#it being the massive crush I have on him
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Talented Brilliant Incredible etc
#i'm not even hiding it anymore#it being the massive crush I have on him#christian pulisic#ac milan#usa nt
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au where robb as grey wind gets free and, still thinking that jon is his only living sibling, goes north to meet him and jon proceeds to refuse to pick up a hint but in fairness robb is having to fight the fact that he now runs on wolf hardware and can easily derailed from proving that he has the capabilities of understanding human speech by jon waving a really good stick and then throwing it.
jon is still in general having a bad time but the dramatic irony is he’s like i’m such a weakling, im so crazed by grief, sometimes i stupidly think grey wind is robb returned to me, not just symbolically, that grey wind is some sort of magic sign,
meanwhile robb is biting into his stupid baby brothers sleeve and trying to drag him bodily out the door of the nights watch so jon can respect his will and take up the crown of the king of the north. jon is like okay this is some heavyhanded symbolism. going to lock you in the storage room now. and robb howls all night in frustration and then chews up jons boots in revenge.
#my post#house stark#robb stark#jon snow#asoiaf#i do think it would be agony to have your family be RIGHT THERE and unable to speak to them or make them understand#that you love them and that also you are sentient and have opinions on whats best for them#grey wind is a great break from the crushing responsibility of being king#but also robb is fundamentally a big brother and he is BIG ANGY that jon refuses to listen to him#at least ghost knows whose in charge#is robb flopping his massive wolf body on top of jon before going to sleep an act of passive aggression to deal with the frustration#of being misunderstood#or the equivalent of your big brother shoving your hat onto your head before you play in the snow#he is a ghost he is dead but he is also alive and right there jon listen to me goddamnit
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He needs so much attention, all the time (Patreon)
#Doodles#Wander Over Yonder#Commander Peepers#Lord Hater#Wander#Death Glare#Wandering Eye#Those first two made me start a whole new page just to get them out of my head and then a bunch more followed lol#Early Death Glare maybe? First coming to terms with his massive crush? Just an average day of being Commander Peepers? Who's to say lol#The idea of him vibrating out of his skin trying to not act weird around Hater is very funny to me haha#How do act normal around the guy you like when it's just you two but in a professional setting?? Training didn't cover this#Meanwhile Hater is oblivious obviously haha#They have to be mismatched - one has to be like ''Oh grop I love him so much but can never tell him'' at a time for the max comedy of errors#Peepers is so small I can't get over it lol#And then a little Wandering Eye for the road <3 He can't be emotionally open so much of the time!#Anger is about it and even then it mostly manifests as frustration - he sublimates it into work as much as he can#Anger is hit or miss depending on what Hater's willing to put up with too ahh#Give this man a therapy session and a box of tissues pls#Is it because it's fun to draw his whole head/face crying? Shhhh that's irrelevant (it's not) lol#Wander always has a hug ready for whoever needs it <3#Sweet lad#Both of their feet are really fun to draw too haha - Peepers' are like plush and pillowy#While Wander's are so stretchy and squishy and silly haha they're fun to pose!#Been so happy with the points of contact lately as well ah ♪ Knees and ball of the feet touching the ground! Yes!
