#im almost ashamed
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I don't know how to explain in a normal way that there is a part of me that ships them
#yeah i love david and gary but#kuku is almost david's lost son#and charlie is gary's so#and they are literally#wolfstar#im not even joking#nor ashamed#fancasts#esteban kukuriczka#charlie oldman#marauders fandom#marauders#remus lupin#sirius black
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i like it when you rizz tracklist:
the 197sus
edge me
ATE!
a change of gyatt
shes ohioan
if i fanum tax you
please be bussin
edgedmygyatt
the ballad of me and my gyatt
some-sigma else
mewing someone
iliwyr
the sigma
this must me my delulu
parizz
susna
she mews down
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Lol
#theres nothing quite like your mother saying Well maybe you shouldve been more careful because now your boss might think youve been flirting#with this male coworker (whom i like splendidly as a friend) and now maybe she thinks youre not trustworthy#and maybe she regrets hiring you because you said you feel like youre making a lot of mistakes this week and she might assume thats because#your head is filled with this boy.#so dont make her regret hiring you.#MA'AM I TOLD YOU I WAS ALREADY ANXIOUS BECAUSE I MADE SO MANY MISTAKES TODAY WHY ARE YOU MAKING ME ASHAMED#OF SOMETHING THAT I HONESTLY HAD NO CLUE I OUGHT TO BE ANXIOUS ABOUT AT MY FIRST NEW JOB AFTER IVE GRADUATED????#anyway going to bed i cant take this anymore LOL she said it so lightly and im like. well i never even considered#being afraid of making my boss regret hiring me somehow because of some kind of behaviour that i had no idea was sending some kind of signal#anywaysssss 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#and then she was like why are you crying?? 💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀#not to be like this is partly why i didnt want to move home but confound it all why are things like this#can i not simply confide in my mother my anxieties and worriws#worries#and not also have to worry about her potentially being like Well have you considered you ARE right and it IS your fault?#idk man something something firstborn child eldest daughter can i have some room to breathe. please#also not to whine but Not my father walking in on me eating dinner at 10pm because i was holed up#in my room in a semi depressive state after so many gong shows in a work day and straight up having no appetite#but deciding my body needs the food anyway its better late than never.....walking in and then saying#you know if you eat this late you'll gain weight. SIR??????????????????#sorry to complain and rant again i simply cannot in this house and whats more am doing my best to honour my parents#but why is it so hard out here and how can they say stuff like that with a smile!!!!!!!#also i DO have an inner critic who is always like Its your fault you are the worst you should be ashamed always........why do my parents#not understand after knowing me for so long and watching me grow up#that i can make myself so ashamed of the smallest thing so easily and that what they say drives me to shame almost as easily?#ANYWAY LOL WHAT A DAY#you guys!!! i am working so hard i promise i PROMISE I am!!! it is my first full time job ever and i am working so so hard#i am doing my absolute best and no one sees it and that is FINE i just wish my parents would see that i AM trying!!#i come back home so dead every single day because i put in 120%! this is literally my first job after graduation#and my parents KNOW this has been the most exhausting taxing and soul crushing year ive had in my very short life so far
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booboo keys
#originalz#mai art#truly got very close to almost not posting this but im trying to be less ashamed of my interests 🥹#the groom of gallagher mansion#tgog#elias gallagher#hes just so sad and pathetic i need him like a spoiled little girl needs a pony#snaccpop studios
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one thing you need to know about me is that I contain multitudes
#fairy tail#im almost ashamed to tag this but im also not LOL#i left myself a big as fucking note and still forgot the necklace twice#why do i keep forgetting th at?!?!#fuck me i told the followers that i would tag every ship as i can but i almost dont wanna because im embarrassed#ANYWAY WHATEVER#gray fullbuster#gruvia#gratsu#gray x lyon#gray x jellal#LOL i assume nobody tagged this EVER except for me AHAH#gray x loke#and my oc#rhia merlin#there arent even fairies in this show!#art tag
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O'saa from funger termina!! :D
#funger#fear and hunger#fear and hunger termina#funger termina#funger fanart#Fear and hunger fanart#f&h termina#f&h#funger O'saa#o'saa#fear and hunger osaa#funger osaa#osaa i love u#I've loved funger for almost a year at this point but im always too ashamed to draw fanart for some reason#im only able to draw fanart once my hyperfixation fades and at that point i dont want to draw it anymore lol
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Starfield is a horror game.
#tw jumpscare#tw scream#that played out like it was scripted#“quick! close the door!” [turns around and the monster is right fucking there]#that happens in so much of modern horror media that im almost ashamed at how unoriginal it is#BUT IT WAS REAL FEAR AND REAL HORROR AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA#starfield
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Physically, I am getting through it.
Mentally, I am laying on the ground kicking my feet and screaming that it isn't fair.
#i hate that i have to work a second job while im in school#did you know we (grad students) arent technically allowed to have second jobs?#because our funding is supposed to be such a generous stipend that we can focus all our time on studying#lol#lmao even#the grad student stipend hasn't gone up in almost 10 years#and it wasnt great to begin with#at a conservative estimate my rent is going to double when i move out of my current place#and its only the rate it is now because i signed onto a four year lease#landlord has been itching to raise it for a couple years now#frankly the university should be ashamed of whay they're paying us
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Never let me cook again.
