#it was done by someone else in your year
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my heart hurts!! it hurts and hurts and hurts and hurts and hurts and hurts
#deepest darkest secret#talk about it with no one#why cant i just do it?#i am so scared#itll never be too late though#it just hurts#could fix the weird feeling of like youre puppeting your body#but you wont. youll try everything else first.#14 year old me was on some classic shit and shouldve stayed on it#wouldve been easier#but no couldnt do that#like it couldnt have been done.#it was done by someone else in your year#and they seem happy#couldve been you#i am mad at myself#knowing something is true and would be so cool but being unable just due to being scared#whats wrong with you?? you let fear control too much#cant leavr the house#cant transition#cant drive when its even mildly busy#cant committ#working on so much but will never hit the big one#very negative. it just hurts!!#i hate myself
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It’s just…so painful to watch Armand readily submit in order to obtain the love he so desperately craves. And while it’s most assuredly a manipulative tactic, it’s still one borne out of fear and desperation. He cannot lose this person he’s come to love and so will become whatever they want, do whatever they want just so they’ll stay with him. But it won’t be enough. No matter how much he acquiesces or seeks to control (himself, others, the environment), he won’t be able to make Louis stay with him in the perfect life, perfect self he built in the hopes of finally being loved. It will all crumble with Armand left alone in the rubble of what he created, the author of his own abandonment.
#this unfortunately hits way too close to home for me#let’s not even get into Claudia’s anger at never being enough#iwtv spoilers#interview with the vampire#armand#this is just me speaking from personal experience…but there is definite manipulation at play here from Armand#and I don’t necessarily mean that pejoratively- when you’re desperate for people to like/love you you’ll become whatever they want#or whatever you think they’d want and you give it to them so they’ll want to keep you around#I’ve done it so often with the people in my life- and make no mistake it’s also a survival tactic#you give someone what they want they won’t hurt you#and when that’s how you survive for years and years it becomes the default method of interacting with others#even with normal people who genuinely mean you no harm you revert to that people pleasing mode#as a means of control both external and internal#this is what i see armand doing- his way of surviving that he’s never truly broken out of#armand ceding coven control to Louis and curating the Dubai penthouse for Louis are part of the same pattern of behavior#and even tho it’s ultimately harmful and will only end badly for armand and Louis’ relationship#idk if armand knows how to not exist that way with someone he loves/desires#all of this also ties into louis and daniel#because of course Armand will lose it over Louis finding connection and interest with someone else aside from him#someone HUMAN no less#and I can see Armand taking out his anger on Daniel as a way of expressing his own frustration at still not being enough for Louis#breaking daniel’s mind in a desperate attempt to understand why this human could reach Louis in ways he couldn’t#not saying any of this to excuse Armand and his behavior obviously (I’m very upset and worried over the trial looming on the horizon)#but I do understand this impulse and how you’ll throw ANYONE under the bus in order to preserve your place with loved ones#it’s all horrifying but unfortunately I empathize#like even if Louis is right to walk out on him when he learns/remembers the truth of what happened to Claudia#I’ll probably still find myself saddened by Armand’s fate because I’ve absolutely been there myself#it’s a tragedy of his own making- his fear and desperation birthing manipulative and controlling behaviors#that ultimately result in your own abandonment#god this fucking show
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i am trying so so so hard to wait and watch nimona with my friends but i keep seeing gifs and. idk if i can willingly let myself cry that hard in front of other people
#nimona is like. like words can’t describe how formative that comic was to me.#i found it in my local fucking library when i was like. maybe 12 years old. and it is the thing that made me start writing seriously.#it made me realize that my art could tell stories. that i could say what i wanted to say using the thing i loved doing so much#it was one of the first queer stories i ever read and loved.#dear god i am going to cry so hard. from the opening of the movie i know i am going to be in tears#nate stevenson words cannot describe what your art has done for me. i am so so so excited to see this movie#anyways 😁 when i finally release my own comics i hope they are able to do for someone else what nimona did for me fr#personal
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I watched Avengers: Age of Ultron (apart from I skipped some overly long action sequences) and I am not sure so can someone tell me whether or not Tony Stark was the baddy in that film? Because about halfway through I was sure he was but then it was maybe just an evil robot after all and I am confused because either this film was surprisingly subversive or it was about robots hitting each other.
