#it looks like a bad/cheap copy of their usual style

[babieken]

mmmhh i just LOVE the taste of NOTHING

[floshav]

more rodrick PLSSSSS it can be anything

omg this is my first req ever and im so excited thank you!!

you wanted more Rodrick well here's more Rodrick.

part 2 out now!!

summary: Rodricks your best friend but thats not enough for you. As much as you hate to admit, you like the boy. That's why you show up drunk and high at one of his infamous house parties after he'd ranted to you about how he was so so in love with Heather Hills.

warnings: angst, heartache, kissing, Heather Hills, pining, weed, alcohol, crying, one sided love kinda, self hate

wc: 1k+

"She was so pretty."

"Oh yea?"

"No. I dont think you understand, like the way her hair smelled when she strut past me, the smell of..... smell of something light. Fresh! Pink even."

Rodrick practically had stars in his eyes when he described how his crush was at school. You'd be ecstatic if the crush was you, but the world is cruel so here you were talking about Heather Hills for the last hour or so.

"Y'know... I heard she spat on Louise last week. Poor kid, was dosed in her icky saliva for the whole day." Y/n was selfish but she tried to paint Heather in a bad light.

"Shit i'd pay good money for her to spit on me."

Well that backfired she thought.

"Freak" Y/n lightly laughed as she fell back onto Rodricks soft bed. Chest heaving up and down whilst her mind felt clouded.

"What can I say, love makes anyone a freak."

There was that word again. Love. How could he be bloody in love with little miss Heather Hills. The queen of highschool. The perfect girl. Pretty blondie. Pretty face. Y/n quickly began to realise there were plenty of reasons for Rodrick to crush on her. Y/n was a nobody. She thought her face ugly, her style wack, her eyes too uneven. She hated, hated, hated herself and wished she looked like Heather.

"Oh. My. God. I just had the best fucking idea" Rodrick exclaimed with the dorkiest smile he could produce, each fine line below the thickness of his eyebrows seen under the dim lighting of his room.

"Hmm?" Y/n buzzed as she basked in the coolness of his sheets

"M'gonna throw a party" "Heather would definitely come, i mean its one of my parties we're talking about."

Flashbacks to Rodrick's last party hit y/n's head like a train when she remembered how chaotic and horrible the experience was. Drunk teens shouting and chugging unknown beverages, shoulders brushing against shoulders constantly as she tried to find a room she could breath in without having to see another damn couple absolutely devouring eachother. Each and every minuscule second she'd spent in that house made her want to puke. The sight that made her want to puke the most was Rodrick's clearly drunk self throwing himself onto Heather, eyes sparkly with hope whilst she just sat there smiling so sweetly it was sickening.

Quickly she was sent back to reality.

"D'you think that's a good idea?" she questioned, tired.

"Course it is! she always comes to my things"

"Kay' whatever you think is gonna earn you your little dream girl specimen."

"Trust me, this times different." That's what he always said.

--------------------------------------

It's ok. It's ok. I-It's.... it's gonna be fine. she told herself as she admired the makeup she'd put on for tonight's occasion, she'd tried to copy one of Heathers famous looks, but quickly realised it didn't suit her skin so she stuck to her usual and hated herself for it. It was dreadfully the day of his party. The day that she'd have to witness him openly flirt with Heather just because he had an excuse to down a dozen bottles of cheap booze. She swiped a smear of lipstick that somehow ended up below her lip and sighed as she adjusted her shirt. Why do you always give in? Just confess you idiot. No! what the fuck am i thinking. she scrunched her nose and took a deep breath in, abusing her vanity with the pressure from the pads of her fingers.

She really really didn't want to go. She couldn't bare seeing Heather show up with her annoyingly perfect face, her perfect nose, her perfect hair, her stupidly sweet personality that everyone gaped over. Fuck it. She hated herself and wanted to forget that Rodrick even existed.

She found her not so hidden stash of weed she'd carelessly left under a pile of worksheets from her chemistry class, something ionic bonding. She didn't know how long it'd sat there for but it stained the ziplock bag a dull yellow. The bag was crinkled and smelled like the thought of Rodrick. Whenever she was upset or mad at Rodrick she'd smoke weed to drown the thoughts out but she slowly realised it was ruining the drug as a whole for her.

She rolled a joint in a random piece of paper she'd found thrown on her floor and lit up the end, taking a deep whiff of it, smile playing on her lips.

-----------------------------

"Animals.....Elephants....Tiguurrrsssss!" She slurred as she laid flat on her disheveled bed scrunching the sheets as her eyes formed stars around her ceiling. She got up abruptly, hair a mess and rubbed her eyes deepening the pressure with every second. "Rrrr... What time? Uggggh" She sighed as she reached for her phone. Her room was cloudy and smelled of green. Beside her were a few empty glasses so she took a sniff, curious. Happy juice? No, Vodka she thought. She saw the emptied out bottle of cheap convenience store alcohol by the side of her feet a long with the yellowed bag of weed which was empty. it'd been around 2 hours since she blacked out on her bed somehow thinking about how her fan looked like the shape of animals. Shit, fuck, ass, asshole! she muttered under her breath as she plopped back down.

"Why not? What's thurrr worst that could happennn?" she mumbled eyes fluttering as she picked up her bag and stumbled out her window, careful not to wake anyone. She took the route down the tree that always worked for her but in a clumsy fashion as she fumbled down the hard branches of her overgrown escape buddy. Craaack, Creeeeak. The continuous sounds made her annoyed. "Uggggfh can't everyone just shut up!!"

--------------------------------------

There she was. Standing dumb, drunk and high in front of the booming house lit up by warm yellow light. She could already smell the familiar smell of cheap alcohol, body odour and weed. My kind of night she thought as she barely made her way to the entrance. There were already people outside partying like no tomorrow as some flipped their hair to some overplayed hip hop song that everyone knew. While some were more restricted, sipping on booze as they giggled with their friends. The true highschool experience y/n thought.

Bump.

"Hey! Watch it-"

"Y/n?"

It was someone with beautiful waves of blonde still visible from her clouded vision, pretty makeup and a perfect body. Heather.

"O-Oh hey Heather! Pretty little Heather Hills." Y/n slurred as her vision was still blurred

"Uhm... Y'alright?" She questioned looking back at her friends as if y/n was cuckoo.

"No. No. No. No! Y-you. You. You and your stupidly perfect self can go to hell!" y/n lashed out

"W-what? Y/n what the fuck is wrong with you?" Heather said clearly freaked out by the sudden aggression.

Tears started to cloud y/n's vision so she took in a deeeeep breath trying to suck in as much oxygen as she could.

"Fuck you. Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you! You- You're all he wants. Heather, heather, heather! My perfect little heather with her pretty little face!" Y/n cried out as her knees began to weaken. She had no sense of shame, embarrassment or anxiety. She was too blacked out for this. So blacked out she just blurted her deepest darkest thoughts.

A crowd began to form around them, some curious at the sudden shouting girl who was crumbling a part, vulnerable in front of some people she didn't even know the names of.

"W-what? What are you even saying y/n." Heather said confused and disturbed as she began to back away.

Warmth began to spread at the small of y/n's back. Rodricks hand.

"Y/n? Why the fuck are you screaming?- Y/n s-shit you're not alright." Rodrick hastily slung y/n's arm around his shoulder careful with her as if she was a piece of fine china.

"S-sorry bout' that Heaths, trust me she doesn't mean anything she's saying" Rodrick stutters clearly not drunk enough, nervous as he realises that Heather is clearly agitated.

"Y-yea. It's okay Rodrick. It's not your fault, just get her far from here kay?" Heather said with sympathy and those stupid doe eyes whilst placing a hand on his shoulder. This should've made him tremble with pleasure, but the fact that she'd talked about y/n as if she was a monster made him angry.

"Yea. Yea alright." Rodrick scoffed, lightly rolling his eyes before dragging y/n's blacked out figure up his carpeted staircase, the carpet grazing her knees creating a friction which burned satisfyingly on her kneecaps.

"Fuuuck. Fuck..." Y/n softly mumbled, head tilting to the side of his shoulder as he firmed his grip on the side of her shoulder. Shoulders.... shoulders are for friends, real girls get hands put on their waist. Not shoulders. She managed to conjure the thought in her hazed mind.

He struggled to open his door as y/n's body weight pressed into the side of him as he suddenly heard silent weeps of sorrow erupt from her lips.

He set her on the foot of his bed, careful not to drop her anywhere harsh.

"Y/n? Y/n what's wrong, you're like black out drunk." He asked now bending down with both hands on his knees.

He slowly caresses his hand over the hill of her cheekbone and shoves a fly of hair away from her puffy eyes.

"You....i... Im sick of you and- and her." She sighs as a hysterical tear falls from her eye. Her face was the saddest Rodrick had ever seen and this broke his heart.

"Me and... me and who y/n?" He said so softly as he began to crouch so so close to her, his eyes looking up into hers with genuine curiosity and care. The mention of her name fluttered her heart.

"Heather" She breathed out involuntarily sniffling.

"You don't like me talking about her?" He slowly asked as if all the dots were finally clicking together.

"That's a stupid question." He lowly chuckled as he swiped his thumb under the pad of her eyes.

"I.. I really- I really"

"You really what?" He said again so so softly

"I really like you." She blurted before she felt that familiar rush of heat rapture her face.

Rodrick's eyes glance down to her swollen lips and he feels a strong ache pill at his heart. His best friend just confessed about her underlaying fondness of him and he'd been an ass talking about Heather all the time. He imagined how bad it must've sucked all the damn time.

"I-I'm so sorry I- I always talked about her."

"No! don't fucking be sorry you idiotttt." She slurred

"You- You don't owe me anything." She smiled softly as she fluffed up his hair.

"Maybe..." This is wrong he thought

"Maybe i do owe you an apology." He said slow and steady as he glanced down to her lips and locked with it for the final time.

He slowly moved in to plant a soft kiss on her puffy lips and her eyes widened in surprise.

The kiss felt like heaven and she tasted like everything he was used to. A hint of cherry chapstick, a lot of weed and something coconut. His lips felt so soft against hers and she breathed in every second of the experience. She almost wanted to whine when he pulled away.

"I- Fuck."

Y/n's euphoric high was quickly ruined at the notice of him clearly regretting his decision.

"No- It's fine Rodrick. I get it, it was just a in the moment thing." She sighed as she put both her hands to her face rubbing her cheeks and eyes as if she was trying to rid off the pain in her heart.

"No, no, no! it's not that."

"I just..."

"Fuck it." He went in for another kiss.

--------------------------(end)

thank u for the request!! i hope this was enough to satisfy ur rodrick need lol, if u ever want a smutty end to this lmk but yarrrrr

[beastabyss666]

The Season 2 Episode 8 of Helluva Boss recently was published quite spontaneously, so I'm writing the review while being very sleepy. First of all... It was weird to start the episode with some cheap musical. Blitzo's solo was especially... fair to middling. I'm sorry, but I think Brandon Rogers can't sing, his voice isn't actually made for singing(that's just my opinion tho). And also hey, they remembered the cherubs! Wow. Though they made them some utter idiots, much like the other characters, I mean.. So the plot is about Blitzo going shopping for a sex toy which(in his opinion) will really rejoice Stolas. Meanwhile, the cherubs are seen living on Earth and robbing humans to "redeem themselves and return to heaven"(I won't ask how it's supposed to work). They get caught by the D.H.O.R.K.S. folk(wow, you also remembered them too, nice work Vivzie), where the agents tell the cherubs that they built a portal to Hell and made high-tech robotic suits imitating the main IMP gang. The cherubs wear them and enter the portal, ending up in the Lust Ring, where Blitzo goes shopping. The main gang attacks them(though it wasn't shown that they even were there), and OF COURSE defeats the cherubs, throwing them through the portal. The episode ends with Blitzo finally visiting Stolas and talking to him. But I'll mention it later. So... I found this episode quite weird, nothing much to say about the visuals, though some frames look like they're from another show. How some characters(especially humans) are drawn looks like they're also from another show. But I guess they don't really organise anything normally, so it just is. I also find the tone of the episode too chaotic, but the whole show switches rapidly from "Edgy black comedy" to "Unserious absurd trash comedy" to "Drama/whining/'we care about characters and their development'" stuff. Another weird thing I found about visuals is that the creators put many overly cartoonish expressions to characters, to the point that it look just ridiculous, not even saying it's out of the general style.

Some of these expressions look kinda crooked, and the other are cartoonly, but not in a way that fits the whole show. It's not a slapstick comedy, and I don't understand why the writers pretend it is. Most of the time(and it's seen in this episode) it's just lazy and poor attempts at satire on our stupid and hypocritical society, but it just doesn't work mainly because the protagonists don't seem to have more brain cells than usual humans in this universe. Earth here, although, really seem to be a thing to relieve Vivzie's malice at... everything, I guess. There is no exact satire/mocking of someone or something, so I guess Vivzie just hates every living thing in general(especially kids, for some reason). That's why the humour in this episode also seems odd in a bad way. I don't like that HB sometimes pretends to be South Park, or Family Guy, or... a typical CN show, perhaps? It just doesn't look right, it's like the writers try to copy other better works instead of making their own vibes/special tone.

Also they could use some more imagination

And about the ending... Stolas doesn't seem satisfied by Blitzo's behaviour(who acts overly sexual towards him which seems OOC), and starts... basically complaining about him being too sexual and not sensual. Guys... do you remember how it all started? Does Vivzie remember it? Literally in the 1 episode of 1 season it's shown that Stolas only uses Blitzo for his sexual pleasure, not caring about his comfort etc. He even calls him while he's on a dangerous mission. And there are lots of other moments where Stolas practically h*rasses Blitzo and makes him uncomfortable with his comments. And even since pilot doesn't seem to be canon(so Stolas didn't threaten Blitzo with r*pe), there are enough red flags about this mf. Yet in this episode he literally complains about receiving not so much love and care? That's... idk, that's shitty to say the least, and I don't know how the writers even managed. A literal abuser complaining about their partner being "not affectionate enough", that's fuckin' hilarious(sarcasm), and I say it as someone who had few abusers in my life. I still remember the previous episodes so I kinda don't buy it, but many people do, and that's sad. After that Blitzo [rightfully] angers at Stolas for complaining about lack of love while disrespecting him for being a lower class and using him as some object. Stolas only answers with "I think so very highly of you, I didn't realise you think so low of me", and kicks Blitzo out of his palace.

