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antoine-roquentin · 5 years ago

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Now, from the point of view of many on the Labour left, the entire Brexit issue was a distraction: a way to change the subject from the bread-and-butter issues of austerity, wages, health, education, and public services that had immediate effects on voters’ lives to scapegoating and symbolism. Some were convinced the entire project was a charade; the Tory leadership had no intention of breaking with the European Union in any meaningful sense at all—as some pointed out at the time, during the entirety of May’s tenure as prime minister, her government had not seen fit to hire or retrain a single new customs official.

What they did not at first understand, but became all too apparent as time went on, was that in Brexit the right had discovered an almost perfect political poison, not only dividing British society into two hostile camps, but bringing out the absolute worst in both of them. Each side ended up hurling bitter invective against each other, much of which was true. Remainers insisted that many Brexit campaigners were overt racists, and that the Leave campaign was—much like Trumpism—normalizing forms of racist expression that would have been considered outrageous only a few years before. They were right. Reports of racist hate crimes, for instance, increased dramatically after the vote. Leavers countered that many of the most vociferous Remainers were overt elitists, and were likewise normalizing expressions of contempt for small-town or working-class England that would have once been considered equally outrageous. They were right, too.

It might seem odd that the ultimate beneficiary of all this was Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson, an Eton-educated upper-cruster whose main occupation, before he turned his hand to politics, was as a columnist and occasional television personality notorious for his contempt for immigrants, single mothers, and the poor. But to understand what happened, I think, one must consider the broader situation of what has come to be known as “right-wing populism.” Ever since the economic crash of 2008, the left had tried to make villains of the bankers. Yet despite the fact that the City (London’s financial hub) was indeed largely responsible for the collapse of the economy and resulting austerity, this approach gained little traction. The right instead tried to make villains of the bureaucrats—of migrants, too, as they definitely did appeal to simple bigotry, but the immediate emphasis was on bureaucrats. And at least among middle-aged swing voters, this succeeded spectacularly. Why?

The answer, I think, lies in the emerging structure of class relations in societies like England, which seems to be reproduced, in one form or another, just about everywhere the radical right is on the rise. The decline of factory jobs, and of traditional working-class occupations like mining and shipbuilding, decimated the working class as a political force. What happened is usually framed as a shift from industrial, manufacturing, and farming to “service” work, but this formulation is actually rather deceptive, since service is typically defined so broadly as to obscure what’s really going on. In fact, the percentage of the population engaged in serving biscuits, driving cabs, or trimming hair has changed little since Victorian times.

The real story is the spectacular growth, on the one hand, of clerical, administrative, and supervisory work, and, on the other, of what might broadly be termed “care work”: medical, educational, maintenance, social care, and so forth. While productivity in the manufacturing sector has skyrocketed, productivity in this caring sector has actually decreased across the developed world (largely due to the weight of bureaucratization imposed by the burgeoning numbers of administrators). This decline has put the squeeze on wages: it’s hardly a coincidence that in developed economies across the world, the most dramatic strikes and labor struggles since the 2008 crash have involved teachers, nurses, junior doctors, university workers, nursing home workers, or cleaners.

One might speak of the beginnings of a veritable revolt of the caring classes, global in scale. If so, the obvious question is: Why has the global left, which has always stood for the promise of a more caring society, not been the ones to profit from this development? Why is the radical right instead everywhere on the rise? How is it possible that this could lead to the defeat of Jeremy Corbyn, a man who even his enemies would begrudgingly admit was a caring and empathetic human being, at the hands of a Tory candidate so utterly narcissistic and lacking in human feeling that he famously refused to even look at a picture of a feverish child marooned on an overcrowded hospital’s floor? The answer lies once again in the curse of centrism.

As Thomas Frank has pointed out, as early as the 1970s, formerly leftist parties from the US to Japan made a strategic decision to effectively abandon what remained of their older, working-class base and rebrand themselves primarily as parties representing the interests and sensibilities of the professional-managerial classes. This was the real social base of Clintonism in the US, Blairism in the UK, and now Macronism in France. All became the parties of administrators. (In the UK, of course, this included those endless legions of lawyers and accountants.)

Whereas the core value of the caring classes is, precisely, care, the core value of the professional-managerials might best be described as proceduralism. The rules and regulations, flow charts, quality reviews, audits and PowerPoints that form the main substance of their working life inevitably color their view of politics or even morality . These are people who tend to genuinely believe in the rules They may well be the only significant stratum of the population who do so. If it is possible to generalize about class sensibilities, one might say that members of this class see society less as a web of human relationships, of love, hate, or enthusiasm, than, precisely, as a set of rules and institutional procedures, just as they see democracy, and rule of law, as effectively the same thing. (This, for instance, accounts for Hillary Clinton’s supporters’ otherwise inexplicable inability to understand why other Americans didn’t accept the principle that if one makes bribery legal—by renaming it “campaign contributions” or half-million-dollar fees for private speeches—that makes it okay.)

The peculiar fusion of public and private, market forces and administrative oversight, the world of hallmarks, benchmarks, and stakeholders that characterizes what I’ve been calling centrism is a direct expression of the sensibilities of the professional-managerial classes. To them alone, it makes a certain sort of sense. But they had become the base of the center-left, and centrism is endlessly presented in the media as the only viable political position.

For most care-givers, however, these people are the enemy. If you are a nurse, for example, you are keenly aware that it’s the administrators upstairs who are your real, immediate class antagonist. The professional-managerials are the ones who are not only soaking up all the money for their inflated salaries, but hire useless flunkies who then justify their existence by creating endless reams of administrative paperwork whose primary effect is to make it more difficult to actually provide care.

This central class divide now runs directly through the middle of most parties on the left. Like the Democrats in the US, Labour incorporates both the teachers and the school administrators, both the nurses and their managers. It makes becoming the spokespeople for the revolt of the caring classes extraordinarily difficult.

All this also helps explain the otherwise mysterious popular appeal of the disorganized, impulsive, shambolic (but nonetheless cut-to-the-chase, get-things-done) personas cultivated by men like Trump and Johnson. Yes, they are children of privilege in every possible sense of the term. Yes, they are pathological liars. Yes, they don’t seem to care about anyone but themselves. But they also present themselves as the precise opposite of the infuriating administrator whose endless appeal to rules and demand for additional meetings, paperwork, and motivational seminars makes it impossible for you to do your job. In the UK, the game of Brexit politics has been to maneuver the Labour left into a position where it is forced to identify itself with that same infuriating administrator.

This was true from the start. The original Leave campaign took aim at immigration, but, even more, it took aim at distant and uncaring Brussels bureaucrats. And the fact that both major parties, Tories and Labour, were profoundly split over the issue—and even more, over what to do about it—led to an endless drama of legal and legislative warfare that allowed Leavers to argue that Remainers in Whitehall were using every sort of procedural trick in the book to thwart the popular will. For those in the movement to democratize the Labour Party, this was an insoluble dilemma. Most of the new, young Labour activists had enough experience with genuine directly democratic practice to understand that a 52/48 vote is effectively a tie; if it is a mandate for anything, it is for some sort of creative compromise.

This is precisely what Corbyn first attempted to do. He accepted the result of the referendum, but proposed to negotiate a deal whereby the UK would remain within the Common Market on much the same terms as Norway. The approach worked well enough in 2017 to prevent May from making the election exclusively about Brexit, and to allow Labour to make substantial gains; but as soon as the election was over and a hung parliament resulted, the centrist counter-offensive began. The most important role here was played by Alastair Campbell, Blair’s one-time press czar and crucial strategist of the People’s Vote Campaign to demand a second referendum, who immediately smelled blood. The “moderate” elements in the party pounced. Rallies and marches were organized, Remainer MPs—of both parties—threatened to jump ship if Labour did not join in calls for a second referendum, either to join the staunchly Europhile Liberal Democrats or to form a new centrist party.

At one point, several MPs, from both sides of the aisle, actually did begin setting up a centrist alternative, called (with a remarkable lack of self-awareness) Change UK—sparking the fear that disgruntled Remainers might begin a mass exodus. Since the activist youth base of the party was overwhelmingly pro-Europe, the Labour leadership eventually saw no choice but to change its position and call for a second vote in which Brexit might be reversed.

Corbyn has been widely criticized for maintaining a “wishy-washy” or indecisive position on Brexit, but from the point of view of the larger movement he represented, his position was about the only one he really could take. The Labour Left, after all, was trying to bring about dramatic social reforms, in much the way Attlee had in 1945 when he called for the creation of the NHS. Ultimately, they were revolutionaries: they aimed to set the ball rolling in the direction of the democratization of all aspects of British society. But they also knew this could only happen if they came into power in informal alliance with more radical, “extra-parliamentary” street movements pushing them ever further to the left. Taking a hardcore Remain position would mean even if they did come into power (which was by no means guaranteed), it could only be in alliance with politicians who ardently opposed this larger project, and, if Brexit was indeed reversed, that they would also be faced with radical street movements not of the left but of the right—outraged Brexiteers and outright fascists pushing in exactly the opposite direction.

The last thing Corbyn would ever want was to be forced into a position where he would have to send in riot police to control protests against the suppression of a democratic decision. This was the real reason for the initial dilemma. But eventually he had to come around to support a second vote.

At the same time as the Labour leadership was being threatened and cajoled into making common cause with militant Remainers, the Conservatives were heading in exactly the opposite direction. Boris Johnson—or, to be more precise, his strategic mastermind, Dominic Cummings—immediately filled his cabinet with hard-right Brexiters, purging Remainers first from the Cabinet and then from the party itself. He then began a heavy-handed and seemingly incompetent attempt to bludgeon some kind of Brexit bill through the House of Commons. To the casual observer, his first weeks in office appeared a combination of costume drama and slapstick comedy. Johnson lost every vote he put forward and missed his own loudly trumpeted Brexit deadline; his attempt to suspend Parliament not only failed in court but left him open to accusations of having lied to the Queen; former Tory prime ministers declared their intention to openly campaign against him; his own brother resigned from the cabinet in disgust.

Corbyn, meanwhile, began to win grudging praise from the guardians of established opinion for his willingness to coordinate the resistance. Yet this was, precisely, his undoing. Cummings’s plan had always been to win by losing. The point of the parliamentary drama was to reduce Corbyn—whose entire appeal had been based on the fact that he did not look, act, or calculate like a politician—into someone who did exactly that, and to paint the only movement in generations that had genuinely aimed to change the rules of British society as the linchpin of an alliance of professional-managerials united only by their willingness to deploy every legalistic or procedural means possible in order to reverse the results of a popular referendum and keep things exactly as they were.

If the results of the 2019 election mean anything, they reveal an overwhelming rejection of centrism. Particularly instructive here are the fates of the rebels who broke from Corbyn’s Labour to form Change UK, including Chuka Umunna, who was widely billed as Britain’s future answer to Barack Obama. On realizing that there was virtually no support for another centrist party, they ultimately joined the Lib Dems. Though the Lib Dems did increase their share of the overall vote (slightly), doing so largely served to knock out their ostensible Remainer Labour allies in close races. Not one of the defectors managed to win a seat.

Jo Swinson, the Lib Dem candidate for prime minister, who had somehow convinced herself it would be a winning formula for the Lib Dems to run as a single-issue anti-Brexit party while also making clear that under no conditions would they ever form an alliance with Corbyn’s Labour, failed to win her own district and is no longer an MP. Labour lost fifty-four seats to the Tories—fifty-two of them in Leave-voting districts. But, as James Schneider, Corbyn’s director of strategic communications, confirmed when I showed him a draft of this piece, only three (Dennis Skinner, Laura Pidcock, and Laura Smith) were from the radical left of the party. Dozens of “moderates” had, effectively, blown themselves up.

The same, incidentally, is true for the Tories: not one of the twenty-one purged Remainers who ran for their old seats as independents returned to Parliament.

The center of British politics has become a smoldering pit. The country is now being governed by a hard-right government placed in power by its oldest citizens, in the face of the active hatred of its increasingly socialist-inclined youth. It’s fairly clear that for the Johnson team, Brexit was never anything but an electoral strategy, and that they don’t have the slightest idea how to translate it into economic prosperity. (It is an unacknowledged irony of the current situation that the people most likely to profit from the Brexit process are, precisely, lawyers—and, probably secondarily, accountants. For everyone else, it’s hard to imagine a scenario where they will improve their current situation, and quite easy to imagine Johnson being remembered as one of the most disastrous prime ministers in British history.)

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kinkandkreep · 5 years ago

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Rundown: Diagnostic

A/N: This will become a series, as decided by you all during my Idea poll a few months back. Sorry it took so long to get around to it. I’ll post the summary here shortly.

Patient # 134340

Jeon Jungkook

Case: Benz Butcher

Age: 23

Height: 5'10

Weight: 156 lbs.

Diagnosis: Mr. Jeon is a sociopath with severe Alexithymia and psychopathic tendencies. Through repeated psychological evaluations and observational periods, we have determined that he is incapable of experiencing the normal range of human emotions. He has little to no concept of empathy or guilt, as demonstrated by his complete lack of remorse for his actions, as well as his inability to sympathize with the families of his victims. Below are the questions administered and their responses by Mr. Jeon from the most recent eval.

1. “Are you superficially charming and intelligent?”

Some might say so, yes.

2. “Do you experience delusions or other signs of irrational thinking?”

What a dumb question. How would I answer truthfully if I was delusional? I would believe the delusions, and to me, they’d be reality.

3. “Are you overly nervous, or do you have other neuroses?”

I try to maintain a calm demeanor as often as possible.

4. Are you reliable?

Define “reliable”.

5. Do you tell lies or say insincere things?

I would lie and tell you nooo...so, no.

6. Do you feel remorse or shame?

Hardly. I believe we should all live and act without regret.

7. Is your behavior anti-social for no good reason?

I’m anti-social because people are poisonous. I intend to remain healthy, thank you very much.

8. Do you have poor judgment, and fail to learn from experience?

My judgement isn’t poor, perhaps a little clouded. And I always learn from the things I do, selectively of course.

9. Are you pathologically egocentric, and incapable of love?

Ah, love. How….inconvenient.

10. Do you generally lack the ability to react emotionally?

My emotions in general are fairly dull, the only thing it seems I know how to feel is anger.

11. Do you lack insight?

The answer to that question is probably yes.

12. Are you responsive to others socially?

No. I have neither the time nor the desire.

13. Are you a crazy party fiend?

I prefer to party by myself, thank you very much.

14. Do you make false suicide threats?

Maybe when I was younger...and on the rare occasion things don’t go my way.

15. Is your sex life impersonal, trivial or poorly integrated?

How about active, unfeeling and better than yours?

16. Have you failed to follow a life plan?

The only plan I have for my life is to live it to the fullest, plowing through anyone or anything that stands in my way.

#yandere!au #yandere #yandere!jungkook #yandere jungkook #yandere!bts #yandere bts #serial killer!jungkook #serial killer jeon jungkook #Rundown

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violentviolette · 5 years ago

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So I was on your fandom blog and I saw that you believe Bakugou (at least in assuming) to have ASPD. Is wondering if you could expand on that? I personally see him as NPD but I'd love to hear your side of things

first off anon bless u for being on my fandom blog that takes courage cause it’s a wicked hot mess over there lol and secondly to everyone else yes im about to spend an embarrassing amount of effort overanalyzing an anime man, no u shouldn’t apply this logic to diagnosing real people u don’t know or urself, no its not that deep but yes u can fuck right off if u wanna cry about me headcanoning ur favs with “shitty” illnesses. eat my dick.

