#incredible decisions made here absolutely no notes

[essektheylyss]

very vague and vindictive spoilers for GO below but I don't want it in any tags so

having only seen spoilers out of context, I don't have a fucking clue what the larger context of that kiss is, but neil really said this is a hostile environment for nuance haters and I am THRIVING on it

like y'all needed further confirmation that they're in love? you're gonna get it in the absolute most UPSETTING way possible.

anyway I will in fact be watching the season and then checking out the takes with my popcorn like

[luvvyouforever]

undercover - aaron hotchner x reader

synopsis: in the middle of a case, your worst fear comes true. you have to go on an a date with aaron hotchner, the boss you've been crushing on for months. content: canon-typical violence, tropey, kissing, flirtatious aaron, mentions of alcohol, afab reader who wears a dress. word count: 4k+ a lil bit oops author's note: ahhh my favorite trope in crime shows. enjoy!

"so based on this geographical profile y/n and i worked on, there's only two bars our unsub could frequent with his victims. the first one is more of a nightclub and we don't think it's likely that he'll be bringing them to such a rowdy environment," reid spoke to the crowd of officers and agents awaiting instruction. "the other bar also has a restaurant attached so we'll be keeping our investigation here."

jj grabbed a handful of papers with the bar's information and passed them out to the officers. once reid had stepped to the side, aaron came forward to wrap up their profile.

"he's cunning, yet incredibly violent. do not ambush him. he will escape your grasp and hurt you in the process. be on the lookout officers," he said with a tap to the desk that sent everyone back to work. with a subtle turn, aaron gazed at you and reid. "good work on the mapping. meet back up in the conference room in 5."

"thank you, sir," you and reid echoed before beginning to organize your files back into a folder.

all the while you tried to remain professional, your heart throbbed in your chest at the smallest ounce of praise from your boss. the way he held the room in his hand and demanded respect without ever having to actually ask for it was a part of the reason why you've had a crush on them for the better part of a year.

crush, now, felt too small. it was an infatuation at this point.

it didn't matter much, however, because would you ever confess your feelings for your boss? the boss who has been nothing but stoic your entire time of knowing him? absolutely not.

shrugging the butterflies in your body away, you head over to the impromptu coffee station created for the large number of people inside the police station and pour a cup of stale yet hot and much needed energy. this case was a doozy, one that had every agent just wishing for its end. and it felt like it was soon to come to a close. they had been coming up with some kind of plan. what that plan was, you weren't entirely sure.

when you managed to snap a lid on the coffee cup, you headed into the conference room where the rest of the bau were seated haphazardly around the room. you took a spot between emily and reid, eyes focused on aaron and rossi standing in front of a whiteboard.

"that coffee's not any good, is it?" rossi asked, noting the cup in your hand.

"every sip is somehow worse than the last, but i think we all need it," you said, following your statement up with another pained drink. rossi laughed and out of the corner of your eye, you could've swore that the corner of aaron's lips titled into a smirk. you ignored it, though, and began reading the words on the board.

"so, we're hoping to catch the unsub tonight," aaron started suddenly, turning with his ever-present air of professionalism. "if he's still following his schedule, he'll find his next victim tonight, most likely at the bar reid and y/n found. we've thought about how we're going catch him and i think we'll have to go undercover. two of us."

"under what pretenses, exactly?" derek asked on the other side of the table.

"on a date," rossi answered. just faintly, a red tint appeared on aaron's cheeks. you wondered what could possibly have made him- "we've picked our two already. y/n and aaron."

"oh!" you said surprisedly. "what led to this decision, pray tell?"

aaron looked down at his folders as if they were the most important thing in the world in that very moment. rossi glanced over, shook his head, then looked at you again.

"you two just seem the most likely out of any of us to go on a date. we don't want to look suspicious, no?" rossi answered.

"i-uh-i suppose not," you said. "my go bag isn't really packed with date wear clothes. mostly just pantsuits and academy t-shirts."

aaron finally cleared his throat and met your eyes for the first time since it was announced that you two would technically be going on a date. even if you would be wearing bulletproof vests under your clothes.

"that's okay. we won't be going out till 7pm. it's only three now. you're free to find something. as long as it's easy to move in," he said in a voice that felt an octave deeper than usual. and then he did something that almost made you faint on the spot. aaron dug into his pocket, fished out his wallet, and pulled out a credit card. his credit card. "use this."

sheepishly, you took the card from his hands and placed it into your own bag. "thanks," you muttered. an elbow jabbed its way into your side from beside you and emily was smirking at you. you dismissed her with your hand and stood to exit the room.

"hotel lobby at 7, yeah?" aaron said.

you forced a nervous smile to your face and nodded, then left the room. with aaron's credit card in your bag. about to buy an outfit. for a date with him. you weren't entirely positive you could safely drive.

౨ৎ

with the information you had about the bar, you picked a semi-formal, simple dress that paired well with heels you already packed. aaron was already paying for the dress. you couldn't ask him to also pay for the accessories.

after some test laps up and down your hotel room, you declared the outfit was "easy to move in" and grabbed your bag, ensuring that his credit card was still inside. the time was only 6:45, but you knew aaron would already be there, waiting.

with a check that your holster was properly attached to your thigh, you left the room and took the elevator down to the first floor. your heart was beating irregularly in your chest and your hands were clammy, but the reflective surface of the elevator's walls let you know that you looked good. for a fake date with aaron hotchner.

the elevator dinged when the doors opened and immediately, you saw aaron sitting in a lobby chair. he looked up at the sound and stood. he was dressed impeccably well in a suit with his hair done in its usual middle part. handsome was the only word on the tip of your tongue.

"you look beautiful," he said upon reaching your figure. it seemed like he didn't mean for the words to slip out, but instead of retracting them, he simply held out his arm for yours to wrap around.

your mouth went dry, but you knew you had to say something back. "thank you, hotch. you look handsome yourself."

"i think for the purposes of tonight," he said, "you can just call me aaron."

you nodded, finding words hard to muster up. instead, you allowed him to lead out of the hotel to one of the least suspicious looking SUVs parked outside. when he reached the door, he opened it for you.

you couldn't hold back a little laugh at the gesture. "you know...we're not on the date yet," you said. regardless of the light humor of the situation, you allowed him to help you into the passenger seat. he smirked, shut the door, then walked around to his door.

when he got in, his usual stone expression found its way to his face again. "forgive me for wanting to make this feel as natural as possible. i'm sure it's awkward going on a date with your boss. even if it is undercover."

"oh, no!" you blurted out. his eyebrows raised as he backed out of the parking spot. his arm wound its way around your seat, neglecting the back-up camera for the traditional method. "sorry. it's not awkward. you don't have to worry. promise."

"yeah?" he asked, putting the car back into drive and heading to the downtown area of the small town you were in. at a stop sign, he turned to look at you. if you weren't such a highly trained profiler, you would've certainly missed the way his eyes raked up and down your body, taking in your dress of choice. "you made a good pick."

your cheeks warmed with his flattery. to avoid meeting his gaze, you fished the credit card out of your purse to offer back to him. "thanks," you muttered. "you didn't have to pay for it, you know?"

he took the credit card from your grasp and shoved it into his pants pocket. "don't worry about it," he said with a wave of his hand. "figured if you're forced into going on a date, you should have something nice to wear at least."

you looked over to his body in the driver's seat, his face focused on the road ahead of him. "why do you keep assuming that i'm hating every second of this? i mean...how rare is it that we get to eat somewhere nice while on a case? and i'm getting paid for it while in the presence of a handsome man. could be worse things." you didn't know what compelled you to add on the last bit, but when you saw his cheeks flare up, you didn't regret it.

instead of responding, aaron's body relaxed in the driver's seat.

after several minutes of driving, the bar came into view and you bit your lip in nervousness. this unsub was pretty intense and you were heading directly into the lion's den. you tried to cram the nervousness deep down in the pit of your stomach as aaron pulled into the small parking lot next door.

before turning the car completely off, aaron turned his body towards yours. "now we really need to look as inconspicuous as possible. it might feel weird, but we need to look like a real couple on a date, okay?"

"yes, sir," you responded on impulse. "i mean...yes, aaron."

despite his attempts not to, he breathily chuckled. "already off to a great start," he joked. you chuckled with him and unbuckled your seat. "i'm gonna text the team that we're heading in. don't open your door. let me do it."

a minute of quick texting passed by and aaron shut off the car, then stepped out. a few seconds passed before your door opened and aaron was extending his hand to yours. you took it with a sweet smile and let him lead you out of the car. he shut the door behind you and your arm found his own again.

regardless of the reason being for the case or for just the pure want to be closer to him, you leaned into aaron's strong body. he took to the gesture immediately and held you even closer. it was intoxicating, but you kept your gaze focused on the bar ahead.

after what felt like agonizing hours of walking side by side, you came onto the host stand at the front of the restaurant.

"how many?" the host asked.

"two," aaron responded. the hand that was holding on to your arm began rubbing the skin there up and down. every touch of his fingers left goosebumps.

the host gestured for the two of you to follow her. quicker than you'd like, she led you towards a table in the middle of the restaurant. your eyes surveyed the restaurant and bar around you, scanning for someone that resembled the unsub's profile. once the host walked away, you and aaron looked at each other and shook your heads, signaling that nothing felt out of the ordinary so far.

"order whatever you'd like," aaron said, his head pointing towards the menu in your hand. "hon," he added.

the petname rolled from his tongue naturally, as if it was a name he had been calling you for years. you tried to not show that it affected you much, but aaron noticed the way your breath caught in your throat. despite the nervousness that settled over your body, you decided to take another leap and with a shift in your seat, your heeled foot grazed over his leg. he was shocked at the sudden touch, but spread his legs further nonetheless.

you didn't pull away either when the server came forward.

"welcome, guys. date night tonight, i'm guessing?" she asked with a smile.

"mhm!" you answered first. "decided to get out and dress up for once in a while."

aaron looked at you with an almost impressed look. maybe rossi was right. you did look like a couple.

"isn't that nice? well, what would you two like to drink tonight?"

"an old-fashioned, please," aaron responded. "and a water."

"i'll take a cosmopolitan and a water," you added.

the server noted down the drinks and walked away. your foot continued sliding up and down aaron's legs, becoming a subconscious act at that point. he flipped through the menu once, then glanced around the room again. still nothing.

"an old-fashioned, hmm?" you asked, eyeing one of the meals on the menu that sounded particularly tasty.

"is that shocking?" he asked.

"no," you answered honestly. "just learning more about you, aaron."

aaron hummed, as if he were about to say something, but instead focused on his menu again. a few minutes of comfortable silence passed before the server came over with a tray of your drinks. she sat them down on the table, along with the waters, then pulled out a notepad again.

"had enough time to pick what you'd like?" she asked.

"know what you want, dear?" you asked, looking up at aaron.

"i'll take the steak frites," he said to the server.

both he and the server looked at you. you told her what you'd like from the menu, hoping it wasn't expensive enough for aaron. he barely registered the price, though, and instead collected your menus to hand to the server. if this was what dates were usually like with him, you could definitely tolerate them.

"you look like you're thinking about something," aaron said from the other side of the table where he had been watching both you and the door intently.

you took a sip of your drink and sat it back down. "i thought we said no profiling your coworkers, dear," you teased. "i feel like that applies tenfold when you're on a date."

he chuckled and took a sip of his own drink. you noted just how attractive he was with a glass of whiskey in his hand, laughing.

"pardon me for wanting to know what my beautiful date has in her head," aaron said. his words made you bite your lip and look down at the table. suddenly, though, his demeanor shifted as his eyes connected with someone coming in at the door. "don't turn around."

"is he here?" you whispered.

he nodded and picked up his drink, eyes following him to the bar. almost imperceptibly, he tilted his head towards the bar. "fifth seat," he whispered back.

sure enough, an unsub matching the physical profile had seated himself next to an alone woman at the bar. almost immediately upon sitting down, he began talking to her. the fact that the man you had been trying to catch for a long time, the man who committed some really gruesome murders was that close to you made you almost ill. you passed your emotions off by taking a drink.

"i'm gonna grab another drink, baby. i haven't seen the server around," aaron suddenly said. he nodded to you, perhaps for reassurance, before standing and adjusting his blazer to ensure the holster on his side was covered. luckily, the seat directly next to the woman was empty and he positioned himself on the other side of it. the unsub barely registered his presence, which was good. you took note of his clothes, his hair, everything, just in case she slipped through your grasp again.

eventually, aaron had flagged down the bartender, ordered his second drink, and came back with it in his hand.

"he's just flirting with her," aaron whispered once he was out of earshot. "but she's falling for it. probably not long till he tries to leave with her."

"i won't get to finish my food," you said half-seriously.

"i'll get it boxed up for you, hon," he said. though that time, aaron's voice was a whisper. the petname was for you alone.

just as aaron had expected, the unsub stood from his seat at the bar, the woman next to him following suit. together, they headed towards the back where the bathroom was, along with an exit inside the kitchen which he was likely going to use. both yours and aarons followed them and with a curt nod, you both stood to head towards the back, several paces behind them.

suddenly, they went through a door, to what seemed like a closet first before going into the kitchen. you and aaron paused at the beginning of the hallway. then some noises erupted from the closet, ones that would make an older woman blush and hold her hand to her mouth.

aaron looked back at you with a confused look on his face. at that very moment, the closet door opened. you and aaron looked at each other in panic, but just before they stepped out of the closet, you grabbed aaron by his tie and pulled him closer to you.

within seconds, you had hiked your leg up his own, revealing your thigh in the dress. his hand quickly came to the skin and he squeezed tightly. to add to the scene, you wrapped a hand around the base of aaron's neck and pulled him down. his lips met your own with a rough clash, but then the kiss smoothed out.

at first, he was still, lips unmoving against yours. when your fingers tangled themselves into the short hairs at his neck, he finally kissed you back. acting, he thought to himself as he deepened the kiss and pulled your leg higher up his. undercover, he tried to remind himself when your lips let forth a whimper into his mouth.

neither of you wanted to pull away. you only pulled your head back when you heard the kitchen door swing open and closed. you inhaled a deep breath and met aaron's dark brown eyes. they were wide and his cheeks were flushed.

"sorry. i-it was all i could think to do," you stuttered out.

aaron shook his head. "don't be," he said quickly. "come on, he's about to leave. we'll talk after."

you felt the warmth of aaron's body leave yours as he pulled the gun from his holster. you retrieved your own from your thigh and followed him through the kitchen. he flashed his badge towards the chefs to get them to stop yelling and they pointed towards the exit where the unsub had just left.

both of you picked up your pace. had the kiss deepened for a few more seconds, you would have certainly missed him. however, as soon as you threw open the exit door, the unsub was forcefully shoving the young woman into his car.

"fbi! put your hands up and back away from the car!" aaron yelled. the unsub didn't do immediately as asked, despite two guns pointing in his direction. "i won't ask again! put your hands up and back away from the car!"

in a quick flash, the unsub reached inside his jacket. in the streetlight, you saw the glint of a gun. hardly a second passed before he pulled it out, aimed, but then fell to the asphalt.

your finger came off the trigger and before lodging it back into the holster, you turned the safety back on. you hadn't killed him, only immobilized him in his right leg. it was enough for aaron to run forwards, take the gun and throw it to the side. while he placed handcuffs on the unsub, you ran to the other side of the car and rescued the woman from the passenger seat. crying, she fell into your arms. suddenly, you were surrounded by the town's police department, along with the rest of your team who had been waiting just down the street.

before everything got too hectic to seek each other out, you and aaron took a long look at each other. he nodded with a smile, his form of praise, before hauling the unsub into a police car.

౨ৎ

a few hours had passed before everyone was released from the scene. the bau loaded up into their SUVs, aaron taking the one you had rode together in. much to your chagrin, his car filled up before you could get in with him. instead, you rode with emily and reid on the way back to the hotel to gather your belongings.

when you arrived to the hotel, everyone split off into their rooms. aaron seemed to be speaking privately with rossi so you opted to go upstairs and change out of the outfit you had been wearing for the better half of the night.

as you were unbuckling your heels and placing them back into your go-bag, you heard a faint knock on the door. you rose from the bed, feet aching, and answered it.

there, aaron stood with a white t-shirt on, having had to change out of his clothes from the scene.

"hey," you said.

"can i come in?" he asked.

only then did you notice that he was holding something behind his back. you stepped to the side to allow him to enter and he scooted the item in front of him to prevent you from seeing.

"what do you have there?" you asked. slowly, he brought forth two boxes of food, having kept his promise from earlier.

"it's probably not the freshest anymore, but nothing that a microwave can't fix," he said sheepishly.

you could've cried on the spot. smiling brightly, you took the food from his hands and sat it on the hotel desk. a grunt escaped his lips as your arms engulfed him in a hug. his arms wrapped around your body and your feet lifted from the ground a little.

"thank you," you said genuinely.

aaron watched as you took the food and warmed them up, going for yours first so that he could have the slightly warmer meal. once they were both ready to be ate, you found some plastic silverware in the little coffee tray and handed one set to him.

"round two?" you said with a shrug.

