#it also seems to be traumatizing him

[godofstory]

art of flirting..

[hahahafangirl]

the failure of language

so im getting around to write some suonirei fanfic and, inevitably, got to Backstory Speculations activities. and now i begin to think about suo (windbreaker in general) and the failure of language -- when people, regardless of how much they try or how eloquent they find themselves to be, will find points where they are unable to give words to what they are feelings or explain some difficult emotions or circumstances to themselves or another person.

think, sakura going "how am i supposed to treat you now?" after hearing out umemiya's childhood story-- what is he supposed to say? to act in general? language, spoken or behavioral, failed him. umemiya redirected sakura to language: he did not expect sakura to treat him any differently. come back to the language you understand, he says. and now we complicated "language" to means "a vehicle of interactions and expression", which is functionally what language is.

well i did say that this arise from thinking about suo, most notably, thinking about how windbreaker expresses speechlessness and stillness very frequently from suo's silence. think the focus on suo's eyes at any moment where language are yet adequate to say what is happening: suo and nirei's response to sakura's solitary during sickness; suo's anger (in KEEL and shishitoren) occurring wordlessly; and, most recently (which sorta sparked this line of thought), this page

note the wordlessness. a lot of time, wbk starts out the responses to these sincere and vulnerable moments with this wordlessness, where characters ponder and reflect on the statement, often evoking their own memories and experiences, thus empathizing with the vulnerability in question. it is a reflective and thoughtful way to begin the process of empathy in silence. it feels ritualistic, even, like meditation, to begin connecting with other by a silence that could be taken to be a single-minded, pure focus -- on what is being put on the stage to ponder. maybe this is not quite a failure of language, depending on how we see it, but rather, a moment outside of language priming for its arrival. it is not time for language to enter the scene yet.

but then language always come, sooner or later. as awkwardly or curtly or roughly, sakura and nirei speak sincere words that come from the bottom of their heart. language -- thus connection and empathy -- then propel the conversation. suo, notably (at least without me combing through the manga again) often does not enter this realm of language the way sakura and nirei do it. when he empathize sakura's feelings when he was sick, suo did it where sakura cannot hear. the only(?) time he responded genuinely (please bring up examples or counterexamples if you have it on hand) was when nirei was feelings insecure about his inability to fight and ask suo for help. but even then, the response of "your self-esteem is all over the place" is not quite the personal, genuine approach sakura or nirei has. its quite measured and reflective -- responding to nirei's statements rather than clearly interjecting something to the conversation. many of suo's vulnerabilities are deflected by falsehoods (harmless jokes, not malicious lies), distractions, etc, etc. language seemingly continues to fail him, or he continues to evade it.

i am in a habit of not stating my Backstory Speculations, because a lot of times i want to stick closer to the texts. whatever Speculations i have will most likely manifest as fanfiction (oh boy is that an ambitious media to do this in). but anyway, from popular hc of suo being potentially a "traitor" or somehow entangled in a major and antagonistic organization, his failure to relate this to his friends and thus him hiding his past can be taken as another failure of language. perhaps languages continuously fail him in his childhood-- hence it has yet to learn how to succeed.

p/s: i should also say that im enjoying using different concepts and ideas to speculate/think about and analyze the text (wbk) in a different way. this is basically what comparative literature and literary criticism is, i think (lol). sometimes i feel like this is just me dressing up good ole literary theme in a fancier language, but whatever works works lol. hopefully as i continue to think of the "inability to express your true emotions" and "inability to be vulnerable" more specifically (or broadly) as a failure of language, more interesting insights will come up. its less about what the texts is literally and consciously say, and more about how we can think about the text using -- and extract from the text via -- various frameworks.

yep, this is probably gonna be a more complete essay at some point. i even pulled out the usual rccl register for this!

[lena-thinks-too-much]

I finished reading the war games arc recently, and Dick is seriously going THROUGH it.

Like this is immediately after blockbuster. Dick is actively in a toxic relationship with Catalina. And his self esteem is lower than the pits of hell.

