#inspired by this one time in class we had a long period

[ntls-24722]

if comet is working on something (building/maintaining a lake, tailoring very large clothes) fritz is usually the first to stop and watch Comet as he's doing it and then slowly but surely the Spacerocks and the planetarium attendant all line up beside Fritz, all watching Comet

it freaks him the hell out because he thinks they're either pervs or judging him, but in all honesty they're just fascinated by how he moves and does things, it's like a documentary

[swan-of-sunrise]

...Is Love, Sweet Love (Part II)

Summary: Eight months later, (Y/N) and her daughter Molly have settled in well at Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters, with (Y/N) teaching a Classical Literature class and six-year-old Molly taking courses while learning more about her telepathic skills. Charles, having fallen head over heels for the school's new professor, debates whether or not to act upon his feelings.

Pairing: Charles Xavier X F!Reader

Word Count: 5.3k

Warnings/Disclaimers: None

A/N: Yes, I know, it's slightly unhinged to write a Part II to a one-shot that I published over 2 years ago, but I couldn't get this idea out of my head and here's what I came up with! Again, "What The World Needs Now Is Love" by Jackie DeShannon partially inspired this fic, so you should totally give it a listen if you haven't heard it before :)

…Is Love, Sweet Love May 1980 Xavier’s School for Gifted Youngsters, Westchester (Previous Chapter)

Despite living in his family’s mansion for the majority of his life and spending countless hours of his childhood eagerly exploring its sprawling grounds, Charles Xavier hadn’t truly grown to appreciate the tranquility that the estate provided until he’d re-started Xavier’s School for Gifted Youngsters. The sight of young mutants happily playing on the playground and partaking in group sports without feeling the need to hide their differences away brought a smile to Charles’ face, and the cheerful laughter of his students paired with the beautiful spring sunshine inspired him to once again enjoy his lunch outside with a good book…although, it was difficult to deny that he spent far more time listening in on Professor (Y/L/N)’s nearby Classical Literature class than actually reading his novel.

“Can anyone tell me why the characters of King Lear worship the pagan gods and not any form of Christianity?” (Y/N), who was sitting cross-legged on the grass in front of her small class, arched a brow as she surveyed the silent group of teenagers before her. “C’mon, guys, you know this. We went over the background of the play during our last lecture, and I seem to remember some of you even taking notes…” After a moment, a timid hand went up from the red-headed girl in the front and (Y/N) smiled. “Yes, Jean?”

“The play is set in ancient Britain, long before the arrival of Christianity.”

“Very good, Jean!” Jean Grey’s shoulders relaxed and beside her, her friend Jubilee gave her an enthusiastic thumbs-up. “Now, why would Shakespeare choose to set this play in this specific time period? Think about the time period in which Shakespeare lived, and what the social and political climate in England was like.” A dark-haired boy towards the back of their group raised his hand. “Go ahead, Remy.”

Remy LeBeau lowered his hand and began fiddling with his deck of playing cards as he spoke in his distinct French-Creole accent. “Well, Professor, that was when there was a lil’ trouble brewin’ ‘tween the Catholics and Protestants over there, right? He prob’ly didn’t wanna ruffle any feathers by puttin’ a popular religion in his plays, so he had his characters worship the gods from ol’ Roman mythology; anybody who’d be offended would’ve been long dead, so Willy did what any guy’d do to keep his head on his shoulders.”

Charles smiled to himself as the class laughed and (Y/N)’s lips curved upwards into a reluctant grin. “A little unorthodoxly put, Remy, but you’re absolutely correct. In the play, Lear states that-” She was cut off when the familiar sound of the school bell rang out and her students started to pack their things away. “Remember, on Monday we’ll begin performing your assigned scenes so be sure to work on memorizing your lines with your groups over the weekend. Have a good rest of your day!”

While they laughed and talked amongst themselves, the students headed back towards the mansion for their next class and with a fond smile on her face, (Y/N) looked away from them and finished packing her binders and books into her messenger bag. The novel in Charles’ hand was all but forgotten in favor of admiring his colleague and friend, who’s effortless beauty almost always succeeded in making him stutter over his words and caused him to blush in a way that he hadn’t since he was a schoolboy; she was dressed casually in a striped button-down blouse tucked into a faded pair of high-waisted jeans and well-worn Birkenstocks, with her (Y/H/C) hair pulled away from her face by a blue headband and her reading glasses dangling around her neck by a colorful beaded chain. Charles took in all of her striking figure, but it was her content smile and the happy gleam in her (Y/E/C) eyes that made him release a lovelorn sigh and look down at his lap.

Charles was infatuated with Professor (Y/L/N). Well, it perhaps started out as a simple infatuation, back when she’d first arrived on his doorstep pleading for him to help her daughter; her kindness and caring nature in regards to Molly’s safety and well-being was touching, considering how many parents he’d met who were overly eager to pass their mutant children off to a complete stranger just to be rid of them. After hearing their story, he knew that she couldn’t bear to be separated from her five-year-old and so, he asked that she stay and teach at the school to ensure that they would remain together. That was eight months ago and since then, the infatuation had evolved into a full-blown romantic crush; Charles was captivated by (Y/N)’s capacity for compassion, enchanted by her quick wit and natural beauty, in awe of her progressive idealism in regards to mutant rights and more than appreciative of her boundless consideration in regards to his disability.

Yes, Charles was enamored by his school’s newest professor, but he was also plagued by insecurity. The last woman he was romantically involved with was Agent Moira MacTaggert of the CIA, all the way back in 1962 when he was a dashing young man who’d just earned his doctorate and possessed an egotistical streak wider than the English Channel; nowadays, his ego was tempered and his youthful good looks were beginning to give way to wrinkles and streaks of silver. While a ten-year age gap between two consenting adults was hardly an insurmountable obstacle to a happy relationship, a part of him couldn’t help but think that (Y/N) would be happier with someone younger than him. Both Alex and Hank thought that he was overthinking the situation, and perhaps they were right but whenever he started to consider asking her out, that little voice of doubt whispered on in the back of his mind.

“Hi Charles!”

Looking up, Charles’ face reflexively broke out into a grin when he saw (Y/N) approaching the bench he’d parked his wheelchair beside. “Hello, (Y/N)! Holding your classes outside today, I see?”

“It’s such a beautiful day, so you could hardly blame me for taking full advantage of it.” The professor adjusted the strap of her messenger bag and tilted her head as a teasing smile played across her cherry-red lips. “Enjoying your lunch outside today, I see?”

“Touché, Professor,” Charles chuckled, slipping his bookmark into his novel to mark his place and tucking it into his wheelchair’s saddle pack. “Hank seems to believe that my vitamin D levels are too low, so I decided that eating outside was the quickest way to get our resident worrywart off of my back. Not only did I soak up plenty of sun, I had the added pleasure of listening in on your fantastic lesson on Shakespeare’s King Lear; no offense to the Bard, but it’s refreshing to see an Classical Literature professor teach her students about one of his historical plays instead of one of his romances.”

(Y/N) shrugged nonchalantly, but the way she began to fiddle with her pendant revealed the bashfulness she was attempting to mask. “Well, I remember what it was like being fourteen; you’re around the same age as Romeo and Juliet, yes, but you don’t know a damn thing about love and it’s not easy to understand why they do the things they do.”

“As a former fourteen-year-old, I heartily concur. At that age, I could scarcely understand myself let alone an emotion as complex as love, no matter how beautifully Shakespeare described it,” Charles replied, looking out across the manicured grounds as he recited, “‘My bounty is as boundless as the sea, my love as deep-’”

“‘-The more I give to thee, the more I have, for both are infinite,’” (Y/N) finished and when their eyes met, Charles’ heart fluttered and he could feel his face beginning to warm; his brows rose in surprise when the professor hastily turned her head to try and hide her besotted smile, a flicker of hope igniting within him at the sight. “I, um, I-I should go and find Molly…”

“She’s at the playground with Alex’s second graders. Speaking of which, I need to speak with Alex about tomorrow’s scheduled book delivery…” Charles awkwardly cleared his throat before giving (Y/N) a tentative smile. “Would you allow me to escort you there?”

(Y/N)’s own smile widened at that. “Of course!”

While Charles wheeled himself along the stone pathway and (Y/N) kept in step with him, they eagerly discussed the school’s ongoing library expansion and all the new books they’d obtained for the students; any progress made at Xavier’s School for Gifted Youngsters filled him with a sense of accomplishment, but expanding his ancestral home’s library was one of his greatest desires and he was thrilled that the children would soon have access to more knowledge than many of the country’s best private schools and universities. (Y/N) was just as excited about the expansion as he was, and he couldn’t help but admire the enthusiasm written across her beautiful features while he listened to her talk about all the lesson plans she’d brainstormed involving their new books.

They reached the playground sooner than Charles would’ve preferred, but his disappointment was set aside by the sight and sound of his school’s youngest students happily entertaining themselves on the elaborate structure; so many of them came from broken homes and were sent away without any second thoughts by families that couldn’t care less about them and while Charles couldn’t change their heartbreaking pasts, he did all in his power to give each and every one of his students a loving home and bright, promising futures. For the first time, I find myself truly understanding the blinding rage that fills Erik in regards to mutant rights, he thought with an inward grimace before glancing over at (Y/N) and smiling as the human woman affectionately watched her mutant daughter play, but that doesn’t mean that I’ve lost my faith in humanity’s innate goodness.

“Hi Mommy!” Molly exclaimed from the top of the structure, a toothy grin stretching across her face as she gave them both an enthusiastic wave. “Hi Professor ‘Zavier!”

“Hi Molly-Bear!” (Y/N) called back while a beaming Charles returned the little girl’s wave with one of his own. He’d always maintained that a good professor shouldn’t have favorites, but no one would blame him if he came out and admitted that Molly (Y/L/N) was – hands down – his favorite student; she was as exuberant and carefree as any human six year old, but her mutant abilities as a psychometric telepath meant that she was more insightful and tended to see the world around her with sage eyes. In truth, Molly reminded him so much of himself when he was a child and knowing first-hand how challenging having telepathic abilities at that age can be, he was grateful that he could help her by teaching her how to control and accept her gifts.

While Charles scanned the playground for Alex, he caught (Y/N) looking over at him and the tender expression on her face nearly took his breath away; she quickly looked away and pretended to adjust the fasteners of her messenger bag, but not before Charles noticed the glimmer of affection in her gorgeous (Y/E/C) eyes. A familiar whistle cut through his racing thoughts and when he glanced over, he spotted Alex leaning against a light pole that bordered the playground; a knowing smirk curved across the younger man’s face, widening as he brought a hand up to his temple and wiggled his fingers to signal for Charles to read his mind.

“I told you so.”

“Alex…”

“(Y/N)’s into you, Charles, and you’re clearly into her. So, what’re you gonna do about it?”

After taking a steadying breath and running an anxious hand through his hair, Charles cleared his suddenly dry throat and hesitantly spoke. “(Y/N)?” The professor looked over at him expectantly and his finger drifted upwards to loosen his shirt’s collar while he clumsily continued. “I, ah…well, I-I was wondering if I…(Y/N), would you and Molly care to join me for dinner sometime? There’s a wonderful Italian restaurant in Salem Center and a little movie theater just down the street from it that I think you’ll enjoy…”

(Y/N) blinked, looking dumbfounded but slightly hopeful as she took a moment to find her voice. “Charles, are you asking me out on a date?”

Charles nodded and offered her the barest of smiles. “Over the past few months, I’ve grown…immensely fond of you; I wake up every morning looking forward to our usual discussions over breakfast, I find myself spending far too much time styling my hair and picking out what to wear in the hopes that you’ll take note and every time you smile at me, my heart skips a beat.” The professor shyly smiled at that and he couldn’t help but lightly chuckle, the weight in his chest already feeling lighter with each confession he uttered. “Yes, just like that.”

“And you…you wouldn’t mind Molly coming along?”

The anxiety that filled (Y/N)’s eyes as she awaited his answer nearly shattered Charles’ heart; based on what little she’d disclosed to him about her past, he knew that she’s struggled with dating as a single mother and he could only imagine how disillusioned with romance she’d become as a result. “Of course not, (Y/N),” He softly replied and in a bold move, he reached forward and took her hand in his. “You two are a team, after all; Molly is your entire world, and I want you to know that I respect that more than anything. It’s also…well, let’s just say that it’s been quite a while since I’ve gone on a date, and I’d…”

“Like to go slow?” (Y/N) gently offered and when Charles wordlessly nodded, she gave him the smallest of smiles before looking over her shoulder and calling out, “Molly? Sweetheart, can you come here for a second, please?” After coming down the slide, Molly skipped over to them and the professor knelt down so that they were eye-level, her hand still holding onto his. “Professor Xavier wanted to know if he could take us out for dinner and a movie. Does that sound all right to you, Molly-Bear?”

The little girl’s head tilted to the side as her (Y/E/C) eyes studied Charles, and he was forced to mask his amused chuckle with a cough when she brought a mitten-clad hand up to her mother’s ear. “Like on a date?” Molly loudly whispered, and (Y/N) pursed her lips to keep from chuckling as she nodded; her daughter lowered her hand to reveal her excited smile and she gave her mother an enthusiastic thumbs-up. “Sounds good to me!” Molly looked back at Charles with a conspiratorial giggle. “Mommy likes you, Professor ‘Zavier.”

Charles arched a playful brow as his eyes flicked between the embarrassed elder (Y/L/N) and the beaming younger (Y/L/N). “She does, does she?”

“Mm-hmm, she likes your eyes and your smile and your hair and your-”

“Okay, young lady, that’s enough out of you,” (Y/N) hastily interrupted, tickling her daughter’s neck with both hands and smiling when she shrieked with laughter and scurried back to the playground. Shaking her head in fond exasperation, she stood and glanced back at Charles, who was trying and failing to muffle his laughter. “Well, I guess that settles it. Does six o’clock this Friday work for you?”

He emphatically nodded. “Yes, of course, it’s perfect!” He felt himself begin to blush at his obvious enthusiasm, and it was (Y/N)’s turn to chuckle as he awkwardly cleared his throat and tried again. “…I-I mean, Friday at six o’clock works for me.”

“Good. I guess that Molly and I will see you then.” The professor turned to walk away but took Charles by surprise when she turned back around and bashfully smiled at him. “I’ve…I’ve grown immensely fond of you too, Charles.”

Before he could say or do anything, she’d bent down and pressed a feather-light kiss onto his cheek, an infatuated gleam in her (Y/E/C) eyes as she flashed him one last smile and left to meet her daughter on the playground. A broad grin slowly spread across Charles’ face and while he watched her walk away, he leaned an elbow onto his wheelchair’s armrest and rested the side of his head against his palm, releasing a love-struck sigh and barely taking note of the familiar figure that moved to stand beside him.

“See what happens when you actually take my advice?”

Charles straightened his posture and glanced over at Alex, who was wearing the smuggest of smiles on his faces as he stared back at him. “Has anyone ever told you that you’re an impertinent ass, Alex Summers?”

Alex’s smirk widened. “Heard it all my life. So, when’s the big date?”

“This Friday at six o’clock. And since you and Hank have taken such a keen interest in my love life, I’ll be requiring your assistance on Friday.” The younger man quickly sobered and with a grin of his own, Charles chuckled and patted his arm. “There’s a good chap. Now, about tomorrow’s book delivery…”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Although it was a far cry from the hazy evenings spent at Oxford’s many lively pubs and in the company of the college’s most flirtatious female students, Charles’ date with (Y/N) and Molly was undoubtedly the most enjoyable one he’d ever been on. He’d met the mother and daughter in the mansion’s foyer with two bouquets in his hands – daisies for Molly and vibrant pink roses for (Y/N) – and he happily watched them admire their flowers while simultaneously hiding the fact that he was studying (Y/N)’s figure; the professor was wearing a knee-length yellow dress with long billowing sleeves, a bright pink sash tied around her waist and matching high heels, and her carefully styled hair was pulled back by a pink headband. She was beautiful, far too beautiful to be going out with the likes of him, but his fears of inadequacy were quickly alleviated when she looked over at him and smiled.

Hank and Alex drove the three of them to Salem Center in Charles’ maroon 1959 Jaguar Mark IX, the pair of them opting to stay in town and catch a showing of the newly-released The Empire Strikes Back while they dined at La Mensa. Sensing Molly’s apprehension with being around so many non-mutant strangers, Charles distracted her by playing ‘tic-tac-toe’ and ‘hangman’ with her on her paper place-mat and (Y/N) threw him a grateful look as she asked her daughter about her schoolwork; while they enjoyed their food, (Y/N) entertained them with stories of her students’ antics and after some goading by Molly, she even balanced a spoon on the end of her nose much to her daughter and Charles’ delight. After dinner, they made their way down the street to the small movie theater and while many of its patrons were queued up to watch the latest Star Wars film, the three of them decided on watching the re-release of Disney’s Lady and the Tramp; Molly adored the classic cartoon and while Charles was impartial to the film, he thoroughly enjoyed exchanging enamored glances with (Y/N) over the little girl’s head.

Molly fell asleep on the drive home, cuddling against her mother’s side as she lovingly brushed her fingers through her daughter’s (Y/H/C) hair. In low whispers, (Y/N) assured Charles that Molly had a wonderful time and that she hadn’t seen the little girl so happy since before she’d come into her mutation; although aware that Hank and Alex were clearly eavesdropping from their front seats, Charles quietly asked her if she’d care for a quick nightcap in his study after putting Molly to bed, and he was thrilled when she readily accepted his invitation. When they arrived back at the mansion, (Y/N) carried the still-sleeping Molly inside, but not before giving Charles one last smile as he maneuvered into his outside wheelchair.

“So…” Hank arched a curious brow as he walked beside Charles’ wheelchair and steadied it when they reached the top of the ramp, where Alex was waiting with his motorized indoor wheelchair. “How was it?”

“Charming, but I could’ve done without the rather offensive Asian and Italian stereotypes-”

“Not the movie, Charles, the date,” Alex interrupted and when Charles chuckled in amusement at his friends, he leaned a shoulder against the doorway and crossed his arms over his chest. “C’mon, you finally ask out the woman you’ve been head over heels for and you’re not gonna give your two best friends the four-one-one?”

Shaking his head in faux exasperation, Charles shifted himself into his motorized wheelchair and arranged his legs as he airily answered, “(Y/N), Molly and I ate a truly magnificent meal at La Mensa that we followed up by watching a classic Disney film at the movie theater. What more is there to say?”

Alex heaved a sigh but moved to allow Charles to wheel himself into the mansion. “A little help here, Hank?”

“Oh, he’s having far too much fun messing with us to stop.” The scientist tucked his hands into his jacket pockets while a mischievous smirk played on his lips. “But speaking as the school’s resident genius, I couldn’t help but notice the good professor clearly checking (Y/N) out before we left and blushing when she smiled at him just now.”

A reluctant blush warmed Charles’ cheeks at that. “Don’t you two perverts have morning classes to prepare for?”

“Tomorrow’s Saturday, lover boy,” Alex smugly countered, nudging Hank’s arm with his elbow as they walked beside Charles’ wheelchair down the vacant hall to his study. “Well, Beast, there’s no doubt about it: Charles here’s got it bad for our lovely Professor (Y/L/N).”

When they reached his study’s door, Charles nudged it open and wheeled himself inside, but not before giving both men a look of genuine sincerity. “Thank you, for your assistance tonight and for your encouragement; the pair of you can occasionally be a pain in the ass, but tonight couldn’t have happened without you.”

Hank’s smile softened. “You’re welcome, Charles. We’re just happy that we succeeded in making you do something selfish for once.”

“Yeah, you’ve helped us both out so much over the years and it was high-time we returned the favor,” Alex added as he clapped Charles on the shoulder, his earnest expression morphing into a knowing smirk while he continued. “Enjoy your nightcap with (Y/N), and don’t do anything I wouldn’t do, lover boy.”

“Oh, and don’t forget protection!”

“Goodnight, gentlemen.”

Chuckling, Alex and Hank left the study and closed the door behind them; after pausing for a moment to take a calming breath, Charles wheeled himself over to the oak cabinet near his cluttered desk and unlocked it, pulling out a glass decanter of scotch and two glasses and setting them down on the coffee table. He bit his lip as his eyes surveyed the messy state of his study, cursing himself for not tidying up earlier, but a part of him knew that (Y/N) wasn’t the type to mind a little clutter; she liked to joke that the best professors had the messiest studies because they spent all their time teaching instead of worrying about how others perceive them. It was the good manners instilled in him from birth that saw him gathering stacks of loose papers, binders and leather-bound books and unceremoniously shoving them behind his desk before lifting himself out of his wheelchair to sit on the couch; with nothing else to distract himself from the anxious anticipation building up within him, Charles plucked the maple-colored queen off the chessboard and nimbly twirled it around his fingers as he waited for (Y/N).

Minutes later, there was a quiet knock on the door of his study and after scrambling to straighten up his chessboard, Charles called out, “Come in!” The door opened and (Y/N) stepped into the room, her gentle smile widening when she spotted him seated on the couch. “How’s Molly?”

“Out like a light.” (Y/N) crossed the room and sat on the couch beside him, her fingers playing with the flowing yellow material of her dress’ skirt as Charles poured their drinks. “She wanted me to tell you that she had a really fun time tonight, and she wanted me to thank you.”

“She’s been working so hard these past few months to complete her schoolwork and training, so if anyone deserves to have a little fun it’s undoubtedly her,” Charles replied, a surge of fondness for his youngest student and her kindheartedness bringing a smile to her face as he turned to (Y/N) and offered her a glass of the amber-colored liquid. “As do you, Professor.”

Accepting the glass, (Y/N) hummed thoughtfully before holding it up and angling it towards him. “In that case…to having fun.”

“To having fun,” Charles repeated, lightly clinking his glass of scotch against hers and taking a sip, his eyes appreciatively roaming along the professor’s figure while she took a sip of the strong liquor. “Do you like it? It’s top shelf scotch whiskey, all the way from Scotland.”

(Y/N) arched a playful brow as she crossed her leg over her knee and angled herself to face him. “Expensive, imported liquor? Are you trying to impress me, Professor?”

“Well, that all depends…” Following his instincts, Charles set his glass down and rested his elbow on the couch’s back cushion, his lips curving into a playful grin. “Is it working?”

Her (Y/E/C) eyes softened and after setting her own glass down, she rested one of her hands on his and gave it a gentle squeeze. “Charles, I was impressed by you before the top shelf scotch, before the fancy Italian restaurant, and before I ever laid eyes on this beautiful mansion.” His brow furrowed in confusion but she merely smiled and rubbed small circles along his knuckles with her thumb. “Eight months ago, the letter that I sent you asking for help with Molly was my Hail Mary; I had nowhere to go and no way to protect my daughter from the people who hated her for who she was, so I decided to write to the one person I knew could help her. And when you sent me a letter back – that incredibly kind and empathetic letter – you gave me hope, hope that I hadn’t felt in so long. So, you see? You managed to impress me before we’d even met, Charles Xavier.”

Charles, touched by her sincerity and feeling a little emotional, reached forward with his free hand and carefully cradled her warm cheek in his palm. “Oh, my darling (Y/N)…you’re not the only one who’s had their hope restored; I gave up any hope for romance not long after I lost my legs, choosing to focus my attention on the school and my fellow mutants. Over these past several months, however, you helped me to see that there was still hope.” His thumb traced along her cheekbone as he smiled and slowly began to lean in. “And now, I would very much like to kiss you, (Y/N) (Y/L/N).”

(Y/N)’s smile widened. “I’d like that very much as well, I just…” He could feel her cheek flush beneath his touch, and a look of embarrassment flashed across her face. “God, it’s been so long since I’ve done anything like this. Would it be silly to say that I’ve got butterflies in my stomach?”

“Not at all, darling. Truth be told, I’m a little nervous myself,” Charles murmured, his eyes flicking away from hers to stare at her enticing lips before glancing back up. “The last time I kissed a woman was in 1962, so you’ll have to forgive me if my technique has gotten slightly rusty over the past eighteen years.”

“Well, we won’t know unless we give it a go, will we?” (Y/N) breathed and her (Y/E/C) eyes burned with desire as they both inched closer. “Charles, dear…please kiss me.”

Wanting nothing more than to please the professor, Charles’ eyes fluttered closed as he tentatively brushed his lips against hers. (Y/N) wasted no time in returning the kiss, kissing him softly and sweetly as her hand left his to rest on the back of his head, her fingers tangling in his hair and eliciting a blissful groan from him; with one hand still cupping her cheek, he rested the other on her waist but soon found himself winding his arm around her in an effort to bring her closer. (Y/N)’s lips were soft and oh so addictive, slowly but firmly caressing against his as her fingers carded through his locks, and Charles surrendered himself over to the woman wrapped in his embrace.

Eventually, they were forced to separate for some much-needed air, the both of them out of breath and almost dizzy from their impromptu make-out session; Charles felt a surge of pride as he took in (Y/N)’s kiss-swollen lips, heaving chest and the dazed smile on her face, and he couldn’t resist leaning forward to lightly rub his nose against hers. When he pulled back, he huffed out a breathless chuckle at the incredulous look that she was giving him. “That’s a rusty technique?”

“Mm-hmm. Dreadful, wasn’t it?”

(Y/N) giggled at his joking question and pretended to consider it. “You know, I think I need another example before I can definitively say.” They both laughed but when Charles moved in for another kiss, a sharp twinge in his lower back caused him to recoil with a hiss of pain. “Charles, are you okay?!”

He mutely nodded, his eyes squeezed shut as he straightened his posture and leaned his back against the plush couch cushions. “I’m fine, it’s just a muscle spasm.”

“Is it…?” (Y/N) trailed off and when Charles finally opened his eyes as the pain began to fade, he could see the worry written across her face. “Is it because of your spinal cord injury?”

“That, and I’m afraid that I’m getting on in years; I’m not as young and spritely as I was in 1962.” Instead of stammering out a string of apologies and getting up to leave as Charles feared she would, the corner of (Y/N)’s lips curved upwards into a lopsided grin that left him slightly confused. “(Y/N)?”

The professor shifted closer to him. “Did you know that Molly’s father was fourteen years older than me?” Charles’ brow rose in surprise and he silently shook his head, watching as she reached over and brushed a lock of hair behind his ear. “You could say that I’ve always had a thing for older men…” Before he could think of something witty to say, (Y/N) swung her leg over his to straddle his lap and rested her hands on either side of his face; Charles couldn’t help but grin and, inspired by her delectable boldness, he placed his hands on her waist to hold her securely to him, his grin widening as her breath hitched. “Go ahead and read my mind if you don’t believe me, but it’s true.”

