zero fucks about what's going on around him

I love in the ending scene is a parallel to the pilot episode with her giving off a presentation to her class. The difference being that N and V are now attending the class and her parents being at the door supporting her

I love how N is improving on his artwork, with V being supportive

Uzi flexing her newfound power to scare the shit outta her class mates is a classic parallel to her showing off her railgun in the pilot, never get old Uzi, never get old

The post credit scene, with Uzi glitching out and the Solver talking to her gives off the feeling that Uzi isn't safe yet. Especially with the look on Uzi's face throughout the scene, she looks exhausted, and she looks like she isn't all there at the same time

Anyway that's my thoughts on the Series Finale of Murder Drones. It was a rollercoaster all throughout

[ghost-bxrd]

Ok so I’ve seen your thoughts on Talia being a good mom to both Jason and Damian and generally being a better person vs when she’s morally gray and really only good to Damian, but how do you feel about Bruce being a bad dad? Like personally I don’t like him being abusive but unfortunately…canon does not disprove it 😕🫠. Like do you have hcs or prompts where he switches from one interpretation to the other? Genuinely curious bc my thoughts on him going between these two have me conflicted bc I don’t LIKE him being a bad father, specifically in regards to Jason, but it does kinda fuel some ‘Jason leaves the batfam to go find himself’ stories I’ve seen, but you could argue that Bruce doesn’t NEED to be terrible for that to happen. Idk maybe modern comics have poisoned my ability to ignore Bruce’s history of abusing his children in some way by cranking up that abuse to a solid 20/10 (I’m sure I don’t have to mention what I’m referencing lmao), but it just makes me think. So much would be nicer if he was just a flawed father, but that’s not what his character fully is y’know (this is why I brought up Talia, just realized I was rambling without making that clear lol)

Phew ok, I’ll try to answer this to the best of my abilities!

So keep in mind that these are my personal thoughts and I’m actually not that well versed in comic lore (the comics I’ve read can be counted on one hand sadly but I’m trying to get my hands on more ksksks), and majority of my knowledge comes from research and fanfic.

Okay back to the topic at hand!

Generally I write/read fanfic for some fluffy family feels (and angst) and the occasional romance, hence why I prefer to write Talia and Bruce as being good parents and likable characters in general. I enjoy reading about it, so I enjoy writing it that way.

In regards to Bruce and his canon actions… well, that’s a tough one to answer ngl.

On one hand he’s displayed as a loving adoptive father who absolutely adores is children, on the other hand he’s shown to be ruthless when they violate his no-kill rules (reference to the Batarang incident).

To me this kind of juxtaposition makes little sense, but I’m afraid there are quite a number of character inconsistencies in the franchise from what I’ve seen so…. I don’t know. It’s just such a 180 turnaround to the early concept of the Batman who considers everyone to be redeemable regardless of their crime. Why would that suddenly not apply to his child?

I don’t think I could ever stomach writing him as a genuinely bad father, most I could do to mix it up a little and have him struggle to reach an understanding with Jason regarding his rule over Crime Alley and dealing with his own inability to communicate properly.

Batman was always supposed to be a protector, the “good guy”, but he’s also human. A human with significant trauma that he’s never properly worked through which… can screw with your people skills significantly.

So that’s usually the way I try to look at it whenever I want to write a Bruce who isn’t the World’s Best Dad at the moment. He’s trying, he just doesn’t know how to show it in a way that others can understand, especially his kids. (Yes tho I take full liberty with the more heinous stuff Bruce pulls/pulled in the comics and discard them as if they’re expired candy >.<)

To sum it up, I’m afraid you won’t ever find a fic where either Talia and/or Bruce are genuinely, irredeemably bad. Simply because I personally don’t think that’s how people work in general and because… well, I’m soft and I need some soft parenting in there somewhere. Sorry dear 🥺

Phew ok I think I was rambling a bit here, but I hope that answers your question somewhat? But if you’d like I could totally cook up a prompt for you that deals with Jason and Bruce struggling to come to an understanding and making compromises to be a family again. Feel free to let me know or send another ask if you’d like to stay anonymous 💚💚💚💚

[oblivious-memorials]

Castiel/Cas (Fallen Star)

>>>> Basic Info :3!

Age: 18 • Birthday: 2/20 • Pronouns: They/Xe

(Design: May be subject to change?)

<Dump / Backstory maybe? under the cut!>

> A completely walking Nonbinary flag- Uh, quite literally it’s been like this for years going back from when I first made them? Like I can’t tell you what the outfit was BEFORE they became this—

# Cas is VERY MUCH a stolen name, Supernatural I know you were my special interest back then, Castiel the Fallen Angel I’m looking at you good sir—

> Personality wise is probably more of the relaxed, and calm individual compared to others. Good at controlling emotions to not say: snap out at others, and just, definitely use healthy coping mechanisms.

> Very caring person, they don’t like seeing others hurt, have lots of empathy: Especially caring of animals.

> Therapist friend though also is in their own therapy. (Typically there for the friends they KNOW have a problem with talking about things with strangers/non-close friends)

> Fantastic cook <3

> Doesn’t understand how they got with Haven, like, them??? With like, the prettiest person ever???? Totally believe Haven is out of their league because like damn—-

>> Not sure if it’s reflected well design wise, but Cas is a little on the chubby side (‘n theres absolutely nothing wrong with that <3) and although they had problems with it at first, they’ve learned to be really happy with their body!

> Nonbinary wise in the sense of them feeling both masc and fem, Haven is the opposite (not masc/fem) <3

> Special interest: Stars and their kind-of -Fiancée

> Enjoys to have their hair dyed various colors, whats life if you dont explore the possibilities? (Ourple is by far their favorite so far, and Haven very much enjoys being the one to dye it)

> Xeir ears appear to be dripping, yet only truly do so when magic is being overused. to which physically: Their ears seem to liquify at the bottom.

> The black part on their face, seems to be a scar? Cas doesn’t recall where it came from, and it doesn’t really do anything: It’s just there? (its corruption, un-purified, unsafe to touch)

> Castiel doesn’t know why Z, after re-meeting them only referred to Cas as the ‘Fallen Star’ They know the origin of the name, but they never understood why Z just… Refused to use their name.

[] Species wise idk what the fuck they are yet LMAO—

Not that much to info dump about them, but, oh well:

<> Backstory Time! <>

To say their life wasn’t miserable, was somewhat true, it just felt inconsistent?

tw: lil violence/harm, mention of animal death

The title ‘Fallen Star’ comes directly from their origin. They did not have parents who had them. Xe did not grow up nor have connections to people; They were quite literally a star in orbit, who eventually succumbed to danger, and fell.

They are not the only ‘Star Person’ though, they don’t really have a species name. But alas (I was lazy) nobody really cared that much.

Instead of staying in space and around their people, Cas, at a strangely young age when it comes to falling—3/Three— had essentially fallen into a blank land.

Life before falling was simple, easy, and uneventful. They never really had meaning, just were a star: Supposed to be there until death…. Falling normal happens to those who are newly born/formed, as an accident.

The actual world they found themself into, wasn’t that easy in the slightest. There were other beings, creatures, and life around. To wake up in a bush of berries? Scariest thing to a small, star-like child.

They weren’t up anymore, xe were down.

They spent, around seven more years (Three to Ten) just living alone, deep in a forest, alone. No school, no ability to speak, read- Instead they learned off animals. How to eat. where to sleep, to stay hidden, all of it. They did it alone, and daily in fear of death.

Of course being a child and trying to learn off animals, meant many unsavory things, and worst of all: Finding said animals dead. When you’re copying them, and hunters kill them, it’s obvious to believe you’ll be hunted just the same.

Their first experience with corruption was in that forest, they didn’t know how to fight, they didnt know how to defend themself, and they certainly didn’t expect an arrow-Fused with corruption— To go through their eye, and even worse out the back of their skull. (Since then, they have blocked that memory out)

It did not kill them, but they did not stay conscious for long after. They had, truly no ides of what was happening, and to xe? They were going to die. They weren’t gonna wake up at all.