"round two," he agreed. "but...i wouldn't mind a round three, or four, or five, when we get back home." he picked up a fry from his plate and popped it in his mouth.

"glad to know my impulsive gift didn't scare you off," you joked. you paused for a second and set the food down. "which, i mean, i wouldn't mind a round two on that either."

aaron paused too, setting his own box back down on the desk. he stood and offered his hand to help you up from the bed. you took it and rose. then, his hand wrapped around your back where his palm was splayed across the skin there.

"i wouldn't mind a round two either," he said quietly. "but i call the shots this time."

your knees felt weak being so close to aaron. you didn't miss the way his cheeks flared and one of his hands shook nervously. had he been feeling the same way for you for this long too?

"you can call the shots anytime, hon," you teased, echoing the petnames for earlier.

smirking, his free hand ghosted up your side till it met your chin. his fingers titled your head upwards and ever so softly, he leaned in. this kiss was much more romantic, more loving, less rushed. he had time, now. he wasn't kissing you to hide from someone else. he was kissing you because he has been wanting to for oh so long.

minutes must've passed before the two of you pulled away to a pure need to breathe. he smiled. "good round two?"

"i think i'm gonna need a few more just to double check."

[lvnleah]

sweet treats | leah williamson.

You stood in the middle of your kitchen, hands on your hips, surveying the chaos of bowls, measuring spoons, and trays of freshly baked goods. Your Valentine’s and Easter menus needed finalizing, which meant weeks of experimenting with new recipes. The only problem? Your official taste tester was absolutely useless.

Leah had one standard response to everything you gave her and it was driving you insane. 

“It tastes amazing, baby.”

“This is your best recipe yet.”

“God, you’re so talented. How do you do it?”

It was sweet. Adorable, even. But it didn’t help. You needed actual feedback, something beyond heart-eyes and blind adoration. So, after another failed attempt at getting her to critique your latest batch of raspberry almond croissants, you made an executive decision.

You called in reinforcements.

This was why, at this very moment, your kitchen was filled with Beth, Steph, and Kyra, each holding half-eaten pastries, giving actual, honest reviews.

“These are nice,” Beth said, mouth half full of chocolate orange shortbread. “But I think the orange could be a bit stronger?”

Steph pointed at the cinnamon swirl buns. “This icing? Bangin’. The pastry could be flakier, though.”

Kyra just shrugged, “Could be sweeter.”

You nodded, taking notes as they gave their brutally honest opinions.

And then Leah walked in.

She stopped in the doorway, brow furrowing as she took in the scene. The girls, the half-eaten trays of baked goods, the notepad in your hand. Slowly, her gaze landed on you.

“Excuse me,” she said, crossing her arms. “What the hell is going on here?”

You turned innocently. “Oh, hey, love. Just getting some feedback.”

“From them?” Leah’s voice pitched slightly, pointing an accusing finger at your newfound taste-testing squad.

Beth smirked. “Yeah, turns out she wanted actual opinions.”

Steph leaned back against the counter, “You were just too biased, Le.”

“She needed someone who wasn’t blinded by love,” Kyra added. 

Leah’s jaw dropped. “I—blinded by love? That’s ridiculous!”

Beth snorted. “Leah, you told her those shortbread biscuits she burned last week were ‘incredible.’”

Leah scoffed. “They were! Just… extra crunchy.”

Kyra howled with laughter. “You’re so whipped.”

Leah’s offence deepened, lips pressing into a pout as she looked at you. “Can’t believe you’ve replaced me.”

You walked over, wrapping your arms around her waist. “Oh, love, don’t be dramatic.”

Leah huffed but didn’t pull away. “I am dramatic. And I should be your number one taste tester.”

“You were,” you teased. “Until you lost credibility.”

Leah sighed, slumping against you. “Fine. But I don’t like it.”

Beth clapped her on the back. “Welcome to the club, Williamson. We’ve all been replaced by pastries.”

Leah groaned, but when you pressed a quick kiss to her lips, she melted instantly. Maybe the girls were right—maybe she was a little biased.

But could you blame her? You were brilliant. And she was hopelessly in love.

[novvabee]

We're Just Glad You're Ok

summary: poly!marauders x reader, you have a sleep potion mishap

cw: sleep potion malfunction, passing out, health scare?, hospital, swearing a few times, i guess you can call some of it angst?

word count: 2.2k

You only had twelve hours left until this stupid potion needed to be ready in order to show Slughorn. 

This potion had taken you over a month to complete, and here you were, down to the wire, rushing to make sure everything was absolutely perfect. You wanted the highest grade possible, and if you were being honest, thought that was what you deserved. 

You didn’t even want to take advanced potion making, but in order to keep your prefect title, you had to be enrolled in at least three advanced classes, so you endured the tortuous stirring, grinding, and burning. 

And this potion was your crowning achievement of this semester. You had spent countless nights brewing and stewing, not to mention the three failed attempts already.

You were attempting to brew a sleeping draught that would take only one drop to put anyone to sleep in under five minutes. It was practically unheard of, most sleep potions were an entire vial that would start to take effect somewhere between thirty minutes to an hour to set in, but you wanted to prove it could be done quicker and with less potion. 

There were a few tricky ingredients that needed to be tweaked between all of your attempts, but you were certain that you had gotten it right this time.

You just wanted to be done with this, to get this project completed and wrap yourself in bed along with your boyfriends who you had been slightly neglecting due to this potion. It was taking up all of your time and you felt like you hadn’t seen Remus, James, or Sirius in ages. Once this project was turned in, you were more than happy to spend a few days doing absolutely nothing with your boys.

In your tired and overworked state, you must have forgotten to turn the burner down or maybe you added a drop too much of the chamomile extract, but before you could react, your potion exploded.

The liquid got everywhere, drenching your notes, your clothes, your hair, thankfully it smelled heavenly, but you froze.

“Shit,” you muttered under your breath to yourself. Shit indeed. This wasn’t good. A singular drop of this was supposed to put any human to sleep, and you just drenched yourself in the concoction. 

You knew that you needed to move fast. You had very little time before the potions fumes knocked you out, in fact, you could already feel the effects of the sleep draught taking hold. You shook your head and tried your best to power through. You knew that it was late, probably past midnight, which meant that no students would be roaming the halls, no one to see you if you passed out on the cold dungeon floors.

You frantically grabbed your sopping notebook and shoved it in your bag. You turned the burner off, not bothering to clean up or put any of the ingredients away. Slughorn could deal with it, you’d just explain to him what happened and why you rushed out without properly cleaning up after yourself.

You turned to make your way out of the room, but you felt the room spin with you. You caught yourself on a desk and made sure you had a strong footing. This was going to be incredibly difficult.

You fought your heavy eyelids and focused on getting out of the damn classroom. When you made it to the door, you about fell, the weight of your body becoming almost too much to handle.

You made a quick decision to turn right instead of left down the hall. Sure it was quicker to get to your dorm if you had gone left, but that also meant braving the moving staircases. You felt woozy even thinking about trying to make your way up those in this state, so you decided to go the long way, which at least would take you in front of the Slytherin common room. Maybe that way someone would find your incapacitated body. 

You stumbled your way along the long narrow hallways, trying your best not to knock into any statues or painting. You were certain one of the paintings actually scolded you for waking it up, but you couldn’t quite focus your mind on anything other than putting one foot in front of the other. Right, left, right.

You didn't know how much longer you could hold yourself up. Oh well, one night on a cold, hard castle floor wouldn’t kill you, right?

Through your hazy vision, you could make out a figure headed your way.

“Y/N?,” the voice called out. You weren’t sure if it was because of your current state or because of the acoustic castle walls, but the noise bounced around over and over, echoing and making you even more dizzy than you already felt.

You groaned and leaned yourself against the wall, the figure appearing in front of you. You forced yourself to look up and see who it was.

You were met with a very confused and concerned looking Regulus. The sight of him left you with a breath of relief. You don’t know why he was roaming the halls this late, but you were sure glad to have him now.

“Reggie,” you gasped. Time was running out quickly now. 

“Y/N, are you alright? What happened?” he asked, dropping his bag and closing the gap between the both of you.

You felt your legs finally give and saw the hallway start to tilt. Regulus caught you quickly and helped you to the ground, laying you down softly but still worried.

“Reggie,” you started once again. You needed to tell him to get you to your dorm where you had countless antidotes and nullifying potions, at least to Slughorn who would know what to do, but fatigue was winning this battle. “Potion… exploded.” you managed to get out.

Regulus shook his head, still not understanding what was happening. “W-what potion? Y/N!”

You knew you were a goner now, your eyes had finally sealed themselves shut and your limbs were incredibly heavy with lethargy. The last thing you remembered was the words coming slowly out of your mouth, “Get… Sirius.”

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

You felt sheets under you. Cold and scratchy. You don’t remember falling asleep last night. In fact, you don’t remember much of anything. You heard hushed murmuring around you, but the words were quiet enough for you to not pick up on.

You cracked your eyes open, light flooding in. You were still a bit groggy, rubbing the sleep from your eyes, you noticed the high ceilings and the stained glass. This was certainly not your dorm, these sheets definitely did not belong on your bed. No. You were in the hospital wing.

You sat up straight, the movement making your head pound. You looked frantically around, noting the antidotes and potions on the side table, Madam Pomfrey must have been quite confused about your situation.

You looked down to see James at your bedside, hunched over the bed and resting his head on his crossed arms. He looks surprisingly peaceful given the way he was sleeping. You reached your hand lazily out to him, running your fingers through his hair.

This action roused him from his sleep, his eyes fluttered and brows furrowed as he woke. You smiled down at him.

“She’s awake!” he announced.

Not a moment later Sirius and Remus were rushing into the small curtained off room, taking you in and seeming to sigh a breath of relief. 

“Y/N, love.” Sirius said, approaching the opposite side of the bed that James was taking up. He moved around fast and frantic, looking you over for any injuries.

Remus moved in closer as well, slotting himself in right next to James. He took your face in his hands, feeling for your temperature and checking to make sure you were alright.

You didn’t understand at first why they were fussing so much, but the memories started slowly filling your head. You came to the realization that you passed out in the dungeons after your potion mishap. How embarrassing. 

“Love,” Remus said softly, bringing your attention out of your thoughts and onto him, “what happened?”

You groaned again as he helped you lie back down. “Well,” you began, “You know that potions assignment I’ve been working on for so long?”

The boys all nodded their heads, understanding. How could they not, it was practically all you talked about, what you spent all of your free time on, what you ate, slept, and breathed for the past month. Sirius even complained about it taking you away from them.

“I don't know what happened, I was doing everything right. I had all the ingredients measured properly and in the correct order. I just think that the cauldron was too hot or… i don’t know,” you rambled, “anyway, long story short… it exploded.”

The boys blinked at you for a moment. “Exploded?” James asked. You nodded your confirmation.

“But that doesn’t explain why my brother found you collapsing on the dungeon ground.” Sirius mentioned, still confused and worried.

You turned to him and took his hand into yours, squeezing gently.

“It was a sleeping draught, I guess the fumes of the entire thing just affected me.” you explained to him. You laughed to yourself, “at least I know it was a good potion now.”

Remus smiled but didn’t laugh. “We were really worried, love.” he said, shoulders relaxing knowing that you were alright. 

The feeling of guilt rushed into you. It was probably really scary for them, especially since they had no idea what was wrong. Seeing a loved one in that kind of a state and in the hospital must have been stressful and worrying.

“I’m so sorry,” you started apologizing to them, “It was an accident but, I know that must have been really scary for all of you.” 

James shook his head. “No love, you don’t need to apologize. We’re all just glad you’re alright.”

“Yes but, I know that can’t have been easy, especially not knowing what was happening. I hate that I caused you to worry like that.” you continued.

“Hey,” Sirius stopped you, “like you said, it was an accident, you don’t have to apologize for that. And besides, we are your boyfriends, we worry because it’s our job.”

You went to interject but Remus stopped you. “It’s true,” he said playfully, “James about had a panic attack last week when you went out to Hogsmeade without a jacket.”

You laughed and looked at James who nodded and mouthed ‘it’s true’.

“Luckily you made a smart decision and went towards the Slytherin common room so that Reggie was able to find you,” Sirius said. “I owe him big time.”

“Oh Regulus,” you sighed, “I should definitely apologize to him. It probably looked like I was dying and putting that on him…”

“He was actually pretty calm,” Sirius said, “I was impressed. It seemed like he knew exactly what to do. I’m proud of him, I would’ve been a total mess.”

You giggled. “Noted,” you said, “I’ll make sure not to need life saving in front of you then.”

“Glad to see you have your spirit back.” James laughed.

Madam Pomfrey pulled back the curtain closing off your bed area and walked in. “Oh good! You’re awake.” she chimed. “gave us all quite the fright, dear, luckily you were brought straight to me, I had just the antidote for you.”

“And what would have happened if she weren’t brought to you, exactly?” Remus said from beside you, asking out of curiosity.

“She probably would have been out for a couple days.”

“Days?” James asked, shocked.

“Well it’s a good thing I was there then wasn’t it?” Regulus said from the open curtain.

“Reggie!” you called out, glad to see your savior.

Sirius instantly made his way over and in the most exaggerated and over the top way, hugged his brother, making a big display out of it. “Oh my wonderful baby brother. Thank you for saving my love! How will I ever manage to repay your kindness?” he said dramatically, hanging off of Regulus.

“Ugh, get off!” Regulus said, shoving Sirius off of him. Sirius laughed and backed up. “I was just dropping by to see how you were doing.” He said to you.

“I’m doing better now, thanks to you.” you said. “Reggie, I am so sorry, that must have been sort of frightening and-”

“No need to apologize,” he interrupted, “I’m just glad I found you and you weren't spending the night on the cold dungeon floor.

“Well, thank you anyway.” you chuckled. “But if that’s the case, you could have just taken me to my dorm, I have all the antidotes there, you didn’t have to make such a dramatic show of your heroism, dummy.” you sarcastically joked to him. 

“Oh is that so?” Regulus laughed, “Well in that case, I’ll just step over your body next time instead of saving your life.” You laughed along with him.

 Madam Pomfrey cleared you to leave and the boys collected your things for you. You were excited, you knew that now the whole day would be spent with them pampering you to no end. That would mean unlimited cuddles and relaxation and much needed time to make up for with your boys. Exploded potion and Slughorn be damned, you were doing nothing with your boyfriends today.

just some cute poly!marauders content for Remus's birthday :)

[chanafehs]

My Veilguard review:

Note - I will be honest in saying this is very long and very negative. If you enjoy this game please don't let me be the one to ruin that for you and skip on this post. I will be discussing spoilers. This is just my opinion so please don't crucify me for it.

I think my thoughts about this game were shaky to begin with as I had been exposed to different spoilers and information before the launch. I wasn’t actually expecting this game to be amazing but as someone whose favorite Dragon Age game is Dragon Age 2, which is arguably the weakest in the series (until now), I still went in with the impression I would have a good time regardless. I did not have that at all, in fact towards the end of Act 2 and the beginning of Act 3 all I wanted was for the game to be over. 

The problems for me really started right in the beginning with the Inquisitor character choices and their characterization. No choices for your Warden, no choices for your Hawke, and only three choices for your Inquisitor out of the dozens you made in Inquisition. The romance option just felt like a very polite way of asking if you romanced Solas or not, especially after completing the game where your non-solas romance will only get one letter for you to read, outside of that, the Inquisitor will not even mention them. Disbanding the Inquisition meant basically nothing and vowing to stop Solas felt like it had little bearing on what my Inquisitor said when she showed up. 

The time frame to make Dragon Age 2 was just over a year and somehow included more choices from Origins than Veilguard did with over ten years of production. That is the information that's been banging around in my head throughout this entire game. In Dragon Age 2, we get the consequences of our decisions with Alistair’s fate and we get extra dialogue concerning Isabela/Zevran/Leliana/Anders/Nathaniel + some sidequests. Veilguard couldn’t even give us so much of a mention of our Inquisitor’s friendships and the consequences of those friendships outside of Solas. The Inquisitors themselves are locked into one personality type as well, and regardless if you choose to stop Solas or not, they are very amicable toward him. 

During the second cut scene you get with the Inquisitor in Dock Town, they will go on to ask you about your progress and then go on about Solas. Mind you, my Inquisitor is extremely unsympathetic to Solas and I chose the option to stop him no matter what, so why is it that every time I speak to her, she keeps trying to ask me if Solas is being genuine and that he was her friend? That doesn’t sound like someone who has vowed to stop him. They will also try to draw parallels between you, Rook, and Solas. Even at the end of the game, they will still try to appeal to you to see reason with him. That is essentially all the Inquisitor is there for. Incredibly frustrating. 

Throughout the game you will get missives from the Inquisitor detailing the devastation that is being brought to southern Thedas and every letter feels like more and more of an insult. To keep it short: Southern Thedas as we know it has been essentially wiped out. I think that deserves more than a footnote in some missive most players aren’t even going to see.

