#it might just be the adhd kicking in-
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Why the actual FUCK is it fun to mess with the lil Post Maker icon on Mobile? Like yes, lemme drag it around my screen and watch the prebby colors
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i wonder if lunar hat would be fun to fidget and play with
u heard the star.
#accidentally made it way more 𝓯𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓴𝔂 than intended....#uhmmmm#tho#hc#he does fidget with it himself when bored or when his adhd just randomly kicks in#don't ask the mers that one tho....#the reaction might change just a little bit...#just the tiniest.#sams#sun and moon show#sams fanart#lunar and earth show#laes#laes fanart#laes lunar#sams lunar#lunar#lunar fanart#gemini#sams gemini#laes gemini#gemini fanart#gemini x lunar#lunar x gemini#lumini#ask#art
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“Tsukasa might be the most well equipped to deal w wxs parting ways” tsukasa got emotional over his shoe breaking because it had been by his side for so long
#I mean that’s probably not an incorrect statement it’s just kind of like. idk. being the ugliest tsukasa card. they’re all still ugly.#no one in wxs is well equipped for it he just might be a little less under equipped#mine#tsukasa#my take is he just has adhd and avoids thinking abt things that make him sad until he literally Has To#(tsukasa vc) that’s a problem for the me of tomorrow (continues to kick the can down the road)
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The adventures of goofball mcchucklefuck part 1, aka, art dump of myself / evil me stuff that I’ve drawn over the past 2 years! That I either never finished or just never posted! I’m gonna try my best to sort these in chronological order. But… I kinda forget exactly when I drew a few of them. Mostly it should all be correct tho.
This part featuring! Quite a bit of vent art! And a few sketch pages from my first forays into bars! Cuz… I was sad 2 years ago lol… and desperately searching for friends.. not all of the art is going to be venty tho I promise!!!
#doodles#it me#me#evil me#alcohol#drinking#vent#blood#gore#I got a new phone recently and haven’t downloaded ibispaint yet so#no digital touch ups on these! this is raw traditional art!#straight off the sketchbook! no artificial additives lmao#not even a signature… cuz. 1 I’m lazy. 2 these r all kinda sketchy and shitty#and 3… rlly and truly.. who is going to steal my vent art of myself ghgh-#maybe somebody will! but. it seems unlikely idk#anyway yeah!!!! here’s art!#i promise ive still been drawing… finishing / posting anything working full time is.. difficult tho lol#my adhd kicks in before i ever get anything done. I just have shit ton of wips#maybe I’ll eventually accept I’ll never finish anything and just start posting wips proudly… that might be what ends up happening lol#original#original art
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I'm technically most likely demiromantic (definitely demisexual) which is technically on the aro spectrum but I'm sooooo romance favorable that it almost doesn't feel like it counts????
I'm a huge romantic sap but I'm kind of funky with crushes. I have them and I get them but I'm very particular and I almost have... control over them???
Like when I start to feel the feelings™, I then start looking at a possible relationship through "logic lens".
"Compatible here, there, there too. Okay, we're not with that though, and I will not move on that so therefore it will not work. Alright, cool! Best friend! Best friend! Best friend!"
I can just shut off the feelings™ once I get the feeling it's not gonna work, especially if it's on something I will not change. If I have a feeling there's potential, I let feelings "grow".
#it's not like I'm not “flexible” but there's certain things I just know I can't do that with.#this might not make sense but it felt nice to type out :'D#Mad rambles#I've literally only had three crushes in my life :P#I've never had a “type”. and I don't understand that. Every single one of my crushes looked SOOO different from one another#even behaved differently too.#one of my crushes mentioned someone HE had a crush on and I had the sad. cried in the bathroom then immediately got going on a#“You're fucking fantastic! Go for it!” pep talk only for next monday he mentions it's probably not gonna happen 😅#one probably had a crush on me back and I kick myself often for not realizing it. (read my favorite book when I mentioned it#to him. snuck out of class to see my performance for the “sneak peak” for the school musical. got into trouble on my behalf. etc.) but I wa#DUMB. I once had an ADHD blurt out where I was super embarrassed so then he started doing more stupid shit than I did#to get the attention off me and got into trouble for it and then checked in on me later :'D And I didn't realize ANYTHIGN.#Oh well :P#...realize this is kind of how I plan to write my blorbos but they're shittier about it :P
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When you are technically mad at your bestie but physical affection is *nice*
(Click for better quality [: )
Ah yes that awkward moment when you’re constantly fighting with your former best friend/ lover, but you also still need to work together and both of you are touch starved...
