#will I ever get tired of psychoanalising these two?

[adventure-hearts]

Oi, can you give me your thoughts on the affection that Sorato would show to each other?

This ask actually inspired me to write meta for the first time in a while! Thanks a lot, Anon!

So, a while back I read this book called The Five Love Languages. It’s about how  everyone expresses/experiences love in five main ways — words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service, receiving gifts, and physical touch — and how this affects interpersonal relationships, especially marriage. 

The book’s thesis is that everyone has a primary and secondary "love language”; for each of them there are multiple “dialects”, or different ways of manifesting love. In order to have a healthy relationship, you need to identify your and your partner’s language, so that you can give each other what you need (*).

Me being me, I immediately started to try and identify the love languages of each DA character, and predictably gave a lot of thought to Sora and Yamato’s. Based on my notes on this book, here are my headcanons about how Sora and Yamato express affection!

SORA

Primary love language → words of affirmation

If you consider Sora’s conflict in the original series, it was all about how unloved and unappreciated she felt in the absence of being told she was loved by her mother; and later, the feeling of feeling unappreciated by others in general. 

Piyomon best represents how words of affirmation is Sora’s primary love language. Actually, my theory is that all digimon partners do this, to some extent. Piyomon gives Sora exactly what needs to feel loved: telling her how much she likes and appreciates her, constant complimenting, cheering her up, making her talk about their feelings, etc. (at first, Sora was so unused to having this need met that Piyomon’s initial adoration made her uncomfortable). I also think Sora places so much importance in to what people say (or don’t say) to her that she’s prone to misunderstanding people when they say the wrong thing or don’t tell her what she wants to hear.

On the other hand, although Sora struggles with being on the receiving end of words of affection, she’s excellent at using it to show love to others. She’s the one who’s encouraging her friends, keeping morale up, and providing reassurance through gentle and encouraging words. There are dozens examples of this in the series:

“Piyomon, kakoiiii!”

Encouraging Miyako (02 eps. 02)

Calling everyone to to check in on them (tri. ch. 3)

etc

I think it’s pretty obvious that words of affirmation are key for Sora.

Secondary love language → acts of service

If Sora struggles with her primary love language, she overcompensates with her secondary one, which is basically doing things for others. 

This is the side of Sora who nurtures, organises, protects, cooks, sacrifices herself for others, and generally takes care of other people’s needs ahead of her own. 

The downside of this is that Sora feels overwhelmed when she can’t respond to other people’s needs, and feels unloved when people don’t do things for her in return. 

YAMATO

Primary love language → quality time

I believe Yamato’s main way of expressing love is spending one-on-one time with the other person. Again, the classic image is when he sits alone with Gabumon playing his harmonica. It’s symbolic of the Crest of Friendship.

Lots of Yamato’s issues in the first series probably have to do with his parents divorce stealing a lot of quality time from him as a child (i.e. neglecting him emotionally), and how as a result, he adopted the opposing attitude “I’m fine on my own, in fact I prefer to be”. Which is clearly not true, and it soon becomes apparent that this lone wolf act is him denying his true self and his true emotional needs. His obsession with being around Takeru and his jealousy when he spends time with other people is perhaps another clue. Yamato is the kind of person who feels loved when he gets someone else’s undivided attention, even if not a word is spoken. 

Gabumon’s entire existence of pure devotion and loyalty to Yamato and all their scenes together as a duo is ample evidence of quality time being his main way of expressing love, but other examples include his desire to be close to Takeru all the time, staying with Jou at the restaurant, “Let her cry”, having a one-one-dinner with Taichi to cheer him up, etc. Yamato doesn’t let a lot of people in, so when he deigns to spend alone time with someone, you know it’s serious.

Secondary love language → words of affirmation

This is maybe provocative, but I also think words of affirmation are incredibly important for Yamato. However, this secondary LL is very undeveloped, both by his discomfort with verbalized affection in general and especially when it comes to his attempts to express love for others through words. 