#I CANT STAND THE CONFUSION IN MY MIND#also i get why people wrote wanda/sylvie. they should go on a wholesome chick-flick revenge-quest together. and also they should kiss.#also i am now only *half* joking about thor being in love with mjolnir#it kept doing Christianity Bits which was quite awks.#not sure why it used the bit about building the church on a rock for some metal i mean wasn't jesus making a pun there? about peter?#i think Vision might be Jesus? or else he's Dr Manhattan who's done a first year philosophy course. could go either way on that tbh.#BUT TONY WAS THE BADDY RIGHT? WAS HE? WAS TONY THE BADDY OR NOT????#with the homocidal glitches in what he thinks is his winning personality?#and all the weapons he's made and is in fact still making but now he only sells them to The Good Guys?#except look how easily they fall out with each other and also don't a lot of innocent bystanders die in their overly long action scenes?#also i need to write fic about whether mjolnir does in fact obey some unknown code that can be cracked if you set your mind to it#she does like Robot Jesus so apparently we can rely on her to make the major decisions from now on#the ending's a bit ominous - apparently someone's collecting those TVA paperweights to do... something? Oh no! :O#yeah i watched the MCU in the wrong order shut up this was inevitable and Marvisney should just embrace that at this point#(i know 'Marvisney' will never catch on but that will not stop me using it)#the loki series ending is but the latest installment of “unlimited power with no oversight is fine as long as the Good people have it”#UNLESS TONY WAS ACTUALLY THE BADDY. WHICH AS I MENTIONED I AM NOT AT ALL CLEAR ON.#maybe what i mean is was tony stark the baddy *on purpose*?#i only picked this one to watch next because tumblr gifsets told me thor wears a nice coat in it#which he does! but only for a small fraction of the film :(#journey into the mcu#the avengers (the marvel ones not the other ones)
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Do you have any bsd headcannons you'd like to share? (literally anything, I just love learning about other peoples hcs)
OMG YES YES A THOUSAND TIMES YES SORRY FOR RESPONDING SO LATE IVE BEEN USING THIS IN MY DRAFTS AS A COLLECTION OF JUST ABOUT ANYTHING THAT GOES THRU MY MIND AND I'VE JUST DECIDED I'M GONNA POST IT ALR
chuuya's hat is so old (bc it keeps getting passed from person to person and he brings it with him everywhere obviously) and WORN OUT but he has no idea how to fix it. he treats it like his child but it's inevitable that the material will deteriorate over time, so he's been trying to convince himself to go to a hatter for ages and can't swallow his pride. he drunkenly told it to hirotsu once night while they were drinking, and hirotsu just sighed and got it fixed for him that night while chuuya was passed out. they never spoke about it.
dazai has met several women who actually did say yes to a double suicide. the majority didn't mean it and just wanted to toy with him, but ran when they realized he was serious. a few actually did mean it. he pulled strings and invited them to a romantic date, except that he sent therapists there instead of him, basically playing matchmaker. all those women are now doing better but ask him about it and he'll act dumb and say he knows nothing about it.
fyodor needs glasses. his eyesight definitely sucks and the hours he spends at a computer don't help. however, he manipulates himself into thinking that he's actually fine when he's not. nikolai also has shitty eyesight bc of his dull eye and the other one he's probably abused looking at the birds in the sky and thus the sun. they are literally the blind leading the blind. nikolai places his portal 2 meters from where he meant to put it and fyodor says "good job". it's incredible how they're feared terrorists.
sigma gets tired wearing heels all day. he wants memory foam but doesn't know it exists. give him his goddamn memory foam. anyways one of his employees saw him holding his feet in pain and offered him orthopedic shoe inserts. he hasn't been the same since. would give them a raise if he knew how.
tachihara used to get acne from having his bandage on his nose all day. so, he's developed an incredibly rigid skin care routine. his face is soft as hell. cheeks are smoother than you'd think.
kouyou made it her first demand as executive to raid her favourite shop where she gets all her kiminos and accessories. hirotsu led the black lizard battalion into the shop and the workers were so fucking confused. stole expensive silk fabrics and clothing of the highest quality because she doesn't settle for less, and in the process has gotten hirotsu more into fashion. they go shopping together.
speaking of shopping, kajii only goes thrifting. have you seen his clothes?? they're not his size and torn as hell but they're so damn cheap he can't resist. his sandals are so goddamn iconic. yeah he's blowing you up but his dogs are OUT like a mf psychopath. i maybe love him a little too much.
ivan has greasy hair. while doing his surgery thing wtv tf that was, fyodor was continually grossed out (ironic aint it). pushkin was then ordered to help ivan wash his hair and they died just a little bit. neither knew what the difference between shampoo and conditioner is, and they struggled with it for a long time. eventually when they came back for fyodor to do the surgery, ivan's hair smelled like flowers and was braided cutely because they gave up and went to a salon where the people working there fell a little in love with his hair and went overboard. pushkin's hair (if you can call it that...) was also in a little bowtie. they enjoyed their little adventure just a little bit. just a little ofc.
odasaku has no idea how to cook curry. he loves it and fears doing it wrong, so he just buys it from the same place over and over. considered asking for the recipe but never did because why change what is already perfection. dazai however is convinced oda has housewife abilities and can cook like a god. he never knew the truth.
