#it actually still pains me to this day | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat · 7 months ago

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:////////// i forgot . the infamous translation fumble is in this volume

#it actually still pains me to this day #tcb scans my beloved you’re the only one i can trust #it’s that one interaction between maki and kamo… 😔😔#where they have a heart 2 heart abt their mommy issues. and she urges him to speak with his mother properly #and she says. ”i asked mine. then i killed her.” and it’s such a cool moment #but the official translation for some awful reason chose to translate it as ”then she tasted my blade”?????????#IM SORRY IS THIS A KIDS DUB #i actually hate it so MUCH #it’s not accurate btw the official translation will literally just change lines to make them sound. i dont even know. edgier???#but then they also shy away from words like fuck even though the og japanese implies that kinda swearing #ughhh i hate it i hate it #ari noises ✩

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tea-cat-arts · 6 months ago

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Shen Yuan getting transported into pidw isn't "the system punishing him for being a lazy internet hater," but instead representative of "step 1 of the creative process: getting so mad at something you decide to go write your own fucking book" in this essay I will

#svsss #scum villian self saving system #shen qingqiu #shen yuan #the fact that people think scum villain #-a series that examines and criticizes common tropes in fiction-#is somehow against criticism or being a little hater is wild to me #especially since shen qingqiu never gets punished for being a hater #heck- he's still a little hater by the end of the series #he mostly gets punished for treating life like a play and like he and the people around him are characters #(or in other words- he suffers for denying his own wants and emotions and his own sense of empathy)#I think some of y'all underestimate how much writing/art is inspired by creaters being little haters #like example off the top of my head-#the author of Iron Widow has been pretty vocal about the book being inspired by their hatred of Darling in the Franxx #I think my interpretation of Shen Yuan's transmigration is also supported by the fact that this series is an examines writing processes #side note- though i understand why people say Shen Yuan is lazy and think its a valid take it still doesnt sit right with me #i am probably biased because my own experiences with chronic pain and depression and isolation #but ya- i dont think Shen Yuan is lazy so much as he is deeply lonely and feels purposeless after denying parts of himself for 20ish years #like yall remember the online fandom boom from covid right?#being stuck completely alone in bed while feeling like shit for 20 days straight does shit to your brain #the fact that no one came to check on him + he wasn't exactly upset about leaving anyone behind supports the isolation interpretation too #+in the skinner demon arc he describes his life of being a faker/inability to stop being a faker now that he's Shen Qingqiu #as “so bland he's tempted to throw salt on himself” and “all he could do is lay around and wait for death” (<-paraphrasing)#bro wants to be doing stuff but is stuck in paralysis from repeatedly following scrips made by other people #another point on “Shen Yuan isn’t lazy” is just the sheer amount of studying that man does #also he did graduate college- how lazy can he really be #he doesnt know what hes doing but he at least tries to actively train his students #and he actually works on improving his own cultivation + spends quite a bit of time preping the mushroom body thing #+he's experiencing bouts of debilitating chronic pain throughout all this #but ya tldr: Shen Yuan's transmigration is an encouragement to write and not a punishment and also i dont think its fair to call him lazy

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heartorbit · 1 year ago

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a wahoo girl in a wahoo world

#emu otori #project sekai #pjsk #prsk #ignore the tone of the ena i posted the other day. this s emu territory. Kyaa with me. Shalalalaaa #court mandated emu #the court in question? ME...!#birthday mandated emu actually #i havent open splat3 in literally a month sorry LAWLLLLL #My cringeflop cat is cuddled up to my side with her belly up and its taking all of my willpower #not to shove my hand into her belly because itll make her mad as fuuuck and she'll wake up #BUT SHES SOOOO CUTE. ok goodnight ^_^#OOH MY GOD MY TABLET PEN THAT I BROKE OPEN AND MELTED BACK THE WIRES TOGETHER ON ISNDOING ITS THING AGAIN #it wont recognize the pen skmetimes. UHGGGG SOLDERING IT WAS A PAIN IN THE ASSSSS I HAD TO DO IT WITH A SCREWDRIVER AND A CANDLE. FAWK OFF #huion FAAACK you and your tablet pens that break at a stiff gust of wind. I know i got this like 6 years ago but still. IT SHOULD WORK #this is so lazy injust wanted to try 800 brushes and draw emu ok. I CAN DO WHATI WANT!!#ok thats all my grievances goodnight for real #emu my scp creature very very true

