#in the DESCRIPTION OF WHAT GAD CAN DO

[imthat1boy]

All of these are so fucking accurate.

[traumagenic-roleplay-refuge]

Hello! This is an pinned post for this blog! You can ask anything you want, btw! (Also, HUGE NOTE: Credit to @anti-endo-haven, everything here is based on their account.)

This is an ANTI-ENDO blog. No endogenics, no willogenics, no western tulpas, no demogenics, none of their supporters. Endo-neutral or people who can't give a fuck anymore are welcome. NO SYSCOURSE ALLOWED.

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About the blog owner!

This blog is run by a anti-endo & anti non-traumagenic DID system. We have DID (obviously), autism, ADHD, SPD, and GAD. We are intersex, transpan, nonbinary, and sapphichillean panaspec vari-oriented.

Our main blog is @seraphim-system-official but our most active is probably @seraphim-coinz (shameless plug)

We may or may not sign off!

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Glad you asked! You can:

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Please trigger warning things. I'll do my best to add all of the warnings, but it really, really helps if you go ahead and provide the list.

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No sexual assault

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Oh, but Francis, I don't wanna see the words at all!

Again, everything will be heavily warned about in the tags, as well as at the top of my addition to the ask.

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The question rules (towards us!)

You can ask just about anything! Keep in mind that we're a minor, and a traumatized one at that.

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Other rules!

As long as it follows what I’ve already requested, there are no more! I won’t tie you down with boring constraints here!

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Can I have an anonymous sign-off?

PLEASE YES! WE'D LOVE ANONS!

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I'd like to something important to be added to the pinned post!

Go ahead and let me know either through message or an ask! I don’t mind making sure things stay up to date!!!

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Bye for now!

[ourolite]

୨⎯ byf. prerequisites to interact with this account are brief, but intrinsic. we value your patience and understanding on the following matters! ⎯୧

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[hello-vodka-goodbye-dignity7]

Deltarune characters as mental disorders

So I just thought this would be an interesting thing to do, no offense to anyone with any of these conditions, I myself am on the road to recovery from depression so...

Kris - Depression - Kris's character design and personality reminds me a lot of when I went through dark times, and he really just represents the illness to me a lot, as in the way for some people when they suffer from depression they just feel the lack of caring for themselves and their appearance, but at the same time though I feel like he also represents the road of recovery from depression, because of when darkworld Kris endeavored through insanely rough challenges on they're way to save the world (aka the recovery from depression), and I feel like this is a good representation of all people who have recovered from depression, whether on their own or with the help of friends and family

Susie - Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD) - Susie is a character that screams ODD to me. For those of you that don't know ODD means Oppositional-Defiant-Disorder, which describes a person that has a bad temper, deliberately tries to aggravate and annoy other people, and especially directly defies orders from superiors. Susie fits this description, because all through out the series Susie directly opposes any opinion and quite literally runs the opposite direction. A good example of this would be at the beginning of chapter one when Susie is literally told that she is part of the team that is going to save the world, she literally exits the room and tries to find her own way home, literally ignoring everything Ralsei just told her.

Ralsei - Social Anxiety Disorder - I feel like Ralsei would be the type of character to have social anxiety disorder because even though he's very cheery and optimistic around his friends, however when meeting new characters he tends to get very nervous and refrains from violence. Also he tends to try to blend in with people and not really draw any attention, quite like when in conversation with a character Ralsei doesn't usually say anything out of pocket to draw attention to themselves, and whenever someone ambitious makes a move, flirtatiously and platonically, Ralsei will tend to take a moment to adjust from that unexpected action. Also, in game, whenever someone gets really close to Ralsei in game he blushes ever so slightly, indicating a sign of nervousness or unsettlement.

Noelle - Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) - This one was quite hard to analyze because Noelle and Ralsei are such similar characters. Both are optimistic, both are kind, both are non-violent unless they need to be, but the difference is Ralsei is a bit more introverted than Noelle. Some symptoms of GAD are the unreasonable worry and stress of simple events or regular actions, or excessive worry about said persons capability to deal with said issues. We notice these tendencies during Noelle's time in the darkworld when she stresses over the solution for when she has encounters with an assortment of characters like Berdly or Queen, for example. However, we also notice that Ralsei has a bit of this tendency too, however noelle has less introversion so we can conclude that she is more likely to have GAD.

Berdly - Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) - Oh. My. Fucking. God. There is no way in hell Berdly does not suffer from this disorder. NPD is exactly what it sounds like. According to HelpGuide.org, "But in psychological terms, narcissism doesn't mean self-love—at least not of a genuine sort. It's more accurate to say that people with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) are in love with an idealized, grandiose image of themselves. And they're in love with this inflated self-image precisely because it allows them to avoid deep feelings of insecurity. But propping up their delusions of grandeur takes a lot of work—and that's where the dysfunctional attitudes and behaviors come in." As stated in shown in the previous source before, people that suffer from NPD don't necessarily love themsleves, they love better versions of them. We see this from when in Chapter 2, Berdly opens up about his past and how he was very insecure about himself up until he won the spelling bee in first grade which mostly helped develop his ego complex even though he's not that great. And DEADASS this man BUILT a SOLID GOLD STATUE of a buff version of himself with NIPPLES wtf?!?!?

Anyways, props off to you for taking this long to read that, I spent a really long time researching on this so make sure to like and reblog, also reply in the comments if you want a part 2 with some of the main ANTAGONISTS next time!

[chronicallyme-katie]

I have Stiff Person Syndrome

What does that mean?

I am not a doctor and therefore cannot give medical advice.

I put this together and I hope it’s informative. I could not fit all relevant information in these slides so if there are any questions let me know. My DMs are always open!!

Sources used are:

rarediseases.info.nih.gov

ninds.nih.gov

stiffperson.org

Image Description:

The first slide has a pale pink background with the title in black and a other text in an orange shade.

All other slides have a white background. A pale pink bubble contains another white one which has the title typed in an orange shade and the words typed in a black font. All slides have the Instagram handle @chronicallyme.katie on the top.

SLIDE 1: What is Stiff Person Syndrome?

imagine a full body charley horse that stops you in your tracks*

*stiffperson.org

SLIDE 2: What?

SPS is a progressive disease that affects the nervous system, it presents as a neurological disease with autoimmune features

SLIDE 3: Who?

SPS affects at least 1 - 2 people in every million and is more common in women than men

SLIDE 4: Why?

the cause is not certain.

It has something to do with a disruption in the central nervous system

SLIDE 5: Diagnosis

on average, it takes 5 - 7 years to get an SPS diagnosis

elevated levels of GAD antibodies will show up in 70 - 80% of people with SPS

SLIDE 6: Symptoms

extreme muscle stiffness, rigidity and painful spasms in the trunk and limbs, severely impairing mobility. Spasms can generate enough force to fracture bone

SLIDE 7: Symptoms

heightened sensitivity to noise, sudden movements, touch and emotional distress, which can set off muscle spasms

SLIDE 8: Treatment

there is no cure for SPS

treatment focuses on relief from difficult symptoms, usually muscle spasms and pain.

