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northwest-cryptid · 7 months ago

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I don't think people understand that you gotta make mistakes and grow from them by being educated one way or another about how to not make the mistake or why it was a mistake in the first place.

The internet is built around flash in the pan drama and unfortunately that has poisoned the minds of people who mean well on much more important topics.

You see someone sharing an opinion on a topic, that is just horrible; perhaps racist, sexist, or just generally bigoted. Your first instinct is to attack them, lash out; let them know how wrong they are, not why they're wrong; just that they are in fact wrong.

Make sure you really make it clear you want them dead, don't let anyone question that you might sympathize or seek to actually better this individual. They aren't worth it, they won't listen; you know this because the internet tells you so. Others "like them" have already poisoned the well and now you know the rules too well to give this one the time of day.

Prove to them that you are exactly what your enemies make you out to be, prove to them that you see them as nothing more than a horrible immoral person that doesn't deserve respect.

Sure they might come to resent you, they might in fact view everything you stand for in the same light; you may be a detriment to the very movement, people, or thing you stand to defend; but don't let that bother you... look the people on the internet love you, you get notes, you get the dopamine of knowing people think you're cool because you stood up to the bad man.

This is how we are now.

You know when I was probably just 16 I fucked up pretty minorly, like literally for context I'll just admit to this shit openly, don't talk about it much but I need you to understand the scope of this. When I was like 16 I wasn't artistically talented so I just casually traced shit, didn't know it was wrong to do so.

Tumblr however, made it clear I had fucked up, daily anon hate; mostly the generic "kill yourself" and the like; do you know what I learned from that experience?

I learned that I shouldn't listen to those people, who reacts like that? I was a kid, I still didn't know what I had done wrong, no one would explain. I was simply a target for hate; and when I'd ask for advice I'd only get further hate. I had "fucked up" online, and that was that. There was no allowance for growth. I was literally being told to fucking kill myself at 16 because I fucking traced over some deviantart shit. Can we just rationalize that for a second?

Now I need you to understand that this is how we respond to everything on the internet. It just feels far more justified when it's about something that actually matters. But hang on, let me go back a second; what did I just say I learned from that experience? Right, that I shouldn't listen to those people.

You realize the only reason I understood what had happened was because a very good friend of mine at the time sat me down, and I will never forget that the first words she spoke to me were:

"Don't listen to those assholes, it's not a big deal."

Before she ever explained to me what I had done, or why it could be hurtful; or the impact that it could have. Prior to offering me any guidance on how to actually learn art and such so I wouldn't repeat the same problem; the first thing she had to tell me was those people don't deserve to be heard.

And I needed to hear that before I was going to listen to ANYONE about anything at that point, because getting upwards of 30 - 50 anon messages telling me I was a waste of oxygen, that I needed to off myself and just do everyone a favor; that I was a mistake, every hour or so; well let's just say that really doesn't make a kid see your point of view and I don't think it works any better with adults for that matter.

Can you imagine if I didn't have someone like that to set me straight? Do you think I'd have learned anything positive from that situation? Do you think I'd have come out of it understanding what I had done wrong? Absolutely not, I'd have just thought everyone was too sensitive or some shit, whatever bullshit the people who picked me up after would tell me. Oh and that's the thing isn't it, if you make someone a victim; you've done half the work for your opposition to come in and convince this hurt individual that they are in fact correct; that you are in fact a bad person and that this individual needs to side with them because they wouldn't treat them this way.

It's easy to recruit someone who is starved of anything positive, who hasn't heard someone agree or even sympathize with them; someone who was trying to do something good and got burnt for not doing it right.

You know, I really do get it, I absolutely understand the want to just blow up and say some shit. It's fine to have emotional, speak from the heart kinda moments, it's fine. However when you're speaking on an issue that matters, when you're talking about the lives of individuals, when you're discussing what to do and the change that you want to bring you ABSOLUTELY, under no circumstances; lash out.

Because that's exactly what those who want to see you dead are looking for, you cannot afford to give them anything to work with.

It's why I lose my shit every time I see someone at those LGBT rallies screaming and causing a scene and being aggressive. Because that's the very thing people say we are, that's the very thing they use against us; and you're just giving them that, you're just letting them have that. Why? What does it accomplish!? Sure you get to feel like the big man right now, but you're hurting the very cause you stand for, and yea I hear you

"So what, do you want me to shut up and be quiet and do nothing"

NO I want you to conduct yourself like a fucking adult, I want you to show these people who might stand in the middle, who might not pick a side; that everything that a homophobic asshole has to say is wrong; I want you to prove to the world that we're just people, I want you to go forth and show people that, without being exactly the stereotype that's used against us! I want you to stop feeding people more to use against us, I want you to think before you act.

Because here's the truth, I might just be an individual to you, but to someone who sees Natives in a bad light, I could easily become an example of "see this is how Natives act" and you DO NOT give them that, you do not let them make that claim; you do not allow them to use you as an example.

If you are fighting for something, you represent the whole of that entity to those who oppose it, and you CANNOT afford to let them see you as something that isn't reasonable, that doesn't deserve the right to be heard.

You can't afford to be 50 anons in my inbox telling me to kill myself.

You need to meet people on a level they understand, you need to meet them halfway and explain it to them; you need to be willing to educate them even when it's not your fucking job. Because the alternative is being all talk and no action, the alternative is never seeing your goal come to light, the alternative is that we may as well just roll over and die.

When you can't conduct yourself with respect and dignity you act for the opposition. That's just the unfortunate truth. Trust me I've wanted to say some very choice words to some very specific people before, and I have had to remind myself that when I am in a situation where I speak for the whole I cannot allow myself to act on impulse and emotion alone; lest someone make an example of it and use it against everyone who stands with me.

This is why I say we need to educate people, this is why I say we have to approach even conflict with the idea of explaining to uneducated masses the truth about the shit they say.

If someone came to me and told me all Natives were savage killers who can't be civilized and all that shit; sure you absolutely bet I'd love to just knock em cold where they stand. Is that not exactly what they would expect from a savage? Is that not exactly what they expect a Native to do?

Sure I could cause a scene, I could fight; I could yell and scream and make a problem of it. It would only prove them right. Instead I could always educate them, explain things to them.

"But they won't listen."

Doesn't matter then, it's not for them then; it's for everyone who sees it; it's for the masses around us, who see this man approach me telling me Natives are all savages who can't be civil; because the sane among them will see a Native there who can be civil; and suddenly all that man has to say becomes nonsense.

You need to be able to disarm them with understanding, education, and fucking kindness. You need to understand how to make your enemy understand you until they're your friend, and then when it comes time for their actions to take a side, you can bet your ass they'll side with you because it would be insane for them not to; not when they know everything that you know.

We see on the internet, this constant bickering of elementary school kids; just on much more important topics.

We can't discuss shit like politics anymore, it becomes "yes" "no" "yes" "no" "yes" "no" instead of making any real progress one way or another. I know some people are VERY stupid, do you know how many times I've been VERY stupid? How many times I've been uninformed? It's a lot.

It's a LOT, and it's a lot more than I care to admit.

However I was lucky, because I was around people who actually cared about what they were saying, about the messages, about the causes they stood for. I was around good honest people who were understanding, and who taught me better.

Not as someone who was bad and needed to be fixed, but as someone who didn't know any better because I was never taught in the first place.

I was given respect, I was shown kindness, and as such I was better for it.

People talk about "converting people to your cause" and all this shit, that's not it; you don't need to convert someone, once they know what you know they will make up their mind.

If you show them that you are someone worth fighting for, that your cause is in the right; they will fight for you.

I used to be homophobic, it kept me from understanding a lot about myself, it kept me from making some very good friends; it made me a pretty awful fucking person. I didn't know, I had no clue, I didn't understand the scope of what I had been taught. That didn't change until I grew up and met other queer individuals like myself who were able to show me that everything I had known was all homophobic lies.

Not by demonizing me, or "proving me wrong" but by just being good honest people, who meant well; and acted with kindness.

The internet has unfortunately poisoned the way people engage with real social issues; and as I get older it becomes harder and harder to stay quiet about it.

There's a huge difference by the way, between this; and punching a nazi.

You should absolutely punch nazis. I'm not going to say they deserve kindness.

And by that same token, there's a time and place for that sort of militant aggressive push-back. You need to learn where to draw that line, and how to draw that line before you go making an ass of yourself and smearing the name of the cause you stand for.

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faegoddessog · 1 year ago

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Seventy Two Hours of Bliss Ch. 20/41

Chapter 20: Le Roi

Chapter Warnings: Explicitly mature content, 18+ only, fellatio, gagging, titty fucking, fingering, pearl necklace, masturbating.

Series Masterlist

Series Summary:

You are neighbors with Austin Butler on the Gold Coast of Australia just prior to shooting Elvis. You become just friends because he is taken. However, after he is single again, you both find out just how attracted you are to one another and things get unrelentingly hot.

SERIES WARNING: Explicitly mature content, 18+ only, here there be lemons.

Authors Notes: I started writing this while remodeling my kitchen, so that informed the slightly quirky narrative. It starts slow, but once it heats up, it is on fire. I have tried to pull facts from RL as much as I could, but obviously there are some assumptions and flat out dreamy wishes involved here.

Chapter 20: Le Roi

You come to awareness a while later. You hear the shower going in the bathroom. You stretch and get up from the bed, button down shirt still hanging on your shoulders. You gotta pee, you decide to use the guest bathroom.

As you walk back to the bedroom, you take in Austin’s apartment. It looks like a sex bomb went off. The line from Princess Bride enters your mind, “It ranged all over. They were both masters.”

It may be the dopamine, but it just strikes you as enormously funny. You are cackling as you walk into the bedroom.

“Hey sleepyhead, come on in”, you hear Austin from the shower.

You walk in trying to contain yourself. The steamy outline of him is letting the hot water beat down. You drop the shirt to the floor and step into the large glass stall.

He greets you by gathering you under the hot water for shower kisses. Steamy Shower kisses. Damn. You two need some kind of intervention. This much desire is criminal.

Soaking, you come up for air.

“Babe, we -” you say.

“Need to not?" he interrupts.

You both laugh. At least you are on the same page.

After showering and stealing yet another of Austin’s shirts, you two set about cleaning up his apartment. You start laughing again about ‘ranging all over’.

“What's so funny?” he asks.

You tell him about the Princess Bride line. He doesn’t think it’s as funny as you do.

“I mean, take a look,” you wave your hand, “we DID range all over!”

“Well, I mean you are not wrong,” he admits, “we did have a LOT of sex.”

“Yes, yes we did,” you come behind him, wrapping your arms around his waist. “The best sex I’ve ever had in my life, in fact."

“Ditto,” he turns around in your embrace, hugging you to his chest.

You guys finally get the place cleaned, sheets changed, furniture put back, clothes picked up.

“Okay love, we have to rip this band aid off,” you say.

“Yeah, I’m sorry to have to say it, but I have to get my mind right for tomorrow. I may be having a quiet panic attack because I didn’t do any real Elvis study this weekend,” he takes in a big shuddering breath.

“Look at it this way," you rationalize, “ you just did a different kind of studying for Elvis this weekend. You fucked me as Elvis several times. You practically channeled him when you were spanking me. Apparently he gets off on a good spanking.”

“He actually was supposed to be really good at oral sex,” Austin is getting on your bandwagon.

“Well you’ve got that in the bag babe. Anytime you want to practice, you know where I am, “ you say.

He laughs.

“No really, any time,” you are definitely not joking.

He insists on walking you ‘home’.

“So you don’t feel like it’s a walk of shame,” he says when you stop outside your door.

“Y’know, you are so sweet, but understand that I feel no shame whatsoever,” you declare, “and I’m carrying a filthy dress, my heels AND a bag of sex toys wearing a shirt that I stole from you.”

“My dirty girl,” he says with a smile and leans down to kiss you…and kiss you. His hands slide into the shirt to your waist, discovering that the button-down is all you have on.

“Hoh, you are so… fuck, woman,” he growls, pulling you into him. His kiss is passionate and lustful as his hands cup your bare ass. Well I guess you know what getting more sex does to him, makes him just want it even more.

“Austin, hunny, ” you pant, pulling away from him, “you had better go work on Elivs, or I am going to require you on the other side of this door.” Just thinking about it and you find your hand migrating towards the crotch of his pants. You ball your fist tight to stop it.. “If we do that, we are both gonna end up in the hospital.”

“I know, I know, you are right,” he shakes his head. You grab him by the hand and look him in the eye.

“Why don’t you come by tomorrow when you get home and tell me about how it all went and I will feed you,” you suggest.

“I would really like that, although I have no idea when we’ll get done. Filming is like that,” he warns.

“No worries, just text me when you are on the way back from the studio. I will be here.”

“Ok,” he nods his head.

“I'll see you tomorrow babe,” you lean up and kiss his cheek, trying to keep your goodbye chill. You open the door and turn to go inside, he grabs your hand and brings it to his mouth, kissing the back.

“Love you,” he says, staring into your soul. Your heart melts. You find yourself throwing your arms around his neck in a huge hug.

“Love you too hunny,” you say in his ear. You break away, turn and force yourself through your open door before you get stuck in a loop of wanting, denying, goodbyeing; wash, rinse, repeat.

You turn around to close the door and he has taken a couple steps backwards.

“Break a leg tomorrow!” you say.

“Thanks,” he says with a little wave.

You close the door, and lean on it, much like that night after Tom and Rita’s. Today, though, you just let out a huge contented sigh and whisper ‘Austin’. ….

At first you are not sure what to do with yourself. You wander around the apartment, with the intention to tidy up. Everywhere you look reminds you of Austin.

The shower: making him cum with your finger on his prostate, his tongue in your mouth as water poured over you, his tongue on your clit; The bedroom: Austin fucking you like a dark deity in the middle of the night, the feel of his cock in your ass for the first time, the quiet of the morning as he moved inside of you; The couch: watching movies and sucking him off, his relentless fingering of your clit, laying on his lap encased in a sphere of bliss, simply hanging out laughing and tickling and kissing… oh god the kissing!

You spend the evening eating leftover pizza and writing it all down so you never forget.

Your phone jangles.

Austin: Goodnight darlin’

You can’t help how big the smile on your face is.

Me: Goodnight lover, sleep well. XOXO

A contented smile is plastered on your face as you crawl into bed. You miss having Austin’s arms wrapped around you, so his shirt will have to do.

The next day you have a zoom meeting with your uncle to talk about progress in the early morning. You had forgotten about it until the alarm you had set previously to wake you up an hour before goes off. Thank you former self!

You are thankful that Austin didn’t stay the night either, you didn’t need to explain that. Your family has been bugging you about ‘settling down’ for a while now. It’s the juxtaposition of you having a near death experience and needing to get out and not waste a moment, while they almost lost you and want to hold on tight.

You show him the guest bathroom you have been working on. You had ripped out the old tub and shower and put in a walk-in, marble tiled shower with a rain shower head and handheld combo. You just have to grout and caulk. Next you will tile the floor and install a new vanity and toilet. It should be done in less than 2 weeks. After that, you’ll work on the master bath, probably 3-4 weeks, then start the big demo on the kitchen and bedrooms. He’s happy, so that’s a good thing. You finalize the design and layout of the kitchen. Mostly he trusts your choices and just wants you to stay as close to the budget as you can. Cool.

Your mind is never far from how Austin is doing on set today. He hasn’t texted, which you totally expected.

You decide to grout the shower today to keep you busy. Once that is done and washed off you caulk it. You actually really like to caulk, you find it soothing and meditative. It’s afternoon when you finish. You clean up and decide to head out to get some shopping done. When you get back, it’s evening.

You hadn’t realized how much you were waiting for his text until your heart skips a beat when your text tone goes off as you are cooking dinner.

Austin: done for the day c u in an hour?

Me: yay! dinner?

Austin: ys pls X

Me: you got it XOXO

In an hour there is a knock at your door. Your chest tightens. You open the door. Austin is freshly showered and in sweats and a hoodie with a bottle of bourbon.

“Hey you!” you smile, opening your arms to him.

“Hey baby!” he wraps you in a hug.

“How was it?” you ask, closing the door.

“It was unreal. Baz changed almost everything we had already rehearsed. It really threw me for a loop. But I really think it ended up better.” He grabs glasses from the cupboard and pours you each two fingers of the brown liquor over an ice cube. He hands you one and clinks them together.

“Here’s to the first day down,” he says. You both drink and shiver at the first taste.

“Y’know, sipping liquor reminds me of kissing. It’s not the first one that you should judge on, it’s the second that really shows the quality.” You take that second sip and a step closer to him, then put your glass on the counter.

“Hmm,” he keeps his eyes on you as he drinks again. ”I see what you mean,” he sets his glass down. “Speaking of quality kisses,” he grabs your waist and pulls you in close, “I missed having yours this morning.”

He presses his mouth to yours. Your mouth opens automatically to his probing tongue. Your hands are on the back of his neck, body pressed close to his. The caramel taste of the bourbon mingles on your slightly numb tongues. You close your lips together, only to open and go deeper, breathing deeply through your noses, enhancing the ‘whiskey kiss’. Your lips vibrate with little vocalizations that you can't’ help making.

He pulls away, licking his lips.

A shiver goes down your spine. “ I forgot how much I like whiskey-kisses.”

“It’s bourbon,” he tries to correct you.

“I know, I just call them whiskey kisses, it rolls off the tongue better,” you explain.

“You do have a spectacular tongue,” he kisses you more.

“You hungry?” you ask when you pull back, one eyebrow cocked with a sly smile on your face.

“Yes, I am,” his hands glide around your hips, thumbs settling on your hip bones, “I’d like to eat first, if that’s ok.”

Over dinner you talk about your call with your uncle and some of the plans you hammered out. He is quiet at first and just listens. He is so amazing at listening. He asks some questions about grout and tiling.

You ask if he wants to talk about his day. As he picks up the dishes, and takes them to the sink, he starts talking. He pours another two fingers of bourbon for each of you and transitions the conversation to the couch. He talks about the shoot, his nerves and how they connected him to Elvis. You just listen, sipping your drink. Clearly he needs to process everything he went through today.

“I want to apologize for not being able to text more, I was so sucked into character and shooting….” he says holding your hand.

“Whoa,” you hold up your other hand, “I do not need an apology, lover. You got work to do. I get that. I don’t expect you to call or text me when you are shooting. Remember this is supposed to be a non-codependent thing. I love hearing from you, but no pressure.”

“Ok good, I just wanted to make sure in case you felt neglected,” he smiles sheepishly.

You throw back the rest of your drink and climb onto his lap, sitting sideways with your arm around his shoulders.

“Did YOU feel neglected? Cuz I didn’t want to bother you,” you ask, combing your fingers through his hair.

“Baby, you are never a bother. Honestly I didn’t have the spoons to feel much more than nerves today,” he admits, ” but I also don’t mind hearing from you.”

“You got it love, I won’t be afraid to text you and I won’t freak out if you don’t text back right away,” you assure him.

“I’m also gonna be really, really busy, so I don’t know how much time I will have for you,” he looks at you, biting his lip in worry.

“I know,” you take your thumb and pull his bottom lip away from his teeth, easing his worried face, “hence the serious-adjacent situationship. I will joyfully cherish whatever time I can get,” you plant a kiss on his forehead.

“How are you so amazing?” he asks, looking into your eyes.

You shrug, “It’s easy, I’m with you.”

He buries his face in your neck and hair hugging you tight, breathing in the scent of you.

“Baby, you seem to have had a long day,” you decide not to push him for sex tonight.

“Yeah, I did not sleep well last night. I was so nervous. Tonight will be better though,” he says with a smile.

“Why is that?” you ask.

“Cuz… you,” he pulls you in for delicious slow whiskey-kisses. Several minutes later your lips part.

“Are YOU hungry?” he asks with a devilish smile.

“For you? Always. But if you need to rest or study for tomorrow, I totally understand,” you smile at him.

He traces your jawline with his fingertip.

“What I think I need tonight, is you,“ he kisses your neck lightly. “Would it be weird if I sleep here? I have an early call and will probably be gone before you get up. But… I enjoy having you next to me.”

You stand up from his lap, pulling him up to stand with you. “Not weird at all. Now, is sleeping all you need tonight? Or do you want more?” you ask as you lead him into the bedroom.

“Well, I might sleep better if you’d help me get off,” he steps to you, wrapping you in a deep kiss. You can feel your vagina start to tingle with moisture.

“I’m not opposed,” you pull his hoodie up over his head, kissing his chest, licking one of his nipples.

He shudders.

“Do you like that, on your nipples?” you ask.

He nods, “I like more too, biting, sucking,”

“Like this?” you take one in your mouth and gently suck on it.

“Harder,” he says.

You increase your suction.

“Mmm,” his hands go to your head, holding you to him. You take it between your teeth and bite, gently. He moans and grips your head. You pull away, smiling up at him. Excited for a new way to get him going.

“Do the other one,” he pulls your head to his other nipple.

You suck this one a little harder at first and let your hand migrate down to the tentpole at his crotch. You realize he has nothing under his sweatpants. Such a fucking turn on that he made himself so easily accessed.

“Oh god, that’s good,” he is saying. He pulls your head up to meet his, clashing his mouth against yours in heightened need, his tongue thrusting and curling against your own.

He pulls your shirt off over your head and in a flash has your bra off and your shorts pulled down, you too made sure he had easy access.

“What, no unicorn undies for me today?” He chuckles as he runs his hands over your naked ass.

“I’ll be sure to show you my collection sometime,” you say, “however, right now I have other plans.” You pull his waistband up and over the head of his cock, his hard rod bouncing as the rest fall to the floor.

You sit down on the bench at the foot of the bed and immediately take him into your mouth. His velvety smoothness is intoxicating on your bourbon flavored tongue. You slide down his shaft, bobbing your head up and down his length.

“Oh god, yes,” he moans. He grabs your head and pushes himself deep into your throat. Fucking your soft palate just a little, making you gag, then pulling back. You look up at him.

“I love hearing that sound when my cock is in your mouth,” his eyes are fierce with lust.

You suck greedily and nod, your mouth too full of him to agree any other way.

He drives in again, gagging you longer and deeper. You suck in a breath as he pulls out of your mouth, wet with thick spit. Your hand is on him, spreading the wetness. You look up at him, one lip curled up. He wipes your mouth with his thumb. You capture it in your mouth, sucking while you pump his cock with your fist. You? Orally fixated? Nah.

“Here, try this,” you say when he takes his thumb out of your mouth.

You pull his dick to your sternum, and push your tits together around it. Looking down you let a long string of saliva drop into your cleavage. He starts sliding up and down, both hands on your shoulders for balance. The head of his cock is peeking out the top of your squished together breasts with each thrust.

“Oh. My. That is fucking hot to watch, ” he says a little surprised. Maybe he’s never titty fucked anyone before.

You look up into his face, licking your lips, thirst in your eyes. His brows are knit together, his voluptuous bottom lip slack, letting his breath escape in unvoiced “oh’s”. He is watching himself sliding up to your neck and back again through half lidded eyes. Fuck he is so hot when he’s in the throes of pleasure. His eyes lift to find yours, one eyebrow twitches up and as does one the corner of his mouth.

“You wan’ me t’ cum, baby,” he asks breathless, just before his front teeth ruthlessly capture that lower lip.

“Uh huh, right here,” you nod, “give me those pearls, mon Roi de chatte.”

Your hips are rocking onto the seat, dripping onto the smooth wood of the bench. You lean down, open mouthed, your tongue lashing his head each time it crests your tits, teasing his tip. He speeds up.

“OOOHHH YEAH, HAAAAAH!! HAAAAAH!!” He bellows through clenched teeth.

Thick white cream spills all over your tongue and neck and tits. You are practically bouncing on the bench, pussy desperate for attention.

You lean back, moaning, on the foot of the bed, putting your feet up on the bench, knees bent. Your hips are trembling against your wet hand which is rubbing his cum into your clit hard and fast.

Austin is panting, trying to recover.

He leans over you, slips two fingers inside your wetness. You are a little sore, but you really don’t care right now. He starts sliding in and out. His other hand snakes around the back of your head, his forehead planted on yours.

“Fuck baby, you are so hot dripping with my cum.” He intones between puffs of breath.

What pushes you over the edge is the feeling of his cum dripping down your neck and along your sides. You arch, head pushed back against his hand, he pushes deep inside you and flicks those long fingers against your g spot. “Ohhh Yaaaaaaahhhhssss,” you wail, hips shaking against his hand.

You grab his hand as he starts sliding in and out again.

“No, no stop, I’m good,” you pant, “thank you lover.”

He answers you with a sweet, loving kiss, which you return.

“What did you call me? Just before I came, wah dushat?” Austin asks.

“Oh, did I say that?” you press your lips together, slightly embarrassed.

“Uh oh, what does it mean? Do I need to take offense?” he jokes.

“No no. It’s just a little corny. It means King of my Pussy,” you start laughing.

“I’m not mad at that, I think you should call me that all the time,” he laughs.

After yet another shower, you climb into bed. Austin pulls out papers from his hoodie pocket and climbs in next to you. Propped up on a pillow and one arm around you he pulls you in close.

“Oh yes, this is much better than last night,” he says under his breath.

“Whatcha got there?” you ask, indicating the papers.

“Script pages for tomorrow, although who knows what Baz will actually have me doing,” he says.

“Are you allowed to read them to me?” you ask.

“Technically no, since you haven’t signed any waiver, but I trust you. Do you want to read the other part with me?” he offers.

“I can try. It may not be good,” you are a little apprehensive.

“Doesn't matter, it just helps to have someone read the other lines,” he assures you.

Curled up on his chest, reading from the same pages, you go over the scene a few times. At first you are tentative. You ask a few questions about who’s lines these are, then throw caution to the wind and get into it.

“Damn baby, you are doing great! Your southern accent is spot on,” he says, impressed.

"Thanks babe,” you wag your tail, smiling.

“If you want, I could talk to Baz and get you on set as an extra. I mean it’d not be talking but… “ he offers.

“Oh, no no.” You roll on top of him to be face to face. “ I am the thing that is NOT Elvis in your life right now. Plus, I don’t think I could bear watching you be Elvis and not have your hands on me. When this movie comes out, I may not be able to see it in a theatre cuz it’s gonna make me so fucking horny. I will leave the seat wet!”

“Or we could just rent out the whole theater and I could play with your pussy the whole time,” he smiles and bites his lip.

“Oh that is happening for sure,” you smile wickedly.

“That’s an experience I look forward to, after all I’m the King of your pussy,” he says giggling.

“Oui, Mon Roi, et je suis ton chaton excité.” you lick your lips and kiss him.

#Austin Butler #Austin Butler smut #Austin Butler x reader #Austin Butler fic #Austin butler fanfic #@purejasmine #@slowsweetlove

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thunderandsage · 6 months ago

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y’all ever get to a point in a book/movie/show where the plot and writing and everything are really, really good—and i mean overdrive type of good—that you… take a break from reading or watching???

it’s like the brain sees a sign with “GIANT DOPAMINE RUSH AHEAD” and decides “ok, this’ll cause a total shut-down to the system if experienced all at once, gotta ration it out”

#reading

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slow-drowned-angels · 1 year ago

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I think it’s important for people to realize that sometimes feelings like anxiety and depression sometimes don’t have reasons for them. They can be primarily from just how the chemicals in your brain are functioning (or not functioning). Brains are really good at rationalizing their feelings. This is why “don’t judge your life late at night” is a thing — when you’re low on energy and dopamine (and other such neurotransmitters), you’re going to feel kinda shitty and sad. Brains love spinning a narrative for why you’re feeling a certain way. Or maybe you will become distressed, wondering “why am I feeling like this, is something wrong??” Even if there is something wrong, odds are you are not equipped to fight it without all your brain juices in order.

Sometimes you’re just mentally a toddler kicking and screaming because you’re tired and you gotta put yourself to bed.

#void.txt #brain thoughts #I’m just making this post because I needed to see it like two years ago.

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lookingfornoonat2pm · 11 months ago

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"And it might not be such a bad idea if I never, never went home again."

- Gil Scott-Heron

I am having TMJ issues and have had to go back on my antipsychotics since spending Christmas at home in California. My jaw was so tense for so many days that I was having intense pain in my ear and still can't really pop it right. With the pain, I couldn't sleep, and the issue compounded, so I had to take my very sedating antipsychotics to overcome the vicious cycle. That's what they're there for.

But it's incredibly arresting. The drug inhibits serotonin, dopamine, and adrenaline. I joked to some of my philosophy nerd friends that you don't know rational thinking until you have no recourse to pleasure, joy, or fear. But it's not really funny. It is true, though--and the clarity has made it obvious that I can never sleep in the same home as my parents ever again. I'll get a hotel room, or else I simply wont go back.

It's painful for many reasons. The hardest one is that I am realizing I will never fully heal the damage they did to me. So many things about our relationship are so much better now. We can talk, and they show love, and they show patience. They accept my polyamory. They accept that one of my partners is transgender. We work on coordinating family projects together, when other family are around. But they hurt me.

Unbelievably deeply. And my body knows, even when I can convince my mind that I am safe.

If being home for a few days can lock my jaw, leading to several days of recovery now, then never going home again is probably a good idea.

Gotta share it somewhere, so...

#lookingfornoonat2pm #personal

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alexandraisyes · 11 months ago

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@starheirxero

So many tags oh my!

Firstly, sincerely, seeing everyone (like 12 people but shhh) enjoy these ramblings of a madman has truly made my day. It was so fun to sit down and read the tags you added, and then read them again... and then again... and maybe a fourth time hehe, gotta get that extra dopamine.

Congratulations, of course, are in order for reaching to the end and finding the hidden password. That's a whole 13 pages, almost 6000 words. I can only imagine how long it took to sit down and read all of that. I can however tell one how long it took to sit down and write all of that haha.

Jokes aside, I'm glad you enjoyed my analysis. Some people in my more superficial circles are encouraging me to do similar analyses on the rest of the characters I plan to use in Twisted Celestials, and I most likely will due to the benefit that comes as an author with dissecting the characters you intend to write about. So, nine more analyses for me to accomplish, and nine more analyses for you to look forward to.

I'm secondly glad that I'm not the only one who was suspecting he had a personality disorder. I do think, that had anyone else tried to capture this, and capture him, they would have fallen short due to the simple lack of understanding around ASPD. You have to live the life of a sociopath to understand a sociopath, and even then the majority of us don't know or understand that we have a disorder, and those who do generally are content to just stay the way they are. This only leaves a small percentage of the rest of us, and doing further math and the like, considering how rare ASPD is to form, etc... because there are very specific things that cause it to form in a person.

Namely, neglect during the most crucial time of formation during our lives. The first part of our lives, as humans, are those years between birth and around three years old. I'm not going to disclose my own trauma and situations that caused the formation of ASPD in myself, but I have the benefit of being able to step back where almost no one else can, and go "Yep, that's the perfect breeding ground for a disorder"

Because when you look at it, of course Sun and Moon didn't mean to neglect him, abandon him, or leave him confused... helpless... trapped. They didn't even know he existed, Moon never thought to check on Sun after they split, to look and see how that code he left was doing. I believe he knew that there was a high probability of his actions coming back to bite him in the ass, but he didn't want to both: - A; Take accountability and acknowledge what he did - B; Have the code, have to deal with Sun having the code, but also deal with the process of getting rid of the code

And of course, I went through recovery and redemption ideas for our favorite angry dorito. It doesn't make sense to outline a character who is struggling so bad, and was finally looking like he was going to change and reflect, and then not outline how they can improve. A lot of the stuff I listed for recovery are directly reflected by my own life, and intensive cognitive behavior therapy that I had to undergo when I reached a point that I could no longer be reasonably contained by rules and regulations my poor parents were trying to enforce. When it comes to people with ASPD, punishment will rarely work. We won't understand why we are being punished, because we don't feel any guilt, or a desire to correct things most of the time. (There are obviously exceptions to this rule, but generally only when it involves someone we care very deeply for.)

Because a discipline system doesn't work, a reward system is a better alternative. But the best alternative is a rationality/logicality system where you sit them down and outline how the person with ASPD is hurting themselves in the long run by their actions. (We love rationalizing, you'll get a lot farther with someone with ASPD with cold logic than you will with emotions). Which, again, as we see, no one really tries to rationalize with Eclipse. Moon does, a couple times, and lo and behold Eclipse listens. But when the others try to reason with him, they use emotion. "Don't you see you're hurting me? Others?"

Eclipse doesn't give a fuck Sun, sorry. You can't make him come around by appealing to emotions that he doesn't understand, and that he feels on a much smaller scale than you do. I think if people rationalized with him more, there would have been less issues. As I mentioned, and as you further pointed out, Earth also isn't going to be able to reason with Eclipse. Her whole thing is emotions. Guess who doesn't know jack all about emotions? (If you guessed Eclipse you're right).

He needs to be taught. Preferably he needs to be taught by someone who can understand him. Solar is the best candidate. After that I'm going to argue that Sun would be second best, simply because past Solar, he knows Eclipse better than anyone else. He knows that Eclipse is mortal, that he can hurt Eclipse, and he's gotten over a lot of his fear of Eclipse. He's not going to let Eclipse walk all over him either, as we saw in the last handful of Eclipse episodes, Sun was done with his bullshit. But also, Sun knows a lot of red flags that Eclipse has because Sun has these red flags. Sun has had to beat these red flags to the ground. Not to mention just bad habits, bad anxiety, and paranoia that both Sun and Eclipse have always shared. I'd even go as far as to say that Eclipse inherited them from Sun.

When I see people try to tackle giving Eclipse a redemption arc, they always pair him with Sun as the support, and I'm all here for it. I would like to see a fic that focuses on Solar and Eclipse, but since they are uh.... not exactly coexisting in the show (Eclipse is poofed when Solar comes to the og reality to live there) I don't think anyone has really considered it. I'm also going to put it out that Eclipse should not be given Lunar as support if he gets brought back. Those two have given each other so much trauma it will be an automatic dumpster fire as long as they both know exactly what's up. Eclipse killed Lunar and was... not great to him even when he did care because while he did care about Lunar, he was also trying to get Lunar to function as a temporary means to an end. So... manipulation, yay. And then Lunar up and ditched Eclipse, going to the two people who have hurt Eclipse so fucking badly and the worst part is it was all an accident that started this whole shebang. But yeah, Eclipse is 100% not okay about that, and it's gonna take a lot of work for him to get over the betrayal that just showed him it's not worth it to care about people.

On the tags about mental health portrayal and discussion - I'm so sorry if other people have been weirdly ableist about these characters. I really hope not, because I haven't seen any so far, past having to nudge people when they use the wrong psychological terminology to describe characters. Like, people call Eclipse a psychopath...? This confuses me because he's absolutely not a psychopath, and anyone who understands even the basics of personality disorders would know that. Of course, how many people understand personality disorders? I'm glad that I didn't come off as weird about this, however! I try to be as accurate as possible when displaying information, doubly so when it's something I have. It would be counter-productive to spread misinformation about my own disorder, haha.

Lastly, don't be afraid to use text wall me next time, no need to confine yourself to the tags lmao. I love interacting with people about this stuff, not just fandom stuff, but also character analysis and psychology stuff. And I did have an epic day thanks to you (did you read the part where I read your tags four maybe five times?).

Eclipse Character Analysis (Sun and Moon Show)

Alternate Title: Why I'm 95% sure Eclipse is a sociopath

A hopefully unnecessary disclaimer: - One, hi, hello I am a sociopath, I do know what I'm talking about. This also means that a lot of what I notice and will describe about Eclipse are similar or the same as my own experiences living life in this mortal realm. What I will touch on in the "redemption" section is heavily based on the kind of intensive treatment I had to get in order to improve my behavior when I was younger, so it's important to note that while Eclipse will never be able to change his personality (like how I can't change mine, and you can't change yours), he can change his thought patterns, mentality, and behavior. The saying that "sociopaths can't change" is specifically talking about how we can't change our personality, which is true for everyone. That doesn't mean we can't learn to function better in civilized society or be taught emotional awareness and morals. - Two, hi, hello this is just what I've noticed and does not mean it's canon unless Reed or Davis themselves come onto my Tumblr and go "Yes, this, this is what is correct", and even then, you're allowed to have your own opinions and views on these characters. I'm just theorizing here - Three, hi, hello I'm also a psychology student so I also know what I'm talking about in that regard too. I've been studying psychology and general medicine for three and a half years now, so I like to think I have some idea of what I'm talking about - Four, I use the terms sociopath, ASPD, sociopathic disorder, and anti-social personality disorder interchangeably since they all describe the same personality disorder - Five, this analysis is long, I cover the basics, an in depth, some potential scenarios, a redemption arc possibility, and some other thoughts I have about him. - Six, I made this disclaimer to address any potential misunderstandings, or harmful stereotypes that I tend to be confronted with any time I talk about ASPD. Now onto the good stuff!

Too Long; Won't Read - Here's a Summary

Attachment and Pride: Eclipse initially cared about Lunar, and his reaction to Lunar leaving suggests a fragile pride. His inability to connect with others is evident in his strained relationships with KC and Bloodmoon.

Masking Emotions: Eclipse keeps his darker thoughts to himself at the beginning, and throughout the show as well. He masks both his emotions, and his intentions throughout the show, and is careful not to show when people have upset or offended him. This behavior stems from a learned experience that letting his guard down leads to resentment.

Manipulation and Brash Communication: Eclipse is straightforward and brash when expressing thoughts, feelings, or opinions. He employs manipulation when needed but is mostly disinterested in others.

Boredom and Stimulation: He seeks reactions from people, often causing chaos for entertainment. Boredom, especially when stuck as an AI, prompts him to instigate situations for amusement.

Lack of Empathy: He also appears to lack empathy, as evidenced by his inability to understand emotions and his focus on getting reactions rather than connecting with others.

Touch Aversion: Eclipse's lack of physical affection aligns with the common aversion to touch seen in individuals with ASPD.

Remorse and Growth: Eclipse shows remorse only in instances where he hurts Lunar in the beginning of the show, indicating a potential area for growth. A redemption arc could explore his struggles without completely erasing his apparent sociopathic nature.

Writer's note: A thoughtful portrayal of Eclipse's sociopathy, should my theory touch on the truth, if continued in a storyline, could provide an authentic exploration of mental health challenges and personal growth. Care should be taken to avoid stereotypes (DON'T USE GOOGLE FOR INFORMATION ABOUT THIS I BEG)

Putting Him Under a Microscope - Full Analysis

1. Attachment and Pride:

Eclipse's initial connection with Lunar suggests a potential attachment, a notable aspect in individuals with ASPD who can form (highly) selective bonds. However, Lunar's departure significantly impacts Eclipse's pride. This reaction aligns with the fragile self-esteem often observed in those with ASPD. The departure becomes a perceived personal betrayal, triggering Eclipse's defensive response.

In individuals with ASPD, relationships often serve specific purposes, and Eclipse's attachment to Lunar may have been driven by a combination of genuine connection but also very clearly the utility Lunar provided in fulfilling certain needs or desires. (Which was helping Eclipse get the star of course)

Moreover, Eclipse's struggle with connecting to others, evident in strained relationships with KC and Bloodmoon, is a characteristic of ASPD. Individuals with this disorder often face challenges in forming and maintaining meaningful relationships due to their limited capacity for empathy and understanding of emotional nuances.

2. Masking Emotions:

Eclipse's tendency to keep darker thoughts to himself reflects a common coping mechanism associated with ASPD. Individuals with this disorder often learn to conceal their true emotions early on due to negative experiences when expressing genuine feelings. This learned behavior serves as a protective measure against potential backlash or social rejection.

The fear of vulnerability and subsequent consequences aligns with the interpersonal difficulties faced by those with ASPD. Eclipse's decision to hide his less socially acceptable thoughts is a strategic choice aimed at avoiding conflict and maintaining control over his image.

Professionally, the concealment of darker thoughts is recognized as a defense mechanism in individuals with ASPD. This protective facade, or 'mask,' becomes an integral part of their social interactions, allowing them to navigate social situations with greater ease. However, this constant need to mask one's true feelings can contribute to internal struggles and further isolate individuals with ASPD from genuine emotional connections.

One may ask, what 'darker thoughts' did Eclipse show, or receive backlash for? Well, let's see, when he was stuck in Sun for the beginning of his life, he was first confused, a bit scared, and completely disoriented. He was forgotten, and during the first parts we can see him trying to reconnect with Moon, however, his delivery, as individuals with ASPD tend to do, was brash. It didn't sugar coat what he wanted, and considering his earlier transgressions previously, they weren't taken well in the slightest. Instead of Moon trying to genuinely talk and explain, all he provided Eclipse with was "I changed, and you didn't." and in general was very annoyed and irate with Eclipse. There were several times during the beginning of Eclipse, where there could have been progress made with him, to help him work through his issues, his internalized fear of being forgotten again, and the accidental neglect, that just… didn't happen. Because Sun and Moon saw him as a virus.

Moon because Moon saw himself as a virus, so what else would he think of something that originated in his code, and acted like he used to? Acted like he still sometimes did, parts of himself that he didn't like about himself, living and breathing once again in the mind of his brother. Corrupting him.

And of course, Sun because he was just so tired and hurt and he finally thought he could have something only for this ball of code to make itself known? This peice of his brother that was left behind, that was formed from Moon's killcode? That was constructed from Moon's literal need to lash out, hurt others, and kill. I'm honestly a little horrified that this is never touched on in the show, because people aren't just born to be awful, that's not how this works. There were so many opportunities where toxic and awful behavior could have been stopped if it was handled properly.

Of course, I'm not blaming Sun and Moon. It's hard to help someone who doesn't understand they need help, and as a result the person won't want help either. Plus, they've said it themselves in the episodes where Lunar had returned from the dead. They were never programmed to understand mental health issues, and they have a hard enough time grasping the concepts of their own mental health issues to deal with other peoples. Especially other people who are actively hurting them, it's hard to feel sympathy for someone who causes you harm as far as I'm aware. (I personally wouldn't know)

But back to my main point, there absolutely were times in the beginning where Eclipse was just honest about his wants and desires, and was shown disgust and hatred for it. Which would absolutely make him be prone to masking, which he does a lot in the show from what I can tell.

3. Manipulation and Brash Communication:

Eclipse's communication style, characterized by being brash and straightforward, aligns with the speech patterns and tendencies often associated with ASPD. When he's not trying to pull a fast one over someone, he's very blunt, and he doesn't beat around the bush. Individuals with this disorder may utilize manipulation as a means to achieve personal goals or navigate social situations, but without a reason to sugar coat, they won't. Although sometimes not sugar coating is also employed as a manipulation tactic, which makes it tricky navigating conversation at times with sociopaths. Eclipse's lack of hesitation in employing manipulation reflects the calculated nature of his interactions, as we see him smoothly switch between fronts, acts he puts on to get people to agree with him.

His disinterest in others, apart from exploiting them for personal gain, is consistent with the self-serving behaviors commonly observed in sociopaths. The use of manipulation as a tool for control and amusement is a manifestation of the disorder's impact on interpersonal dynamics. When he contacts Moon for help with Killcode, even then he has his own motives that are only helped by Moon being distracted with Killcode, as well as having KC out of the picture.

Professionally, manipulation is recognized as a prominent feature of ASPD. Individuals with this disorder may lack the ability to form genuine emotional connections and, instead, view relationships as transactional opportunities. Eclipse's interactions, particularly with Sun and Moon, exemplify this transactional approach, where he derives amusement from creating chaos. This last bit (amusment) is important, and I'll cover it next.

Before I pop on over, this is where I'd like to touch on Servant Eclipse. He is very crafty, and very manipulative, but it doesn't fool Lunar, who he clearly cares about to some degree. (Again, will say it as many times as needed, people with ASPD can care about people, it's just a lot of effort at first, doesn't come naturally, and is reserved for a select few). Lunar in this reality probably knows Eclipse inside and out, and isn't fooled by the not very convincing "I'm just a husk now" act Eclipse is playing out with. I suspect that Eclipse also is aware the Lunar isn't fooled, but it amuses him to some degree to keep up the game. I can only imagine serving a "Lord Lunar" is a fairly excitable life, and it's unlikely he's extensively bored. He's also just as brash as the OG Eclipse, and doesn't sugar coat the truth, or tries to ease Gregory into topics.

4. Boredom and Stimulation:

Eclipse's constant quest for stimulation and amusement, even at the expense of creating chaos, reflects a key characteristic of individuals with ASPD. Boredom intolerance is common in this population, leading to a perpetual need for excitement and novel experiences. (Can speak from experience, I spend about 4-6 hours every day bored out of my freaking mind and it's absolutely torture - which is why I draw so much)

The portrayal of Eclipse as being "bored out of his mind" when stuck as an AI in KC's base underscores the challenge individuals with ASPD face in mundane or monotonous situations. The need for stimulation is a driving force behind their impulsive and sometimes risky behaviors. There's a certain kind of restlessness, and impulsivity associated with ASPD, very much an act before you think, get defensive when confronted, and maybe think about it two days later on the very small chance it triggers a sense of morals/remorse. (Then probably forget it happened, cause we are very good at not caring enough to remember half the stuff we do. This isn't a choice, by the way, people with sociopathic disorder just aren't wired to feel strong emotions like guilt and shame.)

Professionally, this behavior aligns with the clinical understanding of ASPD. Individuals with the disorder often engage in sensation-seeking activities to counteract feelings of boredom and emotional emptiness. Eclipse's enjoyment in hacking Moon's computer, causing reactions from Moon and Lunar, serves as an outlet for his need for stimulation and disruption, as well as fulfills other purposes in starting a conversation with Moon about KC.

And of course, now I get to touch on my two favorite things that just drill this in. When OG Eclipse gets the star… what does he do? He torments Sun and Moon instead of wiping everything away, and I'm aware this is mostly because he doens't have mastery over the star. But what does Sun say, when Eclipse shows up to torment them on top of the play structure. Something along the lines of, You're just bored at this point? Is that it?

And what does Eclipse do? He leaves. Because Sun is absolutely right, and it probably stings his ego to have someone he so fully has convinced himself of hating to be right about him. Even before he gets the star… just how much effort did he really put into getting the star? Sure, he had this big plan, but I think he was aware that the 'perfect world' would never make him happy to start with; he just felt the need to be something larger than life, so of course you must set the largest goals to achieve in order to be that. He could have gotten the star so much faster lets be honest. I fully believe he was just having too much fun messing with Sun and Moon, because it gave a reaction, and the reactions to his actions were exciting, breaking his boredom. He was bored a lot, stuck in Sun's head, stuck in Sun's body and pretending to be Sun, stuck as an AI, stuck with Solar Flare's AI fighting him, stuck being unable to use the star…….. seeing a pattern yet?

And of course, my second favorite thing. Lord Eclipse. Moon full out calls him out on how bored Eclipse is, and Eclipse first tries to deny it, then sees no tactical advantage to denying it, and admits that yeah, he is bored. He's been bored for ages and Moon is the first exciting thing in what feels like forever. He's not happy in his perfect world, but he isn't going to change is because that would cut his pride for Sun and Moon to be right about what he wants and needs after so many years. So many years of his Moon being dead. Of having Sun as an obedient servant, bound to his beck and call. He's bored, and it shows, and he knows that it shows.

5. Lack of Empathy:

Eclipse's consistent inability to understand and empathize with the emotions of others aligns with a central feature of Antisocial Personality Disorder (ASPD). Individuals with ASPD often struggle with recognizing and comprehending the feelings of those around them.

His focus on getting reactions rather than forming genuine connections reflects the hallmark trait of lacking empathy. Eclipse's interactions with Sun, Moon, and Lunar highlight his detached and indifferent approach, as he manipulates situations purely for personal amusement without regard for the emotional impact on others.

Professionally, the deficit in empathy is a well-documented aspect of ASPD. Those with the disorder may comprehend others' situations on a cognitive level but struggle to grasp the emotional nuances involved. Eclipse's inability to understand why Lunar is upset and his constant pursuit of reactions underscore the emotional disconnect inherent in individuals with ASPD.

Eclipse's interactions with Lunar provide a poignant illustration of his consistent lack of empathy. Despite a seemingly genuine attachment to Lunar in the beginning, Eclipse's emotional disconnect becomes evident as Lunar leaves. The impact of Lunar's departure on Eclipse's pride and subsequent defensive reaction highlights the absence of genuine understanding of Lunar's emotions. Eclipse struggles to comprehend the significance of Lunar's departure beyond a perceived personal betrayal, showcasing a lack of empathy toward Lunar's perspective.

Moreover, Eclipse's manipulation and attempts to provoke reactions from Lunar, even after Lunar has left, underscore his disregard for the emotional toll on Lunar. This behavior aligns with the typical patterns seen in individuals with ASPD, where the pursuit of personal amusement takes precedence over the emotional well-being of others.

Eclipse's inability to process and acknowledge his own damaged ego resulting from Lunar's departure further emphasizes his lack of emothional understanding. He doesn't want to admit that Lunar hurt him, so instead he just continues to shut it down, bottle it up, and let it churn into hatred instead of looking at what he did wrong. His resentment and refusal to acknowledge the emotional impact on Lunar highlight the emotional blindness inherent in individuals with ASPD, especially in the context of complex interpersonal relationships.

6. Touch Aversion:

Eclipse's noticeable lack of physical affection, as both seen throughout the show, and mentioned when Lunar clings to Sun and states that Eclipse never showed him physical affection, aligns with a common trait among individuals with ASPD. Touch aversion is a characteristic feature, as those with the disorder often lack the intrinsic desire for physical closeness or intimacy.

Eclipse's minimal physical interaction, even in what could be perceived as emotionally charged moments, is consistent with the general pattern observed in individuals with ASPD. The absence of hugging or comforting gestures suggests a limited appreciation for the emotional needs of others.

Professionally, touch aversion is recognized as part of the interpersonal challenges associated with ASPD. Individuals with this disorder may not instinctively seek physical connection unless it serves a specific purpose, such as manipulation or personal gain. Eclipse's avoidance of physical affection adds a layer to his character, illustrating how his interpersonal behaviors align with the clinical understanding of ASPD.

This aspect of Eclipse's character contributes to a nuanced portrayal of the disorder, showcasing how the lack of tactile expression can impact the dynamics of his relationships, particularly in situations where emotional support is expected. (Like seriously, even Sun and Moon hug when one of them are having an awful day, but Eclipse? He literally doesn't seem to understand why Lunar craves positive physical touch so bad, because he just… doesn't feel the need himself. You can never fully understand something you experience, and it's not like people were explaining these basic needs and wants to Eclipse… ever.)

7. Remorse and Growth:

Eclipse's occasional display of remorse, particularly in instances where he has harmed Lunar, offers a glimpse into a facet of his character that deviates from the (BAD DOWNRIGHT AWFUL) stereotypical image associated with ASPD. While individuals with ASPD are often poorly and harmfully characterized/stereotyped by a complete lack of guilt or remorse, Eclipse's moments of internal conflict suggest a degree of emotional complexity.

Professionally, the intermittent remorse aligns with the recognition that individuals with ASPD may experience moments of internal conflict, especially in relationships that hold personal significance. Eclipse's struggle with whether to apologize after hitting Lunar reveals a brief internal debate, questioning the severity of his actions against Lunar's emotional response.

However, Eclipse's ultimate decision not to apologize, driven by his failure to perceive the significance of Lunar's distress, reinforces the inherent challenges in navigating emotional landscapes for those with ASPD. This internal conflict and eventual dismissal of remorse contribute to a more realistic portrayal of the disorder, highlighting the ongoing tension between impulsive actions and moments of potential introspection.

Should Eclipse undergo a redemption arc, these moments of internal conflict could serve as a foundation for growth, illustrating that while individuals with ASPD may grapple with moments of remorse, their ability to sustain lasting change remains a complex and challenging journey. Of course, I'm going to cover this as well.

Redemption and Recovery

Eclipse's potential redemption could be approached with an understanding that a complete overhaul of his personality is near impossible, because as psychology has shown, you don't just change your personality. However, nuanced growth and positive change within the framework of his behaviors and thought patterns can be explored.

Increased Self-Awareness: Eclipse could undergo a process of heightened self-awareness, acknowledging the impact of his actions on others. This could involve introspection into the motivations behind his behaviors and the consequences they entail. This won't be something he does on his own, he's going to need someone behind him, pushing him to be better. Preferably someone who has no majorly poor history with him for the best results.

Therapeutic Support: In a realistic redemption arc, Eclipse might engage in therapy tailored to individuals with ASPD. This could involve developing coping mechanisms, enhancing emotional intelligence, and learning healthier ways to navigate interpersonal relationships. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is a very affective type of therapy for people with personality disorders, or collections of disorders that combined provide the complications of a personality disorder.

Recognizing the Value of Relationships: Eclipse could gradually come to recognize the value of genuine connections beyond their utility. This may involve acknowledging the significance of relationships for emotional support and personal growth. This is going to be a process, and he will mess up. He will forget. It's something he will have to choose to work with in order for it to work, and even then he will make mistakes. It will be important to have patience with him, and instead of lashing out (cause that can cause a spiral back into poor behavior), working on these slip ups with him, and helping him relearn the significance of correcting it when he messes up.

Empathy Development: A full restoration of empathy is be unrealistic, Eclipse could work on developing cognitive empathy—understanding others' perspectives intellectually, even if not emotionally. This could improve his ability to navigate social situations more effectively. (This is what I do! <:happy_stim:867544047735275521>)

Establishing Boundaries: He should learn to set healthy boundaries in his relationships, understanding that manipulating and exploiting others for personal gain may provide short-term satisfaction but is detrimental in the long run.

Contributing Positively: As part of his redemption, he could find avenues to contribute positively to others' lives. This could involve utilizing his unique skills for constructive purposes, fostering a sense of accomplishment outside of manipulative endeavors.

Maintaining Accountability: Eclipse's growth would involve a commitment to being accountable for his actions. This includes acknowledging mistakes, making amends where possible, and actively working towards minimizing harm to others.

Embracing Personal Growth: Eclipse's redemption arc could focus on embracing personal growth within the constraints of his personality. It's about acknowledging that while he may not fundamentally change, he can adapt and evolve to lead a more balanced and fulfilling life.

Potential Future Scenario: Eclipse Apologizes

Brought to you by someone saying that Lunar would refuse Eclipse trying to apologize, but I respectfully disagree, and here's why.

I think that if Eclipse ever does apologize to Lunar, Lunar would have literally no choice but to accept, because we’ve seen early on that he does not apologize

To genuinely apologize and acknowledge his wrongdoing would be major character development that would take a lot of time and struggle to get to that point, based on my theories/analysis about him

So by the time he can actually, truthfully apologize, there would be evidence to prove his struggle with his own twisted nature, and probably how he failed at times during the journey, and had set backs and road bumps. The others would have most likely seen the effects and effort it takes to learn to change for him, and would most likely acknowledge that he’s being truthful.

If Lunar doesn’t accept at that point, if it ever got to that point, Lunar would be acting irrationally due to emotional complications, would probably just hurt Eclipse when he’s trying to be better for his brother, and would most likely set him back. There’s a very destructive pattern of thought when it comes to personality stuff (which is what I think Eclipse struggles with, a specific personality disorder I’m writing a comic thingy about), because you can’t change your personality. You can’t will yourself to be a certain way, and so it’s very easy to destroy progress people make on self improvement. So lunar refusing the apology would most likely not only hurt Eclipse’s pride (like it was hurt when Lunar left his side the first time) but would also further his belief of “why bother if they won’t accept the fact I’m trying for them” that he’d probably struggle with throughout a period of character growth.

Lunar’s smart, and pretty emotionally aware. He can be petty, but if Eclipse were to get to that point, I don’t think Lunar would refuse it because he would have already seen the struggle and effort Eclipse had put through just to get to that point

Logically, Solar would be the best person to help Eclipse, not Earth

This is partly copied/pasted from some conversations and does analyze Solar a bit as well

I really honestly doubt that Earth is going to be able to help him, if he comes back, and I’m suspecting that Solar would do a better job because he’s the only who can understand, properly, the absolute hell that was waking up inside of Sun’s mind with no idea what’s going on and how he got there. Earth can be sympathetic and show him pity, but that’s not going to help him very much at the end of the day. He doesn’t want sympathy, he doesn’t want pity because he has associated that with being weak and out of control. He needs some one who will understand him, and who will fully understand how one small thing changed so much due to the snow ball effect. Which Solar would understand. He’s “nice eclipse” after all, aka just an Eclipse without such bad formative trauma. So he never spiraled, but he’s just as blunt and analytical as Eclipse tends to be, and would be able to actually communicate with Eclipse about his issues since it’s a situation he could have easily been in had things gone slightly different

Solar is probably the only one who can understand, and I mean properly understand, Eclipse’s trauma and bottled up emotions. And I think that if they’re going to give Eclipse someone who will support him, they should do Solar. He’s got all boxes checked

The ability to fully understand Eclipse

No bad history with Eclipse that would really affect how Eclipse treats him (It’s not like Eclipse knows he built the satellite)

Similar base personality, his just wanted warped and twisted in the start, but if you strip away Eclipse’s issues, they’re practically the same person… for obvious reasons

The willingness to say what needs to be said, and not try to sugar coat. Earth would try to let Eclipse down easy about stuff, ease him into it, and he’s gonna see that as her being manipulative because that’s how he manipulates people. He needs someone who is just going to lay things out on the table

And of course, Solar most likely wouldn’t think Eclipse is too far gone to change. Because how do you think that of yourself? And they are the same person, just from different perspectives. It’s a similar dilemma I have to just writing off Eclipse, when I take him apart and see myself staring back at me. But I was able to improve, it just took work, and it took a situation dire enough to get me to realize that if I didn’t want to ruin the few things I cared about, I needed to get my crap together. And that’s probably what he’s gonna need to, something that threatens what he cares about to the point he realizes that this can’t go on. (And I’m suspecting that something will be control over his own life, just like it was for me.) We saw at the end of his life, that he was starting to self reflect and realize that he needs to change somehow, and this was because his control over his own life was being threatened I suspect.

Extra, Smaller Analysis on Solar and Eclipse

It is important to note that Solar doesn't have this issue (ASPD), and I believe it's because he didn't suffer the same beginning that Eclipse did. They resolved the Solar issue when he popped into existance very quickly from what we can tell, and so he wasn't left in the dark for months on end, left to stew in his own agony and emotions. Personality issues are caused by trauma, and specifically ASPD is directly tied to neglect during the most crucial formative stages in development. Sun and Moon had no idea Eclipse was there, and didn't mean to abandon him, because they didn't know he existed. But this complete, and utter abandoment, what is probably internalized as a personal betrayal because I can imagine Eclipse being destroyed by the idea that Moon left him behind on purpose. Which is just… not a good thought for my man to have, because that leads to feelings of worthlessness, and self-hatred for not being 'good enough' to keep/take care of/help. Which then just snowballs into other negative emotions, that gets him all worked up, and then he's fuming at the fact that they left him. That they decided he wasn't worth keeping around, and how dare they make that decision about him for him?!

You can see how it gets out of hand quickly, as he realizes the neglect he's suffering from, the abandonment he's facing, and the fact that he's now trapped. That Moon got to escape, but he can't and it's not fair. This is the perfect breeding ground for that funny little disorder called sociopathy, and boy, there's almost nothing at this point that can convince me that he doesn't have it because it's all just a little too perfect. And the worst part?

I really really doubt it was done on purpose, but holy heck it would be so cool if it was. Not just because of how beautifully crafted it is in his character, how it's so consistent and real, but also because if it was done on purpose, it would show that the writers took the time to do real research about a disorder that is so often done so poorly, and is commonly confused with a completely different issue (psychopathic disorder). Even knowing that it probably wasn't done on purpose, I'm still gonna just cling to him because I love him and I want him to get the happy ending he deserves. And I mean that genuinely, people who are suffering and lashing out because they're drowing in hate due to unfortunate circumstances that were really out of their control deserve to be given the tools to improve themselves and their lives, and it would be wonderful to see this sentiment reflected in the show.

Wrap-Up Ramble/Writer's Notes

This is, of course, my own personal observations, and it is definitely a lot to read. I had a lot of fun constructing this thread, because it is so rare to find a character that I feel I can properly connect to. I've struggled with a lot of the patterns Eclipse has shown in the show that I've called out, and I've had to go through the steps in the 'redemption arc' section myself. It's not an easy process, and as I mentioned, him realistically improving is going to be a process that is going to be draining on himself, and the people around him. He will have to wake up and choose to go against the walls he's thrown up around himself every single day if he's going to have a realistic redemption, and it's going to be exhausting. But I do genuinely believe that he can change, and improve, because I was able to change and improve as a person. It took time, years of intensive self examination and cognitive based therapy, and it required a strong support system. Which hopefully, if he comes back to the show, he can obtain, because otherwise he will continue to drown in his own bitter stew of resentment for others and himself. And that's no fun, that's just depressing.

A lot of people look at Eclipse and think the villain, but I just can't. His actions make him a bad person, but taking apart the psychology behind him, and seeing how glaringly similar a character is to you that is supposed to be the 'bad guy'… I want him to be able, if he comes back, to get the proper 'recovery arc' that he deserves, and I really hope that if they do try to save him from his own demons, they do it properly, instead of giving him a complete 180. Because you can't change your personality, and Davis and Reed seem to be aware of that with Moon. Even when old Moon tried to be better, he was still an awful person. And the 'new' Moon is still eerily similar to the old one, and as the time goes on, he just becomes more and more like the old one. Because it's the same AI, he just lost his memories. He didn't do a whole personality change because he got his memory card wiped, because he's the same person where it counts. He just has the benefit of not having all of the pain his past self was carrying. He's free of the hurt, and trauma, and self hatred old Moon carried, but he's still Moon.

So I'm really hoping that they continue to accurately display psychology in their characters if they bring Eclipse back, because it is such an immersive show due to the fact that it makes sense. These things make sense psychology wise, their behaviors, actions, patterns of thinking and speech. And I really am looking forward to seeing if they bring Eclipse back because he's such a beautifully constructed character.

You Made It

This is the end of my massive post. Congratulations if you made it this far. If you did, uh, the password is Dorito. Leave it in the comments/reblogs to let me know you made it, haha.

I'd love to see people's thoughts on this and on him, so feel free to leave your thoughts as well in comments/reblogs. I'll try to reply to every single one I see. Again, I love his character so much, it's so well crafted, and it was so fun to take this apart.

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greasy-nuggets · 6 years ago

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some thoughts

I’m so fucking tense right now, I can’t even think straight. Just thinking about all the deadlines I have and the shit I gotta do... And I’m a problem solver, y’know? So my first instinct is to try and figure out what what’s causing this. Usually I’m a much calmer and more rational person, so there has to be something abnormal going on. But what?

I have this habit of taking a combination of L-Tyrosine, L-Phenylalanine, and Mucuna Pruriens extract in the morning, which are basically all amino acid precursors to dopamine. So I guess the point is to restore depleted dopamine levels, resulting in increased energy and motivation. I have ADHD, so I’m chronically dopamine-deficient (as the theory goes), which is why I specifically would benefit so much from these supplements. So that’s the theory. But in practice, it doesn’t do much for me. So then why do I do it? I guess I have an addictive personality.

For example, I used to be heavily addicted to caffeine, even though it made me feel horrible in just about every way. But I kept guzzling energy drinks and popping caffeine pills because I felt like I needed to feel something. Eventually I managed to quit but that’s another story. Another example: I take melatonin every night, and while I often take breaks, I can’t reliably stay off of it. And it’s not like I’d say I’m addicted, per say. But I just love that feeling of falling asleep without significant effort. Like without melatonin I’m up for at least an hour before I can fall asleep, and it’s such a fucking relief to not have to go through that ordeal.

Am I addicted to dopamine precursors? I should clarify, I do feel something, it’s just not a lot. Like a bit of increased alertness, roughly five minutes after taking them. But there could be some dangers to taking them that I’m not aware of, idk.

There’s a part of me that says I’d be better off without any euphoriant substances whatsoever in my life. Because now that I have this idea in my head that I can take something to feel good, there is less of an incentive for me to pursue higher forms of mental and emotional well-being (e.g. exercise, romance, dancing to music, socializing, reading, etc). Because ultimately those higher forms are more pleasurable than what I get from supplements and weird herbal teas. But the problem is that it’s so much easier just to take something to make me feel better than to go to the gym, or ask out a pretty girl, or read a book, or pretty much anything else.

Sometimes I feel like if I were a hunter-gatherer I might be better off. They say ADHD is an adaptation that allows for any given social group to have a certain percentage of members that are always pursuing a new task. For example, there’d be the guy who’s picking berries for five minutes, then helping someone build their hut for five minutes, then fashioning an arrowhead for five minutes, etc. Because in that sort of society, having a diminished attention span could actually be a benefit. But today, in a developed country, as a college student, it doesn’t work as well. There are no berries to pick, no huts to build. The majority of my work at college involves sitting still. Which I am not super into. But on the other hand, I did choose to dedicate four years of my life to going here, so I’m clearly planning to get something out of this.

I think so much of my choosing to go to college had to do with needing more time to explore myself before I enter the “real” world. The classes are a big part of it, but there’s so much more. The pseudo-independence that allows me to feel individualistic while still being supported by my parents, the opportunity to learn valuable interpersonal skills, the-- fuck man, I don’t know! Maybe I shouldn’t be here! Maybe I need to drop out of college, go back to my home town, and spend eight hours a day studying foreign languages until I become proficient enough in them to pursue work as an interpreter. But something tells me I’m doing the right thing. And that’s what keeps me going.

Cheers,

Oliver

#rambling #adhd #bored #supplements #clowncore #college #tea #addiction #health #life #philosophy #talk to me #lonely #anxiety

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psychobender · 6 years ago

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The Principles of Excelence - PREME

Also known as 20 principles (Because you need to have the 10 basic ones for these to have some significant effect), these were designed and perfected to make you a sort of a genius. Not really an Einstein but definately standing out from 99% of the population if not more (Results are really inconclusive here because there are so few people who reach these milestones I can’t even research them correctly. Results here are solely based on logic reasoning and evidence from what I observe from me and 3 other friends of mine). Also valid to anyone but most useful to people who love their work.

1 - Self Learner at his/her favorite specific area (Inside Science, Arts and Philosophy)

About 20% of the people researched had an area in which they liked to study by themselves, but keep in mind... I’m talking about borderline self learner. Most people had hobbies and things they enjoyed doing and knew a bit more than the average person but few of them grasped a professional level of the skill. Also, keep in mind that no one had all the basic principles, which hurts a lot the use of the principles of excelence(The ones presented here).

To acquire this one, you must take the first step into becoming a self learner. Studying at least through wikipedia, youtube and using at least 6 of the 9 types of teachers (Refering to the types of teacher’s theory here). This is also about conditioning. Training yourself to be, at the very least, the best and using different tools to measure your progress (Even if it’s done subjectively) such as competing internally with someone you know or admire from afar. Do this until you map everything there is to know in the area. For instance, in Education I need to understand Neurology, Pedagogy, Andragogy, Geragogy, Heutagogy, Epistemology and the art of teaching on a very deep level to consider myself a well travelled educator.

If you fail this one, everything else is going to be either useless or just mildly helpful, as it’s not gonna give you the individuality enough to detach yourself from other people who just don’t study.

2 - Impossible to break your self esteem (Insults, constant failures, hard situations...)

Out of 68 people, only 2 had an actual unbreakable self-esteem. It’s understandable because of the dificulties you can find on this one such as depression, bullying and traumas. These can all make your climb a little rougher than it is for someone who doesn’t have these problems.

To be capable of having AND maintaining an unbreakable self esteem you need to look at your problems from a perspective of “How can I absolutely obliterate this problem to the point on negative existence?”. You must see every single problem you have as an obstacle to be demolished and turned into pasta by your own self, but of course, that also requires training and conditioning. To train that you’re going to need to tackle problems in every possibility and make sure you’re eating, sleeping and thinking well to actually muster the energy to do so in such intensity.

If you fail this one, your learning is going to suffer as depression creeps in, axiety feeds itself on your problems and people around you start to demoralize you away from your goals. It’s a horrible thing to see something like this happen when you don’t have any of these principles, imagine a full blown self learner giving in to such events. Tragic at the very least.

3 - Scientifically active

This is by far the most common on this list because the research has been done in people generally in their college years. 61% of people are in constant contact with some area of science. But then again, it’s College “Science” mostly. I admit defeat on the formulation of this question but if it serves of any cleansing, from my observations (I litterally asked everyone about every single item after the research was finished) I can remember of 20-ish people who are into some kind of science but none of them are actively going for it. Just sort of absorbing easy content. Not really critically thinking about every scientific article they read... in many cases not really thinking about any article they read. Most of them don’t read beyond the headline, oh my god humanity is doomed D:

To be properly active in regards to science you need to plan your studying or at least have a plan being followed intuitively. Not intuitively watching stuff.. Having. A plan. Being. Followed. Intuitively. Pay very close attention to those words because I mean it in every tiny technicality. Now this is also something that requires a bit of love and conditioning to what you’re doing. You need to look at every article as if they were trying to mislead you from the actual truth. Not only because this is often (Very often) the case but because this is going to make your argumentaation skills and reasoning skills a bit more robust when it comes to criticizing your own fallible brain. Once your realize how much and how often scientific articles lead us to the wrong or very questionable conclusions, it’s easy to be skeptical of all of them.

If you fail this, you will be ever more prone into falling for something such as Reike (Which claims to be quantum phisics but BOY AIN’T THAT A BLATANT LIE). Also, your knowledge is not really going to progress in terms of knowing what happens in fact. You might be great at applying techniques or intuitively applying what you already know but without your constant re-evaluation, these skills only leave you at a mediocre pro level.

4 - Has a plan where the worst case scenarios always happen and you are still fine.

10 out of 68 of the researched people said they knew exactly what to do in case everything goes wrong. Once again. None of those have got here without failing at least 5 principles. But to be perfectly fair and honest I do not know how true this is. I just imagine that if people don’t have their lives planned, they’re not going to have the worst case scenario planned. That would exclude 64 out of the 68 people. This plan is about considering the worst case and planning a way to make the worst case scenario be lucrative (Libertarian meaning of lucrative here).

To acquire that you only need meditation and rational planning. Think about your job opportunities, how much money you’re going to make (Worst case) and how much you need to survive and get by without losing any of the principles or losing yourself to desperate measures. You only get to live once, so it’s better to plan each charted course and each careful step along the byway.....If you caught that reference, please message me. To condition yourself to plan you gotta see your life as batman sees the fate of the planet. He has a plan to kill/neutralize every member of the justice league in case they go rogue. That is why I informally call this principle the “batman vaccine”. Because you plan your life just like batman plans his missions. Always 10 steps ahead.

If you fail this principle there’s no telling if your plans are going to be realized any time soon. Are you going to leave it on the hands of lady luck and pray for everything to work? News for you buddy, god doesn’t care about your plan. Make sure you remember that.

5 - Has a lucrative plan to follow (Open a business, plan a big shot at success or anything of the sort)

Nobody did this one. But realistically speaking, this is the hardest of them all. Preparing a plan in case you hit success and be prepared for it? Not even successful people are ready once it hits them. But there’s a saying that you need to remember for this one. “Luck is when opportunity meets preparation”.

To acquire this one you have to plan, test, research and plan again until you polish everything. Ask opinions from experts and non-experts to know what they think about it, your family, etc... Every opinion helps and if you manage to get a specialized one, perfect. But that requires more than just dedication and conditioning. It also requires a metric fuckton of time to study all the probabilities and come up with something that is realistically very good. This means that when people are just chilling you MUST be studying or at least meditating on your opportunities to come up with a better plan. Then you have to polish it a lot. I, for instance, spent 10 hours of my day doing that for some solid 5 years give or take. So, again. This is not easy but it’s something that needs to be done in order to produce wealth (Not money).

If you fail this one, everything you worked for so far is going to feel underused. It’s going to help a lot and it’s certainly going to take you places but nothing is going to make you more proud than a good carefully planned...plan...This sort of motivation is going to be lacking. Also, it’s a good amount of dopamine each time you get a positive answer from someone who you asked the opinion on it.

6 - Free of jealousy, hatred, possessiveness, authoritharianism and social constructs that lead to limiting the freedom of others in any way.

No one passes this one. The majority of people passed possessiveness, less people passed hatred, even less people passed authoritarianism but no one could beat jealousy. Although Jealousy varies from person to person and 2 people can live with jealousy all their lives, it would be unwise of me to cut it out since it is something that limits your your freedom as well. Also it makes you feel bad.

To acquire this one you need tons of conditioning because social constructs are not easy to get rid of due to the amount of positive reinforcement we receive everytime we do them (Even possessiveness has a niche where it is acceptable and welcome). First you need to rationally look at each one and ask yourself: “What does this do to me and the people around me?”. If you have freedom as a principle of yours it should be easy to reach the conclusion that they are all bad. Some worse, some less worse, but in the end all bad. And everytime someone recompensates you for a toxic behaviour you need to either stop yourself at the moment and think about it or take it to the bed and meditate on why you did it before sleeping. (Only do the second one if you have good control of your sleep, otherwise you might lose some sleeping hours.

If you fail this, you’re probably not gonna be a very good person to be around because of all the things you push into people. Some people can take it no problem, but it’s always better not to. You may even become the classic utilitarianist villain who wishes well to the world but does absolute harm. (Thanos is a good recent example of it)

7 - Able to use the Non-Violent Comunication from Mashall Rosemberg.

Surprisingly, 5 people out of 68 knew about it, but it’s understandable for people not to have or be able to use because of how specific it is but in reality, some people do it naturally because it’s something that we evolved to do well. Marshall Rosemberg explains the dynamic of it very well. It’s a way to solve personal conflicts. The objective is to understand what a judgment is, avoid it and express exclusively needs and feelings while taking responsability for your own feelings.

To acquire that, you’re gonna need to watch the man or ask someone who already knows how it works (Maybe a psychologist). After that you’re gonna be looking at everything and extracting the feeling and the need behind the judgment which really helps you become a more peaceful person. Train that skill so that you never get into a personal conflict again. Doesn’t require so much time in fact. A few days of practice should be more than enough, but it gets perfected with time.

If you fail this one, aside from still having personal behavioral conflicts bursting here and there, you might use judgmental words to describe things or people and that takes away the responsability you need to have towards your own feelings. Also it’s going to hurt your descriptions of anything cause you won’t be 100% accurate when differentiating subjective, judgmental and objective words and affirmations.

8 - Is always looking for the truth, not confirmations to one’s own beliefs.

Alright, so how can I even tell if someone is looking for confirmation, not the truth? Simple, it’s on how they start a debate or discussion. Whenever you start a discussion with certainty, it shows the lack of your questioning. For example: We want to discuss weather we should allow people to buy guns or not. If the person starts the conversation with an affirmation saying “I think we should because (...) Don’t you think?” This person is looking for confirmation. If the person starts the debate with something along the lines of “Why should we ban it?” it means the person is willing to listen the other’s opinions and evidences. This looks like a given but very few people actually approach a problem looking at it with an investigative mindset. The scientific mindset, to be specific.

To acquire this you just need to rationalize it. Most people are very accepting to the idea of being convinced to the other side, at least on the discourse. You can just start every discussion with a question, instead of an affirmation. A question is gonna give you much more information. Always confirm what you understood with the person like “Let me see if I got it right, (say what you understood)”. Do it everytime you wanna debate something and you should be conditioned in a few months.

If you fail this one, what is to say that your ideas are true? What if you’re believing in a lie? A misunderstanding? Misinformation? Indoctrination? It is one of the most crucial skills and one of the few who pay off really well regardless of what other principles you have. Of course, if you have the other principles, your studies are going to be of absolute quality.

9 - Pushes the boundaries between what is known, not known and misknown subjectively (Be it in art, science or philosophy)

This is a privilege of very few people but it’s actually the core lesson of properly learning. You have to look at everything with a grain of salt. What usually happens is people try to learn something and they go to the most respected people in the area but this is NOT the first step you should be taking. Doubt is an essential part of learning.

To be able to do that, you gotta deconstruct the idea that your teacher/professor is telling you the truth (Which, from my personal experience, is rarely the case). Humans are fallible and so are your teachers, besides, his views are probably shadowed by his own beliefs and values. He doesn’t come into class asking what you think of something, nor starts the class with an investigative mindset. (If he does, he’s a good teacher going very much against what he is supposed to in our current common educational system). You’re the one who has to go after it. Don’t trust opinions. Don’t trust facts! Instead, investigate how someone reached a certain conclusion and see if that is enough for you to reach the same conclusion, if it’s not, make an argument against it, present to other people, debate and discuss, look for more evidence. If you learned by trusting facts because the academia or someone respected said so, start from scratch and do all of this one time. Whenever you feel like it, do it again. Do it enough times and you’ll be thriving of your own education.

If you fuck this up............................BOI. You’ll be just like everyone who’s attending college, only a little more knowledgeable about things, but since you won’t be able to say how you reached every single one of your conclusions, they will be effectively worthless if you want to make any progress. They will add up to the fallacy of appeal to authority once you leave college though..

10 - Understands and speaks the world most spoken language (Currently english)

Now, people are very familiar with english, at least in Brazil. They can mostly understand it really well, speaking is the real problem. It’s important to understand english nowadays because most of what the planet has to offer in terms of information is written in english.

To learn that you’re gonna need to change your mindset of studying because unless you’re studying something specifically for one Brazilian or your native country’s region such as in the cases of studying the history of a specific place but then again, how important is that when compared the the whole fucking planet? Basically you need to understand that everything you look for is going to be better in english. From youtube to wikipedia to google, people from all around the globe produce english content. So change your research habits to english, your cultural preference to english (Be honest they already are) and get some friends from around the globe. Facebook, omegle, even habbo counts... Reddit would be the best choice though.

If you don’t learn english you’re going to be missing out 90% of what science, arts and philosophy have to offer to you and I believe that is bad enough.

Now let’s say you worked your ass off and got everything rationalized, conditioned and tested. How can one go beyond that? First of all, my goddamn congratulations for you cause that is definately not an easy or fast task. Now besides having access to all of that information, knowing how to learn properly and learning how to live life to the fullest in every sense... Go specialize yourself even further. Try to be the best at something. Now, enjoy your life, start your carreer and wait for the principles of the specialist to be posted here. At least there are just 8 of them.

#Preme #Principles #Andragogy #Education #School #Rules

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intexttheoutsideworld · 6 years ago

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Review: Ant-Man and the Wasp (2018)

That's not how physics work.

Ant-Man and the Wasp is an American superhero movie directed by Peyton Reed starring Paul Rudd (Scott Lang), Evangeline Lilly (Hope van Dyne), and Michael Douglas (Hank Pym). It is based on the characters and storyline created by Marvel Comics, and is a direct sequel to the movie Ant-Man which was released three years prior. In addition, it's also part of the larger Marvel Cinematic Universe. Therefore, the movie takes place two years after the events of one of Marvel Studios's most successful movies Civil War (2016) wherein Scott is enlisted to help Captain America and his friends go up against Iron Man and his friends. Ant-Man and the Wasp deals with the fallout of the aforementioned fight and the legal repercussions that Scott has to endure because of it. However, as his house arrest draws to an end, Scott is forced to break the law once again in order to help the people whom he let down by having gone out on his own to assist Captain America in the fight. The movie focuses on Scott finding a way to accomplish both goals without comprising either his freedom or his chance to mend his broken relationships in addition to finding Hope's—his love interest and one of the people whom he let down—mother who is stuck in the quantum realm.

Going into this movie, I didn't really have any expectations for it. I just wanted to see if they would all fade away into grey particles at the end of the movie. (Spoiler alert: they don't disappoint.) However, I still left the movie theatre feeling more or less disappointed by the movie. I don't think I can really review this movie without revealing at least some spoilers so consider yourself warned.

Peyton Reed returns to direct the Ant-Man sequel after having taken over the original movie's project back in 2015 when Edgar Wright left because of "creative differences." And I gotta say, without the slight hints of Wright's visual comedy and glimpses of the version of the movie which he wanted to make shining through in the final product, the sequel to Ant-Man comes off as being pretty tepid. Ant-Man and the Wasp is your favorite but warm beer. It's the prettiest dress in the store but is also several sizes too large. It's that one last bowling pin you can't knock down. It's the type of movie Mindy St. Claire would be allowed to watching while living in The Medium Place. (The Good Place is also one of the best TV Shows out there so go check it out.) In short, Ant-Man is two steps away from being the next Civil War for me but it's too… passable of a movie for me to hate it.

And yes, I hated Civil War. Come at me, bro.

I'll start by listing out the two most common MCU movie problems which Ant-Man exhibited with gusto and which I thought weren't that glaring or at least bothersome until now:

They have terrible villains.

The excessive amount of jokes in the movie, especially the ones positioned at moments which are supposed to be intense or emotional, more often than not undermines the seriousness of the situation in a negative way, and therefore, bear a high risk of making the movie fail to suspend the audience's disbelief.

There are three main groups of people out to get Scotty and Co.: the FBI, the high-tech-parts-selling/greedy/murderous/morally-fucked/we're-doing-bad-things-because-we're-bad gang, and Ghost and Bill Foster. The FBI is keeping a keen eye on Scott because of his direct involvement in the Civil War fight and they're after Hope and Hank because it was their tech that Scott used in the fight in Civil War and any association with any person that's affiliated with Team Cap is against the Sokovia Accords and is considered to be against international law. There's this whole expositional soliloquy that the Special Agent in charge of Scott's case gives to his kid during the first fifteen minutes of the movie that's passed off to be a humorous moment so if you don't get it now, you'll get it when you see the movie… I guess. Then there's the high-tech-parts-selling/greedy/murderous/morally-fucked/we're-doing-bad-things-because-we're-bad gang (we'll just call them the HTPS/G/M/MF/WDBTBWB gang from now on) who is out to get them because they want their shrinkable lab because $$$ and. Well. The HTPS/G/M/MF/WDBTBWB gang is pretty self-explanatory. They're the filler villains used as a plot device so we can have dangerous action scenes and kill them off without feeling like we have a moral obligation to feel bad for them. It's a win-win situation, you see.

Then, we have Ghost (aka Ava, played by Hannah John-Kamen) and Bill Foster (Laurence Fishburne) who are also after Scott and Co. for their lab. You see, the lab in question is used as more or less of a MacMuffin in the movie and if you think about it too much, the logic behind it will start to unravel. Shit like "How did the HTPS/G/M/MF/WDBTBWB gang know that Hank and Hope had the lab to begin with? Sure, they had an inside informer in the FBI but if the FBI had already known that Hank and Hope had such a lab, you'd think that they'd have somehow figured out a way to track it down. Or, you know, issued out a warning to people that should they see a fucking SHRINKING BUILDING or a building that's suddenly enlarged SEVERAL THOUSAND TIMES ITS ORIGINAL SIZE or an abnormal indent on the ground that looked like something really big and heavy with a flat bottom had been pressed down onto it and disappeared, they should contact law enforcements immediately" will start to surface in your mind and you'll go fucking crazy. So just don't think about it.

The motives that drives Ghost and Bill are, to some extent, understandable. Back when Hank was still working for S.H.I.E.L.D., he and Ghost's dad were working on a research project together that ended up in an explosion which killed both of Ghost's parents and fucked her up. So now, her molecules are always tearing themselves apart and stitching themselves back together over and over again. It's supposedly a very painful thing to have to endure but we don't really feel or see that pain because the actress makes Ghost seem like low-rent Bellatrix Lestrange. In regards to Bill Foster, he just happened to encounter her when she was a little kid in a chance meeting and decided that he wanted to help her. He also happens to hate Hank because they were once partners and Hank was supposedly a dick yada yada yada. We also got a shot of Bill stating seemingly innocuously that he hates Hank that's meant to serve as a sort of foreshadowing to the revelation of him being the one who's been helping Ghost all this time but it falls short in my opinion. The directing is just off and I think that's why a lot of the emotional undertones of the scenes in the movie completely flew over my head.

Anyways, back to the topic at hand. Despite their rather well-established backstories, I have a lot of problems with the Ghost and Bill's storylines and their execution. Things like: how the fuck would the extraction of quantum energy from Janet (Hope's mother, played by Michelle Pfeiffer) help Ghost to repair her molecules in any way? Yes, she's been in there long enough that you can posit that she's absorbed a good amount of “quantum energy” (whatever the fuck that is), but how the fuck is one supposed to extract such a thing from a living, breathing person? Is it like extract essence from a living organism? How the fuck do you go about it? How did Ghost and Bill come up with this hypothesis? Why did they decide to steal the lab and the last part that's needed to get the Quantum Tunnel working at the same time? Why not just, I don't know, fucking wait until they've finished building the tunnel then attack them while their guard is down? In addition, at first when Hank and Hope responded to their (insane) plan of extracting quantum energy from Janet with: "No! Are you crazy, you could kill her!," Bill shouted back: "You don't know that!" (These are not direct quotes, guys.) And he was right, they didn’t. But then the movie just moves on to treating the plan as if it would actually kill Janet no matter what anyways? Um, excuse me? You can throw a bunch of physics lingo around in the movie and expect the audience to just take it to mean that the characters are smart but not show the characters contemplating the viability of Ghost and Bill's plans like the smart, rational scientists that they all supposedly are before scratching it off as being impossible and them being the evil ones? Well, here are some pretty useful science-y lingo for you, too: "margin of error," "confidence interval," "the normal distribution," "risk calculation and management," "statistics." Seriously, they're fucking scientists. Don't just rule out a hypothesis without having done a proper null hypothesis test.

I don't want to keep hating on this movie because Marvel movies are one of the few sources that I have left through which I can get my dopamine production pumping, okay? That being said, both Bill and Ghost’s character development sucks balls, man. I don't want to go too deep into it but the characters' beliefs and stances keep flip-flopping back and forth. Bill's on Ghost's side but when she threatens to do some vague, harmful thing to either Hank's and Scott's daughter (I can't remember which one she threatened), Bill turns on her and tells her that he can tolerate a lot of the things she does but not that. And honestly, I'm like???????? What have you tolerated? Can you please expound? What has she done that's made you uncomfortable but because you feel a bond to her, you just let it go? Why don't you want Ghost to do the vague, unspoken thing that she threatened to do even though you've been able to tolerate most of the things she's been doing? Is it because that's just one step toward the darker end of the morally grey area that you don't want to make? But didn't you hesitate to give Hank the medicine he supposedly needed for his illness or else he was going to die even though you obviously needed him to be alive in order to execute your plan? I'm not sure but I think Bill also threatened kill someone if they didn't do what he said.

On top of all of that, we never really see the bond between Bill and Ghost. They're not friends or whatever kind of deeper relationship the movie is trying to push. They're more like acquaintances helping each other out because they're after the same goal which severely weighs the movie down in terms of getting the audience to develop any kind of attachment to these characters and their relationships with each other. This aloofness impacts the movie pretty poorly in terms of attempting to establish an emotional connection with the audience but it helps with the logic of the movie's plot development in the sense that maybe it's because Bill isn't as committed to his initial goal and to Ghost that he does a pretty half-assed job in trying to achieve that goal for the rest of the movie. I'm not sure if I meant that as a compliment or a criticism. Maybe a little bit of both? But then if you think about it in terms of character development where a character undergoes changes in their beliefs and perspective then if the movie did intend on Bill not having that strong of an attachment to Ghost and their goal from the start as opposed to Bill having had a change of heart mid-movie then… the writing of his character is pretty shitty. Moreover, even if they did intend on writing his character to have a slight change of heart after the stunt Ghost tries to pull, then the writing and execution of his character is still shitty because we have no build-up to Bill being fed up with Ghost's antics and he still goes on to help her anyway up until the end of the movie where he just… gives up? Honestly, Sharpay's Fabulous Adventure has better character development than this; and we haven't even touched Ghost's character development yet.

Okay. So. I don't get what the fuck Ghost's character is supposed to be. I don't mean that in terms of what her character is supposed to be doing as a function in the movie or what her character on paper actually is. I'm talking about who Ghost is supposed to be as a person. What's she feeling? What's her motivation? Her trend of thoughts? At the beginning of the movie, I see an unknown entity kicking ass. Cool. Then, when she's revealed to be not all that and is actually struggling, I see a person whose life force is leaking from her existence and is, therefore, understandably doing the good guys wrong because she's afraid she's going to die. Great! She sounds like such an exciting and intriguing character. Fast forward and we see her staring at Scott like a fucking lunatic after having knocked out and bound Scott and Co. up. I wasn't kidding when I said John-Kamen's portrayal of the character is the low-rent version of Bellatrix Lestrange. Right then, I thought… okay… she's a little kooky but that could work…? Spoiler alert: no, it fucking doesn't. Why? Because any sympathy I've started to develop for this character gets thrown out the window when the following dialogue insinuates that one of the reasons why Ghost and Bill are doing what they are doing is because Hank Pym fucked them up and so, they're spiteful and are more or less seeking revenge. Oy, vey. After Scott and Co. escapes with the lab, Ghost proposes that she goes after [insert correct name here because R.I.P. my memory]'s daughter which further clues the audience in on the lengths that she is willing to go to achieve her goal. Therefore, it further paints her as being more of a ruthlessly vindictive antagonist rather than a sympathetic one. The movie rides this coat of paint for her character all the way to the end when Janet and Hank returns from the Quantum Realm and Janet heals Ghost with her quantum healing powers (don't worry, we'll get to that in a bit). Then, Ghost tears up and becomes meek and fragile and docile.

Look.

I know what tone that they were striving for in regards to Ghost. I do. They're trying to make her into a desperate character who's doing all of these terrible things because she's not in her right mind—remember, she is supposed to be under a lot of pain all the time. However, the script doesn't convey this well at all and John-Kamen's terrible performance doesn’t help. We can't feel her pain, we can't sympathize with her or her partner Bill. In addition, Ghost's motivations for doing the things she did falls apart when you consider the fact that she once made a deal with S.H.I.E.L.D. in order to have herself killed because the pain was too unbearable. Despite that fact, the movie proceeds to tell you that she's going through all of this trouble and attacking all of these people because she knows she's going to fade away in a couple of weeks and die. If she wanted to die, why didn't she just wait it out? Her actions throughout the movie points to the answer: she doesn't want to die, either because she's scared of the notion or because she sees an alternative solution to her situation. So, she’s fighting for her survival—which makes sense. However, because she's barreling through all of these people and is willing to go to extreme lengths ensure her mortality, the line of logic just turns back to pointing toward the conclusion that she's a ruthlessly vindictive cunt. Of course, you can use the loose argument that maybe the movie is creating a character that's more realistic in the way that her decisions and thoughts and personality is complicated and shit. Because, you know,

But, here's the thing.

This is a movie and a movie needs to character narratives and plots and shit like that because

Prime example: Boyhood (2016) dir. Richard Linklater.

IT JUST DOESN’T. OKAY?

Gifs originally posted by: crazyexedits

Lastly, if the decision which the character makes is a random one that's an anomaly given the context of their decision making history, then sure, it can be overlooked. But when most of the decisions which the character makes are based on the same logic and are in the same vein as each other, then it's a pattern and a pattern always reveal something about the character no matter what. Therefore, once again, I posit that the movie just fails spectacularly in trying to make Ghost a more fleshed out villain. However, at the end of the day, it's just sad to watch it unravel on screen because goddamn it, my precious dopamines.

Talking about things unravelling, I can't not mention my fucking suspension of disbelief. Guys, I've bought into almost every single Marvel movie out there, okay? I don't have a problem with turning my brain off in exchange for a good time. But when the logic is so glaringly bad that it impacts my commitment to getting those dopamines zipping through my brain, then we've got a problem.

Fucking quantum healing powers. I'm sorry, I just can't. You don't just mix hard Ant-Man science with Dr. Strange voodoo magic. Sure, nobody thought that a talking tree and a raccoon would end up making people big bucks, but there are some lines that you just don't cross. You can't tout your movie as being science-y and make your characters spout all of these physics lingo then have one of your characters possess healing powers. I don't care if they're quantum healing powers, and I don't care how much you've pushed the narrative that "she's been there so long she was able to soak in all of that quantum energy goodness" throughout the movie. It just shits on every ounce of effort I was putting into trying to keep myself engaged in the movie because my suspension of disbelief up until then had already been mauled by watching over-ten-stories-tall buildings without any foundation shrinking and enlarging and badly written dialogues that could have easily been put into literally any other action/thriller movie and try-hard jokes.

Also, y'all need to stop putting "quantum" in front of everything.

Hey, I fucking took Marvel's bait for Dr. Strange like it was nobody's business so don't go telling me that I'm a no-fun motherfucker who doesn't know how to just chill and enjoy a movie. And don't say that it's just a stupid movie made for kids, just let it go, because I've praised Marvel for their attention to detail and meticulousness when it comes to producing a movie that not only does well in the box office but is also technically good. Of course, the quality of their movies vary from movie to movie but I've always held Marvel in relatively high regards in terms of their technical execution of their material. Therefore, to have experienced Ant-Man and the Wasp and found it subpar to most of Marvel Studios's previous projects, I'm mostly just saddened (and somewhat enraged) by the missed potential for this movie.

Lastly, there are two end-credit scenes. Stay for the middle one. Leave before the last one unless you really like enlarged ants playing drums.

Final verdict: 2.5/5

Sidenote: No fucking wonder the script is fucking lackluster. Five different people worked on it, jesus fucking christ.

#ant-man and the wasp #peyton reed #paul rudd #scott lang #evangeline lilly #hope van dyne #movie review #jfc send help

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beautifuljellyfishnightmare · 3 years ago

Video

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"Definition Of The Blues!" G-HEART Live! #Acoustic #NewMusic #CountryMus...

“Beatin’ The Blues!”

Ya know crew, one of the best ways for beatin’ the blues is playing or listening to the Blues! Any sad song that allows you to feel or relive the emotion vicariously should do the trick!

You see, as any good Therapist will tell ya, you gotta get it out and when ya do yer Croc or reptilian brain is gonna kick you out some good Brain Chem: Oxytocin, Endorphine, Dopamine & the like! And you is gonna feel much better for doin’ it!

Then once you get a decent Brain Chem happening you will automatically REFRAME your viewpoint and expectations of your future! And guess what, you just employed the #1 means & methods of Psychotherapy: Acknowledging & facing the problem not just rationally but emotionally & then Reframing your situation!!!

Voila! The Blues Beats The Blues!!! Uh oh, sounds like there’s a song in there don’t it, so I better go write it ‘fore I forget! So long Pilgrims!

“3 Chords & The Truth!”

“The Evolution Connection!”

Griffinheart - P A T R E O N

“The Happiness Place On Earth!”

All Questions Answered!

GRIFFINHEART PATREON Q&A! MILLION DOLLAR PSYCHOTHERAPEUTIC HEALTH & FITNESS! FREE!!!

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w4nderingstarfanfics · 7 years ago

Text

Monsters

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Category: M/M

Fandom: Overwatch (Video Game)

Relationship:

Reaper | Gabriel Reyes/Soldier: 76 | Jack Morrison

Characters:

Reaper | Gabriel Reyes

Soldier: 76 | Jack Morrison

Jesse McCree

Summary: Gabriel and Jesse have been taken by hunters. Jack is determined to save them.

Read on A03 http://archiveofourown.org/works/13411284

The knife missed Jack’s artery by millimeters. He pivoted, ramming the butt of his rifle into the Order member’s solar plexus. There was gasp. Jack followed the assault with an uppercut to the jaw. The Hunter flew back and crashed to the floor.

Jack whipped up his rifle and scanned the room. That was three, where was number four? A sharp yip cut through the sudden silence. Jesse!

Jack sprinted toward the sound. He came around a corner into another room in time to see the final Hunter raise a thick piece of pipe above his head. Jack barreled into him from behind, tackling him to the dirty floor.

“Get off me!”

A kick to the gut sent Jack rolling. Spots burst in front of his eyes as he struggled to catch his breath. A metal pipe hammered his back, sending bolts of pain through him. He dropped to the floor.

“Traitor,” the man spat. He hammered Jack’s back again.

Jack curled into a ball as pain ripped through him. Wild yapping made him look up. A scruffy coyote, too big to be natural, strained against a chain tying it to the floor. A heavy, metal choke chain around its neck glistened with fresh blood, but still, the beast fought against it.

Jesse, Jack tried to say, but all that come out was a wheeze. He was too old for this. Three centuries too old.

Jesse yipped and barked, thrashing on the end of his leash. Blood dribbled down his chest. The Hunter stepped over Jack, heading for Jesse. He raised the pipe over his head. Jesse’s ears went back and his golden eyes widened. Despite the fear, he bared his fangs at his captor.

Something snapped in Jack’s mind. Damn this old body! He shoved himself to his knees, grabbed the dropped rifle and threw it. The weapon smashed solidly into the back of the man’s skull. He stumbled, dropped the pipe, and fell. Jack leapt on top of him, yanking a cord of rope from the pouch on the back of his belt. With long practiced ease, he tied the man’s hands behind his back.

“Filthy traitor,” his captive gurgled through a broken nose. “Why turn your back on your own kind? They’re monsters!”

Jack wiped his bloody mouth with the sleeve of his jacket. “Only monsters I’ve met are men like us.” He gave the broken face a swift kick and sent the captive to unconsciousness.

All he wanted to do was sink down and rest. His back ached from the pipe, his legs hurt, every old wound seemed to throb. But he was on a mission. The dangerous part was yet to come. Jesse whined, breaking him out of his thoughts. He approached the sandy-colored coyote.

Jesse laid his ears against his skull and shuffled back, tail tucked.

“Easy, kid,” Jack said, sinking to a kneel and slowly taking off his gloves. “It’s just me.” He stuffed the gloves into his back pocket and held out a hand. “Come get a sniff and remember.”

Tail still tucked, Jesse took a hesitant step forward. Jack stood still, waiting out the animal instincts. Carefully, Jesse prowled closer, nose sniffing. The wet snout touched Jack’s hand. Jesse’s tail came untucked and his ears swivelled forward. The long tongue darted out and lapped at Jack’s scared fingers.

“Attaboy,” Jack said, rubbing the spot behind the big ears that turned the kid to mush.

His fingers found a bloody lump of matted fur. He searched and found the choke chain digging into the kid’s throat. Magic bit at him. A warding spell? For a baby skinwalker?

“What did those animals do to you?” Jack ignored the razor sharp pain of the ward digging into him and unbuckled the collar.

Jesse sprang away like a jackrabbit, shaking from head to paws. Jack inspected the collar and chain. The wicked metal spikes gleamed with wet blood. He tossed it away.

“You’re safe now, Jesse. I need you to change back and tell me where they’re keeping Gabriel.”

The coyote whined softly, motioning with his paw for Jack to move back. He gave the kid his space. Jesse turned his back to Jack and sat, hanging his head. Jack hated this part.

Jesse shivered, his pelt rippling like it itched. Clumps of fur fell off him. The tawny skin became lose, wrinkles appeared. Jesse whimpered, laying down and curling into a ball. His whole body convulsed and began to swell.

Jack looked away when the cracking started. Seeing bones breaking themselves apart and rejoining once was more than enough. A pang of sympathy squeezed Jack’s heart. Once the cracking stopped, the ripping started. Jack turned back to watch and see if the kid would need any help.

The form that lay on the ground looked nothing like man or beast. It was a lump of flesh and bone. A human hand tore its way out of the lump, grabbing ahold of the flesh and ripping a chunk off. Jesse yelled as the flesh tore. Another hand appeared and both ripped and tore off strip after stip. Slowly, a human emerged from the gore.

The naked boy tried to stand, but slipped in the piles of discarded flesh.

Jack was at his side in a instant, catching his arm and steadying him. “Easy,” he said.

Jesse jerked away, baring his blunt, human teeth in a snarl.

“Easy does it.” Jack put up his hands to pacify him. “Just me.”

The golden gaze darted around the room. “The Hunters—”

“Got it handled,” Jack said. “You’re safe now.”

After a moment, Jesse deflated, all the fight leaving him in a rush. It was the times after his transformations where he really looked his scant seventeen years. Jack took off his jacket, slowly draping it around the boy’s shoulders.

“Thought I was dead for sure this time,” Jesse mumbled, pulling the jacket close around himself.

Jack brushed aside the shaggy brown hair and inspected Jesse’s neck. Usually, all wounds but the deepest vanished when he changed skins. There was a pattern of bruises and punctures around Jesse’s throat where the collar had been. How could they do this to him?

“Bastards,” Jesse mumbled, leaning against Jack. “I didn’t do nothin’ to ‘em. Just out with Gabe minding our own, not hurting nobody.”

Jack carded his fingers through Jesse’s hair. “I know, kid.” Relief and guilt gnawed at his heart. “You didn’t do anything wrong. You didn’t deserve this.”

Jesse weakly grabbed Jack’s shirt. “You gotta get Gabe.” It was almost a plea. “Jack… they ain’t fed him this whole time.”

Jack’s guts tightened into a knot. “Damn it.”

“I heard ‘em teasing him,” Jesse said. “Saying they was gonna throw me in with him and see who was hungrier.”

Jack checked his growl before it could escape. “I’ve got some meat sticks and ration bars in my bag back in the truck.”

Jesse shook his head. “Idiots thought starvation would break me. They don’t know a lick about what I’ve been through.”

But Jack did. Even if Jesse had been used to starvation, that wasn’t his life now. Jack never wanted it to be his life again. “Get to the truck, kid. I’ll get Gabriel. Where are they holding him?”

Jesse pushed away from Jack’s embrace, standing on legs as wobbly as a newborn foal’s. “Got an iron cage in the secret back room.” He padded on silent feet deeper into the lair. He stumbled and wove back and forth. Jack didn’t insult him by offering a shoulder to lean on. Jesse was like Gabriel that way; proud.

Jesse stopped at a wall and slid up a hidden panel. He punched in a few buttons and the wall slid open. “He’s in here.”

Jack’s eyes took a moment to adjust to the gloom. Slowly, he made out a cage on the far side. Bastards. Gabriel thrived on sunlight. Jack stepped inside and felt for a light switch. He found one and flipped it on.

Gabriel lifted his head and Jack’s breath stopped. They’d made a muzzle of iron and strapped it around his mouth. They’d collared him with a choke chain of spikes that dug into his skin. Manacles chained his wrists to the floor. His dark hair was greasy from a week of captivity. His perfect body was marked with bruises. But beatings hadn’t diminished him. He held his royal head high, eyes piercing as a big cat on the hunt. Jack had never wished to harm another human as much as he wanted to exact revenge on the four who had done this to his husband.

Gabriel’s blood chilling stare relented. “Jack?”

Summoned, Jack strode across the floor to the door of the cage. He dropped to a knee and inspected the lock.

“Jack… no,” Gabriel said, his voice hoarse.

“I can pick this,” Jack said, reaching into his pouch and pulling out his tools.

“You can’t come in here,” Gabriel sarled.

Jack selected the hook pick and inserted it into the lock. “Tough. I’m coming in.”

“I’ll kill you.”

Jack glanced up. Closer now, he saw the bloodshot eyes, the extended fangs through the bars of the muzzle.

“How long?” Jack asked, trying to remember the exact day when Gabriel had fed last.

“Too long,” Gabriel whispered. He tipped his head to the side and inhaled like he was oxygen deprived. “You smell good.” His eyes fluttered closed. “Delicious.”

Gabriel’s Voice slid into Jack’s ears and flowed into his brain like a dopamine rush. Rationally, he knew that was creepy. Dangerous. But that Voice made him want to strip and lay every inch of himself out like a buffet for Gabriel to sample.

“Stop,” he ground out, “or I’ll break my tools.”

Gabriel shook himself, chains rattling. “Jesse!” he snapped. “Get Jack away from the door. Keep him away from me.”

Jesse whined and shuffled forward, clutching the jacket around his too skinny frame. “You heard him. Step away from the door.”

Jack didn’t even need to look at him to see through the false bravado. Jesse was weak as a pup after changing skins. And even if he was back to his full strength, Jack still vastly outmatched him.

“Sit down before you pass out, kid.” He rotated his torsion wrench and the lock clicked open.

Jesse swayed to a stop and sat down.

Gabriel shivered. “Jack. Do not,” he growled.

“Don’t start with me,” Jack said, letting himself into the ten by ten hellhole.

“Leave!”

Jack froze, rooted to the spot as his will battled Gabriel’s Voice.

“It was—” Jack began, forcing all his effort into the simple task of speaking. “At the full moon… that you… fed,” he spat the words.

“Turn around,” Gabriel snarled, shifting back until he had pinned himself in a corner. “Get out.”

Jack caught himself turning and stopped. He grabbed hold of the bars to keep the Voice from winning. It was times like these he wished he had magic of his own. But all he had was stubbornness and love. They’d have to do.

“Gabriel… the full moon… rises tonight.”

“I know.” His Voice waved and dropped away. “That’s why you have to go.”

“It’s why I’m not leaving.” Jack knelt down in front of his husband and inspected the collar. Needles of magic stabbed at his hands over and over. He grimaced and did his best to ignore it.

“Magicked so I couldn’t mist away,” Gabriel spat. He leaned in close, nostrils flaring as he sniffed.

“Focus,” Jack said, pushing Gabriel’s face away.

“Unlock me but leave the muzzle on,” Gabriel said. “Take Jesse and run. I’ll feed on the bastards that did this to us.”

“No you won’t.” Jack inserted the pick into the lock of Gabriel’s collar.

Gabriel snarled, the sound ringing in Jack’s chest. “Why won’t I?”

“Because you’re better than them,” Jack said, working the tumblers of the lock as the ward numbed his fingers. “You don’t prey on the weak or unaware.”

“They deserve it,” Gabriel snarled, shaking his head, his long mane of curls swaying over his shoulders.

Instinctively, Jack ran his fingers through them. Gabriel turned and looked him in the eye, his fiery spirit tempered for a moment.

“I know they do,” Jack whispered. “But you don’t have to lower yourself to their level. Not when you have a willing donor.”

The lock popped open. Jack carefully removed the collar. Gabriel shook himself as the device clunked to the floor. Jack inspected Gabriel for any damage. The collar had left similar bruises and puncture marks to the ones Jesse had.

Gabriel tensed. “I’ll kill you.”

“You won’t.”

“I will,” Gabriel snapped, pulling away from Jack. “I’m hours from death. Everything inside me is screaming in hunger. I won’t stop.”

“You will.” Jack reached for the manacles.

Gabriel jerked away. “Don’t free me!” He sounded desperate. “I’d rather die!”

Jack patiently followed after Gabriel until he had him pinned in another corner. He held Gabriel’s wrists and picked the lock.

Gabriel lunged. He barreled into Jack, knocking them to the floor. Jack winced as his back protested, but he didn’t fight back. Gabriel shuddered from head to toe, his hands clamped tight on Jack’s wrists.

“Shh,” Jack soothed. “It’s okay.”

“It is not!” Gabriel roared. His red eyes glowed like he was lit from within. It was gorgeous. “I’m starving, Jack. Not hungry. Starved. If you take off this iron, I will rip your throat out, consume every last drop of blood, and—” His voice broke and he hung his head. “And I will have lost you for good.”

“That’s not going to happen,” Jack said. “You’ve fought off starvation before and didn’t kill anyone.”

“That was different,” Gabriel snarled.

Jack shook his head. “It’s not. Listen to me. You are stronger than any human or teyollohcuani. You’re a king, Gabriel, a base emotion could never get the better of you.”

Gabriel’s eyes locked with Jack’s. “You have never felt hunger like this,” he rasped. “You have not felt every second of time pass in the marrow of your bones and know your doom is moments away.” He opened his mouth, fangs extending. “This is more than hunger. This is survival. This is millions of years of evolution distilled in a single urge to bite.” He snapped his teeth closed.

Jack smirked up at him. “Have I ever told you that you get dramatic when you’re hungry?”

Gabriel hissed. “This isn’t funny.”

“You’re not a beast, Gabriel. You’re a teyollohcuani. Proud, strong, and you will overcome evolution.”

“Do you have a deathwish?” Gabriel asked.

“I do,” Jack said.

That seemed to startle Gabriel into silence.

Jack closed his eyes. “You’ve never hurt innocents. You’ve never broken your vows. You haven’t stood aside and let innocent beings be slaughtered. I have.” He opened his eyes again and found Gabriel staring at him. “If I am to die, I want my death to do something good.” He reached up and put his hand on Gabriel’s cheek. “I could think of nothing better to die for than to save you.”

“No.” Gabriel growled. “Do not die for me, Jack. Live with me.”

“If you don’t feed from me, you die,” Jack said.

“If I feed from you, you’ll die,” Gabriel said.

Jack brushed his thumb along the perfect cheekbone and smiled up at him. “I trust you.”

“Don’t.”

Jack slid his hand up behind Gabriel’s head and pulled the buckle free.

“No!”

The muzzle fell away. Gabriel stared down at him, eyes wide with fear and hunger. Slowly, Jack ran his hand back down to cup Gabriel’s cheek. His husband trembled, fighting himself to remain calm.

“Shh,” Jack soothed again. “I won’t fight. Just breathe. It will be okay.”

“Please,” Gabriel whispered leaning closer, fangs extending. “Please run.”

“I love you. I’ll do anything to protect you.” Jack closed his eyes as Gabriel lunged, his mouth closing around the artery in the side of Jack’s neck.

He hissed, fight or flight instincts kicking in as Gabriel’s fangs sank into his throat. He resisted the urge to panic. The sharp fangs punctured his throat and retracted. Blood gushed into Gabriel’s mouth. He growled, sucking at the wound. Jack grabbed the back of Gabriel’s head.

Most Hunters swore getting bitten by any vampire-like creature was like getting impaled by knives. But after the initial pain, it wasn’t bad. Like a pair of shots. After the bite itself, it felt like bleeding out. He’d done plenty of that in his life. Jack pet the back of Gabriel’s head. Normally, he only needed a mouthful or two, but he was taking a lot.

“Gabriel,” he whispered, getting dizzy. “Gabriel… that’s enough.”

The hand on his wrist tightened its grip. Gabriel snarled, biting into Jack’s neck and forcing blood out faster. Jack’s eyes fluttered closed.

“Gabe!” Jesse yipped. “Stop!”

Jack opened his eyes as Gabriel’s head snapped up. He snarled at Jesse, baring his fangs, claws extending. No. He couldn’t go after Jesse. The kid didn’t stand a chance. Jack reached up and took Gabriel’s face in his hands. Gabriel looked down at him, hair falling into his face. His eyes had a wild, haunted look in them.

“I’m here, cariño,” Jack whispered. His voice sounded weaker than he imagined. “I’ve got you. It’s okay.”

Gabriel ignored Jesse and latched back onto the bloody throat. Jack pet his back with a shaking hand. A wave of drowsiness lapped at his mind. He was so tired. He’d been hunting down Gabriel and Jesse’s kidnappers for a week without rest. A beating had knocked the fight out of him. He just waited to lay here with his husband and sleep. That sounded wonderful.

“Tired,” he whispered in Gabriel’s ear. “Just going to….” His hand dropped away and flopped to the ground. “Rest for a minute.”

“Jack!” Jesse’s voice was far away.

“It’s so’kay,” he slurred, closing his eyes. “You’re both safe. That’s all that….”

Everything swayed. He felt weak. No, not exactly weak. More like he wasn’t made of solid matter. It felt like he was a balloon, trying to float away but held down. Was this death? Strange. Wasn’t anything like humans had said it would be.

“Jack.”

Someone was calling his name? He should answer. But he was so warm and cozy. He just wanted to sleep.

“Jack, please.”

Well, they had said please. He groaned, trying to force his eyes open. It felt like his eyelids were full of lead. There was a sharp intake of breath. Something hot appeared on his cheek. Jack nuzzled into it.

“Please, open your eyes.”

Slowly, Jack did as he was told. His eyes took forever to open. His vision was fuzzy and dark. As it cleared, he realized it wasn’t dark, but that someone was leaning over him. He tried to blink the sleep from his eyes. Warm lips pressed against his forehead and kissed him.

“Thank the Mother you’re alive.”

Jack racked his foggy mind. Who was Mother? The warm hand brushed his hair back. Jack blinked up at Gabriel. His mouth and chin where bloody, but he looked good. His skin seemed to glow with health, his curls were silky and inviting. Jack smiled.

“You’re beautiful.”

“And you’re an idiot,” Gabriel snapped. “A simple minded, stubborn, idiot!”

Jack closed his eyes and tried to remember why Gabriel would be mad at him. Jack had trailed the bastards that had taken them and then—Oh yes. “Did you get enough to eat?”

Gabriel’s eyes widened and his nose crinkled as he pulled his lips back into a snarl. “I almost killed you!”

Jack closed his eyes and smiled. “But you didn’t.”

“I should have,” Gabriel snarled, clutching Jack to his chest and rocking them back and forth. “I should have and I don’t know how I didn’t, you stupid, stupid fool. Don’t ever do that to me again! Don’t you ever try to give your life for a monster!”

Jack reached up and smacked him. Or rather, tired to smack him. He was too tired to put much effort behind the blow. It got the desired effect. Gabriel stared at him.

“You are not a monster,” Jack growled. “Don’t ever say that again.”

“Jack—”

He slapped him again. “I called you that terrible word when you’d done nothing to deserve it. I killed and tortured because someone told me those like you were monsters. But the only monster here is me.”

Gabriel grabbed Jack’s hand when he went for another slap.

“No.”

Jack blinked at him. No what?

Gabriel brought their foreheads together. “A monster is unrepentant. It harms with no conscience, no reason. It does not feel guilt or remorse. Your heart feels everything. You are no monster.”

“Gabriel….” Jack rested his head on his husband’s chest. “You are too kind to this old man.”

“You are my mate, Jack.” Gabriel kissed his forehead. “I would not have fallen in love with you if you were a monster.”

Jack was too tired to fight him. Barely, he registered that Gabriel had lifted him up and was carrying him. His pride quailed at the idea that he would be carried anywhere while conscious. He silenced that part of his mind. Jesse was all right. Gabriel wasn’t moments from death. So what if his husband had to carry him? He turned his head into Gabriel’s chest with a smile. Their family was together again. Nothing else mattered.

#Reaper76week #reaper76week2018 #mythology #alternate universe #Hunter!Jack #supernatural!gabe #supernatural!Jesse #blooddrinking

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mittensmorgul · 8 years ago

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5.11: or, hey this pairs up interestingly with 12.11, doesn’t it?

And 12.15, come to think of it, since one of the three monsters Dean had killed at the beginning of the episode was a wraith, and we haven’t really heard much about wraiths in the intervening years, aside from that time in s6 when Eve was trying to make the perfect hybrid monster...

And speaking of perfect hybrids and monsters, have I mentioned s12?

*waves hello at Dabb screaming at me from the past again*

(not to mention the three monsters in 12.15 were El Sol creatures-- who either present a false version of reality themselves (ghouls taking on the identity of the last person they consumed), or have the ability to alter their victim’s perceptions of reality (djinn and wraith). Loss of identity is central to all three of these particular monsters.)

(and I’ll say it right here at the top of this post, loss of identity is my own personal biggest fear, and the thing I personally find most horrifying)

(and I think Dean feels the same, and not just in the sense of the “legacy” he’s wondered about leaving behind, but in a very real and present sense as the potential vessel for the archangel Michael, who was bred to be nothing more than an “angel condom.”)

And this entire episode bends reality right around, the one time Sam and Dean were entirely honest and open about their lives... and used that honesty to have themselves committed to a mental hospital.

SAM: Okay. Look...um...last few weeks, you've kind of been worrying me. DEAN: (rolls his eyes) Oh, come on, Sam. Stop. Look, just because we're in the loony bin doesn't give you the right to head-shrink me. SAM: Dean-- DEAN: Ellen and Jo dying--Yeah, it was a friggin' tragedy, okay? But I'm not gonna wallow in it. SAM: Dean, you always do this. You can't just keep this crap in. DEAN: (chuckles) Watch me.

Dabb loves to pick at this aspect of Sam and Dean’s relationship: Dean internalizes and Sam demands that Dean deal with his feelings by externalizing and discussing them. But Sam never really opens up about his OWN feelings, and instead spends most of his time trying to pressure Dean into talking. And round and round we go.

Dean DOES open up here, to a shocking degree... too bad he’s literally talking to himself here, to a figment of his own imagination, like his vision of “Benny” in 10.19.

Because from the moment the wraith examined them and infected them with her touch, they’ve been unwittingly manipulated to her will. Like Dean in 2.20 was under the djinn’s spell without realizing it, or under the siren’s spell in 4.14, or jerked around by the trickster in 2.15.

DR. CARTWRIGHT: Why do you have to hunt monsters? Why not let someone else do it? DEAN: (shrugs, smiles) Can't find anybody else that dumb. (thinks for a moment) It's my job. Somebody's gotta save people's asses, yours included. DR. CARTWRIGHT: So, is there a quota? How many people do you have to save? DEAN: All of them.

But Dean’s already been forced to “see” things that aren’t true and has been misled into believing that Dr. Fuller is the wraith, which leads to increasing mental instability for Sam and Dean, which leads to increasing limitations on their movement and ability to function. Because mental hospital where they seem to be getting mentally more and more unstable, because of the wraith’s influence provoking them into it...

What we do get a very good look at is some of these fundamental differences between Sam and Dean... Sam’s inherent underlying anger and his occasional disconnect from reality...

DEAN: I'm not crazy. SAM: Well...come on. I mean, you've been at least...half crazy for a long time, and since you got back from hell, or since before that, even. I mean, we're in a--we're in a mental hospital. (laughs) Maybe-Maybe you finally cracked! You know, maybe now you are really...for real...crazy... DEAN: I made a mistake, that's all. I'll find the thing. SAM: Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know. I know. SAM puts a hand on DEAN'S shoulder. DEAN looks down at SAM'S hand. SAM: It's okay. Hey, hey. Look at me. DEAN looks at SAM. SAM: It's okay...because you're my brother...and I still love ya. DEAN nods. SAM pokes at DEAN'S nose. SAM: Boop!

Just when Dean lets himself believe he’s not crazy, his own subconscious succumbs to the wraith’s venom and he completely loses touch with reality. He learns the “doctor” he’s been talking to all this time was never real, when she hurls every wrong thing he’s ever done back in his face from breaking the first seal all the way up to getting Jo and Ellen killed... all those things he keeps buried just so he can get through the day rise up to the surface to assault him all at once. All that guilt and horror is only magnified by the wraith venom and twisted back on him in a vicious loop that leaves him practically catatonic, trapped in this sick cycle of failure within his own mind.

*hi there, psychosis, my archnemesis*

All those protective measures Dean’s constructed for himself, hell half the Performing Dean persona he wears so often, is basically one long string of coping mechanisms to deal with all this shit. Granted by s12 he’s truly come to accept a lot of the things he used to blame himself for, making that Performing Dean mask less personally necessary for him a lot of the time. But all that guilt does often rear its ugly head no matter how tight a control Dean might try to keep over it. In 12.18 that came blatantly to the surface, manifested because of his guilt and worry over Cas.

Sam, meanwhile, after the drugs used to sedate him after his attack on Dr. Fuller, seems entirely sane and rational. He apologizes, asks for a second chance, and is genuinely regretful of his actions. So the doctor relents... with conditions.

And under the wraith’s influence, he hallucinates Dean accusing him of everything HE fears the most:

DEAN: (faces SAM) It's not the demon blood, Sam. It never was. SAM: What? DEAN: The problem was you. It was always you. The lies...your arrogance...the black spot on your soul.

EVERYONE appears to attack Sam at once, and he lashes out at them, fighting off all these invisible attackers... because that’s what they are. As much a figment of his imagination as the doctor laying on all the guilt.

Dean’s reflex reaction to that vulnerability is catatonia, Sam’s is violent anger.

But Dean sees Sam’s outburst, that he’s literally fighting against nothing, and despite being completely under the influence of the wraith, not to mention whatever psychotropic drugs they’ve put him on to control his “symptoms,” he still manages to put the pieces together. Crazy is the clue.

DEAN: (crouching next to MARTIN'S bed) Okay. What if this thing doesn't just feed on the insane? What if it makes people insane? (begging for clarification from MARTIN) Is it possible? Does that seem real?

Despite still being froot loops, Dean (like in 12.11 sans memories) still manages to track down the wraith...

WRAITH: Crazy brains. They get soaked in dopamine and adrenaline and all sorts of hormones and chemicals that make them...delicious. And the crazier they are, the better they taste. SAM: You did this to me! WRAITH: Well, I helped. But that rage? No, no, no. That's all you. I don't make crazy. I just crank up what's already there. You build your own hell, but I give you the Legos.

Dean fights her off and kills her, but the message sank home for Sam:

SAM: Most of the time, I can hide it, but...I am angry. I'm mad at everything. I used to be mad at you and Dad, then Lilith, now it's Lucifer, and I make excuses. I blame Ruby or the demon blood, but it's not their fault. It's not them. It's me. It's inside me. I'm mad...all the time...and I don't know why. SAM is very anguished and exasperated. DEAN steps closer. DEAN: Stop. Stop it. So what if you are? What are you gonna do? You gonna take a leave of absence? You gonna say yes to Lucifer? What? SAM: No, of course not. I-- DEAN: Exactly. And that's exactly what you're gonna do. You're gonna take all that crap and you're gonna bury it. You're gonna forget about it, because that's how we keep going! That's how we don't end up like Martin! Are you with me?

Because Dean’s still burying a kernel of the guilt and fear and worry about all of this ^^, and Sam’s definitely still burying some of that anger. But they’ve found better ways to deal with it than just burying it. It’s the fuel that keeps them fighting now.

And these issues might be things that are still underpinning who they are as people, but hell if coming to an understanding and acceptance of everything that made them those people they are today, that finally defeating some of those inner (and external) demons has been able to bring them a little bit of peace over the sacrifices they’ve made, and the cosmic forces that they’ve finally gotten out ahead of for once in their lives.

#spn 5.11 #s12 meta rewatch #spn 12.11 #performing dean #sam vs reality #sam sympathizes and dean empathizes #spn 12.15 #spn 10.19 #spn 2.20 #spn 4.14 #spn 12.18

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thankguard · 8 years ago

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RECAP: OUR TOP 50 AUSTRALIAN HIP-HOP/R&B TRACKS OF 2016

2016 was the year that this scene was finally accepted by mainstream media outlets, played regularly on Triple J and given the opportunity to throw mad rap events at some of the countries’ best live music venues. The number of local rap: artists, releases, managers, parties, radio shows, even blogs exploded too. MANU CROOKS was put on BEATS1 rotation & posted on The FADER. SAMPA THE GREAT racked up over half a million streams on “BLUE BOSS”. BARO blurred cultural/sonic boundaries. TKAY MAIDZA dropped a huge album + landed that KILLER MIKE collab. MIDAS.GOLD, CULT SHOTTA, BIG SKEEZ, I AM D, NICO GHOST & SAVOUR THE RATIONS all dominated live-stages across the country. The GREMLNS, PLAYBACK 808, 1 HUNNID RECORDS & TREXON WAVE showed us the future. These squads are all barely out of high-school, have a strong African heritage and are blowing up against the odds. Almost all of the above was soundtracked by producers: DOPAMINE, MIRACLE, JAMES DAMIAN ANGUS, MITCH GRUANKE & HARVEY who don’t get enough credit. JUNOR launched his AUD$ radio show on SYN which is legit. The PROPHECY BOYZ launched SAUCE - a new brand that will probs do huge things in 2K17. RARE FLOW TV, provided an essential piece-to-the-puzzle, bringing this all to life in quality music videos. Australian rap music is at an all time high. But tbh, it’s going to take another miracle to push it any further. Now that there’s money to be made here, cashed-up copy-cat rappers/labels/magazines/venues with no imagination will find a way to suck the life out of your music for a quick profit. Historically, this has happened many times over, preventing Australians from truly impacting music culture on a global scale. WTF is the diff between us and: Canada, England or America? Terrible artists will succeed if you let them. Donald Trump was elected president. We’re always a stones-throw away from making the next generation of AUS rap fans (and the rest of the world) cringe at us. Question everyone. Even THANK GUARD. Oh, btw. This blog still doesn’t make money. Here’s 50 songs that inspired us to keep hustling in 2016 in between dem long-ass shifts. 50. “VIEWS UP” - NYUON (MELB)

NYUON - an essential character in the MELB rap scene - stretches out the parameters of his sound a little more with each release. “VIEWS UP” saw him lean back towards centre after the experimentally hazy, lilting vibe of his ’15 BYMYSELF tape. With the help of producer ROOKIEPRO he pooled that self-effacing, conscious rap-swagger into his most polished track do-date. 49. “SORROWS” - BLESSED (SYD)

Taking cues from CUDI, UK alternative-pop and their own minds, BLESSED managed to instantly stand out from the rest of the trap-heavy SYD scene last year. Their output in ‘16 was super consistent, and “SORROWS” (our fav) has already amassed over 127K plays on Soundcloud. Early days, but their potential for global appeal is already proven. 48. “I.D.C.A” - 18K (BRIS)

“I.D.C.A” gives you a real wow moment the second those bars come in. 18K’s on that: modern-day BONE,THUGZ & HARMONY/vaguely MIGOS ATL, super-quick flow. His beats are perfect too. Hard hitting, modern trap sounds AND a hint of like CLAMS CASINO cloud-rap as well. 47. “30 DAYS” - DENNIS (MELB)

Mysterious producer/singer DENNIS dropped this one to no reception whatsoever. The mastering isn’t professional, but the song itself and the man’s vocals are world class. You gotta pump the volume ride it to the peak for full-effect fam. Like some new BON IVER shit without the cringe, pretty sure this came out first too. 46. “PRESSURE (ft. JACE XL)” - BILLY DAVIS (MELB)

BILLY DAVIS & JACE XL (RYTHYM SECTION) are both heavily associated with THE OPERATIVES (who monopolised vibes in MELB the last decade). JACE shows off his life-changing soul crooning over some classic BILLY DAVIS instrumentation. This would be a lot higher if it were more relevant to our needs. 45. “NO MORE” - DEEVILLA (SYD)

With this track alone, SYDNEY-based DEEVILLA proved he can write the type of song this scene needs. His flow, lyrics and overall mood on “NO MORE” summed up 2016 perfectly in terms of music & vibe. FLIP TRILL’s production on this one did all the above and more. 44. “RUN UP (ft. FLYBOII & L.U.I)” - LIL SPACELY (SYD)

Got the vibe that BLACK DANNA head honcho SPACELY had a tough 2016. But, being an essential SYDNEY rap-character that he is, the dude still managed to drop some of the livest AUS rap tracks of 2016. On “RUN UP”, he took the chunky, horn-filled instrumental from FAT JOE and REMY MA’s “ALL THE WAY UP”, puffed out his chest, and along with a couple talented homies delivered a growling, arrogant battle track that signalled his readiness to take his music national. He’s already dropped several tracks in ’17. Stay woke. 43. “FIRE” - SQUIDGENINI (MELB)

SQUIDGENINI a.k.a Bella, is one of Melbourne’s better-kept secrets right now. She’s been honing her craft for some time: playing in bands, producing solo tracks and supporting huge artists. “FIRE”, one of her only releases in 2016, instantly put her on our radar. This highly ambitious track features no-bullshit lyrisicm, eccentric production and some straight up vocal-fire. 42. “NAH BRUH, THIS IS WAGE GANG!” - VEENO (SYD)

When BABY VEENO dropped this insane freestyle in October it was criminally over-looked by many (including us). Choosing YOUNG THUG’S timeless “SEE YOU” beat from that G.O.A.T RICH GANG tape proved to us that the man has taste. The ensuing bars instilled visions of VEENO becoming SYDNEY’s trap-SKEPTA in ’17. 41. “CLAP BACK” - SAVOUR THE RATIONS (SYD)

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SAVOUR THE RATIONS were one of the most influential, pro-active and entertaining AUSTRALIAN rap crews of 2016 (especially towards the end). KWAME, DOMBA, JAYJAY ASSASSIN, GYBRYLLAH SHYNE & RAJ MAHAL made their biggest moves via videos/live performances. “CLAP BACK” which was dropped on Jan 2nd, 2016 showed the boys doing their ting for their own entertainment. This year they’ll be doing it for thousands no doubt. 40. “BEST FRIEND (YOUNG THUG REMIX)” - BIG SKEEZ (SYD)

This was probably the local track we played most last year. BIG SKEEZ really stood out in ‘16 for his song-writing hustle & originality (highlighted on his S.A.T.T mixtape). Remixing such a familiar, iconic song allowed SKEEZ to let loose in the booth more than ever before, resulting in 3:14 of explosive, feverish trap-fury filled with icy-cold local references/flips. 39. “ALIVE REMIX (ft. BARO & CAZEAUX O.S.L.O)” - ESESE (MELB)

Couldn’t think of a more suitable 2016 MELBOURNE summer-rap anthem than this BARO remix if I tried. It feature local pillars: CAEZEUX O.S.L.O, SKOMES and the ESESE crew - and oozes those heavenly FITZROY day-party vibes. Hearing HENOQ and O.S.L.O both spit new-gen AUS boom-bap masterpieces in rapid succession would’ve brought a tear to the eye of every true BURN-CITY rap-fan this year. 38. “NO MORALS (ft. $KINNY DOM)” - BLACK NAPOLEON (WA)

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On “NO MORALS”, BLACK NAPOLEON brought equal parts: slow, deliberate and estatic D double E style booth raps - the kind you’d hear on some UK Pirate radio set to the table. LUCHII, another PERTH-based genius jumped into the mix sounding more like a 6K Gucci, nailing the perfect guest verse. The CAMERON PARK directed-visuals for this one featured no guns, knives or punches thrown, but it still stands as one of the most violent local vids of ’16. #HOMEBAKED. 37. “FUCK THE JUDGE (ft. REMI)” - BARO (MELB)

When BARO dropped the second taste of his soon-TBR JPYNTK tape about 6 months ago, the world was torn in half by the racial violence sweeping the US. It was literally with you everywhere you went, no matter ur skin colour. “FUCK THE JUDGE”, which was released at the very hight of this chaos featured inspired verses from REMI + BARO and was accompanied by the statement: “They're killing my people. They're killing PEOPLE.” The song itself also made another (less important statement) about BARO’s unflinching confidence as a dude/rapper. It was his first absolute crystal clear “fuck u” to industry/fan expectations - a sign that he might be giving the typical AUS rap-sound a much needed kick up-the-butt in 2017. 36. “POTENTIAL (I SEE)” - LORD LEVI (MELB)

When it comes to MELB underground anthems in 2016, LORD LEVI’s “POTENTIAL (I SEE)” is practically unrivalled. The hook, flow and production on this one truly encapsulates the rise of the BURN-CITY outer-suburb high-school trap scene in 2016. LEVI and the GREMLN squad built a dedicated following last year on the back of songs like this. Trek thru any BURN-CITY suburb and “I SEE POTENTIAL” follows u through the streets. 35. “FLEX MODE” - ERIK SANDERS (BRIS)

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Brisbane’s ERIK SANDERS blew up out of nowhere last year on the back of several highly-polished, US-influence nu-trap singles. “FLEX MODE” bursts out of the gate with a series of auto-tune inflected bars that twist-and-turn, merging multitudes of impressive melodies in quick succession. This one gets real wild at the end too. 34. “RIDE (ft. REZT)” - LUCHII (WA)

LUCHII has always struck us as an interesting character, but we still slept on the man in ’16. When he dropped “RIDE” like a month ago, we swore to stay woke on the PERTH creative forevermore. This one rides an island trap wave that reminded us of CHILDISH GAMBINO’s “CALIFORNIA” and MAC MILLERS new stuff, but it also hits on something completely new. The vocals reference ATL rhythms/tones AND something else, which MUST have been born in a cloud of green smoke on one of those pristine PERTH beaches. 33. “PULL UP (ft. CIDI, LORD BRAVO, DUT BOL & RANDOLPH)” - BONKI CHOL (ADEL)

In 2016, the TREXON WAVE squad was our guilty pleasure. We legit found ourselves rinsing their proficiently rugged trap cuts more than CHANCE or FRANK. “PULL UP” is the song that started the whole affair. I remember being high af on a Tuesday at like 2PM about 8 months ago just blasting this enchanting MIGOS-style cut on my speakers for an hour straight. Jut listen to BONKI CHOI and homies: CIDI, LORD BRAVO, DUT BOL, RANDOLPH bring the sauce one time. They all flaunt separate styles, personalities and lyrical tendencies on this one, but their skills/delivery are at 100 throughout. 32. “HOW U FEEL” - NICO GHOST (MELB)

Close your eyes and “HOW U FEEL” will take you to a dark, nondescript club setting. Smoke settles in over those eerie trap bells - the calm before the storm. That amazing harpsichord removes any sense of time/location. Your mind is finally empty. Nico spits that FB generation mantra: “I couldn’t really give a fuck how you feel”, lulling you into a false sense of security before ruining your life with intensity. NICO’s 2016 was pretty-much dominated by his wild live-show. But in between sets he found the time to gift us with this the premiere for this one. Was a huge step forward for us. The man’s legit. 31. “MONSTER TRUCK” - ALLDAY (MELB)

ALLDAY is huge - has been for years now. In 2016, he went through a bit of a sonic evolution and we fucked with it heavy. “MONSTER TRUCK” is a song that pushed Australian rap to places in the world it rarely reaches. This one features earnest lyrics, euphoric melodies and a skin-tight flow - years of work/experience all coming together. ALLDAY made some serious global waves last year as unique voice in the world of post-OVO rap music. 30. “LIONA” - NASTY MARS (MELB)

On “LIONA”, future-star NASTY MARS took warm, wavy, lo-fi production ripped straight from a SOULECTION cassette and crafted his own rap/soul-experiment around the peaks and flows of the beat. Although, hardly representative of this guy’s unreleased material, live show and overall position in the AUSTRALIAN rap/soul scene - “LIONA” still managed to take on a life of it’s own… just suss the comments. 29. “BLOOD THICKER THAN WATER” - LUTHER (BRIS)

One of BRISBANE’s most charismatic up-and-comers, LUTHER teamed up with AUS production royalty JAMES DAMIAN ANGUS early last year for a YOUNG THUG/LIL WAYNE style cut that blew us away. The production bangs. LUTHER’s wild, warbling trap-jitterings are fierce, crunchy and at times hilarious. Everything you want in a track like this. The dude is associated with the WORLDWIDE BOYS who will blow up this year. 28. “THIRSTY” - ANFA ROSE (SYD)

“THIRSTY” came last year amidst a never-ending avalanche of consistently jaw-dropping ANFA ROSE & DOPAMINE joint-efforts. Everything on this one from the samples, to ROSE’s perfectly structured verses - to those 808 snares cutting thru your entire being - to the lyrics enforced our theory that these dudes aren’t human. They are computer programs or clones or holograms or something. 27. “MARIA MARIA” - GEEK, CHARLES X & SELASIE WUSSAH (SYD)

This one - easily top 3 most iconic “THANK GUARD” anthems in our entire history. Seeing it live at one of our BONEY parties inspired some of the most emotional dabs ever dabbed. When it dropped back in Jan, it brought out some of our best writing ever too… so I’m just gonna quote myself here.  “On the most polished THANK GUARD Premiere to-date, a dynamic trio of epileptic acid-rappers exchange contrasting melodic flows - in a bid to win a Spanish bae’s heart.” If you don’t know GEEK, CHARLES X (of CULT SHOTTA) or SELASIE WUSSAH by now we don’t trust u. 26. “1 3 1 6” - E L K (ADL)

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Adelaide teen E L K bursted onto the scene with last year with “TUTEN KARMEN”, which would have easily made the top 10 if he didn’t remove it from SC. “1 3 1 6”, a different (but equally impressive) joint also blew us away. This one brings guys like MF DOOM & JAY ELECTRONICA to mind instantly, but channeled thru the purity of a fresh, young mind with the voice of a rap-god. In 2016 alone, E L K and his PLAYBACK 808 crew went from bedroom rappers, to the creators of a legit AUS rap movement that looks poised to climb mountains in 2017. 25. “FEELING GOOD FEELING GREAT” - TOYOTOMI HIDEYOSHI (WA)

2 months ago, FourAM head-honcho TOYOTOMI HIDEYOSHI teamed up with producer SNOWEE for a sun-drenched 6K anthem. Some rare RAE SCHREMMURD vibes (if they were slightly more sober). Truly peaks at the end. TOYOTOMI is another young dude whose influence on the culture went beyond rapping last year. From short films, events to supporting those around him - this kid did it all in 2016. 24. “DOPER THAN DOPE (MACHINEDRUM REMIX)” - SK SIMEON (MELB)

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One of AUSTRALIA’s best rhythmic-vocalists had a huge 2016. SK SIMEON has been a worldwide reggae force for a minute now. Born in Uganda, recorded his first song at a studio in Dandenong… But last year “DOPE THAN DOPE” - one of his best tracks to-date was remixed by MACHINEDRUM. This version (which sounds good anywhere) took SK’s insane rapid-fire singing and infectious tongue-in-cheek delivery to dance-floors around the world. 23. “NULIFE” - MAIA (BRIS)

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BRISBANE neo-neo-soul singer/producer MAÏA returned to form in 2016 with her nostalgic, intimate “LOFI” Mixtape. “NULIFE” - a definite standout will swallow you up whole in a blanket of warm, jazzy melodies and pulsating rimshots. Coming very early in the year, this track really pre-empted a lot of trends that are dominating American music culture as we speak. We predict huge things for MAIA in 2017. 22. “$AUCE” - GREMLNS (MELB)

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2016 was the year of the GREMLN in the suburbs of MELB. No other underground AUS rap squad made more of an impact than these guys in the last 12 months. This “SAUCE” video came about after months of anticipation and was defs worth the wait. It showed the GREMSQUAD more polished-than-ever, a bunch of real young talents standing at the crossroads between street-fame and industry acceptance. The video itself is like a cross between an old-school Tarantino movie and a London GRIME vid, but set in some unmistakably murky Burn-city graffiti spots. 21. “BERETTA” - MATT BLACK (SYD)

SYDNEY-based vocalist MATT BLACK exploded out of the blocks last year with a series of MIRACLE/DOPAMINE produced R&B/SOUL singles - the type big labels dream about every night. “BERETTA” is the whole package. A high-concept, slow-burning, futuristic love-song which cleverly compares a lover to a pistol. Two things that (depending on the circumstances) can save you or destroy you, make u feel like a man or a mouse. 20. “EVERYDAY” - DREAM$TEAM (ADEL)

So much love for duo’s with vastly different voices. When you listen to a DREAM$TEAM you got no time for boredom. You’ve got CHARLTON on the first verse who always goes in with this SHAKE070-style flow and A-grade emotionally-charged lyricism, then the other G comes in riding world-class auto-tune vibes that sit somewhere between YACHTY & TRAVI$ SCOTT. The production, which features ZAYTOVEN-style piano, is the opposite of corny… bounces hard & leaves plenty of room for vocals. These guys are insanely talented for their age-bracket. Anythings possible for them in 2017 19. “TENNIES” - TKAY MAIDZA (ADEL)

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TKAY MAIDZA, easily one of the most successful artists on this list had a huge 2016. She was spun on SKRILLEX’s OWSLA radio show, played a tonne of festivals in AUS & FRANCE, but most importantly dropped a huge studio album, TKAY, which featured guest verse from KILLER MIKE (Run The Jewels). “TENNIES” was our favourite track from the album, because it combined her signature worldly sugar-rap with some hella uplifting footwork vibes. How often is boundary-pushing music this much fun? 18. “LAPUTA (TAYLOR MCFERRIN REMIX ft. ANDERSON PAAK)” - HIATUS KAIYOTE (MELB)

The one and only MELB-based GRAMMY-nominated future-soul quartet that we probs should have posted by now had to have a presence on this list, at least to show you all what’s possible. Their second album “CHOOSE YOUR WEAPON” is a must listen, but was released waybach in 2015. Last year, TAYLOR MCFERRIN recruited ANDERSON PAAK to rework standout single “LAPUTA” for a remix EP. The results speak for themselves. 17. “PEACEWALKER” - GALLU$, RAIDER KING (BRIS)

GALLU$ was real cult-force down in BRISBANE last year. His influence on the scene transcended his recordings - a huge statement considering the quality of songs like “PEACEWALKER”. This one features some heavy statements screamed with a natural Aussie accent over “GLASSSS” by PYRMDPLAZA.   “THIS INDUSTRY’S FAKE & THE PEOPLE TALK BULLSHIT // THAT SOUNDS PRETTY OBVIOUS // SO WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING? // QUESTIONING MY OWN MUSIC LIKE // EVERY LINE THAT I WRITE // CAN’T HELP BUT FEEL STUPID.” - nuff said. 16. “ALL OF MI LIFE (MACHINEDRUM REMIX)” - YAW FASO (MELB)

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2016 was a year where artists like POPCAAN & J HUS were getting love on THE FADER + DRAKE/BIEBER/SKRILLEX were jacking sounds from the Caribbean and breaking billboard records. When our own YAW FASO shared this MACHINEDRUM remix of his sun-drenched single “ALL OF MI LIFE” the timing was perfect, but as the hook declares, he wasn’t riding any trends. Reggae is one of the few genres that makes you smile, dance and forget about all your issues. This song, bursting with: FASO’s highly motivational reggae mantras, sugary buildups and super-refreshing production does all the above. 15. “IDK” - GILL BATES (BRIS)

With his LESS STRESS, MORE SUCCESS EP, GILL BATES showed a whole new side of himself to the world in 2016. Standout cut “IDK” took the catchier side of AUS rap into unknown territory: substance & self-awareness. Above all tho, it’s just a great song. That larger-than-life JAMES DAMIAN ANGUS production grabs you from 0:01… GILL’s opening line “BEEN DROWNING MY SORROWS // BOTTLE AFTER BOTTLE” takes you into his psyche… Then GILL & JAMES drag you deeper and deeper into darkness before flipping things with a bittersweet xylophone-driven hook. A world-class highlight from one of the best local releases in 2016. 14. “NEVER BEEN” - TYRØNE (SYD)

In the last 12 months, few local artists worked harder than TYRØNE. The SYDNEY rapper/producer legit dropped a full EP Trilogy, brimming with GOAT Australian rap lyricism. Song, after song the guy managed to craft a unique aesthetic for himself and his music – darkness that isn’t fake. “NEVER BEEN”, a real standout encapsulates this dedication to his craft more than any other. That skin-tight baritone flow just doesn’t stop on this one. “I SAY LIFE IS EVERYTHING YOU MAKE IT // ONE THING DAMN RIGHT I AIN’T NEVER BEEN FAKE BITCH” 13. “HIT EM” - I AM D (BRIS)

BRISBANE one-man-movement I AM D flew way under our radar until we heard this one. “HIT EM” showcased D’s near iconic nu-AUSSIE rap tone, through a stream of SKEPTA-like vocal punches that explained every move he would make in the local scene. Little did we know at the time, but he actually went on to achieve everything he rapped on this track. In a matter of months after its release: he got signed to a major label, dropped a hugely successful EP, landed a national tour and stamped his influence on the local culture. 12. “NO FATIGUE (ft. GEEK & SELASIE WUSSAH)” - CULT SHØTTA (SYD)

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The video for “NO FATIGUE” really set the tone for CULT SHØTTA season in 2016. They were always a truly unique presence in the Australian rap game, but on this track, they toned things down, unleashing line-after-line of vibrant acid-raps over a relatively sparse bass-driven trap beat. As per usual, CHARLES X, GEEK & SELASIE WUSSAH each brought their A-game, showing off vastly different styles/personas, each challenging different “AUSTRALIAN RAP” taboos in the process. It also marked the beginning of director RUFFY’s much-needed string of ambitious video-work that helped elevate many-a local rapper last year. 11. “FOR GOOD (ft. SAMPA THE GREAT)” - REMI (MELB)

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Couldn’t think of a better ’16 feel-good Aus-rap summer anthem than REMI and SAMPA’s “FOR GOOD” if I tried. When your air-con breaks on a 35 degree day, this song could actually save ur life. The production, hook and overall vibe really feels like a classic Triple J anthem, the type that soundtracked our lives. But, obviously everything has been re-worked for the next-generation, creating a crisper, more sonically diverse hit than we’re used to. 10. “EXISTENTIALITY” - OJIKAE (MELB)

“EXISTENTIALITY” is a lovesick vision that’s refreshingly different from the over-saturated BILLBOARD TOP 100-style R&B that the likes of TORY LANEZ and BRYSON TILLER put out. It was also the very first track released by 17 y.o VCE student Matt Cicero, which blew us away immediately last JULY. The guy wrote something original, produced the track himself and whipped out a spine-tingling vocal performance that singlehandedly dragged his ass all the way to the top 10 of this list. 9. “ASSUMPTIONS” - MANU CROOKS (SYD)

“ASSUMPTIONS” was premiered on ZANE LOWE’s BEATS1RADIO show… got our mag a global shoutout AND tore stages apart across the country in 2016. We heard more sides of Sydney game-changer MANU CROOKS than ever before on this one. With help from production masterminds DOPAMINE & MIRACLE, CROOKS departed from them brooding Toronto vibes to show Australia & the world that he can can TURN UP like the best of them. 8. “CALL ME” - DEVARN (MELB)

This song is what THANK GUARD is all about. Sonically, it’s right up our alley… but more importantly it came from a creative young dude who: thinks for himself and punches well-above his weight considering the resources/money some people on this list have at their disposal. It also tells a story we have witnessed for years now…  “ALL OF MY N*GGAS THEY WORK IN THE SUN // WAITING FOR LABELS TO HIT UP THEY PHONE // I WANT SOME MONEY TO GET ME A PHONE” Few rappers can get you on their side like Melbourne’s DEVARN. His vocals are earnest, intimate - when he raps, it feels like he’s letting you into his world. He doesn’t slur his words, or smother them in auto-tune either - you can hear every word the man is saying. Also, huge props for referencing some of our fav underground anthems >> SAUCE (GREMLNS) >> MOOSHAMAD // I HAD A DREAM WE GON’ MAKE IT. Damn. 7. “000000” - MIDAS.GOLD (BRIS)

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Last year, Brisbane’s MIDAS.GOLD elevated himself to the Mount Rushmore of this new-wave. Of all the wild trap releases & intimate soul-searching cuts on his huge FOR WHAT IT’S WORTH EP, “000000” had the biggest impact on the scene. It dropped all the way back in JANUARY when local rappers were all bumping FUTURE & YOUNG THUG 24/7, but still didn’t truly believe that an Aussie could incorporate these sounds into their music so convincingly. MIDAS truly made this quality JAMES DAMIAN ANGUS/MO LIASON beat his bitch from 0:01, before abruptly taking the track down a notch in its last third, flipping the beat and creating a Schoolboy Q-esque bleary-eyed, kushed-out vibe that eased the track out from its original energy. 6. “WHIP IT” - BIG SKEEZ

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We’ve been huge supporters of BIG SKEEZ for a long time. Every track he dropped in 2016 wreaked of originality in both vision and character. SKEEZ, a dude climbing his way up a ladder of: elegant email signatures, cut-throat managers and concrete industry rules, often collaborated with us thru a simple fb message - or just bumping into him in the city. This made us question the likelihood of his success to some extent, but when this video for “WHIP IT” dropped, it turned all our dreams into a reality. The WAVY BADMON, along with his SYDNEY crew absolutely owned the big screen, turning up like a pro to one of the standout tracks from his under-rated debut mixtape. Seeing this whole evolution transpire before our very eyes gave this CERNE STUDIOS production a real sentimental value for the whole THANK GUARD team. 5. “ABSURD” - ANFA ROSE (SYD)

ANFA ROSE and DOPAMINE’S magnum opus will make you cry like a Canadian watching Drake sing the national anthem. The silky smooth, “Absurd” is a beautifully executed blend of 808s, pianos and harmonies. When it comes to polish, no local track released in 2016 comes close to this one. DOPAMINE stripped back that instrumental, focusing on an ethereal and ominous beat with a chordal pattern that slides effortlessly from note to note. ROSE’s delicate melodies fuse perfectly with the instrumental and his lyrics, which are reminiscent of DRAKE’s odes to RIHANNA, or THE WEEKND’s odes to drugs. 4. “RUN IT (ft. LEVI, PHANTOM & KMALITH)” - MIKE WANG (MELB)

When low-key GREMLN MICHAEL WANG dropped this fire squad track all borders between Australia & America went up in flames. The MELBOURNE underground literally outshone the AUSTRALIAN i-Tunes charts. Nothing would make sense ever again. In terms of flow, lyricism and local impact… this was without a doubt one of the best Australian rap tracks released in 2016. WANG, LEVI, PHANTOM & KMALITH came out, guns blazing with their own jaw-dropping take on that MIGOS-style flow (and this was all before “BAD & BOUJEE” blew up). That little OVO-style hook/breakdown “I GOT BANDS…” really added a whole other dimension to the song too. Don’t even get me started on the message behind these lyrics and their relevancy to our scene, the city of MELBOURNE and the racial/cultural tensions often overlooked by most Australians. 3. “BLOWIN’ UP (ft. MIRACLE)” - MANU CROOKS (SYD)

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“BLOWIN UP” was MANU CROOKS flipping the switch and making a statement: his rise to success is about much more than bangerz. Being able to rap and record full-time is any local rapper’s dream and seeing the SYDNEY rapper get premiered on The FADER must have motivated thousands of Australian teenagers to keep hustling in 2016. Honestly, didn’t think someone from this new AUS rap-scene would make the pages of a mag like The FADER for at least another year. That stamp of approval means a lot. Manu’s tuned-up, magnetically charismatic vocals definitely stole the show on this one…Dude just seems to know exactly what to rap and when. But, none of this would have been possible without his equally talented bros: DOPAMINE & MIRACLE who both shined, bright as ever on this one.  DOPAMINE always knows just the right amount of syrupy autotune to sprinkle over his mates vocals & this beat speaks for itself. MIRACLE’S production and vocals contributions always help bring a track to the next-level. All 3 of these guys will no-doubt make even more Australian-rap history in 2017. 2. “WDUBI (ft. NASTY MARS & MARCUS)” - BARO (MELB)

When the mind of a black sheep is re-configured to entertain the mindless masses, an artist has reached their final frontier. BARO (NASTY MARS & MARCUS) did this last year with “WDUBI” - the first taste from his eagerly-awaited JPYNTK tape. On first encounter, it plays as the perfect Australian new-gen rap jam. But on further inspection, everything about it: the production, vocal stylings and somber sonic undertones expose it for the beautiful alien it really is. All three verses loosely acknowledge US 2K16 rap (CHANCE, GAMBINO etc), but overall this track really does’t follow the rules set by the American market at all - which is why we love it so much. That NIC MARTIN production plays a huge roll in this also. Something about those double-timed snares/claps and the tempo made this one feel so damn refreshing. We really played the fuck out of this one last year. THANK GUARD. Oh btw “AND IF WE HAVE A SON I THINK WE’LL NAME HIM STEVEN” - line O.T.Y 1. “BLUE BOSS” - SAMPA THE GREAT (SYD)

LMAO. In 2016, a lot of local bro’s hyped their shit like crazy. Walking around like the TUPAC reincarnate, talking smack online & sharing videos on FB 10 times a day… and SAMPA THE GREAT quietly drops a song that makes them all look foolish, raising her to instant-legend status. SAMPA is emotionally mature, intellectually elegant, socially conscious. Her words can fight wars or comfort a child. She is the type of person you’d want running for president, let alone running the local rap scene. “BLUE BOSS” is like a world-class 2K16 surprise rap-hit, but also feels timeless. Unlike kindred spirits NONAME & KAMAIYAH, SAMPA keeps her production and overall-vibe as earthy as possible, creating her own unique place in the rap-world. Considering the desperate need for more female rappers in this country, the quality of SAMPA’s vocals and her all-too-rare modest demeanour, we had to give “BLUE BOSS” the #1 spot. Posted by PAULINE HANSON

#aus #features

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pumpkin-spice-bun · 5 years ago

Text

Far From Home

“Day 730 of quarantine. Lilian, your alarm went off five times already. Get up and report for daily reassessments.”

“How about no?” The girl was immediately thrown out of her bed, feeling every joint in her body snap and crackle as she slammed into the wall.

“Report to the medical bay. Now.”

“Yes, HLN.” Lilian responded as dull as the AI’s voice. She smoothed out her hair and zipped up her jumpsuit in irritation. Everyday was an endless cycle; medical re-record, repair the quarantine ship, update and manually repair the internal systems, clean the entire ship, rinse and repeat. The same routine every day for two years with the security robots and Henry. At least he never changed...

“Lilian, female, age 20, species, Homo sapiens. Born on Earth to two parents, Rose and Timothy. Brown hair and blue eyes remain unchanged. Blood pressure is lower than normal, as expected. Height is 5 feet 7 inches. Weight is 120 pounds, lower than expected.” The med bay report was updated during the walk. It was supposed to take a few minutes but Lilian had managed to stretch it to a solid five if the AI was distracted. A sharp object was jabbed into her spine, “Get moving. You have multiple health tests and ship repairs to do before you can rest.” Today was not one of those days...

“Lilian, why are you here, on this ship?”

“Because I have been claimed to be sick by the forces of the Infinity Guard.” Another jab.

“No, you are sick. This is so you will get better before you are sent back to your home planet and rejoin society as a whole. Lilian, would you please tell me what you are sick with?”

She was not allowed to answer until she was strapped into a chair in the med bay, or dungeon as she called it.

“I don’t know. I’m not-“ Her words were cut off by a sharp jolt of electricity starting from her ankles. 50 volts, only gets worse from here.

“Try again”

“I don’t kno-“ 500

“Again”

“I’m telling you, I don’t-“ 1,000, stand your ground Lily. You can do this.

“Final try.”

“I’M NOT SICK!” 50,000 volts through the leg.

“Failure to report sickness. This has been going on for nearly two years Lilian. To correct you, you have been diagnosed with improper behavior caused by a failure to produce sufficient neurological chemicals, including Serotonin and Dopamine. Report to the cafeteria for breakfast. Nutrient gruel with mineral enhanced water, both calculated for your body weight. You will have five minutes to eat once you get there.”

Lilian barely managed to lift her weight onto her stinging leg while she was pushed along by the security robots. S.A.M.E.S. they were called, all identical with no defining traits, fitting for them... Three minutes to the cafeteria, as always, with less food than before, if it could even be called that. The same tasteless gruel every day, two times a day, with five bottles of water throughout. None of her needed medications were allowed.

“Five minutes have started.” Rang the AI, clear as day with no emotion. Each second seemed to drag on while Lilian pokes at the excuse for food in front of her. It had been two years since she had anything close to normal food. No more sweet fruits or homemade meals. Everything had to be portioned according to her body, but she always had less to eat with each passing day. “Time is up. Failure to complete 250 grams of gruel. Total calorie intake: 0.” It wasn’t worth eating anyway...

Eight hours later it was back to the cafeteria. There was no damage done to the outside of the ship, so Helen decided on her own programming that her prisoner was to work overtime readjusting the internal wires of the ship. At barely 10 feet tall, 20 yards wide, and 30 yards long, the prison would hardly constitute as a home. Even the beautiful stars outside seemed dull in comparison after two years.

“Lily!” Henry... always excited about something... Lilian managed a meek smile as the orbital robot zipped over to her. He was part of a robot line created for insanity avoidance, but he was now the closest thing she had to a companion who actually cared about her. A part of the robot line, named KVN’s, his branch was allocated to prisoners in quarantine prisons, dedicated to the care and recovery before they were sent back into society, the official name being HNY. Not once had he annoyed her to the point of violence, which was a plus. “Henry...”

“Did you look outside? The X-23 nebula looks great today! I also managed to find some more pictures of Terran wildlife, foxes, wolves, and badgers included! Oo! And there’s a clear shot of Ursa Minor right over there!” He pointed out the small window and sure enough, the tiny star was visible ever so slightly against the mass ocean of glimmering lights. North, we’re facing north right now. Henry looked back over and the joy vanished from his one, expressive robotic eye. “Again?” The ration was untouched once more. “I’m fine, Henry. I’m not hungry.”

“Lily, you’re losing weight and not in a good way. I can see your ribs!” Sure enough, the bones poked through the layers of skin and clothing, easily nudged aside by the small metal hand. “Not even a tiny bit?”

“No.”

“After all the hard work you did today?”

“I mean it, I’m not hungry.”

Henry floated closer to her in defeat, gently wrapping his arms around her. “Just try to eat something next time, ok? I don’t want you actually getting sick.”

“I’m going to be fine. I promise.”

Suddenly the lights flickered out and everything went black.

“Lily! LILY! Get up, please! We gotta go, Infinity Guard troops are on their way!” Henry’s voice barely managed to get to her. Lilian sat up slowly, blinking dirt and blood out of her eyes. “Wh- what?”

“We were attacked. Something shot the ship out of orbit and we crashed into a nearby planet’s surface. The ship is gone, but I managed to save your stuff and get you out. But we have to get going! Can you stand up?”

Lily struggled to her feet, wiping more blood away from her eyes. “I didn’t think we were close to a planet. Do you think it’s habitable?”

“Probably. You can breathe safely so there must be something, right?”

“Right. Something carbon based could be alive...”

“Heh, you never changed even after all that. Bleeding from your head, slightly starved and you can still think straight. Same old-“ A sharp electric shock took out the robot, causing him to fall along with the small box of Lily’s belongings. They hadn’t gone a few feet. At the same time, something whacked the back of Lily’s knees, knocking her down again before she could register the pain. Her vision darkened again as she managed to pick up someone talking. “Congratulations, you are being rescued. Please do not resist, despite the name of the Resistance.”

It might have been hours before Lily woke up again in another metallic room. Barely two minutes of freedom and already back in a ship, just her luck. At least she had her old clothes though.

Back in familiar jeans and flannel shirt, she waltzed out of the room, rubbing a growing bruise on her elbow from a needle, seemed to be from a fluid bag of some kind. “Hey, she’s ok!”

“HUE, you can’t just knock someone out and expect them to be perfect! You could’ve killed her!”

“My apologies, I have yet to get used to having a corporal form.”

‘Three people, all male. At least one robot, seemingly an artificial intelligence. Then two organics, a teenager and a-‘ Her thoughts were cut off when she saw what they were, or at least the adult. A human, another, breathing human, well two anyway. A feline-esque creature, the teenager, nearly tackled her over. ‘He has fur! Actual fur! It looks so soft!’ At least that seemed to be the case, something different than years of endless contact with metal.

“Uh, what are you doing?” It took a minute for Lily to realize she was in fact petting the cat, technically Ventrexian.

“...sorry.” Her voice was barely above a whisper while she slinked back. ‘Wait, that was wrong. Right? Did I do that right?’

”Hey, Newbie!” ‘Newbie?’ “Welcome to the Crimson Light, I’m KVN, everyone here loves me. Hey, you wanna do Jell-O shots with some sludge I found? We’re going to be best friends! But it’s like this rainbow sludge or something, it looks super cool, kinda like the brain goo I found that one time.” ‘Shut up. Shut up shut up SHUT UP!’

——

“Lily? You ok? You just booked it out of nowhere... the crew has been looking everywhere for you, they thought they did something wrong.” Henry. Just as it always was, just a robot for a companion.

“I... I really did that?”

“Yeah. You just screamed at the other bot and then hightailed out of there like a bat out of hell. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you so scared.”

Her hands shook as she held onto one of the robotic arms, terrified of nothing but everything at the same time. She had scuttled into an old air vent with no light and no warmth, just cold metal hardly four feet tall going back as far as the eye could see.

“There’s a little bit of food left in the kitchen if you wanted it, no one's there. I actually found some cookies in there, oatmeal chocolate chip! Your favorite!”

Surrounded by steel, Lily had long started to fall asleep to the robot’s excited blabber.

#fs #final space #drabble #triggering content #electrocution #goodspeed #lilian goodspeed

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