#in the feels tonight my friends
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I don't know how Terry managed it. There's just nothing on this earth like a Discworld book. I'll be listening to a book I've read countless times over and suddenly, a single line I've never even really noticed before will tear me open. They just reach right inside me and open my ribcage to expose my very heart.
Tonight, it was Hat Full of Sky and Granny Weatherwax saying, "The world is unfair. Be grateful you have friends." On their own, the words are unremarkable. But juxtaposed together, with the context they are operating in....they had tears flowing down my face before I knew what was happening. The world is unfair; sometimes, the wonderful happens when it shouldn't (and/or when you feel you deserve a divinely wrathful torment) because you have friends. The world is unfair. That doesn't just mean that the horrible happens when it shouldn't. It means that the beautiful does too. Be grateful you have friends. They are the hub on which that beauty spins, turning the theft into gold.
A lot of people I've introduced to these books haven't liked them ā they find them too silly, or preachy, or nonsensical, or even puerile. I am never upset or really disappointed when they don't like them. To each their own. But I will never understand it. They are baked into my being in a way that few things are and I am better to myself, to other people, and to the world because of it.
Sir Terry, you were a gift nonpareil. Thank you for your words and for shaping my world.
#gnu terry pratchett#in the feels tonight my friends#discworld is a vital part of me and frankly the witches series most of all#it shocks me sometimes how much i can get out of a relisten#even when ive heard and read the book countless times before#theres truly nothing on this earth like a discworld novel#discworld#tiffany aching#granny weatherwax
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friendship so strong it grants you a sixth level spell slot. I have words to say.
#you arenāt always supposed to handle doubt alone.#even if you arenāt afraid of the dark itās easier to navigate with someone holding your hand#Kristen said āāI just love my friends. I love my friends so much.ā#and Fig said āmaybe Iām not an artist. maybe Iām just a really good friend.ā#and everyone in the world wanted me to be okay and normal about it#queerplatonic love comes in so many forms and this is one of them#fig and Kristen. fig and Kristen. fig. Kristen.#also also#Iāve been so emotional about the fact that all of the bad kids care so deeply about Cassandra despite not worshiping her#āāI believe in Cassandra because Iāve seen her!ā like they have come eye to eye with a goddess and chose the mutual friends route#god I love it so much#also nonbinary fig believers how are we feeling tonight#fantasy high#d20#d20 fantasy high#d20 fanart#fh#fantasy high fanart#fhjy#fhjy spoilers#d20 fhjy#fig faeth#fig fantasy high#kristen applebees#kristen fantasy high#faebees#applefaeth#thatās important to me. that is an important part of this.#undescribed#my art
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being an adult means we can buy or make as much self-indulgent shit (as we can afford) and unironically have trinkets of our fave things cause our teen years was bullied for liking things and hiding/denying we were ever neurodivergent to the point of suicide. sucks for anyone that thinks its weird cringe but I'm going to try and allow myself to love myself in little ways now
#wish i could tell younger me that i wasnt fucked up i was just autistic#even if youre not nd i still think having things you enjoy around you is important especially for your space#so i make a notable effort to get fandom stuff for my younger siblings now#like my lil sister thinks getting demon slayer stuff is cringe cause anime and what not (havent read it sorry)#but her face still lights up when i get her a pin for her#or a blind bag with a character keychain#and very slowly the self hatred and whatever it feels like that youre not allowed to like anything and that anything you like is bad#starts to diminish#my qpp is obsessed with birds and chickens and has so many trinkets around the house for it#or my friend who loves how pretty stained glass looks that his walls are covered in thrifted stain glass pieces#i know an elderly couple who are obsessed with star trek and they have a room in the house purely for shelves stacked with collectables#my friend's dad is so obsessed with spiderman that he has 3 walls full of figurines and posters and collectables that prob amoutn to tons#like i dont get it but i get it#maybe its because im sick rn but im in my head tonight about human loving things and stories and cocepts to the point of comfort#sara shush#ramble
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(I had a nice evening)
#Fuyuhiko kuzuryu#Hajime hinata#Kuzuhina#I couldnt begin to count all the ways I'm lucky so I wont but its been a good time tonight#I'll never forget that time my short friend let me lean all over her when we were at a party and her head was so warm .... nice feeling#an art#Just a little vent art (the vent is happy)
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#feeling sad and tender and miserable for him tonight friends#hawkeye pierce#m*a*s*h#mashposting#mashblogging#my shitposts#the late captain pierce#s4e5
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Astarionās the ex-boyfriend who reluctantly let you go because he felt like he wasnāt good enough.