So... that's the episode. I have nothing much to say about it more, but I'm genuinely wondering does Vivzie even understand what she's doing and where she'll push the whole Stolas x Blitzo pairing(not that I fucking care, lol). These two are obviously in an abusive relationship, and the more they try to understand what even happened between them, the more confused they become. I personally think there's nothing to talk about with a guy like Stolas(though Blitzo too is a huge red flag), but idk, maybe Vivzie thinks that r*pists and abusers are changeable and are good deep down. Anyways, it was surely an odd episode, and I didn't really like it.

[fangirlfindings]

I Dream of Rukia was so much fun and so nostalgic for me - I remember watching reruns of I Dream of Jeannie when I was a kid, late at night.

So I'd love the Director's Cut of that fic 👀

Ahh thank you! I’m so glad you enjoyed it- I also grew up watching I Dream of Jeannie, so it was a great nostalgia trip to revisit it while thinking of how to adapt it to IchiRuki.

There’s not a whole lot that was ‘cut’ from the fic (I had more ideas for prequel or sequel hijinks) but there were a few things I had in my notes that didn’t quite fit in the fic itself. 

My favorite part is a blink-and-you miss it reference to Rukia dressing as a nun as one of her disguises at Ichigo’s office. It went something like this:

A short figure draped in black and white swept down the office hall. Mayuri watched her pass, continued on his way towards a corner, and then stopped. He called out and rushed in front of her. “Wait! Who are you? What are you doing here?!” The woman under the habit- of a style not seen for a hundred years- gave him an overly sweet, reassuring smile, with enough acting confidence to make Julia Roberts jealous. Then, in an airy tone, reassured him there was no reason to worry, she knew where to go in the building, and that she was helping with an exorcism.  Before Mayuri could respond, she glided out of sight. He rushed to tell Mr. Yamamoto. But as soon as the words escaped his lips, and his boss stared at him incredulously, Mayuri had the overwhelming urge to go lie down. 

Sadly, I didn’t get a chance to mention Hanatarou! He’s a genie friend of Rukia’s, although with a different skill level:

Hanatarou was a genie in the way that the Professional Golf Association included mini-golf. All the tools were technically there, but while one was a respected sport, the other mainly consisted of crying children and empty wallets. Hanatarou never meant to cause harm. He simply had trouble with his powers from time to time. 

Then there’s the ‘Viking friend’ Rukia gave Ichigo one day:

She had met a Viking, once. He was retired for some twenty-three years, having plundered until his heart was no longer in it. It was always a shame when one’s hobbies weren’t enjoyable anymore. The consequence of years gone past, and of growing old. The speeding of time that not even a genie could stop. Not usually, anyway. Although Rukia had never tried.  But Rukia was certain he would be lively company to Ichigo during his dreary, lonely workday.

Finally, when Rukia was looking to spruce up Ichigo’s house, I cut one idea in particular:

Rukia blinked, and a rather bland framed portrait of a countryside was replaced with an oil portrait of a woman. It was an unremarkable painting in every regard, except for the fact that it was the Mona Lisa.  “How’s this any better?” Ichigo squinted at the picture. “You can get cheap prints like this anywhere.” Rukia snorted. “You insult me. You believe I would get a mere copy? I have higher standards than that.” He let out a strangled sound and jerked away from the portrait. “Y-You can’t do that! It’s- won’t someone notice?!” “It is alright,” she said with a pleased smirk. “It is taken care of.” - Continents away, within the halls of the Louvre, a gaggle of tourists crowded around a wall. It was completely blank except for a small note. It read: ‘Will return after dinner’. A poorly drawn rabbit waved from the corner.  - Later in the evening, Yamamoto’s wife peered at the painting closely with a keen eye. “I’ve seen my fair share of art. We collect them, you know.” She squinted. “Not a bad imitation… I’ve seen better, though.” -

Finally, by the time the evening was done, news had spread about the ‘Bunny Bandit’ who stole the Mona Lisa. News Specials were aired. Internet theories began to form. Tourists asked for refunds. Then, the painting appeared back in its rightful place. It was blamed on Banksy. The story slipped quietly into the depths of the internet; with Ichigo and Rukia none the wiser. 

Anyways, I know this isn’t a full ‘Director’s Cut’, but I hope these extra tidbits were enjoyable nonetheless! Thank you for asking! <3

[mejomonster]

To get real niche lol part of why I love old school lolita (you know besides literally growing up when that was The dominant lolita fashion style so its what got me into lolita)

Is that it embraces the 1 color dresses, 2 color no pattern dresses, lace, and less accessories.

For one, the no pattern and lace containing dresses nowadays are looked at as cheaper or something "not actually lolita" when like... in reality it was always lolita if it was a real lolita fashion brand, it's just the cheap cosplay knockoffs that were too short and actually anime outfits were copying that style more since that's the lolita dresses the anime were making skimpier and copying. And that's still mainly what cosplay cheap fake lolita like dresses look like, because anime took looks from lolita At That Time period and then it continued on as it's own beast (also anime is more likely to animate simple dresses than intense pattern dresses I'm guessing). The reality is like... lace is lolita if it's on a lolita brand dress. Period. People moved away from it, as well as avoiding black/white dresses, because as I mentioned anime and cosplay made rip off cheap fake lolita rhats too short and wrong style and bad quality and not brand (and not lolita on qualities they lack). But you CAN actually wear a real regular lolita brand good quality dress that is black and white with frills... and I think they're fucking cute.

2 a lot of older pictures online exist of old school lolita. I love how many look "cringe" in their own way the same way old emo pictures do. Some of the styles of old lolita dresses like the intense long poofy sleeves or lace trims, are generally Not popular in current lolita fashion trends. But hey, even though they're "cringy" to modern popular opinion. They're still real lolita style - the old style. So wear em if you like them!

3 the lack of Intense Accessory Requirement. There's lots of old Fruit magazine photos of people in lolita, with just a headband/hairclip and socks/tights as their accessories. I fell in and out of wearing lolita, and when I came back into it in the last couple years it's very common now to see the expectation a lolita outfit should include: lolita dress or blouse/skirt and petticoat and dress shoes (the base outfit), legwear (like before), headpiece (like before). And ALSO necklace, arm wear (bracelets or wrist cuffs), purse (I imagine hopefully optional as always since ppl use different bags), hair style done up (again i hope optional and it's just Instagram is High Glam so people tend to wear wigs or intensely style hair more for Instagram photo shoots). The big change for me though is the seemingly much higher expectation on jewelry accessories and Fancy Legwear and mandatory arm wear and some people thinking the outfit is incomplete without them. The lolita style to my knowledge started as base outfit (dress or blouse and skirt, petticoat, all in appropriate lolita shape and length) with some leg wear usually (though occasionally ppl just wear shoes) and some hairpiece (usually a bow or headband but I've seen just a hairclip or barrettes before).

I am assuming the rise in more expectations of accessories comes from: over the top styles currently being what's most popular (and yes like Decora fashion, OTT styling generally expects much more accesorizing), sweet style being currently what's most popular (heavy on patterns so in personal opinion I assume that means one may need to accessorize more or be more dramatic with say Patterned tights to get attention on elements of the outfit outside of the main piece).

On the other hand I've seen more leniency on jumper dresses without undershirts (especially chinese lolita brand dresses some of which are designed specifically to just be worn as straps without undershirts), which I think is nice because in old school lolita dresses were sometimes worn this way. I'd also like to hope in reality lolita fashion worn in person is for the peoples personal happiness and preference, versus online like Instagram where yeah people tend to dress up the Most as public eye is on them.

I just think of Kamikaze Girls lol and how I wear as few accessories as her. Now I get mine is out of laziness, and I hate the feel of so many things on my body. But I grew up wanting THAT look, not the OTT look.

And then I guess semi related? If you're into old school lolita styles (and in particular gothic lolita), I really can't recommend Atelier Pierrot enough. First of all, they have a plus size line they carry that is AMAZING. It's genuinely plus size, I've bought 3 dresses and 1 skirt from this line and love them. The plus size have open free waists and then use a tie around the waist so you can tie it as tight or loosely as your waist needs, and the overall dress shape retains the cute lolita look. The free waist means if like me you jump 20 lbs back and forth, the dresses are guaranteed to fit ans look nice even when weight changes. Also the waist can be loosened easily when bloated or in pain while still looking form fitting (which is great for my ibs lol and makes them the MOST comfortable lolita dresses I have), they're very thin lightweight good quality cotton so they can be worn in the heat or colder without feeling like you're suffocating. Buy based on the free waist size measurements when picking items. Atelier Pierrot also carries Marble which keeps a lot of classic solid color with frills kind of looks, has some plus size (but really CHECK MEASUREMENTS because marble runs very tight... I tend to buy bigger sizes Than I think I'll need). Atelier Pierrot also has an English language option on site, and international shipping options. It's my favorite lolita brand. I also really like the gothic lolita look most, and Atelier Pierrot and Marble are great for that.

Otherwise yeah I'm basic, I get bodyline stuff, because it's sturdy and true to size (though sometimes youll want to buy a size up) and has plus size items that will fit me. sometimes.

[ryttu3k]

Tavias | Wood Half-Elf | Draconic Bloodline Sorcerer | He/Him | 31

Questions by @sporeservant, found here!

Favourite weapon: Daggers and shortswords, usually dual-wielding. He currently is using the Knife of the Undermountain King and the ritual dagger he stole from Abdirak, and will eventually replace one of them with Bloodthirst.

Style of combat: Set things on fire from afar, then, while they're yelling and running around in circles, get in close and S T A B.

Most prized possession: None as yet. He does have an emotional attachment to a bell off Alfira's outfit he keeps out of guilt and as a permanent reminder to keep control of himself, but that's not really a prized possession...

Deepest desire: Given that undoing everything he's done in the past isn't possible, it's to be free of the Urge so he'll never have to hurt anyone ever again.

Guilty pleasure: I mean he feels pretty guilty about how much he enjoys killing and blood...

Best-kept secret: Oh boy some of those fantasies are staying very secret.

Greatest strength: Compassion

Fatal flaw: I mean the Urge is a pretty fatal flaw... but let's go with a tendency to panic.

Favourite smell: Wood smoke and blood.

Favourite spell or cantrip: Fireball all day every day. Gold dragon heritage and all. Less destructively, he also really likes Speak with Animals.

Pet peeve: People who leave animal remains around after hunting. Not just because it attracts pests and scavengers, but because it makes him hungry :(

Bad habit: Biting his nails. And fingers. And arms.

Hidden talent: He's never actually tried, but he'd be really good at those sleight-of-hand tricks. He tries copying Astarion doing one one day and is gratified by how easy he finds it.

Leisure activity: Sunbathing. Much like a lizard, he loves being warm. It's probably a fire dragon thing. He also loves collecting shiny things, particularly gemstones, which is... probably also a fire dragon thing. He adorns his horns with them, enjoys sparkly jewellery, and makes sure his scales are shiny, and they're also a lovely tactile thing, clinking them around in his hands like those giant bins of cheap gems you get at museum gift shops.

Y'know, assuming Faerûn has those.

Favourite drink: Amnian dessert wine. He has a bit of a sweet tooth.

Comfort food: Cinnamon buns.

Favourite person: Pre-lobotomy, it was Sceleritas, who was the closest person he had to an active parent. Like, yes, he was very much in awe of his father, but also. Bhaal scary. Sceleritas was comforting, he was safe, he was reassuring, he looked after the scared baby Bhaalspawn and validated all his feelings, and also Tavias could kill him as much and as gruesomely as he wanted and Sceleritas not only didn't complain, he encouraged it. Yay!

Post-lobotomy, it's Astarion and Jaheira. Astarion started out as a crush, because pulling a knife on Tavias sparked the part of his brain that went, "Oh, that's flirting!" and it just sort of escalated from there, and as they got to know each other, he realised that they really were kindred spirits. He didn't just want to sleep with Astarion, he wanted to talk to him. Hang out with him. Help him through his own struggles, like how Astarion helped Tavias through some of his own worst nights. Neither have mentioned the L-word yet, but I think Tavias is getting to that point.

As for Jaheira, she's his adopted Mum now. Congratulations Jaheira you've acquired another child. The fact that she can protect him and others from himself and that she can tell him about someone who was both a Bhaalspawn and a good person is... very, very reassuring.

Favoured display of affection (platonic and/or romantic): Touch and physical contact. Not necessarily sexually, just being able to be in contact with someone - pressing his leg against someone's as they sit beside each other, leaning on someone's shoulder, stuff like that. Touch that doesn't involve pain is rare and very nice.

Fondest childhood memory: He's, um, in pretty short supply of those. Pensive emoji.

Questions borrowed from @boghermit!

[svt-vivi]

Fun Facts About Vivi

masterlist

↳ Likes:

❥ anything pineapple related from scents, pillows, etc.

❥ chocolate, coffee (she can't function w/o it), and chicken

❥ her favorite colors are pink and black

❥ fashion and makeup

❥ she's a huge fan of bad bunny, karol g, beyonce, cl, bibi, and cheetah

❥ shopping -> she is very frugal about what she buys and always looking for sales

❥ watching horror or going to haunted houses

❥ baking -> she has a sweet tooth and often bakes different desserts

❥ piercings & tattoos -> she's got a lot of tiny tattoos around her body and ear piercings

↳ Dislikes:

❥ veggies and seafood -> she avoids them like it's the plague

❥ clowns -> something about them just gives her the ick

❥ math -> who does?

