#in order to thrive/reach their happy ending

[kimkhimhant]

amazed at the number of people who say aftg has no plot or tsc has no plot like idk maybe yall are used to plot driven genres like fantasy or mystery where the plot line is at the forefront & the force driving the characters actions rather than vice versa but these books still definitely have plots. the ravens trying to get neil to sign is plot. the foxes training to win championships is plot. Andrew and Neil's romance is plot. the entire thing with the butcher & his posse – plot. Jean joining a new team and learning how to live and thrive and adjust to the world outside the cult he's been trapped in? plot. just because the story/narration is more character driven doesn't mean the plot isn't there.

[cherrrydragon]

➤ find something worth saving (it's all for the taking)

CHAPTER ONE: WE'RE NOT IN KANSAS ANYMORE

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SUMMARY ↳ A large machine stationed on both sides of the room, pointed ends meeting each other. A particle accelerator. pairing: jon kent x gn!reader x damian wayne wc: 2.1k

In every universe the Spider is a hero. Some go by different names, some can create their own organic webs, and some have their own cat burglar to wrestle with. One constant, for sure, is that they all are bitten by a spider. You are not the exception.

You were bit when you were 13, and for the last 5 years, you have been the “one and only” Spinnerette! It had been a rocky start, but things are looking okay now. You’ve got a family, a real, strong and fun family.

“You’ve been officially added to my hitlist, Tony, watch you’re motherfucking back.”

“Oh, goody. You might be the only person who hasn’t hired a sniper on me before.”

Loving family, of course.

There was an idea to put together a group of remarkable people to see if they could fight the battles humanity could not. It was called the “Avenger Initiative.” A billionaire, super soldier, scientist, Russian spy, master archer and a God walk into a Shawarma restaurant, wonder what it leads to. The Avengers currently all (mostly) live in the former Stark Tower.

You also currently live in the former Stark Tower. It’s a dream come true. Everyone is happy, everyone is healthy, and your relationships with each Avenger is thriving.

“When’s the last time you ate, kiddo?” asks Tony, stepping inside your personal lab he had gifted you for your 15th birthday. Your hands move deftly, fluid and familiar in fixing your web-shooters.

“A definitely normal time,” is your reply. “Hey, what did you do with the Iron Spider suit? I’ve been looking for it everywhere. I’m thinking about tweaking some of the web combinations.”

“It’s charging, where else would it be? Also, here.” He puts a bag of sandwiches from Delmar’s. You grin and reach out for it. “You know me so well.”

“I know you best,” he clicks, and reaches out to ruffle your hair, only because you let him. “Can you tell Nat I fixed her widow bites? And tell Sam I fixed that dent in his wings, too.” You take a bite of a sandwich. “I’m unna pakrol inna vit.”

He pinches your cheek. “Don’t talk with your mouth full, it’s disgraceful.” Stay safe.

“[Name], it may be more efficient to patrol without music blasting in your ears,” says your ever so faithful AI, Karen.

You huff goodnaturedly. “ Ear , Karen. Singular. It’s never screwed me over before, I promise I am a responsible music listener.” The thwip of your webs shooting out has always been a comforting sound. It’s a reminder, of who you are, of what you stand for. All your accomplishments (failures too, but the pain is grounding.) “Also, please place an order for the new Batman comic, I forgot to do it earlier.”

“I find it contradicting how you say you are a casual enjoyer, yet own nearly every issue of any and all related Batman comics.”

“I don’t believe in consistency… or whatever Hobie would say.”

The discovery and confirmation of the multiverse was not as surprising as it should’ve been, but it was daunting all the same. You’ve never really been alone since your life at the Tower, but it was a whole new type of connection, finding out there were other Spiders, other you’s . Then, of course, there was that whole “Miles, you’re the original anomaly!” fiasco. Luckily, the situation ended up resolved, and there are (mostly) no hard feelings. You haven’t met another [Name] [L.Name] yet, but there are plenty of other Spider’s to learn from.

“Numerous suspicious activity reports have taken place downtown. I suggest checking it out.”

“You’re the boss, Karen.” You twist your body, changing your momentum and direction, heading downtown. You do flips and tricks, with all the grace of a ballerina. The nanotech is perfectly flexible enough for your dramatics. Tony had spontaneously made the suit for you, as the fabric of your old one didn’t provide as much armor as he needed for peace of mind.

“I am detecting a multiversal instability. Tread carefully.”

The eyes of your suit squint. “Get Miguel on this.”

It isn’t often a multiversal problem pops up in your universe. With people like Stephen Strange and Wanda Maximoff holding cosmic power in relation to interdimensional activity, and the Space Stone itself, your universe holds up well in defense to multiverse activity. But even so, space is unpredictable.

Miguel, despite all his grievances with you and the Peter Parker of Earth-199999, equipped you both with a Web-Watch (you and the other Spiderlings agreed Gizmo was lame). You don’t use it much unless it’s to go chill at the Spider HQ or visit the other ‘Lings in their universes. Whatever iota of guilt he felt after the whole Miles thing manifested itself as overprotectiveness, and he insists on dealing with all spatial related problems himself. You’ll indulge him, if only to bother him about the tech in his universe.

You’re met with a warehouse, abandoned, because of course it is. “No heat signature’s,” you mumble, the suit scanning for signs of life. You hop down through a hole in the roof silently, looking around. There’s random tech and machine parts scattered around, which is never a good sign. It’s easy to miss for the untrained eye, but you spot a hidden elevator mechanism and step inside it. If anything goes wrong, you trust your spider-sense to get you the hell out of dodge.

The way down is ominous, if not for the almost complete darkness, then for the red blinking lights. Your sense tingles, not sensing any immediate danger, but very uncomfortable down here.

d on’t feel good not safe for long leave quickly

Going en pointe (because going on your actual tippy toes to increase stealth is just way too good), you sneak carefully. Just because there are no living dangers doesn’t mean there are none at all. The room is as dark as the rest of the place, and while you can turn on night vision, it’s not as efficient in understanding what the hell you might be looking at.

“Karen, is there a light switch in here?” Your voice echoes in the large room.

“To your left, [Name].” Sure enough, there actually is a light switch that you find after groping the wall. “Huh,” you hum, pleasantly surprised. A flick of the switch activates the many overhead lights and reveals a daunting sight.

A large machine stationed on both sides of the room, pointed ends meeting each other.

A particle accelerator.

“Fuck,” you breathe. “Ok- uh. Karen, contact Tony, and Bruce. Can you tell if it’s been active recently?”

“I am picking up a recent signal, yes. I theorize the recent earthquakes are because of test runs.”

Miles once told you his story. Finding the particle accelerator, his Spider-Man’s death. You remember placing a hand on his shoulder, and you remember him grasping it tightly. It was a complicated time in his life.

“How did he destroy it again…?” you murmur, looking around the machine. “A goober.. right. How did Peni make it, though?” Pulling up your wrist, you scan the machine. “Please contact Peni as well, K.”

Stilling your posture, you look up at the accelerator. You have no doubt nothing good will come from whoever is behind this. Those who try to manipulate powers greater than them always receive a rude awakening. Maybe, by the grace of some higher power, you can somehow rope the Space Stone into this. You know better than to think they don’t have some kind of sentience. Maybe you’re just getting ahead of yourself–

watch out! behind you!

When you turn around, there’s nothing behind you. You’re on high alert now. Your sense doesn’t make mistakes, so either a sniper is pointing his gun at you, or someone who can cloak themselves in around you, and neither of those are good. You breathe in, honing your senses, the situation is far too delicate for you to stumble.

“Show yourself,” you demand. “If you’re smart enough to build this then understand when I say I will find you.”

there! right there!

You turn and send a web to where your senses pointed. The person grunts, trapped in your solution. You pull them toward you. “Show yourself,” you repeat.

A sigh leaves the person's mouth. Then, slowly, their form reveals itself. It’s like Miles' ability to go invisible. Before you is someone your age, must be. And yet the way they carry themselves is reminiscent of somebody who has been through far too much for someone their age. So, basically every Spider you know.

Which is on brand apparently, because this person must be like you. There is no other possibility. The web patterns on their suit, the bug eyes of their mask, the invisibility thing.

“You’re…” you mutter.

“Like you,” they finish.

Your eyes narrow. “The hell are you doing, man? Surely a Spider knows this if some fuckshit,” you gesture to the massive machine. “What are you even doing here?”

Their suits eyes squint. “It’s a delicate matter.”

“Yeah. Obviously,” you roll your eyes. “Not like a bridge to different dimensions is any walk in the park.”

“It’s none of your business,” they huff.

“Hell yeah, it is. You’re me, basically. You’re building a particle accelerator in my universe. By the way, let’s talk about that. Why not just carry out your evil plans in your own home? Did Venom get you or something? We can like, do something about that. Probably–”

“Enough nonsense,” they spit.

“Oh, okay.”

The room lights up, and the particle accelerator whirls to life. The room shakes, no doubt another earthquake beginning to affect the city. A whirlwind of colors fill your vision. Your hand curls the cuff of their suit into your fist.

“What did you do.”

“I’m doing what I have to.”

It happens fast, far faster than your senses could have warned you. Your web restricting them snaps and their hands grab you.

“You’ll survive.” Their hands destroy your watch. “I’m not so cruel.”

And you’re thrown into the web of the universe.

Waking up in an unfamiliar environment has happened far more times than it should have. It’s instinct that pulls you up from the ground. Your body is sore, your head hurts, and the eyes of your suit are genuinely tweaking.

“Karen…” you groan.

“I am unable to connect to any Mr. Stark’s satellites. I detect multiple bruises all over your body, no broken bones. The suit is in functioning condition, 92% charge left.”

“Yeah, we are definitely not in New York anymore. My New York, anyway.” You look up. Your environment is gloomy, the skies are gray, and the buildings have seen better days.

“I’ve connected to the satellites I can detect that are currently in orbit.”

“I need out of this suit, K.” The nanites retract into your web-shooters, now disguised as regular bracelets. You pause and think. “Gimme some glasses, actually. I still need you.” A couple of nanites crawl up your body and form frames on your face. “I can always count on you, K.”

“I’ve created a route to a public library with computers for you.”

The walk to the library has you on edge. Your sense isn’t exactly reacting like it would when you’re in immediate danger, but it’s buzzing constantly. You sigh to yourself. There should’ve been a protocol made for this as soon as you found out about the multiverse. It would’ve definitely been called the “We’re Not In Kansas Anymore Protocol.”

“I’ll start making that protocol for you,” Karen says. You hadn’t realized you’d been talking outloud, sighing. “Thanks, K.”

People keep glancing at you when you walk by before ultimately minding their own business. You’re sure that you give them that uncanny valley feeling, even if you look like a regular human. Effects of being from another universe, you guess. 

Walking up the steps to the library, you think about your next move. You should worry about living your situation. You have no clue how long you’ll be here before someone finds you (or, god forbid, you build your own way back home). You know how to be sneaky and steal, hopefully it doesn’t have to come to that though. You look up, thinking, and pause when your eyes spot something.

Gotham City Public Library.

What. The. Fuck.

In hindsight, it shouldn’t be so surprising. Infinite universes, infinite possibilities, so on and so forth. It had never crossed your thoughts that the silly stories you like (read: obsess over) could be a real universe out there. You don’t like to think about it too hard.

“Karen. Where are we.”

“My map tells me we are currently located in Gotham City, New Jersey.” Big yikes.

“Okay. Change of plans. We are going anywhere but here. Let’s just make up a fake identity, first. And get a job. I deserve a couple of days to think.” No way in hell are you going anywhere near that library where goddamn Oracle works.

It’ll be best to avoid everyone all together.

notes: title is a lyric from "Saturn" by SZA.

[priestessofsirius]

PAC ☆ Sweet things about you

Hi!~ Welcome to my first ever pick a card reading! This reading will be about what makes you such a sweet person. Please feel free to tell me your opinion on this reading. I appreciate feedback. It would help me a lot! :) Remember to only take what resonates. You always know best! ❤️

Pile 1

I can't even explain the beauty and depth I felt from the cards in this pile! You possess a profound understanding of the human psyche and see humans and the human experience from a very intimate, sentimental and artistic perspective. You're empathetic, emotionally deep and understanding. You're deeply touched by art. Your loved ones see you as their angel and baby. You're their light. You reverberate warmth and brilliance. You make people very happy and provide them with hope and certainty, like a lighthouse. Other people experience a realignment with themselves upon encountering you. So precious and pure. You're loved and loving and you just want the best for others. Your inner child is awake and thriving. You have a healing and childlike energy and healing hands. You like to play and spread joy and I'm also feeling that children love you. You're so cute pile 1, you deserve the world!

