#it tears me up inside and out
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i love you so much, soa.
there's not a day i don't think about how new year is getting closer each day.
#how do i stop feeling heavy#it tears me up inside and out#i don't know anymore#what will happen to me by then?
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everything abt the httyd remake feels like such a deep insult to the first film. Insulting animation as an artform, insulting the texture and lighting work that still holds up so so well. Insulting everything they put in to make it such a tightly written and skillful film. Like what could you improve with this scene, the amount of character you get from toothless here and seeing his thought process, fhe mix of accepting his fate, weariness and curiosity, you're just sucking the life and intention out of it for what. To see the dirt in between toothless's scales? Guess what you can already see that in the first movie. To flatten the lighting, remove all mood so you can see how good they modeled his new scales? Show you how real the mulch looks. Whatever. They do this all the time but this is personal (autism) you're being shown up by a film from 2010. She is eating you ALIVE. Even the other httyd films couldn't quite re-capture what they did with toothless in this first one, they remodeled him ever so slightly and he lost that edge of intelligent Animal, and became a Slightly more condensed version of himself now that his personality was established.
#i can see his tear duct i can see inside his nose i can see the where his#bigger scales thin out into softer ones#even the choice to make his eye colour such a loud green instead of the paler one#it's like yes that's an eye that's a HD eye texture i know i get it#it looks realer in the first shot. like everything else#like i was a dragon obsessed kid when this came out i was eating up every detail#you can see those subtle mottled patterns across toothless in certain light#when he's abt to attack stoic you can see the methane gas building in his throat first#for the sake of grounding these designs they incorporated Every detail you could ask for#literally the only thing that wasn't realistic is when toothless is stuck in the gorge and needs to rescue hiccup#and he clings to the edge of the caldera and his Claw the nail of his claw changes shape to be more hooked to get a better grip#that's it and we get why that happens for the scene it's good#DISCRETION. you need doscretion every shot can't be a vfx showcase#environmental lighting is always going to obscure some detail it's going to react differently it looks so fake because nothing is being#obscured or effected by their environment#the way the shadows react to toothles in the first shot gives such a good sense of his form. it makes it moody#it makes it feel colder and the shadows on his face help obscure his mouth making him harder to read. okay#can anypony hear me#what's wrong with you
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panel that hurt me so much I redrew it ✨
#Nevermore#Nevermore Webtoon#Webtoon#6#Some things look meh but I just had to get this out of my system#It was so sad!!!!!!#like the way I recorded it just makes me die inside#Anyway#the tears were actually kinda hard for some reason#I wish I could’ve done the one down her check but it just like didn’t work#Upping the saturation was so good I love the colors#And the eyes I’m always a sucker for the eyes and this time they look so good#Lenore honey it’s gonna be okayyyyyy
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I am filled with HATE and SORROW y'all know how like Nurm is my favourite character my number 1 guy out of any piexe of media ever I love him dearly which sucks cause he's pretty unpopular but whatever whatever. N I'm like "man I really want to see some new Nurm content but everything I find I've either seen before or I created ☹️" and then I. I go on tiktok and I KEEP seeing edits that start with a clip with Nurm in them and then haha surprise it's actually a Petra edit!! Cause it's ALWAYS PETRA GOD DAMN IT and I love her. I love Petra so much. She is a fabulous character but ohm y god I am tweaking. I genuinely started crying y'all I am not sane nor normal. I'm so normal about him. Oh my good god I am going insane I am 💥💥💥💥
#I envy people who's favourite characters are like. Lukas or Petra or Jesse. Y'all don't know how good you have it#At least I can confidently say I'm one of Nurm's biggest fans. You guys can't say that without a fight breaking out aha ha#HRGAHSBSJSJSNNSN#Actually losing it#Scampering about#Ignore this I'm just#ARG 💥💥💥💥#No cause I saw a post that was super funny but the screenshot used had like. Nurm's left leg in the foregriund and I started tearing up#My period is coming I can sense it there's no other explanation for this madness#Is somebody gonna match my freak? (Going genuinely feral for a guy with like 2 fans)#I don't know the term for this attachment. Cause it's not a normal person thing I'm 90% sure it's the autism#But I don't know enough about villagers to consider this a special interest and it's too long to be a hyper fixation#(even though I am very fixated and it is tearing me up inside)#This is why I tweak so bad in the tags of Nurm art sometimes I genuinely start crying g and scratching my phone like a rabbit animal#Rabid not rabbit.#minecraft story mode#mcsm#mcsm nurm#nurm mcsm#There are no emojis nor words that accurately depict my current state#I'm normal I'm normal I swear please I'm normal