So the setting we spent all three games in, that we saved countless times, had our companions and protagonists die for, gets demolished in the background where we cannot see it. Skyhold had to be taken back from demons and whoops, that's not actually something you can do anything about. Nothing the Warden, Hawke, or the Inquisitor ever did mattered at all and it renders everything from the previous games absolutely irrelevant. 

With that aside, the companions are also another issue for me. I found myself having trouble getting attached to any of them and every single time I recruited one I had the internal question “Why are you even here?” None of their companion quests really tie into the story at large, save maybe Harding and Davrin, and they are incredibly boring save for a few cool moments.

The main appeal of Dragon Age for me is the companions, it’s why Dragon Age 2 is my favorite of the series. Despite the overused environments and the rushed production I still had a great time with it because of the companions. I was actually eager to do the companion quests and learn more about them and how they all fit into the main narrative. Even characters I didn’t like, I still understood why they were important to the story. Like I can’t stand Anders but I know why he is there, he has a purpose.

Every companion is painfully amicable towards you even if you decide to be “stern” towards them. I found myself not caring what dialogue option I chose about them because it made absolutely no difference. There is nice, funny nice, and gentle parenting. That is really all you have to work with in terms of the dialogue wheel. It was more difficult to get disapproval than approval and I can probably count on my fingers every time in this game I actually got companion disapproval. There is only one companion in my playthrough that became hardened, Lucanis, and it had virtually no impact on his character other than the fact he leaves for a couple of saves and comes back to kissing your ass. 

Something I actually really liked about BG3 and the previous Dragon Age games was working for your companion approval - this meant actually learning about your companion and what made them tick. If you don't understand them well enough you get disapproval, when you actually listen to their ideas and thoughts you get approval - there is an active effort to get these things. In Veilguard this does not exist and you are essentially promised approval no matter what, meaning there is no encouragement to know who these people are if they're just going to support you regardless.

I have to agree with the Skillup review they made about this game saying that every dialogue option feels like it was made with HR in the room and I one hundred percent agree. This is not how real people talk to each other. This is how teachers talk to toddlers when they want to explain the virtues of sharing toys with their classmates.

It felt honestly insulting at times to be treated like I don’t understand the concept of bigotry, I still have no idea what they were trying to go for with this, like were they trying to appeal to a market of high school boys who hadn’t discovered what empathy was yet? There is zero trust in the player and every dialogue and decision you make in these moments feels handhold-y and preachy.��Like Pixar levels of life lessons you learn.

In the moments where I had to settle arguments over coffee and companions not respecting each other's interests, I could not honestly believe this is the same universe with Loghain Mac Tir, Meredith Stannard, fuck even Corypheus. Humor has always existed in Dragon Age and I love the comedic banter between the characters but it was always humor that served as an escape from the oppressive and dark situation around you, here the dark and oppressive situations feel like an escape from the unrelenting friendliness and tone deafness of your companions. 

The companion I probably had the most issue with was Taash and the way they were handled. I’m not going to get too deep into the Bharv scene because even thinking about it makes me cringe but If someone messed up my pronouns and then immediately dropped to do pushups I am most definitely killing us both. Isabela’s explanation is extremely preachy and she proceeds to do the exact thing she says she hates about people messing up pronouns. Anyways. Moving on. 

Taash I think is a good example of how to not write a multiethnic character. I don’t expect a white person like Trick Weekes to understand the first thing that comes with being multiethnic or having strict parents that intersects with that identity but it is most definitely not whatever the hell this is. 

The only thing I can offer here is that as a multiethnic person (my father is Palestinian and my mother is mainly Irish and Seminole) is that there has never been a point in my life where I felt like I had to choose what culture I am let alone give that choice to someone else in my life I just met.

That’s not what being multiethnic is. I do not have to choose between anything - I am whole and I don't need to cut myself into halves and quarters to be accepted.

It also feels subconsciously like you are supposed to choose Rivain as the Qunari are depicted as bigoted and oppressive as they always have been in this game. Knowing all of this really tainted my experiences with them as a character and I understand a lot of other non-binary individuals love the representation they brought on that level but personally, I’m just tired of “queer representation” always coming with racist undertones. Again, this game feels like it always had white queer people in mind, not lgbt poc. 

These kinds of comments are really only made worse knowing what the Qunari take inspiration from - primarily Black and Brown SWANA Muslims. Why should Trick Weekes have any authority over a questline like that is beyond me. 

Also, this sucked. Especially because they said it to Neve too. I don’t really want my non-binary representation sprinkled with Misogyny as well, especially since we can’t really call Taash out on this comment unless you’re playing a woman (as far as I know).

Aside from Taash, I thought the writing around Harding was strange. Don’t me wrong, I love Harding, but I do not remember her being this friendly and people-pleasing in the Inquisition. If you play as a Dalish elf the first thing she says is she’s surprised that you would care about anyone else - there is absolutely no inclination of this kind of perspective in Veilguard. Additionally, despite knowing everything Solas has done and the consequences that had on her ancestors, she still tries to push you to reason with him?

All of her quests about learning about the Titans, experiencing and embracing their anger, and you still want to appeal to Solas? That was another thing I found so weird about this game, throughout the entire story you are being told again and again that Solas cannot be trusted, he is to blame for everything, and will stab you in the back and yet it seems like every companion tries to push back on you if you agree with this viewpoint? 

Also, something I didn't know at this point of the game but I do now is that Solas had killed Varric and she does know this so why is she acting like this knowing Solas had killed her friend who she spent years with?

Genuinely this whole game felt like: Devs: Solas is a villain

Rook: okay understood

Devs: actually nvm you don't understand him if you think he's a villain

The only companion quests I was actually genuinely interested in were Emmrich and his thoughts around death and becoming a lich. Lucanis' quests had the best boss fights for sure. Outside of that, it felt like “Go here with Bellara” or “Go here with Taash” and it got so grating I couldn’t wait for these quests to be over so I could progress with the main story. It felt like an annoying back-and-forth game to finish a main quest just to finish all the companion quests and then go back to the main quest. Like a list of chores to get through before you can have any fun. 

The inclusion of characters like Morrigan and Isabela in this universe was extremely hollow and they do not feel like the Morrigan and Isabela we know at all. With Morrigan there is a bit of an explanation to this with the essence of Mythal however she reiterates that it is still herself and it is only the memories of Mythal that remain inside of her.

In my canon playthroughs of Dragon Age, I romanced both Morrigan and Isabela, so I was curious to see how the developers would address their pasts with our Warden and Hawke. Unfortunately, the answer is that they don’t address it at all. Morrigan hardly mentions her past, leaving us to wonder if Kieran even exists. The game implies that the relationship between Morrigan and the Warden is insignificant; a codex entry oddly suggests, in a very slut-shamey way, that Morrigan had more lovers than there are trees in the forest. Isabela doesn't reference Hawke either, as she fondly remembers Kirkwall for found family and friendship. It seems that if you romanced Isabela or Morrigan, congratulations—your canon doesn’t exist.

I will echo the statement others have made about all the cameos feeling like mascots because that is really what they are. There is no substance to any of them, Isabela only feels like she is there to be a supportive voice for Taash, Morrigan will only really talk about Solas and Mythal-Dorian is the only one who actually gets a substantial quest related to him. I thought he was fine minus the "illegal slavery" bit because what is illegal slavery Dorian. Next up we will discuss legal murder.

Another thing that genuinely broke the immersion for me in this game is how awful the armor is. It is a Dragon Age game so I wasn't expecting Haute Couture but the design is all over the place and nothing looks right. Not to mention the extremely weird orientalist undertones that follow the Lords of Fortune everywhere. The outfit Isabela is wearing is even worse in person and I tried to give this game the benefit of the doubt by thinking we would be getting some underwater mission with her and that would be the explanation behind her bikini outfit - this did not happen.

The belly dancer-esque outfits with the coin-bedazzled turbans were pretty egregious and made me want to limit my time in Rivain as much as possible. For a game released in 2024, I am disappointed we are still dealing with the same Orientalist fantasy tropes. Even the Qunari are more naked in this game than I had ever seen previously. At least DA2 and DAI gave them pants. But hey the Antaam are all blighted and evil so who cares right.

Speaking of the Antaam, a lot of the antagonist motivations for this game genuinely did not make sense to me. The Antaam are suddenly giving up their fear of magic to pair up with...the Venatori? To fight for the elven gods? It honestly felt like they had no idea who to make fight for the Evanuris so they just pulled two of the baddies from the Inquisition and went "We can just use them and call it done". When you press for information on why this is the answer is always a mustache-twirling dialogue about power. Nothing much deeper from that than any of the villains besides Solas. All of the villains, especially Elgar'nan and Ghilan'nain, are extremely one-dimensional and have no motivations other than being evil and striving for power. At least Corypheus had cool lines.

I'm not going to get too deep into lore changes since I know a lot of things happened in the comics, books, and TV show (all of which I did not read or watch) but I honestly do think it's a bad idea to have a "soft reboot" while needing to read several books to understand everything. That's not being welcoming to new players that's homework. If you wanted a soft reboot probably don't start off with half your plot and characters coming from various comics and novels people need to catch up on.

The portrayal of the Dalish in this game is inconsistent. When we inform them that their gods are evil and planning to overthrow the world, they respond, "Okay, heard you." How can they accept this explanation so readily? In previous interactions, Solas shared that the Dalish did not listen to him and even threatened him when he revealed this truth. Yet, when we present the same information, they believe us almost immediately. Is there no pushback or skepticism? The Dalish accept everything about the evil elven gods meanwhile Andraste’s followers remain completely unaffected by these revelations.

I think what frustrated me even more was watching our elven companions express grief and regret over the actions of the elven gods like they had something to do with it, painting the Dalish as adjacent to oppressors when they themselves are oppressed in every way. The only thing that remains consistent is the sad boy Solas act about it.

At the end of the game, two of my companions - Harding and Emmrich- were killed. Emmrich's death was unfortunately overshadowed by a zoom-in on a rock and I had no idea he had died until I got the popup. Still, all I can think about is just going "Rock moment" when he died. I don't really have anything negative to say about Harding's death other than the way she went out was fitting for her narrative. Bellara got blighted and there were no consequences for this and she walked away from it - forgive me but I am still under the DAO impression that if you get blighted that's game over but all the rules about the Blight have been changed in this.

I decided to trick Solas, and honestly, I don’t have anything negative to say about it, except that Solas should have noticed me holding the fake dagger since it was clearly in his line of sight. I liked the idea of outsmarting the god of trickery. While it wasn’t extremely satisfying, but I’m okay with how it turned out.

Even as the credits began rolling I still have trouble believing rook's role in any of this. Just the persistent nagging idea that they really just have no place in this story at all. In the beginning I wanted to see how Rook is looped into all of this and how they become central to the fight against Solas but just like with most of the companions, I have no idea why they are here. This should've been the Inquisitor's story to finish.

I'm not going to pretend that everything about this game was irredeemable and terrible. There were genuinely parts I enjoyed and had a good time with. The romance ending scene with Neve was fantastic, even though it took a long time to get there. Davrin was an unexpected aspect of the game that I actually liked, as I never cared much for Grey Wardens before, but he changed my perspective. Harding's mention of the Inquisition was also very sweet. Although I wasn't particularly invested in Emmrich, I loved the conclusion to his quest when he became a lich lord.

While I'm not the biggest Solas fan, I actually really enjoyed the cutscenes between him and Rook because one of my aims with this game was the ability to be mean to Solas and kick him while he was down. They definitely delivered there even though everyone else kept disagreeing with me.

The worlds are beautiful and the CC is definitely the best we've gotten in any Dragon Age game, I spent probably a solid hour in there. The hairstyles are great and the four unibrow choices? Bioware you shouldn't have <3.

Overall I definitely didn't have the best time with this game and towards the end of act 2 I was incredibly bored and the combat became repetitive and stagnant enough that I turned down the difficulty to get through it faster. I can't see myself replaying this any time soon and I am unsure what my stance on Dragon Age is now, do I Ignore this game ever existed or do I carve out everything I liked and pretend this is the Dragon Age I love? I have no idea, I am disappointed at how this game leaves us off and I really wanted to sit here and say It's good but I can't.

I think this game will reach out to and resonate with a different group of Dragon Age fans than me, I just wish I could enjoy it as much as I see other people doing. I was originally going to give this game a 3/10 but knowing you can pet the cats I will give it a very generous 3.5/10.

[heartyluv]

Hii I wanted to make a request!! I love your work. I’ve been following it the past few days, and you’ve practically been my distraction during finals. As I’m going through finals right now, I’d like to make a request that is vaguely connecter to exams.

As someone who has been struggling with ADHD her entire life, I find it extremely taxing to focus. These past few days, I’ve studied for hours only to recieve the most average results due to my inability to focus. I end up fiddling with random items on my desk, playing with water from a faucet, zoning out without even realising it, etc, and I’ve had full on mental breakdowns because of it. Thus, I was thinking, is it okay for me to request a Sylus and Caleb fic where reader, overwhelmed by her inability to focus, flops down into their arms and bursts into tears? It doesn’t have to be about studying for an exam— it can be about anything. And additionally (if I may), what if reader mentions to them (especially Sylus) “Now I understand why you don’t want me to get involved in your affairs. I can’t even focus.”

Thank you for your time!

Note: Oh my luv, I’m more than glad to write this for you. I hope this makes you feel better, even if it’s just a little. Know that you’re absolutely amazing and that beautiful mind of yours is just as perfect. Thank you so much for being here. I luv you and I’m incredibly proud of you! I believe in you so much.

Creds to @/cafekitsune for the dividers!

Warning: A little bit of self deprecation, but Sylus and Caleb make it all better.

Caleb

You were supposed to be packed and ready to move out a week ago. Instead, your important items were unpacked and in disarray, your miscellaneous items are all over the place, and you didn’t have it in you to fix any of it.

Every time you picked up a box to start filling it up, you found yourself opting for your phone instead, saying that you just needed a small break. Five minutes of scrolling turned to an hour and an hour turned into you not touching anything else for the rest of the day. You felt defeated, incapable of finding a solution. It made you feel weak.

You and your boyfriend made the decision to move in together and Caleb was handling everything. Being the loving man he was, he didn’t care that you needed more time. He wanted you to make sure you were absolutely ready. He was ready to pay to get your stuff over to him and to send you food everyday so that you could focus on packing instead of trying to feed yourself. All you had to do was put your shit in boxes and you couldn’t even do that.

It was another repeat of this behavior today, but this time, it was so overwhelming that you couldn’t stop crying. It really struck your emotions when you were trying to see what you were keeping and what you were throwing out, but then you got to the point where you wanted to get rid of it all. You wanted to throw out your things, all the plushies Caleb ever won for you, the hoodies he gave you—basically anything that you didn’t already have ready to go, you wanted it gone completely. That was how frustrated you were with yourself and your lack of focus.

When the reality of what you were thinking settled in after you gave yourself a millisecond to calm down, your body legitimately shut down. You fell on your bed in a heap of tears, sobs racking your body.

You were so out of it that you didn’t hear your door being unlocked and open. You didn’t hear Caleb walk into your apartment calling for you. It was only when he called your name in worry when he found you in your room, that the realization of his presence washed over you.

“Baby?” he exclaimed with concern, stepping over the empty and half filled boxes.

You looked up in exhaustion, your eyes red and nose stuffy. Warm tears fell down your cheeks when he sat down next to you, scooping you up. You threw yourself into his strong arms, crying into his neck while he soothed you. His gentle cologne and natural scent calmed your brain in a way you haven’t had in what felt like a long time.

“Talk to me, pretty,” he cooed, kissing your head. “You weren’t answering my calls all day, so I got worried and came to you. What’s going on?”

“I’m so overwhelmed, Caleb,” you choked out, shaking your head from both embarrassment and vulnerability. “I can’t focus, I can’t finish one thing…All I do is leave everything incomplete. I don’t know what to do, I don’t know why it’s so hard…”

“You lean on me, that’s what you do,” he said firmly, his tone laced with love and determination. “You never have to do a thing on your own when you have me.”

“You’ve been doing everything already, and I can’t even do this?” you scoff, your chest tight with emotion. “How can I move in with you, be a good, supporting, and dependable girlfriend when I can’t even pack a fucking box without zoning out..?”

He pulls back to look at you, genuine distress and pain on his face. He hates that you’re talking about yourself like this, that you view yourself like this. He doesn’t care what you struggle with, would never care how much you felt like you had to figure anything out without his help. He would always be your rock, ready to take on all your burdens if you needed him to.

“Then we’ll get it done together.” He holds your face in his hands and you brace one of yours on his wrist, biting your lip from nervousness. “There is nothing that you can’t bring to me, pretty girl. Stop belittling and undermining yourself, because you will always be stronger than you think. I’ll forever be by your side to enforce that mindset, do you understand?”

You nod, your lip quivering because you feel the need to cry again. He brings you close, letting you rest your head on his shoulder.

“Right now,” he whispers, rubbing your back. “I want you to rest and we’ll start handling everything over the next few days. Is that okay?”

“It’s perfect,” you mumble. “I’m sorry you had to see me like this..”