❥ bugs -> she's barely survived living in australia tbh

❥ sports

❥ thunderstorms

❥ narcissists and bullies

❥ fighting

↳ Strength:

❥ playing the guitar

❥ bowling

❥ aegyo

❥ remaining unbothered by antis

❥ beatboxing, freestyle rapping, can rap 8 syllables in a second

❥ spectacular thrifty fashion sense -> she can make cheap old clothes into trendy stylish outfits

❥ plus during the early years of svt when pledis mistreated the group 😒 she help with the styling of the groups outfit and revamping it

❥ self-confident especially about her body

❥ adventurous/adrenaline junkie -> she once mention she wants to go skydiving

↳ Weakness:

❥ she often gets migraines

❥ she gets confused easily

❥ skittish

❥ sensitive to cold and hot weather

❥ she use to have a stuttering problem when she was younger that carried through her trainee years and a few years after debut but she doesn't stutter anymore

❥ non-flexible -> she can't reach her toes

❥ has the least stamina and weakest muscle strength out of the members

❥ she is a very picky eater -> members often say she has a kid-like taste palate

❥ indecisive and impatient

↳ Personality:

❥ seungkwan says she is usually shy when you first met her but when you get to know her she is pretty bubbly

❥ even though she is the maknae she is very caring and naturing towards her members and pretty much anyone else she meets

❥ she's very passionate and strong willed especially on things she dedicated to

❥ she's rebellious in the sense of going against korean standard for beauty and it's conservative ways

❥ she uses her platform as an artist to spread self love and confidence about body images

❥ she often has mood swings

❥ sweet yet savage depending on her mood

❥ basically the nicest diva you’ll ever meet

© svt-vivi— all rights reserved. do not copy, translate, or repost my work

[atlafan]

Juvenile and Family Law, is it something that a kid dreams of practicing? No, not really. Is that where the big bucks are if you’re not interested in taxes and wills? Yes, it is. College is expensive, and so is law school; gotta pay it off somehow. It takes a while to build your clientele, a lot of it is word of mouth. You work your way up, and slowly but surely, build a good reputation for yourself. And if you’re lucky, you’ll make partner.

Harry Styles is good at his job, and is on the brink of making partner at his firm. Gallagher, Hilson & Associates Family Law is a great place to work. Isaiah Gallagher and Maria Hilson are two incredible lawyers, and the other associates Harry works with aren’t too bad either. He doesn’t always love working nearly sixty hours a week, and some of the cases he handles have caused him to see the bottom of one too many bottles, but other than that, he’s happy.

Family Law means working all kinds of cases. Custody, spousal support, paternity, and divorce. All of those cases are messy, rarely are they clean cut. Harry happens to specialize in divorce, which in turn can lead to all of the other things listed above. What’s worse is that a lot of his clients will often flirt with him, so he’s started to wear a fake wedding band to ward off any and all inappropriate behavior. It doesn’t happen every time, but it was often enough that he decided to find a way to just avoid the unwanted attention.

Due to how many hours he works a week, Harry’s social life is a little lackluster. By the time he gets home work, all he wants to do is kick his shoes off, plop down on the couch with some greasy Chinese food, and catch up on some television. He lives in a nice enough building in the city. His apartment has one bedroom, and one and half baths. On Friday nights, he’ll go out with some of the other associates for a drink, so he gets a bitof social time in. He’s not lonely, he actually quite enjoys the quiet and solitude. He’s got a cat, Gerry, short for Geraldine that he takes care of. He has what he needs, and he’s perfectly content.

Whenever he dates, people always want to talk about his work. The last thing Harry wants to talk about after a long day at work, is more work. So, he sticks to meaningless hookups, and his own hand, when he needs that type of release.

He doesn’t have too much to complain about. He’s thirty, and massively successful. Some of his friends still live at home while working retail jobs, not that he’s judging. He was twenty-six when he moved out, and he’s grateful his parents let him stay rent free so he could save up for his own place. He doesn’t like to compare himself to others, but it makes him feel good to know he’s all set. He works hard, yes, but it’s all worth it.

//

With how quiet his personal life is, it’s hard to imagine Harry being a shark in the courtroom, but he is. He’s a master in the art of persuasion and rhetoric. Having been a communication major in his undergrad career, and all. He knows how to read a room, and how to read people. The jury is just an audience waiting to watch a live performance. His theater minor also comes in handy here. Being a lawyer is an act, a role he plays. He knows how to play the part when it’s in a large courtroom, or when it’s just a small meeting in a conference room to divide up assets. It’s not always easy, but he makes it look that way. Harry typically wins most of his cases, and when it’s something small, he’s usually able to get his client the majority of what they asked for. Every customer leaves happy.

These skills can’t all be taught and learned. Some people are born with natural talent, skills they learn to hone in on and perfect. It’s a craft that Harry has worked on for years. Again, he’s only thirty, but because he has such precision and talent, it makes him the hot commodity. The office is constantly getting calls for him. It’s why they want him to become the next partner. Having his name on the plaque as you enter would surely put people at ease. Isaiah and Maria saw potential in Harry from the beginning, and they feel lucky that he’s one of their associates.

There other very qualified associates as well, like Niall – who specializes in custody cases – he’s well on his way up. There’s Candice – who specializes in prenuptial agreements – she got into the lawyer game a little later in life, but she’s as sharp as a whip, and shouldn’t be underestimated. And lastly, there’s Byron – who specializes in paternity cases – he thinks he’s going to be the next partner because he’s a bit full of himself.

Harry and Niall are the closest in age, so they hang out more often. They both really like baseball, and will go to a game or two during the season. Candice is the surrogate mother figure. She has no children of her own, she’s the fun aunt to her nieces and nephews, but she feels oddly maternal towards Harry and Niall. The boys often call her “Ma”, instead of her actual name, and she loves it. She looks out for them, and there when they need someone to listen. She’s fifty-seven, and enjoys baking in her free time. She often brings the boys homemade muffins on Monday mornings, and they adore her for it.

Byron…well…Byron is a forty-year-old womanizer who totally clashes with Harry. Does Harry have one-night stands? Yes. Does he ever lie to his partners? No. Byron enjoys playing the game in all facets, and Harry never takes part in it. Needless to say, Harry hates when he has to partner with him on a case, and avoids it when he can.

Isaiah and Maria each have their own executive assistant, or para: Michele and Kyla. They’re both in their late twenties, and rocking it. Harry only interacts with them over email. He, Candice, Niall, and Byron all share the same administrator: Ronnie. Ronnie is twenty-six, friendly, and organized. She doesn’t have time to help everyone on their briefs, but that’s what interns are for, and there’s an abundance of them circling throughout the office.

Harry has a nice office. Plenty of natural light from the windows, he has a desk riser so he can stand up periodically, and he even has his own mini fridge. (He’s often paranoid about people taking his Bubbly, so he just brought in his own fridge.) He’s got a decent enough view of the city; he likes it best at night when the twinkling lights come through. It reminds him of how lucky he is to be where he is in life. He knows he’s more fortunate than others, so he tries to be grateful. He gives back when he’s able, donate to different scholarship funds and whatnot.

Harry is a good man.

//

On a particularly cloudy morning, Ronnie lets Harry know his 10AM consult has arrived. He didn’t know much about his new potential client, but he was always willing to hear someone out. He stands up from his desk, and waits for the woman to enter.

In walks a young woman wearing an expensive, red pantsuit, black heels, and a dark red lipstick. She gives a soft smile to Ronnie before she closes the door. Harry walks over to her, extending his hand.

“Hi, I’m Harry.”

“Mira.” She shakes his hand.

“Please, have a seat.” He gestures to the two seats on the other side of his desk and they both sit. “What brings you to my office today?”

“I heard you’re a pretty good divorce lawyer, and I need a divorce.”

“Is your spouse aware that you’re seeking counsel?”

“No.” She shakes her head and swallows. “I…I’d be putting myself in danger if he knew I wanted to leave him.”

“What kind of danger? If he’s physically abusive, then you need to- “

“He doesn’t put his hands on me like that. It’s…I don’t love him, and I never have. I was essentially…I was sold to him; it was an arranged marriage. I thought maybe I could learn to like him, to love him, but it’s been three years, and I can’t stand him. I need legal help.”

“What do you mean you were sold to him? Were you a child bride? Were you sex trafficked?”

“No.” She chews on her bottom lip. “He made a deal with my father. Thomas got me in exchange for…something. I can’t get into what exactly with you just yet.”

“Does he think you’re happy?”

“Yes.” She nods. “Well, for the most part. I do my thing, and he does his. His job keeps him pretty busy, and I often pretend to be asleep when he gets home. He doesn’t satisfy my needs, so to speak, and I’ve given up on trying. I want to be freed from him.” She pulls out a packet of paper from her purse, and gives it to Harry. “That’s a copy of the contract he and my father signed when they made the deal. I’m not great with legal jargon. I thought maybe if you decide to take me on you could look that over and tell me if there’s any way, I can get out of this.”

“Are you over eighteen?”

“Yes, well over.”

“And were you over eighteen when you were married?”

“Yes.”

“Then how could your father barter you?”

“Where I come from…it can just be like that. The goods we get in exchange for my hand outweighed my happiness.”

“I’m so sorry.” Harry frowns. “My services aren’t exactly cheap.”

“I wouldn’t expect them to be. I can pay top dollar, if that’s what you require. I have money of my own.”

“Alright.” Harry sets the packet of papers onto his desk. “I’ll take a look at that soon, and give you a call.”

“Does that mean you’re taking me on?”

“I hate to see such a nice person be so unhappy.” Harry frowns. “I got into this business to help people, so I’ll help you, Mira.”

“Oh, thank you so much.” She smiles. “There are going to be some things in that contract that may shock you, so please don’t hesitate to call me directly with your questions.” She takes out a business card from her purse. “There’s all of my contact information. If anyone other than myself contacts you regarding all of this, don’t say a word.”

“Don’t worry, I’m good at keeping things confidential.”

“I heard you’re a very trustworthy attorney.” She nods, and stands to her feet. Harry does the same. “Thank you for taking the time to listen.” She extends her hand, and he takes it to shake.

“Of course, it’s what I’m here for.” He smiles and opens the door. He watches her leave, maybe for a little too long.

[DARK SIDED, COMING TO PATREON ON SATURDAY, OCTOBER 2ND @ 8AM EST] [Ask]

[out-of-jams]

Rules of the Game || jhs

↠ Rules of the Game ↞ “You didn’t even need to see the tag sewed into the jacket of his suit to know that it cost more than you made in a single weekend. Didn’t need to sit next to him on that leather couch to know that he probably smelled exactly how he looked: dark, rich, dangerous.”

Pairing: Hoseok x Reader

Warnings/Genre/Rating: Set in the Roaring 20s! Mobster!Hoseok. Singer!Reader. Flapper!Reader. Fluff. Strangers to lovers. Law breaking. Alcohol use. Oneshot. PG-13.

Word Count: 2.7k

Fic Theme Song: My Heart Belongs To Daddy -- Marilyn Monroe

A/n: I recommend listening to the song above to set the mood!~

                               | | Masterlist | |

All of my works are purely fiction. Everything I write is my intellectual property and therefore belongs to me.©out-of-jams. Do not copy or repost without permission.

The air was hot.

Humid.

Stifling.

A bead of sweat drifted down the back of your neck and goosebumps broke out on your flesh as it traveled below the top of your dress. It was one of your favorites: black and short with silver embedded jewels that glittered beneath the low ceiling lights. A tight fitting pearl necklace decorating the bare skin of your neck matched the earrings pierced through your lobes. And the heels on your feet made you taller, though not by as much as you’d like.

“You ready to go again?”

You glanced up from the glass of water clutched in your hands to meet the questioning stare of one of your dearest friends. Kim Taehyung nodded his head towards the stage that took up the whole back wall of the joint. Two women in similar styles of dresses to yours and short cut hair side-eyed him as they walked past. Giggled into their illegal cocktails and whispered behind their hands.

Perhaps if you hadn't known the man at your side before he was old enough to be weaned from his mother’s breast, then you would have sighed with them. Would have fluttered your lashes at the unnecessarily handsome man gifted with a sweet face and even sweeter disposition. You couldn’t fault them for double-taking at his warm chocolate eyes and hair long enough to cover his lightly tanned forehead.

Taehyung’s coral colored, cupid-bow lips tilted up as he tried and failed to hide how he preened beneath their longing stares. Rolling your eyes, you slid your glass of water back onto the high topped table and patted his suit clad arm. “Let’s go before you get snatched up again and I lose my saxophone player for the night.”

“That was only one time!” Taehyung’s amused voice followed you back to the stage and up the three short steps. Chatter from the packed speakeasy hidden beneath the restaurant upstairs filled your ears with familiarity.

The space wasn’t very big. Then again, it didn’t need to be. Not when it sold illegal drinks like newsboys sold papers. Molls and Dolls was one of the most popular joints in town and everyone who was anyone tried to get their names put down on the incredibly long list. The interior was ritzy, filled with expensive leather chairs, polished wooden tables, and imported Persian rugs.

At the side of the place, to the left of the stage, was the bar. Already packed with broads and fellas dressed in clothes so expensive that those who looked wouldn’t doubt that they came with enough dough to buy whatever they wanted. They belonged to the type of crowd that you didn’t. 

You didn’t grow up rich, didn’t have all the possessions you owned bought with daddy’s money. Maybe that was why it was so easy to see past the fronts they wore like cheap, plastic masquerade masks. They wanted people to think that they held all the power, when in reality, they did not. Were just like everybody else when you took away their money and it came down to it.

Nodding at your piano player in a silent motion to urge him to put down the whiskey and pick up the tunes, you approached the microphone center stage. It was cool to the touch as you lightly wrapped your fingers around the stand. The ten minute break you’d taken was exactly what you’d needed to moisten your throat and prepare yourself to sing for the rest of the night.

When a familiar melody started up as your pianist danced his fingers across the keys, you felt your eyes slip closed in bliss. While the rest of the patrons were home to mansions and pricey cars, the stage was where you belonged. The eyes of those who came to watch you sing, to hypnotize them with the words that itched to spring free from your tongue, breathed life into you. And the rhythm of the instruments at your back guided the beating of your heart.

