#it feels lonely as hell
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#tw depressing thoughts#i can feel my friends forgetting me#i cant hang out with people as much anymore because of my illness and i get exhausted really easily#plus all of my friends live over an hour away#and i cant drive that far to see them#it feels lonely as hell#i have friends online but its not the same and being with people yknow#yeah i get to see my friends every couple months#but going from every day to seeing them once every six months sucks#i feel like im being replaced slowly in their lives#and it hurts pretty bad#my best friend doesnt even respond to my texts anymore#shes always hanging out with other people#and going to parties and stuff#it just sucks#my other best friend is engaged and i probably am not even going to be invited to the wedding#ive known her seven years too#it just sucks and hurts#idk what to do#nobody responds to my hangout texts anymore#i reach out all the time too#and I get left on read#fuck#personal post
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hyperfixating on old media sucks because in order to engage with the community you must risk spoilers. I NEED to see memes. I NEED to see peoples' takes. or my hyperfixation will die a sad and lonely death and I don't want that!!!
#IT'S SO LONELY#and the media is always so LONG too#tag w/ your fandoms#specifically talking about 2000's tv shows#psych#house md#especially house md#like holy shit there's 8 seasons. how the hell am I supposed to watch all that??#every time I see a spoiler I feel like crying#adhd#adhd problems#autism#neurodivergent#media consumption#malpractice md#hatecrimes md#psych tv#psych 2006#psych tv show#canon k talks#canon ♾️ talks
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The Plural Community Needs to Write More Essays and Make More Resources
This has been a pretty big push in the alterhuman community, but hasn't quite reached the plural community yet. So
Systems: Write about your experiences! Post them!
It doesn't have to be good or coherent, but we want to see more experiences that aren't just bland, blanket positivity posts or term coining with zero substance. Some of our favorite writings we've read have had poor grammar and disjointed paragraphs!
Reasons to write about your experiences:
It can make people who have that experience both realize they're not alone and learn ways they can explore that experience
It can be education for people who don't experience that so they can learn what it's like
It gives more potential for citation for those who are making more comprehensive resources
They can be used several years down the line to track trends and events within the plural community
Also want to combat anti-endos? Write about your experiences. Humanize yourself (for lack of a better term). Create solidarity with others and encourage them to be out about themselves. Don't let psychiatric texts, syscourse rants, and simple definitions be the only information about your group!
We'll tack on what we're interested in seeing, but feel free to reblog and add anything too:
Guides! Guides on how your system does things, or guides that can help other systems
How plurality intersects with other disabilities or neurodivergence
Headspace tours, art about your headspace, collages
The effects drugs or medication has on your system
Non-traditional roles, or even how traditional roles do their day to day tasks
Different types of plurality intersecting (i.e. systems who fit more than one of DID, endogenic multiplicity, medianhood, soulbonding, etc)
Spirituality and religion intersecting with plurality
Seriously, whatever you want to talk about
#don't let your subculture become defined by quick and easy content#pluralgang#pluralpride#plurality#positivelyplural#actuallymultiple#multiplicity#systems#sysblr#plural system#multiple system#plural community#endo safe#endogenic#endo system#endogenic system#systems talking about experiences that we share mean more to us than any positivity posts#or term coining posts. both of those feel like they're about something quick and easy for notes or ~aesthetic~. feels lonely mate.#honestly even if the positivity post or coining post is by a person who is of that experience it's like. okay and? that it?#but people with experiences that we share actually talking about it like a person? it's like hell yes!! we're not the only ones!! more meat
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have been in a qijiu/qiyuan mood lately, and i was thinking about an au where shen yuan, upon transmigrating, actually loses his memories. he wakes up and has no idea who he is, where he is, who the man at his bedside is. not a clue. the only thing he has is his muscle memory, his sharp recognition senses (he's experiencing a lot of déjà-vu), and blurry fractions of memories that he can't quite make out.
thing is, the memories of both shen yuan and shen jiu aren't actually gone, they start to intermingle, to mix up, a little sister in princess pajamas beside an older brother wearing dirty rags, a bright screen that displays mountain peaks and glittering caves. he's kind and generous the way someone who has never had to worry about food or money is, but he gets vicious and defensive when someone gets too close. sometimes he says cruel things and doesn't even understand why himself.
neither identity fits anymore, both names right and wrong at the same time. it's just... shen qingqiu.