SLIDE 9: Treatment

intravenous immunoglobulin (IVIg) treatment is effective in reducing stiffness, sensitivity to noise, touch, and stress and for improving gait and balance for people with SPS

SLIDE 10: IVIg

IVIg contains immunoglobulins (natural antibodies produced by the immune system) derived from thousands of healthy donors

[medicalhealth10]

Study In Detail About The Most Common Types Of Anxiety Disorders

In my detailed article, Study In Detail About The Most Common Types of Anxiety Disorders, I offer an in-depth look at the various forms of anxiety disorders that affect millions of people worldwide. Anxiety disorders are more than just occasional worries—they can dominate daily life, creating overwhelming fears that often seem unmanageable. This article provides a thorough breakdown of the most common anxiety disorders, including Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD), Panic Disorder, Social Anxiety Disorder, and Phobia-Related Disorders. Each section explores the unique symptoms associated with these disorders, giving readers a comprehensive understanding of how each condition manifests. Study In Detail About The Most Common Types Of Anxiety Disorders

The article begins with an overview of what anxiety is, explaining how natural anxiety responses are distinct from anxiety disorders. From there, I cover each disorder in detail:

Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD): I discuss the chronic, excessive worry that characterizes GAD, focusing on how this worry can impact daily tasks, personal relationships, and work life. Symptoms like restlessness, muscle tension, and fatigue are explained, as well as potential causes like genetics and prolonged stress. Do You Know About Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD)?

Panic Disorder: Panic Disorder is highlighted with a deep dive into panic attacks—their sudden onset, intense physical symptoms, and emotional toll. Many readers might find the information on “fear of the next attack” particularly relevant, as this cycle of fear can lead to significant life changes and avoidance behaviors. Panic Disorder-Medical & Health

Social Anxiety Disorder (SAD): This section covers the overwhelming fear of social situations and the impact it has on social and professional life. The article addresses how social anxiety differs from shyness and explains the symptoms, such as fear of judgment, blushing, and excessive sweating. All You Need To Know About Social Anxiety Disorders

Specific Phobias: Readers will find a detailed look at specific phobias, focusing on intense fears tied to particular objects or situations (like flying or spiders). By breaking down the symptoms, causes, and possible treatments, the article aims to help readers understand the significant impact phobias can have. Specific Phobias-Medical & Health

In addition to descriptions and symptoms, the article also discusses potential causes, including genetics, brain chemistry, environmental factors, and traumatic experiences that may contribute to the development of anxiety disorders. I highlight the ways that life events, such as childhood trauma or prolonged stress, can trigger or exacerbate these conditions.

The article doesn’t stop at diagnosis—it also dives into various treatment options to empower those affected by anxiety. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), exposure therapy, medications like SSRIs and SNRIs, and lifestyle adjustments are all discussed as part of an integrated approach to managing and reducing anxiety symptoms. Additionally, I touch on self-help techniques, such as mindfulness, relaxation exercises, and the importance of a supportive environment, which can all play a role in recovery.

This article is designed to be both informative and supportive, making it ideal for anyone looking to understand anxiety disorders, whether for themselves or to support loved ones. By the end, readers will gain not only a foundational knowledge of the most common anxiety disorders but also practical insights into effective treatments and coping strategies. Visit Study In Detail About The Most Common Types of Anxiety Disorders to explore these topics further and take the first steps toward understanding and managing anxiety.Study In Detail About The Most Common Types Of Anxiety Disorderswhat anxiety is, what is anxiety disorders, anxiety disorder definition, anxiety disorders list, OCD, PTSD, GAD, panic disorder, specific phobiashttps://diseases8804.blogspot.com/2021/07/study-in-detail-about-most-common-types.html

[asherisawkward]

Preemptive warning: this is a long ramble that gets fairly personal on my experiences.

Trigger warning for OCD, description of OCD triggers and rituals, description of OCD breakdown from not completing compulsions, and mention of religion/religious OCD.

This just made me realize why I started relating to Philip’s character so much in the Owl House as we learned more about him and his consistent behavior. As someone who is diagnosed with OCD and two types of anxiety (GAD and Social Anxiety), a lot of my issues stem from trying to control the stimulus I interact with and the ways my actions and even thoughts could potentially hurt the people I care about.

For example, one of my biggest compulsions is that I have to knock fourteen times in a specific pattern of seven done twice every time I say or think something that could be jinxable (example: the weather is good today). I’m doing significantly better due to my prescription and therapy, but I still have to do this, especially if it regards my family or their health/safety.

My father can get annoyed whenever I fall back into my habits, even though it’s not even happening every day anymore. (For reference, I used to do it about a dozen times a day.) And a part of me will always mentally go “Why do you have to complain? I am doing this for you! I am doing this so my thoughts or words don’t put you in danger!”

So Philip’s compulsive desire to save his brother (“I have to clone you and raise you properly so your soul doesn’t go to hell.”) is extremely relatable to me, as well as some of his scrupulosity OCD.

For the record, I am agnostic and not even sure that there is a higher power out there. Still, I have to, every night before midnight, apologize for my sins to a God I’m not even sure I believe in and express gratitude for the things that were good in that day. Now, I’m lucky because I have a very simple phrase to repeat as opposed to listing every good thing in the day and bad thing I’ve done. But it is still exhausting and stressful to do, and I start feeling physically dirty if I can’t get it done in time. (Another related compulsion is that I have to think, mouth, or say ‘amen’ any time I hear, see, say, or think the word God or spelling of the word.)

As an additional note, for the people telling those with OCD to just stop their compulsions and coping behaviors: it is not that simple at all. When I first began trying to stop my rituals or didn’t do them, it felt awful. I got this put in my stomach and started getting h really nauseous. Then, I’d start getting a headache, and my brain would start conjuring the worst possible scenarios. The whole time, I could just hear the implications of “This is what will happen if you don’t do this. Your family will get hurt, and it will be all your fault.” Then, my thoughts would become panicked and disjointed the way they do when I hyperventilate, even if my breathing was normal. It felt like my brain was suffocating inside my skull.

The only way for me to stop the spiraling was to complete my compulsions. And, if it was later than usual (more than about half a minute after the inciting incident), it wouldn’t really go away. I had a lingering fear that there might be a time limit on when my rituals were effective against my triggers or actions. What if the consequences had already been put in motion, and it was too late to stop it? How could I be such an awful, selfish person and risk my family over the stupid desire to stop my need for compulsions and rituals?

I consider myself fairly lucky regarding my compulsions and the complications associated with it. Philip likely worried that if he stopped making Grimwalkers, then his brother’s soul would be damned to Hell for eternity. All I can imagine is that if it’s this stressful for someone like me, it must be so much worse for someone who strongly believes in this stuff and strongly suffers from guilt associated with his actions. So the way that it’s just brushed over and not acknowledged really bothers me.

Thank you so much for your post. I have OCD and Belos's depiction has always bothered me in some way, but you finally put it in words.

(Also, I would actually argue Hunter has it too--a particular scene that really resonated with me in this regard is in Thanks to Them when he sees his long hair in the mirror and convinces himself that it means he's literally going to become Belos, and he has to cut it all off so that doesn't happen.)

(the other post)

YEAH!!! A good argument can definitely be made for both Belos and Hunter. Darius comes to mind, as well.

I have OCD as well, and since Belos is my favorite character, I must admit that I enjoy being able to relate to him in this way. The bigger problem is that, as far as canon is concerned, he's the only character with OCD, and it's what drives him to become the evil-evil self-interested "not genuine" villain. If toh had bothered to explore his backstory and express some sympathy toward his character, it probably wouldn't have felt so awkward, but alas.

The thing is, folks with OCD can fall into patterns of self-reassurance and disordered thinking very easily. Something I didn't mention in the last post is the link between OCD and psychosis (x x), which often prominently shows itself through delusions - a symptom that Belos expresses in conjunction with and as a result of his OCD, and one informed greatly by his traumatic childhood.

So much of Belos' character was informed by Caleb's death. His mission might have gone from saving humanity to seeking revenge; we don't get enough insight to know whether that was the case. What we do know is that he was (mostly) alone for a very long time afterward, stewing in obsessive thoughts and reassuring himself again and again with both the things he was taught and the losses he's felt as justification. He can't be wrong; the "or else" isn't an option.