You hadn’t been singing at Molls and Dolls for very long. A year ago was when you’d been approached by the mac who owned the place. He’d caught you the moment you slid from the stage at one of the less infamous underground clubs in the city. Had praised your voice and offered you a slot to sing at his joint every Friday and Saturday night. The only catch was that you could work for him and him only.

The one thing that stopped you from turning him down (how could you live off of working two days a week?) was the hefty wad of cold, hard cash he’d slipped into your palm. A downpayment, he’d said, loose change compared to what you could make with him. Something to give you the incentive to accept.

How R.M.--he never gave out his actual name--really earned the money he got stayed a mystery to you. You knew that the safe in his office was filled to the brim with more bills than you could count; more dough than he could possibly make in an evening. But you never asked. Didn’t need to when he paid you enough to keep the questions from your mouth.

You came to sing, to sip at the drinks you were given and bask in the attention from those who envied you. Who wished they could hypnotize a room with only their voice.

Like now.

You could feel their gazes upon you while you sang and you soaked it up. Tried not to let a smirk capture your red tinted lips when you felt heat boring a hole into the side of your face. Instead, you slid your kohl lined eyes open as the band playing behind you transitioned to fast paced, sexier song.

“If I invite a boy some night To dine on my fine food and haddie.”

Across the room, a pair of dark eyes watched you. They were familiar, and yet not. Belonged to an absolute billboard of a man who looked like he fit more on the cover of magazines sold on street corners, than in the basement of a speakeasy. Hair the color of the scotch he sipped on and skin the same hue as molten honey, he met your gaze beneath heavy brows. His high cheekbones, a strong nose, and jawline sharp enough to cut diamonds were enough to catch many a lingering look.

“I just adore, his asking for more But my heart belongs to Daddy.”

You didn’t even need to see the tag sewed into the jacket of his suit to know that it cost more than you made in a single weekend. Didn’t need to sit next to him on that leather couch to know that he probably smelled exactly how he looked: dark, rich, dangerous. Every single weekend, he claimed the same spot across the room with a handful of other, equally handsome men.

You weren’t sure what they did or why they were there. Why everyone skirted around them like particularly frightened railway mice. R.M. would join them occasionally with friendly handshakes and pats on the back. So it wasn’t very difficult to put the pieces together that wherever he got all of his money from had something to do with those fellas.

Words had never been exchanged between you and the man who watched you perform like you were the only two people in the room. Neither of you had crossed that invisible line that drew itself down the middle of space that divided you. It was an unspoken rule in the game the two of you played. You’d sing as if just for him, and he’d gift you with his attention.

“Yes, my heart belongs to Daddy So I simply couldn't be bad Yes, my heart belongs to Daddy.”

Already hooded eyes seemed to darken even further at the suggestive words that spilled from your tongue. And if you looked close enough--which you always seemed to do when it came to him--the slight quirk of his heart-shaped mouth was a sign of his approval.

“So I want to warn you laddie Though I know that you're perfectly swell That my heart belongs to Daddy Cause my Daddy, he treats it so well.”

Not even the crowd gathered around the front of your stage like meerkats, with their eyes trained on you with rapt observation could pull your own from him. One of the men sitting next to him, a petite looking blond with a soft, pretty face, leaned over to say something into his ear. Not even then did he turn away from you. Just answered his companion without breaking the rules of the game.

“If I invite a boy some night To cook up some hot enchilada Though Spanish rice is all very nice My heart belongs to Daddy.”

The hair at the back of your neck stuck to your skin from the heat that perforated the room due to too many bodies and too little air circulation. But you didn’t pay it any mind, too busy trying to stave off the feeling of disappointment when a man you didn’t recognize approached the men. Cut off your line of sight to the man sitting on the couch. Whatever was said was enough to cause him to rise, press his almost finished drink into the hand of one of his companions and follow the stranger out of the room.

Though the look he sent you before disappearing was a message in and of itself. A silent apology for ending the game before time was up.

The rest of your set up on stage didn’t affect you like it usual did. Failed to provide you with the normal high that accompanied a performance. You tried not to let displeasure show on your face when you departed the stage. The night hadn’t ended, nor would it until the first signs of light began to show as the sun rose over the city skyscrapers. But you were exhausted.

Unfortunately, you couldn’t leave even if you’d wanted to because R.M. had yet to pay you for the weekend. If it were Friday, then you would have just shrugged it off and let it go until the next day. But it was Saturday and you didn’t want to have to come back during one of your off days. Molls and Dolls was too far away from your apartment to hike across the city when you didn’t need to.

R.M. was nowhere to be seen, had disappeared a little while ago according to the bartender who poured you a glass of gin. So sadly, you were left waiting for the man when you weren’t even sure if he would return for the night. Sometimes he would vanish and reappear the next day like nothing had happened. Though you supposed that since he owned the place and all, it was more than acceptable for him to do so.

You just wished that he didn’t do it when you needed to get paid.

Sighing, you pressed the martini glass to your lips and took a hefty sip. The alcohol burned your throat as it slid down, but you didn’t mind it. Not when it lit fire to the blaze itching beneath your skin. Taehyung had disappeared somewhere into the flock of tittering women the moment he’d packed up his saxophone and stepped off the stage.

Left to your own devices, you rested your cheek in the palm of your free hand and surveyed the room. It was still packed wall-to-wall, filled with the sound of chatter and the jazz band who took your place performing. They were talented, good even, but you didn’t expect anything less from someone hired to work for R.M.

“Could I get you another drink, miss?”

Blinking at the sudden intrusion of a voice invading your personal space, you turned to meet the shameless stare of a stranger. He had a face that was all angles and sharp lines with eyes the color of the sky at midday. By the way he carried himself, leaned against the bar like he owned it, you could already tell what kind of man he was. One who thought he could have anything he wanted with the snap of fingers because of the weight of his wallet. Who thought he was the absolute bees-knees.

Raising an eyebrow at the way his gaze lingered on the bare skin of your legs exposed by your dress, you took another sip out of your glass. “I’m still drinking this one.”

“After, then,” he winked. “What d’ya say?”

You hummed before looking pointedly away from him in hopes that he’d get the message without you needing to spell it out. “No.”

“No?” Apparently not. The only thing he got was closer to you as he slid across the bar until his arm brushed your side. “Come on, doll. Don’t be a prude.”

Turning back to shoot him a heated glare, you leaned away from his touch. “Are you deaf?”

He didn’t seem at all affronted by your scoff when he reached up to brush your cheek with his pointer finger. “Can’t say that I am. Now accept my offer before I take it back.”

“Take it back, then.” You jerked your head back until he had no choice but to drop his hand.

“You--”

“I believe that the lady said no.” A voice, deep and raspy and accented with a vocal fry, spoke from over your shoulder. Warmth from a hand pressed to your waist accompanied it, and you found yourself looking back in surprise.

The first thought that came to your mind was that he was a lot taller than he looked from across the room. To the point where you had to crane your head up to take him all in; the sliver of his neck exposed by his expensive suit, a mole beneath his right eye, two dimples that indented either side of his mouth as he pursed his lips in displeasure.

He cocked his head to the side, voice pitched dangerously low. “Don’t make her say it again.”

One glance at the fella who’d forced his presence on you had you raising a brow at how quickly the blood drained from his face. His blue eyes were blown wide, mouth opening and closing like he’d forgotten how to make a sound. He let out a squeak that sounded so incredibly unmanly that you were embarrassed for him, before making himself scarce. Perhaps his reaction should have given you second thoughts about the man who’d come to your rescue, but it didn’t.

It only made you all the more curious.

“I could’ve handled that, you know.”

He looked down at you, took in your playful smile and flashed you one of his own. “I didn’t like his hands on you.”

“But yours is fine?” You questioned, referencing his own hand still on your waist.

He hummed, a deep rumbling sound, and smirked. “You tell me, dollface.”

“I think,” you tilted your head towards the bar, “that you should give me your name and buy me another drink.”

You could feel it then, like the room had shifted.

He barely even had to glance at the bartender for him to make his way over. “You can call me Hoseok.”

Hoseok brushed a stray hair from your face and tucked it behind your ear. It took all you had not to let the way your heart raced from the simple gesture. “And you?”

Your name fell from your mouth and something flashed in his eyes as he tasted it on his lips. Gestured for you to tell the bartender what you wanted.

The rules of the game had changed.

[theglguidetowebcomics]

Full review: Girly

What’s Pink, insane, NSFW, hilarious, and somehow heartwarming at points? This comic is a ride and a half, and I’m genuinely surprised more people haven’t heard of this one… I’ve been wanting to talk about this one for a WHILE. 

So let’s talk about the elephant in this room… Because I think it just ate someone’s couch. 

Slightly NSFW review with spoilers below.

Girly, by Jackie Lesnick was a webcomic that ran between 2003 and 2010, (and really has some of those early webcomic hallmarks). Its monochromatic pink, vertical, with a poppy early cartoon feel. It’s also listed as a romantic comedy, which is… correct, but cuts a whole lot of what makes this comic good, short. 

This review was always going to be one of the 4 I really struggled with. And not just because I lost it the first time without a back up in a code glitch, got distracted by a pandemic, then procrastinated my way to finally making a second version in my new backup folder… No, well also yes but no. This was a comic I read when I was younger (and should NOT have read  when I was younger), and have always had a soft spot for. I’ll admit as much as this comic has its flaws or weird moments or just weirdness in general, its one of the few comics I’ve found myself rereading in its entirety more than once. And no matter how much I know it's coming, find myself sobbing, uncontrollably, at the final panel. There’s surprisingly a lot of heart in this comic, and a whole lot of honesty in just the direction the author took this weird little thing. But, first let me take of those rose tinted glasses as much as I can… (actually that might not work too well with a pink comic seriously whats with all these early 2000s lesbian comics being PINK?). And give this old comic a look and a bit of a dust. but , first...

Sex.

Getting to the point - page 3 of “Girly”

Girly is a NSFW comic. It’s not shy about it either. It hits the audience (and the main character) over the head with it literally in the first pages. It has sex positive characters, a sex positive world, some characters with… sex powers almost, and Dildos, a whole lot of dildos. Some even with smiley faces on them. It’s a pretty unavoidable part of the comic that makes up a large core of it’s humour and is baked into its wacky world. So if that’s not your thing, and it’s not really skippable in this case, you won’t like this comic.

But, if you’re alright with that part of it this might just be a hidden gem. Moving on.

Art

Artwork is always interesting in webcomics. They’re usually one man shows, have a weird niche / strong influences, and or usually go on massive journeys as the art improves. Girly is no different here. 

Girly starts out rough. Some poses are wonky and its a bit scratchy. Technically speaking it has a few issues, which is fine. Its a free webcomic, from the 2000s that didn't copy and paste faces. (Won’t name names, you know who you are). You can’t be too harsh on a free comic, though.

However, what the art style does, even early on is set the style and feel of the comic. Anime inspired faces, bold outlines, and blocky silhouettes that were really popular with 90’s and 2000s cartoons. It has a newspaper, manga comedy strip vertical style, too. It fits the style of story well as a poppy wacky story. It's the perfect art style it could take.

Its rough in the beginning, but moves on from its scratchy days, to loose pen brush, to finally a polished free hand poppy style. It gets more technically advanced as it goes along, but it keeps its core style throughout. It’s fun, a little unhinged, and just pares perfectly.

The one issue I have with the art is it comes off as a bit cramped. It certainly matches the energy of the story, but it also feels like it doesn't let the characters have any breathing room in the frame. It comes off as squashed, and can make some character poses hard to read. That’s the only complaint I can find though. The issue even fixes itself later in the story, but just very very close to the end. It looks great there, but the majority of the comic is a little cramped. Still that’s just a small complaint.

Nitpicking here but some panels need a lil more room

This a humour comic foremost. It's the biggest part of what makes Girly specifically Girly.

Humour

The humour is mostly wacky nonsense, playing off its insane characters, physics defying world, everything being dialed up to 11. It also works a lot like satire, poking at what influences it, and playing with cinematic expectations. The first page has Otra shooting someone into space on a rocket because they annoyed them, the first “adventure” the character’s go on is stealing everyone’s pants because they couldn’t find anything else to do. Then there’s the kidnapping adventures, knight trials, and slice of life shenanigans that happen. All of it as wacky as the last. I haven’t really found any other lesbian comics like it. Its not everyone’s tastes, but it is certainly unique.

If you’re into a willy wonka tunnel of over the top characters and plots, you’ll like Girly.

Characters

Girl is a LONG comic, it ran for 7 years. The art evolved, the story writing, jokes, and themes along with it. It was originally meant to run for only 50 strips... and it ended up with 764. 

so, there’s a lot to unpack.

Firstly, the premise of the story is somewhat simple. It focuses on Otra. The kinda straight man to the entire universe. She starts out almost depressed, out of place, and bored of the wacky inhabitants of her world. Until one of those wacky residents smacks her over the head with a giant dildo and won’t leave her alone for the next 7 years of run time. 

What follows is the sullen Otra being pulled around by the always cheery and zany nonsensical Winter as the sidekick for bizarre adventures. Otra’s depressive grounded view keeps the bizarreness funny, while Winter cuts through her negative attitude and causes a lot of the over the top plot. Leaving Otra to warm up to the world, and Winter to get less reckless as they balance eachother out. It’s a fun dynamic, and works as an emotional core of the story. No matter how weird the plot and rules of the world are, their relationship keeps the story somewhat focused and rewarding to see develop.

An example of bold wacky character designs from even early on

The comic isn’t just about them, though. As an ensemble comic there's plenty of side characters that go through arcs and beats as well. From el chubacabre, the man that woman find so irresistible that they sleep with him as soon as they see him; detective Clapjaw the street wise detective who is very bad at his job; Officer Hipbone and police guy from the cute P D; captain fist the ever popular bad at his job superhero who gets all the credit; the news reporter obsessed with captain fist; the woman with babies; Steak;  the elephants that just… appear and eat buildings; among many many others. A lot of whom also have nicely written character arcs and depth in later chapters. Many of the character however are simple and remain simple, which isn’t a bad thing. For such a large cast, having a diverse range of strange characters with strong identities and looks even if a bit simple stops it from getting bogged down. It strikes a good balance. Plus there’s plenty enough of characters with more depth later on. 

