#and ive also had time to be like uhh actually they shouldnt have left a random 21 y/o girl alone with the keys on her first day

[hella1975]

so there's a reason my new job got back to me so quickly about my application and that's bc it's an absolute fucking shambles like actually perfect timing for me to decide to rewatch the bear bc i have never more felt like ive been thrown into a broke on-its-knees establishment trying to crawl its way up the ladder where i am somehow a godsend to them. my old job was crazy and shambolic in the sense that the industry is just Like That but this one?????? insanity. every 5 mins i am questioning what im doing with my life. ive already had a walk-in fridge moment

[cleaduvalls]

i watched all 20 episodes of spy kids: mission critical in about a week and here are my thoughts (3/5)

1.9

i havent watched this in like 2 days i dont even remember what happened last time

why is everything in the desert the desert sucks

alsjhiajgdf i love tom kenny

listen i know hes like a superandroid or whatever but i really hope he and therese fall in love

wait hold up. i thought they already had midterms???? like the did that before scorpion went to her fashion shoot. AND they were kupkakkes midterms. whats up with this school

no drinking in class???? rude. let them hydrate

that seems imbalanced

aHh

thats only like 10

also that book is dummy thicc

its ok ace my nose whistles too

shut up carmen youre just jealous because shes pretty

there are no seasons its a desert

ok dude stop breathing so hard

he JUST said that

anywhere between an hour and umm... 11 months

you put it on one page why are all the pages back

me but with physics

thats literally the best line in the whole series

juni how do you not know that you were at a safe H O U S E

theyve been gone for like 2 hours are they not allowed to study?????

what even is AWOL???

absent without leave. neat

talon gives off some big draco energy

tick tock???? how dare you

slkdhfa she called sir awesome honey shes such a mom

dont make it obvious

oh look they made it obvious

roll credits

i was in cleveland when i watched this episode - well actually i left that day - and i was s h o o k e t h

also hes right. no spy would be in cleveland. theres 3 buildings

oh me too

right bc shes the only “I.A.”

ew

eW

this isnt HARRY POTTER. or maybe it is. talon is a hardcore draco

oh right bc swearing is for Men™

update tumblr decided to break AGAIN (im boutta cry btw) so we lost about 5 minutes from the end of 1.9 and 7 from the beginning of 1.10

1.10

its a DOORBELL do they not have those in the outback steakhouse

lots of people. doofenshmirtz, other people who i cant think of right now, etc

???? no it wont????

did your troop leader not give you The Talk??? you NEVER go in the customers house

ace no. youre allowed to not buy treats

theres a triforce on her vest, too

shes just gonna go to another house yall. shell be f i n e

oh my God shes holding hands with mauly im gonna c r y

yeah its called saliva

nope only scorpion lives in a castle

stop bringing up spy sense and tell him you saw her glare at you

HES ALLOWED TO LIKE FOOD

how do you know that he doesnt have his phone if YOU dont know where it is and HE cant tell you

i love how she says "floor. ceiling. more thumb"

haha i found the birth of venus

oh and the creation of adam

hes like squidward, which would make sense bc goldies voiced by tom kenny who voices spongebob

"sebastian oliver" "shadow operative" S.O. nice

why do you have a trailblazers badge. youre 4. i didnt get one til i was a cadette

also sebastian???? isnt that the toymakers first name????? you cant have 2 sebastians

also why do you have braces. youre still 4

"SIR MEANIE FACE" IF SOMEONE SAID THAT TO ME ID BE D E V A S T A T E D

SCORPION LET HER CRY SHES F O U R

so really, spy sense DID help

oooooh, sentry duty, thats gotta hurt

WHAT THE H E C K YOURE F O U R

she looks like frickin plushtrap

aCE NO YOURW GONNA D I E

oh trust me they hurt me more than you know

dude theyre so thin youre f i n e

eh, still worked

clicking her teeth together so hard must H U R T

i think she can get out of there. also shes concussed now

why was that so quiet. why did it get louder

thats not a y shape

no, they spy kids

oh shiitake mushrooms thats what THEY said

whenever they say pinnoquinoxx i always think of pinnochio

ahdhhsjak i miss pizza parties 😔

well now we ALL expect it

also, no one????? pick a cooler code name. your regular name was cool and now youve ruined it

2.1

oh theres finally a skip intro option. im not taking it

stop saying that its weird

EWWWWWW CRUSTY THATS SO G R O S S

haha shes shopping w the goon. love that

oh yeah i didnt get to tell yall yet but i absolutely h a t e gablet

a lot of people, juni

listen i know a jt (but he doesnt go by jt) and uhhhhhhh were not gonna go there

why are you happy. what about second semester makes you so happy

boi thats a tardis

the design on his hoverboard looks like the aperture science logo

i paused to read the Floops label and it says "fried corn and sugar loop shaped breakfast substitute, net wt. 13 oz" ITS NOT EVEN A CEREAL ITS A BREAKFAST SUBSTITUTE IM C R Y I N G

listen i know hes technically scorpions dad but i dont think he can legally be in the dorm rooms

aww, thats sweet

i dont think gablet has an attached printer

gablet always sounds like shes mocking people

oh dear God its dolores umbridge

haha nerd

awesome no im gonna die

whenever carmen yells she sounds like link

ok so i didnt find a reason why she sounds like link but i DID find that theyre making a wherea waldo tv series so uhhhh thats fun

why does the cat have a bandaid

GABLET S T O P

OH!!!!!! ON THE WALL!!!!!!! ITS THE TUMBLR POST WITH THE FORK AND KNIFE ETIQUETTE PICTURE!!!!! YOU KNOW THE ONE!!!!!