“Don’t even. You have nothing to apologize for.” You close your eyes, feeling the weight of your sadness settle on your bones, making you sleepy.

“I just need you to remember that I am here. I will always be here. Whenever it gets hard, look to me and I’ll show you how easy it can be when we do it together.”

Sylus

You pinched the bridge between your nose when you heard your laptop ping with a new notification.

Another email?

Your job had been more demanding than usual lately and you were finding it hard to keep up. Typically, your workload was fair, but you had times where it would get like this—where no matter how you planned to complete something in a certain amount of time, the expectations kept piling and piling.

When it got stressful, you found it incredibly difficult to focus on the important tasks at hand. You’d respond to emails later than intended, you couldn’t retain the information you were reading even if you looked it over more than three times, and you couldn’t stick with the work at all in the first place.

Instead of doing what you needed to, you found yourself just staring at the screen for long periods of time or trying to find something to give your mind a break, only to never return to what you were supposed to.

You’d click your pen over and over and start to waste your post-it notes by doodling random things. You couldn’t do it anymore and the longer you waited, your work only grew.

As you sat at on the floor, the coffee table covered in incomplete paperwork, another message came through. In fact, it was three. And what were you doing instead of keeping up? You were watching the damn TV. And at this point, you couldn’t do it anymore.

Your head fell in your hands, wet tears gliding down your arms as you felt a headache bloom in your temples. Your inability to focus was costing you, but you couldn’t correct it, no matter how hard you tried.

As your heavy heart beat rapidly in your body, you felt a hand on your shoulder. You looked up to see Sylus looking down at you with his perfect brows furrowed in confusion. He must’ve just finished his work call. At least he was getting things done, you thought briefly.

“Are you overworking yourself again, sweetie?” He gently grips you and the small amount of pressure grounds you, just a little.

“The opposite,” you push out past your tears. “I can’t focus on anything. I haven’t been able to get one thing completed…It all just keeps coming, Sy…”

His ruby red eyes look over you like he’s scanning your body for all the things that are troubling his kitten so that he can eradicate it. He holds his hand out, tilting his head to tell you to stand and come to him.

When your soft hand glides against his large one, he helps you stand.

“I wish you didn’t punish yourself for being human,” he says softly, bringing you close to his hard body. “Perhaps you need to focus on yourself for a little while before you try to give your all to something that can wait.”

He sits on the couch, gesturing for you to climb into his lap. You inhale deeply, feeling the desire to cry spark in you again and can’t control the sob that juts out as you straddle him. He holds your jaw in his hand, using his thumb to brush away your tears.

“I envy and loathe that brain of yours sometimes.” He smiles at you, simply admiring the woman before him.

You press yourself against him, wrapping your arms around his neck. The more you think of what you need to do, the more the tears flow. He wraps you tightly in his arms, knowing that his weight and strength are one of the only things that can make you feel like you’re still you.

“All the times I wanted to help you with your business and your work,” you sniffle. “Now I understand why you tell me no. I get why you always hesitate. If I can’t focus on my own work, how could you ever be able to depend on me? I’d be a liability instead of an efficient addition…”

“Stop.” He leaves no room for argument. “Your value to me will never be based on anything related to something as unimportant and trivial as work. I don’t tell you no because I believe you’re incapable. I tell you no because your safety, peace of mind, and happiness, will never be compromised for the things that I need to do or the things I need handled.”

When you squeeze him tighter, he reciprocates, kissing your neck as you melt into him.

“I just want to do my best.” The salty tears that linger fall onto his shirt, but he’d catch every single one in his hands if it meant he could absorb the things that bring you distress.

You continue. “But how can I when I can’t bring myself to stay on task, Sy? Why do I have to be in my own way?”

“Your best is always delivered because it is being done by you. Nothing you do is mediocre. It never could be.” It’s quiet for a few seconds as he gathers the right words to say.

“You treat yourself as if you’re a superhero instead of a person who needs to make sure that she’s just as catered to as the work she’s doing. Remove yourself from the confines of these unrealistic expectations and lean into the reality. That you are significantly more important than any email,” he kisses your jaw. “Than any task. Than anything that does not serve you in the moment.”

Your breath settles as you digest his words, letting his affirmations seep into your very being. You know he’s right, but that doesn’t stop you from feeling like you’ve failed yourself. But if you listen to him, perhaps you can dig yourself out that hole and keep yourself out of it.

“Let me help you come back to who you are, kitten.” His deep voice rumbles, making you shiver. “You were never intended to do it by yourself.”

[h0estar]

What are some traits/characteristics of Jinshi, that makes the relationship with him and maomao healthy— in a realistic sense?

where do i even begin :')

i'll try to make this solely about jinshi as much as i can (my interpretation of his character, at least), so here goes:

he puts others above himself. jinshi's #1 character trait is going above and beyond for people. it doesn't matter if they're doing him wrong or hate him; if he can find some way to help others, even at his own cost, he will. now, i know this isn't exactly healthy, but this guy is a people pleaser to his core </3

he listens. many times in the novels, we're shown how jinshi personally visits villages or people directly affected by taxes, laws, or whatever political movement the capital imposes, to gauge the people's reactions. he takes note and does what he can to help them.

he's wise and intelligent. takes one to know one. that's literally how he met maomao. to do his best work, he consults the opinions of those more knowledgeable than him (he's wise not to let something stupid like pride get in the way of his work). he takes their words to heart and takes them into consideration. oftentimes, he doesn't pursue a decision unless he's absolutely sure he's on the same page with trusted people.

he is kind and compassionate. he's been through shit since he was a child, but we don't see a vengeful streak once. this guy is so incredibly forgiving that he's willing to overlook any attempts made on his life (both sexual and murderous). this trait also drives him to help people without asking for anything in return. it's why he helped lady fuyou be reunited with her lover and why, despite his status, he wrote 200 letters begging regional leaders and political big-shots to help the western capital. and most especially, it's why shisui/loulan, suirei, and the shi clan children are still alive.

he is patient and resilient. again, people have been doing him wrong his entire life, but he still puts up with them (e.g., lakan & gyokou). he has a bad day almost every day and is stressed 24/7, but he tolerates it (despite complaining). still, he doesn't give up.

he has a strong work ethic. guy is a workaholic. if he's committed to doing something, he'll do it full-force, to the best of his abilities, and see it through till the end.

he is logical. he doesn't let his emotions dictate all his actions. if he could go about things his way, he would. instead, he uses critical thinking skills: he analyzes different perspectives, breaks elements down, and considers how his decisions will affect certain people. after all his thinking, he comes up with logical conclusions on which to base his decisions.

okay, so combine all these traits together, and we see how it makes his relationship with maomao healthy:

he prioritizes maomao above all else. everything he does, he takes her into consideration. when he makes decisions, he always has her safety in mind. he does this solely because he cares for her and doesn't want to put her in harm's way. he protects her, ensures her needs are met before his, and goes to great lengths to keep her from getting hurt, both physically and emotionally.

he listens and respects her boundaries. maomao is complicated. she has a skewed sense of value, self-worth, love, and all things emotional. she's also uncomfortable with grand gestures of affection, yet that doesn't stop him from pursuing her. and he does so in a way that is convenient for her, even if he has to take so much shit in the process.

he is supportive of her dreams and ambitions. though he views their status difference as an obstacle, he wields it for her benefit (he even created a new position just so maomao could practice medicine and opened up opportunities for her to become a surgeon.). he doesn't find her obsessions weird; instead, he sees value in their potential and actively encourages her to hone her skills. he also respects her expertise and doesn't command others to acknowledge it. he lets her competence speak for her as he stands from the sidelines, watching her shine.

he's incredibly patient with her. do i even need to expound? with all his princely authority, he could easily command maomao to reciprocate his feelings. but because he loves her so much, he doesn't. he sees her as someone he wants to be on equal footing with. however, because maomao is a different breed, he works for her affection and remains patient despite her constant avoidance. thus, the push-and-pull continues for 12 volumes. he's careful not to push her buttons too much and quickly observes how she reciprocates his advances.

he values her intelligence and trusts her. he never mansplains or acts like he knows more than her. he holds her words with heavy weight and consults her with things he finds difficult. even for stuff he's already figured out, he still seeks out her opinion because what she says and does matters to him.

he's loyal to her!!!! my guy is committed! he's thrown himself into this path ever since maomao said he'd always be jinshi to her, and he hasn't looked back or away since. he's determined to win her heart no matter how long it takes, and he will see it to the end.

i could go on and on and on about how self-sacrificial and beautiful jinshi's love for maomao is. the average guy would've given up on her, but he has the wits and intelligence to match her pace. he's likely noticed how maomao treats him differently from the rest and picked up on her kindness and compassion. he held on to that and kept faith, giving maomao the time needed to sort out her emotions and feelings, hoping his efforts would be rewarded someday.

now, i'm not saying jinshi is perfect. in fact, some of his character traits can be viewed as flaws. but when you really think about it, jinshi is a PRINCE living in a patriarchal society where women had little to no rights. yet he's doing all this FOR MAOMAO, a woman and a 'common apothecary.' despite his nobility, he's intentionally making his life difficult in his pursuit of her, yet he doesn't give a rat's ass. he wants her with every fiber of his being, and he wants her to want him too. but he's doing that on her terms.

however, jinshi's traits alone aren't what make their relationship healthy. jinshi loves maomao, but maomao values jinshi just as much. she cares for him, notices even the smallest things about him, observes him and his moods, supports him in any way she can, gets mad on his behalf, and gets worried and frustrated when he hurts himself for her or others, she feels comfortable when he's being his true self, and above all, she feels safe around him. there are so many more examples, and it's hidden in plain sight in the novels; you really just have to read between the lines.

maomao and jinshi are just humans, navigating feelings and personal relationships for the first time. it's an absolute delight to witness their growth and how far they've come, positively impacting each other despite their personalities. now that they're technically dating as of LN 12, they still have a long way to go, especially with communication and maneuvering this unfamiliar territory together. their love is so wholesome, strong, beautiful, and genuinely healthy. they truly bring out the best in each other, and you just can't help but root for these two freaks.

[softspiderling]

illicit affairs - part ten | r.c

summary:

“So you really Good Luck, Babe!’d him like that huh?”

Kelce cracked a smile at you, rolling his eyes good-naturedly. “Yeah, something like that.”

“For what it’s worth, I think you did the right thing, and it took balls. So good for you for standing up for yourself,” you said, raising your glass, to clink it with Kelce’s, who lifted his own drink against yours.

OR; Welcome to illicit affairs season 2.

pairing: rafe cameron x reader

warnings: day drinking and a whole lot of bad decisions

word count: 2,5k

author’s note: it’s been so long. do you still remember me? please, feel free to reread 1-10 + the interlude if your memory’s spotty, i’m not gonna blame you. hope you enjoy it sm and my inbox is alwayssss open for your thoughts🫶🏼

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

pt. ten: “don’t call me baby”

The sun was shining down on you, drying the small water droplets left from your most recent dip in the water, a cocktail sweating on the small bedside table next to you.

Everything was perfect.

“Good lord, what is that.”

Well, almost everything.

You lifted your sunglasses to see Kelce sit on the sun chair next to you, holding your cocktail in hand, forehead creased.

“Orange juice.”

“That’s not orange juice.”

“…. with vodka and peach schnapps.”

“It’s ten in the morning and you’re drinking sex on the beach?”

“Would you prefer I have it, instead?”

Kelce groaned and you only cackled, putting your glasses back, resuming your previously interrupted sunbathing. The glass clicked against the marble top as he slid it back, faintly, you could hear him waving down the waiter from the beach club.

“Did you and Topper come back together last night?”

“Why wouldn’t we?”

You merely shrugged with your shoulders, though still keeping your eyes closed. ���I don’t know. Topper seemed pretty cozy with that girl. I thought he’d get lucky.”

While the four of you had gone out together last night, you and Rafe had left earlier. You didn’t really have a choice, if you were honest. For some reason, you had ordered a bottle of Dom Perignon and Rafe always got incredibly handsy when he was drunk on champagne. And while you weren’t that drunk, your inhibitions were lowered, and for a while, the two of you had risked making out in a dark corner of a club, before your brain started working again. Topper already knew, you didn’t want Kelce to find out.

So you and Rafe left.

Not without any discussion, though.

“What? It’s not even one and it’s our first night here, you guys can’t possibly want to leave already!” Kelce yelled over the music, the pina colada in his glas sloshing over the rim, splattering all over the floor, surely not the first liquid to meet the darkened tiles.

“Sorry, Kels, I’m just wiped. I promise we’ll go hard tomorrow, okay?”

You leaned on Rafe, who had his arm wrapped around your shoulders, trying to ignore Topper’s inquisitive eyes.

“Maybe we should all call it a night,” he proposed and you threw him a dirty look. Before you could argue, though, Kelce shook his head.

“Absolutely not. You’re hitting it off with that Kelly girl, there’s no way I’m letting you leave. And I might get another drink out of that guy over there.”

Kelce turned his head to lift his glass at some brown haired guy at the other end of the bar, who raised his hand in a short wave. Kelce turned back to you, grinning from ear to ear.

“Alright fine, you two guys go. But I will hold you to that promise of going hard tomorrow, you hear me Precious?”

“Promise,” you said, giving him a quick kiss on the cheek while Rafe hugged Topper good bye. When he turned to Kelce, you embraced Topper in a short hug, but it wasn’t short enough for Topper to whisper “Think about this, Presh.” in your ear.

“Nah. I think they made out or something, but Topper didn’t really seem into her.”

“Sarah?”

“Sarah.”

The both of you sighed, briefly interrupted by the waiter bringing Kelce his order. As soon as he disappeared from ear shot, you leaned up, looking at Kelce curiously.

“So, how did things go with that guy from the club last night?”

Kelce, while taking a sip from his iced coffee, shrugged with his shoulders. “Okay, I guess,” he said, absentmindedly stirring the straw in the glass. You narrowed your eyes at him.

“You’re still thinking about Malcolm, aren’t you?”

“How could you tell?” Kelce asked, and you gave him a look.

“Seriously? You got that look on your face.”

He sighed loudly, leaning back in his chair. “I’m starting to lose hope in whatever this thing is with Malcolm, to be honest. Whenever we’re alone, it’s like, perfect. But other than that, I’m like a stranger to him.”

“He’s not ready to come out, is he?”

Kelce shook his head, snorting a bit. “Not only that, but he keeps overcompensating by letting every girl throwing herself at him like he’s Logan Lerman at his annual public outing, and frankly, it makes me feel like shit. I told him that putting up this facade wasn’t going to make him happy and pretending like it is, would just lead to the saddest future ever.”

“So you really Good Luck, Babe!’d him like that huh?”

Kelce cracked a smile at you, rolling his eyes good-naturedly. “Yeah, something like that.”

“For what it’s worth, I think you did the right thing, and it took balls. So good for you for standing up for yourself,” you said, raising your glass, to clink it with Kelce’s, who lifted his own drink against yours.

“What are we drinking to?”

Rafe’s voice was still gravely as he approached, Topper in tow. They both looked like they could need a couple more hours of sleep, taking off their shirts when they arrived, tossing them on the empty sun chair next to you.

“Oh, just putting men in their place,” Kelce said and you muttered a low amen, when Rafe sat down on your sun chair, nearly knocking you off it.

“Hey, get your own!” you huffed, but Rafe only groaned with a shake of his head, covering his face with his arm, despite the shade the umbrella was providing.

“Can’t. Too tired.”

You rolled your eyes at him, trying to get comfortable on the very tight sun chair, ignoring how Topper was giving you a very pointed look.

“I think I’ll go for a dip in the water,” Kelce said, pushing his empty glass on the table before he stretched his arms into the air. “Come on, Top.”

“Maybe later,” Topper answered, but Kelce had none of it, dragging Topper up.

“Come on, white boy. You look like you could use a dunk.”

Kelce hauled a miserable looking Topper behind him, who threw you a look. A look, which Rafe luckily missed, as he was still dozing away on the sun chair next to you.

“Are they gone?”

“I dont know, what are you going to do if I say yes?”

Rafe let out a grunt before he reached over to wrap his arms around your waist, tucking his chin into the crook of your neck. You sighed, having half a mind to shove him off, but instead, you let him. Maybe it was half the sex on the beach.

“Sorry about last night.”

You raised an eyebrow at his words, glancing down at Rafe. His voice was muffled, because his face was still hidden in the crook of your neck, but you could hear him as clearly as ever.

“Are you? Are you really sorry?”

“… I’m not sorry about how it ended, but I am sorry for how I behaved.”

You rolled your eyes at him, and even though you knew he couldn’t see your face, you knew that he knew that you were rolling your eyes at him, just as much as he knew that you knew that he was smirking like an asshole.

There was a lot of knowing going around.

“You think you’re so funny, Cameron,” you muttered and Rafe answered by pressing kisses down your neck, making you squirm a little as you tried to push him away, despite the laughter coming from your lips.

“You’re laughing, aren’t you?”

Rafe pulled away with a glint in his eyes, the smile on his face so soft, you had to look away, pretending like you were going for a drink. He observed you carefully while you finished the last of your cocktail.