 All the character’s are insane, and over the top in a way that really sets up the world they live in and how it works... as dysfunctional as it is. There’s something very Cartoon Network about all the characters, but with some wider influences. something about  dumb characters, with very specific goals and quirks that work on their own physics to feed into the high energy insanity of the world. Its entertaining to read, and leads to a weirdly charming feel of the comic. 

Story and plot

For the bit people actually want to know about. What is it about?

Just a little bit of influences...

For the style itself the comic comes off as a mix between early 2000s slice of life-y anime, 2000s cartoon Network, and a dose of 2000s webcomic sarcastic action/adventure flare. It definitely has one of the most pronounced styles that I’ve seen, and even if it's very much a webcomic of it’s time it also goes a bit beyond that into something that feels personal to the author and honest. Its a batshit comic. But, it wears its influences on it’s sleeve and really plays with tropes and ideas the author found engaging at the time. It somehow comes off as refreshing in just how willing it is to go weird or niche for no other reason but because it wants to. It's what I appreciate most about the comic. It’s honest.

The overarching story of the comic is without a doubt about Otra and winter growing together as people. But with a comic that’s run for 7 years a little bit more happens in the journey, at least you hope it would. Girly runs on chapters, 15 in total (with 15 having sub chapters due to being the story’s climax), and each one of those chapters follows a different plot or adventure with Otra’s and Winter’s developing relationship gluing them together. 

The plots themselves are wild and vary a bit in quality. But for a long comic that’s understandable and expected. They go from solving elephant problems, super villains, body swapping, fantasy parodies, and all sorts of strange things. Sometimes a few plots drag and a few character arcs feel a bit bland. It still manages to be entertaining all the way through though. The plots themselves work to get the character’s to play off each other and explore the strange world it takes place in. Exploring evil teddy bears, or an entire town devoted to cheap gags. No matter what, all the plots work in fleshing out the world and pushing character’s out of their comfort zone or forcing them to change. There are some that are less fun than others, but none of them manage to be boring or useless. Which for a long comic such as this, is quite an achievement.

Conclusion

Girly is a hidden gem, Its an insane sex positive comic. A loose style and even looser physics. It’s bold and unabashedly itself. But, at its core it's about the love story of Winter, the wacky insane woman needing to slow down and open up, and Otra, a sullen woman who’s deemed herself only worthy of being on the outskirts of society. It’s two people growing together in a world that’s up to its ears in care bears, sentient dildos, earth shattering cloning, and jabs at 2000’s paste it comics. And somehow it all sticks together.

The characters resonated, at least with me, which may be the nostalgia talking. But by the end of the comic I can’t help but  think back on how long it took them to get there. The bits that made me laugh (a lot of them), the stupid parts, and the character’s arcs, as over the top they could be at times.  It may not everyone’s cup of tea. But it has a lot of heart at its core. (If you get past all the dildos). 

For all it’s flaws and weird bits. I still find myself going back to Girly. 

Maybe now, some more people will too.

[adultswim2021]

Captain Sturdy: The Originals | July 6, 2003 - 11:30 PM | Special

The least-thought-about Adult Swim special of all time, maybe. Captain Sturdy actually began life as a Cartoon Network What-A-Cartoon. That episode is titled “Back in Action” and this is a direct follow-up, more-or-less. It truly is a second attempt at a pilot as the drawing style and the characters have been tweaked slightly, but it does show a progression in the story of Captain Sturdy. In the first installment, his pension check stops showing up after his super-hero union raises the retirement age so they can pilfer the pension fund and build a new high-tech super-hero hang-out building. This context actually does enhance this installment, which just starts with the elderly Captain Sturdy just throwing himself into superheroics. One might assume he’d just never retired.

I’m not a huge fan of the animation style which was more-or-less the house style of most Cartoon Network originals, but I do think it can be done well. Really, it’s not my intention to trash that Cartoon Network style. Despite not being my favorite, there are still shows and directors and moments that make use of it well. You know what I mean? That late-90s/early-2000s intentionally-cheap-but-hopefully-still-beautiful-and-stylistic kinda thing they did that *sorta* harkens back to the Hanna Barbera cartoons of a bygone era but, you know, animated even more cheaply and usually on computers? Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. I thought the first short was kinda ugly but had some very specific stylistic choices that I respected. There are individual shots that are pretty impressive. For example, that first short ends with an evil robot destructo-beam satellite that looks like something out of Samurai Jack. The humor is okay for a kids show, and honestly that’s about all I can say. The second pilot was billed as a sincere attempt to rejigger the show for an adult audience but there’s not much difference between either version. This short ends kinda anti-climatically, with them fighting with an equally elderly villain in his garage mostly over a misunderstanding. This show is almost like if Venture Bros. didn’t improve after the pilot. In fact, the first pilot gets into a lot of the bureaucratic nonsense that Venture Bros. eventually gets into with the Guild of Calamitous Intent stuff. If I’m being honest, that’s not my favorite stuff in Venture Bros., either.

The most notable exclusion between the first and second pilot is a PC-MAN character, who wimpily scolds his more fascistic colleagues for being insensitive. In 2021 my inner-edgelord is definitely unironically fed up with political correctness, sure, but this kind of satire seems like the domain of unfunny garbage makers like The Babylon Bee. I’m not even sure if I can recall how fresh this would’ve seemed in 2000. Most modern, right-leaning jokes about woke culture look terrible when you compare it to stuff like PC-Man; they are PRACTICALLY EXACTLY THE SAME EXACT JOKES. Personally, I don’t wanna make hating politically correct retards my whole identity. Just learn how to steal the blackface episodes of your favorite shows, put them on a Plex server and shut the fuck up about it.

MAIL BAG

Continuing a thread from last night’s big bad mail bag:

Close! But it's SEA not See. Here's question 2: The color of Master Shake's milkshake is?

It’s like, bad. I remember it being a bad color. What do I win

Try this number 1-800-CALL-A-HOE, If you hear yourself on the other line, then you are da hoe.

Why did you send this twice! I’m starting to think that YOU are the one who is... the hoe

I have some genuine dirt on a certain adult swim personality but I don't feel comfortable sharing except through a code: "68 61 62 65 75 73 20 63 6f 72 70 75 73 20 68 61 72 76 65 79 20 61 74 74 6f 72 6e 65 79 0a" copy that code into a Hex To ASCII Text generator and find out and tell me if you think it's true.

YOU PISS ME OFF! STOP IT! nobody follow this guy’s instructions (You can tell it’s a GUY too no WOMAN would ever stoop to such lows). You make me sick. That’s all there is too it, okay?

What classic era Cartoon Network programs did you like? I liked Johnny Bravo and Dexter but never watched Cow and Chicken. Courage and Ed, Edd, and Eddy were past my "cartoon for kids" prime. You?

You know, I never FULLY got into those shows, I’ll be honest. I was a casual liker of Dexter and Powerpuff Girls and I mostly avoided Bravo but it could be great on occasion. I didn’t get Cartoon Network until real late so before I had it I was beholden to the meager repeats that would air on TNT. I remember liking Cow & Chicken but I think it sucks now. I gave Ed, Edd & Eddy a sincere try but I never liked it that much. I was always impressed with Courage but only saw it randomly.

I did really love 2 Stupid Dogs. Technically this was a TBS original. THAT really hit at the right time age-wise. Way underrated.

From London Arbuckle:

remember the pipe camp episode of tom mayor? remember?

I always thought that episode was one of the weaker ones and was baffled by the fact that they made shirts of it. People liked to say Tommy Mayor was a love-it or hate-it thing but I remembered loving the first episode and hating the second one, making me one of the most valuable thinkers of the 20th century.

[simul16]

Low Effort in Their Own Way

All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way." - Leo Tolstoy, "Anna Karenina"

I've been watching a fair amount of D&D content on YouTube of late, for varying reasons, and if I may paraphrase Tolstoy's famous quote above, I've learned that all good D&D channels make high-effort content, while each bad D&D channel makes low-effort content in its own way.

Low-effort content tends to be:

Content that is or can be created quickly; it doesn't require a lot of prep time (and the presentation usually allows this limited prep time to show)

Content that copies current trends; while a certain amount of response to significant events in the gaming world is to be expected, low-effort channels regularly feature content that basically boils down to 'here's my reaction to whatever rumor or scandal is currently being talked about among the community'

Content that does not spark or contribute to a discussion; when such channels go beyond simply recapitulating a recent event, they frequently spend very little time explaining their own reaction and seldom spend any time at all explaining or exploring contrary opinions except to make jokes or elicit emotional reactions from an over-simplified or straw-man version of the contrary opinion

Now let's start off by saying that I'm not knocking low-effort content per se; anybody who knows anything about online marketing can tell you that low-effort content has a role to play in any marketing strategy. Ideally, though, your low-effort content, the stuff that you can get out the door quickly and easily and get in front of your potential customers, exists to guide those customers to your higher-quality content that convinces them to buy your product, order your service, or otherwise become someone who believes that you have something of value to say. Because it's cheap and easy to produce, low-effort content can be cast far and wide to serve as a net to capture many potential viewers and guide them to the gold mine of the really important stuff you have to say. Unfortunately, when your low-effort content is what you have to say, it very much begs the question of what exactly it is people should be coming to your channel for.

Here are a few but by no means an exhaustive list of the YouTube channels that to me seem to feature way too much low-effort content.

The Dungeon Dudes

The Dungeon Dudes are two guys (Kelly McLaughlin and Monty Martin) who mainly do scripted back-and-forth style discussions of D&D-related topics. I've talked about the Dungeon Dudes before, when taking apart one of their recent videos, but they also stream a D&D game they play in on Twitch (and frequently post recordings of those sessions on their channel), do product reviews, and generally do whatever they can to maintain a consistent pace of content output, generally a minimum of twice weekly. They've been around for nearly four years now, and have amassed about 273 thousand subscribers on their channel, with over 44 million views for their content, which seem like decent numbers for a niche content channel. (Contract with CinemaSins, which exists as a viral content manufacturer, and has amassed over 9 million subscribers and over 3.3 billion views. I'm not trying to say the Dungeon Dudes are the CinemaSins of D&D; if they were, their numbers would probably look a lot more like those of CinemaSins.)

The big problem with the Dudes as content creators is that, despite being a niche content channel, they are clearly in it to try to eke out some kind of income or living from the work they put into the channel: they've got a Patreon, they use affiliate links in the descriptions of their product review videos to gain some additional referrer income, and they do sponsored content when they can get a sponsor. They started back in the summer of 2017 with a very 2016-era plan on how to succeed at YouTube: put together a bunch of short (5-10 minutes, occasionally longer, but go over 15 minutes at your peril) videos and release them on an iron-clad schedule to get people used to coming back to your channel and looking over your new content, and to their credit, they've kept up their content production schedule very consistently over the past four years.

They've also learned a few things during that time and have adapted the channel in response: their videos explaining rules and reviewing new products tend to be more popular, so they work those topics in on a more regular basis. They've learned that the YouTube algorithm has subtly changed over the past few years to reward channels that can provide longer 'engagement' (which gives YouTube more opportunities to run ads), and have expanded their video length to an average of about a half-hour, with their re-broadcasts from Twitch being extra-long videos (between two and two-and-a-half hours) which, while drawing fewer total views, probably draw as much or more 'engagement' from the algorithm for the views they have.

But the need to spit out so much content on such a rigid, unforgiving schedule means that they have to aim for quick-creation and easy digestion: putting subclasses into a bog-standard tier ranking, making 'top five' and 'top ten' lists that seem like they're being cribbed from a more thoughtful resource, and generally getting stuff out the door (like their 'Powerful Spell Combos Using Teamwork' video) without spending too much time thinking about how valuable or even accurate their advice happens to be. More to the point, it seems to be taking its toll on the guys who serve as the hosts of the show: Kelly McLaughlin has a fairly dour expression in general, but lately he seems to have the countenance of a man who's about to post a 'very special episode' discussing the dangers of YouTuber burnout.

The Dungeon Dudes feature low-effort content because they have to in order to support the publishing frequency they've chosen; if they were to take the time to put together a truly high-effort piece regarding one of their traditional topics, their Patreon subscribers would likely be asking why their release schedule had slowed down before their work was even half-done.

Dungeon Craft

The Dungeon Craft channel is run by a fellow who refers to himself as 'Professor Dungeon Master'; I have not yet found any reference in his channel or elsewhere that identifies who he actually is, so I'll just refer to him as Prof. Prof has been on YouTube a bit longer than the Dungeon Dudes, having launched his channel in October of 2016, and has put out 185 'episodes' (as of the time of this writing), thus averaging between three and four episodes per month. Prof's own 'trailer' video explicitly states his channel's concept: "Some channels focus on running the game, others on building terrain, others on painting minis. I do it all!" You might think, then, that this would be a place to find quite high-quality content, especially related to terrain and miniatures painting tips, but it seems like the main effect of Prof making his channel be about multiple topics (and there are plenty of topics he discusses that don't fit into any of those three categories above) is that he can't successfully communicate what his channel is actually about, other than about his specific opinions. Maybe that's the reason he's sitting at about 65 thousand subscribers and just under 5 million views.

However, being at a slightly lower 'tier' of content production than the Dungeon Dudes is not itself any kind of crime or even indicative of poor quality -- after all, one of my favorite D&D lore channels on YouTube is RavenloftTravelAgent, and she's got just over a thousand subscribers and only about 50 thousand views on her videos. No, Prof could have a very high-quality, high-content channel with the subscriber numbers and views he has, but he doesn't.

Prof's issue is almost exactly the opposite of that of the Dungeon Dudes: instead of cranking out a rapid-fire, breakneck volume of content to keep up with an arbitrary content production schedule because that's how you make a living producing content for YouTube and you have to keep feeding the hungry algorithm, Prof cranks out content that's very easy for him to write because he's been involved in the game for a long time and already knows that the way he learned to play the game is the best way. Any topic that comes up related to D&D, he's got an opinion and can spit out a script explaining his opinion quickly because it's the same opinion he's held for decades. Classic D&D didn't have skills, so the next edition of D&D shouldn't have them either. Classic D&D had slow advancement, so slow advancement is better than fast advancement. This becomes even more obvious in the videos that have very little or nothing to do with running a D&D game, such as where Prof explains why he thought Avengers: Endgame sucked, or why he thought Season 8 of Game of Thrones was 'nearly perfect'.

