#... anyways i looked into the mental health shit at my school again and im gonna have to call to set up an appointment i guess. ugh.

[stormyoceans]

hey girl write down your top 7 (this is nice number😋) of js's fav photo shoots, images

THIS IS SUCH A GREAT QUESTION AND 7 IS INDEED A VERY NICE NUMBER BUT IN THIS PARTICULAR CASE IT MIGHT BE A WAY TOO SMALL ONE LIKE HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO PICK ONLY 7 PICTURES FROM JIMMYSEA PHOTOSHOOTS WHEN WE GOT SO MANY JUST THESE PAST COUPLE OF MONTHS ✋😭

i mean of course im still gonna try to do it, but know im throwing up all the blood in my body every step of the way and that if you ask me this question again in a couple of weeks the answer might be different ;;;;;;;

ANYWAY HERE GOES NOTHING!!!!!!!!

1. the chemistry in front of this fish tank is astronomical from LEMON Magazine. sorry idk what else to say except that they're literally just looking at each other and yet every time i so much as barely glance at it i still find myself in a dead faint in front of my screen drowning in the sheer incomprehensible levels of magnetism electricity tension vibes oozing from this one (1) single still image. like i know maybe it's weird to put it in first place since it only has their faces and nothing else but it really makes feel in dire need of a mental health crisis intervention team THIS IS WHAT THE WALLS OF MY PADDED ROOM LOOK LIKE

2. forehead touch from Starry Magazine. WHAT CAN I SAY IM NOT IMMUNE TO FOREHEAD TOUCHES. they're giving such effervescent 'we are so deeply intertwined and enthralled by each other that everything else just falls away' vibes that i can even look past the school boys attire this picture is just THAT beautiful. also the tenderness!!!!!!!! the sunflower!!!!!!!! I AM BUT A WEAK WOMAN

3. cuntitude Xtreme100 from ViVi men. invented maximizing their joint slay and serving so much coquettecore cuntism it makes me act deeply unwise. idek what's the worst (read: best) part of it all if jimmy's bold jewelries or sea's outfit that exposes the mole on his chest for the world to see or how fluffy their hair look or the way jimmy is resting his arms on sea's shoulder while sea's head is turned just enough to brush against jimmy's all i know is that whoever styled them for this shoot deserves a raise and a kiss on the mouth.

4. interconnectedness from PRAEW Magazine. look me in the eyes and tell me this doesn't belong in the louvre with a little tag on display under it that shows this exact title like with all due respect to my man leonardo but the mona lisa ain't shit compared to this picture. it should be studied in art classes all around the world for its lines and composition and contemporary figuration and how the intertwinement of the bodies is a metaphor for the mingling of souls throughout lifetimes. OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

5. whole face economy in one image from Mint Magazine. never in the history of the whole entire world have two people looked more stunning like the visual excellence displayed here never fails to propel me into an entire different reality. the other reason i love this one so much is that this is their usual pose but for once sea is the one holding jimmy and that truly makes me feel some type of way, the photographer really was on some galaxy brain shit for this one.

6. sea's oral fixation from ViVi men. at first i didn't want to put two pictures from the same shoot on the list just to give more variety but im currently too rabid about this one to leave it out. im not sure what compelled sea to put one of the strings from jimmy's hoodie in his mouth but that sure was. A CHOICE. i also love jimmy's smile and the more casual clothes and sea's silly goose vibes and how warm and huggable and comfort shaped they look.

7. high fantasy concept from LEMON Magazine. once again i didn't want to put two pictures from the same shoot but i think this ones deserves a place on here even just for how original it is like THE VISION THE TASTE THE FLAVOUR THE STYLE THE INSPIRATION THE QUALITY THE VIBES CHINESE MAGAZINES TRULY ARE ON SUCH A COMPLETE DIFFERENT LEVEL OF CREATIVITY GMMTV WISHES IT COULD COME UP WITH SUCH INCREDIBLE OUT OF THIS WORLD IDEAS.

[suiciderape]

totaltrash

we must discuss this gay ass shit bitch! the leader of the neptune planet she rejects? ew! still been the ghetto i see ew! shes upset obviously its the same person too so go home! potter! rejected nuns and fight for party infringement rights ok so? where are we? ur new house ew! hahaha i love my new house my phone sucks! no :( ok its good... even being here... wiggly what! i get it now i have a wiggly dick? no babe my phone lol im sorry who is this? kim deal ew! ur ghetto i love kim deal me too ok so who is this? desarae hollins ew ur baddie smells good! ew! ew! ew! rejected princess pretty pussy 6 is back do it again rejected princess prett6 pussy is back again no! ew! omg stop!! omg shes gonna see what tumblr did to us! omg no she doesnt care lol mhm :) scary gangsta? are u chris angel insider? no im not! oh lol well who is us? im us! omg! what does that mean? no more couple shopping trips to the local ghetto mall!! yay! what else? get a macbook pro today? or tomorrow? today! lol ur a baddie with a dick launcher! huh! oh uh huh! *gs* uh oh uh huh huh! *gs* 808s heartbreak *gs* lady macbeth lady macbeth lady macbeth oh! huh! *gun shot* gun shot! ah! ah! asian! oh asain! asian! ah!! asian oh!! asian lol its 808s heartbreak oh bob hehe mhm :) macdonalds angel? insider *gs* oh!! asian oh my god its asia oh!! *gs* mhm :) lol ur not even asian anyway daamn baby they died of lung disease cancers get bent! ew! yay! omg shes an angel! lol mhm :) macdonalds oh bob hehe waait!

yoon keeho

daddy that was mad awkward for the non asians! i know bitch daamn ok so where did we leave off? private school suicide pss ok so it didnt work? no it didnt why is that? u grounded me from making things look cute ok! so its not uppercapping? hell nah bitch u always right lmao ok so its ok to look bad? whaat the fuck bitch we were at get bent ok so go back to school ok no i didnt see it get away 5 dead dead! dead dead dead! dead! dead dead dead! dont boy 1234 donut boy dead! dead! dead dead! dead dead dead dead! see thats ok we like ur games did the bubble pop lava & knives no it didnt daddy ok! so go homee ok mhm :)

scary gangsta

omg bitch! shes in my house! omg noo where at? someone just said desarae! ew! omg ok so thats not u? hell nah bitch i got into the secret side of pintrest finally im ecstatic i really was ok! so go home! potter! weasely nah nigga but thats disgusting how did she know that this was ur house? im assuming u sold it? no i didnt! ita scary gangsta! ew ok! mt st helens bitch that was the wrong scary gangsta! omg who was it? the bad one that tried to fuck ur life up we got into his mental ward and locked him up for life! how did he see my account? he didnt! we let him see our phone not yours! right? yes! no hes been following u around all day as ur daddy yoon keeho hell nah bitch she is right! it waa our phone not hers! ok does she get it? hes never even met her! wait i didnt say we could move on! who is this? desarae hollins! u mean choi paranoid? yes! ok so go home! potter! ew! hey wait! omg her account is badaaa lets see some japanase architecture! ok! lol ur stupid it was the real scary gangsta the whole time! lol whaat? omg get bent

mt st helens

is this how u feel rn? well it wasnt until i saw the photograph stupid! does that mean u were there? no it doesnt daddy ew! lol ur stupid hahaha i know dudee ok so why is it all watery looking? the photograph? yes ok well did it go back into ur skin? ew! fuck u bitch no it did not ok hold on 808 heartbreak <3

suicide boys

sorry mt st helens brb? no!! lol tell her to stop texting my brother lol she is not texting him and he keeps blocking her twitter what year is it? 1921 what year is she in? 2023 omg what the fuck bitch! who is that? me apparently lol what the fuck bitch! ok

1989s suicide boys mission health goth

ew! lol suck a fuck bitch go home no homo training! did he call u back bitch? yes he did bitch! and he speaks chinese now! what the fuck bitch suck a fuck bitch nah she sent me more 808s heartbreak ew! fuck u bitch! lol ok sorry i love u ily 2! hey! whats ur bfs name? chris angel insider i thought it was electrumsol me tew bith! daamn ew! hahaha ew! hahaha ew! hahaha god daamn it thats what u meant? yes omg can lesarafim be the group at school with me? in south korea? where else? japan where else? thats it for now! ok australia! ew fine l8r byee go home and take this shit to sleep he loves u so fucking much! omg were in! can we stay the night now? whaat? of course bitch i love u always have always will! lol omg ur so much fun! lol u weirdo send tweet send tweet send tweet hollow tip - hoo ride attack

[princelyhelp]

bestie you have such good taste in webcomics give us some recs

OH MY GOD FINALLY!!! SOMETHING IM GOOD AT!!! okay so, a lot of stuff i read are queer webcomics ( specifically with gay men bc majority of the webcomics that are online and actually GOOD,,,, are about gay men ). anyways, here's a list of my favorite webcomics and where to read them.

omgcheckplease by ngozi: a webcomic written by a black woman aka my literal role model. omgcp is about a gay man named eric bittle who gets a hockey scholarship at samwell university. we watch eric learn about being a fratbro, coming in terms with his identity, fall in love, and become confident in playing hockey. it’s really cute and completed!! homophobia isn’t a huge part of the plot ( thank god ), like it’s there but the webcomic isn’t about the homophobic world. it’s just about bitty and his baking vlogs <3

tripping over you by suzana harcum: LITERALLY MY GO TO WEBCOMIC WHENEVER I’M SAD!!! CURRENTLY ON MY FOURTH REREAD. about liam and milo who are basically high school sweethearts and their lives from their last year of high school to their first year of college. deals with depression, disconnect between children and parents, divorced parents who still argue, arguments that happen in a relationship, and just finding yourself after turning 18/19. my favorite part of this webcomic is def the wedding scene bc i love love ( despite being aromantic ). 

heartstopper by alice oseman: YOU ALREADY KNOW THAT I WAS GONNA ADD THIS!!! everyone knows of this webcomic bc it’s so popular out of the three. literally makes me so happy and i relate to the characters a lot ( especially when it comes to my mental health and how that affects me on a daily ). gonna cry when the netflix series drop 

autophobia by g.h.s.t: sobbing, i love this. i think i have a thing for webcomics that deal with depression,,,,, probably bc i can relate to all of them AOGPIOAJGAOIGA also a gay love story but with high schoolers learning more about themselves, friendships coming to an end, learning to love and trust yourself again. it’s cute but also so sad. also if you talk shit about the artwork,,, i’ll throw a brick at you 

magical boy by the kao: OMG!!!! LITERALY!!! AMAZING!!! LOVE MY MANS KAO!!!! it’s a webcomic about a transman who comes from a long line of magical girls who protect the world from monsters. you can read it on tapas but you would have to pay ( VALID DO IT!!! IT’S SO GOOD!!! ). please be aware because the webcomic deals with the main character’s identity and his transphobic town and mother ( the dad is amazing, supports his beautiful son ). it’s still a huge rec

demon house by joanne kwan: this webcomic ended and im still not over it. literally a girl moves into this house with demons and it’s just her friendship with them. it’s also the first webcomic to truly draw angels how they REALLY look, which made me so happy. cried when it had to end. still crying over it OAIGJAIOGJAIG

the flying ship by jem milton: BEAUTIFUL, 10/10, I LOVE FOUND FAMILY PLOTS!!! it’s that diverse fantasy webcomic that we all need and deserve. the main character has a disability, another character is genderfluid, IT’S GAY!!!!! please read it, i need more people to read it. also the main character is written beautifully and doesn’t let their disability stop them from kicking ass ( bc people seem to think that disabled people cannot do the same shit as able bodied people )

lady knight by lion illustration: on webtoon and it’s truly amazing! about a bunch of 15 y/o who are training to become knights to beat up the darkness or whatever. but there’s a twist bc the main is a woman and usually, the knights are men but she was chosen. love her and her two best friends, ot3!!! 

hooky by miriam bonastre tur: I REMEMBER READING THIS WHEN THE VERY FIRST CHAPTER GOT DROPPED!!! about twin witches who missed the bus to their witch boarding school so they go to some random guy’s house to learn magic from him. starts off cute and silly before becoming dark and twisted. i sobbed when this ended, i’m still crying. 

other recs that i won’t go into details about: hooves of death, miss abbott and the doctor, lil char and the gang, midnight poppy land, LMLY, heir’s game, tower of god, boyfriends, space boy, siren’s lament, where tangets meet, always human, your letter, the girl from class, elena, for the sake of sita, matchmaker hero, kids are all right ( you will cry ), annarasumanara, and the stories of those around me

[tojigasm]

why do you chat with your mutuals more than post requests and stuff not trying to be hateful or rude im genuinely asking

Ya know what. I'm gonna be as transparent as i can right now. I spent my entire morning trying to figure out how to respond to this, so instead of spelling it out of how rude this ask is, im going to tell you about everything ive been doing these past few months ive taken a small haitus from writing for my own mental health 🧖‍♀️ one is ive started going out more, im making new friends and having a blast while in college. Another is ive finally gotten the chance to show off my outfits, im trying new looks everyday and I adore eachone and am becoming confident in myself again, i havent felt this happy in legit a year or so. Doing my own shopping for clothes i want and always looking on pinterest for new outfits!! Realized my old friends werent real friends and decided that im better off without them (love my best friends i have and the new friends im making), beginning to heal from my ED and feel sexy everyday🧘‍♀️

SIKEEEE i know you're not trying to be rude but holy shit is this rude as fuck lmfao💀💀 anyways... writers don't owe you shit. I don't owe u guys any works, literally at all. I'm allowed to take breaks and still take requests because I'm in college rn and I'm trying balance figuring everything out (which I've talked about probably 16 times now on this account) I get that you're inconvenienced by me being busy and taking time to write out thoughtful pieces that aren't rushed and that I know the requester will enjoy. Then again, I could just not write anymore at all because people like you ruin it for writers. It's absolutely mind boggling to me how you thought of this, wrote it out, and hit send and went "yup, this is the one!" This is such an ignorant message and so rude. Like you guys don't pay me to write for you, it's not my job, it's a hobby I do that I enjoy and I have PLENTY of fics you can reread in the mean time while I'm writing drafts for your requests and making other parts to other fics I've written while focusing on school, friends, relationships, talking to you guys, and my own fucking mental health but I get that you don't care about that, which is fine, you don't have to, but dont expect your request to come any faster when u send bullshit like this in my inbox and expect it to be encouraging. You're so embarrassing, like fr

