#but i used to sing that to myself all the time. also‚ hilariously‚ the girl that i marry from annie get yr gun

[aeide-thea]

oh right i forgot the real reason i stopped listening to broadway clips was that i've got this whole enormous miserable knot in my chest abt having been too socially anxious to do anything with my once-upon-a-time-very-gorgeous voice once i got spat out of the safe little nest of my high school, and like, most of the time i forget that knot even exists, but when i listen to the sort of music i used to be part of making (proper opera but also showtunes) it's like. this whole fast-forward feelings journey thru 'oh right that didn't actually go away, it's still right there in my throat, just calcified' to 'oh okay we tugged the loose end and it's unraveling and actually it was keeping contained a whole rush of tears like aeolus' bag of winds in the odyssey…'

[tea-twords]

Title

ehehehe first fic im writing after what feels like a year or two or a billion. But im actually feeling it rn so im gonna give it a shot. AND PLS FORGIVE ME FOR BAD WRITING IM SO RUSTY RIGHT NOW IM TRYINT TO GET THR HANG OF IT

So a few headcanons I used for this fic before we get into it:

Whenever the Arataki gang is in jail for some stupid as ever thing, Shinobu gets a bit antsy after a while cause she’s the type of person to always need something to do. Not doing anything makes her a bit anxious

Heizou is very good at reading people’s emotions but that’s probably canon enough

Shinobu knows a way to make a functioning bracelet out of like 4 naku weed stems somehow

So um aha no idea how to format so I’ll try my best

And also a warning for some swear words, I also hc Shinobu swears at her ler while getting wrecked

Lee: Kuki Shinobu

Ler: Shikanoin Heizou

————————————————————————

God the day Heizou had today was surely a good one.

He returned to the police station after a day of substantial progress on his investigation into a new case to hear what sounded like a chorus of angels (and a few devils) breaking out in song.

Heizou’s immediate thought was “What in Celestia is going on”, as would anyone else think if they were in his current predicament.

He figured out pretty quickly that the culprits for this outcry of song were none other than the one and only Arataki Itto and his buddies, Mamoru, Genta, and Akira. Having been arrested for “disturbing the peace” (having a whole karaoke session right in front of komore tea house and actively inviting any passerby to join them), they decided to take their…passion, for karaoke to their prison cells and somehow managed to get some of the other inmates to sing along.

It was pretty hilarious, to say the least. It took almost all of Heizou’s willpower to not to burst out laughing as his fellow officers attempted to get the situation under control.

“I’ve got to tell Shinobu about this”

So now here he was, walking through hanamizaka, looking for the places Shinobu can commonly be found. Something was off though…

She’s not here.

“That’s troubling…” Heizou thought. “Where could she be, if not here? Definitely not any shrines, maybe at a shop? Or perhaps the by the sea!”

Heizou began to walk in the direction of the shore. It wasn’t the most logical place to look next, but something was telling him he’d get lucky there.

“Hey, Shinobu!”

He called out to the green haired girl sitting in front of the sea next to a maroon drawstring bag. She held her mask to her face, but lowered it once she saw who called out to her.

“Oh, hey.”

“My intuition told me I might find you here. I’ve got to tell you about what happened today at the-…hey are you okay?”

Heizou paused mid sentence after taking a closer look at Shinobu. She was making bracelets out of naku weed and sango pearls, but something was wrong. Her back was unusually straight, her eyebrows slightly furrowed, her movements on the bracelet were sharper than needed, and she was switching sitting positions in the sand like twice a minute. She seemed…bored. Restless. Anxious.

“Yeah, I’m fine, why?”

“I’m here to talk if you need. Somethings wrong.” Heizou said, sitting down next to her.

Shinobu sighed and looked back down at the bracelet she had just finished making.

“Nothing crazy serious, I guess I’ve just been bored. I’ve done all I needed to do today, but the idea of doing nothing is just uncomfortable…It’s weird. I’m always cleaning up after the gang’s messes, but now..”

“You don’t know what to do now since there aren’t any messes to clean.” He finished for her.

“Yeah, pretty much. Gotta keep myself busy.”

“I take it that’s why you’re making bracelets by the sea?”

“I’ve got nothing better to do, so yeah. Just a hobby to pass the time.”

“They’re beautiful.”

Shinobu smiled. She looked back up at Heizou to find him marveling at the one currently in her hand. Little sango pearls were intertwined in a wreath of naku weeds. She’d been wanting to make bracelets with them ever since she picked some up during Boss’s rock and roll event at watatsumi island.

“You want one?”

“Only if there are extras.”

She opened the bag next to her to reveal she had made quite the supply of bracelets already.

“Woah…you’ve been here a while, I see.”

“Heh, yeah. By the sea is a nice place to be.”

“That rhymed.”

“Thank you.���

They sat in silence for a little longer, admiring the coming sunset before Heizou spoke up again.

“I also noticed you aren’t wearing your mask at the moment.”

“I felt like breathing the air by the ocean a little better. It helps when you need calming down. And I don’t have to keep the mask on if it’s just you here, you know who I am.”

“I guess that’s true. Still, it’s not often I get to see you without it.”

“Enjoy it while it lasts.” Shinobu said, already almost done with her next bracelet. “This one is gonna be yours.”

“Ooh, really? It’s an honor to watch the craftsman work.” He said peering excitedly at his future bracelet in-the-making.

She finished up quickly and handed it to him.

“I added an extra sango pearl, cause you’re one of my best friends.”

“Awww, really? That means so much, Shinobu, thank you.” Heizou said, his expression softening greatly. He looked like this emoji 🥺.

“Y-yeah..” Shinobu mumbled, averting her eyes.

“Aww, are you blushing?” He teased, moving a little closer to get a better look.

“No! And stop awwing at me!” She hid her face, preventing him from getting that better look.

Heizou pouted. “Shinobu come onnn, I never get to see your face! Especially not your blushing one, you can’t deny me this opportunity.”

“Shut up. You’ve seen me blush before anyway…”

“But not without the mask! Pleaseee?”

“I would rather plunge in the sea in front of us.”

Yeah, she won’t budge. Heizou has to use his secret weapon now.

From where he was sitting next to her, he wrapped his arms around her in a hug and looked up at her with puppy eyes.

“Pleaseeee?”

“H-hey! Careful! I’m not even gonna look at you.” She said, flinching first at the sudden contact but still keeping her face hidden with her hands and knees.

“Hm, “careful”, you say?”

The silence was loud. She couldn’t see his face, but she knew exactly what expression he had on.

“Wipe that smirk off your face off your face, and don’t even think about it.”

Heizou giggled mischievously. One because he did in fact have a smirk on his face, and two because he now had a new idea. An idea to get her to finally show her face, and you know, maybe help her feel a little better.

“Careful? Careful with what?” He said, lightly tapping at her sides. Nothing unbearable, but still getting a reaction.

“Heizou, noho! I’ll kill you! Don’t even try!”

“Threatening a detective with murder now, huh? I thought we were best friends, Shinobu.” He said sarcastically, glancing at his new bracelet on his wrist.

Shinobu tried desperately to squirm out of his hold. It was over for her if he went through with this, she’ll never hear the end of it.

“I personally can’t believe I didn’t think of how ticklish you can be earlier!”

“Heizou I swehehear…”

“Oh, this is good for me. Now I’ll get to see your blushing face and your laughing face without the mask at the same time!” Heizou said, picking up the pace and now scribbling his fingers at her sides.”

“Noho you wohohohont! Heheizohou!!” She giggled, her hands instinctively grabbing his wrists. However, unfortunately, due to his place behind her, she had much less leverage and it was quite futile.

“You’re suhuhuch a piehece of shihihit! AHAha-!! Asshohole!” At her remark he gave her a quick tase to the side, clearly elevating her reaction.

“Now that’s no way to talk to one of your best friends.”

“Shhuhut the fuck uhuhup!! You’re nohohot my behehest friehehend, dickhead!” She retorted, squirming in any way she could to not show him her face in this state.

“Really? I guess that extra pearl was a mistake then…I’m hurt Shinobu, really.” Heizou said, not hurt at all. He knows she doesn’t mean it at all, hell he’ll yell similar things when he’s on the receiving end too. That still doesn’t mean he’ll have mercy just yet, however. He moved one hand up by her ribs, the other hand down by her stomach, and dug in. Not too much pressure, but just enough.

“HeheHEHEY!!” Shinobu laughed. Now he was currently attacking two of her bad spots at the same time, and she knew that he damn well knew what he was doing too.

“HEIZOHOUU!”

“Shinobuuu!”

She continued to giggle brightly, not caring about hiding her face anymore and instead kicking her legs and thrashing around (adorably by the way) and doing whatever she could to escape.

Since hiding her face was no longer Shinobu’s top priority, Heizou had no problem finally seeing her laughing/blushing face without a mask.

“Aww, I see you now~” He teased, grinning down at her wide smile. He began to slow down, having got what he wanted and not wanting her revenge to be too devastating.

“Ahahrehe you happy?”

“Very happy.”

“Greheheat, you can stohohop.”

Taking her for her word that she’s had enough, he finally stopped his attack on her midsection and let her breathe as she slumped on his shoulder.

“Asshole.”

“You know it was fun.”

“You’re still an asshole.”

“Come on, look how relaxed you are now. Much better than how I found you earlier. Oh right, speaking of, I was gonna tell you-“

“Apapap, wait one second.” Shinobu interrupted. “I just want you to know I’ll get you back for your cruelty today, when you least expect it. Could be in a few seconds, could be in a few days. Your intuition won’t be able to save you, detective.”

It was Heizou’s turn to be nervous. Maybe not nervous, actually, more like excited. Anticipation always made things more fun! Not that he’d admit it in this moment.

“Mmmm…o-okay…” He shrank in on himself while Shinobu sat next to him, her eyes hungry to see him in her same position. It always amazed him how easily she could bounce back from getting tickle attacked.

“A-anyway, the four of them in their cells-“ He continued, making the most of the time he has left before his inevitable doom.

Heizou shared the story of how the gang managed to get fellow inmates singing along with them in prison, and they discussed various Arataki gang stories until the sun set.

And yes, Shinobu did eventually get him back.

————————————————————————

@adrienisweird @emiefluff HI GUYS I WROTE SOMETHING

again I apologize for bad writing I just kind of wrote as I went and lost myself in it. Still getting the hang of it but I hope u guys like it and I hope it’s a good start!!

[skyewritesstuff]

cruel summer (kenny's version)

my masterlist.

entry 4 in my (taylor’s version) songfic series.

summary: a detailed account of your summer fling with kenny mccormick.

pairing: kenny mccormick x reader (college!au kinda)

fandom: south park

warnings:  implied nsfw. substance use (alc/weed/nic). language. vomiting.

notes: based on cruel summer by taylor swift. this was not beta read. we die like kenny.

word count: 7.9k

It all started and ended in Kenny McCormick’s rundown, single cab pickup truck. It was summer time and Kenny’s main friend group had all separated for this one lone week despite everyone being home from college. Stan was still on the outskirts of town at Tegridy Farms. Eric had been dragged out of state to visit family. Kyle was in Denver doing a week-long intensive course. 

Kenny was in community college, about to wrap up an associates in computer sciences, a few classes short of graduation. He was also working full-time at the local Best Buy doing tech support, but somehow he’d managed to have three days off in a row towards the end of the week. However, this had to be the worst time for him to have next-to-nothing to do.

You were in Marjorine’s bathroom, standing over her as she sat on the toilet, pink dye that was scented like lemon drop candy was coating the ends of her naturally blonde hair when your phone rang.

“Marj, can you see who that is and let me decide whether or not I”m gonna get you to answer that?”

The blonde girl laughed, “Sure thing!”

She grabbed your phone and looked at the screen, “It’s Kenny!”

“Kenny McCormick?” 

You said that like there was any other Kenny in your hometown. There was no confusion in your question, though, just a slight bit of disbelief. You’d had feelings for Kenny since high school that’d been a long-kept secret for various reasons. First, you thought Marjorine liked him, but apparently not. In reality, Marjorine is just a helpless romantic who has a slight attraction to all of her friends, you included. Then, he ended up in a weird situationship with Tammy Mullins and then “cheated” on Tammy Mullins with his ex, Tammy Warner, if you can even cheat on a fuckbuddy. 

Kenny didn’t have the most savory reputation in South Park when it came to women. He was a flirt who made it known to everyone how much he liked the ladies and with his charm and rugged looks, he oftentimes was able to pull any girl that he fed the right line to. You felt like it was pointless to pursue him, because you’d inevitably get your heartbroken and look like an idiot much like Tammy Mullins when she attempted to beat the ever living shit out of Tammy Warner for the aforementioned incident. 

“Aren’t you going to answer it?” Marjorine spoke in a sing-song voice that let you know that she was highly anticipating overhearing this conversation.

You rolled your eyes, “Go ahead.”

Marjorine swiped the answer bar, “Well hi, Ken!”

“Hi, Barbie!” Kenny didn’t miss a beat, a chuckle to his voice, “Where’s Y/N?”

“I’m right here. What’s up, Kenny?” You spoke, distracting your nerves by finishing up Marjorine’s hair and making sure that the color was evenly spread with meticulous attention to detail.

“Just wanted to see if you ladies wanted to chill at Stark’s Pond later. The guys are all out of town doing fuck knows what and I have like...three days off of work and I’ve already bored myself to death.”