Pile 2

Right off the bat I'm feeling strong parental energy. You're so protective and responsible, a nurturer and a provider. You care so deeply about your loved ones and would go to the ends of the world for their sake! You like planning things for them and just want to do everything for them. You're like both a knight and a nurse, and you definitely give off a lover warrior energy. You're very smart with money and enjoy taking the financial pressure off from others. Strategic, smart, sharp, trustworthy and reliable. You're strong and capable and can be trusted with anything. You would make a great leader honestly. One of the cards had a picture of a white dragon flying in the sky with a sword in it's mouth. That's how you feel like, a true knight! But you're actually very soft on the inside and want the same treatment from others. You're so cool pile 2, you make my heart beat!

Pile 3

You're just and balanced and you love justice and balance and keeping the order. Wise, people go to you for advice. You have a lot to teach others. You're seen as very respectable and a role model in your community and are highly regarded as a religious or spiritual person. Good hygiene. You watch over and protect your loved ones in the spiritual realm, you might've already noticed that. I'm getting this image of you ascending to the sky at nighttime when everyone's asleep and watching over them. Strong moon energy and high priestess/priest energy. You feel like a spiritual guardian. You're a spiritually elevated being and you've reached high levels of consciousness. Stubborn and strong-willed. You always persevere and you know how to master your shadows. Which makes you give off an energy of calm strength. You inspire clarity in others. How admirable pile 3!

You've reached the end! Thank you for reading!❤️

[thecoiledserpent]

smh how could i miss such an obvious co-relation: mahalakshmi is the significator of venus and is associated with movement. she is called 'chanchala' or she, who is never constant and ever flowing. venus is money. that's why people who don't invest money or don't use it for the finer things in life are bound to lose it, because mahalakshmi dislikes having to be still. she adores movement, and blesses those who move her to the right places. putting this money in the wrong places is like putting mahalakshmi in a drug store or an alcohol shop, obviously she would hate it.

now, in nakshatras, we follow this order: ketu, venus, sun, moon, mars, rahu, jupiter, saturn, and mercury.

many nakshatras are associated with the 'birth' of mahalakshmi, that is, when she was churned out of the ocean but i personally believe it to be either pushya or anuradha; both saturn naks. the thing with saturn naks is self-containment. where punarvasu is outward expansion and ashlesha is inward expansion, pushya is consistency and the ability to control expansion.

jupiterian punarvasu expands to give, and is associated with charity or giving away or spreading light. giving is not always a good thing because if you give away your best, you will no longer matter. like the sun giving away its shine. ashlesha expands inwardly, and if it missteps, ends up poisoning itself. it's like a star collapsing in on itself and creating a black hole which mindlessly consumes.

but pushya is about balance and understanding that neither simply giving away or endless consumption is the path to any form of happiness or satisfaction. it's like knowing where to keep and where to give away. this is part of the reason pushya is considered a wealth giving nakshatra, because it's natives have this intrinsic understanding of the nature of happiness and mahalakshmi.

now, after saturn comes mercury. when saturn achieved wealth and these ideals, it had the choice of giving it, or withholding it from mercury. this is why struggles with gaining wealth, or inheritances is a mercurial theme. forgetting what it learnt when it was back in saturn leads it to lose its wealth and start over again. most saturnian people give mercurials a hard time with receiving things, and it can even be about knowledge or family traditions.

if, however, mercury manages to sustain itself, and withhold enough knowledge, then when it moves again towards ketu, it carries this wealth with itself which is why most ketuvian people are privileged somehow.

but the thing is that there is immense difficulty here because at the gandanta points, water and fire meet to create a dangerous situation. this is why you will rarely see any ketu or mercury dominant person having stable money, or being able to sustain money. and this is why the saturnian naks are beheld as the wealth giving nakshatras because away from turbulance, saturn learns to thrive. but it creates the space and desperation for the native to want to pursue something and not just sit around in life.

wealth is not necessary, but a certain royalty is transferred from ketu into venus and sun but is lost in moon. which is not to say that lunar nakshatras are bad or poor, but going into mythology chandra has always been problematic or controversial. stealing tara who was jupiter's wife, laughing at ganesha... there are many stories associated with him which highlight this nature of his.

from moon onwards we see a shift towards forming the baseline for the nakshatras to start learning about the nature of mahalakshmi. in mars we see the struggle to be perceived correctly and not be over-idealised to the point of self ruin. with rahu we see the struggle of polarity and recklessness as mars' immense passion is given to a body-less planet. in jupiter this passion or this energy is converted into the ability to create and then donate or give away before it again reaches saturn and the cycle continues.

[mythicmanuscripts]

Okay so I have a request for an Aemond story about how part of him and readers sex life is her intentionally getting him to break a rule (like not coming) because he’s someone that beats himself up whenever he does something wrong, as well as a lot of the people around him, he asked reader if they could do this so that he can experience her unconditional love and forgiveness after

Oooo this is a very interesting idea. So I've actually had to something similar to this with my sub so I'm very happy to elaborate on something like this. I'm changing it ever so slightly to ensure good BDSM etiquette but the vibe is definitely the same and I hope you enjoy!

So obviously this will be NSFW sub!aemond below the cut :))

When you first this dynamic with Aemond, it was just you ordering him around in the bedroom and also occasionally giving him non-sexual orders too. Aemond loves this, and he really thrives when he's something to do and he knows he's being good.

I think rules first start being introduced when he does something that's very clearly not good for him. You love Aemond, and you never want to see him being self destructive and spiral.

Sometimes Aemond will get to stuck in his own head that he’ll just spiral and not look after himself. He’ll spend hours training with no rest, go straight from training to the library and barely get even an hour of sleep.

You put a stop to this of course, and thankfully the one thing that will always remain trump anything else for him is your orders. The moment you tell him what to do he’s doing it immediately.

After you’ve gotten him into a better state, you tell him you want to have rules around things like that. He likes the idea of strict rules and guidelines and he knows he’d thrive if he had a guide for what you want of him and he could always meet it.

The problem was, Aemond can’t stand disappointing you and he knows there’s always the possibility of him breaking a rule. When you suggest punishment, he likes it, but he goes quiet and then eventually softly asks, “Are you sure you’d forgive me? After?”

Which just breaks your heart.

You’re quick to assure him that of course you’ll forgive him. He still doesn’t seem sure, like he’s afraid if he messes up once he’ll lose you forever.

That’s when you decide to make the list of punishments with him and then to promise him he can mess up a thousand times and you will always forgive him. It’s safe for him to make mistakes here, you’ll always work through it together.

I think Aemond ends up gravitating towards punishments that involve some form of pain or suffering on his part? He won’t feel like he deserves forgiveness if he’s just written out lines or something. Spanking is a very good one for him, especially because he can be over your lap and feel really close to you at the same time.

Other ones he approves of are being made to hold certain positions for long, such as planking or holding his arms out and holding something heavy in his hands. If you’re alone and have space then you might make him run for a while.

He wants to feel exhausted when it’s over. That’s the only way he can forgive himself.

So you reach a point where you have all his rules clearly written out and all the punishments you have to choose from. It's all worked out and in principle Aemond LOVES this set up. But he still has a really hard grappling with the idea that you really will forgive him after the punishment. He knows if you don't forgive him then he will never be able to forgive himself.

You discuss this with Aemond, and you can see how much he wants to do this but he's still scared you won't care for him the way he needs you to.

So you suggest that you push him in a scene and if he fails you will punish him and forgive him. He's uncertain at first and originally turns the offer down but then a few days later he randomly brings the topic up again and says he'd like to give it a shot.

You agree to do so and that night you have him kneel for you. Your plan is so edge him until he's begging and then tell him he's not allowed to cum without permission and ensuring that he does cum without permission.

The moment his orgasm is over he's mumbling apologies over and over again, curling up against himself and being unable to look you in the eye. You call him to look at you and he still doesn't look up. So you put your hand on the back of his neck and then grab the hairs at the nape of his neck and force him to look up.

The moment you put some force into it he instantly relaxes and meets your eye. There are tears in his eyes but he's so much calmer now that he's under your control. You tell him he broke a rule and you're going to make him stand in a T pose while holding a heavy vase in each hand. He does it without complaint of course, and you stay with him the entire time. You don't leave the room, in fact you don't even leave his sight. You sit on the bed and watch him, praising him for how good he's being and how well he's completing his punishment.

When you see his arms start to shake, you count down from 30 to 1 and then take the vases from him and let him drop his arms. The moment you've put the vases down you pull him into your arms and he goes easily, practically falling into your hug and hiding his face against your shoulder.

You walk with him to the bed and let him curl up with you, his head against your chest. That's when you kiss his head and tell him he was so good. You tell him you forgive him and it's all over now.

He looks up at you then, unshed tears in his eyes and he actually manages to give you a small smile? He softly asks, "I'm forgiven? I'm good?"

You nod and give him another kiss on the head, telling him it's all over and now his only job is to lay with you and recover.

He does just that, maybe even falling asleep for a little while. When he wakes up he's feeling a lot better. You expect him to still be a little bit out of it but to your shock when he wakes he's wide awake? He sits up and smiles at you before rolling onto his back and thanking you. You ask if he's feeling alright and he says he feels great. You ask if he's forgiven himself and he nods.

He's just... you've seen him look so carefree? He's got this lazy smile on his face as he lays there, clearly feeling so so much better.

Needless to say, you continue with the rules and the punishments.

[plurapony]

Recovery in DID for Dummies!

[AKA THIS GUY ↑ ON R/SYSTEMSCRINGE]

The first step you need to do in recovery is integration. You see everything you experience in being a system is for a reason and the separation of parts is caused by dissociation barriers! Integration is the process of lowering those dissociation barriers which will decrease overall dissociation and amnesia and eventually will lead to recovery!

It's important to note that your brain does things for a reason, and sometimes memories are hidden through the separation of parts for a reason. Make sure you practice recovery in a safe place and with a licensed professional. It's always okay to take a break especially if you can't handle the traumatic memories at the moment 🩷

So, integration - how exactly do you go about it? Think of all your parts being in one room, they're all super awkward and no one is talking to each other. Integration is the process of helping things along so that they can start all talking to each other and feel comfortable sharing the same space with each other.

The most important reminders to achieve integration is to respect and to listen. Respect your parts and their wishes, do they want their own name? What do they feel comfortable doing? Then once you've established trust you can start working on more pressing issues. You can start figuring out their role in the system (ie why they exist and why they exist the way they do) and with learning more about them you can learn more about your overall self. A stronger bond between parts will decrease communication barriers and help overall system responsibility!

And then we talk about MAPPING!!! Mapping is the process of mapping out your system (this is what the syscringe idiot is referring to!) whether that be a timeline of when they formed, a guide to subsystems, a guide to roles or just a visual representation of all your parts!

Here's a few examples of maps we have personally made that helps explain the different types you can make :)

For systems like me, who are unable to visualize and don't have a headspace maps can be really really helpful (though it can be helpful for everyone) It can help you understand how your system works or things you feel but you couldn't properly put into words.

And how do you map? Simple! Grab a sketchbook or a piece of paper, a whole bunch of colored pens/textas and just let your parts take control!! Don't worry about order or perfection just let them feel heard. So much of recovery is grounded in making your parts feel heard.

I wish I could give advice about how to go once you've reached integration but unfortunately I'm not personally there on my journey yet. Me and my parts have a very strong familial bond and we care about each other deeply. We all recognize we are all parts of one whole individual and we do our best to make sure we can thrive the best way we can.

So happy healing! Remember that there's no rules to your own personal healing journey! Do what works for you and I wish you all the best 🌈

[IMAGE ID: ponyville is a (pro) endo free zone break dni and get blocked loser! END ID]

[ms-snape]

"Love" (Harry Potter x Snape!reader)

Request: not a request, request are OPENED

Summary: Harry is in a secret relationship with Snape's daghter, he envetually find out

Warning: Angst, happy ending

Word count: 2330

Masterlist

---

The sun hung low in the sky, casting long shadows across the grounds of Hogwarts. The Black Lake shimmered under the golden light, its surface occasionally rippling as a soft breeze played across it. Y/N Snape sat on the grass, her heart racing with exhilaration as she intertwined her fingers with Harry Potter’s, their secret romance thriving in the secluded beauty of their surroundings.

“Do you think anyone will see us?” she asked, glancing over her shoulder, her dark hair framing her face like a curtain.

“Not unless they’re looking for trouble,” Harry replied, a grin spreading across his face. His green eyes sparkled with mischief and affection. “Besides, it’s just a little hand-holding. What’s the worst that could happen?”

As if the universe had decided to intervene, the sound of footsteps crunched on the gravel path nearby. Y/N’s heart dropped. She turned just in time to see a familiar figure striding toward them, his robes billowing behind him like a dark cloud. Severus Snape, her father, was headed directly for them.

“Harry—” Y/N began, but it was too late.

Snape’s sharp gaze landed on their joined hands, and the air grew thick with tension. “What is the meaning of this?” he spat, his voice low and dangerous.

Harry’s expression shifted from carefree to alarmed in an instant. He instinctively released Y/N’s hand, standing up straighter. “Professor Snape, we—”

“Silence!” Snape’s voice echoed across the lake, startling nearby birds into flight. “Y/N, come here.”