[kalims]

I just like really need to get this off my chest, so please. I don't care if you're just gonna read this but I'm so sick so I just wanna let it all out

ever since online started, my first thought was: yay! no more school. cause I thought it'd be easier for me. news flash, I was completely fucking wrong. for the last, what? two years my mental health has been crashing down, sometimes there's times where I think: oh. this is actually okay, I think I'm gonna be fine but then the next moment I'm bawling my eyes out about something I never wanted to live my life doing.

school sucks. it took me years, semester after semester to get used to it. my first year was horrible, I was behind everything. I ignored everything, I procrastinated my works and I thought when it was finally time to pass them: I'll never get past this. but im here, somehow I'm here and yet again I'm facing another wall. i feel hopeless again. and this year. it's the most hopeful I've been, I've been better. so much better than this is the first time I've ever been truly proud of myself. but now I don't know anymore.

my grades came and I'm ashamed to say they aren't high, funny how I'm insecure even about a few numbers thats supposed to decide my life course.

it's unhealthy but when I face things like this, the only thought I had was how much I wanted to die. im humiliated of myself because I'm so fucking pathetic, I can change my life right now but I can't and i don't even know why. it's funny cause i keep telling my freind that I'll kms but I'm still alive, cause im too young. and i don't know how to disappear. I'm trying to stay alive because for once, I want to be good in something that no one will ever surpass me in.

my mom's facing me right now, she's laughing. I can see that she's holding in her laughs at the face of my tears.  she's comforting me but I can't take her words to heart. it goes out of one ear and out of the other.

and as much as I love everyone I've met with all my heart, my freinds, I love them so much and I appreciate them. but sometimes I feel so lonely because no one has ever said nice things to me, to validate my feelings, but I was okay because I was always used to being left with my thoughts and just passing one of it with a few jokes. I hate that no one was ever willing to ask me: "are you okay? do you wanna talk about it?" without me asking for it first. maybe some people did ask me about it, I cant remember. thank you for them.

even if I did receive one of them. I probably chose to brush it off. god I make no sense right now.

to the strangers, people, online and irl freinds I have. I'm so sick, my best freind. I always played as someone she could trust, I hate that I'm talking to her behind her back rn but I couldn't fucking careless right now because I can't tell if I'm just on my period. whenever I rant to her about topics I'm interested in (an anime, genshin, just topics I love) she always just sends one worded replies like "what" or "okay" one time she even told me that she couldn't give a shit about things she didn't know about. a few days ago, idk when. she asked to rant about her book, which of. I didn't even know about. I told her "sure. do you even have to ask?" and then I let her send me lengthy messages, I even made comments about it.

I'm so sick telling other people the exact same words that I want to hear.

okay let's put it simply. I'm the therapist friend, I always wanted to take psychology. I'm the girl that asks google on how to comfort someone so I can provide better comfort. I'm selfish for wanting to be comforted myself but who the hell am I anyways? I don't have a lot of irl freinds, sometimes in online I feel isolated cause I don't really ever fit in. I'm not pretty, I know I can be smart if I actually put in the effort and if I wasn't so lazy, I'm not rich, in fact my family isn't very wealthy. I look at other people and the only thing I can do is stare in envy because I can never get it.

I don't know how to make myself look good, I don't know shit about makeup, I don't even know anything about basic information I'm supposed to do. I know I won't able be ever let outside my house to hang out with friends because my parents are strict.

I hate that all my friends are better than me in one way or another. I always thought to myself: I want to live another life. because i was truly, upset, and unhappy in this one. no matter how many times I feel happy there's always gonna be something that's gonna drag me down again.

when I finally choose to open up to my parents, the thing they always do is laugh at me. they treat my words like it's a joke, maybe it's just a common reaction but I'm sensitive. that sounds oddly like a pick me but I want to be honest with my feelings without using jokes to dismiss it.

I love them, but I hate them because they always choose to try and force my feelings out of me. they threaten to take away my phone when I dont talk to them and it's exhausting to talk about something that I don't wanna talk about to someone like them.

I'm tired. I'm tired of being a big sister, I'm tired of being a daughter, I'm tired of being a freind, and I'm so fucking tired of living. it sucks.

I'm so tired of being yelled at because I didn't have the energy to finish a school work that I didn't want to do in the first place. I'm tired of being called that it's my fault for having a bad grade. I'm so fucking tired of putting up with everything. I'm so tired that I'm always the one being blamed when my brother does something wrong. I'm so tired of never really having anything for myself because if I ask for something it will only burden my family, so I'd be content with everything I have even if it isn't a lot as long as I'd be able to do the stuff I love.

"it will pass", I believe that saying but I just want it to end right now. I don't want it to pass. it sucks that I can't do anything right now. all I can do is drag myself to my desk and let a bunch of things confuse me. everything I do, it always ended in disaster. as much as i hate to say it, it really is all my fault.

my parents stay silent but I can't tell if their silence is worse then when they're scolding or screaming to me about something. I hate them so much because of the non-existent psychological pressure and torture they put me through. I lie to them, just so I can save myself from that again.

for now. I'll just force myself to not play anything until I finish every single fucking thing. I don't care if I end up staying up for days but who cares anyways? I just hoped my parents would've let me down slowly instead of blaming it all on me on one go. I sound so edgy rn. honestly there's a lot more but i don't have the energy anymore. this prolly means I won't post for a while. thanks. bye.

[beann-e]

Arranged Marriages With Stoic Guys

female pronouns used for this one !

“ y/n you don’t have to do this if you don’t want to “

“ are you stupid of course I have to “ you snapped at your father who stood hovering over you a slight smirk on his face “ eh thought you’d want to hear what you wanna hear “

you scoffed trying to push his arm off your shoulders this was all stupid you didn’t want to do any of this

“ honestly i’m doing what’s best for you y/n you need this — we need this “ he sighed “ I mean don’t you want to help your family and yourself think about how well set up you’ll be “his eyes went stone on yours “ you need this “

you flinched at the way his sureness slipped into his tone there was no way you were gonna get out of this “ no you need this there is no we right now “

his face hardened as he held out his arm for you to grab “ shut up and grab my arm “

“ i’m not going out there with you “

“ yes “ his voice was threatening and quiet “ you are “

“ I said im no— “

“ look you’ve been weighing this family down for years yet, we’ve said nothing— and now you finally have the chance to help us — to show you belong in this world and you won’t ? are you serious “

His face flew up into a look of annoyance “ you have no other purpose than to help us that is why you were born to be shoved into a family rich enough to secure your own and your families needs and now you mean to tell me you don’t want to do what you were created for “

your mouth snapped shut at his claims

“ are you that disgusting that you can’t even help your family “

you felt your body go cold as he continued to press into you

“ you preach how we’re the bad people yet you do evil shit like this“

he scoffed looking down on you “ i feel nothing but pure disgust to even have to go out there and call you my daughter “

he shook his head in disappointment before putting his arm out for you to grab again “ grab it “ his voice raised “ and you better go out there and put on that glorious look of innocence his father liked “

you gulped as he directed you quickly out the doors and draped the piece of fabric that you wore on your head. Placing it over your eyes and walking you down the aisle that had been so beautifully decorated

you were suppose to be getting married today not that you wanted to but, you had to.

you were the only girl in a family full of knuckle headed boys who just weren’t smart enough for an arranged marriage.

This was your fourth time being close enough to being married off though you hated the other 2 there was one that stuck out to you and that was number three

Your third boyfriend was one your family never liked they saw him as disgusting, vile, and too dirty with his language.

To you he was caring and open and rarely ever talked too harshly to you as long as you managed to never piss him off. You were happy with him and he was the only one you could ever see yourself settling down with until he told you He would take care of you and only you.

That was the nail in the coffin when you brought him over to dinner one night and out of the blue he spoke loudly so everyone could hear him “ look — with this whole marriage thing when I do marry your shitty daughter “

his eyes coming over to look at you and sending a look of reassurance your way making sure you knew he didn’t mean it. Them falling back to look at everyone around the dinner table who moved comfortably in their seats not caring how he talked to you as long as they would get to live lavish

“ i’m not taking care of you guys “ he scooped up the leftover food on his plate “ i’m only going out of the way for her and her only — the rest of you are on your own “

he shoveled the food in his mouth speaking carefully and making sure to watch his words knowing how serious he had to be with them in order for him to be heard by your parents “ you guys are using her for money and I don’t like that i’m not taking care of shitty parents and two brothers who act like they can’t even tell me how to spell yen “

him laughing and turning to your eldest brother a small smile on his face “ hey jerk face “

“ uh huh “ your brothers body wiggled in excitement to be acknowledged “ what’s up “

“ spell yen for me real quick “

“ babe don—“

“ shutup needa prove a point for your asshole parents “

“ hmmm “ your brother thought out loud as your other one jumped in the conversation “ hey dude what’s yen anyways “

your boyfriends mouth flying open as he slammed his hand on the table “ actually scratch that — i’m gonna pay for them both to go to elementary school and be two tall ass bodyguards that talk and say dumb shit like this to scare the kids into learning “

he pushed himself out of his chair kissing you softly before leaving the room. The door slamming as your father followed him anger swirling off his body at not only your boyfriends attitude for not wanting to help them but for coming in his house and making a fool of his family

you never got any of what your third boyfriend promised because he never got the opportunity to come back and your father made sure to have you cut off all contact with him.

So lucky you

free wedding , new guy

“ smile “ you felt your face do what you were told immediately as your feet shuffled down the aisle anyone could tell this was painful or at least anyone who actually knew you and not the 100 paid citizens of japan who sat in your wedding chairs

The guy you were marrying is a hero so, you can see how easy this is for him to pay for. He had to keep this little ordeal in the papers but only so, his father could stay relevant or at least that’s how they explained it to you no one explained that this was your e—

“ y/n“ your fathers voice was sharp “ take his hand“ you blinked finally realizing you were at the end of the carefully laid out carpet “ pay attention don’t make us look stupid “

you smiled carefully at the male before you dragged your foot stepping up and using his outstretched hand across from you “ thank—thank you “

it was silent which you immediately understood you knew he felt no need to talk to you ‘ maybe he’s not that into talking in public maybe he’s a private kind of person ‘

yeah he was so private that he said nothing but his I do’s and his occasional mhmm’s when you tried to get to know him with this continuing all night you never got to. This was all set up between his father and your own. you and him had no knowledge you were getting married today from what your father told you

“ so how— how is hero work “ you questioned as you two sat in the busy hall waiting for the doors to open up to allow people outside into the courtyard for pictures “ I hear you are one — a hero I mean “

you looked up to him as he faced forward his mouth making no attempt to move “ what really no it’s that hard ? “ you looked off speaking to yourself “ wouldnt think hero work could ever be hard“

“ did i just witness you ask and answer your own question “

your body shook as you felt heat rise up in your body your temperature high hands starting to feel sweaty “ oh uh “

“ if we have to get you checked for mental health problems i’d like to do so early “ he never broke his gaze from in front of him even when the doors opened “ I do not want to wake up with a knife to my chest or walk in on you talking to your imaginary friend after work “

you face dropped you understanding you were getting no where in communication with this man. You grabbed his outstretched hand and let him weave you carefully through the many people you didn’t know finally he stopped only to grip your hand tightly “ don’t move and wait quietly please“

you nodded your head as you watched him talk to the photographer guessing they were discussing where you were gonna take your pictures

“ hello there y/n “ you heard a booming voice say turning around only to bump square into a hard chest

“ or should I say daughter in law “ his voice scared you it was something about the way he was so sure of himself something felt wrong here

“ oh um do I— I know you “

“ of course you do “ he pointed to your new husband smiling “ you married my son an hour ago “

you shook your head uncomfortable with being left alone with now not only one person you didn’t know but also two plus a room full of people you couldn’t even name “ excuse me if I seem a bit “

“— lost , ditzy, bimbo like “

“ w-what bimbo? excuse me “

“ it’s ok as long as your quirk is as good as your father tells me I am fine with your intelligence level not being up to par my son is fully equipped with the knowledge to take care of a woman and provide like a man should “

“ I-“ you thought for a moment deciding on if you should go all out on the male that stood before you retracting into yourself when you thought of your father

“ oh y/n i know — it’s the bimbo tendencies? yeah here i’ll make it easier for you is there something you wanted to say“

you flinched at the statement smiling and presenting yourself happily as he smirked down on you ‘ he knows what hes doing ‘

“ no no nothing at all “ you said feeling his large hand pat you on your back “ good girl— get over there my sons kinda dense when it comes to talking to people “

you smiled to hold all the hostility in your voice “ yes i’ve seen so much of his density in our one hour together I find myself wondering how he can provide for me without proper communication skills “

the males eyebrow raising at your ability to speak back to an elder “ hmm he suffers with interaction due to lack of affection— childhood trauma as people your age like to say “

his smile tight and not fully reaching his ears “ I do expect that you’ll show him the proper amount of affection no matter if you got dragged into this or not “

you turned on your heel leaving the annoyed male to his own thoughts your hands coming up to interlock over your new ‘husbands’ shoulders “ hi shoto “

he bristled at your touch his shoulder moving to drop your hands as he pretended to stretch his arm in a small circle side eyeing you carefully alerting you to not touch him without permission again before he turned back to the male in front of him voice low “ I do not understand why I cannot take the photos the way I want to “

“ your father sai— “

“ their my spouse ? “ he was direct with everything he said “ it’s my wedding “

you could feel the questioning in every word he said voice low almost threatening the male in front of you “are you going to believe a 90 year old geezer who just found out beating kids is wrong or are you going to believe your beloved pro hero ? “

you could hear the teasing he held at the very end that even made you want to move just as fast as the photographer in front of you and follow after him