oh no fart jokes

its even the basic fart sound effect

BAHAHAH MY PHONE VIBRATED AT THE SAME TIME HE FARTED THAT WAS WEIRD

oh no i hate him

stop SLURPING

uh yeah???? you heard them yelling about it

how??? does that work??? you cant just like catch electricity in a cup.... can you???? i havent studied it since 4th grade

oh worm??

goldies such a boomer

worm??

psi shouldnt be at the drawing board right now. he also shouldnt be confused

what happened to the lasers

wait nvm we havent gotten to that episode yet

ace is valid, dark is Scary

im gonna punch gablet in the face

that doesnt sound realistic

do you not have stairs??????

dont you mean inside AND out??

that flashlight did NOTHING

how did it die so fast?????

who else would you be talking to??

isnt that bowser from the mario movie we dont speak of??

i havent gotten a chance to tell yall but i absolutely love clemp. hes such a mood

hes the greatest spy

does it use a mini transmooker???? ig it doesnt bc gablet works but thatd be lit

SEE SHES IMMORTAL

me when i see something interesting

ME WHEN IM NOT ON MY PHONE

i dont think you can legally say that

you killed her

me

wow nice promo

also just???? bring a charger????? like youre the tech girl why do you not have one at all times

how?????? did you go so fast

machete electric bubbles??? nice

just task manager him

mother of all boards sounds like it could be a cuss...mother of all fuckers

also throwback to 1.7 when she says "his ai firewalled his motherboard" i keep expecting her to say "his ai firewalled this motherfucker"

yes i said keep ive watched that episode too many times to count

worm??

why did you giggle and make a flirty pose. are yall supposed to get together???

did you????? kill him????????? holy shit

2.2

thats what my dad does. he loves hospital corners

idc what it is you have a bazooka

ok if it was a spider id get it, australia has some deadly ones, but does it have deadly ants too???? like is that a Thing????

also ants in your room are gross

was that just a cameo??? i dont remember what happens in this one

haha because he said grapevines and wine has dregs and wine is made of grapes

for the boys??? thats so cute

listen idc how evil you are EVERYONE should cry over otters

so one of the parents has a sister or sister in law named roxanna..... hmmm.......

if you dont use your turn signal h*ck u

hes gonna D I E

i just looked at my shoe and i think theres blood on it???? what the h*ck

suspicious??? about.... what???? having fears???? not being perfect?????

juni that was awful wording

JUNI WHAT DID YOU D O TO HIM

like i know what he DID but the way it plays out makes it seem like something significant

i thought his name was heavy meddle not.... deth metal???? thats how the subtitles spell it

hahah me

he sounds like bling bling boy

yeah ik im a fool thanks for reminding me

what are you gonna do??? kill juni????

POOR WORD CHOICE JUNI

oh he gives exactly 0 h*cks

a shoe doesnt make that sound

crack bugs?????

see thats why you dont mess with things

im a god among boys??????? what????

did you... kill them????????????

thats any australian person

theyre so stupid i love them

good i hate her

i thought the gunk just like... disappeared from the guitar but actually it shot off

he died... 😔

uhh.... yeah????? was it not obvious?????

me when i have 5 dollars

[pinksweatergettingbetter]

warning, the following has mainly snarky (and possibly furious) opinions on Spirit of Justice. Reader discretion is advised.

-

alright, we’re here live with phoenix wright at temple temple 

lets see where we go.

-

aw he’s worried about maya. thank god someone is.

-

“I didn’t come all the way to khura’in to be useless”

prove it, edgey

-

oh its one of those lady gaga guards again

Lah’kee. aww cute

-

“I advise you accept the invitation”

well he can’t really decline it, miles.

Also “Lakhee” haha. at least edgeworth’s ability to mess up names is still here.

-

hm i wonder how she’s really spying on everyone. something ridiculous no doubt. 

-

oooh the ‘audience chamber’

i smell a cutscene 

-

ooh i was right

kinda

-

“this place is still as magnificent as last time”

wait what do you mean last time

it was listed as a new location in the map

-

“looks like you’re doing well”

damnit nick you made me laugh.

-

phoenix now has ‘bludgeoned by child’ to add to his list of stuff he’s survived 

-

we’ve already established that you cant get spiritual power from the orb unless you’re a medium already. come on now.