Heās the ex who took some time away to mature before he could face you and your companions again.
It was nothing you didāGods, you were perfect. He just wasnāt ready for what a genuine relationship entailed. For what it cost.
When Withers reunites you, you secretly hope to mend thingsāand, secretly, so do your friends.
Your conversation is seamless as if you hadnāt spent all these months avoiding one another like a sickness.
He smiles more. Your laughterās lighter now. Heās no less beautiful than he was six months ago. His touch still makes your skin prickle with static electricity despite its harmlessness. Still makes your heart stutter, and those dragonflies stir in your belly, and youāre a nervous little wreck, arenāt you?
You part ways with see you laters as opposed to goodbyes because the latter would imply youāre done for good. But fate has a tricky way of meddling with your lives and bringing you back together like driftwood returned to the shoreline.
Eventually, you become acquaintances, running into each other by happenstance throughout Baldurās Gate.
Bumping hands whilst reaching for a book in the library. Encountering each other at the night market, exchanging familiar smiles and nodsāGods, darling, youāre still as terrible at scoping out a good deal as ever, he jests with that customary waggle of his hand.
Then, you become friends again. Close friends. And eventually, he becomes a constant in your life once more, showing up to your home each night with the promise of wine and juicy gossipāitās all just a ruse to see you.
Though your breaths hitch in tandem each night you find him seated close to you on your setteeāyour thighs brush together, your pinkies graze, and his lips āaccidentallyā touch your cheekāyou donāt want to ruin things. Donāt want to dredge up those old feelings. Fester those old wounds because, of course, you still pine for one another.
But you donāt want to muck up your rekindled friendship by once again rushing into something he may still not be ready for.
So you settle for breaking your own heart each night, smiling like a drunken, enamored fool while he rests his head in your lap. And you twirl his pretty little curls about your fingers, watching his lashes flutter, and his cheeks redden with your bloodāyou still offer it to him from time to time. Thatās what friends do, right?
And though your lips twitch with a question, with that urge to ask what happened to usāwith a need to lean down and kiss himāyou stomp down those impulses.
Youāre content with sitting with him like this, watching a smile round his lips and his chest quake with a fond chuckle because maybe heās still as much taken by you as youāve always been by him.
And maybe itās just you being wishful. Maybe itās the candlelight playing tricks on your eyes. Perhaps itās the wine warming in your veins, making you delusional.
But you feel his hand at your nape, slowly drawing you closer. And the world around fades into a beautiful bokeh when your lips meet, and your neck hurts from the angle, and maybe your lips are a little chapped and unrehearsed after all this time, butā¦
Well, itās every bit of perfect. Just like you remembered it.