and while everyone else might adjust to this just fine, yue qingyuan does not. because that is shen jiu, but it isn't, but it has to be, but not always. he gets flashes of his childhood friend when shen qingqiu gets viciously defensive over nothing, when he scowls and scoffs and rolls his eyes when he thinks people can't see, but then he smiles, and laughs, and tilts his head in a way that is completely foreign. he likes beasts. shen jiu never liked beasts. but he loves tanghulu, like shen jiu. sweet sugary things. the first time xiao jiu cuddles up into his hug, he cries.
the way he sometimes clings to yue qingyuan when he has a bad day can't be him, but then he says "qi-ge" exactly like shen jiu would and damn near snarls at anyone who gets too close, and he's aggressively possessive the way he was when they were kids. but then he pulls away and apologizes, like shen jiu would never do.
and he never demands anything, scrubbed clean from roughness and filth and selfish want, will act perfect and smiling and pleasant, never burdensome. like he's completely forgotten where he came from, what he was. like the pampered nobleman's son who could afford to be kind. the only time his old self comes fully back up is when he feels threatened or scared or angry, like a trauma response that kicks in to protect himself. and then yue qingyuan starts to wonder if maybe it is. maybe the shen jiu he knows was only ever fear and self-preservation, and the one he is now is a shen jiu without the chains and shackles and scars.
yue qingyuan doesn't know if he's happy for him, if it's for better or for worse. he does know that he feels protective and responsible for this new version xiao jiu has become.
meanwhile shen qingqiu, even when he regains enough of his memories to realize he was once a different person, doesn't know who he is anymore. both, maybe. or neither. he feels bad for taking away yue qingyuan's friend, but in his heart he can't help but think qi-ge is his brother, and no one else's. when he manages the peak he feels like he's taking credit for another's accomplishments, but he remembers suffering for it, he remembers what it took to get there.
#more guilt for everyone!#yue qingyuan being so touch starved and desperate that he takes advantage the first chance he has#by cooking and making tea and holding his xiao jiu#shen jiu calls him qi-ge and he KNOWS what that means#but he can't bring himself to say anything when shen jiu is seeking comfort in him#he wants to be shen jiu's place of home and comfort so painfully desperately badly that hell take anything and not let go#and shen qingqiu struggles with the intense need to be close to yue qingyuan. to be held and comforted#because he feels so terribly lonely and rejected and abandoned#even when he knows that part of him has no right to feel that way because it has nothing to do with him#anyway i was in the mood for pain#hope you like it#svsss#scum villain#qijiu#qiyuan#shen jiu#shen yuan#shen qingqiu#yue qingyuan#amnesia au
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I have a simple fascination and joy in the thought that, for the Ghost King AU, most of the time Danny is literally so normal compared to other ghosts.
Like, he’s a kid. He looks like a kid. Going by canon appearances, he is the most human looking ghost we see (aside from Ellie). Even Plasmius is more inhuman, which is where all the vampire jokes come from. Every single one of this enemies is off even in a human disguise. They’re not human, and people don’t expect them to be.
So aside from the implications of Danny looking like a child ghost, I wonder what other characters would think if they summon the Ghost King, expecting this huge monstrosity worse than anything they’ve ever seen, and getting a totally normal human-looking kid.
I’d be terrified. Because if horror movies have taught us anything, it’s that the most innocent and normal looking people are the worst monsters you’ve ever seen.
Like, what is he hiding??
#danny phantom#pondhead rambles#just a thought#if I tried summoning the ghost king I’d be ready to face an eldritch god not a teenager#and let’s just imagine he’s doesn’t have a creepy form at all#literally just looks the same as canon all the time#if a kid showed up in place of a monster? hell no#I’m outta there#something is wrong and I’m not dealing with it#Danny doesn’t set off the uncanny valley feeling at all but because people THINK that the feeling should be there#the lack of it is making people’s nerves worse#no ‘oh shit we fucked up why is there a kid he can’t possibly be the ghost king’#more like ‘oh shit we fucked up what kind of ghost king looks like a human teen we are way out of our depths’#these thoughts come from me playing video games and immediately being on guard when a lone child is in a place they should not be#like I’m ready to fight monsters and bad guys#children? fuck that they’re obviously going to kill me in the worst way possible
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I’ve seen a lot of people think Trish left Devil May Cry because she got fed up with Dante or something but the real reason she left, according to a drama CD based on the anime, is because she wanted to prevent more people from falling victim to devil arms. This also explains why “Devil Never Cry” never stayed as the name for the shop.