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chapter 8 literally has like 3-4 more paragraphs what am i doing... im sitting at my desk rereading this thing and just staring staring staring like. geniunely have slammed my desk a couple times like a little baby throwing a tantrum <3 <3
#AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH#sophie speaks#series:www#im getting it done before my birthday#which is in 6 days#im fucking GETTING IT DONE#or im gonna start hitting myself again#not in like an on purpose way btw its just gonna happen the autism demands it#thats probably not still reassuring dont worry guys i have. drugs. perscription ones#thats also not reassuring#anyway#every now and then i remember my life is so unlike the average persons and ive talked about something i definitely shouldnt have#but also isnt it like soooooooooooooooo annoying to have to constantly censor urself#like this is just my daily life its really not that huge a deal...#what was i talking about#right this is making me tear my hair out#biting biting biting i can get it i can do it i can i can i can#god i hate mental blocks its like a maze of them inside my brain and they pop up constantly#i will continue to torture myself gang i am GETTING IT DONE
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#tw vent#tw suicide#this is my diary#i cant stop crying its so annoying i start tearing up every other minute#nothing in my life is the way i want it to be#and i cant fix any of it#and i just feel horrible all of the time#i wish i would just die already#like.#im done here. ive nothing more to do#i wouldn’t really mind#i think i might be doing way worse than i have ever before because i cant stop or ignore things anymore#like i cant stop myself from saying it i cant bottle it up like before#i mean. i didnt even mean to admit to it but i fucking slipped up and said it earlier todsy#and suddenly the words ‘im doing bad’ slipped out of my mouth. which is crazy because i would never admit to anything like that.#its so scary to think about that im doing bad because that means im doing bad#wdym i would just give up wdym wdym wdym im. like thats not me its not me. its not me its not me thats not me#i feel like theres two uh idk brains inside me and the one that wants to live is being completely overstepped by the other one#i have so many feelings all the time and i still do but its also like. i dont care. like theyre somehwat muted or number now#and i dont think thats a good thing#also i feel horrible for admitting im doing bad because i know myself and i would never do that so im not me i cant be because me woulndt#and i feel bad that that worries people because as much as i feel like dying i wont do that and i know it sounds like i will but i wont#but i feel bad about making people worry#so pls dont worry because i Am doing fine. well. enough to live but like#i sound mentally ill
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Thinking about fucking missionary and lockinghands while he fucks me speechless
#and kissing me while he cums inside of me of COURSE#pounding.....missionary.....kissing...andfucking...............zz.z.ncbcfnng..b.b#ftm nsft#mlm nsft#t4t nsft#trans nsft#ftm ns/fw#ftm t4t#mlm#t4t ns/fw#mlm ns/fw#t4t mlm#falling asleep while balls deep inside me awOOGA!!!!#cockwarming??????....breeding?..??????.....sighn me up!!!#AND SIZE DIFFERENCE?????????#hes so much taller and stronger than me whwheehehrhehrhrhgrgregegehehehheeheeee.....#tsirls my hair....hehehe..#hehehee....#update: saying jt hurts and wincing over him shoving it just a liytle deeper before pulling out and apolgizing and kissing my tears away#awooga!!!!!! *eyes pop out of sockets*
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thinking about how profound it must’ve been for shri’iia when she first received scratch’s ball (woman who has never gotten anything for free in her life ever)