fitzgerald can't do math. he pretends he's good at converting currencies but in his head it just doesn't add up. 20 000 yen? that's like.... 5 freedom eagles obviously. no biggie *throws a bunch of american dollars at the workers and just takes the item and leaves* he also doesn't give tips when it prompts on the machine, and instead prefers sliding a crisp bill to them directly. cried a little when his favourite shop told him they ran out of an item he wanted and they didn't budge after he slid them a stack of 100s (he has no idea how many were in the stack)
fitzgerald also owns an airline but he doesn't manage it personally ofc. his only interaction with it is that they provide him and the guild with a private jet to travel to japan. lovecraft did not get on. he swam??? who knows, but he did not get on that plane. lucy got sick and louisa freaked out every time there was turbulence. mark was snoring loudly the entire way and steinbeck had his nose pressed on the window looking outside the entire time the lil cutie.
agatha has the super power of drinking tea while it is still piping hot. she never burns her tongue and never complained about its temperature, except when it's too cold. the water was literally boiling once (her subordinates wanted to find out how hot she can go) and she gulped it all down without a single contortion of her face. incredible.
shirase doesn't understand english and keeps trying to learn it but every time he thinks he's getting the hang of it, someone throws cockney slang at him and he gives up.
adam finally figured out how to blow a bubble of gum, but keeps swallowing it. one day, it clogged his internal system (he's not supposed to be eating obvi) and he's been afraid of it ever since. thinks it's possessed by evil spirits his android brain can't understand. i also hc that he recharges thru solar panels integrated onto his skin and for this reason he goes to the beach to 'tan' often. HE'S SO PALE people get a little concerned for him when they see him not apply sunscreen and just lay down for hours at a time. one lady actually told him he could get skin cancer and he opened his eyes "ackshually 🤓👆" then began reciting every fact known to man about skin cancer. rip that lady
verlaine and rimbaud complain about france all the time. "fuck france i fucking hate the french this country goddamn sucks" then as soon as someone else says anything bad about it they give them death glares and threaten death for disrespecting their country.
wells has memorized a whole lot of things about quantum theory from her days studying to be an engineer because it was her favourite class. she cannot handle mechanical or civil engineering topics and physically ascends at the mention of anything to do with dynamics. i also think she's been hit on a lot while wearing disguises; she tells them she's actually a woman, they freak out, then she sends them back in time. this time, they do not approach her and thus she doesn't have to deal with the awkward rejection and doesn't even remember it.
jules verne has made little dolls and pretended that they were his friends and invented scenarios in which they hung out. i will not elaborate on this.
albatross sometimes interrupts conversations in order to listen to the engine of a vehicle passing by. tries to track them down, too. he'll be the type of guy to ogle at your car without making eye contact with you while you're still in the car. and when i say ogle, i mean ogle. checks out motorcycles more often than women.
the flags bully lippmann sometimes when he acts in a really cheesy scene. he's coming to hang out with them and they're all giggling and chuckling at him stupidly. albatross walks up to him, tucks his hair behind his ear and whispers whatever cheesy thing was said in a low voice before bursting out laughing (he usually starts laughing before he can even finish the sentence). pianoman slides it slickly into conversations, and doc 'fufu's at random moments when looking at him and he suddenly remembers the scene. iceman has not watched the movie and chuuya couldn't care less.
the first time he tried to take the train, ranpo loudly exclaimed and yelled at every turn and stop of the train. he went during rush hour too and got his entire body smooshed into the strangers next to him. he squealed when someone accidentally (accidentally) grabbed his ass in the crowded traincar, then asked loudly who did that. dramatic as hell. got his pockets picked and knew who did it, but couldn't do anything about it. he felt awful and slumped his way back home and collapsed into yosano's arms with a groan. this was the only time she'd ever willingly bought him a bunch of sweets and let him eat them in peace while he ranted to her about the atrocities
kenji is more notorious on the streets than he knows. he got recognized by some huge 200cm tall man built like a goddamn tank with tattoos all over his body who wanted to fight him. kenji was so flattered that he knew his name that he thanked him and burly dude was like. wtf. anyways they got beef ramen together afterwards bonded over cows and are now besties. he's told the agency about it but they think that by "friend" he means someone else his age.
tanizaki ran into kajii once at his favourite thrift shop. he recognized him and ran out freaked never to return. for this reason he had to keep wearing his same stanky ahh uwu girl clothes that don't fit and hasn't had a style update. actually, when doing his research for how to infiltrate the mafia, tachihara found out that there have been a lot of sightings of known dangerous ability users in the thrift store, and that's why he wears the same shirt as tanizaki.
