#This became…very personal

[inkskinned]

he says i hate everyone except you and that is addictive and that is kind of romantic and beautiful because you're young and you're kind of a sarcastic asshole too and you don't like bad boys, per say, but you don't really like good ones either. and you like that you were the exception, it felt like winning.

except life is not a romance book, and he was kind of being honest. he doesn't learn to be nice to your friends. he only tolerates your family. you have to beg him to come with you to birthday parties, he complains the whole time. you want to go on a date but - people are often there, wherever you're going. he's just so angry. about everything, is the thing. in the romance book, doesn't he eventually soften? can't you teach him, through your own sense of whimsy and comfort?

at first - you know introverts often need smaller friend groups, and honestly, you're fine staying at home too. you like the small, tidy life you occupy. you're not going to punish him for his personality type.

except: he really does hate everyone but you. which means he doesn't get along with his therapist. which means he has no one to talk to except for you. which means you take care of him constantly, since he otherwise has no one. which means you sometimes have to apologize for him. which means he keeps you home from seeing your friends because he hates them. you're the single exception.

about a decade from this experience, you'll type into google: how to know if a relationship is codependent.

he wraps an arm around you. i hate everyone except you. these days, you're learning what he's actually confessing is i have very little practice being kind.

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Another year has passed, and with it the opportunity to reflect back on all that has happened. While my growth was not as dramatic as last year, I can still see lots of positive change.

I'll never have enough ways to say thank you for all the love and support you have given me this year. On to 2025!

(2023 summary here!)

[the-meme-monarch]

funny streamers i like have been 'playing' kingdom hearts union x and I haven't finished the vod yet but they're on some cinderella quests and i was overcome with Man I Should Watch Cinderella Again. i remember watching that movie all the time as a kid having such strong feelings about it (i am not paying for it as I watch it now)(I own the dvd)(am I watching it on the dvd? that's a secret I'll never tell) and I was having a good time before suddenly it ruined it bc I forgot and was reminded how they just made a cat evil for no reason. maybe the strong feelings were i hated it

[writer-room]

I think another clear theme of Spiderverse is that, as we’re told in the first movie, anyone can be Spider-Man. But in the second movie, Miguel tells us that Spider-Man has rules. Certain things have to happen, certain people have to die, certain people aren’t meant to be Spider-Man. And the message there is that, once someone makes those kinds of rules, you run. Because it’s just not true. Anyone, literally anyone, can be Spider-Man. There is no requirement. We’ve been shown you don’t even need to be bitten by a spider!

And with the amount of people comparing Spiderverse to the queer experience, this is especially important. There are no rules to being queer. There are no labels that are exclusive. There are no labels that are even required. As soon as someone says you can’t be queer in a certain way, or certain identities don’t ‘count’ for whatever reason, you need to run. They are liars. There are no rules, and there never have been. You are queer because you said so, and this is your decision alone.

If you decide you’re Spider-Man, then you’re Spider-Man. And if you decide you’re going to save everyone you can, then you will. It’s as simple as that.

[pandadrake]

He’s not funny because his jokes suck.

Dedicated to that deleted scene from ATSV where he actually tries to quip and Jess nearly dies of cringe.

[teaboot]

if ur a murderbot nerd now do u have any fun opinions abt it yet?

Oh my goddd you have no idea

I really, really, really like Murderbot because it comes at life with this perspective we don't often see that is very real among people who have already been through traumatic experiences, who developed skills and abilities to suvive that were once useful but no longer have context- that search that traumatized people go through to recalibrate and reorient ourselves in a world where we no longer really need those things to survive.

A bit personal here, but my own issues personally involved a lot of psychological abuse that made it difficult to trust my own perceptions of reality, and as a result I found I was very easy to lie to and manipulate.

To handle this, I became obsessive over writing things down, cataloging details and making notes of things as they happened- I'd carry recording devices and make audio recordings and stay up late at night to transcribe what they'd picked up, read those over and over again to reassure myself of things I wasn't certain about.