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milkbreadtoast · 1 year ago

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"I quit my job and became the Princess Bride"✨ Have you read this romance novel? 😇

#twsb #when the third wheel strikes back #섭남파업 #서브 남주가 파업하면 생기는 일 #cedric riester #christelle de sarnez #jesse venetiaan #<--finally... tagging an art w only him and not also the tag jung yeseo... KDBSJ #its actually him this time #IM FINISHED AAAH #this was just... a practice... but it took longer than expected (but at the same time still p short? only 2 days #i didnt color it v detailed but oh my god #coloring on procreate is a fking pain #the shitty excuse for a fillbucket that doesnt even use accurate colors... drives me insane #MY EYES HURT #red eyes white clothes cedric.... who are you #(also christelle w sky blue eyes... pushes them more to the aqua/teal direction to differentiate them more #jesse without ahoge... the ahoge is yeseo's thing <3 #my art #RIP jesse but also thank u for dying(?) so cedyeschris can be a thing yaaay😚#did u guys notice that i didnt give cedric orange highlights like i always do too...#its weird looking at him... technically ur the same person but... who r u...#QPB

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al-luviec · 4 months ago

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juvie buddies

#alek art #td duncan #td mal #total drama #total drama all stars #(if i want to get technical)#2024 #duncan is around 15 here... mal is around 16 #ive thought really hard about them these past few days . in my brain they actually knew each other and canon is different #duncan and mike got along really well. in juvie mal refused to speak to anyone about anything and would fight as many people as he could .#he wanted to stay in there and far away from home . they get roomed together and duncan is the first person who mal can talk to . he isnt #scared of him . he relates to him a lot . like -> wow we both act out for attention and people think we are terrible because of it #duncan being a mentally ill teenager seeing mal an also very mentally ill teenager thought 'i can fix him' . mike and duncan speak too here #i cant really see anyone else fronting besides those two . their brain was on lockdown and mike wanted out so bad . i see manitoba as a #gatekeeper so hed handle some sessions with their psych. i want to say they (duncan and mike) get moved to a psyche ward just because #i have more knowledge on being in one and how it goes ... but yeah i like duncan mal a lot . this art isnt ship whatsoever though 🙏 i dont #see them as a couple their dynamic is just better as friends imo #but anyways in all stars they obviously recognize each other but have an unspoken agreement not to say anything abt it #duncan is a known criminal but mike isnt like that . mike hadnt even told zoey about that part of his life . so duncan wanted to respect his #privacy -> then mal starts hurting people and he has to step in . mal isnt a good person by any means but i dont think he was that bad in #juvie . so duncan had to come to terms that his friend wasnt the same person he was years ago (in all stars duncan is ~18 and i think mike #is almost 20... so it had been a while since they last talked)#them getting each other like no other and being in pain because they couldnt really speak . i see them having a conversation still in moon #madness abt their past and history . god i just think abt them and their wasted potential wdym mike and duncan were in juvie together #duncan was in for trespassing or destruction of private property or something really dumb . mal fought his parent(s) and got in for assault #mal was already in when duncan was placed . and duncan was let out early on good behavior + his parents (dad) mostly did it to teach him a #lesson . wrong of them or otherwise . so mal was just kinda stuck there until they realized he was actually not right in the head . think he #knew abt their DID but was only diagnosed in juvie and had to go from there . tbh he shouldve been tried as an adult but td logic . doesnt #matter dw guys . mike gets the 'was put on random meds that made him go braindead' treatment bc that was me . post mental hospital abilify #had me messed up

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9ofspades · 5 months ago

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It’s disability pride month, and if you are disabled in the U.S. from Long Covid I want you to know that you’re not alone, and you’re valid in whatever you feel. Whether that’s sorrow at your new problems or rage at society for failing you, you are valid, and it is truly messed up that society is continuing to fail you.

#disability #trauma #chronic illness #long COVID #COVID #Tbh I’m not sure if I have long covid or not but I keep swinging between despair and fury #The brain fog SUCKS #I might have always had it but it feels especially bad now?#And I have all kinds of respiratory problems that got exacerbated #And possibly chronic fatigue but it’s unclear #And I’m one of the lucky ones!!!#I can still exercise without needing three days of bed rest after!#I was so RELIEVED when it turned out I could do that #I did like. Three weeks of breathing rehab to make sure #Not sure if it helped but now I’m not getting post-exertional backlash nearly as much anymore #And I didn’t lose my sense of smell or get my taste messed up #And I don’t need a respirator just an inhaler and some allergy meds and to take frequent breaks #And like. I know so many people have it worse #And that suuuuucks #But EVEN THIS makes me want to scream and rail half the time #Update as of Sept 2024 — this is no longer true #Got Covid again and now I can’t exercise without being too tired to move for three days #🙃#Probably will die mad about this actually #I had SUCH a good time working out one night #But then the next morning #Nope #head-to-toe muscle pain #couldn’t do any chores #Couldn’t even feed myself

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transmechanicus · 7 months ago

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Really fucked up that two ppl can care about each other and make their best efforts to communicate and still end up hurting each other so badly they cannot stand to be in the same room.

