#in my day I literally fall apart | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

doctorweebmd · 1 year

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Honestly I am very good at being at home

#but I would be an awful stay at home spouse….#I can’t cook cleaning is eh and im kinda lazy #I have absolutely no sense of internal motivation #born to be a rich kid locked in room playing video games all day #made to make a career and be a ‘productive member of society’#…… I’m not even doing my hobbies right #I did replay dangenronpa 1 and 2… since I had them in my steam library and was bored #last played in 2017 #I will agree I find komaeda a lot more interesting this time around #…anyway #somebody help me without structure #in my day I literally fall apart #also you would think that at like… this age I would be more normal about being around other people #but I’m still avoiding going to things in person so I can avoid others because I’m so awkward #like…#how is this high school mentality still in my brain #anyway…..#thanks random tumble tag system for being my therapist

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poorly-drawn-mdzs · 4 months

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Heartfelt Reunion.

[First] Prev <–-> Next

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #wei wuxian #jiang cheng #blood #wen chao #My 'labeling things' bit started because I was worried that it might be hard to tell what things were due to my rough art skills.#And while I think I don't need to clear up the ambiguity as much these days...I think it is well earned here!#Rest in torment Wen Chao. Rest in literal pieces.#What a truly cute reunion scene this was B*)#They fall back into a comfortable pattern of banter despite the length of time apart. While also standing in front of dead bodies.#While I'm here - Let's clear something up: WWX does a *lot* of torturing and killing in this scene.#If JC is to be credited for any tortures let it be known he did that right alongside WWX. They get co-torture credits here.#Your favourite character is responsible for several horrible tortures and murders.#Was it justified? Honestly I don't think so. I think it very much needs to be over-the-top-violent to show how WWX has changed.#It was excessive force to satiate his need for revenge. WWX is consistently demonstrating how he feels justified in his actions #Up until now they have been for relatively noble causes. Protecting Mianmian - Giving away his core - Punching Jin Zuxian;#It's the same flaw in a different setting.#Tune in next time for LWJ's reaction to the blood sport vibes.

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kindahoping4forever · 7 months

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AshtonIrwin: “We collide again, the moonlight on your skin, I feel your tidal pleasures“🌙 ✍🏻 🌊

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wonder-worker · 5 months

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I've been thinking about the tragedy of Elizabeth Woodville living to see the end of her family name.

I don't mean her family with her husband, which lived on through her daughter and grandson. I mean her own.

Her sisters died, one by one, many of them after 1485. When Elizabeth died, only Katherine was left, and she would die before the turn of the century as well.

All her brothers died, too. Lewis died in childhood. John was executed. Anthony was murdered. Lionel died suddenly in the peak of Richard's reign, unable to see his niece become queen. Edward perished at war. Richard died in grieving peace. For all the violence and judgement the family endured, it was "an accident of biology" that ended their line: none of the brothers left heirs, and the Woodville name was extinguished. We know the family was aware of this. We know they mourned it, too:

“Buy a bell to be a tenor at Grafton to the bells now there, for a remembrance of the last of my blood.”

Elizabeth lived through the deposition and death of her young sons, and lived to see the end of her own family name. It must have been such a haunting loss, on both sides.

#(the quote is by Richard Woodville in his deathbed will; he was the last of the Woodville brothers to die)#elizabeth woodville #woodvilles #my post #to be clear I am not arguing that the death of an English gentry family name is some kind of giant tragedy (it absolutely the fuck is not)#I'm trying to put it into perspective with regards to what Elizabeth may have felt because we know her family DID feel this way #writing this kinda reminded me of how I am just not fond at all about the way Elizabeth's experiences in 1483-85 are written about #and the way lots so many of the unprecedentedly horrifying aspects are overlooked or treated so casually:#the seizure and murder of two MINOR sons and the illegal execution of another;#her sheer vulnerability in every way compared to all her queenly predecessors; how she was harassed by 'dire threats' for months;#how she had 5 very young daughters with her to look after at the time (Bridget and Katherine were literally 3 and 4 years old);#how unprecedented Richard's treatment of her was: EW was the first queen of england to be officially declared an adulteress;#and the first and ONLY queen to be officially accused of witchcraft #(Joan of Navarre was accused of her treason; she was never explicitly accused of witchcraft on an official level like EW was)#the first crowned queen of england to have her marriage annulled; and the first queen to have her children officially bastardized #what former queens endured through rumors* were turned into horrifying realities for her.#(I'm not trying to downplay the nightmare of that but this was fundamentally on a different level altogether)#nor did Elizabeth get a trial or appeal to the church. like I cannot emphasize this enough: this was not normal for queens #and not normal for depositions. ultimately what Richard did *was* unprecedented #and of course let's not forget that Elizabeth had literally just been unexpectedly widowed like 20 days before everything happened #I really don't feel like any of this is emphasized as much as it should be?#apart from the horrifying death of her sons - but most modern books never call it murder they just write that they 'disappeared'#and emphasize that ACTUALLY we don't know what happened to them (this includes Arlene Okerlund)#rather than allowing her to have that grief (at the very least)#more time is spent dealing with accusations that she was a heartless bitch or inconsistent intriguer for making a deal with Richard instead #it also feels like a waste because there's a lot that can be analyzed about queenship and R3's usurpation if this is ever explored properly #anyway - it's kinda sad that even after Henry won and her daughter became queen EW didn't really get a break #her family kept dying one by one and the Woodville name was extinguished. and she lived to see it #it's kinda heartbreaking - it was such a dramatic rise and such a slow haunting fall #makes for a great story tho