tachihara dreads the hunting dogs meetings because they make him feel like the only sane one there. his back has become so chiseled from carrying teruko around all the time, and once - jouno thought it would be funny - he tripped on a wire laying down on the ground and almost dropped her. he had to use his ability to pick her up from the belt of the uniform to prevent her from faceplanting, and she looked like she was about to explode. he had to let her beat him up a little then she hopped back on his shoulders and nothing changed. he questions his life choices often
jouno can't handle cinnamon or ginger scents, they overwhelm him and he goes into a fucking sensory overload coma. odor orgasm. sinus sex. teruko got sick once and tachi made her the strongest herbal and ginger tea you've ever seen (learnt it from his brother rip the goat) and he collapsed on the ground with a moan. woke up a half hour layer with no clue wth just happened. tecchou eventually heard about it, placed a hand on his shoulder and said "it happens to the best of us" while nodding solemnly then never elaborated.
yeah fukuchi and fukuzawa used to steal food when they were younger but imagine them figuring out milestones together. "dude my armpits are itchy where is this hair coming from :(" "genichiro i don't need to know about that *scratches at his armpit subtly*" i think they were very goofy about it
speaking of puberty elise once freaked mori out by saying she got her period. dude was like. wtf. you're an ability. how tf. she insisted he got her a bunch of tampons n pads and chocolate and heating pads and the works, then once he (the underlings he made go do the shopping threatening their lives if they ever told a soul) bought everything, she looked at his confused and asked why he bought those things. she's an ability how could she have a period? mori cried a little that night.
bram is a swiftie for no reason other than i think it's funny. alternatively, i believe he listens to reggae for no reason other than i think it's goddamn FUNNY.
kunikida's old students sometimes run into him on the street and recognize him. they immediately straighten their backs, nod at him and quickly walk away in the most respectful way because they don't want to ruin his schedule. he nearly tears up from happiness every time.
natsume goes through 5-6 "here, kitty kitty!"s in a day when he's just vibing around. people try to feed him grass blades. people get WAY too comfortable rubbing his stomach. once, a girl saw him on her way back from school and started scratching a random spot behind his ears and he folded so quickly and just melted on the sidewalk. he wont admit it but he has that weak spot in human form too (i want to pet him so badly this is self indulgent ok). the girl was actually gin btw. she's an animal whisperer i dont know why i dont know how but she is.
#im dying just a little because of the way my head is overfilling#i rly hope the anon who asked this is still around to see my answers :sob:#i LOVE making stupidly specific hcs this isn't even the half of it#guys drop your hcs or character you want my hcs for in my inbox!! (i want someone to spam my inbox womp womp)#yeah i spoke a lot about tachi what abt it#i love him a little too much i need someone else with the same level of obsession as me#i want him as an s/o so i'll be immune to bratty vending machines#^^OMG THIS APPEARED WHEN I WAS TYPING TAGS APPARENTLY I ALR WROTE THAT??? it's still true ofc#anyways yes i like to try to cater to most characters bc i'm a sucker for the underrated lomls#i would've slapped you with more lovecraft but i must ease back into writing hcs (i haven't done this in years)#uhhhh yeah#that's all my lil dumpling wumplings idk wtf else to write#bsd#bungou stray dogs#bsd hcs#bsd headcanons
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no one knows just how hard I work at things. how I have to work 1000000x more than the average person to compensate for being autistic and adhd and probably other things i'm working out with therapist, and having a sort of physical disability i've not received any help or treatment for. everyone assumes I don't try or give up too soon. they think I just started, need more practice. they think I expect everything handed to me immediately with no work or effort and don't acknowledge the multiple years i've put into things. they think I have no right to be upset about still failing to get where I want even after working my entire life to get there, while watching people around me surpass even my meager goals within a fraction of the time and work i've out into the same thing. constantly getting surpassed by everyone around me who seem to barely do any work to get there compared to me. it's all handed to them and falls into their lap so easily. all because they don't have the extra obstacles to overcome and work around that I do. while they go from point A to Z immediately with no major stops in between, I have to go through every single letter and then some, often getting sent back to the start. but it's always *my* fault, according to everyone. it's not the fault of those around me who ignore me, don't support me, don't help me, don't believe in me, etc. it's my fault they don't do those things. because doing the work of 10 people in one isn't enough, just because it's me. and not reaching Z as fast as everyone else means I don't deserve any of the support or help or anything else and means i'm not trying hard enough. it doesn't matter that I *need* to work harder than 100 "normal" people combined to get even half the result! Just because I can't reach what they do means i'm not trying hard enough! ugh.