While doing this, there were others close to me that I felt responsible for, who I had to protect from others and protect myself from at the same time. Life was about two things: Evidence, and defusing threats

Over time, I learned to trust myself as my memories matched what had been recorded where their narrative didn't, but I never really kicked the habit. Like Murderbot, I had added something to my own programming that reassured me I was safe, that I was in control of myself, that I couldn't be mistaken or crazy or broken or used.

I'm only on book two, but already I see myself in Murderbot again. No spoilers here, but when I left home- left that dangerous context- I didn't need to repeat these patterns to survive anymore, but I still did, because I didn't know anything else anymore. It felt safe, comfortable, knowing knowing that the past couldn't repeat itself, because I'd written that flaw- blind trust in myself-  out of my programming and replaced it with something else.

Still, though, I'd become something specially suited to thrive in a very specific environment. Nothing else felt right like followinghigh-risk situations, like witnessing and watching and recording and knowing I had proof of the truth where others might not.

People took notice. I wound up in security by accident, but's an environment that I thrive in due to the same patterns and behaviours I originally developed when I had no other choice. I climbed the ladder pretty quickly, once supervisors caught on that my reports were the most accurate, most objective, most factual, detail-oriented and timely. I keep others and myself safe and prioritize public safety above all else, and I perform well under pressure

Now I'm in a position where I often wonder, do I enjoy this job, or is it just what I'm good at? I have a set of skills now, but do I have the option of choosing not to use them? What would I be, if not this? Could I be anything else? Can Murderbot be anything else?

It has a set of skills that set it apart, make it different, special. It does what it knows best. But is it free? Does it want to be? What does it want? Does it have to do what it was built to do? What if it didn't?

I know what I'm good for. The idea of deliberately leaving what I'm good for for something uncertain, that I might hate, that I might be useless at- the choice to give up what was so important to me for so long and become deliberately obsolete?

Let go of my entire purpose? The only thing I know, that I fit so well into but don't actually know if I enjoy? Now that I can choose? Now that enjoyment is a luxury I can afford to consider?

Yeah, that resonates.

I like the Murderbot series so far because it feels the way I feel: Like the most significant and formative part of my story, the part where I became what I am, has already happened

And now I have to just. Keep going

Into... what?

It feels absurd. Like a microwave giving up on reheating food and deciding to start a life around abstract dance.

So, uh. Yeah. It's really very wild to see this same philosophical-ish dilemma I've been digging over in the back of my mind and in therapy for the last forever laid out so plainly in a genuinely exciting and enjoyable story like this. I feel much less alone, and I... kind of really need to see how it resolves, I think.

So, uh. Yeah. Read Murderbot, I guess

[asherisawkward]

Preemptive warning: this is a long ramble that gets fairly personal on my experiences.

Trigger warning for OCD, description of OCD triggers and rituals, description of OCD breakdown from not completing compulsions, and mention of religion/religious OCD.

This just made me realize why I started relating to Philip’s character so much in the Owl House as we learned more about him and his consistent behavior. As someone who is diagnosed with OCD and two types of anxiety (GAD and Social Anxiety), a lot of my issues stem from trying to control the stimulus I interact with and the ways my actions and even thoughts could potentially hurt the people I care about.

For example, one of my biggest compulsions is that I have to knock fourteen times in a specific pattern of seven done twice every time I say or think something that could be jinxable (example: the weather is good today). I’m doing significantly better due to my prescription and therapy, but I still have to do this, especially if it regards my family or their health/safety.

My father can get annoyed whenever I fall back into my habits, even though it’s not even happening every day anymore. (For reference, I used to do it about a dozen times a day.) And a part of me will always mentally go “Why do you have to complain? I am doing this for you! I am doing this so my thoughts or words don’t put you in danger!”

So Philip’s compulsive desire to save his brother (“I have to clone you and raise you properly so your soul doesn’t go to hell.”) is extremely relatable to me, as well as some of his scrupulosity OCD.