But now down to the good shit! So I actually think bakugou has comorbid aspd/npd. But for this since u said u already see him as having npd I’ll just focus on the aspd criteria but im totally down to talk more about npd as well if u wanna. (the rest is under a cut because frankly mobile users would have drawn and quartered me otherwise)

So first im gonna go thru the dsm v criteria that are required for diagnosis that bakugou fits/exhibits (leaving out the few things that don’t pertain to him just for length and also because not every person has to fit every single criteria to qualify)

1. Significant impairments in personality as manifested by

a. identity (self esteem derived from power, pleasure, or personal gain), self direction (goal setting based on personal gratification, absence of prosocial standards and culturally normal ethical behavior)

katsukis entire sense of self is built upon his ability to “win” and to always be number one and come out on top. He absolutely cant stand to be viewed as less than that because if so, his entire sense of self begins to crumble. Part of the reason he’s so antagonistic towards Izuku in the early chapters is the fact that Izuku challenges that identity. He (unintentionally and intentionally) challenges katsuki and wont give way to him (which is the right thing to do, but we see how “well” katsuki handles that). He also doesn’t have a good sense of “prosocial standards.” katsuki has created his own internal sense of morals and values, he’s decided whats worth his time and effort based on his own opinions and not on what society deems worthwhile behavior. He’s constantly getting admonished that his attitude “isn’t that of a hero” because his values are different than the ones of the society around him. But he doesn’t care, as long as he “wins” then everythings good. And its not until he stops “winning” and his behavior begins to get in the way of his goals does he begin to realize that he has a problem.

b. impairments in interpersonal functioning as manifested by lack of empathy (lack of concern for feelings, needs, or suffering of others) and lack of intimacy (incapacity for mutually intimate relationships, use of dominance or intimidation to control others)

I could frankly write a whole essay about just this bit alone but I’ll try to condense my thoughts. So. Lets talk about katsukis lack of empathy. This boy wouldn’t know another person’s emotions if they walked up and punched him in the face. Which they do. On multiple occasions. But I digress. Katsuki is known for his shitty bedside manner, his lack of concern for the feelings of others is literally what cost him his provisional license, but aside from with Izuku (who we’ve established is a source of Baggage for katsuki and shouldn’t be counted among his normal behavior because at the start of the series they BOTH bring out the worst in one another and overcoming that is part of both of their character arcs and growth and a main theme of the damn story. Win and save. Save and win. Ahem. But again I digress) katsuki isn’t vindictive or cruel in an unnecessary way about other peoples emotions. He doesn’t use them against people, it just doesn’t occur to him that they exist. But as we see katsuki grow and begin to try and change his unhealthy behavior, we see that he’s not oblivious of others emotions in the same way todoroki is (who I headcanon as autistic along with izuku (who also has adhd), but that’s a whole nother post lol), he just doesn’t know what to do with them. He can handle things like kirishima feeling insecure, because he can logically talk to him about how strong he is to encourage and support him, but really struggles with more intimate and open forms of emotional support, like with Izuku.

He also struggles with forming prosocial bonds and friends. At the start of the series katsuki doesn’t have friends, he has lackeys he controls with intimidation and fear because he doesn’t know any other way to be. He has trust and intimacy issues and doesn’t like people getting too close to him because he feels displays of vulnerability are what makes someone weak (see those asocial morals and values we talked about earlier). After his time at UA, a few large helpings of some humble pie, and the diligent and hard work of a small group of fearless idiots (aka kaminari whose literally too prosocial for his own good and has zero self preservation instincts, and kirishima who has an endless supply of patience and understands empathy and other peoples emotions to a degree that’s baffling to me) he is able to start deconstructing that idea and realizing that u can be vulnerable and let people close to u and still be strong. That the mortifying ordeal of being known isn’t actually the worst things ever. Also that when confronted with people who aren’t actually afraid of him, he doesn’t know how else to deter them from getting close to him. The fact that none of the other kids in 1-A take katsukis shit and even go so far as to pick on him and mock him and call him out on his bullshit is a MAJOR turning point for his socialization skills.

2. pathological personality traits in the following catagories

a. antagonism, characterized by hostility (persistent and frequent angry feelings, anger or irritability in response to minor slights or insults, nasty mean vengeful behavior), callousness (lack of concern for the feelings and problems of others)

I mean. Do I even have to expand on this point? I feel like no

b. disinhibition, characterized by impulsivity (acting on the spur of the moment in response to immediate stimuli, acting without a plan or consideration for outcomes, difficulty establishing and following plans), risk taking (lack of concern for ones limitations and denial of the reality of personal danger, engaging in potentially risky and self-damaging activities without regard for consequences)

this is a criteria where u have to adjust for the world these characters are living in. but even then, by hero standards, katsuki is still impulsive. His teachers are constantly admonishing him in the early series for charging headfirst into a situation, loosing himself to his emotions and anger, and letting things get the better of him because hes not taking the time to properly assess the situation, this also bleeds into katsukis inability to work with others or ask for help. He charges headfirst into a situation by himself, blows up anything in his way, and then asks questions later. His teammates are often left totally in the dark to his plans, motives, or other moves and have to just play catch up to him the entire time. In the deku vs. kacchan 1 fight we see this behavior come out in full force. He has no plan, he blows up half the building with zero regard for their goals, and leaves iida completely in the dark. Momo pointing this all out and dragging him for filth during the recap is another wakeup moment for him, having to confront the realities of his impulsive and negative behavior whereas before he was only praised for it.

so if we take a look at even just that, which is still about ¾ of the diagnostic criteria, I think u can see where this really starts to explain his personality. Katsuki is hot headed, angry, impulsive, stubborn, selfish, he gets in his own way more often than not, he struggles with prosocial behavior, making friends, and relating emotionally to others. He has a hard time comforting people and usually does so in a blunt and logical way, he isn’t great at sympathy and being soft, kind, or gentle with other people. It takes a considerable amount of effort for him to realize where his world view and his morals and goals are warped and doing him more harm than good, and he absolutely cant stand to be vulnerable or honest about his feelings with others.

All those things, imo, as someone with aspd & npd, are what make me feel like hes a good character representation of what the complexities of living with these disorders is like. Katsuki isn’t inherently a bad person, and as we see him grow and change, we see the ways in which hes becoming better, but its still hard for him. And despite what a lot of fandom thinks, if u look at the canon, the main person katsuki hurts with his behavior is himself. And I think that’s really important because people with aspd & npd are so often catagorized as abusive villians whose only goal in life is to hurt others. Whereas with katsuki we see where these things and this kind of thinking gets in the way of his goals and ultimately hurts him. and thats what I think makes him the most relatable and makes his growth all the much more satisfying. Katsuki is both fundamentally the same and an entirely different person from when we first meet him. his personality didn’t magically completely change, hes not just a tsundere whose suddenly all mushy feely and hyper empathetic, he’s just learning how to deal with his emotions and the world and getting better at being a healthy person.

So yea, those are my thoughts! There was apparently a whole 1600 words of them so my apologies for writing u a literal dissertation on this lol I just really love this fucking character

#bakugou katsuki #katsuki bakugou #bakugou headcanons #bakugou katsuki headcanons #bnha headcanons #jack.speaks #anon #god i really did write a novel #im almost ashamed #almost

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goldenkamuyhunting · 5 years ago

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Do you think Ogata is a sociopath?

Sorry for the late reply. Sadly this is an extremely busy working period for me.

Anyway…

is Ogata fitting sociopath trope?

It’s a really interesting question and also, if I’m not wrong, a hot topic for the fandom so I’ll try to answer it the best I can.

I’ll use as reference for the Sociopath trope tvtropes because it’s good enough to analyze a character of a litterary work.

So, for this trope, we’re given 5 defining qualities (I’ll copy the words of tvtrope below so people don’t have to go back and forth to check it).

1) Lack of Empathy and Devoid of Conscience: Their defining feature. Utterly ruthless doesn't begin to describe them: except for when trying to appear normal, they will disregard any social norms and semblance of morality in pursuit of their own selfish desires. The Sociopath will do whatever it takes: lie, cheat, steal, extort, manipulate, or use outright violence without the slightest hesitation, disgust or remorse, and for as little as Pleasure or The Evulz. Murder and violence have no more emotional weight than eating Chinese takeout or some other mundane activity, and they have no concern for the direct or collateral damage they do to other people, being unable to understand why anyone should. Likewise, they never truly understand the feelings of others on anything more than an intellectual level, and may even believe that everybody else is faking it too. As many Real Life criminal psychologists put it: "They know the words but not the music." Techniques for learning moral behaviour, such as reason, therapy, rehabilitation and behavioral reward/punishment, will not work on them or tend to only make their behavior even worse by making it easier for them to fake it. This is why the only thing resembling consistently successful treatment involves teaching them to avoid behaviors that have predictable consequences; they may still believe that consequences are bullshit, but if they have been made sufficiently aware of the fact that their behavior will always end up with them in jail, getting sued, or simply just getting jumped or killed when they fuck with the wrong people, and that they can't lie and fake their way out of it because people are wise to their game, they will usually shape up.

Noda actually debunk this in Ogata’s second apparition and it’s THE DEFINING FEATURE of the trope.

Not only he has Ogata decide they won’t kill Tanigaki in Huci’s house because Huci reminds him of his grandmother, whom he loved and therefore he doesn’t want to kill her (chap 43),

but he also have him to save Nikaido (Chap 45)

eventhough Ogata is sure it’s a trap (Chap 45).

In case people hadn’t gotten the message well Noda remarks his meetingwith Huci left an impression by having him remember her when Tanigaki mentionedher (chap 110)

making him consequently offer to help Tanigaki (yeah the way hewent at it was horrible) and in other small instances (like how although hedoesn’t believe in dreams he tells Asirpa he should write her instead than justsaying he should ignore her for being senile and naïve (chap 113)).

He also remarks that Ogata knew a wounded Nikaido would be a liability byshowing how one of the war techniques Ogata learnt in war was to woundopponents instead than killing them (chap 46)…

and underlines this again in thefight with Vasily, where not only it’s explained again how wounding opponentsis a technique used to damage enemies (Chap 162)...

but Ogata also comments on how Vasilywon’t expose himself for his companions as he evidently would be comfortablehearing their screams of pain through all the night (chap 162)...

which was what Ogata should have done instead than saving Nikaido.

We’ve other instances in which Ogata showed he’s not utterly ruthless,like when he saves Shinpei instead than letting his father kill him and onlyafterward killing the man (chap 59).

We’ve him claiming he doesn’t feel guilt for the people he kills and yethe hallucinates and is clearly haunted by the memory of his brother, whom hekilled (chap 164/165).

More recently instead we’ve the scene in which he comfort Koito (chap199)

...or the fact once he was left alone with Koito he didn’t harm him in retaliation for slamming his head against his nose but just tied him (Chap 200).

Noda likely created those settings exactly to debunk the defining feature of thetrope, so we won’t get the wrong impression about Ogata.

2) Consummate Liar and Manipulator: In the event they are ever targets of suspicion in crime dramas and thrillers, sociopaths are able to fool any Living Lie Detectors in the cast, pass polygraphs effortlessly, and fool even you, the audience, into believing they are genuinely kind and caring people who are victims of a "big misunderstanding" (assuming they are not so smugly confident of their own invincibility that they feel no need to hide their unsavory personality). Moreover, despite their lack of empathy, sociopaths are capable of using their knowledge of others' desires, emotions and insecurities to manipulate them for their own personal gain. Because of this, many of them are Faux Affably Evil. This is related to their lack of empathy and shame - they don't feel the slightest discomfort about lying or exploiting others, so they do so with the same ease in which normal people perform mundane activities. This is why you should always assume that any apparent epiphany from a sociopath is bullshit; as far as they're concerned, it's just another tool to get what they want, and they don't actually believe that they have done anything wrong. Don't let them know that they are full of shit, because it will just force them to become more slick, but do act with the knowledge that they will go right back to their old ways the minute that they think it is safe to do so.

Yeah, Ogata lies in Golden Kamuy. All the cast does, even Asirpa.

But the idea here is he has to be a consummate one, a GOOD one, a masterful one, not just a guy who here and there lies. He has to be so good at lying he can manipulate others though his lies.

And Ogata fails at lying. Noda debunks this as well in Ogata’s second apparition when he tells Tanigaki that he was joking when he said Tanigaki might have killed Tamai and Co and Tanigaki is free to remain in Huci’s house because Ogata will act as if he had never seen Tanigaki (Chap 43).

Tanigaki is so sure Ogata is being sincere he thinks he has to leave AS SOON AS POSSIBLE (Chap 43).

And I’ve spent lot of time discussing how his lie about Sugimoto’s final moments was a complete and utter mess, the clear sign the most Ogata can do are extremely simple lies because as soon as he tries to make up a story that’s as unbelievable as possible.

Ogata can be a good strategist during a battle.

We see it in the Barato arc, also in the sniper duel and, if we want, also in his recent escape. However he’s clearly not good at manipulating people in interactions.

He can’t win over their trust, which is a big requisite to manipulate people as he’s almost universally distrusted, we see it not only with Tanigaki, who simply didn’t buy his lie nor spilled the truth about Sugimoto’s involvement but also with Sugimoto himself, who’ll be more prone to trust Kiro or Hijikata, who’ll both betray him to try to get Asirpa, and even Tsurumi than Ogata even when it’ll be really obvious Ogata is actually right (remember the fake Ainu arc?), with Yuusaku, who won’t spend time with whose women nor kill a man, with Asirpa, who won’t give him the code and honestly, I’m not even sure his attempt at hinting Tsurumi’s involvement in Koito’s kidnapping will be something Koito will understand.

In order to be a manipulator is not enough to attempt to manipulate, you’ve to do so successfully. And Ogata fails at this.

3) Pathological Need for Stimulation: The Sociopath's raison d'etre (i.e.: an overriding goal which serves as one's "reason for existence"). Due to their inability to empathize or even care for those around them, sociopaths largely view their existence as boring or meaningless and therefore feel compelled to engage in "thrill-seeking" activities to alleviate their restlessness. How this manifests depends largely on the sociopath's personality. It can be as relatively benign as binging on video games, compulsively gambling, or leading highly promiscuous lifestyles. Far more dangerous examples are prone to satiate their lust for thrills by partaking in criminal enterprises, becoming serial rapists and/or killers, or (if they are unusually high-functioning) accumulating vast wealth and/or influence for the sole purpose of dominating as many people as they can for their own amusement. Due to their obsession with indulging their insatiable appetites however they want whenever they want, sociopaths have a very low tolerance for inconvenience or irritation which in turn leads them to have a pronounced lack of impulse control. Because of this, many of them are Ax-Crazy, have a Hair-Trigger Temper, and/or are Mood Swingers.

That’s hard to say.

So far Ogata never stated to find existence boring without action. Sure, he’s engaged in a very risky hunt and he’s rather reckless but does he has a pathological need for this or, like the rest of the cast, he’s just thinking this is the price to pay to reach his goal? He’s in this for the fun of it or he has a different purpose? Until we don’t know Ogata’s goal we can speculate as much as we want but we can hardly say for sure.

What we know is Ogata has a very good impulse control, that he’s usually very cold and even in the few circumstances we’ve seen him angry or in a tight spot he hardly lost it.

4) Shallow Affect and Complete Lack of Emotional Reciprocity: A Sociopath is physiologically incapable of experiencing a deep emotional attachment towards others but - being a Consummate Liar - learns early in life how to fake them. This shallow emotional life means that the Sociopath is unable to form sincere long-term relationships with anything or anyone, but will feign feelings of love and affection if they feel it serves their purposes. Most of the true feelings a sociopath harbors towards others, positive or negative, are rooted in an insatiable desire to dominate or control them. While narcissists desire to be loved or at least respected, sociopaths don't care whether others view them positively as long as they don't stand in the way of their own self-centered gratification. In the rare event that a Sociopath actually does form an "attachment" to another person, it rises no further than that between an owner and a possession and/or a valuable resource for advancing their goals. Thus, once such "friends" cease to be useful or entertaining, they will abandon them or, in some cases, even kill them without any hesitation or regret. Any emotional reaction to having committed a heinous act is met indifference at best and glee at worst.

Technically debunked again in Ogata’s second apparition.

As said before not only Ogata declared he had feelings for his grandmother but even went out of his way to spare Huci because it reminded him of her.

But I know this is viewed in a rather controversial manner.

In fact so far we hadn’t seen him developing a deep emotional attachment toward others as he remained a loner.

The fandom though was very impressed by two things.

One is his relationship with Yuusaku. It’s worth to note that Noda made very clear that Ogata wanted to avoid Yuusaku and not have a relationship with him at all (chap 164),

...and it was on Tsurumi’s request he ended up on having to try to deceive him and get them what they wanted. It’s also meaningful how Ogata never played the whole thing on the affection side. The most he did was to point out he and Yuusaku were brothers so they should get to mischief together, but he never tried to use feelings into the play, he insisted in calling Yuusaku ‘Yuusaku-dono’ and he never asked Yuusaku to do something because Ogata loved him or out of the love Yuusaku should feel for him.

Ogata is clearly not faking any affection for Yuusaku, he’s at most giving him some of his time. Yuusaku, who has already decided Ogata has to be delighted to have a little brother even when Ogata clearly hinted the contrary, might not see it but this speaks more of Yuusaku’s obsession to get Ogata to be his big brother than about Ogata’s attempt at faking feelings he didn’t felt.

The other thing the fandom likes to talk about is Ogata’s relationship with Asirpa.

That one is a rather controversial topic.

Asirpa is friendly with Ogata. Nothing over the top, she just deal with him with the same kindness she would deal with everyone else (actually she’s kinder with Tanigaki considering the guy threatened her and tried to use her as human shield and she completely forgave him that and saved his life. Twice).

Ogata’s interactions with her, for most of the story, are not responding to it at all.

He’s not faking affection, he’s just mostly not interacting and keeping on his own.