#it's like they WANT me to give up!#they sure act like i'm not trying to give up/not trying if I mention how hard it is/how i'm upset I cant reach my goals after years of work#if someone tells me to just do the thing/stop giving up/try harder/practice more/it takes time/dont expect it to be handed to you/etc#ONE MORE TIME. im going to fucking lose it. in fact im losing it right now hence the rant im writing!!!!!!!#can someone for once tell me its ok to feel frustrated and they know how hard i work and try and deserve better or something idk#ugh i hate this life. sometimes i hate being neurodivergent because it stops me from doing all the things i want#and no one is willing to help because they blame me and say im not trying hard enough when EXISTING takes more work than they realize!#for fuck sake im losing my mind here. not having any support and not being able to support yourself because none of your needs get met#and you have to try to do life with higher support needs and are denied any support. its so fucking hard. idk what to do#lee rants#autistic#autism#actually autistic#adhd#neurodivergent#audhd#and probably other things that could be tagged but im exhasuted. writing this was hard and took so much energy to make words happen#words hard. how get across what want to say?????? dont know#but why is it always dismissive comments and no one offering any actual help or support that would benefit me in any way#but everyone else gets so many opportunities and support? i guess if you need extra support you arent worth anything#IM ALLOWED TO BE UPSET AND FEEL BAD. PEOPLE NEED TO STOP DISMISSING MY FEELINGS AND TRYING TO MAKE ME FEEL BAD ABOUT FEELING BAD.#WHAT DO YOU WANT AND EXPECT FROM ME FOR FUCK SAKE. HOW DOES ONE TRY HARDER THAN THEIR BEST!!!#HOW DOES ONE DO SOMETHING THEY PHYSICALLY CANT IF THEY ARENT ALLOWED THE HELP AND SUPPORT REQUIRED?!#HOW DO YOU EXPECT A BIRD TO FLY IF IT WAS BORN WITHOUT WINGS#ok im done
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watching ppl blatantly lie on the internet. if youre gonna make up a fake backstory and ethnicities to be at least make them CONSISTENT
#goodbye you cant be from england AND china AND iran AND mexico AND canada AND america AND france AND egypt AND japan AND sweden AND#if youre white youre white ???? jfc just fucking own that#if you wanna pretend youre an anime character go girl live your life as long as you remember youre white and nothing you can do can make yo#japanese. ok thanks!#white ppl want to be poc so bad it is an entire epidemic. like girl go love culture! what the fuck happened to racism!#and maybe again we take a step back and ask ourselves. ARE we appropriating culture?????#you might be!#god im so done if youre white youre white. what else do you want lmfao#the overdue asteroid strikes again#i keep thinking abt this conversation i had a couple years ago where i had to explain to someone that just bc you have ancestors from some#where doesnt mean youre that culture. culture is about what you actively participate in. culture is practice. culture is only partially#ancestry. if youve got great grandparents from xyz place and cant name a single cultural tradition they did that you still do then maybe#youre not that! and thats ok! maybe keep your mouth shut LMFAOOOOO
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Any men out there wanna pretend to be my bf to get my parents off my case about marriage? I am so so serious right now.
#my mom gave me a really really lonf lecture and upset me because her and my dad want me to start thinking about settling down ans getting#married. again. cos this comes up all the time. ans I reiterated that i do wanna marry and have kids. i know im 26 years old why do they'#think im also not aware of this??? like i suddenly forgot my own age and have my head in the clouds all the time. and i got so heated cos i#said they only believe in that in theory. in reality neither of them have accepted the idea od my leaving home or the idea of mw being with#a man. and they start freaking out if they even find out i talk to them so to say they want me to get married is so fucking naive#ans when i mentioned this and that they're more than ok w mt brothers talking tp women she said that if i wanted to settle down she could#talk to dad and they could “go about finding someone for me” and I've never been so pissed#i got so upset. why does everyone keep saying this to me. as if anyone my dad knows could ever be a half decent man#and the truth is they don't care if im in a happy marriage they've accepted that i won't be they only care that im gone and saving face in#front of family. that's all. it's always reputation it's always “what will people say?”#not once did love come up. not once did shw even imply that i should marryfor love#or that they hope i love someone and marry them. because they're more happy with the idea of me marrying for the sake of it than#they are at the idea of me finding genuine lovw#im not a fucking broodmare im not here to push out babies for the sake od reputation.#and then i said nor being married isn't the end of the world and she said “it's important that you settle down”#and i said im unwavering in my principles. she can call mw high maintenance like she loves doing but I'm not wavering on the#kind of man i want to be with and when i do marry him i want it to bw genuine. because be loves me and vice versa not because im ticking off#somethin from a damn checklist to appease them. and if being unwavering on my principles means staying unmarried then so be it.#my obligations are to god and myself and that's it#and y'know what??? i am in love with a boy already#and yet they don't care that i wanna be in love at all. no im just a puppet to follow a certain narrative in life live according to evergone#else has and that's it.#im done.#and then she tried to apologise by getting me a slice of cake and that somehow made me feel worse.#i dont want an apology. i want to be heard and actually listened to for once. i want someone to ask what i want. to actually give a shit#and love me cos it's me. not cos im some thing to further an agenda. or some toy or puppet that does your bidding.#is it so much??? to just want to be loved in return? to marry and live according to how i want to?? ans not want anyone to make these#decision's for me?#ruined my whole day.