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swallowedabug · 7 months

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MAYKO NGUYEN Killjoys 5.05 (2019)

#killjoysedit #killjoys syfy #delle seyah kendry #mayko nguyen #dskedit #maykonguyenedit #killjoys #kj 505 #kj s5 #my edits #my gif #she had no right to look this good when she was literally at her lowest point #missing aneela and having a hard time with jaq #trying to make it through the day without falling apart #and when she does finally see aneela. she gets to fall apart #what i would give for even just an extra minute of that scene....

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duskholland · 2 months

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entering my lover era.

#… so do you remember that manager i was muttering about ages ago ….#wellll he got transferred #so he isn’t my manager anymore #and last week he confessed he’s like me for six months … heheeee #on our unofficial first date he came w me to the arthritis clinic LMAOOO #anyways um.#don’t rlly know what’s happening honestly. i feel disgustingly smitten it’s actually awful #i just spent the last four days w him #he’s taking me on an actual date on friday but like #i’m literally obsessed with him you guys im obsessed with him #and he’s legit obsessed with me too so 😭😭#ummm. i’ll keep you updated #watch this now all fall apart after i’ve told y’all and every single one of my friends and written it in my diary .#even if it does Whatever. worth it to be temporarily happy #:’))))))#h.txt

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hella1975 · 3 months

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so there's a reason my new job got back to me so quickly about my application and that's bc it's an absolute fucking shambles like actually perfect timing for me to decide to rewatch the bear bc i have never more felt like ive been thrown into a broke on-its-knees establishment trying to crawl its way up the ladder where i am somehow a godsend to them. my old job was crazy and shambolic in the sense that the industry is just Like That but this one?????? insanity. every 5 mins i am questioning what im doing with my life. ive already had a walk-in fridge moment

#so i explained before that there's 3 venues and on my very first shift they had me doing the restaurant venue for 2 hours #which was FINE like i was a bit cautious bc my manager is VERY stressed all the time and the place generally feels like it's falling apart #not the building itself just. the way it's run like it's just got new owners and the previous manager apparently #EMPTIED THE TILLS AND TRASHED THE PLACE like cost them THOUSANDS of pounds and on top of that #there was beef with the head chef and the new owners that meant he left and took the ENTIRE BACK OF HOUSE WITH HIM #THERE ARE NO KITCHEN STAFF ATM. I HAVE TO LIE AND TELL CUSTOMERS WE DONT HAVE FOOD ATM BC OF 'REFURBISHMENT'#WHEN IN ACTUALITY THE /RESTAURANT/ DOESNT HAVE CHEFS. DO YOU KNOW HOW CRAZY THAT IS #and then the front of house staff are very lacking aside maybe 2 people we're ALL NEW and all of them EXCEPT ME #LIKE LITERALLY JUST ME IM THE ONLY EXCEPTION. ALL OF THEM ARE UNTRAINED #so when i applied with bar training coffee training and very solid waitressing skills they genuinely treated me like a saviour #like i am FENDING off shifts tbh im in a v good position bc they need me too much to get shitty w me if i refuse hours but i can literally #have as many as i want bc they will just give me them. like they're obsessed w me im rota'd for over 60 hours this week #but anyway that very first shift after 2 hours in the restaurant i then walked to the mini golf venue on the OTHER SIDE OF TOWN #and my manager stayed for 30 MINUTES. IF THAT. and showed me around the place + how to close THEN LEFT ME THERE #FIRST DAY HE GAVE ME THE KEYS AND LEFT ME TO RUN AN ENTIRE VENUE. IT'S NOT SMALL EITHER IT'S A WHOLE BAR #AND I HAD TO CLOSE ON MY OWN TOO and ironically the shift itself went rlly well like it was so chill #it was kinda boring but honestly i kinda rated it it's v easy money and the close went perfectly nothing cropped up that i was unsure about #and then. AND THEN. i havent even ranted to my mutuals about this yet bc i was acc so horrified by it but i locked the front doors #and went to lock the gate AND THE KEY GOT STUCK IN THE LOCK. WOULD NOT COME OUT. HELLA VS KEYS ROUND 3927593 #my mum even showed up and tried to help me wrestle this thing out i called my manager and he literally told me to just snap it #bc he'd rather a snapped key that NO ONE could get out than just leave it there overnight but bc of my recent house key moment #i was like AM I FUCK SNAPPING THIS KEY. WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING. so i had to just leave it and at the time #i was realllyyyyyyyyyy beating myself up but my manager is actually rlly nice he's just stretched v thin #and ive also had time to be like uhh actually they shouldnt have left a random 21 y/o girl alone with the keys on her first day #omg i havent even talked about what happened on saturday. ACTUAL SHAMBLES #LIKE THIS /\/\ ISNT EVEN CLOSE TO EVERYTHING! IM RUNNING OUT OF TAG ROOM! IM GONNA REBLOG THIS TONIGHT W MORE PROBABLY!#BC GUESS WHO IS WORKING A CLOSE LATER AT THE NIGHTCLUB THEN OPENING THE RESTAURANT AT 8AM. GUESS #hella slaves to capitalism