-

“For in Khura’in, only those who possess spiritual power may sit on the throne” 

uh im all for feminism and that but you might wanna open your king or queenitude to a wider and possibly more qualified range of people. 

i mean spirit mediums are awesome and all but summoning ghosts does not necessarily make you a good politician. 

-

“But the queen seems almost giddy for someone who’s husband was just murdered”

well I'm glad you told me that, phoenix, because i cannot fucking tell on her flat ass face

-

poor rayfa... she’s really grown on me. i hope she’ll be okay.

-

hmm. something just happened that i *think* should have tripped the magatama... but who cares. nothing works anymore.

-

“When it turned out Dhurke was forging evidence the people were devastated, and trust in the legal system plummeted”

anD THUS BEGAN THE DARK AGE OF THE 

NO

NO NON O NON NOOOOOO WE LEFT THAT BEHIND IN DD DO NOT BRING IT BACK.

-

“We have the divination seance, so we don’t need lawyers anymore”

yeah you also don’t need prosecutors anymore either. all you need is a judge to go “huh, looks legit” and into the slammer they go.

...and yet... and yet...

-

WHOA WHAT

SHE MOVES?!

also thats literally Morgan’s laugh but flipped. She’s evil. 

-

“it’s missing? I'm sure Dhurke had it when he went into the tomb”

why is phoenix so fucking stupid when he goes to kooraheen. its like when he sets foot on their soil his brain just drops every single shred of self preservation it once had. i mean i know he used to show evidence to blatant criminals but like, at least he had misgivings about doing it.

-

“From his odd hairstyle, may we assume him to be a relative? Perhaps, your younger brother?”

‘no, he’s my son.’

haha but in all seriousness considering Jove’s facial similarity to phoenix and the amount of shoehorned backstory for Apollo, they could pretty damn well be related.

-

wow. not only does phoenix yell EW NO HES NOT RELATED TO ME but he /also/ lets slip that he’s related to Dhurke. You know. Right in front of the queen who hates the living shit out of Dhurke.

Thanks for draining my baby’s braincells, SOJ......

-

“whats she whispering to that guard?”

oh i dunno nick maybe something about that thing you said about Apollo being related to the queen’s ARCH NEMESIS.

GOOD FUCKING LORD.

-

“That’s one swanky throne. I wouldn't mind taking a seat there myself.”

the audacity. and yet i love him for it.

“The jester and the crown. I imagine it’d make quite the interesting picture”

Ouuuch

“You know, Edgeworth, I hate to say this, but you’re absolutely right.”

he’s remembering that time he got all doe eyed over Dhurke’s mouldy jacket. 

-

why is the bazaar also a new area

we’ve been there before

-

...oh. warbaads sound like lions?? the fuck????

its a form of mimicry? to protect against predators??

when did he learn this again?!

-

oh god. of course. of course it would be Vore Machine who makes a fucking gunshot noise in the middle of a crowded area.

brilliant.

-

“since more people are joining us, ive decided to employ something that sounds like a gunshot to scare the fuck outta them!’

flawless strategy as always, dingel.

-

“What with the murder/suicide!”

he shouts with a huge grin

“Hopefully this means Tahrust’s death won’t be in vain after all”

GOD. even brain dead nick noticed it was abso-fuckin’-lutely pointless.

-

“see, i give my fellow rebels things that sound like gunshots, that will of course draw attention AWAY from them. yes, the loud noise things will definitely ward OFF the royal guards” genius.

-

“those firecrackers are more useful than i thought”

yeah because he used one on a fucking vulnerable child. maybe try it again when the actual trained police are on your tail, see how well that turns out for you. 

also fuck you Datz.

-

aw i love Rayfa and Nick’s interactions. She’s adorable and he humours her so much. It’s sweet. 

this is genuine by the way; its the highlight of the kooraheen cases for me. as i said Rayfa’s really grown on me. she was annoying at first but now it’s just kinda... cute?

-

“But hearing her all alone I... I can’t help but think of Trucy”

OW

OW

OW

OW

-

“it’s as if your brain-to-mouth filter shuts off the second you step out of the courtroom” 

oh man edge. you'd be snacking on your words if you saw his internal monologue. 

-

phoenix: men are messy. i am messy. 

-

where IS nayna...

in other news, Phoenix continues to dad at Rayfa

-

(weeping) oh god Rayfa’s so cute

please be kind to her pleaaase

-

(rayfa seems really worried for Nayna...)

yea maybe you should do something about that nick

-

Phoenix: rayfs maybe you uhh shouldnt do the divination thing i can do that

wehhh protect her nick

god she’s even feeling bad for being a brat. please just give her a hug or something, jeez;

-

i know its just a call back but how /did/ he get his hands on some J’suis Lebelle?

-

“I like my natural stress-grey very much ,thank you!”

-

“Do you suppose if I slept on it, I could see my father once more?”

OW

WHAT THE FUCK SOJ

obviously phoenix agrees with me. jesus.