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hes a vast avatar to me for reasons
#(it's because I'm a vast avatar and I relate to him)#ok but I do have more reasons#first of all:#the sun is sooo vast to me. usually it's one of the first things that really makes you think about the scale of the universe#I mean it's one of the most significant things to life on earth. and it's so incomprehensibly massive compared to us..#it's around the same size as the moon in our sky despite being around 400 times further away#second of all. as my favorite guy mike said:#“what good's the height [and] terrifying draw of gravity unless you really *know* the scale of what you're facing?”#you have to KNOW the danger you're in. see the ground down below and feel the dizzying rush as you comprehend your fate#the cosmic beast blinks unable to focus on something so microscopic. you know it could crush you without even noticing#the way the stars a million lightyears away blink photons in your receptors and know you are so insignificant on a universal scale#third of all:#connecting to the last point. insignificance. that's literally the whole apathy thing#reminding heart he means nothing. the sun is depended on by its planets and everything that lives#the moon is a rock that orbits the earth. it reflects the sun's light. the most significant thing it does by itself is cause tidal changes.#fourth: mind just seems like the type of guy to enjoy the feeling of vertigo and want to kiss some cosmic entity#cj mind#nevermeanttodraw#thesuntheshadowscast
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*sits down, while holding a bottle of soda from the movie theater*
I'll patiently wait for the fics about the Super Mario Bros Movie despicting Mario's aftermath of the whole ordeal, with the adrenaline wearing off and he processing all that happened. How close Luigi's death was if he didn't save him at the last minute, how much he was beaten up badly by everyone and how almost scorched himself (and Luigi) at the end. Knowing that everything came to be by being stubborn. Then coming to terms with not only his new separation anxiety, ptsd, and broken bones and bruises but with the realization that "Holy shit, all that happened in less than 48 hours."
*sips sprite*
I know some of you have him as your little skrunkly, blorbo, little fella and also adore and seek angst and whump like maniacs who finds pure pleasure and happinness in putting your favorite character through hell and back, twice even. Then, shall you all enjoy this and write your hearts content. ❤
#the super mario bros movie#mario bros#fanfic#ooooh my new hyperfixation is here#there is already 91 fics on ao3 but most of them are bowuigi and/or luigi centric#which is fine and great and amazing#that being said#i want to see mario's whump#i may have a crush on him#tbh#i blame mystar21_'s fanarts and the movie for making him a little silly polite and heroish fella who is full of brotherly love#i just want more content my brain needs the stimulation#let the 5'1 tall italian red plumber be tear apart by angsty shit#he deserves it / affectionable ❤#spoilers#super mario#i know you are out there person who saw the movie and got a massive brainrot about it and its itching to write something and post it on ao3#and i will find you.#mario movie#the super mario movie spoilers
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So I have to know, is Dream basically gonna be adopted as the Noghtmare Gang's collective little brother? Cuz I just reread the last dragon au chapter w/ Dust and Dream and I can definitely see the Murder Trio and Cross collectively deciding that Dream isn't jsut their Boss' brother but he now THEIR brother too
I mean. No ish?? I was aiming more for a BSP + Dream vibe XD But it’ll also probably not be super detailed simply because I’m very Eh when it comes to writing Developing Romantic Relationships, especially between many people?? But it is tagged in the fic itself so I’m not secret about my shipping agenda XD
#the TTS Gang was very influenced by Leviathantale tbh#just a little#less#direct I guess?#so you can see Dream as being brotherly if you want#I don’t really have massive plans to make the romance between him and the Gang much more than this awkward crush stage XD#also TTS Dream and Nightmare aren’t brothers in the first place lmao#asks#undertale#dragon balance au#undertale multiverse#Dream sans#nightmare’s gang#dream!sans
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I've made it to the 8th season of ninjago and wtf???
Better animation, new haircut, new city, Lloyd's new voice, Garmadon is somehow back in the plot, and Cole actually has charachter developement?????
I have so much to think after two episodes, they got me really hyped for this one :D
#I stopped after two episodes because it was past my bedtime 😅#but yeah I had trouble sleeping#i thought the new haircuts would appear much much later :0#I'm just a LITTLE disappointed#because Cole probably won't get a season for him#while SOMEONES had more than one#I'm craving for Cole screentime#He never gets enough#i mean#I technically have 7 seasons left to watch#I could be wrong#he could have a massive character arc that I will watch over and over for three months straight#Also am I going to mention that there is no transition where Kai and Nya try to bond with their parents? Yes#ngl I was kinda pissed that they were alive and not evil because it's boring now#but as soon as they come back they get ejected from the plot like if it was nothing#I mean if you bring back important people to life you have to make them interact with the people a little#but I'm just ranting at this point l#I don't really care about them#ALSO also Pixal interacted with another person than Zane for the first time in 5 seasons#AND misako has left the party 😎#Sorry I have nothing against her but she just isn't really helpful...#And Lloyd has his first crush and for once I don't find it THAT awkward#Just me being annoying but I really don't like how the romance is brought in this serie#but this time it's actually cool#And the love interest is a twist villain#It only makes it better for me#it adds a little spice 😈#Yeah I got spoiled for that part blame my pinterest feed#potato ranting
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there is nothing strictly heterosexual about the way leon looks at other men, i swear
#resident evil#imagine if a line was added along the lines of#'chris is hot and all but ada'#i saw that one image of leon looking at patrick from infinite darkness and#look i'll still headcanon leon as being extremely bad at socializing either due to neurodivergency or him suffering massive trauma#as a fresh adult#flirting with mfers and not understanding why cuz he's no good with social cues#unintentionally#but i know long time fans gotta think the same thing#leon kennedy is hot as fuck and every gender across the board wants to bang him right#if my guy was a lil bi it'd be dope yknow idk#he can still be loyal to ada and casually admit men are hot yknow#yknow im just saying#dedicates his life to one woman doesn't mean he can't have a lil crush on christopher redfield#the fans have valid reasons to smack their lil dolls of leon and chris together to make em kiss#but i mean if anyone's got a strong theory of being gay it is chris hell yeah#chris = gay 100#leon = 'straight' but someone didn't measure properly cuz that line is a bit fucked up#which is to say maybe bi cuz it feels like he's mostly into women but got a way he looks at guys sometimes yknow... yknow#i need to go take a nap man
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Me, attending the latest in a ridiculous number of funerals this year in the place of a childhood friend who couldn't be there, watching the lifeless body of an old lady who used to make me snacks in the kitchen when I was a kid be carted away forever while my friend's mother cries and tells me she's grateful I could be there because it felt like having the support of her own daughter, hugging her and talking reassuringly and not processing a single one of these emotions: ... I am going to write soooo much fanfiction about this
#''this'' being collective grief. because tbvh it's the main reason I haven't written very much this year (but will slowly start to)#I write to remind myself I am lucky. I keep telling myself this but even now when I feel awful I am so lucky#I am lucky that none of these funerals have involved very close family members or friends of mine#and I am lucky to be living in conditions with the space to write and space to grieve#and space to come together to mourn with dignity while people not that far away from me are not receiving the same privilege rn#I am lucky my dad was with me today and I spent the evening chatting with him on the terrace I am lucky he is alive I am lucky I am lucky#(apologies if this sounds like a robot malfunctioning lmao writing is just how I process things)#(and apparently I just don't seem to feel like I have the right to feel bad about any of this anywhere except my st@r trek blog hehe)#anyway. To stay on theme I shall say something about Trills :D#I imagine loss and grief must register very differently to them. very Non Linearly in the literal sense but also a highly abstract one#even I feel this massive sense of time warp between all these funerals; and this chest-crushing distance between me and my friends#how do Trills even exist#how do they wake up every day remembering all those friends and children and parents who loved them and they loved and are gone now#and still function#how does Ezri feel walking around with memories of parents that aren't hers (but were soooo much better than hers) taking care of her#does she feel comforted by them? does it feel like the people in those memories were always comforting HER specifically?#does it even matter who it belonged to originally if a memory is HERS now?#does Ezri mourn for any parents of past hosts more than she knows she will mourn for her own mother one day?#does having all this lived experience bring her reassuring amounts of perspective for a 20-something or just overwhelm her all the more?#idk; but I hope she learns to take comfort in her past hosts' memories of family eventually...#(...again. I am going to write sooooo much fan fiction about this lmao)#cw death
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😭💔
#the problem is that I tend to extrapolate things from the beginning.#I have a serious crush. I would date him if he asked. heck I think I'd marry him.#and then we get to the massive#overwhelming ISSUE:#having kids is genuinely my worst nightmare. I'm not exaggerating in any way. being pregnant and having kids is my worst fear.#so because of that I cannot get married and thus I cannot date and thus#I can't allow myself to be in love with this guy.#which then leads to mental anguish bc I sometimes wonder if God isn't doing something here#but in the end I can't have... any of this. because I'm too utterly averse to having children#and that's kind of the end result of any of it#ugh#why did I have to have this crisis (again) over my morning coffee.... alas
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realized ricky is not only canonically polyam, but rep for polyam survivors who are abused for being poly, and i am having a lot of feelings about that which i plan to write up a post about but also wow in hindsight it put some shit from an abusive ex-friend into perspective.
#whosebaby talks#SDMItag#abuse cw#polyphobia cw#there is just. still a lot that i am unpacking about how deeply abusive her muses were in ~healthy relationships~ with mine#which was really fucked up to put me through by itself but was also *deeply* telling about our friendship in general#a major aspect being how she constantly went back and forth between being very clear that she was repulsed and disgusted by my queerness#and pretending she never said that; while playing olympic-level gymnastics for any possible bullshit alternate explanation she could find#and i'm just like. in hindsight it has become deeply cathartic to write/engage with stories where the polyphobic abuser#is openly and intentionally and maliciously abusive; and framed as such#after the relentless gaslighting and queerphobia of ~healthy OTP relationship~ where a poly muse i had put a lot of myself into#brought up the subject of whether his partner would be alright with him pursuing a relationship over feelings he was Just Starting to Have#and wanted to get ahead of things and ask the moment it became relevant; specifically because he knew the partner had jealousy issues#and the poly person Absolutely Fucking Daring to Have Even the Beginnings of a Crush at All Without His Permission#sent the partner into a massive wailing nauseous spiraling self-harming world-ending inconsolable breakdown#and going practically catatonic with jealousy and ~pain and betrayal~#and the ~healthy resolution~ was the poly muse apologizing profusely for it; comforting him; and promising it would never ever happen again#'he has BPD and jealousy issues and it hurts him sooooo so bad 🥺' i hope otto cheats on him with ten people and then dumps his ass#BPD doesn't make you abusive or polyphobic even if you're mono#and it's so fucking gross that her non-BPD-having ass used pwBPD as an excuse for passionately hating poly people#but yeah there was just. so so much more horrible shit along those lines just In General with those characters alone#and it was constantly dressed up in a veneer of ~healthy relationships uwu~ and in hindsight that's another reason#i have such an extremely strong reaction to 'no see this dynamic is good and home-grown organic wholesome and healthy uwu'#'[most abusive/bigoted/etc shit you have ever seen in your life]'#and why it is honestly such a fucking relief to be able to engage with a dynamic where the abuse is mask-off and openly Intended to Harm#just call me a slur and get it over with etc#anyway it's just. a Lot.#that person was a fucking nightmare and writing with them was a fucking nightmare#last i heard they were part of that fandom's resident anti crowd and mocking/harassing disabled people for dietary limitations lol#and i'm glad they're out of my life and that apparently i've got enough distance from them to be comfortable processing it through fiction
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The way both Poly Styrene and Viv Albertine had a crush on Johnny Rotten. I hate to say it, but I kinda get it .
Janet Street-Porter, Mary Harron, and Ari Up too. there was just smth about him in the 70s thats like catnip. i want to throw beer bottles at him (positive...this is a safe zone for those who are affectionate towards him)
(photo by Marcia Resnick)
#hoodies q and a#sex pistols#johnny rotten#honestly i understand both janet and mary bc hes so appealing in the interviews he did with them#mainly bc hes much less hostile and defensive then he typically is#which is likely a 'oh im talking to girls i need to be nice' thing lol young men used to have manners#but whatever the reason there is a Massive difference in his treatment of male interviewers and female interviewers#check out his interview with janet in 1978 i think it shows best what ppl like about johnny personality wise#he comes across as very witty and charming and just all around a cool guy to hang out with#idk why those music rags kept sending male journos after him when clearly all they needed to do was send a cute girl around his age#anonymous#also can you imagine being ari up? youre crushing on this guy and hes like 'youre too young go away' and then he becomes your stepdad...#punk rock posting
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So here’s something super duper silly
some designs for teenage versions of the gang for a weird highschool au in which the foundation owns a school that recruits and trains ‘promising future employees’
#scp#scp foundation#this is so self indulgent#and cringe#i am cringe but i am free#dr gears#dr bright#dr clef#dr kondraki#they all have my music taste but gears especially hes so real for being a massive Bowie stan#he has a crush on him in this au#scp fanart
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sometimes you gotta return to your queer roots and reread magnus chase and the gods of asgard
#yeah i still have a massive crush on mallory keen thanks for asking#and i did not remember hearth and blitz being as husband as they are#rereading this now vs then when i didn’t know i was queer is. wild#also hearth fucking slays i don’t think i used to appreciate him enough#anyways yeah i stand by that mcga is the best riordan series#except that i’ve heard that he didn’t write sam as muslim very well and was sort of problematic about it although idk the details
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thinking about how last night i had a dream where my friend (u guys know the one) idk found out the way i feel abt him or smthn and got rlly mad at me for talking abt him behind his back (i haven’t been saying anything negative irl or in the dream, all of it has been pining 😭) and then got further mad at me for liking or reblogging some of his vent poetry bcz i didnt understand what it means/didn’t properly relate to it ig and in the dream it was true (kinda) but for some reason i didn’t wanna tell him that so i was like “no i do get it” and he was like “oh yeah? what does this one mean?” and i got it wrong bcz i interpreted the word “drew” wrong and yeah when i woke up i felt rlly weird in the way u do when u have a nightmare and u have to remember that no, that person didn’t die u don’t have to grieve them dw or whatever and yeah when i turned my phone on i saw this “while in do not disturb” thingy that said he texted me which scared the shit out of half-awake me 💀
#i know literally no one cares but fuck off it’s my blog i can post what i want#also most of the dream took place over text btw#(the only part that didn’t being the “tell me what my poetry means” bit#which took place in this weird wormhole thing#tho he was still speaking to me with written/typed words he wasnt talking)#also yeah he was very ooc he does not act like this at all irl 😭 (incase u were wondering)#idk i think my brain might be trying to tell me smthn cause that’s normally what happens when my phone plays a role in my dream-#idk what it is other than imposter syndrome abt mental illness#or fear of losing my friend bcz he finds out i have a massive crush on him#both of which i already knew#anyways yeah idk#dreams#ryan shut the fuck up
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bruh ok. the guy who i had a huge crush on in hs who i almost ended up in a rs with until i chickened out of it is dating someone. cool day to discover this 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
#purrs#it’s literaly fine like. i would NEVER be with him in part bc of our ermmm… Different Perspectives And Identiities and also the fact that he#kind of sucked as a person at least when i knew him. but this kind of hurts. but also it’s literally fine and it’s like good for them bc#they are a MUCH better match. but also i do think abt how my f*rst k*ss should be with him like once a week. which is cringe and it means#nothing it’s just like hm he was the person who like.. Whatever. was formative for me in that way so it should have been… but whatever. it’s#fine. also in other news i may have a tiny crush on this girl i ABSOLUTELY SHOULD NOT have a crush on but i was Looking today ummm 🫣#but whatever. i actually have been very normal about Valentine’s Day this year and i don’t want to jinx it bc it’s almost over but also last#yr on this day i had a MASSIVE breakdown and today i have been like.. actually very normal except for being kind of sad about this. but it’s#whatever. and km proud of myself. today has been actually kind of good and fine. so yeah#delete later
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