#it feels like a nice way to represent fulfilled cycles.

[kvroii]

21 - The World

[starsworldd]

🩷 𝓲𝓷𝓼𝓲𝓰𝓱𝓽𝓯𝓾𝓵 𝓪𝓼𝓽𝓻𝓸𝓵𝓸𝓰𝔂 𝓸𝓫𝓼𝓮𝓻𝓿𝓪𝓽𝓲𝓸𝓷𝓼 🩷

long post and giant paragraphs!

readings are open! ‼️‼️

BIG credits to 0degreestaurus and ellie witchy astrologer both on tiktok for the information on this post. PLEASE go check out their info if you have enjoyed today's post.

=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=

mars in 11th - you don’t fit in anywhere because you are born to lead

5th house - this house is more than just fun and one-night stands…sure it can represent simple pleasures and such but we forget that venus rejoices here which is the planet of love. therefore, this is a house of love and how we want to love, how we want to express our lust for life … it’s more of a passionate/meaningful house than people think. how do we become the best version of ourselves? the 5th house can address this too since venus also represents potential! (venus exalts in pisces, a zodiac that deals a lot with potential/possibility)

✤ i think that there’s often a very one dimensional look when it comes to placements in their exaltation/fall/detriment/domicile… let’s take taurus mars as an example. although taurus mars may fail to do what mars wants to do naturally—conquer, speed, efficient, etc..— this placement is known for their laid back and sensual/indulgent nature which is something that maybe aries mars—a domicile zodiac for mars—may lack. taurus mars CAN be active like aries mars. but taurus being ruled by venus wants/needs to feel pleasured and creative in the process. activities such as dance or even house-cleaning are things that could be in a taurus mars' wheelhouse. the only part where taurus fails to execute mars' true qualities is that taurus does not deal with challenge, pain, upheaval, etc... as well as aries/scorpio/capricorn does because venus is about enjoying life and gratitude and mars represents rebellion and change. but taurus mars' still have the same ambition as say a cap mars does. taurus mars is in a sign of its triplicity after all. which transitions to our next topic pretty nicely...

✤ TRIPLICITY IS IMPORTANT YALL!! for those of you who don’t know, triplicity is when a planet isn’t in their sign of exaltation/domicile (including a sign of its detriment/fall) but in the same element as their exalted/domicile ruler is in. triplicity especially helps out lessen the effects of detriment/fallen planets. lets take a look at a few examples:

- moon in scorpio: the moon is in domicile in cancer. the reason why the moon doesn't like scorpio is because scorpio is ruled by mars and mars wants to fight, conquer, and break cycles. it seeks to go down below and bring our issues into the light. scorpio wants to end darkness. but the moon does not function in this manner. the moon represents manifestation and fulfillment through the journeys we have been through in life (jupiter exalted in cancer) and connecting it back to our own soul, memories, and life mindset. the moon, just like how it passes through new and full moons (light and dark) phases in real life, always circles back to previous phases, it doesn't mind fluctuating between light and dark unlike scorpio. another way to think about this is that cancer/moon goes out into the world to gather its info/experiences (positive or negative) and then processes it internally. scorpio works in the exact opposite. scorpio gathers its info/experiences in an internal manner, and processes these things externally (bringing problems into the light and therefore ending the darkness that came with burying these qualities/problems). BUT scorpio and cancer, are both protective and healers. we can think about this is in their symbolism and element. scorpio and cancer are both represented by animals who have exoskeletons (cancer - crab, scorpio - scorpion) which demonstrates their instinct to protect. the astrology community has long knew cancer's ability to protect, but scorpio? scorpio being protective? scorpio is protective in the sense that it breaks cycles and protects justice (mars is all about finding justice). it's also important to note that scorpio also protects through its fixed quality. fixed signs maintain things and keep it consistent hence why they're fixed signs, they bring things back to tradition and order. though it may hurt and scorpio's protective qualities may manifest in an unusual manner to others (think about the scorpion's stinger), scorpio's motto would be that "the best defense is a good offense". the moon can still heal, process, in scorpio which is why it has tripilicity. BUT scorpio makes the moon do this function in a reversal order. placements that have tripilicity often represent much creative and reflective power—hence why so many artists have scorpio moons (lady gaga, miley cyrus, ice spice, etc…).

- venus in virgo: venus in virgo has tripilicity because venus is in domicile in taurus, which is another earth sign like virgo. but venus is in fall in virgo. why? and why does it have triplicity beyond just being in an earth sign like its taurus counterpart? lets start off by defining venus' qualities. venus is about pleasure, enjoyment, and ease. arguably, without venus there really is no purpose to live. why do we work? because we want money. why do we want money? because money gives us nice things. why do we want nice things? because through having nice things, we can discover our identity, our likes and dislikes, and experience all that life has to offer us. and this is really our end goal is it not? to express and do what we love so that we can enjoy life and bring VALUE and MEANINGFULNESS into our life. value + meaningfulness is a very venusian quality. venus goes beyond money, marriage, or sex at its most basic forms. venus wants the ultimate satisfaction and meaning that can be possible in our lives (even more evidence as to why venus likes pisces, venus is the POTENTIAL of our what lives could be). but virgo is ruled by mercury. where mercury is about chaos and the processing mind, venus works in the realm of feeling and pleasure. mercury is planet that helps us process the world around us, to categorize, and to put things in their place. mercury is able to tell the difference between what is real and what is illusion (which is why mercury is often noted for being the comic trickster, especially if you connect to roman/greek mythology where mercury/hermes was the messenger of the gods and notoriously known for tricking other gods too). but venus doesn’t care what is real or what is fake because either way, venus considers both the non-physical aspects and the physical aspects of life to be valid (think about how libra, ruled by venus, is symbolized by the scales in this manner). but mercury/virgo wants to change and transform the impossible into something possible. in this manner, virgo disrupts venus' peace and ability to ground us to our lives, and it may be that people with this placement often find themselves getting stuck in an everlasting cycle for having to adopt/adjust and having to separate their non-physical and physical worlds (even though venus wants them to be together). HOWEVER. we still have to talk about how, regardless of virgo's pitfalls in virgo, it does have some dignity here. but how? as previously mentioned, virgo is an earth sign just like taurus, a sign ruled by venus. i like to correlate the earth signs to the energy of the pentacles suit in tarot (not to be confused, pentacles and earth signs both have their differences still!). a lot of the cards in the pentacles suit deal with being comfortable in one's own energy, resources, sense of satisfaction/achievement, and rhythm of life. doesn't this sound very similar to the venusian energy described above? and because virgo is also an earth sign it does share some of this same energy. it shares similar energy by wanting to establish new patterns, rhythms, systems, etc… virgo has a better idea of how life could look like. (venus is about potential! venus is also about improvement, ease, efficiency...all things that virgo works towards) it just gets stuck in the chaos that comes with making new systems...after all it is much harder to make magic happen on the physical plane! (virgo is an earth sign, earth signs work in the physical plan). because it's harder to make magic happen on the physical plane this is why venus has an easier time in pisces because pisces works in the mind/feelings/imagination.

✤ speaking about water signs, i would argue that pisces is also just as transformational as scorpio but isn’t denoted for its transformational qualities because it isn’t considered to be as intense as scorpio (even though it is intense, just in a different way). pisces is a sign of redemeption, it’s where we tie loose ends and where we want to forgive others and ourselves for the wrong doings we have done. it’s about potential within ourselves, potential to be something amazing (hence why the two most benefic planets in astrology, jupiter and venus, LOVE pisces). once we have set ourselves free and found our potential we can achieve great things (which makes sense because what comes after pisces? ARIES. aries is ruled by mars and he’s going to achieve EVERYTHING).

✤ but i want to make this distinction between pisces -> aries vs. scorpio -> sagittarius. both of these water signs lead to jupiter ruled signs so it often implicates some sort of healing is done once we have transitioned from one sign to the next. pisces to aries speaks of redemption as we talked about previously. but transitioning from scorpio to sagittarius represents freedom. although this may seem like a similar concept to redemption we need to clarify that pisces and aries are much more internal and self-related signs than scorpio and sagittarius. pisces deals with our own sources of creativity, inspiration, and how we find healing within ourselves (jupiter represents healing). everyone finds redemption in their own unique way right? and although pisces is a personal sign it is also the sign that teaches us how to open our hearts to the world again. through opening our hearts, we offer our own wisdom/ideals to others through the JOURNEYS (jupiter = journeys) we have been through in our PERSONAL way because think about it, pisces is the last zodiac right? each zodiac represents a story or facet of life. it is unrealistic that we as a society have experienced the exact same facets of aries-aquarius. it is in pisces where we sum up all of the previous energies/facets of the previous zodiacs (both positive and negative energies) and through experiencing different facets of each zodiac, it is in pisces where we find a different life/way/mindset from having experienced these facets in order to create a new start for ourselves (and for the rest of society too, jupiter likes to collectivize). pisces makes us reflect (water sign y'all) where we need to begin anew again. then aries is where we actually plant this seed and begin to grow into these new ideals, traits, mindsets, etc... going from scorpio to sagittarius represents freedom because scorpio unburies what was "dead" then sagittarius explores this new "world" that scorpio has opened up and begins to gain more knowledge, experience, and greater connection to other places beyond the home.

✤ venus in the 7th house, no matter what sign it's in, i think is a karmic placement. @hot-astrology made a post about how venus represents mirrors (go check out the post very insightful) and i couldn’t agree more. the 7th house represents ALL encounters + relationships (positive or negative) in our lives. when venus is in this house as previously mentioned, it can act like a mirror in our relationships. the relationships we have (or don't have) with others can guide the native into the best version of themselves by noticing and observing what qualities are mirrored back to the native, making the native think "do i want to maintain these qualities? do i want to change or stay the same?". because of this, i've noticed people with this placement are also very reflective and observant of their surroundings. people always mention how charming or persuasive these natives can be but sometimes they fail to mention how certain natives with this placement (very dependent on house, sign, aspects, ruler of venus/7th house, etc...) are acting in this manner because they seek to find different facets of themselves through their encounters with others. this can lean into poor self-esteem, lack of boundaries, or an extreme need for external validation if not monitored carefully, but if these negatives are kept in place, this can be quite an adventurous and even fairytale-like placement.

hope you enjoyed!

[chromatic-lamina]

OPLA: episode 8: pinwheels and mikan

OPLA episode 8: I assume that those who for the story is new, feel a lot more with Nami's Bellemère graveside scene—it was nice to keep the pinwheels with a tangerine motif (Nami's tattoo and the actual one she made, which Bellemère had made before for her in the live action), and I guess that the cultural significance might've been diminished if they were kept faithful to the manga, as in on Genzo's hat and more generically in front of Bellemère's grave.

When I visited Aomori, and particular Osorezan, which is on Lake Usori--Osorezan symbolising hell, and the lake, purgatory (and also having been sacred to the Ainu), pinwheels dotted the foreshore, and also many of the monuments, statues (many mizuko) and graveyard monuments to, in particular, honour children who have died (and cannot fulfil their filial duty).

picture from this post.

Kinda reversed with Nami's story, because neither Bellemère nor Nami could fulfil their obligations to one another, and I don't think Oda has ever made a big fuss of it (Genzo wore the pinwheel

cos it made Nami laugh, as I recall). According to a quick google, it represents the cycle of life. Adult to child again on death.

Mikan (tangerines, although, not really) are also often offerings for jizou statues, of which mizuko in particular look over children (not a mizuko below, and see link above). But mikan are often placed generally at grave markers and so forth.

Picture from this post.

Genzo kept his pinwheel for one scene in the live action. Even if they didn't have time to explain how important he had been to Nami and Bellemère

Would have loved to have seen it a little more.

Also, considering how important laughter and smiling is to the series as a whole, I would've liked a non-cheesy way, I guess, to emphasise how much Nami smiled when she was a child, and how important it was to Genzo that she keeps smiling, and that he knew she would, because she was free and on the right path.

Overall, though, good-ish development with Luffy and Garp. I guess, considering budget restraints, they'll try to concentrate on the two of them as a main subplot? I'm not exactly sure why they included it so early. Maybe to ground it in a bit of TV reality? Or to have a sure way of maintaining direction and tension. So the general viewer can know who Luffy is, maybe. I didn't mind, but maybe not at the expense of other parts of the story.

I did tear up at the boots on the barrel scene, although I've always thought that the crew has superb balance. Would've liked to have had the word 'nakama' included instead of 'friend', but that's for a future adaptation, I think. Helmeppo and Koby coming along swimmingly. Benn still looking like a geography teacher (sorry @nicos-robin!). Mihawk and Shanks camping it up on the beach (Lucky Roux looks well put together!). And Smoker being dramatic! Looking forward to the next season!

[philhoffman]

This has been a really good PSH year :) We made it through February and I fulfilled a promise I made to myself a year before—in March, I ran the NYC marathon in Phil’s memory. He was with me every step, both figuratively and literally—his initials on my sneakers, looking down to see the name Willy (Loman?) carved into the pavement.

Over the summer, my aunt sent me a photo of myself at Disney World as a child and I realized I’d seen a photo of Phil at the same age, in the same exact spot. One of my favorite serendipities of the year—it’s nice to think we’ve always been connected in silly little ways.

In June, I visited Phil’s hometown of Rochester for the first time to see the new PSH statue and attend a screening of Owning Mahowny. One of the best experiences of my life. Tearing up just thinking about it because I can’t remember a time when I’ve been happier. I met Phil’s mom and sister and got to share what he’s meant to me, how he’s saved and changed my life. It was everything I could’ve hoped for and it only made me love him more, only made his loss harder to fathom.

Maybe it’s been noticeable and maybe it hasn’t, but the last few weeks I haven’t been as active here. I could give a few different answers, but I think the real reason is how scared I am of the upcoming 10th anniversary of his death. I may not be posting but I’m certainly thinking and feeling a lot. For some reason, being a decade away from Phil’s life—that specific milestone, a decade—is a very overwhelming and upsetting thought and excruciatingly painful. I’m having some trouble wrapping my mind around it, so I’ve been trying to avoid it instead. That only makes it more painful when I do come back around. It’s been a nasty cycle.

I don’t really have a neat tidy resolution to this. It’s the last day of 2023, 2024 is about to begin. I keep calling it 2014. That damn year has represented so much pain for so long and I’m frightened of going through it again. Many, many more people will be remembering Phil this anniversary, which is touching and wonderful to see, but also hurts in such an… ineffable way. The sudden intense emotional outburst, the way it vanishes the next day or week.

A few weeks ago on a run I had the realization that it’s always possible to make new memories. Phil’s death and absence are very real, but so is the way he’s still with everyone who still loves him. I look back at this year and he’s part of the happiest moments. I’ll never forget running through Times Square with his picture in my pocket or meeting Jess in person to watch Synecdoche or his family’s warmth and kindness in ROC or the feeling I got on Christmas morning, talking to him in the woods after my run, the sense of peace that washed over me, knowing we’ll always be tied together.