I wish this was an actual episode in the anime tbh. It answers some questions like what Enzo is up to and why Dante stopped working with him, why Trish left the shop, what happened to “Devil Never Cry”, etc.
Plus I like Patty learning a bit more about Dante, this guy completely shrouded in mystery from her POV, through Morrison and she ends up wanting to learn more about him.
#dmc#devil may cry#dante#dante devil may cry#dante sparda#dmc dante#trish devil may cry#trish dmc#dmc anime#devil may cry anime#i feel like dante was probably really lonely after trish left though :(#i hope when dante and vergil get out of hell vergil decides to live with dante so he won’t be lonely anymore :3
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Initial drawings of that old man… I literally, I haven’t finished reading the book of bill yet!!! I had to stop and take a break for a week to feverishly draw fanart of myself petting fords floofy hair and giving him attention and shit…!!!! The urge was too great….!! I’ve literally. I had a crush on this guy the instant he was first REVEALED in the show, but I did not have the artistic prowess to draw good looking old men back then… but I do now… thank god… thank fucking god
#gravity falls#ford pines#stanford pines#self ship#self insert#si x canon#it me#doodles#I got a haircut! so my hair looks different now.. as haircuts tend to do lol#anyway… yeah… I LOVE HIM… GRAHHFJH#the confirmation that he rlly is just sad and lonely and insecure and craving attention and validation#OHH FORD BBY.. WE R THE SAME#like… ghghg i loved him already just w his prickly nerdy outer shell but knowing more about the vulnerable center is GREAT. ITS AWESOME#also hes a smart nerdy guy who can do science and expirements and shit which is ONE OF MY FAVORITE THINGS FOR A CHARACTER TO DO#u kno im all about scientists….#I couldn’t draw ship art back then 1 cuz I didn’t kno how to draw old men and 2 cuz I was like 13 lol… which would have been wierd#but I’m an ADULT NOW. GET OVER HERE FORD#also it didn’t even rlly cross my mind TO draw that stuff cuz even tho I did love ford#self ship and x reader sorta stuff was not NEARLY as popular back then.. like I specifically remember it like. booming in popularity#at some point. but being pretty rare before that. anyway. thank u passage of time and trends and new gravity falls book for introducing#me back to fictional man I love. so I can now draw myself smooching him and shit#hell yeah.#13 is probably not actually correct I do not remember exactly which year fords reveal was in…#but I was probably older then 13.. but still#the point remains lol.#also omg. the bit in the book w the goth moth. ‘ur probably into this sorta thing right?’#I AM INTO THAT SORTA THING FORD. thank u book of bill for being written specifically @ me. the immersion it’s great.#like ur so right ford I AM edgy and goth how’d u guess that tee hee. eyelash flutter#aLSO PLS IGNORE MY FINGER BEING IN FRAME IN THE LAST PIC. I was drawing in a tiny bound sketchbook#so I had to hold the paper down to keep it flat. and. I didn’t feel like censoring my fucking. pinkie finger out of the image
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I do have to say, despite their backgrounds placing them somewhat at odds with each other narratively, Imogen and Orym's friendship has managed to be so tender and meaningful, more so because of the previous and potential for further conflict. It actually kind of reminds me of the bond between Caleb and Beau sometimes--less sibling-like, perhaps, but there's the sense of willingness tussle with each other and their respective perspectives and also this coming together with real respect and admiration and hope and pride for each other. Imogen is the one Orym gave a bear hug to. Orym thinks she could make a great leader. It's Imogen who comforts Orym when he's at his lowest. It's a very tender and special friendship and I'm glad that we have it
#i'm back to my original purpose in reading through some transcripts and this just hit me#she offered if there was anything they could to make him feel less lonely after the feywild stuff it was like 🥺 actually#critical role#imogen temult#orym#bells hells
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#i wanna hang out but it feels like dying#maybe i was born to rot in bed#ballerinarina#cecemoodboard#female hysteria#girlcore#this is what makes us girls#this is a girlblog#lana del ray aka lizzy grant#coquette#girlhood#girlblogging#it girl#light feminine#hyper feminine#female rage#lizzy grant#lana del rey#soft pink#dollette#hell is a teenage girl#coquette aesthetic#i'm just a girl#vintage americana#just girly thoughts#gloomy coquette#gaslight gatekeep girlboss#lonely girl#pearl#mia goth
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"Are you free tomorrow?"