Seeing the show say "he sucks because he just inherently has this disordered thinking" didn't feel good. As somebody with OCD, I recognized his disordered thought patterns. I have those disordered thought patterns, and I'm constantly forced to be careful not to fall into them the same way. Belos is an example of somebody with a disorder that lost the only form of a support system he ever had, and instead of resolving his story with an opportunity to either break out of those disordered thoughts or be destroyed by them, toh just said, "he's evil, so he should die" without the nuance demanded for the main villain. Once again, I need to stress that no other character in the show has canonical OCD.

Alas, OCD is misrepresented so often that I'm not even sure whether the creators realized that they wrote Belos to have it at all.

[schizopositivity]

i’m pretty sure i have schizophrenia but my voices aren’t audible most of the time like i can tell they’re in my head but they just sound louder and are commands? is this something people experience? i do have audible ones quite frequently though, just not my command hallucinations

from what little i know of your experience from this description it sounds more like intrusive thoughts to me. the difference between auditory hallucinations and intrusive thoughts is generally its said that auditory hallucinations sound like they are coming from outside your head and intrusive thoughts come from inside your head. and for me atleast most if not all of my intrusive thoughts are commands. but i think both can be not audible just sounds. another destinction is auditory hallucinations are other peoples voices (maybe people you know maybe random people). while intrusive thoughts are usually your own voice (although saying things you arent conciously, or wanting to think) kind of like an internal monolouge. i know it can be tricky to understand the difference if you dont experience both, people i know irl call their intrusive thoughts "the voices" and act like they are the same as hallucinations. but for me another way of telling is with auditory hallucinations, my gut reaction is to look around to see where its coming from, because i hear it just like i would hear anyone actually talking to me. but for intrusive thoughts i know right away that its coming from my head and i dont look around.

another thing to note is, even if you do for sure have auditory hallucinations, that alone isnt enough symptoms for a schizophrenia diagnosis. you can look up the dsm5 criteria for schizophrenia spectrum disorder. also i know that a lot of other disorders have audiory hallucinations as a common symptom like bipolar and pstd for example. even full on psychosis itself isnt enough to meet a schizophrenia diagnosis, because psychosis is just one part of it.

i hope im not coming across as rude or like im gatekeeping hallucinations or psychosis. if anything i would love if more people had the resources to get a schizophrenia diagnosis. but i think its important that people get the most accurate and updated information about schizophrenia symptoms, understand what symptoms also appear in other disorders, and know about things that seem the same, but upon further research are very different.

i think it would benefit you to research intrusive thoughts, because you will see how common it is and that you arent alone in your experiences. and to see if the definitions and descriptions align with your experience. if not, then look into auditory hallucinations more and youll see that it is also pretty common in a lot of different people with different disorders. and if you are curious you can look into the definition of schizophrenia and all the symptoms that are a part of it.

i know hearing unwanted/command voices in your head can be very distressing. i have a friend with GAD who for him, the intrusive thoughts are the hardest of his symptoms to deal with. i hope you are able to manage your symptoms and get professional help with finding a diagnosis.

[proserpina-magnus]

hi🥺 I’ve got a super cheesy request, but whatever haha can I request a one shot James x fem reader where she is really really stressed all the time over really small things that may not even happen and James tries to calm her down and remind her that everything is going to be alright?

Oh and I just wanted to say that your writing brings a lot of comfort in my life. Thank you so much and you have a real gift for writing!!!💞

Thank you so much for your request, also im gad my writing can bring you comfort!! This was an awesome request to write and i hope you enjoy this!

Distress [ James Potter ]

Word Count: 1812

[ Warning: female reader, stressful/intrusive thoughts, worrying, James Potter being a dork, Kissing, description of distress and panic, slight mention of blood/bruises, petnames such as "love" "baby" and "princess", napping together ]

You flip onto your back, the sheets and pillows under you. You fussed messily, limbs sprawled out on the bed as you try and stop yourself from yanking your hair out. Recently, your thoughts had been consuming your mental state to a point where all you could do was worry about it.

You try and get dressed, brushing out your hair in a small rage as you felt a tangle of hair. You almost broke down crying at the small inconvenience, but you sighed unhappily and slipped on Jame's jumper. The jumper felt huge, it enclosed you with warmth and the slight smell of Jame's cologne filled your nose.

You sighed in relaxation, finding some peace in the jumper. You kept thinking about James, smiling as you fixed your outfit. Once you had finished, a small thought crossed into your head. 'What if your shoes are untied and you fall?'

The small thought made you spiral, walking down the steps carefully with your eyes glued to your shoes. You kept glancing at them, not looking away from them as you made your way to the dining hall.

"There's my girl," Jame's voice rose to catch your attention, you looked up from your shoes and let them look into James's comforting stare.

"Good morning," you mumbled, sliding in between Sirius and James as you felt a strong arm wrap around your side. James pulled you into a side hug, kissing your forehead gently.

"Morning my love, did you sleep well?" He asked, helping you fill your plate with breakfast foods. You leaned your head on his shoulder, a stronger scent of his cologne filling your senses. You relaxed slightly, escaping your thoughts for a hot minute.

"I slept okay," you sighed, remembering how you couldn't fall asleep until late in the night because of your cautious thoughts.

"Only okay? That's not good, how about after class you go and take a nap in my dorm?" James suggested, his hand on your jaw as he tilted your face up to look at him. His worried eyes looked over your face, seeing how tired you looked.

"I'm fine James, promise," you assured half-heartedly, you remembered you had a small quiz in Transfiguration. The thoughts started instantly, abruptly like bombs as they piled you with terrible thoughts. 'What if you failed? What if all the studying was for nothing?'

"Okay, if you're sure. You wanna hear about the new broomstick that is coming out?" James asked, a small sigh on his lips as he knew you weren't exactly telling the truth. James was aware of your stressful demeanor, he tried his best to distract you, but it seemed to be doing the opposite.

"Sure," you say, listening to him ramble for the next few minutes about the broomstick. You listen mostly to what he says, but his words don't make sense to you. You just nod and ask questions, finishing up your breakfast.

'What if he gets hurt next quidditch match?' The thought was hurting your head, making you gulp. Jame's loved quidditch, but it was such a competitive sport, it scared you sometimes.

You fixated on the thought, your mind flashing with images of James bleeding and bruised, your heart started to race. James was easy to read your expression, his hand on your knee to give it a quick rub for reassurance.

"You okay love?" He asked, you gave a small nod and grabbed his hand with yours. You squeezed his fingers pretty tightly, not wanting to let go in case he left and got hurt.

"I'm okay," you say, but James doesn't believe you. He lets you hold his fingers, giving you a small smile. He kisses your head, leaning down to whisper a small, "nothing going to happen, princess,"

"You don't know that," you tell him, leaning closer to him as everyone around you gets ready to head to class. You quickly move away, standing and flattening your outfit so it wasn't crumpled.

James follows, along with his other friends as you all began to walk to your first class. James pulls you back slightly, making you both walk slower so everyone walks ahead.

"What are you worrying about? I promise you I can debunk it," James promised, his fingers wiggled between yours as he started to swing your hands together. He slowed his pace, making sure that he was walking at your rhythm.

"What if my shoes get untied and I fall? And what if you get hurt during a quidditch game?" You say, not believing that he could possibly find a way to fix your thoughts. But James only smiled and pulled you to the side, stopping near an open area.

"Sit on the ledge," he says, helping you up on the ledge. You watched him crouch down, giving your knee a small kiss.

"Well, I can help your first worry, I can simply just cast a spell to make sure your shoes stay tied," James chuckled, a wide smile on his face as he beams up at you. He takes out his wand, muttering a small spell as he taps your shoes.