And next year, I’m running the NYC full marathon, once again in Phil’s memory. More memories to be had, even after a decade, even though the grief still feels like it’s ripping me in half as I type this.

I love you, Phil. More than either of us know. Happy new year, my beautiful friend ❤️

[ruri-rari]

this anon is sending this ask because they are curious about your complete and unfiltered opinion on each surodame route 🤓

Slow Damage is a love letter to survivors- to those who have scars, both visible and not.

To me, it was wholly unlike many other visual novels or dating sim games I’ve played before.

In fact, it feels a bit unfair to view the game as just a series of different character routes that end with the guy of your choice because, ultimately, it’s TOWA’S story. But I’m getting ahead of myself.

So! Here is my absolute monster of an essay about my thoughts on each of the routes (both before and after playing the whole game), as well as their different endings. For reference, I played Rei->Taku->Madarame->Fujieda, which ended up influencing my pre-/post-True Route feelings a lot.

Rei’s Route

Pre-True Route: Rei is a totally sweetheart, and as much as I love Towa, he can do better. Not to say that I didn’t like them together! They just seem like better friends than lovers, especially considering this route was so heavily focused on all of Rei’s issues, and neither directly explored nor resolved any of Towa’s, which… felt pretty unsatisfying and unsustainable for a long-term relationship.

This route was noticeably longer than the others, but since I played it first, I enjoyed really getting to know all the characters of Shinkoumi more thoroughly. It explored gender expectations and dysphoria in a direction that I wasn’t expecting, and I was pleasantly surprised by how well it was handled. Kirihara’s arc was disturbing (a nice teaser for the theme of cycles of abuse throughout the game), but seemed tame in terms of violence compared to Ikuina’s arc.

Mad End: EYE-PUSSY!!! ME-MANKO(?)!!! Jokes aside though, this was both sadder and less traumatic than I was expecting after the whole Ikuina business. I was a little confused about how Rei could turn out like he did here, though Towa letting himself become Rei’s opinionless sex doll didn’t surprise me. Ultimately, I think this was supposed to show how both of them had given up on ever being understood by others; Rei turned to inflicting violence in the hopes of affirming what he BELIEVES a man represents without actually making the scarier choice to change and grow as a person, while Towa decides to waste away his remaining days not as a person, but as a sexual object.

Euphoria End: Towa drinking water!?!? In my edgy grimdark game!? (I was honestly so shocked that I ended up having to reread lines since I was so distracted by our beloved protagonist actually hydrating with something other than alcohol.) This ending was so cute! Tooth-rotting fluff! Rei’s haircut was another shock, but I think it was important for us as the players to SEE him grow into the person he wanted to become, so I liked it. Despite none of Towa’s issues being resolved in this route, I think he has a lot of hope in this ending. He’ll be loved, and dragged into living a healthier and more fulfilling life by Rei’s stubborn refusal to let him waste away. They’ll travel the world, make new friends, and continue to grow and change as people.

Post-True End: I appreciate this route a lot more after finishing the whole story. While my dissatisfaction with how Towa’s issues don’t get addressed still stand, I felt like that may be the point of Rei’s route.

You don’t need to confront and overcome all your past trauma in order to have hope for a happier life. You have to WANT a happier life though, and I think we get to see Towa do so here in a much healthier way than in other routes. (I’m looking at you, Madarame.)

As stated in-game, Rei’s route focuses a lot on the contradictions that come with being a human, and in that sense, I can appreciate how Rei and Towa fit together.

Taku’s Route

Pre-True Route: Oof. Taku – babygirl, I love me a good overprotective yandere, but this route HURT me.

From the unsettling topic of pedophilia in Asakura's arc, to Taku’s shame revolving around drugs, to the horror of what was implied about Towa’s past, I was tense basically until the credits rolled.

I spent a majority of the time frustrated with Taku’s refusal to communicate, and at Towa for not pushing harder…but by the end, I was so, so invested in them getting their happy ending.

Shame and control were the themes of this route, and those are difficult topics to handle well, but I think N+C did a good job here.

One of my favorite moments was when Taku rightly points out that Towa’s obsession with pain isn’t just for sexual gratification, but as a way to punish himself. FINALLY SOMEONE GETS IT!! I like to imagine this gets picked up again once Taku is out of jail.

Mad Ending: PAIN AND SUFFERING. I’m not entirely sure why, but I think this ending was the most upsetting for me (though it may be tied with Fujieda’s Mad End.). Maybe because it was more realistic? (On a side note, props to N+C for clearly doing some actually research about drugs. I am SICK of anime and manga acting like taking ANY drug will give you reefer madness.) I saw Taku giving in to his desire to control Towa as just another manifestation of his shame, and in for a penny, in for a pound, right? So he slowly destroys himself, his morals, Towa, and any genuine love they had for each other. Meanwhile, Towa loses the only adult he ever felt safe with, and is doomed to die isolated and in fear. I hate thinking about it.

Euphoria Ending: I cried!! I was really proud of Taku for owning up to his decisions, and I loved that Towa learned that it’s possible to trust others. They may have been separated for two years, but their feelings only grew stronger during that time. I found it a bit funny that they had Towa wearing a totally different color scheme to show his growth (and to look good while standing under the cherry blossoms), while our resident old man came out of prison looking beefy. Loved that Towa mentions how Rei supported him during those two years without Taku. The only thing that left me conflicted was how Taku clearly knew a lot about Towa’s past, and how he had no intention of ever telling him.

Post-True Route: Taku, you fucker, I feel betrayed!!!!! I still like him and his route a lot, but all the discomfort I felt about his connection to Towa’s past has only been magnified tenfold! How much did he really know about what Maya was doing to Towa? Surely, as his doctor, Taku would have known for at least a few years that something really fucked up was happening to this child. I’m uncomfortable thinking about all the implications.

Madarame’s Route

Pre-True Route: Ah, yes. The fandom discourse creator, picking up the mantle left by Shiki of TNC and Mink of DMMD.

I was sad to watch what felt like Towa backsliding into his fucked up coping methods again after seeing the progress he made in Taku’s route, but ‘sane and safe’ is not the name of the game here.

In the end, I had a lot of fun playing his route and actually wished it was as long as the other three, especially since it gave us a lot of new worldbuilding and plot progression, as well as a showing us a big chunk of Towa’s past that had only been previously hinted at.

Granted, I spent a majority of the time trying to figure out just who the hell this guy was… Like, what drives him? What does he feel for Towa? What will he do if XYZ situation occurs? Much like our protagonist, I struggled to get any kind of read on him, so I was left feeling kind of frustrated by the time I finished his route.

Mad Ending: I mostly just found myself cringing through this ending. It was only while reading the last few lines and listening to the ending theme that I started to feel sad. I do think Madarame cared for Towa in his own way, but they have no hope for a happy ending here. Obviously, Towa is fucked; whether he kills Madarame or not, he can never go back to who he was. He’s not human, he’s Madarame’s dog. Meanwhile, Madarame clearly isn’t satisfied in this ending, especially if he WISHES Towa would go through with it and slit his throat someday. All around just a not good time.

Euphoria Ending: “Madarame makes me feel human again.” This quote really sums up what I think is the ultimate point of this route, and of this ending in particular. These two are so toxic for each other. That doesn’t change, even in their good ending. HOWEVER! Towa goes from drifting through life in a near-catatonic state of numbness, apathy, and self-hatred to living completely and fully in the moment. No past, no existential pain, just sheer adrenaline and the call of his most base needs. In a lot of ways, the Towa in this ending IS a lot more human than his previous self. Still, I was left feeling mostly worried for Towa, since despite Madarame’s declaration that he wanted Towa since the day he first laid eyes on him (and ignoring the whole “I-want-to-keep-you-as-a-pet” thing), I have no confidence in their relationship as we see it lasting long. What happens when one of them changes? Because they will someday. That’s just inevitable. So I can only imagine them drifting apart and then staying together in misery just like they do in their bad ending.

Post-True Route: Much like with Taku’s route, I am now haunted by questions about just how much Madarame knows about Towa’s past. We know Towa didn’t remember anything that happened with his mother during the years he spent with Madarame and Kaga, but the recklessness and need for violence that originally caught Madarame’s eye were very clearly a manifestations of Towa’s trauma… and I’m fairly certain Madarame knew that. So the question is, HOW much did he know and how involved was he? Clearly enough to know that even seeing the ruins of Maya’s mansion would send Towa spiraling in the True Route, but I like to hope that he had no involvement with Euphoria in its heyday. Regardless, I doubt we as the audience will ever know for sure.

Much like when I first played through Madarame’s route, I don’t think ‘romance’ is really the point; it’s about seeing a version of Towa that, while refusing to confront his trauma, has broken free of his complete and total apathy for life. A detail I really grew to appreciate with this route after finishing the game was how Towa’s, and therefore Maya’s, method of reading and manipulating people just straight up doesn’t work on Madarame, so we the players are forced alongside Towa to give up trying to do so… progress, I guess?

Fujieda’s Route

TIME FOR THE TRUE ROUTE, BABY!!! FINALLY!!!

Listen, I know this is technically Fujieda’s route since he’s the love interest here, but to me, this is actually the TOWA route.

Playing this part of the story totally recontextualized all the previous routes for me, and without that happening, I don’t think the game would be nearly as impressive as it ended up being.

Finally getting to uncover the truth the game had been steadily building up to, seeing all the plot points of previous runs come together as one story, watching Towa get to confront and overcome the trauma that has haunted him since childhood and get his happy ending was so, so incredibly satisfying.

When I first started this route, I was skeptical. After all, Fujieda barely shows up in the story before you unlock the True Route, so you have to go in already attached to all the other characters while knowing NOTHING about this random lawyer dude, and that’s hardly a fair competition. As I played more, my skepticism increased, because Fujieda is just so unlikeable during the beginning of his route; he’s cold, robotic, cutthroat, and clearly holds no regard for Towa, who at this point in the game I just wanted to shield from any and every bad thing that happened to him.

But as more and more secrets were revealed and Fujieda began to shed his armor around Towa, I grew to like and understand him a lot more. By the time he and Towa slept together in Towa’s apartment, I was completely sold on his role in the story.

As the title for this chapter of the story says, Fujieda and Towa are equals. The events that made them into the people they are may be totally different, and the way their trauma has manifested itself may appear to make them polar opposites, but at their cores they share a sameness that lets them understand and connect with each other in a way they’ve never been able to before. Through bringing the truth to light, they help make each other human again.

Mad Ending: tied with Taku’s bad end in terms of how upset it made me. After all the disturbing reveals about Towa’s childhood under Maya’s thumb that led up to this point, I was almost surprised by how… only mildly upset I found this ending? That is, UNTIL THE VERY LAST LINE FROM TOWA. That one whisper of “たすけて” had my stomach dropping and tears coming to my eyes. We just watched this character, through multiple routes, try and live with the fallout of his childhood abuse, AND THEN try so hard to actually face it, only to end up trapped as his mother’s slave just as he always feared. It’s heartbreaking if that happens, but he’s so far gone that he isn’t aware. It’s downright horrific if he has enough sense of self left to realize what’s occurring, but not enough to break free. Essentially, this ending is Towa’s worst nightmare come true, which I hate, but as a part of the story, was an incredible choice. Ending theme was also 10/10.

I just… have so many emotions about this ending. There’s so much hope for Towa, and every other character. THIS is the conclusion of Towa’s story, and I felt so proud of him for choosing to finally live. I would willing pay to play another 60+ hours of Towa getting to live his best domestic life with Fujieda without hesitation. Absolute 10/10 conclusion.

Euphoria Ending: Oh boy. I don’t have many words for the conclusion of Towa’s story. We finally get to see what true healing looks like for Towa and Fujieda both. So many plot points I had worried would be left unfinished were nicely wrapped up. (THE PAINTING??? TOWA’S ABILITY TO SEE SMOKE??? THE 大丈夫 GLITCH??? THE CHANGES TO THE MAIN MENU??? Stop, I’m gonna cry.) The inclusion of Maya’s diary was a great choice too; what we learn about her can never absolve or excuse what she did to her own son and many others, but it did make her human, and I think that was necessary for Towa to realize in order for him to come to terms with the abuse he suffered at her hands. She wasn’t a god, she was a sick woman who died sad and alone in the end. But Towa,.. he isn’t alone. He has people who love and support him, and who will stand by his side even when he fails. As he tells Taku in the final exploration section, he wouldn’t be where he is if he didn’t have all the people in his life who care for him.

[trashlie]

Thinking about what kinds of regrets does q-tip have, if one of them includes listening to hansuke to go to the party. Does he regret always expressing hatred to Nolan? Q-tip seems to still rather shirk away personal responsibility.

Thinking about how much does q-tip have trouble distinguishing conditional love with personal boundaries and breaking points in relationships. How much will it take for the rich loonatic to accept that he needs to better himself if he wants anyone to like him. What would it even take for q-tip to change for Nolan to accept his older brother’s a better person than before.

Would there be a new character who not only symbolically represents to q-tip the chances he wasted being an a-hole to Nolan, but a secret test of character to show how much q-tip grew? Like a small child q-tip has a chance to try again? Like maybe another small child who q-tip feels embodies the paranoia and insecurity that festers within the rich loonatic?

I feel shinae would be that second chance, especially if it’s true shin-hye really does have beef with her younger sister. Like the older sister acts like a jerk to shinae and q-tip realizes, s**t, i really was an awful sibling. I always made it about me. So, I’ll be there for shinae the same way Nolan was for her. I must be better.

Does q-tip deeply think Nolan will always stay and try to play nice with him forever, because the young boy’s love or desire to form a friendship with him that strong?

Will Nolan tell shinae that he bled out because q-tip assaulted him?

With q-tip in the hospital, will we get a shock reveal diagnosis, like what if yui secretly drugs him to enhance his paranoia, that’ll make the rich loonatic freak out even more?

I don’t know. I’m still waiting for q-tip to fall apart and go rock bottom bojack horseman style.

We don’t even know how q-tip will pay up for what he did.

Maybe he’ll step down? Maybe he’ll decide to have no kids so that the cycle ends with him, to ensure yui doesn’t level up to evil grandma. Could play into the theme of the cycle of hurt parents directly or indirectly inflict on their children.

Because even if shinae is the bridge between him and Nolan, the rich loonatic needs to choose to better himself before the breaking point of another relationship’s reached.

The thing about Kousuke is he knows all of this. That's what his whole conversation with Nol was about - he knows that he's an unlikeable person, he knows that there's a reason people don't like him and that they only reluctantly do because of WHO they are. From a young age Kousuke was well-aware of the privilege he was afforded for who he is and where he comes from, and that's a major part of his personal problems. He looks at Nol as being the one of them who got the best of Rand, the likable parts, the charismatic and charming points. And seeing that has made him all the more resentful, because none of that is him, none of that is who Kousuke has become.