#my stuff #i feel soooo bad talking to my therapist about the same topics over multiple weeks #like i feel like they're sooo sick of it like damn can this bitch get Over It alreadyyyy #hi yes actually can we talk about the near catastrophic sense of betrayal and loss that has haunted my soul for over a month?#can we talk about how I overcompensate for other's possible feelings and emotions to desperately mask my terror at feeling out of control #can we talk about how even when I know ppl acted with logical reasons necessary for their situation it still hurt me?#and that this pain fills me up with so much anger and frustration that I'm powerless to put anywhere that won't hurt someone #so it just cooks me inside and makes me grind my teeth constantly for weeks #im so angry i did not deserve to be treated like this it's not fair and I have no capacity to fix it or control when it feels better #i just have to survive and wait until i forget about it and hope they don't decide to reach out and fuck it all up #cause i can see that happening #i'll finally be free of thinking about them and generally going about my day unbothered and they'll ask to get coffee or something #and I have no idea what I should do in that scenario. because I don't think we can be friends.#and you have not treated me with the compassion and warmth I treated you #i would want to say mean things. hurtful things. I would want to bite back for once.#and that's not me. that's not who I want to be.#i don't wanna see you. go away. don't talk to me if you're not going to make the pain go away.

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reksink · 2 months ago

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Furred Attempts at One's Self

#my art #my ocs #furry art #furry oc #AKA FURSONAS RAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH #I've been finally meaning to rip that bandage off and revist my hyena-sona and as you can see there's no time like the present!!#It's actually been a really refreshing and overall happy process so far and I'm happy to share these small bits of it hehe #This all came from the fact I'm getting into the habit of animal studies again and I felt like this would be a nice test of my knowledge #I'm still forever learning but I think I'm on the right path of capturing the face structure of a hyena and in turn other canviorous mammal #My furrysonas are also vessels to give myself bodymods I'm way to scare to get to I just keep winning hehe #Perhaps I'll look just as cool as this...so day #Also fun fact: The reason I choose a capybara as a sona is because I was a capybara in my friend's Cult of the Lamb playthrough hehe #Ever since I've been connected to the large wet rodents; and I wouldn't have it any other way #THAT AND THERE'S BARELY ANY REFERENCES FOR CAPYBARA PAWS HELP ME #I must make them accurate and yet the limits of search engines pain me #That and hyena noses are tricky to understand but I shall digress

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genericpuff · 22 days ago

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Fighting off cold and flu has always been difficult for me and it's only getting harder as I get older. I find the transitioning from being "sick in bed" back to "functioning person" can often be the hardest part, especially when it comes to congestion which can take days if not weeks to clear up, so even if I'm able to walk around, do basic tasks, etc. I'm uncomfortable the whole way through. At least when it comes to my back pain, that's something that I'm used to and can predict and accommodate; getting sick is none of those things.

What's making it even more difficult this time around, compared to every other time, is the fact that I went from being healthy and medicated to sick and unmedicated. So that transition back into "functioning" is being slowed further by my returning inability to focus, to push myself through the uncomfortable feeling of doing literally anything, to be at peace with boredom.

Every single time I want to do anything that isn't laying in bed, it's met with both "I don't know if I'm physically capable of doing that because I'm sick" and "I don't know if I'm mentally capable of doing that because I'm off my meds."

And it's incredibly exhausting.