For the record, I am agnostic and not even sure that there is a higher power out there. Still, I have to, every night before midnight, apologize for my sins to a God I’m not even sure I believe in and express gratitude for the things that were good in that day. Now, I’m lucky because I have a very simple phrase to repeat as opposed to listing every good thing in the day and bad thing I’ve done. But it is still exhausting and stressful to do, and I start feeling physically dirty if I can’t get it done in time. (Another related compulsion is that I have to think, mouth, or say ‘amen’ any time I hear, see, say, or think the word God or spelling of the word.)

As an additional note, for the people telling those with OCD to just stop their compulsions and coping behaviors: it is not that simple at all. When I first began trying to stop my rituals or didn’t do them, it felt awful. I got this put in my stomach and started getting h really nauseous. Then, I’d start getting a headache, and my brain would start conjuring the worst possible scenarios. The whole time, I could just hear the implications of “This is what will happen if you don’t do this. Your family will get hurt, and it will be all your fault.” Then, my thoughts would become panicked and disjointed the way they do when I hyperventilate, even if my breathing was normal. It felt like my brain was suffocating inside my skull.

The only way for me to stop the spiraling was to complete my compulsions. And, if it was later than usual (more than about half a minute after the inciting incident), it wouldn’t really go away. I had a lingering fear that there might be a time limit on when my rituals were effective against my triggers or actions. What if the consequences had already been put in motion, and it was too late to stop it? How could I be such an awful, selfish person and risk my family over the stupid desire to stop my need for compulsions and rituals?

I consider myself fairly lucky regarding my compulsions and the complications associated with it. Philip likely worried that if he stopped making Grimwalkers, then his brother’s soul would be damned to Hell for eternity. All I can imagine is that if it’s this stressful for someone like me, it must be so much worse for someone who strongly believes in this stuff and strongly suffers from guilt associated with his actions. So the way that it’s just brushed over and not acknowledged really bothers me.

Thank you so much for your post. I have OCD and Belos's depiction has always bothered me in some way, but you finally put it in words.

(Also, I would actually argue Hunter has it too--a particular scene that really resonated with me in this regard is in Thanks to Them when he sees his long hair in the mirror and convinces himself that it means he's literally going to become Belos, and he has to cut it all off so that doesn't happen.)

(the other post)

YEAH!!! A good argument can definitely be made for both Belos and Hunter. Darius comes to mind, as well.

I have OCD as well, and since Belos is my favorite character, I must admit that I enjoy being able to relate to him in this way. The bigger problem is that, as far as canon is concerned, he's the only character with OCD, and it's what drives him to become the evil-evil self-interested "not genuine" villain. If toh had bothered to explore his backstory and express some sympathy toward his character, it probably wouldn't have felt so awkward, but alas.

The thing is, folks with OCD can fall into patterns of self-reassurance and disordered thinking very easily. Something I didn't mention in the last post is the link between OCD and psychosis (x x), which often prominently shows itself through delusions - a symptom that Belos expresses in conjunction with and as a result of his OCD, and one informed greatly by his traumatic childhood.

So much of Belos' character was informed by Caleb's death. His mission might have gone from saving humanity to seeking revenge; we don't get enough insight to know whether that was the case. What we do know is that he was (mostly) alone for a very long time afterward, stewing in obsessive thoughts and reassuring himself again and again with both the things he was taught and the losses he's felt as justification. He can't be wrong; the "or else" isn't an option.

Seeing the show say "he sucks because he just inherently has this disordered thinking" didn't feel good. As somebody with OCD, I recognized his disordered thought patterns. I have those disordered thought patterns, and I'm constantly forced to be careful not to fall into them the same way. Belos is an example of somebody with a disorder that lost the only form of a support system he ever had, and instead of resolving his story with an opportunity to either break out of those disordered thoughts or be destroyed by them, toh just said, "he's evil, so he should die" without the nuance demanded for the main villain. Once again, I need to stress that no other character in the show has canonical OCD.