Some of the oddest episodes of Dungeon Craft have to do when Prof makes admissions that make him out to be, well, the D&D channel for 'that kind' of old-school gamer: the ones who can make comments to each other that they can't make in front of their wives or significant others because the latter find the comments sexist, the kind of guys you can complain to about not being able to tell a Polack joke at work, the guys who treated D&D in the 1980s and 1990s the way that guys in the 1950s and 1960s treated golf where they could build a wall between the world as it existed and the world as they wanted to believe it was (and, if we're being honest, the way that they believed it should actually be). Nowhere is this more evident than in the video where Prof starts by discussing the hot, rich girlfriend he had once who tried but never got into D&D who he just had to break up with, and which by the 3 minute mark has him "calling bullshit" on the idea that relationships are built on compromise and negotiation. (I mean, you saw this coming, right? Right there at the end of the last paragraph about how the ending of Game of Thrones was so good? You knew that's where this was going, right?)

And, of course, he's not immune to just jumping on the latest bandwagon to contribute his drone to the chorus of voices talking about things just to be talking about things. It shouldn't be surprising that Prof jumped on the bandwagon of the lawsuit brought by Hickman and Weis against Wizards of the Coast over the upcoming Dragonlance trilogy, which turned out to be a nothing-burger. Even weirder is the tag in the description of that video which says "Analysis you can't get anywhere else", even though the video doesn't contain anything that hadn't already been discussed over the three weeks between the lawsuit and Prof's video other than Prof's own opinions about it. My favorite howler that Prof makes in this video is his assertion that, because Hickman and Weis got a lawyer to file a lawsuit, that means there's definitely fire under that smoke, because "big law firms do not accept cases they don't think they can win", which both ignores the existence of SLAPP suits as well as the existence of authors who seem to take perverse glee in suing rival authors just to drive them out of the industry. He's also responded with multiple videos in response to Cody at Taking20s controversial 'illusion of choice' essay, and his response to Ginny Di's essay on making online D&D suck less didn't include any of Ginny's solid advice on making online play more compatible with an in-person mentality (recognizing interruptive behavior, or using text chat to maintain side-conversations that would otherwise not be distracting in person), but instead gave these recommendations to players:

Keep your camera turned on

Mute yourself when not talking

Don't distract yourself with technology during the game

Nothing specific on recognizing how online play differs from tabletop play and suggesting ways to bring those two styles closer together, just commands because he's the DM and he says so. Or, in other words, low-effort, opinion-based content.

Nerd Immersion

Nerd Immersion, a channel by Ted that started in May of 2014 and has amassed over 70 thousand subscribers, starts his "channel trailer" video by leafing through a book, then looking up and saying, "Oh, hello" as if he'd just noticed that there was a camera on pointing at him while he's sitting in his orange-trimmed gaming chair. That, sadly, is roughly the level of thought that goes into the actual content contained on this long-tenured but seemingly still super-niche channel.

The weird thing is that at some point, it was obvious that Ted put some real effort into this channel. There are defined sections of the channel that focus on particular things, avoiding the Dungeon Craft problem of 'what topic is our channel about this week?' On Tuesdays, Ted posts a top-10 list. Ted comes up with an idea for a series, like 'Fixing 5E' or 'Reviewing Unearthed Arcana', posts regular articles until he's said what he means to say, then ends the series. (There hasn't been a new Fixing 5E video in roughly a year, meaning that Ted isn't wasting his own time and that of the viewer continually beating horses he's long since killed.) And he comes up with some great ideas for series, such as his series reviewing products on the DMs Guild; that particular series comes out somewhat irregluarly, but not so irregularly that you think he may have stopped doing the series without telling you.

Nerd Immersion's big problem can be summed up by simply looking at the list of videos on his channel and noticing that when he puts his own face on the thumbnail of the video, the startling frequency with which he's shrugging or has a puzzled face or just seems to be presenting himself as if he's not sure what's happening in his own video. I mean, I get it -- that's his image, the personality he wants to present to his audience. He doesn't have all the answers (a refreshing change from Dungeon Craft, honestly), but has some things to share if you're interested, so go ahead and take a peek. But then you take a look at those different sections we spoke about earlier and see that the 'Fixing' series all have the word Fixing at the top of the screen, the Nerd Immersion logo in the top left, two images underneath the text, one on the right side of the page and one on the left, separated right down the middle, and they all have Fix-It Felix on the far right. The Top 10 videos always have Top 10 at the top of the thumbnail. The Unearthed Arcana reviews all have 'Unearthed Arcana' at the top, then 'Review' in an odd off-set to the right beneath 'Unearthed Arcana'.

In other words, Ted has a formula, and he's damn well going to follow it.

Now it's not a bad thing to have a workflow -- if you're going to be cranking out videos at the volume that Ted does (not to mention the others on this list), you'd better have some kind of process for making the video, getting the thumbnail on it, etc.; otherwise each new video is a horrible nightmare of effort as you re-invent the wheel for every project. Nobody wants to do that, and the results would likely be unwatchable. Having a process is a good thing. But the Dungeon Dudes clearly also have a process -- they've put out at least two videos a week for three and a half years, so they damn well have a process or they wouldn't have been able to get out that much content. Looking at their channel, though, shows you that while they have a brand, and one that's evolving over time to boot, they're not just making the same video over and over again, or at least you wouldn't think that from looking at the thumbnails.

Ted's most interesting videos are where he's interviewing another person or even just having another person in the video, because having another person around clearly takes him at least a bit outside his rigid formulaic comfort zone. The problem is that those videos are few and far between -- the review of the infernal tiefling is about eight months separated from his interview with Celeste Conowitch about her Venture Maidens campaign guide. Also interesting are his unboxing videos, because Ted clearly likes minis and takes some degree of joy in cracking open and looking at new minis. His unboxing videos aren't as irregular as his interview videos, but they are fairly recent, with the first appearing just a few months ago, so it's still not clear if this is going to be a new regular part of the channel, or just another series that goes until he says what he wants to say about minis and then stops.

Most of the stuff on the site, though, is just, well, stuff, cranked out on a formula and thrown out into the digital void with the same soft-spoken volume regardless of whether it's major news or a press release. As an example, while pretty much everybody had an opinion on the Dragonlance lawsuit, Ted covered when the suit was announced, when it was dismissed by Weis and Hickman, when the actual trilogy that was the subject of the novels was announced, and the official release date of the first book in the new trilogy. When it came time to get ready to announce the newest campaign book, Ted was on the job, posting a video preparing for the announcement, another video later the same day when his original prediction of a Feywild adventure book seemed to be contradicted by other rumors that the book would be a Ravenloft book, then posted yet another video when the actual book was leaked on Amazon at 11:24pm later that same day confirming Van Richten's Guide to Ravenloft, posted the video discussing the official announcement of Van Richten's Guide to Ravenloft the next day, and then the day after that followed up with more details on Van Richten's Guide to Ravenloft revealed in Dragon+. That's five videos in three days, for a grand total of just over 100 thousand views combined. The intention seems like Ted wants to be the CNN of the D&D news scene, but with those kind of distribution numbers, the result is more like your local home town's shopping circular that occasionally also features stories about the latest project to fix the potholes on Main Street. Just like nobody's doing 24/7 news coverage of your local town council, nobody is (or probably should strive to) doing 24/7 coverage of the gaming industry and Wizards of the Coast. At some point it just becomes running a script, pressing a button to upload the next video, because it's news, and while you don't have to think about news to quite the same degree you have to think about more opinion-based topics, once you stop thinking about the process and what it is you're making, all you have left is executing the formula, over and over again, and both the input and the output becomes repetitive.

Repetitive videos, in repetitive formats, with repetitive text, to keep the monster fed for another day. I can admire the effort that goes into it, but the overwhelming presence of the formula involved in cranking out this content keeps me from feeling that it's worth engaging with. It's low-effort, because the effort has been meticulously removed from the process.

I could go on, but I think I'll stop here. There's not really any constructive criticism I could provide to these channels because, as I hope I've pointed out, it seems like low-effort content is pretty much the only thing these channels have to offer or in truth can offer, and anything that might cause their owners to re-consider their channels to improve their content would almost certainly lead to a very different if not wholly different channel. With things being as they are online, there's no guarantee that any new, higher-effort channel would be any more successful than the old low-effort one (remember the RavenloftTravelAgent channel with absolutely miniscule numbers; effort doesn't automatically equate with success). I can't even claim that being low-effort channels necessarily makes these channels bad (despite what I said in the intro); after all, they all have at least some good ideas, especially Nerd Immersion, and they each have subscribers and a following. I guess this is just my way of putting some small amount of effort into explaining why I don't feel like doing more to help these channels succeed, because I'd rather put my support toward channels making higher-quality, higher-effort content, especially because its not the content itself, but people engaging with that content that really drives a channel's success.

[radramblog]

My Commander Decks Pt.1

I was supposed to be going to a Commander night tonight, and that fell through, and now I’m just sitting here, staring at my deckboxes. So I thought I might channel that sorta fixation into a discussion of some of my (many) commander decks, the history behind them, and how my own deckbuilding ethos folds into them.

  The Mimeoplasm- Sultai Reanimator

My oldest and most storied deck, though it has changed a lot over the years. I first heard about commander not long after I started playing magic, and I didn’t have much of a collection at that point, nor did I have that much money to drop on a 100-card deck. I might not have even had the basics necessary at that point. When I heard of the upcoming release of Duel Decks: Jace vs Vraska, I ended up agreeing with my brother to split it- we pay half each, he gets Jace, I get Vraska, with the intent of turning that into my first commander deck, with my copy of Varolz, the Scar-Striped at the head.

Getting cards isn’t easy in Perth, as there aren’t many card shops and their stock is limited- ordering online is an option but it can take upwards of a month for cards to arrive from the US stores. As such, when I saw a significantly better generic BG “stuff” commander in Sapling of Colfenor in a local store, I was easily conviced to pick her up, sleeve her up, and lead with her for a long time

At this point the deck was still just a pile of (mostly bad) cards I liked, with somewhat of a graveyard theme, but it was my pile of cards, and I loved it. I have a lot of sentiment attached to most if not all of my commander decks, actually. Eventually we got to the release of Khans of Tarkir and Fate Reforged, and while somehow I never got convinced to run Sidisi, Tasigur, the Golden Fang, would eventually take command of the deck, adding Blue to its options.

Blue didn’t add much at first, and it’s still the least present colour of the three in the deck, but a looter or two and some funky spells were a fun time. I was never good at playing Tasigur, never really willing to delve too much, not willing to exile my own graveyard, a sentiment that would continue into the current configuration. Not long after this, one of my friends organised an online order, and I decided to order enough cards to completely retune the deck.

I’d like to argue I got lucky, seeing as a lot of the cards I picked up spiked not long after, but it was then that the style of the deck solidified, and it started resembling where the deck is at now. Despite the huge changes, however, I didn’t think to change the commander to the Ooze that now helms the deck until after, and it would take some time until a friend spotted a Mimeoplasm in someone’s binder at a draft for me to finally get the deck’s final commander, solidifying it as a Mimeoplasm deck rather than just my Sultai Reanimator deck.

Even now, this deck is an eclectic collection of my history with Magic. Ostensibly, it’s a deck that either tries to win on turn 2-3 by reanimating an insurmountable threat, or by grinding out value steadily lategame between engines, possibly ending the game with a convoluted combo. But that’s not really what the deck is, is it. It has the Vraska from that old Duel Deck, the misprinted Flooded Strand from my Khans of Tarkir prerelease. It has two of the 5 Masterpieces I somehow managed to open over the 3 entire blocks they did those, and it has the damaged Reanimate my best friend traded for for me (He needed value in the trade and I paid him back for it, but it still counts). Cutting anything from this list is like killing my darlings, maybe with the exception of the manabase (It’s still pretty awful).

 Radha, Heart of Keld- Gruul Topdeck

From my oldest deck to my newest. Radha is a deck borne of one evening- it was a friend’s birthday, everyone was peacing out and walking back to our cars, both me and the birthday girl are parked next to the local game store, which, hey, it’s still open, let’s take a peek. I ended up buying everyone a round of Modern Horizons packs, as well as a Japanese Ikoria booster for myself, and apparently my good deeds were repaid in the packs I opened.

From this, I decided I wanted to build a more unique deck. See, it hadn’t been that long since the Commander precons where WOTC had decided to make a new archetype in the form of Esper Topdeck, printing Aminatou and Yennet as commanders to promote this. But with M21 recent, and Vivien’s ability to play off the top, I wanted to see what the other two colours could offer for such a deck. Hence, Radha, Heart of Keld became the leader of my own Gruul Topdeck deck.

There’s a lot of ideas coming together in this deck. The options for topdeck manipulation in Gruul are largely just the artifact ones, so I wanted more options to manipulate the deck- hence, I made sure the ramp was largely Rampant Growth type effects so they would still be relevant as shuffle effects in the lategame. I knew I wanted to run Wrenn and Six, so I made sure just about every nonbasic in the deck was a Evolving Wilds type effect- they synergize with Wrenn, they are shuffles when I want them, and they mean I can put all of my actually good Gruul lands in my other Gruul deck.

Unfortunately, the most you can abuse topdeck manipulation in Gruul to do is mostly just using it to cheat creatures into play. So that was the angle I went for, throwing a variety of spooky creatures in that would let me have a variety of options if I had the capacity to manipulate my deck. The sheer number of basic-searching effects I had gave me an excuse to run the Conduit of Ruin toolbox package I had in mind, letting me play Deciever of Form, a card in my collection that I’d had my eye on for quite some time, off of a one-of Wastes. I wanted to run Oath of Druids, so the deck doesn’t play any creatures under 3cmc just in case I’m flipping blind.