“You mean to tell me you’ve already gotten bored with jacking off and hitting up girls on Snap? Are you feeling okay, bud?” You said with a smirk, eliciting a gasp at your language from the blonde sitting underneath you.

“Ha ha…hilarious. I haven’t jacked it at all today. I’m waiting to see you in a bikini at the pond so I can have that mental image to cross that off my list.”

“Cute.”

“Gross, Ken!”

He chuckled again, “Are you guys coming or what?”

You looked at Marjorine and she looked at you. Before you could contemplate a response, she replied for you, “We’ll be there! Does 3:00 work?”

You shot her a look and she grinned mischievously. “Yeah, for sure. You make sure to look cute too, Marj. I’ve got a lot of free time coming up.” You could hear his smirk through the phone, earning him another eye roll.

“Oh shut it, Kenny. We’ll see you later.” 

“Okay! Love you guys, bye!”

“Love you too!” Marjorine replied, hanging up the phone and looking over her shoulder at you with a smile.

“I hate you.”

“Nuh uh.”

“I’m going to drown you when I rinse you.”

“Oh, hamburgers.”

A few hours later, you were in your room putting on high waisted black bikini bottoms with a black and white striped top as you were trying to call Marjorine to determine whether or not the suit was too modest or just right. You’d called several times, but she still wasn’t answering. You turned your attention to your hair, putting it in two braids, when you finally heard your ringtone.

“Hey, are you okay? I tried calling like a hundred times.” You spoke over speaker phone, starting on your other braid.

“Yeah, I suppose I’m alright…well, a little anyway.” She sounded sad. You’d be willing to bet the $500 sitting in your savings account that you knew where this conversation was going. 

“What happened?” 

“Well, you see, my dad was real sore about my hair. He said it made me look cheap and…”

“You’re grounded…”

“Yeah…”

You sighed, “Marj, we’re twenty. Your dad can’t ground you forever.” 

She sighed back, “I know…I keep hoping that maybe he’ll stop the older I get, but really, I’m getting older everyday and he’s not stopping!”

You groaned, flopping back on your bed, “So, I’m just going to go hang out with Kenny alone…”

“You say that like you haven’t wanted to date him since we were in high school.” Marjorine said, a smile clearly perking up on her face. You could tell by her tone.

“Yeah, but like..” You tried to start replying back.

“But nothing! Go and have a good time!” she said, “And use protection!”

“Marjorine!” You gasped, shaking your head at her response.

“I’m just saying.” She replied. Suddenly, there was a loud knock on the door.

“Marjorine, are you on your phone?!” Her father’s voice boomed.

“No, dad…I’m just…uh…talking to myself!” She replied back nervously. You could hear her father barking out orders at her to stay quiet and to think about what she’d done. Quickly, she wished you luck and ended the call.

You looked at your phone, noticing it was almost time for you to leave and decided that you would start gathering your things so that you could go. Once you arrived, you immediately noticed Kenny’s truck. It was an older model with rusted parts, chipped paint, and numerous crude and comedic stickers littering both the back glass and the door to the bed.

Part of you wanted him to not show up. Sure, you’d been harboring a crush on Kenny, but to think you’d be able to pull him? There was no way. He liked girls with big boobs, curves, full lips, and gorgeous skin. Compared to those girls, you just felt normal, like there was nothing special about you. You’d been told you were beautiful, funny, and smart, but going after Kenny still felt futile.

You parked next to his truck and then got out, walking towards the pond with your bag in hand. You soon noticed the blonde boy laying on a tattered quilt blanket. He was wearing only orange swim trunks and a pair of aviator sunglasses. His head turned toward you and he did a double take, tossing his hand up to greet you.

You walked over and sat your bag down next to the blanket. Kenny let out a soft wolf-whistle. “Baby, baby, baby…” He said, “I thought the view of the pond was beautiful, but you’ve got it beat.”

You rolled your eyes, sitting down on the blanket. “You’re full of it, Ken.” you said. He chuckled, shaking his head, “I’m just observing.”

“Uh huh…”

“Where’s Marj?” 

“Grounded”

“Shit…I mean, that sucks, but hey…” He turned on his side to look at you, “At least we get some time just you and me, right?”

Your chest tightened and you took a deep breath, “Mhmmm…”

“So…you seeing anyone?”

You rolled your eyes again. He was always so flirty with everyone. This was his baseline. You had to keep this at the front of your mind and just roll with his advances and play along with the game he was initiating. 

You shook your head, taking out your sunscreen. You twisted the nozzle so that it would spray and went over your arms, chest, and legs. Kenny held his hand out and you handed the bottle to him, expecting him to apply a coat to his already tanned skin. Instead, he sat up and slid behind you and sprayed your back.

“What are you…?” You lost your train of thought as he reached up and started gently rubbing it into your back.

Your breath hitched in your throat, “U-Uh…it’s…it’s touch free…”

“Oh?” He said. You could hear the smirk in his voice, “I didn’t read the bottle.” He leaned in closer to you until his breath was on your ear, “My bad…”

A shiver ran down your spine and he laughed under his breath again, moving back to the blanket. “So, why’d Clyde say he’d been talking to you if you’re single, then?”

“Because he’s full of shit.” 

It was a plain reply to the question because that was the honest truth. Clyde tended to be a bit of an attention seeker and this kind of behavior was a norm with him almost as much as being flirtatious was to Kenny. 

“Interesting…” Kenny laughed, “I think you should take that up with him.”

“It’s not that serious.” You laughed, laying back on the blanket, turning your head to look at him.

“I think you should tell him that you’re not talking to him because you’re talking to me.”

“Lie to end a lie?”

“Doesn’t have to be a lie.”

“You’re something else, you know that, right?”

The small talk and banter between the two of you went on for what felt like minutes, but upon looking at the clock on your lockscreen, you found out it’d been hours. The sun was starting to set and the two of you were the last people remaining at the pond.

“We should go get food.” You suggested, gesturing towards him with his sunglasses that you were holding, having taken them from him hours ago upon realizing that yours had been left in Marjorine’s car days ago.

“Or we could skinny dip and then get food.” He retorted, shrugging as if he didn’t ask you to get naked in public with him.

“You’re insane.”

“Some people would find that hot, you know?”

“Pretty sure skinny dipping is illegal.”

“No guts, no glory…plus, our police force is a joke. I think we’ll be fine.”

“You think.”

Kenny got up from the blanket and started down to the water. He turned towards you and smirked. “I know…” He then jumped into the water, making a large splash that landed on the blanket and your legs.

He re-emerged only seconds later and held his swim trunks over his head. “Kenny!” You gasped.

“Yes?” His smile was absolutely devious. You got up and walked to the edge of the water only for him to pull his hand back and send his swim trunks launching towards you, only landing on your feet due to the weight of the water in the fabric.

You couldn’t think of anything else to say so you just crossed your arms over your chest and watched the blonde who was currently smiling so widely you could finally see the small gap in his smile from his missing tooth. You had to admit…the colors and lighting of the sunset mixed with the beads of water rolling down his shoulders and his wet hair…If Kenny was anything, it was beautiful.

“Take a picture sweetheart, it’ll last longer.” You’d gotten caught. You took a hard swallow, choosing not to respond to his comment. “Man, this water is getting cold…it’d be nice if someone else would join me so I could suck up their body heat.”

He couldn’t be that desperate. You sighed, “Okay…okay…”

You jumped in, resurfacing right in front of him moments later. He grinned playfully. “Lucky me.” He closed the gap between you two, wrapping his arms around your waist and bringing your body in close to him.

“You are ridiculous.” You tried to sound stern, but you couldn’t help but form a smile at his reaction to your presence. He seemed genuinely happy to have you in the water with him with your bodies so close together…but of course he does. It’s Kenny. Something like this is his idea of paradise. You were brought back to your thoughts earlier about Kenny’s baseline and his affinity for the ladies.

“You still with me?” he asked, noticing how your thoughts had drifted from your current position to the depths of your mind. You turned your attention back to him, “Yeah, I was just…thinking…”

“Bout what?” he asked, reaching up to play with the end of your hair delicately, 

“You”

“Me? Huh, it really is my lucky day, isn’t it?”

“Who says it’s good?”

“Well, damn, the thought didn’t cross my mind, but I guess you’re right.” He chuckled.

He leaned in, his lips curved up in a smirk as he leaned in in an attempt to kiss you. You reached up with two fingers and pressed them to his lips to stop him. He pulled back and laughed, shaking his head.

“You’re naked in a pond with me right now…I don’t think that should be our first kiss.”

“So, you’re telling me that if I put my clothes back on, you’d kiss me?” 

“We’ll see…”

“I never thought I’d want to get my clothes back on with you instead of staying naked.” he said.

A few minutes later, Kenny was redressed and you’d dried off and put the t-shirt he’d come to the pond in over your suit. It was now fully dark, the only light coming from his headlights after he’d turned the car on. 

“So…where do you wanna go for food?” he asked, leaning against the car. You shrugged and stood beside him, leaning your back against the vehicle as well. “I”m up for anything, really. I’m not picky. Anything beats frozen waffles for the fourth time this week.”

“McDonald’s?” You questioned, earning a nod in response from the blonde.

“Before we go, though…you said that if we weren’t naked and in the pond you’d kiss me.”

You let out a deep breath from your nose and looked at him, not responding, but raising both eyebrows questioning him ever so slightly.

“So…can we?” He grinned.

“Why do you want to kiss me anyway? You can have your pick of any girl in South Park…or have you just blown through all of your options over the years and I’m the last girl on the list?” You questioned, “It’s not like you’ve actively tried pursuing me before. Why now?”

Kenny looked taken aback by your question, “I…” He paused, as if trying to gather his thoughts. You must’ve honestly thrown him a curveball he was never expecting. “I don’t know…guess I thought you’d never go for me. You’re kind of too good for me. At least, that’s what Marj says.”

“Marj? What’d she say?”

“Oh, I told her I wanted to ask you out like…Christmastime-ish…and she was like ‘Nah, she’s too smart and too good for you. She won’t put up with your shit.’ and one night, after smoking a blunt, I thought some more about it and realized that she’s probably right and that you’re not going to put up with my shit and that even though you’re totally one of the most gorgeous girls I’ve ever seen I…”

You cut him off by leaning in to kiss his lips. He smiled against your lips and instantly kissed back, moving over you to lean you even further back against the hood of his truck, resting both arms on each side of your head until one hand slid down and came to rest on your hip, hooking his finger into your belt loop to pull you in closer. You kept kissing him, letting your hands slide down his bare chest, a shiver running down your spine at the small moan that left his lips as your hands moved. Finally, you had to pull back to catch your breath.

You took a second, just looking at him, your E/C eyes staring into his baby blues. Then, you spoke up, “I'm still not putting up with your shit, though.” You both laughed in response and he shrugged his shoulders.

“Makes sense.” He said, leaning in to kiss you again. The kiss once again turned heated, you locking a leg around his waist and his hands traveling past the hem of his shirt that you were wearing to caress the slightly exposed skin of your abdomen and then move to your back, reaching up to play with the tie on your bathing suit. You stopped him, putting a hand up to his arm to get his attention.

“Shit…” He shook his head, “I”m sorry, I–”

“Don’t apologize.” You began, “I just think it’d be a little more private in the truck.”

That’s how you found yourself on your back in the cramped single cab of Kenny’s truck for the first time that summer. His lips were traveling down your body and your chest was rising and falling at a rapidly increasing pace the further he maneuvered himself downward. You glanced down at him and met his eyes as he looked up at you, his fingers hooked themselves in the sides of your swimsuit bottoms. He shifted his position a little as he was still partially standing outside of the truck. 

You could barely make out his features in the dim overhead light of the truck, but you could notice how his eyes were a deeper shade of blue than earlier. His face was flushed, his shaggy mullet was even messier from the presence of your hands, and he was wearing a shit-eating grin that looked absolutely devious, but you could’ve sworn you’d never seen anything more attractive and enticing in your life.

“G-Go ahead…”

From that point forward, any nights off you both shared were spent in either his bed, the backseat of your car, or the bed of his truck. You remembered recalling the first two weeks to Marjorine after finally deciding that things were stable enough to share with at least your best friend.

You didn’t notice that she was about to take a sip of her can of soda when you casually stated “Kenny and I are like…seeing each other…well, if fucking counts as seeing each other.” Marjorine promptly started coughing, the bright green can of Mountain Dew coming back to the carpet of her floor as she tried to regain her composure. 

“Excuse me, what?”

Despite the harsh way that you would describe your encounters with the blonde, the affairs themselves were anything but. Kenny was nothing but a gentleman to you, always asking if you were alright, taking care of you afterwards, and only getting rougher with your permission. Even then, he’d talk you through it, ensuring you felt safe and comfortable no matter what. It didn’t take too long into your “relationship” for the crush you’d been harboring for years to evolve into full feelings.

Your kisses became more passionate and more frequent. Your touches became more forward and increased in frequency as well. As far as you could tell, Kenny was eating it up and taking it all in and there was no doubt in your mind that he absolutely felt the same. After consulting with Marjorine one night, you decided to finally ask Kenny the burning question.

“What are we?”

You didn’t expect the question to hang in the air the way that it did. You were sitting up in your bed, knees pulled into your chest wearing only his t-shirt and a pair of panties. Kenny was redressing himself after Cartman disrupted the nap you two had been taking by blowing up his phone, asking him to help him with some ridiculous scheme since Marjorine wasn’t answering her phone.