It takes him months to say ‘citatap’ as she repeatedly asked him and call Asirpa by name. It’ll take him even more to say ‘hinna’.

Asirpa decides to remain friendly with him. That’s Asirpa’s decision, it’s not Ogata’s actions, or more exactly his lack of actions that cause Asirpa to remain friend with him.

And Asirpa is clearly not the type who needs to be rejected to latch to someone as we see she’s just fine with being friend with Sugimoto, Shiraishi, Kiroranke, Tanigaki and others, who aren’t keeping distant, nor she’s so starved for affection just a word would win her over.

Even when he will try to get her to give him the code he won’t try to play it on the ‘if you care for me/trust me give me the code’ or on the ‘I care for you so I’m telling you what would be best for you’.

Really, to assume Ogata was faking affection with her would require accepting he can’t fake it to save his life.

5) Grandiose Sense of Self-Worth: The trait that ties it all together - the one that changes it from moustache-twirling evil into a mental disorder. Sociopaths will go so far as to convince themselves that they have succeeded in their plan, even as failure stares them in the face and snaps on the handcuffs. They genuinely believe it. They don't really care what others truly think on the matter, but they do care about what they say, and like to fill their social circle with people who say what they want to hear. Any others - even former 'friends' - will be dismissed from the sociopath's social circle simply for doubting them. They consider themselves better than anybody else and that they are entitled to special treatment - and they can't stand anybody being considered better than them. However, while the Narcissist is self-conscious of how they measure up to others' standards (and therefore will experience shame or guilt for failing them), a sociopath's grandiosity is all-encompassing to the point they have no concern how their actions reflect upon them UNLESS it threatens their ability to indulge their appetite for further stimulation. They are incapable of acknowledging personal responsibility for failure, and will always blame others, no matter how irrational it is. In fact, it's considerably difficult convincing them that the activity they have partaken in has even failed. This is all part of why a sociopath can't change - since they consider themselves to already be perfect, and refuse to acknowledge failure on their part, and consider the true opinions and feelings of others insignificant, they never try to improve themselves.

Honestly I wouldn’t say Ogata has a grandiose sense of self worth.

Sure, he knows he’s an amazing sniper and he occasionally brags about it.

Everyone does know Ogata is amazing at sniping. This is, after all, a fact that’s accepted by the whole cast and that’s actually proved more than once, after all Ogata fits the trope of improbable aiming skills with his impressive feats of shooting two deer at once or managing to catch three woodcocks with a less suitable rifle, exterminating a reindeer herd on his own or hitting targets with an impossible precision from an amazing distance.

Ushiyama too comments on how he’s Ushiyama, the Undefeated, even if he lost to Gansoku here and there when they only used fists (Chap 143).

Just bragging a little on a real skill isn’t a sign of grandiose sense of self-worth, just of rightful pride for it. Yeah, modesty is an important virtue but you don’t turn into a sociopath if you’re proud of what you can do.

What’s more noteworthy though is he knows he’s a rejected kid, anunwanted one, who wasn’t loved and that feels he lacked something fundamental. He’s aware of how, being an illegitimate, his existence was a source of shame for his father. He comments on how he knew he wouldn’t be able to persuade Asirpa, admitting his failure. He admits his responsibility in his actions.

Therefore I can’t really see him as a guy with a grandiose sense of self worth.

And so with this, we’ve finished with the defining traits for this trope.

Tvtropes also says:

Many of these traits are shared with other disorders, but it's the combination of them all that creates the trueSociopath.

In short you need them all to have a character that fits this TROPE (please, remember, this is a TROPE, the real personality disorder that goes with the same name is not something an ordinary person can find out in real people with this checklist, no, not even if, like me, they studied psychology in high school, this is a list for a TROPE as this is a fictional work).

As a result honestly I can’t see Ogata fitting into them because, for the first 2, Noda actually did his best to remark howthey don’t fit to Ogata from his second apparition, for the 3rd we can’t really say as we lack material, I’ll let the 4th up to debate and honestly, I don’t see him matching with the 5th.

As a trope Ogata fits the cold sniper with improbable aiming skills and an ambiguous disorder (at least for now... who knows, in the future Noda might tell us).

The one of the sociopath isn’t really cut on him.

It doesn’t mean Ogata is a good person, or that he only does good things, it’s clear he does a BIG DEAL OF TERRIBLY WRONG THINGS and we know sociopaths can do this sort of wrong things.

However Noda apparently wasn’t interested in making Ogata a sociopath or otherwise he wouldn’t have written scenes debunking a sociopath’s main characteristics and, believe it or not, in real life you don’t need to be a sociopath to do the sort of wrong things Ogata does so it’s not like Noda is being unrealistic.

Sorry to whoever wanted him to be one, I know each fandom loves to have its own memetic psychopath but as they’re not my cup of tea I fear I won’t partake into the ‘fun’ of turning Ogata into one.

Thank you for your ask!

#Golden Kamuy #Ogata Hyakunosuke #Ask

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stockwellarchives · 5 years ago

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“Compulsion (dramatized from Meyer Levin's novel) re-enacts, exhaustively and explicitly, one of the grisliest horror stories of the century—The Loeb-Leopold murder case. Told in 20 scenes and lasting some three and a half hours, Compulsion begins just after two young homosexuals have, with long-calculated wantoness, killed a 14-year-old boy. There follow revelations of self-styled supermen who had dreamed of committing the perfect crime; of gay, violent, vicious Artie Straus (Richard Loeb) and his "superior slave", Judd Steiner (Nathan Leopold); of how imperfect a crime the two had actually committed; of their dissension as danger looms, their behavior as detection narrows; of the fantasy worlds in which both had lived. There is finally the trial, with the prosecution flaunting the attrocious nature of the crime, and the defense the compulsive pathology of the criminals.

“The jagged, episodic structure of Compulsion constantly stresses the factual, historical, documentary nature of the narrative. It no less constantly proclaims the strength of the subject matter--it's ability to vibrate and electrify as theater--and the weakness, it's inability to widen and deepen as drama. The cause is less the usual documentary one, that truth tends to be formless, than that in Compulsion truth lacks a spacious enough frame of reference.

“Fredrich Hebbel, 19th century German dramatist, perhaps put his finger on why Compulsion fails to be large and liberating drama when he said that in a good play everyone must seem in the right. For the two killer this is impossible, less because of how hideous their crime is than how gratuitious; it lacks an understandable human motive. Clinically, the crime can be explained; given a lawless Jazz Age, two badly spoiled, rich men's sons, (?) homosexual neurosis and a Nietzschean intellectual arrogance and such a chemical mixture may explode into murder-for-a-thrill. But the case--and it's causes--remain too special to expand into identifiable bedevilment in man's fate. It is Grand Guignol in real life.

“An impact of real-life truthfulness Compulsion does have, often very impressively. It recapitulates just what happened, and how, and why; it implies conscious and unconscious, willing and unwilling behavior. There are dozens of moments in the play with a power to inform, or shock, or dismay, that wholly shrivel mere theatrical make-believe; and as Artie and Judd, Roddy McDowell and, even more, Dean Stockwell, give brilliant performances. But the dozens of moments are not cumulative. Except as a history of master-and-slave relationship, of as Artie who, devoid of normal feeling, must subsist on diseased sensation, and a Judd slowly driven by sexual feelings into becoming Artie's companion in evil--except, in other words, for what has happened before Compulsion begins--it's materials permit no inner development. Balked of psychological progression, or even moral catharsis, Compusion can only--during it's very protracted trial scene--fall back on sociological debate. For a Clarence Darrow, defending Leopold and Loeb, such debate was a lawyer's only weapon; in Compulsion, with everything already stated, it becomes a weapon for hitting the audience about three times too often over the head. So long as it is front-page stuff (with occasional editorializing), Compulsion on it's own terms scores. But the full-page editorial at the end is a real mistake.”

“The Theatre: New Plays on Broadway.” Time, November 4, 1957.

#Dean Stockwell #Compulsion (Broadway)#1957 #quote

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lil-rosequartz-princess · 5 years ago

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Profile Of A Sociopath

Glibness and Superficial Charm

Manipulative and Conning They never recognize the rights of others and see their self-serving behaviors as permissible. They appear to be charming, yet are covertly hostile and domineering, seeing their victim as merely an instrument to be used. They may dominate and humiliate their victims.

Grandiose Sense of Self Feels entitled to certain things as "their right."

Pathological Lying Has no problem lying coolly and easily and it is almost impossible for them to be truthful on a consistent basis. Can create, and get caught up in, a complex belief about their own powers and abilities. Extremely convincing and even able to pass lie detector tests.

Lack of Remorse, Shame or Guilt A deep seated rage, which is split off and repressed, is at their core. Does not see others around them as people, but only as targets and opportunities. Instead of friends, they have victims and accomplices who end up as victims. The end always justifies the means and they let nothing stand in their way.

Shallow Emotions When they show what seems to be warmth, joy, love and compassion it is more feigned than experienced and serves an ulterior motive. Outraged by insignificant matters, yet remaining unmoved and cold by what would upset a normal person. Since they are not genuine, neither are their promises.

Incapacity for Love

Need for Stimulation Living on the edge. Verbal outbursts and physical punishments are normal. Promiscuity and gambling are common.

Callousness/Lack of Empathy Unable to empathize with the pain of their victims, having only contempt for others' feelings of distress and readily taking advantage of them.

Poor Behavioral Controls/Impulsive Nature Rage and abuse, alternating with small expressions of love and approval produce an addictive cycle for abuser and abused, as well as creating hopelessness in the victim. Believe they are all-powerful, all-knowing, entitled to every wish, no sense of personal boundaries, no concern for their impact on others.

Early Behavior Problems/Juvenile Delinquency Usually has a history of behavioral and academic difficulties, yet "gets by" by conning others. Problems in making and keeping friends; aberrant behaviors such as cruelty to people or animals, stealing, etc.

Irresponsibility/Unreliability Not concerned about wrecking others' lives and dreams. Oblivious or indifferent to the devastation they cause. Does not accept blame themselves, but blames others, even for acts they obviously committed.

Promiscuous Sexual Behavior/Infidelity Promiscuity, child sexual abuse, rape and sexual acting out of all sorts.

Lack of Realistic Life Plan/Parasitic Lifestyle Tends to move around a lot or makes all encompassing promises for the future, poor work ethic but exploits others effectively.

Criminal or Entrepreneurial Versatility Changes their image as needed to avoid prosecution. Changes life story readily.

Other Related Qualities:

Contemptuous of those who seek to understand them

Does not perceive that anything is wrong with them

Authoritarian

Secretive

Paranoid

Only rarely in difficulty with the law, but seeks out situations where their tyrannical behavior will be tolerated, condoned, or admired

Conventional appearance

Goal of enslavement of their victim(s)

Exercises despotic control over every aspect of the victim's life

Has an emotional need to justify their crimes and therefore needs their victim's affirmation (respect, gratitude and love)

Ultimate goal is the creation of a willing victim

Incapable of real human attachment to another

Unable to feel remorse or guilt

Extreme narcissism and grandiose

May state readily that their goal is to rule the world

(The above traits are based on the psychopathy checklists of H. Cleckley and R. Hare.)