On a subconscious level, he's even aware of his worst flaws. That night he got drunk in the club revealed a lot of how Kousuke really sees himself, through the lens of others. He so vehemently denies certain aspects of himself because he cannot reconcile himself with the truth: that he is rude and selfish and lacks necessary empathy to maintain relationships.

I think what Kousuke's bigger issue is that he doesn't know how to reconcile who he is with the role he thinks he's meant to fulfill. His whole life has been about trying to obtain Rand's affection and for a moment he'd reached a point of realizing it doesn't exist. But whatever he saw in the Bible - whether it was the fact that Rand carries around letters from Nessa (hence why he wanted to see the Bible again, he recognized the name) or something even more devastating to Kousuke (revealed in the most recent FP thus I won't write it here hehe) I think further broken him. Whatever he saw proves that this version of Rand, this affectionate, funny man neither of them knows does exist and that he just hasn't revealed himself to them.

The other thing about Kousuke is that he's, essentially, sacrificed himself all of these years, right? He's wanted one thing his entire life - his father's affection and validation. Anything else that he's ever enjoyed never became a want, it just became a thing he could shove aside in the quest for what he truly wants. It's clear from his beef with Nol that he does want other things - he just represses and denies them. He DOES want people to like him - but that's not the role of the Hirahara heir, is it? That's not what happens with people like them. Something I'm starting to believe is that Kousuke has to learn how to divorce what he wants from who he is - how does he let go of the ache for his father's affection when it's the root cause of who he is and everything he's done? What is the point of any of this if it doesn't culminate in being seen as good enough, as worthy enough?

Frankly, Kousuke alone cannot deal with his problems. In an ideal world, he'd go to family therapy with his father and work through that, but in an ideal world, he wouldn't have had to fight for his father's love in the first place. But that's the problem Kousuke faces - he knows how to be a decent person, and he's tried to be as evidenced through Shinae, but it's a struggle for him because his identity is so tightly woven with the way he raised. It's not as simple as to say "I want to be better to Nol as I have been to Shinae" becaue Shinae doesn't come with the same baggage that Nol and Kousuke's relationship does. Kousuke cannot have a healthy relationship with Nol until he reconciles what the issue really is: he is jealous of Nol and terrified that because of Nol he will never be loved by Rand, he is terrified that everything good only went to Nol, and that resentment is not something that goes away over night. Especially because Kousuke has that tendency of immediately rewriting anything that triggers that cognitive dissonance, anything that goes against what he expects. Rand assured Kousuke he wasn't in trouble, that he wasn't angry, that Nol was not Kousuke's responsibility, but immediately upon finding Nol at the Park's home, he jumped right into "Do you know how much trouble I'm in because of you?"

There is no quick and easy way for Kousuke to unlearn everything he's grown up to believe, all of the truths forged within him during his formative foundations. It will not be enough going forward to simply remember that Nol, too, has never met that version of Rand, that maybe that version doesn't even exist. Firstly, I think Kousuke would have rewritten that moment in a way that made him feel less uncomfortable in reflection, but also, again, whatever Kousuke saw in that Bible I worry could undo everything. I think Kousuke has seen a reminder that this version of Rand is real, it's just that (according to the beliefs Kousuke carries) he's not good enough.

Now, I DO think Kousuke wants to be better for Shinae, he just, again, is so out of touch, he doesn't know how to do this. I think if we look at the way he was raised, it makes a lot of sense? It seems he's always taken Yui at face value and not really questioned the lessons she imparted in him when he was young. He's never had to earn anyone's trust - he always assumes he has it because he is a person in power, a person to be revered. He has never been taught to earn ANYTHING because as the Hirahara heir, he's had it from the get go. How does he earn Shinae's trust? How does he reconcile his image in front of her? That's the thing that was so laughable about the otter plushie he gave her - not only does it demonstrate how little he knows her, it also demonstrates that he just doesn't know how to earn THINGS, period. The beaver represented something symbolic to him, but she doesn't know that. He has been handed everything he could want or need in life and he thinks that everyone else must want for this, because he has the good life, the one coveted by everyone. In his mind, a gift given seems to equate to something similar. "I am a good person who is giving you something special to prove that I am a good person."

But it doesn't work that way. Since it seems like there's no way out of her contract and Shinae will likely end up working with Kousuke (assuming you know.... there's no repercussions faced after this incident) I think that's when Kousuke will get schooled, but hmmm. Idk it doesn't feel right to me? How does that work when it comes to the time skips - it would mean significant development would happen off screen, and that doesn't suit quimchee's style, so I'm really iffy on this part, tbh.

The thing re: repercussions, too, is that Rand can push for them, but Yui is not a person to yield, and as it is, Rand wants to keep this whole thing hush hush, so I'm not entirely sure what to anticipate from that? Suppose he is forced to step down - a reason will have to be made, and that doesn't keep things very hush hush, does it? And again, I feel like Yui would easily be able to find a reason to block it. It's so easy to brush Nol's injuries off as being from the fall - which had plenty of witnesses - rather than go into detail about what happened. I guess the other thing is, is Nol willing to push it? No one but them REALLY knows what happened. Rand can assume and guess right but the whole thing creates a horrible fork in the road: either Kousuke gets away with it and Nol carries on believing that he is insignificant to Rand, or Kousuke is punished and he comes away believing that Nol does and has always mattered most.

This is where all of the possibilities become limitless to me lol because say the latter happens and Kousuke is held responsible. How does that impact his relationships? Now his relationship with Rand is further ruined, and that resentment towards Nol grows more. Or does he learn to let it go? Decide fuck pleasing Rand. Fuck pleasing ANYONE? He's such a hard one for me to gage because he just has so many unresolved issues and so much of it is rooted in Nol and Rand.

I'm also unsure if Nol will tell Shinae how it happened. I think it's something that is currently unspoken that she's probably already thought about. Without revealing too much from the recent FP episodes, she saw the state Kousuke was in. It's clear to everyone involved that Kousuke is NOT okay, that he's essentially in a state of shock. I think she might be able to deduce that whatever happened wasn't really intentional? That feels funny to say because Kousuke definitely went after Nol because he didn't want to let him leave like that, because he had so much resentment yet unspilled and was goading him into the fight but also his reaction to Nol bleeding, I think, shows that what Kousuke wanted was for Nol to fight back? like, hmm idk how to word this because it's not something I've fully made up my mind about but I think it's more like Kousuke WANTED Nol to call him out, because he feels so much resentment towards Nol, surely Nol must feel the same. It was that realization that this has been a one-sided war for so many years, that Nol never wanted the fight Kousuke did.

But seeing Nol bleeding, passing out? That wasn't what he wanted. Does that make sense? idk.

Anyway all this to say: I think it's not enough for Kousuke to acknowledge the kind of person he's been. His mental stability is fragile and largely held up by altering his accounts of what happens in every confrontational scenario in a way that doesn't make him uncomfortable. He struggles to accept actual reality because of the way it directly opposes what he expects and believes to be true. So how can he just up and change, if he's unprepared to deal with that reality?

I've always said he needs to fall and break to change, and idk if he's there yet. I'm worried about what will happen with him being in Hirahara Memorial, because I don't doubt Yui will, if she hasn't already been, be made aware of what happened, and maybe that's why Rand didn't want him to show up there? Not just because he would find out that that's not where Nol is, but because he doesn't want him to fall prey to Yui when he's at his weakest? Because Yui is a person who not only supports but recreates those accounts for Kousuke? I think as long as she is a player in this game, Kousuke's likelihood of change diminishes.

At this stage, I think it's very possible that Nol and Kousuke will never be brothers to each other, but my hope is at the very least for them to make peace. For Nol to be able to let go of that family and find peace with himself, without thinking of himself as damaged goods or baggage or a villain. For him to be able to let go of Kousuke - let go of the resentment and just live freely without him. But in order to reach that point, I think the only way for him to see change in Kousuke would have to deal with Yui. Since the chess game remains a prevalent them and Kousuke still plays for Yui's side, I think the thing that will aid him and Nol is if Kousuke is able to turn against Yui, and welp, we've established that's going to be increasingly difficult considering Yui is the only figure in his life who has ever shown him a sense of care, the only figure in his life that he has been able to safely run to. I know he knows what she's like, what she does, but when she's the only one who he has felt was ever on his side, that's going to be a difficult feat, isn't it?

(Also as a side note, when sending me asks, please don't refer to Kousuke as a lunatic. That's some pretty ableist language that doesn't sit right with me. Kousuke has a lot of issues, yeah, but trying to write it off as "he's just crazy/insane" or "he's just [mental illness]" doesn't feel right. I'm fine acknowledges all the ways the guy is messed up - he's got some pretty heavy trauma resulting from neglect and something that resembles PTSD but language like lunatic doesn't feel right - it feels very "this is a bad person doing bad things and I'm going to write it off as inane" and that doesn't sit right with me.)

[silvermuffins]

Okay now that I am not six minutes away from an intense game of trivia, and also do not have a headache, lemme see if I can explain these with a bit more fullness.

Temperance is about balance and harmony, and it's such an easy go-to for Four that it feels too easy. When the Colors are one united whole, they all contribute to how he acts and reacts, and they balance out one another's extremes. His personal struggles revolving around teamwork and cohesion fall nicely here, too. He may be good at teamwork generally, and harmonizing himself, but he still has work to do with the rest of the Chain. It's an ongoing dance. ...also, I could not resist the pun. You know, temperance, like tempering swords, because he's a blacksmith--

Twilight gets Death, and no it's not because of Sunset. Contrary to common media portrayal, Death does not mean doom or destruction, and only very rarely indicates a literal death. It's not a bad card! It can be an incredibly positive card, depending on the situation. Death in tarot means change. Death of the old as a means for birth of the new. His shifting between man and wolf is the most basic representation, but I also thought of how he's had to adjust his life, his vision of his future, multiple times over his adventure. It strikes me as a very internal change. He returns to Gordon after his adventure, but how can he go on living the same way after everything? He can't. It's a bit melancholy and a bit scary, but there's a lot of room for new joy - like meeting the rest of the Chain. Twilight isn't a boundary between day and night. It's a transition.

For Wild, I picked Star, which is associated with hope. I think of it as a very peaceful card. Things are still difficult and tumultuous, after the destruction of the previous card (the Tower), but there's reason to believe it will end. Even in the darkest night, the stars are out there. They may not individually give us much light, but they remind us we need only wait for the sun. Similarly, Wild's journey through his Hyrule is one of both incredible devastation and thriving, breathtaking life. The Calamity is still ever-present, the people still struggling to hold on, but the land is alive and the Hero has risen again. Wild carries this promise of hope into his journey with the Chain - I think of his role in helping Twilight overcome his wounds. Wild still has a lot to wade through, there will be mistakes and slip-ups, but there is ever that distant light that promises, eventually, everything will be alright.

Wind gets Sun, not only for his sunny personality, but because it represents joy and fulfillment. You make it through the night, and then you bask in the splendor of day. I think of his role in the cycle, and how he marks the end of it. He is not an incarnation of the hero's spirit, he does not bear Demise's curse. He rose up and claimed his role with his own hands and by his own will. For it, he achieved killing Ganondorf and washing away the long and brutal history created by the cycle. Hyrule, or rather, the people of a land once called Hyrule, can enjoy a new day, free from all of that. It's the happy ending all of the heros seek, but to an even greater level. And I think of how protective of Wind the Chain is, and I don't think it's just that he's the youngest. I think it's that he is proof that ultimate victory is possible. He is a hero, but without any of the tragedy of destiny. Wind shows that the best case scenario is still within reach.

Time I gave Hermit, after a lot of deliberation. I almost gave him Judgement. But I think Hermit suits him well. This card is about introspection, and coming to understand one's self. I think of Time's many masks, and how his adventures through time have messed with his growth. The question of who is he, really, is one he must constantly answer. Having others grounds him in reality - Malon at home, and the rest of the Chain on this adventure. Otherwise I think he'd spend a lot more time locked in his own head, trying to sort out the many tangled threads that have made him who he is.

Legend gets Lovers, and I admit partly it's because I cannot stop giggling over how he and the others would react. But it does suit him. While the Lovers card does refer to love and romantic relationships, there's more to it than that. The relationships concerned don't have to be romantic, just close. Legend has met and deeply cares about a lot of different people. I leaned more, however, on the other major but often neglected meaning - choices. It's about choices of how you are going to relate to other people and the world around you, and specifically choices meaning you choose one thing, but give up something else. The choices you cannot avoid, the ones that are too personal for a correct answer. I think of Legend's attitude, how much he cares behind his prickles, I think of his adventures. Among the Chain, he seems acutely aware of tensions and moods. It's a card that is difficult for me to pin down, but when I think of it as about how he relates to others, how he lives his life, how he chooses to be and weighs every decision consciously...it feels right.

Hyrule I had some difficulty pinning down, but settled on Strength. This card is not about pure power or might. Very much the opposite - it's about alternative kinds of strength. The courage to defend the misunderstood, to offer gentleness to the hostile, to stick to what you believe is correct . I think of Hyrule being a traveler from outside Hyrule who stepped up to help. He reaches out with kindness. I thought about giving him Justice, because he seems to me like he cannot ignore a wrong, but I thought of his insecurity. He thinks himself less of a hero because he compares himself to Legend and his other predecessors. He may not be as strong or as skilled. But he is incredibly gifted with magic, and has the power to heal. His refusal to give up on Twilight cannot be called anything less than heroic. He is just as strong and just as brave as the rest - but in a different way. I think once he can accept that, he'll be damn near unstoppable.

And now we get to Sky, who I had so much trouble with I was tempted to scrap this effort altogether. I gave him Magician because it's about action and impulse. The thematic connection of the Magician linking heaven and earth is a bit on the nose but did bring me to this card. The Magician is a card that indicates a project about to begin, where the only next step is to begin walking. And maybe that first step will be a stumble, but it's go time so hop to it. The Magician already has all of the tools needed to succeed, after all. I thought of Sky's role as the hero who began the cycle, and as one of the founders of Hyrule. It felt appropriate to place him at the beginning the way I put Wind at the end.

Finally, Warriors. Now. There are those who will see Devil and think I don't like him or something, or think that this must be a card that means bad things. Neither of those are the case! While there are many negative associations with the Devil, I think it's a card that gets a worse rep than it should. Yes, it relates to temptations and indulgence. Those can be very dangerous things, left unchecked. But in moderation they can be very good for the mind and soul. That said, I gave this card to Warriors partly because I was struggling a lot, and partly for his complexity. There's a lot of different ways to read him. In that way he's similar to Legend, and since there are many visual similarities and thematic parallels between the Lovers and the Devil, that felt appropriate. I could have swapped them. But I thought of Shadow Link's role in Hyrule Warriors, and how Warriors might well feel like he has to be ever-vigilant against threats both external and internal. It must be a rocky, narrow, and winding road to walk, balancing his darker side against his thoughts and feelings, against what would be easy, what would be efficient, and what would be right. I see him as less being directly represented by the Devil, and more that he is in constant struggle with what it represents. But again, this one was very very hard, and I could probably argue several others if I tried.