Also I think it's really interesting that Dick spends a lot of the arc trying to convince Bruce not to trust Tarantula. Which, obviously we as readers know why. But until Catalina is actively putting people at risk, Bruce kind of doesn't really pick up on it. And Babs does trust her either obviously, but that's more from jealousy than actually having a reason to not trust her.

And on top of the Catalina mess, and likely because of it, Dick is borderline suicidal the entire arc of war games. So much so that Tim notices and brings it up several times. Dick keeps running into fights without thinking, taking hits he could've dodged, and just overall being a mess.

Idk I feel like when people discuss wargames they focus a lot of Steph and Tim, for obvious reasons.

But wargames Dick really needs some love.

Literally.

[the-greendalehumanbeings]

I saw your dislike of Peeta and yes omg.

It drives me nuts that the stylists, Effie and Haymitch are all like "you needed this, he did you a favor" as if she didn't manage to be allowed on fire by herself and had plenty going for her.

Like there was a poll about if the love confession was needed for her to win and I don't think it was. She got sponsors just fine without it and she could feed herself with snares and whatnot... Even without the bow she was a pretty good contender.

But noo.... It's all about Peeta's confession ... That saved her. Bullshit.

What really makes me mad is his reaction at the end. Are you seriously telling me that YOU confessed your feelings, told her to "remember they're in love" even though that's not true, and then somehow you're the one that's butthurt?

Dude this was all on you, Peeta.

Gah. I would love more of your anti Peeta thoughts.

yeah i agree that the love confession wasn't needed for her to win. what actually helped katniss the most was the arena- it was a woodland forest (and even with fewer sponsors she would have been able to feed herself and survive). the love confession strategy did help but i think what people forget is that it also really helped peeta- it made him memorable. like katniss had her score of 11, the whole volunteering for her sister thing (which endeared her to everyone) and the girl on fire moniker. peeta was set on fire right next to her and nobody in panem was calling him the boy on fire so i think its clear from the beginning who already captured the audience's attention. the love confession helped because he was able to create a sort of loverboy image that probably got him heaps of sponsors.

tbf i wouldnt say that i am anti peeta i would say i feel a mix of indifference to his character and dislike of him due to some of his behaviour and the fact that i dislike how katniss is made to feel around him (inferior) and the fact that he honestly isn't that well-written a character.

i think it was pretty obvious that peeta was going to be katniss's endgame, especially after the both survived the first book. and i do think because of that, peeta was pretty poorly written. all his motivations revolve around katniss; he spends basically all his life in love with her (or the version of her in his head) and is also willing to die for her. we know nothing about his family dynamics, his friends, how he feels or copes with his amputated leg, how he feels about the fact that his entire family and most of his friends end up dead. this is likely a result of katniss narration because she is honestly incurious as to how peeta feels about anything (unless its about her, lmao). even in mockingjay he goes through horrific torture, but even that experience becomes all about katniss (bc he is brainwashed to hate her). basically, peeta's whole actions and world seem to revolve around katniss, which to me is just not that interesting. also i think it's weird that the narrative (and fandom) paints peeta's willingness to sacrifice himself for katniss as a sign of his love or goodness when it's likely a result of being raised in an abusive household where he has been called worthless his whole life.

another thing i really began to dislike is how katniss is made to feel in comparison to him. in the text, other people constantly make katniss feel bad and guilty for not appreciating him enough. the narrative poses peeta as morally superior and katniss as morally inferior. it posits peeta's "goodness" (loving her, wanting to die for her, throwing her the bread, likable) against her "selfishness" (she is closed off, angry, selfish, can't really romantically love anyone, and focused on her and her family's survival). granted a lot of this is because of katniss's self-loathing, but this assumption never really gets challenged. in fact, their dynamic is commonly portrayed this way in fandom, in metas and in fanfic. so while peeta never makes katniss feel like the lesser person, she still feels like the lesser person, and i just don't enjoy reading that dynamic which makes me dislike peeta at times (and the class and racial factors make this dynamic even worse).