“Have you eaten yet?”

“Had so much of vitamin C,” you answered, lifting your empty glass.

With a snort, Rafe stood, shaking out his hair. He stood right in front of the sun, the rays shining around him, basking him in a warm light and suddenly, you regretted chugging the last of the drink.

“Come on, let’s go get lunch,” he suggested, stretching out his arms. You however, made use of the space Rafe had freed up on the sunchair, sprawling out on it, not missing the way he was following your ever move.

“Lunch?” you sighed, pouting up at him. “It’s barely even noon.”

“Brunch then.”

“What about Kels and Top?”

You didn’t know why you were trying to find excuses not to go. Food sounded good right now, especially to soak up all that vodka you’d been drinking. Maybe you knew that you were feeling a bit to good right now. A little tipsy, in another country where no one knew you except your two best friends you were trying to leave behind.

“What are we, their parents?” Rafe snorted, holding his hand out to you. “Come on Precious.”

You narrowed your eyes at him for another second, even if you already decided to go, just to get on his nerves a little, before you sighed, nodding.

“I guess I could eat.”

You took Rafe’s hand to help you stand, grabbing your cover-up from the back of the chair before the two of you walked off the beach, towards the promenade. The town was bustling with people, so many, that it was easy to melt into the crowd.

Which was why you allowed Rafe to wrap his arm around your shoulder to pull you closer to his side as you walked, and no other reason. It was a little warm to be walking so closely together, but you didn’t mind.

“Anything particular you’re in the mood for?” he asked, glancing down at you, but you only shook your head.

“Nah, just whatever. You pick.”

The two of you walked through the main street, taking a left, off the main road, where it was less busy. There were several little restaurants sprinkled along the street, too many options to choose from, so Rafe just dragged you into the next one you passed.

It was a small, local restaurant and the owner lead allowed you to choose your table, which ended up being a small table on the street. A small breeze blew through the alley, and you didn’t even bother to look into the menu, because Rafe asked the waitress to bring everything that was good.

Which was a lot.

“Oh my god, this is too much Rafe,” you muttered under your breath when the waitress started piling on the dishes, and every time you thought it was over, she returned with another two plates.

“That is all,” the waitress said, placing the last two plates on the full table, giving you a smile. “Enjoy.”

“Thanks!”

As the waitress left, you gave Rafe a look, but he only snickered, taking a swig of his beer. “Relax, Precious. We can just take the leftovers back to Kelce and Topper if there is any.”

With a sigh, you reached for your iced diet coke - no more alcohol for you until you got some food into your stomach - and took a sip, before you picked up your fork. The two of you made quick work of the food, fried fish with peas and rice, some conch salad, fried conch and even some baked mac and cheese. You ate so much, you nearly exploded, but as you had predicted, there were some left-overs.

“I told you it was too much,” you groaned, leaning back in your chair. Rafe only shrugged, grinning at you.

“So? s’nice, isn’t it?”

You rolled your eyes at him good naturedly, trying to sit up when the waitress came to clear the table. She surveyed the remaining food before looking at you.

“All good?”

“Yeah, thanks,” you replied with a smile. “It was so good. Just, too much.”

The waitress laughed, starting to clear the table, leaving you with the bill. Rafe left a couple of bills on the table, more than enough to cover the bill, before the two of you stood, the chairs scraping against the floor.

“You wanna go back to the beach?” Rafe asked as you walked a few feet away from the restaurant, but you shook your head, rubbing your stomach with your hand.

“Nah, I need to walk this food off a bit.”

“A’ight,” he sighed, throwing his arm over your shoulder and you only wrinkled your nose at him.

The two of you ventured deeper into town, the crowds of people starting to disperse. The sun was at its highest point, people were either at the beach, or taking cover inside their houses with the air conditioning on. Not you and Rafe though. You walked around aimlessly, no specific goal in mind, until you spotted a small souvenir shop, displaying various trinkets on the street.

“Ooooh, I love those, come on,” you said, starting to drag Rafe into the direction of the shop.

“Come on Precious, we both know you’re gonna lose whatever you’re gonna buy before we even get home,” Rafe groaned, even if you didn’t even have to pull on his arm so hard. “And don’t you already have all of these?”

“No, you know they renew these every year,” you pointed out, looking at the different trinkets, key chains and magnets. You broke out in a grin when you saw a key chain of an emoji with a grumpy face.

“Look, it’s you,” you said, showing it to him and he rolled his eyes, but you could tell that he was biting back a grin. Slowly, you walked deeper into the shop, the products presented in away that lured you in deeper and deeper. Somewhere between the third and fourth aisle, you’d lost Rafe, but you were too enthralled by the bracelets to care.

“Pretty, no?”

You jumped a little, turning over your shoulder to see the shop vendor smile at you.

“Sorry, you really snuck up on me,” you said with a laugh, before turning back to the bracelets. “Yeah, they’re nice.”

“Come get your boyfriend to buy one for you,” she said, and you flushed, shaking your head. “You two are very sweet. Good looking couple.”

“Thanks,” you answered, ducking your head. “But we’re not dating. Just friends.”

The woman laughed, shaking her head. “He is smitten with you, girl. You’re blind if you don’t see that.”

She gave you a look, a tad bit too pitiful, if you were honest, then she pointed to the bracelets. “Three for the price of two.”

With that, she disappeared behind the another counter, leaving you a little perplexed.

“Hey, you find anything?”

Rafe rounded the corner of the aisle, his hands stuffed in his pockets. You turned to him, glancing back at the bracelets before shaking your head. “Nah. Just trinkets. You?”

“You really think I’d get something from here?” he asked with a snort and you rolled your eyes, wrapping your hands around his arms.

“Come on, let’s go.”

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

author's note: look, idk what to tell you

[joeyfranchise]

𝟙𝟚 𝕕𝕒𝕪𝕤 𝕠𝕗 𝕗𝕚𝕔-𝕞𝕒𝕤: 𝕕𝕒𝕪 𝕥𝕖𝕟

last christmas, i gave you my heart

ex!joe x fem!reader

note: (& kinda summary) SURPRISE! i said cindy lou didn’t have a part two but…. how could i spoil it for you? here’s what happened after the instagram dm, from joe’s perspective.

word count: 1.3k.

warnings: more sadness, hurt feelings, joe isn’t really an ass but he has poor decision making skills… etc. this fic is sfw but minors please do not interact with my page.

song inspo: cindy lou who by sabrina carpenter and lips of an angel by hinder.

joe didn’t really care about likes or comments on instagram.

he didn’t care to post too much either, regardless of what it was, because he preferred staying private and in his own lane. sure, he posted brand deals on there, the occasional game day fit or victory post, but he wasn’t one to flaunt a relationship around… not until today.

the christmas eve festivities were in full swing, and joe and his new girlfriend, along with his parents, were spending the evening together. they’d been to dinner, stopped by a few local places and eventually ended up at a rec center to watch a local christmas play.

when it was over they decided to take photos out in the hall, where the archway was decorated to the nines and the lighting was absolutely perfect for those warm, christmas-y shots.

joe and his girlfriend posed together alone, and then with his parents, and then they each took photos alone. once the photos were sent to him, he vetted through them carefully, selecting which ones he should post.

in his mind, he knew what he was doing was wrong… but in his heart, he wanted to know if you still cared. he wondered what you were up to this christmas. he assumed home with your family, maybe out with your sister. that’s something he knew you’d missed doing since you’d spent the last few christmases with him. he hoped you were able to go with her, that your holiday still felt special.

it didn’t. he didn’t know you didn’t go home to your family, that you were sat on your couch ready to drown in your wine glass and cry over a heart-breaking christmas movie. he didn’t know you were all alone there with him on your mind.

but in a sick, sick way… he also hoped that you were thinking of him, too.

joe posted the photos to his instagram with no caption, but he made sure to tag his girl. he slid his phone into his back pocket before joining back in the conversation she was having with his parents. his mind lingered on you.

joe wasn’t a cheater - nor would he ever be. he really enjoyed having his new girl around, and he didn’t know if he was in love yet, but he knew she felt like she could be right for him.

he sat with his thoughts for another hour before he checked his phone again. in the time since he posted the photos he laughed and talked with his company, holding his girlfriend’s hand and smoothing his thumb over her palm soothingly.

when he slid his phone from his back pocket and opened instagram, he had a multitude of notifications. family, fans friends.

but he looked at the likes anyway. it was wrong of him, toxic of him to hope you’d seen it… but you had. and you liked it. his chest began to feel tight.

why did he do that to you?

when you and joe broke up, it was all him. he knew it, you knew it. you were still completely in love with him. it made him physically sick to think about.

joe’s issue was… he still loved you too.

around the time of your break-up, things were incredibly tense. he was injured, he was in the roughest mental place he’d ever been in, and despite your valiant efforts to help him work through it, all he ever did was push you away. he continued to treat you poorly out of anger, and out of love you stuck by him.

he should have thanked you for that.

joe didn’t think he was falling out of love with you per se, but he wanted a break. he wanted space to find himself again, and though it completely broke you, you agreed. you would never force yourself into his life, not if he didn’t want you there.

he knew you thought you were the problem, and no matter how much he tried to explain you weren’t, you didn’t listen. he knew his actions weren’t conveying that he loved you, and that’s what forced the wedge between you… so when you split, there was never a reconciliation.

joe never reached out to you because he was afraid you’d reject him after all the pain he put you through. you didn’t reach out to him because you were convinced he was done with you, that he didn’t love you anymore.

when he met his new girl he was in a better place, and she was sweet. she was kind, beautiful, she had a heart of gold. she took his breath away, he hadn’t felt that in a while.

they started seeing each other casually before diving in head first, and he knew she loved him. he was getting there. but he still needed to let you go. the air in the room was getting hot, and although it felt like he’d been on his phone for an eternity, it was just a few minutes.

the hallway was full now, people who were in the play and family friends gathered around. his parents were chatting with the neighbors, his girlfriend was talking to one of the stars of the play. he looked around his periphery to make sure nobody could see him click your profile, and quickly he tapped your message button and typed something out.

joeyb_9: merry christmas, y/n.

he pressed send. his heart was hammering against his chest. his parents and his girl didn’t seem to notice. he didn’t expect you to answer so quickly. his breathing felt shaky as he saw you typing.

y/n: merry christmas, joe. i’m so happy for you.

the room began to spin. joe was getting hot. why why why. why did he do this?

he made a quick impulsive decision, against his better judgement. the voice in his head told him to stop, don’t do this. but his heart had to know. he excused himself quickly, claiming he had to make a work call.

he stepped outside of the rec center, the cool december air felt hot on his newly flushed skin. he closed the instagram app, clicking on the phone app and dialing your number. ring ring ring.

you answered.

“um… joe?” you asked. your voice sounded groggy, like you’d just fallen asleep.

“fuck. i’m sorry. i don’t know why i called.” he admitted. he ran his hand over his face.

“are you— is everything okay?”

“it’s fine. i’m… fuck. i’m sorry. i hope you’re having a good holiday. i guess it just feels weird not to be with you.” he doesn’t know why he’s telling you this. in the building behind him, his girlfriend is laughing with his parents. she’s having a lovely holiday. and joe’s outside, on the phone with his ex.

“it is weird. but it seemed like you were having a good night based on your post. go back to whatever you were doing, please. i can’t do this.” he heard your voice crack. he imagined your face. he knew your hand was probably clamped over your mouth, he heard you start to cry.

“fuck, y/n. i’m so sorry.” he says. he feels like he’s going to cry too.

“don’t be upset for me, joey. you’ve got a beautiful girl in there. i saw the love in your eyes in those photos. don’t fumble this one, okay 9?” you told him through tears. hearing you call him that felt like a slap right across the cheek. he missed what you used to have.

he felt sickly. he knew he was probably as white as a ghost. you were right… but he needed the closure.

“thank you, y/n. i hope you’re doing well… and uh, it was good to hear your voice.” he said, scratching at the back of his head lightly.

“yours too, joe.” you said, and then you hung up. he heard the door to the rec center open and turned around, coming face to face with his girlfriend.

“you alright?” she asked, coming down the short steps to caress his cheek. “i’m okay.” he said. he put on a smile and let her link their arms before he walked back inside with her, leaving the last of his feelings for you outside in the freezing winter air. he was thankful that you let him go, and now he could finally let you go too.

all photos and dividers used are not mine. cred to owners.

taglist: @slimshiesty @starsinthesky5 @joeyburrrow @kykysinlovewithafairytale @burrowdarling @joeyb1989 @loveyatopluto @toterry @unhingedfangirl @superheroprincess22 @burreauxsworld @definitelynotdomanique @samanthamark5 @superstarshitblog @fa1ry03 @wickedfun9 @xbriexx @venic-bxtch @burrowdarling @angels555 @idbe-theman @yelenasbraid @ladyluvduv @joeburrowshaircurl @joeybisbootiful @livinobx @blairsworld22 @jarring-behavior @yomamaslays4lyfe @gazebotori

[thrillered]

Couples Tattoos | Spencer Agnew x Reader Oneshot

Here's my little blurb about a tattoo I noticed during this vid and I'm obsessed with it. I know the pic is blurry asf but I had to screenshot it from the smosh mouth ep 😭

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"I think I want to get a tattoo.” you mentioned offhandedly while you were working on your laptop, sitting near Spencer. 

“You should, I think it’ll be cool.” Spencer agreed. 

“I just want it to be important I guess.” You remarked, scooting closer to Spencer. “At least for my first.” 

You didn’t have any tattoos. You always wanted to get one but felt nervous about putting something so permanent on your body. Your boyfriend, on the other hand, had many tattoos. He frequently got tattoos; he had gotten 4 since you got together. You adored his tattoos, you thought they were so nerdy and fun but made him extra attractive. 

“Can we get one together?” You asked.

“Seriously?” He asked, turning his whole body to face you, with a surprised face. “That’s a big commitment.” 

“Well I love you and I don’t plan on ever not being with you so..” 

Spencer couldn’t help but smile at this. The sentiment made him giddy and why not? You had been together for years and Spencer planned on marrying you one day. 

“Let’s do it.” Spencer agreed, wholeheartedly ready to make an appointment. 

“Really?” You asked, the widest smile on your face. 

“Fuck it man.” He laughed, both of your work long forgotten. “I’ve gotten tattoos of absolute bullshit, at least this would be meaningful.” 

—

You and Spencer had been brainstorming tattoo ideas for weeks, doing intense research on styles and artists. As excited as you both were, neither of you had any clue what to get. Spencer wanted to let you have the final decision since it was your first. 

You were laying in bed with Spencer, watching a movie. You flipped over, settling your head on his chest and laying your leg over his, straddling his side slightly. This was your favorite way to cuddle, it felt intimate. Spencer knew this about you. It was something he had noticed very early on in your relationship, and he loved it. Something about the way you loved being close to him brought him a lot of joy. You settled into Spencer, sighing when you found the perfect position. 

This was when Spencer had an idea. He didn’t want to wake you, as you were on the verge of sleep, but he immediately wrote his idea down on his phone. 

The next day when you both went into the office he made his way to the art department. “I need one of your guys' help.” He said, walking up to the group of desks. 

“Okay?” Erin Kushner asked, pulling her headphones off one ear. 

“I need a concept design for a tattoo, doesn't need to be anything crazy.” 

“Yeah sure, what's the tattoo?” Erin agreed. 

Spencer explained his idea, getting teased by Erin for how cute your relationship was. Erin quickly drew up a perfect picture for him. He was incredibly excited to show you it, knowing you would fall in love. 

—

He waited until you were home and settled. You were cuddled on the couch with him, watching as he scrolled through twitter. “I think I have the perfect tattoo for us.” Spencer said, pulling the paper out of his pocket. “I thought of it last night but wanted to get it drawn out to show you.” 

He showed you the drawing Erin did, noting the gasp that left your lips. It was a Keith Herring-esq drawing of two figures lying together, cuddled up in your favorite position. 

“Wait, I love it, that’s so cute.” 

“It's the way we always lay together.” He explained, even though you already knew, he was just excited to talk about it. 

“This is the sweetest thing ever, it’s perfect. I love you Spence.” You squealed, smiling into a sweet kiss you placed on his lips. “Wait! We can fill in the one that represents us.” You offered excitedly. 

“I love that.” Spencer smiled, his heart swelling at your excitement. “I’ll book an appointment tomorrow? We’ll probably get in within a few weeks.” 

You agreed, rambling about where you should get it. 

—

Three weeks had gone by and today was the day of your tattoo appointment. It wasn’t until yesterday that you decided your placement, you and Spencer both wanting to get it on your inner arm. 

Spencer got his tattoo first, showing you it would go just fine. It eased your nerves, calming you down before you got in the seat. 

He held your hand the entire time. You told him it was okay and the pain wasn’t awful but he insisted on holding it the whole time to “keep you calm”. 

When the appointment was over you and Spencer had the most beautiful couple tattoos. Your artist took some pictures for you and you both immediately posted them, excited to share it with the world. 

Even though everyone knew you and Spencer were in love, now you both had a depiction of your love immortalized forever.

[steppingonyourshadow]

Lee watches Legend of Zang Hai: Episodes 1-10

Decided to clean up and post my commentary thread here for easier reading.

Plot, language, culture, history, Chinese TV and novel tropes, and general commentary.

Episode 1

Man, I kind of can't believe it's actually here? And it looks so good?

You can tell by the mode of dress etc that this is an alternate history Ming dynasty.

The Ming dynasty ruled from 1368 to 1644 (Elizabeth I died in 1603, if that helps you situate yourself). It was a time of great flourishing of the arts and literature but fewer advancements in science.

The nation of Dong Xia/冬夏 is an invention of the Lost Tomb franchise. There was a real East (also Dong) Xia but it was destroyed by the Mongols long before the Ming dynasty.

On a less scholarly note the child actors are all absolutely adorable.

Kuai Duo's job is 钦天监监正 - basically, the imperial astronomer. It was an important, extremely politically sensitive role (and we'll talk about why later) but not a super highly ranked one.

Think of it as architect, astrologer and astronomer all in one.

Our protagonist says his dad Kuai Duo is an expert at 堪舆 (kanyu), a term we're gonna come across a lot.

Kanyu (Chinese geomancy) is the proper term for what is now popularly called fengshui - a combination of philosophy, astrology, geography and anthropology.

So funny to me that baby Zhi Nu (Nu is a suffix for child names, which is why both kids' names have it) is already digging tunnels what with his character being based on a Lost Tomb legend who would go on to make a lot of them.

Zhi Nu/Zang Hai's parents are played brilliantly by a duo who really look like they could be Xiao Zhan's parents, the Hong Kong actor and singer Wallace Chung and the Taiwanese actress and singer Michelle Chen.

Michelle previously encountered Xiao Zhan during his survival show days.

In an episode full of horrifying, tragic moments I think I was most struck by Gou Li's decision to impersonate Zhi Nu (and therefore die for him).

What a well-shot, well-made, amazingly acted episode.

Episode 2

The selection that the masked man recites to Zhi Nu is from the poem 即事 by the Song dynasty poet and philosopher 王安石. It's about how small our lives are in the grand scheme of creation.

1) Masked Man is so sus. He's so clearly pushing Zhi Nu along this path for his own reasons. 

2) The cosmetic surgery scene depicts real techniques and tools from traditional Chinese medicine.

Oh before I go on, I should say that if you came into this expecting straightforward good and evil instead of complex people, you're watching the wrong show.

Everyone in China knows Zheng Xiaolong, he's made so many classic shows and he's known for portraying complex humanity.

Kuai Duo was (and Zhi Nu is) an expert in building with 榫卯 (Mortise-and-tenon), a construction technique first used in China during the Neolithic period, in which wood components were made to interlock with perfect fit, without using screws or glue.

The death puzzle is solved by Zhi Nu using a poem by a 易学 (literally the study of changes) scholar. 

易学 derives from I Ching (the Book of Changes) and is the study of philosophy, science, divination and meteorology from a Chinese worldview. 

We talked about kanyu before and how it's geography and architecture and astronomy.

Not sure how they're translating the other thing Zhi Nu is learning but it's basically how to win friends and influence people (con artistry, except sometimes you're not lying).

The scene with Liu Chu is really interesting because (spoilers) it turns out Zang Hai is a natural at manipulating others' feelings, as she says. 

But he's also inherently a little impulsive, as she also points out.

The puzzle scene is incredible. Our boy is so fucked up. The fact that he recites the massacre of his family so calmly and with a smile just makes it even more fucked up.

Zang Hai's making a murder list, he's checking it twice, he already knows they're all terrible motherfuckers.

Episode 3

One thing I have to commend this show for is that all the actors feel like they belong in this era. No one has overly modern posture/affect/speech (a very common problem with idol dramas that always takes me out).

Xing Dou quotes from the Song dynasty poem 晏殊: "觥船一棹百分空。何处不相逢" - no need to be sorrowful at parting, we could always meet again elsewhere.

Which is certainly interesting in context.

The fireworks are 药发木偶, an art form originating in the Song dynasty in which artisans made puppets of popular characters and installed fireworks to make them dance. They were used for celebrations.

The beautiful screen here is actually a hand-carved lantern - another traditional art form.

I love how much Zang Hai has going on behind his eyes at all times. 

Let's be real, Xiang Antu is letting him off easy not only because she wants to fuck with him but also because she thinks he's cute.

Shadow plays have their own English wiki entry.

The use of instruments to change one's voice to suit the role like Ba-gongzi does here is a part of the tradition.

The play is a convenient recap of the political situation - a heir-less emperor, and two of the political powers (the Marquis and Cao-gonggong with his secret police).

Eunuchs could be very powerful during the Ming dynasty.

The Emperor is the child of the Dowager Noble Consort and of course he wants his mother to remain buried with the previous emperor rather than have her dug up and the Dowager Empress put in to replace her as tradition demands (because the Dowager Empress was the wife).

See, what was Liu Chu saying last ep about not being taken in by a friendly face?

I love that Zang Hai can't fight and is even a little clumsy. Pure guile protag (I was going to say hero but that word is so loaded in English).

From this ep you may have seen that kanyu fengshui is not just decisions about buildings. It's actually mostly politics.

We're going to return to this idea. 

Three things about Zang Hai:

1) man loves to smile humbly head bowed at someone he wants to murder

2) he's learned the best way to avoid being fooled is to fool everyone else

3) that self-destructive, reckless streak is a mile wide.

Zang Hai figures out that the solution to the tomb is contained in phrases from 滴天髓, a famous divination text

Two things about the Marquis (fandom calls him by his title Lord/Duke Pingjin):

- clearly very sensitive to any implication that he's past it, that retainer was very silly 

- note him saying his residence would burn down if he left it to Chu-daren.

Episode 4

Did you see how he gave himself barely a second to grieve and rage?

(Insert kitten thinks only of murder meme here.)

Zang Hai only had a second to feel emotions because he then immediately had to put on his most harmless smol bean facade, down to bowing his back like a peasant awed to be surrounded by power and wealth. Someone who knows his place.

This first meeting is electric, my god.

I said before that kanyu is politics. The issue here is that none of the other fengshui masters managed to 1) come up with the correct political solution that suited the Emperor and 2) give a convincing explanation for it that suited tradition and the rules.

Zang Hai saw that he needed to offer a story and a solution that would accomplish two things:

1) allow the burial to proceed (so appeasing broadly held values) in a way that doesn't degrade the Emperor's own mother

2) kept powerful regional lords from coming to the capital.

The spirits stuff is all politics and everyone knows it's politics but it needs to have a justification that makes it sound like it's from on high. 

This is the kind of ambiguity that you have to get very comfortable with in traditional and modern Chinese culture.

This scene is so tense I barely breathed. Masterful direction and performances all around.

One thing folks keep commenting on is how unique Zang Hai is as a protagonist - and one of those traits is his willingness to be totally shamelessly obsequious when it helps him.

Did you notice the big clock outside during the scene where they're waiting for noon?

Sundials have been in use in China for telling time since the Han dynasty.

Zang Hai references my OG historical blorbo Zhuge Liang's famous "with deference and prudence, to the state of one's depletion, until one's death" (鞠躬盡瘁，死而後已) in trying to pledge himself to the Marquis.

Except of course he's on his knees begging his enemy to take him on.

Zang Hai is also unique as a protag in this genre because as netizens say he's "绿茶" and "毒蛇" (green tea bitch and venomous snake).

Green tea (bitch can be omitted) means to act harmless and sweet in order to manipulate people, which is what he's doing here with the Marquis.

His fundamental sense of justice can be seen in how he saved the child and tried to get his fellow tomb sufferers a burial.

But he's not your conventional heroic morally pure protagonist in the Western sense.

The production actually built the Marquis' residence using period appropriate construction techniques. It took six months. The design was in part based on the Song dynasty painting 七夕乞巧图.

Zang Hai has managed to get himself a role as a 幕僚 to the Marquis, but what is that? The modern equivalent is basically a military general's staff, in ancient terms a strategist, advisor or aide.

Zang Hai was able to pull off his performance at the tomb because he noticed that the Imperial Observatory (responsible for burials) had become so corrupt that they'd dared to use substandard construction and materials on the Emperor's tomb, leading to it not being watertight.

The way the Three Stooges discuss Zang Hai is so slimy, full of insinuation about his youth. The truth is that they're incredibly bothered and threatened by his mere existence, as they ought to be.

(Two of them are playing Chinese chess.)

Zang Hai things:

1) He looks so good in that retainer's uniform.

2) Thank god he's so wily and such a good actor. Having to deal with the petty jealousy and bullying of Yang Zhen must be infuriating.

3) You can kind of see him plotting murder behind those eyes, can't you.

Episode 5

Oh god what a tense episode.

A note about forms of address. Before Zang Hai's employment by the Marquis, he uses 草民 to refer to himself in front of the powerful, basically "this peasant". 

Once he's employed, he switches to 小的 or 小人 ("this insignificant one").

The secret basement room has a super special lock (see the 士 character on it? That means it's an anti-theft lock with a very specialised key).

This is a hilarious second meet cute between Zang Hai and Zhuang Zhixing, two sneaks sneaking around, one of them much better at it than the other.

Zang Hai cannot resist giving Zhuang Zhixing attitude even while keeping his humble obsequious smol bean act up, hahaha.

Zang Hai's enormously clever long distance romancing of the Marquis works because no man, no matter how powerful or cruel, can resist the allure of someone who knows them.

And of course Zang Hai knows him entirely, he's spent years studying him in order to kill him.

The Three Stooges know that Zang Hai's smol bean act is just an act, but that's fine - they're meant to To them, he's cosplaying a clever boy desperate for advancement and willing to abase himself for it.

What they don't know is how far he's willing to go.

This conversation between Zhuang Zhixing and Antu about the Marquis' spoils of war from Dong Xia is a heavy hint as to her secret identity.

Dying that Zhuang Zhixing has been taking dad's spoils to fund his lifestyle and owes like 300x Zang Hai's monthly salary to Pillow Pavilion.

The worst party of all time:

1) the way this show builds tension is incredible.

2) Zang Hai is playing smol bean and thinking about murder again

3) lord this show is brutal. Thank god for Antu.

One of the common themes in the work of Zheng Xiaolong is the fundamental injustice of feudal society. Look how cheap the lives of common people are to those with even a little power like the Three Stooges.

Zang Hai is himself one of the common people, of course. That's why his situation is so precarious. He doesn't have any kind of protagonist halo keeping him out of the clutches of the powerful.

And again we see his compassion and sense of justice come to the fore.

Another thing that sets him apart:

He spends about 2 seconds raging about the injustice and then gets down to solving the immediate problem. Plotting murder is for the long term.

The retainers trying to get face time in front of the Marquis despite Yang Zhen's obstruction reminds me strongly of an Emperor's harem vying for any scrap of his attention (which is of course the subject of director Zheng Xiaolong's most famous work, Legend of Zhen Huan).

One more thing aboth the terrible party - we all get why Zang Hai said no to the girl right? Not because he has some kind of sexual purity thing going on, or a need to maintain a reputation, but because he can't let himself be owned by Yang Zhen.

Love this bath scene, so much to unpack:

- Zang Hai going from obsequious smile to looking at Zhuang Zhixing like he's a dumbass as soon as his back is turned

- how incredibly sinister Zang Hai seems particularly toward the end - that smile!

Zhuang Zhixing asking Zang Hai to bathe with him might have the air of a rich frivolous gongzi flirting with a cute servant if not for Zang Hai's scary scheming face (especially with that "why do you keep asking about my father" exchange) 

Zhuang Zhixing with a "let them eat cake" moment - as Zang Hai says, of course Zhuang Zhixing can afford to look down on those who need to spend their days eking out a living.  He doesn't have to worry about any of that.

A final note about the poor singing girl. Her song is in a folk style called 挂枝儿 and the song is called 蜻蜓 (Dragonfly).

The lyrics are flirty (appropriate for a sexy party), common (because the Three Stooges have common taste) and a warning to Zang Hai that he can't escape.

Episode 6

Yang Zhen's idea isn't that bad except for the part where it's a trap to kill Zang Hai.

The idea of one's 八字 came up a lot in this episode. 

Your 八字 is determined by your birth year, month, day and hour.  Chinese folks believed it could tell you whether two people were compatible, and what someone was best suited for.

Zang Hai very calmly telling Gao Ming that the Three Stooges definitely plan to make him a human sacrifice and sounding amused about it is pretty fucked up. 

Also fucked up to be building your own burial chamber.

We're gonna return to this idea many times so I'll just flag it for now - Zang Hai pretends that he fears death when he wants someone to think so but he really doesn't.

Because in his head, he's already dead. He's a vengeful ghost come to claim his due.

One of my favourite Zang Hais is when he's Just Asking Questions, all innocent (knowing that what he's asking is a deadly secret).

Xiao Zhan is so good at playing very smart people.

The device in the flashback is an armillary sphere - an astronomical device invented in 4th century BC.

This one in particular is a copy of a sphere invented in the Yuan dynasty which was, fun fact, melted down for scraps by a German missionary in the Qing dynasty.

Really enjoyed Zang Hai's guide to proper tomb construction (again, linking to something fans of the Tomb franchise would know about the original character of Wang Zanghai).

They're making 三合土 (tabia) - a real ancient Chinese construction material made from clay, lime and sand.

Zhuang Zhifu is your classic fuerdai - dad got him his cushy job and he can't even do it without doing a corruption and getting in trouble.

Even as thick as he is, he still managed to recognise that his dad is already a bit fond of Zang Hai.

Poor Zang Hai having to pretend he doesn't know who his own father is.

Loved "I'm not working for him, I'm working for me".

Using sticks to tell fortune in China dates back to the Jin dynasty and is still practiced in temples today.

Gao Ming quotes from the classic divination text the Book of Changes. 

(You can tell Gao Ming taught Zang Hai how to lie, he's great at this.)

One thing that really sets this show apart is that not only is Zang Hai starting from a position of total powerlessness, his enemies are extremely powerful *and* pretty clever. So his plotting needs to be even more intricate to fool them.

These poor folks "volunteering" to be buried as a human sacrifice so they can save their families.

And then Zang Hai just smiling a little like he's thinking "these lowlifes are so predictable".

Episode 7

We start with some classic bullshitting about the will of heaven from Chu-daren.

Everyone knows what he's actually happening but there's nothing to be gained from pointing it out. Same with the "volunteers" for human sacrifice.

Corruption is so rife in Great Yong that officials take a cut from even the money used to compensate the families of the human sacrifices.

Here Zang Hai refers to himself as 卑职 (this humble official), a form of address used by those of lower rank toward those of higher rank. 

Chu-daren is his boss. Zang Hai's path to advancement is through murdering all his immediate superiors.

Fans have been posting about how this show really exposes the fantasy of transmigrating to the past and being able to do well with "modern smarts" as just that - a fantasy out of step with the harshness and unfairness of feudal society. 

There's a colloquial Chinese phrase which is roughly "if you want to look pretty, wear mourning colours" (wearing very plain colours complements and elevates true beauty).

Imperial Chinese government officials were classified into a 9 rank system. Every single thing about their treatment was strictly in accordance with their rank. 

The Marquis is the first ranked military official in the country.

Loved Zang Hai's speech about how we can't wait for posterity to improve the world, we have to do it ourselves.

These men are all going to die anyway but they still have something to fear - the worst crimes were punished with death of one's entire clan.

Zang Hai came prepared, of course, but his enemies have done the same.

I genuinely gasped when the trap mechanism activated.

"Get up, we're going home" really got me. 

Zang Hai definitely should murder every single one of these scumbags.

God the scene with Ji-bobo (Uncle Ji) is so moving and well acted.

Lovely to tell him to live well but how can he when he's living on knives and murderous intent?

The shot of Zang Hai wiping blood onto his face ("sealing tears with blood") is incredible. Such a great idea.

Having Gao Ming make the Marquis think that Zang Hai is his lucky totem is so smart, I love it.

They're all so scared when he walks out of the royal tomb, like he's a ghost. And he is.

I love that Zang Hai not only plotted to come out of this alive but also to take down Yang Zhen at the same time, and he's clearly been planning all this ever since the birthday party from hell. Incredible.

Zang Hai uses the will of heaven and the well established rules governing imperial burials to apply pressure to not just the Marquis but the entire body of governing officials masterfully.

The Marquis correctly perceives that Zang Hai isn't afraid to die.

The Marquis immediately abandoning Yang Zhen and even tricking him into walking into the tomb is very funny and in character. Of course he's going to trade you in for a younger model, dude.

Love Zang Hai's facial expressions throughout this scene. Xiao Zhan has never looked better.

Xiao Zhan said that when he first read the script he was already picturing how he'd play this scene and you can really see why. It's amazing and he does an amazing job with it.

Episode 8

The one with the famous carriage scene.

The thing is this is kind of a rigged game. If the Marquis had really made up his mind to kill Zang Hai, he would not be in this carriage. He's in the carriage because the Marquis finds him amusing and wants to give him a chance.