-

shdgah i thought the notepad was a sandwich 

-

Huh! Inga was face-blind. who knew?

i kid, i kid. its probably related to queenbean’s magic surveillance shit 

-

hehehe everybody luuuurves edgeworth

-

Phoenix: drugs??? oh no I'm a cool kid. say no

(steals drugs)

-

n’awww. her birfday was the safe code. i guess even bad men love their daughters.

OH AND HER BABY LETTERS IN THERE TOO AHH

-

(yells) gfakgkkajafksj THERE’S AN ‘ASSASSINATION PLAN”

GOD

fake. fake fake fake. fake as fuck.

people don’t write little “my evil plan” notes to themselves. 

-

Rayfa: *sees picture of someone other than her mother holding her as a baby* MY WHOLE LIFE IS A LIIIIIIIE

-

“I wonder what’s afoot?”

THE GAME, EDGEWORTH, THE GAME!!!

-

Edgeworth’s bitten by a fuckin dog and he STILL Cant manage a human emotion. good lord.

-

hmm. i know that was supposed to be comedic but the lack of visuals really kinda dampened the thing.

...plus, to choke edgeworth, the pressure would need to be applied to the front of his neck, not the back, and since the dog is on the front, it cant have choked him. it couldn’t have even pulled the “cravat” tighter because it’s not actually tied up.

(sigh) oh whatever.

-

Datz, emerging from a manhole to recruit 

-

Wow Datz sure loves to scare the shit out of children. What a class act.

“HAHA FUCK YOU KID, I HOPE YOUR DOG’S LOST FOREVER AND MAYBE DIES”

SUCH a class act.

-

“Ahlbi’s not exactly the picture of self restraint...”

phoenix he’s nine

-

“I worry about his future sometimes...”

of course you do, dad ;)

-

“You cant go trespassing like that, even if it’s for a good cause; it’s just not right!”

hey, trilogy and AJ nick would say otherwise, old man. you use to be cool. and interested in doing bad things for good ends.

-

weird haircut - friend of phoenix 

-

“a big orange spider leg” AHLBI 

he's right, but he shouldn’t say it!

-

“they were being pursued by royal guards!”

:) hey phoenix :) maybe next time dont tell the queen :) that they’re involved with her mortal enemy :) maybe :)))))

-

alright and that’s part 2 of the investigation over. apparently there’s a part 3? they sure are breaking the established time codes for cases in this game... oh well! stay tuned for the next time!

[annabelharmony]

Select Language​▼

40,000+ online now

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say STAND WITH HONG KONG AGAINST THE CCP!

You both like advice.

Stranger: i am m16 and want to fuck my mom :(

You: your step mom

Stranger: no my real mom

You: is she hot

Stranger: she’s been teasing me

Stranger: yes

You: no she hasnt

Stranger: yes she has

You: like what

Stranger: she constantly try’s peering at my dick and has her tits out :(

You: haha really

Stranger: yes

You: well dont do it

Stranger: why i want to

You: bc shell go to jail

Stranger: sorry i don’t wanna fuck her

Stranger: i want her to give my dick kisses

Stranger: and cuddle with me and let

Stranger: me suck her breasts

You: ok? thatll lead to fucking

You: and she can go to jail for that

Stranger: who’s gonna find out

You: me lol

You: also whats up with your dad

Stranger: he’s old and fat

You: lmao

Stranger: i’m 6’2 taller then him

Stranger: he’s 5’11

You: wow thats hot youre so tall

Stranger: well i’m not unattractive looking and i like the look of my body

You: im 5'3

Stranger: uoure a girl?

You: uh yeah

Stranger: how old?

You: 14 lol

Stranger: awe haha

Stranger: this was kinda weird sorry then lmao

Stranger: if i had a girlfriend who babied me i’d be so happy

You: not your mom right

You: bc we arent doing that?

You: bc she gave birth to you??

Stranger: i think i just have pent up sexual thoughts

Stranger: i don’t think i’d do anything just it’s frustrating

You: ik

Stranger: like

You: shits gonna be weird every family reunion

Stranger: she constantly does things that make me think she wants it but it’s definitely me jus throng horny

You: ok so she def has a problem

You: who tf she is

Stranger: at 16 is it normal that she kisses my lips?

You: yes

You: does she use tounge?

Stranger: a lot of people here say no

Stranger: and no but i wish she did

You: haha you might just be fooling urself

Stranger: so like

Stranger: the other day i had to go to the post office and mom told me to throw all my

Stranger: clothes in the wash when i got home

Stranger: then to shower

Stranger: so i did and i normally always have pants on because i don’t like walking in just boxers so i ran quickly to the bathroom

Stranger: and she was in there and i’m in my underwear and she’s cleaning, i told her i had to get in and i got hard bc she was wearing no bra with a loose shirt :(

Stranger: she kept bumping against me as she left and it made me harder and she kept looking at jt

You: how old is she just wondering

Stranger: like 39

You: um ok

Stranger: looks like 32

You: can you do me a favor

Stranger: yes

You: please for the love of god go on dr phil

Stranger: lmao no

You: so i can say my bff from omegle is on dr phil after he tried to fuck his mom

You: has she ever explicity said anything weird

Stranger: she does enough to make me think, too little to confirm it. yesterday i went to the bathroom when she walked in and i said “i can’t pee when your in here” and turned around enough so she could see my dick and she said “when i was a baby i saw your pp all the time and you

Stranger: peed all over me!”