He turned back to you looking like a deer in the headlights. “What do you mean?” he asked as if the question wasn’t clear cut as is. You let out a mild sigh of frustration. Kenny wasn’t stupid by any means. Despite the rumors, you’d see his grades when he’d log on and check them and he was able to hack into just about any video game to make mods to fit any desire he may have during gameplay. 

“Are we like…together, or?”

“Like…dating?” He was buttoning up the tacky orange Hawaiian shirt he’d been wearing, completely missing a button, obviously jarred by this conversation.

“I mean, yeah.” It came out like a question when it was definitely a statement. 

He leaned against your dresser, sliding on his slip on Vans, “I mean…I don’t know.” He shrugged, “We do like…everything couples do…but I hadn’t put much thought into it.”

“You haven’t put much thought into it?” You repeated, dumbfounded at this response. He’d started saying something else, but it sounded like white noise to your ears and you quickly cut him off, “You’ve had a month and a half of spending many nights a week balls deep in me and you haven’t taken a single second to think ‘Hey, would I actually like to date this person or am I just wasting both of our time and fucking them until something better comes along?’”

Kenny really looked shocked now. Somewhere in your rant, he’d started re-buttoning his shirt, but he stopped midway when you started talking and was now looking at you with both sides of the shirt in his hand and his eyes blown wide in shock. He finally let go of the shirt to run his hands over his face.

“Y/N…”

“Kenny, you’ve got to be fucking kidding me…”

“What…like…I just…I don’t know and Marj has been asking me the same thing and like…I haven’t even told anyone, if I'm honest.”

“Kenny what the fuck!?” Your voice was getting louder, “Why am I some secret of yours? Is it so you can go around and fuck other girls like you’d been doing? I told you, I”m not putting up with your bullshit.”

“Oh my god…” He groaned, throwing his head back, “Listen, it’s not like that. I just…I don’t know. That’s it. I don’t know.”

Tears were welling up in your eyes, “Just get out, Kenny.”

“But…”

“Go.”

He shrugged and let out a sigh, “Okay…fine. See you around.”

As soon as you could hear the tell-tale aged, loud roar of his truck’s engine, you dissolved into tears. You pulled his shirt over your head and threw it at the wall, burying yourself under your covers as your tears turned into full sobs. How could you have been so stupid? Everything you’d ever heard about him was true and Marjorine was right. You deserved better than him.

Weeks had passed since your breakup, if you could even call it that, with Kenny. You hadn’t spoken to him since and made sure to avoid him at all costs. You were not about to give him the satisfaction of knowing how much he’d hurt you.

 It was now nearing the middle of August and the now-annual college send-off party at Tegridy Farms was rolling around signaling the end of summer and the parting of ways of all of your childhood friends that happened at this time of year.

“I still don’t want to go.” You said plainly, looking at your reflection in the mirror that hung from your bedroom door.

“It’s a tradition, Y/N and we always have fun! Remember last year when Mr. Marsh got on the karaoke machine and started singing Nicki Minaj and blacked out and broke the coffee table right before the best part of the song?” Marjorine stated, touching up her black eyeliner.

“Yeah, I guess you’re right. It’s a good spot to people watch. Maybe Clyde will get shitfaced again and end up screaming and crying for Bebe to take him back and then throw up in the yard, still crying.” You chuckled.

“See, that just makes me sad. He loves her so much and she just uses that boy whenever she wants something because he’s got money.” Marjorine glanced over at you, “Clyde’s got man written by a woman energy.”

You chuckled, “Marj, just because he’s kinda got a dad bod at 20, is sensitive, and is a male Swiftie doesn’t mean that he’s written by a woman. He killed his mom because he wouldn’t put the toilet seat down. That’s giving Mojo Dojo Casa House.”

“Ken was written by a woman, though!”

Not realizing she was following up your reference, you scoffed, “Oh, he most definitely is not. He’s written by some middle aged man that thinks shock value and sex jokes are still funny at their big-old-age.” 

“No, he’s not! Ken is just a himbo! He…” She paused and then realized what you’d said, “Oh…oh hamburgers…not the same Ken. I’m sorry.”

You realize what you’d said too, “My bad. I just…whew…I had a whole response to that. I’m so sorry, Marj.”

“It’s fine…and I agree. All of the broship were written by men of different ages…except Kyle…”

You stopped applying mascara to think about what she’d said and then nodded, “Sheila Brovlofski is the greatest author of our generation.”

The music was already blaring from inside when you pulled up to Tegridgy farms. Once you got out of your car, you could already smell the weed pouring outside. Typical party at Tegridgy. You reached into the pocket of your denim jacket and pulled out your vape, taking a few hits to calm your nerves. You knew, without a doubt, that you’d be running into Kenny tonight, and you weren’t sure how to handle it.

As you both approached the door, you knew you had to make up your mind sooner rather than later as to how you were going to handle this. In true fight, flight, or freeze nature, you could either avoid him at all costs, turn away and ignore him if he approaches you, or just freeze up and end up talking to him like nothing was wrong…and at this point, there was no telling as to what you’d choose.

You walked inside with your hands in your pockets, looking around to scope out the general area. There was a makeshift dance floor where multiple of your peers were either dancing or standing around, two tables of beer pong, and then the kitchen where the counters were littered with various alcohol bottles and almost artistic looking bongs.

You headed over to the counter and took a hold of the ingredients to make one of the only drinks you could confidently make for yourself: a tequila sunrise. You made yourself a double and Marjorine a single and handed it to her. “Aw, shucks, I really shouldn’t…you know how much of a light weight I am.” she said, staring into the cup, “Last time was bad…”

You chuckled, “It wasn’t that bad. You just called Eric sexy in front of a bunch of people which isn’t necessarily like…morally wrong or bad…just questionable and objectively incorrect.” You took a large sip of your drink, trying to get the alcohol to kick in as quickly as possible in case of an inevitable emergency and to drown the still lingering sorrows from that day in your bedroom.

Within the first hour of being there, you’d drank the double tequila sunrise you’d made for yourself, taken an old fashioned that Tolkien was preparing for multiple people, and had been consistently refilling your red cup with the jungle juice someone (Kenny) had prepared and put into several empty milk cartons of all things. Now, you were currently positioned at a bright green and black bong, taking a hit before passing it to one of the goth kids. Michael? Pete? Did it really matter? No, as long as it wasn’t Kenny.

You got up, fully preparing to just stride out of the kitchen and go find Marjorine but found out oh too quickly that you were too inebriated to stand up that quickly. You stumbled, vision a little blurry and your entire body feeling fuzzy.

“You okay?” The goth kid got up and leaned against his cane, extending his hand to you.

“Yeah, I’m good. I’m so good. I’m great, actually.” You blew him off, grabbing your cup and taking another sip as you stumbled off towards the living room where the couches and dance floor were. You flopped down on the couch next to a boy you were actually quite familiar with. His shaggy, dark hair was peeking out of his blue and yellow chullo and he was cutting his eyes over at you almost cautiously, as if he were afraid of you doing something.

“Hey Craig!” You slurred, leaning over onto him.

“Hey, Y/N.” His voice was as monotone as ever and he kept looking around and then over at you.

“Where’s Tweek?” You asked, reaching up to play with the side of his chullo as you put your legs into his lap. The brunette took a deep breath to gain his composure, “He got a little anxious so he’s outside smoking with Bebe. Do you need something?”

“Nuh uh…I'm so good!” You said, inching closer to him.

“Uh huh…sure you are.” His eyes stayed forward despite your close proximity to his face.

“You’re so hot, you know that right?” You said.

He fully turned to you, face burning red, riddled with shock. He was about to respond, when all of a sudden a flash of an orange hoodie dropped down on the arm of the couch next to him.

“Craig Tucker, what’s up, dude?”

“Ugh, not this guy.” Your tone shifted and your lack of filter continued.

“I know…you’re mad at me, sweetheart…but I promise, you’re going to be madder at yourself in the morning.” he laughed and then looked at Craig, “Swap with me.”

Craig muttered something. You only caught, “Good luck” as he got up and reached into his pocket, taking out a box of cigarettes as he headed towards the back porch.

“Get away from me.”

“I'm not trying anything. I’m just trying to keep you safe, because you’re kinda getting messy. I’ve been there, done that…and I just don’t want you to end up trying to fuck Cartman too.”

“I wasn’t trying to fuck, Craig! You’re such a fucking idiot!”

“Babe, relax. I was talking about Marj…New Years Eve.” He leaned his head back on the back of the couch, looking over at you. You could tell that despite his ability to hold a consistent conversation, his eyes were bloodshot. He’d most likely been smoking.

“You okay?” he asked, his tone turning more serious and soft.

“I”m fine.” You took your phone out of your pocket and attempted to unlock it, or so you thought, until Kenny reached over and snatched the phone away, pressing some buttons before sliding it in his pocket.

“Hey, give that back!”

“Babygirl, you were about to summon the pigs. Randy would’ve shit his pants.” he chuckled, “Pretty sure that’s a dead giveaway that you’re not okay.”

“This is a weed farm, not like an actual farm. There’s no pigs.”

Kenny laughed rather loudly, “You are absolutely right, baby. That it is. Thanks to me.”

“Stop calling me that.” You said, crossing your arms over your chest, “And give me my fucking phone back!”

He shook his head, “Can’t do that…either of those things, actually.”

“Fine.” You stood up and walked off. It must’ve taken Kenny a moment to process, because you got a little bit of a head start before he caught up with you in a hallway, where you stumbled slightly and then ended up leaning against the wall. 

You were dizzy and your body felt both light and heavy all at once. You wrapped your arms around yourself, craving some kind of pressure. You started to slide down the wall when you felt someone’s hand on your arm, following you down until you were both on the floor with whoever it was’ arms wrapped around you giving you the physical touch you’d been desiring.

“I’ve got you. You’re fine.”

You groaned. Of course, it was Kenny. You wanted to pull away, but instead you flopped over onto him, laying your head on his shoulder. He gently trailed his fingers down your bare arm, your jacket long since missing in the chaos of the party. 

“You just sleepy or do you feel like you’re going to be sick or something?” he asked softly. You shook your head, “No. Where’s my fucking vape?”

Kenny chuckled lowly, “I don’t know, babe. Did you bring it in with you?”

You nodded, wrapping an arm around his middle, “My jacket.”

“You’re not wearing a jacket.”

“I am.”

“You definitely aren’t. You’re wearing a sparkly pink dress.” He leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to your exposed shoulder, “See, no jacket.”

You let out a whimper of disgust before Kenny reached into his pocket and handed you a hunter green colored vape pen, “It’s not your peach mango whatever the fuck that shit you smoke is, but…”

“Ugh, it’s menthol. Just give it to me.”

“How’d you remember that?” 

You shrugged and took a long hit, holding it for a moment before exhaling. You handed the pen back to him and watched as several people walked by, barely missing stepping on you or tripping over your feet. Kenny took notice of this and started to stand, helping you up along the way.

“No, I wanna sit.” You slurred, shaking your head.

“Why don’t we go home…” He said, “My parents are out for the night doing fuck knows what and Karen’s at her friend’s. It’ll just be us and you can get some sleep.”

When you were back on your feet, you shook your head, “No…I'm not sleeping with you. Not again, not after all that shit.” 

“No, no, no…not like that. I wouldn’t do that. I meant like…actually sleep.” He corrected himself, putting an arm around your waist as he started subtly leading you towards the door.

“Stop…why are you holding me? You don’t even like me!” You were starting to get louder as you spoke and Kenny looked at you with concern. He tightened his grip on you as you walked down the steps and headed towards his truck, hoping you wouldn’t fall.

“I do like you! I wouldn’t be helping you if I didn’t.”

“No, like…like me, like me…you dont like me.”

“Y/N…”

“Just shut up, Kenny.” You opened his truck door and flopped yourself in, slamming the door haphazardly behind you. Kenny pinched the bridge of his nose before walking to the other side of the truck, getting in and starting the engine. He leaned over and buckled you in and then took off his hoodie, leaving him in a white wife beater. He folded it up and then nudged you gently.

“Sit up.”

You moved a little away from your position of leaning up against the window long enough for him to slide the hoodie under your head. However, as soon as he positioned it, you sat up and pulled it down. You unbuckled your seatbelt and threw the hoodie onto your body. 

You heard Kenny mutter some curse words as he stopped backing out of the spot he was parked in to reach over and buckle you back into the seat with a sigh. You were about halfway to Kenny’s house when you felt your chest tighten. At first, you thought you were going to throw up. You were about to reach over and get Kenny’s attention so that he could pull over when you realized what was truly building inside of you and you broke down in tears.

Your head went into your hands as you sobbed. “What the…” Kenny spoke under his breath, turning his attention from the road to you briefly, reaching over to put his hand on your back, rubbing small circles.

“Hey…no…shhh…what’s got you so upset, babygirl?” he asked.

“Stop it!” You sobbed, reaching behind you to swat his hand away, “Stop saying that. Stop touching me. You don’t love me, so stop it!”

Kenny was silent momentarily, “What’s gotten into you? Like, I know we haven’t seen each other since that day in your room…and that’s my fault. I should’ve like…reached out or something, but I thought you hated me and…I promise. I fucking promise…I didn’t mean for it to come out the way that it did.”