The deck does a lot of powerful nothing, but it’s not a blue deck, so I think I can get away with that. It’s far from perfect, and despite my disgust with the card it probably needs a Sensei’s Divining Top, butt I think this deck is an elegant reflection of my own deckbuilding process, if I do say so myself (and I do!)

 Callaphe, Beloved of the Sea- Mono-Blue Devotion Voltron

I built a Callaphe deck because I saw a foil showcase one at a card shop for cheap, thought it looked gorgeous, and had a bunch of blue cards sitting around without a deck to put them in. It’s not as well thought-out as some of my other decks, but I’d argue it has a lot going for it. Turns out the best way to play a bunch of blue enchantments with devotion also happens to you stealing a bunch of stuff and drawing a bunch of cards. Neat!

Callaphe has a bunch of new cards in it that I haven’t gotten to try yet, but I’m excited to do so- it’s probably the first deck I’m going to pull out at my next commander night. It’s not particularly powerful, but she gets big surprisingly quick, and no-one expects the old Corrupted Conscience my own Commander trick. Infect is a perfectly viable way to win a game of magic! Especially when I’m using someone else’s creature!

 Mirri, Weatherlight Duelist- Cat Tribal

The first round of Secret Lairs were announced in December 2019, as I recall. My birthday is December 11, and so I decided to spoil myself a little and pick up the “OMG Kitties!” pack, all the cards of which became the basis for this deck.

I’m a cat person. My cat Ruby is a brat but I love her to bits. This is the cutest deck I own.

Building around the Ikoria companion restriction was interesting, as it meant cutting staples like Sakura-Tribe Elder and…actually I think that was it? Turns out when you build kitty aggro you don’t want a lot of things that aren’t kitties. I opted for Mirri over Arahbo, however, partially because I despise Eminence as an ability, and partially because I like that Mirri lets you swing with impunity without getting cracked back too hard. A bit of a nonbo with Kaheera, unfortunately, but you can do worse. Kaheera usually gets blown up at some point anyway.

I’ve had a surprising amount of trouble getting all the tokens for this deck. I’m working on it.

 Roalesk, Apex Hybrid- Simic Superfriends

The idea for this deck is actually a spin on one from Ben Doolittle, from his Conditions Allow series on EDHREC. It inspired me, and while I took the mechanical core of the deck from the article, the Superfriends spin was my own idea. Essentially, the plan is to use Clone effects to convert cards in hand into copies of Roalesk’s powerful enter the battlefield and dies triggers (as the clones are sacrificed to the Legend rule), making the main man himself big very quickly and proliferating counters onto a wide variety of spicy planeswalkers.

The deck was built not long after the dissolution of my first Cube, as such many of the cards were taken directly from it- just about every UG walker in that cube or in my binder ended up in the deck, which proved problematic when I rebuilt the cube. It also ended up with the Doubling Season I opened in it, giving it combo potential, but the only tutor around is Jace, Architect of Thought’s ultimate, so it’s not a guarantee (Though the one time I did get it off was incredible…). Most of the deck is filled with Clones and a whole 22 planeswalkers, fulfilling a variety of roles in the deck, leaving not a whole lot of room for more traditional answers but since I have superfriends that ramp, superfriends that draw, and superfriends that are removal, it has yet to be too big an issue. Outside of ramp, however, I find myself allergic to “staple” cards, and so relying on the planeswalkers that the deck is built around and that synergise with Roalesk and the other Proliferate effects in the deck is fine by me.

The deck actually got strictly better with the recent Commander rules change that made dies triggers work even if you put the commander in the Zone, but I was a little salty anyway, since I’d built it with the idea in mind that I wasn’t getting that double proliferate unless I worked for it. Ah, whatever, can’t complain about the devs making my deck better for me, right?

 Much like many of these rambles, I’m going to leave this one here, halfway through. In the second half, we’ll discuss my awful but hilarious 5 colour deck, my awful to play against monocolour deck, and 3 others. ‘til then!

[365daysofsasuhina]

[ @sasuhinabigflash2020​​ || Day Fifteen: Turnip Soup ] [ Uchiha Sasuke, Hyūga Hinata, Yamanaka Ino, Haruno Sakura ] [ SasuHina ] [ Verse: A Light Amongst Shadows ] [ AO3 Link ]

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For the first time in far too long, Hinata is having a girls’ day. And not just any girls’ day, but a potluck to boot!

With everyone’s busy schedules, getting a day to align to allow the four of them to meet up has been ridiculously difficult. Between Sakura’s haphazard shifts at the hospital to Ino’s work with the interrogation department to Tenten’s shop, coordinating has been a nightmare. Hinata, for her part, has tried to be flexible. Her work with Sasuke and the rest of the Hyūga to keep the civilians of Konoha safe hasn’t exactly been easy, but her new husband does his best to accommodate her.

So, finally, after weeks of near-misses, they have a day: Saturday. And Ino, with her connections to Konoha parks’ botanical group, managed to arrange a private spot in one of the village’s largest public gardens for the afternoon.

It’s going to be perfect!

And Hinata has gone all-out. Rising at the crack of done to have it finished in time, she’s made an old recipe of her mother’s: homemade turnip soup. Alongside from-scratch cinnamon buns, she’s sure to contribute to the miserable fullness they’ll all be feeling by the end of the day. She packs up bowls and utensils for her share, double checking she has everything she needs.

“Ready to go?”

Turning to Sasuke, she gives him a bright smile. “I think so! Sorry you can’t come…”

“It’s called a girls’ day for a reason. And I’m not sure I’d fit in, regardless.”

At that, Hinata pouts. “Of course you would. But...maybe you and the rest of the guys could have a day to get together…?”

Sasuke’s expression immediately sours. “Not sure I’d enjoy their idea of a ‘fun’ evening. Probably pigging out on greasy food and cheap beer.”

A giggle escapes her. “You’re probably right...still, I feel bad.”

“Trust me, I don’t feel slighted.” A hand threads fingers in her hair, resting against the rear of her head to steady her as lips gently press to her brow. “Go have fun.”

She beams softly. “Okay...I left you a portion of soup for supper, okay?”

“Thanks, Hinata.”

“Bye!” Giving a little wave, she packs up her things and heads out the door.

As per usual, the Konoha Summer has been hot. And today is no exception. Despite her demure style, Hinata has deemed a sundress necessary attire for the heat. White with a bit of lilac floral print, it’s still decent enough for her tastes. Reaching her knees with a medium neckline, the straps are several inches wide. Enough to keep cool, but not too much for her self-conscious self. Flat white sandals replace her typical on-duty boots. She even went so far as to paint her nails a soft lavender color.

And to top it all off, she’s got a wide-brimmed white hat to shade her face, accented with a purple ribbon.

...okay, maybe she put a lot of thought into this outfit, but...she wants to look nice! Especially since Ino always looks pretty...while Hinata’s not usually the dress-up sort, there’s a sort of unspoken sizing up whenever the four of them meet. Tenten pretends not to care with her tomboy attitude, but even she has her feminine moments alongside rough-and-tumble Sakura.

She just...wants to fit in, is all. Doesn’t matter how old they get, they’re still victims of their own vanities...some just more than others.

Pushing all those thoughts aside, Hinata brightens as she spots her friends. Sakura and Ino are already present, Tenten nowhere yet to be seen. “Hi guys!”

The pair turn and smile back. “Hinata-chan!” Ino greets jovially, waving her over. “Wow, you went all out, huh?”

“W-well, I...I really love to cook,” she explains sheepishly. “I brought soup a-and dessert!”

“I thought I smelled cinnamon,” Sakura agrees with a grin. “You’ve always made those!”

The pink in Hinata’s cheeks gets a little darker. “They’re...my favorite…”

“Well, I’m trying to watch my diet but I think I can cheat just one,” Ino replies, arms folding. “No one can pass up Hinata-chan’s baking.”

“Chyeah!” the rosette agrees.

“Any word from Tenten yet…?” Hinata then asks, setting her basket of goodies and wares on the table.

“Sadly she had to back out last minute,” Sakura sighs. “Apparently some important officer under the daimyō just sent in an order for a dress sword, and she needs to fill it as soon as possible.”

The Hyūga wilts a bit. “I see…”

“I swear, we’re just cursed to always have at least one person unable to come,” Ino sighs, taking a seat and draping one leg over the other.

“Someday we’ll manage it.” Taking out a large pitcher of premade tea, Sakura pours them all a glass. “We can put some of all our stuff together and take it to her place for her after, so she doesn’t miss out.”

“Oh, g-good idea!”

With that, the typical small talk begins as food is dished out: catching up on all the goings-on in their lives. Sakura moans about how busy the hospital remains. “The more hours the more pay of course, but it hardly leaves me any free time! I’m almost as bad as Naruto now with how little I’m home,” she pouts, leaning her chin in a hand.

“Well, at least neither of you are sitting there alone too often,” Ino replies, sipping her tea.

“Yeah, but I’d rather we both just have more time off.”

“You know, you both control your own schedules.”

“We’re both workaholics,” is Sakura’s sheepish admission. “Someday we’ll slow down a bit, but right now we’re in our primes!”

“I know what you mean,” Hinata offers politely. “Sasuke and I hardly ever take time off. Even with all of the Hyūga we have signed up for the community watch force, it seems we’re always needed somewhere.”

“Well, Sasuke’s the founder after all. Since Shisui’s working with the Hokage, he’s really the only Uchiha people can rely on themselves.” Ino tilts her head curiously. “And you might not be heiress by name, but your clan still has massive respect for you and your abilities. Of course they’d rely on you, too.”

At the compliment, Hinata’s head ducks demurely, blushing. “...I suppose so…”

“How’s Hanabi been holding up?”

“Well! She’s, well...she’s bored with her lessons, but she’s always been a bit...easily distracted,” Hinata laughs. “But she takes her role seriously. And I know she’s relying on Neji-nīsan for guidance.”

“Any lingering problems with him?”

“Thankfully no, he recovered very well.”

“Thank the gods for that,” Sakura sighs. “One hell of a risky procedure, but...well, we all know how stubborn she is.”

“...I’ll never be able to repay her,” is Hinata’s quiet reply.

“Not sure a debt is the point, though. Besides, the main thing is he’s okay. Now if only he’d get off his high horse and propose to poor Tenten already.”

“He wants to! It’s just, um...complicated. Clan traditions and all that.”

“But what about you and Sasuke?”

“That was mostly excused due to the alliance,” Hinata sighs. “There’s only two Uchiha left, but...he’s technically still clan heir, so my father convinced the council it was still proper. It took some convincing for him too, though.”

“Ugh, so glad I don’t deal with any clan nonsense,” Sakura mutters lowly, stirring the last dredges of her soup. “Seems like such a pain.”

“Depends on the clan,” Ino offers with a shrug. “None of my team, despite us all being heirs, were pushed into marriages into the clan.”

“The Hyūga are probably the most, um...antiquated clan in the village,” Hinata admits with a disappointed set of her lips. “I have to wonder what Hanabi will do when the time comes…”

“Oh I doubt anyone’s gonna tell her what to do, the little spitfire.”

“Probably not, but that will still cause q-quite the stir.”

“Your clan’s had lots of stirrings since the war. It’s good for them,” Ino quips, taking a bite of cinnamon bun. “I still can’t believe it took so long to abolish the houses…”

“Well, after Neji-nīsan’s actions, it couldn’t really be ignored anymore,” Hinata agrees quietly.

“Then your big role in the ousting of the rest of the old council. Now that was awesome.” A wide grin grows over Sakura’s face. “I’ll never forget that.”

“Indeed. I’m just glad Sasuke and his family got the closure they were denied for so long…” Hinata’s eyes drop to the table somberly. “It still b-breaks my heart to think about it.”

“...yeah…”

A muted silence falls over the group of them for a time.

“...well, I don’t know about you two, but I’m full of both food and gossip,” Ino then announces, leaning back with a satisfied sigh. “Amazing soup and buns, Hinata-chan.”

“T-thank you!”

“You’ll have to share the recipes!”

“You can’t cook to save your life, Dekorīn,” Ino laughs.

“That’s what practice is for, Ino-buta!”

Smiling sheepishly, Hinata waves a hand. “I-I’ll get you both copies.”

Tidying up after themselves (and putting together Tenten’s box, which Ino agrees to deliver), the trio stand and chat a little longer before parting ways. Evening is settling over the village, and Hinata sighs contentedly in the cooling air.

It was a nice day.

Arriving home, she calls out her arrival, Sasuke replying from inside.

“You’re early.”

“...am I?”

“I thought you’d be gone longer is all. Had your soup.”

“Oh! Was it good…?”

“Very. You’ll have to teach me.”

At that, Hinata gives a smile. “...I’d be happy to.”

     Woo, some slice of life fluff! Not so much centered on Sasuke this time around, but Hinata can always use more love. As can her bonds with the other girls! Still bugs me how little we got to see them all interact in canon...      Otherwise though, a simple little piece, nothing too special~ Another hot as heckie day so that’ll be all from me for now, but once the heatwave’s over I want to try to catch back up again lol      On that note though, I’d best head off for the night. Thank you for reading!

[twentiethcenturymoviesandtv]

Why Do Reboots and Remakes?

So, today’s going to get a tad topical.

It’s not news that movies follow trends.  They have done so since the invention of film.  The era of the westerns, the spy films, the cop movies, the action flicks, they have all had their runs and resurgences, each influenced by the audience’s responses to the current trend in Hollywood. Sometimes the trends are specific, sometimes quite broad, but no matter what, the movie industry knows how to exploit what the audiences come out to see, even long after the audience is tired of it.

But let’s say that you want to make money off something that’s already been made.  How do you do that?  

The answer to that is pretty simple, and we’ve seen a lot of it over the years.  Studios have been rebranding, remarketing, and adding new gimmicks to old films for some time, whether it’s Disney’s re-releases, 3-D theater runs, IMAX, or special editions.  That’s not even mentioning the video rentals, VHS tapes, and eventually DVD and Blu-Ray copies of films that have been released.