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beastrambles · 1 year

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Sometimes it doesn't matter how many times people try and drill it into your head, some things only click when you're scrambling around, frantically throwing together a protection jar to shake off a nasty curse that the ingredients don't matter.

Magic is Intent.

Sure, some things have become so deeply woven into common beliefs that it is difficult to remove those associations (salt=protection, pink/red=love, etc. etc.)

But in the end, it doesn't matter.

Humans like to have systems and guidelines to follow to make their work simpler, that's just what we do.

So it makes sense that we have assigned certain attributes/meanings/purposes to different things to make witchcraft, well, easier (see: crystal charts, spice/plant uses, color theory, and so forth).

One of my biggest gripes for the longest time was about how people seemed dead set on "ingredients" having specific/limited uses, and to use them otherwise was foolish. Which! Never made sense to me! But until recently, I lacked the right words to explain this frustration.

But honestly? I can't be mad about it any more. Fuck, sure, why not, salt is useful for preservation and keeping unwanted pests away, so yeah, it's good for protection.

It's much easier to do work with a few tokens of meaning than try and do everything with only mental effort (speaking for myself)- having physical objects to represent your intent can help tenfold. Doesn't matter if people don't have the same associations with those tokens as you- only your intent matters.

#long ramble but I had a long day at work and my guitar literally began falling apart under my hands so Im kinda Done with this week already #its been a long year #witchcraft #witch #witchblr #pagan #rambles #personal #occult #paganism #spellwork #death witch #beast is tired have a good night y'all #might reword this to be more coherent later #magic

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purpurussy · 2 months

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#tw suicide #idk i feel like i am probably gonna kms after TIT #i would do it sooner but i asked one of my friends to come with me and it would suck if i made him go alone #and it is something to look forward to which is helping me hang on i guess #but ughhhh once uni starts again in september i know everything is gonna fall apart.#i already got an extension on my thesis due to being a useless shell of a person who can't motivate themselves to do anything atm #but i was supposed to get some work done over the summer and have so far done nothing #hence why i want to kms before i have to talk to my fucking supervisors again and admit yet again that i simply cannot do this 😭#and it's not just this. my executive dysfunction has been so bad over the past couple of years and it's only getting worse #to the point where i can't imagine being able to work at all. and if i can't work i can't get out of my parents house #and then what the fuck is the point.#every time i see someone on here talking about bonding with their parents over dnp I'm like damn what's it like #to have parents who actually want to talk to you DSFGJJKL i know they let me live in their house at my big age #but that's only bc id literally be homeless otherwise and they're not like evil. they just don't love me #also went through a deeply embarrassing breakup recently #tl;dr ive been in love with this person for over a decade and i thought they were the dan to my phil or vice versa.#then after 10 years they left me and i'll spare the details but it has me wondering if they ever loved me #i thought it was a “let's live together and get a cat one day” relationship #but now i feel like for them. it was just a “sex and video games” type situation #i am trying soooo hard to at least be creative bc that makes me happy sometimes but it's hard to not be overly critical of myself #and now im getting to a point where i can barely even find any joy in this space any more. for a bunch of reasons #most of which revolve around me being extremely sensitive. and this is like my last bastion of dopamine so that fucking sucks #idk i don't see the point in my life any more. a social worker actually told me recently that i should consider euthanasia so.#it's just completely over for me i fear #this is not even mentioning all the damn migraines. and all the other ways in which my body simply doesn't work properly #sorry for this weird ass vent I'm not in therapy any more bc i couldn't find a therapist willing to treat me+all my diagnoses at this point #and im scared my friends will stop wanting to talk to me if i talk to them about this. several of them already have #the 2 friends i have left anyway. that's a whole other thing. when they said it's hard for autistic ppl to make friends i took that persona #so uh at this point it's vent here or develop a substance abuse problem. and im already halfway to having a substance abuse problem #anyway dan and phil for the love of god please fucking post something tonight. unfortunately you are my only hope