Okay there we go that's my thought process on those

So this is what I came up with. Listed in the order I settled, but several are cases of "I don't have a super strong argument, just sort of a vibe when viewed from the right angle".... It's the kind of thing where there's as many good answers as there are interpretations, you know?

[felikatze]

Oh I would like to add something to the discussion that I actually disagree with the whole thing are planned despite how much, I like A abishihs. Since I view the the whole thing more of a desperate attempt head butting the wall until something stick and also at the same time it is more, than just the process imo? Especially when there are multiple instances where A expressed and said himself that the reason he keeps sit back and watch while everyone dies or the reason he does this is also an attempt to understand Carmen's ideal and finding his way out in the situation that he legit trapped himself in?

Even the A at the final days representation of part of A's psych also expressed fear and doubt of continue walking toward the future since they fear that there are no tomorrow for them or the next day will just be another failure. Even Ayin in the end said that he knows that "he" will try to stop himself since "he" believe that tomorrow will never come but due to the journey throughout lobcorp a him that wasnt exactly like, any of the him before (being the manager X) but also him gain the courage and resolve to move forward due to the conviction and trust he gained from the Sephirah and the will to properly face the past, only then he can move on and the Seed of Light can be realized and the bad endings are the things that existed when the manager (A himself) fail to realize those things (on another hand cognitive filter is legit something that representing the development of his psych from being unable to face the truth to finally be able to view the Sephirah for who they are after he faces them in their suppression, via netzach saying "it is not us who can finally see clearly it you"). It wouldnt make sense if everything is orchestrated since imo if A can already immediately realized those thing on his own and if he doesnt have a slight of self doubt to the point he literally erased his own identity to become someone else different and hope this person will be able to find the answer he couldnt find lob would end in day 1 I think.

I think when you take it as the journey being dependent on A finally gain the will to walk pass his trauma and guilt and finally freeing everyone he has trapped inside lobcorp himself included, 10,000 years to allow yourself to process all of those and to be able to accept your old self again after has been living as another person for ages it I guess, makes sense lol. And A cannot quit midway since he is already in too deep and without this specific goal I legit think he would just give up on living (i.e Angela at some point saying that the promise he made with Carmen is what keeps him alive but at the same time the world that doesnt have her stops having meaning, A during the cycle already showing suicide tendency that the only thing keeps him from going is that "Oh fuck I gotta finish Carmen goal and repay for all the shit I have done" until it doesn't)

oh i recognize that cadence of grammar, hiya! nice to see ya again!

yeah, i get that! It's why i don't buy into the script being a "complete" thing. it very much is headbutting the wall until something works, as you said. we don't know how in detail the script is exactly, besides the broad strokes being included. to write yourself an ending like that in advance, you need to have the belief that you can heal, which Ayin might have but. Gestures back to the point that pre lobcorp post carmen ayin is doing incredibly bad.

bringing up the memory wipe, absolutely! i've said in my Ayin manifesto "A, in perhaps his one singular moment of acknowledging his emotions, recognizes that he is incapable of fulfilling the Script in his current state. His grief is just too much." (i feel sort of pretentious quoting myself, but hey, why not).

If we presume the script dictates everything, (which it doesn't since we see angela trying to hammer it into shape in lor flashbacks) there's a duality to A, wherein he knows he is incapable of fulfilling the script, but believes a different version of him can. "him that wasnt exactly like, any of the him before" as you said. It's a lot of introspection he might not have been capable of?

Then again, recognizing your problems and actually getting past them are entirely different problems, so i don't think the point of "if A can already immediately realized those thing on his own" is entirely fair. God knows I'm mentally ill enough to attest to that. You can very much know exactly what your issues are and where they come from, and still be unable to handle it. It's possible he deliberately set up a situation where he could heal, even if it involves wiping his memory so he can dissect his grief and deal with it one thing at a time. The whole thing abt the timetrack stuff again complicates the motivation of the script, since the nature of spending ten thousand years is. a pretty desparate move! yeah!

(the conclusion is once again, god that man was not doing good. he was doing so bad. mental rock bottom. saying carmen's will was his reason to keep on living is not an exaggeration at all. you're completely right on that one)

i wanted to make another paragraph but i forgot what i wanted to say. uhhhhhhhhhhh. hmmmm. now i remember!

carmen as his reason to go on probably also fed into his determination! since he had nothing left to lose, basically. X was doomed before the game even began. He's in too deep, as you said! Passed the point of no return. a very long time ago. a very very long time ago. Carmen's death was the point of no return, basically.

Ending B nicely shows how, as you said, without this goal of Carmen's will he'd just give up. The ending is basically him finding that his goal is out of reach, and just giving up.

The conclusion of all A discussion: this guy is so depressed. dear god.

[beautifulterriblequeen]

A Tiadrin theory

I woke up this morning with a sudden headcanon about Tiadrin, and as I poked at it, it filled out nicely, so I’m gonna go ahead and call it a theory at this point.

It gets angsty, as all good Moonshadow theories do. If your heart doesn’t weigh 6 tons by the time you reach the end of this post, I didn’t capture the feeling properly.

Several bits of detail flutter around this mysterious woman, and I’ve theorized various versions of her circumstances, her relationship with Runaan and Ethari, her former position before the Storm Spire, the reasons she went there, and the reasons Runaan was so hellbent on avenging her dishonor.

I don’t think any of them landed as well or tied together as neatly as this one, though. Hence “theory” instead of just “headcanon.” Here we go:

FIrstly, some meta information. This is a fun tweet, but in this post I’m looking directly at “belief systems as sources of both comfort and restraint” and at the “weight of guilt” and “cycles of trauma” lines, in regards to Moonshadow culture, and specifically Moonshadow assassin training.

And raise your hand if you’ve been looking further afield than the front-and-center Janaya-with-Soren nod from “ripped women who teach soft boys to stab,” because I have. TDP is full of parallels and imperfect mirrors.

So, in the spirit of soft yet angsty cycles and the ripped women who perpetuate them, Theory Part I: Tiadrin trained Runaan, because she was the leader of the assassins before he was.

She’s referred to as a mastermind. Assassin leaders need to be good with plans of all sizes. We’ve seen how Runaan silently adapts to chaos and doesn’t tell anyone what his new plans actually are. He’s a good leader. But he also had to learn those skills from someone. Whoever instructed him was a tactical genius, and also very Moonshadow, and Runaan was an adept student.

Also, Tiadrin is a goddamn badass. She’s several inches shorter than Lain, Runaan, Ethari, and Viren. But she is a powerhouse in battle. She knows her physics well enough to drag this 6′2″ human battle mage skidding across the floor. Monster thighs, monster intellect.

As a 5′4″ woman who trained in jujitsu for several years, let me just say: gender equality in battle is great, but physics does not care. It will crush your popsicle-stick ass if you try to chuck a 250 lb person across the room and your math is off. The most accurate fighters are the ones who know how hard physics hits back when you’re sloppy.

Tiadrin earned every inch of respect, and every inch of her thigh circumference, the old-fashioned way. She worked for it, all day every day. Runaan does the same thing. He might have half a foot of height on her, but he trains like the world will crush him if he’s not perfect. And that’s very Moonshadow assassin in its own right, because it will, and it tried. Tiadrin knew what she needed. And she knew what Runaan, soft boy that he is, needed. And she made sure she trained it into him, all day every day.

Tiadrin is one of the reasons that Runaan survived the fight in Harrow’s chamber. She made him the fighter he is, the person he is, and that was just enough to pull him through... so he could see his own mentor trapped in a coin. Yay, thanks Viren.

Theory Part II: Runaan’s squad was made up of all the elves Tiadrin has personally trained, or trained by proxy.

If Tiadrin was Runaan’s trainer and mentor, then her honor was his honor. And when she supposedly faltered and fled at the Storm Spire, that suddenly cast him, as an individual assassin and as the current assassin leader, in a terrible light. If his mentor was a coward, what did she teach him? Would he also duck and run when things got hopeless, and abandon his duty?

The doubt that must’ve swirled around him when the village learned the terrible news about Lain and Tiadrin must’ve sliced right through him. Thousand-yard stare, biggest internal Oh No ever. Runaan lives to serve his people, and to have them doubt him, after all he has done to train them and protect them from harm, would be the worst kind of pain. He had to make it right.

But not just him. Assassins seem to take solo missions even for their first kill, if Eljaal’s covered shoulders are any indication. You can Moonshadow your feels if you don’t have to watch your friend kill someone, if you don’t have anyone watching while you stab someone to death. You can pretend it’s all serene and just and smooth and valid and honorable. You can hold to your love of life and dance right past your embrace of death, if no one else sees it. But Runaan’s mission had 6 members. They were definitely going to have to watch each other murder people. Why?

Tiadrin’s honor was their honor. An extended family of brothers, sisters, cousins, fosterlings, anyone who was drawn to Tiadrin, or her to them, bonded together over their family feels and protective instincts. They were family. And then their leader fell, her honor crushed.

They had to make it right.

They all carried Tiadrin’s honor with their own, taught by her personally, regarded as honorable assassins. Until she seemed to have a fatal flaw in her character. Then everyone wondered if that flaw got passed down, too. The assassins had to prove that it hadn’t been, for the sake of their people, and for all of Xadia who trusted them to take out threats in the dark. They had to go set right Tiadrin’s “mistake” and take Harrow for Zym’s death. All of them. Every single one, no exceptions.

No exceptions. That’s why Rayla had to go, too. Tiadrin taught Runaan everything he knew about being an assassin, and when she moved to the Storm Spire, Runaan dutifully passed Rayla’s mother’s teachings to Rayla herself, feeling like part of the family, an essential connection between mother and daughter, between assassin mentor and mentee. He tried to get it just right, just perfect, so Rayla would feel like she’d been trained by her actual mom as much as possible. Not just because Tiadrin was Rayla’s mother, but because Runaan respects Tiadrin’s prowess so much. She was the best, and every bit of Runaan’s efforts to be his best reflects his respect for her.

You don’t get to be the assassin leader unless you’re the best there is. Runaan knows that from both sides. And just like Tiadrin did with him, he does his best to teach Rayla everything she needs to stay safe and alive, so she can do her duty too, and come home safe to her family every day.

And, in the end, part of that duty had to be avenging her mentor’s mentor, her own mother, by accompanying Runaan on his mission. Her lessons were from Tiadrin, one step removed. If there was a flaw in her training, no one would trust her when it was her turn to lead the assassins, and she’s not even done training yet! Rayla understood Moonshadow honor, assassin honor. She was driven to ask Runaan to take her with him, and he could see exactly where she was coming from. Their honor was tangled up with Tiadrin’s. They couldn’t back out. They had to go to Katolis, them and everyone else Tiadrin had trained.

That’s why the binding ribbons came out. They were in a do-or-die situation, in the most literal sense.

They could not go home in failure. If they all failed, it would take out a whole line of assassin training, possibly the same one that had lasted for countless generations (okay maybe we can count them and there are like 30) and crush the Moonshadows’ spirits. And they’d literally rather die than see that happen. They were all ready to give their lives to restore Tiadrin’s honor, and their own, because without her legacy, there would be such a crater in the assassin corps that it might never recover.

Yes, this is basically my angsty “Runaan’s found family went into battle together and most of them died” headcanon again, but this time with a solid theory behind it. I’m not sorry. I love this angsty idea, it’s horrible. Do you see the cycle of trauma? I’ve got one more part to add, which may make it clearer.

Theory Part III: Assassin leaders always go serve at the Storm Spire once they successfully train their own replacement.

In this theory’s version of Why Laindrin Went To The Storm Spire, Tiadrin was always going to end up at the Storm Spire, once she became the assassin leader. That’s where the veteran assassin leader goes, see, to liaison between the dragon throne and the current Moonshadow leader. They know the assassins’ skills far better than any Skywings or dragons do, and they know the leader in charge of them, so they can give guidance or direction as needed, or simply phrase the Dragon King or Queen’s request in such language that the assassin leader knows intuitively what really needs to be done.

Yeah, Tiadrin writing Runaan mission directives. I can see it.

Tiadrin’s mentor would’ve left for the Spire when Tiadrin got promoted to leader. The person she trusted most in the world, who had trained her, left her behind, only to communicate by long distance. Moonshadow deniability, amirite--we’re not stabbing people, we’re sending tactical correspondence, yep that’s it. But Tiadrin was still surrounded by Runaan and the other young assassins, and she bonded with them all, and life was bright.

Then, the shadow came once again. Runaan was an excellent student, and she knew he was ready. Maybe she delayed, and delayed, Moonshadowing her reasons. Maybe she wanted the chance to bring life into the world, to try to balance out some of the death she had dealt. Maybe she wanted a few more years of domestic life in the Silvergrove with all her favorite elves, to bolster her heart for the years to come. Maybe her mentor at the Spire was up to shenaniganry in dragon politics and she wanted to buy them more time to lay those plans in place.

Knowing Tiadrin even the slightest bit, I will assume it was all this and more. But eventually, she couldn’t put things off any longer. She had to go fulfill her duty to the dragon throne and join the Dragonguard as the representative of the Moonshadow assassins who had bound themselves to the protection of Xadia long ago. She had to walk away from her bright life, her family, her friends, her allies, and climb up into that misty stone tower, to spend who knows how long away from everything she knew and loved.

And she did. She chose to walk away, for love of Xadia. She took her beloved husband with her, but she left the Silvergrove, Xadia’s protection, and her own daughter’s upbringing in the hands of the elf she chose to replace her. The soft boy she’d taught to stab, who would teach her baby girl to stab, too.

Because this is The Way.

I know I’ve had an angsty headcanon that assassins don’t retire. But, consider this: maybe one of them can. One of Tiadrin’s many plans could have been counting on Runaan’s extreme prowess and devotion to Rayla. If Tiadrin knew that she could return to the Silvergrove in peace and retire there with Lain once Runaan trained Rayla to take his place as the assassin leader, then she could live in the Silvergrove again for the rest of her life, and also get to see Rayla grown big and strong and become the assassin leader herself, another proud elf in a long line of honor and tradition. She might feel that was a big accomplishment, considering the dangers they all face. And it would be.

Yes, this would hinge on the fact that Runaan would have to leave the Silvergrove to replace Tiadrin at the Storm Spire, to serve as Rayla’s liaison to the dragon throne. Cycles of trauma, remember? Tiadrin can’t have all of her family back in one place, ever again. She has to love and train someone enough to put them through the life that she’s having to live, and she has to be strong enough not to let that break her. And then, she has to choose between them. She chose Runaan first, so that she could hope to choose Rayla later. She trusted him with all the future happiness of her heart. And he did his best with it.