…
#firebrands friday#i remembered for once#gosh i love them#the fanfiction im writing got out of hand again#so instead i spend 12 hours drawing this#this might have been the longest i ever worked on something lol#also how tf does avars office look i dont remember#so i improvised#also pls ignore the hands#lets all just focus on our favourite idiots#i found a refrence for this somewhere on pinterest btw#tho i lost it because adhd and thr hyperfixiation were KICKING#how tf am i still not over them someone help me#eyes turned out pretty nice tho :)#perspective not so much#oh well#the high republic#stellan gios#avar kriss
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Maybe I'm just cursed 🤪
#trigger warning for everything that follows in these tags btw#i am in need of some venting into the void#so im gonna vent#so uh#im almost out of time to find a new job before i have to leave my flat and move back with my parents#in the past 27 days ive filled in 189 job applications#6 of those led to interviews#so far 5 of those have been rejections#i even started looking at jobs that paid way less than i can feasibly live on just so i could at least cover rent and stay here but no luck#anyway thats already sucky#and then ive had to go off my adhd meds because of continuous and annoying fuck ups with my drs and im hesitant to work to fix it cause#might be moving counties anyway lol#my depression is the worst its ever been in about two years i struggle to want to exist day in and day out and#this morning i found out my dog - my baby who i dont live with because i moved cities - he lives with my parents#we found out he has an agressive cancer - and i have to now make choices i dont feel ready to make#and im just#do you ever feel like youre already one the ground but life wont stop kicking you#and i feel#so lonely#my friends are doing everything right my cousin who i live with is always checking in on me and i am still#convincing myself i am being a burden i am the problem i#my whole life is collapsing and i#even writing this all out in tags my brain is yelling at me for being an 'attention seeker' or smth and idk#i just wanna#idk#its complicated ig#im fighting#i am fighting so hard#i just want ppl to know im doing my best thats all#anyone who read all of this - hi - i hope youre having a beautiful day. its all going to be okay in the end 💛
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RTGame Fun Fact #15
RT is 100% a licensed doctor & surgeon. you can 100% trust him to operate on you.
#15#rt game#rtgame#rtgame crowd#rtgamecrowd#rtgame daniel#rtgame fun facts#rtumblr#[long tags ahead!] yes this is how i’m announcing i am alive but also getting surgery next week#dw i’m fine it’s not a necessary surgery it’s one i decided to do cuz it might help with stuff#unfortunately i am not talking about top surgery 😔#one day tho <3#sorry for lowkey abandoning this blog btw- i’ve promised myself i won’t force myself to post every day & post at my own pace so i don’t get#burnt out but that also means. i forgor a lot#post submissions & asks are open tho :]#one day i hope to be able to queue stuff but alas i don’t have enough material to even stock up one queue bc brain is Tiny & Stupid & also#i have adhd & also also school is kicking my ass rn#anyways gonna cut myself off here cuz i started rambling like i usually do (edit: & then i didn’t)#also some people probably already know who i (the mod) am bc i cannot keep my mouth shut even when i’m trying to be vague /silly#though ig that just means i fit in with the other rtumblr blogs *cough*incorrectquotes*cough* /silly#if yk who i am shhhhh i’m trying to be mysterious n shit ovo /silly#long tags
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school is calming down a little for me now i think next chapter will be out april fools. you can soon peep the mikudemy sillies while reading the mikudemy horrors
