#insane shitpost

[patchhampter]

feeding my hamster hornet from hollow knight ,, , sorry that i doomed the release of silksong by doing this 💔

[meanbossart]

Stand up for your man.

[8aeddel-vriska]

via CNN: "In a surprise move by the infamous Detroit rap duo, record company Psychopathic Records announced today that the two would begin their official run for the White House, not as President or Vice President, but as the first dual-Presidency ever. [...] CNN investigation found that this announcement coincided with a multi-million dollar campaign donation from the Betty Crocker Corporation, who has declined to comment at this time."

Has anyone else seen this? I feel like I'm going insane.

[unknownn-girl]

tumblr is like if twitter and pinterest had an insane mentally ill psychotic baby

[guinevereslancelot]

first base is wound tending second base is hand touching

[deadshadowcreature]

Problems with wishes

[venator-signum]

kamala khan would have the most horrendous ao3 author's notes known to man

"hey guys sorry the update is late i switched places with an avenger (ajdgrhsh literally crying) and a really cool space scientist lady and then got into a fight and some alien dudes wrecked my house and then I met Nick fury and I was literal space it was crazy and I had to help save the universe and saw said scientist lady give up her life to save all of us... anyways hope you like the new fic, branching out with an arranged marriage au for this one!!!"

[magnificentsapcaddy]

AVERAGE NORTHERNLION DIALOGUE

Look, I'm fuckinnnnnnnnnn...! I'm fuckin' tired as bawls, dawg. [not switching his tone of voice at all] I think I lost some weight there, and I'm sure I need some rest, but sleepin' don't come very easy in a [enunciating precisely] straight. White. Vest. [pause] [reading chat] "Just go to bed earlier"? Okay, listen to me. Said the grasshopper to the morning sun, "No matter how hard I try and how high I jump, I can never embrace you", and thus the sun responded, "My brother, the mere act of being here is an embrace in and of itself." So beggars can't be fuckin' choosers, okay? Okay. [unpauses game (Poo-Poo Piranhas Jungle Gym Adventure) where the puzzle is to put the square block in the square hole and he puts it in the triangle hole] Dude!!!!!!!!!!!!

[paulthebukkit]

IT’S HIM

he’s not big yet but IT’S HIM

[kaffkanya]

[patchhampter]

normal about nutcrackers

[snarky-art]

@cryptotheism your shitpost about Father John Yogurt has been heavy on mind ever since I read it and I had an Urge

[pr0cyon-lotor]

AU where instead of Shen Yuan being obsessed with Luo Binghe, he's instead obsessed with the scum villain himself. I mean we all know Bingge is Very Not Good Person™ but you know who else a Very Not Good Person™? Say it with me: Shen Jiu

Like just imagine a timeline where Shen Yuan is writing paragraph after paragraph about how Shen Qingqiu might actually be a good person but Airplane is wasting his potential. The other commenters are saying he's delusional because he abused the protagonist and as all these TERRIBLE allegations towards him. So he's a clear cut villain.

But Shen Yuan is defending his fav with the vigor of a devout worshipper. He's constantly siting parts that are obvious plot holes and how they could give much needed context to Shen Qingqiu's character.

Other people are demanding for worst things to happen to Shen Qingqiu to spite him. Airplane caves. Shen Yuan actively commissions art and fics where Shen Qingqiu is happy. People tell him "Shen Qingqiu won't fuck you bro"

Shen Yuan isn't interested in that. He's a freaky little man with freaky little likes. He'd gladly take Shen Qingqiu's cold glares and even volunteer to have tea poured on him.

When he finishes PIDW, he's been outraged that Shen Qingqiu was killed off a while back. He's even more outraged that Shen Qingqiu wasn't given any mention at the end.

Now, imagine with me that he gets transmigrated into some NPC, literally Unimportant Character No°5. Probably as the head disciple for drama reasons. And as soon as Shen Jiu is brought in, scruffy and hissing as he is. He immediately hugging his thighs and saying he'll be peak lord for sure.

Please follow me into this suspicious alleyway as I continue to explain my vision fueled by sleep deprivation.

So now imagine your Shen Jiu. You're a former street rat and demonic cultivator, you aren't expecting to be liked or respected. You're expecting it, you've come to terms with it a long time ago. What you weren't expecting was for this random ass guy you have to call da-shixiong is immediately insane about you.

He met you first day, literally saw you bite a guy, and immediately started spouting out how you'll be the next peak lord and the absolute envy of Cang Qiong Mountain. You conclude he's missing a few screws because he said it in the most disgustingly sincere way.

You try to continue on with your life, trying to beat him and he looks almost... Excited about you beating him. So he's an M, you think to yourself. But then you see someone trying to beat him or you on something, and this guy immediately gets aggressive. Okay so he's just weird with you.

You continue to deal with him. He's weird but also weirdly respectful. He leaves if you tell him to leave. He defends you like it's his very birth right. He's always there to tend to you as if you were a god. He doesn't touch you and only sits around like a dog waiting for a command.

You eventually get strong enough to beat him, and this absolute buffoon is over the moon about it, already spouting about your supposed success again.

When you actually become peak lord, it isn't surprising. Your hype man has been saying it since day one, he was expecting it for some reason. He continues to spout out nonsense about how he just knew you were going to do it.

So what now? You obviously desire him carnally. What is the next step?

Okay so I know this wouldn't fix them. Almost without question this would make they both worse. But, hear me out, it would be funny. (Especially since just know Shen Yuan's entire inner monologue would be him saying he's just being a good friend as if he isn't being the gayest man in the sect and Shang Qinghua is there. That's an accomplishment to outgay the author)

[monsterinthetrash]

My boyfriend said that sniper’s backstory sounds like Alex’s from Madagascar 2. I made this out of anger. I refuse to go insane alone.

[biboomerangboi]

Hua Cheng is just so iconic to us because he is in fact a tumblr girlie. Notebook filled to the brim with sketches of his blorbo. Info dumps galore. Maximalist fashion to the nines. Outfits based on accessories. Has all of the genders under one big shapeshifting trench coat. Hates the ruling class. Excuses every problematic thing his blorbo does and stands by them in the group chats. Insane reaction to people who dislike his blorbo and says mean things about them, burning temples is the doxxing of his time. He belongs on here with us.