But they didn’t quite make it, in the end, because of Viren.

I know this has been a lot of angst. I know. But there is a moonlit lining to this theory, and I think we all need to consider it. If there is a cycle of taking the assassin leader out of the Silvergrove to serve the dragon throne for ancient promise reasons, then if that ancient promise is ever rescinded or redressed in an effective way, the family won’t need to keep yeeting loved ones out of its orbit. And if assassins cease to be a necessary evil as a result, then no one will have to leave, or stab, again. At least, not for the same angsty reasons. They could stay together and never need to leave again.

It won’t be easy to break such a cycle. It might be impossible. But if anyone can manage it, it’ll be Tiadrin, and her family.

extra headcanon for this theory:

Tiadrin, packing up for the Storm Spire: One last thing, Runaan.

Runaan, stoically attentive because what are feels on the day your mentor leaves you: Yes, Tiadrin?

Tiadrin: Ethari will need to pick an apprentice to replace him, too. He should start looking now.

Runaan: Why? Only the Silvergrove’s Master Craftsman gets to pick an apprentice, and Ethari isn’t--

Tiadrin: *wink” Not yet, he’s not.

Runaan: Tiadrin, please, what have you done?

Tiadrin: I want to come back here someday, Runaan. I want to see your good work with Rayla. And I can’t do that if you flat-out refuse to leave your husband when Avizandum calls for you to replace me. So he needs to be ready to leave, too.

Runaan: I, I, I would nev-- I couldn’t--

Tiadrin: *patting his shoulder briskly as she strides out* Mmhmm, sure thing, kid. The council votes him in next Thursday. Be good while I’m gone! I want to find this place exactly the way I’m leaving it. Lain, honey, get your coat!

Lain, in the next room: Yes, Tiadrin!

Runaan, soft-eyed, to the silence in her wake: Yes, Tiadrin.

[thed4rkhand]

hello, just came across your blog and it's the first time I see a bts vedic astro blog, and doing detailed analysis! nice!!

I wanted to ask a more general and technical question, hope it's okay! so, is it possible to find through your chart your life purpose or an idea of what it could entail like, what would best for you to focus on, what would make you happier and more fulfilled in life, etc?? also related to that, since jyotisha talks a lot about material life VS. spiritual life, can one straight up see if their life will be focused more on one or the other?? (btw don't feel obligated to give a long answer/explanation if it's too long! ik a lot of it depends on the entire chart/aspects, etc. so even a simple yes is okay, I just wanted to make sure of it being possible!) thank you!!

Hey! Firstly thank you sooo much!

Secondly, of course you can see that! There are always a gazillion ways of seeing the same thing in Vedic astrology, so I’ll name my favourite way here to see the life purpose of a person-

1.if I tell you, your purpose is to accept spirituality, there are a million ways you could go about doing this, but which way is best suited for you? Here comes in the sun. The sun is also called the natural Atmakaraka for everyone, because it represents the soul. This will give you a larger picture of your goal, like for example, it tells you that you have to be spiritual, and now you look at the char-atmakarka for how and what. So do the same with your sun, analyse it as much as you can! Upon combining them both, you’ll see a pattern being formed.

2. You can find the planet with the highest degree in the chart and analyse that, with sign placements, nakshatras, conjunctions, in divisional charts etc. This planet is usually called the Char-Atmakarka (or the moving signifactor of self), and tells us about our soul purpose and the lesson one has to learn in this life, and all the nitty-gritties of how and when. Say someone accepts this, then sure, their life would be smooth sailing here. So here we have the individual element of each chart.

3. Lastly remember that you have to check the dispositers of each of these. Eg, for a moon in Taurus, you’ll analyse the moon, and then analyse Venus as the lord of Taurus.

I’ll give a super easy example here. Say your sun Is placed in the 10th house in the Nakshatra of Rohini (that makes the tenth house Taurus and the chart ascendant cancer), and then your Char-atmakarka is placed in the 7th house (let’s assume it’s Venus), in Capricorn naturally, and let’s say it’s in dhanishta Nakshatra. (It’s a super easy example, we’re not even considering aspects, dispositers and conjunctions right now for learning’s sake)

Let’s consider a super trouper generic explanation of this.

What would this mean for a person? Sun in Rohini makes someone very ambitious, wealthy and powerful. So, in this lifetime, your purpose is to enjoy material wealth and fame. And how will you go about getting it? He will have to give up on most romantic affairs here fo achieve it, and in the scenario they do get married to someone, they have to show utmost devotion to that person, so that they continue getting wealth (kind of a tit for tat situation).

But we have to consider soooo many more things, but this is the general interpretation.

And yes! We can see the spiritual and materialistic duality too! Firstly, you can check it from the above method here. Secondly, you can check where all planets in chart are posited (all houses are divided into categories like dharma houses, or moksha trikon, or artha trikon or even kama trikon and so many more) the houses under each type of category, represent something else. Under Kama trikon, it’s all about worldly desires, under Moksha trikon? All about spirituality and liberation from the birth cycle. So the concentration of planets in these houses matter a lot. Lastly, various yogas (combinations) of lords and planets, give different results. For example, the sanyasi yoga (or the hermit combination), makes a person give up their desires and become a sage. So, there are several ways to see this, but you’ve got to analyse it very carefully, otherwise it’s easy for anyone to go wrong with the slightest degree issue.

Hope that helped! Feel free to reach out in any case! Stay safe!!

[amateurasstrologer]

BY REQUEST #11 CUSPS

What's the deal with cusps?

Logistics only: it means you were born on or near the transition from one sign to the next.

Seasons change, signs change. Yes, on the 22nd of September it’s nominally Fall, not Summer; around September 24th, we’re out of Virgo and into Libra. But it doesn’t feel like it’s Summer one day and suddenly Fall the next day, and it doesn’t feel like it’s Virgo one day and most definitely Libra the next day. These dates aren’t meant to be rigid, black-and-white boundaries - they all come with a period of transition where you’re getting a little taste of both. Summer is ending and Fall is beginning: the spiders come out, the leave start to change, the days get shorter, but gardens are still growing, the sun is still shining, and activity is still peaking. It’s a transitional period. The same shit goes for the signs - every sign has different dimensions, every degree has a distinct flavor. Cusps are just one of those dimensions - it’s when you’re coming up on a change, and anyone who’s ever experienced a change of any kind knows that shit is a process.

Now: your nature is your nature. If you’re a cusp baby, there’re going to be other things in your chart that support the same information the cusp placement is dishing out. The Sun represents your fuel - it keeps you motivated, it keeps your lights on, it keeps you on your shit, it keeps all this biz pushing. All a Cusp Sun placement means is that you’re getting that sweet sweet jolt of motivation from two places, instead of getting a concentrated dose from one place. Can other planets be on a cusp? Of course.

Listen: being on a cusp is not better than being in the middle of a sign - being in the middle of a sign is not better than being on a cusp. They’re just different. Everyone has different needs, everyone has different placements. Wherever your shit falls, it’s there for a reason and that reason is good, so stop being jealous and relax.

Which degrees are cusp degrees? How close to the edge do I have to be to fulfill my dream of being a cusp baby? Honestly, I don’t know, and I don’t care. Within 3 degrees, within 5 degrees, within 7 degrees? Whatever. You know what you feel to be true about you. It’s different for everyone, roll with it.

Go for Sun, go for Moon, go for any other planet or degree. These are qualities, they don’t change.

PISCES / ARIES The bitch is starting over - you’re not going to find a more intuitive, inner-activity placement than a Pisces / Aries cusp. You add all the “I gotta deal with myself” of Pisces with the “I gotta make a change” of Aries and you get someone who’s ready to tear apart the cycle like it’s scrap paper. Or you’re so self-centered that you can’t get a grip on reality - cycle on, sister.

ARIES / TAURUS The bitch is making it happen - intensity meets practicality in explosive combo of getting shit done. You’re pulling from Aries dank intuition bank and you’re matching it with Taurus’s desire to establish itself and you’re cooking up some seriously self-guided action. Or you’re so scared to fail that you’re living in a basement somewhere - I don’t know, man, it’s your call.

TAURUS / GEMINI The bitch is deconstructing - the transition from Taurus to Gemini has everything to do with understanding your conditioning - knowing your history and figuring out how it’s shaped your character. What’s gotta go, what’s gonna stay, and what’s really you. The potential to understand yourself and effectively utilize your skills is huge. Or you’re justifying some ruthless-ass behavior like it’s your full-time job - crushed it (and also crushed any chance of having healthy relationships).

GEMINI / CANCER The bitch is dealing with her feelings - you have Gemini’s untouchable perspective and Cancer’s self-understanding. Good luck finding a feeling or an experience that you can’t process, not gonna happen. Your identity is deeply felt and flexible - full-on camouflage, espionage, garage (overflowing with old personas). Or you’re acting superficial as shit and the most unaccountable - maybe change that ugly attitude instead?

CANCER / LEO The bitch is a fucking force - dripping energy like a perpetually broken faucet. There’s no turning these babies off, they’re meant to find a way to take their feelings and channel them into productive avenues. Ridiculous creative power. Or you’re just an emotionally underdeveloped hot mess - watch where you step, everyone.

LEO / VIRGO The bitch is also a fucking force but she’s not in your face about it until she is - take Leo’s intensity, cut it with Virgo’s repressed feelings, get an artistic soul. So many feelings, so little ability to communicate them. A never-ending story of ever-improving self-expression. Or you stuff that shit so far down geyser gazers flock from all over to watch you explode on the masses - better find a way to let it out.

VIRGO / LIBRA The bitch is ch-ch-ch-changing - this is an extremely emotional placement. There’s a lot of hidden shit and emotional activity going on here (thanks, Virgo). Better buy some Benadryl because these sweet babies are ready to shed - beliefs, values, identities, whatever - they’re here to nail down the best approach to life (thanks, Libra), and they’re ready to wipe out to figure it out. Or they’re victimizing themselves into a crusty shell of endless confusion and superficiality - nice.

LIBRA / SCORPIO The bitch is seeing how it’s all connected - Relational Queens, Scorpio is seeing the invisible strings that connect us with emotional x-ray vision and Libra is keeping those findings relevant and relatable. There’s no better placement for social and emotional understanding. Or they’re sipping on a crazy, almost disturbing mix of manipulation meets emotional doormat - just say it and stop fucking acting.

SCORPIO / SAG The bitch is looking to mind-meld - no one wants to share more than a bitch on the Scorpio / Sag cusp. Scorpio feelings with Sag sensibilities? Please - all they want is to get wrapped up in that blanket of acceptance so tight they can’t see themselves. Deep feeling, deep thinking, refreshing the missed connections page. Or they’re passive to the point of no return, turned side-stepping responsibility into an Olympic sport - hot.

SAG / CAPRICORN The bitch is dying to make it real - you take Sag’s ideologies and you throw in Capricorn’s reality hard on, and you get someone who is ready to lock that philosophy in and live it. Whatever goals they’ve decided to set, they’re achieving them. Showing you how it’s done every day of the week. Or they chose a whack-ass set of values and they’re locking in some shit ideals, shit relationships, a shit self-image - maybe reflect before you fire up the kiln and burn us all to death?

CAPRICORN / AQUARIUS The bitch is influencing you - socially minded collective guides. With Capricorn’s unadulterated power and Aquarius’s brilliance, these bitches are leading the trends, they’re that perfect blend of real and strange, endearing and influential. They got the goods, literally. Or they’re cynical, hateful-ass bitches with zero awareness of how their presence effects others - get over your inferiority complex and just run this shit.

AQUARIUS / PISCES The bitch is a true visionary - Critical, conceptual thinking meets technical skills meets collective needs meets subjective feeling and understanding. They’re dreaming up effective, creative solutions to societal problems. Or they’re saying, “Critical thinking? Reality? Effectiveness? Hm. Nah, let’s cut that bit completely aaand yes we’re a go for living in a conspiracy theory terror dream” - relax, nobody asked for all that.

Happy charting, you cuspy-ass bitches.

XO BULLSHIT FREE ASTROLOGY

[nicknellie]

Pink: Carrie Wilson-inspired piano solo

I’ve been working on this for quite some time now but I finally got round to finishing it and I’m really happy with how it turned out. I feel as if I have to explain a few of my choices here more than I did with Dahlias so under the cut will be a little bit of information about the piece! My GCSE music student kind of popped out a bit there, not gonna lie, but even if you’re not a musician it probably makes for some interesting context.

Reblogs are appreciated but do not repost. This is especially important this time as this is an original piece.

This is very clearly not the same style as Carrie’s music - while Dahlias reflected Julie in that it was a piano solo and we know she plays piano, this piece is instead reflective of the way I see Carrie as a character and person rather than her music.

Saying that, it’s partially in F major, the same key as the majority of All Eyes On Me.

The sections in F major are obviously brighter and happier than the other sections, like the persona Carrie puts on for herself. They’re well-timed, deliberate, and careful - the kind of perfection Carrie knows people expect from her and spends her life trying to fulfil. Around bar 49 when the melody becomes more complicated, this is the performances she gives and the music she makes, showing off to get attention and validation from those around her. Much of the major sections is also quite dainty, like Carrie herself, very pretty and there’s nothing too harsh about them. However, there’s still a quiet sadness to them, showing that isn’t who she really wants to be.

However, these moments are contrasted by the modulation into a more sinister key. When the piece modulates, the whole atmosphere becomes darker and more dramatic, desperate almost. This is to represent every aspect of herself Carrie represses, all the imperfections she hides, all the things she’s self-conscious or anxious about. It represents the pain she goes through daily, having to put on an act, and the crescendo in bar 72 with the immediate change to piano shows how forcefully she’s willing to shut herself down and hide those parts of herself. Another interpretation is that it represents her cruelty - throughout the show we see that Carrie isn’t a nice person, especially to Julie and Flynn, she’s just got a lot of practice at hiding her meanness behind this false, happy persona she’s built herself.

A lot of the piece is quite repetitive - this is to demonstrate how all aspects of Carrie’s life are kind of looped. She worries about the same things and has the same insecurities all throughout the minor sections, then she puts on the same fake act in the major sections. Her life, though exciting and ever-changing, is stuck on an endless cycle of her being one version of herself and then another, and there’s very little she can do to stop that.

The intro and ending are extremely similar which I included because even if the show gives Carrie a redemption arc and builds her into a better person (which I really hope they do) I still want the essentials of her personality to stay the same. Let her stay a sarcastic bitch, let her keep her vanity and confidence (hell, why not build her confidence even further?), let her know who she is and what she’s worth and feel good about it. Carrie should change but not completely from beginning to end, hence I changed the beginning and end slightly.