“How else could it come out?” You cried, “You basically admitted that you didn’t want to be in a relationship with me and only wanted to fuck me even though I wanted to be with you and then you told me that you hadn’t told anyone about us probably because you wanted to fuck every girl you could this summer before they all packed it up and went back to college. That’s fucking ridiculous, Kenny. I thought the whole ‘McWhoremick” thing was like…a joke or like…the way your friends shit on you, but Jesus Christ.”

“I hadn’t told anyone because I didn’t know what we were and like…I knew that I liked you, but I didn’t know what else to do about it because Marj had told me so many times that you could do better and like…especially after that fight in your room…I knew you could do better so I just…tried to let you find that better? I don’t know. I really don’t know.”

“You never know! That’s the problem! How do you not know? You either love me or you don’t!”

“I just…”

You scoffed, “I love you! I love you. Is that the worst thing you’ve ever heard?”

He was silent for ages, only saying something about how you were drunk a mere seconds after your confession. You didn’t know at what point you’d pulled into Kenny’s driveway, but as soon as you registered where you were, you got out of the car and tried to storm towards the door, but stumbled, falling to your knees on the pavement. The sting of the scrape only added to your tears. You reached up and wiped your eyes, your crying becoming quieter as you were lifted to your feet by the boy who pulled you into his arms, running his fingers through your hair, pressing a kiss to your temple.

“It’s okay. You’re okay. Let's get you inside. We’ll clean your knees up…and wash your makeup off…and get you some water…and you can lay down.”

And that’s exactly what he did for you. You walked in and almost immediately collapsed onto his bed. He took this opportunity to clean your scraped knees and then got you up into a sitting position and helped you change into his hoodie and a spare pair of his boxers. You were half-asleep by the time that he took a makeup wipe to your face and started wiping the messy makeup off of your features. 

Lastly, Kenny got you situated in his bed, pulling the covers up and kissing your forehead. “I’m right here on the floor if you need anything. Popcorn bowl is on the floor. Water bottle is right next to it. Please, wake me up if you need me. I’ll be fine.”

You nodded in agreement, but then spoke up, “Can you stay with me?”

“Huh?” he asked, looking up at you from where he was sitting on the floor.

“Please sleep with me…” You said, reaching out towards him.

He chuckled, “You sure?”

You nodded again and scooted over to make room for him. He slid into the bedsheets and carefully positioned himself next to you, allowing you to move over and lay with your head on his chest. He wrapped his arms around you and closed his eyes, drifting off to sleep.

The next few hours were littered with infrequent bouts of sleep mixed with burying your face into the popcorn bowl as your stomach purged itself of the alcohol that remained in your system, running to the bathroom on the few chances you felt you could make it, crying, and drinking water. The entire time, Kenny held you, held your hair back, and wiped your face with a cool washcloth. 

By the time you woke up the next day around 1PM, you were still exhausted, not feeling well, and fairly lost in regards to the events of last night. You just knew that you woke up with Kenny wrapped around you and you were in his hoodie and boxers and you prayed to whatever higher power may be out there that you hadn’t fucked him again.

You sat up and ran a hand through your hair, looking around until your eyes fell on your charging phone laying on the ground. You picked it up and saw two texts from Marjorine on top.

She’ll be okay.

Hehehe I knew it ;)

“What?” you whispered, unlocking your phone. You went straight to Marjorine’s text thread. Under your last response to her, a “kk!” from when she arrived at your house before the party, there was a longish thread of messages that clearly went between her and Kenny.

Where are you? I’ve been looking for you for an hour! Are you okay?

Hey, Marj. Thanks for giving me her passcode. My phone died right after I called you and I put her phone on the charger in my room. I can charge mine when she wakes up.

Is she okay? Omg.

Yeah, just going back between screaming, crying, and throwing up…literally. At least she started that once we’d already left or it would’ve been real bad. 

Bless her heart! What’d you say to get her so upset?

It wasn’t me! Damn. She just got upset…about us…and then screamed at me that she loved me.

And you said?

Nothing. She was drunk. 

Drunk words are sober thoughts. ;)

So, you think Cartman is sexy, huh?

Oh my goddddd stop. That isn’t true and this isn’t about me. What do you think of her?

I…might’ve realized I fucked up literally the night we had that fight…and I haven’t known what to do about it…so…I just…loved her in secret and accepted that she deserved better. I’m just worried she’s going to wake up and like…regret saying all of this and like trying to have this conversation with me again.

She’ll be okay.

Hehehe I knew it ;)

Your chest felt full and tight all at the same time and your eyes soon fell upon the sleeping blonde, who was still wrapped around you despite you sitting upright at this point. You reached down and ran your fingers through his hair gently. A few passes through his blonde locks and he stirred, looking up at you.

“Morning, beautiful.” he spoke groggily, “You okay?”

You nodded, “Just tired…”

“Mm…come lay back down then. Let's go back to bed.”

It was your turn to smirk over at him, “You love me, huh?”

“What?”

You pulled up the texts again, showing him and then reading his own words to him verbatim, “So…I just…loved her in secret and accepted that she deserved better.”

“Hey, that’s a private conversation!” he laughed.

“On my phone…” You retorted.

“Yeah!”

“So, do you love me?” You moved back down to laying next to him, turned on your side, propped up on your elbow. He blushed, lips curving back up into his famous devious grin.

“Ain’t that the worst thing you’ve ever heard?”

“I think I've heard worse.”

With a giggle and a kiss to his lips, your relationship with Kenny transitioned just as the seasons outside had started to move from the bright colors of an otherwise dark summer for you to the warm, comforts of fall…all starting and ending in that beat-up pickup. 

Devils roll the dice, angels roll their eyes

What doesn't kill me makes me want you more

[bagelbeee]

Is it too soon to declare my love for Lovely Runner?

Seriously.

Watching it just makes me happy, and with no following episodes, I'm stuck dealing with these feelings. So what other way than to put on my goggles and look closer right?

*cracks knuckles*

Alright, here's my love letter to Lovely Runner.

The band

I'm a sucker for amazing OSTs. I've been listening to their soundtrack nonstop because it just so good and it pairs with the youth and hopeful energy this drama gives off. They really convinced us that ECLIPSE is a well-known band. Man, I wish they'd release the full performances (I hope they did film it)!

And don't get me started with the vocals!

SEON-JAE'S ACTOR (Byeon Woo-seok) RECORDED THOSE SONGS HIMSELF. From his GQ Korea interview, it appeared that he's been diligently practicing and preparing for it! His preparation paid well, his singing was awesome. THE BAND WAS AWESOME.

I understand why Im Sol supported them.

Speaking of our heroine--Kim Hye-yoon portrayed her so well 🥹

From the first episode, I knew she'd be on fire! It's so fun to see her act in various ways (an old woman, a cringy teenager, a fan, a friend, a daughter/grand-daughter) It all just clicks when she's set her mind on it.

The characters they introduced so far were also lovely! They have substance and I can't wait to see how they grow as time passes. There's so much to say about everyone's dynamics, but I'll keep it to myself for now.

I know the elements of this drama are things I've seen before (time-slip, do-overs, idol-fan, mystery, plot-twist-A-liked-B-first-before-B-even-knew-A), but something about the way they played these card stuck with me.

Seon-jae and Sol's history was a surprise to me because I thought the drama was about present-Sol helping present-Seon-jae gain back his passion for music, acting, and life. I thought this was the FIRST time they've met. BUT I WAS WRONG. I'm so happy I was.

Seeing Seon-jae yearn for her without an ounce of selfishness shattered me. aND knowing Sol admired him without an ounce of entitlement turned me into a puddle.

Both of them cherished each other beyond self-interest.

Sol became a fan because he had encouraged her to live. She didn't fall for a pretty face nor a gentle voice. Seon-jae's words reached her not because he tried to maintain a good image, but because he intended for her to live on.

Speaking of, Seon-jae's crush bloomed when she shielded him with an umbrella and gifted him candies for doing his "job" (Remember this is Sol mistaking him for a deliveryman--she's too sweet!). He didn't like her for being a fan; he liked Sol for her kindness and character even before the timeslip.

And once Sol finally got the opportunity to get close to him, approaching Seon-jae was built on the idea of saving him, not to get together with him.

Aside from being a breath of fresh-air, think it's also hilarious because Seon-jae's mind is swimming with I-like-you-and-I've-been-trying-to-confess-to-you thoughts, and he's just trying win points and not to royally mess things up with Sol. He's just a sweet guy with a big crush on an equally sweet girl.

Man, there's so much development on the way! I haven't covered everything, but for now, I think their story will grow into a really awesome tale about love being self-transcending and enabling.

[topiealdohats]

I remember the first day I saw Sora. I didn't know then how much I would end up loving the guy, but fate works in ways we don't expect. I was walking outside of my house holding my mom's hand, and there he was, riding on his dad's shoulders, the two just passing by. Our parents greet each other, and Sora and I make eye contact, but we don't get to interact until much later.

One of our preschool teachers loved taking pictures of kids she was in charge of, so there were a lot of pictures of us from that time. Even from the time I was too shy to be friends with him, there's pictures of those moments. Us sitting next to each other with Sora just looking elsewhere with a cute smile, us eating on the same kids’ table with him looking like he's really enjoying the food, those kinds of moments were just proof of how much of a withdrawn kid I was.

There was this moment when Sora sang a really old but classic song on karaoke for everyone to hear, and I was enamored by his voice. He sang that song so well. We only really realized what the lyrics meant when we got older, which is kind of hilarious to think for a small kid to sing about, but it never stopped being a song that I associated with him. I wanted to be his friend back then. And I got my wish.

I cherish the times when it was just us two. We met Terra and Aqua when it was just us, his dad taking us out to our special island to play. That time when I saw him suddenly shed a tear, with something squeezing him inside, and I just said what made sense to me from what I knew at the time just to help him. I remember feeling a sense of relief that my words calmed Sora again. The stars that night were beautiful, and I just remembered how happy I was being there with him at the time. We were best friends at that point. Sora said so himself to Aqua. I could never call him that and be that sincere back then, but he knew I thought the same of him. And weirdly, my own sincere feelings were easier to say when I was talking to Terra, because it felt less vulnerable to share how I felt about my friends… well, my best friend, with a stranger than with Sora.

And then the night of the meteor shower, Kairi arrived. She was the new girl at the mayor's house. We all became friends, all three of us. And we got to hang out at Sora's place all the time if we weren't on our special island. The island eventually became hers as much as it was ours. And I felt Sora being so enamored with Kairi the way I was with him. I felt pressure to start feeling the same for Kairi as well, because I couldn't admit feeling the same for him. And in a way, I did grow to care about Kairi so much that I didn't have to pretend anymore. But I also wanted to selfishly have Sora for myself again sometimes, and our toy sword sparring and constant attempts to one-up each other ended up being that small way to still have something for ourselves.

When we were younger, I wanted to go on adventures with him. I wanted to be grown up. I wanted to see the world, get stronger for Sora (and eventually, for Kairi, too). But I also treasured the moments when it was just us three being kids and really spending so much time together that I couldn't think of a reason why we'd ever be apart. All three of us fit on the same bed because we were so small, and even when we grew up, we laid down a larger mattress just to sleep over and be with each others’ warmth.

Eventually, the events of how the islands fell happened. And it hasn't been the same ever since. Sora and Kairi grew closer in a way that I could never do with either of them just from a societal standpoint, and I felt like the third wheel all the time. I don't really like talking about how stupid I was during those years, and I went through a lot of moments of growth after it, too. I said goodbye at the door from the Realm of Darkness’ side, asking Sora to take care of her. And I meant every word.

When we got to return to the islands after defeating Xemnas for the first time, there was a short time when everything felt the same again. Granted, we were much older, and we had already gone through our own battles with our personal demons. I had to do a lot while Sora was asleep, that whole thing with Roxas and Xion, but I knew I had to do it for him. Kairi was safe on the islands, but I also knew she needed a way to defend herself if danger came her way again, so when I got Destiny's Embrace, I knew it was for her.

I also solidly knew at the point in time after the Xemnas battle that Sora and Kairi had each other in a way that I never could with either of them. I had them as my best friends, but that was all I could have. I still dream about Sora, and the dreams became stronger after becoming a literal Dream Eater for him, but I think that's all they are.

I know I have to rescue him for him and Kairi to be together again. But I also know that I love him, and I've gained the strength to protect, not only Kairi, but also and especially Sora, the person most special to me, if I needed to. That's why I have to save him myself. The way he risked his life to save Kairi multiple times, that power is with me for Kairi and for him now. He needs to come back. I need to be there for their wedding, when they're old enough to get wed. And in my dreams, I can imagine being married to him, too. We went through so much together, and I spent so many days apart from him thinking about him, from the day I first laid eyes on him. I just want him to be happy.