NOTE: In the 1830's this disorder was called "moral insanity." By 1900 it was changed to "psychopathic personality." More recently it has been termed "antisocial personality disorder" in the DSM-III and DSM-IV. Some critics have complained that, in the attempt to rely only on 'objective' criteria, the DSM has broadened the concept to include too many individuals. The APD category includes people who commit illegal, immoral or self-serving acts for a variety of reasons and are not necessarily psychopaths. DSM-IV Definition Antisocial personality disorder is characterized by a lack of regard for the moral or legal standards in the local culture. There is a marked inability to get along with others or abide by societal rules. Individuals with this disorder are sometimes called psychopaths or sociopaths. Diagnostic Criteria (DSM-IV) 1. Since the age of fifteen there has been a disregard for and violation of the right's of others, those right's considered normal by the local culture, as indicated by at least three of the following: A. Repeated acts that could lead to arrest. B. Conning for pleasure or profit, repeated lying, or the use of aliases. C. Failure to plan ahead or being impulsive. D. Repeated assaults on others. E. Reckless when it comes to their or others safety. F. Poor work behavior or failure to honor financial obligations. G. Rationalizing the pain they inflict on others. 2. At least eighteen years in age. 3. Evidence of a Conduct Disorder, with its onset before the age of fifteen. 4. Symptoms not due to another mental disorder. Antisocial Personality Disorder Overview (Written by Derek Wood, RN, BSN, PhD Candidate) Antisocial Personality Disorder results in what is commonly known as a Sociopath. The criteria for this disorder require an ongoing disregard for the rights of others, since the age of 15 years. Some examples of this disregard are reckless disregard for the safety of themselves or others, failure to conform to social norms with respect to lawful behaviors, deceitfulness such as repeated lying or deceit for personal profit or pleasure, and lack of remorse for actions that hurt other people in any way. Additionally, they must have evidenced a Conduct Disorder before the age of 15 years, and must be at least 18 years old to receive this diagnosis. People with this disorder appear to be charming at times, and make relationships, but to them, these are relationships in name only. They are ended whenever necessary or when it suits them, and the relationships are without depth or meaning, including marriages. They seem to have an innate ability to find the weakness in people, and are ready to use these weaknesses to their own ends through deceit, manipulation, or intimidation, and gain pleasure from doing so. They appear to be incapable of any true emotions, from love to shame to guilt. They are quick to anger, but just as quick to let it go, without holding grudges. No matter what emotion they state they have, it has no bearing on their future actions or attitudes. They rarely are able to have jobs that last for any length of time, as they become easily bored, instead needing constant change. They live for the moment, forgetting the past, and not planning the future, not thinking ahead what consequences their actions will have. They want immediate rewards and gratification. There currently is no form of psychotherapy that works with those with antisocial personality disorder, as those with this disorder have no desire to change themselves, which is a prerequisite. No medication is available either. The only treatment is the prevention of the disorder in the early stages, when a child first begins to show the symptoms of conduct disorder. THE PSYCHOPATH NEXT DOOR (Source: http://chericola57.tripod.com/infinite.html) Psychopath. We hear the word and images of Bernardo, Manson and Dahmer pop into our heads; no doubt Ted Bundy too. But they're the bottom of the barrel -- most of the two million psychopaths in North America aren't murderers. They're our friends, lovers and co-workers. They're outgoing and persuasive, dazzling you with charm and flattery. Often you aren't even aware they've taken you for a ride -- until it's too late. Psychopaths exhibit a Jekyll and Hyde personality. "They play a part so they can get what they want," says Dr. Sheila Willson, a Toronto psychologist who has helped victims of psychopaths. The guy who showers a woman with excessive attention is much more capable of getting her to lend him money, and to put up with him when he strays. The new employee who gains her co-workers' trust has more access to their chequebooks. And so on. Psychopaths have no conscience and their only goal is self-gratification. Many of us have been their victims -- at work, through friendships or relationships -- and not one of us can say, "a psychopath could never fool me." Think you can spot one? Think again. In general, psychopaths aren't the product of broken homes or the casualties of a materialistic society. Rather they come from all walks of life and there is little evidence that their upbringing affects them. Elements of a psychopath's personality first become evident at a very early age, due to biological or genetic factors. Explains Michael Seto, a psychologist at the Centre for Addiction and Mental health in Toronto, by the time that a person hits their late teens, the disorder is almost certainly permanent. Although many clinicians use the terms psychopath and sociopath interchangeably, writes psychopath expert Robert Hare on his book 'Without Conscience', a sociopath's criminal behavior is shaped by social forces and is the result of a dysfunctional environment. Psychopaths have only a shallow range of emotions and lack guilt, says Hare. They often see themselves as victims, and lack remorse or the ability to empathize with others. "Psychopaths play on the fact that most of us are trusting and forgiving people," adds Seto. The warning signs are always there; it's just difficult to see them because once we trust someone, the friendship becomes a blinder. Even lovers get taken for a ride by psychopaths. For a psychopath, a romantic relationship is just another opportunity to find a trusting partner who will buy into the lies. It's primarily why a psychopath rarely stays in a relationship for the long term, and often is involved with three or four partners at once, says Willson. To a psychopath, everything about a relationship is a game. Willson refers to the movie 'Sliding Doors' to illustrate her point. In the film, the main character comes home early after just having been fired from her job. Only moments ago, her boyfriend has let another woman out the front door. But in a matter of minutes he is the attentive and concerned boyfriend, taking her out to dinner and devoting the entire night to comforting her. All the while he's planning to leave the next day on a trip with the other woman. The boyfriend displays typical psychopathic characteristics because he falsely displays deep emotion toward the relationship, says Willson. In reality, he's less concerned with his girlfriend's depression than with making sure she's clueless about the other woman's existence. In the romance department, psychopaths have an ability to gain your affection quickly, disarming you with words, intriguing you with grandiose plans. If they cheat you'll forgive them, and one day when they've gone too far, they'll leave you with a broken heart (and an empty wallet). By then they'll have a new player for their game. The problem with their game is that we don't often play by their rules. Where we might occasionally tell a white lie, a psychopath's lying is compulsive. Most of us experience some degree of guilt about lying, preventing us from exhibiting such behavior on a regular basis. "Psychopaths don't discriminate who it is they lie to or cheat," says Seto. "There's no distinction between friend, family and sucker." No one wants to be the sucker, so how do we prevent ourselves from becoming close friends or getting into a relationship with a psychopath? It's really almost impossible, say Seto and Willson. Unfortunately, laments Seto, one way is to become more suspicious and less trusting of others. Our tendency is to forgive when we catch a loved one in a lie. "Psychopaths play on this fact," he says. "However, I'm certainly not advocating a world where if someone lies once or twice, you never speak to them again." What you can do is look at how often someone lies and how they react when caught. Psychopaths will lie over and over again, and where other people would sincerely apologize, a psychopath may apologize but won't stop. Psychopaths also tend to switch jobs as frequently as they switch partners, mainly because they don't have the qualities to maintain a job for the long haul. Their performance is generally erratic, with chronic absences, misuse of company resources and failed commitments. Often they aren't even qualified for the job and use fake credentials to get it. Seto talks of a patient who would get marketing jobs based on his image; he was a presentable and charming man who layered his conversations with educational and occupational references. But it became evident that the man hadn't a clue what he was talking about, and was unable to hold down a job. How do you make sure you don't get fooled when you're hiring someone to baby-sit your child or for any other job? Hire based on reputation and not image, says Willson. Check references thoroughly. Psychopaths tend to give vague and inconsistent replies. Of course the best way to solve this problem would be to cure psychopaths of their 'illness.' But there's no recipe for treating them, say psychiatrists. Today's traditional methods of psychotherapy (psychoanalysis, group and one-on-one therapy) and drug treatments have failed. Therapy is more likely to work when an individual admits there's a problem and wants to change. The common problem with psychopaths, says Sets, "Is they don't see a problem with their behavior." Psychopaths don't seek therapy willingly, says Seto. Rather, they're pushed into it by a desperate relative or by a court order. To a psychopath, a therapist is just one more person who must be conned, and the psychopath plays the part right until the therapist is convinced of his or her 'rehabilitation.' Even though we can't treat psychopaths effectively with therapy, it doesn't mean we can't protect ourselves, writes Hare. Willson agrees, citing the most important factor in keeping psychopaths at bay is to know your vulnerabilities. We need to "realize our own potential and maximize our strengths" so that our insecurities don't overcome us. Because, she says, a psychopath is a chameleon who becomes "an image of what you haven't done for yourself." Over time, she says, "their appearance of perfection will begin to crack," but by that time you will have been emotionally and perhaps financially scathed. There comes a time when you realize there's no point in searching for answers; the only thing is to move on. Taken in part from MW -- By Caroline Konrad -- September 1999 THE MALIGNANT PERSONALITY: These people are mentally ill and extremely dangerous! The following precautions will help to protect you from the destructive acts of which they are capable. First, to recognize them, keep the following guidelines in mind. (1) They are habitual liars. They seem incapable of either knowing or telling the truth about anything. (2) They are egotistical to the point of narcissism. They really believe they are set apart from the rest of humanity by some special grace. (3) They scapegoat; they are incapable of either having the insight or willingness to accept responsibility for anything they do. Whatever the problem, it is always someone else's fault. (4) They are remorselessly vindictive when thwarted or exposed. (5) Genuine religious, moral, or other values play no part in their lives. They have no empathy for others and are capable of violence. Under older psychological terminology, they fall into the category of psychopath or sociopath, but unlike the typical psychopath, their behavior is masked by a superficial social facade. If you have come into conflict with such a person or persons, do the following immediately! (1) Notify your friends and relatives of what has happened. Do not be vague. Name names, and specify dates and circumstances. Identify witnesses if possible and provide supporting documentation if any is available. (2) Inform the police. The police will do nothing with this information except to keep it on file, since they are powerless to act until a crime has been committed. Unfortunately, that often is usually too late for the victim. Nevertheless, place the information in their hands. Obviously, if you are assaulted or threatened before witnesses, you can get a restraining order, but those are palliative at best. (3) Local law enforcement agencies are usually under pressure if wealthy or politically powerful individuals are involved, so include state and federal agencies as well and tell the locals that you have. In my own experience, one agency that can help in a pinch is the Criminal Investigation Division of the Internal Revenue Service or (in Canada) Victims Services at your local police unit. It is not easy to think of the IRS as a potential friend, but a Swedish study showed that malignant types (the Swedes called them bullies) usually commit some felony or other by the age of twenty. If the family is wealthy, the fact may never come to light, but many felonies involve tax evasion, and in such cases, the IRS is interested indeed. If large amounts of money are involved, the IRS may solve all your problems for you. For obvious reasons the Drug Enforcement Agency may also be an appropriate agency to approach. The FBI is an important agency to contact, because although the FBI does not have jurisdiction over murder or assault, if informed, they do have an active interest in any other law enforcement agencies that do not follow through with an honest investigation and prosecution should a murder occur. Civil rights are involved at that point. No local crooked lawyer, judge, or corrupt police official wants to be within a country mile if that comes to light! It is in such cases that wealthy psychopaths discover just how firm the "friends" they count on to cover up for them really are! Even some of the drug cartel biggies will scuttle for cover if someone picks up the brick their thugs hide under. Exposure is bad for business. (4) Make sure that several of your friends have the information in the event something happens to you. That way, an appropriate investigation will follow if you are harmed. Don't tell other people who has the information, because then something bad could happen to them as well. Instruct friends to take such an incident to the newspapers and other media. If you are dealing with someone who has considerable money, you must realize that they probably won't try to harm you themselves, they will contract with someone to make the hit. The malignant type is a coward and will not expose himself or herself to personal danger if he or she can avoid it.

#sociopath antisocialpersonalitydisorder staysafe abusiverelationships psychology

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paleorecipecookbook · 6 years ago

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Can Chronic Stress Cause Hypothyroid Symptoms?

Are you one of the 20 million Americans who has thyroid disease? (1) Have you taken proactive steps to improve your thyroid health, such as cleaning up your diet and supplementing with thyroid-supportive nutrients, but with little to no improvement? If this sounds like you, you may be missing a big piece of the thyroid puzzle—chronic stress.

But how does chronic stress cause hypothyroid symptoms? And, if your day-to-day experience is consistently stressful, how can you correct it? Read on to learn more about the stress–thyroid connection and get 12 tips on reducing stress in your daily life.

Long-term stress can have a profound impact on your thyroid gland. Check out this article to learn how chronic stress causes hypothyroidism and what you can do to fix it. #healthylifestyle #wellness #chriskresser

What Is “Adrenal Fatigue” and Is It Real?

Chronic stress has become epidemic in our society. Many people live by the motto “the busier, the better,” adding an ever-increasing number of obligations to their already jam-packed schedules.

Unfortunately, our high-paced lifestyles are not without health repercussions. Sixty to 80 percent of office visits to primary care providers may be stress related, according to statistics. (2) Healthcare practitioners working in the integrative and Functional Medicine communities also see their fair share of patients with stress-related illnesses; for years they’ve used the term “adrenal fatigue” to describe the stress-related health problems observed in these individuals.

The adrenal fatigue hypothesis asserts that chronic stress causes the adrenal glands, which are one component of the body’s stress-management system, to weaken over time. This “weakening” then causes a range of nonspecific symptoms, including:

Fatigue

Insomnia

Brain fog

Joint pain

Allergies

Weight gain

The theory of adrenal fatigue may be popular, but does it hold up to scientific scrutiny? Surprisingly, the answer appears to be a resounding “no.”

When we dig into the science and the studies that back it up, it becomes clear that so-called adrenal fatigue is an oversimplification of the body’s stress response. And while there are some cases in which a person’s adrenal glands are functionally compromised, these situations are rare.

There are three main problems with the adrenal fatigue hypothesis:

Those who subscribe to this theory maintain that the major stress hormone cortisol rises in the early stages of the disorder and decreases in the later stages, depleting as the adrenal glands become “fatigued.” However, many people with stress-related pathology have normal or high cortisol, rather than the low cortisol purported to occur in adrenal fatigue.

They also argue that abnormal cortisol production is the fault of the adrenal glands. However, the adrenals aren’t the primary controllers of cortisol production—the central nervous system is. In stress-related illness, the problem lies in the brain, not the adrenal glands.

The scientific literature does not support the concept of adrenal fatigue. A systematic review of the literature, published in 2016, found no evidence to support it. (3)

If it can’t properly be called adrenal fatigue, then what is it?

A more accurate term that is increasingly used by integrative and functional health practitioners to describe stress-related illness is hypothalamic–pituitary–adrenal (HPA) axis dysfunction.

Unlike adrenal fatigue, HPA axis dysfunction is biologically plausible, well studied, and associated with numerous health problems, including: (4, 5, 6, 7, 8)

Cardiovascular disease

Neurodegenerative disease

Chronic fatigue syndrome

Schizophrenia

Depression

Infertility

If Adrenal Fatigue Isn’t to Blame, What’s Really Happening?

The HPA axis is the body’s central stress response system, formed by an intertwining of the central nervous system and endocrine system. It orchestrates the response of the body and brain to cues from the environment, including positive and negative stressors. The three primary structures that comprise the HPA axis are the hypothalamus and pituitary gland, located in the brain, and the adrenal glands, which sit atop the kidneys.

When the body experiences stress, the following four-step response is normally produced by the HPA axis.

Step 1: In response to a stressor, the hypothalamus releases a hormone called corticotropin-releasing factor (CRF).

Step 2: CRF travels from the hypothalamus to the pituitary gland, where it binds to CRF receptors. This stimulates the pituitary to release adrenocorticotropic hormone (ACTH).

Step 3: ACTH travels in the bloodstream to the adrenal glands, where it promotes the adrenal release of cortisol in the right quantities to protect the body from stress.

Step 4: When the stress response lasts long enough to cause cortisol to reach a certain concentration in the blood, negative feedback is relayed to the hypothalamus. This feedback tells the hypothalamus to stop releasing CRF, effectively halting the stress response.

What You Need to Know about HPA Axis Dysfunction

The stress response described above helps us manage short-term stressors. It evolved over millions of years in our hominid ancestors, enabling them to efficiently respond to short bursts of stress, such as being chased by a predator on the African savanna, and then return to an unstressed state once the stressor was removed. Unfortunately, many of us today live in a state of chronic (ongoing) stress, rather than acute (short-burst) stress.

Chronic stressors such as rush-hour traffic, work-related and financial stress, relationship challenges, gut dysbiosis, blood sugar dysregulation, and environmental toxins overwhelm our HPA axis, which was designed to deal with acute stressors. Long-term activation of the HPA axis reduces our metabolic reserve—the ability of our cells and organs to withstand repeated physiological changes.

Think of metabolic reserve like a rubber band. Stretching the rubber band every now and then doesn’t alter the rubber band very much. However, repeatedly stretching the band eventually causes it to lose elasticity and become permanently elongated. Similarly, short, intermittent bouts of stress are efficiently handled by cells and organs, while chronic stress causes harmful changes to our systems.

In a state of chronic stress, the body does everything it can to preserve metabolic reserve. As a result, one of two situations takes place in the HPA axis:

The negative feedback mechanism in the HPA axis is desensitized, leading to extended HPA axis activation. Think of this as the body’s attempt to continuously stay “on guard” for potential threats.

The negative feedback mechanism becomes overly sensitive and limits the stress response in an attempt to protect the body. In this case, the HPA axis can’t appropriately respond to stressors, leaving the body vulnerable to new threats such as pathogenic bacteria and toxins.

In both cases, these adaptations serve an important immediate purpose: to protect your body’s metabolic reserve. However, if chronic stress continues, metabolic reserve is eventually depleted. This changes cortisol output, increasing or decreasing it, or changing your diurnal cortisol rhythm. (Cortisol is a diurnal hormone, meaning that it’s not secreted uniformly throughout the day; normally it’s highest in the mornings and declines throughout the rest of the day and into the evening.) The production of other hormones and neurotransmitters, such as DHEA, melatonin, and epinephrine (aka adrenaline), is also impaired, which will impact multiple organ systems. HPA axis dysfunction is the term used to describe the physiological changes and associated symptoms that occur in response to chronic stress.

As you can see, stress-induced health problems are not simply the result of “weak” adrenal glands; instead, these issues are manifestations of stress-induced dysfunction that begins in the brain and ultimately affects the entire body. One of the most important organs affected by HPA axis dysfunction is the thyroid gland.

The HPA Axis–Thyroid Connection

Every cell in the body has receptors for thyroid hormone. Thyroid hormones regulate and impact all body systems. When the thyroid malfunctions, it takes the entire body down with it.

If you have thyroid problems, you’re not alone. An estimated 20 million Americans have some form of thyroid disease, and it’s likely that 60 percent of those with a thyroid condition are unaware of it. (9) Hypothyroidism, a form of thyroid disease associated with decreased function of the thyroid gland, causes a variety of symptoms:

Fatigue despite sleeping eight to 10 hours a night; needing naps during the day

Weight gain or inability to lose weight

Mood swings, anxiety, and depression

Brain fog, poor concentration, and poor memory

Constipation

Cold hands and feet

Hair loss

Dry or cracking skin

Neck swelling and a hoarse voice

With 121 million prescriptions written annually, the use of levothyroxine, a synthetic thyroid hormone medication, far outpaces statins and blood pressure medications in the United States. (10) Nonpharmaceutical interventions, such as diets and supplements, are also widely used by patients with hypothyroidism. Unfortunately, the reality is that these interventions will all fail unless people address the underlying causes of their thyroid health issues.

A crucial contributor to thyroid disease that tends to be overlooked by both thyroid disease patients and their doctors is chronic stress.

How Does Your Chronic Stress Cause Hypothyroid Symptoms?

The thyroid gland is intimately connected with the HPA axis. When chronic stress alters HPA axis activity, a cascade of effects ultimately disrupts thyroid function.

Stress Depresses HPA Axis Function

Chronic stress promotes the release of inflammatory cytokines, small proteins that interfere with the HPA axis and reduce hypothalamic and pituitary function. (11, 12) The hypothalamus and pituitary glands are responsible for making thyrotropin-releasing hormone (TRH) and thyroxine-stimulating hormone (TSH), respectively. In a healthy human body, TRH and TSH travel to the thyroid gland and stimulate it to produce the thyroid hormones triiodothyronine (T3) and thyroxine (T4). When the HPA axis is suppressed or slowed down due to stress, TRH and TSH levels decrease. This chain of events leads to lower circulating levels of T3 and T4 and promotes the development of hypothyroidism.

Stress Reduces Active Thyroid Hormone Levels

As I mentioned above, the thyroid gland produces two hormones, T3 and T4. The majority of hormone produced by the thyroid is inactive T4, which must be converted into active T3 in peripheral tissues and organs before binding to thyroid hormone receptors on cells. Stress initiates the release of inflammatory cytokines that inhibit the conversion of inactive T4 to active T3. This results in lower circulating levels of thyroid hormone. Given the fact that all body cells have thyroid hormone receptors, the reduction in active T3 has adverse health implications for many body systems. (13, 14, 15)

Stress Promotes Thyroid Autoimmunity

Chronic stress was first identified as a risk factor for autoimmune disease over 50 years ago by Dr. Hans Selye, a pioneering endocrinologist who dedicated much of his career to studying the stress response. (16) We now understand that stress-induced HPA axis dysfunction changes levels of certain hormones that regulate immunity. These hormones alter cytokine production, which, in turn, can trigger immune dysregulation and autoimmune disease. (17, 18, 19) While scientific evidence demonstrating a direct relationship between stress and autoimmune hypothyroidism is lacking, several studies have identified stress as a factor in the development of Graves’ disease (autoimmune hyperthyroidism) and rheumatoid arthritis. (20, 21)

Given this evidence, it’s likely that stress also plays a significant role in the development of autoimmune hypothyroidism, also known as Hashimoto’s disease.

Stress Causes Thyroid Hormone Resistance

Thyroid hormone receptors control the process of transcription, the first step of gene expression, in which DNA is copied to make RNA. The central role of thyroid receptors in gene expression means that thyroid hormones have effects on all cells of the body. Inflammatory cytokines produced by chronic stress suppress the sensitivity of thyroid hormone receptors to thyroid hormones. (22) Reduced binding of thyroid hormone to its receptors prevents thyroid hormone from performing its crucial gene expression-regulating functions. This means that stress can impair the function of all cells of the body!