[masterjedilenawrites]

The Helmeted Hunter: Chapter 5

Boba Fett x Reader

Chapter Warnings: A creepy guy

AO3 Link (In case you like it better over there, it’s okay, no judgement)

< Previous Chapter | Masterlist | Next Chapter >

Chapter 5: Takodana Castle

You figured it'd been about two weeks since you were first brought aboard the Slave I. It was hard to tell, traveling in space. Every "day" or so, the ship would land somewhere and Boba would go out on some kind of business. Sometimes he'd take you with him, tying you up to his belt like a dog. You never understood what he was up to as he'd talk to people in languages you didn't understand. But you welcomed the chance to get out of the ship and enjoy the fresh air.

Other times, though, he'd leave you alone in your cage. You didn't care so much for these moments. Being dragged around on strange planets on a leash may have been humiliating, but it was nothing compared to the crushing loneliness and boredom you already had to suffer as Boba piloted his ship around the galaxy. The one silver lining was that your tampon box had come with a little pencil and calendar to help keep track of your cycle. You instead used the pencil to start translating the box. You clearly remembered the symbols that had been on your wanted poster in that crazy shop, the ones that undoubtedly spelled your name. Using that as a starting point, you'd been able to decipher other words on the box and learn some new symbols. It was a simple way to the pass the time.

You'd also tried coming up with an escape plan, but that activity was less than fulfilling. No matter what crazy ideas you came up with, you'd inevitably find ways you knew they wouldn't pan out. Boba Fett was just too smart for you. Every outing he'd take you on, you were on the lookout for opportunities to break loose and run, or hide. But as soon as you'd spot one, the bounty hunter was already in the process of preventing you from taking it. Your other ideas involved you having physical capabilities you certainly didn't possess. It was maddening.

Today, you'd expected the hunter to leave you behind as he landed on a new unknown planet. You were prepared to entertain yourself by singing; you were too scared to let out more than a low hum whenever Boba was on board, so you were going to take advantage of the solitude and belt out every show tune you could think of.

But apparently Boba was changing up his routine now. He collected you from the cage, secured you to his waist, and promptly ushered you out into a leafy green world.

The two of you traipsed across uneven, mossy floor through what you could only describe as a jungle. Trees and shrubs jutted out from every nook and crevice. You stumbled multiple times, misjudging an unstable rock for a firm foothold. Eventually you discovered that by swallowing your dignity and hanging onto Boba's arm, you were able to make it with fewer scrapes and stubbed toes. He didn't offer you any help, but didn't protest to you clinging to him either.

After a few minutes of miserable trudging, you emerged in a clearing. Toward your left was glistening blue water. You smiled as it reminded you of childhood trips to the lake on your home world. But more impressive was the looming stone fortress in front of you. You gazed up at it in wonder and Boba forged on toward its entrance, pulling you with him.

The courtyard was littered with flags with varying colors and images on them. A massive statue of a female-looking creature with arms held high sat atop the tower above the front door. Though it was all visually overwhelming, you felt an odd sense of peace in this place. Even the helmeted man walking beside you, who was usually so uptight and somber, seemed to have relaxed a little.

As you approached the set of double doors ahead, you noticed one of the flags hanging above it had the same symbol from the armor on Boba's shoulder. It looked like a melting skull of a tusked animal. You'd always thought it was a random decal he used to look more intimidating. But seeing it on a flag on this planet suggested it had much more meaning. A dozen questions ran through your head that you ached to have answered. Where was he from? What did the skull mean? Did he miss home? Were there others of his kind flying around, capturing prisoners and collecting bounties? Or was he an outcast? A rebel? A traitor?

Inside the castle, you were greeted by a sign written in multiple languages. Your face brightened as you recognized one of the scripts as your own. Finally, something you could make sense of! It read, All are welcome (No fighting). Short, to the point, and incredibly comforting. It occurred to you, as you were lead deeper into the fortress, that the only times Boba had taken you on his excursions was when there was a clear indication of safety. The times he'd gone solo, he'd come rushing back on board as if chased. Once he'd even had a spot of blood on his armor.

You knew deep down it only meant he was dedicated to getting the five million credits on your head. But with your friends and family so far away and with no guarantee of you ever seeing them again, it was nice to know someone was looking after you.

There was a bar in the middle of the large room you now found yourself in. All manner of people and creatures gathered around it, chatting and drinking and laughing. A band played a jazzy tune on a small stage in the back. Booths and smaller rooms jutted out from along the surrounding walls. A litany of various languages reached your ears, and you were pleased to be able to understand a few of them. There were some species you recognized as well, though no familiar faces specifically. It seemed like all walks of life were represented, able to relax alongside each other as they enjoyed a reprieve from daily life.

You immediately fell in love with the place.

"Ah! Boba Fett!" a vibrant voice reached your ears, speaking your language. A tall, impeccably dressed older man practically skipped over, extending a hand to the bounty hunter. "It's been ages since you've graced us with a visit!"

Boba did not accept the handshake, saying only, "I'm here for Maz."

The man, a human but with orange-tinted skin, waved a dismissive hand. "Yes, yes, I know. She sends her sincerest apologies. An urgent, personal matter has taken her away for the foreseeable future. But she has a appraised me of your agreement and I am happy to help in her stead."

He gave an overdramatic bow, a wide grin plastered across his wrinkly face. You wished you had a helmet on yourself, so you could roll your eyes at this goofy man in privacy.

"Ah, and you, my dear, must be the precious cargo," the man turned his attention to you. His eyes scanned you over like he was assessing the quality of a diamond necklace. He held a hand out toward your face, as if to caress it, but both you and Boba stepped just out of the way to send the message. The man smoothly recovered, taking his hand back and chuckling softly. "No need to worry. I don't bite."

"My business is not with you, Elon."

Boba made to turn you back toward the door, but the man quickly jumped forward, his hands clasped in an almost prayer.

"Please, my good sir. I didn't mean any disrespect. Maz entrusted me personally to get you the information you need, and give it to you I shall. Please, this way."

He gestured with a sweeping arm toward a staircase that led to a second floor. A balcony wrapped around most of the below area, and you could make out more little nooks nestled in the walls. Boba was silent for a few seconds before begrudgingly leading you to follow the man upstairs.

Boba made you slide into the offered booth first. You were both on the opposite side of a table from the man called Elon. A curtain was pulled over the opening for a bit of privacy, making the air feel more stuffy. Muted sounds from the bar downstairs wafted through. You wished so badly to be out there, enjoying the liveliness, rather than cooped up in the company of an assassin and his business partner.

"Well?" Fett demanded, impatient. Elon shifted in his seat, glancing at the curtain as if someone might open it at any second, but he still had a smile on his features anyway.

"To the point, as ever," he laughed, taking out a cigar. Ugh, you felt yourself dreading the inevitable cloud of smoke that would fill this tiny space. Now you wished you'd just been left in the ship.

"So there isn't much to share, unfortunately. Your man never stays in one location for long. No name, no real descriptions. But Maz did find something that may prove useful."

Elon paused with a smirk, waiting for Boba to beg him to continue. But when the plea didn't come, and no other words or sounds for that matter, he huffed on his cigar and started digging in his jacket pocket.

You didn't think you had to pay attention to their conversation, believing this to be some side hustle the hunter had picked up while transporting you. So it didn't register they were discussing anything related to your situation until Elon set down a device onto the table that you instantly recognized.

"Hey..." you started to say, reaching for the device. But Boba was quick to snatch it up, twisting it around to inspect it.

"What is it?"

You didn't care about your status as his prisoner. You grabbed the object from his hands and held it tightly to your chest.

"It's mine."

[adventure-hearts]

Oi, can you give me your thoughts on the affection that Sorato would show to each other?

This ask actually inspired me to write meta for the first time in a while! Thanks a lot, Anon!

So, a while back I read this book called The Five Love Languages. It’s about how  everyone expresses/experiences love in five main ways — words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service, receiving gifts, and physical touch — and how this affects interpersonal relationships, especially marriage. 

The book’s thesis is that everyone has a primary and secondary "love language”; for each of them there are multiple “dialects”, or different ways of manifesting love. In order to have a healthy relationship, you need to identify your and your partner’s language, so that you can give each other what you need (*).

Me being me, I immediately started to try and identify the love languages of each DA character, and predictably gave a lot of thought to Sora and Yamato’s. Based on my notes on this book, here are my headcanons about how Sora and Yamato express affection!

SORA

Primary love language → words of affirmation

If you consider Sora’s conflict in the original series, it was all about how unloved and unappreciated she felt in the absence of being told she was loved by her mother; and later, the feeling of feeling unappreciated by others in general. 

Piyomon best represents how words of affirmation is Sora’s primary love language. Actually, my theory is that all digimon partners do this, to some extent. Piyomon gives Sora exactly what needs to feel loved: telling her how much she likes and appreciates her, constant complimenting, cheering her up, making her talk about their feelings, etc. (at first, Sora was so unused to having this need met that Piyomon’s initial adoration made her uncomfortable). I also think Sora places so much importance in to what people say (or don’t say) to her that she’s prone to misunderstanding people when they say the wrong thing or don’t tell her what she wants to hear.

On the other hand, although Sora struggles with being on the receiving end of words of affection, she’s excellent at using it to show love to others. She’s the one who’s encouraging her friends, keeping morale up, and providing reassurance through gentle and encouraging words. There are dozens examples of this in the series:

“Piyomon, kakoiiii!”

Encouraging Miyako (02 eps. 02)

Calling everyone to to check in on them (tri. ch. 3)

etc

I think it’s pretty obvious that words of affirmation are key for Sora.

Secondary love language → acts of service

If Sora struggles with her primary love language, she overcompensates with her secondary one, which is basically doing things for others. 

This is the side of Sora who nurtures, organises, protects, cooks, sacrifices herself for others, and generally takes care of other people’s needs ahead of her own. 

The downside of this is that Sora feels overwhelmed when she can’t respond to other people’s needs, and feels unloved when people don’t do things for her in return. 

YAMATO

Primary love language → quality time

I believe Yamato’s main way of expressing love is spending one-on-one time with the other person. Again, the classic image is when he sits alone with Gabumon playing his harmonica. It’s symbolic of the Crest of Friendship.

Lots of Yamato’s issues in the first series probably have to do with his parents divorce stealing a lot of quality time from him as a child (i.e. neglecting him emotionally), and how as a result, he adopted the opposing attitude “I’m fine on my own, in fact I prefer to be”. Which is clearly not true, and it soon becomes apparent that this lone wolf act is him denying his true self and his true emotional needs. His obsession with being around Takeru and his jealousy when he spends time with other people is perhaps another clue. Yamato is the kind of person who feels loved when he gets someone else’s undivided attention, even if not a word is spoken. 

Gabumon’s entire existence of pure devotion and loyalty to Yamato and all their scenes together as a duo is ample evidence of quality time being his main way of expressing love, but other examples include his desire to be close to Takeru all the time, staying with Jou at the restaurant, “Let her cry”, having a one-one-dinner with Taichi to cheer him up, etc. Yamato doesn’t let a lot of people in, so when he deigns to spend alone time with someone, you know it’s serious.

Secondary love language → words of affirmation

This is maybe provocative, but I also think words of affirmation are incredibly important for Yamato. However, this secondary LL is very undeveloped, both by his discomfort with verbalized affection in general and especially when it comes to his attempts to express love for others through words. 

Still, Yamato’s need for words of affirmation is shown not just by Gabumon’s innumerable pep-talks where he cheers Yamato up by telling him how much he loves him and says all those wonderful things about him. Other examples would include the entire Dark Cave saga (including helping Sora), many of his interactions with Taichi (Yamato’s oversensitivity whenever Taichi says something “thoughtless” is also an example of the importance he places on words; but also, “Thank you for believing in me”!), and even his music career (writing songs about feelings while a bunch of girls screams their adoration at him? He’s getting something out of it).

How do LLs work in the context of (romantic) Sora/Yamato?

I’d say the first conclusion I took from this is both Yamato and Sora struggle with, and at times suppress, their primary love language. Having this in common is important, because it shows how similar they are emotionally, and probably makes them better able to empathise with each other.

Another crucial conclusion is that they're both fluent in the same love languages. Quality time could just as well be Sora’s secondary love language, and Acts of Service could easily be Yamato’s. So here are to people who — when in a healthy, mature state — are in the same emotional wavelength and therefore are perfectly suited to give each other what they need.

Now we’re getting into headcanon territory, but I think of the reasons why this couple works is precisely that know the importance of using “words of affirmation”. Do note that this love language isn’t just about saying “I love you” and “You look gorgeous” and “Here’s a list of the 438479287 best things about you″. It’s much more about saying “You can do it���, “That was great!”, and even “Thank you”. In this sense, you can totally see how both would be emotionally fulfilled by giving and receiving verbal encouragement and appreciation form the other. 

I think this love language both the strength of the relationship  — being able to build each other up — and also their Achilles heel — if one or both of them fail to develop it.

It’s all too easy to imagine a situation were Sora and Yamato don’t use enough  words of affirmation with each other, creating a vicious cycle. Of course, as we’ve seen, this love language is something they both need to work on and learn from their digimon partners! 

Overall, I’d say Sora is probably better at it, with Yamato often struggling to put his love in words without being embarrassed; I think any grand declarations would be saved for special occasions. 

I think Sora would be great at responding to Yamato’s need for quality time. Like, of course she’d be perfect at making sure they spend time together despite their busy schedules, at planning dates and activities and getaways. And she’d would be patient enough to just sit next to him in silence, waiting for him to open up. Sora herself would also benefit from Yamato’s tendency to want to spend one-on-one time, especially if Yamato used this quality time to listen to her and talk about feelings. Still, problems could emerge if Yamato thinks Sora isn’t spending enough time with him. 

I also believe Yamato would be pretty good at expressing love through acts of service, I.e. doing nice and helpful things for Sora. This is the kind of boyfriend who can cook dinner, do the laundry, handle car insurance, and who’ll jump in the middle of a battle to save her life. Trouble could arise if Yamato actually forgets to do something, or if Sora finds herself overwhelmed trying to do everything on her own.

Finally, a word about the remaining two languages (gift giving and physical touch). Of course they are present in this relationship! They just aren’t the main ways they use to express love. Again, considering Sora has the Crest of Love, she’s fluent in all the love languages. 

When it comes to physical affection / PDA, I think almost everyone in the fandom agrees this isn’t a couple who would be very demonstrative in public. I don’t think they would regard touching/kissing/sex as the predominant way of showing love and intimacy. I’m sure they’re a very affectionate couple (in private), but dealing with emotions would be the main dynamic in the relationship. 

Similarly, I doubt gift giving would be a huge thing outside of special occasions. I myself headcanon that Yamato is a not a great present giver, and if Sora was feeling ignored, there isn’t a diamond ring in the world that would make up for it. 

Well, this was a long tangent. I hope it answered your question, Anon! I’d be curious to see other people’s opinions, too.