#not even going to post this on my other socials im so ashamed of myself#colored sketch#doodle#the fact that this still isn’t the thing I’ve regret drawing the most says a lot about what I drew#doodle sketch#i need to do something against the fact that all the guys i draw look like anime boys ive killed my same face syndrome i can do this#nvm killing same face syndrome his nose literally looks like frillix's#cad#ctrl+alt+del#ctrl alt del#I feel several negative emotions all at once but it’s almost not this drawings fault#art#artwork#artsits on tumblr#exe art
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🐰🕸🌙
#i have so many behaviours and fears and#no emotional regulation and issues and disorders and fearrrrr#and i do not know how to explain it so that ppl who dont relate can possibly understand it#but it is like i am trapped in a nightmare dimension where everything is always bad#my brain isnt even wired to see anything in a positive or hopeful light#which is how humans are wired typically to ensure survival lol#in swedish avpd is also called anxious personality disorder#which can clue in on the fact that if you know what a personality disorder is#(your brain hasnt developed normally but in a disordered way. often bc of trauma etc)#my brain is wired to be anxious abt wverything all the time#so i always naturally see everything in a negative and dark and bad and horrible light#which is fucking terrible. it makes life exhausting and like a constant fight#other ppl dont get that bc their brains arent wired to have this horrible outlook on EVERYTHING#so thid just gives me extreme trust issues and my brain always fights to make sense of things#bc it cannot do so in a rational manner#and basically i just feel so ashamed when i think of how like... overly emotional and fearful i am#as soon as anything happens im like wow this person literally wants to kill me bc humans are evil#which i know intellectually isnt tru bc if it was i'd be dead by now 💀#ig i just feel so lucky that one person still is my friend after almost 2yrs now#despite my whateverthefuck moments when idek what im saying..#'working thru my emotions' in a way that doesnt make sense#esp when hes seen some of what i've written and im like NOOO i was spiraling when i said that i dont mean that i think most likely i dont#anyway.. feeling grateful 🙏 i wish i was normal#or at least had th ability to have connections and relationships most ppl w mental illness are still capable of having#avpd is fucked upppp it is such a weird mental disability.... 0-o#bc of my fear i also struggle with relaxing into it bc im like no imma fuck it up soon or no hes gonna leave me soon bc i suck and dont#deserve having him in my life at all. i really wish my brain wasnt wired to be terrified like i hate my brain and myself like why cant#i just be normal!!!!!! ☹️ i am thankful for every moment still.
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not to be a clown fucker but-
#one piece live action#opla#one piece#buggy the clown#buggy one piece#captain buggy#op buggy#live action buggy the clown#like im ace so no but why is he low-key hot#almost made a side blog just to post this because i was so ashamed
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sometimes I remember the fact that at the ripe age of 9, I felt ashamed for watching and loving Lego Ninjago, bc I felt like I was "too old" for the show, and it was targeted for a "younger audience". (this went for most of my in general) and how Older Me would look back and cringe at the fact I enjoyed these "children shows/ things".
And now, as an Adult, I see how absolutely ridiculous that sentiment was. And to this day I still enjoy "children shows/ things" (LMK, TOH, mythology, dinosaurs, etc.,).
Like no- now all i want to do is look back and whisper "you will still enjoy these things in the future, and you will even create so much art of the things you find interesting. You will go to college for some of these things. Enjoying harmless things isn't childish."
#i wish i could go back and tell younger me that i was literally the target audience for the shows i was ashamed for watching#and literal /adults/ made the media. they spent so much time and energy and thought into these things#adults still look at the stars and wonder what life could look like on other planets#they still wonder what dinos looked and acted like#/i/ still wonder these things#its almost like its human nature to pour your heart and soul into the things that you deeply enjoy#its almost like we're on a floating rock and food grows out of the ground#and the thing that living organisms need most of all to survive falls out of the sky after being gently scooped from the ocean and flora#none of this makes sense and one day out time here will end. so endulge in the things that you enjoy#because yea in the long run none of this will matter- but that's the beauty of it. isn't it?#in this essay i will-#hey guys. im Spoofy and tonight? I'm feeling emotions. specifially the weight of my own existence#spoofy rambles
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there are Two words im allowed to use in this fic and im getting sick on the one i like more
#wdym i have to call it his cock eventually#i want to cry#im not using shaft. or member. or whatever the hell else people use#its dick or cock. nothing else#im almost too ashamed to talk tag this
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me when i want to join my friend's team in brawl stars who has +40k trophies while i have only 6k:
(also read the tags pls if u will)
#i just don't wanna dissapoint them like uh IM KINDA NOOB YEA#people in my friendlist with more than 10k trophies scare me ghauhhh (there's 7 of them)#idk why these ppl even in my friendlist like come on i can't play finely- i depend on the team in 3v3s and 5v5s most of the time#i hate anxiety and paranoia honestly it worsens my life so much#and sorry for such sudden brawl stars-based post i just wanted to smh express this shit#edit: kinda feel ashamed when i even LOOK at their icon with trophy number when they're online#i'm just- i'm sad#i can't even play with others who's in my online friendlist and who has almost same number of trophies as i do#i just don't wanna dissapoint ANY teammates it scares me shitless
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I think because I'm gentle and truly try my best to understand and not to judge, people tend to reveal their truest selves to me, and I'm incredibly privileged in that way because oftentimes it's something deeply beautiful and poetic or something vulnerable and hurting that I can offer support for. But every so often, that deepest part of someone is something ugly and festered that jumps at the satisfaction of being seen. And I don't know how to combat that. I don't see it until it's too late. I see someone vulnerable and hurting before I see that something ugly and it always gets me off guard, wrapped up in its tendrils
#this sounds almost as if im bragging i think but thats not my intention#like i am genuinely ashamed to be so susceptible to manipulation#i think i should know better
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