While out, an Angel— Someone they’d learn to call ‘mother’ found, and took them to her home. Unable to get rid of the corruption, but able to stop it from spreading, and eventually advising them to not show that part of their face when Cas woke up.

Of course technically being 10, they were sent into the proper grade for their age, which, they had little idea of what the hell they were doing, especially considering their ability to speak read and more, was insanely broken.

Without friends, first meeting Z and [SPIRIT] and lastly meeting Haven, among others, they probably would have not made it through as a somehow passing student. Thank all that help—

Life from there was okay?

Ish.

Okay, not really, they constantly lived in fear of others, and typically clung to their friends. Their ‘mother’ was okay, she also simply wasn’t trustworthy…?

Cas did not have an easy time… Trusting adults. Even when they’re friendly, which did typically cause strain between them and their ‘mom’ especially if they felt any sort of anger.

Anger never was violence, yet Cas didn’t particularly like the feeling of anger, and it’d tend them to get scared off. They just, didn’t really know even how to be a ‘person’ until maybe. 14? Even then they still were weird, though weird was okay.

Cas also definitely fell first for Haven, because being weird was a bonding and a very cute and adorable one and Cas just found Haven really pretty— And they made the mistake of telling their mother- And then xeir mother was like ‘i ship it’ and of course, thats embarrassing—-

When it came to the wilting, that on its own was the funnest experience ever! (/sarc) Their mother did not die, however they did do something to protect Cas: That also really broke Castiel….

Their mother pulled them away from the others, into somewhere they knew to be safe, and the home for angels! Heaven— Somewhere Cas was absolutely betrayed to end up in, because for two years they believed their friends were dead, and Heaven itself was so unbelievably un-comforting, that they chose to leave! Even when not knowing where they’d end up—

They forced themselves to fall, and to them…. Falling was familiar.

[randomkposts]

How would an all-female take force be?

Umm wow! Either Death Note now takes place in Barbie- Land or L is getting a lot more shade for hiring only female officers for his task force. As regardless of how skilled they are, there's always going to be questions about the task force, and now there's going to be questions about if it really is the most skilled force for the job. 

Because unfortunately as a girl, people have this barrier of you first needing to prove you can do the job before they let you go do the job. Social progress has been made in the 20 years since Death Note was first written, but in Japan has different values then western, a big one being valuing the collective over the individual. 

For the collectivest to work, everyone has to value group cohesion and stick to the natural order of things over the individual needs the west favors. 

Anyone who is outside of that norm, is labeled troublesome, which leads to isolation and bullying, a problem which people of mixed heritage have enough of a problem with in Japan.  

So this many ladies becoming prominent figures in the police force and being born in the 1950'-70's is going to stand out. And they are probably a lot more cynical about their jobs, to say the least, and likely not as highly placed. 

If we are going for realism on this Soichiro is probably not Chief in this AU to say the least. And L is losing a lot of social credit for this decision, as this Kira case is not going anywhere fast to say the least. 

Here's a video from Lady Virgilla that talks (amongst other things) about Japanese culture and female leadership in the workforce (part 4 has statistics about females in the workforce)

At the same time, being on the task force is also a choice that all of them made in Canon, and I don't know if they would be willing to risk their jobs in the same way as females, given how much work it took them to get where they already are. The cost-sunk benefit would weigh a lot heavier here. 

I don't even know if all of them would want to stay on the task force if they were all female as I would imagine it would not do positive things to their jobs long term, particularly after the funding was discontinued, I imagine leaving would be a thing more of them took him up on. 

That said you guys are probably here for funner headcanons, and I plan to expand on this in the other Anon ask. May be yours, may not be, so stay tuned, and lets start.

So Mogi is kind of a Stoic, though he seems to get a kick out of messing with Yotsuba Kira.

E:-He probably regretting this after a week.

Mogi really is the best jk. 

K:-Hes also a good actor, and does a good job as Misas manager. 

E:-He needed a raise.

K:-What if we flip it for Female Mogi. 

Acts cheary and friendly around people she doesn't know, but get to know her and you find that she actually doesn't like talking all that much, preferring to spend her downtime quietly. 

Can fade in and out of a scene, stealing the spotlight and leaving like a ninja exiting stage right. 

Secretly likes quietly appearing behind people and startling them. 

I think Mrs. Ukita in this one is a little more cautious, which means Misa doesn't kill her as easily, having the investigation last longer.

E:-Not as hot headed. Still is reckless but instincts much higher.

Do Mello or Matt know how to cook?

I need to know how they even start off their business. Does Whammy prepare them for adult home ec life?

K:-I have no idea? I suppose that depends on what Whammies considers necessary orphan skills. Most in Japan don't, though that's more mostly there's more children than caretakers. 

I doubt L learned.

E:-"Cake is a nutrient. It has all the food groups necessary to function properly--"

"That's bullshit and you know it."

Lmao ok I have an idea. But also the idea of Matt and Mello having to do small gigs but influential enough to get their mafia gang appeals to me. 

K:-I don't know. I feel that Mello more got the job in part because A Kira had killed off the old boss and they needed someone less high profile. So they made a deal.

Honestly I don't even begin to pretend to have the background knowledge of crime to try to map out how Mello became a crime boss in 4-5 years, so I'm chalking it up to Kira, rule of cool, and Mello being good at psychology in spite of being impulsive as hell.

E:-Nah its fine. My brain wants to fill in the gaps. But also thinking about the fem versions of them. While I can see the same recklessness of a fem Mello, I can see some precautions she takes and more tough around the edges she has to be running a mafia group. 

Ohhh. MELLO AT HOT TOPIC!

K:- Eclipse, I think Mello would tell you true punks make it themselves not shop for it

E:-Very true. He has taste lets be real here

K:-I'm thinking about Honne and tatemae, and how the task force probably tried to take L out for work drinking so they could give honest opinions and show face with drinking as the reason for letting social barriers down to give him honest criticism, and L just said Nah, so they went and complained about L drunk. 

E:-Bwhwhahahha. Okay okay thats hilarious. Eyo flavor shots!!

I want them having fun for a bit since this is such a stressful case. 

K:-Maybe it would be fun, but actually it serves a social purpose l, such as maybe telling your boss that maybe his ideas are not working so well, or to tell people things you don't like about them, as expressing it publicly/at work would be a social faux pass, but expressing it "drunk" has an excuse, and as its a different setting you can all go back to work and put your "face" back on.

Well sort of. The article I read explains it better.

Emotional honesty. Terrible for the liver.

E:-True very true. Sometimes its an imbalance and most would rather have gone home than attend a mandatory drinking session. 

Hey new article popped up. Apparently Japanese citizens are having a lawsuit against Japanese police due to their racial profiling. 

So apparently due to the rise of foreign workers and those with obvious mixed race they do get stopped more and checked 'randomly'.

I still remember the podcast of Trash Tase about how when a officer came over checking their 'noise complaint' Conner and Joey didn't need to be checked too much when they answered the door.

But they mentioned Garnt as a Thai man and instantly the officer voice changed

Very little info but here is an article

Also I forgot until someone reminded me Light swallowed a piece of the death note paper he used. 

Or he played fucking mario kart with Ryuk.

K:- I forgot that too

E:-Light and video games give me a whiplash. Most time I feel like Light cane out of the womb with a sneer and a pocket protector. 

K:-He might have a god complex but he knows how to blend. Video games are blending. Besides, could you see Light having friends over and pulling out a deck of cards or something?

E:-I mean I can see him being decent at poker. Delinquents jk. 

K:-But gambling. From the top honors student *shocked gasp*

E:-Lmao top student my ass. He needs a bit of thrill once in a while. 

I mean surely making bombs doesn't come out of nowhere. 

K:- Who taught him that. I just want to talk. I need to ask. WHY! Why in the world would you teach Light Yagami how to make a bomb!

E:- Me thinking bruh he totally had some bad influence friends. I mean 'classmates"

I doubt his dad would let him see things. 

But Soichiro also seems to be the dad to go over safety things with his kids of what not to mix

You be surprised how many people die by mixing bleach and ammonia (spelled it wrong) together accidentally making homemade mustard gas. Or that tiktok trend of mixing cleaning supplies in a batch. 