#shri’iia’s relationship with scratch and owlbear cub is that she has only gotten those two for a day and a half and if anything happens to#them she’s gonna kill everyone and herself (she means it)#which is so funny to me bc I usually go for the intimidate options with scratch like she just makes him heel or drop the ball immediately#so she just seems like she doesn’t like the dog but inside she’s like ‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️😭😭😭 sobbing pissing herself the dog is so cute#shri’iia watching scratch roll on his back like a wiggling worm and she looks like she’s smiling menacingly and plotting#bc the lack of eyebrows + eye tattoo that looks like devil horns + insanely bright red eyes makes her look sinister#but she’s actually dying inside bc she finds him so cute. she will forgive how he drools on her and everything#also post oath breaking when she’s knee deep in denial I do imagine that he tries to console her w how dogs can sense ur distress and all#that. that’s why she gets attached to him 😭 she hasn’t had anyone console her before 😭#owlbear cub too… sobs she does love her babies but she’s doesn’t express it often she just doesn’t know how#but I do hc that those two are always bound to curl up w shri’iia when she’s in her trance. like when she’s laying down they’re like it’s#free real estate. then this 5 ft woman gets covered by a massive dog and her owlbear cub 🥰🥰#must be so sad for her to find out after the game that the owlbear cub and scratch left#she’s like im NOT upset btw 😭 tears running down her face astarion is like darling what mascara do u use mine isnt that dramatic#then epilogue when she sees them again and she has to give them up to shadowheart 💔💔💔💔#she’s like. clenched fist im so fucking happy for you I’m so serious
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hello everyone PLEASE think about the concept art for fabby's workshop with me please
#ieytd#the fabricator#i expect you to die#sorry i'm still losing my mind about this i've been thinking about this for several days straight thsi is tearing me UPP#its SO CUTE??#yarns and threads with the little tomato needle holder#her little experiments with PRESUMABLY live (and poisoned) animals(?) inside#her grenegg chandelier#THE ZEECEE MUSIC BOX 💕💕💕 that- considering the key up above her desk- you were supposed to open yourself at one point#the fact that the zorb was going to be THE thing to shut off her security systems. do you feel safe having them protect you sweetheart? mm?#you should really check out the link it's so much fun it's really interesting#+ them talking about 'building the personality of the (currently unreleased) character THROUGH the decal of the room'. god. they SO knew.#i'm striving for a job i can love as much as she loves her's dude
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ohh javieran … javieran post kieran’s death .., javier is a poor lonesome cowboy in america a long way from home with no more sweetheart to sit and talk with him ooohhh can anyone hear me ….
#someone on tiktok found poor lonesome cowboy in an old archival-esque book of cowboy and campfire songs and as soon as i saw this i gasped#ummm burst into tears actually ! thanks ! i’m so sad !#poor lonesome coyotito who parted from his city and who has no sweetheart to sit and talk with him ☹️#they make me miserable#i was just gonna put this in my drafts but i already have 15 drafts and i fear if i continue to put ideas in my drafts “for later’’ i will#never make another post again … so instead of setting myself up for disappointment i’m just gonna start posting like i do on twt#which is where i post every unfiltered thought i have :)#it’s MY blog and I get to make useless textposts constantly because i know im incapable of making any actual content atm#i’m hoping to draw something based off of this some day though :( i’m already having ideas#usually i sit in my mind palace and tinker with my au where kieran lives but unfortunately sometimes i must face reality and think about#javier’s loss and heartbreak in canon <//3#i need to rewatch kieran’s death cutscene and see where javier is and what he does because i’ll have to write his initial#response to grief depending on that :/#whether he’s frozen in disbelief or actively involved in the retrieval of kieran’s body (if he’s even around at all)#javier isn’t really the type to scream and sob out in pain in the moment but i do think that when he finally had a moment to himself (likely#all the way in chapter six considering how chaotic everything gets and how he’s involved in like … everything following that) (which also re#minds me that he literally goes and gets tortured in guarma immediately after losing his lover. i have to kill myslf. anyway.)#i think it probably hits him like a train and he begins to hack and throw up like the weight of grief is literally crushing his organs from#the inside out 😕 javier escuella the lover that you are sets you up for such devastating heartbreak im so sorry#idek how much i want to tag this. maybe ill pull a moss and start using my own tags for characters#rdr2#image#hero's talking to himself again#hero’s kieran#hero’s javier#hero’s javieran#just so i dont have to clog up tags 💛#i will tag#javieran#as normal though
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Oooohhh the urge to yap about my ocs and the world they live in......