“ how do you want to take the photos y/n “ Shotos eyes looked down on you expectedly as you shook your head in confusion ‘ how did I end up picking our poses he wanted to change the generic one that was preplanned‘

you looked into his face as his eyes morphed into a look you couldn’t quite figure out “ i’m guessing you did this for me ? “

he shook his head slightly “ oh so you thought I would want something different from the basic ph— ok um “ you smiled as you turned to the front “ can we just do a um — maybe a hug but he hugs my waist that’s always a pretty marriage picture “

you moved to look back at him as the photographer agreed shoto moving carefully to stand behind you and wrap his arms around your waist hesitantly “ you can — it’s ok “ you felt as his shaky arms snaked around and sat in the spot that you guided them to your arms moving over them as your hands tried to soothe his jumpy ones

“ hey calm down “ you laughed “ just a picture — not me waging war on you family “

he looked down on your smiling face his own going through so many emotions not able to tell which one he wanted to show “ at least not the rest of them — your father maybe “ he watched as you turned back around the camera clicking as a genuine look of interest for you passed over his face

“ do you guys want to take another one “

“ um I think we’re good he doesn’t um— he doesn’t seem like a photo- e guy and i’m not very photogenic “

the photographer shook his head in understanding letting out a sigh of relief that he held as you moved to walk off your husbands grip tightening on you “ hey I — you can let go now sh— “

“ do you remember earlier “ he questioned “ when I told you to stay put “

your body flamed as you knew you’d done something wrong immediately feeling like you should try to defend yourself

“ why did you walk off “ his eyebrows furrowed “ how — why did you disobey orders “

“ I just—- I didn’t — your father— he — he came up and he— “

“ either way you didn’t listen you moved from the spot I placed you in” his eyes were staring holes into yours daggers really “so no matter who spoke to you — you were in the wrong “

“ I — it’s my body I can move “

“ yes you can in the spot I placed you “

“ I don’t even know you I don’t have t— “

“ that’s how it works “ his voice roared looking to the ground eyebrows furrowed as he was trying so desperately to understand you “ that is how it works in a marriage you listen to me —when I tell you to do something you do it and when I tel— “

“ no it’s not what — I” your face made up in confusion “ who told you these things —- this is ? i’m not a kid I am your wife now—we’re on two equal playing fiel— “

“ no “ you gnawed at your lip as he waited for a rebuttal seeing as though you had been answering him back after everything he said standing up straighter when he seen your tightly closed mouth “ i’m done with this argument I was just curious of something and you answered it “ he unwrapped himself from your body and turned to leave tugging at his suit

you not knowing wether to follow him or leave him be choosing the first option when he turned over his shoulder and stopped his movement

voice coming out short you were so confused with your new ‘husbands’ behavior he expected almost everything from you as if you could read his mind without words “ sorry — sorry “

he shook his head in understanding as he went to get his car from the valet opening the door for you as he opened his own getting in and setting himself up properly for a nice drive

your back hitting the seat hard when he took off your mind racing thinking this may be punishment for your words and anger towards him earlier.

‘ maybe he’s gonna play fast and furious while i’m In the car to get me to shut up ‘

“ I do not intend to scare you if that is what you are thinking “

he looked into his side mirror as he got over into another lane “ but I do intend to build structure where I see there is none “

you knew you should be quiet right now is not the time to fight for your rights in this new relationship not when he was driving like he’d never heard of a car accident

“ and I am not sure about you but I do feel right now is the best time to set that in place seeing as though I don’t know you and I doubt you even want to know me “

he waited on your answer “ when I stop talking that signifies you may speak “

“ sorry yes— no I do want—want to know you “

“ that’s interesting “ he sat back in the drivers seat as he eyed the road carefully slowing down a bit when taking in your answer “ i’d like to think that we were both forced into this “

“ ye-“

“ but that is simply not true “

your eyes refused to blink “ neither of us were “ he slowed the car down even more as he pulled into an underground parking garage “ you were handpicked by myself because I was asked to find a spouse to spark some uproar in the headlines or else i’d lose my title of number three hero and I am not too keen on giving that up right now with my father being number four and only living to climb the ranks “

he turned his car off as he turned to you “ i do not want to give him that enjoyment— “ he sighed “ you are not necessarily wanted nor needed— the only thing I can ask of you is to uphold this facade out there and i will give you and your family— everything i originally signed to in the contract“

he opened his car door as he stood fixing his suit again “ in here — my house you either follow my set of rules or you will be asked to leave and id honestly hate to ask you to leave “

you heart fluttered so he was interested in you

“ because then i’d have to talk to the media and I do hate when they ask me questions they have the material to supply themselves an answer with “

you heard the slam of the car door as you got out yourself hearing the two beeps from his car when locking it following him up the stairs as your eyes blinked several times

no

no no

no

you followed him up the elevator images flashing In your mind as you looked to the buttons remembering the number all too clear as he stepped out and onto the floor opening the door to the pent house your sweaty hands fiddling with the bottom half of your dress

“ shoto”

“ todoroki inside please my love — also “ he moved to his kitchen stripping off his jacket “ baby goes for me —my love goes for you in or out I don’t care — but do not overuse it — you will only annoy me “

you smiled softly trying to rush to ask your overwhelming question that was buzzing around inyour mind “ baby do you um— by any chance do you happen to have a rooma — “

“ who the fuck left the door open “ you heard the voice your ears had missed so much your body wanting to drop to the floor after hearing it “ shitty icy hot always coming in places and just leaving shit open— it’s like you don’t even know privacy “

“ well that is true I have never been awarded such thing as privacy I was off throwing up on tile after a long hard restless day of beatings “

“tch always so quick to spill your shitty trauma — wheres the bitch you set yourself up to marry “ he scoffed as you heard him nearing the kitchen “ marry for hire I mean “

shoto nodded as if the male could see it closing his fridge making his way over to you pushing you to follow him towards the loud deep voice “ she’s here actually though she’s going to be busy in a moment — you’ll have some time to meet her afterwards I promise “

“ god — if it goes on all night I swear — still can’t believe you hired some weird bitch to marry you and the whor—holy fuck “

Your eyes rose to meet his as you saw the tall blond drop his grenades he held in his gloved hands the loud clang echoing throughout the house “ my god I do ask bakugou if we’re going to stay together due to the department , that you do watch how you mess up our house , you have free range to destroy anything you want inside your own room “

“ shut —shut the fuck up ice tray“ his eyes narrowed on yours as he pointed at you “ this is the — the bitch you went to marry today — the one you picked out “

“ yes — I — is there a problem “ shoto turned to look you up and down “ though I did suspect some mental health challenges earlier i’m sure you can’t notice them up front right “

bakugous body shivered as he took a step back from you his body prepared to run

“ bakugou i’ve never seen you this “ your grip tightened on your dress pulling it up in the back hand dipping low to grab at your cell phone knowing you would have to call for help if he decided to be the bakugou you knew and kill you your ears listening closely as shoto spoke “ this afraid it’s quite eventful “

“ you— you dumbass “ he kept his eyes on you “ get the fuck out this isn’t the place for you— go back to your run down shitty cottage or something “

shoto stood confused as bakugou ran to grab you his hand tight on your arm his body stopping eyes made up in sadness face dropping as he felt himself wanting to scream and cry all at the same time. Hand only gripping harder onto your figure

“ what is the meaning of this —- I find this disgustingly rude — bakugou “

he shook his head eyes dropping to the floor your heart breaking he won’t even look at you that’s how bad your father screwed things up for you

Him pushing you away from him and towards the door as he spoke low hurt and pain ripping through his voice “ she’s gotta go “ his body moving to walk away “ now “ he screamed “ unmarry her or some shit—I don’t wanna see that bitch when I come back out here “

“ katsu— “

“ don’t you dare say my name not like that not with tears in your fucking eyes and sounding all sad and shit the last time you said it was the best time dont make me forget that shit “

your body shook in fear as his eyes weighed heavy on you shotos voice pouring out “ god bakugou please what are you saying your just being a bit of an— excuse my language my love but an — asshole aren’t you ? “

his body stalling when he thought back to a few moments ago “ wait how — how do you know his name “

your heart broke as you looked between the two men.

Just your luck that you would have to choose between a man who would most likely give you nothing but pure gentle love and supply your family the same only for one small thing in return or one that you missed so much every night you went to sleep

then again you would have no choice but to be married to someone that you’d already signed away your life to in a binding contract that stated your family and yourself would be very well taken care of and who were you to choose love over protection ?

[hella1975]

it has been ages (completely my fault, what with the mental health and me living on the other side of the country now {and yet, not living in the state i'm supposed to be in because of housing complications... it's a long story} and school and just *gestures* the world)

BUT

last night i was thinking about taob (YES OKAY HELA?? YOU SEE WHAT YOU'VE DONE??? I HAVEN'T INTERACTED WITH YOU OR READ TAOB IN AGES AND IT'S STILL LIVING RENT-FUCKING-FREE IN MY HEAD /pos)

so i'm gonna fucking re-read it. *long-suffering sigh*

you know, you're still the person i think of when i think of people who TRULY know how to weave a story??

fucking amazing, is what you are.

anyways, once you start seeing my long-ass comments in your inbox (probably on ao3 this time, but no promises) don't be surprised <3

(i'm not sure when exactly i'll start it again, i'll try to ration the chapters per day, but yeah)

OMG HI HI HI I SAW YOU IN MY NOTIFS AND GOT SUCH A BIG SMILE AND THEN SAW I GOT AN ASK FROM YOU AND IT'S SUCH A LOVELY ASK TOO WHAT THE FUCK IS UP <333333

im so sorry you've been having a rough time, please don't feel you owe me any explanation if u don't want, i get it when shit just Happens trust me. i hope things are starting to look up, im always here if you want to have a big ol vent (seriously i mean that, anytime)

"you know, you're still the person i think of when i think of people who TRULY know how to weave a story??" UH FOR STARTERS ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS AND AS A FOLLOW UP CONSIDER: ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS. this is so obscenely kind, im offended. i missed you

have fun on your reread im wishing you strength and patience, you'll need it <3

[firstknightss]

its gwaincelot time

(footage of me linking this and turning incoherent thoughts to words)

so in s3 e13, we see lancelot getting slashed by one of cenred's men. since the soldier's immortal, lancelot can't kill him, but he sure can do some hefty damage to lancelot. the chainmail in the show, is shown to be quite useless ngl. it can stand some hits from swords and the like, but in the previous and further episodes, we see people being injured through the chainmail.

for arthur, his chainmail was quite steady, and the arrow that hit him in the ep before, probably hit a hole in the chain, creating a wound. but! this is arthur, the prince, and soon to be king of camelot, so obviously he has better chainmail

they were low on supplies when they minted the round table, so im assuming that whoever was wearing chainmail before, stayed in it. so arthur, percival, leon and lancelot stayed in their mail, whereas elyan and gwaine didnt and got new ones now. lancelot and percival had been living as mercenaries, which means that their supplies weren't as good as leon and arthurs. therfore lancelot and percy's armour was cheaper and lower quality

percival, of the two, is at the better objective advantage, as he's.....................tall.................so the places where his chainmail would have been the weakest (joints) was higher up, and harder to reach lancelot, on the other hand, is short as fuck. therefore his joints were lower and easier to hit leading him to get hit by the sword, in a battle which would have been pretty much a cakewalk for percival

also, we know, that the whole ordeal probably had a really bad effect on merlin, since he had to use powerful magic for a steady period of time. not to mention how tiring holding the dragon breath sword would have been. now there is no actual evidence merlin healed lancelot. (he sure could have. but for this hot take. im not gonna acknowledge it) and y'know what? fair? Merlin's gone through a LOT. and i mean a LOT. he probably had magical exhaustion another thing we know for sure, is that gwaine, however stupid u think he is, is quite competent. not only is he a really good fighter, BUT! considering he's got nobody to depend upon, and - most recently - in that slave trader situation, since he was his "best fighter", i assume he got injuries and probably fixed them himself. he's been around a Lot. therefore must. must have picked stuff up. jack of trades shit. i assume he'd be the second person you'd go for injuries, assuming merlin's incapacitated. its mostly just elimination than anything else arthur cant care for people for shit <3 gwen may be a seamistress but theres a line between sowing people up and fixing wounds. elyan may be a blacksmith, but again theres a line between mechanics and actually healing someone. leon - do u think he can heal people? look me in the Eye.

and percival. he'd be great for a mental health day, but not one for physical health ngl gaius is also there, but he straight up killed someone and he's quite old - so im gonna throw magical exhaustion at him. he did much less than merlin, but also age does add to it therefore, since the knights know gwaine is a bit of a "jack of all trades" thing, ofc they'd go to him for patchups

also ALSO reminder that gwaines one to have a proper Proper education because sure arthur has been "trained to kill since birth", and leon's probably trained to be first knight since birth. so they must have focused more on martial arts and swordmanship instead of like. actual studying.

but gwaines dad, hes probably a lower noble. so therefore, gwaine must have had more freedom to study like. whatever.

most of the medicine at that time was in LATIN. and seen as HERBAL. so gwaine could have deadass done the two subjects at school. like a latin 101 and herbology 101

now im gonna need u to hold these facts, and imagine a scenario

lancelot, probably tired as shit, a little feverish because who knows how good his shirt is under his armour, hobbling over to gwaine in camelot, after merlin and gaius r passed out

and then cut to tender scene where gwaine (who everyone thinks is like. beyond saving) softly patching up lancelot (who everyone thinks is like. the Purest)

and lancelot's like "oh gwaine!! didn't know you could do such work!!!" and gwaine's all like "ohh it's one of my MANY talents you dont know about [winkey face winky face]"

and its just shippy and cute

and also also. lancelot fevered. and gwaine offers to bunk w him. obv merlin would be a first choice, but hes. currently passed out due to exhaustion. so GWAINE it is

they dont have rooms yet so i assume they just sleep half in leons room and half in arthurs room

leons room contains lancelot and gwaine. leon very nobly offered lancelot his bed. and gwaine Jumps In like "dont mind if i do ;) "

and leons like.........okay

(leons going through somehting rn bc its hitting him that hes immortal. and he cant sleep. so he dozes off on the sofa, but NOT BEFORE looking over the two sleeping)

they wake up cuddling <3 :sparkles:

and leons like. in a very aro way. "fools"

and anyway they ride next to each other, when they get their horses the next morning. because sleeping next to another knight rlly speedruns a slow burn

tldr; i saw one scene where they rode together, therefore they must be gay

[binunus]

college bf!mj

a/n AH !!!! THE ANNOUNCEMENT OF THE ASTRO COMEBACK ???? APRIL 5TH ??? WHAT A TIME TO BE ALIVE LOVES !! i genuinely...do not know if I will be able to survive this month bc of them. 