[freebooter4ever]

really stupid trivial things im doing to try to help the pots and the mystery symptoms:

singing. supposedly this activates the nerve that controls the heart/brain/stomach. and pots deregulates that nerve. so i sing all the time now, whenever i can. i have no idea if this is helping. however i did notice that when this started and the symptoms were really scary, if i called a friend and talked or made a video of myself talking it seemed to make me feel better. singing is sort of my lonely girl replacement for calling a friend.

cold showers. this one is the biggest transformation. 100% helped the pots symptoms in the morning. hot showers would make the dizziness worse but cold showers calm it. and it puts me in a sort of meditative state. its also supposed to activate that nerve but again who knows lol. the downside is fucking cold showers are miserable.

timing meal times exactly 5 hrs apart to allow for a single hr where my brain is 'normal'. this is not so successful as sleeping is hard and i dont fall asleep early enough or get up early enough to keep breakfast and lunch 5 hrs apart.

compression tights. this actually seems to be helping but only if i use the lightest level of compression - normal socks almost work just as well. i suspect this is because my pots is technically 'not severe' (the brain fog and dizziness says otherwise but at least this means my heart isnt struggling too hard)

salt/water. this is so much harder than it sounds. balancing out the amount of salt to water intake is delicate and a pain in the ass. yesterday i had too little water because i was at the event all night and not drinking regularly and it fucked me up.

mastur"bation. okay, this is the funny one. i cant exercise so i was like well what can i do to release endorphins that doesn't require running. yeah. hilariously its working well, my mood is better on the days i dont skip my morning personal time. my blogs 👀 tag has been getting a lot of use lately lmaoooo. honestly im just glad my se"x drive hasn't disappeared again - supposedly vag"nal dryness can be one of the symptoms of the auto immune thing in addition to my dry eyes and hands and throat but uh. absolutely noooooo problem there with me. nice and wet LOL. im kinda hoping maybe this means there is a chance its not auto immune related.

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL

June 2023 Wk 3 

Being a highly subjective assessment of one tiny corner of the interwebs. Organized by which ones (in each category) I’m enjoying most.

Ongoing Series - Thai

Step By Step (Tues WeTV & Gaga) ep 9 of 12 - There sure is a lot of drinking in this show (who am I to talk?). Omg so awkward: The not-break-up not-confession. I have heartburn. Also I could not watch Jeng break down. Just nope. Then time jump? If that was our DOOM episode the timing is off. Or next week is the final? Or we get 3 eps of domestic bliss and sexitimes? I’m confused. 

La Pluie (Sat iQIYI) ep 9 of 10 - I like how trope-subversive this show is - first soulmates, then love triangle, now the faen fatal. NO SINGING. Oh good. They didn’t! Yay! So yeah I still love it. But I am also still a touch scared of where it might go. This one can’t be trusted. 

Be My Favorite (Fri YouTube) ep 5 of 12 - not a bad ep this week or was I too drunk to register nuance and damage? You decide. Trash watch here.

Luminous Solution (Sat Gaga) ep 5 of 6 - I always have to psyche myself up to watch this show, because I want to fast forward through most of it, but it’s on Gaga so that’s damn near impossible. At least this is the penultimate episode. I think after 3 BLs I can safely say Gun is just not a good actor. Speaking of... crying clothed in the shower? I haven’t seen that trope in years. But I LOVE the high school boys and their story so much. Love Sick level of earnest floppy goodness, I’m such a sucker for this kind of romance. I want them to be in a completely different BL. I’m so conflicted. I NEED this show to end so I can decide how I feel about it.

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

Love Tractor (Korea Weds iQIYI) eps 5-6 of 8 - So much is happening, evil x-boyfriend shows up. We got flashbacks to coming-out drama + nasty dad (super unusual for a KBL). But baby’s first taste of desire is hilarious. This one is full of lovely contrasts, and contrasting life experiences. It’s all about support and neglect. 

Tokyo in April AKA Shigatsu no Tokyo wa (Japan Thurs Gaga) ep 2 of 8 - Very much full of hero worship and giving me My Beautiful Man vibes (only softer and office set). “Dazzling” = always an interesting word when it comes up in JBL subs. It’s clearly a Japanese word/concept like kawaii  that is more complex than the English word being used. Meanwhile, this being Japan we get lots of hints as to separation and dark past events. 

Tie The Knot (prev Under the Same Sky) (Pinoy YouTube) eps 1-2 of 8 - From OXIN Films (Rainbow Prince), based on a true story (?!), Briggs's family runs a bridal business but he has never fallen in love until he meets a groom to be in an arranged marriage. EXACTLY the same premise at Mame’s forthcoming Wedding Planner. There are so many characters and prospective couples (including a v bi girl with a female fuck buddy, not seen that in a BL before) that it is a little hard to keep straight (heh). I’m sure it will shake out. It’s intriguing so far, if a touch silly. I actually like the arranged marriage premise because the two rich kids involved in it are so weirdly kind & platonically sweet to each other, even if they’re both on the same page about it only being for show. 

Vian the series (Vietnam YouTube ) ep 7 & 8 of 12 - Apparently there is very little difference between a cat and a demanding princess of a boyfriend. That clocks. Basically this was the dating times. 

Naked Dinner AKA Zenra Meshi (Japan Fri Gaga) ep 11 of 12 - There is a lot more meat to this silly little BL then I thought there would be given the premise, but it’s Japan so that’s as it should be. But, as it’s Japan there’s also a little too much cringe for me. I do enjoy how generous Japan is with late bloomers and I would def like to host a kimchi party  but otherwise... meh. 

Stupid Genius (Vietnam Fri YouTube) ep 3 of 6 - Bi erasure still alive and well I see. This one remains fine for VBL but no more than that.

It’s airing but ...

House of Stars (Thai Mon iQIYI) 12 eps - I bounced at ep 3. Will binge if told it is worth it at end.

Stay (Pinoy YouTube) 7 eps - It’s mostly in English and set in LA so I’m not bothering but the first one did drop.

Ever After (Pinoy YouTube) - I investigated but as spies reported it's a real mess (not a hot one). Don’t bother. 

About Us but Not About Us (Pinoy Prime?) - from 2022 supposed to be finally getting inter distribution, didn’t show in my territory. A professor grieving the loss of his partner meets an ambitious literature student. I’m not fussed. 

Stay With Me ... NO! 

In case you missed it

What Did You Eat Yesterday movie, BL Express posted a review. I’ve yet to get hold of it but if you enjoy Our Dining Table this is it’s grown up parent series & movie. 

Café in Love - I finally got around to watching this. And frankly it hits all the tropes but is so damn bad. The setting is cute, the central brotherly relationship is sweet, the side cast is v queer (baby gay has all these auntie queens catting about) and some complex bisexual awakenings but… but… everything else is a chemistry void. Some fun language wordplay and exploration of cultural tropes like cheek kissing does not save it from an unnecessary amount of punching  and a but ton of sexual harassment and statutory rape. No thank you. I had to rewatch Destiny Seeker to get over this. 3/10 

I gave up 

Takumi-kun Series 6: Nagai Nagai Monogatari no Hajimari no Asa (Japan Sun ????) 10 eps - NO ONE ASKED FOR THIS and no, I have no idea where to get it, why would I? Apparently it finished. I still can’t find it but it’ll be off this list next week.

Why You (Khmer ????) - Billed as a horror romance, not sure if this is a movie or a series where it aired... nothing except that it exists.

Next Week Looks Like This:

3 BLs are finishing but nothing is starting up. We running lean these days. 

Just started today (Sunday): Dinosaur Love (Thai iQIYI) Trailer 10 eps - from Ultimate Troop about a uni student, Rak, whose partner cheats on him with Rak's best friend. This gives bad boy hazer Dino an opportunity to hit on Rak at last. From The Yearbook people so I shouldn’t watch this as it airs. After Remember Me? I swore never again with them. But there’s so little on right now, I might fall on the pulp sword. 

I’ll include it in next week’s summation. 

I’ll have the July 2023 upcoming for you next week too. 

2023 forthcoming BL master post (see comments, some are inaccurate, NOT KEPT UPDATED)

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

I love him, Your Honor. (Be My Favorite... HIM, he’s my favorite.) 

I love them, Your Honor. (Luminous Solution) 

Watch a tiny GL ship set sail across the seas of overly optimistic tumblrs... (La Pluie)

MY PRECIOUS! OMG I LOVE HER SO MUCH. (Tie the Knot) 

Incidentally, I would like a future as a dictatorial elder queer running a slightly shady business fleecing the straights via their dumb marriage traditions surrounded by nubile half-naked hotties.

And ya know what? I think this is achievable life goal for me. 

Gotta go, I have a future to plan. 

(Last week.)

[youngveinsworld]

quotes from a recap of the young veins' show at the crowbar in tampa, florida on 9 july 2010

standing in line, as people came, made me feel old, really, since most people i saw were there with parents. that was strange-- i've never felt so old. mostly, though, i performed failed attempts at fanning myself with my hand and then discovered it worked much better with a dollar bill for the better part of an hour. And i chewed gum, which is pretty much the only reason my mouth stayed hydrated. it still perplexes me how those girls could stand to be out there in jeans or leggings.

the bouncer who let us in was rather hilarious. he spent his time playing a counting game with himself to see how many people he could put x's on in a row. and then he was bemused by my being from ohio-- he was like 'did you drive down here for this? wtf?'. he was slightly less shocked once i told him i was on vacation.

i kept spotting nick white talking to the bouncer and, at one point, ryan walking around behind the crowd, though i'm not entirely sure how he walked through the entire bar without someone coming up to him.

the young veins came onstage in short sleeves, for once, except nick murray, who was crazy enough to don a button up. even ryan had on his red white and blue polo, which amused me as i had spent time outside earlier wondering if he would end up wearing it, since i doubted even crazy little ryan ross would want to be onstage in a three piece suit in that kind of weather.

their set up took even longer than black gold's, unfortunately, with ryan tripping over numerous power cords, plugging and unplugging shit from the power strip, and repositioning both his pedals and his water cups for the better part of fifteen minutes. my time, then, was spent marveling at how in the world ryan's toothpick legs hold him up and concurring that jon is even prettier now than the last time i saw him.

the sound guy was a huge dick to them, too, and it took him ten minutes to get nick's keyboard fully sounded. ryan was being rather sassy with him, as his guitar was giving some intense feedback, and eventually he was just snapping shortly at him and said it was fine, whatever. it was obviously not that fine, though, and he spent the first three songs readjusting his mic stand and dragging his floor amp around and gesturing to the sound guy to turn up his mic. at one point he clarified to us that we were being lovely, it's just that the sound sucked and that he was sorry for being so cranky, but he used to be in the foo fighters, and he just wasn't used to it.

his snarky little bitch attitude was fabulous, to be honest, and he eventually got so fed up that he was just like 'fuck it. i'm moving.' and dragged his amp and his stand back right in front of me and huffily continued.

the rest of their set went fabulously, in my opinion, and i was really feeling the jive of it all. he dedicated 'capetown' to jon for saving his life when he tried to get married and give away his passport to a girl while he was 'most likely drunk'. and they dedicated a song to black gold so that, according to ryan, 'they wouldn't owe them anything, anything'.

the recent joke about being in a motorcycle gang was continued, with ryan and jon bantering back and forth about how they used to be in the foo fighters but before that they were in a motorcycle gang who traveled all over the world and did lots of dangerous deeds and then ryan goes 'and what was that gang called jon?' and jon told us that it was also called the foo fighters, and that 'that's where the name comes from'. during all this ryan was riffing on his guitar as background music, which was quite cute.

he also, before 'everyone but you' told us that it was a sad song and and that we needed to be quiet and really listen to the words jon was singing because they were serious and we should be too. that song sounds so fabulous live, i must say. another one i really liked live was 'security', which i cannot get out of my head and i spent the night singing in the hotel hallways.

ryan thanked us a lot for changing his night, saying that he was kind of 'bummin' about the sound, but we turned it around. he also thanked rooney for letting him sit on their air conditioned bus earlier because he was super hot.

after they finished their set i was about to die a slow and painful death from the aches in my legs and i decided to get out of the front and sit on the railing. i ended up going over to buy merch instead, and subsequently ended up smushed in a large group of people for about a minute.

there was a riser next to the stage with some tables that i ended up standing on to wait for rooney and ended up talking to ryan once i saw he was there. mostly i wanted to stare at him instead of being coherent, because dear lord that boy is even more gorgeous than i remember him-- such a pretty little shit. instead i joked with him about our stripes matching and explained my tattoo idea to him and had him write 'hey moon' out for me in my notebook, and once he did he was all 'are you sure that's okay? my handwriting is lame' which it is not. stylized it will look fabulous. he was rather shocked that i was gonna tattoo my ribs, though, when i told him about it.

i also took a picture of him with my diana camera, which was funny because he was like 'should i strike a pose?' and was posing around a bit and i was like 'dude. stay still. you're fine.' and then i apparently blinded him with my flash, because he was like 'fuuuuck. briiiiight.' afterwards.

i also talked a bit to jon, who was very smiley and pretty, and had him write me another 'hey moon'. i asked if i could take his picture and he was like 'let's take one!' and i was like 'no, of you, haha' and he was like 'oh ok, noooo problem' and i then blinded him as well. he was quite an excitable little shit.

so, conclusively, best decision i've made in a while and totally worth it. i love ryan ross (and his bitchy little 'tude) unwaveringly and without shame.

– from this Livejournal post

[ratfreecog]

How was newsies vibrates excitedly

IT WAS SO GOOD I SAW IT LAST NIGHT

This school has such a big budget drama program it’s insane good on them for actually valuing the arts. The theater was huge it felt like walking into a professional venue in my city not a high school. I wish my old school cared that much our drama teacher got fired for embezzling our club’s funds. Jack, Davey, Katherine, and Crutchie were all so good it was insane. Also, girl Crutchie!! Hell yeah!!

Predictably, a vast majority of the newsies were girls, but instead of trying to hide it and making them dress and act like boys, they just made them girl newsies and used some of the names from Newsies Jr and the Brooklyn girlsies instead. The only exception to this was Albert, who was played by a very femme person with long hair and a skirt, but was still called Albert, which I think is hilarious and I’m hoping that was the actor’s choice.