Stress Causes Imbalances in Other Hormones

Chronic stress doesn’t just reduce thyroid hormone levels; it also alters levels of other hormones that indirectly influence thyroid function, such as estrogen. It goes something like this: Prolonged cortisol release due to chronic HPA axis activation decreases the liver’s ability to process estrogen. Estrogen increases levels of thyroxine-binding globulin (TBG), a protein that binds thyroid hormones in circulation and inactivates them. High estrogen caused by chronic stress can cause hypothyroidism by reducing circulating levels of free, active thyroid hormone. (23)

These mechanisms indicate that chronic stress can cause hypothyroidism without any problem in the thyroid gland itself. Given the influence of stress on thyroid function, stress-reduction strategies should be a central part of any protocol designed to improve thyroid health.

12 Ways to Reduce Stress and Improve Your Thyroid Function

The implications of stress for thyroid health, and the health of the entire body, can’t be ignored. Thyroid-damaging stress can come in the form of physical, mental, and emotional stressors. Proactively addressing these stressors reduces the burden on the HPA axis and may improve your thyroid health.

1. Balance Your Blood Sugar

As I mentioned earlier, physical stressors activate the stress response and the HPA axis. Blood sugar dysregulation is a significant physical stressor that disrupts HPA axis function. Diabetes has been found to impair the HPA axis response to hypoglycemia, while insulin treatment to reduce blood sugar levels normalizes it. (24) By dampening HPA axis activity and normalizing the stress-related pathways that cause hypothyroidism, improved blood sugar regulation may boost thyroid function. For more information on the relationship between thyroid function and blood sugar, read my article “Thyroid, Blood Sugar, and Metabolic Syndrome.”

2. Heal Your Gut

Gut dysbiosis is another physical stressor that takes a significant toll on the HPA axis and thyroid function. Research has found that germ-free mice, which lack balanced gut microbiota, demonstrate increased HPA axis activity; this finding suggests that an abnormal gut microbiota activates the body’s stress response. (25) The gut–brain axis is linked to the HPA axis through certain neural pathways. Elevated levels of inflammatory cytokines and bacterial lipopolysaccharides in the gut, characteristic of gut dysbiosis, activate the HPA axis and raise cortisol. (26) In addition, multiple studies have linked gut dysbiosis to autoimmune hypothyroidism. (27)

Given the research, it’s reasonable to assume that gut dysbiosis may be a significant stressor underlying hypothyroidism. Correcting gut dysbiosis with antimicrobials, dietary modifications, and probiotics may help reduce the stress response. Probiotic strains that reduce HPA axis activity, as indicated by lowered cortisol and ACTH, include Lactobacillus plantarum, L. helveticus, L. fermentum, L. rhamnosus, and L. casei. (28)

3. Identify Your Food Intolerances

Anything that triggers inflammation in your gut is seen by your body as a physical stressor. Food intolerances are no exception. For example, non-celiac gluten sensitivity (NCGS) has been found to trigger inflammation of the central nervous system and cause gut–brain axis dysfunction. (29) The interconnection between the gut–brain axis and HPA axis suggest that NCGS, and potentially other food intolerances, may represent a form of chronic stress to the body. In the case of NCGS, avoiding gluten may reduce your body’s stress response and normalize your HPA axis activity.

4. If You’re Suffering from a Chronic Infection, Treat It

Chronic infections, such as Epstein-Barr virus and Lyme disease, cause the body to produce large amounts of inflammatory cytokines, which impact the HPA axis. (30) Resolving chronic infections reduces inflammation and can help normalize your HPA axis activity.

5. Avoid Environmental Toxins

Certain environmental toxins can disrupt the HPA axis and set off the stress response. In animal studies, bisphenol A (BPA) can cause hyperactivity of the HPA axis, resulting in anxiety and depression. (31) Lead, a heavy metal and a known neurotoxin, also induces HPA axis dysfunction. (32) Reduce your exposure to these and other environmental toxins by filtering your drinking and bathing water with a high-quality water filter and by using glass or stainless steel storage dishes and water bottles, rather than plastic.

6. Fix Your Sleep Cycle

Circadian rhythm disruption is a grossly overlooked but significant source of chronic stress that we all face in the industrialized world. Circadian rhythms are the set of biochemical processes in our bodies that follow an approximately 24-hour cycle and regulate many aspects of our behavior and physiology. Signals from our external environment such as light exposure, temperature fluctuations, and food intake sync our circadian rhythms. When we receive signals at inappropriate times during a 24-hour cycle, our circadian rhythms are disrupted and the physiological processes governed by those rhythms suffer. The HPA axis is one of the physiological systems impaired by circadian rhythm disruption. (33, 34)

Minimizing disruptions to your sleep cycle is crucial for normalizing HPA axis function and may improve thyroid health. To optimize your circadian rhythm, avoid blue light exposure at night by wearing blue light-blocking glasses. Banish all blue light-emitting devices from your bedroom, as even these seemingly benign light sources disrupt circadian rhythms. You may also want to stop eating at least three hours before bed because late-night eating enhances the stress response and induces circadian disruption. (35)

7. Take Sleep Seriously

Sleep deprivation is a significant source of stress for many people and has been associated with abnormal thyroid function. (36, 37) To reduce your stress and optimize the function of your HPA axis and thyroid, aim for seven to eight hours of sleep each night. The quality of your sleep is just as important as the quantity. Keep your bedroom completely dark and free of light pollution from street lamps, digital alarm clocks, and other electronic devices. If you struggle with disordered breathing issues, such as obstructive sleep apnea, I recommend you seek corrective help. Obstructive sleep apnea is associated with HPA axis dysfunction and a slew of other health problems, including subclinical hypothyroidism. (38) That’s where your TSH may be high, but your levels of other thyroid hormones are within a normal range.

8. Exercise, but Not Too Much

Exercise is essential for optimal health. However, over-exercising is not healthy; in fact, it activates the body’s stress response and causes serious damage both over the short and long term. The amount of exercise that a person can handle without going too far depends on the individual. For guidelines on how to avoid over-exercising while still enjoying yourself and getting benefits from physical activity, check out my podcast “Exercise and ‘Adrenal Fatigue’.”

9. Try Adaptogenic Herbs

Adaptogens are plants that help the body adapt to stress, protecting it through various mechanisms:

Adaptogens induce the production of proteins that protect the cells when the body is under stress (39)

Adaptogens increase neuropeptide Y, a stress-responsive hormone that stops the HPA axis from overactivating (40)

Adaptogens modulate stress-induced gene expression (41, 42)

Ashwagandha, a popular adaptogen that has a long history of use in Ayurvedic medicine, has stress-reducing effects and has been found to improve thyroid function in those with subclinical hypothyroidism. (43) Rhodiola rosea, an adaptogen native to Siberia, increases neuropeptide Y and reduces the hypothalamic expression of the stress-related gene c-Fos. (44, 45) These adaptogens may be beneficial additions to protocols designed to normalize HPA axis activity and improve thyroid function.

10. Think about Your Stressful Experiences Differently

While all of us face stress in our daily lives, we can influence how we respond to stressors by changing how we perceive them. In psychology, this strategy is known as “reframing.” Reframing gives us some control over how we respond to stressful events in life and can thereby reduce our stress levels and HPA axis activity. You can read more about reframing, and how to incorporate it into your life, in my article “5 Simple (But Powerful) Tools for Fighting Stress.”

11. Start a Mindfulness Practice

While stress initiates the release of thyroid-damaging inflammatory cytokines, stress-reduction practices decrease these cytokines and may improve thyroid function. (46, 47) In a group of 80 healthy women, consistent mind–body training (MBT) decreased TNF-alpha and IL-6, two inflammatory cytokines that have been associated with impaired thyroid function. (48, 49) Mind– body training refers to a practice that incorporates rhythmic movements with deep breathing exercises and meditation. Yoga is another mindfulness practice that may improve thyroid function by reducing stress. A small study found that six months of yoga practice decreased TSH, an effect associated with increased thyroid function. (50) Mindfulness practices also tend to have antidepressant effects. Antidepressants have been found to directly improve thyroid function in rats. (51) Other stress-reducing, mood-boosting strategies that don’t involve antidepressants may also help hypothyroidism.

12. Make Play a Part of Your Life

Play is a powerful tool for reducing stress and enhancing resilience. (52) While play can take countless forms, it has one defining factor: it’s an activity you engage in for enjoyment or recreation. Here are just a few examples:

Roughhousing with pets or children

Playing make-believe

Playing organized sports such as soccer, baseball, or basketball

Engaging in other forms of physical activity such as rock climbing, skiing, surfing, or ultimate Frisbee

Playing board games

Dancing

Going outside and walking in nature

Engaging in creative expression such as making art, music, gardening, or cooking a meal

Performing creative, innovative work (yes, work can be play!)

Engaging in playful banter at your job or a party

Having a playful relationship with your partner or spouse

Set aside time in your schedule for play, just as you would for other commitments such as work and exercise. I think you’ll find this to be one of the most enjoyable stress-reduction strategies listed here! You can read more about the benefits of play in my article “10 Benefits of Play.”

If you struggle with hypothyroidism and have tried medications, dietary changes, or supplements with minimal results, it may be time to consider the influence of chronic stress in your life. By taking proactive steps to reduce physical, mental, and emotional stress, you can set your body on the path toward optimal thyroid health.

Now I’d like to hear from you. Do you have questions about how chronic stress causes hypothyroid symptoms? Have you tried any of the stress-reduction strategies outlined in this article? Let me know in the comments below!

The post Can Chronic Stress Cause Hypothyroid Symptoms? appeared first on Chris Kresser.

Source: http://chriskresser.com November 29, 2018 at 03:38PM

#paleo #recipe #food #delicious #healthy #yum #diet

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stormwithskiiin-a · 6 years ago

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lays real comf............................. let me tell u abt larxene and Psychopathy

Psychopathy - a mental disorder in which an individual manifests amoral and antisocial behavior, lack of ability to love or establish meaningful personal relationships, extreme egocentricity, failure to learn from experience, etc. Sadism - the tendency to derive pleasure, especially sexual gratification, from inflicting pain, suffering, or humiliation on others.

In order for an individual to be diagnosed with psychopathy, they must earn a score of thirty or above on the PCL-R checklist. There are twenty symptoms on the list and any given requisite can be valued at a maximum mark of two. The list is as follows:

1. Glib and superficial charm - Superficial charm (or insincere charm or glib charm) is the tendency to be smooth, engaging, charming, slick and verbally facile. In her first encounter with Sora, Larxene starts off sweet (a little sickly sweet), even helpful. It is rather short lived, and her cruel nature is revealed to Sora and CO. She can also be seen being overly kind to Axel throughout all of their interactions with Axel throughout COM, but we know it was mainly an attempt to get him on her side. There is even a scene where she is engaging with a conversation with Namine in which most of it she was rude and cold. However, as the scene ends, we can see Larxene trying to sweeten the deal for her by explaining how she doesn’t have to just be “Kairi’s shadow”. Larxene doesn’t care about Namine’s insecurities and doubts in regards to Kairi and her place in Sora’s heart, she just wanted to get her to stop dragging her feet by giving her an incentive. Rating: 2/2

2. Grandiose (exaggeratedly high) estimation of self - refers to an unrealistic sense of superiority, a sustained view of oneself as better than others that causes those affected to view others with disdain or as inferior, as well as to a sense of uniqueness: the belief that few others have anything in common with oneself. Larxene very much has a superiority complex. She thinks she is above everyone and takes great pleasure in insulting and degrading other people to prove just how above them she is. She doesn’t take kindly to being talked down to and how angry it makes her can easily be seen in any interaction she has with Vexen. And when Vexen’s replica shows a single sign in failing, Larxene is very quick to wave it over his head to remind him how low he actually is. She also talks down to Sora every interaction they have and is awfully confident that she can beat him in COM, not even showing any reserves about going 1v3 against Sora, Donald, and Goofy. Larxene was notably quick to remind Repliku that he is ‘a stupid little toy’ when he tries to resist having his memories tampered with. In KHIII, Larxene finds it hilarious that Demyx had been replaced by a replica and tells him that he is “dumb as a brick”. Rating: 2/2

3. Need for stimulation - They (psychopaths) require intense stimulation in order to feel anything, to become excited, or to have fun. Psychopathic boredom is described as a continual restless and dysphoric feeling, acted out through aggressive and hypomanic activity. They experience boredom as a sense of restlessness and emptiness that is ever-present. Right after being introduced to the other Nobodies, Larxene immediately approaches the first person she doesn’t deem as a “rough old man” and tries initiating a conversation with him. She also commentates how quiet the castle is and that it seems dull. She quickly moves onto the next person and complains that they aren’t doing anything and states she is bored. When waiting in the COM manga, Larxene can be seen reading instead of remaining idle like the rest of the members of the castle. Rating: 2/2

4. Pathological lying - (also called pseudologia fantastica and mythomania) is a behavior of habitual or compulsive lying. It is when an individual consistently lies for no personal gain. Some lies seem to be told in order to make the pathological liar appear the hero, or to gain acceptance or sympathy . Really we don’t know how much Larxene lies over meaningless things like a pathological liar does, but we can clearly see her lying to Sora in COM. Her guiding Sora along the path to Namine is, however, for personal gain and doesn’t particularly fall under a pathological lie. All lies told by Larxene directly relate to getting what she wants, which makes this particular symptom difficult to attach to her. She also is not interested in appearing to be a hero or gain anyone’s sympathy. However, the consistent pattern of lies she tells does indicate the capability to compulsively lie without remorse. Rating: 1/2

5. Cunning and manipulativeness - having or showing skill in achieving one's ends by deceit or evasion, the skill in achieving one's ends by deceit, the action of handling or controlling someone or something in a clever or unscrupulous way. Larxene is a traitor to the Organization and she manages to stay hidden from Xemnas’ radar for quite some time. She attempts to manipulate Axel into joining her and Marluxia in attempting to overthrow the Organization, but ultimately failed. And even though who exactly formed how much of the plan to have Namine rearrange Sora’s memories, Larxene did participate in formulating it. She also coaxes Sora into remembering the fake memories and even pushes him to become fiercely attached to the good luck charm by threatening to smash it. She can also be seen trying to twist reality so Namine will be more keen to go along with their plan by pointing out that Namine has a chance at being a person who actually exists. Rating: 2/2

6. Lack of remorse or guilt - is the lack of the distressing emotion experienced by a person who regrets actions which they deem to be shameful, hurtful, or violent. This means that people with low remorse or guilt can do practically anything, and then act as if nothing as happened. Throughout COM, Larxene is depicted hurting children in various different ways and then laughing about it. At one point, she even states that “more pain for you means more fun for me” with a wide smile on her face. When she approaches Repliku to have his memories forcibly taken away and reconstructed, she isn’t bothered by his screams of protest. Larxene is also seen not concerned about Namine’s welfare and using her as only means to an end. When Vexen is killed, Larxene is happy about it and doesn’t seem to have any remorse or pity for him. Rating: 2/2

7. Shallow affect (superficial emotional responsiveness) - this happens when one shows or have little or no emotions. Response to different emotions such as fear, anger, sadness, joy disgust, trust, anticipation, surprise to mention a few is very low. While this symptom could easily be attributed to Larxene’s literal lack of heart, we can go even deeper here. In KHUX after meeting Lauriam, her Somebody approaches the building which her Chirithy has connected to the missing girl, Strelitzia. When she tells her Chirithy she is looking for clues, they reply to her “You don’t normally care about other people” which only serves to anger her. This shows a lack of emotional response even in her childhood. Rating: 2/2

8. Callousness and lack of empathy - unable to empathize with the pain of their victims, having only contempt for others' feelings of distress and readily taking advantage of them. Again, we can stress how she reacts to Sora’s pain and confusion with glee, how she reacts to Namine’s guilt with a degree of confusion but mainly she disregards it, her lack of reaction to Repliku’s protests, and her joy in response to Vexen’s death. Rating: 2/2

9. Parasitic lifestyle - an intentional, manipulative, selfish, and exploitative financial dependence on others as reflected in a lack of motivation, low self-discipline, and inability to begin or complete responsibilities. Being a Nobody with a home provided, Larxene doesn’t really have much need for finances. Her motivation level and ability to take on hard tasks is actually a bit above average as seen by her ambition to overthrow the Organization which is really the only thing she has. Low self-discipline can be seen a few times with her inability to control her temper against Namine when she tries to protect Sora. Another example is her actually expressing her displeasure to see Xemnas in KHIII, who was her Superior and is still ranked above her in KHIII. When she is on her way to confront Sora the first time, Axel makes a point of telling her not to rough him up too much. Though she dismisses his worries, it does hint at she has lost control before. Rating: 1/2