(also i tried to get this posted on mj’s birthday but I’m so sorry a lot of shit happened and I had a ~bad mental breakdown~ and it’s just been rough out here but that’s a story for another time if any of you lovely beings wanna know hehe)

→ genre: fluff, smut

→ tw: mentions of cheating (in past relationships)

→ word count: 4.9k ____________________________________

KIM MYUNGJUN !!

A LIVING REINCARNATION OF THE SUN

this is gonna be so cute i just !! love him so much???

has his own apartment, but he honestly stays over all of the boys’ places so much that...he barely sleeps at his apt

major: vocal performance

his voice is literally honey

can probably sing higher than some sopranos in his major

so friendly, everyone who meets him loves him

mj just has a way of attracting people and making people comfortable around him

in short, he is – of course – the moodmaker

can turn anyone’s frown upside down

he’s down?? for like everything

an adventurous spontaneous type

has...probably failed a ged ed class once or twice before...

he’s not stupid okay! he just doesn’t really care about the classes that has no connection to his major

like will he ever apply calculus in singing? probably not

oh but professors can’t hate him, even if he just messes around during class

he’s just so kind and likeable

loves his boys aka astro

will literally do anything to make them smile, even if he’s had a rough day

as long as his boys are happy :’) he’s happy :’)

now how do you meet myungjun??

he’s in an acapella group on campus

he just has to be alright

he was the only freshman that got in during his first year

that shows how good he is :*

a tenor in the highly competitive co-ed group

spoiler alert, he convinces sanha to join, but that’s for college bf!sanha

myungjun is what me and my friends like to call: the solo whore

and it’s not bc he’s greedy for solos, he’s a real team player

his voice just happens to sound the best for most solos your group has??

you’re also in the acapella group

im not giving a voice part bc then that would put you in a binary category

so soprano, alto, tenor, baritone, bass, you pick love

anyway, you and myungjun were chosen to sing a duet for one of your competition pieces

and it was the key emotional piece so you and him had to be on your A games

you and myungjun were friends ofc, you had to be some sort of friends with everyone in your acapella group

but you never really hung out with him outside of rehearsal

well until you got this duet together

and you weren’t worried about it, mj was so fun and nice and an amazing singer, you had no doubt these extra practices with him would be a good time

and you were right! besides singing, you actually got a chance to get to know him and how goofy he really was

you’re pretty sure you always had an ab workout whenever you hung out with him bc of how much he made you laugh

about a month away from competition, you and myungjun were like best buds

literally a chaotic, iconic duo

the chemistry you two had during your duet was spectacular, your voices highlighted and bounced off each other very well

but! your leader had a little critique

“y/n, myungjun, that was great but...can you guys pretend to look...like in love? I get we’re all friends here, but if you can’t convey the emotion of the song in our performance, what’s the point? This goes for everyone, this is a song about how much you love your partner and would give them the world, we need to show that in our eyes and movements, even if you’re just singing ooh and woah for like 10 measures.”

you and myungjun decide to stay after rehearsal and practice the emotions you guess...

your leader had a point, good singing could only go so far

and for the first time, myunjun was a bit...? awkward??

you: alright so how are we gonna pretend to be madly in love with each other

he chuckles and shrugs: honestly I don’t know, look at me like I’m your boyfriend or something??

you: well, I hate my last boyfriend so that probably wouldn’t be a good idea

myungjun offering you a high-five: I hate...well I think I hate...my last partner too so at least we have that

you: how do you think you hate your last partner? are you not dating anyone right now?

he gives you a smile and like you notice it’s forced?? it’s not genuine or bright like the one he usually gives

mj: no I’m not dating anyone...my last relationship sorta traumatized me I guess. 

you: ...how did it traumatize you...? you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to myungjun

mj: ah *awkward laughter* well...I was sorta going through it my senior year of high school, stress from graduating and what to do with my life and all that shit, you know? I dated this person since my freshman year and I guess my mental health got the best of me during that time and they couldn’t handle it. We were planning on staying together throughout college and do long distance but I found out in the summer before starting college that they fucked my high school best friend behind my back...when I confronted them about it, the answer they gave me was that I was too down and preoccupied with my worries to notice about my partner’s needs...pretty fucked up right?

your jaw dropped, your eyes were bulging out at his story

you: myungjun what the fuck??? what college do they go to? I’ll pull up right now and beat their asses, I don’t know scream in their face or something! That’s fucked!

he’s laughing a little: thanks y/n, but it’s alright. You know, maybe I was too caught up in my own problems that I ended up neglecting my partner’s needs...I guess that’s why I’m always just trying to be carefree and fun now.

you: that doesn’t justify the fact that what they did to you was wrong. you should have never gone through that myungjun, it’s not your fault that you were going through it mentally, your partner should have been there to support you and understand your struggles, not cheat on you with your best friend. ugh I’m pissed for you. 

mj: I appreciate it y/n, but yeah love’s sorta a hard subject for me.

you nod in understanding

mj: well! that’s my traumatic breakup story, it’s only fair you share yours

you laugh: you’re right. Well I was dating this guy right when I entered college, met him at the freshman orientation, completely hit it off. I was so in love with him, we dated for about a year. And then last semester he broke up with me out of nowhere, said he wanted to focus on school and himself and that he needed a break from dating. I found out two days later that he started dating one of his suite mates and that on the night he broke up with me, they fucked. So love? also something hard for me.

mj: aww look at us both unable to find or relate to love because of past relationship traumas.

you hit his shoulder laughing: you’re such a headass

mj: I’m kidding! anyway, I’m sorry you went through that too y/n. it sucks and your ex is a dumbass for breaking up with you. Do you still have feelings for him? w-wait, you don’t have to answer that, was that insensitive?

you: you’re fine haha. Um...well...sometimes when I overthink things at night, I do miss him and I wonder what the hell I did wrong for it to end so abruptly because I was honestly really happy with him, but then I wake up in the morning and I hate him again. 

mj: you did nothing wrong y/n...and if you need to call me at 2 am when you’re overthinking and need some badass confidence knocked into you, I will be awake.

you smile and give him a hug: thanks myungjun...you know the same goes for you too?

mj: hm??? what do you mean??

you: you don’t always have to smile around me, especially if you don’t feel like it. Don’t repress your mental health, huh? It’s bad for the soul to bottle it in. I’m not gonna force you to share your darkest fears with me, I’m just saying that if you feel drained and wanna talk about it, I’m here to listen

myungjun pouts a little bit, he’s really touched?? it’s hard for him to share his troubles with others

like as much as he loves astro and is close to them, he doesn’t share his down sides with the boys as often as he should bc he never wants to burden them

myungjun just always thought it was easier to suppress the bad feelings and put on a happy act

but he couldn’t deny the weight lifted off his shoulders after telling you about his breakup

and maybe it was because your energies were on a different level lately, but he found it so?? easy?? to just vent to you after that

until competition, the two of you worked on faking like you were in love (basically imagining that each other was your favorite actor/actress or whatever, something like that)

it was good enough for the group to believe it lol

but what about the judges and audience hmmmmm

anyway, fast forward and it’s competition day!!

myungjun introduces you to his best friends aka the boysss aka astro

they come and support him for his competition ugh we love

you’re like smiling and hyper when you meet them

...has myungjun been rubbing off on you???

you: it’s so nice to meet you all! myungun always talks so highly of you

astro: huh?? you’re lying, myungjun hyung complimenting us???

and then they start messing and friendly bickering with each other and yes they’re teasing mj

you’re laughing bc it’s so cute?? you can see in their eyes and their smiles how much they really care about each other :’)

also astro, probably jin or eunwoo, maybe rocky: we’re sorry if m hyung has driven you to insanity these past few months of rehearsing

you just laugh as myungjun hits them: myungjun’s actually been like my partner in crime lately, so we’re all good :)

*cue the boys exchanging looks with each other*

you perform ah ha ha

alright, you were so used to thinking that myungjun was...idk kim soohyun or something bc mm chef’s kiss his acting...to get into the emotion of the song

but then during the actual performance you saw him as myungjun and like all the hard work and extra practices and late night talks came in full force and you were just...singing to him

and you notice how...handsome?? and charismatic?? myungjun really is...and the little sparkle in his eyes when he’s performing like...wow

and after your set, you’re just like shit, what the fuck was that??

your group doesn’t win though, you place second!

but you and myungjun get awarded best solo/duet of the entire competition

astro: ;)

your acapella group: ;)

the judges: ;)

alright so im a firm believer that if myungjun had feelings for someone, he would straight up tell them like balls to the wall full fucking send

after competition, the routine of school comes back. you occasionally hang out with myungjun outside of rehearsal

by occasionally, I mean once a week hangout with myungjun (and astro bc they started inviting you to their dinners)

and then one night – at midnight – he calls you like out of pocket and his tone is like completely serious

you’re a bit scared?? like: myungjun...is everything okay? did something happen?

mj: y/n...can I ask you something?

you: yeah, of course

mj: do you still think about your ex?

you: o_o um...honestly no, not really...why?

mj: well, if I’m being honest. y/n, I have feelings for you. And i’m not asking you to like me back or give me an answer straight away, but I just wanted to let you know. If you don’t think about your ex anymore, and if you think you’re ready...maybe you can consider thinking of me??

mmmmm kim myungjun you slick flirty dog grrr bark bark

and you know how he can just talk, and talk fast, so you’re still in the middle of processing this and he just goes on like

“sleep on it, y/n. I’ll see you soon for rehearsal, okay? good night”

like you don’t even have a chance to respond to him bc he just hangs up the phone

you think about it, of course you think about it, you’ve been thinking about it ever since competition

having feelings for myungjun has always been in the back of your mind since then

like did you notice that when you hung out with him, your heart would flutter if he said something sweet?? or if you two were a bit too close to each other?? 100%

but you didn’t know if either of you were ready for another relationship so it’s just been put on the back burner

at the next acapella practice, you find that your cheeks just flush whenever myungjun looks your way

the rehearsal went a bit??? weird?? like even your group noticed that there was a bit of a tension between you and myungjun

but of course, he goes up and talks to you after rehearsal ended and he’s like: hey...I’m sorry if my confession made you feel weird, I didn’t mean for that at all. If you want, we can just forget about what I said and stay friends! 

you just facepalm like: myungjun you idiot, I’m acting weird because I like you too. God, you know maybe the boys are right, maybe you need to shut your mouth for a little bit

and he whines like: hey!

but then he realizes what you said and he gives you the brightest smile: you mean it?? you like me back??

and you’re like shyly smiling now: yeah...I do...but do you want to take the next step?? I mean...do you think you’re ready for another relationship??

he gets like serious and he grabs your hand: not gonna lie, I don’t think I’ll ever be fully ready after my last one...but if there’s someone I wanna try it with, it’s you.

:’) kim !!! myung !!! jun !!!

dating myungjun?? the best thing ever

the cutest boy alive honestly

he has so much cute and goofy in him already with just friends and strangers

but with you, it’s increased tenfold

even you start to act cute and goofy after dating him

petnames?? bub and bubby

myungjun is not serious about a lot of things, but he is very serious about his feelings for you and your relationship

y’all take things at your own pace and he !! values !! consent !! even if it’s just like making out

he just doesn’t wanna mess things up with you :’)

the type of boyfriend to sing you to sleep ah !!! his voice is heaven alright

will be extra about pda in front of the guys to make them grossed out

and yes you get embarrassed, but myungjun’s too cute to scold

you get used to a lot of second-hand embarrassment dating him and being friends with the boys

but it’s just so endearing, you can’t even fight it

will swing your arms together when you’re out just walking

screams he’s so cute

you don’t really fight bc communicating with each other is one of the biggest things in your relationship

like if a disagreement or a situation comes up, you two are mature enough to talk it through and work things out bc you both already been knew what it’s like to be in a relationship that didn’t have full transparency

you do jokingly bicker about small things though (like think about how astro fights)

but he always ends fights by scooping you up in a hug and showering your face with kisses

loves kissing your nose

just imagine: you and myungjun cuddling and he just kisses your nose and you scrunch up your face and he just laughs and kisses you all over and you two end up giggling

will do anything to see a smile on your face, it’s the greatest sight to him

alright we been talking too much about how cute myungjun is

he’s also a hot motherfucker alright

the most attractive when he’s singing in your opinion

you know how charismatic he is, you’ve seen it first hand during rehearsal and performances

he’s very good at hiding his horniness, especially in public

but phew when you two are in private and myungjun’s in the mood

you can tell bc his eyes just get hazy and he immediately just starts kissing your neck

a very passionate lover, will prioritize your pleasure over his

sex with myungjun can go from being sweet and sensual, to fun and playful, to hot and exciting

by that...I mean that he is down to try every kink and position you can think of

as long as both of you are okay with it ofc

he’s one of the kinkiest members in astro im convinced

blindfolds? bondage? ice cubes? wax play?

you want it? you got it

he’s not into feet though, i apologize to my foot fetish lovers

his favorite position is actually missionary

myungjun loves being able to watch you and to see how good he’s making you feel

in missionary is when he feels the most connected to you, it’s just a passionate position

and yes he’s very vocal, so you betcha he encourages you to be vocal as well

will try to mess with you in a sense where say you two are hanging out with the guys, he’ll touch you and challenge you to not make a noise

and then he’ll snicker and wink at you if you even let out a peep

he’s a tease !!! like will edge you until you’re on the brink of cumming at least 3 times

myungjun has pretty good stroke game alright

very fluid with his hips, idk he just knows all the right spots to hit

praise...kink...that’s the tweet, need I say more

he’s into hair pulling !! both ways !! 