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I think purity culture has ruined fandoms: everyone is so ansty to prove how pure they are that they attack and harass people horribly and call it "activism". Be it people attacking teenagers in the Marauders fandom because there's this new rule you can't even write the words Harry Potter without summoning a hoard of naysayers who accuse you of endorsing holocaust or some shit just for liking something linked with Miss Black Mold, or be it people harassing SA victims who still dare say they find solace in their old NCG's fandoms, in the stories they loved and made theirs from their childhoods or as adults. This uglyness that runs into tumblr and is infecting every fandom, every social media actually, is so fucking gross. Putting the blame of the evils of consumerism or rich people onto the single person reeks of late stage activism. No one knows what to do anymore, so we start eating each others, and then purity culture morphs into these extreme forms of harassment, that are becoming more and more normal by the day.
I'm starting to get tired of the internet as a whole.
#rant#fandoms#ng#cw sa mention#yes this is about harry potter#yes even coraline or good omens or sandman or whatever#the C in NG stands for Creep#I've been angry at this stupid culture for years and now I'm getting so sick of it#I'm blocking anyone who says you endorse this or that for just still *liking* your childhood book or whatever#if you care so much about a cause make a donation or an informative post- be proactive and constructive- BUT ->#if you take these causes as an excuse to be a fucking bully you're just a fucking pathetic excuse of a bully for sending hate and d. threat#rowling#hp#y'all wanna close yourself in the bubble of persecution where “no one is doing anything about this! I'm the only one doing something!” ?#and use this last-hero-left-on-Earth-syndrome to start harassing heavily anyone who doesn't agree (for ex) that liking HP=being transphobic#well drown in your own hate with your own peers-I'm done listening to these people or trying to be lenient and understand their pov#no matter how good your cause is-if you back it up with hate and bullying and psychopathy you're only hurting the cause-not even helping it#I'm still laughing at that person who said that going around with a ratty 10 years old HP keychain means you're “advertising” the HP books#because someone could see your keychain and get inspired to buy HP merch or the books giving Rowling money-same with tattoos#this level of craziness is... something else#edit: in the year of the lord 2024 I finally learnt how to make my stupid rants unrebloggable#amazing#I finally have the possibility to rant a bit and then it doesn't risk going around accidentally lol#without making it private and then losing it in the sea of posts
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#personal#Talking to your friends about an ex is hard because like#I have been well aware they are done with their shit#which is why I didn't say anything for years#no one wants to hear from the person whose partner is always a problem but they never leave#why would it matter if I was torturing myself over an ex instead#but its been four years#and I never dated#never looked#never even slept with anyone else#and I have been a shadow of myself#and I never really put that together before#and this bit truly is not their fault#I think they thought I must have been dating people#but I just....didnt#why would I? they were the absolute happiest I have ever been#the most I have ever liked someone#and they were still in my life#I could never explain to a partner that this was my friend who is also my ex who I cannot be left alone with and who I value hugely#but leaving their life feels like I'd be ripping the earth in two#I've tried and it didn't like...work. for either of us#Origional Content
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I feel like tags like these were inevitable on the post about people traumatising themselves for the greater good or w/e... There is SO much emphasis on posting on tumblr and other social media being so important and so useful and we must never stop. But I would like to counterargue with the idea that posting on social media (especially tumblr) constantly does very little/nothing. If that was true then the point here becomes meaningless.
#i guess i must be broken according to this person because i don't seem to feel emotions the way they feel helps palestine#activists in palestine are also calling for a general strike where no one goes to work and that has yet to materialise in a meaningful way#because people keep watering it down by saying 'oh it's ok just post constantly/about nothing else than palestine on social media'#yeah awesome great- look i'm sure there are people in palestine saying get the word out about our suffering etc#but they are also calling for more meaningful symbolic gestures like strikes which as far as I know no western country has delivered#because that would take a lot of organising and much less guilt tripping and people spending all their time posting#and comfort always comes up- comfort and discomfort- what even is comfort?#is feeling ok in your own mind an insult to palestine?#are there people losing everything in wars feeling better because someone in the west feels really really bad about their pain?#like sorry to be facetious but what on earth does any of this rhetoric accomplish#i spent years thinking like this and it made me so sick and now i'm better i am DONE with it- i cannot go back to this thinking#i can only live if i bend away from this kind of thinking like a plant to light- and i want to help others but people just won't stop#please- post on social media if you like. it doesn't help anyone to view the depths of their pain and feel bad#it is better to look towards hope a ceasefire and a resolution and end to the killing of palestinians for good#that can happen!!!#i think avoiding misinformation and dehumanising rhetoric about either side is also very important#i fully believe you can only understand geopolitics and war if you see everyone as human
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Cozytober - Day 26 - Catnap