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bright-and-burning · 2 months

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i turned my phone off post-race, turned it back on after ~2hrs, and then burst into tears trying to find just a smidge of amusement in any of this. can you tell we’re a week out from what is usually the worst day of the year for me?

#clearly not ready to move out of the emotional stage just yet #i literally got fucking monkey’s pawed when i said all i wanted was a double podium this is not what i was intending.#‘spa is on my birthday’ went from a ‘ooo maybe i could go’ to a ‘this is going to be a bad day of catastrophic proportions’#my life feels like it’s falling apart in other ways that i don’t want to talk about #so i can’t escape f1 into my life and i can’t escape my life into f1 lmao.

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amygdalae · 2 months

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PleSe find and wear the beer sweater I’m begging

RIGHTT it was literally made for me.....alas I don't need it

#been meaning to donate some clothes cuz i dont get rid of things Ever unless they literally fall apart but i need more dresser space #maybe one day therell be room in my wardrobe for I ❤️ BEER sweater

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geryone · 1 year

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Gotta say that this week is turning out to be fucking awful & it can literally only get worse

#it’s fucking 12:30 am on a Tuesday & I’m being hit full force with grief that I’ve been fighting off for weeks and weeks #have been on the verge of tears for literal days and it feels so useless to cry about it but also if I think about it too much #i feel her impending death like a fucking black hole in my heart #and I’m not coming to terms with it because I physically can’t allow myself to fall apart right now

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talkorsomething · 3 months

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I have Got to get more transgender

#100% секретный дневник левы НЕ ЧИТАЙ #transmasc #trans ftm #transgender #i like 2 say i'm very trans already but unforch i am Not Really. mostly boring ftm Guy Ever #so tempted to cut my hair again but my sense of what i look like is already so fuzzy i dont think it'd help..#want to dye my hair anyways. at this point i'd take whatever color i can get if not purple LOL #it's almost everything i could want and yet ... still me. still the same life. stuck.#soooo high functioning like you wouldnt believe EXCEPT istg i need an emotional support human who will guide me through tasks #such as 'pay with your Moneys Card at the Store'#or... idk that's it really. maybe go grocery shopping without feeling like i'm not meant to be there also #or like. exist in general maybe #reasons why not emotional support Animal: creature cannot understand capitalism. and also is not as necessary as a service dog specifically #idk! every time i come on here i fall apart (in text) and then pull myself back together for another day of ... this i guess.#i'm not even having like crying breakdowns or anything to go along with it i'm just held inside this shell of a body. typing away again #i'm soso tempted to make things worse. progress wouldn't matter anymore... at least maybe it would feel real that i'm like this #i wish my face fit on my body right. and also that i did not look quite so much like a vaguely gnc lesbian #like at LEAST let me look butch as hell but no. curse of sad hair & uncertainty #miss my little mullety thing from that brief period in october... miss my short hair from back in 2017 ...#just dont feel satisfied with what i am now. in general.#top surgery is literally Within my reach but i'm not sure about cost and i need to wait because of doing guard now......#my list of do i want t i kept for the past month turned out to be a bunch of maybes #partially cause i got sick. partially cause it stopped being shark week and i forgot about it #as always happens...#still unsure in my new(er) name. only heard it once #didn't feel the same way as with my old one? but idk. just don't know.#missing guard also but feeling conflicted about not having time for other hobbies...#since winter season is over i've had so much time to play guitar! that's insane! mostly cause i stopped playing for unrelated reasons...#just tired again. wonder if i need more sleep than what i always get. kind of restless.#there's nothing else to say i guess. just wish i could be a person the way everyone else seems to be.

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cuteniarose · 30 days

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I'm bored and can't sleep because of cramps so I decided to mess around with an incorrect quotes generator using the latest OCs @katkastrofa and I created that I unfortunately cannot talk about in detail here because I'd get nerfed in an instant: