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#it was a part of my life and its just so much to lose all of it so fast i guess
pdriesta · 2 days
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a love like this — 1
an — a series of blurbs based on the main couple of "something real”. if you’re someone that read it, let me know if you have requests <3
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the champions league win party was alive with the kind of energy that only comes from a hard-earned victory. the room pulsed with music, laughter, and the collective joy of a team that had conquered europe. lights danced across the walls, casting playful shadows and giving the space an almost magical glow. in the midst of it all, jude stood on the dj stage, his face alight with exuberance and just enough alcohol to make him fearless.
y/n, who had always been the quiet observer, stood with the wives and girlfriends of the players, her heart swelling with pride. she watched jude, her eyes tracing the way he moved and spoke, her emotions a mix of adoration and gratitude. over the past nine months, she had witnessed his incredible growth, not just as a player, but as a person. his determination, his late-night training sessions, and his relentless pursuit of excellence had all led to this moment. and she couldn’t have been prouder.
their relationship had always been a secret, something they cherished for its intimacy and depth. while the world speculated about jude’s romantic interests, assuming he was involved with glamorous models, no one knew the truth. to them, y/n was a mere shadow, her name unspoken and her role in jude’s life a mystery. they had no idea that behind closed doors, jude returned home to her, where their relationship was quiet and true, far from the public eye.
but what jude couldn’t take his eyes off was her.
she wasn’t in her usual work attire tonight, no reserved outfit or team jacket. instead, she’d slipped into his jersey, cropped at the hem to show off a sliver of her stomach, paired with a black leather skirt that hugged her curves in all the right ways. her braids were pulled back just enough to show her face, glowing under the soft lights, and jude swore he’d never seen her look more incredible. the way the jersey hung on her—his number, his name across her back—made something primal stir inside him.
he’d never get to see her like this in public, not in front of the whole team, the media, the world. their relationship was theirs, private and tucked away from prying eyes. but tonight? she made an exception. for him.
he was losing his mind over it.
jude made his way through the crowd, eyes locked on her, his smirk widening as he caught the hint of a shy smile pulling at her lips. she knew exactly what she was doing to him.
"come here, baby?" he murmured as he reached her, his hand immediately finding her waist, pulling her close enough that he could feel the warmth of her skin through the thin fabric of his jersey. his fingers traced the exposed skin just above her skirt, slow and deliberate, like he couldn’t get enough of the feel of her. "my jersey... looks even better on you."
"thought i'd make an exception for tonight," she teased, her voice soft but filled with that playful edge he loved so much. "don’t get used to it."
jude leaned in closer, his breath warm against her ear, the scent of his cologne mixed with the alcohol on his breath sending a shiver down her spine. “oh, i’m already used to it, baby. might need you to start wearing this more often… especially at home.”
her heart raced, the heat of his body pressed against hers, his voice low and sultry, dripping with unspoken promises. she felt the tension between them thickening, the flirtation laced with something far more heated.
"you look incredible," he whispered, his hand moving down to the curve of her hip, squeezing gently. "everyone's staring at you, you know? can’t blame them… but they have no idea that you’re all mine.”
y/n tilted her head up to meet his gaze, her lips parting slightly as she caught the hunger in his eyes. it was rare, seeing him this worked up in public, this openly enamored with her. she couldn’t help the flush that crept up her neck, knowing just how much he wanted her in this moment. “i’m not used to all the attention,” she admitted softly, but there was a teasing lilt in her tone. “you sure you’re okay with sharing me for the night?”
jude chuckled, his lips brushing against her ear, sending a delicious shiver down her spine. “sharing? nope. you’re just reminding everyone who you belong to.”
his words made her stomach flip, a mixture of pride and desire curling through her. she loved this side of him—the possessive, confident way he claimed her without ever needing to say it outright. it was in the way he touched her, the way his eyes darkened every time someone looked their way, like he wanted the whole world to know she was his.
and tonight, just for tonight, she didn’t mind. she’d wear his jersey, let the world speculate, because at the end of the night, they both knew exactly where they were going, and exactly who they belonged to.
“you’re trouble, jude bellingham,” she teased, placing a hand on his chest, feeling the rapid beat of his heart beneath her palm.
he grinned, pulling her closer, his lips ghosting over the side of her neck. “you love it though.”
her breath hitched, the sensation of his lips against her skin sending a thrill of excitement through her. she knew they were still in public, that they had eyes on them, but the way he was looking at her made it hard to care.
“maybe,” she whispered back, her voice barely audible above the music, but jude heard it loud and clear. his hand tightened on her waist, his fingers grazing the hem of her skirt, dangerously close to teasing her even more.
“when we get home, you’re not taking this jersey off,” he murmured, his lips brushing against hers, so close but not quite touching. “i want to see you like this for the rest of the night.”
her pulse quickened, a blush creeping up her cheeks at the thought of what was to come. “bold of you to assume i’m going home with you,” she teased, but her tone was playful, knowing full well they both knew where the night was headed.
jude’s grin widened, his eyes glinting with mischief. “oh, you’re coming home with me. you’re mine, y/n.”
her stomach flipped again at the possessiveness in his tone, the fire in his gaze. it was a side of jude she rarely saw in public, and it was intoxicating.
"we'll see," she whispered, but the challenge in her voice was light, playful, her heart already set on following him home.
he chuckled, pulling her even closer, his lips finally brushing against hers in a kiss that promised so much more than just victory.
a few moments later, jude was pulled back on stage before he take the kiss further. y/n continued causal conversations with the partners around her until she heard the music lower.
“buenas noches a todos,” jude began, his voice slightly unsteady but filled with affection. “good evening everyone.” he looked out over the crowd, his eyes searching for y/n’s face. when he found her, his smile widened, and he continued, his spanish slightly slurred but earnest. “i want to say a few words about someone very special to me.”
y/n felt her heart flutter as jude’s gaze locked on her. her cheeks flushed as she realized he was talking about her. she tried to hide her face, feeling a mix of embarrassment and joy.
“ella está ahí,” jude said, pointing straight at her. “she’s right there.”
the crowd turned, and y/n could feel the weight of their curiosity and admiration. she buried her face in her hands, trying to hide the blush that had spread across her cheeks.
“y/n es la razón por la que sonrío cada día,” jude continued, his voice filled with warmth. “y/n is the reason I smile every day.” the sincerity in his words made her heart swell, a tear slipping down her cheek.
their relationship had been one of quiet support and deep understanding. they had chosen to keep it private, a sanctuary away from the glare of the public eye. jude’s accomplishments, his dreams realized on the grandest stages, were always shared with y/n first. she had been there through the highs and lows, offering encouragement, sharing the burdens, and celebrating the victories.
“ella ha sido mi apoyo en cada paso del camino,” jude said softly. “she’s been my support every step of the way.” his words were a testament to their shared journey, to the nights spent talking about dreams and the days spent working towards them.
y/n’s eyes sparkled as she peered out from behind her hands, touched by jude’s heartfelt declaration. their love was something they cherished deeply, a beautiful secret that no one else understood. while the world saw only the surface, they knew the truth of their bond—how jude came home to her every night, how they built their lives together in the quiet moments away from the public eye.
“y te amo más de lo que las palabras pueden decir,” jude finished, raising his glass toward her. “and I love you more than words can say.” his gesture was filled with genuine emotion, and y/n’s heart ached with love.
as jude stepped down from the stage, his slightly unsteady gait did nothing to diminish the joy in his eyes. he made his way back to y/n, pulling her into a tight embrace. “how was that?” he asked, his voice a mix of playful and sincere.
y/n looked up at him, a mix of amusement and exasperation in her eyes. “jude, you told everyone my name and our relationship.”
jude’s face fell slightly, his inebriated mind struggling to keep up. “i forgot,” he admitted, pouting slightly. “i just wanted everyone to know you’re mine. please don’t be mad.”
y/n couldn’t help but smile at his earnestness, her heart softening despite her attempt at scolding him. she reached up and pressed a gentle kiss to his lips, reassuring him. “i’m not mad at all,” she said softly. “it’s just that this was bound to happen eventually. i’m proud of you, trust me, i’m happy.”
jude’s face lit up, his earlier pout melting away into a genuine, joyful grin. “i’m glad,” he said, pulling her closer. “i want everyone to know how much i love you
y/n nodded, her heart swelling with warmth. “i know, baby, i know. and i’m looking forward to everything that comes next. the break, time with our families, trips together. everything as long as i get to be with you.”
with jude’s arm securely around her, and the room buzzing with celebration, y/n felt a sense of completeness. their love, once a secret, was now a cherished part of their journey, a testament to the strength of their bond and the bright future ahead. as they danced together, their hearts beat in harmony, a symbol of a love that was both private and profound.
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the morning after the champions league victory was filled with the haze of a wild celebration. jude woke up with a pounding headache and a feeling of disorientation. he reached out for y/n, but the space beside him was empty. groggily, he stretched and stumbled out of bed, his movements slow and unsteady. the remnants of the night before clung to him, and he squinted against the bright sunlight streaming through the curtains.
as he made his way to the kitchen, the smell of coffee and breakfast wafted through the air. y/n was there, moving around the kitchen with practiced ease. jude paused, taking in the sight of her in her comfortable clothes, her hair still tousled from sleep. he felt a pang of regret for not having stayed more present during the celebration.
reaching for his phone on the nearby counter, he glanced at the screen and was instantly hit with a barrage of notifications. there were countless messages, missed calls, and news reports. his heart raced as he saw headlines about him and y/n, snippets of their intimate moments from last night, and pictures that clearly showed them together.
“what the hell?” jude muttered to himself, scrolling through the messages in disbelief. his head pounded harder as the reality of what had happened sank in. he grabbed his phone and hurried into the kitchen, where y/n was busy at the stove.
“baby!” he blurted out, his voice strained with a mix of panic and confusion. “someone leaked our relationship. look at this!”
y/n turned to him, her expression calm but her eyes full of understanding. she raised an eyebrow, crossing her arms. “yes, jude, that person was you. last night, you got a bit carried away on the dj stage.”
jude’s face went pale as he tried to piece together the events of the previous evening. “i did? oh god, i’m so sorry. i didn’t mean to—”
“it’s alright,” y/n said, trying to suppress a smile. “i’m not really into social media, so it’s not a big deal to me. but it looks like you’re going to have to fight off your fans for me.”
jude walked over to her and pulled her into a tight embrace, resting his chin on the top of her head. “i’m really sorry, baby. i didn’t mean to cause any trouble. i just wanted everyone to know how much you mean to me.”
y/n looked up at him, her eyes sparkling with affection. “i know. and it’s sweet. we’ll just handle it together. besides, it’s not every day you get to have your love life out in the open.”
jude chuckled, his mood lifting despite the headache. “well, at least we can enjoy the fact that we’re finally able to be open about us. and if it means dealing with some extra attention, so be it.”
y/n grinned, teasingly nudging him. “just make sure you don’t make a habit of this. i’m not looking forward to fending off a horde of fans.”
jude laughed softly, pressing a kiss to her forehead. “deal. and thank you for being so understanding. i promise to make it up to you.”
as they stood there, wrapped in each other’s arms, the earlier chaos seemed to fade away. the morning sunlight cast a warm glow around them, and despite the unexpected turn of events, their love felt as strong and genuine as ever. they shared a tender moment, savoring the intimacy and connection that had always been their anchor.
“now,” y/n said, pulling away slightly with a playful smile, “how about some breakfast? you look like you could use it.”
jude nodded, his eyes brightening. “sounds perfect. and maybe a bit of coffee to help with this hangover?”
y/n laughed, guiding him to the kitchen table. “coming right up. and remember, no more public declarations especially when you aren’t sober.”
jude grinned, settling into his seat. “i’ll try my best. but you have to admit, it was kind of romantic, in a crazy, public way.”
y/n shook her head, her smile widening. “you’re insufferable, jude. but that’s one of the many things i love about you.”
as they sat down together, enjoying a quiet moment of normalcy after the whirlwind of the night before, jude felt a deep sense of contentment. despite the unexpected exposure, they were still together, facing everything side by side. and that, in itself, was all that mattered.
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© PDRIESTA 2024
taglist — @sinners-98-world @stephiii29 @kcharlyy @landosgirlxoxo @judesthighveins @ilovelifes-world @cinderellawithashoe @imnyt @miniemonie2001 @lunamelona @treble-snot
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imustbenuts · 2 days
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nuts reading trigun in japanese 5 - vash is. super good with kids
disclaimer: more triangulation purposes etc etc
so i mentioned before in my part 3 that the japanese language has an inbuilt hierarchy quirk to it. and i kind of noticed this nuance getting somewhat lost in the english translation, either because again i have skill issues with english, or that EN inherently doesnt come with the same quirk.
elaborating a bit more: this hierarchy of position/standing can be determined by age, profession, occupation, and experience. in terms of hard priority, age and profession tends to take precedence over everything else.
this means effectively, vash being over 150 should be top dog and given respect in JP/Asian context (respect your elders! or else!!), but because he 1) looks 24, 2) uses very immature speech with strangers, 3) uses boku, hes effectively keeping his head down and posing as a dumbass schmuck.
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ヴァッシュの兄貴 行っちまうのか!? Big bro Vash, you're leaving?! (兄貴 = aniki = big bro but informal and can be used for no blood relations)
so schmucky that he has no problems handling children. in fact, in the JP version during his departure on the sand steamer, the kids call him Big Bro Vash. twice! so he's earned their adoration in no time flat.
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ヴァッシュの兄貴—ッ Big Bro Vash!!
leaving the translation like that ^ wouldnt flow well in english, so rip. also. cute scene.
and yet his meeting with Kaite is chaotically bad to say the least. i mean, he even gets drugged and knocked out. Kaite does not respect the guy who gave him food at all and plans to seemingly feed him 3 meals a day for the entire trip. so how? well.
once Brilliant Dynamites Neon comes in and turns things serious, Vash's starts doing a few interesting things.
skipping forward this and that. after getting almost blown off the sand steamer, vash holds onto kaite and they both cling on for dear life:
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もうちょっと登れば通風口があるよ mou chotto noboreba tsuufucou ga aru yo If we can climb a little higher there's a ventilation duct そーか そーか 今行こうすぐ行こう souka souka ima ikou sugu ikou Okay, okay, let's get going right now!
added romanji and color to highlight how vash is repeating phrases in his line. the そーか そーか souka souka and 行こう 行こう ikou ikou repeats are there as if to 1) make himself sound immature, and 2) to reassure kaite that things are under control.
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only touching on the bottom right panel. another possible reading of that line:
助けて頂いてありがとうございましただろう Situations like these are where you should say "thank you very much for saving my life" instead!
はいそーでした!!!
Now say it!!!
he's chiding kaite and doing the very asian adult thing of teaching the youngin manners in terms of tone. but in a stern funny way no offense taken way bc, as you might have noticed...
vash is deliberately putting himself on the same level as a kid. in tone in standing in speech. hes not being condescending. hes not lording his status as an adult over a child. (something something christ like but in the context of jp... hehe.)
this is ultimately what gets tough nut kaite to trust vash to get down to business to defeat The Neon. even without the words hes visually getting himself to be on the same (eye) level with kaite. i think its so good alsdjfdsa
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kaite starts crying after thinking of his dad and regretting what he's done, gets caught in a regret reflection loop, but vash brings him back to reality. like this:
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な に を 感 傷に ひ た って る か な こい つ は
another reading of this "What the hell are getting all sentimental for now ya brat?!" line might be "What. Good. Is. It. To. Lose. Your. Grip. On. Yourself. Now. You. Dummy?!"
with this he puts kaite's head back into reality and readjusts both their priority.
so again. vash just. is good with kids. his emotional intelligence is through the fucking roof as proven by all the other moments throughout tristamp and trimax*
idk its warms me bc. the asian confucius hierarchy is so... yuck. im technically of chinese descent so i know how fucked it is. so. vash is really cool with this slightly extra japanese asian hierarchy context.
i think this aspect of vash is something i dont see in english fanworks a lot, and not in the same tone. on the other hand, i do see this a lot in the jp fanworks. so idk exactly what factors or if im looking in the wrong places, but yeah. vash is good with kids. just like wolfwood.
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again, studio orange understood the assignment and gave some of that dynamic here to Tonnis.
are they called studio orange bc im meant to squeeze stampede for all its worth or what. stampede is actually incredible to me im in awe.
bonus:
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the jp version of the left text says roughly:
"I'm cursed!! I must be! By either the reaper or a god of misfortune and or more!!"
yeah he specifically says Shinigami and Binbougami. i dont think that would translate well in en bc this kinda throws the catholicsm theme into a bit of a tailspin LMAO. (also. the Ore here. note the context.)
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metyouinthehallway · 2 days
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Going Under - C. Sturniolo
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Pt. 2
WC: 5085
A/N: actually not confident in this part at all LMAO i didnt know where to end it either so mb if its such a sudden ending. not proof read :)
'•.¸♡ ♡¸.•'
Friday night we're all gathered around a bonfire on the back patio, Ally is pestering Chris with questions about Matt since she's a proclaimed ‘Matt girl’. 
“Is Matt more funny in real life? Does he really hate ketchup that much? Is he a good driver?” She rambles, Anyone who knows Ally knows she's been a fan of the triplets since they first started on Youtube and she's definitely losing her mind over talking to the Chris Sturniolo right now.
“Eh, he's pretty funny. I’d say he's a decent driver too, hasn't gotten into a crash yet!” He laughs, genuinely interested in the bland conversation. 
“Masie, c’mere.” My mom whispers, pulling me into the kitchen with my aunt.
“Are you and Chris fighting or is he just really distant?” My mom asks, anyone who wasn't stupid could tell that Chris and I aren't showing as much affection as a normal couple does.
“Oh, he’s not too big on PDA, it’s not a big deal. Promise were still goin’ strong guys!” I exclaim, trying to make it sound believable.
“If he's not treating you right, let me know and I’ll put ‘em in his place.” Aunt Sarah jokingly threatens, throwing a fist in the air.
“No, no, no need for that! We're totally fine guys.” I fake a laugh, grabbing a soda out of the fridge for Chris. He’s still being entertained by Abby when I walk back outside. Taking a seat next to him, I hand him the soda. “Hey Ally, you wanna go play with your cousins?” I ask, taking the hint she walks off, joining James and Sophie in a game of cornhole.
“So… just had a fun conversation with my Mom and Aunt Sarah.” I state with a sigh. Chris looks at me cluelessly. “They said we aren't as affectionate as a normal couple.” I let out a dry laugh, He pulls out his phone to text me instead.
If you think im gonna kiss you n shit, your wrong
                                                                                *you're :) 
Stfu. not gonna kiss you, not gonna hold
your hand, not doin any of ts
                                                                                u suck
He sighs in defeat, putting an arm around me and pulling me close to him. Is it weird that I kind of liked it? Is it weird that he smelt good? I swear this altitude is fucking with my head.
“Better?” He whispers in my ear,  I try to hide the embarrassingly stupid grin on my face but fail. This almost felt… right?
“Yep.” I mumble under my breath, staring into the fire in front of us.
“Look how cute you guys are!” Mark coos, snapping a photo of us before we could process it.
I hope he sends that to me later.
“Thank you brother in law. Very appreciated.” I grin at him, my dry humor somehow entertaining him.
“Very welcome, sister in law.” Mark, along with most other adults are tipsy from all the drinks they’ve had tonight. With tomorrow being the wedding, you’d think they wanted to save all that shit for then but apparently not.
“Maise, tell us how you guys met.” My dad chimes in, at this point he’s had a few beers and that ‘big ol’ softie” in him really comes out after at least two beers.
“We met at a party! It was real sweet actually, this cutie wouldn't stop staring at me so I finally went up to him and asked for his number.” I gush about our fake encounter, hugging his waist.
“What can I say? I see a beautiful lady n’ I can't help but stare.” a hint of sarcasm in his voice but no one catches onto it.
“You’re a good man, Chris.” My dad preaches, taking another sip of his beer.
After another hour or so of conversation, I decide it's time for Chris and I to head to bed. Especially since we're gonna have to discuss the sleeping arrangement. We say our goodnights to everyone and head up to our room. 
“So…” I start, unsure of how to go about this.
“Just share the bed with me, Masie. It's not that difficult.” He sneers, reaching for his pajamas in the dresser and heading to the bathroom. Leaving me with the most confused look on my face.
 I decide that I should change too, while I have the chance. Very quickly, I throw on an old t-shirt and shorts, as if on cue, Chris walks out of the bathroom crawling into bed.
“You aren't gonna brush your teeth? Nasty ass.” I tease, heading to the bathroom to do just that. Chris groans, getting up again to join me in the bathroom.
I never really noticed our height difference until I was staring at us in the mirror. He’s a good six inches taller than me. Cute.
“Stop staring and brush your teeth.” He rolls his eyes at me, I feel the heat rise to my cheeks, embarrassed that he caught me eyeing him.
Heading to bed, I keep a safe distance from Chris at first, until a good twenty minutes later when I’m tossing and turning unable to fall asleep.
“Stop moving so much, holy shit.” he complains per usual. 
“Can’t sleep.” I fluff my pillow and tangle myself in the duvet in an attempt to find a comfortable position.
“We can talk, usually helps me fall asleep.” He suggests, turning his body to face me. “What’s keeping you up?” Chris mutters, fighting off his own tiredness
“Oh I don’t know. Maybe the fact that I have to share a bed… with you.” I state coldly. Shifting my body a little bit closer to his.
“If you’re gonna be a bitch, I'm not gonna do this.” Although I can't see it, I can hear the eyeroll in his voice. We stay silent for a few moments before he speaks again. “Sorry. This is weird. You know I actually can't sleep without someone else being in the bed?” His poor attempt at sparking conversation actually works on me.
“Oh, that’s kinda cute actually.” I’m glad its dark in the room otherwise Chris would definitely be making fun of the pink tint that paints itself across my cheeks. “How do you like it so far? The trip, I know I kinda begged you to come but you seem to be having at least a little bit of fun.” I ramble. I wonder if he knows that he makes me a little nervous.
“It’s actually not as bad as I thought it’d be. Lowkey, excited to see what you're gonna wear to the wedding tomorrow.” He replies, I hadn't thought about that, but the idea of seeing Chris in a suit was almost impossible.
“Nothin’ special. I’m glad though. I get to meet Charity tomorrow, super stoked for that.” I smile at the thought of my baby cousin. With most of my family being in Colorado, it's heartbreaking that I don't get to see them as much as I’d like to but California is more convenient for my career path.
“Oh, yeah! A baby, huh? Not a big fan of those.” He laughs at his own stupid joke, propping his head on his hand. The moonlight peaking through the curtains making his features more prominent in the dark room. 
“Okay, weirdo.” I giggle, lifting my hand up to play with his hair. “Sorry, don’t know what made me want to do that.” my eyes widen once I realize what i'm doing, snatching my hand back down to my chest. 
Chris lets out a sigh in response. “Just couldn’t resist, hm?” He hums, turning to lay on his back. Guess we’re both having issues getting comfortable. We lay in silence for a little while longer, still keeping a dangerously safe distance from each other.
That's the last thing I remember before passing out. When I wake up, It’s daylight outside and I'm wrapped in a pair of arms.
“Chris,” I groan trying to escape his grip. He doesn't budge, How deep of a sleeper is this motherfucker? I decided to do the only logical thing I could think of and kick his shins.
“Ow! Asshole, I'm up!” He yelps, I assume he realizes that he's cuddling me because he almost instantly pulls away and I nearly shudder from the loss of his body heat.
“It’s wedding day!” I jump out of the bed, a huge grin plastered on my face as I walk toward the balcony of our room. The morning fog over the lake tells me it's still the early hours of the morning.
I sit for a little while, leaned up against the railing listening to the birds chirp, so serene. I’ll never be able to get used to the mornings I spend on the lake, no matter how many I have.
“It's like, six in the morning, I wanna go back to sleep.” Chris goans, ruins my peaceful moment with myself by walking his happy ass to the balcony to join me. 
“Then go back to sleep, I’m going to spend time with Amber on her wedding day.” I grunt, walking back into our room. I reach for an outfit from the dresser as Chris crawls back into the bed. More sleep does sound incredibly tempting but I really should go downstairs and spend time with my sister before she becomes a married woman.
“Come back to bed.” He whines, holding his arms out like a child.
“You're disgusting, I don’t wanna cuddle your ass.”  I retort, heading for the bathroom.
I change into a pair of jeans and a sweater, quickly brushing through my hair and walking back out to find Chris doomscrolling for what felt like the eight millionth time since we’ve been here.
“Get up and come socialize with my family. I’ll be downstairs.” I state before walking down to the kitchen to find my Mom and Amber already having their morning cup of coffee.
“Good Morning! It’s Your big day, How exciting!” I smile at my older sister, pouring myself a cup of coffee.
“I’m so nervous, what if I puke at the altar?” Amber stirs her spoon around in her mug, looking at me with weary eyes.
“Oh Amber, don’t say that!” My Mom Laughs, waiting for her toast to pop out of the toaster. Amber had shared her wedding plans with me and from the shared Pinterest board we have, I can tell it's gonna be beautiful. She's aiming for more of a rustic woodland theme since its gonna be right on the lake. I always knew she had taste.
“You’re gonna be fine! Plus I have an amazing Sister-Of-The-Bride speech.” I coo, I’ve been working on this speech since she told me she was engaged and I just know it's gonna make her cry.
“Good morning, ladies! Happy wedding day, Amber.” Chris shouts, Descending from the stairs. He’s still in his PJ’s. 
“Mornin’ Chris, come sit with us. There's still some coffee in the pot.” My Mom invites him to the kitchen island. Chris accepts, sitting next to me.
We sit and talk about the plans for the day for a bit,eventually James and Sophie come peering around the corner like it's christmas morning.
“Aunt Laurie, can you make us cereal?” James asks my Mom, getting up, she starts to make them breakfast and I decide that me and Chris should go for a walk around the property.
“C’mon, I wanna go for a walk.” I say to Chris, grabbing his hand. With my coffee mug still in hand, we start towards the woods.
“You excited?” He asks me, walking besides me, he’s careful to make sure there's no tripping hazards on the path.
“Yeah, I’m giving a speech tonight. Most excited for the food though.” I peer up at him, flashing a smile.
“A speech? Didn’t take you as much of a public speaker.” Chris jokes, intertwining my fingers with his. As taken by surprise as I am, I don’t react to the gesture.
“Me either, We’ll see how it goes.” I shrug. Chris was really starting to get on my good side and it's only Saturday. We still have two more days in Colorado and I truly can't wait to see how it all plays out. I was beginning to see the true Chris and he’s not the avoidant asshole I originally thought he was.
“Weddings are so weird to me. Love in general is weird to me.” He’s quick to change the subject, now swinging out arms back and forth as we continue to walk, he gives my hand a light squeeze.
“How so?” I furrow my brows, I get where he's coming from but I wanna see if I can break him out of his shell a bit more.
“I dunno,” He starts, his voice flat. “I mean, It’s so scary, the idea of being tied down to one person for the rest of your life. Like, I hate the idea of that.” He admits, the shell is cracking!
“So you’re scared of commitment?” I chime in, I’ll be the first to admit, I too, am terrified of commitment but I guess when the right person comes along, you just know.
“Yeah. Guess so.” Chris looks down at the dry ground beneath our feet, unsure of where else to look right now. I think about any past relationships he may have had and none come to mind. Has this kid ever even dated a girl? I know he’s had girls over. I’ve seen them and even spoken to a few of them when I stayed the night at the triplets house. But why was committing such a bizarre concept to him?
“Right, well, I’m right there with ya, I've only had one boyfriend, and I never even thought about wanting to marry him.” I blurt out, why am I opening up to Chris? I’m not sure but if I'm trying to get him to break out of his comfort zone with me, I should probably overshare with him too.
“Why’d you guys break up? You were pretty upset about it, you didn’t come over for almost a month after it happened.” Chris was finally actually making an effort to get to know me better. I like this, I like this side of him.
“He cheated on me three times and I only found out the last time.” I state, thinking back to that relationship. I really loved him but I guess he had commitment issues of his own.
“I’m sorry, Mase.” He calls me by my nickname for the first time ever. It sounds almost melodic coming from his lips. Mase, Mase, Mase. I keep replaying it in my head.
After Chris and I’s little heart to heart, we head back to the house to get ready. After stealing all the hot water in the shower, I sit on the counter of the bathroom, beginning to do my makeup.
Amber didn’t hire a makeup artist for the wedding and I honestly preferred it that way. I sat in silence except for the muffled sound of Chris’ music playing from the bedroom, I’m left with my thoughts. All I can think about is him. Chris playing nice with my cousins. Chris being a gentleman to me. Chris staying up to talk to me last night. 
I had to be going insane or something, I don’t like him. I can’t like him, It’s Chris. There’s simply no way.
Once I finish my makeup, I slip on the dress Amber had picked out for me, a pink silk mermaid halter dress. A beautiful one at that.
“Wow. You look beautiful, Masie.” Chris has a hard time keeping his jaw attached to his face when I finally walk out of the bathroom. His sincere compliment threw me for a bit of a loop.
“Thank you, You look pretty handsome too.” Chris in a suit. Something I never thought I’d live to see. He looked so proper it was actually pretty impressive how nice he cleaned up. “Here, lemme help.” I smirk, helping him adjust his tie. Straightening his tie out a little bit, I can feel him staring down at me as I fiddle with the fabric.
“What?” I question, A cheeky smile plastered on my face as I fold his collar down.
“Nothin’.” He’s so obviously lying, there's definitely something. We walked downstairs, met with everyone else staying in the house except Amber and Mark. I assume they're doing the first look deal right now.
“Ready?” My Dad asks, leading everyone to the driveway. Luckily it’s not very far from the house at all, about a twenty minute drive. Chris and I ride with my parents, Dad pestering Chris with more questions. I felt bad for him at this point.
“I wanna know what it’s like being famous, is it really all fun and games? Masie won't tell us a thing!” He exclaims, Famous was a stretch. I’d consider us public figures at best.
“We aren't really famous, It’s fun though, my brothers and I have a pretty solid fanbase. Masie has a cult though, I swear I see her fans post about her all the time.” Chris laughs, I notice him fiddling with his suit jacket, must be an anxious habit. I take his hand in mine and give it a gentle squeeze. Chris gives me a half assed smile and goes back to conversing with my dad.
The rest of the car ride, Chris continues talking to my parents while I’m zoning out, staring at the trees we drive past. Autumn in the mountain sides definitely trumps autumn on the west coast. 
Once we arrive at the venue, the rest of the family is there. Including my baby cousin Charity who I was most looking forward to seeing. I waste no time going to greet my uncle Theo but more importantly, Charity. 
“Uncle Theo, this is my boyfriend, Chris. Chris, this is uncle Theo.” I introduce the two men to each other. Chris holds out his hand for a handshake.
Chris and my uncle do their little introduction while I’m distracted by baby Charity.
“Hi sweet girl, I’m your favorite cousin, but don't tell the others.” I coo, watching as she wraps her little fingers around my big pointer. “You are just adorable aren't you?” I smile at her, noticing the miniature dress she's in. How cute is that?
“Can I hold her?” I ask, once he gives me the nod of approval, I pick her up from the stroller, holding the delicate baby in my arms. While I'm distracted by Charity, Theo goes to socialize with our family.
“She’s so tiny,” Chris comes up from behind me, Placing his hand on my hip while I coddle the baby. I look up at him for a moment, Feeling awkward, the two of us, like this, with a baby in my arms. Too intimate.
“Hi, I’m Chris.” He smiles at her, making Charity giggle at him
“I think she likes you.” I whisper, rocking her back and forth. “Theo, take her away, I’m getting major baby fever.” I panic, turning around to find my uncle, handing Charity back to him.
“Baby fever? You're only twenty!” He laughs, placing her back in the stroller.
“Yeah, that's why it's scary.” I purse my lips, turning back to Chris who has a huge smile plastered on his face.
“Thought you didn't like babies.” I confront him, playing with my bracelet.
“I liked seeing you with her, It was cute.” Chris coos, what the fuck has gotten into him? Everyone enters the cathedral after socializing for a bit. Chris and I took a seat next to my Mom up front, Music begins to play over a speaker, a Lana Del Ray instrumental. Never doubted for a second that my sister had taste. We all watch in awe as Sophie throws rose petals down the aisle, She makes the most adorable flower girl ever.
Everyone turns their heads to look at Amber as the door at the end of the aisle opens, She looked as if she were glowing. Her dress was almost identical to the one she would describe to me when we were growing up.
My Dad is very clearly trying not to cry as he walks her down the aisle. This whole moment felt so surreal for me I could only imagine how Amber was feeling right now.
Once she makes her way to the altar, my Dad takes a seat next to my Mom, I watch silently as she consoles him, Knowing that watching his daughter truly grow up was such a proud Dad moment for him.
Chris takes my hand in his again, this time, raising it up to place a kiss on the back of my hand. I look at him with the most confusing look ever. Why the hell did he do that?
“The fuck?” I mumble under my breath, just loud enough for him to hear but he ignores my comment, all of his attention on the couple at the altar.
They begin to exchange vows, Mark is trying his hardest to control his tears as he speaks. I can feel Chris’ eyes practically burning a hole into my side profile as he stares at me while my brother in law vows to always love my sister. Looking at Chris, I can tell that this isn't just a normal look. I’m not sure how he's looking at me or what emotions he's hiding behind those eyes, I can’t tell if I like it or not.
It's now Ambers turn to read her vows. She’s talking about how she'll always root for the Avalanches during every game and how she could never imagine herself with someone other than Mark. The vows to each other are short and sweet, once the officiant announces that he can now kiss the bride, I can't help but look away. I’ve managed seven years without seeing them kiss and I'm not letting today be the first time I see it.
After the ceremony, we’re all instructed to meet at a small winery for the reception. I still haven't spoken to my sister since this morning and that's all I was dying to do. Especially after the looks Chris was giving me.
“Hey,” Chris starts as everyone begins to stand up. “I wanna talk to you later if that's okay, like after the reception ‘n everything.” He looks at me with that stupid look in his eyes again and all I manage to do is smile and nod.
Once at the reception, we’re all served our food and I get to tell my speech. “Hello everyone, So, I’m Masie, the bride's sister. When we were younger, Amber would tell me non stop about her dream wedding. If you ask me, I’d say this is exactly what she described.” I speak into the microphone, looking at Amber. “Amber is my best friend and I love her to no end but, Mark, I’d have to say over the years, you have become my best friend too-” I feel myself start to choke up as the audience coos at my introduction
The love that my sister and Mark have for each other is the same love I’ve always wished to receive and being able to see my sister be treated the way she deserves to be treated is very bittersweet. “I know for a fact that Mark is her soulmate because no one else I know is willing to sit through a six hour car ride with her, listening to The Vamps on repeat.” The audience giggles at this and Amber is practically doubled over in laughter knowing that her obsession with Brad Simpson when we were younger carried on into adulthood too.
“You did so good.” Chris praises me, wrapping an arm around my shoulder when I sit back down. I watch as he brings the pad of his thumb up to my face, patting at the last of my happy tears that have fallen.
Once everyone gives their little speeches and we’re all full from the food, we all head to the dance floor, dancing to Amber and Mark's amazing playlist they’d made.
“Um, can I dance with your boyfriend?” Sophie tugs on my dress, I look at my ‘boyfriend’ for confirmation and he nods. Chris dances with Sophie to Hey Ya! By Outkast. He’s crouched down, holding her hands and spinning her around, It’s quite cute actually. The way he’s only known my family for two days and is already so comfortable with them.
I head to the table Amber and Mark are sitting at, talking to Mark’s parents. I need to talk to Amber or I might lose my mind.
“Congratulations! You're a wife now!” I exclaim, wrapping my arms around her.
“Thank you, your speech was so good it nearly made me cry, I love you so much.” Amber smiles at me, I feel like everytime Ive tried to talk to her this weekend, she's been too wrapped up in the stress of her wedding to stay focused on our conversation but now that we're here, her full attention is on me.
“I love you too, Look at Soph. She tell you about her little crush on Chris?” I giggle, pointing at them on the dance floor.
“Oh my god, that's so cute. She's a lil’ boyfriend stealer. You better go get your mans.” She jokes, I’m almost positive that Chris doesn't mind it at all though. “We’re gonna cut the cake soon, I’ll save you a big piece!” Amber nudges me, motioning for me to head back to the dance floor.
Eventually, Sophie gets distracted by some kids on Mark’s side of the family and wanders off with them. Chris and I are finally alone again and of course a slow song comes on.
Forever By The Beach Boys. Curse my sister and her good music taste.
“Wanna dance?” Chris asks, holding out his hand. I take his hand in mine, and he places the other one on the small of my back. “So, I wanted to talk to you after the fact but I think now is a good time too.” He begins, swaying us back and forth.
“Good talk or bad talk?” I let my other hand find its way to the back of his neck, waiting for him to respond.
“Not sure. Look, Masie, I’ve always been avoidant of you for a reason. I think you know why too.” He sighs. Oh my god is he gonna say what I think he's gonna say? “I guess I like you? I dunno, I’ve been texting Matt this whole trip tryna figure out how to tell you and I guess being straight up about it is the only way.” Chris rambles, surprisingly not stuttering once.
I stare at him in silence, truly at a loss for words because I’ve developed a crush on him too. It's only been two days but within those two days I’ve seen the side of him he often tries to hide from me and I really like it. I really like him.
“Oh.” Is all I manage to get out and he looks at me dumbfounded. “Sorry, I have to use the restroom.” I excuse myself, dramatically rushing off the dance floor and into the bathroom, immediately calling Nick.
“Nick, thank god. Listen, we’re at the reception right now and we're dancing, right? Chris just expressed his feelings for me and- Jesus I’m so…I’m gobsmacked!” I exclaim into my phone, barley letting Nick process the words that leave my lips.
“Okay, first of all, Gobsmacked? Are you ninety? Second of all, do you feel the same way?” He asks me, his voice sincere on the other end of the line. I rack my brain of the thought of liking Chris. I know there's a little bit of admiration there, I mean, he makes me nervous. He’s been really opening up to me today, He’s got the most beautiful blue eyes I’ve ever seen-
Oh my god. I do like him. 
“Yeah…” I reply, sighing in defeat waiting for Nick’s reaction.
“Okay, so why don't you tell him that? Like he obviously isn’t gonna be disgusted.” He suggests, Nick was right but I couldn't come to terms with my own feelings. Liking Chris felt so foreign to me and considering our commitment issues, it just didn't seem logical.
“I can’t tell him that. It’d be so weird for the rest of the trip.” If I reciprocate my feelings for him, the tension would be looming over us like some dark cloud right before a storm, a bad one at that.  On the other hand, If I didn’t tell him the truth, it’d be ten times worse. 
“Masie, Literally just tell him how you feel. It could lead to something great.” Nick urges, growing impatient with my indecision. I ultimately end the call with the oldest triplet, staring at myself in the bathroom mirror. My makeup has slowly melted away from the sweat and tears I've endured throughout the day and my skin felt cold to the touch. I take one last deep breath, wetting a paper towel and blotting it on my neck before walking back out to the dance floor.
I find Chris sitting at our table, patiently waiting for my return. He looked anxious, like he didn't want to be here any longer.
“Hey.” I squint, my eyes adjusting to the dim lighting of the room. I take a seat next to Chris, waiting for the next words to leave his mouth.
“Sorry- ‘bout what I said.” He admits, playing with his fingers in his lap. I think for a moment, taking his hands in mine.
“No, don't apologize. It’s okay. Let’s just enjoy the rest of the night, yeah?” I purse my lips. My heart is practically beating out of my chest as I speak to him. Thank god for timing because Amber and Mark are about to cut their cake.
Everyone takes their seats, watching the newly weds cut into the three tiered cake together. Wedding cake is served to the guests and while everyone is happily enjoying their dessert, the two of us are awkwardly picking at our food. Both of us too nervous to say a word.
After nearly another hour of partying, we eventually call it a night, ubering back to the lake house, still barely a squeak from either of us. I’m almost dreading sleeping in the same room as him tonight.
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poetryandbloods-blog · 23 hours
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The truth is that if Snape had a standard beauty like Sirius and wasn't poor, he would be one of the most beloved characters in modern literature, like Anakin Skywalker.
But he is ugly and poor, so in our view as a society he needs to be labeled as an abuser/villain, his story, which is incredible and full of nuances, needs to be passed on to someone who fits the mold of what is considered appropriate (almost always Regulus).
Even Tom Riddle, the boy who killed 4 people before finishing Hogwarts, receives more love and understanding from fans than Snape.
I always thought that this new gratuitous hatred that I saw Snape receive came from the portion of fans who never read the books, only fanfics.
But seeing him being stripped of his story and the staunch defense that part of the fandom makes of others with a story a thousand times worse than Snape's makes it impossible not to connect this to his lack of status on the two fronts that “matter most” (money/beauty).
A study conducted in Great Britain proved that ugly people are more likely to be convicted of a crime. I will leave the source below.I am a lawyer, in college and throughout my professional life, I have seen underprivileged people being marginalized many times.
Their lives mean less. They are much more likely to be convicted of minor crimes than people with more income.
We judge fictional characters with the metrics we have for our reality. It is difficult to feel empathy for someone who is different from you/lives in a different reality than yours.
Someone who has been marginalized and bullied is much more likely to feel empathy for a character who goes through the same thing than someone who has never lived that reality.
There is also the issue that Snape was based on a real person, who had many characteristics of an autistic person, but these characteristics were villainized by the writer. Of course, we cannot lose sight of the fact that Harry Potter is a children's book, written in the 90s, and Snape was supposed to be this villainous teacher that we all had at some point in our lives.
But we all grow up and are able to see more than just the children's story; we are able to see the patterns we apply as a society and how we can combat them.
Would Snape, who was marginalized throughout his childhood, have had a better life if he had received the necessary support at school? To what extent can we blame someone who did not have structure/support, whether in the family environment and/or in society itself?And this of course does not apply only to Snape, but to a greater or lesser extent to other characters.
Ultimately, society itself creates its own villains, by ignoring doing the minimum necessary for the well-being of these individuals.
Source: https://www.standard.co.uk/hp/front/ugly-defendants-more-likely-to-be-found-guilty-than-attractive-ones-7276212.html
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guplia · 2 days
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Hello anon! First of all, thanks for the ask! (asks? idk I received three anon asks at almost the same time, it would be weird if they didn't all come from the same person lol)
fix recommendations? read mine /hj Sure! Just note that while I've enjoyed a lot of wips, I'm only gonna recommend completed fics rn.
Okay! Here's all I can remember rn:
"Clouds" by youngmoInactive (fanfiction.net):
Original summary:
"Even though he's a hero, he's still a human. CONTAINS CHARACTER DEATH. A nice look into Kai's perspective as he watches a close friend slowly lose a fight for his life."
Okay all I've gotta say on this one is that IT MADE ME CRY. OVER AND OVER AGAIN. Obviously I can't speak for everyone who read this fic but I think this will hurt Lloyd lovers. I have re-read it so many times to the point where I have half the fic memorised word-by-word. This is a must-read.
(if you're on the phone it's better to add "m." To the start of the URL)
"a day in the life of a fatherless child" by holographicknife (Archive of Our Own):
Original summary:
"lloyd has a panic attack *confetti* title suggested by my friend lol loosely based on a crack rp between friend and i   Warning for: mentions of suicidal thoughts and medication, explicit descriptions of a panic attack, including tight chest, difficulty breathing, nausea, and headaches. Proceed with caution."
This is a Kai And Lloyd fic, and I love Kai And Lloyd fics! Specifically ones where they address Lloyd's trauma from Morro and where Kai comforts him. So if anyone's into this sort of stuff I'd recommend it!
"A Courageous Escape" by Lilac_Lily234 (Archive of Our Own):
Original summary:
"In the midst of possession Morro hatred flows freely as he seeks to make Lloyd suffer for taking what he believes as his rightful title, but his cruelty know no bounds; Lloyd however refuses to give up but knows that time is running out, and in his desperation will find either salvation, or death.  - I don't own Ninjago, this is an au"
Ahem... once again, Lloyd goes through pain. A season 5 canon-divergent AU, from which my favourite part was... you guessed it! Lloyd having a panic attack and being comforted! But it's still a cool story besides too, season 5 being one of the best seasons imo.
While this fic is finished, the AU is not but I think this one has a good ending on its own.
"Out for revenge" by lloyd_slander (Archive of Our Own):
Original summary:
"Harumi’s plan to resurrect Lord Garmadon failed, during her time in Kryptarium prison she heard about Morro, the master of wind, and guy who had managed to make Lloyd’s life a living hell. Wanting revenge, she doesn’t stop from anything, not even from getting Morro back from the dead. Or The duo we always wanted, but never got. Lloyd is in for a hard time. Head the tags, guys!"
Okay. This one is rated Mature for drug usage and blood (there was nothing sexual though)
So it's a Morro traumatising Lloyd fic again, but this time he's with Harumi! So it's double trouble for Lloyd! (things go VERY BAD for him >:3)
Honestly I can't say much except read the fic, the summary's right there lol.
"Revealed" by Nation_Ustria (Archive of Our Own):
Original summary:
"Lloyd Garmadon is used to being hated. That's just how his life works—if someone knows that he's the son of the warlord who attacks Ninjago City on a weekly basis, they hate his guts. That's why he's made sure that his team—the only people he's ever been happy with—don't know who he is behind the mask, with the small price attached that he doesn't know their identities, either. It's not like they know each other's, anyways, so it's not a big deal. But then they find out. The fact that Lloyd's elemental power makes him an empath doesn't help, either. Basically the premise of the movie pre-reveal with show elements and personalities, and Lloyd's Green Power is him being able to sense and be influenced by the emotions of those around him."
Okay so here's a fic without Morro! (that's cause it's in the movie-verse) Another type of fanfic I like reading is where Lloyd in tlnm keeps his identity secret from the other ninja and it ends up getting revealed (like this one.).
I've seen this fic being recommended more than once and it's one of the fics with the most kudos in the entire fandom on AO3! So 2000 others agree with me on how awesome this fic is!!!
"What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Stronger" by @crystaleclipse10 (CrystalEclipse on Archive of Our Own)
Original summary:
"Lloyd batted Red's hand away. “’m fine.” His head pounded, but at least it was quiet and dark. His hair tickled his nose. “What happened?” “We…didn’t get out in time,” Red whispered. “The missile exploded. We got everyone else out, though.” Lloyd relaxed and slumped forward as pure relief washed over him. They’d done it. They’d beaten Garmadon’s game. They’d freed the civilians and survived. Didn’t feel great, though. ~OR~ Lloyd and Kai get trapped under a building when it collapses, both injured. Angst and bonding ensue."
So it's another tlnm au fic! And this one has Kai And Lloyd bonding specific so I like it!!!
As I was reading this when it was still being updated I was very excited every time a new chapter would come out and my heart hurt for Lloyd each time! It IS worth the read! Just note that while tis fic is completed, the au is not.
"Officer Smith, Do You Copy?" by @hijabiwriter (same username on Archive of Our Own):
Original summary:
"Everyone has their reasons for becoming a police officer. Maybe they were forced. Maybe the profession stood out to them. Maybe they had some experience that prompted the idea of becoming a police officer. But that's only a few reasons. There are others, too. Like for instance, one of these officers is out for revenge."
This fic is entered around Nya, who's a police officer alongside Jay, Cole and Lloyd (for some reason Zane is not in this au/fic). Anyways her dark secrets are explored in every other chapter alongside the progressing story, and of course, an explanation is given to everything in the end.
On a personal note this is the fic where I left my first comment on my Ao3 account lol (the historic moment is on chapter 13!!!)
"Too Late to Say Goodbye" by @greenamethyst16 (same username on Archive of Our Own)
Original summary:
"Kai gets stabbed and Lloyd helps him... :D"
I think length-wise this is the shortest fic on the list but that doesn't make it bad!!! Basically Lloyd downplays his injuries and there are consequences... :D
"All the ways I say "I love you"" by @ninja-knox-ur-sox-off (Leonardo_Charles_BlueWood_21 on Archive of Our Own)
Original summary:
"Cole loves his team. They're his family and he does everything in his power to keep them safe and steady. He does his best to let them know he cares about them in every way but one.  Or  Seven times Cole couldn't quite say "I love you," and the one time he could."
Note: This story can only be read if you're logged in on AO3.
I like this fic because it encouraged me to remind my own irl friends how much they mean to me. In this story Cole believes that he's "the rock" of the team, and hence he doesn't show his emotions much. He's never told even one of them that he loves them and thinks that they deserve better than him. So stuff happens after that :D
Okay, I've read a lot more than this but this is all I'm gonna write about now cause I'm tired and I think this post has became too long. But if you wanna read more just check out the profiles of the writers! I haven't read everything myself but most of them have other good Ninjago fics to read!
If I've tagged you or mentioned your fic and you want it removed just let me know! I have no problem with removing it! :D
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jfkisonthemoon · 11 months
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they honestly couldve done so much with junpei beheaded/dismembered and im disappointed that it ended up just being mira. so much of his character and his relationship with akane is characterized by his lack of bodily autonomy, and him being openly beheaded during the nonary games would be the ultimate example of this. its perhaps the most brutal death in the game, and it never really gets explained or developed beyond the one puzzle that we get with it. junpei has been shown repeatedly to be subject to akane's plans or follow her blindly and i just think that would have been a really interesting angle to approach his beheading from. junpei has willingly signed up for nonary games in two different timelines just because he knew he would see her. he was infected with a deadly virus trying to find her. he grew desensitized to death as he took underground jobs to try and find her. his safety always comes second when shes in the picture, and his beheading wouldve been a prime opportunity to 1. exploit his willingness to let himself die/be injured for her and 2. make akane confront the fact that her confidence that junpei will always follow after her is not necessarily a positive thing.
#zero escape#additionally wasnt mira supposed to be asleep?? like i know she didnt get the forget juice but didnt she still get knocked out?#but also!! none of her other kills were like that! none of them were dismembered and she didnt touch junpeis chest#so even that reasoning doesnt make sense#kinda feels like a copout to keep the shock of junpei being disrespected in such a way - to have his very body turned into a puzzle#a puzzle that akane is forced to solve!!! without knowing that what shes looking for is his head - him!#theres so much potential there and they just didnt do anything#im not even saying that akane should have somehow been responsible for that death - only that not having her really grapple with it is such#a missed opportunity#i still fucking LOVE the imagery of it though. i really think its the epitome of the representations of his lack of autonomy#he loses all of vlr. quark. 45 years of his life. because akane decides this is best for him. he dies repeatedly trying to find her.#because she believes that she knows what will keep him safe#and turning junpeis body into a puzzle posthumously is a fantastic example of his lack of control over his body#its like hes literally become a doll. hes jumpydoll - not junpei. hes subject to these games even after he has died.#he gets no peace. no respect in his death. not when hes in these games. not when hes in the shadow of akanes whims and games.#i still love the imagery. i think it was one of my favorite parts of ztd and is honestly now a core tenet of my Junpei Understanding#but i was disappointed in the lack of narrative weight that specific death had. for him to be one of the first dead? for it to be in such a#brutal manner? like come ON. the character analysis for junpei and akane and their relationship is RIGHT THERE. all you had to do was put i#in the game#but nope.#they just handwave it as something mira did.#and dont bring up the details ever again because. plot point solved?#anyway. ive been thinking about junpei imagery and bodily autonomy a lot. obviously.#zero escape spoilers#mak no peeking#marydontlookatthis
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bunnihearted · 2 months
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#i feel the way i feel and i dont owe it to anyone to hide my sadness </3333#also i just have bpd and even somewhere many ppl have that u cant even say anything but im just having a breakdown now 🤷🏻‍♀️#anyway what i wanted to say is that i AM sensitive and emotional and stupid#and it does hurt so much when the person i want and love doesnt feel that way for me#and i feel bad saying stuff like this bc ppl dont really understand but#i dont feel..: a whole lot... for anyone but him thats just how it is#so he IS a loss he IS so hard to lose and thats just how i feel#and it hurts sm bc hes the only one i wanna talk to but i cant#i know this is smth most ppl deal with in life and like it's just part of being a human#i just everyday keep thinking of things that remind me of him or i read a book i wanna tell him abt and then the pain comes back#bc the thing is i kinda only want to talk to him abt it all bc i just dont /feel/ a lot talking to others#that doesnt mean i dont appreciate it or care i just dont know how to explain#maybe it's my avpd? but i just dont feel happy or nice or good or comfortable or excited or interested in the same way :((((#i dont know i barely know what im talking or thinking about#and i keep saying the same things over and over again im just so sad and it feels like i always will be#bc i have bpd and then the pain feels all consuming and like it will never end and its just so hard to deal with#and even if it might be true when ppl say stuff like u deserve love or you're gonna find someone else etc#im not ready to receive it bc i only want this specific person and i get that many ppl deal with unrequited love and its part of life#but i AM scared bc im 25 and i've never ever met anyone i feel even a fraction for what i feel for him#what if im someone who doesnt get many chances w ppl? what if im cursed to be alone and never find anyone i have a mutual connection to????#so therefore i just wanted thought believed and hoped it would be him#and yes i acknowledge that a lot of it was just me wanting that and not realizing reality but its still how i felt#and as a bpd girlie my emotions are all consuming 🥴#so bottom line is i kinda just wanna die bc i wanna talk to him every second bc im crazy and mentally ill and since i cant do that im in sm#pain hahahah :D#and i will complain abt it bc it hurts so much idk what to do!!!!! ☺️
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nerosdayinanime · 11 months
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ok i originally just wanted to think of something w obagiyuu but then it went to obamitsugiyuu but then sabiuzui happened and now its a full on everyone lives au with everyone hugging the last 3 ubuyashiki kids just after kiriya announces the demon slayer corps disbanded and im Crying
#kny manga spoilers#kny spoilers#<just bc its an original post#mitsuri got so emotional she had to hug him but she forgot she lost both her arms.#obanai cant see whats going on so giyuu pulls him over with his remaining arm and they act as her arms for her :)#everyone else joins in very soon after pulling in the other 2 with them#some kakushi sprinted to bring a camera to document the last moment of the demon slayer corps as something joyous#finally get to unveil my sabito lives au idea- in the final battle sabito & giyuu were fighting together and sabito saw an attack coming#before giyuu did so he shoved giyuu out of the way- muzan's attack still got most of giyuu's arm and the end of sabito's forearm#sabito was horrified for a moment bc. that was far to close to losing giyuu in a fuckin *instant*#something something even earlier genya & muichiro live because sanemi stopped koku from fully cutting genya in half & genya regenerated#enough to chomp through the sword going through his mouth. made him more monstrous like how koku was about to do and it had the same 'is#that what i become? what im becoming? and for what- power? life? this isnt worth it' and explodes himself#all 4 of them patch up and recover as much as they can before joining everyone else w muzan#sanemi telling genya that under NO CIRCUMSTANCE is he to eat part of muzan. kokushibo was already pushing it the demon king himself? FUCK n#anyways it all started at an inn on a joint mission with sabito & giyuu and obanai#giyuu & obanai were kinda just chilling while sabito was out and about doing who knows what#'im bored' 'what do you expect me to do about that?.' 'wanna check out the onsen with me?' 'wh.' 'do you think kaburamaru would like the#warmth?' '..i dont know' 'onsen?' 'fine.' que giyuu giving him a towelette to tie over his nose & tying his hair up with an extra he brough#obanai thinks hes weird but is very touched by the gestures nonetheless. they speak sparsely until sabito joins (giyuu left a note) &#starts up a bit more conversation. it gets quiet after a while and sabito looks over and notices giyuu's little smile as hes laying his hea#back on his folded towel on the edge. 'what are you so happy about?' obanai looks over and sees it too 'hanging out with my friends is nice#'plural?' both of them look @ him 'yeah- we're friends right? ..can we be friends?' obanai doesnt answer and focuses back on kaburamaru#swimming around his arms. he glances over at them chatting between themselves about some minor thing- (either theyll scorn me or... or)#he takes off the towel covering his face- neither of them mention it immediately even if he catches them giving a glance or two#'do your scars make it hard to move your face? i think mine cut through the muscle. cant smile as much on this side' he looks at#sabito tapping his scarred cheek. giyuu's back to trying to sleep in the water 'not.. much.. its only deep near my mouth' said quieter#towards the end as he focused back on kabu (his prime excuse to avoid eye contact) sabito nodded and kept chatting about whatever- giyuu#quietly enjoying listening to them. kabu got too hot for the water and curled up next to giyuu's head on the towel. obanai actually enjoyin#himself around other people (than sanemi) its nice :) +theyre still on a mission together for a few more days so its not a one-off thing
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strangeauthor · 4 months
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now every doge meme is gonna make me cry l o l
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s0fter-sin · 5 months
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i’ve been watching yannis marshall choreography for like 15 minutes and i’m back thinking about my dancer au
gaz suggests a pole dancing segment for the music video for price and ghost shuts it down hard, saying he doesn’t do pole. gaz calls him selfish, that he’s just saying no to spite him but ghost holds firm; not even listening to soap as he tries to reason with him and reach a compromise
soap gets to practice early like he always does, just to see ghost blasting another life by motionless in white and doing a flawless pole routine. he’s as mesmerised by him as he always is, such beautiful movements contrasted by the seemingly harsh music, and waits for him to break before teasing, “i thought you said you couldn’t do pole dancin’.”
ghost just wipes the sweat off his face with a towel. he knew he was there
he always knows when soap’s there
“i said i didn’t do pole; not that i couldn’t.”