Y/N felt her stomach twist. She knew that tone. It was the same tone that signaled she had crossed an invisible line. Reluctantly, she stood, her heart pounding as she walked away from Harry, who remained rooted in place.

“Dad, I can explain,” she started, but Snape’s expression darkened further.

“Explain what? That you are foolish enough to associate with Potter? The Boy Who Lived?” His eyes glinted with something akin to anger, but also hurt. “This is unacceptable.”

Y/N took a deep breath, her mind racing. “Harry isn’t just ‘the Boy Who Lived.’ He’s my—”

“Your what?” Snape interrupted, his voice rising. “What do you think you’re doing? He is not worthy of you, Y/N. You know the risks of being involved with him.”

“He’s my boyfriend!” Y/N shouted, surprising herself with the force of her words. “And I love him!”

The air around them felt electric. Snape’s face paled slightly, a flash of emotion crossing his features before he masked it with cold indifference. “Love? You are too young to understand what love is. You are mine to protect, and I will not allow this foolishness to continue.”

Y/N’s heart sank. “So, you’ll just control me? You’ll dictate who I can and cannot see?”

“I will do what is necessary to keep you safe,” he replied, his voice firm. “End this relashionship, Y/N. Now.”

Tears pricked at the corners of her eyes as frustration boiled within her. “You can’t just order me to break up with him! I’m not a child!”

“Then stop acting like one,” Snape snapped, his patience wearing thin. “You may not understand the dangers, but I do. I will not let you ruin your life over a boy.”

With a heavy heart, Y/N nodded, feeling the weight of her father’s expectations crush her spirit. “Fine. I’ll do it.”

“Good,” Snape said, his voice softening slightly, though it still held an edge of authority. “You will speak with him immediately.”

Y/N turned away, her heart shattering with each step she took back toward Harry. She could feel her father's eyes boring into her back, a silent reminder of his control. When she reached Harry, she found him staring at her, a mix of confusion and concern on his face.

“Y/N?” he asked gently, his brows furrowing. “What did he say?”

With trembling hands, she took a deep breath. “Harry, I… I can’t see you anymore.”

“Wait, what?” Harry’s voice cracked, confusion flooding his expression. “Y/N, please. You don’t mean that.”

“I do,” she insisted, her voice barely above a whisper. “It’s for the best.”

“Don’t say that,” he pleaded, stepping closer. “We can figure this out. I don’t care what your dad thinks.”

“You don’t understand,” Y/N said, fresh tears spilling down her cheeks. “He’ll never accept us. I can’t go against him. I can’t.”

Harry’s face fell, and for a moment, the world around them blurred. The laughter and chatter from the castle felt distant, and all that remained was the two of them standing at the edge of heartbreak.

“Please, Y/N,” he whispered, reaching out for her. “Don’t do this. I…. I love you.”

“I love you too,” she cried, “but I have to listen to him. I can’t… I can’t fight him.”

With that, she turned and walked away, each step feeling like a dagger to her heart. Behind her, Harry stood frozen, his hands clenched into fists at his sides, feeling utterly helpless.

Days turned into weeks. Y/N forced herself to smile in classes, surrounded by friends who were blissfully unaware of her internal turmoil. Hermione and Ron noticed her distant behavior but attributed it to the usual stress of school.

“Are you okay, Y/N?” Hermione asked one afternoon as they sat in the library, the dim light casting soft shadows over her parchment. “You seem… off.”

“I’m fine,” Y/N replied, forcing a smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes.

“Come on, we know you better than that,” Ron chimed in, glancing up from his homework. “You’ve been acting weird since the start of the term.”

Y/N sighed, her heart aching as she thought of Harry. “It’s just… family stuff.”

Hermione exchanged a glance with Ron, her expression shifting to one of concern. “You can talk to us about anything, you know that.”

“Yeah,” Ron added, nudging her shoulder gently. “We’re here for you.”

“Thanks,” Y/N said, though the words felt hollow. She wished she could confide in them, tell them about her heartbreak, but the weight of her father’s expectations loomed large.

Meanwhile, Harry was a shadow of his former self. He wandered the castle, the weight of loss heavy on his shoulders. He threw himself into Quidditch, but even the thrill of the game couldn’t fill the void that Y/N had left behind.

“Harry, you’ve got to talk to her,” Ron urged one evening as they sat in the Gryffindor common room, the fire crackling brightly. “You can’t just let this go.”

“I can’t,” Harry replied, running a hand through his messy hair. “Her dad won’t let her. I can’t put her in danger.”

“Danger? It’s just Snape,” Ron scoffed, but Hermione shot him a warning look.

“It’s not just that, Ron,” she said softly. “Snape is protective of his daughter. He cares about her safety, even if it doesn’t seem that way.”

“I know,” Harry said, his voice heavy with resignation. “But I can’t just sit here and do nothing.”

As the days stretched into a monotonous cycle of classes and empty smiles, Y/N felt herself slipping further into despair. The laughter that once filled her days faded into echoes of what used to be. She missed Harry terribly, the warmth of his presence a stark contrast to the coldness of her father’s expectations.

One evening, as she sat by the Black Lake, her heart felt heavier than the darkened sky above. The stars twinkled like distant reminders of happier times, and she hugged her knees to her chest, tears slipping silently down her cheeks.

“Y/N?” a familiar voice broke through her thoughts.

She looked up to see Harry standing a few feet away, his expression a mix of hope and fear. “I had to see you.”

“Harry,” she whispered, her heart racing. “You shouldn’t be here.”

“I know,” he said, stepping closer. “But I had to. I can’t just let you go.”

Y/N’s heart swelled at the sight of him, but the reality of their situation loomed over them like a storm cloud. “You don’t understand. My dad—”

“Forget about your dad for a moment,” Harry interrupted, his voice unwavering. “What about us? We can’t just pretend this isn’t happening.”

Tears threatened to spill again as she looked into his eyes, searching for any glimmer of hope. “I can’t fight him, Harry. He’ll never accept us.”

“Then let me talk to him,” he said, determination shining in his eyes. “I’ll make him understand.”

“You don’t know my father,” Y/N replied, shaking her head. “He’s not going to listen to you.”

“Then we’ll make him listen,” Harry insisted, taking another step forward. “I won’t give up on you. You’re worth fighting for.”

Y/N felt a rush of emotion, her heart aching with longing. “You don’t know what you’re asking for.”

“Maybe not,” Harry admitted, his voice softening. “But I know what I feel for you. And I can’t just walk away.”

In that moment, the world around them faded away. Y/N stepped closer, her heart racing as she reached for his hand. Their fingers intertwined, and she felt a spark of warmth in the cold night air.

“Promise me you’ll be careful,” she whispered, her voice trembling.

“I promise,” Harry said, cupping her face in his hands. “I’ll find a way.”

With that, he leaned in, and their lips met in a soft kiss, igniting the fire that had been smoldering between them. Y/N melted into him, the taste of his lips a bittersweet reminder of what they had lost and what they still had to fight for.

But as they pulled away, the weight of reality set in again, and Y/N felt a pang of dread. “What if he finds out?”

“Then we’ll deal with it together,” Harry replied, his eyes filled with determination. “I won’t let him tear us apart.”

Days passed, and Harry’s resolve only grew stronger. He sought out Snape, determined to confront the Potions Master about his daughter. It was a risky move, one that could backfire spectacularly, but Harry couldn’t stand to see Y/N in pain any longer.

One afternoon, Harry found Snape in his classroom, meticulously preparing potions for the next lesson. The atmosphere was thick with the scent of herbs and the quiet hum of simmering liquids. Snape looked up sharply as Harry entered, his expression unreadable.

“Potter,” Snape said coolly, setting down his stirring rod. “What brings you here?”

Harry squared his shoulders, trying to exude confidence. “I need to talk to you about Y/N.”

Snape’s gaze hardened, and Harry felt a chill run down his spine. “This is not a conversation I am inclined to entertain.”

“Please,” Harry pressed, refusing to back down. “She’s unhappy, and it’s because of you.”

Snape’s eyes narrowed dangerously. “You presume to know what is best for my daughter?”

“I know she loves me,” Harry replied, his voice steady. “And I love her. You can’t just dictate her life like this.”

“Love is a foolish and dangerous game, Potter,” Snape said, his tone icy. “You are in no position to lecture me on what is best for Y/N.”

“Then let her make her own choices!” Harry argued, frustration boiling over. “She’s not a child. She deserves to be happy.”

Snape’s expression shifted, a flicker of something beneath his stoic facade. “Happiness is not guaranteed, especially in a world as dangerous as this one.”

“Then let us face that danger together!” Harry shot back, his heart racing with conviction. “If you truly care about her, you’ll let her choose her own path.”

Silence hung in the air between them, tension crackling like electricity. Snape’s expression was inscrutable, but Harry could see the conflict beneath the surface. After what felt like an eternity, Snape sighed, his shoulders sagging slightly.

“Potter,” he said quietly, “I cannot protect her if you do not understand the risks involved.”

“I understand,” Harry replied, his voice softening. “I’ll do everything in my power to keep her safe.”

Snape studied him for a long moment, and Harry held his breath, praying for a glimmer of acceptance. Finally, Snape nodded slowly, his face a mask of reluctant acceptance.

“Very well,” he said, his voice low. “You may see her. But know this—if you hurt her, I will make you regret it.”

Harry nodded, relief flooding through him. “I promise, I won’t.”

As he left Snape’s office, Harry felt a weight lift off his shoulders. Now, he just needed to find Y/N and tell her the good news.

That evening, they met by the Black Lake once more, the stars shining brightly overhead. Y/N sat on the grass, her expression pensive as she gazed out at the water. When she saw Harry approaching, her face lit up with a mix of surprise and hope.

“Harry!” she exclaimed, rushing to meet him. “What happened?”

“I talked to your dad,” he said, a grin spreading across his face. “He said we can be together.”

Y/N’s eyes widened, disbelief etched across her features. “Really?”

“Really,” Harry confirmed, pulling her into his arms. “He just wants to make sure you’re safe. And I promised I’d take care of you.”

Y/N felt tears of joy spill down her cheeks as she wrapped her arms around him. “Oh, Harry, I was so scared.”

“Not anymore,” he murmured, tilting her chin up to meet his gaze. “We’re in this together.”

With that, he leaned down, capturing her lips in a kiss that felt like a promise—a promise of love, happiness, and a future together. As the stars twinkled overhead, Y/N felt a warmth spread through her, a sense of belonging that had been missing for far too long.

When they finally pulled apart, Harry brushed a strand of hair behind her ear, his expression tender. “I won’t let anything come between us again.”

“Neither will I,” Y/N replied, her heart swelling with love. “We’ll face whatever comes our way, together.”

And as they sat by the Black Lake, hand in hand, the shadows of doubt began to fade, replaced by a future filled with hope and the promise of love that would endure against all odds.

[multiplicity-positivity]

Here’s some positivity for systems who are struggling with suicidal ideation!

It is a very unfortunate truth that many systems are at risk of suicide and actively deal with suicidal ideation. Suicidal ideation poses a serious threat to many systems, and prevents lots of folks from leading happy, healthy lives. As a fellow struggling system, we are so sorry to say that we don’t have all the answers for you. We don’t know what specifically can help your system heal, give you hope, or find the strength to not only survive, but flourish and thrive. But we can encourage you to keep going, and reassure you that you’re not as alone as you may feel.

To those who have been suicidal for many years now…

We know firsthand how exhausting and soul-crushing this can be. We hope that you can find brief moments of reprieve, and find small things in your life that can bring a smile to your face. Changing your mindset is not easy, especially when it feels like the world is working against you. We hope that soon you can feel a cool summer breeze, listen to birdsong, witness a spectacular sunset, take a deep breath, and exist in the moment, as you are. You deserve to live. You deserve to, not only survive, but flourish and thrive as you are.

To those who are looking for a reason to stay alive…

Let this be it. Stay alive for your headmates, even if you struggle to get along. Stay alive for the sillies, to be cringe, to learn who you are and take steps towards living your life authentically. Stay alive for change, because what comes next in your life may not be better, but it will definitely be different. Stay alive for just one more day, then another, then another after that. Sometimes surviving from day-to-day can be a significant challenge, but we know that you are up to the task.

To those who have been keeping their suicidal ideation a secret…

Please, if there’s someone in your life who loves you, please reach out. Your loved ones want you around, they want you to be happy and healthy, and they may not even know you are struggling this much. If you genuinely can’t think of anyone who cares about you, guess what? We do. We care about you and more than anything we want you to live. Whether or not we share the plural community, no matter where your path takes you or where you end up, your existence means everything to us. Please keep going. Please don’t give up.

To those who feel worthless and hopeless all the time…

You don’t have to accomplish any great things in order for your life to have value. In fact, by simply surviving and trying to reclaim joy in your life, you are accomplishing a major feat of resistance, resilience, and renewal! Your life and the lives of your headmates have inherent worth just the way it is - you don’t have to change anything about yourselves in order to be valued, cherished, loved, and respected. And this means valuing, cherishing, loving, and respecting yourselves! We are so immensely proud of you for how far you’ve come, for not giving up, for taking things one day, one step, one moment at a time.

