#im taking them because i like them. but its easier to get motivated when i have an intended purpose for the things im learning

[irrigos]

fanfic update: i am bored with nanowrimo and probably wont be really actively trying to write every day. i have like. 2-3 things left to write and im still gonna try to get it done before the end of the month, and count that as a win if i can do it

(2 of those should be pretty short and one might be. quite long. or it might not if i manage to actually make a montage that doesnt feel SUPER awkward and unnatural)

but i copy-pasted everything ive written so far this month into my actual Scrivener document and we did it!!! we officially broke 100k!!! current wordcount is 103,146 words. wowie!!! thats so many words. thats so many more words than anyone needs to read. and yet. here we all are.

anyway i wanted to take a break from just working on writing so i could work in the art project i have been picking at for ages

[honeytonedhottie]

how to be a whole new student this school year (A MASTERPOST)⋆.ೃ࿔*:･🎀📔

HOW TO BE BETTER THIS SCHOOL YEAR ;

TAKE ADVANTAGE. take advantage of extra credit opportunities, make sure to advocate for urself and take advantage in any way that u can. by simply doing ur homework you'll have a much better grade in the overall class which gives u wiggle room to make a mistake. but if ur slacking off on ur homework, ignoring extra credit opportunities AND doing bad on tests then ur basically setting urself up for failure. and by doing the opposite then ur setting urself up for success.

something i've noticed (and im guilty of this too sometimes) is that i spend so much time making my notes aesthetically pleasing that i forget to actually go over them which defeats the whole purpose of notes. theres nothing wrong with having fun and creative adorable notes that spark joy and happiness but PLEASE actually use them, trust me you'll love them more…💬🎀

furthermore understand that getting good grades isn't as daunting and difficult as u may have imagined. just remember to always do ur homework, take advantage of extra credit, projects are an easy test grade, and get things done as fast as u possibly can.

FIND WAYS TO STAY MOTIVATED ;

the best way to stay motivated is through ROMANTICIZATION. when u learn to enjoy going to school, your going to be motivated to do well in school. because school is so IMPORTANT not only for ur education but also ur future. so take school seriously. and if u wanna become an academic weapon for the long term the best thing u can do is learn to make the best of, and enjoy it. some ways to romanticize school include ->

♡ create a school playlist that embodies the school vibes that u wanna have : i have lots of new jeans in my school playlist : i rly like the songs cookie, ditto and hurt for when im at school

♡ creating a study blog or study group to hold urself accountable in a fun and healthy way

♡ ur appearance : if u go to a school where u dont have to wear uniforms, i strongly recommend getting dressed and getting ready meticulously bcuz when u look good, u feel good, and therefore u perform well. if u do wear uniform, wear accessories or hairstyles that make u feel and look pretty. i wear leg warmers with my school uniform and my signature is hair clips and barrettes.

♡ read at school : i always walk around with a book bcuz i like to read a lot but if reading isnt ur thing, listen to a podcast about something that interests u (i rly like true crime)

♡ take pride in ur notes : invest in cute stationary! i swear, sometimes i dont feel like studying but since my stationary is super cute and pink i get motivated to study just by looking at it lol. invest in quality stationary that u love and make ur notes look pleasing to you, and also effective. effective + aesthetically pleasing.

♡ doing homework/studying in the library : or at least changing the scenery and location that u do ur homework from time to time. do yk how boring it is to do work in the same place every single day? give urself a break from the places u see all the time and spend time studying or doing homework outside of ur home. in a cafe or in the library, inside or outside, just change the scenery a bit

♡ start a video diary : i started a little video diary with my friends so that we can remember our school memories. i just think its rly cute and a great way to bond with ur friends, make memories, and romanticize school.

try and formulate a PASSION for learning as a way to cultivate the school romanticization attitude. be passionate to learn and be an academic weapon…💬🎀

CHANGE UP ROUTINES ;

in my next point i talk about the importance of routines but its also important to change little things about ur routine. dont go and change the whole structure of ur school routine but make sure to add little changes to spice things up and not keep urself like a hamster on a wheel. i find when i do this i just feel a lot better and its easier to romanticize.

MAKE A REGIMEN ;

make a pretty basic routine to stick to, to make sure that u balance school and personal life. having a routine can make falling into line and following through with tasks a lot easier. its easier to do things personally when u MICROMANAGE urself. at least from my own personal experience.

ABOUT STUDYING ;

every single day study (at least for a little bit) ofc this will vary depending on ur personal schedule but the goal is to do a little bit of studying everyday, and if that isnt possible, designating 3 days a week to a thorough studying session.

the way that i divide my time with a study session is 40 minutes of work time and 20 minutes of downtime. during the 40 minutes of work time u need to LOCK IN. lock in on whatever assignment needs to be complete or lock in on whatever material it is that ur studying. ofc this'll differ between all subjects but dont study all subjects in one night!! thats ambitious, but i find it'll just burn u out so stick to studying for 2-3 subjects max.

HOW TO STUDY WITHOUT BURNING URSELF OUT ;

♡ get off ur device. literally put the phone down. 9 times out of 10 the burn out that ur feeling is just the dopamine detox and laziness

arguably, the most important aspect to prevent burn out is ENERGY management. when ur burnt out u can literally feel ur energy tank on zero, so regardless of all the study techniques, however effective they may be, if u can't even muster up the energy to do them then they're useless…💬🎀

♡ get PRODUCTIVE rest. what is productive rest? scrolling endlessly on tiktok is NOT productive rest. productive rest is actually letting ur mind and body REST. like, taking a nap, indulging in self care, or whatever relaxes u.

STAY ORGANIZED ;

find a tool and stay ORGANIZED. i personally use notion. and on my school notion i create a space for me to write my own notes, a calendar to put important academic dates, resources like passwords and logins, and a to-do list where i can put down some of my assignments. keeping everything organized is so so important. its non digital as well, make sure to keep ur desktop space organized, ur supplies and physical notes organized also. the more organized the better.

SOME POSTS FOR RESOURCES ;

how to get good grades without excessive studying - by yours truly

ways to romanticize school - @4theitgirls

studying methods + tips - by yours truly

youtube channels to help u out this semester - @4theitgirls

creating a study schedule and routine - @prettieinpink

how to study like rory gilmore - @itgirldiary

my studying plans as an accounting major - @iluvprettygirls

citation resources - @workitgurl

how to get good grades without excessive studying - by me

khanacademy.org

coursera.org

annualreviews.org

google scholar - research

google calendar - organization

notion - organization

[youremyheaven]

Jupiter Dominant Women & Daddy Issues

TW: mentions of rape, abuse, suicide etc

Over the years of my studies, I have noticed that its Jupiter dominant women who tend to have daddy issues more than any other planetary dominance. Solar women (Uttarashada, Uttaraphalguni & Krittika) tend to benefit from positive male influence in their early life, so they have healthy Yang qualities (they're driven, self-motivated, critical thinking) whereas women who haven't had a healthy male influence in their early lives, either develop a heightened but fragile femininity (understood in a very traditional way, this means being passive and excessively reliant on others to get by, I know this is misogynistic but i am talking strictly about a traditional notion of femininity) or they cultivate inner masculinity.

Jupiter is a masculine planet and across the naks of Punarvasu, Vishaka and Purvabhadrapada, women tend to have a very unguarded, open, almost masculine presence. I mean this in terms of what they talk about or how self-assured they seem, traditionally women were expected to be more withdrawn or to talk little. I don't mean to say Jupiterian women are brash or aggressive, they're very poised, and elegant and put across their point eloquently. They're 9/10 times very well-spoken. When one lacks the security of a male figure early in life, one tends to cultivate inner masculinity because it's understood that you cannot rely on any man.

Caroline Polachek, Punarvasu Moon, has spoken about her difficult relationship with her father on numerous occasions. Here's a link to a post where she talks about it. Her lack of a father figure in her own words caused her to be "self-sufficient". Notice how in the post, she speaks about making amends with him later in life and even ended the post with "love you dad". This is the kind of generosity that you don't see from most other nakshatra types. To forgive someone who was never there for you/abused you/hurt you/caused you immense pain, requires a great deal of strength and maturity and not everybody has it. Punarvasu's innate nature is to absorb everything into its orbit and always be the bigger person. Due to the vast, abundant nature of Jupiter, they are ABLE to, accept these people for all their contradictions and see them as flawed, which makes it easier to forgive them. Most people let their traumas define their identity (im not saying traumas don't shape you, only about the kind of perception most people have about their own traumas) and spend their whole lives blaming others for who they've become or what they've done to them. To live a peaceful life, one has to take the high road, look beyond everything and see it as a part of life. It sounds very callous when I say it like that but that's what I mean. Not everyone is capable of being the bigger person or taking the high road.

Jupiter is the guru or teacher and how would one describe an ideal teacher? Someone who forgives the mistakes of their students as having risen out of immaturity and forgives them for not knowing better or being better. A teacher is forced to operate on a higher moral plane than others simply because chaos would descend if the teacher came down to the level of others. They are figures of wisdom, knowledge and higher learning, therefore their behaviour has to reflect the same. Jupiter natives are harshly punished for behaving in ways that are not fit for a "guru" because subconsciously society/those around them subject them to a different standard. Others can do the same exact thing and not suffer any consequences but when a Jupiter native behaves that way, they're ostracized. People kind of expect them to have it all together or be better. Any lapse on their part is judged harshly.

One of the biggest mysteries is how Jupiter natives emerge from often brutally abusive and neglectful childhoods into relatively well-adjusted adults. In the case of famous parent-child situations, there is public proof of their wrongdoing but in numerous other instances many do not believe Jupiter natives to have suffered the way they have or to the extent they have simply because on the outside they seem to have it all/seem so put together. This is yet another manifestation of Jupiter's duality and this not being believed/seen for who they are/how they've lived can be a source of pain/grief for some of these natives whilst others like to pretend it never happened and present a very positive view of their life. They don't hold grudges and often simply overlook the horrible nature of their loved ones, especially their parents and try to make amends with them.

Drew Barrymore, Punarvasu Moon, comes from a very famous family of actors but her father John Barrymore was a violent alcoholic and a drug addict who abandoned her & her mother when she was a child. She did not have any relationship with him and seldom spoke to him until he was diagnosed with cancer. She took care of him and even paid his medical bills until he passed away in 2004. Here's an IG post where she talks about her dad. It's so touching to see the compassion with which Punarvasu natives talk about people who've hurt them so much (in her memoir, Drew recalls how one time her father picked her up as a three-year-old and threw her against the wall). Truly, I don't see this level of kindness in any other nakshatra if I'm being honest. This is a photograph of her with Steven Spielberg who directed her in E.T when she was 7 years old, he's kind of a godfather figure to her and she apparently asked him to be her dad when she was a kid 🥺🥺

I also think Jupiter natives have a complicated relationship with their mothers as well, sometimes they're extremely close but other times, I think Jupiter natives feel the need to be their mother's saviour because they know how much she's gone through in her life. This manifests itself in a very complicated relationship. There is love but there is also a lot of bitterness.

Drew Barrymore has a very complicated relationship with her mother, who used to date the men Drew dated, pushed her into acting and exploited her as a child and admitted her to a psych ward when she was 12 among other things. Drew still takes care of her financially and has mentioned that her mother has even tried to steal money from her.

Charlotte Gainsbourg, Punarvasu Moon is the daughter of Serge Gainsbourg and Jane Birkin. Her parents separated when she was a child and she lived with her father. In 1984, she did a duet with her father and starred in the music video for a song called Lemon Incest which describes an incestuous relationship between father & daughter. She was 12 years old at the time.

The music video is creepy, to say the least and features both of them half-naked in bed together. In 1986 when she was 14, she starred with her father in a movie called Charlotte For Ever which is about an alcoholic man whose only link to life is his daughter (Serge was an alcoholic). She has spoken about how difficult the filming experience was for her as he would push her to her extremes.

Here's a very uncomfortable clip of him kissing her on the mouth when she wins a Cesar. She is 16 years old.

Jane Birkin commented on the song saying "It never came as a shock or a surprise or even a worry [to her], knowing Serge's great love for Charlotte". Many believe that Birkin enabled Serge's abuse of their daughter since she left him due to his alcoholism and violence but left Charlotte in his care. She has also stated that her mother would always dress her up as a little boy when she was a child and that this complicated her relationship with her femininity.

Charlotte has only ever said good things about both her parents and denied any abuse.

She's also starred in multiple films directed by Lars Von Trier where she plays gruesome sexually depraved characters and Lars is well known for being difficult to work with. She has said that she sought fatherly approval from him ._. and again has only said good things about him.

Kali Uchis, Punarvasu Sun, Vishaka Moon & Rising has spoken about being abused as a child and that she no longer maintains contact with her family. She was kicked out of the house when she was 17 and slept in her car and worked at a supermarket for years to support herself.

Halsey, Punarvasu Moon. She grew up poor and has spoken about her difficult childhood, both she & her mother suffer from bipolar disorder and in her song Whispers she sings “Why do you need love so badly?/ Bet it's bеcause of her daddy." In the Armchair Expert podcast, she said that she has both "mommy and daddy issues".

Mariah Carey, Punarvasu Moon, has published a very revealing memoir about her life where she chronicles the abuse she experienced from her family. She had a moderately good relationship with her dad but was estranged from him as an adult. Her mother however continually exploited her for money.

Miley Cyrus, Vishaka Moon has a complicated relationship with both her parents. Currently, she's not on speaking terms with her father after he married a woman around Miley's age.

Beyonce, Vishaka Moon has been performing since she was a child and was in a girl group Destiny's Child which was managed by her father. She dropped him as her manager in 2011 and in the same year, his divorce from her mother was also finalized. He had apparently fathered a love child with another woman in 2009 and this was the reason for their divorce. Some speculate that they are now estranged but in typical Jupiter fashion, she has never bad-mouthed him in public. Jupiter natives do not air their dirty laundry in public ever. Their grace and dignity even in the face of extreme humiliation/shame/pressure is commendable.

Jennie, Vishaka Moon is very close to her mother but she's never mentioned her father in the 8 years since her debut. In the Blackpink documentary, she said that growing up it was just her and her mom. In this interview she spoke about living with her mother and how she never got a chance to spend much time at home as she was sent to boarding school at 8 years old. She remarks that she and her mom are like sisters but she's never said anything about her relationship with her dad, ever. I am not going to assume that they have a bad relationship but I thought it would be interesting to mention.

Demi Moore, Vishaka Sun

Moore was born to a 19-year-old mother and her biological father left before she was born. The actress' mom remarried a man who worsened her problems with alcohol, which led to violence and instability. The family moved many times throughout Moore's childhood and when she was 17, her stepfather committed suicide. In the early '80s, she embarked on her acting career and helped her mother stay in rehab throughout the years. In 1997, her mother was diagnosed with brain cancer and she reunited with her in the final months before her death.

Lily Collins, Purvabhadrapada Sun

Lily had a strained relationship with her dad growing up“Because my dad was often gone, I never wanted to do anything that would make him stay away even longer,” she wrote. “I became extra careful about what I said and how I said it, afraid he'd think I was angry or didn't love him"

She penned an open letter that said: "I forgive you for not being the dad I expected. But it's not too late”.

Alia Bhatt, Purvabhadrapada Sun has said that growing up she saw very little of her filmmaker father Mahesh Bhatt who is known in the media for being a very problematic figure. He once posed for a magazine cover in the 90s with his daughter Pooja Bhatt where they're kissing on the lips (Pooja is Alia's half-sister) and said that he would have married her if she weren't his daughter 🤮🤮Mahesh is known for being a very temperamental man (you'll be hard pressed to find a video of him not screaming) and it's quite well known that he and Alia's mother had a pretty rocky marriage that her mother could not leave as she was financially dependent on him. Her sister, Shaheen Bhatt has talked about struggling with depression and suicidal tendencies since she was a child.

Rekha, Purvabhadrapada Moon is the illegitimate child of actors Gemini Ganesan and Pushpavalli. Her father was already married to another woman when she was born. He refused to accept the paternity of Rekha and her sister Radha and she grew up in the same city that her father and his "legitimate" family lived in and attended the same school as her half-siblings where she occasionally saw glimpses of him dropping his other kids to school. She has stated that growing up she was called a "bastard" and that the only male figure in her life was "God". She made her debut as an actress when she was 13 against her wishes because her family had fallen on bad times and she had to work to support her 6 siblings and ill mother.

This interview of hers offers a glimpse into her early life. Regardless of what she's been through, Rekha has always been stoic and conducted herself with immense grace and dignity even when she received an award from her father who was never a part of her life. She said this in response:

“Why should I grieve for him when he’s so much part of me? Why should I grieve when I’m so grateful for his genes, his teachings, his rich life and his sheer existence? Grieve for what??!! I’m happy I didn’t have to share unpleasant moments with him. He existed for me in my imagination. And that’s so much more beautiful than reality. Everything I love is unqualified by worldly time constraints. I’m just a small link in the larger scheme of things. I’m not the first one to go through death, nor am I the first one to receive an award. I’m enjoying everything that comes my way…good bad or ugly. I try to make good use of what life’s experiences offer. I think I’ve done a good job of my life, whatever others may think.” 

The Jupiterean ability to always look at the bright side and forgive people who don't deserve your forgiveness is heart-breaking but enlightening at the same time.

Rita Hayworth, Purvabhadrapada Moon confided in her husband Orson Welles that she was sexually abused by her father as a child and had been repeatedly raped by him.

Elexus Jionde aka Intelexual Media, Punarvasu Moon has mentioned that she's estranged from her father.

Arnold Schwarzenegger, Punarvasu Rising & stellium has spoken about being emotionally and physically abused by his parents especially his father who would beat him up. They also abused him because they thought he was gay due to his preoccupation with the male physique (he wanted to be a bodybuilder and would later become Mr World).

Keanu Reeves, Punarvasu Moon has been estranged from his father for the majority of his life. Charles Reeves abandoned the family when Keanu was 3 yrs old.

Kaia Gerber, Purvabhadrapada Moon has like most other Jupiter natives kept a low profile and seldom spoken about her personal life and has only ever said nice things about her parents. Her father Rande Gerber has been accused of sexual harassment by multiple women and there have been blind items about Cindy putting Kaia on a calorie deficit diet since she was a child to prepare her for a modelling career (this is awfully common among celebrities so I don't even think this is a stretch). When Kaia was 7 years old, her parents were threatened with a picture of her, barely clothed being gagged and bound. It was said that the picture was taken by a female babysitter during a game of cops and robbers because she wanted to prank the Gerbers by pretending to kidnap Kaia (sincerely, wtf) but there have been conspiracy theories that perhaps Kaia was abused by her parents and this picture was leaked from their collection. Anyway the matter has been settled and it feels wrong for me to speculate too much but I thought I'd mention it anyway.

Asia Argento, Purvabhadrapa Moon, is the daughter of filmmaker Dario Argento and has said that she never saw her father as a child and had no kind of relationship with him until she started acting in his movies when she was 16. She said "I never acted out of ambition; I acted to gain my father's attention. It took a long time for him to notice me. … And he only became my father when he was my director."

Her characters in his movies were undressed, raped and generally psychologically traumatised on screen. She once said:

"But I always had this feeling of never being a part of anything, not even of my family. My parents forgot about me. I did everything I could to get their attention."

Chyler Leigh, Vishaka Moon. Her parents divorced when she was 12, following which she was estranged from her father for many years. Her mother moved her to LA when she was a teenager so that she could pursue an acting career. At 15 years old she starred in a movie called Kickboxing Academy as her biological brother's love interest (he was 19). She is said to have been manipulated into doing so by her mother. She has said in a recent interview that she's been estranged from her mother for over 20 years and that like her mother, she too suffers from bipolar disorder. She said, "Because I was put in a position to support my mother, I didn't get the opportunity to speak about my own feelings when I was in my teens." She moved out of her mother's house to live with her then-boyfriend and now husband Nathan West.

Han So Hee, Vishaka Sun was in the news when her mother using her name to borrow bank loans and her debt became public news. Its very rare to hear about the private life of a celebrity in Korea but Sohee came forward to clear things and said her parents divorced when she was 5 following which she was raised by her maternal grandmother with whom she lived until she was in highschool. She's estranged from both her parents and only realized that her mother had been in debt after she turned 18. She found out that her mother had been borrowing money under her name illegally ever since she was a minor. She paid off this debt and apologized to everybody concerned.

IU, Purvabhadrapada Moon grew up in poverty. Her family fell into debt and she was raised by her grandmother who could barely take care of her and her brother. She saw little of her parents growing up. Its unclear how close they are now.

I realize just how many of them are nepo babies lol but I'm kinda glad because it means so much of their life is on public record. Its really unfortunate to see that so many of these natives had absent fathers or fathers who were present in their lives and very abusive.

[thestarstoasun]

Possibly a hot take, but I think the Tartarus trip actually helped Will a lot. Obviously I have my disappointments with the book, but we do not only see Nico healing from the copious amount of trauma Rick fit into him; we get to see Will come to terms with darker parts of himself.

It's canon/very heavily implied (I can't remember and don't feel like looking it up) he came to camp at a very young age, younger than campers that aren't deemed "powerful" or have a strong scent. Despite Will thinking he isn't strong, he is the best healer Camp Half Blood has seen in, what we can assume, at least a century. He's a year-rounder, so he hasn't experienced life on the outside in years. Hell, until Trials of Apollo, his godly parent hardly took notice of him.

His older brothers and other siblings were his biggest supporters and motivators. They looked out for him and took care of him in place of a parent, specifically the older kids (Lee and Michael.) And he lost them during the Dark Prophecy - less than 2 years apart from each other. He didn't even get to search for Michael because Percy took him for a joyride across Manhattan on a motorcycle to help Annabeth.

Even after all of that, its implied/seen that he's someone who is always looking on the bright side of things, never making anything about himself, always helping others, etc. He's a ray of sunshine in everyone's life, never allowing himself to show anyone that he's hurting or suffering because he feels like he just can't. After all, he's Will Solace. He is the head medic, the infirmary can't just stop running. He's the counselor for cabin, his siblings need him to be strong.

He represses his negative emotions, even admits to it in Trials of Apollo. I think he represses them to a point he can avoid/ignore them or pretend they aren't his. It's easier to be a ray of sunshine in people's lives if the negativity and darkness you feel are projected onto someone else.

These tendencies are also something that causes strain in Nico and Will's relationship, because Nico doesn't understand how Will can't see how hypocritical he is. When in reality, Will does know, but it's easier if he avoids it. Ignorance is bliss after all. This doesn't mean Will doesn't work on trying to let Nico in, because he does, sort of.

On bad days, the days when he wakes up and wants nothing more than to curl up in the arms of his older brothers, he would go to Nico's cabin. However, his only explanation would ever be, "im tired." It frustrated him just as much as it upset Nico. He wasn't even sure if his boyfriend could tell. (Nico could, but that didn't mean it hurt any less.)

In Persephone's garden, he was forced to face the fact that there is darkness/negativity/hurt inside of him. He can't deny it when it's right in front of him, so he finally has to stop repressing everything, stop running away, and face his pains.

[rorykeanersactualgf]

request where the reader and Benny have a sleepover

CW: symptoms of a panic attack, descriptions of Benny being hurt (just a dream dw xx), fluffy stuff because Benny is the absolute best boy, Benny having happy tears from our love because he's so sweet and deserves all the love in the world :))

A/N: im so sorry these are taking a long time to get out but school has been kicking my ass and removing all motivation from me recently, especially with all the work i have to catch up on from reading full books for classes and doing course work but i have not left and i don't think i ever will :) as always if there is something wrong with this or anything you want changing then i am more than happy to help xx

The Night After

Through the night of the sleepover, a few... troubling dreams befell me through the night. Vivid images of blood, violent screams, and worst of all, Benny in despair, writhing beneath various torture contraptions, similar to the ones in the movies we saw earlier. I couldn't handle it.

I arose, sudden with a cold sweat running over me; hyper aware of my surroundings, but not aware enough to know that I woke Benny up. My breath shuddered and my shoulders trembled in the cold air of his room. I felt tears run hot down my face, mixing with my sweat and collecting at the base of my chin, some dripping down my neck and others cascading down onto my sleep shirt. I was in a trance, heavy attempts at breath failing to permeate my lungs and body, making me disassociate more. The warm hand placed gently on my shaking shoulder and a small murmur broke me out of it, I couldn't hear what he had said but when I looked over to him, my chest swelled with joy that he was okay and that it was all a dream.

It didn't stop the tremors that racked through my body, almost vibrating the bed but when I started to calm down a bit I could actually hear what he was saying now. Small affirmations that whatever woke me up was just a dream and that everything was okay fell from his soft lips and filled my ears, I turned towards him, feeling like a fragile piece of glass that could break any second. My eyes met his, my vision started to become more wobbly and distorted, my face felt hot, either from embarrassment or the tears but it didn't deter Benny.

His soft, deft hands wiping my tears away and stroking my hair, holding me close to him. While I leant in to him, my hands came up and held onto his forearms, legs came and entwined themselves in his and relaxed in to his side. After a few moments of silence, he spoke up,

"Do you want to talk about it?" His voice croaked, still full of sleep.

"You almost died in my nightmare, I thought I lost you," my voice tapered off at the end, hoarse from sleep, struggling to breathe, and crying.

"Was it because of the movies earlier?" He asked with concern and love in his tone.

I didn't say much other than nodding and still basically seeing what was happening to him in my mind, hearing his vocal cords scrape while screaming, making me spill more hot tears, this time onto his shirt.

"I know, it's stupid. I'm sorry for getting my tears on your shirt," I say while trying to wipe them off, "I'm okay now, you should go back to sleep." I said with a small smile that barely reached my eyes.

Immediately, he started to shut that down, "No, no, no, no, no, its not stupid for crying over a nightmare that basically counts as trauma, you shouldn't feel sorry for getting your tears on my shirt, I don't mind baby, and I'm not going back to sleep knowing that you are definitely not okay. I'm staying up with you whether you like it or not my love," he said, a small smile on his lips and a gently kiss being left on my forehead and his arms gently tightening around me so I know he's serious.

We stayed up for a bit longer, making small jokes to make each other laugh and to cheer me up so I go to sleep easier and hopefully not wake up again through the night. Which actually worked, I fell asleep on Benny's chest, a stray leg strung across his legs and my arm holding him close like I was protecting him from the night. His head planted stop mine, a gentle kiss left on the crown of my head and his hand holding my leg in place.

When we woke up a few hours later, we laid in a comfortable silence, completely content with each others presence, happy that we were both still okay. I looked up towards his face and saw his sleepy grin, that seemed to never leave his face. My hand crept up to cradle the side of his face and rub small circles into it, his head leaning into the palm of my hand and letting a soft sigh escape.

We eventually got up and got dressed, brushed our teeth, and had some breakfast. We were sat in my living room when he turned to me,

"Want to go to the mall and window-shop, eat, and mess around in random arcades?" He said with a slight smile gracing his face and a head tilt, knowing that I would want all of that.

A small "Mhm," gave Benny the initiative to jump up and start getting some things together for our trip to the mall. When 15 minutes passed and I heard a big bang upstairs, I knew it was him. I cautiously climbed the stairs and peeked my head around the corner, being met with Benny laid on his back in the corridor, laughing slightly but I could tell he was in pain.

I stepped closer and noticed he was holding his foot, probably from stubbing one of his toes. My theory was proven right when he looked at me, a playful pout on his face with a small embarrassed laugh reverberating in his chest. I helped him up and asked what he was doing, to which he answered with a wince in pain and a simple "I was thinking of how to surprise you with these," holding up a copy of my favourite movie and a teddy bear, which he made with his magic.

I gave him an upside down smile and a kiss to his forehead and thanked him for being so thoughtful and sweet. We went back downstairs and after I helped him with his foot and we were off to the mall.

After a short bus ride to the mall, Benny and I had a walk around the various stores; looking at all the figurines of our favourite characters in some games stores, meandering through the aisles in hot topic, going to clothes shops and making some god awful outfit mixes that had us doubling over in the middle of an urban outfitters, and getting some pizza to top off our little visit.

While walking out of the mall, I saw a small ice cream stand, holding our favourite flavours, dragging a happy Benny over to the stand with a big smile on my face, bounding like a child seeing a puppy and when Benny realised why I was so happy; he reflected that by grabbing me by my forearm and sprinting over to the stand, effectively dragging me until I caught up with him.

Slowing down when we were a few feet away, we waited in line for a few minutes and started talking again. It was mainly about the stuff we got and what we wanted to do afterwards, bringing up the point of wanting to stay at Benny's that night. He was immediately on board because not only did he get to spend more time with his hot partner, he also saw it as an opportunity to make it up to me for having that nightmare earlier, even though it wasn't his fault.

We got our ice creams and started walking to his house. About 10 minutes into our walk to a bus stop, we finished our ice cream and continued in a comfortable silence until we got the bus stop. We sat down and only then did the events of the day caught up with me and I felt tired.

With my eyes drooping and my breathing levelling out, I rested my head on Benny's shoulder and held onto his arm and nuzzled my head into his neck, inhaling deeply and sighing, feeling more comfortable.

Benny looked down at me and held his arm around my waist after I let him go and held his other hand instead, his gentle grip around me made me feel safe in his arms and let me relax further. This became more apparent when he started drawing soft circles into my side, tickling but not enough for me to move away.

When the bus eventually came, he nudged me to wake me up and we got on the bus to his house. The journey didn't take long since he laid on my lap having a little nap of his own while I played with his hair and listened to music. On the odd time I would go to change the song and stop playing with his hair for a bit, his nose would scrunch up a bit and start reaching for my hand again, not without a few disgruntled groans leaving his chest.

We eventually made it to a bus stop near his house so I had to wake him, which was easier said than done. Once he finally woke up, we rushed off the bus, just barely getting off before it left.

We got inside and we started planning what we wanted to do, Benny using most of my ideas since he still felt bad. We ended up playing a few board and video games, Benny still being as competitive as ever but not without making sure I still won now and again. As the night progressed, we started getting hungry again so we ordered some take out and put on a movie while we waited.

He let me pick the movie and because we needed a good distraction for about 30-45 minutes, I put on my favourite comedy movie. 20 minutes in to the movie and we had basically forgotten about the take out and was almost crying with laughter.

After a few more minutes, the loud knocks took us out of our fits of laughter, looking over at each other and starting to giggle a bit. Benny took liberty of getting the food and came over with the take out bags and boxes and placed them down on the coffee table, getting a plate and some utensils from the kitchen.

We continued to eat and talk while watching movies and tv shows, soon getting tired and curling up together. The warmth of Benny's hands placed featherlight on my sides gave me a comforting shiver up my sides and spine, feeling my eyes slowly close when I remembered I didn't have any pj's. I sat up and turned to Benny, sat bushy tailed and happy.

"You okay?" Benny asked with a quirk of curiosity in his voice.

"This might sound weird but I forgot my pj's, can I borrow some of your clothes?" A shy smile found its way onto my face, blush slowly creeping up my neck in anticipation of his answer.

"Of course you can, what do you want to wear?" His enthusiasm seeping into his words, making my heart flutter in my chest.

We went upstairs and looked for some clothes for me to wear. I ended up with a slightly oversized collared shirt and a pair of his shorts, quickly changing in his bathroom and getting ready for bed while he went downstairs to let me change and quietly shouted up to me to bring down a pillow and blanket since he had forgot them when he was up there with me.

Benny saw me slowly descend the stairs as to not wake up his grandma and he swears it was like something out of a movie, like I was walking down the steps in a ballgown/suit/fancy clothing, to meet him and let him take me by the arm to a fancy dinner. In reality, I was in mismatched socks, his clothes, and a pillow and blanket stuffed under my arm.

He met me at the bottom of the stairs, taking the blanket and pillow from under my arm and giving me a small kiss on my forehead, leaning to my ear and whispering "You look amazing in my clothes, I love you."

We made our way to the couch and turned on a random movie, instantly curling into each other. My arms wrapping tightly around Benny's shoulders, my hands drawing feather-light designs on his arms, back, and shirt, occasionally making him shy away from it when accidentally tickling his sides.

One of my legs laid absentmindedly over his stomach, leaving just enough room for him to hold it and rub gentle circles on the outside, a warm feeling flooding my chest at his simple acts of affection that I would never get used to and never tire from. His face nuzzled into the side of my neck since he was laid lower than me, a soft kiss was left on the edge of my jaw and one right on my cheek, slowly inching towards my lips. I turned to him and left a long kiss on his lips and when we pulled away from each other, his face and ears flushed a bright shade of red, still not used to the affection I gave him either apparently. At this, his head laid on my chest, definitely hearing my heart pound in my ribcage from our close proximity and the shared love we have for each other. Of course, because he is Benny, he had to make a comment about it.

"Is that all it took to make your heart race? I should do that more often." His signature smirk following.

"I don't know how your talking with that blush all over your face and ears, B." I replied, matching his tone.

"Shut up." His smirk turned into a lopsided smile, blush only creeping over his face, and now neck, even more.

We both laughed and turned back to the movie, trying to pay attention to it. I, however, struggled to keep my eyes off of the boy laid with me, his fluffy brown hair tickling my neck and chin when he moved, his surprisingly strong arms wrapping around me even tighter the more tired he got, his gorgeous green eyes, sparking like emeralds in the occasional bright flash of light from the tv, his soft lips that seemed to always be pulled in a smile or smirk, his frequent nerdy outbursts when we were together and I would reference something, knowing he would love it, his awkward but cute dress sense, just everything about him made me fall more and more in love with him everyday.

I started playing with his hair while he was talking about a little easter egg he noticed that connected movies together and he stopped abruptly in his tracks. His gaze averting from the tv and going towards my face, curious to what I was up to, if anything.

"What are you up to?"

"Nothing, I'm just admiring you my love. I've never really noticed how absolutely beautiful you are, not only are you beautiful but you're funny, sweet, cute, nerdy, a gentleman, a man with a heart of pure gold, but you know just how to make me feel better when I'm upset or annoyed at something because you listen so well, you never judge me no matter how strange some of the things that I say or do are. I'm so happy that you're with me and that I get to give you all the love you deserve because you're perfect, I wouldn't change you for the world. I love you Benny Weir. I mean it."

When I finished my little monologue of love for him, I felt him squeeze me tighter to him, warm tears fell down his face, making me panic slightly. Sitting up and pulling him with me, I held both sides of his face, scanning fervently over his features to see if I said something wrong when I was met with his growing smile. Confused, I inquired why he was crying.

"It's just - um, no ones ever said anything like that to me before. Stuff like that just doesn't really happen to me. I'm sorry for crying, I'm just so happy and I feel so loved. I love you, I can't live without you." He rambled, the word melding together but still making sense. I pulled him closer and fell back with him laid fully on top of me, and I whispered in his ear.

"I'll tell you things like that everyday if I have to just to make you feel loved because you deserve it, B. I love you." I solidified my last sentence with a kiss and a long hug caressing his back, shoulders, and playing with his hair, continuing to whisper sweet nothings to him. Unbeknownst to me, his heart fluttered in his chest at my words, his brain almost short-circuiting and his tears coming to a slow stop.

He looked at me with puffy eyes, a red nose and a lovesick smile, still absolutely gorgeous to me. My hand came up and brushed away his previously fallen tears, then holding his face in my hands to keep him as close as humanly possible. We shared that moment of closeness for what felt like eternity, which in reality was only a few minutes before he leaned back to look at me for a while. I could practically feel the heart-eyes and love emanating from his face, soaring to my eyes and soul, not wanting to look away.

It only took us a moment for us to be back to giggling from our serious moment, from us both not really being used to having moments like that. We shared one final kiss before Benny laid back down on my chest, head resting over my heart, hearing it beat just for him, knowing that he was the only one I loved.

We ended up falling asleep, not knowing what time it was when we did but content in our places.

The following morning :))

Apparently, Benny had made plans with Ethan to come over the next morning to hang out with us, it was that or he managed to break in without waking us or his grandma up, which was a miracle in of itself seeing as to how clumsy he is. I woke up to a fairly confused Ethan looking at the mess we made from the sleepover, to Benny's clothes on me, and to his lightly snoring best friend, clinging to me like I was a form of life support. He didn't say much but I could tell he had a few questions, some I don't think even he wanted the answer to.

I just looked at him and shrugged, a quiet `I don't even know myself,' was all that could be heard... aside from his slightly growing in volume snores. I didn't want to share Benny's moment of vulnerability seeing as it was something he apologised about doing, I would let him bring it up on his own terms if he pleased.

Eventually, Benny woke up in the middle of a conversation about what ice cream flavour we would be and why, to which Benny answered "Personally, I'd be vanilla and chocolate brownie. Basic, but a classic that you can never go wrong with." We continued to talk and debate, spanning from which animals we could beat in a fight to what superpower would be the worst to have and why.

Our lives were strange, there's no doubt about that... but I wouldn't have it any other way.

[the-s1lly-corner]

uh, hi i’m pretty new to this but can you do a tadc headcannons for a reader who constantly wears a box and/or paper bag on their head because they don’t like how they look?

i’m not expecting you to see this! i’m just curious

TADC cast x reader who wears a box on their head due to their looks!

sorry it took me so long to get to this! my feelings have been in a bit of whirlwind lately and my motivation has taken a nose dive and i may or may not have stopped answering requests chronologically in favor of answering the ones that are easier on my brain </3

CAINE:

assuming he knows you wear it because you feel insecure, i think he would do his best to try to uplift you; especially if you guys are friends and/or partners! he cant stand the idea of you not liking yourself as much as he likes you, you know? makes it a point to tell you that he thinks youre attractive, as well as giving you extra affection... kind of goes overkill, will likely do way too much to try to cheer you up. like im talking he probably dedicates a firework show to you or puts your name in lights, stuff like that to let you know that he cares a lot... but hes got good intentions, i promise!

POMNI:

i think she would find out about the reason behind the box after you open up to her about it. she always just assumed that it was a part of your digital body... and it very well could be, just detachable, like how zooble can take parts of themselves off... not the best at comforting you and telling you youre pretty, but i think her awkwardness and stammering makes her words more sincere. they dont sound rehearsed and scripted, you know? it sounds more natural and earnest. you cant help but believe her when she says she thinks youre pretty, if you decide to show her what you look like under the box

RAGATHA:

also very sweet about it. does not ask for you to take off the box, but she does express that you can unwind around her... very reassuring whenever its brought up, in fact i dont think she wound bring it up unless you did, fearing that she would make you feel pressured to take it off. little scenario but i do think that if you took the box off around her for the first time she kind of just. doesnt notice for a moment before actually paying attention and she kind of just stands there and stares, before simply saying youre beautiful. doesnt make a big stink of it, you know?

JAX:

has probably drawn on your box at least once or put something on it (gum, stickers, slime, ect) but i dont think he would keep doing it when he finds out why you do it... though.... he does purposefully break gangles mask/steps on it so im not... actually sure about that. hmm... i think he would try to play it casual when you bring up your thoughts of yourself to him, though it may come off as him minimizing your feelings. to put it simply jax doesnt think there should be a huge fuss about it. i mean its not like its your real face... might lead to some conflict due to him not having much empathy, for you.. apologies to the jax enjoyers but i do think he would steal the box to try to prove that its not that deep

KINGER:

also thinks that the box is just a part of you before you fill him in on the reasoning around it. displays some brief curiosity before apologizing for prying. i think he would have a similar scenario to ragatha where he wouldnt realize that you took the box off around him for a minute... though unlike ragatha, he doesnt just say youre pretty. i think he would pick apart every part of your face and complement it.. though, i think he generally complements every aspect of you, face or not... you know? not quite as bold as caine, but just as much of a sap, you know?

ZOOBLE:

kind of understands, since theyre a little... complicated and they like switching out their parts to fit whatever feel that want to have that day. but im not sure how deep their feelings would go, because i can kind of see them being similar to jax in this scenario, but less of an asshole. they wont take your box, nor will they write off your insecurities because they actually hold some understanding to them. i think they would offer to help you find a look that you feel comfortable with, sometimes a little something can change a lot of things, you know? but if its something more deep rooted, they would let you talk about it... doesnt speak much on the box since ultimately thats youre business. though, you cant help but notice them complimenting your skills and talents more now that youve opened up to them

GANGLE:

i think she would relate to it. i recall seeing someone say that gangle isnt actually more confident and happy with her comedy mask, rather its a false thing to pretend theyre happy. and honestly, i can see it. id tag the person but i saw this a while ago and i failed to save it </3

moving on, i think she would find some kind of relatability in you. like sure, its not the exact same thing, but you guys are both hiding aspects of yourself behind an object. she wouldnt ever dare make you feel pressured to take it off around her. i think out of all the characters, asides ragatha, shes the best with making you feel comfortable. you can take it off around her when youre ready. i dont think she would flood you with compliments, but i do think she would do her damndest to make you feel good about yourself. leaves you lots of notes reminding you how much she values you + little doodles

[tiredbonbon]

Despondent

Yan! Albert Wesker x reader oneshot ~

A.N: I finally got motivation to write something again 😭 Resident evil has consumed my life in and out help. This was pretty much a no brainer to write so do excuse me if its not that good yet.

Summary: You made a foolish attempt to get away from him, and now your gonna endure the walk of shame back.

Warnings!: implied Kidnapping, mention of needles/medical equipment, obsessive behaviour, hurt/little to no comfort, implied manipulation, major yandere themes

“You know, this was an imbecilic plan to begin with.”

“I know.”

“And after all I do for you, it’s a bratty gesture.”

“Im sorry.”

“…” He didn’t respond to your silent apologies, still walking onwards, his heavy combat boots tapping loudly against the floor. He was meanwhile carrying you like it was nothing, and for him it probably wasn’t. His arms rested under your thighs, holding your body against his as your arms lazily hung over his shoulders and your head rested on his shoulder, your whole body language displaying defeat, because thats what you were, defeated.

The worst thing was that he wasn’t even wrong, maybe it was imbecilic to plan this out for weeks, only to miserably fail and be carried back like a toddler after throwing a tantrum.

Its been maybe 2… 3 months since this situation had began, and if you didn’t know the experience of a living nightmare, then you did now.

Chains, Belt Straps, Needles, Pills. Those were all images that flashed through your mind when you tried to remember how the time had been so far. The first month was scarce of any memories, you were a fighter most your life, so initially you were fighting him too, tooth and nail, at first he found it cute, but it didn’t take long for him to start pricking and feeding you with fast acting and heavy sedatives. The injections and pills in turn hazed your memory to an extreme, along with lots of other side effects.

The weeks after that were monotone, which was why none of them stayed in your memory much either, he’d monitor your health and gave you vitamin supplements for the lack of sunlight, you initially refused to take them, but after a while, he beat you to it too.

You really thought this could have been it, that you had outsmarted him and found a safe way to get out of there, to get your life back, but no. The faked submission so he’d put his guard down, the extreme weight loss to fit through the tight spaces in means to get out, even the combat your practiced when you were alone, it was for nothing.

Because this was Albert Wesker.

And now you were here, laying pathetically in his arms as he carried you back to the inevitable, a walk of shame. You didn’t want to fight him, no, god no, he’d break you in all senses of the word, no matter how much measly combat you practiced, his reflexes, speed and brute strength would make quick work of it, overpowering you would be easier than squashing a fly.

“I do admire your determination though, my love.”

“…” Your eyes narrowed, because you knew in his eyes determined was just another word for reckless.

“You’ve grown awfully quiet, you know?”

Tears pricked the sides of your eyes.

“I hate you.”

… he chuckled

“I know.”

[iselenris]

i just read truth teller because of your post and it was AMAZING. What do you think makes a good Klonnie fic? Any more klonnie fic recs?

not me being impactful??😭😭

LMAO

so happy you enjoyed! that fic needs all the love and more.

The parameters for a good fic (Klonnie or otherwise) within the realm of fan fictions to me, is keeping in mind the characters themselves, they’re history, they’re motivations, the little quirks that make them themselves and expanding on it.

Often times especially with canon divergences or au’s in general, the only similarity to the original material is the name and physicality. It can be difficult to find authors who write characters in a way that serves the characters themselves and the authors own vision for their story.

For Klonnie, specifically I often find that Bonnie in particular isn’t written in line, like the things she’ll say dont fall in line with her character or her interactions with Klaus or any other character doesn’t make sense. Often with fics involving a mistreated/unpopular character, they’re treated as a self-insert rather than written accurately.

The best fanfics to me are the ones where i can literally hear/see the character doing/saying whatever in my head.

I can literally see Bonnie steeling herself against Bob, I can see her acting awkwardly to waking up in bed to Klaus, I can see her showing Marcel in excruciating detail why he doesn’t want to fuck with her

I can see Caroline holding Bonnie tight and hear her telling Bon how fucked it was for Elena to take precedence for so long

I can see Klaus being conflicted over Marcel and Bonnie’s initial meeting, I can see his face when he realises he doesn’t want friendship with Bonnie, I can hear him saying ‘why would i want to make life easier for anyone not named Bonnie Bennett’

Szanje is a prolific klonnie writer, im currently rereading the edge of night

I highly recommend! its a canon divergence from s7/3 onwards and it eats like it eats bad!

If u love the idea of Bonnie in Nola, then baybee… get into it

the summoned witch by the same author is also really good. its not as klonnie heavy but erm.. excellent food if i say so myself

sorry for this being so long😭😭

(feel free to hmu to talk all things bonnie i promise im kind!)

[moonsofmachinery]

So this isnt a pride req but you still don't have to answer!! But how do you draw so quickly?? I swear you draw like 2-4 times a day? I wanna get on a really good schedule about that so I can keep up with a art blog but idk how to draw fast! How'd you do it?

I hope it helps If I go over my entire process here because I've been wanting to showcase my process for awhile anyways :}

Haha! Yeah, i usually try and draw ~4 things min a day. Now, let me clarify, to run an art blog you don't have to draw fast! I do try and take breaks if I need them!!! But a lot of my speed has to do with the fact I've just been in a very art-inclined mood as of late :} It's a lot easier to draw if you WANT to draw! and knowing people like my stuff is a huge motivator.

Long post below where I explain my process and some of the shortcuts I take!! :]

For more skill-based tips though, my method definitely helps. Drawing lineless and paying attention to my stabilizer helps a lot. I'm definitely not a perfectionist when it comes to my art and I do tend to reuse poses I KNOW im comfortable with if I'm not in the mood to go all out.

I sketch freely with loose stabilizer using a pencil-like pen that allows me to get a good idea of the details I want down... Ex:

I have a very good grasp on the way i draw slugcats and how their bodies are shaped! Depending on the characters you're drawing, you should try drawing them a TON to get to a point where you can sketch them without even looking at a ref of any kind. My designs tend to stay consistent as I have a solid idea of each slugcat in my mind! It helps me pace myself as I generally don't need refs! :}

Next, I blot out my main body shape. I then, using a clip layer, add in lines and line in limbs! Generally I do this all in the same colour, get the main shapes down before you add detail and all that...

I blot out different regions of my character in different colours and section off areas to ensure I can later select these and go over them! Doing lineless helps me a ton as I don't use a lot of layers! it's just the style im more used to :}

Lastly, I add in my colours and adjust places where I can adding in all markings and details and recolouring where I need to! I use the selection wand to help me and I also use clip layers.

The details are relatively easy for me, most of the time its just getting to doodle whatever I want to make the colour combo look the best I can!!! :} The final result of this one will be posted on its own, but I just use CSP tools to add an outline-- I'm not sure if you use Clip Studio Paint, but if you do, you can use the effect feature!

Its just a little thing I add to make my drawing pop against the background!!!! :D

Anddd thats how I pump out art at an inhuman rate! Drawing is one of the few things I can do without my chronic pain kicking my ass so a lot of my day is spent at my computer cozy n' arting! Drawing for too long does cause fatigue in anyone though! I reccomend listening to something engaging in the background (if your attention can take it) and taking regular breaks every ~15-30 minutes.

This piece took me 30 minutes?? maybe a little more! I hope this gave you what you were lookin for :D!!!!! I wish u well in ur art blog n' make sure not to stress urself!!!!!

[molluskmirage]

id like to discuss Badboyhalo and language learning on the qsmp for a moment. A lot of both creators and audience members are always so surprised when Bad says he’s learning then asks him to speak. They can also compare a lot that he’s not trying as hard as Foolish.

I feel language learning is never given the respect at how long it takes to learn. How I began learning was when I realized I had already learned a language once and to compare it to that. Bad is only a few months old in learning spanish. The first year of language learning is being able to make sense of when words and sentences end, your lucky to get a few words in and thats it. Foolish is a year old so he’s recognizing those patterns and is now starting to put words together but of course its through fumbling and a lot of effort, and its nothing to compare to someone who has been learning 5 years or greater. They are both babies. But they are both learning and trying.

there is alot of understandable animosity surrounding why English is the largest second language. An important note surrounding culture (separated from the charged negative) whatever is ‘popular’/forced/expected of you in a culture will be easier to achieve then going against that culture. Having to go outside your culture to learn another can alienate you from your own so most dont, and thats not that they dont care or wont come to care but for anyone across the globe reason is the motivation for learning. Friendship with Quackity motivated Foolish and Bad to learn. Them not knowing prior is a culture thing (again not talking about how its unfortunate on how it is just what is). Both are very happy to learn but again its not something you just say ‘Im gonna learn’ and then know instantly it takes way more time then is given. Foolish and Bad are babes in language learning, Foolish is just learning how to walk and Bad is rolling trying to learn to crawl. And thats perfect!

I can understand the hurt from other speaking cultures as their lack of knowledge comes as a reminder of some awful history, which can be difficult to separate but they are individuals, lovely individuals who are trying to learn beyond the culture they are a part of but it doesn’t happen fast the effort however is the same, they are trying happily.

every single bilingual and trilingual and more on the server is absolutely incredible and to be celebrated! Thats years and years of learning that Im always wowed by and is deserving of more praise then I feel is given. By celebrating those ahead in language learning we can also inadvertently recognize how difficult it is as an achievement and not put such unachievable expectations on those starting their journey. I imagine a lot of folks are starting their language journey because of the qsmp and Id like them not to be discouraged by where they’re at because it does take time but it is possible so long as they stay at it.

so yeah Bad can only say hola, ci, como estas, bein, no manches. And he wont be able to say much more until maybe 6 months more in the future by which point he’ll probably be able to say a handful of words and 2 years from now he’ll be putting together a few sentences. Bad wont be conversational until 4 years more (so long as he keeps at it) but if he does? Thats when all that effort really comes to fruition and is so exciting and you still feel like a dork because you cant talk philosophy or business but you can put together basic conversation and wow looking back to when you began its incredible, and learning accelerates so much faster beyond year 5 thats when its really exciting!

language learning is no small feat. keep at it and celebrate where you’re at because so long as you keep trying you will get there it just takes time :)

[eggfeather]

On average how long does it take you to finish a warrior cat’s design/drawing, because you post them super fast?

probably about 20/30 minutes for these guys! though theres reason for that!

i purposefully cut out the part that takes the longest for me (lineart) bc i dont like doing and its just much easier for me to get burnt out when i do decide to use lineart on long term projects. ive also been doing lineless art like this for over 5 years, so ive learned to refine it! and just as a whole im excited about this!! since im so close to done i have been really motivated to work on this project, and when im artistically motivated i can just keep going lol

[uptightgirl]

What way or ways do you like to masturbate? And if you’re comfortable explaining why you’re scared to penetrate yourself (finger or object)?

thank you for the ask, i really liked this one! so this is how i masturbate:

1. sit or lay with my back in my bed, spread my legs and touch my clit with my right hand, usually in circles, until i cum, but i think I take so many time this way

2. also in bed, im on my knees, face resting in a pillow, and rub my clit, also with my right hand, usually in circles until I cum. i think this way is so much better because my clit doesnt get trapped between my lips, it also gets more sensitive for some reason i dont know, and the lubrification from my vagina goes directly to the clit

i like to touch myself reading some erotica about female orgasm denial or something, i like to imagine that situation, to feel what they are feeling, but I usually cum while they are being denied, i cant control, its bigger than me

if you have more questions about my masturbation, dont be shy, you can ask anything!

about penetration, i dont know why exactly :( growing up in a christian house, going to those young christian meetings the church forces us to go for catechesis and listen to them talking about how bad masturbation is, etc, probably have some influence, but many people from the same background can do these things without shame, so idk.

i think the main reason is because I never wanted to be on trouble, so i never did things that maybe i could regret. i remember, when i was under 18, to be very afraid of braking the hymen just for riding an exercise bike or siting at some low wall, because a hypothetical doctor would see it and dont believe that I was a virgin.

but now im 20 years old and I want to know how it is inside of me, if I like the sensation, if it feels good or bad, but I just cant! i know there is a hole somewhere, but maybe its too small? sometimes i like to imagine that there is a dick or a dildo inside of me, in and out in my pussy, and it helps me to cum faster. i think i have the potential to cum only with penetration, I just cant penetrate!

lately ive been thinking about those pussy dilators, but I dont have a place to hide at this moment, so it will keep in my imagination

maybe it is just fear of the unknown, also i need to try to finger myself more often. i think would be easier if i had a partner, but I dont have any, so I need to find something else to motivate me. if you have any suggestion, any tip, anything that could help, I will be very happy to read!

[squarebracketsmileyface]

I’m like, bombarding you now and I’m sorry- but I have so many thoughts. 👁️👁️

Like for instance- how much would Sorry, Its Locked have changed if Jay and Alex’s roles were swapped? Alex, who stayed relatively sane(at first), though still denied any feelings Jay(he’s straight, its just smex, shut up). And Jay, who gets so angry and hurt and harbors so much resentment for Alex over the whole thing that The Operator latches onto him instead. Jay who spirals and starts killing their friends(and probably Amy too out of sheer jealousy and resentment), who up and vanishes for years and Alex never knows why(was the smex that bad?).

Power bottom Jay who really doesn’t want to kill Alex, he likes him too much(maybe he’s a little obsessed now, just a bit), so every time they run into each other and Alex starts to question him Jay shoves him down onto the nearest surface and keeps him going till he’s so spent he can’t think straight. And this cycle keeps going until both of them hate each other so badly its angry and its hateful on sight(but they still can’t get rid of those feelings god damn it-).

Alex who teams up with Tim or with Brian when he realizes Jay is too far gone? Who finally accepts that maybe he is a little gay when things start happening between them. Jay, who gets so jealous and angry and believes there’s no longer any other way to spare Alex(if he won’t be with Jay then he can’t keep him safe, the only option left is to put him in the ground).

Oh My God

The way i wanna write this so bad now lmfao. It'd take so long but oh my god fucking IMAGINE IT holy shit. im going to go feral over this i fear.

This got really long lmfao

like... 1.8K words long 💀💀💀

Anyway, i love this idea so much so enjoy whatever tf this is under the thingy-ma-bob

Amy still dying but this time its because of Jay's jealously rather than Alex's hopeless final attempt to save her from his own fate is such a fun iea.

Honestly, i feel like Jay's motivations to kill (which have obviously been twisted by the Operator and all that, he wouldn't kill without it twisting him) would be very different to Alex's. At least in Sorry It's Locked. Because in S,IL Alex's motivations are purely to save people, it's just that the operator twisted him until he thinks killing is the only way to save people, he thinks him killing them is going against what it wasn't, when that's still what the Operator wants, as long as more people get exposed to the sickness along the way. Whereas the S,IL version of Jay probably wouldn't kill out of a twisted and misguided kindness, he'd still think he was doing the right thing, but I honestly think the Operator would have an easier time getting him to kill.

to me Alex is an extremely caring and selfless person. Like, sure he's a bit of a nob and his student film was shit and he just couldn't recognise that because he was pretentious and a film student, but like, idk in my head before the Operator got to him he was the sweetest person, hence how he managed to pull Amy lol. The Operator had to convince him that killing was the way to save people in order to get him to do what it wanted. Whereas with Jay i think he'd have a much easier time killing for selfish reasons, and honestly i feel like he'd still film like he does as the protagonist of MH. I think the Operator would convince him he'd been wronged by the people he was killing and that it was righteous revenge or justice for himself or something like that? You know?

He'd think he was doing the right think in the sense of his own sense of justice, rather than doing the right thing to save the other people exposed to the Operator sickness. And because of his hyperfixation on Alex, it'd definitely go in the same direction of him not wanting to kill Alex, because Alex hasn't wronged him, the world around them has wronged him by making Alex think they needed to hide that they were sleeping together. It was the world's homophobia that caused Alex to refuse to accept that he was queer in any way. And obviously if Jay doesn't blame Alex, it'd be really difficult for the Operator to convince him to kill him, because Jay's actions are based on getting the justice that he thinks he deserves.

He kills Seth and Sarah and tries to kill Brian and Tim because he believes that they weren't supportive enough to make Alex feel comfortable to come out or whatever. Right? But With the Operator going down that route to get him to kill, because that's the easiest route to take, it creates a bit of a problem for itself in the future if it wants Jay to kill Alex eventually. But i don't think it actually thinks. As in like, i don't think it is making any conscious decisions about what it does, its like that fungus that grows inside ants and takes over their nervous systems and makes them climb up high so it can spread its spores. I don't think it's a thinking creature, it just does what it does.

Anyway, i think in Alex's place, with justice as his motivation, Jay would kill more people, and i think he'd make an example of them. He'd still film everything because of the memory loss the Operator causes, but he'd use those videos to kind of, like, show off what happens if you're a homophobe. Or if he thinks you are one. Idk if that makes sense. And idk magic operator powers stop anyone thinking the videos are real, just like with the fact that we see Alex kill tunnel guy in the videos, but no one else in universe actually thinks they just witnessed a murder recorded and put on youtube.

I think with Jay in Alex's role, in Sorry It's Locked they'd probably have more than just one encounter where they have sex. Like, for Alex in actual S,IL that happens mostly just kind of impulsively because like, Jay is coming onto him and yeah, he does kind of miss what they used to have, he still felt shit about having to kill Amy so wanted to distract himself from that, and then afterwards he was like SHIT I NEED TO DRIVE HIM AWAY TO TRY AND SAVE HIM WITHOUT KILLING HIM. or something like that. Whereas with Jay in Alex's place I think he'd purposefully try to tempt Alex closer and closer to him, to try and get him on his side, to become like partners in crime. You know? Everything revolves around Alex for him, so of course he wants to keep him close and under his command.

I think Jay would still be the sub in their dynamic in this, but I think he'd be a bit more like he is in chapter two of If It Ain't Broken (which is up by the way, cheeky lil self promo lol). Because subs can be pushy and the one in charge of scenes in every way other than what they actually do within the scenes themselves. Does that make sense lol? Just because they're being submissive within a scene doesn't mean they are submissive in every aspect of their relationships. Y'know?

And I think at first Alex would be like, fine with it, like, he misses what they had, and he misses Amy (he doesn't know Jay killed her, all he saw was the Operator and someone who he couldn't actually make out and then everything goes blank and he wakes up somewhere else distraught knowing she's dead or something like that) so of course if Jay is offering comfort he's going to take it. He'd still be like, not accepting that he's queer himself and that he genuinely likes Jay, like you said. I think Alex wouldn't find out Jay's the 'villain' until quite a bit later than Jay found out that Alex was the 'villain' because Alex wasn't too concerned about hiding what he was doing because he thought he was saving people (except maybe tunnel guy, that seemed like a weird fear response lol)

ANYWAY, in this like, reversed Sorry It's Locked au i think Alex would take longer to find out Jay was the one killing people, because Jay would be more carefuly about hiding that it's him. He'd film all the murders and shit, but i fell like the main mystery would be who is killing, rather than like, who's behind the hoodie mask. (i know that's probably not like the main mystery, but it is to me lol)

Jay doesn't want Alex to be scared of him, and he's aware enough to know that knowing he's killing people would scare Alex off. The only things he really sees the way they are are things directly related to Alex, and he knows Alex will be scared of him/hate him if he finds out Jay's the one who killed Amy.

And (jesus this is long i'm so sorry)

Jay seeing things mostly as they are when it comes to Alex directly would mean that he'd see when things start to change with how Alex treats him when they sleep together. Aka Alex not wanting to do it as much because he's spending time with Tim and/or Brian and they're showing him what it's like to be in a healthy relationship (they let him still say it's just sex and nothing else, because that's how he feels most comfortable/safe/secure in himself, but they still make sure it's a healthy relationship while also trying to help him feel comfortable enough in himself to recognise that he's queer. I guess a bit like how Tim's going to try and help Jay come to terms with his gender identity in like, the actualy version of S,IL i'm writing, yknow?)

Anyway, Alex kinda drawing back from Jay and insisting on asking him questions and getting answers, rather than just letting Jay shove him onto the floor, or pull him in by his collar, or whatever so he can distract him with sex. Alex doing that would terrify him. Because his entire motivation is based around like, 'getting' Alex? Like, he's trying to make it so Alex feels safe to come out? Kinda? I don't know. He want's Alex to himself and Alex pulling away and trying to like, actually get answers rather than them just having sex would be the exact opposite of what he wants?

I think when Jay finds out Alex is in an actual relationship with Tim and/or Brian (whoever he teams up with, maybe both of them honestly) that's when the Operator kinda convinces him to kill Alex as well? Like, he's so angry and jealous and like, almost betrayed? that he goes from trying to have Alex to himself to just wanting to hurt Tim and Brian any way he can? Maybe? i don't know. Like, he wants to take Alex from them any way he can, and if he can't do that in a relationship sense then he'll have to do it physically.

I think first he'd try to like, capture Alex and keep him prisoner maybe? He wouldn't think of it like that, he'd convince himself Tim and Brian were bad for Alex in some way and that he's saving him, but eventually he'd just want to hurt Tim and Brian really fucking badly for 'what they did to Alex' (showed him a healthy relationship and made it so he decided that, no, he doesn't wanna keep doing this with Jay, actually). And that would be how it kinda ended? Like, I think it'd be a kinda murder suicide thing? Maybe? I don't know I'm very much making this up as i go along surprisingly (not surprisingly) lmao

I think Jay would kill Alex in front of Tim and Brian (with a knife, i think his weapon of choice is still a knife, and I think if anyone has a gun it's Brian but he's incredibly hesitant about ever using it), and then he'd turn the knife on himself. It'd be, like, to Jay it'd be that he and Alex would be together in death, and Tim and Brian would be left with only each other and they wouldn't get to have Alex?

does that make sense?

Then Tim and Brian have to navigate life after that, 1. navigate the revelation that it was Jay all along killing people (Jay was the mystery masked man rather than hoodie) and 2. that Jay took Alex from them even after they worked so hard to help Alex come to terms with his sexuality and everything?

maybe?

[basement-buddy]

did you ever run into art block when you first started posting art online? if so, do you have any advice for getting out of it? i recently decided to push through my anxiety and make an art account but found myself unable to draw anything because of how harsh of a critic i turned into thinking its not worth to post even trying to change my style bc my current one doesnt seem nice enough ( ;´ - `;) so im not able to motivate to draw at all these days ;;

I hit art block all of the time and I know this might not work for everyone, but honestly the only way I get through it is just by drawing whatever, even if it doesn’t meet my standards. Take this time to try some new things, learn some new stuff, draw whatever you want without pressure. Don’t worry about posting anything for a bit and just go head first into a bunch of new stuff. And don’t worry about it looking perfect or anything, or trying to meet your own standards or appease the critic inside you. I know that’s harder said than done, but if nothing is going to turn out how you want it right now, anyway, then why not just try something new?

This helps with your style dilemma, too, every few months I get upset about my artstyle, so I just do some studies or follow some anatomy tutorials, some nature drawing videos, get used to seeing something else on the paper in front of you, you know? If you go a while without seeing your style, when you finally get back to it, you can see less of the flaws. Or better yet, you’ve learned some new things that could help fix the things you don’t like about it.

Sometimes it also helps to look at my old art. The younger me would’ve done anything to draw how I am drawing now, and I’m sure it applies to you as well. You’re always improving no matter how much you’re not vibing with your work.

Most importantly, don’t put too much pressure on yourself! Creating something at all is wonderful. No matter how it turns out, you’ve done something most others just mourn not ever trying. I think it’s wonderful that you’ve created an art account, and I’m super happy that you want to share your art with the world, but don’t beat yourself up too hard. Don’t draw something with the intention to post, draw it for you! Back when I first started, I was nervous enough that I wouldn’t post things for upwards of half a year. I would sit on drawings because I was too shy to show them. If it helps, don’t post at all unless you absolutely want to. When you sit down to draw, don’t imagine the reactions, or other artists with other styles, imagine just what you want out of that particular drawing. I had to learn the hard way that posting should ALWAYS be an afterthought.

Sorry if this was rambly, I’m very very experienced with artblock and there’s just so many ways I’ve personally learned to deal with it that it’s hard to organize my thoughts properly. A lot of these are easier said than done, so just take it one step at a time, and remember that you’re doing awesome, that YOU’RE awesome, and no matter how you feel about it, your art is awesome, too! Take it at your own pace and be easy on yourself. ♥️

[itooaminthisepisode]

Hi, me again (sorry if this is annoying), but I was wondering if you had any advice on writing fanfics. Cuz i just started, and im having a hard time properly expressing the characters' head space. Or writing dialogues that i feel like the characters would actually say. Again, feel free to ignore this if it's annoying.

not annoying at all don't worry abt it!! glad to help out an aspiring writer!!

and honestly it might sound cliche but my best advice is to read!! see what your favourite fic authors are doing and take note of what you really like about their fics. is it the way they describe emotions? is it their sense of humour? i find that reading a fic with this in mind helps me understand what i want to see in my own fics!!

also, it might sound a little odd but find out what tense you best like to write in. i always used to write in past tense because it's what i was taught, but when i started writing for the house fandom i switched to present tense and it feels SO much easier for me - it feels like i'm actually there, so i can better describe the scene. it might not be the same for you, but i would recommend trying to write a few snippets in different tenses to see what works best!

another thing i would recommend is reading meta posts about your fandoms, specifically character analysis. that certainly helped me when i was stuck with characterisation! alternatively, you could watch an episode or two (or read it or whatever other media your fandoms are) with the express goal of noting down their motivations for doing things. getting to the fundamentals of why a character reacted a certain way, or what made them say a certain thing, is immensely useful.

and one of the best pieces of advice i can give: write what YOU love. don't write something because you think it'll be popular, or because other people like it - write for yourself and yourself alone!! i cannot stress enough how much this mindset helped me. a few years ago i used to get so burned out whenever i tried to write, because i was trying to appeal to the masses with my ideas. all that ended up happening was me getting stressed as hell and never publishing any of it. but now that i'm writing things that i'm interested in and that i enjoy, the process is much easier because i'm genuinely having fun :D

also: don't worry if you think it's 'bad.' it doesn't have to be perfect - it's fanfiction! you're putting it out on the internet for free, and that's incredible in its own right!! plus, i guarantee you that someone out there is going to love it no matter what. try not to compare yourself to other authors either, even if you have an idea similar to someone else - i know it's easier said than done, but comparison is the mind killer. this comic genuinely helped me so much with this:

people will be delighted to see your work!! and don't be afraid to write things that are weird or freaky or a bit out of the box. there's an audience for everything - write for yourself first and foremost, but oftentimes you'll be able to find other people who love the same tropes and ideas and headcanons that you do, and it's great to find a little community where everyone can uplift and support each other :)

hope this wasn't too rambly and i hope it helps!! good luck in your writing endeavours!! <3

[ofbreathandflame-archive]

Do you believe racist authors deserve redemption? I love your blog and I’m interested in your opinion on this matter since you speak about racism in books.

hi anon!!! this is a great question, thanks for asking it!!!

i don't believe people deserve redemption. or that they have to 'qualify' to get better. if people want to change - its their right to change, to grow and become a better person. this is the kind of attitude i hold for authors as well.

but i think the harder part of the process comes after that. that there are consequences. some people will never forgive your racism, some people will never forgive that hurt even if you do get better, and that's....okay. its like - true change is always receptive towards criticism. it will always acknowledge the past to inform the future - and often authors (or white people in general) who want to change - just do. and they are usually understanding and introspective of the way they move in the world. bc once you see it, its very hard not to see where racism usually finds its footing. racism is learned - people are not inherently evil. but its also very baked into our foundation, so we are taught white supremacist ideologies from the moment we come out into the world.

i think the focus is oftentimes primarily put on avoiding or lessening the consequences. that an ‘I’m sorry’ will fix the wound.

racism is cruel. it has far reaching consequences - it isn't a buzzword. its fruitful to think about how racism affects its victims. how little children read literature and media and come away with the unconscious ideology that they are lesser. think abt the first racist moment in a book you read - something beloved. think about the trauma you carried when you realized the person you loved and adored and supported didn't even see you as a human being. every person of color, every black person has had that moment where they realized that a book they loved was not written for them; that they were meant to be the support, the helper, the friend, the maid, the 'perfect' girlfriend who just isn't good enough, the motivation, the body that served the vehicle for character development but never the main character. never a human being. never a fantasy.

and when you think about that - it becomes easier to see why people aren't willing to forgive how that racist author made them feel. bc we always have to carry that. we have to be the ones to unlearn hatred of ourselves. we have to carry the weight of the stereotypes, the ripples across media, the boxes we get put into.

personally - its a hard offense for me to forgive. its very hard for me to do so, because honestly my mind is always thinking about how there is there's often little motivation for some white authors to introspect bc the world is catered to them. its very hard to reflect when there's a foundation beneath you telling you there's nothing to reflect upon. so its extra work to actually make conscious change bc the world will always be content with the symbolic. people will always applaud the bare minimum. so its hard to gouge real change from just public shame. or kudos points.

in short - authors who want to change will change. authors who are empathetic and seek true change will always be vocal about it. and in those cases - i forgive. taking accountability, changing for the better and apologizing is all we can really ask. if an author doesn't do that than i have little interest in forgiving it. if an author cant say - 'oh i didn't mean that, and i recognize why that was harmful, i will do better.' then i cant take them seriously. its the bare minimum. staying silent and riding out the criticism without acknowledging what was harmful and how it was harmful means you seek none of the true change and it means im not interesting in supporting or forgiving, but alas that's just me!