#the art has been the main thing kicking my ass for trying to get this fucking chapter out#mainly because there's just. a lot of it#with school and adhd and other shit i find it hard to get it done#i think i might not do all the art i planned for it sorry chat#basically just know that everyone except saki shizuku an emu and ena have their fes hair#the vs having that sekai's specific lims#like niigo miku has her cherryfes hair... meiko has her wedding hair... rin has her if hair ect ect#the writing part of the chapter is basically done it's just the art#i'll see what i can get done but no promises for everything i planned to make it#what will definitely be there is passion heart pure heart and the ending comic#oh also their uniforms are the alts for the 1st anni costumes. the school uniform ones
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oh right i forgot the real reason i stopped listening to broadway clips was that i've got this whole enormous miserable knot in my chest abt having been too socially anxious to do anything with my once-upon-a-time-very-gorgeous voice once i got spat out of the safe little nest of my high school, and like, most of the time i forget that knot even exists, but when i listen to the sort of music i used to be part of making (proper opera but also showtunes) it's like. this whole fast-forward feelings journey thru 'oh right that didn't actually go away, it's still right there in my throat, just calcified' to 'oh okay we tugged the loose end and it's unraveling and actually it was keeping contained a whole rush of tears like aeolus' bag of winds in the odyssey…'
#like i decline 2 actually cry abt it but. sure am on the verge of it lmao. thick sore throat and all#i always forget that when i'm actually happy i sing to myself. it's been a long time since i did that#i mean also a big problem with voice was like. the gender thing#conveniently being a mezzo is ALSO a gender thing which did more work for me than i realized but#was listening to a jeremy jordan medley ft. on the street where you live from my fair lady and had a sudden flashback#to the year i was like 'what if i sang that for our musical theater showcase' and my voice teacher was like. noooo not a Boy Song 4 Girl U!#but i used to sing that to myself all the time. also‚ hilariously‚ the girl that i marry from annie get yr gun#which is just like. literally i still thought i was a straight girl tho. the sheer level of doublethink this required.#what was happening in my brain.#(i mean obviously what was happening in my brain was that like. i knew the limits of acceptability)#(and so i couldn't know anything else abt myself.)#(like i've said this before but i do strongly wonder what else my brain isn't allowing me to know bc i still live with my dad)#(which is like. SO dumb bc honestly i'm not sure there's anything i could do that he'd kick me out/disown me over)#(certainly not anything sexuality or even gender related idt)#(but it's like. i know where the discomfort line is and emotionally i just. can't bear to exile myself out beyond it!)#(even if my doing so might eventually shift the line out to where it embraced me again!)#(sometimes learning yr own deep unacceptability in childhood 4 adhd reasons)#(and also 'yr mother is so depressed nothing you do will ever please her. have fun trying tho!!' reasons)#(makes you just. totally incapable of deliberately rendering yrself less acceptable as an adult even when it would be good for you)#(anyway like. thinking back to the K in old home videos who was like. confident that they were an engaging delight)#(and like. what a charming jeremy jordan of a performer they could have made.)#(if only my whole upbringing hadn't then happened to me and crushed all the unacceptable self-expression out of me.)#anyway. shh don't look at me it's fine! it's all fine. 🫥🫥🫥#formative#feelingsblogging
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I wanna head butt someone in the chest.