To those who feel trapped by their circumstances, by their history, by their own shortcomings…

There is nothing stagnant about life, and this includes your own! You won’t always feel trapped this way. One day you will be able to escape your abusive home life, your oppressive workplace, bullies, groomers, heartbreak, loneliness, isolation, or whatever has you pinned down. One day you will be able to start processing and healing from your trauma or your painful past. One day you will be able to recognize your shortcomings as strengths, as neutral, as a part of you, as something worth salvaging, embracing, or accepting. One day you will be able to spread your wings and fly again, and trust us, when that moment comes, it will feel amazing!

To any system who has ever felt suicidal anywhere, at any point in their lives…

The fact that you are still here is huge and is something worth celebrating! We truly admire your tenacity, your strength, your perseverance, your defiance, and your fight to go on, despite life’s challenges. We truly hope that life gets easier for you, and you are afforded a softness and gentleness that comes with rest, comfort, and joy. We wish for you unconditional love and self-acceptance. We wish for you hearty meals, laughter, intimacy, and a sense of pride and accomplishment in how far you’ve come. We wish for you the chance to slow down and catch your breath. We wish for you a moment to revel in the beauty of nature. We wish for you happiness, contentedness, and hope, always and forever.

Suicidal systems, we know that one post on Tumblr isn’t likely going to change your mindset or how bleak your future may look right now. If anything, please let this be a small reminder that you’re not alone. Let this be a reminder of your own brilliant heart and powerful spirit. Let this be a reminder that you have made it this far, and you do have what it takes to keep going. Let this be a reminder that there is good in the world, and good in you specifically.

We love you. We really do care about you with all of our heart. We know that things will get better for you in time, but until then, please keep fighting like hell. You’ve come so far, and even if you still have a long way to go, you can make it. We believe in you!

[starhoppin]

pick a picture; messages from the universe

pile 1 -> pile 2 -> pile 3

disclaimer; this is a general reading! these messages may not fit everyone. please take what resonates and leave the rest.

「pile one」

the fool rv (cb: the hierophant, seven of cups), eight of cups (ace of wands, the lovers), the moon (five of wands rv, three of wands).

you may be experiencing some challenges at the moment. you could be dealing with an authoritative figure at work that is taking advantage of you - pushing your boundaries and making you consider alternative options. for others, you simply may not be happy at your current job, and you're looking into different opportunities. regardless, you may be ready to accept any offer that comes your way in order to get out of this situation. you're overwhelmed by the potential avenues you can take, and it looks like it's paralyzing you with indecision. you may be getting in your own way when it comes to this situation by focusing on the "what ifs." figure out what you truly desire - that will guide you in the right direction. it looks like you're also in a transition period in your love life. you may be contemplating leaving a connection/partnership behind because they are not fulfilling your needs. you're being asked to declutter and get rid of things that do not serve your highest good. a lot is going on for you behind the scenes. what may seem like insurmountable obstacles and delays will benefit you in the long run. these "blockages" are shielding you from conflict.

「pile two」

judgement rv (cb: queen of swords, ten of pentacles), ten of swords (cb: knight of cups rv, seven of cups rv), page of pentacles (cb: ace of cups rv, five of pentacles rv)

pile two, it looks like you're going through a difficult time. are you feeling like you need to have control over all aspects of your life? do not be afraid to relinquish your grip on the things in your life. change is necessary, it doesn't have to be scary or bad. things will not slip away if you loosen your grip. i'm channeling a very anxious energy from you, pile two. do me a favor: take a deep breath, unclench your jaw, relax your shoulders. everything will be okay. you may be feeling really defeated - perhaps struggling with confusion and just overall disappointment in your love life. a romantic partner may have been cheating or engaging in sneaking behavior behind your back which significantly hurt you. do not blame yourself for what transpired. their actions are their own; it's not a reflection of you. you're being asked to focus on other areas of your life. reach out to friends and family in order to ease your burden; ask them for help. spend time with them and it'll ease the emotional loss and help you recover from this quickly.

「pile three」

temperance (cb: king of pentacles, two of cups), the hermit rv (cb: strength, nine of wands rv), the lovers (cb: seven of pentacles, ten of pentacles rv). additional cards: surprise, sunshine, personal riches.

your message pertains to your love life. you may be doubting your current efforts in love or are going through a period of loneliness. you may feel like you're not making progress, but rest assured, you are. there are wonderful changes that are coming if you remain faithful and persevere. you have the inner strength to overcome these doubts. you're being asked to resist the urge to seek someone out to simply "fill the void" or act as a distraction for you. do not ignore red flags. you may end up repeating a lesson from the past that you do not need to relearn. you're being called to focus on your career. your finances may be improving dramatically and your career will thrive if you devote your focus to it. the universe is hinting that this may even bring a change in your love life.

tarot deck used in this reading: cirque du tarot & fortune cookies

[xomakara]

Warrior of My Heart

SUMMARY |  You returned home after a successful journey with your knight Jaehyun. Your brother, the king, wants you to start marrying and you knew there was one person that you wanted. PAIRINGS | Jaehyun/Fem!Reader GENRE |  non-idol au, knight!jaehyun, fantasy au, smut, unprotected sex, fingering, oral sex, fluff towards the end RATING |  Mature LENGTH |  6,412 words AUTHOR’S NOTE |  I was originally writing this with a whole story in mind with like an assassination attempt or a battle or something. But apparently it didn't turn out that way lolol. I don't even know if this has a storyline haha. Anyhow, I hope it's still okay!

You sat atop your horse, holding your sword in hand and looked at the road ahead that led to the capital city and the place you called home. Neo City was a bustling city filled with wonder and hope. You looked at Jaehyun, your bodyguard and the knight-commander of the White Lotus Order, and gave him a happy smile.

"Home, sweet home." You exclaimed. "The journey has been a long one for us. I'm ready to sleep for the next month."

"Indeed, Princess." Jaehyun smiled at you. "I'm sure the knights are long over due for rest."

Jaehyun let out a chuckle and then started to lead your horse towards the city gates, taking off his helm and placing it on your horse's saddle.

"So what shall we do once we get there?" He asked you, making you blush lightly. You were so used to going to bed alone now, that being in a relationship seemed almost impossible for you to handle. Your eyes traveled up and down his body and all you could think about is how much you wanted to feel his body pressed against yours. It had been too long since you last felt his touch on your skin and seeing him here, made you wonder if he ever thought about you as well. If he had moved on. You quickly shook those thoughts away and stood up straight, your armor settling around your frame as you tighten your grip on your sword.

"There is something I have always wanted to do but never had the time for." You said quietly. "When we get to the palace I will need you to help me."

"Of course Princess." Jaehyun answered, bowing before giving you a respectful nod. "Anything you ask."

You walked through the gates of the city in awe. Neo City was a thriving place with a large economy and political influence within the nation. The streets were lined with people running from all directions and you got lost in their jumble. Once they finally cleared you found yourself standing outside the main gates of the palace where your brother, King Taeyong, resided. Your jaw dropped at the sight of the majestic building and stepped forward towards it.

Once you stepped through the gate, the city grew silent as if nothing out of the ordinary was happening. You smiled at the people around you and headed straight towards the palace. The guards opened the doors to the main hall and allowed you to pass without question. All the servants and the cooks stopped what they were doing and bowed to you. You smiled politely and then proceeded to head towards the throne room, passing by all the chambers until you reached your destination. As you entered the room you immediately noticed Taeyong sitting upon the throne, drinking a cup of tea while reading some reports. When he saw you enter, he set down the documents and gave you a bright smile.

"My sister! You're back!" He greeted, rising from his seat. "Come give your brother a hug."

You rushed into his arms and he embraced you tightly, lifting you off the ground in his embrace. His strong arms wrapped around your waist as you hugged him tight, not wanting to let go of him. After several moments of just hugging each other, you let go of him, still keeping a firm grasp on his shirt as you looked into his face.

"How was your journey?" He asked you curiously, giving you a puzzled look. "Did you finally find a lover? Or broke some hearts along your travels?"

You laughed lightly at his question and ran your fingers through your hair.

"Maybe." You replied with a smirk. "But I am tired and want to get some sleep. How is mother?"

"She's fine." He answered. "You know her love is pure. She never leaves my side even when she's at work. But if you really must know, I heard she wasn't feeling well earlier today. That's why we didn't see you coming back."

He chuckled as you let out an annoyed sigh.

"Oh… Well I should probably check on her then." You told him with a small laugh.

"By all means my dear sister." Taeyong told you kindly, bowing to you before getting up from his chair and heading towards the door. "You go check on Mother and I'll call you when lunch is ready."

With a nod, you went to leave the room but stopped halfway to hear Taeyong tell you to come closer. You leaned in close to his ear, hearing the sound of the papers under his desk shifting as he leaned in as well.

"If you ever do end up having sex, don't forget to use protection." He whispered, chuckling at your look of confusion. "I know I'm only your older brother and that you probably think of me as an idiot most of the time, but I don't like to see my little sister get hurt."

You raised an eyebrow at him.

"Why would I be having sex?" You asked innocently, causing him to burst out laughing.

"Well…" He managed to say between laughs. "You are my little sister after all and… We are royalty. Who knows who might want to take advantage of your status?"

You gave him a light shove to stop his laughter and looked away. He's right, though. Being royalty, there was bound to be someone that would try and exploit your position and power for their own gain. In fact, one such person tried just that just two years ago. Thankfully you managed to stop them in time but it was also because of your efforts that the man ended up losing his life and eventually became the reason you decided to become the leader of the White Lotus order. But thinking about that story put a dark shadow on your mind and you turned your attention back to your brother.

"Taeyong." You whispered softly. "Do you think I'll ever get married and have children?"

He gave you a thoughtful look before answering. "I don't know, sis. It depends on the person you end up with and whether or not you both feel comfortable with the idea of marriage."

He sighed and then placed a gentle kiss on your forehead.

"I just hope you'll be happy." He told you gently. "And I wish you'd hurry up and find a lover so you can stop moping around."

You gave him a playful punch to the shoulder and stepped back.

"A lover huh? Who do you suggest I should choose?" You asked, looking him dead in the eye. "One of our knights?"

"Hey!" Taeyong laughed at your suggestion. "Don't tempt me! They might not seem very nice at first glance but deep down they are loyal and honorable men."

You rolled your eyes and shrugged.

"Whatever you say, my king brother." You told him with a smile. "Besides, I doubt any of them are single. I bet they are all happily dating someone right now."

Taeyong shrugged and smiled fondly at you.

"I guess that is true. But don't worry, there are plenty more handsome young men that would gladly accept you into their lives."

You giggled at his comment and then grabbed his arm, tugging him toward the exit of the room.

"C'mon. Let's go see Mother." You urged him, stepping past him and heading out of the main hall.

"Yes, yes." He agreed, following behind you with a small grin on his face. "Let's go see Mother."

It was 3 days later and the entire kingdom was celebrating your arrival back to the palace. There were decorations lining the halls and dozens of servants hurried about to prepare for the celebration. Your brother was busy trying to make plans to invite all the nobles and members of the government to attend the grand feast that was planned to be held tomorrow. Everyone in the castle seemed cheerful and eager to celebrate the reunion of the royal family and you couldn't help but smile brightly at the sound of their voices.

In the courtyard, hundreds of servants worked diligently preparing the meals and preparing them for delivery to different parts of the palace. Inside the gardens, knights were gathered near the edge of the lake cleaning and repairing their weapons. Looking around, you spotted young ladies wearing colorful dresses waiting in line to speak to Jaehyun, the Knight-Commander, hoping to catch his eye.

Your brother stopped talking to a couple of soldiers near the gate and looked around, spotting you nearby. He raised an eyebrow at you and pointed at you, motioning for you to join him.

Walking up to him, you tilted your head at him curiously and waited for him to continue.

"We're inviting the Knights to participate in the feast as well." He told you. "I figure we should show them our appreciation for helping save Neo City while you and the White Lotus Order were out on your journey."

You nodded in understanding.

"Yeah, that's a good idea." You replied with a slight nod. "I bet they would enjoy attending the feast as well."

"And maybeeeee, we'll find you a husband." Taeyong let out a laugh. "If that happens, I promise I won't tease you anymore."

He sighed as you let out a giggle and turned around to head back inside the palace.

As you passed by the garden, you noticed that many women were beginning to approach the knight commander and talk to him. Their smiles were wide and their eyes filled with excitement. Some women wore beautifully embroidered clothing and others were dressed in simple dresses, yet no matter what they wore, their beauty shone through their attire.

And just watching them talk excitedly with him made you feel a little jealous.

You've slept together multiple times during your journey. The times where you were lonely, the occasional drunk nights, or even that one time where you suffered a shoulder injury from an arrow and you had a fever.