#self post #update #off topic #idk sorry for whining on main #my brain just. feels awful rn #part of me thought “huh i don't think being unmedicated is actually causing me issues”#but now that i'm on my third day (???) without meds i'm not feeling so sure LMAO #and for anyone wondering why i'm not taking them #it's because i have to play triage with my meds and treatment #i don't want to be stacking decongestants - some of which are designed to make me drowsy - on top of concerta which is a stimulant #this would kill the liver LMAO and also my brain would become an even bigger mess than it already is #so considering i'm on bedrest i've just decided to forgo taking my concerta meds until i don't need to be hopped up on sinus pills #then once the worst of the sick has passed and i can get by without needing pain and congestion relief i can go back on concerta #thankfully i was only on 18mg anyways so the crash isn't as bad as it would have been if i was taking stronger doses #but it still sucks and it means i'm at war both with the flu and my ADHD u.u

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raionmimi · 3 months ago

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Mom said his siblings could come on his date with Satya

#Symweaver #symmetra #overwatch 2 #overwatch #satya vaswani #lifeweaver #niran pruksamanee #average day at the PruksaManee household #he HATES having to share Satya with his siblings #he tries so hard to not let them know when she's coming over or going on family trips with them #At first he'd deny that he liked Satya but his sister pried it out of him so she makes it her mission to be a pain in the ass about it #but she genuinely does act as a wingman even though Satya is oblivious to it all #She gives satya a lot of hand me downs (aka she wore something MAYBE once and already wants daddy to buy her a new dress)#his little brother has a puppy crush on Satya so he always bugs Niran about wanting to play with them. He denies this when he's older #His parents (esp mom) think its cute that they all like Satya so much and theyre fully prepared for Niran to marry her when they're of age #Satya just likes being included even though his whole family can be pushy at times and have blatant rich people mentalities on everything #Niran is her special person so she focuses on him a LOT but its not obvious to anyone else so no one's actually sure how exactly she feels #When Lifeweaver leaves Vishkar they still keep in contact with Satya and his sister drops by on campus a lot to check in on her #Blizzard can pry this headcanon from my cold dead hands Satya deserves this okay

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contagious-watermelon · 4 months ago

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it's a little patronizing sometimes the way people treat trans guys binding. i don't think we need to act like trans men are babies and insist they don't know how to be safe and that they'll drop dead if they pass the eight hour mark. honestly with all of this fearmongering even within trans circles, it feels more like they're trying to keep us from binding in any way possible

#the fearmongering isn't any cuter when it's from us instead of from terfs‚ y'all #telling trans guys that binding too much will ruin their chances at top surgery is 1) a blatant lie and 2) kinda not great when binding is #necessary for many of us to even survive that long #I've been binding every day for anywhere from 6 to maybe 11–12 hours the last couple months #and i feel infinitely better than i did before i started doing that #i mean I'm being a little less careful cuz I've only gotta last another 3 months #but still. hasn't killed me and tbh it's actually less painful/uncomfortable than it was before i did it this regularly #anywayyyy #trans #transsexual #transgender #ftm #transmasc #trans man #binder #chest binding #o.

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angelnumber27 · 6 months ago

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It’s so embarrassing and heartbreaking being in so much pain over losing someone while knowing they don’t give a fuck if you live or die. Your favorite person becoming a stranger is a special kind of hell.

#I fucking hate having bpd #while I’m at it I don’t understand the fuckin audacity some people have to say they love you and do horrible things to you #I feel so stupid #I feel so stupid for believing all the lies #but I was so in love and put him on such a pedestal that I just allowed it all.#thinking about someone constantly and grieving over them and knowing they’re perfectly fine and to them you don’t exist #I’m still in such a state of grief and I don’t understand why time hasn’t healed #it honestly feels like it’s gotten worse w time #I just torture myself but I can’t help it my brain wants me dead #it’s so painful I feel so fucking stupid #being abandoned with no closure by someone who’s your entire world #for someone they were unfaithful to you with multiple times (I don’t even know how many and dony want to know) immediately #like that was the plan all along #he took our cat hundreds of miles away and I don’t even know if he still has her or if she’s still alive and I miss her every day #I never loved someone like that and it feels like the heartbreak is actually physically killing me #i spent 1/5 of my entire life with him #I was my prettiest and had the best body at the time and I wasted it on someone who didn’t appreciate me #not wasted. it wasn’t wasted. we had some incredible times together #I’ll never be that beautiful again #and now idk what do so bc i can’t decide which is worse: being alone and isolating or loving deeply and ending up horribly hurt all over #it’s all just so upsetting.#and I feel so stupid for allowing it all #he knows more about me than anyone and he made me feel like he loved me so much sometimes and then did horrid things and it’s so fucked up #nobody read this I’m so embarrassed and horribly broken #it traumatized me so much there was so much abuse and pain idk if I’ll ever recover #I deserved it but it still hurts my heart #I was so mentally ill and sick I know it had to have been miserable to be around me #there are so many things only he understands and knows about me and I need to talk about them I j wanna b able to b there 4 each other #but that girl is so beyond insecure and controlling so. if I want to talk to who fuckin gets me I’m just fucked #why lead someone on like that for years knowing you’re going to abandon them the second it’s convenient

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everrgrreeen · 1 year ago

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This song is so Layla x Warren coded that it wouldn't leave me alone til I made an edit with it.