#astarion x reader#astarion x tav#astarion x you#bg3 astarion#bg3 fanfiction#astarion fluff#astarion#stream of consciousness#lovers to strangers#strangers to friends#friends to lovers#idk iām on my period and in my feelings tonight#and i watched the epilogue after breaking up with him and like#thereās hope there#also inspired by my kindle series
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i have been a ball of depression lately as well as my physical health worsening pretty severly this past week due to stress and so my friends have been. trying so hard to get me to get out and do things and its very sweet but i feel bad because the whole time iām just a total mess
#they say they dont mind but i need to really. stop#im stuck.#and i know itās hard on my friends to see me like this since iāve been doing a lot better and now am back to my old habits#but i felt bad because they took me out shopping and to dinner tonight and i just had a headache and was limping and couldnt stop talking#about the recent death in my family and all the stress from classes and socially and how lost i feel#and i just wanted so bad to just. enjoy myself but i couldnt#but my friends know about how severe my depression is and are all very used to it#its in fact more normal than not. but i was really. feeling at my best for several months so the crash back down to not eating and sleeping#and being unable to fully tidy my room and all that stuff has been. difficult for me as well as those around me#itās been normal for me for so long to live terribly that taking care of myself for a while and then losing the drive to has been. hard#im trying to get better but i slide back down#i need to work on my constant self loathing but i keep walking around just. conviced im such a burden and being sad makes it even worse#i just. am always overcompensating for my lack of#ability to love myself with just. constantly showering everyone around me with love and its. hard for me when i dont have the energy to do#even that anymore. its hard to let people take care of me when i just want to take care of them all the time
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imagining the story from pei ming's perspective is rlly funny i think. this god from all that time ago ascends again (you were there for the first two times) and immediately waltzes into a situation that fucks something up for your descendant (putting both of your reputations on the line, messing up how hard your descendant worked to become a god and how hard you worked to ensure that he would have that chance) and then refuses to let you smooth the situation out and on TOP of that your friend's little sister (who hates you and who you are trying to look out for by request of your friend) is on your case about it too. so you've gotta work all that out and then like. you chill for a little bit (still kind of upset about your descendant) until your friend undergoes a heavenly calamity. and then in the space of like A Day the god from earlier shows up again with a fucking ghost king, your friend dies, the little sister you're supposed to be looking out for disappears, and everything just kinda goes to shit. so you're like. grieving. trying to process everything. until your OTHER close friend goes off the fucking rails with the spirit of that guy she murdered, and then you get called out to the spooky ghost mountain where you're confronted with the girl whose death YOU were essentially responsible for and have never really come to terms with, and then like. you just kind of hang out with these gay people until everything resolves itself. fight some ghosts. fight the heavenly emperor. get your friend to stop being evil for a little while so she can fix the filing systems. and then you just have to keep being the god of love i guess
#characters who are so related and yet so unrelated to the story my beloveds#is he really necessary to the story. no! he's so essential to me though#nobody talks about the tragedy of the three tumors... i know it's cause they're awful but c'mon guys...#these three people who only have each other... pei ming losing both of them one after another in their own way...#i think he's probably pretty chill about ling wen being evil. i don't remember how he responds but i don't think he's that worried.#but still. that's two for two on the 'people i care about getting fucked up somehow' list#and then the kid that you're supposed to be emergency older brother to fucking DISAPPEARS.#so you can't even follow through on your promise to your dead friend...#shaking my computer. do you all understand how i feel#pei ming posting tonight. so many thoughts but so little expressed in the pei ming posting#too sleempy... will return to thoughts later#i am going to become the pei ming poster of all time. just watch me#talking#tgcf#pei ming#tian guan ci fu
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Misty isn't selfish for wanting friendship with toons.
Misty is selfish for her lack of consideration of toons, their feelings, their perspective. She only focuses on herself and how she has been hurt.
She feels hurt by Bessie's actions, claiming "there was no reason" for her to do such a thing. But toons and cogs are at WAR. Bessie didn't see Misty, she saw a COG approaching her and retaliated. She did not see them as an individual, she saw them as the enemy that's been terrorizing and colonizing their land. And rightfully so.
That being said, Misty did not have ill intentions approaching Bessie. Because of this, they feel hurt that she responded in such a violent way. Misty can feel hurt, but they need to understand why toons feel the way they do towards cogs. They are at WAR. And Misty just doesn't seem to realize that.
She feels entitled to play with toons and garner sympathy from them despite their ongoing battle against the cogs.
It's all about "you still tried to hurt me" and "i've done nothing wrong". Misty truly believes she is the victim and thinks she's entitled to sympathy from toons. But she's not.
Misty genuinely wants friendship with toons, which is why she feels so hurt when they reject her, even if they are right in doing so. Much of her dialogue implies she really is oblivious to the gravity of this war and why the toons, obviously, don't want to engage with her:
Misty may want to befriend toons with no bad intentions, but that doesn't erase what the cogs are doing to the toons' land. And the toons are still justified in fighting Misty. She is a cog at the end of the day.
Misty is so focused on her own, personal pain that she is completely disregarding that a WAR is going on. She disregards what the toons endure due to Cogs Inc. and thinks, just because she doesn't personally hate toons, that they owe her friendship.