"And the second worry?" You asked, happy that you had someone to soothe your thoughts. You felt a lot better at the small spell James casted, feeling safe.

"Lucky for you, I'm the best at quidditch, so if I was to get hurt, it would totally be on purpose," James said with a cocky smirk, leaning up to kiss you gently. You pushed yourself onto your feet, leaning into his body to get closer.

"And I can assure you, love, I will never deliberately put myself in pains way when it comes to quidditch," He muttered against your lips, pushing his fingers along yours. He brought your hand to his lips, giving it a small kiss.

"Only quidditch?" You asked, wondering if James would hurt himself for the greater deed. Sometimes, you thought that James was too forgiving and daring, he would do anything for the people he loved. It made you worry.

James didn't respond, looking at you with soft eyes as he debated his response. He knew he wouldn't lie, so he simply pulled you along the corridor.

"Come on love, let's get to class," James says, as you both head to Transfiguration, you remember the quiz you had and started to panic slightly. The stressful thoughts beginning again.

"What if I fail the quiz?" You asked him frantically, changing the subject to another of your worry's. You felt a small dread at the fact James would hurt himself for the greater good, but you knew you couldn't change him, so you simply sighed and tried not to think about it. Your brain focused on the quiz, images of failing grades flashed through your head. You bit your lip, chewing on it anxiously.

"We studied all yesterday! There is no way you will fail, you're just too brilliant," He assured, kissing your head as you both settled into your chairs. You looked at him, not believing his words. James only gave you a generous smile, he knew you would pass the quiz.

"Hey, even if you do super bad, which you won't! Your grade won't change that much, it's only worth 10 points, it won't affect anything!"

Realizations hit you, making you relax in your seat. James was right, the quiz wasn't even worth that much and you both did study. You could recite the whole transfiguration textbook back to front, there was no way you could fail.

You felt a strong wave of proudness wash over you, there wasn't any possible way you would fail. Confidence filled your veins, a proud smile on your lips as you shared it with James. He only smiled back, mouthing a small 'I believe in you' and that was enough for you to believe his words, you wouldn't fail.

During the quiz, you felt like you were answering every question wrong. You kept crossing out answers then filling them in again. Your page was a mess, full of scratches and messy words. You sighed quietly, your forehead pressed into your hand.

You finished anxiously, passing in the paper. You bit the inside of your cheek, knowing that you couldn't have possibly passed. You almost felt like crying when the thoughts kept pouring into you, the day hasn't even started yet and you were completely exhausted.

"See, it wasn't that bad!" James says while you both walk to Potions, but you only shake your head and hold back stressed tears. James frowns, rubbing your forearm as he pets your head, he tried his best to soothe you.

"Oh love, there isn't a need to shed tears over it! You probably did great," James tells you, you both walk into the potions classroom, settling down near a desk in the back.

"No James, I didn't! I'm going to fail the quiz, I kept scratching out my answers! I didn't know anything," you quavered, feeling emotionally drained.

James picked up on your struggle, a frown on his lips as his hand came to pat your thigh. You let your head fall against the desk hard and you hear James wince at the sound, his hand on your back.

"After this class, I'm going to take you to my dorm and you can get some sleep okay?" James stated, rubbing your back gently as he watched you with saddened eyes. James wished he could take away your stressful thoughts, he hated seeing you worry.

"I'm fine," you lied, not even trying to cover up your obvious distress.

"No you're not princess, and that's okay. But you have to take care of yourself," James worries himself, his hands twitching. You look up at him through your eyelashes, heaving a small sigh.

"Okay," you mumble and the class continues. The hour passes slowly, James doing most of the classwork as he lets you lean against him. The only thing keeping you from spiralling and having a mental breakdown is James kissing your forehead periodically and his sweet words.

Your eyes blur for a few moments as you let James lead you through Hogwarts. You don't remember how you got here, but you laid in James' embrace, his hands in your hair as his warm blankets swallows you in sleepiness.

"What if I sleep through my next class?" You asked, your body twitching as you move to get a comfortable position. You felt tired, but thoughts kept your attention.

"I'll stay awake, I'll make sure you get to class on time," James kisses your head, his fingers massaging your scalp in a wonderful motion. You lay completely into James's body, letting your eyes close.

"Go to sleep baby. I've got you now," James whispered, you felt your nerves relax. Before you knew it, you fall asleep against his chest, curling yourself closer to your protector.

[storiesforallfandoms]

loved you first ~ machine gun kelly

word count: 1177

request?: yes!

“hi! can i request something like mgk and the reader have been friends forever and they both like each other but kells gets with megan fox and you can do whatever you want with it just something along those lines? thank youu!”

description: in which she’s been in love with her best friend for years, but he falls for the pretty actress instead

pairing: machine gun kelly x female!reader

warnings: swearing

masterlist

You knew from the moment you walked on set that there was going to be something between Colson and Megan.

Colson always invited you on set of his music videos, so it was no surprise when he texted you to ask you to come to the Bloody Valentine set. He was so excited for the video, and you couldn’t blame him. He gad gotten Megan fucking Fox to star in the video, that was a huge deal!

When you got to the set, your excitement vanished when you saw Colson and Megan together. Megan was basically sat on Colson’s lap, and Colson had his arms around her. You saw the look on his face, it was one you had seen many times before. He hadn’t even noticed you had arrived until you were right in front of them.

“(Y/N), hey!” Colson said, a wide smile on his face. “Megan, this is my best friend, (Y/N). (Y/N), this is Megan.”

Megan smiled warmly at you and extended a hand to you. “It’s nice to meet you!”

“Yeah, you too,” you said, plastering a fake smile on your face.

“I’m so glad you could be here,” he told you, throwing his arm around my shoulder. “This video is so fun. We’re taping me up for the next scene.”

You tried to seem excited throughout the whole shoot, but it was hard when watching Colson and Megan flirting the whole time. It was hard to find a reason to dislike Megan - she was incredibly nice and wasn’t a total bitch towards you like Colson’s exes had been. It was just also hard to like her given your feelings for Colson.

Nearly a week later, you received the text you were dreading from Colson.

“Megan and i are officially dating!”

You slowly started losing contact with Colson after that. He was still your best friend, and you still wanted to have him in your life, but after having your heartbroken so many times by Colson, you just needed some time away from him. Especially since it seemed as though Megan was likely going to be his “one”.

You wondered if he knew how much him being with all these beautiful women actually did hurt you. Maybe he didn’t even remember telling you he had feelings for you when you were both young, thus giving you false hope that maybe something would happen between the two of you.

Maybe you were wrong for holding on to that for so long. Maybe it was wrong to just take time away from a long friendship due to unreciprocated feelings instead of talking it over with Colson first. Either way, you knew you just had to be away from him for a while. It would help your friendship in the long run.

About a month later, you were sat at home when a knock came at your front door. You got up to answer it and found Colson standing there. Before you could say anything, he pushed past you into your house.

“Why are you ignoring me?” he demanded almost immediately. “You’ve left me on read basically every day this week, and you’ve been declining to hang out for weeks. Did I do something wrong?”

You shook your head. “No, it’s not you. It’s nothing.”

“Do you remember the last time you didn’t talk to me like this?” he asked. “It was in high school when Emma was pregnant with Casie. I didn’t tell you because I didn’t know what we were gonna do yet, but Emma’s friends spread it around school. You were so pissed I didn’t tell you that you ignored me for weeks. You only do this when you’re angry with me.”

“So you do remember stuff from school then,” you muttered.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

You rolled your eyes. “Nothing, forget it.”

“What is your problem?”

“Megan is my fucking problem!”

This took Colson back. “What did she do?”