okay hear me out...myungjun fucking you and pulling your hair until your screaming and then after you both cum, he’s like: you hit a high f earlier bub! I almost wanted to harmonize with you but–

you: myungjun are you serious!

sex with him would always just be a fun time, like he’s hot and grrr it feels so good but there’s always a bit of laughing and joking around in the process

like he will tickle you before he puts his cock in you just to see the switch of you laughing to moaning

alright but shower sex?? he’s into that

and just the acoustics of both of your sounds in the bathroom?? it’s so filthy he loves it – and it’s easy to clean up afterwards

you bet that after any performance with your group, the two of you have sex, even if it’s just a quickie in an empty practice room or whatever

no shame, will kick the boys out or announce “we’re going to fuck bye!” if you or him get too horny in the middle of a hangout

im just gonna throw this out here...you and myungjun...mile high club

(your group competed in an acapella competition and the flight there...it just happened)

all in all, myungjun just wants to make you happy and feel good and smile, even if you two just finished an intense sex session

let’s get into the deep stuff though, you are the only person myungjun is comfortable with to not show a smile all the time

even with the boys, there’s always a small part of him that wants to just push through and be optimistic just so that they won’t worry

but with you, he knows that it’s okay to be sad and to be vulnerable :’)

when myungjun cries bc he’s upset :( fuck you cry too

he loves when you just hug him and stroke his hair when he’s stressed

very showy about your relationship, not bc he’s braggy, but bc he just wants to show the world how happy you make him and that he’s in love <3

the boys are so happy to see their eldest in love :’)

they don’t show it around each other, but they’ve come up to you in private and say sweet things like

“you make myungjun hyung so happy, he always brings joy to everyone but you bring joy to him, thank you”

im !! getting !! sentimental !!

the day you found out myungjun was in love with you was the day you met his parents

‘twas a bit spontaneous

his parents came to see one of your group performances and myungjun’s like holding your hand and leading you somewhere after you get off stage and he’s like “bub! these are my parents!”

you end up getting dinner with his family and yikes you were hella nervous, you were not expecting on meeting his parents right after your performance

not gonna lie, you thought he was leading you to the car for some post-performance sex

but they adored you, his parents could see how much you meant to their son ugh I cry

anyway, the L word

as you’re finishing dinner, myungjun’s all giddy and just like

“I’m so glad you came and watched mom and dad, the timing was perfect too! I wanted to introduce you to y/n for a while now and have you meet the person I love.”

and his parents are just smiling at you and saying how they’re so happy to finally meet you and how you have an amazing voice and to take care of myungjun and you’re !!! just !!! blushing !!!

as soon as you both got in the car after saying goodbye to his parents, he’s just like: hope I didn’t surprise you too much bubby, I didn’t know my parents were coming to watch until like an hour before we went on stage

you just give him a little smile: I was a bit caught off guard, but it’s okay. Your parents are so sweet, I see where you get it from bub.

myungjun: I can tell that they love you already! well of course not as much as I do, but with time I know they’ll come pretty close

and you’re blushing again, it’s the L word: do you mean it myungjun?

myungjun: that my parents love you?? of course–

you: no, bub...that you...love me?

myungjun: yeah...unless you don’t feel the same way–

you: myungjun! no, of course I do! I just wasn’t expecting the first time to hear it was with your parents

you two are laughing, ugh this man

after your giggles subside, he leans over from the driver’s seat and he just cups your cheek and pecks your nose: I love you y/n, thank you for reminding me what love feels like

you: I love you too myungjun

and then you two are just like sharing a sweet kiss in the parking lot of the restaurant before starting the drive back to his place

do you and myungjun make duets together for fun and post it?? yeah probably

you are the luckiest dating myungjun, the living breathing embodiment of serotonin and love

even when you two are older and out of college, he still gives you the same affection and attention and authenticity ugh he’s just amazing

im so sorry this was late but happy belated to our happy virus <3

3-12-21

[thefallenchildofthestars]

the perks of being a wallflower

i haven’t read the book yet and i do plan on it, i swear. BUT the movie comes off netflix today so i needed to watch it. my room doesn’t have a DVD player or i wouldn’t have bothered but it’s laright. 

i love charles, he’s really relatable. not super enjoying the social settings, doesn’t participate in class, doesn’t have any friends. perfect. i like patrick too, he’s the popular OH SAM SAM SAM yes there is sam. the samantha. the trio of friends who you would die to have. 

lmao i wish our high school football team was half as decent as theirs, maybe the games would be tolerable. 

slut and the falcon. living room routine.

god i wish i could do high school over again. i wouldn’t talk to anyone i wouldn’t look at anyone i wouldn’t meet anyone i wouldn’t do anything other than my schoolwork. no dating, no friends, just my family. 

i like the dynamic of him and his sister, it reminds me a lot of aubrey and i. 

oh the cliche’s i live for it. come on eileen is a good song too. but standing against the cement wall drinking shitty punch watching complete chaos unfold. 

and the cast of this movie!!! it’s to absolutely die for!!! i mean emma watson, obviously, speaks for itself. paul rudd as the fantastic english teacher support character. logan lerman? icon. erza miller is a really good actor. 

i would love to do weed brownies in someone’s random basement and talk to random girls about giving marching band letterman shit and how its not a sport and how its pointless to give it to them. 

“are you baked?” “like a cake” 

oh im gonna cry at this movie what the hell. i wanna feel noticed and welcomed. 

here we go the iconic scene, where its emma watson in the tunnel on the bed of the truck. where charle falls in love with sam for real this time, where it’s practically a visual tutorial of how to feel weightless and infinite.

i think that if i do end up switching schools (which will be kind of sad because then i don’t get to go to the cadaver lab) i will live my little indie movie fantasy. 

the rocky horror picture show!!! oh it makes me so happyyy. i want a group of friends like this oh my gosh. 

we accept the love we think we deserve.

okay season change, we are drifting into the christmas season. i wish that someone would study for the SAT’s with me,

below average!!!

i love the aggression towards mary elizabeth.

oh the stupid record for sam. and when charlie first puts on the suit!!! i think that is brendon urie on the wall but like i don’t think it fits the vibe. OH MY GOSH SHE GOT HIM A TYPEWRITER. IM GONNA CRYYYYYYYY.

write about us. i will. 

i just want to make sure that the first person who kisses you loves you. 

i love you charlie. i love you too.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. god this movie fills me up with stupid warm hope about life and love and oh my goddd.

the way that his brother and him talks about his mental health is so important. because im the only one who yk has gotten checked into a hospital (twice, thank you very much). who knows what’s going to happen next and im so sick and tired of not living my life but i also can’t live my life the way i want to while im at east because o people and that’s okay its not their fault, it’s mine really. but it would also be my fault if i never tried to give myself better. try to give myself tunnels and weed brownies and mixtapes and secret santas. 

oh the record. oh the record. 

i’m gonna have to sit down and watch the rocky horror picture show to get full context of the references to the movie but i’ve been meaning to watch it anyways. 

sometimes i forget its set in the 90s. the outfits, the language, the everything. oh god mary elizabeth i forgot she liked him since the beginning of the movie and it’s lame because charlie loves sam. oh just mary elizabeth flirting with charlie is bad. like i just never see them together and them making out is weird and OH IT SWITCHES TO SAM. woah boyfriend? 

i like that he still writes letters to his friend. it’s important to me. she really just bullies him for the things that he likes. and he just like wont break up with her.

OH OH OH YOU KNOW PATRICK he reminds me of conan gray!!! and maybe that’s why i like him so much oh my god. 

WOAH CHARLIE REALLY KISSED SAM INSTEAD OF MARY ELIZABETH bruhhh. like he really should have just dumped her like a week or two later. 

im worried about charlie now, because he’s getting worse again and mary elizabeth isn’t helping. and patrick got caught and now everything is going to shit and holy crap everything is rushing back and everything hurts

hearing the story about patricks breakup with his boyfried and then he kissed charlie and he was so okay abuot it because he knew that he was hurting and he just wanted him to be okay. and then everyone started getting accepted into college.

charlie is getting worse and the blackouts are getting worse and im worried that he is going to attempt and its the last day of his freshman year and i don’t want him to.

this gives very unrealisitc ideas about high school and it makes me very upset. but it’s okay. sam is still with her jackass of a boyfriend. OFC HE WAS CHEATING ON HER FUCK. 

nothing hates u.

charlie kissing sam and calling her beautiful and it makes me so happy that he kissed her. i hate that she is crying when she kisses him goodbye and i hate that she has to say goodbye and now he’s going to be alone again because all of his friends are gone. and i cant breathe and hes in the hospital.

this movie broke me. 

we are infinite.

[seijch]

ANNOUNCEMENT: NOT A HELLO, BUT NOT A GOODBYE EITHER

omg hi ... im like . ashamed to come back after saying brief hiatus in october and then disappearing off the face of the earth til FEBRUARY but under the cut i will be explaining myself and the following, if youre interested (and a tl;dr at the very bottom if you don’t wanna scroll thru this obnoxiously long post):

the reason(s) i was gone for so long

what i was doing during that time (its just a personal account yall can scroll past this idrc)

the status of those um . halloween requests

the future of this account

i. so . Hiatus .

i know. i know . i probably mentioned it when i made the announcement post, but my mental health likes to go on one of those rides. yknow the ones where you go like up rlly fast then down maybe and then up then DOWN .... its like that. i needed a break and every time i wanted to come back or thought about it, something would happen and i would get stuck in my own head.

a big reason for getting stuck in my head was (and i hate to admit this ... i hate to admit that i have Insecurities On The Internet) my feelings of inadequacy regarding my writing. i love to plot fics, i love concepts and characters and making little headcanons but i dont ... know if i love writing rn. and i thought for the longest time that like . whatever ill just push thru it its fine ill be fine but it kinda wasnt lmao you can kinda see it in my halloween reqs and what become of them when i get to that but i began to feel like nothing i had put out or would put out would hold up prose wise (and normally i dont feel like this im much more “idc its my life im living it” but thats not a rant for tumblr LMAO). i still feel like that -- like im better as a reader than a writer. but . You Know :-)

tl;dr: mental state go brrrrr

ii. anywhere here’s wonderwall

when i left, i was in a steadily decreasing mental and emotional state, made worse by a situation at work that really was a case of petty jealousy on my end and rlly isnt very consequential now despite how much pain and resentment it gave me when it Was a problem so i wont get into it. the tl;dr of november and december was me using work as an crutch and distraction -- i know my job, i do it well, it helped me not think about my responsibilities and obligations and inadequacies. of course, as the holiday season grew busier n busier i was scheduled so often that i moved 88 or so miles (according to my apple watch, which i ONLY wear at work since im never anywhere else outside my house) and fell into a cycle of showering n sleeping at my house before going back the next day. (theres definitely something to be said abt capitalism and “grind culture” here but once again its not the time or place snsjkdfds)

at the turn of the new year, i happened to remember a birthday card i hadnt filed away for safekeeping from a friend of mine that id been horribly out of touch with til that point. i started crying because i realized how out of touch id been in general up until that point. the month of january was great for me: i was focused, happy, and in a much better place than i had been before. the end of it brought me down focus wise and im hoping that enough time away from my distractions will refocus me bc i ... need it LMAO and though ive burned out from that level of productivity and gotten distracted again im ... trying to stay positive which i think is the most i can do 😁👍🏼

media wise, i got real into stardew valley (but burned out bc i played it extensively as a way to wind down after work), the pokemon platinum romhack renegade platinum (still havent finished it bc of school n i played it w the intent to see if i could nuzlocke it ... bitch its so hard but its so fun bc of it), briefly assassins creed: odyssey (im one of those ppl who completes an entire region before i move to the next so you can tell i burned out of that one + wouldnt have the time to properly devote to it even if i didnt), got back into genshin impact after pulling for xiao (after not touching it for like . months), and danganronpa. yes . danganronpa 😐 i Know. i stopped playing it after the second trial of the first game bc i was so hurt by the outcome and picked it up in late january only to get sucked in (thank god i had the foresight to buy the second and third games during the steam winter sale). rn im at the start of chapter 4 if anyone wants to come in my asks and um . talk to me abt danganronpa

tl;dr: I’m Into Danganronpa Now

iii. you realize halloween was three months ago right

i mentioned this in the first section, but i love to plot things. every request is plotted or at least has a solid foundation. i had fun detailing what concept i wanted to go with considering what i was given, and there were some bangers i might touch up in the future. but heres whats going to happen to the requests themselves:

there are two finished requests. one will be posted tomorrow and the other will be touched up (just bc i finished it doesnt mean its good 🧍‍♂️) and scheduled for next saturday. as for the ones i never got around to ...

i will not be finishing those requests. i hate to be That Person, but i feel like we all expected this 🧍‍♂️ what i will do is post all of my notes for each request in batches -- requests that have an @ to go with them will be mentioned in the post proper, but anon asks will be pictured. (there are some asks that came from blogs who are now deactivated but i wrote down all the prompts and remember most of those askers so ill cross that bridge when i get there) there will most likely be an excerpt or two simply bc i think i mightve written a few plot points or interactions in the form of bullet points. i rlly am sorry about doing this but i remember looking at my notion doc with all the prompts and feeling ... like i wasnt measuring up n it wasnt just to myself or to some intangible concept of “other” id constructed but it was instead to those who requested n actually WANTED to see and hear and read my writing and i ...... im gonna admit thats another big reason i avoided this site.

regardless, youll definitely get what i have (and likely more than just my bullet points and illegible handwriting).

tl;dr: im sorry. what i have in terms of plot, concept, and interaction for every request will be posted, but i cant say ill ever complete them and mean it.

iv. so what now?