Shaking his head, Charles rested his head on the back of the couch so that he was staring up at her, softly smiling as one of his hands traveled upwards to cradle her cheek. “I believe you, darling. Would it be too sappy to say that I don’t want this night to end?”

“Not at all, dear,” (Y/N) shook her head before closing the distance between them and captured his lips in another passionate kiss; when they finally broke apart, she rested her forehead against his and returned his blissful smile with one of her own. “We can make this work, can’t we? Balance the two of us with running the school and raising Molly?”

“I believe that you and I can do just about anything, so long as we’re together,” Charles replied, his thumb and forefinger moving to guide her chin forward and pouring all his emotions into another kiss; there was no place on Earth he’d rather be than in the arms of the lovely Classical Literature professor who’d captured his heart and judging by the way she kissed him back, it was clear that she was thinking something along the same lines.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A/N: I had so much fun dipping my toes back into the Fox X-Men Universe (I still have a massive thing for 80's Charles Xavier and his flowing brown hair lol) and I loved that I finally resolved Charles and (Y/N)'s mutual attraction with this cute Part II! I may or may not have a few ideas for a possible Part III, so let me know if you'd be interested in reading more! Thank you all so much for reading and enjoying!

Story Tag List: @mostlymarvelgirl @holb32 @f1uveryysblog Marvel Tag List: @brooke0297​​​​ @deadlymistletoe Permanent Tag List:​ @momc95​​​​ @crowleysqueenofhell​​​ @groovy-lady​ @yasmin12312

[y2ashlee]

Leona Kingscholar x Female! Reader SMUT

WARNINGS: Sex, bad writing, of character Leona but what fan written Leona isn’t.

Inspiration:

That weird hormone perfume I saw advertised on TikTok.

Author notes:

As we know from the manga, Leona sleeps without a shirt on.

Are they dating? Yes. Is this the couples first time having sex with each other. Also yes.

I looked up mating rituals of lions so that was interesting. Like I knew the female lion was the boss in that case but it’s still pretty interesting. Anyway male lions with stroke or lick the female on their necks, shoulders or backs to initiate the males also bite the female to basically remain in control and it helps with ovulation apparently which sounds bullshit but I guess it works?. Anyway I’ll probs look up stuff for the other non human members of the cast. Though with the fae ones I’ll probably only use part of the animal that they’re associated with since dragons aren’t real and pretty sure Azul’s dick isn’t removable nor is it one of his tentacles.

Anyway also use protection.

~~~

The Prefect of ramshackle dorm had recently gotten herself a bottle of perfume from the school store that smelt lovely, and was on sale. But what she didn’t know was that it was enchanted to make whomever harvest strong romantic feelings towards the Wearer to act upon those feelings in someway Handholding, kisses, hugs etc whenever they smelled it. And unfortunately for a certain lion beast man, these feelings were tripled as his sense of smell was so much better than any humans. She had been wearing the perfume for about a month, still unknowing about the enchantment, but every time the two would cross paths he would get a huge whiff of her intoxicating scent, and when she was in the same room as him for a long period of time, or standing close to him, every time, it got stronger, this particular time she was taking a joint class with his class and surprisingly he showed up to class, but as soon as the bell rang, he quickly got up to leave to get away from her scent. He was stopped by deuce as he wanted to ask him something and she was standing next to him he sighed. “..what..” he said, gritting his teeth. “Sorry I just wanted to ask-..” Deuce said. “Ask, Ruggie.” Is all he said before moving past them to leave. “Are you alright? You look flushed and you’re sweating.” The Prefect asked reaching towards him pressing the back of her hand to his forehead. “My god. You feel hot!” She said surprised. “Do you need to go to the nu-“ He ducked away from her hand a sneer on his face. “I’m fine.” He said turning and walking out of the classroom. “A-alright then..” she said watching him walk away. He practically speed walked to the bathroom walking over to the sink and turning the water on splashing water on his face to calm himself as he let out a loud exaggerated sigh.

Leona retreating or running away continued for the next few days as the Prefect would try to talk to him and ask to hang out with him and whatnot yet he’d avoid any form of physical contact even after she had stopped wearing the perfume. But it was too late the enchantment was already in effect. While she was contemplating and over thinking that he didn’t want to be with her anymore he was trying to overcome all the sexual thoughts and not wanting to hurt her in his aroused and angered state. The smallest whiff of her scent put him in a foul mood because he couldn’t be near her until the enchantment wore off as he didn’t trust himself. But as he watched her from afar all those days he could see how much him avoiding her physically was weighing on her. He let out a yawn as he laid in bed staring at the ceiling trying to sleep fall asleep but finding it hard to do so he sighed grabbed his phone from the desk next to his bed and quickly send her a message.

Leona: Hey, Sorry I’ve been avoiding you.

He sent the first message unsure what to write next. He sighed a growl flowing from his lips as he rolled over onto his side burying his face into his pillow before feeling his phone vibrate before it rang. He looked at the screen seeing that it was her who was calling. He took a deep breath before answering. “..yeah.” He said already filled with guilt. “So, why have you been avoiding me?” She asked her voice soft and low like she was about to cry. He gulped before replying. “You know that perfume you’ve been wearing?” He stated. “Oh, was it too overpowering?” She asked. “Not exactly, it was enchanted..” Is all he said unsure how to phrase what he needed to say. “Basically, it makes me want to…” his voice drifted off. Thoughts of her roaming his mind. “…do stuff….to you..” he said softly his tail swishing slightly. His face flushed. “O-oh, OH!” She said her face also flushing. “Do you not want to do stuff with me..” she said biting her lip. He let out a groan like sigh. “Of course I do, I just-ugggh, I don’t wanna..hurt you..” he said biting his lip burying his face in his pillow once more. “..ok I see..” she said her face more flushed then before. “..are you in your room right now..” she asked. “Yeah..” he replied. “Stay where you are.” She said hanging up and putting her phone in her pocket. His eyes widened realising what she was intending to do. He sighed and put his phone on the desk before pulling the blankets over his head hiding from the cool moonlit night breeze.

The door opened with a small thud. “Sorry.” She winched at the sound before shutting the door slowly. She took a deep breath trying to compose herself before walking over to the bed. “Are you gonna hide from me now.” She said to the lump under the blanket. His tail flicked and swayed as it was free from the blanket which told her that he was happy she was there or annoyed she was unsure. She sighed and sat down on the bed. “It’s okay if you want to do stuff with me especially that kind of stuff but..at least tell me and..let me set the pace..” she said her face flushed as one hand gripped the blanket the other covering her mouth her eyes downcast as she bit her lip. He rolled over and sat up the blanket falling from his face showing his flushed face. “..are you sure?..” his voice low as his piercing green eyes stared at her. Her scent filling his nostrils engulfing him. “Y-yes.” She said removing her hand from her mouth and turning to look up at him with a nod. His eyes widened slightly his thoughts shattering as he lent forward his lips crashing against hers in a sloppy but passionate kiss his tongue pressing into her mouth roaming around like it hasn’t been there in years. He wrapped his arm around her gently pushing her to the bed his other hand caressing her head. He pulls away from her pressing his forehead to her’s as they both pant for breath he sighs breathing in her scent. “Sorry..” he mumbled in his gruff voice as he rubbed his cheek against hers before leaning down and rubbing his head against her neck and collarbone trying to get his scent on her and hers on him. His teeth grazed against her neck before licking it gently.

She let out a gasp at the roughness of his tongue on her neck. He sighed sniffing her once more. “Leona?” She said softly. His eyes widened his face flushing once more in embarrassment as he buried his face in the crook of her neck. “You smell good..” he said trying to shove his embarrassment away. “Is this a beastman thing? To sniff, lick and rub against each other?” She asked. “We also bite.” He said his mood turning sour his teeth grazing her collarbone as his piercing gaze stared at her neck. She smiled softly a small chuckle leaving her throat before she placed her hands on his head her thumbs gently rubbing his ears while her fingers massaged his head. He closed his eyes loving the feeling of her touch he’ll never admit it though. “So what kind of things did you think about doing.” She asked continuing her movements. “As long as I’m comfortable doing it then it’s ok.” She said. He stared at her for a moment before exhaling and sitting up pulling away from her. He stared down at her hands rested on her chest as she looked up at him her face flushed. His thoughts were scattered as he looked down at her pinned beneath him.

She placed her hands on he’s cheeks. “Leona?” She said softly. He blinked slowly bringing his face down to her neck giving it a long lick before biting down on it. Not hard enough to break skin but still leaving a mark. She let out a moan like gasp. “Ah! Leona, that hurt!!” She said pushing him away quickly before covering the bite mark with her hand. He scoffed with a chuckle as he rubbed the mark with his thumb. “..I wanted to pin you down mark you as mine and fill you with me..” he said his voice low as his hands gripped the bed beneath them. “O-oh my…” she said her face so flushed that it reached her ears as she covered her face with her hands taking a few deep breaths before replying. “T-then fill me with you. J-just slowly please.” She said her gaze meeting his as she placed her hands on his cheeks. He smirked before leaning down and capturing her lips once more biting her lip before slipping his tongue in his hands moving to her hips lifting her shirt his ruff palms moving against her skin as they traveled upward his thumbs slipping under her bra before pushing it up before cupping her breasts his thumbs flicking her nipples slightly earning a muffled gasp from her as she pulls away from him as they both breathe heavily. “Leona..” she says softly kicking off her shoes before pulling him into an embrace her arms wrapping around him as she kissed him. He smirked against her lips and pulled away from her as he slides his hands down to her leggings slipping them off along with her underwear. She presses her thighs together feeling the coolness of the night hit her exposed parts. He kneels on the floor and parts her legs kissing her thighs gently his canines grazing her skin slightly until he reached her slit leaving a long slow lick up to her exposed bud. She gasped and sat up at the unexpected feeling. All he did was smirk and pushed her down bring her exposed slit closer and licking it once more his fingers gently rubbing her opening before prodding it his finger sliding inside while his tongue licks her exposed bud. She quivers slightly squeezing her thighs together as they rest against his head. He continues to lick while he caresses her insides his motions becoming fast. She covered her mouth with a hand letting out a moan. He pulled away with a smirk as he slid in another finger thrusting them faster as he kissed her thigh before leaving another bite. His tongue licking it as she let out a moan her walls clenching around his fingers. He pulls out his fingers purposely dragging his fingers slowly as he wipes them on his pants before putting her thighs down on the bed. She

With her breathing slightly ragged she watches as he moves away from her and leaning over the bed and rummaged through one of the draws before coming back to her and leaning down and whispering in her ear. “Roll over.” He said in a gruff voice just above a whisper before he kissed her once more. She blinked a few times before nodding and rolling over onto her stomach moving so she was on her knees. Let leant down and spoke softly into her ear. “This is your last chance to back out.” He said a hand resting on her hip. She looked back at him with a soft smile. “Just…be gentle..” she says softly her hands gripping the bed covers. He lets out a scoff as he pulls back ripping a condom packet with his teeth mumbling a reply. “I’ll try.” He said letting out a groan as slid the cool condom over his length shuddering slightly at the feeling. He let out a shakily breath as he pressed his length against her wet outer walls. She looked away from him as she felt his tip prod her entrance obviously a lot more girth then his to fingers. He slid inside her wet walls letting out a grunt at the feeling of her heat around him. She bit her lip her walls clenching around him as she let out a sound she was unsure she could make. He grunted as he started to move keeping his pace slow his hands resting on her hips. She gripped the covers more every time he moved letting out soft almost unheard sounds. His ears twitched at those soft sounds as he continued his movements his tail swishing slightly as he leant over her his chest pressed against her back his thrusts speeding up as he wrapped his arms around her one hand groping one of her breasts the other caressing her stomach. She lets out a louder moan his ears twitching at her muffled moans as she hides her face in the bed covers her eyes clenching shut. He scoffs once more as he rubs his cheek against her head and leaving a lick on her neck before biting it once more. Her back arched as she let out a strangled sound before burying her face in the covers again. His thrusts only became more aggressive after that. Her walls clenching around his as he hit all different parts of her insides. His teeth stayed against her skin as his hips slapped into hers his movements rough as his breathing was rugged. She let out a loud low muffled moan her walls clenching around him as she shivered hitting her climax her eyes watering at the feeling of him inside of her. He continued his thrusts his movements staggering slightly as he shuddered as muffled growl like moan reverberating against her skin as he came. His movements stopped as leant against her his body weight enveloping her slightly his ragged breathing against her neck his teeth still pressed into her skin his length still inside of her warm wet walls his tail flicking.

“L-Leona?” She asked trying to turn to look at him the best she could but she could only see his hair. His piercing green gaze unmoving as he stared at nothing in particular. She reached up to try to shake his shoulder but all she could reach was his ear as her fingertips brushing against. “Leona!” She said slightly louder once more trying to get his attention. His eyes shifted around before he realised what he was doing and pulled away from her his eyes landing on the bite mark noticing that it wasn’t bleeding. He gave it a lick before pulling away removing himself from her completely. “Sorry.” He said in his gruff voice as he fixed himself discarding the used condom in the bin. “Get up.” He said she nodded and slowly got up staggering slightly. He pulled her to him before pulling the bed covers down and helping her into the bed before following her pulling them over the two of them. He lets out a huff and wrapped his arms around her and sniffing her content that she smells like him. He relaxes before falling asleep. She sighs but cuddles up next to him knowing that there’s not way she would be able to leave.

~~~

Jesus Christ what the hell did I just write… anyway hope you enjoyed this garbage and requests are always open. Next up is Ruggie hopefully it won’t take me as long to write it but who knows.

[fiddleleafedfig]

@wolfstarmicrofic | April 23:rd Teacher AU | Also inspired by this incredible post | 971 words

“It’s because I’m gay.”

Dora’s words had echoed in his head for the better duration of two years.

Two years.

Jesus Christ.

It sounds more clear now that there isn’t an ever pressing haze of alcohol clouding his brain. But alas, he frankly can’t afford to be an alcoholic anymore. He wasn’t even that good at it. A bottle of wine every evening and Remus just turned into a weepier version of his otherwise quite bleak self and watched old rom-coms on tv until he fell asleep on the couch.

But an English teacher’s salary isn’t hefty enough to really support a proper addiction and Remus hadn’t ever been the type of person to steal a car or break into someone’s house just to fuel his habit. With his luck he’d get caught right away anyway.

“This can’t come as a surprise, Rem, we never even had an active sexlife.”

Sure, fine, maybe they hadn’t. But they had been married for years; university best friends turned adult lovers and confidants turned married at twenty five and divorced at thirty three.

The divorce had at least been simple, easy, just like anything else about their relationship. One second she was there, dying her hair in the tub and staining it all bubblegum pink — the next she was moving out and downloading lesbian dating apps.

Remus munches salad from his little packed lunch. He should be planning his classes whilst having lunch — he refuses to, he’d rather sit here all bent-backed and pretend that the salad actually tastes better, that he isn’t regretting moving across the country to get away from it all. That his new life isn’t sinking his mood just like the old one did.

There’s a knock on his classroom door.

Remus looks up from his sad salad. “Come in?”

The door, covered in prints of Shakespeare plays and old illustrations of Of Mice and Men and other English class classics, opens to reveal the knocker.

Sirius has his hair in a bun today, black strands tied back and into a scrunchy that could rival the cheekiest of cheerleaders’. Other than that he is in his usual all black attire, all except his rainbow colored lanyard which holds his keys and the miniature periodic table keyring.

Sirius smiles. It’s all gray eyes that look like they’re sparkling under the hideous fluorescents and can make even the toughest lunch lady blush.

“Hi Remus, is this a bad time?”

Remus tries to swallow the tightness in his throat.

He can’t really deal with Sirius popping by like this, he’s done it quite frequently since Remus’ first week.

“No, not really,” he says, trying to keep his hands from fiddling and his eyes from darting around the room. “What can I help you with?”

Sirius shrugs, careless and relaxed. “I was just wondering if I could borrow your stapler. Seems like mine’s wandered off.”

Sirius drives a motorbike to school.

Remus saw him get off it in the parking lot not too long ago. It felt like the world stood still or maybe moved in slow motion when Sirius removed his helmet and shook his hair out, kitted out in leather. Then his neck got all hot, for some god forsaken reason, and he had to go splash cold water on his face before facing his students in the first period.

So many of Sirius’ supplies have gone missing in the short time where they have worked together.

“Erhm… Yeah, sure— absolutely,” Remus stumbles through sentences as he stands to go fetch the stapler in the supply closet. He turns the little key and quickly looks over the closet, a bit too aware that Sirius is coming closer; if he isn’t misinterpreting the scuff of boots on the floor.

He grabs the stapler, turns around. “Here.”

Sirius is right behind him, right in front of him now. Looking up at Remus with his easy smile and rows of lovely black lashes and… and… and pink lips.

“Thanks, I’ll give it back as soon as I’m done, okay?”

“Yeah…”

Sirius leaves. Remus has to go sit down, he’s feeling dizzy.

“Are you even attracted to me, Rem? I mean— it’s fine if you aren’t. Maybe I’m not your type or something.”

There was always something hidden in Dora’s words, at least in those words. Remus hadn’t come any closer to figuring them out, not even two years later.

He just sits in his darkening apartment, playing those words over and over whilst watching-but-not-really-watching tv. He should really go over to Sirius’ classroom tomorrow. You know, just to make sure he remembers to give the stapler back. And it has absolutely nothing to do with what Dora said those years ago, nothing at all.

In the following morning, Remus dresses in his good shirt and wrestles with his hair for a touch longer than usual. Why? Don’t worry about it.

He goes into work with a determination and anxiety churning in his belly.

He walks up to Sirius’ classroom, a print of Neil deGrasse Tyson on the door, and knocks.

Deep breath.

Sirius opens the door. Light eyes and smiling lips and an overall undeniably beautiful face.

Stapler, that’s what he’s there for.

“Will you go out with me?”

What?! No!

Remus was supposed to ask about the stapler!

Fuck!

Sirius just looks back up at him, glittering eyes and widening smile. He doesn’t say anything.

Remus tries to backpedal. “The stapler — I really need my stapler, that’s what I meant.”

Sirius just smiles. “So I just missed the point two second window of going out with you?”

There’s cotton in Remus’ ears, ringing in his brain. “No— I mean… Wait— Did you want to go out with me?”

Sirius’ smile looks like it’s almost too big for his face. “I thought you’d never ask.”

[cameronspecial]

The People We Used To Be

Pairing: Musician! Rafe Cameron x Musician! Reader

Warnings: Rafe being an asshole

Pronouns: She/Her

Word Count: 8.5K

Summary: Music brought together Y/N and Rafe, but he pulled them apart. After seven years, a competition to win a recording deal brings them back together and they are forced to confront their past.

A/N: Inspired by @ghostofwriting's Kildare Spilt series which is absolutely amazing and you have to check it out if you haven't already. The songs in the fic are "Traitor" by Olivia Rodrigo (Altered to fit the fic) and "Right My Wrongs" by Bryson Tiller. I didn't write them.

Masterlist

Music has a way of making the world make sense for Y/N and Rafe. The Pogue and the Kook met at a Mommy and Me music class their mothers took them to as toddlers. Their mothers and each other helped foster a love for the art and it became even more of a necessity when they lost their mothers. Rafe was the first one to lose his mother. Margaret Cameron had been battling cancer for two years before her passing and it completely destroyed her eight-year-old son. Every Kook he knew tried to help him with his grief, except the one person who could actually get through to him didn’t live on Figure Eight. Instead of crying in his room in Tannyhill, he found himself riding his bike to a small bungalow on the Cut. It was in that small house where a little girl sat on the front porch with a guitar that was too big for her, trying to play “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun” by Cyndi Lauper. Her mom’s favourite song. The sound of the chain of his bike caused her to freeze and look up from the strings. “You are getting better,” he praised, getting off his bike to walk it up the small driveway. She gave him a smile that showed him she wasn’t afraid to be happy during his time of mourning. She didn’t walk on eggshells around him and he loved it. It made him feel normal, like before his mom got sick. She beckoned him to the porch swing with her hand, “Come sing with me.” He crossed his arms over his chest and shook his head. “Nuh-uh, that’s a girl song,” he argued. 

The front door opened and out came Melody Y/L/N. Her smile matched her daughter. “Now, Rafe. Have I not taught you anything about music? There is no such thing as a boy song or a girl song. Or a Pogue song or a Kook song. As long as it speaks to you, it is meant for you. Now, why don’t we all sing together?” Those words touched him and it would continue to do so well into adulthood. And it was that afternoon when Rafe started to heal from the pain of a dead mother. Playing music with the Y/L/N women and being happy made him feel closer to his mom than any condolences from other people.

———

Y/N lost her mother at twelve years old. The real kicker was that the universe decided that the day the girl would turn into a young lady was the day of her mother’s funeral. Her mother was a lively person and requested in her will that people wear their favourite colour to her funeral. So Y/N wore light blue to the burial. When she went to the bathroom after returning home, she was greeted with a massive red stain in her underwear. It felt as though the world had ended. Melody may have talked to her daughter about the logistics of dealing with a period, but Y/N couldn’t remember a word of what her mother had said and she began to panic. She locked herself in the bathroom after her dad gave her a new pair of underwear and some of her mom’s leftover pads. Other than that, he had no idea what else to do to get his daughter out. His wife was gone and his daughter was dealing with a problem he had never experienced before. He felt hopeless until he thought of the one person who could help. 

Ward dropped off his son in front of the one-story yellow house, telling his son he could sleep over if Y/N needed someone. Rafe walked into the house as if he lived there and went straight to the bathroom door. “Hey, Rock Star. I heard you were feeling bad. I brought you some KitKats, dulce de leche ice cream and some Tylenol,” he announces, looking through the bag. “My mo- My mom used to say eating sweets made her feel better.” She didn’t respond; instead, she remained seated on the floor against the bathtub. Her head was on her knees to catch the tears coming from her eyes, wishing her mom could be here to help her through it. Rafe sighed, worried his friend would never leave that room again. Since food didn’t work, he only knew one other thing that might be able to get her out. If it didn’t work, then he didn’t know what would. He ran to the living room and flipped through the CD holder, looking for a specific one. He finally found it and took it out. He set it in the CD player and dragged it into the hallway. He plugged it in, skipping to the perfect song. The notes began to play and he shook his hips in synch with it. “I come home, in the morning light,” he started to sing with Cyndi. She could hear his exaggerated shrieks from inside her confides. He was definitely doing it to goad her out. “I think I’m a great singer. What do you think, Rock Star?” he screamed from the other side of the door. She sat there for a little longer, listening to his horrible singing. 

Eventually, she had to save her poor ears from the torture. His singing dimmed in volume at the click of the lock. He saw her feet tapping and he knew it was only a matter of time before she joined in with him. Once she started singing with him, he switched to his real singing voice. The slant of her lips was still in a frown, but it was still an improvement from not wanting to see anyone. And once again, music helped the children grieve the loss of an important woman in their lives. 

———

Her foot taps against the floor as she bites her nails. The earplugs she is wearing help dampen the sound from the stage. She can’t believe he is here. It really shouldn’t be a surprise. This competition would launch the winner’s career. Y/N hasn’t seen him in seven years and hasn’t played with him for just as long. Kiara comes from behind her and rests a palm on her shoulder. Kie has been touring with Y/N’s band for three years now. As soon as she graduated high school, she hit the road and became the Melodies’ personal assistant. They both turn to look at the lead singer of Just Wanna Have Fun as he sings while strumming his electric guitar. He turns so she can see the back of his guitar and she spots the beam note with their initial in each of the ovals of the notes. R and Y/I/N. She is surprised he hasn’t painted over it already. Each band gets to play three songs and when she hears the next song he decides to play, she can’t stand on the sideline and watch them perform anymore. She turns around and heads into the lounge area for the musicians. How dare he play that song?

He could feel her gaze on her throughout his first set. He should’ve figured she would be here. If he thought she was, he wouldn’t have played the next set. He finishes his part of the duet and he looks to the side of the stage to see her while Frank sings the verse that used to belong to Y/N. Disappointment flashes across his eyes at the empty spot where she was. This is the first time he gets to see her in seven years and of course, he has to screw it up. He gets so caught up in the past that he almost misses his verse. 

———

The cool air tickled their skin as her head rested on his stomach. The new electric guitar his dad bought him for his fourteenth birthday lay beside them. “Do you ever worry about us not being friends anymore?” she thought out loud, staring up at a cloud that looked a little like a bunny. He frowns at her and lifts his head up to look at her, “No, why in the world would I think about that?” 

“We are total opposites, Rafe. You are a Kook. I’m a Pogue. You are destined for a life of greatness while I’m meant to be stuck on my side of the island.”

He laughs, “That’s absolutely ridiculous because we are both meant to be in a band together and become so famous that the members of Pink Floyd will be jealous.”

He could see the seriousness of her question and sat up, taking her with him. She now sat across from him and he took her hand into his. “But seriously though, all that stuff doesn’t matter. Not when we have music. It’s like your mom used to say. Music isn’t meant for one type of person. As long as it speaks to you, it is meant for you. And that logic is the same for us. We speak to each other, so we are meant for each other,” he promised. He scooted to his backpack and got out a Sharpie. He sat back down beside her, flipping his guitar onto his lap. “What are you doing?” she questioned. She slid in closer to him. He uncapped the marker and began to draw a beam note. He looked up at her with a smile, “Proving to you that we will never stop being friends.” He put his initial in the first note and handed the marker over to her. She got the message, writing her initial in the other note. He took the marker back to cap it. “There. Now, as long as this is here, we will be friends forever.” She giggled at his remark, thinking it would eventually fade; however, what she didn’t know was that he forced his dad to get something to seal the writing that very night. 

———

Y/N will never get over the feeling of being on stage. Whether she is playing for a crowd of one or a hundred, all she needs is to share what she loves with people willing to listen. She smiles at the camera Kiara flashes in her face and takes the towel Kie hands to her. The fabric removes the sweat from her forehead, staining with makeup in the process. She makes her way to the lounge to put her stuff away so she can wait out the other bands until they announce who is going to make it to the next round. Her usual routine after a gig is to take a breather outside by herself. She needs the outside air to cool her down and let her think, so her bandmates give her the space she needs as she heads out the backdoor. She breathes in the cool air, slamming against the rough brick wall. So far, she has been able to contain her emotions about seeing him again. Yet, finally being able to focus on her feelings, makes her realize that she is still hurt by what he did all those years ago. She trusted him with all of her heart and he broke that trust. How could someone she loved so much betray her so badly? 