I think Misty is probably the main reason for the fandom's villainization of toons and woobification of the cogs. But it's not the fault of how she's written, it's the fault of people who feel bad for a character and suddenly think all their morals have to align with that character. Now, they all have to adapt to Misty's way of thinking: that she is an innocent victim who has done nothing and doesn't deserve any of the treatment she's gotten from toons, and that toons are just evil monsters who attack her for no reason.
THIS COULD NOT BE FURTHER FROM THE TRUTH.
You can enjoy a character, like Misty, and feel bad for her. It's obvious there is some real suffering happening here, but it does not justify her view or lack of consideration for others. They are so focused on their own pain that they never think of others. They are so focused on being the victim that no one else can be a victim.
This line of thinking is so flawed, and when a big chunk of fandom REPEATS it, it leads to wild mischaracterization and woobification of. colonizers.
You can like characters who are bad people and disagree with their actions. Misty is not a good person. I think they are suffering, they are hurting, but that cannot be the end of the story. There are others, like the toons, who are suffering and hurting as well. And that should not be erased for the sake of your blorbo. You can still love Misty while condemning her way of thinking. I do myself.
There's the opposite end as well, where people acknowledge this character is not a good person but suddenly think they have to hate the character as a whole because they are morally bad.
Misty Monsoon is very flawed as a person and suffering from her own victim mentality, which hurts others as well. But I love this character. They're fucked up and just want a friend, but they're going to need to be more considerate and aware of their own poor actions if they want to earn that friendship and respect from others. Give and take.
#toontown#toontown corporate clash#ttcc#misty monsoon#rainmaker#my big juicy brain in full effect#having misty thoughts tonight i suppose!#sick and tired of mistys treatment in fandom. i think by far she gets the worst next to chip#misty is not flat evil but they are not good either.#i dont think they wish to be a bad person but they are bc theyre so obsessed with being a victim and getting sympathy#bc they feel its the only way they can be understood and make connections with others#i hope she makes a friend one day. i also hope she massively improves herself before doing any such thing.#get therapy gurl!
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So this ficlet-ish thing was inspired by @hydrachea, nsfw super genius extraordinaire, but also by the fact that in addition to Boothill's left eye being cybernetic, I like to hc even the parts of him that look human aren't fully natural. I mean the dude eats bullets, after all. I think he should also have vents in his mouth so he can literally blow smoke/steam, it would look super cool. Think Father Gascoigne or Studio BONES' Todoroki. We as a fandom deserve that!!
So anyway, of course, sometimes these vents get blocked up and need to be cleaned manually. Thankfully, Dan Heng is super helpful ā
Like there's one day where Boothill is lazing around in the archives, fresh off a bounty and happily soaking up the luxury of the Astral Express after however long he's spent tracking his prey through all the dust and dirt with almost no rest.
Boothill likes it in the archives. It's not silent, but it's quiet. There's no music and only muffled voices from outside, but there's the hum of all the computer systems. It makes for a nice place to hide away and recharge when he's just finished exhausting himself.
And besides, Dan Heng is there.
Sometimes the two of them talk back and forth, but today it's mostly quiet...except for-
"I didn't know it was possible for you to get sick."
...Except for Boothill having to constantly clear his throat. That's the thing about your mark trying to flee into the desert. You either go after them and get sand everywhere (and even worse, sticky sand once it gets all bloody) or you wuss out and lose out on the bounty. Personally, Boothill likes being able to afford to eat.
"Grit's stuck in a vent somewhere, 'n' the usual maintenance ain't gettin' it. I'll prob'ly have ta manually dig it out." But later, when he's not laid out half asleep on Dan Heng's extra futon. Usually after a chase as long as this one took, he can shut down for almost a full day. He doesn't want to get up yet.
Something shadows over him, and reflex demands Boothill's eye open. Dan Heng steps around him on his way to some drawer built in the wall on the other side of the room or something. Boothill closes his eye again.
From under his hat he hears the sounds of rummaging, drawers sliding open and shut, the swish of a long coat. The shadow returns.
"Sit up, just momentarily. I have something to help." And Boothill groans a tired don't wanna, but he does it anyway, he hauls himself upright into a kneel. And then he sits up a little straighter because he realizes Dan Heng is standing right over him.
Dan Heng tells him "open your mouth," and Boothill's jaw pops open without his permission, without even a second thought, and hey, what protocol in there ok'd THAT?!?!