“what’s stoppin’ you?” soap asks, genuine and innocently curious and it’s the only reason ghost doesn’t completely shut him down
“what ‘bout you?” he asks instead. “ever done pole?”
he shrugs and sets his bag down. “enough to get in a twirl or two. ‘sides, gaz’s better suited to that kinda delicate work.”
“now, that i know is bullshit,” ghost scoffs and soap tenses, expecting him to go off on another rant about his best mate (just like he waits through gaz going off on ghost) but- “i’ve seen your competition tapes; you’re plenty strong enough to work a pole.”
soap stares at him. “how have you-?”
“price,” he answers simply, throwing the towel on top of his gear and all but stalks towards him. “i like knowin’ who i’m working with; he sent me your breakdancin’ comps. if you can hold a three-fingered hollowback handstand, you can bend on a pole.”
soap sputters as ghost grips his tank top and yanks him over to the pole, setting his hands in place on the body-warmed metal; bracketing his body with his own. he guides his body through the motions; teaches him how to fall and catch himself in a spin, how to gracefully climb and hold his body in midair
soap laughs as he throws himself into a spin just to bend his legs over his head, twisting his body to latch onto the pole with knee and lean perfectly horizontal with his other leg splayed out; his arm thrown above his head
he tips his head back to catch ghost’s grin and almost drops himself as he jumps up to join him; artfully climbing above him and holding his whole weight on his hip as he flips down to look at him
soap’s breath catches at the scant distance between their faces; so close he can count the near invisible freckles on ghosts skin, his fair lashes and the deep flecks of gold in his dark eyes
ghost is just as entranced; his grin slowly fading as he looks into the light sparkling in soap’s eyes. he tips his head towards the mirrors lining the studio and they slowly turn to look at themselves; fitting perfectly together
“see?” he whispers. “we don’t look all that outta place, do we?”
“no,” soap whispers back. “we don’t.”
#after stripping for roba he cant do traditional pole without being reminded of it#of the hundreds of hungry eyes and greedy hands wanting to rip him apart. all encouraged by the man who has him trapped#im still trying to work out details (not that ill ever be fleshing this out beyond a notfic lmao) but i think other than soap’s self esteem#the other main subplot would be roba coming back after he realises ghost is simon#price got him away from his cartel backed strip club. whether he bought him out or has something else to hold over him i dont know#but part of simon taking on ghost was to hide from roba as much as it was to give himself a new life#but roba still has security footage of him in the club and if he releases it he’ll do irreparable damage to his and price’s career#the ghost used to work for (against his will) the cartel? esteemed director john price made a deal with him?#theyll both be ruined#not that ghost cares about his reputation. he only starts to go along with it bc itll hurt price#and after roba finds out about soap he threatens him too#how easy it would be for him to find soap and break a few bones. just enough to ensure he’ll never dance again#WAIT THIS COULD BE THE TURNING POINT I COULDNT FIGURE OUT!!#i said nikolai would be gazs manager so maybe ghost starts pushing soap away to try and protect him and gaz loses his shit#like ‘how dare you just drop soap after making him like you so much?!’ then it all just comes out and gaz says he’ll help#but hes doing it for soap and price /not/ ghost and enrolls nik who still has underworld connections of his own#oh shit its all coming together#if anyone wants to adopt and write this brw i would love you forever#coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine.txt#we’re a team. ghost team#soapghost#ghostsoap#soap cod#john soap mactavish#ghost cod#simon ghost riley#kyle gaz garrick#gaz cod#task force 141#save post
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noahtally-famous · 5 months
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not me popping back on here with a post after months of semi-inactivity (uni is being a bitch) just to reiterate how much i love writing the pahkitew island cast.
aside from sammy and amy (obviously), literally everyone else can be shipped with one another and it'd make sense to some degree, like it takes skill to create a group of people so inherently shippable (platonically and/or romantically) and ofc the writers didn't know it they just shoved a bunch of random ppl together and dusted their hands off on it but fr tho 😭
(yeah im planning out my leonave 'stranger things inspired' au, and the gears are turning, and i forgot just how much i love writing for this dumbass group)
(i swear im working on the next chapter of a guide to surviving the apocalypse too)
#no but i've way too many ideas lmaoo#i forgot ive a whole longass post in my drafts dedicated to ramblings abt this longfic and i came across it today ahaha#like amy leading a manhunt for leonard bc shes got everyone to think he killed her sister (who she didn't even like much smh)#and topher's one of the ppl involved and when shawn hears he's like “topher? yeah i can handle him dw” (possible tophawn minor pairing??)#and leonard's abt to get the equivalent of being burnt at the stake literally#when guess who shows up in a fucking mercedes of all cars#fucking dave#and he helps leonard escape narrowly by driving fast af and leonard's so confused bc like “i thought you'd be with those guys”#and get this: dave doesnt believe leonard killed sammy bc of his vehement belief that leonard doesn't know magic LMAOOO#and leonard doesnt know whether to be affronted or grudgingly thankful bc if it wasn't for dave's desire for everything to be normal#leonard would have been part of the witch trials 2.0#and idk who's watched st but the plot is somewhat inspired by it#like shawn goes missing first and dave as his best friend is panicking abt it (in this one axel is shawns cousin???)#and then when they find him at last the weird deaths start leading to leonard finding sammy dead and this whole situation#and theres a whole different world underneath them and its up to leonard dave ella and sky to team up and prevent certain destruction#and theres slowburn leonave (with pining leonard and oblivious dave)#and leonard lives with his uncle whos understanding of his passions (unlike his dad who basically gave him away for the same reason)#and leonard's life is total opppsite from dave's#and they both know it#and omgggg this au has been a brainrot for so goddamn long#but idk why i just got a slew of ideas for it today#and like dave stays over at leonards at one point and leonard gives him his bed (like a gentleman)#and the next morning shawn barges in like “wheres my best friend” bc ever since he was taken he's been v paranoid abt losing the ppl he lov#and he hugs dave and daves like “how dirty are you rn” and shawns like “nothing yet i waited so that i can hug you when i see your dumb ass#and everyones like abt dave to leonard “idk if he's the right one for you”#but then later on dave saves his life by going a little bit unhinged classic dave-style#and ends up scaring a nurse and receptionist into retiring early#total drama#td leonard#td dave
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oughh......
#laya plays dragon age#da2#oc: liam hawke#this happened a bit ago already & i wanted to draw sth for it but idk if i will finish that#but i gotta yell abt them anyway because OGH.#i have a lot of emotions about this quest ok#bartrand was the perfect scapegoat he was perfect to direct all the rage and pain at all these years#years of imagining gleeful revenge while bartrand is gloating and laughing like an evil soulless bastard#and then you meet him and he is just. a pathetic husk of a man with barely any own will left#and whats worse. varric is so so torn up about it#varric. the guy who never makes anything about him and who will always handwave and joke when something hits too close to home#drops all efforts to be smart and is just. desperate. begs hawke to not kill his brother#and liam wants to want bartrand dead so bad. he wishes he could look him in the eye and enjoy taking his life#and he knows varric will listen to him if he insisted. he knows when it comes down it it varric will yield to his decision#but he sees this broken guy who is barely the villain he kept projecting onto him and he sees varric and he sees two doomed siblings#and knows what its like to lose your sibling to your own blade#and he cant do it#and he hates it so much. but he wont do it.#and its the reason why i cant decide who dealt the killing blow for bethany bc it makes this scene juicy in different ways#if varric kills bethy its equally wanting to spare each other their siblings blood on their hands#as it is taking some form of revenge (on liams part). we both killed each others siblings. now we are even#the revenge part would still be there if liam did the blow on bethany himself. you made me do that and now i will take bartrand for it#but its also much more i know what its like. i wont make go through that too#if varric killed bethy and then also bartrand it would be more#''its my fault she is dead. i will take the revenge she/you deserves if you tell me to even though it will hurt me#dunno. all good variations i will. have to rotate them in my head more#or maybe just never decide idk they can be in canon limbo forever#anyways thats it for shouting into the void about them for now it Will happen again
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hollowisthyname · 2 years
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ok ok this is probably dumb but i gotta get it out there because i have lots of thoughts and if i don't say them my brain will bother me about it forever so :
earlier today i saw a post about how much darker ride the cyclone could've been- the kids still having their injuries from the fall , having to do the songs and choreography because karnak makes them but having it hurt them and eventually they all just collapse from pain and exaustion- and while that's an amazing concept for a much sadder version and i can tell it would be absolutely DEVASTATING to see performed it also got me thinking about how different that would be from the actual show and the reason they're all there in the first place .
karnak brought them there because , in his own words , he wanted to let them express not who they were perceived to be , but who they dreamt they were . this was his gift to them- "a eulogy" , he says , to these kids unfairly torn from the world before they got a chance to fulfill those dreams . and as he assures ocean after her "catchphrase" , their will is still entirely their own . they choose the songs they sing , not one of them is forced to . he was ready and willing to let ocean concede without singing at all (although i suppose that could've been because he knew she would never go through with it at that point) , and apart from her initial catchphrase , none of the kids object to having some of their moves choreographed . as another post points out , he even lets them do some of their own , unchoreographed , dancing during sugar cube . and all in all , they're happy to have had the chance !! they all get to know each other so much better over the course of the show , and ricky even gets his abilities to walk and speak back so he can better communicate to the others what he wants to say . and of course , penny gets her memory back and is able to live out the rest of her life . it's amazing that even one of them was able to come back like that , and everything that lead to that point helps them all realize things about each other , and life , and death , that they otherwise would never have known .
....i got kinda off topic there . i guess my point is , the "competition" for reincarnation was a gift to the kids , not a curse . it was a way to let them say the things they had always wanted to , and learn lessons they never had the chance to learn in life . to change it to something they were being forced to do , something that was hurting them- that would change the point of the entire show .
ride the cyclone can seem very dark at first- and it is , of course , that is a part of it . but at its core , it's a very optimistic show , and i think that's a big part of what defines it . and karnak , while he can be very sarcastic and mess with the kids (especially ocean , though to be fair she usually deserves it) , is ultimately just .... a lonely guy who knows more than is good for him . and instead of using his power over life and death to manipulate and control the kids for his own entertainment , he gives one of them the chance at life and all of them the chance to express themselves the way they wanted to be seen .
it's optimistic because it says that even though these kids died in a tragic accident , they still have another chance to learn and grow . that's what makes this show what it is , and i love it so damn much . it's hopeful , it what it is , and it's really impressive how they managed to make a story about kids who died in an accident have so much hope ingrained into it . it's contradictory in the most beautiful way , and i wouldn't change it for anything .
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I was just listening to a song I used to love while we were friends. I listened to it so often, we talked so often, it became the background music to our relationship.
I'm listening to it while I knit. I often forget that I started knitting because of you. I remembered tonight. It's strange, I never knitted anything for you. I've knitted for other loved ones, rarely for myself, but never for you. I remembered you showing me the amazing things you made, and I wished I could get to that level of skill. But at that time, you had to explain to me how to purl because I couldn't get it.
Everything reminds me of you in a terrible way. Everything I do is an echo of you. I started painting so that I could paint for you. I started knitting to bond with you. I hear your voice in the music I listen to. You're haunting the things that I love. Will I ever make a brush stroke or stitch without you on my mind?
#i should be able to block all music i listened to on Spotify from 2018-2020. i was not doing well and i dont need the reminders pls#im fine this was just kinda reflective#so much of what i do was inspired by her. i havent spoken to her in three years. we havent been friends for five#but my first painting was a gift to her. i started knitting because she knitted. i got so much music from her#we bonded heavily over music. and i used it to cope after she left. so unfortunately shes mixed into so much of it#she got me into dnd which got me into a different ttrpg im playing now (unknown armies)#shes a big reason i applied to the summer camp i worked at for six years#and a big reason i took the position i had the last two years. and the reason i told our camp legend (long story)#she was in my christmas in july gift i gave and received this year#i dont think ill ever be able to forget her. on good nights thats a good thing. its reassuring. she'll always be with me#but on bad nights. i feel like im never going to stop missing her#i was knitting tonight while listening to music. as the post suggests. and i was just overcome with her#this is the bed i was in when she called and left me. this is the bedroom we used to video call to practice sign language in#oh theres another one. i was going to be an asl interpreter. years ago in another life. i always practiced with her#we're both autistic and asl is easier than speaking a lot of the time#fuck. it reminds me of the ship of theseus. its 2:30am so i wont be able to explain well but#no actually i tried and i cannot explain. youll just have to understand. some days i wish i ciuld replace all the parts that were her#and sometimes im so afraid to lose the parts that were her because thatll feel like losing her#if i ever consciously decided to stop knitting (which i may have to do soon) it will feel like im replacing a board that was hers#how many of my boards are hers? are any of hers mine anymore? how many of hers can i lose before shes gone?#that last one was asked with fear and hope. and fear. depending on the day#god im tired. goodnight
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moe-broey · 1 month
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Idk I also just hate the future actually. My ass is Always living in the past or simply day to day 💪💪💪
#HELP ...... SO MANY OF MY DAYDREAMS CENTER AROUND THIS ACTUALLY.....#like. huge point of drama/point of contention between alfonse and moe is that moe Hesitates.#even outright Refuses. to consider the future. where alfonse's future seems set in stone that is the path he's been striving for all long#moe feels like it won't have a place there. you'll be king. you'll be all set. you'll probably have to have a queen#and even if it's a political marriage thing (WHICH. I HAVE SO MUCH HC LORE ABOUT --#like no one specifically but like. alfonse is the type of guy who has accepted this long ago and just treats it as a fact of life#which moe RESENTS. HOW are you gonna fuckinh ACCEPT THAT. your life entirely out of your own hands#bitch i'll fucking KILL YOU. ect)#also as a side there was a whole wedding banner wip that explored that that i. forgor about#but like. alfonse tries SO hard to convince moe that there WILL be a place for it by his side. he will MAKE that place if he has to#also a king4king situation isn't feasible i think moe would be a concubine (gay style). or an enuch or something#like moe does NOT want to be in any position of actual authority. that's not its heart. it's a support guy through and through#but going back to the start. moe is the type of guy who's convinced it's going to be replaced.#moe is the type of guy who burns bridges and feels a sense of relief. moe is the type of guy who is looking for ANY excuse#to run away. and ESP to reframe it as 'you're better off without me'.#the only reason it was able to get so close to alfonse is bc it was convinced alfonse wouldn't get attached to it#and when he did moe was convinced Well. this will all be temporary anyway. i'll take it day by day#make the most of it. and whenever alfonse hits it w one of his classic zingers like#the more you have to lose the worse it hurts when you do doesn't that make you feel lonely. SHUP FUCKIYBNG SHUT YPUR FUCK UP‼️‼️‼️#moe is a normal guy with no problems. definitely no commitment issues or intimacy issues. i promise.#ACTUALLY THAT REMINDS ME. BEEN TURNING THIS AROUND IN MY HEAD TOO. ESP W MY CURRENT WIP#and the feelings it invokes in me. moe is SO CONVINCED. SO CONVINCED. it's gonna fuck alfonse over big time#do NOT make me your lifeline i swear to fucking god. i Promise You. i Will Fail You.#adjacent but moe being a healer is ENDLESSLY. FASCINATING TO ME. LIKE MY GOD#healer that is just SO destructive. that's w.. that's part of why... it became a healer.........#like god. being a healer to ensure that if you get rid of me you'll be at a disadvantage.#nevermind the fact that i have a role exclusive to me. not good enough. i need More insurance.#the way. the role it took upon itself. when it was younger. to be the fixer. to clean up after [redacted]#and its never ending cycle. ever since it was a child. its never ending cycle of tearing itself apart#to rebuild itself anew. better this time. Perfect this time. this time. this time. this time.
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loumauve · 5 days
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the goddamn toast water post just made me utter "history is fucking real" in the most solemn and serious tone of voice, out loud, to myself, in the goddamn bathtub
#life is ridiculous and I'm its biggest clown#in my defense it's not even 9 am and I woke up at 6 for some reason (the reason prob being that I start work at 6 atm)#so I chose (violence) reading Stray Gods fic in bed for a few hours followed by the need to just vibe in the bathtub#I've only just had my coffee and a slice of cold pizza leftover from yesterday and it's such a uni-days thing to do#I've kinda missed it. tho I wasn't drinking coffee back then (how the fuck did I survive mornings without it??)#anyway. feeling very soft and tender abt my past self today. I miss her even if she was just as much of a mess. in different ways#the kind of mess who would openly flirt with some strange dude she didn't really know over the phone#the kind of mess who moved across the country just for a chance at trying with sb she liked who really never wanted to date her#the kind of mess who's always fallen for her best friends and who'll likely never stop#the kind of mess who feel so damn hard for a woman 15 yrs older than her just bc she was kind and sweet and a mess herself#the kind of mess who moved in with a friend she was solidly in love with for a bit who had her boyfriend over most nights#just.. it's not all about those feelings but they're decidedly a big part of why I've ever done anything#and I will prob always miss the friend who'd lie on the train platform with me just giggling into the night as ppl walked past#her head on my stomach and me just feeling so high it felt like I'd never stop floating (just for a while though)#I guess what I'm trying to get at here is that Mi miss just letting my feelings take me places even at the risk of losing it all#I'm so much more hesitant and guarded now. and sure part of it is being medicated for my bipolar. it's good that I don't call strangers#and almost invited them over. or that I no longer walk barefoot through the city at night by myself (usually)#but I do miss just idk. intimacy I guess. and how easily it used to come to me to just try and be open abt wanting it I guess#oh well. best be getting out of the bathtub. it's not a good place to be with these thoughts. and it's too early for this anyway#a day in the life of..
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