They also actually had adults play the adult characters which was interesting?? For a highschool production but good for them ig

My favorite moment was in the last Pulitzer’s office scene when Davey goes “since the strike, your circulation’s been down 70%” and Jack, who was currently laying down across the arms of two chairs, did a sit up and whispered “70%” and then laid back down

Also during the Snyder chase scene at the start they had Jack run up one of these scaffolding buildings that were part of the set, realize it was a dead end at the top, turn around and be cornered by Snyder, and then dived between his legs and ran back down to the floor again. Wonderful choreography 10/10.

Speaking of choreography, they actually tap dance during KONY! Holy shit! Was not expecting that! And it was good! Like really good! Hell yeah. All the dancing was really good actually very similar to the Broadway production but like they did a great job at it.

Crutchie also broke my fucking heart during LFTR she actually started crying on the “your sister, Crutchie” line and so did I in the audience

Jack fucking killed Santa Fe he was awesome. Just always he was awesome but Santa Fe was really fucking good

For the seize the day reprise where they’re singing it while Jack Davey and Spot are going to Pultizer’s office, for some reason (I’m guessing running out of time in rehearsal) instead of having the kids sing they played an audio clip from the proshot and it caught me so offguard and im definitely the only person who noticed because I know every single line in this show and have performed the entire thing by myself in box at my haunt to keep myself entertained in between customers.

Overall it was awesome! I do know this show so well that it haunts me and literally every other line an alarm would go off in my brain for whatever they did and how it compared to other versions of the show and what it might mean for their characters so I could probably go a lot more in depth but these were my main thoughts coming out of it. They did a fantastic job!

[sinzkiller]

LET'S GO TO THE SHOPPING MALL! WITH BLEACH CHARACTERS pt2 + y/n

~

"I swear I don't think this is a good idea to have you guys with us again" Rangiku says as she pointed at Mayuri, Ikkaku, Iba, Kira and Kenpachi. "Why not? I'm starting to like this shopping mall thing heh" Kenpachi says and leaving them behind with Yachiru sitting on his shoulder. "Hehehe.. I shall get myself a human to bring back— uh I mean I'm going to buy something with Nemu" with that, Mayuri dragged Nemu from there, leaving the Soul Reaper behind. "How about you y/n?" Yumichika asked. "Well I'm going to meet my old friend, see ya!" You said and walk away from the place excitedly because you're going to meet your best friend, Shinji.

~

"Huu...sobs.. Ikkaku!!..sobs.." Iba cried as Renji patted his back. "It's ok, he will be fine" Kira said, tries his best to comfort him. "We...we lost one of our dear brother...sobs.. why..WHY MUST HE'S WITH THE GIRLS?? And then.. captain Komamura.." Iba cried out loud and now everyone looking at him. Actually Captain Komamura was with them earlier, but so many girls chasing after him because they thought the captain was a real dog.. "What breed you are, cutie??" "Omg I want to have you as my pet so bad!" "Kyaaaaa your fur is soooo soft!" End up the captain being dragged from his comrades to somewhere else.

"How about we have some fun...there?" Hisagi pointed at the nearest Karaoke place and the boys pushed Iba to enter the karaoke room. "Iba-san, because you are the most handsome and charming man among us today, you will sing the first song" Renji said and give the microphone to Iba. "T..thanks.. ALRIGHT BOYS, TODAY I'M GONNA SING...."

"Baka Mitai" ✨ * wipe fake tears dramatically*

~

Jushiro, Shunsui and captain Yamamoto wear matching blue sweaters and matching pink tote bags. Clearly all of this is Jushiro's greatest idea, this man is so adorable how can we resist him omg. " I want you to try this!" Jushiro said as he give Yamamoto his favorite donut. "Ohhhh no no no, I won't let ya!" Shunsui hurriedly snatched the donut from Jushiro before he could give it to the old captain that standing between them. "Hmm? What's the matter Shunsui" Yamamoto asked in confusion. "This is the reason why Jushiro had bad toothach—mmmhhhd" before he could even finish his sentence, Jushiro covered his mouth and give the donut to Yamamoto. Once he took a bite, captain Yamamoto's eyes wide open and ask if he can have more of the donut. "You sly fox..." Shunsui says and facepalm, knowing what will happen afterwards.. "Let us enjoy our day, don't worry everything will be fine" Jushiro said confidently as captain Yamamoto dragging him to the nearest bakery.

"Instead of toothache, I guess the two of you will be having a great diabetes.."

~

"Oi Yumichika...why do I need to follow you guys..?" Says Ikkaku with tons of shopping bags on his arm, following the girls and Yumichika from behind. "It was my idea, this way we can prevent the fight you most likely started" Yumichika answered and winked at him. "If anything bad happens, you will bark for us!" Rangiku added and patted Ikkaku's shiny head before she run away from him.

"....."

~

"Ulquiorra, may I ask, where do you got that hilarious amount of face cream?" Aizen ask calmly and looked at the adorable Arrancar. "Human told me how important this cream for me to keep my skin clear and fair, so I buy it. After I bought one, they give me another one and then another one, they put the cream on my skin so I need to pay for all of it" Ulquiorra answered innocently, poor boy don't even know that he just got scammed since he also bought random automatic toothbrush from the store. Aizen only could smiles at him, but the smile immediately disappeared from his face after seeing you walking with Shinji. "Is that lady Y/n?" Ulquiorra asked. "Yes, seems like she's with Shinji.." Menacingly, Aizen approached the two of you while glaring at Shinji.

"Oh y/n? it's been a long time since we met!" Aizen greeted you with his charming smile and pull you into a hug. Shinji was not expecting to see that Soul Society criminal dude here in the living world, especially in a shopping mall. You were surprised to see Aizen, is this the proper time to be friendly after all the things he did.... "Aizen..! It's been a long time too haha" you said in awkward laugh and hug him back. When Aizen still a captain of 5th Division before he betrayed whole Soul Society, he had this silly little crush on you which is something he can't deny. "Excuseeeee me, peasant, that's not how you greet someone's girlfriend" Shinji pushed Aizen away and stood between the two of you. Damn everything going to be chaotic starting from now...

~

*sniff, sniff *

"Yachiru, I smell a fight" a huge grin plastered on Kenpachi's face, knowing that he will have some real fun today. "I'll show you da wae Kenny!! Go to the left!" Yachiru says and excitedly pulls Kenpachi's hair. "Heh, let's go" With that Kenpachi starts to run without have any sense of direction, only relying on Yachiru's navigate skills. If you guys wonder where they are in the beginning, both of him and Yachiru is actually getting lost at Shopping mall and end up in the Parking lot.

~

"Grrr.... Bark.. Bark!" Ikkaku gritted his teeth and bark, his index finger pointed at Shinji who's still fighting Aizen with his bare hands. "First of all I am not expecting you to play along with Rangiku, secondly..IS THAT MY PRECIOUS Y/N OVER THERE?" Yumichika shouted in most dramatic way while Rangiku, Isane and Nanao stare at Ulquiorra who is standing by your side in awe. "Aww ain't they cute together?" Rangiku says proudly and took a pictures of you guys with Nanao's camera.

Surprisingly, you and Ulquiorra get along pretty well after you taught him how to use the automatic toothbrush. "Aren't you going to help Aizen?" You asked the 4th Espada. "He seems enjoying the fight and I won't interrupt, unless Aizen sama calls for me, then I shall wipe out Shinji's existence" he answers with blank expression on his face.

"Uh oh, I thought we're not fighting anyone today" Gin says as he walks to your direction with Szayel and Tosen following him from behind. "Wow...what an.. awkward meeting" you thought. Szayel looked at you with huge creepy smile on his face, looks like he's going to do something unpleasant. Slowly, he's getting closer and closer...... Until Ikkaku hit Szayel on his head with his wooden sword. "What are you intend to do? You pink weirdly dressed anchovy?" Ikkaku to the rescue! He saved you this time... "What's wrong with you shiny head!" Szayel yelled and hissed in pain. Ikkaku handed his wooden sword to you and ready to beat Szayel with his own fist, because of the rules... "no Zanpakuto". Now that the boys and Kenpachi arrived, everything will be a great mess.

Remember that Shinji and Aizen were fighting with bare hands? Well not just two of them, now we have Ikkaku Vs Szayel, Ulquiorra with his automatic toothbrush Vs Kenpachi and Renji vs Tosen.

"I'm not joining you guys" Gin said and left them behind after patted Kira's shoulder, leaving Kira with mixed feeling. Right now Iba and Hisagi cheering for Renji like a highschool girls.

"Oh? You're approaching me? Instead of running away, you're coming right to me?" Aizen said with an amusing look on his face. "I can't beat the shit out of you without getting closer." Shinji cracked his knuckles and ready to punch him in the face but Aizen gracefully avoided it and winked at you. "Ewwww" Yachiru who's been clinging on your shoulder from behind, gave Aizen a thumbs down.

"Heh, you are no match for me weirdo, I have all the luck" Ikkaku says as he throw a punch at Szayel, before his fist could even landed on Szayel's handsome face, a loud thump being heard from behind. All of sudden, Szayel passed out and laying unconsciously on the floor. "What the fuc—" Ikkaku cursed out and see Yumichika holding a pan with a scary look on his face. "I thought we're all agree that we shouldn't fighting here omg" now that Yumichika is fully annoyed, he wish to hit everyone with his pan but clearly he can't do that alone. "Huaaa heheheheh..Nemu, drag my new specimen outta here" Mayuri says as he poke Szayel's head to make sure that he's really unconscious. "Holy shi— Kurotsuchi taicho, you startled me!" Thank God Yumichika didn't swing his pan and hit Mayuri's face. "Kurotsuchi taicho, what are you doing here?" Ikkaku asked. "Collecting my new specimen, duh?" Mayuri replied and walk away, uninterested with whatever happens around him.

Just like everyone else, Ulquiorra is fighting Kenpachi. He use his automatic toothbrush to hit him. Kenpachi for sure is having fun right now that his spiritual pressure starts to increase, ready to beat the shit out of the 4th Espada. "I'm not expecting you to use that silly thing, well it's fine then.." he growls, but something stopped him.. Kenpachi and Ulquiorra went silent for no reason and slowly turn their head around to look at Captain Unohana's direction and regret it.. well of course it was nothing but her beautiful smile. And yet both of them felt threatened by it and stood froze there with stoic face, not moving a single muscles.

~

"Tosen, I know you are stronger than me, but I've figured out a good way to defeat you" confidently, Renji approach Tosen with a huge grin on his face. "Bring it on,young man" Tosen says and stood still on his spot.

"ROCK, PAPER, SCISSORS!"

"!!!!!???" Tosen didn't expect that, but he believes in his instinct... So he let out a rock and Renji is scissors. "Tosen, I won, I chose paper and yours is rock". Iba, Kira and Hisagi looked at Renji with shocked looks while holding back their laughter. "Psst, Renji, I know that he is now our enemy but.. this is not nice thing to do you know..." Hisagi whispered to Renji. Tosen scoffed, of course he knew that Renji is lying to him. " I am blind, not stupid, Renji" with that Tosen walk away from that place, hoping that he's catching up with Gin. "I'm not interested in this fight, Aizen sama, I'm going back to Hueco Mundo" said him as he bowed at Aizen.

Aizen who still busy pulling Shinji's hair stopped and look at him. "I guess I should stop too, I don't want to waste my time here" with that Aizen let go of Shinji's hair and looking for you, but you are nowhere to be seen. "Hold up, where's Y/n?" Shinji asked, also looking for his beautiful best friend.

"No...more importantly.. WHERE'S THE GIRLS"

~~

"y/nn!!! Lady Yoruichi is so adorable isn't??" Soi Fon said as she patted Yoruichi's head. Yoruichi purr and nestled into your warmth hug, knowing that you love her cat form more than anything and proud of herself because she has stolen your attention from the boys. Few minutes ago, Soi Fon and her noticed that you looked a bit tense so she decided to change into her cat form and jump into your arms, having all your attention on her instead of the weirdos cavemen that fighting each other in the middle of the mall. You placed a few kisses on Yoruichi's forehead and tell her how cute she is.

"Y/n!!! Come back here please!!" Shinji and Aizen shouted from the entrance of the mall, calling your name repeatedly since they can't catch up with you. "Sorry boys, your girl is mine now" Yoruichi says and winked at them.

Rangiku carried sleepy Yachiru in her arm, ready to enter the Senkaimon with everyone else, including Mayuri that still talking to Captain Unohana and Nemu walking behind him, dragging Szayel's unconscious body.

________

-The shopping mall now surrounded by the police.

-Aizen and the gang escaped to Hueco Mundo

-Shinji being rescued by Hiyori from the mall

-Renji, Iba, Hisagi and Kira escaped using their flash steps

-Kenpachi and Ikkaku fighting the cops using frying pan that Yumichika gave them💀

-Yumichika himself escaped with Renji and others

-No one knows what happened to captain Komamura and Szayel...