And kids are curious. Light is smart enough on what chemicals can make a home made bomb. But I'm more concerned how he figured the trap. Or his lie about a diary.

That makes it even more suspicious Light. Makes me think u did illegal shit.

K:- Youtube wasn't exactly big those days. 

Seeing as how death note takes place in 2003. And youtube was 2005.

E:- Time travel jk. Then again chatrooms were a thing. 

K:- "hey all, how do I best trap my desk to keep people out of it. I need to know for reasons. Lol.

Aside from the Yagamis, Aizawa is probably the closest to Matsuda in the task force. 

Aizawa is kind of Sochiro's successor. In both Job and team dad energy, and I doubt that would change with gender.

In contrast to Sochiro whose family is used to her being away, Aizawa is in more conflict with her spouse then canon, and feels guilty about it. 

She's cooly polite to L, as L drives her absolutely nuts. And has a kind of tranquil furry building up towards her. An increasing air of "I'm done with your bullshit"

E:-Aizawa can be the voice of reason. And its amplified during times when the team needs to be grounded even if she doesn't like what L does. However Aizawa does show sympathy at times to L. 

Aizawa has that scary outburst when she has had enough and those types who are consistent about the details of why she's at this point. A strong duty of justice but also loyalty to Soichiro. 

K:-Do you think she should leave at the same point of when L pulls the money stunt. Or sooner, in part to be at least a better more present mother she feels her child needs her to be, while returning to a more scheduled time at the police force. 

Family means a lot to her, after all.

E:- really? Yes. Yes she would especially seeing she would still be the bread winner. 

Soichiro has just as much to stake one

K:-Yah, at one point Aizawa is having Martial troubles with his wife and comes in with a bruise. 

E:-However Light is with him. Sayu is almost an adult, and his household is a lot more solid as to Aizawa's newborn child and his wife. Where they have a less stable financial status in case he ever died. Or as L had said no longer funded.

Aizawa want to do good and to do justice. Regardless of their gender its something so Aizawa. But duty and family is what makes him head to the door but breakdown leaving his team behind. 

Oooh I forgot about that. Also Aizawa wanted to avenge his friends death too right.

K:- Yes. Though I think we averted or delayed that .

Wait doesn't he have a daughter too? Yumi?

E:-Wait what! Eyo i feel like we don't see much of their family. Did Matsuda have a dog or was I imagining that. I feel like fem Matsuda has a cat or some plants.

K:-I don't know if he would have time for a dog.But maybe he has an old dog he got from his friend. Can see a cat and some plants though. Does the cat get on with cat Misa?

E:-Matsuda does give rescue dog vibes. 

Ah yes the cat named Misa. Have made a cameo. I honestly thought of Matsuda genuinely contemplating getting a mask for her dog......in case Kira can kill dogs

"Why would Kira do that?"

"I dunno feels like they can."

K:- Bringing his cat to the office would mean he got to spend more time with said cat.And the plants would have a better watering schedule there too. 

In a nod to Australian Matsuda (KTPS4tv) i'm naming one of the pets Bikkie, (Biscuit)

E:-Hehehe. Matsuda moves her cat in and some plants in.

"Matsuda please remove your cat off of me."

"Awww thats sweet. She must really like you L."

"And I wanted to use the restroom for the past two hours."

Fem Matsuda gets a cat. She be lonely since she is single and has a very stressful job.

K:- name?

E:- Lets stay with Biscuit that sounds super cute.

K:-Does human Misa make an anti sugar comment?

E:-Lmao.  Probably hahaha

[heyseihai]

Here comes the second part of the challenge!

Day 10 and 11: Introduce your Guardian's parents!

I merged days 10 and 11, because goddess Tiamat as the mother of three races in BoS was able to do it via asexual reproduction. Her hair was supposed to be curvy, but considering that in her description sun and moon shine so brightly that hide her eyes, I had to use this hair :/ Instead of her face, it's a skull with horns and a flower+fruit crown.

Day 12: Head to Karuto's Kitchen and take him through the Gates of Heaven with your cooking. Choose an appropriate attire!

Day 13: Since friendship is very good: Try to cosplay one of your fellow friends!

Here comes Caméria! Probably the only one Seihai had some sort of respect in there. Caméria, our queen <3

Day 14: Valentine's Day: Surprise your sweetheart with a seductive outfit!

Tbh Tenjin isn't the type who cares about the clothes Seihai uses (unless he sees another guy in the same place as them and might pose a threat to him XD). The fact that she's fully commited to her many duties as his wife is way more appealing than any kind of clothing. In this illu, the paper represents her duties, I thought of giving her a quill, but changed my mind because the one who gives the final say and signs the decision is Tenjin, so no quill for Seihai here.

Day 15: Explore the warmer regions, and put on light clothes!

Why the poison vial? Because she was responsible for helping with the drinks and she thought it could be fun to prank those she despises :D

Day 16: Picnic in the Fountain Park: Dress for the occasion!

At this point we can notice how most of her clothes are green, the reason is because it's easier to cammouflage in the forest at any moment when she's called by the villains.

Day 17: You're visiting the Fenghuangs: dress in Asia-inspired clothing!

Day 18: To the battlefield, Guardians! Prepare your armour and weapons: Dress up accordingly for your Guard's fighting class!

Day 19: Introduce your Guardian's future child/ren!

Hakurei and Tenma are children here while I can't comm their growm-up versions.

Day 20: Head to the Land of the Fairies: Drink the magic potion and grow fairy wings!

She would totally become a scary kind of fairy, sorry! lmao

[cartoonfanaticmonsterrobotalien]

Mighty Solars in Taken Away From Me Ch. 2

Back on Earth-4, Korvo is grumbling while working on sci-fi. He even started on working without Terry.

Korvo: Terry! Terry?! Where the fuck is he?!

Phoebe: What is it Korvo?!

Korvo: Oh, I’m sorry Phoebe. I’m just wondering the fuck Terry is. He better not be showing off his strength powers again.

Phoebe: Huh? Well I haven’t seen him either. The last time I saw Terry, he was taking out the garbage. I though he was with you.

Korvo: What?! drops his tools I thought he was with you!

The Pupa came up with the missing people poster billboard frantically with a terrified look on his face.

Pupa: Help!

Pups shoves the billboard on Korvo’s face as terror looms on his face. He sees that more than 20 people have disappeared currently this year. As it turns out, Cheery is one of them. Phoebe looks down and gasp.

Phoebe: turns to Korvo Korvo?

Korvo: Oh my God.

Later, at school, Yumyulack and Jesse were walking through the halls until the Stacies came.

Human Jesse: gets a cigarette shoved in her face by Stacy B Ow!

Stacy B: Well well well. If it isn’t Opposites and her pathetic little brother.

Human Jesse: Hey! That’s not nice! Yumyulack’s older than me.

Human Yumyulack: blushes D’aw.

Stacy K: What the fuck are you doing in our halls?

Human Jesse: Uh, just walking?

Stacy F: Whateves, you’re not supposed to fucking walk on our halls.

Human Jesse: This isn’t your halls, it’s everyone’s halls, bitches.

Stacies: Gasp What?! Excuse me?

Human Yumyulack: Yeah, that’s right. So if you excuse us, my sister are gonna head to our class-

Suddenly the school announcements started to play.

Principal Cooke: over the school radio Yumyulack and Jesse Opposites! Come to my office.

Jesse: Aw geez.

The two siblings walk to the office solemnly, only to see Korvo, in human form, and Phoebe, who is holding human Pupa, looking at them with worried faces with Principal Cooke, Mrs. Frankie, and Ms. Perez and Sherbert.

Ms. Perez: There they are.

Human Korvo: Korvo, what are you and Phoebe and Pupa doing here?

Human Jesse: Wait a hot fucking second, where’s Terry?

Principal Cooke: Mighty Solars, we have some bad news. People have been disappearing currently this year. And, we think your other father might be one of them now.

Human Replicants: Gasp

Human Yumyulack: What?!

HumanJesse: No!

Human Yumyulack: What happened to Terry?!

Phoebe: We don’t know kids, but whoever is messing with Terry, remind me to kick his or her ass! puts her left fist in her right hand

Human Korvo: We can wait on that later Phoebe, right now. We have to start a search party!

Human Yumyulack: But how? Half of the population hates us.

Human Jesse: Not all of them.

In the neighborhood, Korvo has round up a search party so they can find the missing people and Terry.

Human Korvo: Attention everyone! As you all know, more people have been disappearing every month this year! It’s time to stop, we have to start a search party so we can find the missing people and our loved ones, including my husband!

Randall: I’ll main the main route!

Human Korvo: Red team, you search in the neighborhood! Blue team, you search in the city! Green Team, you search in the park! Any questions?!

Jaimie: raising his hand Blue team rules! lmao it’s a reference to SpongeBob

Human Korvo: Now get moving!

The town splitter up into three groups as everyone search and search for their missing friends and loved ones, but sadly no sign of them anywhere, not even a sign of Terry. Suddenly, Monica found a symbol of the guards that took Terry earlier this morning and decided to go to the Solar Opposites.

Monica: Mom! Dad! I’m going biking!

Monica’s Mom: Okay Monica, be back in time for dinner!

Monica went on her bike through fast speeds towards the Solar Opposites house. She then gasp and smiles once she made it. Inside the house, Yumyulack and Jesse, who are back as their Shlorpian selves, put on their pajamas while looking down sadly on the couch, worrying about their missing father.

Yumyulack: Damn it. Where could Terry be?

Jesse: Yumbear, I am so scared. No one has even reported back yet if they found him.

Phoebe: walks over to the kids Oh kids, I’m sure your adult will be okay. Terry is very tough guy. I’m sure wherever Terry is, he’ll be okay.

Jesse: starting to cry

Yumyulack: Sis, are you okay?

Jesse: breaks down crying

Phoebe: Oh honey. hugs Jesse You’re so scared, are you huh?

Jesse: tearfully I just miss my adult so much. I don’t know where he is and I’m worried someone has took him and-

Jesse continue crying as Yumyulack instantly went up to hug his sister.

Yumyulack: It’s gonna be okay Jesse. I’m sure Terry has made it back home right now. Wherever he is. But hey, I’m scared too. This is all new to me, but you’re not alone right now sis. I still got ya.

Jesse: smiling Aw come here, Yummy Bear. hugs her brother.

Pupa: Hugs! hugs his siblings as they look down and smile

Yumyulack: Aaaww.

Jesse: D’aw.

Phoebe smiles at the children, when suddenly she hears a knock on the door. She opens the door and gasp once see Monica near the door.

Phoebe: Monica? What the fuck are you doing here?

Monica: Thank goodness I found you guys! I need to show you something! Where’s Korvo?!

Jesse: Upstairs? Why?

Monica: Guys, there is something you should know. And you are not gonna like this! Come one!

Monica heads up the stairs desperately as Yumyulack, Jesse, Pupa and Phoebe follows. In the lab, Korvo, who turned back into his Shlorpian self, is looking at his wedding photo with him and Terry as he sheds a single tear and wipes it away.

Aisha: You okay Korvo?

Korvo: No, I’m not. Not when my husband is missing. I just hope we find him in time. Because, Terry was the best thing that’s ever happened to me and I’m not giving up until my Life-Terry is found.

Aisha: Damn Korvo, you are so fucking determine. I like it. suddenly sees the door open with the kids and Phoebe entering What the fuck is going on now? sees Monica Monica?

Monica: Aisha, I have to show you something with the DNA scanner you have. turns to Korvo Korvo, I need to show you something and you’re not going to like this.

Korvo looks at Monica worriedly as he nods.

[weebsinstash]

“Ann Veritas”

“Brad Lunaris”

Those names lmao 💀

No but deadass some of these stories have me ready to just start straight up mocking them in homestuck syntax because it genuinely feels like the author didn't take 5 seconds to start reading things out-loud to doublecheck how stupid it sounds

"My name is ISABELLA and I am an OMEGA of the HOWLERS PACK. I am only FIFTEEN YEARS OLD and it was been OVER 20 HOURS since I have slept, I have been WORKING ALL DAY to cook and clean for the pack, ALL BY MYSELF. My skin is just SO PALE and I'm just SO THIN that I am EASILY ONE OF THE UGLIEST GIRLS IN THE PACK. Every day I am BEATEN UP, sometimes for NO REASON, but I do not mind, because TODAY is my 16TH BIRTHDAY and it is the day I am supposed to meet MY FATED MATE."

Like genuinely I think if you were to ask me the worst story I've read, it would be hard to tell you because some of them are either excessively cheesy, the narrators mispronounce words, the grammar is awful, or the plot is just BAD. Like I feel like Back & Better is probably up near the top for the worst one just because of the entire premise "yeah you were bullied until the point you literally attempted suicide but your mate is your bully and he as well as two other men all force their mate bond on you which is basically rape and you fall in love with all 3 of them and for some reason they're notoriously famous Doms despite being seniors in high school which sounds like it should be illegal actually"

Like im just going to bitch about that again. I don't really consider myself a slut shamer moreso, if you have certain attitudes around sex, that's a red flag for me, and sorry, being 18 year olds who are notorious Doms at actual sex clubs? At 18? I think my genuine first reaction would be "were you molested or something, this is genuinely very gross and bizarre". Like no offense that gives me "I need you to get tested before I so much as swap spit with you" energy.

Actually this reminds me of a concept I've been playing with off and on. So imagine we have Reader who is either a late bloomer werewolf or a human, but either way was not raised in a pack, knows nothing about wolves, and during a road trip or vacation or something you bump into the Alpha of a pack and it's like, oh hey, he's actually like, really powerful and strong and not exactly ancient by werewolf standards but like maybe he's even a couple hundred years old. And he's been waiting for his precious mate this entire time and its you and he already adores you more than life itself 🥺

And imagine he's kind of this quiet hardened leader, dedicated and wise but by no means like old or incompetent. He's the leader of a strong pack, despite never meeting his mate. And for some of these audiobooks, there's a concept where the strength of the Alpha is the strength of the pack itself, and well... imagine if it is by no means unusual that you're walking around, trying to see what could potentially be your new home, and every so often you notice, "hey there's actually a decent number of pregnant women in this community" and you find out that, because the Alpha didn't have his mate for all these years, one of the ways he was bolstering pack strength and numbers was by breeding with females from his pack, not even out of love either, just procreation for strong future pups

Like "hello fated mate who I love ever so dearly, you don't mind that I've slept with most of the women in this pack at some point right? You've met several of my children already but that's OK because you and I will be having plenty of pups" like actually no thank you sir, fated mate or not I would kill myself before living in, like, essentially a village where my husband has slept and fathered children with most of the unmated women above a certain ranking, like. No lmao? Like imagine you're still trying to get to know him and a woman comes up in tears and just slaps him, "so now that you've found your mate you're just going to abandon me and our children?! I LOVE YOU, you bastard!" Like i think that'd put him in a bad light so fucking fast

Imagine if that Alpha Luna mate bond/strength of the Alpha and Luna is the packs strength bullshit is so strong that you're literally not when hooking up with the Alpha yet havent so much as pecked him on the cheek and several mated wolves have suddenly become pregnant after years of trying, like, the pack literally blessed by your presence, they're all so happy, they want you to stay, and of course this is when you find out you absolutely hate a ton of how werewolves live

Like lmao I was brainstorming ideas and I actually accidentally made myself shaking angry at the concept of like, imagine if you've been trying to get to know the pack and the Alpha while gently correcting people "hey don't call me Luna I'm new here and you know, who knows if I'm even staying" and at some point you find out the. Um. Extremely questionable ways they raise their children. You see a bunch of kids violently bullying one of the weaker and smaller children for being an Omega. You see children having to run self defense drills to be able to protect themselves and their pack but treated like trash if they underperformed. Imagine you see a higher ranked wolf just wailing on a kid during a training fight to the point it becomes a beating with the adult genuinely hurting the child as a punishment for failure and you go to tell the Alpha and he's like "yeah thats normal? Our kind can't afford weakness"

The fated day comes when you see a teenager have a smart mouth with your supposed-to-be future husband and challenging his authority and your beloved mate just raises a hand and backhands this kid as easy as breathing air and starts off on a tirade about how it isn't the child's place to question the authority of his Alpha, that hes expected to obey amd nothing more. Imagine the pack's shock when you stroll up to the strongest member of their community, "if strength and violence is how you solve all of your problems, what do you think of this" before slapping him as hard as you can if not beginning to try and fight him outright before someone else has to pry you off because he doesn't even defend himself from you

The Alpha standing there while you start ranting in his face about "is this supposed to be strength? Hitting children? Picking on those weaker than you? Am I supposed to be impressed you're an adult man who can't control his temper and responds with violence? Am I supposed to want to live in a community where people think this is ok?"