You sighed, running a hand through your hair. “She hasn’t done anything, but it’s what she represents. It’s Megan, it’s Sommar, it’s Chantel and Amber and every other woman you’ve dated since you admitted your feelings for me in high school! It’s every woman that makes me feel like I’m not good enough to be with you because I’m not beautiful or famous. I’m just your best friend from high school who got her hopes up and was dumb enough to be shocked when I was let down.”

Tears started running down your face. You tried to wipe them away, but your sobs came out quicker than you could wipe the tears. Colson just looked at you for a long time, unsure as to what to say.

“I didn’t think you remembered,” he admitted.

“How could I forget that?” you asked. “I told you I liked you, too, that I have since we first met.”

“We were drunk, I thought you’d forget about it in the morning.”

You wipe your eyes again. “Oh...I didn’t know that.”

“Because I didn’t bring it up again. I was afraid you hadn’t meant what you said because you were drunk, and if I tried to bring it up again later on that you would’ve regret it, and wouldn’t want to be friends anymore.”

You sighed heavily and looked down at the floor. “I guess both of us need to work on our communication skills.”

Colson chuckled at this, which made you smile.

“I’m sorry I’ve been avoiding you,” you told him. “I just...I figured I should take some time away from being friends with you, especially with you starting a new relationship, to try and work out my feelings so this wouldn’t happen anymore.”

“It’s alright, I understand better now, but you should’ve answered your phone some time cause you would’ve heard that Megan and I broke up.”

You looked up at him with wide eyes. “What?! Oh my God, Colson, I’m so sorry.”

He gave me a look before chuckling again. “You’re sorry? That I, the guy you’ve liked since we first met, broke up with his girlfriend?”

“You seemed so happy with her. Whether or not I have feelings for you doesn’t matter as long as you’re happy.”

“I wasn’t,” he admitted. “I thought she was nice but...she wasn’t you.”

You both stood in an awkward silence for some time. You weren’t really sure what to say or do. You had never pictured this moment ever happening, let alone that Colson would feel the same way about you.

“So what happens now?” you finally managed to ask. “What are we gonna do?”

“I’d like to take you out,” Colson responded. “A real date, wherever you wanna go and whatever you wanna do, and it’s all on me.”

“You really want to go out so soon after your break up?”

He shrugged. “We can wait for a while, but whenever you’re ready I’d like to take you out, yeah.”

You couldn’t stop the smile that spread across your face as you said, “I’d love that. It’s a date.”

[switchjenna]

lucastheoclarington​:

He liked the way she blushed. Luke had always liked to use pet names with subs and switches, because he liked the way it seemed to make them feel, and the reaction it brought out of them. He usually had an exclusive pet name for each, and it seemed like gorgeous would end up fitting Jenna well, both for descriptiveness and the way she responded. He smiled at the compliment, taken by surprise again, and chuckled, “I managed to sleep well, despite the new bed.” He said, easily, smiling as she held out the door, “And I start to think I should talk to switches more, if I’m to get this great balance between sub sweetness and boldness.” He pointed out, amused. Between her invitation to dinner last night, her compliment and now holding the door, he was finding her behavior very entertaining, in a good way. Different, from what he was used to, with shyer or brattier subs. As they walked in, he stepped with her to the front, ordering first then nodding her forward to encourage her to order as well, “ask for whatever you like, though I’d prefer it to be mobile, as I’d like to walk while we drink and eat,” he noted. As she did, he asked the barista, “is there a way for me to open up a tab here? I’d prefer if we could start charging my card directly, as I’ll probably be here or come by quite often.”

It had been some time since anyone had genuinely made Jenna blush, and really it had been even longer since she’d been given compliments like those Lucas seemed to possess in abundance. When his smile flashed, Jenna’s own widened, mirroring the Dominant nearly unconsciously. “Does it usually take you a while to adjust to new places, or new beds?” She asked, furrowing her brow a bit. “At least you got some sleep, that’s what’s important. At least, I hear it is. Apparently it’s vital.” Flashing a teasing smile, she shrugged a little  before giggling herself. “I’m sorry, I couldn’t just let that opportunity pass by.” She said with a shrug. “You should definitely talk to more Switches, as many as possible. We are pretty awesome.” Jenna teased. obviously. “I’m gad you’re enjoying the company though. At least we can add that to the pros column?” Cocking an eyebrow, she shot him a glance before  nodding at his order request. “Sounds like a plan Sir, I’ll do that!” She added, stepping inside the shop once Lucas was inside. Jenna was taken aback, though not in a bad way, when Lucas moved with such confidence, speaking in such a manner. Shaking her head she took in a deep breath, determined to make their conversation flow smoothly. Once every base had been covered she turned to the other and smiled. “Thank you for this, Sir. I’m glad we were able to meet today. I’ve been looking forward to seeing you, and meeting you in person.” 

lucastheoclarington·:

Morning Tour ~ Closed

@switchjenna

Luke rested against the brick wall, besides the entrance to the small coffee shop and crossed his ankles, checking his phone as he waited for his “escort.” Jenna seemed like a sweet girl, and he hoped to get both information to help him around the school, as truly didn’t like looking lost, and have a nice morning. Maybe she could be someone to spend some nice time with in more than one ways. He wasn’t looking for a claim any time soon, but he did like nice company. He was wearing his brown aviator jacket, dark jeans, black boots and a black long sleeve. He looked up as he heard the sound of steps over the gravel around the shop and put his phone in his pocket, smiling as he pushed off the wall, “hello, there, gorgeous, good morning. Nice to see you in person. Slept well?”

Since childhood Jenna had been known as the organized and responsible one, neither of which failed her the morning she was scheduled to meet up with Lucas Clarington. Waking early, she managed to make her way smoothly through her morning routine, slipping into the outfit she’d chosen the night before- Converse sneakers, dark-denim skinny jeans, an oversized black knit sweater, and a handmade bright pink infinity scarf- and gathering her belongings before making her way out. Jenna’s stomach knotted a bit with nerves as she made her way to the coffee shop, eager yet anxious for her first hangout experience outside of her brother since arriving back at Bridgeport. Rounding a corner she spotted him, a bright smile appearing on her face as she stepped closer. The first words from the Dominant’s mouth were another compliment, immediately bringing a flush to the apples of her cheeks. “Good morning, Sir. It’s great to see you in person as well. Thank you for the compliment, you are incredibly handsome yourself. I’m sure you don’t need me to tell you that, though. I did sleep well, thank you for asking, what about yourself?” Glancing at the shop over his shoulder, Jenna stepped towards the door, opening it for Lucas as she offered for him to enter first. 

[fqirycollective]

tw * mentions of neglect, depression, and SH

Subject: Wondering if I have OSDD

I’m not sure if this is the place to ask, and if not I’m deeply sorry, but this has been on my mind for a long while and the internet is no help at all. I recently learned what OSDD is and I think I could be struggling from it. I’ve had issues with dissociation, derealization, and depersonalization for years and a past therapist has confirmed this.

I cannot afford a therapist right now, even though I desperately want one to help me through my questions and put a label on my experiences, bc even if it isn’t OSDD, I know it has to be something. I dissociate every second it feels like and I don’t even notice until I “come back.” I’m sorry for a lack of description, I just don’t quite understand how to explain what happens.

As of now I’m diagnosed with GAD, gender dysphoria (transguy), and depression. I’ve had a very traumatic childhood (I’m 20 now) and the reason OSDD stuck out to me in the first place is bc I’ve had characters from tv shows and real life people comfort me in stressful situations or hard moments of my life. I didn’t think anything of it at the time and just figured that I imagined them bc I needed protection from a parent or guardian, since I was severely neglected as a child and always left to fend for myself.