“It’s been seven years and you still haven’t changed, Rock Star.” The voice snaps her out of her thoughts. Her head swivels in his direction, rolling her eyes at him. “Neither have you because I’m guessing you are here to smoke. You know those things will kill you, right?” she retorts, looking in the opposite direction. He chuckles, “Yeah, this girl I used to know a while back told me that all the time.” She doesn’t join in his playfulness. “You know what, I’m just going to go back inside,” she decides, pushing off of the wall to head to the door. He reaches for her wrist to stop her. She stops at the contact and he flicks the cigarette bud on the floor. He stomps it out. His gaze finds her again and at the disapproving look on her face, he picks it up and throws it in the garbage. He points toward the door, “I’ll go. I recognize how much you need these moments alone. I’ll see you back inside.” He steps toward the doorway, pausing to glance at her over his shoulder. “It was nice to see you in person again.” She scoffs, “I wish I could say the same.” This digs another shallow hole in his heart and he lets the door slam shut behind him. Once he is gone, she slides down the wall, resting her head on her knees with her eyes closed. Is a record deal with one of the best recording labels really worth the regauging of old wounds? 

Rafe heads to the bathroom, the inside of his cheek caught between his teeth. The decision to use the individual bathroom is easy; he doesn’t want anyone to walk in on his mental breakdown. His hand twists the cold facet and splashes the water onto his face. The shock of the temperature aids him in rearranging his thoughts. At the sight of her broken heart, it killed him that he wasn’t able to drag her into his hold and whisper how sorry he was for letting them get to this point. After all their time apart, every single detail that he remembers about her is the same. Her lavender perfume remains his favourite smell in the world. The dark fuschia lipstick is the one he picked out for her when she started wearing makeup. And she relies on the tiny taps of her feet in rhythm with the song playing in her head. 

———

Rafe watches her from his spot in front of the stage. The area designated for the bands to stand in during the elimination announcement isn’t as crowded as the general admission behind him. Two bands are going to be eliminated. It isn’t a lot, yet it doesn’t guarantee Just Wanna Have Fun is going to continue in the competition. He hopes the Melodies advance, certainly because the longer they both stay, the more chances he has at making things right between them. All he wants is to get back what they had and maybe what they didn’t get the opportunity. That wish is quickly submerged by a wave from a passing jet ski. 

The jet ski is probably two inches shorter than Rafe. His light brown curly hair goes passed the bottom of his ear and looks like a flat mane. The green eyes stare at Y/N with adoration that only Rafe should be allowed to direct toward her. What really destroys Rafe is when that five o’clock shadow brushes against Y/N’s skin to give her a kiss on the cheek. Garrett notices Rafe’s gaze and shoves the glarer with his shoulder. “Stop staring. You look creepy,” Garrett orders, turning back to the stage. As Rafe is about to obey the suggestion, he catches the way Y/N leans against the chest of the mystery man, causing a bubble of nausea to form in his stomach. The screech of a microphone calls the attention of everyone in the crowd. A short woman with blue hair and black lips angles the bulb toward her, “Everyone played beautifully tonight, but unfortunately, you all can’t join us next week. Just as a reminder every week, two bands will be eliminated. Now, for the moment you have all been waiting for.” She takes a pause to unfold the paper with the names of the unlucky musicians and her cheerful demeanour shifts to one of sorrow. “I’m sorry to announce that Dex the Sex and Heartaches will not be playing on this stage again next week.” The bands closest to the exiled ones express their condolences, while the ones further away can be seen celebrating the small victory. Rafe turns to hug his bandmates and can’t help but risk a glance at her. Her arms are around her supposed boyfriend’s neck and their chest are pressed against each other. 

The green-eyed monster tickles his heart. His legs move in advance of his brain processing his emotions. The tips of his navy blue converses touch her black leather boots. He notices the way the man’s arm around her waist slightly tightens so that the veins in his arms are prominent and the sharp jaw clenches. Rafe eventually has the confidence to look in her eyes and her distaste for him marinates in them. His fingers go to scratch the back of his ear, “Congrats on making it to the next round. You… you played great. Was the last song new?” She leans forward in the man’s hold and some of her hatred cools down. “Thanks, it is. Something I came up with last week. We’ve been working late nights to perfect it for tonight. You sounded great tonight too,” she says barely above a whisper. The man behind her looks between the ex-bandmates and extends his hand out, “I’m Knox, Y/N’s boyfriend. It’s nice to meet you, Rafe.” 

Rafe grips Knox’s hand a little too tight with a straight smile. “It’s nice to meet you too,” he placates, wondering how much trouble he would get into for punching the idiot. It would be unwarranted for sure, yet it doesn’t stop his urge to want to do it. Feeling the start of a cock fight brewing, Y/N steps in. “We didn’t eat dinner before the show, so we are going to go… do that.” She breaks away from her boyfriend’s hold and takes his hand, following her friends toward the exit. Her cold demeanour might have made someone else lose spirit. Someone who didn’t know Y/N. Rafe knows otherwise though. He was able to crack the glaze of her harshness. He isn’t letting that victory go. 

———

His feet ache after a late-night practice. They had gotten the last timeslot for practice at the venue today, not that Rafe minds. He works better at night because it is when he needs a distraction the most. She was there earlier, so he didn’t get to see her. The smell of her perfume followed him wherever he went while he was there. They haven’t had any encounters since that night. It doesn’t surprise him; she is obviously avoiding him. It hurts him more than hell and he knows he deserves it because he did something a hundred times worse to her. The echo of his footsteps is the sole sound in his vast apartment. This has been his house for five years, except it doesn’t feel like home. Not when it doesn’t have that touch of her like his room at Tannyhill does. 

———

“God, could your room look any more like a stereotypical teenage boy’s jerk off-centre?” she criticized, looking around the room with disgust in her eyes at the cluster of cups on his bedside table. Some of them had ring stains around the glass. He looked at her over his shoulder, “What are you talking about? All the guys I know have a room like this.” She points at the walls littered merely with car posters or bikini models. “Yeah, and that’s the problem. How can you call this place home if there is nothing that shows you are the one living here?” she argued. He gestured to the poster, “What do you think that is?” 

“That shows me that any guy in my class lives here.”

“Like a Pogue could afford half of the stuff in this room.”

“Really, Rafe?” 

“Right, sorry. Can you just get to the point? What do you think I should add then? What will make this place my home?” 

“You need more personality in here. Pictures of people you love. Little trinkets. Plants. Music stuff. Love letters from a sweetheart.” 

He chuckled, “Like you display your love letters. And why can’t my personality be cars and bikini posters.” “Because that’s every other straight cis-gendered boy's personality. You know, if you added more things, it would make a girl feel more comfortable in your room,” she attempted a different tactic. His brow arched, “Hmm, never thought about it that way. This isn’t the first time you’ve been in my room though. Why bring it up now?” “I’m tired of looking at this nasty-ass messy room. That’s why,” she admitted. He nodded, taking into consideration her opinion. He grabbed a piece of tape from his desk drawer and took out his wallet. She observes as he slides out a picture from the window slot. He tacked on the photo right above his desk. She couldn’t see what it was in, so she stepped forward. Her eyes welled up with tears at the sight. It was a picture of them. The memory of when the photo was taken comes to the forefront of her mind. They were twelve years old and he had just learnt a new chord on the guitar, so of course, he had to teach her it as well. His hands were placed over hers on the neck of the guitar, while he guided her fingers. “What’s this?” she stupidly questioned.

He grinned at her, “You told me to put up a picture of someone I loved and I did.” “And you just had that picture in your wallet this whole time?” she clarified. He shrugged, “Yep since I got it.” “That is very unexpected, Rafe,” she thought out loud. He wrapped an arm around her shoulder, “What do you expect, Rock Star? You’re my best friend. Of course, I love you.” The words stung her. It shouldn’t surprise her that was who he saw her as. She was a Pogue; she could never be more to him. 

———

He should’ve brought that picture to New York with him. He did bring one thing over that reminded him of home. The music room in his apartment has everything he needs to write a song. It is the one place in his apartment that he doesn’t mind spending time in. There are so many ways for him to clear his mind here and it is where his bandmates like to hang out too. No matter how many times Frank (keyboardist), Garrett (bassist), Topper (drummer), and Barry (band manager) enter this room and know every inch of the room, they will never find his most precious possession. He kneels beside the drawer tower filled with various accessories for the instruments and pulls the bottom one open. He pushes down on the false bottom to reveal a stack of lined papers. They are rumpled from how many times he has read them over; he just couldn’t bring himself to send them or get rid of them. At first, he wrote them to apologize to her, but then he started to use it as a cathartic method. He allowed himself to express everything he had ever wanted to say to her in the letters and every time he needed a reminder of who they used to each other, he read them. His hope was that one day they would be the personalization their house needed to feel like home. It’s been a while since he wrote a new one; however, with her reappearance in his life, it feels time to write another. 

Dear Rock Star,

Even after all this time, you still manage to find a way to have a hold on my heart. Maybe, it’s because I never sent the first letter, so we never got the closure we needed. But seeing you again made my heart feel like it was beating to the tune of its old song. Everything I felt for you came back like a tidal wave and all I wanted to do was hug the ever-loving shit out of you. And then he went to you. That wave I thought I could overcome became my undoing. It made me regret never reaching out to say I was sorry. I realized that your rejection of my apology would be a lot less painful than your moving on from me. It was bound to happen. How could it not when you are the most amazing person to have ever existed? I just dreamt that I could’ve found my way back into your life before it happened. But I didn’t and now, I have to stew in my consequences. 

I sometimes wonder if you miss me as much as I miss you. I get that it is different for you. You were the one who got hurt instead of the one doing the hurting. I think you do. You may not admit it, but you responded to me. Maybe you wanted to seem professional and I can see that being your reason. Yet, your eyes told me something else. I’m not talking about when we talked. I’m talking about when I was on stage. You saw the beam note and I could see the yarning behind the hatred. You want to go back to that time just as much as I want to. I’m going to get us back to that place, I promise. We might not be able to be exactly the people we used to be; nevertheless, we can try. Because you still speak to me, Rock Star, and that means we are meant to be.

Loving you always,

Rafe

He sighs at the final stroke of the pen and caps it. He reads it over and over until it is all he can think about. The words have never felt more true to him and he makes a vow to himself to make it come true. If he can’t have back what they once had, then he will make damn sure he’ll earn the next best thing. He hears the jiggle of the front door handle and rapidly shoves everything back into the drawer. “Dude, why is it always so damn dark in here? Don’t you know how to turn on lights?” Topper teases from downstairs. “Where are you? Come out of the studio for once, will ya? We brought you food from that Turkish place.”

———

“I think maybe we should try you coming in later with the backup vocals, Debs. Why don’t we try again?” Y/N advises. At the nod from the other girls, Y/N faces the stage outward and grips the microphone with both hands. Viola counts them down, beginning the rhythm for everyone to join in. Y/N waits for her cue to sing; she has been the lead singer for the Melodies for seven years and she has yet to figure out what to do with her hands. When they started the band, they figured having two guitarists didn’t mesh well with their sound. So, she offered to drop the instrument for the band because Laila hates singing. She didn’t mind not being able to play on stage, except there were sometimes when she missed it. She’d even dare to say she missed playing with Just Wanna Hav Fun because she wanted the ability to shred some strings in a room bigger than her shoebox of an apartment. The note that signifies she comes in plays and she opens her mouth to sing. Her mind turns off, focusing entirely on hitting every note perfectly. Every time she gets to be on stage, she finds herself falling in love with music again. Especially since it helps her feel closer to her mother.

The girls get lost in the music and forget the time. The clearing of a throat causes Y/N to whip in the direction of it. Topper gives her a small smile and a wave, “I hate to stop the creative flow, but it’s eleven.” Y/N’s head bobs and helps the others get all of their stuff together. She can feel the eyes of the people she used to call friends on her. She tries not to succumb to the pressure of their gaze. As they leave the stage, both groups awkwardly look at each other. She hasn’t kept secrets from her girls, so they know everything that went down between her and the boys. 

Laila, Viola, and Debra can see the emotionless expression on her face at the encounter with her past and decide not to bring it up. “Are you working a shift today?” Laila inquires whilst placing her guitar in its case. Y/N slings her bag across her chest, “Yeah, I’m doing a closing shift. If you guys want to come over to rehearse some more, come over after ten. I need a break between now and work.” “Got it, I’ll bring the pizza,” Laila informs before leaving with Debra and Viola. Kiara returns from the bathroom and approaches Y/N, looking nervously between the stage and her friend. “I don’t want to talk about it, Kie,” she laments. Kiara notices the way the singer avoids eye contact. The PA shakes her head, “You’ve been burying this within you for almost a decade. That isn’t healthy.” “I have no idea what you are talking about. It is perfectly fine to not talk about it. And for your information, I interacted with him on the first competition night. I would say that counts as acknowledging it,” she contends. Kiara’s head tilts to give Y/N a pointed look.

“I overheard that conversation. You were just being nice because the audience could see you.”

“You can’t deny that I was being nice. So I say it counts.”

“You know that isn’t what I mean, Y/N/N. You aren’t only hurting him by leaving things unsolved, but yourself. The more you avoid getting closure, the more you come up with your own explanation for his actions. Those are always going to be worse than the truth. Think about it, not for him. For you.”

Kie doesn’t wait for an answer and it leaves Y/N to think about the impact of her friend's words. She chances a glance to where the music is coming from before heading home. The world is drowned out by the music playing in her headphones, filling in the space where her thoughts should populate. Everyone believes she has to speak to him; they lecture her on the importance of learning the full story. It is rich of them to say all those things when they aren’t the ones who Rafe pained. He didn’t even have the decency to say he was sorry after she confronted him. All he had to present to her were countless excuses. So they don’t get to have an input on how she deals with her shit because she is dealing with it. Through her writing. Out of Rafe and Y/N, she has always been the one more attuned to writing. Rafe can write good songs, he just isn’t as in love with the process as she is. Once her headphones come off at home, she rushes to her bedside drawer, pulling out a beaten-up notebook. She flips through countless songs about him. Every single one was written when she couldn’t contain how she felt. She finally gets to the picture of them she uses as a bookmark. It is the same one he taped onto his wall when they were fifteen. She couldn’t bring herself to take anything else of him during her move. As soon as the pen hits the paper, everything she has been bundling up inside falls onto the page.

———

He had asked her out. Rafe asked her out and she said yes. It had been a game of cat and mouse, them going back and forth on whether or not they should risk their friendship for something more. Spoiler alter, it wasn’t going to be. She didn’t know that though. At the moment, she was focused on getting to band practice. The cold evening breeze caused her to wrap her zip-up hoodie around her body by holding it against her waist. She drops her phone right as she gets to the opening of Topper’s garage. Something she overhears while picking up her phone makes her delay her entry to the room. “I heard you are going on a date with Y/N.” It was a high-pitched voice that could only belong to Samantha. Y/N wasn’t the biggest fan of Samantha. The Kook had a permanent judgmental face in her presence and she could hear the repugnance lacing the question.

Y/N expected her best friend to hear the same tone and defend her. It never happened. “Listen, I didn’t want to do it. I got tired of her doing that pathetic mopey-eyed shit. She was begging for me to ask her out, so I did to stop her pestering. Trust me, I could never willingly date a Pogue.” Suddenly, her heart popped under the weight of the tire and he continued to smear her most vital organ across the road with every laugh he let out. What added to her decimation was that her other bandmates joined in her mocking. During their friendship, they had never made her feel different because of what side of the island she was born on. She thought they didn’t care about the number in her bank account; apparently, they did. She wondered how many lies they told her. Was everything they ever paid for for her because they pitied her? Were they truly her friend? She stepped back to leave, not having the courage to face the most important people in her life until Rafe said something that turned her agony to rage. “What about that stupid saying her mom always said that she lives by.  As long as it speaks to you, it is meant for you. It is so ridiculous. One. Not everything talks. Two. Does she believe that a life outside of the cut is meant for her? Y/N is so delusional.” Samantha let out a cackle. This was the ultimate betrayal. 

She stormed into the room, letting the boys’ height tower over her. The faint smell of weed permeated the air. With the number of times they smoked in here, she was surprised the fabric of the light brown couch didn’t permanently smell like the drug. Topper’s garage wasn’t what most people would imagine for a place to park a car. It made sense though because his family didn’t keep their cars in this garage. They had another small building to house their vehicles in true Kook fashion. This room was a modern finished room, perfectly equipped for whatever Topper’s new hobby was and it happened that his hobby for the past year was being in a band. Rafe could see the fury in her eyes and knew she heard everything they said. He felt horrible. In an ignorant teenage boy fashion, he said anything he could to get laughter out of his friends, creating the biggest mistake of his life. Time needed to rewind, so he could say what he should’ve. The way she looked at him buried him in regret. His desire to take her into his arms for her comfort was trumped by the knowledge that she would chew his head off. “How can you say those things about my mother? The fact that you would ridicule her after she treated you like her own son is sickening. You didn’t deserve her love and she would be disappointed in who you turned out to be. So would your own mom because the Margaret Cameron I know would be ashamed at how you just talked about her dead friend and your presumed best friend,” she fired. He could make glass out of sand with the way she scorched him. His mind zipped around with ways to apologize and make things better, yet his dumb hormonal self advised him to keep digging. She was outnumbered after all. 

“Playing the mom card, how depressing. No, I think my mom would be proud of me. She never liked you anyway. How could she? All you are is a sad little poor Pogue.” 

Lies. Margaret adored Y/N, loving getting to sing with the little girl. The laughs from the Kooks fueled his outer confidence, while his heart was being grated into millions of pieces. She froze; her face contorting into a pout. He spotted the wobble of her lip and the hitching of her breath. His feet shuffled forward a micro-inch, wanting to wipe away her despair. She took a deep breath. Silence seeped into the air. The tension thickened like trying to swim in a pool of peanut butter. She held her head high as she spun to leave, refusing to let them see her misery. 

———

Another competition night passes with the survival of Just Wanna Have Fun and the Melodies. The venue hall is practically empty, except for a few stray people. While the rest of the girls go home, Y/N stays behind to get some downtime alone in the rehearsal room. Being in the Battle of The Bands with Rafe is proving to be harder than she thought. They haven’t had another conversation, but their proximity puts her on edge. Her footsteps echo in the hallway as she leaves the bathroom. Headphones cover her ears, distracting her from the presence behind her. A tap on her shoulder causes her to twirl around. A skinny man with a sad excuse for a beard leers at her. He is wearing The Melodies’ merch and gives her a gut-twisting smile. Suddenly, she feels uneasy because of the lack of people in the building. Time droops as his thin fingers encase her wrist. She tries to yank her arm out; his baby-like grip impedes her attempt. “You have such a beautiful voice,” he mumbles. The usual compliment doesn’t have the same effect coming from a man who looks at her in such an objectified manner. 

“You need to let go,” she orders, having no obligation to acknowledge the content of his words. His hand further coils around her skin, “I said something nice about you. The least you can do is say thank you.” Fear sets in when his other hand reaches for his belt and he begins to drag her toward the bathroom. An arm hooks around the delusional man’s neck, causing him to stop and jerk her backwards. She quickly recognizes the thick bicep. “Let go of her,” Rafe growls in the assaulter’s ear. Relief flushes her at the release of weight from her wrist. “Rock Star, go get security and go back to the practice room.” Her mind goes on autopilot and follows his instructions, overlooking the manner in which he knows why she is here late. 

Once security is sent to aid Rafe, she returns to the instrument-filled room. Her attention is on the blue acoustic guitar resting in its case close to the metal stool. She picks up the guitar and takes a seat. Her fingers press against the string on the neck and her other hand strumms to create the chord. The lyrics she wrote so long ago flow out of her. 

“You betrayed me And I know that you'll never feel sorry For the way I hurt, yeah You said I was priceless but you really meant worthless. It took you a second To pretend I was nothing Guess I should’ve known That you were always a liar.” 

Rafe's back rests against the stone, a tear slipping out of the corner of his eye and down his face. He was going to go in to check in on her but hesitates to fall through. She needs to say something to the universe and for once, Rafe isn’t going to take that away from her. He saw the way the bounce of her foot disappeared with the song. Instead, he plans to give her exactly what she needs. The guys are going to hate him for this. 

———

The crowd is electric as Rafe takes a second to breathe. He looks around the venue, searching to see if she is in the section for the musicians to watch the show. His eyes connect with Y/N’s. He can carry on with his plan. He rests a hand on the microphone and adjusts the earpiece in his ear. The mic stand tilts while he brings the mic closer to his mouth, “This next one is new. It’s not on any of our albums, but it is something that is long overdue.” He flicks his head toward Topper to start playing the song they worked all week to perfect in time. Rafe’s head bobs to the beat of the drum, waiting for his queue to jump in. He starts singing at the same time he strums the first chord.  

“I've gotta right my wrongs With you is where I belong You've been down from the go Recognition is what you want And it's something that I should know Something that I should know All the things that you went through I never meant to put you through it twice, no Tell me how can I right my wrongs That's something that I should know All the things that we been through I never meant to put you through it twice, oh no”

His eyes flicker to her and his heart drops at the tears running down her round cheeks. Every part inside of him wants to stop playing when he sees her go backstage. He gets through the set and the rest of the guys say goodbye to their fans. He is too distracted to give it his full attention. Once backstage, he removes his guitar and weaves through the crew and other musicians in a jog to get to the musicians’ lounge. Disappointment crosses him when he can’t find her. He spots Kie and runs over to his sister’s friend. “Where did she go?” he interrogates, eyes frantically scanning the room for her. Kiara’s eyes roll, “You seriously expect me to tell you after the stunt you just pulled.” His hands clasp together in a shake. “Please, Kie. I needed to do it. She had to know how sorry I was and music has always been our way to connect. It felt right,” he explains, trying to resist the urge to drop to his knees in front of everyone. 

“It’s seven years too late, Rafe.” 

“It’s only too late unless one of us is dead. I need to make sure she is okay. That she knows I mean what I wrote.” 

“I don’t think you are begging enough.” 

His head goes crooked and he follows her gaze to the floor. He swallows his pride and gets onto his knees, “Please, Kiara Carrera. Tell me where Y/N is.” Kie smiles in satisfaction. “I won’t tell you where she lives, but I will tell you where she works and you can keep going there until you happen to be there when she works,” Kiara grants, typing the location into his phone. 

———

The clouds outside make the afternoon dark, adding to Rafe’s loss of hope of not seeing Y/N. The news said it was supposed to rain tonight, but it said that about every day this week and it was wrong. There is a small skip in his step as he reaches for the handle of the coffee shop. An elderly lady stands in the doorway he opened, so he steps back and allows her to pass him. She gives him a small smile as she does. Freshly ground coffee beans and the sound of steam coming from the machine strike his senses. Lydia at the counter recognizes him and begins making his usual before he gets to the register. TJ already has his order punched into the system when he gets there. All Rafe has to do is pay. Once that is done, he sits at a booth sitting along the right wall to wait for his drink. This allows him to see the counter and the front door at the same time. He has been to the cafe every day this week. He only leaves when they close or when he has to practice at the venue. A week isn’t long, yet it still allows him to get to know the people working there. They couldn’t disclose when Y/N is working for privacy issues and he understood why. He would be more concerned if they did tell him no matter who he claimed to be. His name is called and goes up to get it. He reseats himself, opening his laptop to keep himself occupied. 

Lavender. It overpowers him in a good way. He glances toward the front door and she is there, walking further into the store with the most dazzling smile directed toward Lydia. “Look who finally showed up to work,” the barista calls out. Y/N laughs, “I haven’t been scheduled to work. You know that, Silly.” “I know. Work just goes a little slower without my work wife here to keep me company,” Lydia complains with a grin. Y/N hasn’t noticed him and a part of him wishes she never will so she never loses the joy he hasn’t gotten to see since he was sixteen. He considers ducking out before she can see him, except Lydia has other plans. “Oh, by the way, this guy has been coming in every day to see you. He’s sitting over there.” Y/N’s eyes follow Lydia’s finger to where Rafe sits.

She sighs, “My shift doesn’t start for another ten minutes. Is it okay if I…” TJ answers for the barista. “Yeah, take your time.” Y/N’s head bobs and she pulls the hood off from her head. The KCHS written across her chest causes his heart to ache. He gave her some of the money so that she could buy the hoodie. She must not have remembered that fact if she kept it. Her path turns to his table and she settles herself in the seat across from him. “The nerve you have to sing that apology like it can solve all of our problems and then stalk me at my place of work,” she grits through her teeth. He bites the corner of his lip, “Music was always how we connected. And I wanted to make sure you were okay. You ran off during my set.”

“You don’t get to pretend like we still have music after what you said about our mothers. You gave that right up a long time ago. You also aren’t allowed to pretend you care for me.”

He reaches out for her hand and she yanks it away. “The things that I said… They were my greatest mistake. I have never forgiven myself for not apologizing on the spot and I don’t expect you to do so either. I do hope that you know that I regret every single word I uttered that day, Rock Star,” he pleads. He tries to meet her eye, but she averts her gaze. “The world has been a much darker place since you left. I am so sorry that I caused you the pain that I did. I would do anything in this universe to tell my younger self to tell you the truth that day.” She can’t help herself, “And what was the truth, Rafe?” “That even though we hadn’t been on our date yet, I was madly in love with you. I love you with every fibre in my being and it scared me because I knew how much it would hurt if I lost you. Not only that, I was just a teen and stupid enough to think getting a laugh out of my friends was better than facing something new. I had never been so wrong in my entire life.” Her eyes gloss over and checks the time on her phone. She stands up without another word, breaking Rafe’s heart as she walks to the back room. 

The air comes out of his nose in high pressure. He understands her message and leaves Y/N’s place of work. It is hard to process the words he said. Her younger self would’ve loved to hear his declaration of love. She would’ve been so excited. A small part of her heart flutters at the reveal, no matter how angry she is at him. The worst is she genuinely believes he is remorseful of his actions.