Stranger: so i laughed and hugged her :(

You: BRO WTF

You: THAT IS SO UNBELIEVABLY UNPROBLEMATIC

Stranger: :(

You: PROBLEMATIC

You: ok that would be a nice story if she wasnt literaly your mom

Stranger: :( can i say it’s my step mom

Stranger: would you feel beyter

You: yes i would

Stranger: so we are talking about my step mom who does this what do i do to be able to get further?

You: just get her pregnant and youll be the father of your half sibling

You: um well like to seduce her

You: or just in general

Stranger: yeah

Stranger: just like

Stranger: i want to know

Stranger: if she wants what i want

Stranger: without ruining everything

Stranger: i give her kisses but even if i don’t pull away she pulls away first

You: walk in when shes changing and dont leave

You: ok so i saw this thing on dr phil right

You: Well I saw two things

You: One was a mother in law and her daughters husband

Stranger: it’s like she’ll ask me to leave if she’s changing, but if she’s peeing in the room i she stands up and wipes in front of me and shows her pussy

You: then dont leave and wait for her to make a move on you

You: youve seen her pussy?

Stranger: yes but like she doesn’t like

Stranger: idk

You: ok so basically the mom walked in while he was jacking off

You: and then she jacked him off so if you want that ig you could try that??

Stranger: but i can’t just let her catch me jacking off what if she got embarassed

You: does she masturbate?

Stranger: she fucks my dad srill

Stranger: still

You: ok then show up right after they finish

You: while shes still naked but hes out of the room

Stranger: thays the problem. i can’t really do that.

Stranger: so i know they fuck when they say goodnight then get up to go to the bsthroom

Stranger: because they have to get ready for bed after they fuck

Stranger: but they say goodnight before then and lock their dolf

Stranger: door

You: well have her walk in on you right

You: and make direct eye contact

You: whats the best advice youve gotten so far i just wanna know

Stranger: well like. when i use the bathroom when she’s in there i’ll show it off and masturbate a little and tell her i’m having trouble prring

Stranger: peeing

You: oh ok

You: has anyone given you any good ideas

Stranger: that was a good idea i thought

Stranger: i haven’t done that much yet

Stranger: but i want to more

Stranger: ohh there’s one more

Stranger: when i get sick and i’m all alone with her i want to call for her in the bathroom if i take a shower or tub

Stranger: and tell her i feel ike i’m gonna be sick

Stranger: and show my hard cock

You: haha ok

Stranger: i’ve been walking around hard and pushing it against her when i can

Stranger: hugs from behind and kisses on the lips

Stranger: and she’s been wearing bras where her nipples fall out lots

You: I really like you but idk what to tell you

Stranger: and like the other night we watched tv and she put her legs on top of me and rested one on my crotch but didn’t make it obvious. if it happens again i’ll press her feet down on it

Stranger: you like me?? but i’m weird as fuck

You: your problem is so fucking specific

Stranger: hahaha

You: no i dont like you like you

You: I think your a good person

Stranger: what makes you say that?

You: But idk if I should be helping you by preventing you from doing this

You: Or give you ideas?

Stranger: give me ideas

You: idk you seem nice

Stranger: right now i’m sitting on my bed with a hard cock just thinking about it. talking about it helps relieve some of the stresss

You: like youre horny as fuck but not as much as some other people

Stranger: like i’m i circumsised right? and i think my mum likes it thay was since she was the one who decided

Stranger: un^*

You: ok

Stranger: so when i show her when i’m soft i think she actually enjoys it

You: so i have a question about like circumcised and that stuff

Stranger: and like when i take the head out it’s super sensitive and i just want my step mommy to give me kisses there :(

Stranger: yes please!

You: i feel like circumsising your cocks like a religous thing right?

You: like its not as common

Stranger: exactly yes

Stranger: mostly common in jews but for some reason most americans do it

You: are you a jew?

Stranger: they think it looks better but i love the way it feels and looks

Stranger: nope because i am uncircumsized

You: wait but like

Stranger: jews are the ones who circumsise

You: this shits so confusing

You: ok i feel like circumsised penises look more normal??

Stranger: hahah yeah a bit, my mommy didn’t want any chances of it going wrong and hurting my dick

You: is that just my opinion ive seen that more

You: she wont hurt your dick

Stranger: i like am so horny talking to you it’s crazy i’m sorry

Stranger: circumsised dudes normally have a super sensitive tip, because the skin goes over the heads

Stranger: head

You: oh wait is it bc guys normally jack off and then we the head

Stranger: if i pull my skin back, it looks the exact same as a circumsised one

You: idk bro it shouldnt matter but ive been really confused

You: yeah that makes sense

Stranger: it’s ok, if you love someone it doesn’t matter the size of their tits dick the shape of their cock or vag it’s all normal

Stranger: you know?