#i might be a therian from the way i like to head butt and kick people with my legs- - 🐂#tho it might just be my adhd acting up - 🐂#endo safe#plurality#actually plural#did#actually did#did osdd#did system
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thought about the fact tht getting mental health help means talking about my #Problems again
ugh
#speculation nation#negative/#like i dont have trouble talking about this stuff in an informal setting bc im like. not self conscious about it exactly#assuming i'm talking to ppl who r understanding#but even then i curate it. i always curate it. i never tell anyone just how ugly my thoughts can get#though if youve read my writing you probably have a Pretty good idea (akechi pov) the kinds of ways i think about things#i dont share that for common life stuff bc it's just. it always makes people uncomfortable. and i dont want them to worry about me#when people worry about me it makes Me uncomfortable. like there's something wrong with me.#like the very makeup of my brain is worthy of making people worried#bc that's the thing. this is intrinsic. it's never going to stop completely. there are parts to it that i dont even Want to stop#but people will always be worried. sooo scared for me and the sanctity of my shitty flesh prison#therapy shit is that but worse. because they Will pry about it#every time i see that lil questionnaire with 'have you had thoughts about suicide' and 'have you harmed yourself' im just like#might as well lock me up Boys cause this one's goin on my record! again. and again and again and again#im not even going for this shit. i dont have depression im depressed cause my life sucks & im stressed all the time#but they always see the bad and assume it's because of the Chemical Imbalances bc no Whole Person would EVER want to hurt themselves!#i can be perfectly happy and content with my life and still have these urges. it's not a depression thing. it's just a me thing.#i want help for my constant fatigue. my probable adhd that's been kicking my ass my entire academic career#im not fucking anxious. i'm not fucking depressed. i'm stressed and struggling to do fucking Anything because everything is always Too Much#but i just know they'll focus on those lil markers by the self harm/suicide shit because they Always Fucking Do#i'm not a suicide risk. ive long passed that stage. thoughts may float by sometimes but i'm never going to act on them#not unless things in my life go very Very wrong. aka there's no longer anyone who cares about me level of wrong.#so long as there's at least one person who cares about me then I'm going to keep on living. i'm not a suicide risk.#... anyways i looked into the mental health shit at my school again and im gonna have to call to set up an appointment i guess. ugh.#aka that's not happening tonight. not with the way i'm feeling rn.#suicide ment/#self harm ment/#lolololol sorry for being so blatant on main today but i'm having a Shit day
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On one hand I know I should try at least one more time to get my permit before the year ends. On the other hand if I fail the test for a fifth time I'm literally going to kill myse-
#vent#i cant take this anymore#i cant read the dmv book my adhd is kicking my ass no matter how many notes i take#i might have to take an adult driving course instead and it makes me want to cry#i just want my damn license
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im like halfway through ivypool's heart rn and i want to finish so badly but the adhd is adhding
#this is like at the very least the 4th time this has happened to me with a super edition#i read half of it and then my adhd kicks in and i cant finish#but im going to finish ivypool's heart. im just struggling atm#a big issue is the fact im reading it online and dont have the physical book :(#my brain cant switch to reading book mode if its not an actual book#tbh i might just hold off on reading it until i get the actual book.
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:/
#there was a glimmer of hope today where it seemed like I might get my doctor to sign off#on my adhd medication at the pharmacy that actually has it in stock#before the weekend but#I have heard nothing from the doctor nor the pharmacy#I’ve been off the medication for a month because of a shortage and miscommunications with my doctor#and I am NOT WELL#the executive dysfunction is really kicking my ass#and my brain itches when I try to focus#and it’s hell week for studio#I kind of want to give up#but I guess I’ll just drink Red Bull instead#I wonder if all the regulations around controlled substances actually do any good at all#or if they just make my life way harder
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Welcome back to Alex's unhinged meta corner, and today I have something surprisingly not kiss-related—though it is still about the final fifteen because hey, gotta keep the brand image.
I read this post by @goodoldfashionednightingale and began typing a small response. Then I made the mistake of drinking half a litre of coffee on an empty stomach right after taking my adhd meds and my brain began vibrating at the speed of light.
But oh, have I discovered parallels. This, my friends, is about the nightingale, where it comes from, what it means, and what the fuck happened in part 3 of 1941.
Ready? Let's go.
Now, as OP said in her post, s1e3 is important. In the script book, Neil himself says that these flashbacks are where the producers would tell him to cut scenes to save money. They suggested every single one—except for the one he ended up taking out, which was the bookshop opening scene set in 1800. The others are building blocks, you need them to see how their relationship progressed and what kind of important milestones they had.
(side note: author is very miffed that english does not have a separate subjunctive form like german which makes quoting lines way more confusing than it has to be)
The one I want to mention is neither 1941 nor 1967. No, what I want to talk about is 1601. This might be about to get a bit rambly but I will do my best to keep it tidy.
The focus of that flashback is on the Arrangement, yes, but it gives us a lot more information than that.
they both see Shakespeare's plays regularly, maybe even meet in the crowd
Crowley prefers the comedies
Aziraphale does not seem to have a preference, he enjoys the tragedies and presumably the comedies too
there is an oyster woman selling food -> reference to their meeting in Rome when Aziraphale tempted him to try some oysters
Aziraphale reflexively denies their relationship
Crowley might say he is not worried but circles Aziraphale the entire time, keeping watch
they both ask favours of each other and both agree to do them
What stands out to me in relation to what I am about to expand on is the line that Crowley delivers after Aziraphale's little 'buck up'—which Crowley finds adorable btw but that's a post for another time.
"Age does not wither nor custom stale his infinite variety."
Why would he say that? What exactly is prompting this? WHY say that specific line?
At first I thought it might be to tempt Shakespeare because he does commit art theft by just copying that line down, BUT I think there is more to that. So much more, in fact. I am wiggling now because I am very excited about this and my adhd meds are kicking in anyway.
First things first: the line itself.
It appears in Shakespeare's play Antony and Cleopatra, a romantic tragedy, which was first performed in 1607 aka six years after this meeting. Enobarbus is talking about Cleopatra and describing why Antony won't leave her. Her.
Ccrowley uses his—again, who is he even talking about? Hamlet? Shakespeare? Random poetic quote?
No, I think this line is about Aziraphale and it's a code. Right after, the next line from Aziraphale is "What do you want?", meaning that this is their code phrase for 'I have a favour to ask of you'.
Age does not wither nor custom stale his infinite variety
Age will not affect his appearance nor will he ever become boring to Antony. Crowley, who later chooses the name Anthony for himself, tells Aziraphale, an immortal, that he will never age and that he will never grow bored of him.
It's flattery, pure and simple, and it's code at the same time. This establishes the important fact that they might use more of Shakespeare's work as code/already have a system in place (even though he steals Crowley's line for later).
They play their little morality game of back and forth, Aziraphale agrees, Crowley probably manipulates the coin toss, and THEN we find out that the oyster woman is called Juliet.
Why? What is the meaning of that? Why give her a name and that name in particular? Why bring the sexy oysters back into it?
Romeo and Juliet premiered in 1597, so it is safe to assume they have both seen it by 1601, but this is mostly for the audience, not for us-or is it?
Aziraphale gives Crowley puppy eyes until he agrees to make Hamlet popular, and while I don't think Juliet itself is a code word, although it's very interesting that the OYSTER woman is the one with that name (especially adding what we now know about Job), Romeo and Juliet might be.
Yes, the Nightingale song came out in 1940 but the bird has been around for much, much longer, and, as many probably know by now, also shows up in Romeo and Juliet.
This is where I am starting to vibrate at the speed of light because listen to me. Listen.
Crowley is Juliet. Anthony J. Crowley. Antony Juliet Crowley.
(side note: I'm not saying that Crowley chose it based on that—though I am not not saying that—but that it is a clue for us at the audience.)
Why do I think that? In the play, Romeo spends the night with Juliet and then goes to leave as the night begins to end. Juliet tries to stop him and tells him that the birds they are hearing aren't larks, which sing at dawn, but nightingales, which sing at night.
Who is the one always pushing for more? Crowley. He is the one trying to convince Aziraphale it's safe, they're safe to spend time together.
Romeo disagrees with Juliet and says 'I must be gone and live, or stay and die'.
Leave and stay alive, or stay and hell/heaven will punish us. It gets even better though.
We all know how Romeo and Juliet ends: Romeo thinks Juliet is dead, kills himself, Juliet finds him and then kills herself too.
Hey, do you know how Antony and Cleopatra ends?
Antony thinks Cleopatra is dead, kills himself and dies in her arms, then Cleopatra also kills herself—by snake poison; Romeo also died by poison.
The parallels are THERE. They are jumping down our throats! Two tragedies, two sides, several familiar names and phrases, same fear, same ending.
I think by now you can guess how this ties back to 1941.
We do not see how that night ends, but we know it ends. One of them wants to stretch it out, maybe even quotes Romeo and Juliet because look at the setting!