well i mean . im not entirely sure how sold i am on haikyuu in the content creation department (as a creator n to a lesser extent, as a consumer). as mentioned previously, its no longer my primary focus. it doesnt mean im not into haikyuu anymore; i have a lot of love for those boys but i cant rlly say im even caught up w recent fandom activity and also havent even finished s4 pt2 LMAO thats on my to do list

and despite all that, i still want to share my plots n concepts and snippets and maybe even fics. it wont happen anytime soon. it might not even happen. but i mean . its better than me saying i wont write ever again shjdkfs but either way ill probably use this blog as a personal blog w the occasional ask game for dialogue prompts (those are always so fun i love making up aus to fit like . the most mundane prompts)

as for my works (past and any potential future), ive opened an ao3 acc here n ill be editing n possibly expanding on my old works to post there. tumblr, to me, is The x reader hub, but i figure more x reader fics on ao3 is never a bad thing.

ill be deleting/posting drafted posts to the queue since they were all meant to be queued anyway as well as (sorry again 🧍‍♂️) deleting or answering asks in the inbox. (moots if you get a notif from me saying i rbed your post from months ago ... mind your business) im very hard to get ahold of and its ... a problem. expect an overhaul of the nav n shit to reflect my new direction n also because i feel like i cant tell if my passion for carrd is shared by the majority HSDKLFS maybe its better to read my info in a normal post ykwim .......

and of course . if youve read all this n decided im no longer worth the follow, i sure as hell cant stop you. thank you for wanting to, at some point, hear what i have to say -- it means more than you think.

tl;dr: writing will be edited and reposted to ao3, this blog will be a personal blog with a hint of writing (sometimes)

the tl;dr to end all tl;drs:

im back! i wont be as active as i used to due to a lessened interest in haikyuu in general, but i have an ao3 acc now where all my past work will be edited, possibly expanded, and reposted. any future work will also find itself there. my halloween requests will be posted in batches as incomplete concepts, plots, and snippets of scenes; i wont be promising to finish any of them.

there are still fic concepts im attached to and want to finish, but i cant promise any more writing on my end. this blog will be a personal blog with maybe writing, not a writing blog with my personal thoughts all over it.

regardless if you stick around or not, its been crazy sexy cool (equal emphasis) being on haikyuu tumblr even tho i wasnt around for long ... even tho its not my main focus anymore, im still excited to see what the future might hold 🤝

love, ari 💌

[jackalopefreckles]

I feel like Ive aged at least 6 years since covid started. Im angrier. Less adapted to being outside then I used to be- which is saying a lot. This time last year I was?? Actually healthier mentally then I had ever been and looking forward to having the house alone for a month which?? Was the most freedom I wouldve ever had.

A lots fucking changed. I drove halfway across the country- all 30 hours at once with my big brother AND two elderly dogs, plus my cat. All animals on too many drugs (the vet said they couldnt overdose, and then failed to give any further instruction) cami peed on herself twice, unable to move. I had to waterboard her in Phoenix, a truly terrifying hell city where all the roads are raised and overlapping and its a hot as shit cause its?? What june?? Time was so fake this year I mustve just been stoned the whole time till I ran out of weed, and since moving its been a relief to be able to turn off the spinning anxious thoughts for a few hours

my big brother joined us. He brought a new dog with him which?? Is always a lot, plus I have this pack of dogs now cause the puppy wouldnt leave the super cancer ridden dog alone, and Im able to get her cbd regularly here, so shes always comfortable now instead of just?? Sometimes which is a lot nicer. We didnt think shed make it to chrisrmas. I thought shed die with me home alone to take care of everything, like always. It was almost a relief, I wouldn't have to coach my brother through the grieving process at least, and I had already finished. Its hard now even, for me to realize she might even have another christmas (but I wont hold my breath)

I feel safer going outside here then I did in Austin. I only went out a handful of times in texas, for the last few months I was ordering almost all groceries, and only going to the store once mask mandates were mandatory (theyre not anymore. Im so worried for texas. I missed a huge freeze by mere months. I dont think my elderly dogs wouldnt survived it. If I was alone with them, Im not sure I woudlve.

My parents took my brother to mexico with them. I begged them not to go, told them how irresponsible it was to travel across boarders. To visit an island and take all the plane germs with. I told them that even if my mom and brother were staying at home all day with me, my dad was still going to work and he didnt know what his coworkers were doing. That they wouldn't know what the people on the plane were doing. That at any point they could become the stupid americans that killed half an islands population.

They left a week after today last year. The boarders were closed the next day. Their friend has been traveling back and forth ever since. I have no idea how, except for the fact shes white and rich and wont hesitate to destroy a child, so I can only imagine how shed treat costomer service.

I will no longer allow this angry aggressive woman to ever make me feel bad, and I will allow myself to finally fight back. Im an adult, maybe not all the time (cause lets be real I'll always be a bit too eccentric for most) but when I get angry and allow myself that anger, it's not a bad thing. Anger doesn't have to make me feel like Ive done something wrong. Im usually very just in my actions, and I wont allow my parents influence to tell me all anger is misdirected and hurtful for reasons I couldnt understand. Its okay for me to be angry.

I think being alone with animals for months is at least reassuring that my childhood was unreasonable if nothing else. Which of course is a silly polite society term for pretty fucked, if nothing else.

My aunt had to gall to say weve had a good 2020 cause our family wasnt hurt, and I had to walk away from the zoom call. I haven't attempted communication with any of them since, not that I normally do. Of course none of us died, all rich old white people, most of them retired and able to stay home all day (not that all of them did, I learned about my grandfathers routine and just.. Im honestly surprised no one got it yet. Of course I knew from the beginning if anyone was gonna get it and die, it probably wouldve been me. Hence the 8 months of solitude before the move.

Was the move in August?? Im so unsure about time. Even with 2020 vision.

I tried to date when I moved here. Strictly on tinder. What was the point? On and off testosterone due to the wonders of texas, hadnt changed my body nearly as much as they should've a year after being on them. I look much more handsome now. Im also allowing myself to toss gender aside completely. He/him doesn't mean man, and they/them dont mean nonbinary, so why not mix them since Im?? Not really either.

It wasnt even a thought process like that to start. Much more "this is nice" which I think more gender should be allowed to be. Dont gotta be deep just comfortable.

I wont ever allow my parents to forget what they did. I ended up with three dogs I didnt want (I was so looking forward to not having any dogs) and I ended up taking care of my brother. Again. Its easier without my parents at least. Everything always is. My dogs are even happier. Cami finally isnt anxious 24/7. Again, a sad reminder my childhood wasn't great. Daisy is healthier. Trauma can be stored emotionally or with health issues, often both. I think the cancer dog getting better and?? Surviving and thriving so much longer then the vet said (how good was my old vet?) Is another unfortunate nail in thay proverbial coffin.

Im not as soft and openly loving. Im even more touch starved somehow. Harsher. I still want to choose love and compassion, but Im not letting myself fall into the trap of being so nice people wont be nice to you. Fighting back is something I wont feel shameful about, because it never stopped me from doing it completely anyway.

I was already reaching this on my own though. This was just more coffins, more nails. This didnt need to happen. We know our government let this happen. Its still letting it happen. Im not sure when Im getting my vaccine. My big brothers sick of quarentine and keeps trying to get us to go out. Sometimes I yield, and we go to a park, or the top floor of the parking garage. I get a vegan hotdog from nearby. We talk and laugh and were genuinely just. Boys being boys.

I shouldn't have to deal with parent shit anymore. I do though, especially since two out of three are unemployed and we can really only afford to live here cause of them (they owe me if anything though. Especially with my brother and these animals) I hope I can get a job soon. Or maybe even go back to school. Im lucky I had so much saved up (for top surgery, which I guess wont happen before Im 25 like I really tried for. I wouldve done it before now, but texas waitlists and rules kept holding me up. I literally went to an appointment in dallas, a 4 hour drive, just to found out the surgeon canceled on me for the second time)

Its incredibly depressing, and I know Im lucky to have had that stash. So many people didnt have anything and lost so much. People lost people. Half a million at this point. I remember when it got to 300,000 and I just?? Felt so awful it was so close to how many people we lost to AIDS. Its over that by so many now. It doesn't really stop, does it??

Is that catholic guilt?? Or maybe just irish guilt in general. Is it something I inherited or earned through all the end of the worlds and once in a lifetime recessions Ive been through. Im not sure how many off the top of my head, theyve been coming since I was so small and its always more and more. Im not even catholic anymore. I cant stop being irish though, even though the brits tried (and succeeded. Weve lost a lot. The current royal cotastrophy is bullshit as well, the only person who deserves a royal title is from Meniappolos

My home is decorate all inside for st patrick's day. My big brother loves it so Im going all out, and its def making me feel much more irish then usual (which is a lot Im over half)

I think I just wanted to say Im not the same. I hope I can still be happy an obnoxious is public. I wonder if I remember how

[castiel-kline]

KitKat’s Random Rewatch Part 3

4x16 On the Head of a Pin

Full disclosure I have not seen this episode in a hot minute and don’t remember most of it so these notes are gonna be real interesting. Let’s go.

Oh my god Sam looks like a baby I feel bad for laughing. An angry baby, but a baby.

Hey season 4 Cas how you doin king <3

God the way he turned off the sirens is iconic

Oh noooo “goodbye sister” went straight to my soul, man

This is the first time we see a dead angel’s wings isn’t it. Dang.

Sam’s driving? That’s rare.

Sam, Dean does not have issues with getting angry don’t tell him he needs to be!

Oh heyyyy Uriel

Is it bad that I’m cackling at Uriel not taking Dean’s shit? I’m not having a very Dean positive day but GO OFF KING WHEW!

Ughhhh I wanted Uriel to come back so that s15 Cas could interact with him bc they have such an interesting dynamic here

“Our garrison” 🥺

Okay I’m actually feeling emotions about Dean fuck

S4 Cas really doesn’t blink huh

Ahhh written by Edlund. Makes sense.

OH SNAP they just left with Dean and Sam was NOT having it

Dean it’s okay you can do itttt

Why is Uriel showing so much emotion? Is that why he’s the funniest angel in the garrison?

God the jokes were so good in early spn I’m cackling

OH THIS IS THE EP WHERE HE SAYS FUNNIEST ANGEL IN THE GARRISON AM I PSYCHIC

Cas sweetie Uriel just laughed in Dean’s face if emotions are the doorways to doubt why is that allowed??? Also was Cas tortured before this one bc I’m... worried about that based on his mannerisms. AHHH

“I would give anything not to have you do this.” Fuck.

Oh yes that’s right Alastair actually scares the shit out of me I forgot

Oh snap Ruby’s in this ep too?!

S4 Sam... unhinged... he’s like half worried for Dean’s mental health and half overconfident it’s a funky mix. Fun and fresh.

Alastair’s really good at pushing Dean’s buttons huh

That creepy slowed down cover of Paint it Black would fit this scene SO WELL

Ruby’s demon eyes looked really cool idk what it was but it was cool

EW did Ruby just call him Sammy? That is rubbing me the wrong way ahhh

Ruby’s evil smirk... she was such a good villain actually she knew EXACTLY what she was doing

The shots of Cas just listening to the screams... damn

ANNA! Hey girl

Anna’s asking the real questions

“What you’re feeling... it’s called doubt” and Cas’ face in response? I’m SCREAMING

She’s holding his hand... 🥺

Oh shit he snatched it away

I am about to start fucking crying because Cas said he didn’t want to fall and he looks terrified. Not to rant but like... this is why him falling shouldn’t be romanticized for a ship. Bc he NEVER FUCKING WANTED TO

Okay I’m probably only thinking about this because I’m applying to film school but HOW did they shoot this part of the torture scene? Did they actually dump salt/something that looks like it down Christopher Heyerdahl’s throat? HOW DID YOU DO IT TELL ME YOUR SECRETS

oh shoot this is when we found about the first seal??? The controlled horror in Dean’s eyes... a point for Jensen

THE LEAKY PIPE AHHSLSKSKSKSKS

I forgot he broke out like that my god that was creepy

Oh fuck yeah Cas fighting with telekinesis why did they ever drop that

YALL THERE ARE TEARS IN MY EYES ALASTAIR PUSHED CAS ONTO A THINGY STICKING OUT OF THE WALL... THE FINALE MEMES ARE GETTING TO ME AND NOW IM CACKLING

Oh god I had to gif it I am dying

Okay back to the reaction I hope my grainy gif got a giggle out of you :)

Is this an angel exorcism!!!! This is coollll

Oh hey there powers!Sam

I could actually write an essay on Sam and Cas interactions in season 4 there is SO MUCH to unpack in their facial expressions

Sam said “now I can kill” and Cas looked like... idk if it was betrayed or disappointed? AHHH MUCH TO THINK ABOUT

also random observation but Sam and Dean killed each other’s Hell torturers and I have no idea what that means but it was probably not an intentional parallel

Awww Sam’s worried about Dean in the hospital... PROTECTIVE SAM ALERT HELL YEAH

Also in the context of Sam’s faith him yelling at Cas like this is truly something. SO much to unpack

Uriel buddy I think you’re lying through your teeth right now

UGH Cas having emotional turmoil on benches surrounded by snow will never not make me go feral. But feral in a good way.

HALO CAS IMAGERY I AM OFFICIALLY GOING WILD

“I’m considering disobedience” AND IM CONSIDERING LOSING MY MIND CAS STAHP

^^also again not to rant but I am a little concerned for someone who can watch Cas have moments like this and walk away thinking it’s because he’s ~in love~. Pretty obvious to me it’s WAYYYY deeper than that.

OH MY GOD THIS CAS AND ANNA SCENE IS IN THIS EP TOO??? Edlund popped off

Also Cas looks so scared of emotions I’m having an actual attack. Verging on a mental breakdown no joke

OH THE LEAKY PIPE SPEECH CAS I LOVE YOU TO PIECES

Okay WHAT HAPPENED to “the only thing that can kill an angel is another angel” WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO THAT

Cas’ face while Uriel’s monologuing is killing me

“For the first time in a long time... I am.” AHHHHH

and there’s that gorgeous shot

ANNA YOURE SUCH A BADASS WOW

god I’m really having a breakdown about early Cas now send help

Dean don’t be an ass Cas is going through it rn

Fate was wrong buddy Sam was the one who stopped the Apocalypse

Dean is having a legit crisis and it’s actually making me sad what’s happening

And a single man tear to end the episode what a RIDE

Okay I’m giving this a 10/10 that episode did not have to go that hard but it did. And now I am having 50 million simultaneous crises because I adore late seasons soft dad Cas with my entire heart but DAMN did the writers miss opportunities with him. Early Cas really does hit different.