#is this the product of growing up lonely with one best friend for 11 years of your life so when she wasnt in school you mae up imaginary#friends and it started off as one but then steadily increased and now your 14 with an entire kingdom with a high population of around 132#and couting because you couldnt stop making ocs based on your interests or hyperfixations or literally anything else to the point where you#could scroll on insta or tt for 5 minutes and think about your little kingdom and think of a character that would fill about 50 plot holes#and this kingdom got so out of hand in your head that you decided to make religons countries languages royal families politics new laws of#physics powers and more because one day you watched avatar the last airbender and decided people could now do water manipulation and#suddenly 50% of characters now possess some sort of magical ability and they all live in a world together that somehow retains peace and#love because the actual name of the planet they live on is peace but just in the language that you made up in your mind. just a little#reminder i started this at 6-7 years old with my gacha life phase going strong which is also how i designed each and every one of my ocs btw#going back this is originally being my imaginary friends I MYSELF AM IMPLEMENTED INTO THIS STORY as it started with my old online persona#that has now become a separate character and now I am a character inside this whole lore so every day i am always thinking about this planet#i made in my head and did i mention ive my favourite genres are action mystery and fantasy??? yeah so thats a main theme#so like theres tons of fighting and betrayal outside of the planet which dives deep into character lores and the whole story line that#this planet follows and i have separated aus of if this wasnt a peaceful planet and if there was some sort of intergalactic war because yes#i am a voltron fan where influential ocs die and thinking or writing that causes me to genuinely tear but because like ive said THESE ARE MY#IMAGINARY FRIENDS they may be imaginary but ive had them for YEARS and theyve been friends with me longer than 99% of my friends so they#mean the world to me so i tend to stray away from the war aus and push that mkre towards my other fics and headcanons thag are heartbreaking#... so anyways!!!#kadens yap session#no but srsly if i were to actually talk to people about this id be shaking in my boots i could not and itd take HOURS#its just a silly world i live in thays all :3
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CAWF Tumblr simulator
🦠 Neutro-2145 Follow
B Cell hasn't worked in a while, the bacteria tastes bland…
(56 Notes)
❤️ IM1235 Follow
The neutrophils are so cool when they're saving the body! I should get them a gift to show my gratitude!
❤️ IM1235
Ok I just saw them rip out the insides of an infected cell, I don't think I can sleep tonight.
#oh my god #do they do that all the time???
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🧸 Dendri217 Follow
I don't think sewing lactic acid bacteria nearly everyday is good for my mental health, but it sure is fun! I need to go outside more I think
#lactic acid bacteria #my beloved #maybe I have too many of them #but you can never have too many lactic acid bacteria
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🎆 RegT59 Follow
As much as I love Helper T as a friend I wish he'd stop buying random things with our budget. He didn't even solve the Rubik's cube he bought last time, now he's buying those metal wire puzzles.
🎆 RegT59
He offered to get me something and I bought a conch shell just because it looked interesting. His bad habits are rubbing off on me.
#sigh #i should just stick to solitaire #our office is getting so cluttered
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⚪ Neutro-3033 Follow
The amount of people that don't know not all neutrophils enjoy eating bacteria or infected cells is wild. Have you tried to eat some?? It's terrible. Some of us only eat it because it's part of the job.
#i swear #its so annoying #at least the RBCS bring us stuff other than bacteria #i really wouldn't mind something less sweet
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✖️ Cross-TCell reblogged
🐦⬛ King-Killer
How do I tell my subordinates that I don't actually hate them and that I'm just strict and they need to stop being so sloppy? Believe me guys I like having you around please invite me to something I'm begging you
🐦⬛ King-Killer
That was a moment of weakness ignore that (please invite me please please please ple
🐦⬛ King-Killer
WHICH ONE OF YOU REBLOGGED THIS?? NOW ALL MY SUBORDINATES ARE CONSTANTLY BRINGING ME WITH THEM FOR LUNCH????