You: are you insecure about yours or smth

Stranger: not at all, there’s things that make it not very normal but i like it

Stranger: like when i’m hard it’s curved upward, a lot of dicks do it’s not perfectly straight

Stranger: and i have foreskin which a lot of guys don’t hahe

Stranger: but it makes it more special i guess thinking someone would wanna give my pp kisses regardless of how it looks

You: yeah girls literaly have no prefrence of it

You: they dont care

You: well

Stranger: as long as it’s clean and nice and smells good it’s fine :)

Stranger: i shave because i like the way it feels

You: i was talking to a guy earlier whos complaining about his gf not liking his big dick

You: wait was that about vaginas

Stranger: i’m 6-7 is that too big too small or average?

You: average i think

Stranger: that’s good :) i have a thick cock too

Stranger: it looks nice is what i’m saying

You: thats good

Stranger: i like romance

Stranger: a fon

Stranger: ton

Stranger: i’d get so turned on my cuddling and small soft kisses

You: i dont really think thats a guys thing

Stranger: when my mom wakes me up in the morning i wrap my arms around her and kiss her and pull her on top of me

Stranger: then she gets up

You: um ok thats nice

Stranger: step mom

Stranger: what do you like

Stranger: are you a virgin?

Stranger: i am

You: yeah obviously

Stranger: hmm what size titties do you have?

Stranger: you don’t have to answer if it makes you uncomfortsbld

Stranger: i just like imagining

Stranger: thay maybe someone like you was here next to me

You: idk what do you think

You: oh well i guess you wouldnt know

Stranger: haha i’ll give a guess uhh B cup

You: yeah thats right actually

You: but sometimes they get a little bigger

Stranger: i’m 180 pounds 6’2 i’m 6-7 inches long i’m white with blackish hair thay is parted in the middle and people tell me i have a nice smir

Stranger: smile

You: haha ok thank you

Stranger: haha :)

Stranger: do you think it’s wrong for me to wanna start showing my pp to my mommy

You: yes

You: but i still accept you

Stranger: tank you :))

You: haha ur welcome

Stranger: hey i think you’re cute. i don’t know you very well but since i’m talking to you i want you to know if you were here i’d snuggle with you and kiss your titties <3

You: i didnt like you that much till i found out your hairs parted in the middle

You: aw ok

Stranger: my pp wants kisses :(

You: hey i have to go in a sec

You: if you wanna keep talking you can give your snap or smth

You: but if you dont want to its fine

Stranger: i have terrible anxiety and i told you i wanted to like do things with my mommy :( i would so give you it but i’ve probably already fucked myself

You: wdym

Stranger: like you said it’s illegal to fuck my mom

Stranger: and i told you i was gonna tru my best to

You: jesus i wont tell anybody

You: but i swear if you dont to its fine

You: *dont want to

You: you still there?

Stranger: yes sorry

Stranger: ;-; i just don’t know

You: ok i literaly have to go now

Stranger: i’m dorry

Stranger: sory

Stranger: <3 thanks for taking wit me

You: ok i hope you end up alright

You: see ya

Stranger: same to you thanks for being super understanding and helpful to talk to

Stranger: hoenstly

Stranger: made my heart happy

Stranger: <3 <3

[in-paradox-space]

i wrote this 3 weeks ago and scheduled it to post today

I started a story some time ago but ive been putting off continuing it because it felt like a chore

if i write it this way its easier so I started it here

its fiction

if i abandon it then oh well fuck it

so somehow I remembered this tumblr

uhh its been a while

usually when I change I write it down

a notepad or someshit

an online blog makes more sense because it’s always there

but I’d probably forget I have it

this time I haven’t wrote anything

I didn’t keeP tRack of the dAte

well to be honest

i do remember wrIting the firSt day, and it was in NotEpad, saved in Documents

I can checK but I likE the mystery 

oK i checked and it was 10/09

now is 28/10

so i have roughly 7 weeks until I change again

I’d like to quickly sum up everything I’ve experienced in these past 5 weeks

but my mind is blank

it’s all I’ve been thinking about

how i should sum everything up

thoughts of things that happen pop into my mind

I think wow  i should write that down

but it feels like a chore

i think it’s just the person i am right now 

they’re kind of like that but it’s a lot to explain, which is exactly why i should have been explaining it this time 

i really like being her

i need more time with her

its so…. strange

im friends with her boyfriend

Lilly, I’m talking about now

well, her name is Lily  but uh im such a loser I want to spell it Lilly because it’s Lilly like the flowers and the lillies were our thing

but now he’s giving her lillies 

and its so strange, he knows he only does it because it was our thing

and he knows I know

and I can’t be mad at him, I just want Lily to be happy and I see that sparkle in her eyes