Anyway if you made it this far I hope you enjoyed my ramblings! If you’ve got any episodes you want me to do let me know! I’m on break from school in like a week so I should be able to watch some TV ;)

[tsukidotcom]

Haikyuu HC to COVID-19 (Karasuno edition)

This is horrible 💀 im just so bored so I made whatever this mess is KFJSJDMSK enjoy

Hinata Shouyou

huh? isn’t it just the flu?

“No, hinata. People have died from it-“

AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH-

goes bananas

whenever someone sneezes or coughs, his soul leaves his body as he runs away to sanitize/wash his hands for a miserably long time.

eats an expired can of peaches thinking it’s his last resort

lowkey happy school is closed because homework sucks

but also highkey hates it because now all volleyball tournaments are closed

then gets all angry when he realizes he’d have to do online school???!!?? like wtf he got jipped.

thinks they could still do volleyball if they did online calls cus if the school can do it,, then vOLLEYBALL CAN

will probably miss half of the class calls from oversleeping/forgetting anyway.

sheepishly ask yamaguchi, yachi or tsukishima for help on assignments/notes. (he will NEVA ask kageyama. he’s always in competition with him here!)

still practices volleyball 24/7 in his backyard or room (maybe even with his baby sister??)

He’s really good at practicing all by himself from practicing all alone in middle school—

but will probably go crazy being alone all the time with his family. he just wants to play volleyball with the team again.

looks up “what to do when you’re bored” or “what to do at home while in quarantine” on youtube

Kageyama Tobio

probably says he’s immune to the corona because he’s just better than everyone else

doesn’t really think it’s real until school shut down because of it

When he sees that corona is airborne he wont know what that means so he’d probably think it’s produced by air itself?? which makes him think air is trying to kill the human race?? and will be so confused as to why it decided to pop up now???

DESPISES online school. He had enough trouble understanding it from the gecko, so now he has to learn it basically all by hiMSELF?!?

And no way is he just gona email the teacher for help. If he does it’s gonna be only once in his lifetime. Anymore than that he thinks he’s doin too much. He doesn’t want his teachers thinking he’s dumb 😭

he says literally nothing during the calls he just tries to pay attention? and fails because he’s on a computer. in his room. alone. he’s bound to daze off or stare at a pen for 5 minutes.

Obvi still practices volleyball. Very much misses it. At least Hinata had his sibling to practice with him. tobio is a lone wolf in his household.

When his mom goes out to get groceries he gives her one of those doctor masks so she doesn’t catch corona.

Few moments later through the internet he realizes that corona is smaller than air molecules so if you can breathe through something you could still get it so he struggles for an hour thinking he just killed his mother

When his mom is back he keeps his distance in case she’s carrying the plague

omg did she just cough or am i imagining things no she definitely coughed she has corona oh oh god

In reality she was just clearing her throat.

is lowkey worrying about everyone and how they are 🥺 (yes, maybe even hinata).

thinks he’s science smart by calling it covid-19 than corona.

Asahi Azumane

He just worries about everyones health

like he just imagines the worst case scenario’s and starts to get really worried if people got it. Always checks on everyone and asks if they’re feeling any symptoms of corona ❤️

He’s either not gonna get it or he gets it and dies there’s no inbetween

but he’s jesus himself so theres no way he nor anyone in his bloodline can get it

is very happy to know that dogs can’t get it.

Takes online school seriously and tries his best

And is honestly so sad school just ended??? even if it’s temporary, he could be learning, playing volleyball, and going about his day instead of staying in a cage. he’s a third year so—how would graduation even go..?

always is up to date on the news !! and notifies everyone if anything important is added/changed.

Always tells everyone to stay safe! Whether through text or before ending a call.

only buys a lot of toilet paper from the fear of there being no toilet paper in stock since evERYONE IS BUYING IT-

Starts to try new hobbies that he put off for the longest time cus quarentine is rlly getting to him.

Is all out a family guy so he doesn’t mind the extra time with his family.

Nishinoya Yu

OAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOA

420 blazin’

thinks going outside means you’re instantly gonna die from corona attacking your white blood cells (????)

but also probably doesnt care as he goes outside like everyday to run around and get rid of energy (and to practice volleyball, of course).

also why is it called white blood cells when blood is red ☠️ smh

Buys 101611018320129 bags of chips because that’s his comfort food

yay more gaming time!!!

Noya🐒: Tanaka do u wana play minecraft 2getr latr?

Tanaka🍌: HELL YEAH!!

doesn’t shower for three days straight because screw personal hygiene!! No more school!!! Can do whatever he wanted!! It’s basically summer!!!

until he’s forced to do online school.

Is def the class clown. Probably somehow kicks the teacher out of the call through a little bit of hacking.

“alright guys so i’ll be you’re substitute teacher for the day-“

tbh acts the same as he would in school. maybe a little more rebellious because, i mean, what is the teacher gonna do? send him to DETENTION? call his mOMMY?

Calls/spams literally everyone in his contacts because he’s so bored and lonely. Answer him!! Y’all will be on facetime for hours!!

He’s fun to facetime.

Will call you a loser if you don’t have an apple iPhone because then he can’t facetime you and facetiming is one of his favorite things to do to pass time (besides gaming)

HE A TRUE GAMER

Okay but he lowkey still tries at school for the sake of his grades and his future ;-; maybe calls asahi or sugawara for help??

always looks up his homework on the internet to see if he can get an answer key or something (he did that anyway even before corona but)

will do one subject for 3 hours thinking he’s finally done with everythinf till he realizes he has like 4 other subjects and needs to do those too.

Sending memes all the time

Tsukishima Kei

oh, what about corona again?

honestly could give NO fucks??. like ABSOLUTELY ZERO. nonxistent.

doesn’t even remember it’s still happening half the time.

is surprisingly very knowledgeable about corona.

he’s just smart and sciency¿ so he understands the ins and outs of corona like how it works and how its spread.

so if you tRULY want any update or background info on the corona virius, ask Tsukishima.

bitch don’t touch me you have rabies.

doesn’t care that he’s obligated to stay at home because he would have stayed either way. he very much likes being alone.

might go a little crazy cooped up in his room so he’ll hang with his brother/family or go outside before he says ‘okay that’s enough’ and goes back to his room.

isolation? oh okay *puts on headphones*

he rlly gonna be rocking it out in his room cus he can listen to music all day any day

developes a really bad sleep schedule since he had no way to get rid of the energy he got rid of at school.

still a huge tease so he says everyone has the corona virius.

is never online on social media which means he’s never up to date with his frIENDS. Doesn’t have a clue what those dipshits are doing and could care less (besides yamaguchi,, they probably facetime or call thru skype or something).

I bet the whole volleyball squad has a groupchat and honestly he puts all notifs on mute cus his phone keep goin DING DING DING DI DING ID DID IDKNG DING DIG

Brother: Omg why are you getting so many text messages?

Tsukki: Shut up

if he is online on the gc and he texts it would be simple replies like “Hi” “Okay.” “No.” “Goodbye.” and then he’s gone for another week

every first year is begging on their knees for tsukishima to give the answers or help them out and he obviously says: go do the hw yourselves idiots

besides yamaguchi!!!! again!! cus theyre gay for each other

maybe practices once in awhile with his brother or alone in his backyard but he doesn’t care

Tanaka Ryuunosuke

buys 101817 pounds of toilet paper because everyone else is? but not because of the same reason as asahi. he thinks toilet paper is the cure to corona.

GO STUPID AAAAAAAAA GO CRAZY AAAAAAAAAAA-

probably has a part time job at a grocery store so he still has to go to work 😭 i dont even know how he could have a job in the first place he’s probably always late-

still gamin with noya of course

GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY ROOM IM PLAYING MINECRAFTT

also buys like all the junk food thats in stock. and since he works at the grocery store he gets a ton of coupons and deals.

texts Kiyoko everyday goodmorning ❤️❤️❤️ and goodnight 😘😘 texts just to be left on read.

“i love it when she ignores me !!!”

scrolls through tiktoks for 1000 hours to pass time

School Is For Losers!!

similar to noya, he thought it was basicaly summer until he realized they were gonna be doing online school. literally had a fit and said he didnt wanna do jack squAt

Laughs so hard when nishinoya somehow kicks the teacher out of the call he’s like laughing so loud and hard he starts crying

all of the sudden has a better view on school

gets excited when he sees nishinoya on the call

makes funny and ugly ass faces when the teacher isn’t looking. everyone laughs and the teacher’s like 🤨

probably uses the green screen effect so he can change hus background (somehow) and accidentally misclicks a file so a girl wit a bikini becomes his background for .5 seconds before changing it to a cursed meme:

doesn’t get half the shit the teacher is talking about

but it’s okay because the half he doesn’t get is the other half noya gets

and the half noya doesnt get is the orher half tanaka gets

they’re two peas in a pod 🥰

until they try explaining it to each other and suddenly get confused?? mental malfunction ¿?

yeah im SMART!!!

s -

m -

a -

r - penis

t -

Daichi Sawamura

quite calm about the whole coronavirus

like he knows it is serious and understands how it is spread but he’s still calm about it??

tells everyone to sanitize and wash hands on a regular. and social distancing!!

honestly still wakes up like he does on normal school days and does all his academics just fine.

he even does gym activities (besides volleyball) for 30 minutes to an hour!!!! he be running on that treadmil! getting stronk!

does each subject on his own for 20-40 min each day. he’s really good at self discipline

makes sure sugawara and asahi are up to date on school work and will gladly help.

sadly can’t help the first years (and probably second years) because that info is deep in his brain and basically forgot how to do it after a year or two of not using it.

VERY VERY VERY sad that volleyball nationals are cut off. this is his last year and for it to be??? gone??? just because of some flu?!?! hates it.

he wishes school to go back and still has hope that school will go back to normal in a couple of weeks (even though it’s a slim chance).

asks the teacher questions whenever he has questions. He’s also vv considerate so he’ll ask questions he knows the answer to but asks them for anyone who’s confused ab it/wants to ask but is too shy. (literally i lov daichi sm)

Eats a healthy amount of everything

asks asahi for any updates on corona even though he’s quite up to date himself. he just wanna make sure he didn’t miss anything.

also doesn’t mind being around his family. he’ll do more chores around the house to help his parents out :> he’s literally perfect wtf

def does worry about everyone in the volleyball gc and anyone else he has contact with. Will also email classmates and ask if they’re doing all right. Even away from volleyball he’s a team player ☺️✌️

Is happy for the rest of the day when asahi tells him dogs can’t get corona.

Yamaguchi Tadashi

oaoaiquqhdkoaiaagadjsiwi?

doesn’t know what to believe anymore

keeps in touch with everyone!! always online 24/7 on social media, vball gc, you name it.

Literally everyone is acting so normal why are people so calm am i the only one worrying about this and the worlds future like this year has been really bad so far for not just me but the whole nation actually the entire world honestly like war almost broke out in january and now this corona stuff is really buttering my crissont the wrong way-

Even though tsukishima literally gives No Fucks, yamaguchi is the complete opposite.

like tsukki and yamaguchi call on skype and eVERY TIME yamaguchi starts with ‘how have you been? do you feel sick at all? have you drank enough water today?’ and so on

“What are you even worrying about?”

“Well...what if you get the corona virius?... it can be deadly, you know!! Thousands of people have died from it!!! The fact school is shutting down and people are panicking is making me feel like i should be panicking-“

Tsukki will then snarkily reassure him it’s fine and people their age are the least likely to get it bad.

Yamaguchi will feel a little better afterwords

“Thank you, Tsukki!”

Tsukki will ‘tch’ it off

Even though he gets really good grades he has triuble finding motivation to do any school work?? doing school work in his own home? 😐

His home was kinda a place he can chill whereas school is a place he can be fully focused

but now his home is ALSO school??!!?

Luckily he understands the work, at least.

When he sees tsukishima on the call, too, he instantly says hello.

“Tsukki!! Hey!! 😁”

“Shut up.”

“Gomen, Tsukki.”

Yeah. Even when they aren’t at school, he’s still the same as always.

He takes extra care of his family and always stays in touch with other relatives. Especially grandpa and grandma. THE SECOND he learned elderly people are at more risk you bet your ass he’s calling them making sure they’re okay. He checks up on them everyday now.

He peobably practices volleyball a little, too. He’s more focused on schoolwork though.

Sugawara Koushi

Have you guys ate dinner yet? 🥺

obviously checking up on everyone

he would fail as a mother if he didn’t.

Actually reads in his free time?? He finally has time on his hands to read these books so.... here we are!

Wakes up at a scheduled time everyday (minus weekends. Maybe sleeps for an extra hour or so).

He dresses in pjs rather than actual clothes because he’s not going anywhere with this social distancing thing.

Always tries to lighten the mood when all the students are on the online call. Maybe crack some joke or innocently play around with the effects.

He still pays close attention in class and does quite well on his own. No help from his parents! He can do everything on his own! He a big boi!

Does homework really well, too. Probably does extra work or more work than needed just because it makes him feel good afterwords.

Honestly i can see him cooking in his free time. If he doesnt feel like reading or scrolling mindlessly through his phone, he gonna cook.

Will make the best cookies in the universe.

HAS A HECK OF A SWEET TOOTH. NOT A DAY GOES BY WITHOUT HIM GETTING HIS PRETTY HANDS ON SUM TREAT

Honestly isn’t too good with exercise so he might gain a few pounds or grow the smallest chub 🥺🥺🥺 he would be so cute omfg.

is realy involved with his family!! they play a board/card game every friday night and have the best time.

if he has a dog, cat, or literally any animal you know he’s gona be hanging with them since he has more time.

Still! Playing! Volleyball! I mean by now every boy is practicing at least a little bit. He would probably be in his backyard playing volleyball with his family. Theyy’d set up a net and everythin! They’re all rookies at it but he still cherishes the moments with them.

It’s honestly still practice. Better than nothing

He talks about how his family plays volleyball and everyone is so jealous like 😭😭 makes him more grateful hearing half the volleyball team saying they have to practice alone.