Before he can really unpack whatever the heck that just was, though, Dan Heng murmurs for him to say so if he needs them to stop, and then he's sliding a long, hard rod down Boothill's throat, tipped with some soft little brush he probably uses for all his fancy archival equipment.
Dan Heng tells him the handle of the brush is straight and can't be bent, he needs to move his head to be able to reach the vent in his throat. Boothill hums affirmatively; he can't do anything else with his mouth occupied.
Dan Heng's free hand holds him by his jaw, tilts it up slowly but firmly so he has to look straight up at him.
Boothill feels dizzy.
The cycle of blue blood through his artificial heart whirrs just a bit faster, his temperature sensor pings an internal alarm to warn for imminent overheating. Boothill curls his fingers into the guard over his knee as Dan Heng carefully brushes at the dust irritating him. All other sounds- the hum of running equipment, the occasional beep from the computers, the noise of the crew outside of this room- seem to pull away, until all Boothill can focus on is the steady and measured breathing from the man above him.
"Almost done."
Thank the aeons, maybe one of them likes him after all.
"Your tongue is in the way... I'm going to hold it down, ok?"
Nevermind.
The fingers holding his jaw curl around his chin, thumb slipping past open lips to dip into his mouth and pin down his tongue. One of his teeth catch on the digit, breaking skin just enough to bleed a drop where he can taste it. Dan Heng doesn't even flinch. Another temperature alarm pings off in his brain, then another, then another.
Boothill has never been shy about eye contact but oh, god, it nearly kills him when dull green irises flick away from their task and look down right at him as his mouth is held open. He quickly squeezes his own eye shut for some relief.
With his vision cut off, the rest of his senses automatically recalibrate to compensate. He can hear every breath even more distinctly now, every soft inhale and exhale, feel the strain in his neck, the softness of the brush, the hard floor beneath his knees, the hand holding his jaw and the fingerprints that feel like they should leave burns in his skin, the taste of Dan Heng heavy on his tongue-
Forget it, eye open, eye open!!
"Alright. There's one last pebble stuck."
Boothill had been trained to endure torture, back on his homeworld. It was part of being in a gang, part of being a bounty hunter.
Somehow, keeping himself quiet and still as Dan Heng inches the brush even further down the back of his throat is a profoundly similar experience.
The seconds tick by, Dan Heng's brow furrowing, face growing ever more concentrated and Boothill struggles not to watch him too closely, fights down the noise that suddenly tries to escape him as the brush withdraws-
"Swallow."
Stars and aeons, Dan Heng is going to be the death of him.
Boothill swallows. He feels it when the movement finally dislodges the loosened pebble from his vent.
His face feels shockingly cold now bereft of touch, even though Dan Heng's hands are always cool. He asks to see, and Boothill's mouth is already open again to show him, even as he belatedly realizes he could have just told him it had worked.
"Good." There's the slightest smile on Dan Heng's lips as he finally, mercifully, leans back out of his personal space, goes to put away the brush. "That should feel better now." Boothill spends a moment dizzy and dazed, feeling the need to blink spots out of his eye even though his vision is clear. He still hasn't moved off his knees.
What the fudge.
#honkai star rail#Boothill's mouth: Thanks xiongdi.#Boothill's overheating neuro chip: *GLUCK GLUCK GLUCK GLUCK GL-*#There's just something so fun about Boothill being down bad and a little pathetic over Dan Heng JSKZIJSKSKSMD#Man's having an awakening here whether he wants it or not RIP#godspeed you sweet little fruitcake o7#Boothill sleeps on a couch in one of the cars (he's just visiting so he doesn't have his own room)-#-and keeps having to fight his temperature sensors all night long skzjmskznd#him laying there staring at the ceiling like š³ļøāš? š³ļøāš? š³ļøāš???#and meanwhile Dan Heng is in the archives thinking to himself hm. he sure feels weirdly restless tonight. and kind of warm too.#and finally he's just like well whatever and rolls over and goes to sleep NSKZNZMSMSM#didn't do any of it on purpose has no idea what kind of torture he just inflicted on his friend smsjsmks#Boothill with gay panic is so much fun#he's so cute I love him#torture him some more Dan Heng!!!!#hsr#henghill#bootheng#dan heng#boothill#hsr boothill#hsr dan heng#suggestive#my fics#recalibrated with the sudden force of a sledgehammer#accidentally posted this while I was just trying to edit a fucking line#so now you guys get some sin on your dashes early good morning everyone BDKSJJSKWMDKD
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little doodles i drew after listening to the new ep to keep myself from biting into cement and then flopping around the floor like a fish
#malevolent#malevolent podcast#arthur lester#jarthur#john doe#privateeyes#i had to sit in school for 8 hours and all i did was think about Him#my oogly boogly#my scringlo rat#im so proud of my adopted pathetic man noise machine#as a reward he wont be getting thrown down the stairs affectionately tonight#legit feel like those parents w toddlers when they bring their child to the playground#and the kid just starts staring at anothef kid and im like awewewwww theyre best friends now#except instead of a kid its a grown ass man with deepseated trauma and a kill count#anyways as you can see im completely Normal#i am sane#i promise#(lie)
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one year since i posted my first skk fic which meansā¦
one whole year of posting skk fics š„ŗ tysm from the bottom of my heart to anyone whoās read, kudosād, and/or commented on any of my ficsā¦ iām so grateful šš„¹
hereās to another year & hopefully many more fics (pray for my wip list LOL) š©·š©·š©·š©·š©·
#in my feels tonight#i feel so blessed to have made so many lovely writer friends too :ā)#also ik i said iād post babyzai part 2 today but ive been sick so its not quite finished šš it should be up in the next few days!!! <33333#my writing#my fics
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āØāØšāØšāØ
#Fuyuhiko kuzuryu#Hajime hinata#Sdr2#Super danganronpa 2#Danganronpa 2#I just doodled this with super low effort and I wanted to post it tonight (so I'll self rb tomorrow hehe) because#I feel so much less like some kind of alien or half-person after a good long talk w my friend 2night <3#Someone you can talk to for hours and not feel bored or bothered or stilted with. Is a treasure tbh#Cruising streets is a big bonus lol#Kuzuhina#An art#Their eyes are traffic light colours... hehe#I need a Night Driving playlist... even tho I dont drive.
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White Chrysanths for the Swallow
Rocky was waiting for her at the table at the Little Daisy, but this time he was especially eager. Even Ivy had stopped teasing him about the way he lighted up and hummed to himself as he waited for Mau to show up at the door of the cafƩ, and just smiled, refilling his coffee whenever it ran out. He almost daydreamed of handing Maura two tickets to tomorrow's musical: of her eyes sparkling, of her taking his hand and telling him he was the best in the world.
But time passed, and Mau wasn't coming.
In those few hours, Rocky had replayed the fantasy in his head hundreds of times, changing the lines and the scenery. At first, imaginary Maura was beaming with happiness, calling him affectionate names, melting in his arms like all those heroines on the stage of a musical theater in the arms of their beloved ones, but every time the fantasy became darker and darker. More disturbing. Mau no longer rejoiced, no longer smiled. Her bright lively figure was becoming more and more dim, and she more often sighed, frowned, did not accept the gift. She asked him to return the tickets, scolded him for wasting his money carelessly, told him some news, one worse than the other, and finally said she didnāt want to see him again. Never again.
It was getting unbearable to sit still, and Rocky abruptly moved away from the table, threw on his coat, and headed for the exit. Maybe a walk would clear his head a littleā¦
āMiss Pepper, I have a very urgent task to attend to. If she shows up on the doorstep, don't let her out of here on any pretext. Lock the doors, board up the windows, show her every fashion magazine you can find, but don't let her leave here until I get back. I'm counting on your wit and exceptional charm.ā
The way he looked intently into Ivy's eyes before he left looked almost threatening. He wasn't even aware of the desperation hiding behind that look. But Ivy saw it.
āDon't worry, I'm an expert at this,ā she winked at him encouragingly.
The cold air blew across Rocky's face, and he shivered, pulling his scarf over his nose, the same funny skewed scarf Mau had knitted for him last Christmas. Sometimes, like now, Rocky thought he could still smell on it the very same scent of coffee and pastries that wafted from the Venza family's eatery. It didn't help distract him, though. Quite the opposite. After walking a few blocks in an attempt to escape his doubts, he spotted a small flower shop ā Rocky's imagination immediately conjured up a lovely picture of Maura cradling a fresh spring bouquet on this cold, cloudy evening and he didn't notice himself stepping over the storeās doorstep. The frail old woman behind the counter put aside the newspaper and immediately chirped, offering him different flowers, and finally convinced him to take a few white chrysanthemums. She tied the flowers with a delicate pink ribbon and also wrapped them tightly in the newspaper she had read before.
āThey mustn't be overfrozen. Or they won't last long,ā she explained sternly.
Rocky walked back much more briskly. He was warmed by the thought that now he would be able to give Mau not one surprise, but two. Hiding the bouquet from a gust of cold wind, Rocky lowered his gaze to it and pressed the flowers closer to himselfā¦ when suddenly, out of the corner of his eye, he noticed the headline of one of the newspaper articles.
āShootout at the small Italian eatery Casa di Rondine shocked the residentsā¦ a bloody showdown in the neighborhoodā¦ occurred on the nightā¦ police identified the bodies of twoā¦ā
Rocky couldn't remember how he reached the familiar alleyway. How he threw the bouquet to the ground, swung over the barrier tape, and rushed to the entrance ā a gaping hole instead of a small blue door. Shards of glass littered the floor, the formerly cozy, cramped hall was a real mess, the furniture was riddled with gunshots. Even the old tabletop radio was now on the floor, shattered to pieces.
āStop right there!ā a panting policeman grabbed him by the scruff of the neck. āWhat the hell are you doing breaking into a crime scene?ā
āIā¦ uhā¦ā in his panic Rocky couldn't think straight, but nonetheless he blurted out: āI'm from a newspaper. Wanted to visit the crime scene myself.ā
āA lousy reporter you are, then. Your buddies sniffed everything around here a long time ago.ā
āI was just hired today and immediately assigned to this very intriguing case. Soā¦ā
āThere's nothing intriguing about it. This Bianchi guyā¦ā
āWho?ā
āThe renter, Augusto Bianchi, if that's his real name at all, apparently had a huge debt to pay someone. And for that, he got pinned down. There was a scuffle in the night, at least four assailants. The two guys we found here have a couple priors, but they're not in a condition to tell us who hired them. The amount of such cold cases we haveā¦ā the man hummed and passed his hand above his head. āWe've already explained it all to your fellow scribblers this morning. And I highly doubt the landlord would want to tell the same story tenth times over to another newspaper weasel. The only thing he's interested in right now is getting money from the insurance company.ā
āAnd the girl?ā
āWhat girl?ā
āThe waitress. Who worked here. What about her?ā
āConsidering how much blood there is, they're probably both either in a ditch, scattered in pieces, or feeding fishes somewhere at the bottom of the Mississippiā¦ both father and daughter, if you meant her,ā boredly remarked the other officer, who had quietly approached them, lighting a cigarette. āThere's nothing for you to do here, boy. Henry's right ā there's absolutely nothing of interest in this case. People might have chattered about it in the morning, but the very next day they'll forget all about it. Go home, don't add to our workload. And quit the paper that sent you here. If your editor doesn't realize that news like this must be broken in the heat of the moment, believe me, their business will burn out faster than a short match.ā
Rocky tried to get anything else out of them, at least a little bit, to look in the kitchen of the eatery, to slip upstairs to Mauās and Augusto's apartment, but the policemen were adamant. On unsteady legs he made it to the nearest bench and collapsed on it, staring blankly into the dark November sky. He could have screamed, could have destroyed everything around him on a single painful impulse, but the emptiness that engulfed him was far more frightening.
His silence was more frightening.
Years would pass. Would flow, as before, from night to night. The world wonāt notice his loss. The world won't notice any loss at all. In the place of his beloved swallow house, other birds will build a nest. Freckle and Ivy will eventually stop opening that wound with their questions. And one day, perhaps, he will stop gazing into the crowd, hoping to find among the unfamiliar faces the features dear to his heart, and stop flinching when he hears someone sayĀ amore mio. He knows how it happens ā it was not the first time. All he has to do is smile and everything will work out. It'll wear off, getting back to the way it was. One day.
But the bouquet of chrysanths will still remain rotting on the cold ground.
#this ficlet was written in july and was supposed to become an announcement of a pause (or more like a full stop) to my fandom activities#because i was feeling sad and insecure for a long while about my own arts & texts (still are sometimes) and wanted to take a break#i planned to finish all the ideas & asks i had left; post this and go but i failed the task; the 'finishing' period stretched too much haha#and due to some recent events and a very meaningful talk i had with my best friend tonight i feel that this ficlet is not relevant anymore#it was posted on ao3 and ficbook in july but now i want to post it here anyway just to be here (for the history so to say)#and as a reminder that i almost allowed myself to abandon what brings me so much joy because of insecurities and overthinking#or maybe even if some of these 'overthinking voices' speak truth i'll try to find inner strength to be indifferent now (at least learn to)#anyway thank you for being here with me and supporting me fellas#you don't know how much all your support means and how grateful i'll always be for your care#heldig writings#lackadaisy#romaunce#maura venza oc#maura venza#rocky rickaby#lackadaisy rocky#rocky lackadaisy#ivy pepper#calvin mcmurray#calvin freckle mcmurray#augusto venza oc#augusto venza#lackadaisy oc#lackadaisy ocs#lackadaisyoc#lackadaisyocs#lackadaisy fanfiction
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Imagine the Pevensies, returning to Narnia in Prince Caspian, to find everyone they knew and loved is dead. Imagine them rescuing Trumpkin, meeting Caspian, dealing with the Telmarines--being so busy, they have no time to sit and mourn properly. They can only grieve while they walk through silent forests and make their way down strange riverbeds, can only snatch a few minutes before they fall asleep in between days of travel and days of battle to try to make their peace with all they have lost.
Imagine the four of them at that long celebration after the fight has been won. Laughing and feasting along with everyone else, feeling so much joy, and yet they cannot help looking around at it all. Surrounded by dwarfs and fauns, by living trees and talking beasts and dancing waters, by all their dear new friends, they cannot help remembering other celebrations. Other friends. It is all very like it was, once.
And then imagine figures making their way through the crowd to them. One or two at first, but more and more as the night goes on. Tall figures with flowing green hair, brown skin textured with bark, eyes like knotholes.
Some were only saplings, last time. Some bear scars from lightning strikes and beetle attacks. Many have fallen to storm or age, but still, some are there. Still, time has not passed for them as it has for the rest of Narnia. Wading through the earth like water, they do not come to meet the Pevensies, do not come to gape at the kings and queens of legend. They come to greet their old friends.
Trees live a long time, you see.
#the chronicles of narnia#dryads#fanfic#narnia fanfics#prince caspian#pevensie siblings#my fics#nova actually posts stuff#i realized this a while back and it would not leave me alone until i wrote something so. uh#does anyone want any feels about trees tonight#just. the thought of some of the pevensies' old friends coming back to them#i'm not crying you're crying
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Hey guys, reminder that you're SO loved & cared for forever and ever and I'm going to make sure of it because you're FUCKING!!!! LOVELY!!!!
Have a WONDERFUL FUCKING DAY!!!! PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE AFFECTION, FUCK YOU, LOVE YOURSELF, YOU'RE AWESOME, NEVER FUCKING CHANGE OR SO HELP ME!!!!! /SILLY
Sending all the love in the WORLD and BEAMING you all with so much support because I LOVE YOU!!!!! VERY MUCHLY!!! EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU AREN'T SIMPLY FOLLOWERS, BUT MY FRIENDS.. AND FAMILY!!!
GET LOVED, IDIOT. GET ABSOLUTELY FUCKING TREASURED!!!!
BEEEAAAAMMMM!!! šššššššššššššššššššš
#berri rambles about shit#berri stuff#I feel very silly tonight and my emotions go hEE HOOO#i DO MEAN IT THOUGH#LOVE ISNT JUST ROMANTIC I CAN LOVE MY FRIENDS AND THE PEOPLE WHO SURROUND ME AND EVERYONE WILL FUCKING KNOW IT!!!#eXPLODE!!! YOU'RE SO SUPPORTED AND LOVELY AND COOL AND NICE AND NEAT AND EPIC AND POG#wEEEEEEE#love and support
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