the narrative paints him to be morally correct and very pure because it cant acknowledge a lot of what peeta does is morally grey and flawed. and given what suzanne collins has said about his character i dont think its meant to be biased narration- i think thats how we are meant to see him. he makes plenty of decisions on behalf of katniss without considering and his love confession essentially entraps her into a situation where she uncomfortable and cannot reject him. even the baby announcement is seen as a stroke of genuis, but peeta only brings it up once after the interviews. in fact, it falls on katniss to deal with the aftermath of it - she has to keep up the act of being pregnant and has to later pretend she miscarried, etc. the emotional burden falls on her. then when katniss gets mad about the love declaration, he never once apologises and instead gets defensive rather than actually caring how she feels (and then later talks about not wanting to be a piece in someone else's games, so clearly he understood how it felt to lack autonomy). and the narrative never really treats those decisions he takes on her behalf as being disrespectful of katniss's autonomy. its framed as peeta and haymitch knowing what's best for her (and i understand why they did it but it doesn't change the fact that wasnt fair on katniss). and the thing is, if the narrative actually treated these actions as flawed, i wouldn't find peeta as annoying.

also I find the portrayal of his character in fandom very boring. he is always correct, never has a bad thought, but is capable of persuading people to do anything, but is also the most compassionate, morally good, generous, empathetic and kindest person to ever live. this version of him does not exist in the text. and frankly i don’t understand what anyone could find interesting about a character who is a total saint. it's just not my cup of tea.

[drvct-tape]

I was plagued with a vision. Will do something about it if nobody else does.

[per1w1nkl3]

ok once again asking my tumblrinas for help because I'm not that knowledgeable about drugs: house and methadone.

so house takes methadone, he says it helps with the pain- actually no not help it makes the pain go away completely, and what do you know he's in a much better mood. wilson and cuddy flip out. wilson seems to think it's on par with heroin (if not worse) and his reasons is "if you miss a dose, if you mix it with a couple of drinks or mix it with the wrong meds, you'll die" but is it really? I know its dangerous in the sense that your tolerance is much higher and I know its still an opioid but die if you miss a dose? because of a few drinks? not to mention it's a prescription so it's a controlled substance. so does he mean it just as a 'house is unpredictable and changing his meds might be a bad idea?

[villain-in-love]

So I've been hanging around Touchstarved fandom for a while (for more than a year already), but I kind of forgotten about it lately. Mostly because of my disappointment with the new demo, and the talks about the release of the full game being put off.

But now I suddenly remembered it, and got a thought concerning the changes made in the demo to Leander's and Vere's characters.

So, Cain's main LIs are Mhin and Kuras.

But if she were to decide to go talk to Leander in the epilogue, then a secret Vere route will get unlocked.

This new Leander is shady as all hell, and clearly wants something from her, so Cain realizes that she needs to get out from under his "care" as soon as possible (even allowing him to continue paying for her apartments and food is dangerous). That's why she will be at Vere's door the next day because he's the only guy here who genuinely hates Leander. Kuras and Mhin will significantly lose their appeal because Mhin works with Leander, and Kuras is literally the one who recommended Leander to Cain in the first place. Now she would rather try her luck cooperating with Vere to achieve her goals.

[indooroutdoorboyfriend]

it's Harassing You o'clock so i am gonna discuss my oc some more in the tags

[bittersweetresilience]

i love love their size difference (like have you SEEN how big reaver is??) but also, just their general parallels to one another. there's something so fun about what they could be like together, especially with how firmly phainon follows the prophecy (if only that it gives him a purpose, not that he believes it) and reaver being someone who goes against it entirely – a threat to the purpose he was given ...

there's a lot of potential tension between them too, with reaver possibly locking him in a position he can't move in? the way they could 'read' him and what he's thinking and phainon doesn't know why, but reaver does. phainon not knowing, not recognising who reaver might be while trapped underneath him ... so fun ill stuff them into my mouth

- sun eater anon

yesssssss of course character foils flamephai!!! their foundation 😌

i love the tension between them too yeah!!! flame reaver knowing more about phainon than phainon knows about flame reaver or even about himself... that's the good shit. and obviously the self hatred that manifests between the both of them. hurting yourself by hurting the other, the naive sacrificial lamb and the one who became the knife for butchering. what happens if you are the worst version of yourself. what happens if you could be worse than you ever imagined. what happens if you are your own nightmare and you have to live with it.