#Cozytober#Margot's RF Art#rune factory#rf1#rf#This sketch was actually done back on June 6th of this year. I was knee deep in my Seattle vacation planning/stress and never finished it--#I think I'd just found Home Run Derby tickets finally?? Or not long after that. And I was still scared to death I was making a mistake.#Silly past Margot! It was the best day of your life!#So I remember I did this sketch as just general human pose practice after someone else did the 'tree nap' pose of their OCs.#And so I grabbed it for today's prompt because!! I still liked how the anatomy turned out!#Context my brain goes with;#if I subscribe to the 'Raguna on the run from the Empire' theory then I strongly lean toward the Lynette pairing.#Safe life in Kardia- doesn't feel like the right context most of the time. Not bad. Just. Not as interesting a story.#On the run- This feels like just... a smart choice. Group up once those Empire targeting efforts escalate.#Perhaps he has to deal with the painful compromise and necessity of her lethality because he might be more likely to survive#And he WANTS to survive#AKA- if you can escape. Escape. He's good at it. But if the situation comes down to it.... Lynette can make sure who walks out.#And to reverse the pov- maybe a bit of atonement on her part? All the blood is only on her hands. She'll keep it that way. Let her do that.#He shouldn't have to. It's all her fault anyway.#Also please laugh at me as it took me half an hour to remember the word COMPROMISE. I was so mad.#Rune Factory Raguna#RF Raguna#Rune Factory Lynette#RF Lynette#another ship tag to fill#Raguna x Lynette
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WIP Title Game
I was tagged by @riotstarruika!
Rules: Post the names of all the files in your WIP folder, regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous. Let people send you an ask with the title that most intrigues them, and then post a little snippet or tell them something about it! and then tag as many people as you have WIPs.
(I had to censor the one because it's such a specific ship that when it gets anonymously posted for an exchange in a couple of days I don't want everyone to immediately know it's me.)
Tagging @saintmouthed @akallabeth-joie @opens-up-4-nobody @fremedon @everyonewasabird and @riotstarruika again, since it's been so long that you probably have entirely new WIPs by now. XD
#also I drafted this in April but apparently tagging people was too many spoons#so the fic (Favourite/Fantine) is now up#it's technically been written since before posting#but the pacing was annoying me#had a minor breakdown. got therapy. changed jobs. back babyyyyyyyyyyy.#and starting writing again in ... November XD (new job is great but now I have a social life idk man)#tag game#cannot overstate what an absolutely insane state this original tagged post found me in though#I had just driven five hours through the hot SE Asian summer to my old host family's village while listening to Yellowface#and also anxious about a workplace issue#I arrived at my grandma's house and deadass thought “oh no what if they find out I'm white”#y'all it's been seven years I LEARNED [language] with them I AM UNAMBIGUOUSLY WHITE#and then I saw this post and started doing screencaps#and then my brain said “but what if people realize I stole my work from someone else?”#again for SIX YEARS this is literally NOT something I have ever done I have always written my own work#Yellowface had me THAT fucked up#anyway it was a joy Ms Kuang hmu when your latest criticism of an academic institution releases <3#ask game#APPARENTLY
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theres just something about being inherently unworthy of love
#the cycle of i need to make friends. i need attention. why would someone bother with me? i dont have anything to give. are we friends? why#arent you paying attention to me? tell me that you love me. but it could never be sincere towards someone like me. i cant be loved.#love isnt real. i am love. i am the only one who loves. it hurts. why cant i be loved? is anyone else real? is this a dream? am i dead? is#this hell? whats real is fake and whats fake is real. its wonderland. rabbits talk cookies make you big or small everyone is so confusing.#do others love me or hate me or feel indifferent? it seems to switch as random. one day you'll adore me the next its as if we never met. and#i have to keep making friends. i cant keep making friends. if i dont i'll end up with no friends. i dont know how to make more friends.#clinging to bubbles floating up scrambling to catch another as it pops so you dont fall. everyone blends together whats what whos who?#in the span of a few years i feel like an immortal tortured with the despair of outliving all their relationships#except everyone is perfectly alive just out of reach. but i cant just talk to people. thats bad. no one wants me. i cant do that to someone.#every bubble pops at some point. i cant find anything sturdier. fleeting bursts of attention are ok for now#but i cant even get that. so what do i do? i want to sacrifice myself to make people like me but i have nothing left to give.#whats the point of me? if i cant love and be loved if i cant find more than a few people who will stay for more than a second. what do i#have to do? please tell me what you want. i'm sure i can do it somehow. can i do it somehow? i cant. i cant. i cant anymore. im sorry. just#forget about me. you dont need me. youll be happier when you dont even know who i am anymore. i can disappear without a trace for you. thats#all i can do. take the weight off our shoulders. im just using you if you think about it anyways. to feed my own selfish desire for love i#never deserved. keep myself afloat while i drag you down. isnt it time for me to sink? in a shark attack punch it in the gills. youll be ok.#more than ok. free. i didnt want to bite your leg but i just needed something anything. i dont know any better and i never will. thats why i#belong in the depths where i cant hurt anyone. i cant do anything but hurt. what more am i good for? what more have i done? what have i done#for you? think about it. think about it. think about it. think about it. think about it. think about it. think about it. think about it.#its nothing.