#this is what makes us girls#girlblogging#girl blogger#girl interrupted#female rage#for you#born to die#sadgirl#aesthetic#crybaby#whisper girl#my edit#random#menendez brothers#lyle menendez#erik menendez#education#the virgin suicides#feminine urge#in my feelings#hell is a teenage girl#im just a girl#manic pixie dream girl#dream girl#girlhood#girlcore#female hysteria#just girly things#just girly thoughts#lonely girl
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ykw actually? leave louis alone in the house with the george condo (literally shot in the dark i have zero clue who the artist is and that is bothering me sm istg) and the sun and sky coloured aesthetics like stfu. louis deserves to be left alone for like at least 125 years after all that crap.
#raj shitposting#istg like leave him out of all that love drama for a little while.#let lestat live and let louis live and when they feel lonely they can fuck and just go back to being individual girlbosses.#bring back armand to make their lives hell once in a while and maybe they have a foursome with daniel who cares.#iwtv#interview with the vampire#louis de pointe du lac#armand#daniel molloy#lestat de lioncourt#loustat#loumand#devil's minion#danlou
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Hey. Sorry about the inactivity, but pretty sure no one cared that much anyways lol. Been a looooong time since I kept that distant from Tumblr…at least now I know I’m able to survive without checking posts every day/being chronically online! I’ve got an intense love-hate relationship with this lifestyle I’ve dug myself into. Think I’m getting a little bit better with the balance even if school isn’t really giving me an option. Got a load of work I need to keep catching up on if I don’t want to disappoint my professors. We’ll survive somehow. Here take a quick batch of Puzzle doodles k bye
#the hell am I so anxious about? maybe it’s just overstimulation stuff#hoping it’ll die down because I can’t keep enjoying myself when I’m like this#seriously is starting to mess with my flight responses over the tiniest things#like yea obviously I needed to stay logged out of Tumblr so I would focus more on schoolwork#but uhhhh gonna be transparent and say a huge part of it is the jolts of anxiety :(#like even the thought of logging back here has caused me to feel like sweating#my brain kept saying ‘no I don’t want to I can’t do that’ even when I felt bad for missing out on others posts#like I want to be here so I can support my mutuals dammit!!!#I’m a mess. I’m such a broken mess oh great lovely spectacular#maybe the culminating stress of final exam deadlines is worsening stuff as well#I can’t tell you why I’m like this I just am 🙃#anyways thinking I’ll start adapting to the distance. Sorry but being a shut-in is more appealing right now#I just need time to be with myself and not be so invested in the lives of others#anyways what’s something mildly positive I can wrap this up with so I don’t seem pathetic….#ah yes the final Puzzle sketch here was drawn today before a class period#one of my fellow classmates noticed and audibly asked me ‘is that Mr. Puzzles?’#IT TOOK EVERTHING IN MY WILLPOWER TO NOT LET OUT A GIDDY SHRIEK#Felt like my eyes bulged and I jolted in enthusiasm jskjsksp spontaneous happiness?? actally experiencing the feeling of fitting in??#anyways I responded with a very normal ‘WAIT YOU KNOW ABOUT HIM???’ while trying to suppress grinning or going ‘teehee’#anyways now it’s my personal mission to keep initiating conversations with her because AUUUUUGH SHE KNOWS WHO HE IS I’M LOSING IT#proceeded to talk about Murder Drones & TADC like holy SHIT I didn’t think I would ever find animation peeps in my psychology class auuu 😭💜#it’s a MIRACLE man this may be a sign that college won’t be isolating anymore yaaaaayyy#PUZZLE IS SINGLE HANDILY HELPING ME TALK TO PEOPLE BOTH ONLINE AND IRL THIS IS WILD#all hail the best comfort character seriously holy shit—like imagine she never noticed me drawing Puzzles!! I’D STILL BE LONELY AS HELL#okay sorry I’ll stop typing like a teenager and go back to pretending to be well-versed in speech & conducting myself ‘normally’ :3#doodles#sketches#not tagging with Puzzles because hahaaaaa don’t look at me
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yall know i love my ronance content but a part of me is also really happy for nancy for finally having a platonic girl friend her age. i imagine ever since barb, shes had a lot of walls she had to put up, and maybe robin practically tearing it down and letting herself in is just what she needed and wanted, so nancy just.. let her. idk im looking forward to more of them in the next season. nancy deserves that
#byler#mike 🤝 nancy benefitting from having more women in their lives#also again tagging byler bc yall get it#byler tumblr#nancy#nancy wheeler#i mean think about it her only company was her two boyfriends her dad then her brother and a kind of neglectful mom#she must feel relieved to be able to confide in her.#hell i could even argue that its because of this fact alone that she wasnt jealous abt steve at all#she just didnt know how to take another friend again#we forget that nancy wasnt actually popular since steve. it was just her and barb and was basically like mike in a way shes smart#and kind of nerdy and potentially lonely with a very small circle. straight A student#so yeah i think she deserves this#and it must mean a lot to finally have someone who is a girl be her friend again#considering she always felt strongly against the patriarchy and how women are treated in general#so yeah it must be a treat to not be surrounded by men for once
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Oh, that's fucked up of the studio. I would've left, too.
#911 lone star#sierra mcclain#i feel like not following through on a promise of pay raise for 2 years is disrespectful as hell#she was totally in her right to leave
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Can you tell us your the reasons for why you like Papyrus? (I’m sure you’ve did this before xd, but I always enjoyed rambles about Papyrus. Hope you’re well!)
oh it is 100% his whole loneliness thing. growing up i was a chronic friend group hopper all the way from kindergarten to 8th grade and then by high school that didn't work anymore so i just kinda didn't have any genuine friends for basically that entire 4 years. so hyperfixating so hard on a character who's basically completely centered around that struggle helped me feel a bit less hopeless about it. the funny thing is i think pre-undertale papyrus actually had more friends than i did back then but like its the little things
that's why this fic that i'm gonna plug again hit me so hard tbh. shit sucks when you're trying so so hard to be friendly and engage in other people and then you get to a point where you have to realize they're not at all interested in returning the favor, even if they're not overtly rude about it or anything, they just don't care to get to know you any deeper than surface level convenience and it gets real hard to not let yourself get angsty about it lmao
i do think that while sometimes i wish i hadn't been given such free internet access as a kid i'm still really lucky that i was able to be exposed to undertale when i was. it's such a unapologetically hopeful game that i'm sure it absolutely impacted the way that i think about things today in terms of optimism and the ability to turn bad situations around, and papyrus plays a huuuge part of that entire message. if it weren't for him, i'm honestly not sure if i would've had the drive to keep trying to connect with other people even when it didn't work for so long.
so tl;dr thank you funny little skeleton man for constantly reminding me that making friends is still possible even when your demeanor is frankly weird as fuck. sometimes you just gotta keep truckin until you find your people even if it takes a while
#trousled rambles#emphasis on rambles#ew this is sappy as hell who put this on my blog dont read this ewwwwwwwww#btw now that i'm in college i finally ended up with a group of friends who actually make me feel like they want me around regularly#so it really is possible i promise :> yeah i woulda liked if it happened sooner but i've never had this many friends before in my lifeee#that being said do u know how annoying it was to hear those fuckers thought i was cool in high school but were too scared to talk to me#i was wearing the same 3 black hoodies every day and used to have a keychain with enough charms that could probably be a weapon if needed#i was a LOSER just TALK TO MEEEE#i'm not gonna act like i was nearly as outgoing as papyrus bc i kept to myself a lot especially in my senior year#and that's because papyrus did not cure 12 years of social anxiety/isolation. but at least he helped me be less emo about it yknow#for a while i actually thought The Loneliness didnt effect me as bad as it did him but tbh i was just repressing that shit lmao#man when the 10 year undertale anniversary comes around we're all gonna be destroyed huh. it will definitely kill me#anyway thank u toby fox for showing 11y/o me that things could work out if i just didnt give up. also make papyus the knight pls ok byeee#oh edit one more thing i havent quiiite psychoanalyzed myself or her enough for me to be certain of this yet but#im pretty sure this is also why i am very drawn to susie in deltarune. lonely skeleton but a blunt teenage girl instead like okayyyy
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#literally me#so lonely#protecting my peace#but is it worth it?#i feel so drained#why do i do this to myself#i hate this#i hate everything#when will it end#oh well#girl blogger#whisper girl#pinterest girl#manic pixie dream girl#just girly thoughts#just girly things#just girly posts#just girl stuff#it girl#hell is a teenage girl#girly tumblr#girly thoughts#girly things#girlcore#girlblogging#girlblogger#girlblog#girlboss#girl interrupted syndrome#girl interrupted
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