10. Poor behavioral controls - refer to violent, damaging or reactionary behavior that is not controlled, such as expressions of irritability, annoyance, impatience, threats, aggression and verbal abuse, inadequate control of anger and temper, and acting hastily, even when the consequences may be harmful to them personally. Larxene’s anger is one of her defining character traits. Her temper gets the better of her most scenarios. We go back to her slapping Namine so hard she flies across the room in COM especially. She can be seen irritable the second Axel inferences that she actually lost to Sora when she claimed she “threw the battle” and becomes extremely defensive. When explaining to Sora that Namine had been rearranging his memories, she grows impatient and resorts to verbal abuse (”You’re such an idiot”) when he insists on protecting her otherwise. And though Sora was still willing to put his own life on the line for Namine after the truth had been revealed, Larxene rushes to the conclusion that the only option available was to kill Sora even though it’s debatable the situation was still salvageable. She also is quick to be angry at Sora for forgetting about her in KHIII and yells at him for insisting that Elsa was going to turn to light before forcing him away from her. Rating 2/2

11. Sexual promiscuity - the practice of having sex frequently with different partners or being indiscriminate in the choice of sexual partners. The term can carry a moral judgment if the social ideal for sexual activity is monogamous relationships. Since this is still a children’s game, no sexually explicit content is in canon. However, in the COM manga we can see that Larxene is reading a novel by Marquis De Sade, who is infamously known for his lewd books about sexual sadism. And while it isn’t an implication of a sexual relationship, Larxene is very quick to put her hands on Axel every chance she gets even if he seems uncomfortable. At the end of her life in KHIII, she confirms she had only rejoined the Organization for another person who we can reasonably conclude to be Marluxia and we can also conclude that she was flirtatious with Axel while potentially being involved with Marluxia. Rating: 2/2

12. Early behavior problems - symptomatic expression of emotional or interpersonal maladjustment especially in children (as by nail-biting, enuresis, negativism, or by overt hostile or antisocial acts). Due to KHUX’s animation and story telling pace, we don’t get to see much of Larxene’s Somebody’s mannerisms and body language or how she interacts with most people. However, as mentioned before, even her own Chirithy notes her tendency not to care about other people. (I will be making a separate post elaborating on how I view Elrena very soon) Rating: 1/2

13. Lack of realistic long-term goals - means someone believes they can achieve great things in a short amount of time. Does not plan ahead and is deluded by predestined certainties. Larxene can be seen trying to rush the process of corrupting Sora in a few instances. One is insisting she go down there and jog his memory herself. Another is pushing Vexen to rush work on Repliku. She never mentions her reasoning for betraying the Organization, the closest we get is that she was bored by life in the castle. When joining the real Organization in KHIII, her only reason is to be “along for the ride” despite the fact she doesn’t wish to become a husk for Xehanort. Rating: 2/2

14. Impulsivity - is a tendency to act on a whim, displaying behavior characterized by little or no forethought, reflection, or consideration of the consequences. The fact that Larxene agreed to serve under Xehanort despite disagreeing with his goals just to be close to Marluxia is a case in point of this. She also displays some impulsive behavior in 358/2 Days when she abruptly comes up with the idea for Roxas to not be allowed to use his keyblade during their mission together. She also lets it slip to Roxas that, if he were to fail, they had a backup option already. Rating: 2/2

15. Irresponsibility - lack of a proper sense of responsibility, Though Larxene does take on the big responsibility of betraying the Organization, but she doesn’t show a particular zeal for the assignments said Organization gives her when she plays the part of a loyal member. In 358/2 Days, she complains to Roxas about her responsibility to train him. She’s also quick to forget that Sora no longer remembered her in KHIII and gets offended when he doesn’t recognize her. Rating: 1/2

16. Failure to accept responsibility for own actions - taking ownership of one’s own behavior and the consequences of that behavior. When Axel betrays Larxene and Marluxia in COM, she immediately pins the entire downfall on their plan on Axel instead of recognizing her own shortcomings in the matter. In the manga, it shows Larxene eating and drinking with Marluxia when she very well could have been watching the security cameras they have set up around Castle Oblivion to ensure Namine stayed safely in captivity. In COM, as she is dying, she refuses to accept her own defeat and stumbles around trying to regain the upper hand in a situation which was obviously hopeless for her. Rating: 2/2

17. Many short-term marital relationships - A lack of commitment to a long-term relationship reflected in inconsistent, undependable, and unreliable commitments in life, including marital. Larxene has never been confirmed to have been married, nor do I believe she has been. This could potentially could be written off she has no opportunity to be so while within the Organization. However, as noted before, she very well has the capability of being flirtatious and disloyal. Rating: 1/2

18. Juvenile delinquency - the habitual committing of criminal acts or offenses by a young person, especially one below the age at which ordinary criminal prosecution is possible. Larxene’s Somebody is depicted as entering a building without the consent of whoever owns it (if anyone does own it) to investigate a lead in a missing person’s case. Again, I will also be making a more in depth post about Elrena and how psychopathy influenced her childhood. Rating: 1/2

19. Revocation of conditional release - the disciplinary action which follows a failure to follow through with the terms of being freed. I.E. a revoking of parole While Larxene was never seen imprisoned or breaking the terms of a parole, she can be seen tossing around the idea of betraying the real Organization after being let back into their ranks following her previous acts of treason. Rating: 2/2

20. Criminal versatility - is the characteristic of someone who is untroubled by any question of legitimacy of a prohibition at all. Larxene is someone who has committed a few crimes in canon, mainly assaulting others which she does repeatedly. She also is seen having little regard for the Organization’s authority, which lead to her committing treason against it. Rating: 2/2

Total score: 34 Larxene does score a bit more than enough to be diagnosed as a psychopath going by this criteria and the instances we see in canon.

#♔⁛ ( ᵐʸ ˢᵉᶜʳᵉᵗ ) HEADCANONS #[ i started this post the Day After i started this blog ewsjkd ]#[ sm research went into this yall dont Know ]#[ even in my first larx blog when i was Young i said i strongly believe she's a psychopath ]#[ and i STAND BY IT LIKE 7 YEARS LATER FIRM LY ]#[ in this house we are dedicated to reminding everyone that larxene is a Bad Person ]#[ im warning u this is like a college thesis level of Long ]#mental illness tw #[ ig ? ]#abuse tw #general grossness tw #[ ID K WHAT TO TAG THIS AS ]#LARXENE IS A HORRIBLE PERSON TW #[ fun disclaimer im not a psychologist im a 21 yr old with an internet connection ]#[ time to go play some dbd then come back ready to write agai n ]#[ but rn my brain is crying ]

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almightygodismydependence-blog · 6 years ago

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Christian Marriage: Marital Harmony Is No Longer an Issue

By Wang Ran, Singapore

A Beautiful Dream

When she was single, Wang Ran always held on to a beautiful dream—the hope that after getting married, she and her husband would get along harmoniously, show mutual tolerance, be by each other’s sides for life, and grow old together. At that time Wang Ran had a great deal of confidence in herself; she felt that she was a person of good character who got along well with others. But reality did not play out as Wang Ran wished—after getting married, the myriad conflicts that cropped up in her life with her husband slowly ate away at her dream …

One Marital Conflict After Another

Early in their marriage, Wang Ran and her husband were still able to be mutually accommodating and tolerant, but after a period of time, all sorts of problems and conflicts came to the fore. Wang Ran is quite a clean person—she sweeps several times a day, and even if there’s just one hair on the floor she’ll pick it up. She keeps all of her belongings meticulously organized; they are never messy. Wang Ran thinks of this as a good habit, and that people can’t live comfortably unless their living space is clean and tidy. So, she also has her husband tidy up in accordance with her own standards. Every time she left home and returned a few days later, the first thing she looked at was how clean the house was; if it wasn’t up to par, she would angrily berate her husband: “Why haven’t you cleaned up? What are you doing at home all day, anyway? You’re so lazy!” Her husband wouldn’t give in in the face of Wang Ran’s rebukes, but would angrily say: “The house isn’t remotely dirty. What is there to clean up? You have a pathological obsession with cleanliness….” Hearing these words from her husband, Wang Ran would become even more angry and think: “I just want the place to be a little cleaner so that we can live comfortably. How could that be wrong? It’s clear that you’re just lazy and don’t want to tidy up, but you blame it on me!” Wang Ran believed herself to be right and wasn’t willing to show any weakness, so she continued to argue with her husband. This way, neither one of them was willing to give ground, each clinging to their own ideas until it got to the point that they wouldn’t even acknowledge each other—it was the start of a cold war between them. Wang Ran felt particularly wronged, believing that her husband wasn’t being considerate of her and wouldn’t try to share the burden of housework.

There were a number of similar occurrences in their daily lives. At times her husband’s cooking wasn’t to Wang Ran’s taste, and she’d have a few words for him: “Why would you put light soy sauce in this dish? It would have been fine with a bit of seasoned soy sauce—it doesn’t taste good with light soy sauce. And this dish, you should have put a little sugar in it….” The more she talked, the more right she felt, thinking that if it had been done the way she liked, the food would have turned out much better. But hearing Wang Ran’s nagging, her husband responded angrily: “If you want to eat it, eat it. If you don’t, then don’t. How can you find so many things to complain about?” His harsh, unpleasant words really upset Wang Ran. She thought: “The food you make just isn’t any good. What’s wrong with me mentioning it? Besides, I make food all the time, so I know how it should be done. You should listen to me, but not only will you not listen, you have such unpleasant things to say and refuse to understand me at all. How could you treat me this way?” The more she thought about it, the more wronged and upset she felt. She just stood her ground against her husband by refusing to eat in a fit of pique.

The conflicts between them just grew after their child was born. Wang Ran loved dressing their daughter up really beautifully and frequently bought her pretty things to wear, but her husband said it was wasteful, a child could wear anything, and they didn’t need to buy so much. Wang Ran did not agree with him at all; she thought that he was stingy and couldn’t stand to spend a little money on their child. So, she didn’t pay any mind to his opinion and continued to buy whatever pretty clothing she saw for their daughter. Seeing her continuing to frequently buy piles of clothing, her husband became angry with her and refused to even acknowledge her. They couldn’t agree on their daughter’s education, either. Wang Ran thought that they couldn’t show her any kind of fierceness or raise a hand to her, and that when she did something wrong it was enough to just reprimand her, but her husband said that was spoiling her and wouldn’t be good for her. One time when their daughter did something wrong, Wang Ran’s husband harshly scolded her. When Wang Ran heard the child crying she came at her husband angrily, saying, “She’s so little, won’t you scare her half to death by yelling at her that way?” While saying this she stepped forward, pushed her husband aside, and took their daughter out of the house.

Wang Ran and her husband frequently butted heads over little things like that in their daily lives. They were constantly bickering, always in a cold war—their lives together were exhausting. What was most painful for Wang Ran was that after a conflict, neither one of them would acknowledge the other, neither was willing to give in and admit fault. They’d be in a stalemate for days. Her parents-in-law and other relatives would often urge them to reconcile, but that just provided momentary relief and before long their cold war would start up again. Wang Ran felt very aggrieved over this, and she didn’t know who she could talk to about the misery in her heart. She often thought: “A husband and wife should be understanding and tolerant of each other. They should be confidantes who can talk about anything, but my husband and I are always in a cold war. We’re like the most intimate strangers and every day is miserable and stifling. What can I do to get along harmoniously with him? When will there be an end to this life of suffering and repression?”

Reading God’s Words and Finding the Root of Suffering

Where man ends, God begins. Just when Wang Ran was in pain and feeling lost, God’s gospel of the last days came upon her and her husband. By reading God’s words, they both determined that God is the Ruler who created the heavens, the earth, and all things. They accepted God’s salvation and came before Him. After that, in her interactions with brothers and sisters, Wang Ran saw that when they had a conflict with someone else in their lives, they would all recognize where their own fault lay, what kind of corrupt satanic disposition they were living within, and would read God’s words to resolve their corrupt disposition, thus defusing any interpersonal conflicts. This was incredible to her, and she felt that there was such a huge difference between believers and nonbelievers! She thought that before, whether she had a conflict with her husband, colleagues, or friends, she would complain about that person and malign them, saying the problem was theirs. She always looked for the cause in the other person, but never recognized her own fault. When that came to mind doubt cropped up in Wang Ran’s heart: “Could it be that my husband and I couldn’t get along because I wasn’t able to reflect on myself and was always focusing on him, looking for his problems?”

In a gathering, Wang Ran spoke up about her inability to get along with her husband, and a sister found a passage of God’s words and a passage of fellowship that dealt with her confusion. Wang Ran read these words from God: “Before he was corrupted by Satan, man naturally followed God and obeyed His words. He was naturally of sound sense and conscience, and of normal humanity. After being corrupted by Satan, his original sense, conscience, and humanity grew dull and were impaired by Satan. Thus, he has lost his obedience and love toward God. Man’s sense has become aberrant, his disposition has become the same as that of an animal” (“To Have an Unchanged Disposition Is to Be in Enmity to God”). The passage of fellowship said: “People’s dispositions are all fairly arrogant. People don’t listen to anyone, they see faults in others and cannot see their strong points. On top of that, everyone has a certain personality, certain characteristics, and they’re disparaging of anyone they see faults in and don’t want to look at them or deal with them. They judge them, then both people look down on each other. These are serious issues for most people and this causes people’s interpersonal relationships to fall into stalemates, into tension. … And there are some people who always talk down to others, who like to control people and have others listen to them, but never listen to others. That kind of person isn’t easy to get along with either” (“How to Build Church Life and the Meaning of Building Church Life” in Sermons and Fellowship on Entry Into Life (I)).

After Wang Ran finished reading, her sister shared in fellowship: “When God first created mankind, they were not corrupted by Satan. They were people with conscience and reason who were forgiving and tolerant of each other. They could get along harmoniously with others—they had a human likeness. But later on humanity was corrupted by Satan and we became full of arrogance, selfishness, despicableness, crookedness, deceit, greed, and evil, and other satanic dispositions. We also became really self-important, wanting to have dominance in all things and have the final say. In dealing with others we always believe that our own views and notions are correct and always want others to listen to us and do what we want. When someone else raises a different opinion we’re unable to put ourselves aside and humbly accept their suggestions. When we have conflict with someone else, we focus on the other person’s faults, thinking that it’s a problem with them. We often look down on others and even complain against them or reject them. We never take other people’s feelings into account—we’re completely lacking any of the conscience and reason of a proper human being. We live reliant on our arrogant, self-important satanic dispositions, so how could we get along well with others? Maybe we’re able to rein it in for a short period of time, but as time goes on our corrupt dispositions will show themselves and we won’t get along with anyone for long. Just like you and your husband, when you were first married you were tolerant and magnanimous with each other, but after a period of time you saw things you disliked in each other and you would go to war with each other over the slightest little thing. No one was willing to concede and it ended up as a cold war where you wouldn’t even acknowledge each other. This resulted in both of you living in pain, feeling really constrained and unable to be free. That’s why, if we want to get along harmoniously with others, we have to accept the judgment and chastisement of God’s words, focusing on reflecting on and knowing ourselves, seeking to change the satanic, corrupt dispositions within us, and living out proper humanity. Once our satanic dispositions have been changed, we become able to listen to others’ opinions in all things and negotiate with others. Then we are able to get along harmoniously.”

Hearing her sister’s fellowship, Wang Ran realized that the reason she and her husband hadn’t been able to get along well and were always in conflict was that she had been corrupted by Satan and she was full of corrupt, satanic dispositions, such as arrogance and self-importance. She wanted to be dominant in all things and always felt that she was right and the other person was wrong; she found it very difficult to accept others’ viewpoints or suggestions. It occurred to her that it wasn’t just about doing housework or cooking, but it was also about child-rearing—she always thought that her own notions and views were correct and wanted her husband to listen to her, to do things her way. If he didn’t listen to her, she would either scold him or refuse to acknowledge him, but she never took the initiative to humbly admit an error. She wasn’t tolerant or patient with her husband, but instead always complained that he didn’t take her feelings into account, and as a result, they frequently initiated “battles,” and then began a cold war. This threw their lives into pain, and their family members were also very worried for them, and at their wits’ ends. Wang Ran also realized why so many once-happy families had ended up disintegrating. It was because they had been corrupted by Satan and they were living based on their corrupt satanic dispositions, making them incredibly arrogant, self-important, selfish, and despicable. Everyone was living for their own personal benefit, and couldn’t help but have frequent conflict even with those who were most near and dear to them. No one gave in to anyone else and would even become bitter enemies, cutting off contact for the rest of their days. Only then did Wang Ran realize how harmful a satanic disposition is for people, and that she could no longer live her life based on that.