#its okay squad leader #we honestly just thought you'd be too busy to bother with us #so glad you actually do like us #the boys love you too
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🍸 Microfold108 Follow
What even is the point of living? If not just for the sake of a higher being we don't even know? Are they good? Are they bad? Maybe they're the nicest person in the world, maybe they're a serial killer who has murdered countless of their kind. Do they know we work only for them? Do they know how many of us love them?
🍸 Microfold108
Nevermind Dendritic cell came over with a lot of friends and he said they all enjoyed me so maybe there is more to life than that.
#i need to find an actual interest #maybe then I'll stop being so negative about everything
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🟩 HelperT31 Follow
Apparently you can just buy a house??? On Sellular?? I'm going to prank Reg T with this. It's going to be so funny, imagine I pull out a whole house right in front of the office, she'd go insane.
#nobody reblog this I can't let reg t see this #itll ruin the surprise
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🗡️ NatKiller095 Follow
Non-immune cells are literally so scary, how do you socialize everyday without getting tired or stressed out??? What do you MEAN you think us murdering cells is scarier?? At least I don't have to go around the ENTIRE body just to hand over a box of gases to someone I barely know!
✨ Eosin-9024 Follow
I agree!! How else would you relieve stress if you can't straight up explode? I would rather die than have to deal with that everyday, I'm so glad parasitic infections are rarer than bacterial and viral infections.
#non immune cells #im sorry for exploding your houses all the time but you guys genuinely terrify me
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🪩 B265 Follow
I love working on the skin! So many beautiful women up here! Way better than working for that insane idiot boss in the alimentary tract
#talking about helper T cell #he sucks so bad #wont let me live my life for just 5 minutes #i do really miss reg t tho #she was way better than helper T
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🪄 Mast92 Follow
The reason why Cellor-sun was so adamant about saving her friends despite risking her life to do so was because if she didn't she risked the Natchlor absorbing her powers and in turn causing the destruction of the whole vessel. Yes she loves her friends but she needed to take the risk, it was a big part of the plot, how do people not see that the first time they watched??
Also I hate how they forcefully gave Cellor-sun a love interest. Soma was an interesting character as Cellor-sun's new companion but they didn't have to force the love interest trope on him. I feel like the trope was so one dimensional, like two different people wrote him. The Cellor-sun I know would never instantly fall in love with someone like that! Their arc was literally 20 minutes long!!! She has high standards and yet just happened to meet someone who has all those exact standards??? Where do you find a cell that happens to be into all your interests, mesh well with your friends, and don't mind that you are a magical girl constantly risking your life for the sake of the vessel?? Soma would've been fine if he was just a friend of Cellor, he could've been her love interest, just stretch it out realistically. He has interesting powers that interact well with the rest of the cast, I really just wish his arc with Cellor would've been written better. Whoever wrote that needs to post a public apology right now.
#cellor-sun against the univessel #cellor-sun #soma-san catu #i could've written it better for real #catu
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#actually tags from me now#it took me like an hour to make up fictional lore for mast cell's post#was slightly tempted to continue 1235's post with: WHO BOUGHT A WHOLE HOUSE FROM SELLULAR but it would've taken away#from the shock value of OH MY GOD THEY ARE TEARING THEIR INSIDES OUT I AM GOING TO THROW UP#sellular is a pun on sell and cellular btw#pls get it#also notice on squad leader's post the tags are from cross and not squad leader himself#because its a reblog#i put so much effort into this pls reblog#cells at work#hataraku saibou#hataraku saibō#cells at work friends#hataraku saibo friends#cells at work and friends#shitpost™
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"we'll fix it together. okay?" and then the only time we see el fixing the diorama, she's doing it by herself while will sits at the kitchen table nudging at his breakfast