You thought that there was something developing between you two. Or was it all one-sided on your end? And now that you were back in Neo City, Jaehyun didn't even bother showing any interest in you…

No, this isn't fair. You shook your head and frowned, feeling a bit depressed as you began walking again. Just then, you felt a hand grabbing your arm and stopping you in your tracks.

"So, the Princess General and the Knight-Commander, huh?" Taeyong muttered as he caught up with you. "Who would have thought?"

Looking at him, you could see he was clearly concerned about your current mood.

"What do you mean?" You asked with a frown.

"When you stopped I was going to ask you if everything was alright but now I wonder." He answered with a chuckle. "Are you alright, my dear sister?"

Your frown intensified and you shook your head slowly, trying to calm down your growing anger.

"He doesn't even care about me, does he?" You asked Taeyong angrily. "Not after we spent two whole years traveling around together, constantly risking our lives for each other, yet as soon as we arrived back home, it's as if nothing happened between us."

You paused and let out a frustrated sigh.

"It feels like he barely acknowledges me anymore and I'm starting to get really mad about it." You explained in a quiet voice. "It's not fair. He always used to make me laugh and joke around but now all he does is ignore me. It makes me even more mad since he's my bodyguard and the knight-commander."

"I see." Taeyong murmured, glancing over at the young women approaching Jaehyun. "I wouldn't blame you if you wanted to hit him in the face, just so you can prove to yourself that he does care about you."

Your eyes widened and you started laughing bitterly.

"Oh yeah, punching him will definitely solve all my problems." You said sarcastically. "Do you really believe that hitting him would somehow magically fix things between us?"

"Well, you said it yourself. He doesn't care about you. So maybe if you show him that you don't care either, he'll finally notice how much he missed you." Taeyong said quietly.

"How can you be so optimistic?" You asked, rolling your eyes. "Aren't you worried that I'll just break his nose or something instead?"

He chuckled and placed a comforting hand on your shoulder.

"My lovely sister, I assure you that there's nothing wrong with hitting him. If anything, it will only bring you closer together." He said with a soft smile. "Now, come. Let's get dinner ready."

At his words, you looked down at the ground and gave him a reluctant nod. He's right. You sighed and followed him into the palace, feeling your temper slowly dying down with every step. At least he seems to be right, after all.

The next day, everyone in the city celebrated your return and preparations were underway for the banquet being prepared in your honor. By early afternoon, the entire city was covered in clouds of dust as numerous carts were being pulled through the streets carrying food and drink items for the upcoming feast.

In front of the palace, a large tent had been set up and several caterers were already busy setting the tables and arranging the dishes. As you walked into the courtyard, several of the young girls you saw yesterday were standing near the entrance, waiting for a chance to speak to Jaehyun.

Most of them were dressed in pretty clothes adorned with sparkling jewels. They all seemed nervous and kept staring at the tent entrance nervously. You took a seat near the table and watched them wait for a few minutes before Taeyong joined you and stood beside you.

"All these beautiful ladies are competing to win the heart of our noble Knight Commander." He informed you with a proud smile. "And according to rumors, they are all vying for his attention."

"It seems so." You nodded, grinning as you watched the women walk by, one after another. "They're really trying hard."

A servant approached you with a tray full of drinks and handed you a glass of water. You thanked her and then watched as the girls continued to approach Jaehyun. They tried to talk to him politely and tried to make him laugh with silly jokes, but as soon as he didn't respond, most of them quickly retreated, disappointed.

"I swear, he has the best poker face in the world." You remarked with a laugh, sipping at your water. "All these girls came here believing that he'll instantly fall for them and he never breaks character. How he keeps doing it amazes me."

After watching them for a few more moments, you heard footsteps coming your way and turned to see the Knight Commander approaching.

Jaehyun's eyes scanned over the crowd and eventually rested on you. He gave his greetings to Taeyong before coming to face you.

"There you are, Princess." He greeted, smiling at you. "I was looking for you."

A warm smile lit up your face and you couldn't help but nod as he spoke.

"Oh really?" You asked. "I wasn't planning on spending the entire afternoon watching these girls trying to get your attention though."

Jaehyun chuckled softly as he glanced over the girls who still lingered around him, searching for his approval.

"Don't worry about them." He reassured you. "They will leave once they realize I'm not interested."

“Really now?” You chuckled as well and turned away, resting your chin in your palm. “Who wouldn’t want the attention of the Knight-Commander?”

“Don’t tell me you’re jealous?” Jaehyun teasingly asked.

“Why would I be jealous? It’s not like you have feelings for me.” You muttered.

"Oh? Didn't the princess forget that I like her?" Jaehyun sounded surprised when you glanced back at him and his eyes narrowed in confusion. "Did you forget those restless nights by the fire? Those nights where our limbs were tangled together?"

His gaze softened and you blushed lightly as his fingers reached up to gently stroke your cheek. His touch sent tingles across your skin and your stomach fluttered with excitement.

"I didn't forget." You whispered softly, unable to stop your lips from curving upward into a tiny smile.

You suddenly realized that Jaehyun's smile had changed as well and his eyes were shining as he stared down at you. It made your cheeks grow warm and your heart begin to beat faster.

"I was just wondering…" You hesitated slightly, biting your lower lip as you looked at him. "Do you remember that night by the fire when you helped me take care of my shoulder wound? When you wrapped your arms around me and stayed with me until morning?"

Jaehyun blinked and a wide grin spread across his face as he glanced down at you.

"Princess, I remember everything about that night." He breathed huskily, reaching out to caress your cheek with the tips of his fingers. "But I didn't think that you remembered it either."

You smiled at him shyly as he leaned forward, his mouth just inches from yours. Your breath caught in your throat as he brushed his lips against yours, sending shivers down your spine.

Then he pressed his forehead against yours and whispered in your ear.

"I've never forgotten about that night either, Princess."

You bit your bottom lip as his words slowly sank in. A dull ache was slowly building within you as your heart raced. With a shaky breath, you closed your eyes and nodded slightly.

"You know, this reminds me of that day we found ourselves trapped in the dungeons together." You admitted quietly, bringing your free hand up to cover his. "We were surrounded by darkness and death. There was only one light and that was you."

"That's when I knew that I'd spend the rest of my life protecting you." He whispered in your ear.

"I'd hate to ruin your love fest, sister," a voice called out next to you. You looked at Taeyong, a smirk on his face. "But did you and the knight-commander forget that we are in public?"

With a groan, Jaehyun stepped back and placed a hand on your shoulders. He glanced over your shoulder and you could see the rest of the girls still lingering around, talking quietly amongst themselves.

"Yeah, sorry." He mumbled sheepishly. "I guess I got carried away."

He bowed to Taeyong and the servant, leaving you alone with your older brother. Taeyong eyed you suspiciously, a mischievous grin on his face.

"So?" He asked slyly. "Do I hear wedding bells?"

"Taeyong!" You gasped, narrowing your eyes at him.

He laughed and reached out to ruffle your hair playfully.

"Sis, I know you love Jaehyun." He said seriously. "You two belong together. He's practically shown that he loves you in front of all the nobles and servants."

You opened your mouth to protest, but Taeyong raised a finger and silenced you with a look.

"Just think about it, okay?" He told you with a wink. "If he asked you to marry him tomorrow, would you say yes?"

You paused and thought about what Taeyong said. What would you do if Jaehyun asked you to marry him tomorrow? Would you accept his proposal? The answer was clear: Of course you would!

As you thought about your future husband, a soft sigh escaped your lips and your eyes slowly closed. You rested your head on your hand as Taeyong and Jaehyun started chatting casually while taking their seats.

After some time passed, you noticed that the young women you saw earlier were gone. You sighed softly and leaned back in your chair, relaxing slightly.

Despite all the festivities, your mind kept wandering back to your relationship with Jaehyun.

You loved him. More than anything else in the world, you loved him. And deep down inside, you were sure that he felt the same way about you. After all, they were soul mates. Two halves of the same whole. And you were confident that he was the only person you would ever want to share your life with.

Everything seemed perfect.

Why should you even bother to try and find someone else? It was almost as if fate was telling you that you were meant to be together forever.

As you watched the people dancing in the ballroom below, you smiled as you thought about the first time you met Jaehyun.

It was an exciting day, filled with uncertainty and joy. But no matter what happened, no matter how the day ended, you always believed that everything would turn out alright.

Yes, today is going to be a good day. And every day after that. Because your life is already complete.

Even if he won't admit it, Jaehyun loves you. And you love him.

You always knew that one day you'd have to choose between love and duty, but now… Now, it's too late to make such a choice. You can't separate your heart from your duty any longer. Not anymore.

With a small smile, you turned away from the window and faced the palace wall.

"Jaehyun." You whispered softly, letting your lips curl upwards into a small smile. "Tonight… Tonight, I'm finally going to tell you how I feel."

"Princess Y/N?"

Your name sounded out from behind you and you slowly turned around to see Jaehyun giving you a soft smile.

"Are you alright?" He asked, his voice laced with concern. "What happened? Is everything alright?"

"Yeah, everything's fine." You assured him, walking over to him and giving him a small hug.

"Good." He nodded with a smile. "That's good to hear."

After a few moments of silence you pulled away from him and smiled at him.

"I want to thank you for being here for me, Jaehyun." You told him, reaching up and brushing a strand of hair from his face. "It means a lot to me."

"No problem." He told you with a nod. "You've always been there for me whenever I needed someone. It's only fair that I return the favor."

You smiled softly at him.

"I'm glad you're here, Jaehyun." You said softly. "This is… Kind of lonely being alone again."

"You don't have to be alone." He said with a comforting smile. "You've got me here with you."

His words made you relax and your eyes trailed down to his lips. You remembered how amazing it felt when he kissed you and how perfect he tasted. You missed kissing him. Not only did you miss kissing him but you also missed cuddling up to him. Before you knew it, your lips were on his and your arms wound around his neck. A gasp left your mouth as you leaned in, letting your lips part slightly as you opened your mouth for him. With a moan you slid your tongue across his bottom lip and met his tongue with your own. Slowly you started to pull away from him, kissing his jawline and down his neck, enjoying the sweet scent of his sweat mixed with his natural smell.

"Princess…" He breathed heavily, pulling you into another long kiss.

"Come." You grabbed his hand and led him to your bed chamber. Once inside you shut the door behind you and pressed your back against it.

"Do you remember the night you saved me?" You asked, tracing the shape of his mouth with your finger. "The night of that bandit attack where I almost lost my life?"

Jaehyun's hands came up to cup your cheeks and he stared at you with a heated expression.

"I'll never forget it." He promised you with a growl. "I'll never forget the way you screamed my name and the way you fought off those bandits. You were such a brave girl and I was proud of you."

"Some Princess General I was, getting caught by bandits." You let out a small laugh. "But then here comes the Knight-Commander coming in to save me."

"Nothing you could've done, Princess." He retorted playfully. "Those guys wouldn't have stopped attacking you if it wasn't for me. Besides, I think they appreciated me showing them how a real man saves a damsel in distress."

You let out a quiet chuckle at his comment and traced the line of his collarbone with your fingertip.

"What if I told you I want to repay you?" You asked, raising an eyebrow at him. "That I want to repay you for saving my life."

Jaehyun's eyebrows furrowed as he listened to your words. His eyes searched yours as you held his gaze intently. For a moment, he couldn't move or speak. All he could do was stare at you in awe. He wanted nothing more than to keep kissing you but something seemed to be holding him back. Finally, he gathered himself together enough to reply.

"Princess…" He breathed out hoarsely. "I would be honored if you wanted to repay me for what I did that night."

Before you had a chance to react, Jaehyun lifted you up onto the bed and lowered himself down to lie next to you. Your body melted into his and he pulled you close to him, wrapping his arms around you tightly and drawing you into his embrace. His lips pressed against your forehead and your hands tangled in his hair as you nuzzled into his chest. His skin was smooth and warm to the touch and it reminded you of the way it felt against your body. The thought made you shiver and your stomach clenched tightly as you held yourself tighter against him. You wanted to stay this way forever . To never let go of him. To never stop being held by him.

Your hands moved down to his waist and unbuttoned his tunic. He sighed deeply and ran his hands up and down your arms as you continued to undo the buttons. As soon as all the buttons were undone, you slid your hands underneath his shirt, resting your palms against his warm bare skin. You wanted to make him feel as good as he made you feel and for a moment you wondered if this would actually happen. Would he actually let you repay him?

With a growl, Jaehyun sat up and pulled you into his lap, placing a firm kiss on your lips before pulling away and staring at you with intense passion filled eyes. His hands came up to cup your cheeks and then slowly slid down your neck until they reached your shoulders.

He began to caress your shoulders with featherlight touches and his lips returned to yours.