-Shunsui takes Jushiro to the dentist, again, but old man Yama still doing fine as ever even after ate huge amount of sweets with Jushiro 🔥 The three of them didn't even realize that their other comrades is fighting 💀

* Sad Shinji's noises *

~~~

[purplesurveys]

1862

So, how's adulting treating you in the 2020s? Are you smashing those expectations, or do you just wanna Netflix and chill all day? I did way better than the expectations I set for myself. First of all – I'm 26 and I'm still alive. I never thought I would make it past 21. That's an empowering realization to have.

I've been promoted every single year since first getting employed in 2020; I hold a title at work I never thought I would ever be qualified for, and reached it at 25. I got over my biggest source of grief and used it to reach the happiest I've ever been. I have a much, MUCH smaller group of friends now, but in them I've found my ride-or-dies. I've learned to embrace being single because it means I get to be the cool rich aunt and spend my money on whatever food or hobby on the weekends. I've stopped comparing myself to other people and it has brought me peace like nothing I've ever felt. I think I'm doing pretty great.

Remember all the fads and trends from the 2010s? Which one makes you cringe the most when looking back now? The Coachella indie girl look with the muscle tees, denim shorts, rompers etc sort of look looked super cute and cool back then, but with trends changing and all it also feels ever so slightly cringe now. Cringe in an endearing way more than anything, but still.

Idk, I don't really find a lot of things from that time embarrassing now. I was in high school then, so I took part or consumed most of those trends and I'll always look back on them fondly.

In the 2020s, are you living the glamorous life you thought all adults had in the 2010s, or is it more like trying to keep houseplants alive and failing miserably? No. Adults are also just figuring out themselves, and that's okay. I don't think that will ever stop.

Tell us about a moment in the 2010s when you thought you were the coolest kid on the block, but looking back, you were just as awkward as the rest of us. Making my relationship my entire personality.

So, do you adult better with a fancy planner and color-coded schedules, or are you just winging it with Post-it notes and sheer luck? I take it day by day. I do and decide whatever I feel like doing and deciding at the moment.

In the 2020s, have you finally mastered the art of adulting, or do you still have an impressive collection of takeout menus and not a clue about cooking? Oh if you mean like chores, I'm pretty behind lol. It's part of why I plan to move to BGC – everything has a service there. I think being as far away from home as possible would also help straighten me up and force me to fend for myself, and I need that.

Looking back on the 2010s, what was the cringiest song you couldn't stop listening to on your iPod, and did you ever dare to sing it in public? AJ Lee's theme is forever a bop within the wrestling world but I wouldn't ever play it to my friends or sing it out loud haha. It's so endearingly niche.

Are you living the dream of having a fabulous wardrobe that puts fashion bloggers to shame, or is your closet a chaotic mix of hand-me-downs and sale-rack finds? It's chaotic in a sense that my style changes from day to day.

Do you miss the simpler times of the 2010s when social media was all about posting selfies, or are you loving the meme culture that dominates the 2020s? The memes get more hilarious as time passes, and those I have no problem with. It's the peace, the non-conflict, the everyone's-just-here-to-fuck-around vibes on social media. Twitter is a world away from what it used to be.

Tell us your most epic "adulting fail" moment that made you wish you could just teleport back to your carefree teenage years. It's not really one specific moment, but I've regretted corporate-slaving my life away. Especially in my earlier work years where I was very career-driven, missing out on family lunches or the chances to go out with friends...it's those moments that make me long for my younger years when I studied during the day but still had time to hang out with my college friends and my girlfriend at the time. In any case, turning 25 turned on a switch in me and I have been prioritizing my life over work ever since, so that's a nice learning, I guess.

How do you balance being a responsible adult in the 2020s and still secretly longing for the reckless fun you had in the 2010s? Eh, I don't really need to? I don't actively miss my time in the 2010s. It was fun while it lasted, but we're here now and I'm going to focus on what makes me happy now.

Confess your most significant guilty pleasure from the 2010s that you can't believe you indulged in. No judgment here! 1D fanfiction maybe lol? I wasn't in deep like most fans and I don't understand most references still getting thrown today, but I did read a couple.

Do you have a "best worst" purchase from the 2010s that you still can't believe you spent money on? Can it just be the worst haha? Probably just all the gas I spent for my ex, driving her everywhere – to dates, to her house, to her dorm.

In the 2020s, have you upgraded your hangover-curing skills from greasy fast food to some sophisticated avocado toast? Nah I will still look for greasy stuff.

What's your go-to dance move when you hit the dance floor in the 2020s, and did it come from an embarrassing attempt in the 2010s? I don't dance.

How do you cope with adulting burnout in the 2020s, and does it involve a secret stash of chocolate or a Netflix binge? I find a lowkey coffee shop tucked away in the middle of nowhere, turn on DND on my phone, and read.

Share the most hilariously awkward Zoom moment you had during the great pandemic of the 2020s. I've never had an awkward on-cam moment, fortunately.

Looking back on the 2010s, what was the weirdest internet challenge you participated in, and did you regret it immediately? I wouldn't call it weird but my sophomore (or was it freshman?) class did the Harlem Shake challenge on the last day of school. I wouldn't call it cringe or be embarrassed by it though. It's cute to think about now.

Have you finally embraced the fact that you're an adult, or do you still find yourself wishing you had Hermione Granger's time-turner to go back to simpler times? I miss the freedom in youth, but I prefer to focus on the now because as much as I long for it, it'll never come back.

So, did you ever jump on the "juice cleanse" bandwagon in the 2010s, and did you last more than a day before devouring a pizza? No I was like 15 and weighed 90 lbs lol.

How do you handle those moments in the 2020s when you feel like you're just a kid pretending to be an adult? Cry it out if I need to, but trudge along anyway and hope that I learn something from the whatever it is I need to do.

In the 2010s, what was your worst fashion faux pas that you wish had never seen the light of day? Statement shirts.

Are you now the queen or king of adulting, doling out life advice like Oprah, or are you still secretly calling your mom for help with laundry? I have no shame asking my parents for help. They won't be around forever, so I like having them around as much as I can.

Looking ahead to the rest of the 2020s, what are your hopes and dreams for your adulting journey, and how will you embrace the chaos with a sense of humor? I would just love to be able to travel the world. And be the aunt that sneaks my nieces/nephews out for ice cream or pizza after school.

[undeadgoathead]

Love her or hate her, Barbie is iconic. I have no clue why she was stereotyped as an airheaded bimbo, when canonically she has been a doctor, astronaut, scientist, etc. Like most girls, I have fond memories of playing dolls with friends, and not-so-fond memories of siblings, cousins, etc ruining my toys, cutting their hair, covering them with mud, tattooing them with sharpies, etc.

In girl scouts, I remember each troop had to represent a different country/culture for world tolerance day or some such. So our project was singing the Barbie song in German! I still kinda remember the lyrics. 🎼Ich bin ein Barbie frau, en einer Barbie velt...🎶

On a side note, I also remember our troop representing the UK one year, because I was obsessed with The Beatles and JRR Tolkien. Good times, good times. I was a weird, nerdy kid, and I haven't changed much over the years. This is kinda embarrassing, but I played with dolls well into middle school. What can I say, I loved making up stories in my own imaginary fantasy world. Still kind of do, as a writer.

I had a Pocahontas Barbie... Hip to be Square Barbie...Of course I had the mermaid that changed the color of her hair and tail, depending on if the water was hot or cold...I had a slumber party Barbie with a soft body like a stuffed animal, so you could snuggle in bed. She also came with accessories like an inflatable chair, a box of pizza, a houseplant, and a globe. Perfect for 90s sleepovers!

One Christmas, I was gifted a special edition millennium Barbie for the year 2000. I was too young to understand collectibles, all I knew was it was the prettiest doll I'd ever seen, with her fancy gold dress and matching Christmas ornaments, and couldn't wait to play with it, so I didn't understand why everyone was so shocked when I opened the box and did just that.

I had a few of the Mattel pets, including a fluffy white cat, and a fancy Collie dog. Of course I had the sparkly white unicorn/pegasus horse with wings AND a horn, and a long pretty mane and tail that you could brush, braid, and style. I had a ton of horses in general. Including My Little Pony. And lots of dolls, not just Barbie, but also Polly Pocket, random stuffed animals, etc. Another random sidenote... I remember I used to watch a lot of PBS as a kid... I was fascinated by The Nightly Business Report... So I had my own version, The Nightly Horse Report, and all the new anchors, journalists, and correspondents were horses... Facepalm. 🤦🏽‍♀️

But in high school, I was an edgy, angsty teenager. I rejected Barbie as a sexist symbol of rigid gender roles and corporate greed. One of my aquaintances had dismembered Barbie body parts dangling from her backpack, which I thought was pretty cool. I also took the Barbies from a classmate's diorama when they didn't want them anymore. I don't know what book they were reading in the other Senior AP Literature Class, but it must have been a dark one, because the Barbies were scantily clad in plain white robes/togas, their hands were bound, they were blindfolded, and they were hanging from nooses. Yeah. Yikes. Anyway I used them for home decor in my college dorm, and even in my first apartment. Like I said, I only seem to get even weirder and creepier with age!

Then again, when I was a bratty teenage girl, my idea of feminism was misguided. In retrospect, I actually embodied a lot of internalized misogyny and toxic femininity myself. Joining the GSA (Gay Straight Alliance), poetry club, yearbook, and other extracurricular activities helped me keep an open mind and learn better social skills. But still, one of my favorite computer games at that age, was called Feed the Model, where you crash a haute couture high society fashion catwalk, and you throw tomatoes and other food at the model, hoping some of it lands in her mouth and she'll finally eat something for once, lol. Yes it was hilarious, but also problematic. I also frequented several feminist websites, including About Face and Adios Barbie. Again, I meant well, but the misandry was a little bit hypocritical.

Just like the Barbie brand is taking affirmative action to be more inclusive, I also eventually outgrew my "Hear me roar" phase, and embraced a more modern, intersectional sort of feminism and gender equality. Including a shameless appreciation for girly hobbies, such as dolls. Even in college, a roommate gave me a special Bjork Barbie with a handmade dress, custom haircut, and face painted with nail polish. He customized it himself, and it looked awesome and unique! Again, that Bjork Barbie remained dorm/apartment decor well into my mid twenties.

Now I'm in my 30s. I work at an antique store, and I do sell expensive vintage collectible Barbies to wealthy connoisseurs, as well as the cheap ones to little kids who only have a few bucks of allowance to buy used toys from secondhand thrift stores. So Barbie is still very much a part of my life on a daily basis. Grown adults pay hundreds of dollars for the right doll. I've had deep conversations with coworkers and customers about the magic of imagination, the nostalgic sense of wonder, and the simplicity yet complexity of children at play.

So I'm totally going to see that freaking Barbie movie, damn it! Who's coming with me?

[zepskies]

So I'm reading your Midnight Espresso fic even tho I've never seen supernatural because I love your Soldier Boy series, plus size latina reader, that's me!! And then the "shouldn't you know about latin american myths" made me roll my eyes, like I am centroamericana y no sabía, because I've only grown up around caribbeans and my only non carribean friends are mexican (and they're still puertorican) and argentine, like so many gringos really think we are a monolith, like when I visited El Salvador recently my family would look at me in shock when I used Carribean slang that is accidentally a bad word, and I think a lot about the time my abuela got in trouble for using the Spanish word for pest (which is also a lovingly used word by salvadoreans for kids) y las viejitas carribeñas were so offended because this word means "penis" in carribean spanish, to the point where for my colombian sister it's just the word for pest but she doesn't use it because she has the carribean connotation for it, whereas my mom and abuelita called me this word when I was little, so like I don't swear in spanish because of an intergenerational family curse that caused a lot of trauma and the only way to combat it was propriety, but it's the only "swear" word I will say while I'm singing along to bad bunny

Anyways this is super off point, and I don't know how I got to this point (the long story telling in many stages is a salvadorean gene like the way uncle colm from Derry Girls tells stories), but I love your writing, and found the "I'm cuban, not guatemalan" line to be funny because yeah while speaking spanish with different people I gotta take off my "proxy carribean" hat or my "centroamericana" hat

Hola, mi amor!! 😘

First of all, thank you for reading "Midnight Espresso"! That one is very special to me, being a plus-sized Latina myself. 🌶️💅🏽

I'm also working on a Part 2 to that fic, tentatively titled "Shall We Dance." 😉

But getting into your actual comments below:

It's pretty hilarious how often I've gotten asked if I'm [insert brown ethnicity here]. Believe me, it's run the gambit. I guess I look racially ambiguous. 💁🏽‍♀️

But yes, a lot of people assume every Hispanic/Latino culture knows everything about the other, which is why I chose to make this reader Cuban (like myself). I couldn't accurately tell your Salvadorean experience, for example. Like of course, I can research a culture to write a character, but it wouldn't feel as natural or authentic for me to write as I did writing from my own multicultural experience.

So Dean's line:

“Shouldn’t you be an expert on this already?” Dean teases as you rifle through the pages. “I thought Latin American legends were right up your alley.”

It's tongue-in-cheek, but you're right, it's pointing to a larger issue about how most Americans view Hispanics/Latinos as a whole. 😂

And omg I could tell so many stories about me or my fam/friends getting in trouble with words other Spanish-speaking cultures don't use, or it has an entirely different meaning lmao.

For example, my Cuban ass was talking to my Dominican friend (I'm Dominican as well, but I tend to speak more like a Cuban). Cubans tend to "eat their 's'" on the ends of words. So I said something like, "aw, damn, I'm really liking the look of those tostones." Which of course, is just a fried plátano.

What her Dominican ass heard was "totones." Which for the English speakers in the room, is a woman's pussy. (Or translated more literally, multiple pussies.) 😂

I'm so sorry you've been scarred from cursing in Spanish, because it really can be so colorful and inventive. 😂😂

But I freakin' love Derry Girls!!! And I'm so glad you enjoy my writing, amor. Thanks so much! 😘❤️❤️

[chaineaira]

"MY LIFE STORY ABOUT CHILDHOOD TO ADULTHOOD"

My name is Chaine Aira Talingting Cabarrubias, and this is my life journey. I'm so lucky to have a supportive family, especially my parents, who worked tirelessly to provide for their family. Despite the challenges we've encountered together, they showered us with love and encouragement. The house echoed with the sound of bedtime stories, whispered secrets, playing music or instruments, and singing together. It was our comfort zone when we were facing our problems and struggles in life. 