Like imagine being the Alpha and you're in the middle of disciplining some disrespectful pup, asserting your authority like you always have, after all you're the main protector and leader of this pack and it's important your authority is revered, and all of a sudden you can sense your mate and you look over and she's just got a hand clenching the shirt over her stomach with tears spilling down her face while she looks at you like you're an absolute monster and you realize with horror that she just made the decision that she's never going to have children with you, let alone let you be her husband

Like imagine you're just bawling your eyes out trying to go back to the room where you have your things because you're IMMEDIATELY convinced to leave, you can't be here, you can't get pregnant here, you can't bring a child into this, let alone with a man who thinks this is ok in a community that supports this, and you're trying to gather all your clothes together while absolutely sobbing because, this was supposed to mean EVERYTHING! this was supposed to be YOUR SOUL MATE. And it's ruined! And the Alpha is just listening to you pour your heart out and (try) to reject him and you've got your little bag of clothes in your hand and you go to leave and he's just there in the doorway and just. Steps out into the hall and, click! Locks you in.

Like all I'm thinking of is how in The Silent Alpha the Moon Goddess mentions fixing people up when she thinks they balance each other out so it's "her plan" for you to mellow him out a bit while he's your strong protector (since you're just so Emotional and Weak UWU) and it just leads to you basically getting worn down until you're practically just a possession of his, having your own small authority as pack Luna but you're mostly just "oh his sweet little precious mate you're so small and cute 😍 " and God forbid if you're a human and you refuse to let him turn you, he'll probably just do it anyways, unless he likes the idea of you staying human or like, werewolfism isn't contagious in this story. Who knows maybe you'll even get extra super unlucky and Moon Goddess will give you some sort of magical power that the werewolves have extra reason to want to keep you for ;)

[snyrtch]

15 Questions, and (not 15) mutuals lmao

I was tagged by @highwayphantoms ty!

Are you named after anyone? I was named after my paternal prababka- it's a lovely name, but I only let my family use it. IRL I typically go by either my chosen name, Tarren, or by my first two initials. My middle name was inherited from my maternal grandfather. It's quite unique and I am rather fond of it. My family traditionally takes one or both given names from the kid's grandparents/great-grandparents. ​ 

When was the last time you cried? That would be last night bc I watched a sad movie :^)  

Do you have kids? Not yet! I plan to have maybe two children, if everything works out. I would also like to foster or guardian one additional kid too.  

Do you use sarcasm a lot? Constantly! It's the easiest type of joking I ever learned.  

What’s the first thing you notice about people? My eyes tend to drift just to the cheekbones for some reason when I meet people. I don't feel comfortable making direct eye-contact until I have established some kind of acquaintanceship I suppose? So it's close to the eyes, but not quite. I see the texture there, the shape of the hair. Colors of all, etc. This question is kind of hard to answer because it can also be interpreted as, what stands out first when meeting, right? Not just the initial glance. So I suppose I notice and pay attention to someone's voice a lot when building new relationships.  

What’s your eye color? They're hazel! I'm fond of them. Some lights the major tone is grey, in others green. Some brown in the center. A lot of friends have thought they were brown entirely until I started wearing contacts more frequently & were genuinely shocked.  

Scary movies or happy endings? Yes. Both. Good. Yes. I love horror and supernatural elements, I just don't like the unbearable and overwhelming doom some horror media has about it. I like the contrasts of joy and humor and horror.  

Any special talents? When I was little I could bend my back in half! I have an uncanny sense of time; If I set something in the oven or microwave, I'll go back and get on my computer. Almost without fail, I'll sit up and go 'oh I should check on that really quick!' and the microwave or toaster oven will beep/ding, the timer will go off, etc, the second I step foot in the kitchen. If I go to bed and say 'I'd like to wake up at 8' I will always wake up within 20 mins of either side of 8, regardless of when I went to sleep.  

Where were you born? Technically, in York, Maine, though we lived in Kittery. I loved Maine. Very much my kind of weather.  

What are your hobbies? :^) Well. Writing, digital art, painting, sewing, researching obscure topics, video games, espresso/coffee making and latte art, cooking, tea collecting/blending, medicinal herbs, gardening, (does ren faire obsession count as a hobby?), baking. Some of those are more prominent as actual hobbies than others. I hope soon to get into archery. One day I'd like to get back into horseback and violin or cello.  

What sports do you play/have played? I am simply not athletic 👍🏻  

How tall are you? I'm 5'8".  

Favorite subject in school? In High School, I didn't have time to take art classes while doing orchestra, unfortunately. But I did enjoy orchestra the most, I think. In College, I took a Non-fiction Creative Writing class that truly changed my view of nonfiction, being creative, and how to create boundaries when writing from personal events. Literally life-changing lol.  

Dream job? Woof. Uh, anything. I'm going to probably end up being a Research Psych, but if I could legitimately never work again and have a semi-self sufficient household where I could do things like art and gardening without worrying about capitalism, but could also manage to buy supplemental groceries and modern needs that would be. Ideal.  

I'll go ahead and tag @sharpe-teeth @darethshirl @moss-flesh @siennamain @bluewren @fade-touched-shenanigans and @glowing-blue-feathermage

None of y'all have to do it of course, but I find these kind of things fun and an easy way to get to know everybody! :^)

[trucbiduleschouettes]

Ekka: 7, 15 / Toa: 20, 26 / Will: 10, 51 !!

Oh oh oh, blorbo questions, hell yeah!

Ekka:

7. there’s a magic item (or technological innovation, or special resource) made just for them—what is it?

A special oven that make sure all her food is cooked to perfection! Weapon wise, definitely a sword that deals more damages to Hags because she sure have a bone to pick on the bastard hag man who stole and hexblooded Toa-

15. is there something that never fails to make them laugh?

Twinky men who still thinks they would beat her in a fight (without using magic since magic isn't something she knows); she finds it hilarious when they think her being an older woman would means easy to defeat her. She also genuinely enjoy puns, or people playfully overpraising her; she is genuinely someone easy to amuse as long as it's not a harmful joke toward some people.

Toa:

20. what attracts them to someone—platonically and/or romantically, anything counts.

Toa is big aroace spectrum, so it will definitely be platonic but, they enjoy kindness the most; they like odd people, people who'd find their antics funny, people who agree with her that her mum is the best; they like people who make an effort to maintain relationships of all kind. They definitely enjoy people who can cook as even with Ekka currently being employed as a cook, Toa themselves can't cook much-

26. what type of person pisses them off?

Feys- They have a bone to pick against the hag that hexblooded them and the feys who put said hag here. Toa also dislike people who are dismissive of others' insecurities, or try to play the "your [insert trauma] made you so strong/ powerful/ beautiful etc" card; they don't like being bossed around, or being taken advantage of.

They also don't like people cheating on others and going around breaking heart.

Will

10. what inspired this character’s creation?

Originally, Will was supposed to be a warlock on the run; I had this funny idea of her being a servant under a shitty noble family where the shitty son was supposed to "inheritate" the family Archfey patron, but said patron wanted to create problems on purpose for funsie, saw Will working in the background, and was like "lmao, actually that's my new warlock now".

I didn't end up playing in that campaign but enjoyed her design, so I turned her into an NPC in my own campaign, where she is actually an artificer with way too many responsibilities-

Her personality stayed the same, only her story changed!

51. what element of their backstory are you proudest of?

This is unfortunately spoilers for my players who are both followers of my tumblr :P But bit of it is that she almost ended up raised by the coven of hags living in the Underdark, but got raised by her uncle instead though the hags are her weird godparents-

Thank you for asking!