Putting the Truth Into Practice and Interacting Harmoniously

Wang Ran later read the following two passages of fellowship: “In order for people to interact normally with one another, they must possess a few principles of practice. These principles should not only include not taking advantage of others, not harming others, but having some love. They further include having a conscience and rationality, helping one another, showing tolerance to one another, caring for others, letting others benefit in all situations, considering others, not just caring about yourself, showing compassion for others’ weaknesses, and forgiving the transgressions of others. If we have these few principles, we will be able to build a normal relationship with others and we will be able to live in harmony with each other” (The Fellowship From the Above). And: “A husband and wife rely on their consciences to maintain a proper relationship. Without a conscience, they won’t have any feelings for each other, and if you lack reason, there’s no way to manage a marital relationship. If you have a conscience and reason, then your actions will show your spouse that you’re a good person, and they will admire your character and will be better to you. If they don’t admire your actions, if they don’t approve of them, if you lack love, humanity, and conscience, then they’ll find you distasteful. So, interpersonal relationships are sustained by conscience and reason, and without these things, people cannot have proper relationships with others” (“Only With the Truth Can One Shred His Corrupt Human Nature and Live Out Normal Humanity” in Sermons and Fellowship on Entry Into Life (VI)).

These texts shared very clear fellowship on the path of practice to achieve harmonious relationships with others. Wang Ran learned that what was most key in relating to others was having a conscience and reason, forsaking her own satanic disposition of arrogance and self-importance, being tolerant and patient with others’ faults, and being loving, caring, and forgiving of others. She should think of others in all things and look at issues from the other person’s perspective. Mutual love and forgiveness were particularly important between husband and wife—they couldn’t just look at the issues the other person had, but had to learn to put themselves aside and accept their spouse’s views and perspectives. Only that was what should be lived out with proper humanity. Wang Ran quietly resolved: “In future conflicts with my husband, I will first come before God to pray and reflect on myself. I will no longer act or treat my husband based on my arrogant disposition, but I will put God’s words into practice and live out proper humanity so that we can get along harmoniously.”

After that, when her husband didn’t clean or tidy up well enough, Wang Ran considered that everyone has different standards for cleanliness. She couldn’t demand that he go according to her own standards, nor could she brood over how clean things were or reprove her husband. Instead, she prayed to God so she could forsake her own arrogant disposition, and if the house was dirty she would do a bit more. When her husband made food she no longer nitpicked—she’d just eat whatever he made and wouldn’t turn her nose up at it because it wasn’t good enough. Since everyone’s tastes and cooking styles are different, her husband didn’t absolutely have to make food based on her preferences. On the occasions that the two of them got into conflict and her husband blamed her, she rushed to pray to God and reflect on what she had done wrong. After that she was able to put herself aside and take the initiative to apologize to him, and no longer argue with him. As for how to raise their child and buying clothing for her, as long as her husband was correct Wang Ran would accept his opinions and wouldn’t insist on her own way of doing things. Once she put God’s requirements into practice, she discovered that her husband had also undergone a change. Once after he had sounded off, he suddenly apologized to Wang Ran, saying: “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have blown up at you like that. I’m so arrogant and I just cared about blowing off some steam. I didn’t take your feelings into account—I wasn’t remotely tolerant toward you….” Seeing her husband’s transformation, Wang Ran felt both surprised and comforted. She thought of the fact that she was no longer as arrogant or self-important as she had been in the past and that her husband had changed as well, even offering up apologies to her—these things had never occurred between them before. These things had certainly been achieved by God’s words! Just then, Wang Ran’s resolve to put the truth into practice became even greater. In the future, when interacting with her husband she would do things according to God’s requirements and forsake her own arrogant disposition. That way, their conflicts would become less and less, and even though there would still be times they’d crop up in their lives, after that they’d be able to read God’s words together, pray to God, each reflect on what they had done wrong, what corrupt disposition had given rise to that, and share in fellowship with open hearts. Then, they would practice according to God’s requirements. Once Wang Ren and her husband practiced in accordance with God’s words, their interactions became smoother and smoother—this was entirely God’s words changing them, and it was God’s work taking effect in them. Wang Ran couldn’t help but offer up her thanks and praise to God!

Wang Ran read another passage from God’s words: “People have a normal relationship with each other, they do not stand alone, and their lives are neither mediocre nor decadent. So, too, is God exalted among all, His words permeate among man, people live in peace with one another and under the care and protection of God, the earth is filled with harmony, without the interference of Satan, and the glory of God holds the utmost importance among man. Such people are like angels: pure, vibrant, never complaining about God, and devoting all their efforts solely to God’s glory on earth” (“Chapter 16” of Interpretations of the Mysteries of God’s Words to the Entire Universe). Wang Ran was very moved by these words; she realized that only if she reflected on and recognized her own corrupt disposition from within God’s words, was able to forsake the flesh in a practical way, practice according to God’s words, and live out proper humanity would she be able to get along harmoniously with others and maintain proper interpersonal relationships. Without coming before God or the watering and guidance of God’s words, no matter what we do to make peace, we’ll never be able to resolve a couple’s inability to get along with each other. God’s words are the only panacea to cure marital conflict! Thanks be to God!

Recommended :

In Your Faith in God You Should Obey God

#pray to God #God’s words #God’s work #faith in god #Obey God

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bandbacktogether · 6 years ago

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Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) Resources

New Post has been published on https://www.bandbacktogether.com/master-resource-links-2/mental-illness-resources/narcissistic-personality-disorder-npd-resources/

Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) Resources

What Is A Personality Disorder?

Personality is the way of thinking, feeling and behaving that makes a person different from another. An person’s personality is influenced by experiences, environment (surroundings, life situations), and inherited characteristics. A personality disorder is a way of thinking, feeling and behaving that deviates from the expectations of the culture, causes distress, or problems functioning, and lasts over time.

There are 10 specific types of personality disorders, including Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Common to all personality disorders is a long-term pattern of behavior and inner experience that differs significantly from what is expected. This pattern of experience and behavior begins by late adolescence or early adulthood, and causes distress and/or problems in the way a person functions. Without treatment, these behaviors and experiences becomes inflexible and usually long-lasting.

The pattern of behaviors is seen in at least two of these areas:

Way of thinking about themselves and others

Way of responding emotionally

Way of relating to other people

Way of controlling one’s behavior

The 10 specific personality disorders are grouped into three categories called “clusters.”

Cluster A: Odd or Eccentric Behaviors

Paranoid personality disorder: a pattern of distrust and suspiciousness where others’ motives are seen as mean or spiteful. People with paranoid personality disorder often assume people will harm or deceive them and are reluctant to confide in others, and/or become close to them.

Schizoid personality disorder: a pattern of detachment from social relationships and a limited range of emotional expression. A person with schizoid personality disorder typically doesn’t seek close relationships, chooses solitary activities, and appears indifferent to praise or criticism from others.

Schizotypal personality disorder: a pattern of acute discomfort in close relationships, distortions in thinking or perception, and eccentric behavior. A person with schizotypal personality disorder may have odd beliefs or magical thinking, odd or peculiar behavior or speech, or may incorrectly attribute meanings to events.

Cluster B: Dramatic, Emotional, or Erratic Behavior

Antisocial personality disorder: a pattern of disregarding or violating the rights of others. A person with antisocial personality disorder may not conform to social norms, may repeatedly lie or deceive others, and/or may act impulsively.

Borderline personality disorder: a pattern of instability in personal relationships, emotional response, self-image and impulsivity. A person with borderline personality disorder may go to great lengths to avoid abandonment (real or perceived), have recurrent suicidal behavior, display inappropriate intense anger, and/or have chronic feelings of emptiness.

Histrionic personality disorder: a pattern of excessive emotion and attention seeking. A person with histrionic personality disorder may be uncomfortable when he/she is not the center of attention, consistently use their physical appearance to draw attention, or show rapidly shifting or exaggerated emotions.

Narcissistic personality disorder: a pattern of need for admiration and lack of empathy for others. A person with narcissistic personality disorder may have a grandiose sense of self-importance, a sense of entitlement, take advantage of others, and/or lack empathy.

Cluster C: Anxious or Fearful Behavior

Avoidant personality disorder: a pattern of social inhibition, feelings of inadequacy and extreme sensitivity to criticism. A person with avoidant personality disorder may be unwilling to get involved with people unless he/she is certain of being liked, be preoccupied with being criticized or rejected, and/or may view himself/herself as being inferior or socially inept.,

Dependent personality disorder: a pattern of needing to be taken care of and submissive and clingy behavior. A person with dependent personality disorder may have difficulty making daily decisions without reassurance from others or may feel uncomfortable or helpless when alone because of fear of inability to take care of himself or herself.

Obsessive-compulsive personality disorder: a pattern of preoccupation with orderliness, perfectionism and control. A person with obsessive-compulsive personality disorder may be preoccupied with details or schedules, may work excessively to the exclusion of leisure or friendships, and/or may be inflexible in morality and values. (This is NOT the same as obsessive compulsive disorder)

Diagnosis of a personality disorder requires a mental health professional looking at long-term patterns of functioning and symptoms. For a person under 18 years old to be diagnosed, the symptoms must have been present for at least a year. Some people with personality disorders may not recognize a problem. Also, people often have more than one personality disorder. An estimated 9 percent of U.S. adults have at least one personality disorder.

What is Narcissistic Personality Disorder?

Narcissistic Personality Disorder is characterized by a person’s self-directed focus and inflated self-admiration.

While everyone likes to feel important and receive positive attention from those around them, people who have NPD take this to the next level. People with this condition are frequently described as arrogant, self-centered, manipulative, and demanding.

The hallmarks of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) are grandiosity, a lack of empathy for other people, and a need for admiration. They may also concentrate on grandiose fantasies (e.g. their own success, beauty, brilliance) and may be convinced that they deserve special treatments and rewards. These characteristics typically begin in early adulthood and must be consistently evident in multiple contexts, such as at work and in relationships.

Note: Having high self-confidence (a strong sense of self) is far different from narcissistic personality disorder; people with NPD typically value themselves over others to the extent that they openly disregard the feelings and wishes of others, and expect to be treated as superior, regardless of their actual status or achievements.

Moreover, the person with narcissistic personality disorder usually exhibits a fragile ego (self-concept), an intolerance of criticism, and a tendency to belittle others in order to validate their own superiority.

50 to 75 percent of the people diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder are male; it’s been approximated that 1-2% of people have narcissistic personality disorder. The actual number of people who have NPD is likely to be far higher, as many who have this personality disorder don’t ever seek treatments.

People with narcissistic personality disorder believe they are superior or special, and often try to associate with other people they believe are unique or gifted in some way. This association enhances their self-esteem, which is typically quite fragile underneath the surface. Individuals with NPD seek excessive admiration and attention in order to know that others think highly of them. Individuals with narcissistic personality disorder have difficulty tolerating criticism or defeat, and may be left feeling humiliated or empty when they experience an “injury” in the form of criticism or rejection.

What Is The Prevalence of Narcissistic Behavior?

According to a study covered by US News and World Report, rates of narcissism are on the rise.

In the summer of 2018, [a study of] a nationally representative sample of 35,000 Americans found that 6 percent of Americans, or 1 out of 16, had experienced [clinical narcissistic personality disorder (NPD)] at some point in their lives.

And there was a big generational effect. You’d expect that people who are older would have a higher percentage of having experienced this because they’ve lived so many more years. But only 3 percent of people over 65 had had any experience with NPD, compared with almost 10 percent of people in their 20s. Given that you can only diagnose this when someone is 18, that’s a pretty short number of years in which to have this experience.

That’s a pretty big indication that this is an out-of-control epidemic.

What Are The Subtypes of Narcissistic Personality Disorder?

Subtype Description Personality traits

Unprincipled narcissist Including antisocial features: These people have a deficient conscience; unscrupulous, amoral, disloyal, fraudulent, deceptive, arrogant, exploitive; a con artist and charlatan; dominating, contemptuous, vindictive.

Amorous narcissist Including histrionic features:. These people are sexually seductive, enticing, beguiling, tantalizing; glib and clever; disinclined to real intimacy; indulges hedonistic desires; bewitches and inveigles others; pathological lying and swindling. Tends to have many affairs, often with exotic partners.

Compensatory narcissist Including negativistic and avoidant features: These people cancel out deep feelings of inferiority and lack of self-esteem; offsets deficits by creating illusions of being superior, exceptional, admirable, noteworthy; self-worth results from self-enhancement.

Elitist narcissist, Variant of pure pattern: These people feel privileged and empowered by virtue of special childhood status and pseudo-achievements; entitled façade bears little relation to reality; seeks favored and good life; is upwardly mobile; cultivates special status and advantages by association.

Normal narcissist: Absent of the traits of the other four, this is the least severe and most interpersonally concerned and empathetic, still entitled and deficient in reciprocity; bold in environments, self-confident, competitive, seeks high targets, feels unique; talent in leadership positions; expecting of recognition from others.

Possible additional categories (not cited by the current theory of Millon might include):

Fanatic narcissist: Including paranoid features. Grandiose delusions are irrational and flimsy; pretentious, expensive supercilious contempt and arrogance toward others; lost pride reestablished with extravagant claims and fantasies. Reclassified under paranoid personality disorder.

Hedonistic narcissist: Mix of Millon’s initial four subtypes Hedonistic and self-deceptive, avoidant of responsibility and blame, shifted onto others; idiosyncratic, often self-biographical, proud of minor quirks and achievements, conflict-averse and sensitive to rejection; procrastinative, self-undoing, avolitive, ruminantly introspective; the most prone to fantastic inner worlds that replace social life.

Malignant narcissist Including antisocial, sadistic and paranoid features. Fearless, guiltless, remorseless, calculating, ruthless, inhumane, callous, brutal, rancorous, aggressive, biting, merciless, vicious, cruel, spiteful; hateful and jealous; anticipates betrayal and seeks punishment; desires revenge; has been isolated, and is potentially suicidal or homicidal.

Will Titshaw also suggested three subtypes of narcissistic personality disorder. These are not officially recognized in any editions of the DSM or the ICD-10.

Pure Narcissist: Mainly just NPD characteristics. Someone who has narcissistic features described in the DSM and ICD and lacks features from other personality disorders.

Attention Narcissist Including histrionic (HPD) features. They display the traditional NPD characteristics described in the ICD & DSM along with histrionic features due to the fact that they think they are superior and therefore they should have everyone’s attention, and when they do not have everyone’s attention they go out of their way to capture the attention of as many people as possible.

Beyond The Rules Narcissist :Including antisocial (ASPD) features. This type of narcissist thinks that because they are so superior to everyone they do not have to follow the rules like most people and therefore show behavior included in the ICD for dissocial personality disorder and behavior, included in the DSM for antisocial personality disorder.

Causes of Narcissistic Personality Disorder:

The exact cause of Narcissistic Personality Disorder is unknown; however, many psychologists believe that this shame-based disorder derives from a combination of biological, genetic, and social factors. It’s likely that the narcissist grew up in an extreme environment: living with neglect and abuse, pushed toward perfection or being praised for “having special talents.”

The causes of narcissistic personality disorder are unknown,The causes of narcissistic personality disorder are unknown. Experts tend to apply a biopsychosocial model of causation, meaning that a combination of environmental, social, genetic and neurobiological factors are likely to play a role in formulating a narcissistic personality.

Genetic Factors

There is evidence that narcissistic personality disorder is inheritable, and people are much more likely to develop NPD if there is a family history of the disorder. Studies on the occurrence of personality disorders in twins determined that there is a moderate to high inheritability for narcissistic personality disorder.

However, the specific genes and gene interactions that contribute to its cause – and how they may influence the developmental and physiological processes underlying this condition – have yet to be determined.

Environment

Environmental and social factors are also thought to have a significant influence on the onset of NPD. In some people, pathological narcissism may develop from an impaired attachment to their primary caregivers, usually their parents. This can result in the child’s perception of himself/herself as unimportant and unconnected to others. The child typically comes to believe they have some personality defect that makes them unvalued and unwanted. Overindulgent, permissive parenting as well as insensitive, over-controlling parenting, are believed to be contributing factors.

According to Leonard Groopman and Arnold Cooper, the following have been identified by various researchers as possible factors that promote the development of NPD:

An oversensitive temperament (personality traits) at birth.

Excessive admiration that is never balanced with realistic feedback.

Excessive praise for good behaviors or excessive criticism for bad behaviors in childhood.

Overindulgence and overvaluation by parents, other family members, or peers.

Being praised for perceived exceptional looks or abilities by adults.

Severe emotional abuse in childhood.

Unpredictable or unreliable caregiving from parents.

Learning manipulative behaviors from parents or peers.

Valued by parents as a means to regulate their own self-esteem.

Cultural elements are believed to influence the prevalence of NPD as well since NPD traits have been found to be more common in modern societies than in traditional ones.

What Are The Co-morbid Conditions Associated With NPD?