Watching youtube videos of random videos/vines making him giggling.

“Hey, Dachi, look at this video.”

IS A SWEETHEART STFU !!!

[assless-chapstick]

This is me sending myself an ask… because I am boredt and my teeth hurt and I want to lay in bed….

So I ask myself … how are the Couch AU boys coping with the COVID19 lockdown??? Are they ok??

Tbh I think Charles and John are taking it harder than Arthur and Javi. Like, Arthur and Javier are a little more stable, a little more mentally well/neurotypical, and while everyone is finding it hard, I think Charles and John are struggling more than average.

Charles practically lives at John and Arthurs place, so he’s locked down over there; half his stuff is over there already, and while it might be a little crowded, it’s better than him being alone at his place. He doesn’t have any roommates and he needs to have someone around to help with the anxiety and keep him on a schedule. With Arthur around, he doesn’t sink completely into a depression. Sure, he’s finding it hard to focus and stay motivated and he spends a lot more time on the couch, napping and watching jeopardy and comfort-eating, but he’s not completely vacant and spending all day in bed, forgetting to shower or eat like he might if he was alone.

Arthur has a little gym/studio in the spare bedroom where he draws and does his fuckin bowflex or whatever, and they set Charles up there so he can get some studying done and continue to attend classes online. Charles is just finishing his first year of law school and he’s like, determined not to let this whole situation fuck up his academic career, even if he’s a little worried about it all…

Arthur is going a little stir-crazy; he works at an autobody shop, and they closed for a couple weeks at the beginning so he was out of work for a while. He was all “perfect I can work on my art,” but he’s so used to being super busy working two jobs and going to the gym and shit that having so much free time has been stressful to him. He processes a lot of feelings through anger, so the punching bag on the balcony has taken some pretty rough beatings the past couple weeks…

He’s back at work now, three days a week, so he’s feeling a little better… I think his biggest concern is money, cuz with reduced hours and all the cons he was planning to sell art at being cancelled, his income is reduced, and as a teen/early 20s he struggled a lot so that really scared him… But Dutch and Hosea aren’t too bad off and they’ll help out if he or John are ever in a pinch…

I think Arthur authors/creates a queer cowboy romance webcomic, so he’s been working on that a lot… he’s finally pages ahead and has some updates queued, so if he needs to be can afford to take a break for a week or two! He’s psyched about that. His patreon profits have gone down a little, but he’s got some loyal-ass fans and they’re really helping him thru it, too, I think… and he’s made some new merch for the first time in ages, and has had time to open up more commissions… He and Charles spend a lot of afternoons in the study, listening to Arthur’s vinyls and working together in silence …

So Arthur is doing ok, and Charles is pulling through, but John is having a… really rough go. For someone who seems really chaotic, John really really thrives when he had a routine and a set schedule, and with classes being moved online or canceled, he’s really struggling to keep a routine and as a result, his mental health is suffering. It also doesn’t help that he can’t leave the house and can’t see Javi, a major source of security for him. John runs to get his frustration out, and not feeling like it’s safe to go for a run has him feeling really bad.

He and Javi FaceTime every night, but it’s not the same and John is pretty miserable. He spends a lot of time in his room, music Loud, and he stops sleeping with any sort of regularity. The stress also makes his nightmares worse, I think, so he’s spending a lot more time avoiding sleep, which definitely makes him even bitchier than he would be otherwise. That and the situation have him really snappy, so there’s some Big Fights between him and Arthur; fights over nothing, fighting just to have something to do, to just feel something, because he’s angry with the situation and the feelings and everything… He’d just started to get his life on track and here it is, all out of order again. The uncertainty and instability are really unsettling for him.

I think John’s been seeing his therapist online, but it’s not the same, and he really hates it. In the first few weeks, things were all over the place and he forgot to take his meds and stuff… when Arthur noticed something was wrong, he kind of just started gently helping John remember to do things, just gently coaxing him and reminding him to take his pills, etc…

Like Arthur starts making meal at the same time every day, and cooks for all three of them so John remembers to eat… he makes coffee and sings when he makes breakfast to wake John up, and they watch movies and play boardgames and stuff after dinner, just to keep John on a little bit of a schedule. John usually goes to bed in his own room and climbs into Arthur and Charles’ later in the night, but during this whole thing, he starts going to bed with Arthur and Charles, and that helps too...

I think eventually he gets a little more used to it, once he gets back into a routine and then he’s still having trouble, but he’s doing better…

Javi lives in college dorms, so he’s moved back to living with his mum and his sister, which sucks, but that also means he can borrow his mum’s car… so when John is feeling really bad, one day, Javi throws his guitar in the trunk and goes to John and Arthurs place and stands under the balcony and plays all the dumb joke songs he’s written for John… songs called shit like “im sorry I backwashed in your redbull, flaquita” and “youre a pendejo but I love you anyway” and that cheers them both up…

Also, John makes up little care packages and has Arthur drop them off at Javi’s!! little doodles (John’s been practicing drawing but he’s like, crazy bad, just awful) and poems (marginally better, not great), their favourite snacks, little trinkets from around the house and stuff he picks up on his runs (once he starts going on runs again), and of course, of course, cuz he’s nasty, panties that he MAYBE wore on his run, for Javi to, y’know, do with what he will…

And of course they have a lot of phone sex, especially once John pulls it together a bit… at first he kind of went AWOL and didn’t talk to anyone, let his phone go dead and stuff, but he’s doing better now and now they’re… being quarantine horny …

Javi prefers regular voice phonesex, loves to call John up and tease his girl until John whines for him to stop, ask if John is touching himself when Javi can tell by the hitch of his breath that he is… Javi loves that, but not seeing one another, John insists they do videocalls, even if Javi is a little uncomfortable…

But it leads to some… fun roleplay … John pretends to be an innocent starlet trying to make it big, and Javi is a big-time director that keeps on pushing… “you look so good on camera, babe, but maybe take the bra off, let us see how those little titties of yours look? Don’t be shy, it’s all business, just want to see… grab them for me, that’s it, now show me that ass…”

And they also play like Javi is broadcasting the video to everyone, like all his friends can see what a whore Javi’s girl is, how he can suck that dildo like it was a real cock and how desperate he is for it… they pretend Javi is advertising John as if he’s a thing for sale, like Javi is booking John’s ass by the hour…. All “cmon baby, show them how greedy your pussy is, you’re gonna take so many cocks for me tonight, you’ll be leaking cum by the time they’re done with you, you’ll be so sore but you’ll do it for me, won’t you, flaca? Til you’re rubbed raw and then I’ll slide into your wet, gaping hole…”

And of course, of course, John BIG gets off on watching Javi jerk off into the panties he sends him… Javi maybe even… sniffs them, licks them a little, cuz he misses John so bad and he loves the way John looks in the pale yellow, lacy panties he’s got wrapped around his dick, loves the idea of coming in them and then making John put them back on,…

Aaaand that’s that on that, I think!! So thanks for reading, mister, if you’re still out there somewhere. I have dental surgery tomorrow and I’m more scared than a spider in a shoe factory, so please wish me some luck and send me some non-COVID related asks, iffin you’re feeling it!!

[tfw-no-tennis]

mtmte liveblog issue 11

and here we have to conclusion to the shadowplay arc...

clearly prowl hasn't seen national treasure smh

prowl, what exactly is confusing you about ‘secret government-sanctioned brainwashing facility’

the fact that prowl was willing to go so strongly against his morals to protect chromedome...oof bro 

so the senator is basically professor x and all the outliers are mutants. got it

senator shockwave was just a sexy thot who wanted justice....poor guy

so there ARE gloves on cybertron...am I to just assume that the doctors don't like using them for some reason????? I mean tbf I've known a few medical professionals who don't wear gloves during certain procedures, like giving shots which, imo, yikes I would never, even simple vaccines can cause bleeding, but to each their own...are ppe rules not strict on cybertron, or is there a low risk of infection transfer due to the nature of cybertronian diseases? ah, the real questions 

anyways. I should stop going on extremely off-topic medical rants

I relate to tailgate in his tendency to misspell. these liveblogs would be unreadable if it weren't for spellcheck

ouch, the fact that cd ‘never really forgave’ prowl for leaving the heist party w/out a word, even tho it turns out prowl stormed off w/a final request to keep cd safe and out of it all....cd and prowl are just a big tragic trainwreck huh

its interesting that skids used to be religious, when it seems like he isn't now. Wonder What Could Have Caused That Shift In Ideology! Hm!

oh my god I love how ironfist’s fanboy ranting about the primal vanguard is cut short just as he’s saying ‘a bomb disposal kit once used by-’ bc its like Oh I bet he was about to mention tailgate, yknow, the guy who (claims he) was the primal vanguard’s bomb disposal guy...that's such a great little detail

the stuff we hear from roller about senator shockwave is super interesting - it sounds like he’s been pretty aware of the state of society for a while, and has been trying to combat it from the inside...which isn't going so great, it seems, considering the state of society at the time. 

also the whole ‘modifying people to hold the matrix (sometimes without their consent?)’ thing he’s got going on is. interesting. again, is there any sort of ethics laws on cybertron, seriously guys,

oof, op cares so much abt senator sw :( they were in love okay 

red alert :( 

rodimus is such an interesting character AUGH the fact that he takes red alert’s potential suicide to be a personal failing on his part as a captain...which, yknow, that idea has merit considering rodimus’s part in the whole overlord thing, as well as rodimus having told red alert that ‘everyone thought he was losing it.’ yeahhhhh, that's not quite the approach to take w/someone clearly suffering from a paranoid breakdown

poor magnus has no idea about all the overlord stuff, which is what triggered red alert’s breakdown 

tho, magnus, idk that putting red alert in a cryofreeze chamber or w/e is the solution here. although maybe they’re all just at a loss bc cybertron’s only mental health specialist is current hanging out comatose in a bar

are we supposed to (retrospectively) read into rodimus and drift’s agreement to put red alert in storage as a way of covering up the overlord stuff? did they deduce that he figured out about overlord and that's what caused his breakdown? rodimus seems genuinely distressed about the whole cold storage situation, but is there more to it than ‘I failed as a captain bc this guy had a breakdown under my command’? I genuinely do not remember a lot about the overlord plot bc I was so confused the first time I read it and the second time I was too busy being extremely sad, so.

genuinely shocked that cybertron even has ‘health and safety inspections.’ it just figures that the one ratchet conducted wasn't an actual inspection, but an excuse to prepare for some good ole fashioned heisting

man I love a good heist/break-in

ok so skids rlly is just here for his grappling hook hvbhksddfjbjkdf my man

UH OH SENATE GOONS. never good

whoa, cybertronians have glenohumeral joints?? tho, ratchet says ‘glenohumeral socket,’ which doesn't exist in humans - we have a glenoid cavity/fossa/socket that articulates w/the head of the humerus to form the glenohumeral joint, so, close enough

anyways, that sure was a nonsequiter. ratchet busting out his lock picking skills is dope. do they teach that sorta stuff in cybertronian medical school? maybe its in place of the patient confidentiality lesson

seriously, ratchet sure knows a lot about bombs for a doctor. maybe they also cut out the courses on ppe and patient consent to make room for the cool stuff like BOMB CLASSES

op really DOES like jumping off stuff, doesn't he 

oh no senator :( 

JK HERES OP BUSTIN THRU A DUDES CHEST 

oh no roller :( 

‘remember me how I was’ NOOOO IM GONNA FUCKING CRY. SW AND OP MAKE ME SO SAD. GOD 

op yeeted that matrix bomb like he was trying to make a touchdown or...something. not sure why I chose football, the only sport I dislike, as my metaphor here 

lol it blew up a police station, nice

god, that reveal that the institute that we saw last issue was just one of many....and the one we saw was strikingly awful enough, so the fact that there's a ton more like that....oof

also, again, super interested in the fact that cd was involved in this arc where they see how scary and evil the institute is and then ended up working for the institute - well, the ‘new institute’ - later on

I'm weeping at the ‘big reveal’ for tailgate being that orion pax is optimus prime....its so funny that he didn't know that so it was a huge twist for him and absolutely nobody else hvbakdjhfbksjdf I love tailgate

also. is that the picture somebody drew of op for tg lmao

:D and then skids manages to wake rung up!!! all by getting his name wrong lmao. tho, maybe all the storytelling helped!

oh shit its zeta (prime?), here to talk to op, presumably about becoming the next space pope

HHHHHHHHHHHHHH GOD THAT REVEAL!!!!!!!!!!!!! BROOOOO the senator shockwave reveal slapped me right in the FACE the first time I read this, and that's saying something bc I seriously only understood like 40% of the shadowplay story my first readthru. but the shockwave reveal still had me SHOOK like oh god that was so fucking brutal. jesus

like the fact that the emotionless decpeticon shockwave used to have a completely different look and personality is already crazy enough, but then the tie-ins of empurata and shadowplay? brutal and amazing

like, this is the kinda retrospective backstory stuff that I love. it gives a lot of cool depth to both the characters and the world. I feel like it really helped cement concepts like empurata and shadowplay in the world 

and just, AUGH The Reveal still gets me...im pretty sure in my first readhtru I only picked up the fact that the senator PURPOSELY hasn't been named during this issue, and I was kinda ready for some sort of reveal but also figured it could be someone I didn't know bc of my limited tf lore knowledge, but even I knew who shockwave was and phew that blew me away 

that full-page art spread is fuckin banging also 

anyways, shadowplay arc! I really enjoy this arc and all its genre-hopping goodness, and the framing device of the characters telling a story is a lot of fun. plus we get to see a lot of cool backstory for many characters, and got tons of great worldbuilding for jro’s pre-war cybertron. 

I understood a lot more of the story upon my second (and now third) readthru of the series, which was super rewarding bc the first time I wasn't able to follow a lot of stuff (1st readthru I tended to assume that me being confused about something was due to my lack of previous knowledge of lore/story, so I didn't often analyze stuff seriously, or even employ critical thinking skills lmao). 

also some gnarly stuff went on w/the red alert b-plot, which we’ll pick up with later....