As his kisses grew deeper and his touch rougher, you closed your eyes and laid your head against his chest, enjoying the feeling of his strong heartbeat beneath your palm. This was your favorite place in the entire world. Your safe haven. Your refuge. Whenever you were troubled, whenever you felt pain or anger or sadness; whenever you just needed some time to think; this was where you went. It was always a sanctuary for you. Where you were free to express yourself without worrying about being judged or chastised. No matter what you were going through, no matter what you were trying to hide from everyone else, you knew that you could always come here and just relax and be at peace. Now, lying here in Jaehyun's arms, you finally understood why he was willing to go through whatever hell existed for you.

Why was he ready to risk his life to save yours? Because you were precious to him and he couldn't imagine a world without you in it.

When his lips touched your ear lobe, your heart began to race and you bit your lower lip, trembling as your hands traveled up and down his back, lightly kneading the muscles in his arms. When his hands dropped to your waist, you tightened your grip around his neck and moaned softly as his fingers brushed against the sides of your breasts.

Suddenly, you pulled away from him and looked into his eyes, noticing how much they had darkened with desire. You smiled softly and gently traced the line of his jaw with your fingertips. His eyes widened as you leaned forward and gently took his lips in a tender kiss.

Just like before, his lips parted for you and he eagerly accepted your tongue, opening his mouth wider as you swept your tongue across his teeth and against his lips. The electricity running between the two of you had increased tenfold since last time and it sent ripples of pleasure throughout your entire body. You didn't realize how much you missed him until he was in front of you again. How much you missed this. How much you missed his presence.

Slowly you broke apart from the kiss and ran your hands down his chest, feeling his heartbeat accelerate as your fingers stroked the ridges of his abs.

His arms wrapped around you once again and his fingers skimmed across your hips, causing you to moan loudly. The tension in the air became thick and heavy and neither of you could breathe properly as the feelings coursing through your bodies intensified and every touch felt even more erotic than the last. His lips touched the skin of your cheek and down your neck, sending waves of shivers down your spine and goosebumps popping up all over your body. Your breaths became shorter and quicker and your heart began to pound harder as you clutched at his shirt desperately, wanting more of his touch.

In one swift movement, Jaehyun pulled away from you and unbuckled his belt, tossing it aside. Then, with a seductive smirk he pushed his pants down, revealing his cock which had hardened considerably since the last time you saw it. You licked your lips as your eyes roamed over his naked body, memorizing every inch of him. In your mind, you already knew exactly how his body felt against yours. Just thinking about it caused your nipples to become erect and you squirmed under his gaze, unconsciously wanting him to continue exploring your body with his mouth. Suddenly, his lips found their way to your nipples and he took one in his mouth while the other lay nestled in his palm. The vibrations from his mouth and the warmth from his hand were too much and you arched your back as the sensations built within you. You held on to his head and whimpered quietly, begging for more.

"Oh God…" You moaned softly as he drew circles around your nipple with his tongue. "Please, please…"

"Say it." He whispered roughly, moving his hand to rub against your clit.

"Fuck me, Jaehyun." You begged him, gripping his shoulders tightly. "Please, fuck me!"

With a groan, he turned his attention to your clit and used his thumb to massage it. You closed your eyes and gasped, moaning louder and louder as your legs buckled and your nails dug into his shoulder blades.

He rubbed his thumb in slow circular motions and you thrashed your head back and forth in an attempt to find relief. He sucked one of your nipples into his mouth and flicked it with his tongue before switching to the other one and doing the same thing.

As he suckled your nipples and teased your clit with his thumb, he continued to stroke your pussy, making sure that every sensation you experienced was amplified and intense. Soon, your body began to shake and you started to scream incoherently as a violent orgasm tore through you. You squeezed your eyes shut and screamed out loud as the sensations rushed through you. It felt like your entire body was on fire and there was no escape. You screamed so loudly that your throat began to hurt and your body began to cramp up. Finally, after several minutes, you fell limp in Jaehyun's arms, unable to stand any longer.

As your breathing slowed down, Jaehyun kissed your temple and pressed a soft kiss against your neck. After catching his breath, he removed his thumb from your pussy and gave you a wicked grin.

"Not quite yet." He whispered, pushing you back onto the bed and crawling up next to you.

With one hand still rubbing your clit, he lowered his head and buried his face between your thighs. You closed your eyes and moaned softly as he began licking up and down your slit. You spread your legs as wide as possible, eager for his tongue to get closer to your most sensitive area. He opened his mouth wider and took your clit into his mouth and gently began sucking on it, making you shudder uncontrollably.

His hands massaged your inner thighs and as his tongue continued to explore your pussy, his fingers began to gently run along the length of your labia, spreading your juices all over your swollen clit. You jerked slightly as his fingers slid over your sensitive spot and his tongue kept up its relentless assault on your clit. Your head fell back as he increased the pressure on your clit and he continued to lick and suck on it as your hands fisted the sheets and your body trembled violently. You cried out loudly as another powerful orgasm rocked through you and you bit down hard on your bottom lip to stifle your cries of pleasure.

Finally, your breathing returned to normal and Jaehyun slowly rose up and glanced at you. His eyes were burning brightly and you could tell that he was absolutely overcome with lust. Without saying anything, he climbed on top of you and pressed his hard cock against your entrance. Before you could say anything, he thrust deep inside you and the shockwave of pleasure that ran through you made you gasp loudly.

The way he held you tightly as he pounded into you sent shivers through your entire body and you couldn't help but grab his ass and pull him closer to you. His hot breath washed over your face and his teeth nibbled at your neck as his fingers gripped your hips tightly.

It felt amazing to have him inside you again and you could already tell that he was giving it everything he had. There was nothing soft or gentle about the way he moved, grinding his hips against yours with each thrust, slamming into you with such force that it almost hurt.

Each thrust seemed to strengthen your feelings for him and it scared you slightly because they felt more passionate than ever. As his fingers rubbed against your g-spot, you felt your orgasm building up quickly and you bit your lip as your vision clouded and blurred and your heart raced wildly.

You let out a small scream as you lost control completely and threw your head back as a powerful orgasm ripped through you. The orgasm itself was short lived but the aftershocks were even stronger than before. The intensity of the emotions coursing through your body overwhelmed you and you collapsed into Jaehyun's arms, crying silently as he continued to move inside you. Every movement of his hips felt incredible and when he grabbed your hair and kissed your neck, your heart nearly stopped beating. Everything about this moment was perfect.

When your orgasms subsided, you managed to catch your breath and open your eyes, only to see Jaehyun smiling back at you with a look of pure satisfaction on his face. He stared deeply into your eyes and cupped your face with his hands, bringing his lips closer to yours. Slowly, he brought his lips towards yours and you felt your heart skip a beat as his soft lips touched yours and his tongue entered your mouth. As you wrapped your arms around his neck and ran your fingers through his silky hair, you realized that you never wanted this night to end. You never wanted this relationship to end.

"I love you." You whispered against his lips.

"I love you too." He replied simply, leaning in and pressing his lips against yours again.

Slowly, you laid your head on his chest and listened to his heart racing. It was incredibly calming and you breathed in his scent, relishing in the fact that you were here, with him, right now. All was right in your world and you were thankful for the moments like these. Moments like this when you get to feel loved by someone who actually meant something to you.

He leaned down and placed a gentle kiss on your forehead and sighed.

"I need to ask you something." He asked, brushing your hair away from your face.

"Okay?" You replied, looking up at him.

"Will you marry me?"

Your eyes widened and your heart leaped into your throat. You nodded slightly and smiled softly as tears welled up in your eyes.

"Yes." You whispered, squeezing his hands.

He grinned widely and grabbed your face with both of his hands, kissing you passionately. When he finally pulled away, he was beaming at you with pride and happiness. You ran your hands down his chest and stomach and then moved them up his back, lightly tracing your fingernails against his smooth skin. He closed his eyes and savored in your touch.

"Do you know what I'm going to do when we're married?" You asked playfully, tilting your head to the side.

"What?" He asked curiously.

"I want to have a baby with you." You giggled.

He pulled you close and planted a soft kiss on your lips.

"Well, if you want kids… I think I can give you one." He chuckled, tightening his grip on your waist.

"How many?" You giggled.

"Five? Ten?"

"A hundred?!" You laughed, making him laugh as well.

"We'll see how many come after the first one." He smirked.

As your laughter died down, you tightened your embrace and placed a gentle kiss on his lips. He stroked your hair lovingly and rested his chin on top of your head.

"I love you." You whispered softly.

"I love you too." He whispered back.

Neither of you spoke anymore. The moment had been perfect and neither of you wanted it to end. Instead, you fell asleep in each other's arms, basking in the feeling of being loved and knowing that this was where you belonged.

[rebeccathenaturalist]

Today I slept in too late. But as I was groggily bringing myself back to wakefulness, remembering the day, I found myself thinking not of current events or of work that needs to be done or cooking and cleaning and other domestic chores, but of waking up in a life that is absolutely suffused with love.

Love of the sort where I grew up being told every day how much I was loved, being shown that I as a person was worthwhile and wanted, raised by a family who were interested in me and liked being around me and let me know that every day in so many ways.

Love of the sort where, though I haven't been in a church in decades, I still remember the overarching messages in childhood of a priest and a nun and a teacher or three, where the guilt-edged images of hellfire and brimstone were set aside and instead there was nothing but love for thy neighbor no matter who they may be or from whence they came, and encouragement--the ghost of St. Francis, perhaps--for my fierce love of even the tiniest of living beings upon this planet.

Love of the sort where my partner of over a decade and I tell each other sometimes dozens of times every day "I love you", slipped into our speech and our mannerisms and our actions as casually as taking a step forward into the room, punctuating our sentences with those words and synonyms thereof, spoken wordlessly in small acts of kindness and consideration and remembering what will make each other happy--and often spoken aloud anyway, just to add one more layer of comfort and closeness to our time together.

Love of the sort where I immerse myself in the beauty of a world that, fragmented and desperate though it may be at times, still calls me forth into its wild and diverse community of vibrant life, where something deep in my heart thrums and reaches outward to meet a long-lost family in endless numbers--what Wilson, perhaps, spoke of as "biophilia"--and an ache that only subsides when there is green and open and so many varied neighbors by my side every step of the way.

Love of the sort where gentleness steps aside for ferocity, where passivity gives way to determination, where despair steps aside for the sowing of hope, where I look upon the world's ills and injustices and think "This cannot be," where I tell and show people I've never met and will never meet just how much their very existence means to me, where I get my hands dirty in the loam and the litter in order to bring forth life again, where my every action says "I love you" to a land that has given me so, so much down to the electrons that whirl together in the dance that is my body.

Love of the sort where I am reminded that in spite of the existence of hate and greed and indifference and banality and fear and a short-sightedness that meets insecurity with control, that there are so many people who still defiantly burst with love in countless ways, who glow like fireflies in the grass and on the wing in the darkness, who offer never-ending reminders of--as the artist Arch Budzar wrote--"the strange ways love will find you again, again, again..."

Love of the sort where I cannot help but open myself fully to it and fight for its continued thriving in this beautiful, singular world, where there was no other way I could have turned out when soaked in a life of love for so long, bolstered by hope and determination and care and all the things which drive me to--life willing, many years from now--leave the only life I've ever known, and all my abundant and varied relations, better than when I first arrived here.

[plusvanity]

hii! any thoughts on varg and marie's marriage? 🤔

Lots of thoughts actually.

First of all, let's determine a few simple constructs: Varg is a pathological narcissist and Marie is a victim.

I've heard a lot of people saying that Varg is a psychopath or a sociopath which is simply not true because no psychopath (factor 1 or factor 2) is able to maintain a long lasting relationship/ be in a commitment. This is a fact. Anyone who is willing to open a real book instead of watching trash videos of so-called 'psychopaths in love' will see what the reality of this condition is. End of story.

On the other side, narcissists are capable of commitment. (This is another controversy on its own). In fact, you'd be surprise to know how many narcissists are thriving in a happy marriage because they found their 'perfect person'.

What Varg did in prison was grooming a vulnerable, easily-impressed young woman (underage at that time) into believing that he is the one for her and vice-versa.

He brainwashed her, made her believe in a fantasy that is 'just the two of them against the world' (the shared fantasy), made sure that she will remain loyal and highly dependent on him. This type of abuse is very subtle and very easily to miss or to be confused with 'signs of love' because it doesn't use aggression. She honestly believes that he is the best that she could get and she loves him deeply. I have no doubt about that. She adores him like a husband, a god and a child at the same time (I will dwell into this soon)

When the shared fantasy is established, the non-narcissistic partner will start mirroring the narcissist's behavior and manners. As they mirror one another (to maintain their pseudo-rightness about the world and their own fantasy) they become 'one entity', one voice.

The narcissist swallows their partner's personality entirely, their free will, everything. And he does is in such way that their partner is unable to see the change. It's malicious. Now, I don't think that he does this intentionally, most narcissists are completely unaware of how they manipulate people because it's such an automatic mechanism (that started back in their early childhood) that they don't even think they do something wrong in the first place. They are mentally ill people, NPD is what their brain developed in order to cope with trauma. This is not a justification, this is an explanation.

As I stated, it's very obvious that Marie experiences a very deep kind of love for Varg, but does Varg love her back the same way?