Their issues couldn’t be fixed with one small apology; however, she would never forgive herself if she never saw where this could go. “I’m sorry. I’m going to take my break right now,” she informs her co-workers, not waiting for answers. She takes off her apron and throws it onto the ground. She runs out the door in hopes she can still catch him. The crowd makes her question her belief until she spots the blue flannel he is wearing. She threads herself through the people and is met with resistance. “RAFE,” she yells out. He freezes, spinning around to see her. He pushes his way to her and they stand before each other as wet spatters begin to hit their heads. He chances resting his hands on her elbow, delighting when she doesn’t flinch away from him. “I think I forgive you,” she says. The patter from the rain drowns out her words, so he places his forehead against hers to hear her better. His smirk reveals he does have an inkling of what she confessed, “What did you say?” She knows the game he is playing and rolls her eyes. “Forget it, I’m just going to go back to work,” she snarks, turning away to head back to the cafe. Rafe catches her wrist and tugs her against his chest.

Their lips finally connect in the way they have been waiting for for twenty-three years. Her soft petals press hard against him like a rock. He reciprocates the pressure, running his tongue along her lips to ask for entrance. The rainwater mixes in with their saliva as she allows him in. He remembers the jet ski that once drowned him and pulled away. “What about Knox?” he questions. She stares at him with big eyes, “We were never really dating. He is Viola’s brother. He knows our history and thought it would be fun to play around with you to keep you away.” 

“I see. That didn’t work out as you guys had planned, did it? I don’t think anything can keep me away from you once I realize how stupid I was.”

“No it did not… You need to know that just because I forgave you doesn’t mean everything is back to normal. We can’t go back to pretending that we are still the people we used to be. I’m not the girl I was seven years ago and you’ll have to regain my trust.”

“And I am prepared to do whatever it takes to gain back what I broke. As long as I can be by your side.” 

Taglist: @winterrrnight @loves0phelia @thelomlisrafecameron @wickedlovely121 @thepatriarchykeychain @drewsmusee @starkowswife @maybankslover @forstarkey @loving-and-dreaming

[mozart-in-a-gokart]

My Thoughts On How Five Could Have Had A Romance In Season 4 That Doesn’t Involve His Siblings Or Lila

You guys voted for it so…

Here it is! So far it’s been an overwhelming majority telling me to share so here you go! There’s only two ways IMO that the introduction and execution of giving Five a love interest could have been done well.

I’ve never taken a screen writing class and this all may sound very fanfictiony. For that I am sorry. This is the first time I’ve actually posted a full rundown of a character that I’ve created online for people to read about, consider, and discuss with me! Also This post is so VERY long. I MEAN IT. I will not make you scroll through it if you aren’t interested! More below!

You can scroll down if you don’t wanna read any of the introductory info. It makes more sense if you do though. Your life though man! I’ll have it separated from the actual story bits!

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!Start of Introductory Information!

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Basic Character Information

I have given both love interests neutral names and tried to be as gender neutral with how I’m writing this as possible.

I am fully FOR the idea of Five being an Ace or Aroace icon. I adore his character and fully embrace all variations of him. (That being said I wish I had the ability to shove the home wrecker version of him we received in season 4 underwater and hold him there until I see the bubbles stop.)

Both of these options for love interests can and are intended to be open to being ace or non-ace regardless. These are just ideas that can be tweaked!

Also If you all like these I am debating writing either of the options into a few one shots? However, If you all hate them I won’t. (If you like anything you read in here I fully encourage you to use bits of it if you like the ideas. I love seeing people write stories and come up with their own versions. You all inspire me and helped inspire these characters!)

Both these versions of love interests would have bits of common background.

Both of these variants would start off as someone that he is established to work with at the CIA. (These organizations do not just let people do whatever they want whenever and with whomever they want.) They could have written it similar to season one with Diegos relationships. How Diego had this established life in an organization that he left. Diego established ties and interpersonal relationships with his coworkers which is not out of the norm. Acquaintances, Friends, rivals. All normal things that could develop between Five and a coworker similar in age to his physical body over the course of a SIX YEAR PERIOD.

Both of them will always take Five at his word. Neither variant of love interest would distrust him. Both know he’s not one to beat around the bush. If he says something he means it. Five is a blunt character regardless of how tired of all the work he’s doing all the time. This is an established character trait of his. The love interest would be USED to how BLUNT he is.

To Establish Age And Timeline: Five is stated to be in a 13 year old body in season 1 and that ends in April. Seasons 2 and 3 happen over the course of a few weeks for him. Then season 4 happens and he’s about 19 physically. I’m pushing season 4 so it’s more like a 7 or 8 year time-skip instead. Having Five be in a relationship like this ace or not at physically 19 is just odd for me. It feels wrong. So in order to make a romance work in this situation you’d need to push it further down the timeline. Make Fives physical age 20 or 21. It makes the audience feel better about seeing him involved with someone, Ace Or No Ace, and it allows for more wiggle room when they explain he’s now working for a government agency. People would be more inclined to believe he’s allowed to work for the government because he’s at the very least physically an adult man now. (Aiden Gallagher is 20 years old so him actually playing a 20-21 year old Five is not out of reach) — With that in mind both love interests would be the same physical age as Five and were recruited to the CIA because they were prodigies in their respective fields, but they went through training and recruitment with Five during the 7-8 year period we don’t get to see during the start of season 4.

This bullet is just so you understand some of the choices I make later in my run downs: Five has always just kind of done what he wants and gone where he wants so I think there’s a great opportunity for a running gag or even just a fun plot point about how in order to keep tabs on Five both love interests have their own special way of tracking him. (Explanations further below)

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!End Of Introductory Information!

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The Actual Characters

1—: Optimistic Opposite Partner : his handler researcher he always calls, personable, soft, NEEDS approval, and a prodigy

For this post let’s refer to Optimistic Opposite Partner as, Ash

2— Pragmatic Mirror Partner : his work partner, stubborn, practical , dry, Hot headed, and always left out

For this post we’ll refer to Pragmatic Mirror Partner as, Morgan

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Both Ash and Morgan would highlight different aspects of Five’s character in, at least from my point of view, very delightful ways. I think characters like these would be a great addition to the story if we got more episodes to insert them and add more interactions with All of The Umbrellas. For now however I will only be inserting them into the story that we got so there’s less interaction with the whole Hargreeves family. I will however do what we all know is right and disregard the cannon ending. I will be writing this under the assumption that the show would end how I detailed in my previous post where I detailed how I thought season 4 should have ended. That post can be found HERE.

Another Note: I’m not writing fully fleshed stories just bulleted versions of arcs and scenes I believe would have been better than what we got. Specifically and mostly following the “lost in the subways among the timelines” bit.

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Main Key Ash:

Five - Blue Text

Ash - White Text

Diego — Green Text

Lila — Pink Text

Luther — Orange Text

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THIS IS WHERE THE ACTUAL STORY BITS START

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Ash

They are the cute and fun character that eventually gets pushed a little too far.

They are the person Five is calling at the CIA every time he needs background research done. And I mean every single time.

When you think of this dynamic think Varric and Zhu Li From LOK mixed with a dash of Garcia and Morgan from criminal minds. Ladybug And Maria from Bullet Train.

The first time we see them is when he gets out of the meeting with his boss in that first episode. Maybe Give goes to his office and there they are set up across from him with a quirked eye brow.

“So how’d it go? Wait let me guess? Not well?”

“I really don’t need this from you right now Ash.”

“Too bad.”

“You know what I really need is—“ he stops as the camera focuses on a to go cup of coffee steaming on his desk already.

“Why did you—“

Ash gets up “I figured you’d need it. You got a party to get to. Lots of screaming kids.” They wave as they walk out the door. “If I were you I’d chug it! Have a good night!”

We see five irritated beyond belief silently indicate that Ash has a point, pick up the cup and drink from it with no hesitation. In one scene we establish that at the very least Ash knows Five very well and Five seems to trust Ash because he without hesitation accepts the coffee and takes the advice to chug it.

Ash Tracks him through his phone. He has a government issued one. It needs to be used like this because as we saw in the show in other seasons, Five just goes where he wants. He did that when he had powers. He does it now. As his research assistant THATS EXTREMELY FRUSTRATING. A scene that could happen is

“I can’t believe you’re in ‘New Grumpson right now.”

“I told you to stop tracking me.”

“How else am I supposed keep tabs on you Five? You never tell me where you’re going. What am I gonna do when you need back up? Just throw a dart at a map and hope I’m right?”

“Look can you just send me the file I need”

“I can’t just fax it anywhere it’s classified.”

“It’ll be fine just—“

“Too late I’m already here.”

Five gritting his teeth and looking up to see them getting out of a car waving the file at him. His siblings are there and it’s amazing for them and us as the audience to watch Fove unravel in front of us. We feel like an older sibling watching him be pushed around by someone he can’t retaliate against. Five shakes his head and just takes the file from them. If done right this interaction could be something that feels like it happens every single mission he goes on at some point.

It’s obvious to everyone else that this person cares about Five deeply already, but Five just kind of takes them for granted. He doesn’t not care about them. He just doesn’t realize how much he relies on them. This is communicated nonverbally through the show in the CIA building. (Ex. Like when he’s in the office and in the middle of explaining something and walking Ash is anticipating and handing him things to help him make his point before he realizes he’s going to need them. They’re his bubbly little shadow at the office. There could even be a scene showing this if it wasn’t 6 episodes and 10 instead. At some point Five is at the office and he reaches to his side or in front of him and he doesn’t even realize there’s nobody there with him. Like there’s a shot of their usual desk in the corner exactly as it was the previous scene when Ash left it. They aren’t here today and they are always here. It throws him off. We get to see him be a little taken aback by it.

Ash gets pulled into the Cleanse mess because they bring him a file in the Christmas town and get caught up in the gun fight.

Five tries to blink them out of the fight and they both end up in the subway.

Personally I like the idea of Five getting on the train and the door closing before Ash can get on. The train leaves and Ash tries to run after the train but is too cautious to try following the tracks. They don’t know how to leave the station and they don’t wanna abandon Five, so they’re just kind of stuck there. They walk around the platform for a few minutes and end up sitting on the bench and just as they do the train rolls back into the station. Five walks off the train having done what he does in cannon, albeit a little more unnerved. In the other timeline he gets off the train at the next station and leaves the platform. He discovers it’s an alternate timeline. He gets back on the train and goes back and gets off the train in front of Ash. He’s been gone for ten minutes almost but it was only 5 minutes or so For Ash. Ash sprints at him. Five is surprised to be hugged by Ash and hugs them back for a second before they quickly lets go and hold each other at arms length purposefully. Five doesn’t even let them speak. He just cuts in before Ash can and tells them how its alternate timelines. At this point there’s no use in hiding it from Ash and they’re here in the subway with him so they ought to know.

Ash is more spiritual and fate oriented as a character. They take Fives abilities to blink specifically to the subway as a sign of it being important. Lila still convinces Five to check out the subway again and they do. He encounters himself. They both come back, and Ash is the one whose been looking into The Jennifer Incident File for Five. He meets them at the office and they fill him in on the file.

Ash is the one who gets him to really think about Ben before he goes to Reginald’s mansion. They comment on the file explaining

“This is a somewhat biased account, I’ll give you that. It’s the guys you were fighting against so there’s always gonna be an amount of “he said she said”. But the guy who wrote this seems to be blunt as hell. Very factual presentation of everything. No punches pulled about how badly he fought or how his team failed to achieve goals.”

“What are you saying?”

“What I’m saying is… History is written by the winners Five. I don’t know your dad well. Hell I don’t know him at all, but I gotta ask… Is he the kinda man who would lie about this stuff? Is he the kind of man you could trust to tell you how you actually won? What do you remember?”

Five squints at them. “Nothing… I wasn’t there… but it’s an interesting thought.” He gets up and walks around to Ash’s desk.

“I try.” Five starts to leave and ash calls out after him “I’ll let you know if anything develops on this end.”

Five waves the copy of the File at them in aknowledgement and disappears out of the office door

Ash comes out with them to the Alpaca farm when they get the call about it. They’re standing with Five And Lila when she tries to convince Five to go back to the subway again. Five agrees he’ll go and take a look but not with her. This irritates Lila. Ash tries to level with Lila and this annoys her. She snaps that it’s none of Ash’s business and to stay out of it. Lila snapping at Ash is Five’s cut off. He tells Lila she isn’t coming with him to the subway because of her attitude right now. She’s acting way too impulsively right now and he’s not going to risk that. She needs to take a breath go regroup with Diego and Luther. Keep tabs on them. Lila is irritated by this and storms away. (This may be out of character for her but I truly have never understood Lila as well as other characters. I’m so sorry.)

Ash asks if they can come with. Five is about to ask them if they’re serious? He just denied Lila why would he bring Ash? Ash says that they’re just curious about this all honestly. Plus it’s always better to bring someone to watch your back. Five reluctantly agrees because Ash is right. Plus they’ve kept a very level head through all this. If something happens he can just bring them home. It’ll be fine.

So he brings Ash with on that second run to investigate and everything with the sparrow academy timeline happens.

Then as we know they both end up getting stuck.

They roll past their stop.

“Five? Wasn’t that our—“

“Stop? Yes. Yes it was.”

The montage of what happens down there wouldn’t really be a montage it would be an entire episode or at the very least half of an episode dedicated to following them over the course of these six years. (If it was a montage though, the song I feel like that would be amazing in vibe and fit would be “You’re Dead” By Norma Tanega)

We would get a lot more scenes above the subway when they’re looking for supplies and gathering information. Fighting things that are on the surface in these other timelines.

This version of Five is one who is coming at the fact he’s stuck in a never ending nightmare universe like this again as if it’s a personal slight against him. Like of course, of fucking course it happens to him again. OF COURSE. When his family needs him this happens AGAIN. (It’s a very self centered way of looking at it. The fact Ash is there and also dealing with this is not even on his radar at first. Ash's feelings about this don’t even register to him until later because as a defense mechanism he’s automatically slipped back into ‘survival apocalypse’ mode. ‘One problem at a time’ mode. ‘This physical problem in front of my face is what I’m focusing on’ mode. we can tell when he finally picks up on Ash's feelings about being stuck here but he doesn’t say anything to them about it. His character has never been good at approaching people gently and while they’re in survival mode gently isn’t really an option.

Ash is obviously so scared about the fact that they’re trapped there and don’t know how to get home. They just don’t want to show it. They put on a brave face the whole time and we watch it crack.

Ash can seem to sense Five’s irritation and just slips into doing what they do best. Following Fives lead.

So Five makes a plan. They are both agents for the CIA so they both should be able to survive out here. They both spend months staring at the map terminal and physical map, trying to decode it and it gets more and more frustrating for five. But Ash is trying their best to stay optimistic on purpose. You can tell it’s somewhat forced but still somewhat genuine.

Ash is also doing what they do best. Assisting Five. But at the beginning it seems like it’s much more difficult. Apocalypses and time travel aren’t anything they trained for. Plus their survival training was minimal since they joined the CIA as an analyst not a field agent. They aren’t sure what Five needs. There are moments we see Five hold out his hand out of habit and Ash just stares. They don’t know what he needs and it’s unsettling for both of them. Five realizes he has to reach Ash what they need to do out here and you can tell it’s irritating to him.

A full year passes and Ash's optimism seems to fade but they’re getting better at knowing what needs to be done to survive in the subway. They get better at anticipating things that are needed. When they talk Ash's smile doesn’t seem to reach their eyes as much. Five doesn’t notice this still. Five always seems slightly annoyed that Ash is always so upbeat.

Year two you can tell the smile isn’t barely real at all but Ash still pokes fun at five along the way. Ash is the one trying to keep them both feeling human. They have to force Five to do things like wash clothes, eat, sleep, comb his hair. Five is visibly irritated by it. He doesn’t want to be dragged away from the problem but he always begrudgingly acknowledges that Ash is right.

It’s around the middle of year 3 that they both break. Ash offers to help five shave (similar to how Lila does in the show) because he’s doing a god awful job of it. He hasn’t had to do upkeep like this since the first apocalypse and even then he just let his beard grow out then. We see Ash in the “mirror” Five is using to shave and even he can tell the smile is so forced it hurts to look at. Five glares at them and breaks his silence. He snaps at the about how shaving isn’t fucking important. Getting back home is important. At least when he was alone before he didn’t have to worry about some chipper chipmunk of a person following him around like a lost puppy. He berates them about the fact that they’re so chipper all the time and how irritating it is when all he needs to do is work. He Berates them for trying so hard at it. Why won’t they just admit that this all sucks. It’s awful. He wants Ash to get mad. He wants Ash to blame him. Ash needs to blame him. He implies that Ash doesn’t seem to care at all about the fact that they’re stuck here and that’s when Ash snaps back.

Ash isn’t smiling anymore. They go off at five about how much they care and how selfish Five has been. They know this isn’t a game. They understand the stakes. Theyre trying so fucking hard he has no idea. They’re just trying to keep it together because of they don’t they’re gonna go insane. (Essentially they lose it at him and tell him how much of a selfish prick he’s being.)

The two end up screaming back and forth at each other all sorts of things that devolve into nothing insults about little things that have annoyed them about each other (we as an audience get an insight into how well these two really know each other with how insanely specific some of the stuff is)

“At least I don’t gag when I skin a rabbit!”

“Oh I’m sorry apocalypse boy? Does my lack of enthusiasm towards skinning small animals upset you? I’m so so sorry you dad never let you have a pet rabbit! But some of us still—“

“Yeah, yeah, I remember your pet bunny. You’ve only mentioned sir pumpernickel 300 times. Im sorry you used to love one 👏🏻but 👏🏻we 👏🏻have 👏🏻to 👏🏻eat👏🏻this 👏🏻one 👏🏻to 👏🏻live👏🏻 so stop gagging and get it done.”

Ash then says something along the lines of “ You know? You talk about your ‘dad’ and you pretend you’re nothing like him, but you act exactly the same. Pompous and arrogant. So wrapped up in your need to stop the apocalypse and ‘save your family’ that you don’t give a shit who you hurt to do it!”

With that Ash storms off out of the station to whatever world they’ve stopped in.

Five is stunned by what they’ve said and lets them go still half shaven.

He turns back and tries to keep shaving and after a few minutes he realizes what he’s said to Ash.

He stops shaving and washes his face off. He goes up after them. He finds them washing clothes in the river he sits next to them.

Five helps them finish washing clothes. It’s silent the whole time. They bring clothes back to the station he offers Ash the barber knife. It’s an olive branch. Ash takes it.

We then get the shaving scene but it’s Ash and Five. The scene is silent save for the scraping of blade against skin. Then Five speaks.

“I’m sorry.” A pause. “For saying all of that and for treating you like—.”

“It’s okay. Stop talking, or I’ll end up cutting you.” More quiet scraping.

Five waits til Ash is finished shaving him and wiping off the knife before he speaks again. He says he’ll do better.

“Yes, yes you will.” There’s another pause “or else I’ll only shave half your face next time.”

This is the first time Five cracks a genuine smile in YEARS. Ash smiles back. There’s a renewed sense of understanding. A silent deal is struck essentially. Be kinder to each other in this.

The next two years we get scenes that are more gentle between the two very similar to the ones we get in the actual show. Five is more open to teaching Ash things about the worse parts of hardcore survival. Which in turn helps Ash feel more useful and lightens the load on Five. He can trust them to handle themselves more.

We watch them Slowly moving closer too each other over the course of the train rides. Falling asleep with heads on shoulders. Cooking for one another. Interspersed with scenes of them just entertaining themselves with the other. Reading from books they find in these universes. Playing chess together, cutting hair, sewing up cuts. Light Play fighting in the rivers they wash clothes in eventually leading to the sixth year five months two days conversation.

It happens just after a scene where we watch Ash set Fives Broken leg.

That’s RIGHT the reason they end up in the green house is a legitimate reason in this one.

Five loses his footing hunting in a previous scene and falls down a hill. He blinks and lands haphazardly on rubble in the subway startling Ash who has to immediately jump into action and help.

Ash after setting and wrapping Fives leg tells him that he needs to rest. They have to settle somewhere and let his leg heal. Five doesn’t want to stop but has to concede that Ash is right. Ash starts packing up the camp and they brainstorm where would be the safest place to rest. Five brings up the greenhouse.

“The one with strawberries and that fun little office room?”

Five nods. “It was pretty clean and there was a desk there. I can still work on figuring out this subway while I’m bedridden…”

Ash rolls their eyes at him. “Like you’ll actually stay in bed once I make you a set of crutches.”

Five glares at them as they finish packing things up.

“Don’t be such a baby. It’ll only be for a few months till you can put weight on it. We aren’t giving up.”

And here’s the big change from cannon. THEY DONT GIVE UP.

They do rest there. Five recuperates there. He’s the one messing rolling about in a chair scribbling things down in a notebook while he messes the strawberries in the greenhouse. Ash goes Hunting instead.

They do have their cute little cottage core moments but they don’t give up. And it’s not in the green house that the strawberry throwing happens. It’s a basket of clothes that Ash brings in while five is WRITING IN THE JOURNAL trying to decipher the glyphs from the subway.

Ash throws socks at five instead of food. That conversation about winter happens and Ash DOES FALL but it’s into the handmade wheelchair that Five has been using while healing.

Five is always holding a notebook in his hands. I cannot emphasize enough HE IS STILL WORKING TO FIND HIS FAMILY.

THATS when the kiss moment happens.

“Was that not okay? I’m sorry. I know this isn’t the time—“

Five cuts them off with a kiss again and that’s answer enough.

They don’t ask if it’s weird because ITS NOT. They are two people with and established back and forth coming together in this moment.

Five finds the journal on one of his first trips out since his leg has healed enough to walk freely. The dinner is an anniversary dinner but more so to celebrate his leg healing. He shows it to Ash IMMEDIATELY. There is no fear of returning and losing them to someone because Ash is not married to his brother. 👀

Ash and Five end up staying in that greenhouse together while they make sure the journal is legit and figure it out together for a few days.

They finally figure out how to get home using it.

They wait a week to gather supplies to help them to continue on in case the journal screws them over and they got it wrong

Before they leave green house they have one last candle lit dinner and say good bye to it. They leave it all set up and all their things strewn about. Because the things don’t matter they’re going home together and there’s no question of will this last after they’re home because they don’t need to question it. Of course they are. It’s the same as Diego and Lila in season 2 and 3. There’s no questioning it.

They will stay together.

We get a fun scene at Lila and Diego’s house with the whole family talking about everything but Klaus is staring at Five and Ash. He is looking them up and down because they aren’t wearing suit jackets and pants anymore. They’re both in casual. Five is wearing his sweater vest and Ash is wearing jeans and a flannel. Diego calls it out.

“What is this then? No offense to, Ash, right? But why’re you here?”

“I vaguely recall asking you the same question about lila back in 63.”

“Lila’s different”

Lila has picked up on what five has indicated and his body language

“Not sure how different the situation is Di.”

This is when everyone on the couch picks up on it. Allison and Klaus immediately react silently. Klaus open mouthed impress and shock Allison bewildered looking at Ash for confirmation. Ash maybe makes eye contact with Allison and looks away a little embarrassed.

Diego looks at Lila confused “what do you— wait— You’re!” Diego accusatorially pointing a finger at Five. “Since when?!”

“My love life isn’t important right now Diego”

Only when Five says this does Luther pick up on it. He’s got a look of bewildered awe on his face and He looks right at Ash and addresses them.

“Wait, you two are dating?”

Klaus and Allison gag on their water like we got in cannon.

Ash looks like they truly have no idea what to say and five holds the bridge of his nose.

“Really not important right now. Can we get back to what’s important? Like the apocalypse? namely Stopping it?”

They continue their regular conversation about stopping the apocalypse

All of them leave and pretty much everything that happens leading up to my version of the “Cleanse” happens

These next bullets happen in the universe where my version of the ending is cannon once again you can read it here.

They have a meaningful moment on the subway after they’re all speeding away we get him asking them if they regret knowing him. Knowing what was gonna happen. Ash looks at him funny then says they could never.

“Besides. If we do get to live whole new lives… that means you still owe me all the years that we would’ve gotten in this one. Also a pet rabbit. You owe me a pet rabbit too.”

Five laughs “Of course.”

Five is holding them closely when the train hits the reset point.

The next we see them both is when the I detailed as his wife in the polkadot blouse comes walking into the classroom. Now Fives spouse in the true timeline, full name Asher Delores Murphy (Male/Female/ Or Nonbinary) Also PHD is wearing dress pants and a polkadot button up shirt

Maybe in the scene where they’re gathered around a tv in the physics building we see a rabbit cage in the corner. Five got them their rabbit that he owed them.

That’s Ash character arc. Five never stops looking and he falls in love with a character who is always willing and able to meet him where he’s at. Match his energy. Understand him without having to say anything to him. Someone we get to watch learn and teach Five to not shoulder a burden alone. Someone who carries the weight of the world alongside him, while simultaneously bringing out the human side of him that we as the audience rarely get from him.

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Morgan is Different. Morgan is more one sided rivalry to realization that it was actually just tension all along. Fighting with him and being on his side and willing to go down with him in the end.

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Main Key Morgan:

Five — Blue Text

Morgan — White Text

Lila — Pink Text

Klaus — Purple Text

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Morgan

They’re one of the CIA’s newest recruits and very similar to Five from season one. Also a prodigy.

Desperate to prove themselves

They don’t understand why Five keeps getting sent out into the field and they’re being denied the opportunity

“We’re the same age! We have the same experience! We’re technically partners! Let ME try for once!”

Five almost seems to pity them at first which absolutely infuriates Morgan

The first time we as an audience are introduced to them, is when they’re the one who comments on Fives lateness instead of the blond bespectacled operative we aren’t even properly introduced to in season 4

Five doesn’t need to have his suit handed to him he already has remembered it and is wearing it walking in the building.

Morgan is leaning against one of the pillars and they are quick to fall in step with five on his way.

“You’re late.”

“I am aware.”

“If you were aware, you wouldn’t have been late. Do you even know how to read a clock?”

“If anyone is gonna lecture anyone about time it’s me. I’m certain I know quite a bit more about how time works than you do Morgan.”

“Oh really? That’s interesting because last I checked, when you decide on a time to meet and a person gets there after that arranged meeting time, it means they’re late. That’s how time works.”

Five just sighs his defeated sigh and ignores them

He used to deal with worse from his siblings when they were younger. He’s completely fine with this. it’s almost welcomed by five it’s nostalgic for him in a way(the fact he’s never completely phased by the jabs you can tell is infuriating to Morgan)

At the last minute Morgan stops Five before he opens the office door and makes five look at them

Five has been wearing that gross mustache the whole time they’ve been talking

Morgan rips the mustache off Fives face and Five recoils

Morgan makes a quip about the mustache before pushing open the door and five walks in with them scowling

There could be a small bit where Morgan could also be suspicious of Five not checking in when his brother is kidnapped

Morgan is also in the room when Five blinks for the first time in eight years in their shared office.