Even after almost 20 years since this movie came out (and I saw it in the theater), there's not a single person who can convince me that he didn't end up falling in love with her.

#sky high 2005 #sky high #warren peace #layla williams #layla williams x warren peace #layla x warren #this is actually kind of heartbreaking like it's one unrequited love turning into another unrequited love #he cared about her so much that he still came to homecoming IN A TUX even though her plan was off and will wasn't even there #and he was willing to put himself between her and royal pain to protect her #don't even get me started on the head shake at the end #poor bby boy :(#don't worry we all know they would have gotten together in sky high 2 if that would have been a thing #I could talk about this all day lmao #they will end up together in my fic though so go read my fic <3

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ef-1 · 10 months ago

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girlhood

#i have to fly out to capetown to see mother and im literally debating if i could land in the morning and leave at night on the same day #like. anything longer than that is going to ruin my year.#when she called and did her “katherine. you have to be here on the 10th” i literally sobbed in my bed for the rest of the day 😍😍😍#not dyeing my hair black for a year and its getting lighter and lighter everyday and i look like her again #and my therapist telling me “you need to do things for yourself.” but like can i? sorry that woman traumatised me and i actually cant :)#like everything i do is informed by her #I'm going to go and just like everytime the only way to keep my sanity is to mirror her. talk and sit and speak and read and eat like her #and its such a terrifying experience bc i remember that im capable of emulating her viciousness and maybe i am my mother's daugher 🤢🤢🤢#and im going to come back and its going to take fucking months for me to feel like myself again #“oh you look so beautiful just like your mother” i hope you DIE lol !!! the fact that my conception of beauty was shaped by her #growing up with this cruel beautiful detached woman and realising that at the intersection of beauty and wickness is a lifetime of pain #and still being so desperate for her approval- for any metaphysical proximity to her that i felt elated when #people would tell me i look like her. that it meant i was also beautiful like her and maybe she'll love me a little for it #but now i know for a fact that i do look like her and it makes saliva swell under my tongue - that moment right before you throw up-#when people mention it 😍#last time i was in capetown my optic neuritis flared up (and i know for a fact it was that it was ms-stress related from having to see her)#and i thought i hid it so well even though i had near constant headaches & lethargy until she said “katherine give me the red notebook”#and i knew that she knew all along. it was so acutely humiliating standing there and knowing she knows i cant see which one is the red one #and she tilted her head and said “whats the matter? do you not know what red looks like?”#im never going to have kids. my mother and i read eachother so well it can only mean im never too far removed from becoming her #lol!!!!!!!!!

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quaranmine · 4 months ago

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does anyone have any ideas for treating headaches if you're not supposed to be taking NSAIDs? please note that tylenol and acetaminophen DO NOT work for me. i know tumblr isn't a doctor but i'm crowdsourcing here

#i'm not supposed to take nsaids because of ~gi bleeding~ but i do it anyway because it's the only thing that actually works on me #my doctor isn't. happy about this #anyway.#i'm not supposed to take any nsaids right now because i have a procedure on tuesday and i'm supposed to quit 5 days in advance #should be easy right? it's not like i take them like candy! it's just a few doses a month!#nah of course yesterday i get a headache. starts mild. i try to just ride it out & drink fluids & take a nap & asked my aunt for tylenol #doesn't go away. becomes a splitting headache in the middle of the night & i cannot sleep. eventually i break down at 3 am & take ibuprofen #finally fall asleep pain-free at 4 am #and i just??? i hope this isn't an issue since the procedure is still 4 days out? i will try to avoid taking it again??#but like What Am I Supposed To Do

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justablah56 · 3 months ago

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uruhrgaghfgg I need to shower

#just blahs #god i fucking hate the fact that i have to shower every day #like thats so fucked #why did god curse me specifically in this way #at least now that im decent at actually doing it i always have a Thing that i Did in a day #showering isnt as big of an issue now compared to when i was *bad* at showering regularly #being bad at it aka . fucking depressed .#but uhhhhhgghhhf #its still a pain #and i dont like it

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