the way she kisses him

its almost like how she used to kiss me but its different now

the same butterflies aren’t there but something else is

it’s serious and they actually are starting to get used to each other

but in a long term kind of way

and he’s going to be with her all that time which makes me a little sad

because he’s only with her because of me and I want to be with her instead

(it’s 4:13 am rn btw, thats the homestuck number) 

but he’s also probably with him because he wanted to be with her, which is probably why i wanted to be with her

and I still see her every day 

but it’s as a friend

and its like she doesnt know its me but maybe she does

and we had that one kiss as the person I am now

she can say she was stoned or she was drunk but i…

i dont know 

she wouldnt have done that with somebody else under the influence

its just strange

we all hangout together and we’re the best of pals

but we’re inside each others head and we share the same memories

it’s so strange but it doesnt make me feel unhappy

I’m so happy just being with them

I have school and shit I guess but thats just always there, wherever I go 

and the person I am right now doesn’t care much about that

Alexis - who I am now

it’s hard to tell really what the fuck is going on with her

everybody called her Alex and I was constantly wondering if she was a boy or if she wanted to be a boy or what

but nah she’s just chill I guess

it’s so hard to find makeup in her room 

and her hair is like mid length idk 

like the main character from life is strange, if you saw her you’d understand

and like im saying

im just so at peace being with them. Just being who I am now, being around Lilly, being with john

we hold hands and lmao it’s weird but she doesn’t think anything of it

it’s strange does she not sense that it’s me under this cover? 

I want to explain it to her so much

but she would just think I’m fucking around and it’d be cruel

but I’m just so happy with them

and I dont want it to end

but in roughly seven weeks it will change. 

au reviour 

hello new life

goodbye lilly

goodbye john

you wont even know I left 

I’ll forget you 

but my my, will I ever feel the same with the friends I make afterwards

I’m at peace with them. just laughing and nothing can hurt us when we’re in that moment

no embarrassment or shame can fault us

we live in the moment and we pass life by

but it’s always in the back of my mind

and the fear is becoming terrifying

there’s a panic, with an upside down grin on its face

an expression of falling into the abyss of my mind for 3 months

and i can feel it

who I truly am just watching this from the inside, falling and falling

and sure I could talk to a fucking counseller or some shit about this but id just switch places in 3 months 

and its not like they would level with me

man fuck that

there’s got to be people out there who know how this feels

man 

I’m just so happy with where I am right now

If I could stay like this for one or two years until i naturally move on I’d be so fucking happy 

I would be content.

but its just gonna change beneath my feet within 7 weeks

and I wont have true closure

I should be used to this

and I new i shouldnt have got close when I met her

i need to talk to john about this 

i didnt want to know how long I had left

but i feel happy after checking when i wrote my last entry

am i doing the maths right? 7 weeks is good, I thought maybe 3 or 4.

….

ok nah. 

I checked and I have 4 weeks left

ugh lilly 

fuck 

I really just

I’ll explain it to john first.

Then I’ll explain it to lilly maybe.

There has to be a way.

I woke up one morning, just out of the blue, I could smell lillies

and I followed the smell and she was just there waiting for john

and it’s like I knew he was gonna be there

it’s just

we’re in each others heads

and he didnt show up but I did? 

and it’s just fate its fucking incredible 

me and john spoke about this

there has to be a way.

in the next switch there has to be a way to find me 

he has to fucking find me

im thinking of doing something huge before I switch

fuck it

the place in the centre of town, near the bus station

there’s a grassy part with flowers and there is lillies everywhere

even the shiny white ones and that’s where I just happened to meet her

after literally waking up and following a smell just because I had the random desire to

like what in the fuck

its not a coincidence

whoever started this shit must have let this happen

or maybe its a mistake

but this 

I just want to stay who i am for another year

maybe two if you’d let me 

please

well

I think around 3 or 4 am, I can grab all the lillies from the garden place

and maybe john will help me but who knows, I’ll ask

and I’ll have to be quick. i guess I’ll shove them all into a bag and order a taxi so I can drive away

there’s probably security who glance at the cctv in the bus station, they’d report it 

then if i walk with a bag of flowers, covered in compost it would kind of fuck up

then i havent thought what to do with them

i want to do something huge

where everyone can see

like the scene from 500 days of summer where he draws the whole skyline on the wall

I dont care if she thinks I did it or John did it

 I just want her to see it 

and for it to leave a mark in her memory forever

so a part of this lifetime will live on 

it would be nice of you to understand but it’s so complex

and not a lot of people make these claims

I understand that you can’t understand

and it’s not necessarily okay but i guess its fine

and yeah

I want to do something

like leave a symbol all over town

every town in the city

in one night

maybe ask some people to help

something personal

i dont know

but maybe if it makes the news I’ll notice it before I change

something illegal

like lillies graffitid in the centres of every town

one town a night

and it will get noticed

and if john can get people together to do this

and it makes the news

that feeling

sure i must remember

i just 

im determined not to forget her

john, you have to help me with this

he has to

he must know how I feel

i dont even care that im not with her

being her friend right now just means the world to me

and john basically is me

he will help man

he has to

[approxim8ly]