We can tell what Morgan’s space and what’s fives space. Five’s is overly organized with books of mathematics strewn about and a chalk board covered in equations. Morgan’s side is covered in puzzle books. Sudoku, word scramble, decryption puzzle books, anagram puzzle books, books on linguistics, cryptograms. Notebooks with sticky notes just sticking out of every page. Morgan is obviously clever. Curious, a puzzle solver. Needs a challenge.

They just turn around and Fives just gone. They are fucking baffled. They think he walked out in the middle of a conversation. Rude!

Morgan leaves to get something and they come back and Five is falling into the chair bewildered and starts to keel forward.

Morgan is once again baffled. Then their face pass through a few emotions. Starting with irritation then suspicion And finally landing on concern

“I thought you’d left. In the middle of a— Are you alright?”

“No. I don’t think I am…” Five gets up and grabs his jacket and says he’s taking a sick day.

Morgan is absolutely taken aback. “A— You’re? Okay?”

Five ends up doing his thing and driving with his siblings up to New Grumpson

He calls Morgan from the pay phone and has them look into Sy Grossman and Jennifer Grossman

We watch it play out in a vertical split screen.

Morgan gives him the information but you can hear them just before Five hangs up

“There’s no one listed living in New Grumpson under those names Five. Are you gonna—“

“Thanks Morgan. Gotta go”

“Wait! Five! I’m your partner! you can’t just—“

Click.

The audience sees Morgan is slamming the receiver into the dock of the phone over and over again. This happens while the screen transitions Morgan off screen and focus back on Five

Everything that happens in New Grumpson still happens

Five ends up in the subway and comes back

They escape in the van and get into an accident

Five calls again and we get another vertical split screen. This is the call about running the Chrysler and Morgan is sick of this after Five hangs up this time. Instead of lingering on Five we linger on Morgan.

They’ve run the address and they message it to Five but instead of just leaving him to it that first time they meet him and his family at Gene and Jeans apartment.

Five is irritated but Lila doesn’t seem to care and Diego is trying to be cool for Morgan because they’re also from the CIA

Diego leaves and while Morgan is investigating something on the other side of the room Lila asks the blink question and they have that conversation with Morgan in the room.

Morgan doesn’t know what blinking is but it’s something they latch onto because Five can’t do it.

“What is it five? What do you mean by blink? You have to let me in! I can help!”

they’re poking him when Lila says to get back on the horse and grabs Five.

“Don’t!”

All three of them end up in the subway

Morgan is absolutely horrified and nearly throws up

“Oh my god! What did you do?! What is this?! Am I in hell? Is this 9-5 commuter hell?!”

Morgan is visible my freaking out in the background while Five and Lila argue about what she’s just done

Lila doesn’t care she’s just kinda whatever she doesn’t fully work for the CIA like Five does, she’s just doing it to feel alive again , same as Diego wants too. (look at that they’re Diego and Lila are husband and wife and they want the same thing? Who’da thought it?)

They are straight up just going to leave Morgan on the platform as when the tarain pulls into the platform (Morgan is not part of the family yet they are tagging along at this point.)

Morgan doesn’t wanna be left alone so they jump the train with the other two.

“Where you going to leave me there?!”

Simultaneously “You’d’ve been fine.” “Yes.”

“We’d have come back for you…”

“At some point”

“Probably”

Morgan glares at them both and is silent pretty much the whole rest of the trip. Lila cracks a joke at them about their crack about ‘commuter hell’ but Morgan scowls and ignores her

Five comments on how Morgan is taking this remarkably well. Morgan’s response is very curt and the only real response they give for a while

“I work for the CIA. Secrets are what we do. I will ask you more questions about those secrets when I’m no longer trapped in a weird freaky subway with you.”

EXTREME FORESHADOWING.

“You aren’t trapped. Trust me. You’d know it if we were trapped here.”

Everything happens like it did before with the breadcrumbs commentary and being shot at by OG timeline Five

Morgan and Five deal with being shot at like pros and Lila is as she was in the show not the best at it and they all get on the subway. Lila is last this time.

They come back to apartment they blinked out of and learn about the file. from here on out Morgan refuses to leave Five alone.

Morgan comes with to Reginald’s house. They’re there for the conversation about Ben’s death and the mind control.

Five has obviously filled in some details on the way and Morgan is able to deduce details themselves and provide an outside perspective

All of the siblings are a little weirded out by the fact Morgan is there. They ask who Morgan is and Five tells them that Morgan is his partner. (This could be the fun start of a joke where Five NEVER elaborates on that word and all of the siblings are like what does he mean by Partner? But all of them refuse to ask because they know he’d never tell them.)

Reginald, Diego, and Allison I think wouldn’t appreciate Morgan being there but Five would actually stand up for them.

I don’t know how he would or what would be said but it feels like it would be a weird kind of turning point for the trust between the two

Then finally they get to memory machines and I’m not sure if he would let Reginald restore his memory or not. (If he did I think he’d tell Morgan to shoot Reginald if this looks like it’s going bad. And Morgan would respectfully agree to.)

Everything happens like normal and they get called out to the Alpaca Farm Massacre site where Ben murdered all those people

The conversations are the same including Lila convincing Five to use the subway except this time Morgan is present for it

Morgan Volunteers to go with instead of Lila

“I have the training. I think It would make more sense for me to go.”

This is when Lila snaps. She, like Diego, wants to be important to the mission but it’s more subtle than Diego. She doesn’t just wanna be a mom but also a bad ass and this subway stuff is scratching her itch and filling her need of getting out of the house and away from Diego for a bit. Morgan is threatening that.

“How on earth does it make more sense for you to go? I was raised an assassin and what are you some CIA puppy? New recruit Wanna prove yourself so badly? Think you’re tagging along on a fun adventure? It’s not fun. It’s life or death. I have way more experience with that than you’ll ever have.”

Five is staring at Lila a little taken aback at the outburst but Morgan is impassive and gentle in their response.

“i recall how dangerous it was Lila, but unlike you, I don’t have any family. I am, for lack of a better word expendable. If something happens Five can leave me behind and come back to let you all know that route is bust. It makes more sense for ME to go with him.”

We can focus on five and Lila’s reactions to this response. Lila seems embarrassed and agrees respectfully that

“yeah um yeah sorry no you make a good point. I gotta report in anyway.”

(I’m so sorry every time I try to write for Lila I feel like I’ve written garbage for her. I’m so sorry. She deserves better than me.)

Five doesn’t say anything to Morgan about that but you can tell it’s struck a cord with him. He doesn’t like the idea of that. Of Morgan thinking they’re expendable.

Diego walks over to Lila and they converse same as before while Morgan and Five walk over to their CIA boss they have the same conversation about babysitting Diego and Luthor maybe this time also Lila.

Morgan maybe mentions talking to Lila and Diego seriously about joining the CIA.

Five is once again taken aback by how considerate Morgan is being.

Everything happens leading up too Morgan and Five walking into the subway and just before they do five asks if Morgan is sure about this. Morgan agrees that yes they are.

“Field work like this is why I joined the CIA. I wanted to do big things and i don’t think it hets much bigger than trying to work out how to use an inter dimensional subway station to save the world from devastation.”

Five nods his head in a conceding motion and he blinks them into the subway.

When they get there Morgan pulls out a little book from their pocket and starts writing down more of the symbols from the walls and train.

We get a conversation about this where Five asks Morgan about it, and says he recalls them doing the same thing when they were on the subway earlier.

Morgan shrugs and explains that they’ve always enjoyed word puzzles.

“I’ve always thought that Decryption was just a more fancy way of saying puzzle, and you know how great I am at those.”

Five makes a sound of concession once again and we get our first real grin from Morgan. Morgan isnt being hostile this time and it’s shocking.

“Besides! It’d be good to figure out how to read what’s written on the walls. Could be helpful and it may be the key to understanding this place and why it’s here.”

Morgan is trying to be fun and interesting because they’re excited. They’re is excited that they’re finally in the field. That’s all they’ve been asking for. They just wanted to be allowed to try.

As the two board the train we hear Morgan comment out loud about how alien the symbols look. They aren’t typical symbols like other symbolic languages. They maybe comment on certain similarities to other ancient languages that are dead that scientists haven’t been able to place but that they’re still different. Gosh they wish they had their textbooks to study this better. That’s fine though. This note book will help when they get home.

After that the same things happen that Five did with Lila in the other timelines on this excursion with Morgan. (I.E. Traveling back in time in the sparrow timeline and all that with Five exasperatedly saying they aren’t going to wing this and it was a terrible idea. He’s immediately calling the mission and saying it’s a bust.)

Morgan runs into the train with him and tries to convince him that it’s fine! They can’t quit after only one attempt.

They’re having a back and forth about this still on the train when the train passes their stop.

Five notices and has to quiet Morgan

“That was our stop.”

“What?”

“We just passed our station.”

“What do you mean what’s—“

The PA comes on and we hear garbled reversed speech and then “express”

Simultaneously “Shit.” “Shit!”

Instead of just a shot of the tunnel flashing green we get a shot of them inside the train looking at one another and both look shaken

“Five?”

A flash of green and we move on

Then it’s same thing as before we get a montage of the two losing their shit at one another over the fact that they’re lost. Which similarly to the other love interest before eventually the becomes mutual respect, care and love for each other.

It’s different from the previous love interest because they’re both “trained” as field agents. Both would have survival skills except one of them is also trying to solve an insane decryption issue at the same time.

While we watch this version of Five trapped in the Subway with Morgan it becomes clear to us as the audience that we are essentially watching the same thing we did in season 1, where Five was trapped alone, but with two people instead. In this case too we realize Morgan is taking on Five’s role from the original timeline. They are the one who seems to feel this intense drive to understand this particular problem. Five having done this all before becomes the Delores of the two. A support system. Always Helping and trying to keep Morgan sane. He recognizes and feels like he’s watching the same thing happen to Morgan that happened to him in season 1. However this time the key to understanding this isn’t something he can solve with mathematics. It’s words and he’s never been great with those. Sure, he can speak plenty of languages, but he’s never had to translate an entirely new language from scratch before. Morgan is the only one of them that has experience with that. Morgan is the key this time.

We get to see the years progress through Morgan’s “Notes” and it’s a montage set to “Dear God — Remastered” by XTC

The Notes are along the outer edges of the screen and the scenes we watch are super imposed on top of the “notebook” itself like we’re watching it on the books

The first year it’s just a bunch of wild scribbles Morgan isn’t writing anything down in it slowly. They’re frantic because they wanna get home. We see five and them arguing the same as we watched him and Lila do in the original

The second year they’re both in survival mode. Cooking food and making fires collecting supplies.

The notes are more organized. There are some sketches of the platforms. The symbols are better sketched at the top with more care. Morgan seems to be trying to visually keep track of stations

Year three is when the notes start to get more and more clear but still no words or even letters are decoded. There are notes about how time feels like it’s passing but “is it really?” Time is resetting every stop they make. Is the subway taking them back in time of freezing time everyone they’re in it? There’s a scene of Morgan scribbling angrily on the book and throwing it down the train car and falling down on the bench.

We watch Five get up like he’s done this a million times before (we get the sense he definitely has) and pick it up. He walks back over, slides it into Morgan’s pack and sits down next to them. Morgan leans into Five’s shoulder looking somewhat defeated. Five seems surprised by this but doesn’t push them away.

We get the chess scenes and in this variation they find a deck of cards so we get a billion scenes of them playing card games.

Year four the notes in the margins are sharp. Morgan is getting better at sketching the same things over and over. We start to see questions pop up about repeating letters and why doesn’t there seem to be any? Sketches of the PA system. Sketches of the train car’s interiors.

This is the year where there’s more laughter and intimacy in the interactions between them. There’s the visions of them caring for one another. In various ways Morgan bandaging Fives hand. Five fixing a dislocated shoulder for Morgan. Morgan shaving Five and Five cutting Morgan’s hair.

Year five is when interesting questions start popping up in the margins of the screen. We see sketches of the door mechanisms form in the train. Questions like is it possible to drive? WHO is driving? What is driving? Do we want to know? Can we get in there? A sketch of the drivers car through the window of the train but it’s impossible to see through a blacked out window in the sketch. A caption of “drivers car impossible to reach. new plan is the old plan?”

This is the year becomes clear there’s real feelings forming between the two but they are also looking really tired. Morgan starts falling asleep tucked next to Five.

Morgan just keeps staring at the book and you see scenes of five taking it from them and pointing to the sleeping cot or handing them food. They reluctantly take it and sit right next to Five and eat with their head on his shoulder

Year six is when the margins start fading from the screen and we pan up away from the book

A string of symbols on a page and the word “Station” circled. A double sided arrow connects the two as we pan away from this we see it’s written on the pages of the book that is in Morgan’s hand. They’re clutching it in one of their hands as they sleep and l are in the same position we saw Five a Lila in under the umbrellas.

The six year montage ends not with despair but with a kind of hope

So the next time we see them their conversation isn’t about giving up. It’s about really sitting down and cracking into this. Morgan really thinks they can solve this. But it’s just so hard to focus like this. It’s off hand in reference to moving around on the subway

“Morgan, what do you need to solve this. Anything you need we’ll figure it out. You need to tell me what it is though.”

“If I could just.. I don’t know… sleep. Like really sleep. In a bed… bathe? Shower, if I can? I know I could get this… WE could get this… We’re so close…”

Five agrees and they have a conversation about instead of staying in the subway going somewhere to work in peace where they don’t have to scrounge. Just for a while until they’ve fully cracked this.

They debate and land on that greenhouse so they GO THERE to sit and decode it

We get a scene of them setting up shop. Just after they’ve cleaned up. And it’s a nice scene like you get in any romance show or movie where the characters are seeing each other for the first time in a new light for real. (like a wow look at you I never realized just how nice this person is to look at?)

And we get a few scenes throughout the episode of them slowly but surely solving it. More letters going up in a bulletin board connected to symbols with twine and other things salvaged. Interspersed with moments of them eating dinner and playing cards. Playful throws of paper. Morgan excitedly running in with a record player and putting it on. They drag Five away from the bulletin board and start dancing. Five argues they should keep working but Morgan says that if they don’t take breaks they’re gonna go crazy staring at the symbols so please just dance. Do something for himself you know?

Five kinda has a moment that you see where he recalls that’s exactly what happened with him originally. He NEVER stopped and he went insane on the OG timeline.

So he takes a real minute not like the games before. Just a real minute to dance.

The two laugh Morgan trips Five catches them

Five’s holding them close

They look in one another’s eyes.

“What are you doing?”

“Something for myself.”

He kisses Morgan and Morgan reciprocates.

AND BY GOSH BY GOLLY WE HAVE A WELL BUILT RELATIONSHIP THATS KiNdA ONE SIDED RIVAL TO LOVER

The last scene we have of them in the greenhouse obviously more time has passed

Five does the same thing he did for Lila. He makes Morgan something. I think Five fixes them up a Rubix cube or even whittles them a cool wooden hand held puzzle. Like one of those puzzle balls or even a puzzle box that has something else in it? Idk. I just feel like a ring or any type of jewelry is too cheesy and fast to be in the box So maybe it’s just the box. Morgan loves it and gives Five something in return. They’re like it’s not as crazy as a hand carved gift but they took some time between solving the decryption to go and find him something special. It’s a mug that used to say “Life Is About More Than Coffee.” but coffee is crossed out with red paint and in big red letters it says Apocalypses so it now reads “Life Is About More Than Apocalypses”.

Five can’t stop laughing when he looks at it. It’s stupid. It’s a dumb joke that’s really insensitive to him the more you focus on it. He’s told Morgan all of stories about all 3 of the apocalypses he’s experienced in his life during these six years trapped here with them, but for some reason the fact they took time out of their day to repair this cracked mug and personalize a stupid word play joke at his expense makes him lose it. This also happens the same day they completely decode the alphabet. THEY CAN GO HOME BECAUSE THEY ARE ABLE TO READ THE MAP NOW. (I can’t begin to tell you how mad I am that that alien language was never talked about once. Or the fact that they never considered trying to decode it at any point? They’re stuck in this subway… LEARN TO READ THE SIGNS)

They’re excited but you can tell after the hype dies down it’s a little sad. They kind of liked this existence here. It was simple. Five could sit and do old man things and just keep them alive. He wasn’t the one the solution hinged on so he gets to rest a while. Morgan was spending their all of their time solving a HUGE puzzle. It was kind of heaven for both of them.

They pack up everything that’s needed and leave the deck of cards and a half solved crossword puzzle book they found previously on the table. Something for whomever comes across this place to find.

They have a conversation just outside the greenhouse about what they’re gonna do about what they’ve become when they return

Morgan responds by taking Five’s hand

“One problem at a time right? We’ve decoded the subway. Next is stopping the apocalypse. Then, after that’s done and we know for a fact that we can still stand the sight of one another while other people are present, we’ll worry about filling out the relationship paperwork at the agency.”

Laughing. “There’s paperwork for that?”

“Yes. Lots of boxes to check and forms to fill.”

“If it makes you happy.”

“It does actually. Soothes me.”

Five picks up their bags. “Once more into commuter Hell?”

“I said that one time!!”

There’s a flash of blue and the camera holds on the playing cards and their initials carved into the table (childish maybe Fanfictiony? Probably? I’m not a screen writer!)

I think we also deserve a pleasant little scene to replace when they get back and there’s the whole Lila/Five dramatic cheating reveal on Christmas at her families house 👀👀👀

It would be them all regrouping at Lila and Diego’s house because they get back and it makes sense to regroup there

They walk in holding hands. Five helps Morgan in and refuses to let go of them the whole time they regroup.

The funny stuff comes from everyone on the couch, while explaining their info, trying to figure out what is going on with Five and Morgan.

Five is sitting on the arm of the chair Morgan is in, his arm is around them and finally Klaus is the one to break tension and be like

“Obviously the elephant in the room though… what is THIS!?”

And just motions to five and Morgan and five and Morgan get to explain how the subway was a bust and they got trapped there for almost 7 years

Lila tries to push to use the subway again and they all get in an argument about using it

She argues that Morgan decoded it so they can read the map now.

Five argues back that they decoded how to get back here, it would take weeks to figure out which specific world would be the one they needed to do all of what they wanted

Lila is angry that they didn’t map that while they were stuck

Morgan jumps in with the are you kidding we were stuck there seven years because that’s how long it took to figure out how to read the map all while trying to survive. Sorry that wasn’t enough for them all.

Essentially we get that argument but then the same things cascade like before. Things fall apart and we end up at the end of the world again. Once again my version of the cleanse occurs. (Because I refuse to acknowledge the real ending and think all of them deserve happiness and to live. Sue me.)

These next bullets happen in the universe where my version of the ending is cannon once again you can read it here.

Morgan and Five’s moment of the subway train is not exactly the same as Ash’s but kind of similar. Five asks apologizes for the fact Morgan’s first ever field mission was ending like this. He asks if they regret getting involved with him now that they know what’s happening.

“Are you kidding me? This is the kind of mission kids get told stories about and then join the CIA because of. I got to decode an alien language, time travel, possibly save the world, and fall in love with a super hero… I almost hope this resets because…”

They put a hand on Fives cheek. “I’d love to do this all again… I only got to complete one mission with you as my partner so, please find me? Even if you forget me? Find me. So we can do more big things together.”

“Of course…”

Five is seated with them on the train bench. He’s holding them with one arm and holding his family with the other when the train hits the reset point.

Again the next we see them both, is when the person I called his wife in the polkadot blouse comes walking into the classroom. Now Five’s spouse in the true timeline, full name Morgan Delores Murphy (Male/Female/ Or Nonbinary) Also PHD is wearing dress pants and a polkadot button up shirt is handed a puzzle box when they sit on Five’s desk in the final montage.

In the scene where they’re gathered around a tv in the physics building we five holding a mug aloft. Five drinks from it. It’s personalized to say “Life Is About More Than Rocket Science.” They’re still the same couple who make the same jokes and give the same gifts. No matter what timeline.

That is Morgan’s Arc. Someone who desperately wanted to be Fives equal and prove themselves. Someone who Five saw himself in and refused to let become him. Someone who is helped through the speedrun version of what happened to Five and comes out the other side fulfilled, safe and supported not wired up, scared, and paranoid. Morgan’s character is essentially meant to be a mirror to reflect all of what Five has been doing to others back at him. So Morgan becomes Fives equal by literally experiencing a smaller scale version of what Five went through and being allowed to process it all along side Five in real time.

Thank you so much if you’re still here! I appreciate you taking the time to read this. You’re amazing. If you liked this or have thoughts on it, I would love to discuss these things more with you! Message me! I want your feedback! If you hated this don’t message me. I’m terrified of your feedback! I’m so sorry, and if I could erase it from your memory, I would. Please forgive me.

Thank you so much for reading this far if you have!

Have a wonderful day!

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Extras if you want:

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These are other things I think would be great but have no clue where they could go In the timeline or where they’d be appropriate:

A scene where five asks Morgan about how they were enjoying field work and Morgan says to remind them to tell the boss they never want to go into the field EVER again.

A bit with Ash where it’s established that they always pick up ( I cannot emphasize enough that no matter WHAT TIME. THEY ALWAYS PICK UP) and this is mentioned at some point in the story. maybe they get kidnapped by Gene and Jean. (This is if it’s a 10 episode season and there’s time for this)They don’t pick up. And this is something that Five is immediately shaken by.

I didn’t explain how Morgan would track Five in their outline but it would be kind of a gag I think. Morgan pops up in places where Five asks how they found him. Morgan always replies with

“I put a tracker in your ____”

it’s always a different piece of clothing. His socks. His Tie. His jacket. His hat. His Shirt. and the next time five pops up he’s either removed that piece of clothing or replaced it. The reality? It’s in his shoes. The tracker is in his shoes. And when this is finally revealed to Five in the subway he can’t stop laughing. Of course. He only has like three pairs and one pair is exclusively for work of course that where Morgan would have planted trackers. God he’s an idiot. Morgan is very proud of themselves for this.

An interaction as follows when they’re in the subway or maybe when Viktor says Five’s name:

“Max huh?”

“Yes, it’s short for Maximillian and I hate it. Please don’t start.”

Laughing then “Don’t sweat it. I understand. I’m not a huge fan of my name either.”

Five gives them a curious look.

A Sigh “My Full Name is (Morrigan/Asher) Delores Wilcox.”

We get a shot of Five’s whole demeanor shifting, like he’s been punched in the gut. He’s short circuiting. He’s blank. No fucking way. No FUCKING way. No fucking WAY. That is NOT their middle name. (If he had a nickel for every time he’d been stranded somewhere in time for a great many years with only someone named Delores for company, he’d have two nickels which isn’t a lot but it’s insane it’s happened twice)

Love interest takes this as a sign he hates it too.

“Yeah see?! Even you think it’s awful. God damn it! Please don’t—“

“It’s wonderful.”

“What?”

“I love it. It’s perfect for you.”

“Really? You don’t think it’s too fancy?”

“I think it suits you…”

“Oh, well… thank you.”

There’s silence while they go about doing things. Five breaks it suddenly

“Weird question but… how do you feel about sequins?”

“I love them?”

“I fucking knew it.”

“What?”

[shitpostingperidot]

How old is Carol Danvers???

(Inspired by a post by @blindluck which was in turn inspired by a post by me and @marvelsassbutts )

So I just found out the official Captain Marvel wiki places Carol Danvers’s birth date in 1965. At first I thought “that’s ridiculous” for reasons that will become clear through this long ass post. But then I saw they cited drawings by the assistant art director on Captain Marvel, found on her portfolio! That’s pretty official!

Wait what’s that at the bottom…

1984???? For Carol’s USAFA basic training???? This is impossible, the movie is wrong, and here’s why.

(Excerpt from my future video essay incoming)

There are no dates in Higher, Further, Faster; the marketing text on Amazon, Liza Palmer’s website, etc just says “80s.” So, we need to do some detective work.

We know that the 2019 film Captain Marvel takes place in 1995. Since it takes place in Southern California and Louisiana, the warm weather doesn’t tell us much about the time of year. Personally, I believe it takes place on March 8, 1995, because that’s the exact day I was born, and my birthday is the day the movie was released on to coincide with International Women’s Day. Regardless, Monica Rambeau is eleven years old in the film, putting her birth in 1983 or 1984. So, Maria’s pregnancy must have begun in 1982 or 1983.

Here’s a “fun” fact about US military academies: until less than one year ago (summer 2023, a full three years after Captain Marvel came out), cadets at USAFA who became pregnant were required to either drop out, have an abortion, or relinquish their parental rights to their child.

Dropping out also means reimbursing the government for your tuition for all classes you’ve taken up to this point, and giving up your ability to be commissioned as a second lieutenant in the Air Force upon graduation. Definitely not an option someone as driven as Maria wants to consider. In fact, we know this isn’t what happened, because this news article Carol hung up in her spaceship in The Marvels says that Maria Rambeau is a USAFA graduate.

We also know that Maria didn’t have an abortion, because, well, Monica Rambeau herself is tangible evidence. Theoretically, it is possible for Maria to have given up parental rights and adopted back her own child after graduation. Before the policy change in 2023 that allowed cadets to be parents, many found this to be their best option (see the article I screenshotted above). However, this process is really expensive and takes a lot of work with a lawyer over a period of months or years. From the little we know of Carol and Maria’s life pre-crash, (it was busy, they lived in an expensive area, and Maria only had Carol for support), I think we can assume that it’s less likely that Maria was forced to adopt her own daughter than that Maria graduated USAFA before becoming pregnant in 1982 or 83.

That still doesn’t answer the question of when this book takes place, though. The exact year is important, as the military had some major differences under the Gerald Ford, Jimmy Carter, and Ronald Reagan administrations of the 70s and 80s, and one of the things I want to assess this book on is accuracy.

Oh wait, what’s that? Another discriminatory policy that helps us date this book? That’s right, USAFA didn’t enroll women as cadets until Public Law 94-106 went into effect in 1976.

What’s more, Carol and Maria cannot have been part of this first group of women cadets, because in the book, there is an upperclassman character who is a woman. Officer Cadet Chen is one of the leaders of Basic Training for Carol and Maria’s flight, a position cadets aren’t allowed to hold until their third or fourth year at the Academy.