Candlelight, wonderful night they spend together, the threat of Crowley's early demise, and, to quote the play once more, this time Romeo: I have more care to stay than will to go.
Crowley thought it was his last night on earth and went with Aziraphale to his bookshop, to be with him, because he cares more about that than the fact that he will be dragged to hell come morning. Do you remember?
"Expect a legion to come for you first thing tomorrow" THAT is the threat. They have until dawn, just like Romeo and Juliet, which is why she is so desperate for the birds to be nightingales. Fortunately for them, Aziraphale saves the day, BUT there is NO SECURITY. They do not KNOW if a legion will still show up or not. If dawn is a deadline and they will need to fight.
Sure, they improved their chances, but who knows? Maybe they will come for him anyway, it's not like hell is all fair and square.
The best part: it gets even better.
Juliet eventually panics and tells him to go, and Romeo drops a line that huh, sounds oddly familiar, doesn't it?
'More light and light, more dark and dark our woes!'
Remind me, what does Aziraphale say again? Ah, yes. Perhaps there is something to be said for shades of grey.
There is more. Yes, even more. We know the whole rescue relies on a magic trick, a switch. Guess what Juliet yearns for while telling Romeo to go save himself?
Oh, now I would they had changed voices too. While they did not for Romeo and Juliet—they kiss and part—they did for our two. One fabulous switch and we're good.
(side note: Toads? Associated with hell. Larks? Associated with the dawn, yes, but also heaven since Romeo says 'Nor that is not the lark, whose notes do beat the vaulty heaven so high above our heads.')
So, this was a whole lot of information, let's see if I can summarize my thoughts.
I believe the nightingale is a code word that has existed even before 1941 and gained a lot of importance over the years. In 1941, the song is added to the meaning and whatever happened between the two that we have not seen yet, it fundamentally changed their relationship. Maybe they kissed, maybe one of them tried to convince the other to prolong the night but they parted on not-great terms.
The nightingale and the song become a symbol of hope, a goal to achieve, another uninterrupted night, maybe, or an uninterrupted life.
When they part in the final fifteen, it's morning. Crowley points at the sky and says "no nightingales", which at that point has several different layers to it.
No nightingales because their night is over, just like with Romeo and Juliet, and please, please allow me to add another detail, because I am frothing at the mouth over this. The scene I quoted, known as balcony scene, do you know what it is preceded by?
A ball.
Star-crossed lovers defying their sides, falling in love at a ball, getting a hurried, wonderful night together but torn apart by danger of punishment, the nightingale as a dream, as a wish for unhurried time together. Family rejection, torn apart by parents, willing to die for each other so they can reunite in death.
No nightingales. The ball, the romance, is over, their dancing is over, heaven is tearing them apart, and Aziraphale returns to heaven while they are both stuck in a pit of misunderstanding and miscommunication, all bound together by fear for each other.
The thing is, Crowley hates tragedies, he never liked the "gloomy ones", and he does not want them to end in one—luckily, this isn't the end. Yes, they kiss and part, but the play keeps going. We have an entire act 3 to fix what Romeo and Juliet couldn't, to ensure that this is a COMEDY, not a tragedy.
Both Antony & Cleopatra and Romeo & Juliet died out of fear, hurried into making bad decisions because they knew what would happen if their sides were to catch up with them.
Crowley and Aziraphale can reunite heaven and hell with love, not death. This is THEIR story and they are writing the ending. No more day and night, no more deadlines, no more hiding and sneaking about, no more fear of larks and sunshine.
Good Omens will end the way it began: In a garden with two no-longer-star-crossed lovers embracing the song of a lark as well as that of the nightingale.
I hope this made sense to everyone who was no present while my mind started to vibrate itself into a puddle because the thing is I can see Neil doing all of this completely on purpose.
Thoughts? Questions? Additions? Come and join me in my insanity and until next time I have a mental breakdown over this show (probably in like two hours).
#alex talks good omens#good omens#good omens meta#ineffable husbands#crowley#aziraphale#good omens season 2#go2#aziracrow#crowley x aziraphale#no nightingales#ineffable divorce#the final fifteen#a nightingale sang in berkeley square
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