Zang Hai's performance (not Xiao Zhan's, the character's) here is very interesting. He has the Marquis' number and has calibrated this persona to appeal to him. 

Let's call this persona smol bean white lotus Zang Hai - a docile, clever boy with nothing to his name, eager to advance.

I almost choked at Zang Hai's line about wanting to serve the Marquis with an unsullied/pure name.

Along with Zang Hai's delivery and the way the scene is shot, the subtext here is uh, rich. And will only get more so as the episode goes on.

The other thing Zang Hai is counting on is that the Marquis knows his underlings are a problem.

Zang Hai isn't just trying to save his own life, he's laying the groundwork for murder number two by making a paranoid man question his underling's loyalty.

Huang Jue's performance here is also really interesting because although his words are severe, it's crystal clear from body language and his face that he likes what Zang Hai has to say (especially the seemingly sincere praise for his abilities and achievements).

"My life is in the Marquis' hands" is such a clever thing to say in this moment.

The Marquis does enjoy resting his sword on Zang Hai's neck, doesn't he.

Qu Jiao, dude, don't you know questioning the Marquis' ability to command Zang Hai is like questioning his masculinity. Doing it in front of Zang Hai is even worse.

(More seriously this is Zang Hai's scheme of turning the Marquis against Qu Jiao working.)

I spent a lot of text on this scene but you gotta understand it was so viral and resulted in so many memes.

This one compares Zang Hai's poor little meow meow act to a famous scene from a Korean show.

Also I laugh at the green tea way Zang Hai looks at Qu Jiao here every time.

Nepo baby dummy Zhuang Zhifu isn't smart enough to perceive that his father wants Zang Hai around but his smartest moment might be perceiving the danger.

Again I almost choked laughing at his suggestion of marking up Zang Hai's face, like we're in a palace intrigue drama.

At this point there's really no suspense to the decision to kill Qu Jiao, at least once you've seen the look on the Marquis' face at Zhuang Zhifu's suggestion. Zang Hai isn't surprised either.

Notice how he doesn't sleep though :(

This next sequence can be read on a few levels if you're familiar with palace/household intrigue tropes (like the Chinese audience would be).

Consider what we're shown of Zang Hai's sudden elevation:

1) the Marquis has given him rooms next to his own, in the inner courtyard.

2) all the gifts. 

3) the retainer pointing out that even when Yang Zhen was in favour, he never got this treatment.

4) getting to eat with the Marquis' family. 

5) the Marquis offering to let all the other aides go and only use Zang Hai.

The text layer is that he's being treated as a very favoured courier. 

The subtext layer is how this feels like the entry of a new, highly favoured wife into a household/palace.

(Reminder that the director of this show directed the most famous palace intrigue drama of them all.

Folks see parallels between the relationship of the Emperor and Zhen Huan in Legend of Zhen Huan vs Zang Hai and the Marquis.)

Of course, the warlord/favoured strategist relationship is also traditionally very charged and intimate. See Sun Ce/Zhou Yu, Liu Bei/Zhuge Liang.

Zang Hai gets into character immediately, promising undying dedication and service and saying he's the Marquis' man (can also be translated as "this insignificant one belongs to the Marquis"). 

To which I can only quote this genius RedNote post:

"Marquis, when a perfectly suited person appears who shares all your interests, gives extremely strong emotional support and meets your every need, don't doubt, it's just a pig slaughtering scam designed specifically for you."

This wordless scene with Chu Huaiming is so good. Next on the murder list and I think he knows it, now that the other two Stooges are gone.

The Marquis knows that Zang Hai is ambitious and even dangerous but he's confident that he can handle it, that Zang Hai can be tamed for his use and his family's use.

The way Antu forces Zang Hai into this meeting is so funny. I love their scenes together. Zang Hai clearly enjoys fucking with her and she's into it too.

The way his posture changes when he decides to drop the act.

Some culture stuff:

The drawings are 界画 (boundary drawings), a form of traditional Chinese art featuring detailed renderings of architecture. 

The painting in the background of Zang Hai's quarters is Hundred Cranes from Lu Ji, from the Ming dynasty.

The quarters chosen by the Marquis for Zang Hai are called 飞鸿印雪, from a poem by the great Song dynasty poet, writer and early food blogger Su Dongpo.

It depicts the faint, temporary marks left by the feet of waterfowl in snow. Zang Hai shows as much of himself as those steps.

Episode 9

AKA "in Great Yong all the domineering CEOs want me"

Antu really is bringing the domineering CEO energy - saying the Marquis sure is lucky to have Zang Hai and that anything the Marquis could give Zang Hai, she could too.

Antu to Zang Hai:

(Meme explanation.)

Antu is only saying out loud what everyone else is wondering - how has this very young man who came from nothing managed to rise so quickly? What kind of methods might he have employed?

(The actual answer is murder, of course.)

Zang Hai puts on a different act for Antu - an ambitious striver dazzled by the prospect of power and making a name for himself.

Antu's agenda is pretty obvious too. She doesn't want the Marquis to regain military power and threaten Great Yong's neighbours again.

It's not easy to be the man closest to the one in power. There's an idiom 伴君如伴虎 (to accompany the king is like living with a tiger). Keeping the favour of a tyrannical, mercurial man isn't easy, particularly with so many gunning for you or trying to get something from you.

All sorts of people will be trying to butter him up for access to the Marquis because it's clear that he's the flavour of the month and may well have influence over the Marquis. But there's no such thing as a free lunch.

This show portrays the complexity of corruption and bribery and how it can become formalised. 

Zang Hai brilliantly turns the potential massive liability into another way to score points with the Marquis, by helping improve his reputation.

Zang Hai apologises for acting without prior authority but he knows the Marquis will be happy and you only have to look at the Marquis' face to see he's right. 

Again he emphasises his awareness that he's the Marquis' man and his actions reflect on his master.

Again: everyone likes an underling who anticipates their every need and constantly thinks of the best thing for them.

The Marquis' affection toward Zang Hai is that of the powerful toward something in their power that they can give treats to for good behaviour. Like a pet. But free access to his private sanctum is a pretty big gift.

Zang Hai's clothing and guan have gotten much nicer too. 

Aw, Antu and Ba-gongzi are cute.

The use of children's rhymes to spend rumours or influence the discourse was very common back in the day.

In this case the rhyme is even correct. 

(In the original script Wang Zanghai was plagued by rumours of having obtained his position by seduction. Not a joke.)

Zang Hai's face at the concept of apologising to Antu, haha.

Have you noticed that his actual personality isn't deferential at all, it's actually impatient, kind of bratty and even mean at times (while being fundamentally sentimental and moral)?

Oh now this is a dilemma, the poison is an obvious trap but...

Christ, this trauma train. He was having a decent run pretending to be a living person and now the vengeful ghost is back in charge.  And he can't even do proper rites for his parents yet.

Oh right, *this* scene.

Look, I'm sure that's not the first person to want to wear that face.

Zang Hai getting them to take his shirt off by saying "actually you need more than my face" is very funny also.

Zang Hai's physical attempts to get out of danger are always so action movie female lead coded - he's allowed to do smart things like cut the rope but he's very easily overpowered and can never get out of danger by himself without using guile.

Oh wow, it's the other aide. I forgot about him. I also forgot Guan Feng got told to go into the hills! 

This is so lovely for Zang Hai. He's no longer alone. There's someone else on this path with him.

Episode 10

AKA the one with ethical archaeology and such a tense scene I almost couldn't watch

(Also, big fan of these robes.)

Kuai Duo teaching his son to preserve tombs and respect the dead and also murder tomb raiders is also a fun reference to Lost Tomb Wang Zanghai making all those tombs with extensive defences.

Pay attention to the story of Liu Xian and his shifu. I suspect it's going to be very relevant to Zang Hai's own story, quite aside to the tomb's plot relevance. 

衡 is an interesting character to use to encompass the virtues of the ideal Confucian - it means balance.

There's a sort of unreality to Zang Hai saying they'll succeed and all run away to somewhere nice where no one knows them. He doesn't even really believe it himself. 

Zang Hai being in charge of rites for the Marquis' parents must make him even more furious - the Marquis' parents get to enjoy worship and offerings from their descendants, while his own parents had their bodies desecrated and don't even have their proper resting place.

His father didn't want his craft to be used to kill. But his father is dead. Zang Hai cannot be the ideal gentleman his father wanted him to be.

I don't think I breathed during this scene with Zang Hai's doctored incense. 

But as netizens say, the moment Zang Hai starts begging for mercy with wet eyes you know he's gonna be fine.

The thing about men like the Marquis is that them liking you doesn't mean they trust you. In fact if they feel especially drawn to someone, that'll just make them more suspicious, particularly if that person is very clever. They'll also turn on a dime at any moment.

So the Marquis' feelings are genuine - like Huang Jue said, he probably wishes someone so good looking, capable and talented was part of his family. 

And his treatment of Zang Hai is genuine. But that doesn't mean Zang Hai is ever out of danger.

By the time he goes to see the Marquis, Zang Hai has fully recalibrated and is thinking rationally again.

Being a frightened little flower in need of protection works for the Marquis. Like Huang Jue said, the Marquis is into the green tea routine but only if it's from Zang Hai.

What kind of flex is "uncountable number of people want to kill me", Zhuang Luyin? 

He calls Zang Hai his 心腹 - confidant (literally "vital organs").

The Ming dynasty was plagued by powerful eunuchs who were effectively rulers. The character of Cao Jingxian was probably based on Ming dynasty eunuch Wei Zhongxian, the most infamous eunuch in Chinese history, whose power rivalled that of the Emperor. 

Every time we see a glimpse of Zang Hai under his masks it's just knives and rage and screaming.

The only thing keeping him tethered to life is revenge and that's a pretty horrible state to be in.

[acapelladitty]

Batman: Arkham Session #1

Summary: After an incident at work, Edward Nashton is assigned to Dr. Jonathan Crane for psychological assessment. A decision which places both men in the firing line.

One half of an exchange with the incredible @skxtchyghost who has the absolutely amazing art half of this little encounter here!

Fic Masterlist /// Link to A03

From the moment he laid eyes on him, Jonathan Crane could tell that Edward Nashton would be less than an ideal patient. From the way that he lounged carelessly in his chair to his casual gaze which swept along the many achievements and objects which littered the walls of Jonathan's office.

Every inch of the lanky frame screamed difficult and Jonathan found his mood worsening as he shifted past the meagre introductions which had been shared.

Jonthan flicked his eyes over the notes he had been provided from the incident report as his left hand rose to adjust the bolo tie which hung loosely around his throat.

"You destroyed a workstation in a fit of," Jonathan lifted the top sheet of paper from his clipboard as he quoted the report directly, "obvious rage while using considerably inappropriate language. These are not the actions of a rational man."

Unapologetic, Edward spread his hands in a wide gesture as a defensive smile stretched across his lips.

"I'm the only rational man in this city."

"Oh?"

Really having a limited interest in whatever nonsense Edward was about to spout, Jonathan made a quick note on his clipboard - ready to simply diagnose him with some asinine anxiety disorder and throw some medication at him to quell the worst of his obvious symptoms.

"The others are so willing to ignore the corruption," Edward continued with a growing irritation, "how unbearably stupid and foolish the criminals that rule this city choose to be."

"Harsh allegations."

"Only because the evidence is routinely destroyed. Weeks of work erased in an instance because a particular name would rather not be associated with the actions investigated." His tone snappy, Edward was clearly not at peace with his treatment and Jonathan frowned at the sudden emotional outburst. "Weeks! Good work. No recognition. Only a sharp reminder that our job is to catch real criminals."

"I can imagine the frustration."

Something in Edward's expression shifted and Jonathan tensed as he took in the change in body language, the immediate aggression which crawled into his leaning frame and clenching fists as Edward met his gaze without flinching. It was an open challenge and Jonathan would not back down as he accepted and adjusted his glasses to allow him to keep Edward's attention.

"You bore me. Don't feed me the words I want to hear, Doctor."

"Interesting. Do you see me as your enemy?"

Wary but slightly more interested in his patient, Jonathan asked the question with the smallest of smiles.

"Yes. Your work is as corrupted as mine even if your corruption comes from a more personal insistence."

Jonathan's blood ran cold.

"I do not know you, Mr. Nashton. Neither do you know me."

He couldn't know.

No one knew.

Especially not a jumped up technician from the GCPD.

No.

He was just fishing for information, attempting to claw back the control of the situation by fabricating infor-

"Your purchasing history is interesting, both online and in your role within this asylum." Edward grinned, his body language relaxing into something almost smug. "Meaningless to a layman, but a small touch of research and critical thinking goes to show just how dangerous the various chemicals and research papers you collect could be. Pair that with the increased reports of catatonia which patients under your care have been reduced to and we have something approaching a pattern."

"Mr. Nashton, these delusions do nothing to further yo-"

Rudely, Jonathan found himself cut off by a childish wave.

"Your business is your own and I have no reason to care for any of the degenerates in this building. My work is almost finished and I have my own important business to attend to. Where our paths cross is that I require a clean bill of health to leave my job with the appropriate supports in place."

Smiling widely, his glasses pushed tight against his eyes, Edward perched his fingers on the light-coloured vest which covered his shirt as his cheap shoes tapped a soft rhythm to the carpet. Opposite him, Jonathan felt much more uptight - the shift in dynamic having put his teeth on edge as the urge to regain control of the situation tempted him into dangerous territory.

"You're blackmailing me." Jonathan gritted out.

"If you choose to view it as such then yes. I choose to view it as a mutual exchange of services." Shrugging, Edward caught his hands between his knees. "You clear me, and I erase some of the more unsavoury purchases that you have unsuccessfully distanced from your name."

Seeing each other plainly, Jonathan abandoned any pretence of playing the game and his expression soured into open distaste, regarding Edward with contempt.

"And what guarantees do I have that you are speaking the truth? One word from me and you will be locked away with the worst that Gotham has to offer." Flashing a cruel grin, filled with yellowing teeth, Jonathan tilted his head. "I could have you in a shared cell which houses violence that would easily end a man like yourself."

"All my information is due to release at a specific time if I am not available to prevent it. Risk it all and see."

Reclining once more, Edward presented his hand before himself as he investigated his nails with a forced nonchalance.

"So, Doctor Jonathan Crane, how are we going to move past this?"

[felassan]

Podcast: My Perfect Console with Simon Parkin

Episode: 'Dr. Greg Zeschuk, co-founder BioWare' – [link]

Episode description:

“Greg Zeschuk is the co-founder of BioWare. While a medical student at the University of Alberta he told his future wife that, if he could, he’d make video games for a living. After he graduated, the dream came true when, in 1995, he and two friends founded BioWare in his basement. The following year the trio released Shattered Steel and, two years after that, Baldur’s Gate, which revolutionised the world of computer role-playing games. In the years that followed BioWare released a string of blockbuster hits, including Mass Effect, Dragon Age, and Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic. In 2007, just 12 years after its founding, the company was sold to Electronic Arts as part of a deal worth $860 million. In recent years, my guest started a brewing company, Blind Enthusiasm, and today runs two microbreweries and a restaurant in Edmonton, where he has spent most of his life.”

The whole episode is worth listening to.

But here are some select quotes/notes from the episode, under a quote due to length:

Greg Zeschuk: “I think also, fan expectations are just so incredibly high. […] I finished Dragon Age: The Veilguard two weeks ago. I had a lot of fun with it. […] I take it as it is, as a fresh piece of content, and I really had a fun time with it, there’s so many good things I liked about that game. But then the feedback was pretty tough, like I think it’s been very mixed, which I feel makes me sad, because I think at the heart of it, it’s still a really great game. But like, man, it’s tough being in the games business.”

Greg Zeschuk on the Mass Effect 3 endings: “I think intentions are good, you can never do anything perfectly, and I think that that’s one of the challenges as a game developer. To some degree, especially when there’s high expectations, you think of a series like Mass Effect, absolutely beloved, an incredible overall experience. And then to maybe not reach the players’ expectations of agency and decision-making at the very final step, and providing a more nuanced ending, yeah, it’s complicated. I mean, speaking fully honestly, I was a slight bystander in it, because I was really working on SW:TOR. That was the game I was responsible for and launched. So I was kind of in the mix, but not in the firing line if that makes sense, but I really felt for the team, because I understood the purpose. […] I think the thing is, your dream scenario is, release a game no-one’s ever heard of and do it really well, because as soon as the expectations are there, it’s just tough.”

“The other unfortunate extreme pressure, you’ve got these giant business conglomerates that are pushing for certain release dates and release times. I think at BioWare, when Ray and I ran it, our most effective thing was actually pushing for the dates that made the most sense to get the best possible product and make the best possible game. We would play something and declare, with lots of research, that it wasn’t ready and then like make it happen at a later date. I think it's very hard, like I look at a game like Anthem and I go, man, there was such a great core to that game, but yeah it needs to bake for another year. […] Yeah, we were just always really good at ensuring that we were pushing for the best possible outcome for the game, which also was the best outcome for the fans, the players. I think that’s lost in the industry, like Ray and I had a reputation where we could, like, fight with executives. Didn’t happen very often, but we could and we did and we always won. There wasn’t a choice, because better games resulted. For us that was some of the nuance of what we did in the business, we just made sure the games were good.”