NPD has a high rate of comorbidity with other mental disorders. People with NPD are prone to bouts of depression, often meeting criteria for co-occurring depressive disorders.

In addition, NPD is associated with bipolar disorder, anorexia, and substance use disorders, especially cocaine. As far as other personality disorders, NPD may be associated with histrionic, borderline, antisocial, and paranoid personality disorders.

Symptoms Of Narcissistic Personality Disorder:

Narcissistic personality disorder usually develops in adolescence or early adulthood. It is not uncommon for children and adolescents to display traits similar to those of NPD, but such occurrences are usually transient, so it’s important to get an actual diagnosis before assuming their teen has NPD.

True symptoms of NPD are pervasive, apparent in various situations, and rigid, remaining consistent over time. The NPD symptoms must be sufficiently severe that they significantly impair the person’s capabilities to develop meaningful human relationships. Generally, the symptoms of NPD also impair the person’s psychological abilities to function, either at work, or school, or important social settings. The DSM-5 indicates that the traits shown by the person must substantially differ from cultural norms, in order to qualify as symptoms of NPD.

According to the DSM-5: “Many highly successful individuals display personality traits that might be considered narcissistic. Only when these traits are inflexible, maladaptive, and persisting and cause significant functional impairment or subjective distress do they constitute narcissistic personality disorder.” Due to the high-functionality associated with narcissism, some people may not view it as an impairment in their lives.

Although overconfidence tends to make individuals with NPD ambitious, it does not necessarily lead to success and high achievement professionally.

These people can be unwilling to compete or may refuse to take any risks in order to avoid appearing like a failure. In addition, their inability to tolerate setbacks, disagreements, or criticism, along with lack of empathy, make it difficult for these people to work cooperatively with others or to maintain long-term professional relationships with superiors and colleagues.

The DSM-5 indicates that persons with NPD usually display some or all of the following symptoms (most often without the qualities or accomplishments they believe to have):

Grandiosity with expectations of superior treatment from other people

Fixated on fantasies of power, success, intelligence, attractiveness

Self-perception of being unique, superior, and associated with high-status people and institutions

Needing continual admiration from others

Sense of entitlement to special treatment and to obedience from others

Exploitative of others to achieve personal gain

Unwilling to empathize with the feelings, wishes, and needs of other people

Intensely envious of others, and the belief that others are equally envious of them

Pompous and arrogant demeanor

People with NPD tend to exaggerate their skills, accomplishments, and their level of intimacy with people they consider high-status. This sense of superiority may cause them to monopolize conversations or to become impatient or disdainful when others talk about themselves. When their own ego is wounded by a real or perceived criticism (triggering narcissistic rage); narcissistic rage and anger is usually disproportionate to the situation, but generally, their actions and responses are deliberate and calculated.

Narcissistic people can be controlling, blaming, self-absorbed, intolerant of others’ views, unaware of others’ needs and the effects of their behavior on others, and insist that others see them as they wish to be seen. Narcissistic individuals use various strategies to protect themselves and their beliefs at the expense of others. They tend to devalue, derogate, insult, and blame others, and they often respond to threatening feedback with anger and hostility.

Since the fragile ego of individuals with NPD is hypersensitive to perceived criticism or defeat, they are prone to feelings of shame, humiliation, and worthlessness over minor or even imagined incidents. They usually mask these feelings from others with feigned humility or by isolating themselves socially, or they may react with outbursts of rage, defiance, or by revenge seeking.

The merging of the “inflated self-concept” and the “actual self” is seen in the inherent grandiosity of narcissistic personality disorder. Also at the heart of this process are the defense mechanisms of denial, idealization, and devaluation.

According to the Cleveland Clinic, those with Narcissistic Personality Disorder:

Are self-centered and boastful

Seek constant attention and admiration

Consider themselves better than others

Exaggerate their talents and achievements

Believe that they are entitled to special treatment

Are easily hurt but might not show it

Might take advantage of others to achieve their goals

Exaggerates his or her own importance

Is preoccupied with fantasies of success, power, beauty, intelligence or ideal romance

Believes he or she is special and can only be understood by other special people or institutions

Requires constant attention and admiration from others

Has unreasonable expectations of favorable treatment

Takes advantage of others to reach his or her own goals

Disregards the feelings of others, lacks empathy

Is often envious of others or believes other people are envious of him or her

Shows arrogant behaviors and attitudes

A narcissist often exhibits intense and unstable emotions when their self-concept is challenged.

Other common traits of narcissistic personality disorder include:

Preoccupation with fantasies that focus on unlimited success, power, intelligence, beauty, or love

Belief that he or she is “special” and unique, and can only be understood by other special people

Expectation that others will automatically go along with what he or she wants

Inability to recognize or identify with the feelings, needs, and viewpoints of others

Envy of others or a belief that others are envious of him or her

Hypersensitivity to insults (real or imagined), criticism, or defeat; possibly reacting with rage, shame, and humiliation

Arrogant behavior and/or attitude

The narcissistic individual’s sense of self is extremely distorted. A narcissist feels they must demonstrate feelings of superiority to compensate for a severe lack of self-esteem.

Treatment For Narcissistic Personality Disorder:

Those with Narcissistic Personality Disorder rarely seek treatment, as they genuinely believe that everyone else is the problem.

Treatment for narcissistic personality disorder can be challenging because people with this condition present with a great deal of grandiosity and defensiveness, which makes it difficult for them to acknowledge problems and vulnerabilities. Individual and group psychotherapy may be useful in helping people with narcissistic personality disorder relate to others in a healthier and more compassionate way.

Mentalization-based therapy, transference-focused psychotherapy, and schema-focused psychotherapy have all been suggested as effective ways of treating narcissistic personality disorder.

If the individual with Narcissistic Personality Disorder is extremely impulsive, tests reality, or is self-destructive, they may end up in a medical facility to treat those fall-outs and receive a diagnosis there.

Psychotherapy can be helpful for Depression and difficulties within the narcissist’s interpersonal relationships.

Group therapy can be especially helpful for those with NPD, as they are put into a situation where a group (without an authority figure) challenges their psychological beliefs.

The Children Of Those Who Have Narcissistic Personality Disorder:

Read more about ACONs, Adult Children of Narcissists.

It’s clear that there are hundreds of thousands of people around the world who were raised by at least one narcissist, and it wreaked havoc on our self-esteem, feelings of well-being and safety, and confidence and courage.

Being raised by a narcissist makes us believe that throughout our lives, we are just not “good enough” despite everything we try and bending over backwards to please others.

Children of narcissists who don’t become one themselves often have a common coping mechanism to deal with this: capitulation and sublimation (perhaps not the healthiest but effective). Give the narcissist what they want and then move on. It’s the path of least resistance, right? Except that by doing so, there are greater implications.

Ultimately, it prevents these adult children of narcissists (ACON) from developing certain relationship and emotional boundaries as we get older. It’s not easy to do when you’re used to giving someone they “love” free reign to walk all over them. Narcissistic parents do not just disempower their us, they rob us entirely of our power, often leading us to seek extremely codependent relationships.

The unhealed wound of the child of a narcissist can also create a vacuum easily filled by adding another narcissist in our lives, often in our friendships and romantic relationships. Since we’ve learned not to be bothered by their parents’ narcissistic and self-absorbed behaviors, we subconsciously draw narcissists to us.

And narcissists, who are so adept at recognizing pressure points and how far to push boundaries, will engage in the same kind of push/pull dynamic we’ve had been normalized during our childhood.

These behaviors that seem disrespectful might very well be excused in a friend because like the parent, “that’s just how they are.”

NPD damages your boundaries; the invisible barriers between you and your outside systems that regulate the flow of information and input between you and these systems. These damaged boundaries may thwart your ability to communicate authentically and powerfully, and taint your own self-concept, which in turn damages your relationships and your capability to thrive personally and professionally in the world.

Most adult children of narcissists (ACONs) never get the help they need to recover and heal, because we have no idea that what we’ve experienced as children is unhealthy and destructive.

Often, we, as children of narcissists, are overly-sensitive, deeply insecure, unable to see ourselves as good, worthy, and lovable. What’s worse is that we’re so familiar with narcissism (because we’ve dealt with it all their lives) that we unconsciously attract it into their lives, through our adult relationships, and in our work cultures, and careers.

Feeling like we are never, ever good enough or valuable enough

We can be deeply afraid to speak up confidently or challenge others

We are quite attuned (to an almost uncanny degree) to what everyone around us is feeling, as we have a hyper-sensitivity to what others are experiencing. This is the way we survived living with a narcissistic parent, which can lead to our inability to protect themselves from others’ emotions.

We may feel chronically unsure of ourselves, and overly-concerned about what others think of us

We are very insecure, because we’ve never experienced unconditional love. Any love or care that we got through out childhood was only under certain challenging conditions that made ues feel inauthentic and fake.

We may discover that the relationships we form (either at work or in personal life) are deeply challenging and unsatisfying (and even toxic and frightening). When we step back and look at these relationships honestly, we see narcissism all around them and they have no idea how to deal with this.

Finally, we feel used and beaten up by our work, by our bosses. and our colleagues, and can’t understand why our careers are so challenged and difficult.

If the above experiences resonate with you, it’s time to gain greater awareness of what you’ve experienced in childhood, so you can have greater choice over your thoughts, mindsets and behaviors in order to heal.

We don’t just “get over” being raised by a narcissist. It takes strong therapeutic support to “peel back the onion” and heal the wounds — to have the courage to look at the specific brand of narcissism you experienced (it’s different in every family), how this has impacted you, and the way you operate, and learn new behaviors that will allow you to heal the child within and become the adult you long to be.

Romantic Relationships And The Narcissist:

Relationships with a narcissist are never about partnership because the nature of narcissistic love is a one-sided, mental, and/or physical connection that dictates the terms of the relationship. In romantic relationships, narcissists use scripted “romantic” gestures or words to express their “love.”

Sex will often dominate in a relationship with a narcissist. They will “do” more than “feel” in a relationship because they have an extremely limited emotional range.

If you choose a narcissist as a lover (although really they’re the ones choosing you), you may find your entire reality turned upside down. It’s easy to fall in love with a narcissist and not realize what hit you. They charm you, come off responsible, and in control.

On the surface, they seem like the whole package.

We’ve been socialized to look for a lot of attributes that narcissists possess in a partner. Romance books are filled with narcissistic men who are beautiful, possessive, jealous, and financially successful. Like every fairy tale or vapid romantic comedy, these books prop up this fantasy male who wants only the female character and will stop at nothing until he has her.

His love will make her feel special, chosen; even saved.

And, in turn, she will surrender her entire self to him, allowing obsession to become possession.

We’ve been programmed to love the narcissist and forsake our self-respect, our identities, and our power in the process. Nothing matters besides to serving and placating this person to whom we are indebted for their “love,” even if their love comes from a dark, twisted place. It’s very rare that we are able to notice how dark and bad things have become. A narcissist is excellent at getting us to put up with more than we should, get us to ignore their instincts, as well as control it so that we only see what they want us to see.

You can get a real high or rush from getting the love from a narcissist. This love makes feel great about ourselves; if someone held in such high esteem (whether that esteem matches reality is part of the narcissist’s game). Then, we reflect back what they ultimately want to see and believe about themselves, which is that they’re a really — fill in the blank — amazing, wonderful, incredible, generous, all around ideal person. It’s a real ego boost to appear so cared for (it’s all about appearances) to be with someone who has it “together” and provides for you.

It’s a cycle, and once you’re in it, it feels really good.

Until it doesn’t.

Inevitably, as with any relationship, there will be opportunities for growth as well as challenges. If you’re in a romantic relationship with a narcissist, they’re rarely bumps in the relationship, – they’re landmines, and before you know it you may find yourself in a a field of these landmines. Things you didn’t see until they’re too late.

One misstep (or perceived misstep) and they go into a narcissistic rage.

Narcissistic rage is the response to narcissistic injury. Narcissistic injury occurs when a narcissistic individual perceives to be criticized so deeply that it creates severe emotional pain or scarring. It throws them from the invisible throne of superiority down into the masses.

Some narcissists can be very nasty and say mean, horrible, awful things that can cut us to our core if and when we challenge them. Other narcissists may be overly critical, spouting out criticisms about co-workers or family members – things we easily excuse or dismiss. The narcissist acting this way because he or she is tired, hungry, stressed out, or having a really bad day.

They will eventually turn on you and you will become the source of their narcissistic rage.

The longer we’re in a relationship with a narcissist, the worse it becomes. We may internalize the criticism so much that we honestly everything that bothers or upsets him or her is our fault.

We may not have much room for our friends because dealing with a narcissist can be so time and energy-consuming, or they may not want to share us with our friends.

Whatever the reason, it’s the shame/guilt cycle that we don’t realize until much later, as it’s now accepted it as a normal relationship dynamic.

Over time, we may find ourselves walking on eggshells around them, ensuring we don’t say or do the wrong thing to trigger them.

That’s always the rub with narcissists: we hurt them; it’s never the other way around unless we deserved it – but we always end up feeling we really deserved it. That’s the guilt. We are made to feel we perpetrated the wrong, and we are thereby doomed to feel shame over it.

One of the most difficult things about dealing with the guilt of being in relationship with a narcissist is realizing that if we want to save ourselves from the relationship, we have to let it go.

Am I Dating Someone With Narcissistic Personality Disorder?

How do you know when you’re dealing with a narcissist?

While most of us are guilty of some of the following behaviors at one time or another, a pathological narcissist tends to exhibit habitually several of the following personas, while remaining largely unaware of (or unconcerned with) how his or her actions affect others.

Charming: Narcissists can be very charismatic and persuasive. When they’re interested in you (for their own gratification), they make you feel very special and wanted. However, once they lose interest in you (most likely after they’ve gotten what they want, or became bored), they may drop you without a second thought. A narcissist can be very engaging and sociable, as long as you’re fulfilling what she desires, and giving her all of your attention.

Breaks the Rules: The narcissist enjoys getting away with violating rules and social norms, such as cutting in line, chronic under-tipping (some will overtip to show off), stealing office supplies, breaking multiple appointments, or disobeying traffic laws.

Conversation Stealer: The narcissist loves to talk about him or herself, and doesn’t give you a chance to take part in a two-way conversation. You struggle to have your views and feelings heard. When you do get a word in, if it’s not in agreement with the narcissist, your comments are likely to be corrected, dismissed, or ignored.

Violates Your Boundaries: he or she shows wanton disregard for other people’s thoughts, feelings, possessions, and physical space. Oversteps and uses others without consideration or sensitivity. Borrows items or money without returning. Breaks promises and obligations repeatedly. Shows little remorse and blames the victim for his or her personal lack of respect

Conversation Interrupter: While many people have the poor communication habit of interrupting others, the narcissist interrupts and quickly switches the focus back to herself. He or she shows little genuine interest in you.

Pretending To Be They’re Something They’re Not: Many narcissists like to do things to impress others by making themselves look good externally. This “trophy” complex can exhibit itself physically, romantically, sexually, socially, religiously, financially, materially, professionally, academically, or culturally.

In these situations, the narcissist uses people, objects, status, and/or accomplishments to represent the self, substituting for the perceived, inadequate “real” self.

These grandstanding “merit badges” are often exaggerated.

The underlying message of this type of display is: “I’m better than you!” or “Look at how special I am—I’m worthy of everyone’s love, admiration, and acceptance!”

In a big way, these external symbols become pivotal parts of the narcissist’s false identity, replacing the real and injured self.

Psychological Manipulator: They think of others as extensions of themselves, making decisions for others to suit one’s own needs. The narcissist may use his or her romantic partner, child, friend, or colleague to meet unreasonable self-serving needs, fulfill unrealized dreams, or cover up self-perceived inadequacies and flaws.

They’re Owed: Narcissists often expect preferential treatment from others. They expect others to cater (often instantly) to their needs, without being considerate in return. In their firmly held beliefs, the world genuinely revolves around them. Grandiose, Over-The-Top Personality: narcissists think of themselves as a hero or heroine, a prince or princess, and one of a kind special person. Some narcissists have an exaggerated sense of self-importance, believing that others cannot live or survive without his or her magnificent contributions.

Negative Emotions. Many narcissists enjoy spreading and arousing negative emotions to gain attention, feel powerful, and keep you insecure and off-balance. They are easily upset at any real or perceived slights or inattentiveness. They may throw a tantrum if you disagree with their views, or fail to meet their expectations.

They are extremely sensitive to criticism, and typically respond with heated argument (fight) or cold detachment (flight). Narcissists are often quick to judge, criticize, ridicule, and blame you.

Some narcissists are emotionally abusive. By making you feel inferior, they boost their fragile ego, and feel better about themselves.

Am I A Victim Of Narcissistic Abuse?