[lolly-pop456]

1. Steven Universe, Spy X Family, and that new sonic one that I can’t remember the name of lol

2. They’re purple and a bit taller than my usual ankle socks. They also have lil sushi’s on them too.

3. I adore smoothies of any kind

4. Depending on the occasion and season it’s usually a semi formal dress or a nicer shirt with dark pants.

5. Over medium

6. A group of bookmarks I’ve collected over the years. Rn I’m using a tarot card that just described the deck.

7. Black probably. It goes with lots of things.

8. Other than books and movies I like older hats. They look very cool and interesting to me and make fun decorations.

9. The ocean for both. Even though I never grew up by it I just find it very soothing to me for some reason.

10. Colors. They can represent more than what someone is telling me to think (aka lyric questions).

11. Glasses. Eyes are too sensitive for contacts.

12. That she’s big and not shy about it since she can’t help her weight for the most part.

13. Pencil. I’m a fast writer so I make a lot of mistakes usually.

14. My back porch or backyard in general. It doesn’t face anything but the trees so it feels very private and uniquely mine.

15. Only one since my wife and I are too forgetful to have more lol. And maybe? It’s technically my wife’s but she forgets about it all the time… poor lil cactus.

16. A very oversized dark grey one with a family friend’s tattoo company logo on it. I got it on sale as it was the last one and not selling well, I like it because it makes me feel small.

17. Like five books hahaha… all from different series that I have one or two of on my shelf already.

18. When they discovered Tenochtitlan. Experiencing the wonder they experienced while first seeing the city would be amazing.

19. I dressed up as a spunky dark fairy once and loved the hell out of it despite having to wear a winter coat.

20. Algebra.

21. Uhh.. I think it’s called Starry Night Over the Rhine? It’s by Van Gogh and basically like that famous stars one but a different perspective I guess.

22. Iced.

23. Love songs. Idk why they’re just the easiest for me to sing.

24. Perhaps too aggressive at times but I’d like to think so. I at least use my blinker.

25. Yep. I want lots more tattoos and my nipples pierced.

26. More so a cook than a baker though I guess I could bake if I focused more. Don’t really have a specialty unless making a family recipe is one lol.

27. Just one amethyst skull, it’s got some creamy white lines and it’s supposed to be a good stone for protection.

28. Oh yeah. I definitely do, been called a mermaid most of my life as a joke.

29. Nope.

30. Yeah. I hang my shirts to the far left, then pants, then like: seasonals and fancy stuff. Then hoodies and bras.

31. Nails, hair, hips I think.

32. One of those iridescent rainbow looks 😍.

33. Earbuds.

34. Easily.

35. When I was little my favorite was a pink dog with a heart nose named Valentine. He went EVERYWHERE with me but uhh… at some point I became convinced he was haunted by something. That’s a story for another time if anyone’s curious.

36. Air hockey.

37. As long as they’re respectful of my space and let me know if they’re behind me.

38. I really like classical piano pieces actually. They really soothe me and not many people would guess that about me probably.

39. Realizing I didn’t sleep until 7pm lmao.

40. Apple. They hold lots of fond childhood memories for me.

41. Black pepper and rose.

42. A few. I think my favorite is the pixel coloring one, since it lets you upload your own photos to draw.

43. On. Fear of the dark is really a bitch.

44. Put it in my Toothless piggy bank.

45. No hahaha. I wrote too hard and fast usually, and even if I slow down it looks like a young kids.

46. I think a band? That or a podcast.

47. When the weather is nice.

48. I mean… I prefer plastic over porcelain but that’s about it.

49. Read a good book.

50. The air is cold but not freezing, indirect air is being pushed in from the ac with a slight hum. Silky sheets and pillow cases with a light fuzzy blanket that’s big enough to keep me underneath despite me tossing and turning. Also a body pillow with a stuffed animal to cuddle.

50 Questions Just Because

What are three shows in your watchlist that you’ve been meaning to get to?

Describe your favorite pair of socks

Do you like smoothies?

What do you wear when you have to dress nicely?

How do you like your eggs?

What do you use to keep your place when you’re reading a book?

What color dominates your closet?

Do you collect anything? If so, what?

What sounds or scents calm you down?

What’s your favorite kind of uquiz question? (Lyric, color, aesthetic, etc)

Do you wear glasses or contacts?

What’s something about your best friend that you love?

Do you prefer to write in pen or pencil?

What are some places where you feel most at home?

Do you have any houseplants? Do any of them have names?

Describe your favorite hoodie. How long have you had it? What makes it unique?

What’s the last thing you ordered online?

What’s one historical event that you would have liked to have witnessed?

What’s your favorite Halloween costume from when you were a kid?

What kind of math are you best at?

What’s your favorite period in art history, your favorite famous work and/or your favorite style of art? If you don’t know any that’s ok!

Iced or hot drinks?

Which songs do you like to sing in the shower?

Are you a good driver?

Do you have any piercings or tattoos? Are there any that you want?

Can you cook or bake? If so, what are some of your specialties?

Do you have any keychains on your home or car keys? Describe them!

Can you swim very well? Do you like swimming?

Did you play with Legos as a kid? What was your favorite set?

Is your closet organized? If so, how?

What’s the last music video you watched?

If you could dye your hair any color, regardless of how you think it would look, what color would you choose?

Headphones or earbuds?

Can you read analog clocks?

Describe your favorite stuffed animal, either now or from when you were a kid.

What’s an arcade or table game (air hockey, ping pong, etc) that you’re really good at?

Do you mind if others are in the kitchen when you’re cooking or baking?

What’s one show you watch or musician you listen to that your friends know nothing about?

What was the best part of your day today?

What’s your favorite kind of tree?

What scent is your deodorant?

Do you have any games on your phone? If so, which one(s) is/are your favorite?

Do you shower with the lights on or off?

What do you do with spare change?

Do you have good handwriting?

What’s the last thing a friend recommended to you that you looked into and actually liked?

Do you like to go on walks?

Do you have a favorite plate or bowl?

What’s your favorite thing to do when it’s raining?

Describe your perfect sleeping conditions

[sandcastles-fall]

9/16

dear god, it’s me again. i’m once again hopelessly in love with one of your perfect creations. their very being pulls at my heart and their dickhead behavior melts me every time.

as soon as we arrived at the trail i asked 🛸 what crawled up his ass over the weekend, he seemed very manic and distracted early. turns out he was just a bit nervy. he gave me a small notebook, identical to the one he carries with him. he wrote down movies, books, tv shows he wants me to watch so we can talk about them. he gave me a homework assignment. he was explaining why he carries one, showing me his book, and he had the birthday card i made for him tucked in the cover. he said he looks at it every once in a while to make himself laugh.

he’s kept that card for six months. and i had no idea. not even that, he keeps it in the notebook he carries every day. he keeps it on him. it’s taken a few hours for that thought to really sink in i suppose. i’ve been trying to lie to myself and say that it’s not that significant, that it’s only for the joke. but i know that’s not true at all. what the fuck is happening?? that’s, like, my type of mentally ill behavior lmao. i literally kept the caffeine strips he gave me during a race just because they were from him. that’s my brand of pathetic and lovesick. i’m tired of trying to gaslight myself. i’m exhausted and i feel worthless from bending my perception to fit whatever narrative my head has cooked up. i mean something to him, i just have no idea what.

i think i’m having such a hard time because of the 2nd line crossing encounter. after a week of missed classes and lots of wondering 🎈 walked back in (to both classes i add). he got to meet 🛸 and after the second class showed me pictures from his roadtrip and told me stories of trying to keep up with 20-something party kids. it was really nice to see him and laugh with him. just wish he could have kept from talking about me. there’s an unspoken situation with me and 🛸, he knows that he can’t tell me positive things or compliment me in a direct way. i can’t process it, and don’t accept it. i deflect, reject, and get outright hostile eventually. i always feel like compliments ring hollow and are only there to make someone more vulnerable and an easier target. i don’t fucking like comments on how i look, especially from people that i genuinely like. so when 🎈starts in with the “look at your lats coming in” or “has anyone ever taken pictures so you can see yourself” or “i gotta stop looking at you like that” it makes me twist and squirm because they’re just not fucking true. STOP saying shit to try and make me FEEL a certain way. stop manipulating me goddammit.

he told me to lift my arm at one point and fucking pinched and prodded my lat muscle, and that was about the breaking point. i know he thinks it’s nice and polite, and reinforcing or whatever the fuck. but c’mon man, JUST BE MEAN TO ME PLEASE. i feel bad because i cut him off and only turned around to explain what’s wrong with me. he just looked sad.