So, Carol and Maria must enter USAFA no earlier than 1978 to be two or more years younger than Chen, and must graduate no later than 1983 for Monica to exist. To comply with the marketing blurb’s declaration that this book takes place “in the 80s”, let’s say that Carol and Maria’s first year is the 1979-1980 school year.

(End excerpt)

In conclusion, Maria and Carol were born in 1960 or 1961 (with pretty equal likelihood of which birthday makes them 18 at the start of the book, since USAFA basic happens the summer before the school year), not 1965. It would be impossible for them to have done basic training in 1984 as in the production drawing, because they would have to have already graduated and be well on their way to test pilot school which is a whole other policy can of worms before Monica’s birth in 1983 or 1984.

In conclusion conclusion, Carol is ~34 in Captain Marvel and ~64 in The Marvels, and the MCU should hire fans to fact check for them.

[ofoceansandtombsanew]

when it all comes Crashing Down

tags: 18+, afab!reader, childhood friends to friends(?) with benefits, codependent relationship

summary: it fascinates you how someone so manipulative and cruel can be so sensitive and needy

a/n: writing pro-tip, always write down random sentences whenever they come to you because you never know when it’ll be the source of inspiration for a story. in this case, an introspective think piece on makima’s loneliness that is also smut where neither of you are the good guy. also available on AO3.

If windows are eyes to the soul, you wonder what that means for someone like Makima. 

Or rather, you wonder what people see when they look at them. You’ve known her for the better part of your life and at 25, you still aren’t sure what others see. That is at the forefront of your mind as gold eyes with red rings look back at you, a calculating smile accompanying them.

“Are you listening to me?” Makima tilts her head as she rests her chin on her palm.

You nod vaguely at your childhood friend, turning your gaze to your phone screen. “I heard you say a week ago that you have a partner assignment due this week and yet somehow you’re here at my place instead of doing that.” You have your apartment to yourself for once, your roommate gone for the weekend to stay the night at one of her girlfriends’ apartments. “Shouldn’t you be out doing your homework?”

“I can’t visit my best friend from time to time?” Makima implores as if she is surprised by your own inquiry

“That isn’t what I asked,” yet you already know the answer. You aren’t completely well-acquainted with Aki Hayakawa. He’s a friend of a friend and you see him from time to time when said friends throw parties or have other get-togethers. Those were enough encounters for you to know the man is absolutely smitten with the redhead in front of you, spooning a piece of the tiramisu she brought over. He’d do anything Makima asked of him with more enthusiasm you could ever produce.

Unsurprisingly, Makima confirms what you already suspect. “Hayakawa told me he could do the rest of it,” she replies lightly with a smile. And there we go. You wonder what the poor sap sees in her when you know Makima doesn’t see him as more than an amusing puppy chasing after her braid. “I wanted to visit because I thought you might be lonely. Here,” she raises her spoon towards your lips. “I made this for you.”

“Nah I’m good,” Makima’s baking isn’t necessarily the problem. It’s the measurements, her measurements just aren’t for you.

“You said you wanted to try tiramisu recently,” Makima counters, her hand not moving an inch.

“First, I mentioned that in passing,” you raise a finger and quickly follow it with another. “Second, I also said I was going to try it out with Quanxi next Saturday.” One of her girlfriend’s, Long, is having a birthday celebration at an Italian restaurant. “They say patience is a virtue, I can wait.”

“I think it’s a voluntary virtue when it comes to food,” Makima lowers her hand for a moment. “Are you just trying to say you don’t want to eat my baking?”

You snort, “that’s exactly what I’m saying, yes. I trust your cooking, not your baking. You have never gotten the right amount of sugar that I can stomach.” You’ve never been able to eat things too sweet. Even as a child you would scrape off most of the frosting on cupcakes, sliding it onto Makima’s plate who welcomed the additional sweetness.

“That’s a bit mean” that is hilarious coming from the undisputed Queen of Mean. You distinctly remember the time in middle school where Makima laughed at a scene of a protagonist crying over the death of a friend. That in itself was ironic coming from the same girl who, at the beginning of that same semester, clutched your shirt and sobbed like it was the end of the world when you found out you shared zero classes and had separate lunch periods. “I worked hard to make this for you. You should spoil a person more when you’ve known them since you were 6.”

You distinctly know the spoiling she is referring to is about herself. “I always spoil you,” I’ve been doing it since we were kids. It crosses your mind, not for the first time, that if it weren’t for your parents, you are sure you and Makima would never have become friends.

Your mom was her mom’s friend in university and by some chance, they ended up enrolling you both at the same school and found out when you were both picked up later after classes. There began your days of playing whatever game Makima desired and your possessions somehow becoming her possessions. Whenever you voiced your grievances to your mom, however, she always told you to be kind and understanding in a tone that let you know that you recognized even now. A tone that says “this has something to do with something we adults discussed”.

It didn’t take too long for you at that age to notice the traces of what your mother was likely referring to.

You never saw much of Makima’s parents when you were younger; you don't see much of them now.

School events, holidays and a few random things in between. It wasn’t Makima’s family that shared them with her but yours. That realization made you think back to the times you would complain about mandatory family time and your mother would rebuttal, “not everyone is lucky to have parents that love them so much, [First], you should be grateful.”  

Indulging Makima became habit after that as long as it was in reason.

You’re sure there is a part of her that resents you choosing to room with a classmate rather than her though. 

“Just try it,” Makima raises her spoon again and, with a sigh, you relent. 

Almost immediately, you balk at the taste, nose scrunching in displeasure. “Like I said,” you grab Makima’s cup of black tea and down a large mouthful. “You always make things too sweet. This is why I’m gonna eat it at a restaurant with an actual baker.” 

You lay your head on the foot of the couch, rejecting the too-sweet tiramisu in its entirety. “I’ll just make Quanxi pay for it when I order it. She owes me for what happened last weekend.” You aren’t one to knock someone getting laid but your roommate fucking her girlfriends loudly all night the night before you had a exam was evil. All she did when you banged on the door to keep it down was toss her noise-canceling headphones before closing it again. At least when I fuck in the house I have the decency to keep shit down, you grumble internally pushing away the fact Quanxi technically also offered to let you join in the fun.

You probably would have joined if you weren’t sleep-deprived and irritated.

C’est la vie.

“[First].”

“Hmm,” you hum in response without opening your eyes. Your eyes find themselves opening a moment later when you feel the distinct feeling of another body over your own, Makima placing her legs on either side of your hips as she sits on your lap. 

Red frames gold as she looks down on you and you stare back wordlessly before her lips press against yours.

It fascinates you how someone so manipulative and cruel can be so sensitive and needy.

Cruelty comes easy to Makima, no different than a child experiencing troubles at home taking out their frustrations on a random kid at school.

She’s angelic in appearance, devilish in nature.

She wants to be treated gently when she is incapable of treating people gently herself.

By your second to last year of high school, you wondered what your relationship meant about you. 

Knowing her ways yet staying her friend regardless which only birthed the question as to why you remained her friend. It donned on you not too long after that the reason was pity when you held a distraught Makima in your arms in your room when a former mutual friend stated his intentions not to associate with her any longer. You remember finding it strange that she was so upset when you didn’t think Makima even considered Madoka to be a friend in the first place.

She said as much when you asked her before the event transpired.

“He’s more like an acquaintance, they all are,” Makima had told you. “But not you [First], you’re my real friend.”

The only one she has.

It dawned on you then if Madoka wanting nothing to do with her could make her cry, you doing the same would make Makima undoubtedly break. It’s ironic how the loneliest people can be the most sadistic.

So she can be cruel; as long as that cruelty never turns to you, you will continue to be there even when you are sure you both know that your friendship has long since passed the expiry date. You’ll be there when she needs to cry, you’ll accompany her on walks for her dogs and you’ll lay her down in your bed when she wants to feel the skin of another on her own like you are now.

Makima’s arms tighten around your shoulders, hips bucking as the butt of your palm rubs against her clit as you thrust your fingers inside her. She’s absolutely soaked and you can’t help relishing that fact as Makima moans your name like it’s the only word she knows.

Maybe this was inevitable, the two of you like this, you think vaguely as you leave a trail of wet kisses from her breasts to her belly before settling between her legs. You lap at her core slowly, bringing one of your hands to clasp her own and Makima intertwines her fingers between yours tightly.

You press one finger in her pussy, sucking on her clit.

You add a second when you kiss her folds.

You continue thrusting your fingers once you add a third and Makima moves her hips to press into your ministrations. It takes a few moments to find a rhythm, alternating between licking and maintaining the movement of your finger. It doesn’t take much longer for Makima’s thighs to tighten around your head, coming with a soft cry.

You pull out your fingers, vaguely acknowledging the ache in your wrist and glance in her direction. From your position you can see her chest heave up and down, hand tightly gripping yours as she reels from the aftershocks. If she held it any tighter, you’re sure it would break.

With two light taps on her hip, Makima loosens her grip on your head tiredly and you kiss her inner thighs before finally moving to lay on your pillow beside her. It takes a moment to pull your hand away from hers, Makima’s grip iron tight. “Hey, I need that hand to hug you, weirdo,” is all it takes for her hand to loosen its hold and gently you take back your hand.

There is no fighting against your tugging as you pull Makima into your chest like you’ve done many times before holding firmly but gently, just as she likes. You don’t comment on the soft sniffle you hear, it’s an unspoken rule for you both not to point out when she cries during sex. Almost instinctively, Makima presses herself even closer as she wraps her arms around your waist. Sometimes you wonder if she is trying to live in your skin.

“[First],” Makima murmurs almost too softly for you to hear when she’s wound down.

You fiddle with a lock of her hair, “What is it?”

“Stay the night with me tomorrow,” her nails dig into your back and you note she sounds almost uncertain in her command. Desperate.

You close your eyes, tired. “We can go in the morning.”

[burningvelvet]

Ranking all the Brontë novels + briefly reviewing The Professor

I finally finished The Professor by Charlotte Brontë, which means I HAVE COMPLETED ALL THE BRONTË NOVELS, which means I can now rank them. This is a rough order, but brief explanations will be given...

As an aside, bc I don't want to make a separate post for my review of The Professor, but I did note several strong similarities to Jane Eyre (the female lead's description, her elvish comparisons) and The Tenant of Wildfell Hall (Hunsden/Huntington as the cynic, although the former is mostly good and the latter mostly bad). Really all the Brontë novels are very similar so there are tons of more common themes I could mention but won't. Also, more references to Scottish besties Walter Scott & Lord Byron!

Now for my official Brontë Book Ranking (which may be subject to change over the years...)

7. Shirley - I would like to revisit this one. There are some great gems in it, and I'm fascinated by the Luddism subject matter. It is also a strong contender for the most feminist Brontë novel and has probably the most in-depth female relationships which does count for something. But it's SO UNNECESSARILY LONG! And often boring! And it took me the longest to finish. So it has to be last.

6. The Professor - this one benefits from not being Shirley. It's also a good attempt at a first novel I think. It has some gems, but it's often boring like Shirley is in my opinion. I thought the main male, Crimsworth, was a bit more exciting to follow than any of the men in Shirley. I actually think Crimsworth is a pretty inspiring figure and I enjoyed his observations and his anti-work rhetoric. Like most Brontë protagonists, he's a teacher who experiences classism, poverty, and oppression, and manages to overcome these things through frugality, faith, love, hope, etc.

5. Agnes Grey - it's hard to get through at times but it's generally worth it and has a strong pay off. I think Anne's writing style is generally enjoyable. It's has a lot of the horror of Wuthering Heights and the lighter parts of Jane Eyre but it lacks Charlotte and Emily's stronger passions and has more of Anne's calm reasoning, faith, and stoicism. That makes it sound more boring than it really is maybe. I also think it's fascinating for being largely semi-autobiographical like Charlotte's works can be. We get to "know" Anne more than we do in Tenant I feel, and I think she's pretty admirable. The bird scene was based on a real experience she had as a governess, and she wrote most of the novel as a rebellious act in her room right after work. All teachers and childcare workers – and really all women and members of the working-class – should take this novel as the cautionary tale it was written to be.

4. Villette - this is the weirdest Brontë novel. Some interesting scenes and characters. Charlotte's last novel shows far more writerly evolution than in Shirley where she was again trying for more progressive social commentary (and mostly succeeded I think) but often fell back into the more sedate or conventional nature that parts of The Professor has (saving Crimsworth's sometimes strong, sassy, rebellious attitude). Villette was written in a strange period of grief for Charlotte and it shows. Villette is basically Jane Eyre's weirder older sister.

3 and 2 are almost tied for me. I have also written about 3, 2, and 1 so much on my blog that I probably won't go into as much detail as I have with the others.

3. The Tenant of Wildfell Hall - shockingly underrated. Hard to get through, but so is Wuthering Heights which it's pretty similar to at times. Radically progressive and daring, it is a strong contender for being the most feminist Brontë novel and the most oriented toward social justice (although they really all are). Brilliant use of mystery and gothic allure with a social realism that was too ahead of its time to fall into the common traps of that genre. Has everything you could want in a Brontë novel.

2. Wuthering Heights - a bomb in your face. Full of passion. Grand drama. What can I say? It's infamous for valid reasons. Never a boring moment, which instantly pushes it to the top of the list for me who am easily bored. I have elaborated on this work very often on my page so I don't feel the need to reiterate everything here but I will say that this novel has basically everything you could want.

1. Jane Eyre - has all the gothic mystery and passion of Wuthering Heights but focuses on fewer characters whose arcs thus feel more personable and fulfilling in my opinion. We get to know Jane and Rochester much more fully than almost any of the other Brontë characters I feel. And it is my love for the characters that really makes this one my favorite Brontë novel as well as one of my favorite tales of all time (whereas Heights is notorious for its unlikeable characters which actually repel many readers from enjoying it). No wonder it's the most adapted and tied with Wuthering Heights for being the most famous (although I think it may have surpassed Wuthering Heights in pop culture at times). I also think there are a lot of really meaningful themes, morals, and subjects that are explored in this novel, which again can be said of all Brontë novels, but it all feels so much more full in this one. The plot itself is also the most well-crafted in my opinion, and it has one of the greatest twists in all of literature/media imo.

[qs63]

Amestris Military Training

This is the fourth of my series of long posts about the Amestrian Military. This is the speculative part of this meta. Little is known about the training the Amestrian soldiers receive, the most we have seen about it comes from the OVA “Another man's battlefield” and a few scenes in the manga. However, as we have seen through this series of posts, Arakawa took a lot of inspiration from the real world. The Imperial Japan military training seems to match a lot of what we see in FMA. Brace yourself, this is long and history heavy. 

Once again, I'm not a historian and I'm not fluent in Japanese. Please let me know if there's anything I missed or got wrong.

To see the rest of this meta series check out the Main Post.

First a little background about the Empire of Japan. It was the Japanese nation-state that existed from the Meiji Restoration in 1868 until the enactment of the reformed Constitution of Japan in 1947. Its history is divided in three periods named after the emperors that presided over them: Meiji (1868-1912), Taishō (1912-1926) and Shōwa (1926-1947).

This is a period of transformation for Japan, where they opened to the world and tried to modernize themselves and catch up with the western nations… by copying them. Meiji Japan is almost a pseudo European country. Their laws, government organization, education, etc. was reformed and modeled after the contemporary European nations and the United States of America. The influence of the third French Republic was especially strong in the early Meiji period, with it getting revised and remodeled in favor of other systems — mostly German as the relationship with the USA and its allies soured — throughout the years.

This is also the case in their military education. 

Officers training  During the early Meiji, the military cadets (meaning candidates to become officers) received a French style training which was later changed to a German style cadet system. The main difference between the two systems is that the German style required for the cadets to gain experience as Non-commissioned officers before graduation, while the French one didn't. 

Based on what we see in Fullmetal Alchemist they follow the German style system that lasted from 1887 to the American intervention in 1945. The main indication of this is that we see Riza Hawkeye in Ishval as a NCO.[1] She would've never been there under the French system. The time frame of the German style training also matches what we see in FMA. I'll explain this a bit later. 

For now let's concentrate on who and how someone could enter the Imperial Japan Army Officers Academy.

Three types of students could enter the academy: graduates of the Army's Children School, graduates of  Junior high school (both these schools covered ages 12 to 16), and selected active Non-commissioned officers who applied for officer training. 

The graduates of the army's children school didn't need to pass any exam to enter the academy, but only the best were selected. They had to compete for positions with the external candidates, those aged 16 to 19 who passed the recruitment exam (which required at least a junior high school education). Both of these students would enter the academy as cadets.

While the program was revised many times, the longest standing program was the 2 courses 4 years system. 

In this system the cadets would first take a two year military officer preparatory course that was equivalent to regular higher education. They were taught science, history, geography, etc. by civilian teachers. Their rank (the equivalent of private first class), military branch, and unit were designated upon graduating the preparatory course. 

After graduation the cadets would serve in their designated unit for six months (during which time they were promoted to corporal), afterwards they would be given the rank of sergeant upon entering the main military officers course. 

The main course was 1 year and 10 months long, and it was where the actual military training happened. The cadets would be taught tactics, military history, military system, weaponry, marksmanship, etc. they would also receive training in camp duty, shooting, swordsmanship, gymnastics, horsemanship, etc. in addition field trips were also conducted. 

Upon graduating they would become Apprentice Officers (a rank equivalent to Sergeant Major, the highest of the NCO ranks) for a trial period of about six months. Afterwards they would be officially appointed as 2nd Lieutenant (the lowest of the officers ranks) on the recommendation of their original troop's officer corps.

Now you might be wondering why I think Arakawa used this system (or rather one inspired by it) in Fullmetal Alchemist. I have a few reasons.

The first is the characters' ages. We know Roy and Hughes are 18 in “Another man's battlefield”, and we see them training in marksmanship and military tactics. We also see they have upperclassmen which implies the course is longer than one year.[2] We also know that Roy is 20 years old when he graduates the academy and visits the Hawkeye family, thanks to brotherhood giving us the date of Berthold's death.[3]

This all matches with the imperial Japan German style cadet system, where the majority of students would enter the preparatory course at 16 upon graduating from junior high school or the military school, they would then be 18 at the time of starting the main course, and 20 upon graduating from the academy. The ages of the characters and what we see on screen matches the system’s time frame.

Riza Hawkeye is yet another example three years after her father's death and conversation with Mustang, during the Ishval war, she is yet to graduate from the academy.[1][3][4] Either the Amestris academy lasts more than the two years we see Roy and Hughes go through, or she waited about two years to enter the military Academy (otherwise she would have already graduated by Ishval). I don't think it makes sense for her to wait so long to join the academy, specially if it has an age cap (of 19 in Imperial Japan). So assuming she entered right after her father died, that would put her in the last year of the German style system by the time we see her in Ishval, perfect for getting pulled into a war with her already assigned unit. 

This brings me to my second reason for believing Arakawa is using this system: the ranks.

I mentioned before that the cadets in FMA don't seem to have a rank, this makes sense when you consider that in imperial Japan they were given ranks that do not exist in FMA. Instead of adding ranks or messing up with the system Arakawa might have just completely skipped them (much like she seems to have done with the military police). 

I also mentioned that graduates (the so called Apprentice Officers) are assigned a temporary rank of Sergeant Major. In FMA we know that you graduate with a rank of Warrant Officer[1][3][4]. But hold on, that's not the same… well not in name, but yes in practice. Sergeant Major was the highest NCO rank in Imperial Japan. It's not in FMA, that's Warrant Officer. So technically they're equal ranks. Furthermore, It doesn't make sense for a graduate of the OFFICER school to be officially assigned an NCO rank, unless that's for a trial period like in the German style cadet system. For reference, the French style system assigned graduates the rank of Second Lieutenant (the lowest officer rank) upon graduation, since it didn't require the cadets to gain NCO experience. The fact that we are shown both newly graduated Riza and Roy with the rank of Warrant Officer can only mean there is also a trial period in Amestris.

Further proof of this is that within a year of us seeing the freshly graduated Warrant Officers Riza Hawkeye in 1909[1][3], she's already a full fledged 2nd Lieutenant by the time we see her in Resembool in 1910[5], and again she's a 1st Lieutenant a year later when Ed becomes a State Alchemist[5]. Riza is good, but that's a lot of promotions in a short time. It makes more sense if you think that she was officially assigned her 2nd Lieutenant rank after completing her 6 months trial period, and then she was promoted around the same time as Roy got his Colonel promotion, perhaps for her work in Ishval + whatever cases they worked together. Now, that seems a lot more reasonable than Riza averaging a promotion per year in her early military days.

Another hint towards this system is the number of 2nd Lieutenants we meet: Havoc, Breda, Ross, Catalina, Henschel, Darius, Heinkel, Jerso, and Zampano. This is the rank we see the most of, and it makes sense if they all got it by going through the Officers Academy. We know this to be true for at least Havoc and Breda.

Havoc's and Breda’s graduation.[6]

Now you might notice I haven't mentioned the third type of student, the active non-commissioned officers (aka Second Lieutenant candidates). This is because while they go through the academy too, they're very different from the cadets:

They must be under the age of 38 and pass the Army Preliminary Course recruitment examination, which is different from the cadets exam.

They do NOT live on campus.

Their training only lasts 1 year (during peacetime), unlike the cadets 4 years. 

Because they are older than the cadets at the time they become officers, their promotion ceiling is lower as they hit the active duty retirement age before achieving high ranks.

Falman would fall into this category as he was a Warrant Officer for more than six months and clearly looks older than the rest of team Mustang. However, a year does not pass between him getting appointed to the North and him getting his promotion. My explanation for that is that the North has a shorter program for Second Lieutenant Candidates. In imperial Japan not only was the program shorter during war time (10-2 months), but the time also depended on which branch, region, and school you enrolled in. Since the North is quite hostile and is technically in a cold war with Drachma, it makes sense their Second Lieutenant Candidate program is short. The other explanation is that Falman started the program before being transferred. 

That more or less covers the Officers military training and education. Feel free to ask me if you want a more day to day explanation of the cadets’ life at the academy. You can also check this article. There's at least one documentary about it, available on Amazon Prime Japan.

Non-commissioned officers training  NCO’s training in Imperial Japan was first performed by the training corps (1871–1899), then by each unit (1899-1927), then after a decline in quality it was done at a training school (1927-1938), and finally back to the training corps until the American intervention. It's impossible for me to know if Arakawa used this system for the NCOs, and which period she chose to use, given how little information we have about the NCO characters. I still mentioned it in case anyone was curious about Fuery’s training. The training school lasted just one year and it was focused on general education, military education, and technical training.

The military police To end this, I will mention that the military police had their own academy separate from the officers’. They also had their own ranks equivalent to those of the army, i.e. Police First Lieutenant. It is possible this is the case in FMA. They're at the very least not trained together with the military personnel.

Thank you so much for reading all the way to the end. I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. Please don't hesitate to reach to ask questions or just rant about this. I love discussing FMA.

Source Fullmetal Alchemist Manga

Chapter 24: Fullmetal Alchemist [5]

Chapter 58: footsteps of ruin [4]

Chapter 59: the immoral alchemist [1]

Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood

Episode 30: The Ishvalan war of extermination [3]

OVA: Another man's battlefield [2]

The complete art of Fullmetal Alchemist [6]

[wearepaladin]

Hey Paladin, I have a sort of dilemma that I would be interested to get your even-keel thoughts on.

Over the years of gaming with my group, we’ve been a lot of places, done at lot of things - saved people, messed things up, put down the villains, and won the day even if it hurt bitterly or roared gloriously by the end of it.

We’re playing through maybe our 5th or 6th campaign and while we’ve finally teetered over the edge that allows us to fight and put down evil with impunity, I’ve found myself drawn away from long-form campaign storytelling as of late. We played a few one-off sessions to trial run other classes and characters and it was brilliant. I loved the simplicity of it and the complete lack of moral or ethical ambiguity in our tasks. Things were straightforward and it felt like nobody’s actions required justification amongst ourselves or in the story.

Contrasting with our campaigns, I’ve found that it’s incredibly tiring putting so much stock in the moral and ethical dilemmas of our shared storytelling as of late and I often find myself missing the simple plug and play quests that don’t leave us wondering for weeks or even months if we made the right choices or some of us had the right to end certain villains or do certain things. It feels like I’m stuck holding onto events and actions others and even myself have made for long periods of time afterwards. I find myself pulled back to realize that I’m putting a lot of attention and energy into stories and situations that frankly never actually happened and that detract from my enjoyment of the gaming experience.

I worry I’m slipping away from tabletop gaming with my closest friends and I guess I’d just like some ideas or reassurance. I’m hoping there’s some way to push through this phase and still maintain what we’ve built without walking away from the hobby or our time together for a while, although perhaps a break is what I need…

As always, your careful approach to things is greatly appreciated in advance. All the best.

I think, after taking the day to ponder this, is that ultimately, a game is a game, and that friendship can survive its absence or change. I value tabletop for strength of storytelling and inspiration, and the joy these things build for me, but they aren’t my life, and they aren’t my friends. They are a thing we enjoy but their absence wouldn’t detract from our companionship.

I suppose what I’m trying to say is that wanting to do things differently or taking a break isn’t going take away all the time spent with people who enjoyed your company. You might rediscover your interests later on or find something utterly new, but the friends you make will still love you in the time they know you and the time after. Don’t feel ashamed for being ready to change.

[zaynjmsource]

Zayn Malik’s arrival at Paris Fashion Week was not without incident. At about 8:30pm on Friday evening, a slow-moving car ran over his toes. Malik was exiting Kenzo’s autumn/winter 2024 show at the Bibliothèque Nationale, where a small army of Directioners had mobilised, precipitating a minor roadblock. That would have been enough to send anyone – particularly those of an introverted disposition – back into relative isolation. But there he was: on Saturday’s front rows, seemingly content with being perceived in public for the first time in five years. “My foot is fine!! Thanks to my incredibly well-made shoes,” Malik later explained on Instagram, captioning a photo of his tyre-marked Kenzo sneakers. It is the most deft use of the Paid Partnership tag I have ever seen.