[quadrantadvisor]

Sometimes I still think about The Owl House Gang all trying to watch ATLA together but then Zuko's backstory in The Storm retraumatizes Hunter so bad they have to stop

[mudstoneabyss]

actually. the specific phrasing that boy Kevin wants to kill older Kevin with "I must disassemble him, piece by piece, so that everything inside of the Old Kevin comes out. Only then can the New Kevin truly begin." is so incredibly the idea that to heal from trauma and "improve" you have to destroy every "wrong" part of yourself, that everything "tainted" by it has to somehow be replaced by something untouched (which isn't possible)

[popcorndispenser]

Hershel is actually the only character I've ever projected my dpdr onto. Idk, it fits him really well imo. Des' PTSD gives him uncontrollable fits of anger, Layton's makes him dissociate.

For those uninitiated:

[dangerous-advantage]

(Image description below 'read more' line.)

[Image ID: A four-by-four alignment chart on a white background with text descriptions to the left and to the top of the squares.

The top left description reads, "seems like they'd be good at parenting." The top right description reads, "seems like they'd be bad at parenting."

Then, from the top down, to the left of the squares, the other set of descriptions reads: "excellent child rearing instincts," and "never trust them with a child in your life."

Each of the four squares contains an image of a different character. At the top left is an image of Lan Wangji of the Mo Dao Zu Shi donghua. He sits between the descriptors "seems like they'd be good at parenting," and "excellent child rearing instincts."

In the top right square sits an image of Wei Wuxian, also of the Mo Dao Zu Shi donghua. He sits between the junction of "seems like they'd be bad at parenting" and "excellent child rearing instincts."

In the bottom left square is an image of Xie Lian from the Tian Guan Ci Fu manhua. He occupies the square with the captions, "seems like they'd be good at parenting" and "never trust them with a child in your life."

Finally, in the bottom left square, sits an image of Hua Cheng from the Tian Guan Ci Fu manhua. He occupies the junction between "seems like they'd be bad at parenting" and "never trust them with a child in your life". /End ID]

[quadrantadvisor]

My TOH time travel au is like. The Collector never stopped the draining spell. Hunter escaped its influence by going to the Human Realm, but when they finally return, everyone else is gone. Goop Belos is at large, King never learned to get along with the Collector because he was busy grieving, The Boiling Isles are in chaos.

Some shit goes down, the group gets separated, and King ends up with Luz and Hunter. In a moment of final desperation, he connects with his dad, and they use their titan magic to send Hunter and Luz back in time, not in a predetermined time loop, like the time pools, but basically creating a new universe where they have the power to change things. It takes so much energy that to accomplish it, both titans have to give up their life force (a la Rise!TMNT movie).

Hunter and Luz are now a few months in the past. In their timeline, practically everyone they know died, and their little brother just gave his life to give them a second chance. They are traumatized and codependant and DESPERATE to stop the day of unity.

From everyone else's perspective, two masked criminals suddenly appeared in The Boiling Isles. They strike hard and fast, and no one knows what they look like or what they're trying to accomplish. They use stange magic no one's ever seen before, and the Emperor's Coven can't keep up with them.

One of their first criminal acts? Kidnapping the Golden Guard.

(They couldn't just leave him there.)

[sparklykat-hideoutenthusiast]

I just binge watched TADC....

I cried during episode 3 😭😭😭

I love it sm actually. I might make fanart! :D

Kinda spoilers and my opinions on each character in the tags:

[sunsetzer]

On one hand, I want a final fantasy 6 remake, because the game is criminally underrated and the amount of fan content (which is all absolutely fantastic btw) is Not Enough for my neurodivergent, hyperfixating brain.

On the other hand, that would inevitably encourage more people to join the fandom, which would be great, except it seems these days the bigger a fandom gets the more toxic it becomes, and I really like what we have going on over here in our little corner. We all just love the game and its characters and nobody fights about who should and shouldn't date who or who you shouldn't like because they're ~problematique~. Nobody's trying to make one ship morally better than another, nobody's calling anyone names or threatening to doxx people who don't agree with their opinions. It's so peaceful and I love that for us. We're just vibing. Moisturized. Unbothered. In our lane. Flourishing.