(*) NOTE:

There are a bunch of quizzes to discover your own LL, but according to the author, the way to identify someone love language is by asking:

a. How they express love and appreciation for others; b. What they request more often; c. What they complain about.

[solarscholarsofmagick]

7 Feelings that Most Witches Can Relate To

1. Feeling shame when you forget about a holiday (again)

Let’s be honest; it happens to us at least once. Life gets busy and before you know it, you see posts on Twitter, saying, “Blessed Ostara!” while you are in the breakroom, scarfing down bagel bites while simultaneously trying your damnedest to get marinara sauce off your white shirt. What happens next can only be compared to the 5 stages of grief:

Denial: Maybe everyone was just posting stuff early. Maybe they’re in a timezone waaaayyy ahead of yours. You didn’t see anything posted about it yesterday, so there’s no need to look at a calendar, because you didn’t forget about the holiday.

Anger: It’s not your fault, it’s society’s fault. It’s not like there’s tons of advertisements about it in the media. No, everyone is hung up on Easter. The lack of accurate representation pisses you off and you’re prepared to scream from the top of your lungs about your beliefs.

Bargaining: Okay, so maybe you initially forgot about it, but you can totally make up for it. You still have time in the day to go to the store and buy some ingredients to make a quick meal as an offering. Wiping that stain off your shirt can kinda represent creating a clean-slate, can’t it?

Depression: You are legit the worst witch in the world. What kind of witch doesn’t even remember the major holidays. No amount of salvaging the day will erase the fact that you forgot about it in the first place.

Acceptance: Missing the occasional (or every) holiday isn’t something worth beating yourself up for, especially since they traditionally span three days or a week anyways. Even non-witches will forget about mainstream holidays. Besides, there’s always next year if you absolutely can’t do anything this week.

2. Trying not to destroy your bank account on a really cool crystal

For most witches, the fascination with what are essentially pretty rocks predates their official delve into the craft. When we do delve, however, that love (pretty much an obsession at this point) amplifies. So, when we go by that crystal kiosk in the mall, it becomes all too hard to resist buying that $50 bonsai tree with leaves of tiny jade shards. Sometimes it’s a jade tree, sometimes it’s a large amethyst geode, and sometimes it’s a hand-crafted obsidian dagger with an ornate elk-antler handle. However, the little voice in the back of your head desperately screams out that this money can be better used on food or on hoarding toilet paper (excuse our memeing). Who wins the argument? Hell if I know. *tries to sneakily slide card across the counter*

3. Not being sure which *witchy* aesthetic you want to represent

There are so many different aesthetics that you see witches portray on social media such as Instagram, Twitter, and even Tumblr. There are so many, and they’re all so damn cute, so finding one to truly commit to is about as difficult as choosing your starter in the first Pokemon game. (Charmander is the right answer to that decision, by the way). Those aesthetics include, but are not limited to:

The “traditional” witch- This aesthetic is typically described as Goth, witchy, or spooky. It can entail black lipstick, straight pitch-black hair, spider-web stockings, and platform boots that go up to your knees or thighs. There is nothing wrong with following this aesthetic. Go for it and relish in the fact that you can easily crush your enemies under your 5-inch platforms. And the fact that you are able to walk in them while normies just can’t seem to quite grasp the skill.

The plant witch- These witches will wear lots of greens and often have floral or tree tattoos. Their social media is usually saturated with pictures of their green children. Their hands are more often than not coated in a thin layer of dirt, especially under their nails. They yearn for their own greenhouse or maybe just a really nice sunroom.

The bohemian witch- These witches fulfill an aesthetic similar to the hippie movement of the mid-1900’s. You can usually find them wearing comfortable, loose-fitting clothes, and, more often than not, barefoot. Their Instagram is typically full of yoga poses and soap that they just hand-crafted.

The closet witch– Because these witches are not open (or are actively hiding) their craft, it is not easy to spot one. You have to look closer to see the signs. Such signs will usually be in the form of crystal and/or symbolic jewelry.

Pro-tip: You don’t have to fulfill a certain aesthetic. The aesthetic is never what makes a witch a true witch. So go nuts and wear what you want to wear. Your personal style is your aesthetic.

4. Getting Roasted by Your Own Tarot Cards/Runes/Divination Method

We usually consult our cards when we need answers. However, sometimes, we already know the answers and are just in denial. In these times, we consult our trusty tarot cards to find the real answer, since the one in our heads is obviously not the right one. It can feel like a slap in the face whenever we do a reading, hoping/praying for a different answer, and receiving what we already knew or facts we wished we hadn’t discovered. In these situations, it can mean that something unpleasant is the result of our own actions or that we have to do something unpleasant in the near future. The cards do not care about your feelings. The cards care about giving you the answers you need and helping you.

5. Forgetting About the Jar That You Put Outside to Collect Rainwater

It’s supposed to be simple. You wait until it rains, you grab a jar, you put it outside, and, once it finishes raining, you bring it back in. But, no, it never ends up this simple. It all seems to go wrong at step 4. After we put the jar out, more often than not, we go on about our day and the jar leaves our mind… usually for a few days. By that time, however, the water has either been evaporated or it has been contaminated with dirt, pollen, or even bugs. Just like with forgetting holidays, we tell ourselves that we won’t forget next time, but you don’t need to consult your cards in order to know that, unless you set an alarm on your phone, the cycle will only repeat itself.

6. Being Overwhelmed in the Beginning

Witchcraft is such a broad, broad term. When you say that you’re going to “practice witchcraft,” it can mean a multitude of things. You could be performing a spell, praying to your gods, drawing sigils, astral projecting, divining, and much, much more. You quickly discover this when you start your journey into the craft and it becomes overwhelming. We are in an age where vast amounts of information is at our fingertips at any moment. You find yourself asking, “Where do I begin?” We tell ourselves, “Let’s find a guide!” Then, we see that there are hundreds of “beginner” guides to the craft in bookstores and thousands online. It’s stressful and there’s a pressure of picking one that had the “right” version of things. In the end, you just have to make a leap of faith and pick one that feels right to you. Build your craft from things that pique your interest. Or, like me, you can close your eyes and grab one off the shelf and go with that.

7. Being Exasperated with Incorrect Portrayals of Witches/Paganism/Magick

You’re just hanging out with someone or a group, or you’re just chilling by yourself, innocently checking out something claiming to be about witches or paganism or magick- or even those books or movies about Ouija boards and/or malignant spirits- and as you’re watching, you notice some things are wrong. Very wrong. In fact, if the people in this had any knowledge at all of magick or paganism, they wouldn’t be in this unfortunate circumstance to begin wi- hey, don’t go without closing the ritual prope- at least the salt is still lini- hey, don’t do tha– I don’t even care anymore, they had no respect or reason to even do this in the first place. If people look to these things as what practicing magick is like (there are some very ignorant people out there), then they are getting a lot of misinformation and downright insulting stereotypes and stigmas ingrained in their minds. No, not all spirits are bad and trying to kill you, maybe if you’d show some respect, Karen, things wouldn’t try to kill you or possess you or whatever the fuck is going on here.

Please consider supporting us by viewing the original post on our website here!

[amphtaminedreams]

A/W 2020 Fashion Month: Before Vogue Went Blank

Hi to anyone reading,

I’m sorry this post is so late! I really have no excuse apart from all my mental energy being taken up by shooting and editing my Euphoria lookbook up until now and me being too much of a lazy, nap-loving twat to face the mammoth task of a fashion month review; honestly, by the time it’s done, it’s like a dissertation-level amount of characters, so let’s say the final push to get this out is in sympathy with all my 3rd year friends I started uni with finishing their ACTUAL dissertations.

Things have got scary since I originally started saving the photos for this post, and the world has been turned upside down. In response to the COVID-19 pandemic, the likes of which have not been seen since the Spanish Flu, Italian Vogue’s April cover was blank. As I’m writing this, 26,000+ people have died of coronavirus in Italy, the worst affected country behind the U.S in terms of sheer numbers ( though quick update: as I post this, I’m pretty sure our incompetent prick of a PM has made sure we’re up there too). Proportionally, the actual death rate is even higher, along with a handful of other European countries. There have been some complaints made about the cover and it’s supposed “lack of imagination”; all I know is that in a country whose death toll accounts for 10% of worldwide coronavirus deaths, something of a visual silence feels appropriate. 

That being said, for me, writing is one of the only things giving me a sense of purpose right now. Yeah, surprise surprise, working in a grocery store isn’t all that fulfilling. Who would’ve thought it? So what better time to reflect on a time when all the rich people of the world were going about their lives as usual and sitting front row at fashion week rather than crying on Instagram live to their millions of followers about how trapped they feel in their 10 bedroom mansions.

I’ve got to say, this year’s A/W offerings were a lot better than I expected, mostly due to the fact that I’m not generally a big fan of winter fashion; it’s hard to be disappointed given my preconceptions! There’s only so many knits and coats and jeans you can see before it begins to get a bit tiring, and I expected that to be reflected in the presentations. Fortunately, even the brands which are known for their bohemian, Coachella-esque collections generally managed to translate that into something recognisable and consistent on the runway whilst actually being weather appropriate. Of course, there were a few disappointments-I’m sure if I say one of them begins with D, you can guess which brand I’m talking about-but that was more than made up for by the standouts. Gucci in particular was my 2013 Tumblr wet dream and the Moschino show was what I can only describe as a live continuation of Sofia Coppola’s Marie Antoinette, though I’ll stop with my praise there and wait til I get to actually reviewing before I go overboard with kissing Alessandro Michele’s ass. And on that note, in chronological order, I’ll get one with the reviews! First up, Acne:

Continuing on a winning streak when it comes to catering to my personal preferences (if someone tries to tell me designers don’t care about my personal preferences I’m going to whack out that “just found out the world doesn’t revolve around me, shocked and upset” Marina Diamandis tweet), Acne once again channels futuristic hippy commune living in a dystopian wasteland. I know, those are very specific personal preferences

I love the shredded hems and the burnt velvet, the rawness of it all, and the baroque/your-nan’s-wallpaper patterns are actually a surprisingly nice touch. I imagine if Giselle from Enchanted had to make her dresses out of a thrifty goth’s curtains rather than an upper-middle-class New Yorker’s, they’d look something like this collection. You’ve even got the odd bit of classic fresh Scandi tailoring in there with the oversized coats and blazers which holds it back from being a bit TOO flea market. Plus, the renaissance painting detailing on the black leather-look coat is a stunning detail as well; I’m so glad it seems this trend is here to stay, why wouldn’t I want random nude bodies all over my clothes? 

As for the styling, I can’t get enough of the tousled hair. As an eternally tired person who can't be arsed to pick up a brush most of the time, I feel represented. Along with the outfits, it says “I’m an art student/transient painter in the 70s living in a city loft who smokes a lot of weed and does acid on the regular” and that is a life worth manifesting.

Alberta Ferretti was dreamy, and a perfect example of how to translate the bohemian aesthetic of their S/S show to A/W. Somehow despite the furs, ruffles (pussy-bows under tailored jackets and knits/generally heavier pieces always looks really chic imo), tulle, metallic tapestry style prints and chunky jewellery, it all still looks very effortless, like a natural continuation of what we saw last summer; the typically masculine structure of the oversized suits with the ornate patterns and the accessories lends to the careful navigation along the line where maximalism and minimalism meet, the looks as practical as they are decorative. Picture it: you work some high-flying, powerful job in the city, commute on a motor cycle and roll up in one of these suit sets. This collection is for the edgy businesswoman who is completely comfortable telling all the twattish males she works with where to stick it and I want to be her. 

The evening gowns are, of course, stunning too. In this analogy where I am a powerful businesswoman and not a pushover who works at a grocery store right now and only beefs with rude customers, I would be wearing one of them to the boujie work Christmas party. The ruffled dresses remind me of something Valentino would put out with the colour palette and the ruffles, and whilst we’re on the topic of colour palettes, this one is beautiful. The lilac and hot pink is SO right.

Though predictable, Alessandra Rich is just as much of a treat as usual, the first brand you’d go to if you were styling a throwback it-girl, Chanel Oberlin in Scream Queens if it took place 30 years earlier. Reminiscent of an amalgamation of vintage Chanel and Versace, there are so many cute details I love here, from the white tights with the black heels and the double breasted blazers to the gold chainlink belts and the pearls. The tartan suits with the shoulder padding are very Heathers, the prints the best of your mum’s 80s wardrobe, and nobody else out there is doing bows as well as this; these are the outfits that prissy bitch wears in the cartoons of my childhood that turn out to actually be quite good fashion inspo 15 years later, Trixie Tang from Fairly Odd Parents I’m looking at you. 

This girl was the blueprint. 

I think someone like Lilly Collins or Daphne Groeneveld would be an ideal fit for any of these looks, or Lana Del Rey if she wanted to stop serving us middle-aged suburban soccer mom and took us back to those H&M ad campaign days. Lana stans please don’t come for me for saying that, I am one of you; I say this because I love her. It’s all altruistic. 

Whilst I admittedly didn’t love it as much as last summer’s, I really enjoyed the Alexander McQueen collection too, plus I had a better idea of what to expect this time round; no, we’re not gonna get a repeat of the Plato’s Atlantis show but we do always get some beautiful pieces. Again, like with Alberta Ferretti, this seems like a natural continuation of what we saw in the summer, just with adjustments made for the colder, darker, and altogether moodier months. A/W being the gothier older sister of S/S, it seems right that a lot of the looks turn their back on the ethereal, almost fairy-like feel of what we saw before and embrace the vampier side, reds and blacks (the ultimate Bratz Rock Angels colour combination), plenty of dramatic structures and formidable suit sets. It’s punk but it’s classy, and even with the lighter pieces, we’ve got the grunge inspired harnesses on top to contrast with the elegance and effectively, toughen the whole look up, something Gucci does well too. 

The patterned suits with the clunky boots in particular are very cool and I need a gun metal grey heart detailing harness, but undoubtedly the MOMENT of this collection is Adut Akech in what appears to be a silver chainmail dress. She looks like an Amazonian goddess, and whilst I could never dream of pulling something like that off myself, I could happily admire her in it for hours.

There wasn’t much to get excited about at Altuzarra. The collection was very elegant for sure and the feathered belts are cute but it was all quite pedestrian and nothing new-the only detail I really like is the cut out on the second dress from the left, 3rd row down.

As for Anna Sui:

I’m not altogether sure why I wanted to review it. A lot of the outfits as a whole are a bit messy, and not in that avant-garde, expensive-looking Margiela kind of way, just in a “how many fabrics can we possibly get on this model” kind of way. Plus, the styling seems weirdly outdated-a lot of the jewellery looks like the kind of thing you’d see if you searched “gothic choker” on Ebay and ordered the results from low to high, and the makeup and hair in particular is very 2012 Tumblr fashion blogger. Backcombed hair and red lipstick? We’ve got a Zoella thumbnail on our hands.