Throughout different years of my life different characters would comfort me (beg me not to SH when I was a child, for example). I’d imagine them in the room I was in or I’d just see them in my head. As an adult, one usually comes to me if I’m really stressed or have an argument with my partner. They’ll soothe me and “leave” when I feel better. Again, I’m sorry if this comes off as offensive, I know I’m not educated enough on OSDD, I just really want answers. I’m sorry if I’m actually just imagining characters in my head comforting me bc of trauma/lack of parental help and this isn’t anything like OSDD at all.

I know you aren’t a therapist and you don’t have to answer this ask if you don’t want to or feel uncomfortable (I would hate to make anyone feel that way). From your experience and knowledge on the subject, would you say that I could have OSDD? (before I knew of OSDD, I very strongly thought that I had Derealization/depersonalization disorder, and then I learned of fictional characters becoming alters through trauma, which drew me to learn more of OSDD).

as you said, we aren't professionals. however, we can help guide a bit. we have a post on how to properly self diagnose coming actually, and that may be of interest to you. my answer: it could be? i don't know you well enough to say for sure. it's unlikely to have only fictive alters, but i wouldn't say it's totally impossible.

general advice would be to notice when they come out. is it in times of distress? do they ever feel like they take over or do you notice your body moving on autopilot with you not doing it? has anyone ever called you a different name (that isn't a deadname of course, transphobia sucks)? do you feel like you experience emotional and/or physical amnesia around traumatic events? all of those questions can help you determine. i also suggest doing more general research and join the community (if you want) as a questioning system to learn more about it from others as well. note any symptoms of osdd you may experience, such as a disturbance of identity (like frequently switching names, feeling a different age without regressing, feeling a different gender than you are, flunctuating sexuality, etc.) and reading up on similar disorders such as bpd to eliminate them before self diagnosis.

[thegracelessfaceless]

If you are still doing matchups,, I'd be interested in a creepypasta one. I'm coming over from Elise blog.

So my name is Shay, I go by Whiskey because it's a preference in liquor on my end. I go by they/them pronouns, AFAB and I'm bi and omniromantic, I do have an mild preference for men or masc aligned people. I'm a Libra sun, Virgo moon and Aquarius rising. I'm also introvert (INFJ-A) and I'm constantly sleeply. I do have C-PSTD, Bipolar II and GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder).

I'm Caucasian/White and I stand at 5'9. I have celtic and Danish heritage, My family where vikings. I'm really tall and legs double the size of my torso, as in my thighs are as big as my torso in length, same with my calves. I call myself spider legs because of that. I have this natural like wolf cut going on that is this dark green with my roots be my natural dark chocolate brown hair. My eyes are hazel with gold flecks that shift in color which I found out is normal for people with hazel eyes. I paint my nails black a lot because I find the color pleasing. My build wise is like a rectangle like shape with broad shoulders. I'm pretty strong and I'm proud of my strength. I'm currently starting to get into shape and lose weight so I have fit shape but not like over for. Just the right amount of fat over my muscles. I have a lot of stretch marks,, mostly around my waist and my biceps. I call them my stripes or lighting marks. I have plans to get snake bite piercings and wear like the ring ones in them. I'm getting an tattoo soon that is like this and then I want a burning match tattoo on my color bone. My ears are piercing and I like wearing fake gauges, spirals and then the ratings that have the dangly stuff and cuffs with them. I also wear like those stereotypical hot topic chokers. I wear a lot of long sleeves and skinny jeans, I do like ripped skinny jeans. I also love flannels and black boots like doc martins or converse.

I think you can assume by the statement of me liking whiskey I am the rebellious sort which is true. I have drank a bit and tried weed, I don't do it anymore tho.I have been told if people don't know me and see me from afar I'm intimidating to approach. Even being spooky and intimidating, I promise I'm just a big softie. I usually assume the mom friend of the group with my friends. I always worry about them and make sure they take care of themselves. Sometimes I do it so much I forget to take care of myself. I'm really gentle and compassionate, along with being extremely empathetic. I can be stubborn and bit judgemental at times, mostly working off first impressions myself when getting to know each other. I have an hard time being insertive and putting my foot down with my boundaries, scared to lose people even if the hurt me. I'm an introvert through and through, liking to watch from the back and observe the way things go on around me. I do my best to be an optimist because I can't see the point in see everything wrong in this world, it helps me to see the good. I love going on adventures with my close friends and love being a chaotic bastard with them. My dnd alignment is chaotic neutral and I'm Hufflepuff. I do live by the saying do no harm but take no shit. But I won't hesitate to fight someone for the right causes.

I do always constantly look like I am going to funeral of some sort because I own nothing but black. The color makes me feel really comfortable but it's not my favorite color. My favorite color is green but I like sage green, forest green, mossy green, etc. The earthy greens are my favorites. I have a love for the forest and woodlands, finding a sense of home in the woods. I do love archery and something I'm definitely going to be picking up along with playing the drums. I also smoke herbal cigarettes as well as alternative to smoking.

I often get called a cryptid and at this point, I am just one. Cryptidcore, Midwest Gothic, and Pacific Northwest Gothic are my favorite aesthetics. I have a huge love for cryptozoology (the study of cryptids), parapsychology (the psychic phenomena and other paranormal claims), original creepypasta stories and to be honest anything like spooky and creepy. I want to be a mortician and I'm attending school for that. I also really love the dark, especially if I have some good music blasting through my earbuds. I am a sucker for long road trips and seeing things, filling the adventure heart I have. My favorite animals are coyotes and I also like horses. I like to write a lot as well.

Okay, first off, you sound so cool?! Like we should talk more 😃.

I match you with...

Hₑᄂₑ𝚗 ₒ𝚝ᵢ𝘴/ Bᄂₒₒ𝚍y Pₐᵢ𝚗𝚝ₑᵣ

(Not my art, unknown artist. Contact me with credit info!)

Helen gets the they/them pronouns. For the longest, the thought he was a weird girl. Then he had body dysphoria for a long time, and then he came to terms with his identity.

Helen is a Virgo to your Libra. Virgos admire Libra's clear mindedness and their drive for balance in all areas.

However, Virgos can have some trust issues. Just be there and patient with Helen. He'll get over those hurdles eventually.

Helen gets being an introvert, being one himself. He never had many friends growing up, his only close one being killed by bullies who then tried to blame it on him. Helen would be perfectly content if you two were the last people on Earth.

Helen loves how you look, like you're just 'classical' beautiful? He loves painting your eyes, trying to get that perfect mix of green and gold.

He recites Robert Frost to you because your eyes remind him of this poem:

"Nature's first green is gold/ Her hardest hue to hold/ Her early leaf's a-flower;/ but only so an hour./ Then leaf subsides to leaf/ So Eden sank to grief/ So dawn goes down to day/ Nothing gold can stay"- Robert Frost "Nothing Gold Can Stay"

Helen would enjoy painting your nails for you, maybe even painting little designs on them if you'd like

Helen would be so supportive in your fitness journey. He just doesn't want you to feel like you have to lose weight to please him or anyone else. He thinks you're perfect just how you are, just like he'd think you're perfect 50 pounds overweight or 50 pounds underweight.

Helen loves your stripes. Whenever you feel self conscious about them, he reminds you that the things that make a person attractive are groupings of flaws that work well with each other to make a beautiful face

OR

He tells you how the Chinese fill in cracked china and pottery with molten gold because the cracks make the piece more beautiful since it has more character.

Helen would love to design tattoos for you

He thinks it's sweet that you're Mom Friend™, but he's not going to let you drive yourself into the ground taking care of everyone else. So, now, you can't lift a finger around Helen. He waits on you hand and foot

He'll help you learn to be more assertive and stand up for yourself and what you believe in. He'll help you set boundaries and limits and he'll help you enforce them. One of his more important lessons is that you have no room in your life for people who hurt you, use you, or make you miserable.