99 problems and answering those personal asks are all 99 of them. (tldr: answer 1-99)

1: 6 of the songs you listen to most?idk man i dont replay songs a lot
2: If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?shrug
3: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.what if i didnti dont have any books nearby
4: What do you think about most?the past
5: What does your latest text message from someone else say?“why cant this school ever be normal"
6: Do you sleep with or without clothes on?with
7: What’s your strangest talent?i can do that clover tongue thingalso ive got a plethora of weird noises
8: Girls… (finish the sentence); Boys… (finish the sentence)girls existboys exist too
9: Ever had a poem or song written about you?no
10: When is the last time you played the air guitar?years ago
11: Do you have any strange phobias?not really
12: Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?yes
13: What’s your religion?dont have one
14: If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?fucking around or working
15: Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?behind it
16: Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?no ideai like glass animals
17: What was the last lie you told?"i’m busy tonight"
18: Do you believe in karma?wiggles hand
19: What does your URL mean?not a whole lot my dude its just approximately but i replaced ate with 8
20: What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?the belief that i can fix peopleperserverence
21: Who is your celebrity crush?bleck
22: Have you ever gone skinny dipping?no
23: How do you vent your anger?i destroy thingsusually its like i tear apart paper in my handssometimes i talk to someone or vent on my vent blog
24: Do you have a collection of anything?yeah i collect bottle caps but we dont buy glass bottles a whole lot
25: Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?video chatting
26: Are you happy with the person you’ve become?no
27: What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?shrieking sounds like a knife on metalmusic i guess
28: What’s your biggest “what if”?
what if i didnt suck as a person29: Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?to some degree in both
30: Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.benchbench
31: Smell the air. What do you smell?chemistry classroom
32: What’s the worst place you have ever been to?a family reunion
33: Choose: East Coast or West Coast?east
34: Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?uhh????? dont know????
35: To you, what is the meaning of life?to make things better for the next generation
36: Define Art.a creation for enjoyment
37: Do you believe in luck?sort of
38: What’s the weather like right now?pretty clear, few clouds
39: What time is it?2:10 pm
40: Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?yes and yeah
41: What was the last book you read?1984
42: Do you like the smell of gasoline?mneh
43: Do you have any nicknames?ryan-o, ry
44: What was the last film you saw?pirates of the caribbean 1
45: What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?broke my ankle
46: Have you ever caught a butterfly?yes
47: Do you have any obsessions right now?theres a whole tangent i could go on with this question but no
48: What’s your sexual orientation?bisexual
49: Ever had a rumour spread about you?yeah
50: Do you believe in magic?mm
51: Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?not reallyi remember but i dont hold it against them
52: What is your astrological sign?aquarius
53: Do you save money or spend it?save
54: What’s the last thing you purchased?alternative scouting badges
55: Love or lust?love
56: In a relationship?no
57: How many relationships have you had?like 1 if you squint
58: Can you touch your nose with your tongue?yeah
59: Where were you yesterday?school, hickman pool
60: Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?yeah my socks
61: Are you wearing socks right now?yeah
62: What’s your favourite animal?dragons
63: What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?self depricating jokes
64: Where is your best friend?idk man
66: What is your heritage?scottish and japanese
67: What were you doing last night at 12AM?talking to emma
68: What do you think is Satan’s last name?i dont think he has one
69: Biggest turn ons?-_-
70: Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?maybe idk
71: You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?get the dogif i get fired, damn. i wont let that kind of shit happen.
72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?a) i would tell my parents, probably my friendsb) disappear, travelc) no id just kind of accept it 
73: You can only have one of these things; trust or love.i only have one of those anyway
74: What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?fucking uhhhhhsomething good will work - two door cinema club
75: What are the last four digits in your cell phone number?3822
76: In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?trust
77: How can I win your heart?listen to me i guesstreat me like im special
78: Can insanity bring on more creativity?yeah but you shouldnt go insane just for creativity
79: What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?i figured out who my real friends are
80: What size shoes do you wear?USA womens 9
81: What would you want to be written on your tombstone?nothing
82: What is your favourite word?anecdoche: a conversation where no one is listening
83: Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart.ache
84: What is a saying you say a lot?"fuck it"
85: What’s the last song you listened to?blood on my name - the brothers bright
86: Basic question; what’s your favourite colour/colours?red
87: What is your current desktop picture?repeating pattern of cacti
88: If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?betsy devos
89: What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on?how are you feeling?
90: Turn offs?toes, humiliation
91: You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?flight
92: where are your parents from? iowa and virginia
93: You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?i dont think i wouldi dont know what effect that would have on my personality
94: You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?none
95: You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?europe
96: Do you have any relatives in jail?dont believe so
97: Have you ever thrown up in the car?yea
98: Ever been on a plane?yeah
99: If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say"im disappointed”and then some speech about how we should do actually good things