During childhood, I sometimes wanted to be a princess in the coronation night however, we have no money to become a princess therefore it's expected that I'm not the one to win the crown, because this princess competition was held during fiesta celebration and this coronation is just based who has the highest money and were just average family and our opponents was rich so basically we just expects to lost but its very funny because I won and become a princess which is very surprising with the turn of event's the funny thing is that I just only won because one of the candidate wanted to have soft drinks and it happen to be that the mother doesn't have any money left in her pocket except the money in the envelope so the mother take 8 pesos from the envelope just to buy her daughter soft drinks and eventually thats there biggest mistake because thats the reason they lost and I win and I only win to them by 75 cents thats very hilarious right, becoming a princess just because of 75 cents and thats me.

Being the eldest child, it's my responsibility to be my siblings role model, and I really want to be the one they look up to. Yeah, I really tried, but as a human, I know that I have flaws too. I'm trying to be a good example to them. As a child, I used to be pampered and always have my way with everything I desired. My parents have been very doting on me since I was also very obedient to them, but all of a sudden that changed because my brother was born, and suddenly the attention was not on me anymore. It made me feel sad for a while because I thought that my parents loved my baby brother more than me. I was jealous, but I couldn't help it. I also felt bad for my behavior, which is why I realized I needed to change it, and eventually I learned how to love and take care of my brother like the good elder sister I am. Then we grow to be very close as siblings until my parents' children give birth to the other four of us.

When I was studying in primary school, I used to be on the honor roll from 1st grade to 3rd grade. At that time, I knew that I made my parents proud, but when I reached 4th grade, my grades suddenly declined, which made me sad because I felt that I had disappointed my parents. I really feel down, and I'm not the cheerful little girl I'm used to being. At that time, my parents noticed my sadness, and they decided that they had to do something to cheer me up. Since it's summer vacation, my parents plan to spend our vacation in my mother's hometown in the province to have some fun and, at the same time, create some happy memories that we spend together. Also, my parents told me that there's no need to be sad about me not getting an award or honor roll because they said that it's okay as long as I pass, and most important, I did my very best and studied very hard, and that's more than enough for them. At that very moment, I promised myself that next time I'll always try my hardest as a daughter to make my parents proud, and I'll make sure that their effort and sacrifices to send me to a good school are worth it. Although we struggle financially, my parents always make sure to provide us with food and a happy home to live in. They also make sure for all of us to continue our education, even though sometimes they are at their hardest to support our family financially. But still, they strive to do anything and everything to successfully raise us and make us respectful and kind-hearted people.

As a teenager, my high school and senior high school moments were very memorable. I met new people and new friends, and I always wanted to explore and learn new things that could make me grow and develop into who I am right now. At this age, I have learned from the people I've been with that there's nothing permanent in this life because even the people we cherish and treasure the most have to leave us, and it's all part of the journey. Only my family is always there for me during my ups and downs. They didn't leave me when I was at my hardest times in life. They are always there for me every time I feel down, and they always cheer me up and encourage me to go beyond life. And that is why I want to work harder to give my family a stable life, and my goal is to give my parents a comfortable lifestyle during their older years. I'm not perfect, but I'm trying my best to be better because, as humans, everybody makes mistakes, but those mistakes can also make us stronger and teach us a life lesson. I also accepted my failures and mistakes, and my parents also taught me that everybody must accept defeat because not anything in this world you want, you can have it. Because if you can't experience being defeated, you can't be the winner in the end. Life lessons can be harsh; just humbly accept them and surrender yourself to the Lord, who will guide you to be who you want to be in the future.

[vbee-miya]

Loved the matchups now can I have a normal one for haikyuu and demon slayer

A male one btw

I'm a straight short girl use she/her pronouns, im around 5'2 with long brown hair and eyes and a leo also a infp,im also ace as for which one im not too sure atm as i just found out not ling ago. I'm 21. I like anime,dragons,reptiles,drawing but I'm not good,tarantulas,sweets,video games, memes,dark humor. I am very kind but I care more about others than I do myself. I have bad anxiety. I tend to overthink about everything. I love to sing especially country music but I am tone deaf. I have trouble standing up for myself because I was bullied alot. I can be very blunt. I also love to swear. I can be very loud. I love a good mystery and cop shows. I love dad jokes and puns.I am terrified of bees and heights. I am very lazy but I can be good at doing stuff if motivated. , unless I know it will happen or if I touch someone. I accidentally snap at people and I find people's pain hilarious so if someone gets hurt there is a good chance I will laugh at them. I sound meaner than intended sometimes. I can have trouble showing that im thankful at times. I pick at scabs as a nervous habit. I love to add alot of lemon juice to my tea to where it's more lemon than tea. When I'm woken up early with low sleep I am very mean and grumpy. I cant tell when people are joking and take it seriously. I do have asphergers which is a form of autism. Becuase of it I am a very picky person with foods and such.

I am very kind but people take advantage of it and I don't usually fight back. I also have adhd and I can go on forever about something but I don't know when to stop and should be told to if it's getting annoying. I have self esteem issues at times as well.

I am a bit overweight it isn't shown well I have thick thighs and am just a but chubby around the stomach it isn't noticeable unless I wear somethign small I usually wear large t-shirts.I have a few weird talents. I can put my foot behind my head while standing and both while sitting down. I can burp for 14 seconds. I have been told I have resting bitch face. When someone stops talking to me my attention goes to something else so I won't be able to hear what they said if they say something again so I end up saying what alot cause I loose focus easily. I am incredibly stubborn if I want something done.

For dislikes I don't like people who don't understand that I'm different and ignore my sensitivities. I also don't like smoking it bothers me. For my love languages im not too sure probably gift giving or quality time as I love to just laze around in bed and play games.

༺❀༻ matchup ༺❀༻

haikyuu one

honestly i was going to match you with issei.

but daichi is definitely a better fit. he’s a sexy cop man that’s all I can say. but listen issei is also just as sexy and working in a funeral is sexy.

anyways daichi. he’d think your adoration for dragons and reptiles are pretty damn cool just like your drawings. because headcanon he can’t draw for shit and even if he did try it still wouldn’t look like what he’d want.

i also can’t keep thinking about how daichi low key looks like thomas crusader. if not by looks then definitely the vibes. idk that’s just my random take.

anyways your humor and his humor certainly don’t fit like puzzle pieces. but he’d try to understand dark humor which honestly he still wouldn’t find funny. though if it’s a funny meme then what the hell. he’ll give a good deep of a laughter. but he can’t resist a good dad joke and actually would be clever enough to come up with new ones when you guys are taking a stroke in some place.

he’d be weary of you about not fully putting yourself first than others, and he’ll remind you that. he’d make sure you’re taking care of yourself and even if it’s difficult he’ll be there to motivate you. after all you are talking to a former volleyball captain. it’s only natural he’s good with words and motivations of that sorts.

when you overthink he’ll hear you out but pull you back into reality. and tell you to take everything one step at a time. no matter how much you’re thinking about something, the moment you start getting ahead of yourself daichi would pull you out of the loop hole and take time to live in the moment and critically think about things one step at a time and make sure those steps aren’t just empty words but actions as well.

you’re bluntness might scare him, but honestly it’s more of the fact that he appreciates you for it. not many people who say they’re blunt are blunt. he’d also completely ignore you swearing. not that he’s got a problem he just wouldn’t care for it unless if it’s around his parents then he’ll have a word with you elsewhere. really playing that cop fantasy.

as mean as you may portray or perceive yourself daichi knows you’ve got a good heart. and even though it’ll take time for him to actually understand everything about you, just know in those times of being together he’s got insane patience and will never ignore you sensitivities. and like any decent human being will always accept you for who you are and will help you get better because you make them feel like they can also better themselves.

daichi even as great of a motivator as he is sucks at getting motivated. that’s only a joke though but if you give him something in exchange or even a simple talk in quality time he’ll forever be grateful to you. and also i will like to add quality time with you and daichi is watching action acclaimed shows and movies especially ones with cops and he’d play judge and see how well thought out and played the roles of the law are.

[stardust-in-my-mind-blog]

sharing bodies

when you've been pregnant four times

you kind of get used to your body not being your own

I grew up with everyone telling me my body wasn't my own

it was never small enough and I had to give affection

to whomever someone else told me to

so I was kind of used to it

but there is an intimacy to pregnancy

a love that goes beyond survival

you have to believe in something inside of you that you

can only know through connection with a being

you've never met yet and the way it torments you physically

kind of makes you wonder if you want to know them at all

but your curiosity always gets the best of you

there's this pureness of love that never goes away

and the fears rise up but are kicked away

by the life you sing to and talk to and pray to

growing deeply inside of you and also causing you pain

I'm naturally sensitive so pregnancy every time was torture

I hate being nauseous and I was always nauseous

and anything could trigger it or gagging

and my moods are already quicksilver so when I was with child

they usually ended up in very tearful storms

I was exhausted all the time and everything hurt

but it was nice having a friend to telepathically learn about

who never went away even if they wanted to

or I really wanted them to so we had to kind of adapt

and commit and it can be hard for souls to do that

people have so many ideas about pregnancy

but I can tell you that the three I knew

they were all so very different and wild

after meeting my children in life outside my womb

each pregnancy ended up matching who they were

with my first son I was just... miserable

we are both very sensitive and gentle in the same ways

but we can also lash out in a way that leaves

outsiders completely confused as to who we are

but we're also opposite in ways so our opposing currents made me

so so sick and nauseous that I took pills for it

and then asked for those pills every pregnancy after

my doctor wasn't on call when I had my first

so a stranger walked in and sliced me up like a fish

at the time I had an epidural but healing was a bitch

my daughter came into me like a lightning bolt from the clouds

I wasn't ready for it but she gave me a new perspective

on everything I had ever learned about being a woman

her sweetness always had a ferocity to it

and I was always ravenous and chaotic with her

we both neutralize that in each other now

she is always my harmony and I tend to be her structure

and when I lose my structure she reminds me

that I've always been able to figure out a way to get back

she's my inspiration when I don't remember what's real

she came out into the world very quickly

her eyes so quick to take in everything and smile

she'd only fall asleep if I held her foot

and often I'd wake with her brow up against mine

by the time my youngest was ready to embody a form

I'd been prepared in a tragic way for him

he was my easiest pregnancy but the earliest to leave

I was going through a move and custody battle at the time

so my blood pressure and preeclampsia symptoms

make a whole lot of sense as to why I was shoved into bedrest

and I hated every second of being trapped to my bed

but I did enjoy all the guilt-free hours of playing Breath of the Wild

I was really good at that game and it reminded me of

being a child myself and climbing and looking at everything in nature

my youngest never did anything like the other two

he even crawled with his butt up in the air like a bear

both of my boys are more like spidermen

my girl weaves around them leaving them angry and confused

and then best friends all in one spinning situation

it's so fun to watch them connect and bond

and secretly hilarious when they get sick of each other's

very badly concealed manipulations once they realize them

last week I told my son that I may seem tired and frustrated

likely even disconnected and confused about my future

and all these things are messing with my caretaking of them

but I wanted him to know that the surprise of him

and taking care of him was the way I got to know myself

that looking into his eyes and learning all about him

was how I learned about myself and become someone new

and we're always becoming someone new

that I never once regretted changing my life to have him

and I'd had to make some painful choices but nothing like

the regret I'd have had not getting to know him

he's transitioning from boy to adolescence and it's difficult for him

once he confessed that was was scared of the change

I can't imagine what kinds of things he's feeling

but I can watch how he expresses his ever changing moods

sometimes he is my sweet and clingy toddler again

sometimes he tries to be an arrogant dictator

mostly he complains about what an eleven year old should

and I give him whatever patient logic I can to help him

face the consequences of his actions so he can actually learn them

instead of blaming or shaming him for my preconceived or

perceived definition of what respect or correct tone or feelings are

I was married once to a man who sang and drank chronically

and if I'd gotten pregnant with him

I'd had clawed that child out of me with my own hands

bringing a child into a world where your relationship is dangerous

that's something I would never do intentionally

and it helps me to understand that even sharing a body

doesn't mean you give up everything to the magic of it

the life of the mother and the life of the child are valuable

the life of the mother may be seen as valueless by many

especially once the child is born and responsibilities rise

being pregnant helped me to learn how to take care of my body

for the first time since I was born into it

it was the first time someone cared more about me

than how I looked or walked in the world

and in a way it was more about the baby

but I was able to clearly learn both meanings in the situation

and I never lost that desire to care for myself

even when everyone else seemed to forget about me

sometimes you can only learn through what you experience

and only face what's in front of you

even when you're told by others it's wrong

you make the choices and you follow your heart

even if you stopped believing in it

you body never stops believing in you

and as a chimera

which is what a mother becomes after becoming

a hotel for so many guests

I'd treat each body for the magic it is

and fuck up anyone who wants to challenge that

and the right people never will

which is a comfort all on its own