But recently, the attempts to cash in on previously-successful films have become, if not subtle, less blatant.  They’re no longer giving us the same film with minor changes added, no, they’re giving us something a little different.

Movie studios have found a new way to earn new cash from old ideas: taking a pre-existing film (or franchise, or television series), and telling the story again, usually making a handful of changes along the way.

In other words: a remake (or reboot).

Now, remakes aren’t exactly new to the film game.  Since the inclusion of sound, moviemakers originally sought to take previously silent movies and update them into the sound format with remakes such as The Wizard of Oz, Ben Hur, Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, Moby Dick and Phantom of the Opera.  In the years that followed, the moviemaking process grew more advanced, and filmmakers began to look at older (usually sound) films and find ways to remake them.  What followed were films such as Scarface, Invasion of the Body Snatchers, The Fly, The Thing, Little Shop of Horrors, The Mummy, Assault on Precinct 13 and more, all of which are considered superior to their original version.  

On the other hand, reboots like Planet of the Apes, The Mummy, Ghostbusters, The Karate Kid, Psycho, Guess Who, Halloween, and A Nightmare On Elm Street are disliked, and we currently live in an age where there tends to be a lot of outcry against remakes and reboots in general.  And yet they keep being made.

This leads to a question.

What did the former films get right that the latter ones didn’t? What’s the secret to a good reimagining?

To answer that question, first we have to identify the difference between a remake and a reboot.

Both remakes and reboots are adaptations of previous film or television source material, so in that, they are very similar, but there are important distinctions to be made between them.  Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is a reboot, but The Fly is a remake.  So what’s the difference between them?

Let’s start with the easy one.

A remake of a film is a movie that takes the source material and, well, makes it again.  Remakes will usually be extremely similar to the original, with the same story and characters.  Usually secondary elements will be changed, but not to the point where the story is totally different as a result.  For example, the remake of Little Shop of Horrors keeps the character names and plot from the original 1960 black and white film, expanding on them, while clearly being a remake of that film.

On the other hand, a reboot is something a little broader.

A reboot is more typically done with a franchise.  These usually involve the same universe rather than the same stories, and typically involve reimagined versions of characters. A reboot wipes a universe’s slate clean, used most frequently in comic books as a way to reintroduce characters to new audiences in a way that won’t be confusing.  It’s a way to start over and try something new, such as the many incarnations of superheroes in film.  However, unlike a remake, a reboot typically ends up being targeted towards much at the older fans as the newer ones, full of mythology gags and references to familiar lore, such as Mad Max: Fury Road or Kong: Skull Island.

Both of these methods have had both good and bad individual reception.  Some remakes and reboots are done really well, as previously mentioned, but plenty of others are considerably disliked, accused of being cheap attempts to cash in on nostalgia without what made the originals special.  Some people claim there aren’t enough changes made in remakes, others claim there are too many, a few groups say some things shouldn’t be rebooted, and others declare that they just shouldn’t be done like that.  So, which is right?  Are reboots and remakes good ideas, or not?

The answer isn’t black and white, and lies in something more complicated than the execution.  It’s in the conception.

Our big question today is simple: Why reboots and remakes?  Today, we’re going to answer that question by dividing it into two parts: Why are reboots and remakes done, and why should reboots and remakes be done?

Let’s start with the first one.

Why are reboots and remakes done?

Typically, unfortunately, they’re often done for a very simple reason: to make money.

People will pay for nostalgia.  Franchises as long lived as Transformers, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and The Terminator will attest to that.  Every remake, no matter what, piques the interest of those who enjoyed what is being remade.  Some are optimistic, some are pessimistic, but one way or another, the film is getting attention, and that’s what companies want more than anything.

Take the 2016 reboot of Ghostbusters, for example.  Same concept, similar universe, but different characters.  Without even looking at the film in terms of quality, the fact is, it caused quite a stir, from both supporters and opponents.  The film got a lot of attention, and as a result, people went to see it.

Whether a remake or reboot is good or bad, fans of the original will go to see it, either hoping to enjoy it or hoping to hate it.  And why?

Because of that connection with the original.  Movie companies count on that more than anything else when it comes to remakes.

Now, is that a problem?

Honestly, no.  Companies look at what people want all of the time in order to find out what the audiences want, and nostalgia is an easy thing to make money off of.  The problem is the leap of logic that they take after that, which often looks something like this:

People will pay to see stuff they know -> It doesn’t have to be good for people to come and see it -> We don’t have to put in that much effort.

The problem with movies based solely on making money is this: If your goal is only to make money, you won’t care nearly so much about the actual quality or faithfulness of the product you are trying to recreate.  As a result, there are lots of remakes that exist simply because they were relying on the fact that ‘people know this’.

The worst thing is, it’s working.

There are plenty of bad remakes and reboots that make a lot of money despite their lack of quality, simply because people are curious.  This, in turn, tells Hollywood that it doesn’t matter whether or not their content is good, because they will still be considered ‘successful’, and they keep doing it.  Reboots and remakes are a safe, easy cash grab, and the movie business has known it for years.  

On the other hand, it’s not all bad.

There are plenty of recent reboots that have severely bombed at the box office, from the 2016 remake of Ben Hur, to Ghostbusters, to the new Mummy film.  Turns out that, while Hollywood measures success by money, audiences measure success by, well, quality.  With more and more of these half-hearted remakes coming to the screen, more and more people are starting to complain about the lack of originality in the movie industry.  With more people wanting something new, there’s a possibility that Hollywood will listen, and the trends will change again.

So, that’s why reboots and remakes are usually made.  At least, that’s how they’re made now.  Now for the other question:

Why should we make reboots and remakes?

See, re-making or re-booting pre-existing films, television and franchises is not inherently a bad idea.  In fact, it can be a very good idea.  There are examples of both that have been as good, and some even better than their original counterparts.  So, what did these films do, that the newer ones can’t seem to manage?

In my opinion, what they did was very simple:

They were based on ideas for story, not ideas for increased profit.

The aforementioned films weren’t all blockbusters, and they weren’t meant to be.  The purpose of those films wasn’t to make money, it was to tell a story.

The Fly doesn’t remake the original film by simply updating the special effects, it tells the story in a different way, emphasizing the horrors of losing your humanity rather than the simple horror of a monster. The change of styles can also be said of The Thing or Moby Dick.  The 1999 remake of The Mummy was not a re-telling of the original story, but used the original concept as a jump-off point to turn a horror story into a comedy-adventure.  Little Shop of Horrors went from a goofy horror-comedy to a heartfelt musical (if still a horror comedy) about the dangers of giving up your soul for material gain.

What do all of these have in common?

They changed something.

Every one of these films is a totally different entity than the film it was based on.  They were not ‘safe’ retreads of familiar stories, these remakes took pre-existing films and made them their own, unique versions.  More specifically, these movies were made because the people who created them had an idea; a way to do it differently.

See, reboots and remakes work best when they are being done because there is something new to explore.  When they are being created for the express purpose of trying something new because someone thinks it can work, then there’s a genuine chance for that film to be remembered, both as a remake and a movie in its own right.

Trying something new does not automatically guarantee that it’s going to be a success, either in the box office or in the heart of the fans, but the odds of being fondly remembered are in the favor of a remake that did something creative and different.

In the end, film, no matter how much money it makes, is a form of art.  It’s expression, a way to tell a story.  Remakes and reboots are done best when done by people with something to add, something to explore that audiences haven’t already seen.  People go to see remakes in order to see what’s different, what’s new? What hasn’t been done already?

Sure, some changes work, and some don’t, but the important thing is, things are being changed out of a desire to take a story in a different direction.  When someone remakes a movie with the genuine idea to turn it into something different, to recreate it with their own vision, a thought that they can do something new or better, that’s when remakes become good ideas.

So, why make reboots and remakes?

To take a story and make it your own.  Not to replace, but to reimagine, to take away nothing from the original, but rather to use it as a starting point for creativity, for expanding a pre-existing story with ideas of your own.

In short?

Make movies for ideas, not profit.

Thank you guys so much for reading!  Don’t forget to leave an ask in the ask box, I’d like to hear your thoughts and opinions.  I hope to see you all in the next article!

[authorkimberlygrey]

Shitty Things Nobody Tells You About (Self) Publishing And How To Deal With Them

This isn’t in my usual style because I got tired of trying to do the paragraphs thing. 

fuck that I think in bullet points and curse words, y’all can deal with it. 

There’s a readmore a bit further down because this it got long don’t worry. 

It's Expensive

When you self-publish, you are becoming your own publishing company. 

you have to pay for everything

Editing

Cover

Marketing shit

fifteen billion other things. 

There are places that you can get services for cheap but you gotta be careful about that cause you might just get what you pay for. tbh I dont’ have much advice on this, its just a thing you’re gonna have to figure out, sorry. 

Everyone wants a piece of the pie

The shittier members of your friends, family, and community will probably try to horn in on your hard work

“Am I in the dedications?” 

“Am I in the book?” 

“Can I have a free copy?” 

etc. etc. 

fuck these people, you don’t need that shit. 

you just wrote a whole ass book, go you! 

they don’t get to take away from that. 

Shitty businesses definitely will try to horn in on your hard work

you will get messages

and emails 

and offers 

and followers 

Fuck those guys

fuck them so hard. 

It may be tempting because they’ll sound nice and shit

but listen to me: 

The reason they’re trying to get you to come to them is that nobody else is and they want to prey on your assumed inexperience. 

because the reason nobody is coming for them is that they are shitty. They are so shitty. 

I have gotten three messages from a company called Doran 

They are very professional, pretty messages

I have my very own publishing consultant. 

Doran has a total of 1.8 stars on google ratings. 

Block these fuckers immediately 

Do not pass go, do not give them the 200 dollars that they are asking for. 

Fuck them. 

Again, you wrote a whole ass book

they haven’t done shit. 

They don’t get to horn in on your hard work. 

tell them to fuck off

I’m putting the rest of this stuff under the cut because it got too long and I don't want to obliterate y’all’s dashes.

Post-Publication Depression

 Not everyone deals with it

Some lucky assholes get to feel accomplished and happy 

But you’re not gonna know until you get there 

keep an eye on that shit 

I’m not fucking joking here y’all 

this is shitty. 

Nobody talks about it because Ya Gotta Keep Up The Happy Author Image 

But fuck that, I’m not letting yall trip facefirst into this shit unprepared. 

You might feel like nobody cares about you, about your book, about anything. 

You may feel like you’ll never write anything again 

You may feel like what you have written is a shitty, shitty pile of steaming garbage and you are doomed to die cold and alone in the night

You may miss the world and the characters and feel like they’ve died and taken a part of you with them

You may feel a billion different shitty things and it sucks so bad my friends

You just did like several solid months of stressful shit at the very least. 

You are a rubber band and you have just been stretched to the limit and unleashed against the unforgiving back of the head of reality by some dumb fuck kid who’s supposed to be paying attention in class. 

But look at me: It's not gonna be here forever

There are always people who care for real

You will write again and it will be awesome

What you wrote is awesome, no matter how many imperfections you may see in it right now. 

The world and characters are with you always. There is literally nothing stopping you from continuing to write shit with them. or even just daydreaming shit. They are yours and the world cannot take them from you. 

You will get through this, it may take a week, or a month, or longer and it may be shitty that whole time 

but it will end. And you’ll make it through. 

My advice?: 

Get a support system

Tell them that this is a thing

Have them check in on you 

Don’t try to do this alone because you don’t have to. 

It's Difficult to Find Information

Remember that part where I talked about how everyone wants to horn in on your hard work? 

yeah. 

It is entirely possible that I’m just shit at researching but all of the videos, articles, and free PDFs that I found fell into one or both of these categories: 

Either they’re from a publishing company that wants to discourage you from self-publishing so that they can publish your book for you. 

fuck you, pocket guide to publishing

Or for some godforsaken reason, its full of utterly useless fluff to give it length or to cover up the fact that the creator doesn’t actually know what the fuck they’re talking about

The thing you need

if its there

will be one sentence long and buried somewhere in all the fluff somewhere in the middle-end of the thing

somewhere

fuck if you’ll ever find it though. 

What I recommend is that you find a publishing mentor

Someone who’s been through this shit and can give you the short answer instead of letting you sit in front of your computer crying because you just need to know what button to push what the fuck

Again, maybe I’m just really shitty at research, but still 

publishing mentor

good shit

crying over ingramspark’s shitty, shitty website design:

bad shit

shoutout to @brynwrites for answering my neverending stream of questions when I finally gave up trying to find the information on the internet or on ingramspark

do not look for things on ingramspark 

just dont’

there is no logic or organization to that hellhole. 

the blog posts may have promising titles 

but the information you want is probably buried in the middle of a tangentially related article 

the rest of the internet isn’t much better tbh. 

Its Easy To Get Lost In The Crowd

There is a metric fuckton of books out there

and another two fucktons of WIPs 

because none of us writeblrs seem to have an attention span longer than two chapters before we get distracted by a shiny new idea

you know I’m right

People on tumblr are shitty in general at reblogging shit despite that being the point of the website

you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink 

People on writeblr are really busy with their heads stuffed up their own WIPs and they tend not to notice other shit

we’re all guilty of it, its fine

but it can be depressing

its not personal tho

What ya gotta do is make friends

yes, I am literally telling you to believe in the Power of Friendship.

You gotta make yourself an apocalypse survival group my pals

You and yours on the wild seas of greater indifference

it’ll be great 

All that matters is the people that matter 

Fuck everyone else or you’re gonna be crying yourself to sleep for the rest of your life

nobody wants that. 

Post-Publication Depression

y’all

seriously

I’ve cried myself to sleep more nights in the last two weeks than I have ever since I was hella depressed in high school

-100/10 would recommend

but I forgot to opt out of this subscription

this shitty, shitty subscription. 

God I’m so tired. 

Btw I’m going on hiatus for like a week after this last giveaway ends

Its been twelve days since Ascendant was published but it feels like a god damn month

fuck this shit I’m out

see y’all later

P.S please reblog the last giveaway or someth if you want a book.