Still, Yamato’s need for words of affirmation is shown not just by Gabumon’s innumerable pep-talks where he cheers Yamato up by telling him how much he loves him and says all those wonderful things about him. Other examples would include the entire Dark Cave saga (including helping Sora), many of his interactions with Taichi (Yamato’s oversensitivity whenever Taichi says something “thoughtless” is also an example of the importance he places on words; but also, “Thank you for believing in me”!), and even his music career (writing songs about feelings while a bunch of girls screams their adoration at him? He’s getting something out of it).

How do LLs work in the context of (romantic) Sora/Yamato?

I’d say the first conclusion I took from this is both Yamato and Sora struggle with, and at times suppress, their primary love language. Having this in common is important, because it shows how similar they are emotionally, and probably makes them better able to empathise with each other.

Another crucial conclusion is that they're both fluent in the same love languages. Quality time could just as well be Sora’s secondary love language, and Acts of Service could easily be Yamato’s. So here are to people who — when in a healthy, mature state — are in the same emotional wavelength and therefore are perfectly suited to give each other what they need.

Now we’re getting into headcanon territory, but I think of the reasons why this couple works is precisely that know the importance of using “words of affirmation”. Do note that this love language isn’t just about saying “I love you” and “You look gorgeous” and “Here’s a list of the 438479287 best things about you″. It’s much more about saying “You can do it”, “That was great!”, and even “Thank you”. In this sense, you can totally see how both would be emotionally fulfilled by giving and receiving verbal encouragement and appreciation form the other. 

I think this love language both the strength of the relationship  — being able to build each other up — and also their Achilles heel — if one or both of them fail to develop it.

It’s all too easy to imagine a situation were Sora and Yamato don’t use enough  words of affirmation with each other, creating a vicious cycle. Of course, as we’ve seen, this love language is something they both need to work on and learn from their digimon partners! 

Overall, I’d say Sora is probably better at it, with Yamato often struggling to put his love in words without being embarrassed; I think any grand declarations would be saved for special occasions. 

I think Sora would be great at responding to Yamato’s need for quality time. Like, of course she’d be perfect at making sure they spend time together despite their busy schedules, at planning dates and activities and getaways. And she’d would be patient enough to just sit next to him in silence, waiting for him to open up. Sora herself would also benefit from Yamato’s tendency to want to spend one-on-one time, especially if Yamato used this quality time to listen to her and talk about feelings. Still, problems could emerge if Yamato thinks Sora isn’t spending enough time with him. 

I also believe Yamato would be pretty good at expressing love through acts of service, I.e. doing nice and helpful things for Sora. This is the kind of boyfriend who can cook dinner, do the laundry, handle car insurance, and who’ll jump in the middle of a battle to save her life. Trouble could arise if Yamato actually forgets to do something, or if Sora finds herself overwhelmed trying to do everything on her own.

Finally, a word about the remaining two languages (gift giving and physical touch). Of course they are present in this relationship! They just aren’t the main ways they use to express love. Again, considering Sora has the Crest of Love, she’s fluent in all the love languages. 

When it comes to physical affection / PDA, I think almost everyone in the fandom agrees this isn’t a couple who would be very demonstrative in public. I don’t think they would regard touching/kissing/sex as the predominant way of showing love and intimacy. I’m sure they’re a very affectionate couple (in private), but dealing with emotions would be the main dynamic in the relationship. 

Similarly, I doubt gift giving would be a huge thing outside of special occasions. I myself headcanon that Yamato is a not a great present giver, and if Sora was feeling ignored, there isn’t a diamond ring in the world that would make up for it. 

Well, this was a long tangent. I hope it answered your question, Anon! I’d be curious to see other people’s opinions, too.

(*) NOTE:

There are a bunch of quizzes to discover your own LL, but according to the author, the way to identify someone love language is by asking:

a. How they express love and appreciation for others; b. What they request more often; c. What they complain about.