Hard to tell without no solid indicators.

So, if we take Sternberg's theory of love, we can try to figure out what kind of love he might feel.

We know that he is committed, so, by elimination we've got: Fatuous Love, Empty Love, Companionate Love, and the most desirable Consummate Love.

What I'm making is just an assumption, but I'm inclined to believe that initially, he gave her Fatuous Love. Fatuous Love has commitment + passion (erotic component) but lacks intimacy. I'm inclined to this one because of how many kids they made and because narcissists are very very fearful of intimacy. But as the time progresses, it may be possible that his attraction to her moved towards Consummate Love where intimacy is of course present.

Are narcissists capable of reaching Consummate Love? Yes. Is it very likely to happen in a lifetime? No.

In fact, it's extremely rare because what a narcissist is by definition is against this type of love. But once in a million, it happens. Everything is about compatibility and the willingness to let your guard down in front of one person that you know they won't betray you.

Narcissist men have a very black and white thinking (they split) so, when it comes to their romantic partner, they segregate people in two categories: 'Madonna' and 'Whores'.

There's one single Madonna and the rest of the women are Whores. Varg's wife is sacred, above everyone because he made her the ultimate object of his adoration. He 'reprogrammed' her, if you may, to be his dream. While every other females that he comes across online are called degenerated, broken, etc.

He sees Marie like he sees his mother (if you're familiar with the psychoanalysis theory and the concept of the Dead Mother). What narcissists do regardless if they are men or female, they search to reenact their dynamic with their mother and to relive their childhood through their partner. This is of course what Varg does.

Some narcissists go so far that they compete with their own children for their 'mother's love'. I'm not saying that he does that, but it wouldn't be that far-fetched.

Lastly, broken people generate broken children, and this is a fact.

To sum up, he is an absent father figure since he wastes all of his time on the Internet, lives in a bubble with his wife completely disconnected from reality (they cannot face reality), they are both giants hypocrites, enablers (for one another), and they both seek endless amounts of attention for their little to no achievements. She is part of his image, his 'brand', and they both want to portray the image of a perfect, happily ever after family (it's not).

For those still wondering the most obvious aspect, Varg is miserable inside as every narcissist is no matter how much he tries to demonstrate that he is living his best life, which is pathetic and almost pitiful if he wasn't one of the worst humans that walked on earth.

I can tell so much more about Varg as an individual from what he shows, but as always, I keep the best parts for myself only.

Lucky you, it's not often I educate people for free. 🫶🫶

[alkhale]

Ahhhh I’m so happy you’re back with all the memos tidbits!!! That little snippet of kid and his crew and the latest where he was literally thinking of throwing her into a crate and stealing her onto his ship really really realllyy makes me wonder what would happen is Hoku actually did join his crew (aka hokunapped) hahah. Been in love with their dynamic since the chapter they met hehe

Hoku would be an absolute menace on Kid's crew

His crew would actually begin to question whether or not it was a good decision to let their captain force her onto their ship

Would claim she's only working temp on his ship because she had strangely rationalized that this was a good way to get Luffy to give up on her/she could just ditch this crew whenever and go die peacefully in a hut somewhere after following the news of the Straw Hat's journey

Is constantly questioning/not listening to his authority, she never takes it to the point of being blatantly mean, but just kinda ignores his orders/does whatever she wants

Hoku makes sure to get work done for the crew to earn her keep, helping out with ship chores, figuring out who's the cleanliest and making sure things don't look too gross with all these grease monkeys hanging around (she's not that neat either)

pops up in strange places around the ship, gets along with random crew members, even offers to help ink tattoos for them from time to time once she really warms up to them

she's become a bit fond of these weird, punk rock pirates

is always fighting with Kid, it's either two-sided shouting matches or one-sided curses and shouts from Kid while she picks at her ear and ignores him

unironically ends up causing him to be both a more destructive and less destructive pirate, he causes less human bodily harm but ends up destroying more houses or towns from his fights with Hoku (she always tries to rebuild homes for anyone)

it's a running joke to see how long they can go at sea before Kid gets angry at her, he seems to get livid at the very sight of her just lounging on her back on top of some barrels, but his crew reminds him its his fault for wanting her

Hoku likes messing with Kid but she actually starts to warm up, very, very little to him. She kind of finds him more amusing than anything else, fun to mess with, likes that he's so bullheadedly passionate about his dreams but just hates how angry he always is

"I think he just needs to get laid," Hoku finally joked once to Killer, causing the first mate to pause completely in the middle of his meal. There's a few things Killer could say to that, but he decides it's wiser not to get involved with anything in that regard

Killer just isn't sure how to tell her that sometimes Kid's "anger" isn't quite "anger"...

Hoku and Kid spar often, mostly because it's a fight turned physical but Kid genuinely thrives when it comes to fighting with Hoku

one sparring match in particular ends up a bit...

"You're always runnin' around like a rat," Kid accused, kicking up a storm of sand as he lunged for Hoku. She leapt out of his reach, dodging his metal extended claws. "Afraid of getting caught, doll?"

"You're always grabbing," Hoku snapped back. She lowered herself briefly to the sand, swinging her foot out and catching Kid in his side. He grabbed quickly for her ankle, but Hoku swung her foot up and sprung back on her hands, just out of his grasp. "Always tryin' to hug me."

"Shut it!" Kid snarled. The shore line lapped right at their side, encroaching closer onto the sandy slope. A salty breeze tousled Hoku's hair out of her face, baring her completely to him. "One of these days you're gonna be cryin' because of this."

Hoku laughed, a loose, breezy sound that grated against his ears. Kid felt his pulse thundering louder in his ears. Hoku leapt nimbly closer, he knew this tactic well by now, her way of getting ready to try to finish him off. Her fingers reached for her sword. "Whatever you say, brat—"

Kid moved differently this time, lunging forward, arms raised. Hoku balked for a second in surprise, eyes wide at his frontal assault. Kid still had hulk and mass over her, the entirety of him slamming her down into the ground with a ghost of her breath rushing past his ear.

Hoku reacted quickly, scrambling with him in the sand as grains flew across the both of them. Kid wrestled with her, trying to force either both her wrists into one of his or pin her legs down—whichever he could manage first—a knee slammed into his ribcage, a foot managed to extend and catch the side of his head—damn she's flexible.

Hoku's hand grabbed at his hair, pulling roughly. Kid snarled, blood pumping at the sensation while Hoku glared fiercely beneath him. Something thrummed, a little louder in his ears, and before Kid could force her down Hoku was suddenly heaving with all her might—legs locked tightly around his waist. Kid felt himself go sideways before he could fight back, forced with a rough palm down onto his back and facing upwards as Hoku straddled him.

Her hair fanned out wildly around her face. Sweat dripped a bit from her chin from their brief and rough struggle. Hoku glared down at him, daring him to fight back. Her lips pulled into a little bit of a snarl, the faint glint of that sharp canine catching light. Kid's hand shot up automatically, gripping her waist, the other grasping her thigh—his entire hand could almost cover the expanse of her thigh, he realized suddenly, like a screw clattering to the ground in the back of his head. He could feel the heat of her skin through her rough pants, the taut muscle and still slightly plush flesh at his fingertips, dents pressing under his grip.

Her hip fit even easier into his hand, one firm grip. His eyes flickered up briefly to her face, still twisted into a daring look of triumph above him—the faint heave of her chest, the rise and fall, rise and fall—

A drop of sweat rolled down the column of her neck. Kid felt something heavy pull into his gut.

God, he should kill this woman.

More screws clattered to the ground in his mind, a ruckus of noise, each one a shattering image of Hoku laughing annoyingly amidst his crew, shoving Wire as she almost fell over her barrel. An image of her snoozing uselessly in the sun, glowing from its warmth, sprawled out with ease across the deck. Her hair catching the first rays of light as she peeked over the crow's nest from the watch the night before. Her eyes meeting his across a bar, crinkled at the corners in teasing annoyance—

He needed to wreck this woman.

Her fingers wrapped around her brush. The slow or quick turn of her hand across paper. The colors that spilled out beneath her fingertips. Her happy, grudging huffs of awe at his work. The soft, audible sound of her in his private workshop, gaze lowered to whatever project laid before her.

He needed to—

Her eyes, flickering to meet his gaze, reflecting his visage entirely.

Hoku suddenly went ramrod straight above Kid. She paused, her once firm grip of his chest and head faltering. Kid blinked, annoyed to have been dragged from his thoughts as he looked back up at Hoku—

Kid blinked, once, twice, going almost slack in disbelief at the sight before him.

Hoku's cheeks had flushed, a dark, flustered red. She looked stunned, stupified almost as though she was trying to comprehend and register the situation at hand herself. Kid watched, almost mesmerized by the way that blush seemed to creep from the back of her neck as well—did her whole body flush like that? How far did it go?

Why the hell was she blushing in the first place—

(Something hard pressed flush against the inside of Hoku's thigh, a size she did not need to consider, situated right beneath the weight of her pressing originally hard down against Kid to keep him pinned—)

Kid went carefully still in realization. His grip on Hoku instantly went slack.

(Her weight fit snug against him. A shudder threatened to run down the back of his neck. Shamelessly he imagined for a second her back against the sand, her hair sprawled out amidst it. Her eyes, round and wide filled with his visage, her cheeks flushed, his lips following it down her neck. Something hot pooling in his gut flushed upwards, right to his fingertips as they flexed, suddenly itching to hold—)

Hoku was off Kid in a flash, jumping to her feet as her hands flew up into the air as though she were under arrest. Kid scrambled up onto his elbows, jaw working—

"Hey, uh, sorry about that," Hoku said first before Kid could even think of what ought to come out of his mouth. He blinked dumbly at her. "It's—that's a totally normal thing to happen, so don't worry about it, yeah? No worries, bud. Uh—I'll um, go? See ya back on the ship!"

Hoku darted away, running off the sand before he could even grab for her ankle or hold her back. Kid sat there amidst the sand, heat pulsing against his skin, a very real, very personal problem tenting upwards against his—

Kid let out something like a slew of curses, shouting angrily at nothing and everything—

Killer was perplexed for only about five minutes later that evening when Kid returned, some time after Hoku, more angry and grumpy but strangely subdued around her in a way he was not before, and then Killer sorta figured it out

-basically Hoku on Kid's crew is 3/5 her giving him an aneurysm and 2/5s something else

[prince-honeypaw]

WARNING: This post contains mentions of terminal illness and parental death! Proceed with caution.

♡ There are no secrets kept between Tamaki and Mirio. They've grown up together since they were just developing their quirks and have been attached at the hip for just as long. Where Tamaki went, Mirio was never far behind! They're in perfect tandem.

♡ Up until their first year at UA that is.

♡ Going to a prestigious hero school was already very stressful for Tamaki, but that wasn't all that bore down on his frazzled mind. Not long before he was accepted into UA, his grandmother had passed away. She was his only living family member after his mother passed from a terminal illness when he was rather young, which meant that he was hopping from foster home to foster home his entire first year. It was terrifying for him!

♡ He was so afraid of being alone again.

♡ Mirio was at a loss on how to help his closest friend. He knew that Tamaki was struggling with moving every month or so, but nothing he tried seemed to alleviate that stress. From putting time aside to help him try to regress or taking him out to do something fun, it only ever ended in Tamaki going home in tears.

♡ It wasn’t until he started his work study with Fatgum that someone finally found the solution to—at least one of—Tamaki’s anxieties. He was adopted by the BMI Hero and finally had that stable living situation that he desperately needed in order to thrive! And, with that settled, Tamaki’s little slowly started to come back out one step at a time. He was hesitant to let Taishiro know about his regression, but Taishiro is one of the most understanding and open minded heroes out there. Different strokes for different folks!

♡ And, while happy that Tamaki was starting to feel better enough to regress again, Mirio couldn’t help but feel this little twinge of disappointment. Disappointment in himself for not being able to help his best friend when he needed it most. He tried his best to not let it get to him, but oh did his smile not quite reach his eyes for a time afterwards. He was afraid of not being needed anymore.

♡ Soon after, things went back to how they used to be! For the most part. New routines filled the cracks and became the new norm... Up until another wrench was thrown in the cogs a year and a half later.

♡ UA's dorm system was implemented for the safety of the students, but Tamaki feels like it was an attack on him personally. He had gone through so much to settle in with Taishiro! He paced and fretted over the new stressor for days upon days before it was time to move in. Taishiro promised that everything would be peachy keen, and that he'd always have his home in Esuha when all was said and done! It wasn't like he was being exiled.

♡ His words went in one ear and right out the other the moment he had to pack away his regression gear, squawking and fretting that someone would find out! He couldn't- He shouldn't- He WOULDN'T! And, regretfully, he didn't. Taishiro said that if he changed his mind, he'd have it all packed and ready to go when he saw him next, but Tamaki was stubborn in his decision.