[dumbegglife]

long nana rambles, hachi/hachiko 10/3/23

okie i actually love hachi's character. she's a super cute and nice girl, like a lot of shoujo protags, but she makes huuuuuge mistakes. she's self-aware and self-loathing, and she is constantly fucking up because despite her appearance and the kind of person she wants to be, she's very lost and desperate.

i can see people disliking hachi and thinking she's stupid and immature (and yeah, she does do stupid and immature things), but i can relate to her. her story is a tragedy, it's okay if she doesn't win, if she digs herself into a hole, if she can't outsmart, out-manuever her challenges. she's trapped, partially by her doing, which i really like.

she wants things badly. she's selfish but she's very, very sweet and sincere. she's only 20, so she can be very childish and dreamy, but i was the same way (still am, except not out in the open irl). i can't help but feel sympathetic. she actually really reminds me of a friend as well.

she leaves her home just to pursue a fairytale romance in the big city, only to find out her boyfriend cheats on her later. shoji is obviously a huge piece of shit for this and at fault, but the story is also always showing us that hachi can be demanding and self-centered. shoji is definitely in the wrong, but there are the signs that their relationship was in danger (even as i skipped most of the episodes shoji was in lmao. i went back and watched the live action for the sparknotes on shoji and hachi).

the one other long melodramatic shoujo i've seen is boys over the flowers/meteor garden. interestingly, i think shancai/tsukushi has a lot less agency than hachi does even though tsukushi is shown to be the angry, more rebellious character. tsukushi is constantly getting thrown into crazy, shitty situations out of her control (getting kidnapped like twice? domyoji's mom trying to ruin her life etc.). well except for her making out with huaze lei, that was a good bit of self-sabotage. I suppose shancai's story is more about her ability to endure bad things out of her control and her fighting spirit.

however, in NANA, hachi makes her own, wrong choices and has to suffer the consequences (as she causes the people involved to suffer too). she chooses Takumi, who she knows is an asshole, but she's so insecure that she'll go to the extreme. as a result, she hurts herself and other people even though she doesn't want to - i find this very compelling about her.

throughout hachi's failures, she's eventually questions her own persona as a "good girl." she dresses in pink and pastels, she cooks for her friends constantly, she has "normal" dreams of getting married to her "sweet prince," starting a family, and living a big house with a backyard, but these things aren't easily obtained. between her own desperation for nana's attention and a role in nana's life and her inability to accomplish her own goals cleanly (can't hold down a job, can't quickly find the love of her life who can provide for her), she begins to unravel and betray the image of herself she can't uphold.

[awisetoad]

Ahahah thank you! I scrolled back and found that post, and after not having looked at it in quite a while I forgot all the stuff I touched on. I do have more to add tho

also tagging @error-reality-not-found bc they liked all the other posts

what did they eat: part 2, electric boogaloo

so last time I kind of considered their diet in terms of maybe what I'd consider a meal (protein + carbs, but little veg given the reaction in Rivendell to the salad lmao). It's unlikely, but there is a chance they are existing on MOSTLY meat because… I mean, I suppose you can kind of forage wild tubers and roots, tho it's not really feasible to be finding and digging them up in the quantities they'd need to meet what we'd consider a normal macro split every day while on the road.

honestly, its worth exploring that mostly-hunting-some-foraging line of inquiry anyway bc that's how so many fics seem to portray the start of the journey.

and boy howdy does this need a cut.

but first: it's far more likely that they'd set out from wherever packing some stuff along. I know I cited bombur baking bread, but idk if that's right. I did some investigating and it seems like prime candidates would've been, like, oats (or rice? and corn but I also dunno about harvest season so maybe its barley or farro or something idk), and possibly some kind of hardtack and/or bannock. probably some hard cheeses and fresh fruit for the first days, but not so much that it ends up spoiling. potatoes could keep, but again idk about seasonality and they are too heavy bc of the water weight compared to shit like oats & grains in terms of calories vs weight. you really can't forget the weight of it all, bc they'll need more ponies to carry whatever amount of provisions they choose to pack to supplement their hunting and gathering AND ponies to carry whatever the weight is of processed game after each hunting session ON TOP OF the ones they are riding AND however many are carrying their non-edible supplies (like the cook pot)

like, here's an example that's just a rough estimate but if everyone has 1 cup of (uncooked) oats a day that's like 300-some calories? I think that weighs 81 grams per person, so 1,215g per day which makes 36,450g across ~30 days, from Bree to Rivendell which makes… 80lbs/36kg of oatmeal I guess? and looks like that's about in the ballpark of what a pony can carry.

(I am staring right at Gloin and his coin purse lmfao)

personally I think packing provisions from the Shire/Bree is essential, but if they run out (or they are washed away down the river by a spooked pony, lookin' at you Book!canon) we might be looking at strictly hunting/foraging for a while.

for foraged stuff like tubers, mushrooms, and probably some stew-friendly greens for fiber that Ori definitely picks around… I don't know the feasibility of gathering enough to make what we'd consider a proper portion per person. I wouldn't be surprised if they threw in as much as they could find honestly just to stretch what else they have. nuts, seeds, berries I imagine would be more like road snacks/lunch during travel days (along with jerky, but we'll get to that) especially if they keep well during travel

also, I quick googled caloric needs for a backpacking trip and it looks like maybe somewhere around 4,000+ calories is the ballpark for hiking in mountainous terrain which does line up with my past-self's googling on that previous post, so. I'll stick to how I calculated game before. If we take a sec and explore that hunting-and-foraging-only diet per above (making them…keto?) the game requirements end up kind of doubling from my last post. We're looking at having to hunt about, what, 60,000 calories worth of meat per day for the group?

Which means, based on the numbers in my other post—

> They'd need to hunt 2 deer, or 2 boar, or 8 good-sized fish, or 8-14 ducks, or 20 rabbits, OR a whopping 82 squirrels* every single day.

jfc uH

holy shit.

ahem, anyway

the logistics of that fuckery

I inquired with some of my buds & some internet folks who have more hunting experience than I, and (as stated in my last post) there's no reasonable way you can hunt & trap at that scale effectively on a literal daily basis, especially if that means having to strike camp, ride 3-4 hours (to hit that 10/mi a day posited by that Atlas of Middle Earth map) set up camp again, and then the time it takes to then process & cook your kills.

not to mention, not every spot along their path will even make for good hunting at all. and while some days you score big, some days you don't score at all.

google tells me that prime hunting time for lots of kinds of game is around dawn and dusk as well, so there's no way people would be sleeping enough with that kind of schedule.

I maintain it's much more likely they're doing some hard hiking/riding for ~20 or so miles (what I googled of pony stamina) for several days until they find the best possible camp that will let them maximize their hunt/forage potential, and then they're at camp for several days just resupplying and letting the horses rest.

and like, obviously, they are mixing and matching game— so like, 1 deer and 1 boar, or 1 deer and 4 fish, or some combination of small game critters that adds up to the equivalent of 82 goddamn squirrels ahaha what the fuck

Which means, fishing, fishing nets, all manner of traps for all kinds of critters which all take time to set and check every day, kili and thorin become an arrow factory, several members of the company are working together to drive boar straight to bifur (the scene from outlander of the boar hunt was enlightening). The foraging folks foraging. Who is out there? The whole damn company, apparently.