Paris Fashion Week (which is perhaps the most accurate barometer of who and what is considered to be culturally relevant), fulfils a secondary purpose: to launch and relaunch the careers of its attendees. It is a place to see and be seen, and perhaps even, make a cameo in a brand’s TikTok video. It tracks, then, that Malik should choose the white heat of the men’s shows to re-emerge from a period of seclusion. Just as his new film – in which he voices a pair of animated bumblebees – debuts at the Sundance Film Festival, and less than a week after he released a single in Urdu with the Pakistani pop trio Aur. “It’s a busy time so you have to take care of yourself,” the musician, who has sometimes chafed against the demands of fame, says, sitting in a luxe suite at the Bulgari Hotel. “So I brought my mum with me. It’s always nice to have things that remind you of home when you’re away.” A moment, please, for product placement: “And, of course, I’m always drinking Mixoloshe,” he adds. “It keeps me young!”

Malik’s comeback reached its apotheosis when he arrived at Valentino’s Le Ciel autumn/winter 2024 show in a suit bearing the words, “We’re So Old, We Have Become Young Again”, which is a phrase that first appeared in Hanya Yanagihara’s 736-page invocation of human suffering A Little Life, but could just as feasibly have been plucked from One Direction’s teenybopper songbook. (Specific enough to inspire yearning, broad enough for anyone to insert themselves into.) “Funnily enough, the first fashion show I ever attended was Valentino nine years ago,” Malik says. “But I think, over the years, my knowledge of fashion has expanded. I have a lot more appreciation for it. Pierpaolo is incredible and Valentino never misses in my opinion.” At some point between our conversation and his arrival at the brand’s Monnaie de Paris step and repeat, Malik’s quiff was razed into a handsome short back and sides – a bit like when a bride gets a haircut midway through her wedding day.

And judging from Malik’s hastily-taken photos from the front row – squint and you might be able to distinguish a series of crystalline worker jackets from Pierpaolo Piccioli’s laser-cut Acanthus leaf coats – it was a collection that stirred due levels of anticipation. “There were so many great looks, but at the top of my wishlist were the long, cut-out coats,” Malik says. “Valentino always has class, it executes that edginess and luxury combination the best. When I was younger, I used to save up all my wages from the pizza shop I worked at so that I could afford to buy a new pair of trainers or a tracksuit. I was only able to get one piece every couple of weeks and it probably would have taken me a lifetime to buy a Valentino outfit! So I feel blessed and lucky that I get to wear the brand.” But there might have been another explanation for Malik’s spontaneous, erm, runway shots. “I was excited to see Lamar Johnson, who I was sitting next to. I didn’t want to bother him, but I’m a fan of his work! He’s such a great actor.”

All of this is to say: Zayn Malik is back. The sensitive and brooding boy band-survivor restored and ready to reclaim his title as a global heartthrob. Among the photos he shared with Vogue – which continue to point towards a certain camera shyness despite his fame – one image in particular paints a timeless portrait. In it, Malik is sitting in the backseat of a chauffeur-driven car as a blur of bystanders scrape their iPhones against the windows. He looks a little apprehensive. And so, I wonder how Malik manages to step outside of all this toe-crushing furore, now 14 years in the game. “The museums in Paris are full of beautiful art and talented artists,” he says, with all the earnestness that first saw him two-step into the hearts of millions of Directioners around the world. “I would highly recommend going to a few and viewing different works of art. It’s very inspiring!”

[racefortheironthrone]

I understand that knights normally followed a fairly set career path: start as a page, get taken on as a squire, and then if they merit it and have resources, knighthood. How did it work for other classes of soldier? How would one go about becoming say, a man at arms, or a specialist like a long bowman or a crossbowman or a pikeman for example?

Ah, excellent question!

One preliminary thing, you do have to be mindful of the distinction between actual training and social organization. Let's take your "career path" for knights, for example - at its heart, the whole page/squire thing was essentially a two-stage apprenticeship, but there was both a mix of actual martial training (I'll get into the curriculum in a bit) and what we would think of as socialization into the noble class - things like music, dancing, literacy, manners, and so forth aren't really directly related to the job of an armored heavy cavalryman, after all.

Importantly, when it comes to the distinction between various ranks, we have to keep in mind the importance of both material resources and sociocultural status. As you note, the difference between a squire and a knight was really about whether the squire could afford the full complement of arms, armor, and a horse, and there were more than a few grown men who were squires their whole lives (this is the inspiration for characters like Squire Dalbridge) because they just didn't have the money to advance to knighthood.

At the same time, the difference between a knight and a man-at-arms came down to social class - in order to be a man-at-arms, you had to have the same training as a knight and own the same equipment (arms, armor, and horse), which is why a lot of the written sources simply call all such men men-at-arms whether they were knights or not - although some sources took more pains to distinguish between the milites gregarii (the plain man-at-arms) and the milites nobiles (which, as you probably have guessed, refers to actual knights).

The former tended to be from the gentry rather than the nobility, and as a result of their lower status, they were usually paid half the wage rate of knights despite doing the same work and taking on the significant risk of providing their own equipment. (The fact that they were cheaper also explains why the proportion of actual knights on the campaign rolls dropped rather rapidly between the 13th and 14th centuries - knights were more expensive, so hiring men-at-arms instead meant you could stretch the budget for heavy cavalry.)

The Knightly Curriculum

As I suggested above, the training for knights was essentially an apprentice system where the page and then the squire provided service to their master in exchange for education. When it comes to the actual content of this training, the curriculum was actually pretty ecletic:

As you might expect, training in arms was an important part of the program. However, this training included a lot more than just swordsmanship. While the sword was very culturally important, when it came to the actual military function of a heavy cavalryman, the lance was arguably of greater importance. Training also tended to include other sidearms - axes, maces, and the like. In later periods, as armor got a lot better and mounted frontal charges tended to be de-emphasized in favor of having men-at-arms fight as dismounted heavy infantry, the curriculum expanded to include new weapons like the poleaxe and other polearms that Gary Gygax was obsessed with.

Training in horsesmanship was also a core part of the curriculum. GRRM is not wrong when he says that "jousting was three-quarters horesemanship," and this is why pages and squires were not only taught formal equestrian lessons, but were also taught how to hawk and hunt as part of their training. Hawking and hunting were the past-times of the nobility in no small part because they involved riding horses very fast through difficult terrain while simultaneously handling either a dangerous animal or weaponry, and were thus were considered good training for future cavalrymen. As Hillary Mantel puts it, "la chasse...we usually say, we gentlemen, that the chase prepares us for war."

Training in armor tends to get downplayed or overlooked, but it was considered so important that a major portion of what pages and squires did was deal with armor - carrying it, maintaining it (scrubbing with abrasives to prevent rust, oiling the straps to keep the leather straps supple, polishing - it was really endless labor), repairing it, putting it on their master and taking it off, and so on and so forth - so that they would understand every step of the process and be able to fend for themselves later on if they didn't have attendants of their own. The famous French knight, Jean "Boucicaut" le Maingre, was held up as an example to pages and squires for constantly wearing full armor while undertaking exercise:

What About the Man-at-Arms?

As you may have noticed, I've been mostly talking about how knights trained rather than men-at-arms. So how did your gentry-born homme d'armes train? Essentially the same as a knight, but with less of the aristocratic bells and whistles of ritualized service and socialization to the nobility. So a son of the gentry would probably be training under the tutelage of their father or other male relative - and given that we're talking about a society in which the overwhelming majority of people did the same jobs as their parents, often being legally bound to do so, this was a very common phenomenon all the way from peasants upwards - or perhaps from a professional tutor who would most likely be a veteran in working retirement.

Towards the later Middle Ages, as literacy rates increased and book production expanded to match supply to demand, your more traditional systems of apprenticeship and one-on-one tutoring became supplemented with written manuals of arms. While this genre of military literature goes all the way back to classical antiquity - and indeed, Roman manuals like De re militari were very popular in the Middle Ages, as were translations of Byzantine manuals - these lavishly illustrated manuscripts were both practical teaching tools and status objects for the families who owned them.

Specialists: Longbowmen, Crossbowmen, and Pikemen

Ok, enough about the upper classes, what about the commoners who served as specialist infantry in Medieval and Renaissance armies?

Well, I've already written a bit about longbow training, but the gist of it is that what started out as a (Welsh) hunting tool was recognized by the English royal government as a vital aspect of military readiness, so laws were promulgated that required essentially all but the poorest to own a longbow and that "that every man in the same country, if he be able-bodied, shall, upon holidays, make use, in his games, of bows and arrows… and so learn and practise archery." This training started at a fairly early age and lasted at least a decade, because it involved both the acquisition of technique and the development of the body (not just the arms, but also crucially the back muscles, as the "special sauce" of the English longbowman was his ability to "lay my body in my bow" rather than relying solely on the arms) - such that archeologists can identify longbowmen from the over-development of the shoulder and arm bones.

What about crossbowmen? Well, as I've already written a bit about, one of the major advantages of the crossbow over the longbow is that you could train someone to be a crossbowman in as little as four months, compared to the decade at minimum for a longbowman, because most of what you were teaching them was accuracy in shooting (hence why the recruitment process often involved eye exams) and the procedures for loading and cocking the crossbow - which required a certain amount of physical strength to pull back the string to the nut that would hold it in place, or to work the winch or the lever or the gaffe or the windlass if you were using a heavier crossbow, but nothing like the physical conditioning required for a longbow.

One of the reasons why the term "Genoese" is so often associated with the crossbow is that the Republic of Genoa established a corps of crossbowmen to serve both in the army and as marines in the navy and these experienced soldiers in turn provided a ready supply of labor for mercenary companies. While the captains who recruited on behalf of the great companies might have to put in the up-front investment of equipment (the crossbow and its accessories, pavise shields, armor,and sidearms), they were able to essentially outsource the training costs to the Republic.

When it comes to training, pikemen were somewhere in the middle between the longbowman and the crossbowman. Because pikemen have to fight shoulder-to-shoulder with lots of other pikemen without stabbing one another accidentally or getting their polearms tangled up, coordinating movement and action was vitally important. Hence, pikemen learned a series of quite complicated drills to teach them how to move in formation in different directions, how to change formations from line to square and back, how to switch from pike to sidearm and back, how to work with missile infantry, and so forth.

As I've talked about before, a big part of the reason why Swiss pikemen were so feared on the battlefield is that, because they were very well-drilled and disciplined due to the policies of universal military service adopted by the Swiss cantons, they could execute these drills very quickly, which meant that the Swiss pikemen could turn on a dime from an impenetrable defensive pike square to a shockingly fast and aggressive deep column which beat the ever-loving shit out of the Burgundians, the Hapsburgs, the Italians, the French, and pretty much everyone - until the Swiss ran up against a nasty combination of the German Landsknecht and the Spanish tercio.

[jaehyunnie77]

hi!! i hope you’re doing well 😊 i saw your requests were open and i’m hoping you could write something about reader overhearing jaehyun talking/admitting to friends that the reader fell first but he fell harder. it could purely be fluff but i won’t be opposed to it being angst to fluff hahaha — anyway, i hope this is alright with you! thank youuu

pairing: Jaehyun x fem!reader

genre: angst + fluff | childhood best friends to lovers

word count: 3.8k

tw: mention of food + pregnancy

a/n: may or may not be inspired by dear.m lol there's a bit (a lot) of angst because i've been going through it and let's face it, it's me haha. enjoy! thank you anon who sent this ❤

----

Five years ago.

“I really don’t know how to say this so I’m just going to say it. I like you Jaehyun. A lot. More than a best friend.”

Jaehyun stood in front of you shock with eyes wide. “What? Why are you saying this?”

“I can’t help the way I feel about –“

“Stop. Stop saying nonsense. We’ve been friends for a long time Y/N.”

“I know and I don’t know how or when it change, but all I know is it did. I can’t stand the feeling I get when you look at someone else like they’re your entire world and that you don’t look at me the same way.”

“Y/N stop. Please stop joking.” Jaehyun backs away from you, trying to wrap his mind around your confession. This was all too much for him. You couldn’t like him. There isn’t a reason in the world why you would like him more than a friend. It just couldn’t happen. Period.

“I’m not joking. Jaehyun please.”

He looks at you to see your eyes filled with tears. The expression on your face shatters him to pieces because he has seen it one too many times when you cried over your cheating ex.

“I don’t know what to say Y/N. This – this is too much right now.”

“You’re telling me you don’t feel anything for me? Not even an ounce?”

Jaehyun just stares at you and shakes his head.

“Think over what you think these feelings are because I’m telling you, it’s not what you think. I’m sorry Y/N. I can’t do this right now.”

He turns around to walk away leaving you there as tears start to fall down your face and your heart breaking into millions of pieces.

The next couple of days, neither of you reach out to each other. You would see each other in classes and in the hallways, but never for a second to talk. Even if you wanted to talk to him, what would you say? Days turned into two months of avoiding each other and you still couldn’t understand why he was so persistent that you couldn’t like him. That it couldn’t happen. Truth of the matter is, you only confessed because Jaehyun was giving you vibes that he may like you too. Then again, he was notoriously a big flirt especially being captain of the varsity basketball team.

Just as you were about to pass the library, you see him walk out of another building and look directly your way. You inhale deeply and walk over to him, in hopes it wouldn’t be too awkward.

“Hey.” You say quietly.

He returns a small smile, “Hi.” You both stand there for what feels like an eternity until he finally breaks the tension, “Do you need a ride back to your dorm?”

You nod and you both walk quietly back to his car. It’s an unnerving quiet drive to your dorm. You’re pretty much telling yourself it was a mistake to talk to him today, because you’re not sure what to say to him exactly. All you know is, you had two months apart and two months to think about everything.

“Look, about what I said –“

“Y/N it’s fine. You were just stressed out with back to back exams and we had a little bit to drink that night. You didn’t know what you were saying.” Jaehyun says.

You sit there, your heart slowly tearing apart again as the rise of anger surfaces.

“It wasn’t the exams or the alcohol Jaehyun.”

“I don’t know what to tell you. All I know is … you can’t like me.” he says the last part quietly.

Frustrated. That’s what you feel as you sit in his car and wanting to scream at him. “Why can’t I?”

He huffs like it’s the most obvious thing in the world, “Because we’re just friends and we’ve been friends for fourteen years.”

“So just because we’ve been friends for a long time, I’m in no way allowed to have feelings for you?”

“Exactly.”

“Seriously? I can’t believe you right now. I tell you how I feel and you shut it down like it’s nothing. I’m not one of your fuck buddies or flings you can just dismiss Jaehyun! I’m your best friend! And who the hell are you to tell me not to have these feelings for you when I can’t even help it!?”

Jaehyun felt like his world was crumbling around him. He doesn’t want to look like an asshole, but if it meant for you to stop liking him, then that’s all he can hope for. All he knows is, he couldn’t accept your confession.

“Y/N as your best friend, I am telling you that you can’t have feelings for me.”

“And why the hell not?! Stop beating around the bush!”

“Because you deserve someone who is better than me.” he finally says looking at you as you come to a stop in front of your dorm. You both sit there not knowing what to do next or where to go from here. Jaehyun turns off the engine and looks straight at the parked car in front of him.

“Y/N I care about you and that’s why I’m telling you this. If you continue to have these feelings for me, then there is no way I can continue being your friend. I’m sorry, but I can’t risk losing our friendship when it means so much to me.”

He force his eyes to look at you, only to see the back of your head as you look away from him. Your heart shreds in pieces once again and you know what you need to do. For the last two months, you were preparing yourself for this outcome. It’s just sad that it had to come to this. Mustering up any courage and energy you had left, you wipe your tears and put on a smile that doesn’t reach your eyes and turn to him.

“You’re my best friend and this is why I’m telling you this.” You use his words against him. Inhaling deeply, you try to say the next words without your voice breaking. “I thought about what you said about how these feelings I have for you are not what it seems, but truth is, I can’t just shut it off. I’ve tried before and it doesn’t work because they’ve been accumulating throughout all these years. I’m sorry if you can’t see it that way and I’m sorry if you can’t be friends anymore.”

“Y/N, don’t –“

“So I guess this is where we part ways. I won’t leave here with any regrets because at least I did my part and told you the truth. Instead, I’ll leave happy knowing that I got to spend half of my life with the only person who truly made me the happiest.

“Y/N-“

“I wish you luck in everything you do in the future Jaehyun. Goodbye.” You feel the tears prick your eyes, but you push them down in order to be strong in front of him. You give him one last smile before stepping out of the car and walking away.

Jaehyun wants to grab your arm, pull you back into the car and sing car karaoke while you get dinner. He wants you to say you were joking and he should’ve seen his face. He wants to hold you one last time and try to remember how small your body is next to his. In reality though, all he did was watch you walk away as he forces himself to drive away from you.

Two year ago

“I’m just saying that it’s stupid that I have to go with you to this party when you know your co-worker gives me the creeps.” You tell your cousin Mark, who as always asked you last minute to accompany him to his work party.

“He’s not creepy. He just really likes you.” Mark chuckles, low-key knowing what you mean.

“Seriously? He talks about feet Mark. Feet! Who talks about feet out of all subjects in the world?”

“Well I guess now we know he has a foot fetish.”

You shove him as you walk out of his apartment into his car making him laugh uncontrollably. “That’s disgusting. You’re really enjoying this aren’t you?” All you get in response is his laugh. “You owe me big time jerk.”

You arrive to the hotel lobby where the party is being held, and immediately grab a glass of champagne. You follow behind Mark as he walks through bodies of people saying hello to them. You finally spot Mark’s six-foot human best friend talking to someone whose back faces you. As you get closer to Johnny, his precious smile grows bigger and bigger.

“Mark! You’re finally here dude. Hi Y/N.” He engulfs you into an embrace as you hug him back. “Oh, before I get too drunk, let me introduce you guys to someone. This is my cousin who just moved here a couple of months ago.” He pats the man next to him as he turns around.

“Mark, Y/N, this is Jaehyun. Jaehyun, these are my coolest friends.”

You swear you stop breathing because how is he in front of you after all these years? There he is, your ex best friend and the first man you loved, Jeong Jaehyun. If he looked surprise to see you, he didn’t show it. Then again Jaehyun is good at masking his emotions. He extends a hand out for Mark to shake, while his eyes are lock onto yours. You see his lips moving, but can’t hear anything at all. All you know is you need to get out of here now.

“Dumbass, he’s talking to you.” Mark elbows you hard on your side making you come back to reality.

Instantly, you reach out your hand to shake his. The familiar warmth of his big hands and slender fingers embrace you. It felt like you were home again in the comfort of Jaehyun’s presence.

“Nice to meet you Jaehyun.” You finally say. His eyes widen a little at your words. He figured he’d play along with your game for right now.

The rest of the night, you do your best to avoid talking to him especially being anywhere close to him. No matter what you did though, he was always right next to you and trying to engage in your conversations. You couldn’t handle it anymore and excused yourself to get a breath of fresh air. You somehow knowingly knew he would follow you out.

The night air is chilly and makes you wrap your arms around yourself for warmth. You look up at the night sky and see the twinkling stars shining brightly. Jaehyun approaches you and looks up at the sky as well.

“It’s a beautiful night isn’t it?” he says quietly. All you could do is hum in response.

A short silence takes over before, “I remember when we were ten, we used to lay in the grass and wait for a shooting star so we could make a wish. Then we would freeze our asses off because we never thought to bring a blanket with us. I also remember when –“

“What are you doing here?” you say turning to him. Jaehyun shut up and looks directly at you taken a back.

“I’m here as Johnny’s plus one.” He smirks trying to lift the mood.

“I mean what are you doing in the same city as me?”

He gulp, he couldn’t directly say that he talked to your parents and wondered where you relocated to. Instead he shrugs, “I had a job promotion out here and couldn’t turn it down. It just a coincidence that we live in the same city.” That part is true, because even though he knew what city you lived in, he didn’t think he would ever run into you. Yet, here you are in front of him.

“How have you been?” he dares to ask.

You hate how your body gives in and give him a response. “Good, how are you?”

“Good, but I could be doing better.” He boldly states.

Your mind races of what he could mean by that. You’d ask him, but you didn’t have it in yourself to do it.

Another silence takes over and you both can’t stand this tension between you two. Things used to be so easy as conversations just kept on going, but now, it’s like you’re walking on eggshells.

“I miss you.” he finally admits.

You look into his eyes and find them sincere with a mixture of hurt and regret. “Can we talk –“

“What is there to talk about Jaehyun? I’m pretty sure we said everything we needed to say that day.” you say coldly. Defense is the only way you can protect your heart, especially seeing how handsome he’s gotten over the years.

“You may have, but I haven’t. Please Y/N.”

“I don’t want to hear it Jaehyun. What’s in the past is in the past and I’d like to move forward.” That’s a lie. You want to hear what he has to say, but you really need to protect your heart.

“Okay.” He shakes his head, “How about a fresh start then?” he suggested.

He furrow your eyebrows together, not understanding him. “What do you mean?”

“You said the past is in the past and you’d like to move forward, so why don’t we do that. Mark and Johnny are practically brothers and attach to the hip, so it wouldn’t make sense why we couldn’t be civil around them. Plus from what I gather, they don’t know that we know each other.”

You mull over his words and it does make sense to be civil with each other since Mark and Johnny are planning of going to brunch this weekend. “I guess you’re right, but don’t think that just because we may talk, doesn’t mean that we’re good.” You tell him pointedly.

Jaehyun gives you his famous dimple smile and you couldn’t help but feel the warmth in your heart returning.

"Fine by me."

One year ago.

Time works in funny ways because ever since that night of “starting over” you and Jaehyun end up being attach to the hip once again. Who knew after a year and a cold shoulder start from you, you would be in his apartment having a movie night of High School Musical. Yeah, even at the age of 28 you both are still watching Disney movies.

“Hey Gabriella, can I have this dance?” Jaehyun asks you getting into character as Troy Bolton. You couldn’t help but laugh and take his hand to dance with him and sing along.

After movie night, you decide to head out for a late night dinner take-out at your favorite restaurant. Little did either of you know this would be a turning point in your new friendship. As you walk around the city nightlife, you couldn’t help but feel somewhat at ease. The night is a little chilly and Jaehyun takes off his jacket and wraps it around you.

“You’re going to get cold Jae.” You try to take off his jacket to give it back, but damn him and his strength.

“It’s okay. I’d rather get sick than have to be the one to watch you sneeze and cough up a storm.” He jokes. You lightly push into him as he grabs your shoulders to keep you beside him.

“Actually I have something to say.” He says quietly as you stop in front of a lake fountain. Jaehyun can practically hear his heart beat out of his chest from the nerves catching up. So this is what you must have felt like that night.

“You’re lowkey an alien?” you joke.

“Ha. Everyone knows I am. Wonder why I always space out.” He smirks. You couldn’t help but roll your eyes.

Jaehyun exhales deeply and looks into your eyes. “I don’t know exactly how to say this, but I’m just going to say it. I like you – no, scratch that. I love you Y/N. I always have ever since we were kids and I know we agreed on starting over our friendship, but truth is you make me crazy.”

You blink a couple of times to make sure this isn’t a dream.

“When you told me you liked me, I couldn’t accept it because I was in denial about my own feelings. Ever since you walked away, I’ve tried to list out reasons why we could never work and in the end it was because I was scared. Scared because you’re my best friend and the only person who knows all my secrets and fears. I didn’t want to jeopardize that especially when I knew I was lying to myself. You could always see through my bullshit when everybody else went along with it.”

“In the years you’ve been gone, I’ve tried to convince myself it was for the best, that you deserve someone better than me, but I was wrong. If there was a song on the radio, it would remind me of our car karaokes. If there was a meme, I wanted to send it to you and we laugh about it together. If there was a song recommendation, I wanted to add it to your playlist. If I was in a crowded room, I wanted you to be next to me. I know I hurt you and I hate myself for doing that. I was stupid and immature before, but I’m not that guy anymore.”

“Jaehyun –“

“Please let me finish. The night we met again, I lied to you about being in the same city as you. Truth is, ever since you moved states in college, I always talked to your parents and brother because I just wanted to have a little bit of you still in my life even if I wasn’t in yours. Never did I think in a million years that we’d see each other at a work party as our cousin’s plus one. The past year has been amazing and I’ve never felt this happy since forever. I know what I want now and I know I just can’t pour all this out and expect you to be okay with it, especially the possibility that you may not even have feelings for me anymore and –“

“You’re ranting Jae.” You smile at him trying to contain your laughter.

Jaehyun chuckles and puts a hand behind his nape, “Sorry.” He puts his hand down and looks at you once more, “What I’m saying is, I’m willing to make it work because truth of the matter is, I’ve realized a lot of things and one of them is how I'm madly deeply in love with you.”

You stand there trying to form words, but nothing comes out. Jaehyun starts to think you really don’t have feelings for him anymore with how long it’s taking you to give him an answer.

“Y/N, please say something. If you don’t have feelings anymore, then I understand and I –“

“I love you.”

“will just leave – wait what?”

You laugh and wrap your arms around his neck as Jaehyun wraps his arms around your waist. “I said I love you. I’ve tried to fight it all these years especially after our goodbye, but I just couldn’t. You’re the only man I love and the only one I want to be with.”

“Really?”

“Unfortunately so, you dork.” You laugh as he picks you up and twirls you around. Once you’re back on your feet you couldn’t help but pull him down to kiss him. Kissing him felt like fireworks exploding everywhere.

Present

Throwing a party is always hectic, especially when are you five months pregnant. You look around the room for your fiancé, but he was nowhere to be found. You decide to check the back porch in case he was there and behold, there he is with his friends and your nephew on his lap. You were about to approach him when you heard Doyoung ask him how did he know you were the one.

“Honestly, it took me a while to realize it, but I think I’ve always known she was the one. When we were growing up, I never thought of her differently other than she’s my best friend and we do everything together. Then when we were in college, things changed for her. She confessed to me she liked me, but being an immature jerk back then, I rejected her.”

“You rejected auntie?” your nephew asks with his cute little pout.

Jaehyun chuckles, “Yeah, how foolish of me right.” He gives your nephew a tight squeeze. “When she left, I thought I would be okay because friendships can be started anywhere, but as days turn into weeks into months, I started to realize that I couldn’t stand the thought of going through life without her. She was my everything and knew every little thing about me. She loved me for me and not just the jock who played on the varsity basketball team.”

Jaehyun sighs, probably to add a bit of dramatic in his storytelling. “It was when I went on a date with a girl I met and everything that night just reminded me of her. The girl ordered spaghetti, but only took four bites. I remember thinking Y/N would be chowing that down like nobody’s business.” Everyone laughs including you. He wasn’t wrong. You do not mess around when it comes to food.