♡ Moving into the dorms was suspiciously simple to Tamaki. He didn't drop anything, didn't trip up the stairs, didn't spill water on the new carpet in his dorm- And having dinner with the rest of his class wasn't a disaster either. It was actually... Very fun! Nejire was in the dorm across from his own and Mirio was just a floor away, so he didn't feel as alone as he thought he would be.

♡ It was nice. Something he would have to tell Taishiro about later.

♡ However, he hadn't noticed just how much later it had gotten! The sky had grown darker and most of the class had already disappeared into their dorms, leaving a chilling quiet to bear down on his mind. He'd been so content with the company of so many familiar faces that it never occured to him that his schedule had been thrown off entirely.

♡ First was brushing his teeth. Then was taking his medication with a bottle- A bottle he didn't have. That was fine, it was fine! There was no need to freak out, okay... He could just skip that part and take his medicine with a glass of water. Then he could get dressed and get Lilliput r- Lilliput was still at home. Okay... Okay, that would be harder to do without, but he didn't need to freak out! He... Papa could fix it-

♡ Like the shatter of glass, Tamaki's already slipping headspace crashed to the floor with that realization. Papa wasn't there. He was all alone now, all alone without the comforts he'd grown to rely on when the world felt so much bigger and he felt so... so small. Tears fell hot and thick, hiccups burning his throat. He was alone, he was alone, he was alone, he—

"Tamaki?"

♡ His breath caught and he snapped to attention. Mirio, suddenly understanding the situation with only a look, wore an expression that was as warm as sunlight, reaching out and taking Tamaki's hands.

"Hi there, sunshine! What's going on up here?" He asked with a gentle tap of his fingertip to the baby's forehead. Tamaki blinked through the tears and immediately jammed himself into Mirio's comforting presence and fit against him like a puzzle piece, hiccuping when he managed to speak. His words were jammed together between panic and his headspace, but Mirio nodded along as though it was just another conversation.

♡ Because, to him, it was! He knew baby Tamaki just as well as he knew big Tamaki, through timid mumbles and teary babbling, Mirio understood him. Rough thumb pads gingerly wiped the still falling tears off his ruddy cheeks, and Mirio spoke in a soft voice he knew was just for him.

"Okay, I gotcha, I gotcha! I still have some of your stuff on hand, remember?"

At the slow nodding, Mirio smiled, "That's right, so we can text your papa that you need your stuff and go get it after class tomorrow, 'kay? It's no big deal."

♡ Tamaki, still sniffling, echoed the words, "No big deal...", before letting Mirio guide him through his nighttime routine with what they had. A sippy full of water and a puppy plush suited him just fine, but following Mirio to his room was just inevitable. He felt so much less lonesome with him there and Mirio couldn't find it in himself to take Tamaki up to his own room.

♡ So, they settled in for the night in Mirio's dorm. Tamaki picked out a story on his tablet while Mirio washed the spare pacifier he kept around for Tamaki when he would stay over. With the pacifier clean and the sippy refilled with fresh water, Mirio returned to tuck in under the covers and pop the soother in Tamaki's mouth. They were in for a night of reading fairy tales and just being together.

♡ Tamaki barely lasted more than five minutes before he dozed off, his head resting against Mirio's chest. The thrum of his heartheat against his ear was like a lullaby soothed him into letting out a murmured, "N'ni, Mewi..."

♡ While holding Tamaki in his strong, scarred arms and stroking calloused fingers through indigo blue locks, feeling Tamaki's breathing slow into a gentle purr of sleep... Mirio wonders what he ever had to worry about in the first place.

[sleepymarimo]

𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐧𝐞𝐫 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐭𝐰𝐨!

summary: unbeknownst to you and toji, your clients have ordered hits on one another. pairing: toji x fem!assassin!reader cw: none, mostly some comical fluff an: i think im just gonna expand on this small blurb... and make a mini series. also this is kind of a reupload, my stuff was temporarily hidden by tumblr, so… wc: 1.1k

this assignment was a piece of cake.

sit pretty and let this guy yap, yap, yap... which he was very much happy to do so long as you grazed your fingers over his knuckles or indulged him with a giggle or two.

you had to admit that he had good taste.

the restaurant bloomed with hushed conversations, the popping of champagne bottles and the gentle rattling of cutlery. dim, yellow bulbs provided just the right glow, making for quite the evening.

the sly politician was eager to show off, which was fine. he'd already spilled the information that you needed to know, bragging about his secrets and then some. now all that was left was to, well, end it.

a dull, heavy creaking from the wooden door lets you know that someone else has entered the restaurant.

it's no big deal, or at least you think so until your date suddenly looks pissed off. his eyes narrow, focused on the spectacle behind you.

you take the opportunity to reach into your purse and sprinkle a deadly concoction into his champagne, your job nearly complete.

"sorry." his tone is hardened and irritated. "my ex-wife just walked in."

oh? that’s interesting, since she’d been the one to hire you.

the clacking of heels has you figuring that she’s making her way over, perhaps to bid her husband one last farewell.

she stops just short of the table and you raise your head, preparing a pretend greeting, but instead you find yourself utterly dumbstruck.

you don’t expect her to be hanging off the arm of toji fucking fushiguro.

it's been over a week since you'd seen him last, yet he was as supercilious as ever.

the raven haired assassin does a much better job of keeping his cool, his beryl green eyes desultorily sliding from you to your ‘date’.

your jaw tenses, an action only perceivable to him.

similarly, you’re quick to notice how his eyes, sharp as flints, spark to life as he looks toward the man sitting across from you.

something was up.

ever the sly, sly, dog, he grabs the ex-wife a chair and makes sure she’s settled in. his strong, calculating hands make sure she’s comfortable, running over her shoulders before he takes the seat next to you.

he’s absolutely thriving off of this whole situation.

the couple is quick to bicker, throwing passive aggressive comments and jabs between one another.

it works in your favor though, allowing you just enough time and privacy to acknowledge the man beside you.

opening a menu, you raise it just enough to hide your face.

“what the fuck are you doing here?” your tone is hushed, but the annoyance is more than apparent. there’s a sliver of embarrassment in your pitch too, barely masked by the defensive front you put up.

“job. the guy hired me to shut his ex-wife up.” toji has the brain to follow your lead and pick up his menu, idly looking between you and the overpriced food items. “was gonna take ‘er out after i fucked her, but she said she wanted ta bring me out to dinner, so…”

the audacity of this man…

though you knew very well that he respected no one, not even himself, you had a hard time grappling with his audaciousness.

and another thing… what are the fucking odds that your clients took hits out on each other?

luckily, the couple continues to be too preoccupied with one another to care about the conversation going on between the two of you.

“she hired me!” you quietly hiss, kicking his calf with your heel. there’s a pounding beginning to bloom in the back of your skull, your frustration growing. “i already poisoned his drink!”

your fellow assassin hums, tongue poking out to trace over his scarred lip before focusing his attention on you.

emerald eyes bore into yours, menu long forgotten as he laxly rested his chin in the palm of his hand. his gaze, as always, is intense and cocksure.

it makes your stomach churn uncomfortably, your brows furrowing. “what?”

“poisoned his drink?” he quietly echoes back, snorting lightly as he crosses his arms and settles into his chair. “y’mean the one she’s drinking?”

the air is knocked out of your lungs, what was supposed to be a smooth exhale instead coming out as a wheeze.

your client has nearly drank half of the champagne you’ve poisoned, perhaps in an act of defiance. her ex-husband, pissed off, snatches it out of her hand before gulping the rest for himself.

the dosage was enough to take down a damn elephant.

oh, for fucks sake…

“i'm gonna head to the bathroom.” you’re quick to stand, grabbing your purse and giving toji one last kick that screamed ‘let’s go’.

the sorcerer killer follows your lead, his voice rough like gravel as he comes up with the excuse of needing a quick smoke.

outside, the air is crisp and cold.

you’ve walked a block or two, ignoring the couple of ambulances that speed by you with their lights flashing and sirens blaring.

“i can’t believe you made me kill my client.” you deride, crossing your arms both in protest and as a way to keep warm.

he snickers, running his thumb over the tip of his nose before stuffing his hands in his pockets. “y’killed mine too, sweets.”

ugh, how was he always able to downplay the worst of situations?

the edges your lips tug downwards, your mind fumbling to grasp how this would play out. well, as long as you got paid…

he seems to sense your distaste, finding nothing but entertainment in it. “‘ey, the job is done, princess. calm the hell down.”

oozing with his confident and undeniably alluring charm, he swings an arm around your shoulders, drawing you into his side.

you’d never admit how warm he is. nope, never.

“anyway,” he continues, rubbing gentle circles on the flesh of your upper arm with his thumb. “now i ain’t got dinner or a place to stay. you gonna take care of me tonight, sweets?”

his arm over your shoulder is one thing, but the way his thumb traces over the exposed skin?

the goosebumps rising on your flesh have you swatting his hand away. you’d rather take your chances with the biting cold than with him.

“hey, just quit it!” you growl, ignoring the growing warmth in your cheeks. in an attempt to rid your skin of the lingering buzz of his touch, you rub at it with your free hand. “i’ve been playin’ nice all night. m’done!”

oh, you make it way too easy for him.

he gives you some leeway and keeps his hands to himself, knowing full well that you’d still get him takeout and let him crash on your couch.

“easy, partner.” he dismisses, expertly keeping that heedless demeanor of his as his ever hungry eyes inspected you out from head to toe. “don’t need ya playin’ nice f’me. i like ya better when you’re feisty.”

[yuseirra]

The more I think about Ai.. She's someone who's always tried her best in the situation she was in despite how broken she was. She was such a hardworker, and she's always meant well.. She ended up having children in the midst of having tried to console her boyfriend who was younger, who was suffering intensely and wished to be loved(and he thought giving himself away was the only means for him to be loved because the messed-up environment he was in) it wasn't planned for the both of them, but she tried to make the best of it from her point of view. She tried to lift her boyfriend(who was the first person she's really wanted to love- and cared for very dearly)of the burden and decided to take everything on herself. She tried her best being a mother, you can see her always hugging her children when she's back home or swooning about how cute and smart they are. What's made me really sad in the first volume was her telling her children she wasn't a very good mother but that she still believes that it was fortunate of her to have given birth to them, her heart is in the right place.. You can feel the love seeping out of those words. She could have been inexperienced, but I could tell she really did care about her kids.

The reason she kept smiling and kept up a very strong persona was because everyone around her loved it. She mentions in the first volume when ichigo talks about the dome, she pretends to be happy because everyone is. She's a very caring person, just.. really hurt and awkward from reasons that I don't think is entirely her fault. She's pretty keen on how other people perceive her as well, so she was pretty self-conscious on how she's been perceived by her companions too.. They didn't always treat her well(they are all teens, to be fair) But she tried to love them in the ways she could.

Ai didn't think she knew love, and was always worried about how genuine it'd be when she laid it out, but she WAS a very loving person all her life.

Other than her "love" I think her most significant trait is that she never gave up. She actually saved her boyfriend from an abuser while she was only a teenager herself. She became an idol and worked vigorously to reach the top. She raised her children with care and they grew up to be talented. She tried to figure what love is and it did come true. And now we even find that she's NEVER given up on her boyfriend and was always concerned about his sake. The song idol screams DETERMINATION. Ai isn't perfect, but she always had that drive to claim and get what she wanted.

So I think she'll be able to make her wishes come true. She's a literal "star" and I actually think stars may have some godly powers in this comic. I reread parts of it recently, and it seems like Ruby and Kamiki has something up with them that lets them get what they want or change the situation they're in with some bizarre powers they have. For example, Goro's body was discovered IMMEDIATELY as Ruby wished to meet him again. Her career suddenly starts to thrive when she sets her heart into it(and Ruby herself literally SAYS she must be favored by the gods when Aqua confronts about how cruel she's become in order to reach the top). What kamiki says to people seemed to lead to disasters he himself could not really predict, but it did end up making the people who made him suffer in some way, suffer back in return like some sort of monkey's paw. I think those two have some sort of powers or is favored by the gods.. And Ai herself was mentioned to be favored by the entertainment god too, that was something that was brought up really early in the series. I wonder about Aqua but he's the main protag and it wouldn't make the story feel so convincing if he utilized those sort of powers to get things turn to his favor. I'm digressing a bit but I feel like the star eyes have to do with the gods and appear in those whom they favor or something.. And that there are at least two different ones, white and black that grant the user different effects :/ the one kamiki has in that case is probably really capricious and powerful as that.

Back to Ai, I think she also has it in her to make her wishes come true in the end. I believe that her efforts won't be futile, she'll end up protecting everyone she cares about, and like what Tsukuyomi's said.. She may be always watching them as a "star". Stars are important in this story. It'd be interesting if the job "star" and the "stars" in the sky actually have some connection to another. It'd be clever in my opinion.

Since we now know what her wish is (there's one more video she's left to Ruby and I'm speculating that it has to do with the love she had towards her fans-that'd tie so well with her song IDOL), I'd like to see what resolution it'll have. I want to support and root for her because she's a hardworker. A true idol!