You need to catch enough food for the days in camp as well as enough for the days of travel ahead. so, maybe 2 or 3 days moving, 2 or 3 in camp, we'll estimate 5 days worth of game at a time? which means you need to have some kind of home team to handle processing the utterly astronomical 410 squirrels you've somehow managed to bring home.

is it 410 squirrels or hundreds of beavers

(it does work out to ~5 per day, per person in the company. that's two squirrels for breakfast, one for lunch, two for dinner and your actual caloric needs are met. so… jfc hahaha)

(for the love of god someone check my math)

Honestly, most of the edible meat is probably getting turned into some kind of preserved thing for travel days— cold smoking jerky or sausage (given the free natural casings would be otherwise wasted). meat hand pies if Bombur has flour in the provisions? —and in-camp during these off days you're probably making use of the much faster to spoil, and less… uh… desirable? stuff. like the organs, like the bones, marrow, the kind of shit we grind up & call "mechanically separated"… use every part of those 410 squirrels, along with any foraged items that won't keep, know what I mean?

and keep in mind all this processing as well as preserving methods also require like labor and time so its not like you really get much of an "off" day. I did find several ways to smoke meat over open flame but they do require like 12 hours of tending a fire lol so more evidence they're staying put for a while in order to render their game useful over the next few travel days.

and then they get to do it again over the next 5 day stretch… and maybe even the next, resulting in the wholesale slaughter of 1,230 squirrels over 15 days.

assuming in this example that the provisions from Bree only lasted a fortnight until they ran out, spoiled, or were an unfortunate casualty of a spooked horse and they spent the other half of the 30-days-to-Rivendell systematically collapsing the ecosystem

so that's a lot of fucking food

uh, yeah.

I think there's basically two huge points to make that could explain why thorins company might not actually be a walking ecological disaster:

they weren't actually meeting their caloric needs consistently (or at all, lol— canonically they spend a lot of time starving). there's several reasons this could be. one: spooked pony forces them to exclusively rely on hunting game and foraging and they have a lot of days with little-to-no scores. two: pre-spooked pony, they rely far more heavily on provisions from the Shire/Bree and thus hundreds of squirrels are spared in the first half of the trip in favor of oatmeal & bread. three: dwarves' special canonical earth-bread tubers are shockingly nutritionally dense and prolific to forage along their entire route.

dwarves are hardy, and "hardiness" means they can survive for far, far longer than humans can without starving to death or even really losing muscle mass. thus generally they need wayyyyyy less calories than I calculated. I honestly think this is correct, and even tho this is kinda the opposite end of the spectrum from most of the arguments I just made about supply quantities, we also don't see the implications of this explored much at all either (and even if we do, it's usually not until we hit Mirkwood).

Honestly, it could make for interesting dynamics if you consider dwarves may not initially realize they need to feed their non-dwarf members far more often than they need to eat themselves unless they want to accidentally starve their romantic interest their tag alongs—

("wtf do you mean, second breakfast"

"I knew hobbits needed to eat more, but you need to eat how much?!?! I guess that ruins all of my carefully budgeted provisioning. no, no don't worry about it, it's fine, fuck, we may as well go get the damn handkerchiefs given we need to go back and buy many, many more pounds of oats and like… twelve more ponies."

or

"oh shit we only caught one fish to last all 15 of us the next several days but uhh we kind of have to give it Bilbo or he'll starve to death— it's ok, the rest of us can wait another 3 days of travel to eat we'll be fine haha *sobbing* and hopefully wizards can conjure their own calories who tf knows")

so how do they know how to do all that?

again, I know Tolkien's extended canon works paint the picture of dwarves mostly not getting involved with farming or animal husbandry, instead preferring a symbiotic relationship with Men's settlements in order to stock their larders. but, as I think I said before (I barely remember at this point lol) I think it's reasonable to assume that isn't the entire story:

tolkien was very elf-biased and dwarf culture was "secretive" (aka not explored as much); thus, we could assume that the people "recording" this information about dwarves did not have a complete understanding

we can assume that the much-preferred symbiotic lifestyle the dwarves of Erebor enjoyed due to its prime location as a center of trade in the north was straight-up deleted after the sacking of Erebor. life as they knew it fundamentally changed and they had to adapt as refugees, picking up skills they wouldn't have needed before

maybe Fundin took Balin and Dwalin cave-fishing as kids, or they learned it from lake-town. maybe boar is one kind of game found from erebor to ered luin, so bifur is in his element anywhere. maybe fili and kili learned to shoot and trap from rangers in eraidor. maybe bofur, being good at ropes and knots as a miner, can rig up a fishing net easily. or maybe that's dori, if you follow the Fanon that he's a weaver. maybe Ori's actually really fucking accurate with that sling— look up native sling hunting on YouTube.

I do think that Gloin, being the one seemingly bankrolling the expedition along with maybe Balin, would be responsible for calculating, provisioning, and budgeting for the journey from Ered Luin, and acquiring ponies somewhere in the Shire, and then provisioning once again in Bree for the next stretch.

But also consider that they likely had a real plan for that next stretch and resupply point (that doesn't involve elves) that didn't end up working out given that more than a few unfortunate events happened (spooked pony, trolls, elves, realizing they had a deadline at all lmfao). Like. Where were they going next, before the trolls fucked everything up? around thru dunland? were they going to resupply originally in Rohan? or is there a settlement other than Beorn's they might've aimed for? Who knows.

endnotes

I think this sufficiently paints a vivid picture of the absurd amount of planning, effort, time, cost, supplies, and other various considerations that need to be done for this kind of excursion, and how crazy it is that we just gloss right tf over it ahahah

also the timeline for thorin meeting Gandalf, returning to ered luin, provisioning, traveling to a meeting in spaghetti-land, and then to hobbiton is bunk and I have another ted talk about that

and about bed rolls.

I'm not gonna link stuff bc it'd be too much, but my sources are shit like a billion hours of bushcraft camping/cooking videos, act/pct thru hike videos, the lewis and clark expedition records, Townsends and tasting history and Sohla's history food show on YouTube, the original Native American diet & pemmican, early human hunter-gatherer societies, fandabi dozi on YouTube, wagon trail cowboy shit, how to feed the crew of a 17th century ship while at sea, primitive food preparation pre-refrigeration, how medieval armies razed the countryside while marching to war, and personal real-life experience that includes but is not limited to: professional catering experience, feeding my 30-person extended family for every holiday growing up, feeding many bachelorette and stag parties for more than a few days bc I'm in my wedding attendance era.

anyway thank you for coming to my dissertation, apparently ted talk, happy to answer q's or expound on anything that might be unclear :)

*(it's possible it's even more than 82 squirrels/day because I have no idea if my past-self took Bilbo and Gandalf into account so I might be off by 2 entire people's worth of food, and fuck if I am going to attempt to figure out how many calories a hobbit needs. I'm not checking, I don't think I care to discover whether we have our first entries to eriador's endangered species list)

also fucking 82 squirrels that will literally never not be funny I am wheezing and crying right now in real life, good god

Not one of my normal posts, but:

Who do you think would go hunting for the Company during their travel to Erebor?

Would it be Dwalin?

Bifur?

Would Kili and Fili go out to hunt for the food?

Or would it be Thorins purpose also, to provide for his companions as the leader of the adventure.

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

I’ve thought overnight about it, and:

I’ve got a lineup (from most often to least often)!!!

1. Gloin (we all know this man makes everything a completion, his game is the best, his wife is the best, his hair is the nicest copper color, his son is the best, we could go on and on) he prides himself on the kill he makes for the company.

2. Bifur I cannot use words to describe how vicious yet clean this dwarrow is with his kills. When Bifur kills an animal, it is left so perfectly, it looks like it’s alive, perfect for cooking and using every bit of the body they need

3. Suprisingly is Dwalin! We know our warrior is a bit rough around the edges all over, but he cares for his fellow kin in a subtle way, such as making sure they eat so they can “Put that food to good use and use your brain for once!”

4. Fili and Kili (cuz they a duo) Kili normally does the killing of Deer and such with his arrow, while Fili will take down physically with a dagger, Fili normally goes for the neck right away, Kili goes for the lungs of what he shoots at when hunting

[garlique]

today seems like it is going to b a good spoons day i woke up went and got blood drawn and then got breakfast, got covid tested, AND got my flu shot all before 11. i think the new meds placebo hit today lmao

tw for panic attacks and alcohol in the tags!!