“I promised myself that night that I would find her, no matter what, even if she had a boyfriend or husband or a kid or didn’t want anything to do with me, that I would try to win her back into my life. Of course, that was much easier said than done, but if it wasn’t for Johnny’s work party he dragged me to or Mark dragging her, then I wouldn’t have been able to reconnect with the love of my life.”

You didn’t realize you were crying until your nephew walks up to you to hold your hand. “Don’t cry auntie. The baby is going to be sad too.” He said as he points to your belly.

“These are happy tears baby.” You say to both your unborn child and nephew.

The boys turn around and you could only see Jaehyun. You still can’t believe that he is yours and the life you two are building together. He gets up from the chair and walks over to you. His arm around your lower back as you lean into him, eyes getting ready to start their stream again.

“She fell for me first, but I fell harder in love with her and I will always fall deeper and deeper.” He gives you a kiss on top of your head as the boys whoop, whistle, and clap. Some even muttering, “That’s some real love shit right there. Straight out of a damn movie.”

“Not just any movie. A Disney movie.” Johnny says.

Everybody nods along in agreement.

You look up at your fiancé and you couldn’t be any more happier, “I love you.”

“And I love you for all eternity.”  

[victoriansecret]

How did you get into living history as a profession?

In eighth grade, on my big school field trip, we visited my current museum. At the time I didn't think about it as a job, I just wanted to live here. Which I now literally do: I live in one of the reconstructed buildings inside the historic town. The same year, my history teacher was very good, and structured his class in ways that worked for me very well. For one thing, he'd tell the anecdotal, often amusing parts of history, not just pure dates and names. And more importantly, he had couches in the back of the classroom arranged in a circle, where after reading the chapter we were on the whole class would go back there and talk about it. I am a very auditory person, so this helped me tremendously. It also, not so coincidentally, is very similar to how this field works. The term for the work I do, internally, is called "historic interpretation". I try not to use that term with guests unless I can explain it, but basically, if you can imagine what a language interpreter does - that is, turning a foreign language into something a person can understand - that's what we do with history. Help people better understand it, who may not otherwise know much about it. There's a lot more to it, and for anyone interested in the field, I highly recommend the seminal work on interpretation (not just historic, but also nature, science etc.): Freeman Tilden's Interpreting Our Heritage. He had been contracted by the National Parks service for decades to observe how park service guides interacted with guests, and from that develop an understanding of what works and what doesn't, and did a lot of training for the parks. This book was the culmination of all that, where he breaks interpretation down to his six primary principles, to each of which he devotes a chapter explaining them in depth. There are updated works which expand on it, but part of why his work still stands up (and is, in my opinion, still far better than any of the others) despite being published in the 1950s is that he really gets down to the basic core of what interpretation is and can be. I am not ashamed to say I literally cried the first time I read it, because it exemplifies why I care so deeply about the work that I do. To quote what is, in my opinion, the most important and core of his principles, he writes that: "Interpretation is not information, but provocation." That is to say, all interpretation is based on information, but the goal is not to come away with every guest interaction having shared so many facts, but rather to have inspired them to be interesting in the subject more deeply and want to learn more. This is what happened to me, all those years ago. Between that class and that field trip, it made me realize I loved history. In hindsight I now realize I already did - I loved Jane Austen film adaptations, for example, and was already beginning my obsession with servants - I just didn't like or connect with the way it had been taught to me up until that point. And again, interpretation as an idea in and of itself, beyond just the things being shared, also became something I was enamoured with.

About 12 years later, I was working at a restaurant which was destroying my mental and physical health, and I knew I needed a change. I also desperately needed to get away from my home town. I thought about the things I liked (history), was good at (talking to people), and wanted to do (wear period clothing -- and again, get away), so I thought maybe I could work at a historic museum. Long story short, I began applying to various places, including my current museum. Eventually, I ended up working at a seasonal site in Michigan, where I spent four 'summers' (for the last three, I was there from beginning of May until end of October), and with that experience was able to get my first full time job at my current place. Which I eventually left to go to another museum, only to come back about a year and a half later. ..... as an aside, and I like to tell this story especially for anyone aspiring to get into this field, or really in general, my first boss once told me why she gave me an interview. My restaurant job was my only job ever, and while by that point I had my GED, I was a highschool dropout and have never been to college. I've worked with hundreds of colleagues since, and not counting people still in school, I think I can count on one hand the people that do interpretation specifically who are not college graduates (not to mention many with Masters and PHDs etc), let alone have never gone at all like me. In my cover letter for that first job, I made an analogy. My job at the restaurant was running the salad bar, and because it was in the middle of the dining room, I said something along the lines that it meant I was "always on display", so that would help me in being in such a visible job in period clothing etc. and always having to be 'on' for guests. Because analogies, and connecting to things people understand to help them better grasp the information being shared, are such a huge part of the job, she, in her own words, "knew she needed to give me an interview." And because I am, in fact, good at talking, I knocked it out of the park. ..... which is not to say I didn't have a lot to learn when I started, it was truly a struggle at first on a lot of levels, but these days I think I am an excellent interpreter. And considering I have very low self-esteem overall, it's one of the only things about myself that I'll say that about.

[merrybloomwrites]

You Can Start a Family (Chapter 5)

Summary: Another few days spent with Mitch and Sarah lead to more developments in your relationship.

Previous Chapters: One ; Two ; Three ; Four

TW for this chapter: It contains smut

I did have one person mention that these posts aren't showing up for them, I'm guessing because the story now has a mature community label, so let me know if you want to be added to the taglist so you don't miss anything!

Hope you enjoy, and would love to know what you're thinking of the story so far!

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The following week is busy at work. Ryan’s mom, Beth, is a high school teacher and has been stuck working longer hours, as it was the end of a marking period as well as the week before spring break. You and Ryan had started going on more outings. You were busy taking him to baby music class, and story time at the local library.

Sarah and Mitch had also started to spend more time at the studio, often going for hours or even the whole day. You hadn’t seen them all week, and after having spent a whole weekend together, you were missing them.

Finally on Thursday you see them for the first time in days. You’re loading Ryan into his car seat as they get out of their car across the street.

They walk over to you waving hello before leaning in to say hi to Ryan.

“How are you love?” Sarah asks. “We’ve missed you,” she says as Mitch nods in agreement.

“I missed you guys too,” you say with a shy smile. “I’ve been good, crazy busy. We’re trying different activities for Ryan. His mom wants him socializing with other kids and burning some energy. Which definitely is needed. Plus, he switched to one nap a day so there’s a lot of time to fill.” You realize you’re once again rambling and turn the conversation to them, asking, “What have you been up to?”

“Mitch got some inspiration for new music, so we’ve been working on that.”

“That’s so cool! Can I hear some of it?”

“Sure kid,” Mitch replies. “Are you free anytime soon?”

“Ryan’s family is going away for Easter this Sunday and taking a long weekend, so I’ll be off next Monday and Tuesday. If you’re free, maybe we could have another sleepover? My apartment this time.” You blush, nervous that you sounded too forward.

“What are you doing for the holiday?” Sarah asks.

“Honestly, probably nothing. Maybe make a special meal or something. What about you guys?” You notice they didn’t acknowledge your invitation and grow more worried that they no longer want that aspect of their relationship with you. Before your mind spirals, Mitch answers.

“My aunt and uncle are visiting for a couple days,” Mitch answers before continuing, “And you will be coming over for dinner.”

“I really don’t want to intrude-” Sarah cuts you off, saying, “Y/N, you will be coming over for dinner. No question. You’re never intruding. And if you don’t mind, maybe we could come over on Sunday after dinner and stay a couple of days?”

Your face lights up and you reply, “I absolutely would not mind.” At that moment Ryan starts loudly babbling, tired of listening to the adults. “I should get going, story time starts soon.”

Sarah leans in and gives you a light hug, saying, “Of course! Sounds like we’ve got a great plan.” She pulls back and Mitch rests his hand on your shoulder for a second before squeezing once and pulling away. You know that these are the only types of contact you can have with them in public. Even if you were spotted, those casual touches wouldn’t raise any suspicions.

You double check that Ryan’s car seat straps are tight enough and continue with your afternoon. You have newfound energy now that you know that you’ll be spending multiple days with Mitch and Sarah.

Friday passes quickly and you keep busy on Saturday, doing a much deeper clean than usual since you would be having guests. You also go food shopping and make sure to pick up ingredients for an appetizer and a dessert which you make Sunday morning before heading over to the Rowland’s house in the early afternoon.

Mitch’s father answers the door and leads you into the kitchen where the rest of the family is congregated. You’re greeted by Mitch, Sarah, and Tammy, and introduced to Mitch’s aunt and uncle. You have a wonderful afternoon with everyone, enjoying the stories they’re all telling.

After dessert is over, and you finish playing a few rounds of a card game that got way more competitive than expected, you’re saying goodbye to Mitch’s family. He and Sarah each grab their bags and walk out to your car with you.

It’s a quick drive to your place and next thing you know, Mitch and Sarah are walking around your apartment, complimenting the view and decorations.

“This apartment really is beautiful. I love the windows and it’s so spacious in here,” Sarah says.

“There aren’t many perks to most of your family dying in your early 20’s, but being the sole recipient of all life insurance payouts and inheritances would probably be the one bright side.”

They both stare at you, as they do when you mention your trauma so nonchalantly.

“What?” you say, “I’m talking about the positives! Don’t give me those faces. Anyone want some water?” You decide it might just be best to move on from the discussion of your dead relatives. You grab a couple bottles of water from the fridge and hand one to each of them asking, “Do you guys want to sit out on the deck?”

They agree and you lead them outside to show them one of your favorite parts of your apartment. It’s a decently large deck, big enough to fit an outdoor loveseat plus another comfy chair, and since you’re a corner unit, it faces the woods behind your building, allowing for privacy. You sit in the single chair, leaving them to share the loveseat. You start to tell them about the wildlife you’ve seen in the woods, then point out the constellations you could see.

You all spend a few minutes sitting quietly enjoying each other’s company as well as the mild early spring weather. You feel a hand on your arm and know that it’s Sarah. You turn to her, and she gently pulls you, saying, “You’re too far away, come here.”

You get up and stand in front of them, not sure exactly where to sit. She pulls you down so that you are seated sideways on her lap, your legs extended over Mitch. He runs his hands over your shins and Sarah wraps her arms around your waist, holding you close. After another few minutes of listening to the calm sounds of the night you feel Sarah brushing your hair over your shoulder so she can start to kiss your neck.

Your eyes close at the feeling of her lips on your skin and of Mitch’s hands traveling higher on your legs. You slowly turn your head and seek out Sarah’s lips with your own. Neither of you hesitate to deepen the kiss, tongues immediately searching each other’s mouths. Mitch leans in to take over peppering your neck in kisses, occasionally switching to do the same to Sarah. He eventually turns you away from Sarah to himself, and you get lost in the feeling of kissing him. Next thing you know you’re watching them make out in front of you as your hands absently trail along their skin.

You all continue on like this for a while, getting lost in the sensations.

“Should we head inside?” Sarah asks, and you nod your head.

You all stand up, Mitch steadying both you and Sarah. You walk into your bedroom, immensely glad you had decided to splurge on the king bed. You stop just in the doorway and feel Mitch’s hand on your lower back. You’re equal parts excited and nervous about what’s about to happen, and you wonder if you’ll ever move past your nerves. You feel Mitch’s lips against your ear, and he asks, “Would you like to learn something new tonight?”

You turn your head to him, eyes practically crossing trying to look at him when he’s so close, and you nod again. He turns to whisper something to Sarah, and she smirks before climbing in bed and leaning against the headboard.

“C’mere, love,” she says to you, and you climb up the bed towards her. She pulls you in and says, “Mitch thinks we can teach you some different things to do with your mouth, what do you think?” Your eyes practically roll back in your head at the suggestion. You bite your lip and nod before saying, “I think that’s a great idea.” You start kissing her neck, biting gently as though overeager at the idea of using your mouth to please them.

Clothes are thrown off bodies and onto the floor. You start to kiss down Sarah’s body. You’re leaving kisses on the inside of her thighs when you suddenly feel kisses on your own thighs from behind. You glance back to see Mitch is behind you, just as bare as you and Sarah.

“Just follow along with Mitch,” Sarah says. You’re confused for a moment but then gasp as you feel him lick along your core. You understand what Sarah meant and lean to do the same to her. The sounds she lets out spur you on, each whimper turning you on even more and you barely hold yourself back from pushing closer to Mitch’s mouth.

You take note of the different things he does with his lips and tongue and recreate the moves to the best of your ability on Sarah. You feel the familiar tightening in your belly as your orgasm approaches. You hum in pleasure and the vibrations push Sarah over the edge. She grabs your hair, careful not to pull too hard. You work her through her orgasm and a second later fall into your own.

You lay your head on Sarah’s stomach as you both catch your breath. Her fingers weave through your hair as Mitch presses light kisses to your back. He climbs up towards Sarah, and she pushes him to lay on his back. Your eyes meet Sarah’s, and she beckons your closer. You crawl up to kiss her, then Mitch.

You think about what today’s lesson is, and take a deep breath before moving back down, this time trailing kisses along Mitch’s torso. You kiss just above his groin and look at his hard cock before glancing back to Sarah, silently asking for advice on what to do next.

She starts to whisper instructions in your ear, and you lean down to wrap your lips around him. He groans and clutches the sheets to keep himself from thrusting into your mouth. At Sarah’s direction you switch between sucking on what you can fit in your mouth and running your tongue along his length and around his tip. After a few minutes he pulls you off of him and sits up so he can press his lips to yours and you share a kiss so messy you can feel your teeth clashing against his.

“You did so good, baby,” he says in your ear before nipping at your neck and pulling away. He turns to Sarah and kisses her before pulling her onto his lap. He reaches down, and in a move so practiced and smooth that you almost miss it, he slides inside her. They both throw their heads back, moaning as they come together before sharing a moment of eye contact. You realize he’s checking in that she’s okay before they start to move together. You’re fascinated by what’s playing out in front of you. Sure, you’re turned on, but you’re more curious to watch than participate. That doesn’t mean they’re okay with you being left out, and they make sure they each have a hand somewhere on your body the whole time. You watch Sarah fall apart, Mitch following right after.

You all collapse onto the bed, a jumble of limbs, bright smiles on everyone’s faces. You’re once again surprised at how right this feels. You fall asleep with your head on Sarah’s chest, hand clasped with Mitch’s over her.

The next day you again wake up first. You slide out of bed, throw on some clothes, and go to the kitchen to make a cup of tea and reflect on the night before. You think about how safe they make you feel and how patient they are teaching you about intimacy. You’ve been so scared about being physical with someone that you thought it might never happen. But now you think back to how gentle Mitch was with Sarah, how he made sure to check in with her, and you start to think that you might be ready to have that as well.

Mitch and Sarah join you in the kitchen and you make them tea as well. As you set the mugs down Mitch’s phone starts to ring with an incoming FaceTime call. You glance at it and are surprised to see that it’s Harry calling. Harry Styles. Somehow you had yet to interact with him at all even though you’d been hanging out with his best friends for weeks.

Mitch answers the call and starts talking to Harry. Sarah quietly laughs at the look of panic on your face. You take some deep breaths, forcing yourself to stop fangirling before you somehow make a fool of yourself in the background of the call. You’ve just managed to contain your excitement when Mitch pulls you over to officially introduce you to Harry. You learn that he does know who you are, and Mitch and Sarah have apparently been talking about you to their friends.

It’s a short call, Harry had just wanted to check in on everyone and soon they hang up. Breakfast that morning is simple, everyone pouring a bowl of cereal and you discuss what to do that day.

“Do you still want to hear some of Mitch’s new music?” Sarah asks and you answer with an enthusiastic, “Of course I do!”

After everyone showers and gets ready for the day, you all drive over to the studio. Mitch plays two of the songs he’s working on, and you listen closely, watching in amazement as he sings the songs he wrote himself.

“I was wondering if you could help me with something,” he says timidly after you compliment him on his music.

“Sure, what is it?” you reply.

“I’ve got some ideas for guitar harmonies and want to test them out against the melody. If I tell you the chord progression, would you be able to play melody so I can see if it all works together?”

“Yes, absolutely.” He teaches you what to play and you spend the next couple of hours working on his songs, fascinated to see what goes on behind the scenes.

When you all start to get hungry you leave the studio to pick up sandwiches for lunch. You mention a walking trail nearby that has great views and you decide to take your lunch there. It’s a short walk to the first outlook and you settle there to eat. You ask Mitch and Sarah about their childhoods, wanting to know more about them. You continue your questions after lunch when you’re all walking towards the waterfall at the end of the trail.

When you reach it, Sarah starts taking pictures, including a selfie of the three of you which she immediately sends you. You’ll later make that your phone background, but no one needs to know that.

You start walking back and Mitch says, “So, I was thinking we could all go to Bella Luna’s tonight for dinner.”

You’ve heard of Bella Luna’s before. It’s one of the nicer restaurants in town. Ryan’s parents have gone there a couple of times for date nights, and you know it’s viewed as highly romantic.

“Oh, I’ve heard great reviews about that place,” Sarah replies with a cheeky smile. You nod and agree and spend the rest of the afternoon wondering what this fancy dinner might mean.

Back home everyone starts getting ready. Mitch informs you that the reservation is set for 6PM and you wonder when he set that up, as he hadn’t been on his phone at all that day aside from talking to Harry. You also realize that they both had fancy clothes packed and wonder if they had planned this ahead of time.

You walk out of your bathroom after getting changed, smoothing down your dress and fiddling with your hair to make sure it’s lying just right. You look up and see Mitch and Sarah staring at you.

Sarah walks over and places her hands on your hips, saying, “You look amazing,” before pulling you in for a kiss. “You look amazing too,” you reply after breaking apart. Mitch walks up to you saying, “You both look beautiful,” and you each kiss and compliment him as well.

You have a wonderful time at dinner. The conversation flows naturally, and the food is delicious. There’s never an awkward silence, and you realize how compatible you all are in every way.

Once back at your apartment, the evening goes like the one before and you find yourselves again out on the deck. Instead of you sitting on the chair, Mitch immediately pulls you on the loveseat with him and Sarah, and you’re sat half in each of their laps.

“Dinner tonight was delicious, thank you for taking me there,” you say.

“Of course, love,” Sarah replies. “We needed to make our first date special.”

At the word date you quickly turn to her, a shocked and confused expression on your face. You knew they cared about you, knew they were interested in you physically, but hadn’t dared to hope for the relationship to take this turn.

No one has ever expressed interest in you this way before, and here are two wonderful people wanting to bring you into their relationship. Two people who had everything they could want, but still opened themselves up to another person.

“We really care about you, Y/N,” Mitch says, and you turn to look at him. “Not just in a friendly or familial way. We care about you the way we care about each other.” Sarah is nodding in agreement, and you reply, “I care about you both too. More than anyone else.”

“I know this won’t necessarily be easy,” Sarah says. “It’s a complicated dynamic, especially with us being so well known publicly. But Y/N, we want to be with you. We want you as part of our relationship. Would you like that too?”

“I would. I really would. I know it’ll be difficult, and we’ll have to keep it a secret, but I want a relationship with you both. Being with you two just feels right in a way nothing ever has before.”

“We feel the same way,” Mitch replies.

They each press a kiss to your lips before sharing one with each other. The three of you sit there in an embrace, and the fact that you’re in a relationship sinks in. You can’t help the huge smile that breaks out on your face.

“What is it?” Mitch asks, noticing your expression.

“Nothing,” you reply. “I’m just really, really happy.”

“We are too,” Sarah says and meets you for another kiss. Mitch turns you towards him and he quickly deepens the kiss. This time you don’t get lost in the feeling, too lost in your thoughts of what you want to happen next.

Mitch notices your hesitance and pulls away asking, “What’s wrong, baby?”

You shiver at the nickname, holding one of his hands in yours and fidgeting with his fingers while building up the nerve to tell him what you’re thinking.

“Nothing’s wrong. I just. There’s something I want to do. And it makes me really nervous, but I think that I’m ready.” You pause a moment before continuing, “I know that I’m ready. To do this. With you.”

With the hand you’re not currently holding, Mitch cups your face to bring you to look at him. “Y/N, what is it you want to do?”

Even just saying the words feels impossible, not used to wanting this, let alone asking for it. “I, uhm, I want to- I’m ready to go all the way.”

He looks you in the eyes before asking, “Are you saying that you want to have sex with me?” You try to look away, somehow both embarrassed and turned on at the blunt way Mitch is clarifying your desires. “Because it’s absolutely okay if you do. I want to do that too. But only if you’re really ready,” he continues.

“I am,” you say firmly. “I’m ready. I’ve always been so scared of sex, but I saw the way you were with Sarah last night and, I dunno, I just know that you’d take care of me. I realized I don’t have to be scared with you. With either of you,” you finish, reaching one of your hands to rest on Sarah’s leg.

“Of course I’ll take care of you baby,” he says. “It’s all we want to do.” He leans in and presses his lips to yours, picking up where he left off a few minutes earlier. You feel like you’re too far away from him and move to straddle his lap. His hands immediately go to your waist, pulling you in so you’re flush against him.  

You feel his hard cock against you and begin to grow excited at the thought of what’s about to happen. He guides your arms around his neck and tells you to hold on tight. The next moment he stands from the couch, hands sliding to your bottom to support you so he can carry you inside. The three of you make your way to the bedroom, and Mitch lays you down on the bed, immediately crawling on top of you.

You get lost in the feeling of Mitch’s tongue stroking yours, on his hands sliding along your body. You tug on his shirt and break away to pull it off of him. He does the same to your dress and within minutes all of your clothes are on the floor. His fingers are at your entrance, slipping in one at a time to slowly open you up.  

You look over to see that Sarah is fully clothed and you pout. She notices your expression and says, “I’m okay love, I just want to watch tonight. This is a special moment for you.” You reach out your hand to hold on to hers and she passes something to Mitch before sliding her fingers between yours.

You hear a noise and look back to Mitch and realize what Sarah had handed him. He opens the condom wrapper and slips it on before running the head of his cock through your folds. He looks at you and asks, “Are you sure?” Without hesitating you tell him you’re sure, that you want this.

He lines himself up and starts to push in. You gasp at the stretch and squeeze Sarah’s hand. Mitch leans down to pepper kisses and love bites along your neck as Sarah runs her free hand on your stomach. You focus on those feelings as Mitch continues to push in, checking that you’re okay throughout.

Finally, he’s flush against you, letting out a loud groan in your ear at the feeling of you wrapped around him. Tears leak out of your closed eyes and you’re unsure if they’re from the uncomfortable pressure of being filled for the first time or from the overwhelming emotions running through you.

Sarah wipes away the tears, leaning in to quietly say, “You’re doing so well, love.” After a moment of letting you adjust, Mitch checks in again to see how you’re feeling, and if you want him to continue or pull out.

“Keep going, I’m good, please, you can keep going,” you tell him in a breathy voice you’ve never heard from yourself before.

He starts to move, slow thrusts at first before building up a rhythm after he’s sure you’re ready for more. It doesn’t take long to switch from uncomfortable pressure to intense pleasure. You’re still holding one of Sarah’s hands in yours and she uses her free hand to rub circles on your clit. You’re lost in the sensations, Mitch inside you, Sarah adding to the pleasure, both of their lips leaving kisses all over your body. It all builds until you come with a loud moan, clenching around Mitch. It’s an intense feeling, one that causes you to see stars, and you’re only vaguely aware of Mitch reaching his orgasm just after you.

They both slow down before stilling completely. Mitch tucks his face into your neck saying, “I’m gonna pull out now, okay babe?” You nod and he slowly pulls out as Sarah presses more kisses to the top of your head.

Mitch gets off the bed and you whimper and reach for him, not wanting him to be far away from you. “Shh, love,” Sarah says gently. “He’ll be right back; he’s just gone to get a cloth to clean up.”

A moment later he’s back and uses a damp washcloth to clean between your legs. He slips on a pair of boxers and places a large t-shirt on the bed for you. You know he’s giving you the option to put it on if you’d like but not pressuring you to, and you realize how well he already knows what will make you most comfortable. You slip on the shirt as he climbs in bed next to you. As you curl into his side, Sarah gets up and you pout again but refrain from grabbing for her as well. She changes into pajamas and gets back under the covers, holding you tightly.

You fall asleep almost immediately, missing the whispered conversation between the other two.

“How are you feeling?” Mitch asks her. He knew they had talked previously about the possibility of you and Mitch having sex, but he still wanted to make sure Sarah didn’t feel any different after seeing it happen.

“Honestly?” She replies. “I feel great. Y/N said it earlier, it just feels right. Watching the two of you together was mesmerizing, and beautiful. I think I may have fallen even more in love with you.” He grabs her hand and squeezes gently. You stir in their arms, turning towards Sarah and tucking your face into her neck. They share a smile over you and fall asleep as well.

Shockingly, you’re the last one awake the next morning. When you do finally wake up, you realize you’re sprawled on top of Mitch, clinging to him. He’s running his fingers through your hair, and you feel so content you almost fall back asleep. Before you do, Sarah walks in with a tray full of food. You climb off of Mitch to sit in the middle of the bed and Sarah sets down the tray before sitting next to you.

You rest your head on her shoulder and she says, “Good morning love. You feeling okay?”

“I’m feeling absolutely wonderful,” you reply with a shy smile. You glance at Mitch and see he’s looking at you with a similarly fond expression. “I’m also suddenly starving,” you continue. “This looks amazing!”

They laugh at your enthusiasm for breakfast, and you all start to dig in.

“What would you like to do today,” Mitch asks.

“Nothing. I want to do nothing today. I want to stay here with the two of you and have a movie marathon or binge TV and just cuddle.”

“Sounds like a plan to me,” he replies.

And that’s what the three of you do. At lunch time you switch to hanging out in the living room instead of the bedroom, but that’s the extent of your effort for the day. They end up staying that night as well, brushing their teeth beside you in the bathroom before bed, and you revel in how domestic it feels.

They wake up bright and early with you the next morning and make sure to get their goodbye kisses before you all leave the apartment together. You drop them off in their driveway on your way to work and they each give you a quick hug before going inside the house.

You turn the car around and pull into Ryan’s driveway and sit in there for a moment before going into the house. You give yourself a couple minutes to think about the past few days, smiling and letting out a giggle when you can no longer contain the pure joy you feel.

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A/N: Thank you so much for reading! I'm excited for the next part, we're finally adding Harry to the mix soon!

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