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Ummmm it doesnt matter that character ages were removed from the Sonic character profiles they do still have their old canon ages and if you think that actualllyyyyy they never acted or sounded like those ages then youre a creep looking for excuses to put them in adult situations :/ Like thats child endangerment that you're depicting there??? Why do you wanna see that blorbo of yours beaten and bloodied and traumatized??? You ACTUALLY wanna beat up kids? You freak??
And why are you drawing him driving a fucking car he should not be driving a car he's a child! And STOP drawing Shadow with guns!!! Children shouldn't have those!
And while you're at it, stop drawing art of Amy working at a bakery! Like wow what a freak you actually want to break child labor laws in real life???
I know plenty of 12 year olds that own apartments and cars of their own, so I can confirm that these characters were always ALWAYS meant to be their previously listed canon ages! If you say otherwise youre a freak!
(This is Not a serious post, for the love of god)
#Personal#Am I going thru it tonight? Yes I am! Did something become the final drop that spilled the water? YES IT DIIID. AND THE FIRST THING WASNT E#EVEN RELATED TO THIS MESS#Im fucking tired im TIRED#I dont like nsfw! Guess what I do? I dont fucking look at it#I dont go digging up some VERY SERIOUS ACCUSATIONS to throw at people instead!#Fucking separate fiction from reality do you people realize that#1- You have watered down a very dangerous word that no longer means anything#Am I seeing a serious accusation of someone or am I seeing someone thats basically going 'i dont like what they draw/write' and trying to t#turn it into a moral issue? I dont know!#And guess who that fucking benefits because it sure isnt the kids?#2- Yall are one degree of separation from evangelical purists and that one degree is the name#Because guess who else goes 'THIS IS BAD FOR THE CHILDREN' and 'THESE QUEER TERMS ARE BAD' (and not im not talking about top and bottom)#Im going fucking insane I feel like in a few years this post wont even be that much of a parody#I feel like we will indeed get a repeat of 'Stop drawing these characters doing flips off buildings or running in front of trucks! The chi#The children will be inspired to do the same!' times#And people Still wont see the parallels between themselves and very very dangerous hateful people#(And no the dangerous person isn't the one drawing your NOTP or the thing that squicks you out. Perfectly tagged for you to avoid it. But y#you wont. Because you'd rather go out of your way to upset yourself then blame that person for your upset feelings#and then harass them and act like you did the world a favor (youve done nothing youve just harassed a random person))#Can we please PLEASE go back to avoiding the type of art or writing we dont wanna see#And doing so quietly instead of forever ruining someone's life#And forever ruining words that actually used to mean something and that were actually useful in pointing out dangerous people
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now that my PI is like hey you should actually be sitting in the lab to write instead of doing it at home im shooting one million lasers at his head in my mind. fuck off
#exploding and killing even. WHO GIVE A WHOLE FUCKING SHIT MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!#ESPECIALLY since our AC is fucked up rn and my office is the only fucking one thats still hot#hes like oh you can work in [other girls] office shes out this week!!! like omg thank youuuuu thats a perfect setup for me 🥰🙏🏻#working in someone elses office doing work i can do exclusively at home because you think i should be in here even when you and nobody else#is. or you are but its not like we’re even seeing each other. awesome!!! 😁😁😁😁😁❣️#i dont know why hes doing this now. he literally hasnt given a shit before like he said verbatim when i joined the lab a YEAR AGO that he#doesnt need us to be in here all the time if we dont have anything in-person that we have to do. as long as we’re getting our work done.#AND I AM BITCH. SO WHY. THE FUCK. ARE YOU THROWING A LITTLE PISSY FIT ABOUT IT NOW. KILL YOURSELF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#okay whatever. i really like him and hes a lot better than some other PIs that have their students coming like 8-5 even if they have nothing#to do. like literally to the point where theyre playing cards and watching movies and shit. so it could be worse#but i dont know why he is MAKING it worse. when we literally had a perfectly fine lab dynamic going on. WHATS YOUR DEAL!!!!!#ugh whatever. its probably just bc its summer and hes like why the hell am i in the lab if nobody else is!!!!!#well man sorry to say it but you have kids. so im sure if you need work done you have to come here. but i dont have shit so i CAN work from#home with no problem. okay whatever rant done im not even that upset im just annoyed as fuck and idgaf if he said we should be here usually#9-4 my ass is leaving at 2:30 today to grocery shop and go the fuck home so i can actually get work done KILLS PEOPLE
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