Anyone that hurts you will be subjected to The Wrath of Helen Otis™

I feel like Helen wasn't a huge outside person before meeting you.

But between pictures on your camera roll of you and your friends' adventures and just listening to the way you speak about the Great Outdoors? He's intrigued as hell now and goes on a nature walk with you on an easy forest mountain trail, nothing too challenging or taxing.

And suddenly he just understood everything you'd been talking about.

A special activity he likes to do just the two of you is this: you think of and describe to him a cryptid and he paints it following your description. Then he listens to any stories or folklore for that cryptid.

Its normally exactly the way you pictured it in your head (it's actually pretty uncanny).

Thinks it's cool that you're going to mortician's school. He's always been interested in medicine, but can't tolerate all the patients. But a mortician... They do medical things and have the quietest patient that are just so agreeable! What a genius career path (seriously, I'm on a wait list for an interview with the coroners office (Low turnover rates 😑)

Helen also likes playing in paint worn you (but I'm thinking that deserves a whole post of its own)

Helen also likes to paint while you write (sometimes he paints you writing about him painting). Its beautiful, really. Just two people who love each other enjoying their hobbies together in companionable silence ����

[lnimagines]

Rules for this Blog

IMPORTANT!

I can and will delete any request that goes against these rules, especially if it makes me uncomfortable.

Please send as descriptive requests as you can.

I tend to lose inspiration to write quite often so it could be a while before I feel motivated enough to write the requests.

Any complaints about what I will not write will be ignored and deleted.

RULES

What I will NOT write.

Anything other than platonic and familial for the kids (Six, Mono, RK, etc.). This includes romantic and especially no NSFW. (If you’re a MAP, get off my page.) This includes aged up child characters. Just, no.

No character x character ships.

No NSFW in general. I have no experience with this and it makes me uncomfortable.

No dark topics, please. This means no self harm or suicide, and no psychological disorders besides GAD or depression. (Again, I have no personal experience with any of these and I do not want to upset people for writing it incorrectly). I realize Little Nightmares can be categorized as dark and a psychological horror but I, myself, am just not comfortable with it.

What I will write!

Fluff! I will happily write fluff. Romantic, platonic, and familial for the adult characters (depending on the character) and ONLY platonic and familial for the child characters.

Angst is perfectly fine, I’m just a horrible author so it may not be ideal.

Character(s) x reader ships are perfectly fine, as long as they are adults. (Any pronouns for the reader as well! I only ask that you specify the pronouns in your request, otherwise the reader insert will use they/them)

AUs!! If you have AU ideas, please run them by me! I love working on AUs the most, they’re super fun.

If you’re fine with my rules, feel free to request stuff and send in random things, or if you just wanna talk about fandom stuff!

[pilferingapples]

LM 1.2.1

Again, running Late, so just Assorted Notes before I get to other, more coordinated posts:

- a Strange Man appears! Could it be it's Jean Valjean?? ..honestly every time I read this, I wonder what it would have been like for the people reading it for the Very First time. Were readers in 1862 wondering when this weird Convict Traveler digression would end and let them get back to the Bishop? 

(also it struck me very much this time how much his inn visits here are like his later visit to Montfermeil, but i see @secretmellowblog already has a very good post on that!  So, moving on:) 

-Another quick example of someone's fortunes being made by what others say of them this chapter--not JVJ, but Labarre. People say  he's related to the other, more famous Labarre, and that connection's been good for his business. 

-I had not really noticed in earlier readings how this one fisherman is just ruining JVJ's WHOLE damn day.  Refuses to give him a ride on the road, then helps spread the bad word about him through the whole town, driving him on from place to place? this frigging guy! 

-gad the bleak blistering accuracy of the state being willing and ready to house Valjean only  if  he can be taken in as a criminal.  The continued relevance is bringin'  me down, friends. 

- ANIMAL SYMBOLISM TIME! Jean Valjean is called a Marauding Cat --" tso maraude" , slang for bandits, apparently being a regional contraction of " chat de maraude" -- and he is, of course, Not Even a Dog.   First sympathetic cat-aligned person of the novel, but not at all the last! 

- the one place in town where Valjean finds some sort of shelter is a printing office. This would only be interesting for the Napoleon Connection if this was my first time through the text but it's not  and my heart is breaking because Valjean is reliving the last description he has of his nephew : that is, huddling down outside a printshop, saved from potentially lethal exposure only by an old woman doing more than she's expected to.  We're one chapter into JVJ's story and I'm a mess.

- Mme la Marquise de R is really wonderful;  an old woman alone at night, approaching a man the whole town has turned away, is a pretty brave act, and all done out of kindness. And she is of course very right to turn Valjean towards Myriel , who serves as the town's charity organizer!    Though I wonder  what she'd have done if they'd had a different sort of Bishop--would she have taken JVJ in to her own home with lack of a better option? Set him up somewhere else? She doesn't seem like a person who'd be willing to let him just stay there outside the printing office-but this is just ficcish wondering . 

More immediate to the narrative, Mme. de R is wonderful--but she's also the first person in all of Digne to show Valjean any compassion or kindness or even tolerance.  Everyone else has reacted to him with cruelty and suspicion.  And while there are certainly real reasons for this--Valjean is  a Dangerous Man, officially, the innkeepers are  risking custom if he stays there (because of social prejudice!) , so many people are, obviously, genuinely afraid of him--  it seems to call into question Myriel's effect on his flock. We're told they love him and appreciate his kindness--but have they learned kindness and generosity from him? Has his courage inspired them to show the same bravery in dealing with outcasts?  We've had hints all along that Myriel's kindness is treated as charming For a Bishop but somewhat silly , a subject of gossip in town rather than inspiration. This chapter again  suggests really strongly that people in Digne have not been inspired by Myriel to do as he says or  as he does , and that is pretty bleak! 

But at least there's Mme de R. I hope the rest of her story has all kinds of happiness. 

[papermoonloveslucy]

LUCY SHUNS AUDITIONS

July 21, 1950

[In the below article, reprinted verbatim, Johnson writes using a lot of imagery and insider jargon.  This sort of article was common in trade papers like Variety, but seems odd in a daily newspaper.]

Hollywood—(NEA) Lucille Ball slipped me the lowdown on her failure to pin to the canvas the dumb chick role in “Born Yesterday” and make it holler uncle. (1)

She’s got a touch of Francis the mule in her when it comes to auditions. (2)

Instead of scrimmaging for the role with Evelyn Keyes, Judy Holliday, Marie Wilson, Shelly Winters and Jan Sterling, (3) Lucille went bolting the other way. 

The “let’s-see-if-you’re-it” boys pleaded and cajoled. 

But Miss Anti-Auditions wasn’t having any of the competition, thank you. 

“I figure if they want you, they want you,” Lucille plainspoke it. If you’ve got to read and test for it, to heck with it.’

She isn’t chronicled in Hollywood history, but once, badgered by her RKO bosses, Lucille went tripping over to David O. Selznick’s office for a whack at the Scarlett O’Hara role in “Gone With the Wind.” 

That’s what curdled her in the first place. 