Alas, OCD is misrepresented so often that I'm not even sure whether the creators realized that they wrote Belos to have it at all.

[nekojaf]

If you are the Queen of Kat's then you are personally my Queen. ฅ⁠^⁠•⁠ﻌ⁠•⁠^⁠ฅ🩷 @queenkatluv

[cldhead]

just had to draw her

[katsinspats]

Sonic Forces is a game about a guy who gets a new hat and makes it his whole personality

[snortslaxatives]

Not to be really annoying and go ‘well actually’ to the joke about how silcos a twink who probably didn’t do shit in the mines and that miners all look like vander and are these big buff burly dudes is very much some propaganda in ur brain and not the reality of what conditions are like for miners from impoverished communities. You know they use children in mines bc they’re small right. If you’ve consumed any footage showing messed up mining communities that exists irl, like people who work in cobalt mines in Congo, they’re muscular, but at a glance, they’re not jacked and look pretty average. I think a lot of people are surprised seeing that they tend to be small and lanky for people doing hard manual labor all day, but that comes from not being able to afford enough quality food. You have to eat a ton of calories to get built, and that isn’t something many people who work in mines have.

[fairyroses]

He was about to kill you, Lex. Or divulge something you didn't want me to know.

— SMALLVILLE, "Forever" (4.21)

+ bonus from "Arctic" (7.20):

[yuseirra]

The journey

[blazehedgehog]

Despite its popularity, would you say Sonic the Hedgehog is a "niche" franchise? I mean, I'm 22 and I've known a lot of people to be fans of things like Mario, Zelda, Pokémon, Minecraft, One Piece, etc. but not Sonic. So I have a feeling that the Sonic series is not that popular (apart from the character of Sonic himself, as he is a popular mascot). It's nothing serious obviously. But I imagine that your feelings are very different from mine, so what is your opinion on that?

I think something Sega has done a good job with is revealing how many people are secretly Sonic fans but kind of keep it hidden due to reputation or whatever.

The one time it became the most obvious was during the Sonic Symphony concert in 2021.

I'll never forget it. For one, solid, two hour block, it felt like everybody on the internet was sharing in a good time over Sonic the Hedgehog. Even people who did not normally talk about this kind of stuff seemed to be enjoying themselves. It was this crazy feeling of, like, magical unity. It felt like world peace had been achieved. I don't know any other way to describe it. Everyone fell into a state of reverence over this concert.

And I think that's a good signifier of the true potential in Sonic's audience. Of the number of people who would celebrate being a Sonic fan more if there were more reasons to.

Sonic the Hedgehog is not niche. Unironically enjoying Sonic the Hedgehog is the niche.

[staticymaticyyourlifeisatravesty]

You know since Fulgrim became this snake thing, how much do you wanna bet he has a habit of swallowing things whole and then just not eating for the next week or so that it takes to digest his meal? I bet you anything he's eaten space marines whole and got a horrible stomach ache from it. Why he thought it was a good idea is anyone's guess.

Anyway, I am slowly learning to love Fulgrim as much as I do Sanguinius. They're both super cool and it's very sad what happened to Fulgrim. I wish I could fix him. Also, Snake. You have no idea how much I fucking love Snakes. His scales are so pretty!!!! I wonder how hard shedding is for him. He must have times where he doesn't really eat much or seem interested in doing anything aside from rubbing on this rock because skin is very itchy and tight. I also realize this would imply Fulgrim is literally just getting bigger and longer. He does not need to get any bigger. He will become a mountain of a snake man if allowed to grow continuously. Probably more likely shed if he gets hurt or has parasites like regular snakes do. Might shed every few hundred years or thousand depending. As big as his sheds would be, imagine how pretty they'd be!!!

[subwaylesbians]

ajax and swan’s relationship is so important to me bc there’s so much care and respect there. and their matching “I’m worthless if I’m not protecting the people around me” complexes manifest in such opposite directions that they could have been designed in a lab to piss each other off