When the collection did go down the bohemian route though (and when that route wasn’t a failed attempt at what Etro does a lot better), there were a few nice pieces and prints. I mean you really can’t go wrong with a teal fur trimmed coat.

Ashish, on the other hand, took their aesthetic from a similar era and did it a lot more creatively and kookily; this collection looks a lot more deserving of being on a runway. The prints are so loud and costume-y that at times the garments risk looking like something you’d wear at a decades themed dress up party, but they’re saved by understated and much more commercial silhouettes, plus some gorgeous hair and make up. On the whole, very groovy, unintentional disco queen, despite the few risks that didn’t quite pay off.

Next is a brand I always look forward to. In the words of Myrtle Snow:

BALENCIAGA!

Seriously though, if any brand knows how to blend costume and high fashion, it’s them. They take over-the-top, almost absurd silhouettes and turn them into theatre. This year we’re taking it in the direction of Phantom of the Opera, I guess? Dracula? The Woman in Black? An off-broadway production of Harry Potter where Snape is the protagonist? Whatever the direction of the collection is, I live for the dramatics of it all. Demna Gvasalia got these models walkin’ down the runway like they’re members of the Volutri, which is a reference you should all understand given the renaissance Twilight is having online atm.

Straight off the bat, I adore the staging, and all the models are exquisite-the theme of the show was climate change, and I always love when there’s a story behind the presentation of the clothes. I can’t imagine how amazing this must have been to witness in person, though I’m guessing equal parts mystical and intimidating. There are so many things I love here: billowing coats, cinched in waists, the pattens that are sprinkled sparingly in amongst the black, and the bloody shoulder pads that almost run PARALLEL to the model’s necks. This is really a collection that Myrtle Snow would be proud of and brb whilst I get rid of my padlock necklaces in favour of putting whatever meagre amount I can get for them on Depop towards a Balenciaga padlock belt (as if, lol, I don’t even think selling my soul would cover it).

And then there’s Balmain, which isn’t always the fashion critic’s favourite, but which I do tend to like. 

I mean there are some really good takeaways here-though the 80s inspired suit, as wearable as they are, can get a little repetitive, they are staples which here seem to pave the way for Olivier Rousteing to try something new for the brand. The moulded breast plates (reminiscent of the Tom Ford one Zendaya wore though I’m not sure which came first!), for example, along with the Matador-style capes and the flowing silk dresses are the most glamorous incarnation of Lara Croft one can possibly imagine, probably just as equally suited for a Roman goddess as they are for an Assassins Creed style action heroine. And yes, I am aware of the fact that Tomb Raider and Assassins Creed are two separate games, okay!  I just don’t know enough about the visuals of either to firmly plant this collection in the camp of either one, so I’m going down the crossover route with it!

Not to say there weren’t any bad choices-I omitted a good portion of the looks that were shown; there were definitely pieces that I found to be a little tacky, particularly a recurring chain print which has got to be one of my least favourite patterns out there. Overall, though, it’s gonna be the richly coloured art-deco prints, the wet-look boots and the gem-encrusted scorpion brooch which stick with me, so I’ll let it slide. 

Bottega Veneta was very meh; even of the looks I picked out, there are a lot I’m now looking back at and wishing I hadn’t included. Some of the men’s pieces are nice, sure, and I feel like one of those vaguely sick, victorian ghost looking male celebrities everyone obsesses over (Timothée Chalamet and Dane DeHaan I’m looking at you) would make those suits on the second row look fine af, but it’s mostly the womenswear that I’m here for and on this occasion it wasn’t great. A couple of the coats are nice and that’s about it. Like I really had to act as if the tassels weren’t there on a lot of the clothes and go from there because I really don’t like them in this context and if I was to veto looks purely on one of the garments having tassels, there’d be nothing to show or reference when giving my opinion on the show. They were EVERYWHERE. In a summer collection, done right, they can be a nice detail but here they just feel unnecessary and if I’m being honest, are quite ugly. 

Thank god for Brock taking the sour Bottega Veneta tassel taste out of my mouth. Never a let down. Literally, everything they put out sends me into a daze of imagining I’m in some romantic drama wearing one of the pieces, in a man’s idea of “no makeup”, running round in a field looking forlorn and windswept because my ghostly lover has-

Okay, you get the picture. I’ve never read Wuthering Heights, but it goes something like that, right? If not, lets just say envisioning myself in any of these catapults me straight into some period drama where I’m born into wealth and sit by my mansion window looking sad all the time and writing poetry and lusting over some stuffy upper-class man I can’t have and who is probably played by Colin Firth because I’m pretty sure that’s what happens in most of them (about to enrage my future English lit undergraduate sister with that line).

Nobody does modest, muted sexy to such a masterful degree. I mean, when Maison Marigela did face veils I was just mildly afraid, but here they’re subtle enough that they’re quite beautiful and almost other-worldly, acting as some kind of boundary between this world and the past that Brock aims to recapture through its designs-the red lip popping out from underneath is a perfect touch too. I don’t like it AS much as the summer collection but I would say that’s solely on the basis of the more autumn/winter appropriate colour scheme and the heavier fits, which is just a personal preference. I mean, I’m usually not a fan of empire waistlines at all and Brock even manages to make that work.

Burberry this season was a real mixed bag, mostly due to the styling. There are some really gorgeous, London back alley vintage shop looking pieces, especially the 70s style coats, reminiscent of outerwear a slimy record exec would've worn back in the day repurposed by someone like Alexa Chung or Zoe Kravitz or whichever effortlessly cool woman it is we all want to be-also the private boy’s school rugby gear looking shit is classic Burberry and I’m a fan of that, even though it’s not the most inventive or exciting. I just don’t get why there had to be SO much ill-fitting plaid over ill-fitting plaid. Again, like with Bottega Veneta, I thought the menswear was a lot stronger; whilst I wasn’t really wowed by anything, it seemed a lot less forced, whereas a few of the womenswear looks gave me the vibe of a design team desperately grasping onto some ill-conceived ideas of street style and relevancy. 

The design team at Carolina Herrera for example, know their niche. They never try to be something they’re not, always sublimely preppy and pretty and predictable-when it comes to target market, the bag is reliably secured. Laid- back princess dresses never get old for those constantly “summering” in one expensive coastal town or another, for the rich American moms attending charity galas and the Spencer Hastings and Blair Waldorfs of the world; women with glossy hair and fresh faces who act as if they woke up looking like that polished but are actually anal as hell and take 2 hours to get ready and would NEVER, I repeat NEVER, shit in a public toilet. 

Yes, I managed to worm toilet habits into a review of a Carolina Herrera collection. I’m sorry. Enough with the pearl clutching. 

Next is Celine:

I mean, when there are THIS many looks, it’s hard not to find something you like, and though VERY predictable and verging on lazy when you’re putting out the same shit every collection, Celine’s aesthetic is so similar to my own ideal style, it’s hard to be mad at it. That being said, a lot of the pieces, as per usual, came across as cheap YSL knock offs; the overall outfits are cute, but the more you look at the details-it particularly pained me to include a metal bow belt and an ill-fitting velvet skater skirt but I liked the rest of the outfits-the worse it gets. Please, PLEASE someone drive it home to Hedi Slimane, I’m begging you: QUALITY NOT QUANTITY. I get what he’s going for, 70s hipster Jane Birkin is a vision I can very much get behind, but not when it seems to be so rushed.

With the men’s looks, you can get away with it a lot more; when so much of menswear is so plain and unchanging, the slightest hint of Mick Jagger is enough to make a outfit edgy. But even then, I still feel like we’re seeing a load of variations of the same outfit. There are always some pieces that catch my eye, this time round the capes and the velvet blazers, and I would wear most of these things, sure, however I don’t think the combinations SHOULD necessarily look like something I’d personally put together; a runway collection is supposed to be aspirational and cutting edge, not pedestrian (entirely intentional self-drag, lol). Also, side note, the lack of diversity really bothered me. 111 looks and not one of these models has a body type that is naturally achievable for most people. It’s 2020 for fuck’s sake. I’m tired.

SO, let’s liven things up a bit with the Central Saint Martins collection, a breath of fresh air in terms of diversity (though a few more plus-size models would be nice):

As a former University of London student, I hate to heap praise upon them. If you’ve studied in London as well, you’ll know CSM students are ANNOYING. I mean, I’m sure they’re lovely as individuals but you can’t fully understand the meaning of the word pretentious until you’ve seen a group of them at a Uniqlo Tate Late. That being said, they are very good at what they do and I’m so glad that Vogue Runway includes them; this is what Off-White thinks it is, and really it makes sense that a bunch of current fashion students are able to come together to present one of the most experimental and forward-thinking shows of this season. 

And let’s talk about the RANGE. From catsuits worthy of comic book heroes to  dresses Twiggy would’ve worn in a 1960s editorial, every subgenre of fashion has been fully delved into here. Whilst we’ve got the adrogyny of the suits and suspenders combo and kitschy gender-bending co-ords David Bowie would be proud of, at the other end of the scale we’ve also got models walking down the runway dressed like wood nymphs or some other kind of siren-like creatures. There’s looks that wouldn’t be out of place in a Gucci or Come Des Garcons collection but at that same time would be equally at home in a Berlin techno club. 

Honestly, credit where credit’s due-it was a really interesting show and I wouldn’t expect anything less.

Chanel was quite literally the polar opposite of the CSM show. 

Very blah. 

It’s crazy because before you properly get INTO fashion, Chanel is like the epitome of style. And then you do, and you see the runway shows get lazier and lazier (with some exceptions) every year, and you realise that same prestige that had you aware of Chanel at the age of 7 or 8 is literally all that’s keeping the brand going at this point. I’m not saying the collection is flat out ugly, a lot of it’s cute, but you’re CHANEL for fuck’s sake. Yeah, I like the crucifixes but SCALLOPED HEMS!? No. I do NOT recall travelling back in time to witness Primark’s Spring 2013 collection on the runway and I am NOT having it.

It’s not at all surprising that a lot of the time newer brands Charlotte Knowles (above) tend to be more interesting than those more established-and yes that was a Chanel indirect if the transition wasn’t obvious.

With no room to rest on laurels or reputation, everything has to be bolder and smarter and more distinctive and most importantly, has to appeal to its target market with the fervour of an L.A sign spinner. I only found out about Charlotte Knowles because of a Vogue article citing her as Bella Hadid’s new favourite brand to wear, and once I saw the collection, it was clear why; daringly modern, slick, and edgy is both her street style (say what you want about her as a model but her outfit game is unbeaten) and Knowles’ USP to a T. If Dion Lee, Off-White, GCDS and Acne had an orgy, this would be the result, and that is a GOOD compliment.

Next, Chloe:

Not a huge amount to say, to be honest. Low-key, wearable, and cute. Like Emma Roberts’ Nancy Drew if she did an autumn exchange program at the Sorbonne and studied art history, libraries and coffee shops on the weekdays and galleries and protests at the weekend. On reflection, that definitely makes this collection sound more exciting than it is but there are some effortlessly beautiful pieces here. The 4th row in particular is full of stand outs-the vest with the watercolour faces on with the shirt underneath is perfection, and the burgundy suit with the saffron ruffled collar peeking out from underneath is adorable and not at all reminiscent of the Ronald McDonald inspired nightmare that any combination of red and yellow tones should theoretically be.

As for Christian Siriano, I see why people hate it, I really do. I understand that it seems kinda unfair to have it show the same week as Brock and Rodarte and Oscar de La Renta. We’re talking 2 very different kinds of quality here. BUT, at pure face value, his clothes are FUN, plus Coco Rocha will always have a special place in my heart as someone who lived on The Face and America’s Next Top Model and every show that could possibly give me an unhealthy body image ever.

Like are you telling me you wouldn’t wear these dresses to a party!? Live a little. They just need tailoring...which ideally would be done BEFORE the model’s walking down the runway in it but...you know...can’t have it all.

Christopher Kane is a show I always look forward to.

I would say his designs are the only thing that make geometry look fun but I’m going to expose myself and admit that would be a lie because I actually found geometry really fun. Trigonometry was my shit, lol.

He is a designer who perfectly demonstrates that juggling interseasonal consistency and taking risks can be done. There’s always something DIFFERENT about his collections, fresh and subtly experimental. There are occasionally a few misses, sure, but I’d rather that than for a brand to keep playing safe, plus he never goes too far in the opposite direction either; no going weird for the sake of weird. I don’t like it AS much as the summer collection but it’s mostly because of the more muted, autumn/winter appropriate colour palette.

Comme Des Garçons? Too weird?

Never.

Honestly when it comes to a CDG collection, I have to really shift my perspective to appreciate it. I’m not looking at fashion presentation, I’m looking at a moving piece of experimental art. I know, it’s a stretch. But you know you’ll never be bored by one of their shows. Not gonna lie, this specific collection crossed the line into plain ugly a couple of times for me. We had padding so extravagant it looked like several models were walking round with Ikea pillows stuck to their chest and headdresses reminiscent of the kids’ game Headbandz. In amongst that though, we did get some gorgeous veils like the ones seen above and the shoes and socks combo is actually quite wearable.

I’d say Dilara Findikoglu is the cut-off point after which things get a little too avant-garde for my personal taste, and it hovers over that cut-off point flawlessly; despite the other-worldly elements of her collections, they remain somewhat grounded by nods towards conventional fashion that allow the beauty, be it inner or outer, of the wearer to shine through. Comme Des Garcons garments undeniably have character but they tend to swallow up any trace of the individual underneath, whereas the character of Dilara Findikoglu garments seamlessly merges with the wearer and in turn elevates both to something transcendent and ethereal. If the Pussycat Dolls got transported into a rugged, post-apocalyptic future, they’d scrape together these outfits to perform in, I know it; the energy of the collection, with the body jewellery and the frayed cut outs and the chalk white faces, is very warrior princess, just as raw and intimidating as it is hot as fuck, and I want that energy in my life. Along with a Dilara belt, of course. I would wear her name like a badge of honour anytime she wants. Dilara, pls pls let me be part of your tribe. PLEASE.

Anyway, this is where I thought I’d cut things off, so as to end on a positive note. You know what that means: Dior is coming up. I feel bad knowing my first post was defending Maria Grazia and yet here I am now, looking at the bar down on the floor, but I mean, you never know; maybe girl is doing this on purpose and one day she’s gonna come out with a Gucci level quality show like a phoenix from the ashes.

If you got this far, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING even if you’re just here for the pics. Part 2 will be covering some of my most anticipated shows from Elie Saab, Fendi and Etro to Gucci and Moschino, Miu Miu and Marc Jacobs, and everything in between. Yes, the shitty ones too.

I’m plowing through all the material as quick as I can so I hope to get the next post up really soon, and yes-you can count on the overwhelming sense of needing to be productive pushing me into fulfilling that statement. 

Thanks again and I hope you’re well!

Lauren x