#and then MIKE goes to talk to her but NOT will. and i'm supposed to assume that he loves his sister unconditionally? sure#sorry im on a fucking tear with this rn lmao i'm just#so frustrated by this desire to make will this perfect little boy who can never do any wrong#like. i'm sorry. but if he says nice things and then doesnt follow through on them. it means he's kinda not actually nice#a lot of his shit is performative or self-serving#not all of it. bc jfc i have to 'not all men' will byers when i talk about him#but he is nowhere near on the level of kindhearted and selfless that people make him out to be#especially when compared to the way the rest of the party sticks out their necks to be kind and help people#ie. mike speaking up on el's behalf in st3. lucas constantly checking on max in st4. dustin insisting on helping eddie#like. wtf was WILL doing that makes me go 'wow he's so kind' that's right. fuckall.#like. there is a kind heart inside him. we see it early on in the show. but people are stupid to not notice how it's gotten less and less#as the show has progressed. to the point that i watch st4 and go. wait. where is that kid#like. he doesn't act on his word. he just says nice things without meaning them. or he says nice things just to get sympathy#even if he did actually screw up and needs to own up to it#god. anyway. i love canon will byers i hate fanon will byers#make him interesting and nuanced for the love of god. it's more interesting if he makes mistakes and learns from them#i say things#stranger things //
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raaahhhhh my insides are going to become my outsidessssss
#Not rlly#but like human disembowelment of myself is something that I’ve just kept thinking about for yearsss :p (doesn’t bother me btw)#Lowkey interesting as fuck tho#Likeeeee if I could do it and look at my insides painlessly I so would#I wanna scoop out my intestines :3#Kinda weird but like#We’re just silly like that#We’re just a girl#Thank you darkstalker for introducing me to the idea of opening yourself up and tearing your organs out :3
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*writes the same exact headcannons in slightly different scenarios over and over again*
#it all comes back to my unicron-spawn Starscream and my quintesson-built Jazz#today I worked a little on us Starscream and qb Jazz becoming friends and getting a absurdly similar dynamic to how I write Prowl and Jazz#but I stopped that to work on a memory loss fic w that Jazz fighting his way from autobots to Starscream bc he was the only one who he#trusted with a complete memory back up as another not-cybertronian#and I stopped THAT to work on a qb Jazz/Prowl fic where it's non-essential no pain killer surgery that Prowl has to do on Hazx bc he refuses#to go to medics. partially bc the surgery is completely unsafe in any firm and partly bc qb Jazz doesn't want anyone else to know what he is#(and Prowl barely knows either)#but I only got a few sentences into that b4 I went to do an Autobot!DJD (AJD?) torture scene w qb Jazz where the nameless character to die#manages to tear open his chest while fighting back and finds nothing inside#BUT that's rlly similar 2 a fic where I've done the same thing w Starscream (the chest discovery in a scuffle bit) so I reread that before#I got distracted thinking abt my Starop fic that's all Starscream doesn't have a spark because he's a ghost Optimus Prime doesn't have a#spark because he's a lab experiment gone rogue. Misunderstandings ensue. which I adore but have no idea how to fit a plot into#so bc I couldn't think of anything more than a few sentences for that I went to my fic where ALL of the command trine formed from Unicron#but Skywarp and Thundercracker died early and Starscream spends millions of years searching all of cybertron and hoping Vector Sigma#reincarnation works for unicronians too. biiiig depression angst fic. I can't decide if I want it to end in Starscream self-inducing stasis#in one of Vector Sigma's chambers or whether I want it to end w Starscream brutally murdering the new trine member the reincarnated versions#of Skywarp and Thundercracker were made with (who ftr would be Sun Storm)#n that fic reminded me of that one rewritting of the Starscream's Ghost ep where Starscream catches a glimpse of Scourge and immediately#attacks. it's barely a fight because in seconds SS is ripping through layers of armor desperately searching for Thundercracker beneath the#shell Unicron gave him. He needs Thundercracker to be there (he isn't). Only when his claws have gone completely thru Scourge's back does he#round on the armada- only to completely ignore Cyclonus and go for one of his clones (Skywarp)#and that reminded me of- *gunshots*#do u see why I only ever manage to post ponies?? I have less ideas w them so I actually finish.#I'm worried of hitting tag limit but I have plenty more of even less fleshed out fics for us Starscream and qb Jazz#(I barely said half of what's in my writing docs)
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I like how my dentist's office has a little coffee bar right in the waiting room for patients to use
#it feels like a test#like oh... yeah you know you wanna stain your teeth with coffee right before you go in for you appointment#come on... just do it#we know you want to#anyway my dentist is going to chew me out (no pun intended) for tearing up the insides of my cheeks#wish me luck ✌️
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