“It was awful,’’ Lucille shudders. I was shaking all over when I hit Selznick’s office. My knees gave way. I did the whole audition in scrubwoman position. Selznick laughs and says thanks a lot. (4)

Judy Holliday landed the junkman’s doll role and Lucille grabbed a railroad ticket for a personal appearance tour with hubby Desi Arnaz. She strutted to Latin rhythms, swung a glittering purse in a manner dear to runaway girls and wisecracked for the customers. (5)

MIMICS OSCAR WINNER 

At the last moment she nixed a dancing and singing routine. The star with the forest-fire hair shrugged: 

“I decided it would be silly to compete with Grable.” (6)

A lot of movie queens laid in fresh supplies of smelling salts, ice beanies and copies of “Release From Nervous Tension” when word got around that Lucille was about to whoop it up on the six-a-day circuit. (7)

She’s a blister-raiser from way back and the air was shrill with ouches about a year ago when she whipped up an impression of an Academy Award winner. 

But the girls can go back to worrying about other things—like shrinking from larger-than-life to television screen size. 

Lucille didn’t let any “furriners” see the routine. 

“It's for Hollywood only," she said. “I should take radio-active material on the road?” 

Her Oscar-grabber routine is strictly for unreal anyhow, she says. and no blood relation to Bette Davis, Olivia de Havilland, Ingrid Bergman or any other Screen Duse. (8) She insisted:

“She's any movie star, even me. This character has to go up on that stage and act surprised. She’s only been rehearsing what she's going say flor eight weeks. So she says, ‘Ye gads, me?  But I’m so unprepared. Really, I didn’t dream...” Lucille is generally is as unflinching about the movie queen business as Pearl White was about onrushing trains. (9)

But her knees executed some wobbles that aren’t in Arthur Murray’s rhumba dance book when she checked into her first vaudeville dressing room. (10)

“Those stages—they’re so big.” she gasped. “Hey, I’d hate to get caught in the middle of one of those stages without bread and water.” 

Lucille didn’t take any chances with out-of-town press interviews, either. “I once did a personal appearance tour with Maureen O'Hara and had to show up at a press party,” she grinned. (11)

My sinus - I just die from it - was acting up. The reporter next to me didn’t understand my puffed eyes and cold sores. He called Maureen a lady in his story. But he referred to me as a whisky tenor with red-runny eyes.” 

Lucille’s brain cells work on direct current and she’s not one to make with the figure eights when a straight glide to home base would get her there quicker. 

They still laugh about her exit line to Louis B. Mayer. (12) Mayer always referred to her as a thoroughbred and sometimes compared her to his famous horses. "Yes, and like your other nags, I'm leaving your stable," Lucille said when she decided to bow out of her contract. 

She has high hopes for her new picture “The Fuller Brush Man.” Not that she enjoyed it: (13)

“Honey, this ones that I don t enjoy turn out be the best ones.  This one put me in the hospital. My feet are still bandaged up. I’m a mess. No more physical-type pictures for me.”

#   #   #    FOOTNOTES FROM THE FUTURE

(1) The 1946 Broadway hit comedy Born Yesterday by Garsin Kanin was bought by Columbia Pictures. Things got complicated when its stage star, Judy Holliday, swore she would not do the film version. Columbia used this as fuel for publicity about who would win the role.  Naturally, Lucille Ball was considered a top contender.  As the article states, she was not eager, however, to prove her worth to the ‘let’s-see-if-you’re-it’ boys (aka producers).  There was talk of Lucille performing the play in London, or summer stock, but her film contracts would not allow her time off for a stage run. 

(2) Mules are supposedly notoriously stubborn animals - just like Lucy. Francis the Talking Mule was the star of seven popular Universal-International film comedies. The character originated in the 1946 novel Francis by David Stern III, adapting his own script for the first entry, simply titled Francis.  On “I Love Lucy” Fred Mertz sometimes called Ethel “Francis” to indicate she was being stubborn about something. 

(3) These were some of the Hollywood stars looking to play the part of Billie Dawn in the film Born Yesterday. Evelyn Keyes (1916 – 2008) was best known for playing Sue Ellen, Scarlett O’Hara’s kid sister, in Gone With The Wind (1939).  Judy Holliday (1921-65), changed her mind about playing the role she originated on Broadway, but by then the casting net was cast, and she was just another performer on the short list. She eventually got the role, which defined her career. Marie Wilson (1916-72) was a zany comedic actress in the style of Gracie Burns. She was widely known as the star of radio and TV’s “My Friend Irma”. Shelley Winters (1920-2006) would be nominated for an Oscar the year after this article. She was adept at playing drama and comedy, and had a long-lasting career in Hollywood.  She appeared on “Here’s Lucy” in 1968; Critics raved about her Jan Sterling’s portrayal of Billie Dawn in the Chicago touring company of Born Yesterday and Columbia brought her out to the West Coast to test for the film. At one point, she was actually announced to play the part but the role ultimately went to Holliday.

(4) Lucille Ball did indeed read (not screen test) for the role of Scarlet O’Hara, just like nearly all of the women in Hollywood in 1938. Ball told the story several times on television, each time with varying details, but probably most completely on “Bob Hope’s Unrehearsed Antics of The Stars” (1984).

(5) This is a vivid description of the “Cuban Pete / Sally Sweet” portion of Lucy and Desi’s nightclub act to convince sponsors to buy them as a couple. 

(6) Betty Grable (1916-73) was considered one of the most famous pin-up girls in history. In addition to her million dollar gams (legs), she could sing, dance, and act, too. She guest starred with her then-husband Harry James on “Lucy Wins A Racehorse”, an installment of “The Lucy-Desi Comedy Hour” aired on February 3, 1958.

(7) “Release from Nervous Tension” was an actual best-selling book by Dr. David Harold Fink, published in 1950. Vaudeville and Burlesque shows were often known as the ‘six-a-day circuit’ because sometimes there would be as many as six performances of the same act in a day.  Naturally, this did not apply to Lucy and Desi, who were big film and radio stars at the time. 

(8)  These were some of Hollywood’s top-line dramatic actors. Bette Davis (1908-89) had won two Oscars, and was nominated for several others during her long career. She was supposed to guest-star on “The Lucy-Desi Comedy Hour” in “The Celebrity Next Door” in 1957 but dropped out after a horse-riding accident, leaving the role to Tallulah Bankhead; Olivia de Havilland (1916-2020) had also won two Oscars, the second the year this article was published. She was best remembered for playing Melanie Wilkes in Gone With The Wind (1939); Ingrid Bergman (1915-82) was a Swedish-born actress, who, by career’s end, had scored three Academy Awards.  When Johnson talks about “any other screen Duse” he is referring to Eleonor Duse (1858-1924), an Italian-born stage actress known for her grand, dramatic style.  

(9) Pearl White (1889-1938) was best known as the silent film actress who was tied to the railroad tracks in “The Perils of Pauline” (1914).  

(10) Arthur Murray (1895-1991) was a ballroom dancer and businessman best known for the chain of dancing schools that bear his name. Murray was often a punchline on “I Love Lucy,” especially when the subject of dancing came up. The Rhumba was a Latin dance that took America by storm in the late 1940s and 1950. Desi Arnaz often called his orchestra a ‘rhumba band.’ 

(11) Maureen O’Hara (1920-2015) and Lucille Ball had starred in Dance, Girl, Dance in 1940. As a result, the two went on a promotional tour that took them to several US cities, including the nation’s capitol. 

(12) Louis B. Meyer (1884-1957), along with Samuel Goldwyn and Marcus Loew of Metro Pictures, had formed a new motion picture company called Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer (MGM) in 1918. Over the next 25 years, MGM was "the Tiffany of the studios," producing more films and movie stars than any other studio in the world. Mayer became the highest-paid man in America, and one of the country's most successful horse breeders. Both he and MGM reached their peaks at the end of World War II, and Mayer was forced out in 1951, just a year after this article was written. 

(13) Erskine Johnson gets the title wrong. Lucille had madeThe Fuller Brush Girl, a sequel to The Fuller Brush Man (1948).  The film was released in mid-September 1950.