“The sale to EA was funny because people always ascribe that to ‘the doom of BioWare’, it’s like, not really, like EA was actually, I like to comment that EA gives you enough rope to hang yourself, and what I mean by that is, you have to learn to work within the structure, and I think we did quite well, like if you look, the Mass Effects came out in there. It was actually a pretty successful run, but you have to understand how to work within a big company. And for me, that was like, that was the end, was like, oh, I don’t like big companies. And so I knew by year two that I was gonna leave at some point, I just didn’t know when. I didn’t like big companies. There’s no entrepreneurish-ness, big companies exist to exploit properties, like exploit games. They don’t typically, there’s very few examples, some of the Japanese guys do, but most of the big North American guys, they're just good at like, hey let’s squeeze the most money outta this franchise. […] I like making, I don’t like just operating.”

“[SW:TOR] was like my swan song in the industry. […] If it was super-duper successful, Ray and I would’ve probably launched a bid to try take over EA from the inside, being the corporate pirates that we are, but it needed to be like, $2 billion a year successful. But that didn’t work out.”

“It was good though, EA actually, they gave us more input into publishing, into marketing, like we had a lot of really great opportunity. I think people like to ascribe how evil they are, it’s like, that’s not it at all, it’s like people just don’t know how to operate in it. It’s also kinda tiring, like if you’re kinda battling a lot, if you have to be successful, that’s the tough thing about it. As soon as you stop being successful, that’s when it gets hard.”

“There’s all kinds of shenanigans we did [when BioWare was with EA], like we actually made Facebook games under false pretenses, like false names actually. […] We weren’t allowed to do mobile stuff, so we would like make a fake company within the company and do this, and launch a game, just to see what it was like. We like to try stuff. I think [EA] are just restrictive. And I understand, like I mean, you can’t have a company of cowboys. And we were, I wouldn’t say we were cowboys, we were usually somewhat calculating in what we did, but we like to try stuff. So when they discovered that we had a couple Apple development licenses and we weren’t in the mobile division, they were like, woah, woah, what are you guys doing? ‘Oh, we’re just gonna see. Maybe there’s an integration into our console and PC games.’ They were like, ohhh, we’re suspicious of you guys, which they should’ve been. […] Big companies, they kinda want you to stay in your lane, you’re supposed to follow the rules. […] The big thing I always found [with big companies], we’d make a bunch of money on a product, and say, hey can I have some of that money to make another product, outside of the ones we’re making? They’d go like, no, that has to go back to the company. Oh, but what if I wanna make something different? They go you can’t, or you can fund it from your other games. Well then I have to cancel one of my other ones to make a new one. Yeah. Like, so your budget. But if you’re super successful, if you made a ton of money, then you usually get more leeway. We were pretty successful. […] So it was almost like, well what level of success do you need to actually like create that kind of latitude? There’s no autonomy in a company, unless you’re in charge, and even then if you’re the CEO you have to respond to the board. And if you’re the board, then you have to respond to investors. It’s like this tower of responsibilities. […] I don’t think there’s anything [intentionally evil? I think he was saying here? I'm not sure] that they do actively, it’s just, the very substance of what a company is, a big corporation is, it stifles innovation. And that’s why like, if you look at most of the big companies, they tend not to be able to create things internally, they tend to have to buy external, and then they kinda exploit, and then they kinda repeat that cycle as much as they can. That’s why I make beer in a small little brewery.”

 “When we started the studio in Austin, the SW:TOR studio, it was really interesting, because we’d started it, we were independent. Then all of a sudden, EA buys us, and it’s a pretty giant deal. […] There was like a pretty heated all-hands in the studio there, to talk about the sale, and [if] EA [was] gonna force its philosophical work-life balance onto us? [context: at that time in BioWare’s history, the devs there were young and spending crazy hours in the office, staying in the office sometimes to game as well etc] But like we actually all did it to ourselves. We were the ones that were immature, so we were also the ones that could get us outta that. […] We tried to do it better, I don’t know if we did.” [on leaving BioWare] “I kinda realized that was really unhealthy, and I think also, personally, the creative, I’d done everything I wanted to do. Landing SW:TOR was the hardest thing I’d ever done, and it was like, a good time to stop. I think we did better, I know they continued to improve on the work-life balance stuff.”

“Ray and I had to kind’ve give notice way ahead of time, leaving, so we actually told them, the EA folks, way ahead, and then there was this sorta like, activity around trying to kind’ve, bringing us back in, and keep us there, and we were like, nah, it’s just over. And then you get kinda shut out of everything. It’s like, your email still works, but I don’t think it goes anywhere, and all these meetings happen [that you aren’t in]. And you become, like, dead man standing. Which is actually okay. […] Both of us had kinda reached a point, where we were just worn out. We both emotionally felt that that was the time to go. […] It’s a little bit sad, but it’s like, you know, it’s in good hands. Just kinda go off into the sunset and live your life.”

If Greg Zeschuk could go back and change one thing about his career at BioWare: “I’ve always said this: […] One gap we had sometimes was [between?] sales and marketing. That was our biggest weakness. Jade Empire was a really good game that was launched at the very end of, I guess that would be the original Xbox cycle. Microsoft was like, no no, you should release it now, right at the end of the cycle, because it’s a great time. This was the worst advice, absolute moronic advice from them, the stupidest thing ever. […] We should’ve pushed that to the beginning of the 360. We could’ve rezzed it up, we could’ve amped it up, we could’ve said ‘no we’re not gonna’. I would’ve loved to go, you know what, this is a terrible mistake, give us six months, give us a chance to make it a launch title for the 360, and we’d have another franchise. Like, I just think it would’ve been a way more successful product at the beginning of a cycle, versus at the end. […] And also we needed to tune the combat, combat wasn’t as good as it could have been in that game. It had the potential to be amazing, and at times it was, we were close. The artistry and cinematics of the game for the time were tremendous. Just that one little thing, I think could’ve changed our trajectory, and it wouldn’t have been impossible, I think we would’ve been able to convince them to do it. I regret not realizing that. It just never dawned on us. […] Yeah it would’ve cost a  couple million dollars more, but it would’ve made maybe ten times as much. […] And then be a franchise, right.”

[source]

[lsunstreakerl]

hELLOOOOOOOO NEW FIC!!!!!

when the second alpha in charge mothers too hard and turns into pack omega...your mind works in wonderful ways sunny 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️

charles' constant wish to see max get railed by an alpha is something I resonate with on such a deep level really. ejfjjdjsbfjjdjfjd but like does he just wanna see alpha on alpha action? or is it a max thing LOL but him pretending to be pissed off when he realises that max did actually get fucked by pack alpha Lewis almost made me laugh in the train. so thank you for that shfhshdhdhhd

loveeeddddd this fic and how it's kinda like an 'alt verse' were max is seen and loved by the pack and how you write about him wanting to do everything he can contribute to the pack 🥲🥲

him flying straight to aus to see daniel because even though he's no longer in the pack he's still just as important/safe to max...WELL THANKS FOR THE CRY FEST TOO 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 love maxiel (also on another note what in the flirting was going on in Instagram...someone tell the both of them the WHOLE WORLD CAN SEE THEM. anyways shdhsjdj)

thank you for the many many fics sunnnyyyyyyyyyyyyy 😁😁

YES NEW FIC!

bitching as a concept is actually incredibly interesting! and yeah, it would happen to max. mothered too hard he... mothered?

charles saw it one time while scrolling twitter and has been dead set on witnessing it ever since. he initially picked max to ask because max, as pack second, is usually more willing to put up with insane shit in the name of pack cohesion. so yes he just wanted to see alpha on alpha but also he thought it would be really hot with max specifically. (somehow, he'd managed to sexualize max's position as pack second- like oh he's so dedicated to the pack he'd let lewis fuck him even though it's against his nature kind of thing.)

granted, he still thinks it's really hot when max is also an omega, and they do heatshare fairly frequently! but he's mildly cranky that this means max did sleep with lewis while they were both alphas, multiple times, and he didn't get to see it even once. he complains about it for a while.

max is dedicated to the pack. pack alpha and pack second was also interesting to think about here, because by virtue of all of them being famous, "pack alpha" comes with a lot of additional responsibilities that aren't even directly about the pack- media, interviews, paperwork, all these things that max doesn't want to do. so lewis is the end all be all of pack decisions, the pack alpha, but max is doing a fair amount of the smaller, more frequent emotional labor. in return, he doesn't have to do press for the pack. (yay!) but yes, he loves the pack and would do absolutely anything for them, he's just not super great at realizing they feel the same way about him in return.

yeah he got scared and went straight to daniel, because when he was a new pup on the grid he wasn't entirely welcomed by the pack- but he was by red bull, and by daniel, so when he's struggling with something that has to do with the pack, he's going to go to his safe space! and unbeknownst to him at the time, he's also entering preheat, so some of those unfamiliar omega hormones also influence that decision. (daniel realizes it's preheat when he walks in the door, but he also recognizes max is extremely on edge, which is why he just goes with it and calls lewis later)

I'm not sure they know their instagram is public 😭 BECAUSE WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE LIMITED THE COMMENTS they make me fucking SICK

[bloomzone]

Sooo… I’ve been offline for a long time Ikr , june was my "reflection era." And when I say I did absolutely nothing all month… I mean it like aside from my Mandarin class and overthinking everything, journaling nothing else related to my goals achievement journey and this is ur sign too to do a lil reflection days about how far you've become and ur mistakes ..

So I want to talk about friendships cuz the demon couldn't reach me so he sent me "2 friends" with multiple faces . I talked before abt study mistakes so maybe this is a serie of reflection about school mistakes ! Here's what I realized and some types of people you seriously need to stay away from … cuz I was too busy studying to notice during the school year !

TYPE 1: The drama manufacturer

• Lives in a constant state of manufactured crisis and comparison

• Lies about her life circumstances to gain sympathy or appear superior aka fake stories

• Spends most conversations tearing down other girls' appearances, achievements, or choices

• Creates a fake social media persona that doesn't match her actual reality

• Feeds off negativity and drama like it's her primary source of energy

• Makes you feel emotionally drained after every interaction

• Projects her insecurities onto everyone around her instead of dealing with them

TYPE 2: The Academic frenemy

• Acts supportive when she's ahead but becomes competitive when you succeed

• Attributes your achievements to luck while celebrating her own as pure skill

• Creates a subtle rivalry that you never agreed to participate in

• Wants to be the smartest person in the room at all times

• Can't genuinely celebrate your or any other person wins because she sees them as threats

• Turns friendship into a performance competition

• Makes you feel like you have to downplay your success to maintain peace

TYPE 3: The faith police

• Monitors ur religious practices like she's been appointed as ur spiritual supervisor or smthg

• Criticizes your hijab styling , makeup choices, or level of religious expression

• Acts like your personal relationship with God is her business to manage

• Offers judgment instead of support/respect during your faith journey

• Creates shame around ur spiritual choices rather than encouragement

• Forgets that everyone's path with faith looks different

• Uses religion as a weapon to control rather than a source of connection

TYPE 4: The fake innocent pick me

• Appears sweet and modest on the surface while being completely boy-obsessed underneath

• Gets genuinely excited about any male attention, no matter how minimal

• Plans her entire day around getting noticed by guys

• Criticizes other girls for "seeking male validation" while doing exactly that

• Masters the art of appearing humble while being incredibly calculating

• Uses her "quiet girl" persona to manipulate situations

• Lacks self-awareness about her own attention-seeking behavior

TYPE 5: the academic user

• They all wanted constant access to ur notes, explanations, and academic help at any second even if u are tired .

• They treated u like a free tutoring service rather than a friend (only show up for this)

• The help was never reciprocal u gave, they took

• They disappeared completely once they no longer needed my assistance

• They expected u to be available on their terms without offering the same energy

• They made u feel useful rather than valued

What I did & what every person needs to do

I made the decision to cut them off completely. I'm not trying to be dramatic about this situation because I know some people might say "this is normal" or "you're just being sensitive." But if you're a person who values your peace u wouldn't want to be trapped in a room with these types of people. You'd feel like a survivor dealing with constant pressure they won't physically harm u but they'll damage you spiritually and mentally , u'll dread going to school knowing you have to face these people, knowing you're forced to work alongside them.

After the last finals that we had in may they had been completely offline for the rest of the 2 months of school. They didn't send me anything I don't want to sound dramatic, but I was genuinely hurt because imagine ur so-called friends not texting you at all I don't want to seem emotional but I was expecting them to check in on me ask how I was doing basic things that friends do not only for notes or grades or "I have a crush on... " stuff . But they were completely silent

Then out of nowhere when results start dropping by the end of June they popped up in my messages like "hi what did you get?" And I straight up blocked them because that's the moment you need to make people understand that you won't tolerate this type of behavior like are u kidding me 💀 . This isn't okay especially girl to girl. Imagine your friends not texting at all not checking on u . So I blocked them without hesitation. Cuz I was already reflecting on the situations and I was like "there is no NEW CHANCE"

The lessons

What I want to say is this: the minute you start feeling like your friends and I'm talking about ur friends the ppl u talk / hangout to everyday are judging you, bullying you, or making you feel mentally and spiritually drained, it's time to move on. But here's the important tip I want to give you don't make any dramatic moves in the middle of the school year. It will be really bad for your mental health.

A lot of people think that the minute you realize your friends are toxic, you need to cut them off immediately. No girlie you'll actually ruin your whole progress for the school year. Instead of focusing on studying for exams or academics, you'll be thinking " omg i cut them off right now and they turn everyone against me?" Don't do this. Keep talking to them, keep walking with them, but make the internal changes first before doing anything externally.

Wait until you finish the school year, then you can cut them off completely. Some mindful people will understand and move on too, but if they don't, you'll have the whole summer to build really strong boundaries and become unshakeable u won't get hurt as easily trust me.

I experienced this so many times especially in middle school. If I chose to cut off a person mid-year it would be terrible because they'd start talking negatively about you, you'd start hearing rumors, and you'd get even more drained , just do what you need to do and start planning your exit strategy for the right time.

@bloomzone 🍀

[darksigns-exe]

find me here where i belong - stepdad!jolly x f!reader

warnings: none

word count: 585

note: so @ladyveronikawrites requested a little zoo date with jolly and my brain went straight to stepdad!jolly hope you enjoy <3

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You’d been open and honest with Jolly from the beginning. On your second date, you’d told him that you had a kid from a different relationship, hoping that it wouldn’t scare him away. 

But Jolly had stayed. 

His first meeting with your daughter had been incredibly sweet. He’d asked you about her interests beforehand and had brought a very adorable Bigfoot plush with him as an icebreaker. She’d been so very shy at first, but Jolly had won her over surprisingly quickly. 

A year later, he’s a fixed part of your life. Since you’ve moved into a place that can accommodate all three of you, things have only gotten better. Whenever Jolly is at home, you set aside times on the weekends just for the three of you. You’d set up a jar of activities at some point to eliminate the decision-making process and to give your daughter the feeling that she had made the decision. 

This weekend, your outing would take you to the local zoo. Which worked great because your daughter had just entered a phase of being obsessed with giraffes. As always, you bring your camera, intent on capturing at least a few moments of the day for your photo album. 

Watching your usually so shy daughter, pull Jolly from one enclosure to the next on her search for the giraffes warms your heart. It had taken Jolly a bit of time to grow into this new role, but by now he seemed to feel rather comfortable with it. He is so patient with her, lifting her so that she could peek over some of the higher walled enclosures. When you get to the petting zoo area, he acts as a safeguard so that she feels brave enough to actually pet the animals, making sure that he always he’s always within reach just in case. 

When she finally spots the giraffe enclosure, she sets off. Her wobbly run, accentuated by the shifting of her little giraffe themed backpack, is absolutely endearing. 

“Look!” She exclaims, excitedly pointing out of the smaller giraffe.  

You watch her and Jolly from a few feet away. The barricade of this enclosure is a little too high for her to be able to see over it very well. Jolly leans down, you can’t hear what he’s saying, but at the end of their exchange your daughter ends up seated on his shoulders. You snap a few pictures of them, before making your way over to them. 

Your daughter's excited chatter fills your ears as soon as you’re close enough. Her giggles at whatever Jolly is telling her warm your heart. Their relationship is so wonderful and watching them grow closer has been one of your favourite things. 

You step up next to Jolly, and he automatically reaches for your hand, giving it a quick squeeze.

“Look mommy, it’s a family. Like us.” your daughter exclaims once she has noticed you next to Jolly. 

When you pass by your daughter’s bedroom door later that evening, you catch a glimpse of Jolly tucking her into bed for the night. You stop, just out of sight, watching their exchange for a moment. He presses a kiss to her forehead, before he finally gets up. 

As he steps out into the hallway with you, you realise that he’s trying his hardest to fight back tears. You wrap your arms around him as soon as you notice. Jolly returns the embrace, pulling you to him so tightly. 

“She asked if I’m her dad.”

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