#im so sad about life at large
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i'm tired
#justaart#justavent#justaventart#art#ventart#vent#there is no snow#it doesnt feel cold#everything is wrong and bad and i am in pain in pretty much every checkbox possible#im so sad that today feels no different#im so sad about life at large#there is so very little good in my brain and around and in the world and im so burned out man#im so tired#i want things to be better and i dont know if better exists#i just need to sleep but nothing will change when i wake up#please for the love of some gods let things get better in a way for people#i can tread water just#pelase for the love of something good give some kind of light for or wretched fucking future#it's christmas and it feels like nothing#and all i can think of is the christmases of my childhood#that doesnt exist any more and that has disheartened me so violently that i dont want to be a person any more#i just miss snow man#i miss trees (even fake ones)#i miss people#im tired and there is a cat and a neos and im gonna try to curl up with them
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why am i sad!!!!!!! where did it come from!!!!!!!!
#ok i know WHY im sad but like bitch we were just vibing hello????#depression go away im just chilling leave me be#i don't wanna be sad rn!!!!!!#fuck being sad!!!!!!!!!!#i know like i need to feel it but UGH#i also need to send a message i really don't wanna send to my family :'))))#nothing like bad or life altering but i know they're gonna wanna talk to me about it and i Don't Wanna Talk About It With Them rn#so#hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhggghhhhhhhh#especially 2 of my sisters cus one is the one who is closest to me#and she or her gf are likely going to bring it up after i say it bc they. idk.#they CARE and ik they do but especially her gf can be very prying about things i don't wanna talk about until she gets answers#and my other sister is the only one who has any hint about what im talking about bc i told her not to ask a while ago#but the thing is she DID ask like a month later despite me explicitly asking her not to bring it up 🙃#so i can't imagine she will respect it this time either#which is largely why i waited until i saw her for the month before sending it#SIGHHHHH i really should just get it over with#alas. i am just here to rant.#this is fine#i don't have any ice cream that SUCKS i should order some#this is an ice cream occasion#shh ac
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BABY WATCH 2024!
First 24 hours with the new kitten. Thought it was a she, but did a closer inspection earlier and I’m leaning towards a he.
Anyway, the good stuff: he is the sweetest, most well behaved kitten I have ever seen. He’s an angel. He spent most of last night sleeping on my chest. I haven’t had such an actively affectionate cat in ages. The two I have now are sweet, but they don’t really cuddle. This little dude does. This little dude is awesome. He follows me around, doesn’t get into things he’s not supposed to, and instantly knew how to use a litter box. If he wasn’t so young, I’d think he was an abandoned indoor cat. But he’s baby. My baby. Still needs a name, though.
The not so good stuff: I DO NOT need another cat! I live in a small apartment with two other adult cats and a small dog. New cats are also expensive! He’s gonna need shots and to get fixed and, to be painfully honest, I really don’t know if I can afford that now. Shit, I’m basically out of (human) food until I can get some cash on friday. It’s rough. I’m really anxious. I love this little guy. I didn’t just pick a random kitten. I’d seen him outside a couple of times and I just… I hated the idea of this way too trusting little guy trying to survive out in the world. He just kept crying out at me and following me. There are other stray cats around, but this one is so small and so sweet and he followed me home and he loves me so much I literally started crying while holding him bc I didn’t want him to ever have to fight just to survive out there. I hate it. I mean, I love him, but it does make me feel kind of sick inside bc I know it’s not exactly a smart decision to take in a stray right now. Life sucks. He’s curled up next to me in bed now and if he wasn’t so tiny and sweet and wonderful, I might be okay not keeping him & letting him stay outside with his friends. I’m glad he’s not a human baby or I’d really be freaking out right now.
Anyway, I’d die for him now so it’s a done deal. My baby now.
#baby watch 2024#I love him!!!!!#im also really anxious and sad about how I’m going to afford/live with another cat#this is why I can’t look at the adoptable cats at pet stores. it will 100% ruin my day.#absolute unobtainable dream would be to one day own a large piece of land and adopt/foster as many strays as possible#blegh… stressful#but he’s a little angel so it’s okay#it’ll work out in the end#the juice is worth the squeeze as they say#a baby#I should say I do have a ton of experience with raising kittens#things were kinda… out of control when I was a kid#at one point my family had almost two dozen cats in the house which sounds terrible I know#hoarders level terrible#there were a few stray cats we fed and then took in#and then they turned out to be pregnant and had babies everywhere#so yeah we had a ton of kittens#we managed to get most of them adopted though so it wasn’t like we were living with a horde of cats everywhere#just long enough for them to ween off milk and be adopted#it was a very rough time#so this past day I’ve been having a lot of flashbacks to taking care of kittens#skipping school to take care of them. in like 5th grade. stressful. not smart life decisions.#what can I say I’m dumb as hell#this isn’t important#you can ignore this#text#mine
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;~; (tags vent)
#i feel so lonely and i dont know how to fix it#im trying to engage with people. im trying ot take space. im trying but nothing is helping#and like im hormonal so i wanna cry about it today#and like this loneliness isnt for one reason only#there's no One Thing#but so so many things making me feel like i cant connect#and even wiht making progress and even with coping and even with reminidng myself its okay to just feel bad sometimes like#i want company. i dont want online company i want irl company. i want friends. and im so miserable about the fact that i struggle to#make irl friends - not bc im not a good friend!! honestly tehre's been plenty of opportunities for me to make friends is the worst part#between work; disabilities; energy; and like interests/things to talk about its really hard to make friends (and tbh the first three-#really are the biggest drains). and i love my online friends i do i jsut. miss them all so much when i talk too much and then it hurts more#and i lost a friend group recently so im feelng really out of place#nearly everyday for the last idk. 5 months i had a group of people going “hey. love you” (even if they didnt say it verbatim daily) and lik#im so sad! and the feelings are coming out today ig cause i havenothing to do at work so im just. here#but yeah - ik part of this grief im experiencing is YET AGAIN experiencing change and loss re:friendships bc of things largely out of my#control /: and every time this happens it just brings up every single wound#im talking with my therapist about it too i just. wish friends were more permanent in my life yk?#or at least that i had friends irl still /: but all my deepest connections are all So far away#and it hurts so much to miss ppl rn im just. isolating myself#but i dont awnt to TALK. i dont want to TEXT. i dont want to hang out on a vc. i awnt to be held and loved and just talked to about anythin#other than the stresses in peoples lives. i want people to infodump to me w/o me having to Beg or Engage Correctly#i want people to tell me about themselves. jsut fucking lore dump in my inbox. its not dumping. i dont care about trauma dumping. if you do#cw i guess i jsut. im so tired. im tired of the “haiiiiii love you!!!!!” i have to do over the keyboard to have social connections#im tired of being so disabled i cant make friends bc no one wants to be friends w/ me irl and all the reasons (“ur a flake” “u cancel plans#“u never want to go out” “u never have energy” “why do you disappear when you need to recharge it makes me feel bad?” etc etc etc) all#relate to me being disabled and like.i feel like the problem. my existence is a problem. and the worst part is all iwant to do is just.#go run errands with someone. do important tasks &get a little treat to celebrate after. go to the doctor. the hospital. wherever im allowed#i want ot be a PERSON#): i jsut miss my friends#and liek im going to a thing later this month to try and make friends irl even if its just exercise friends
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you ever just see a post and just
. 😭
.⬅️🫀⬅️
#Worst emoji combo ever but it’s gon be such big depression hours down here so scroll if you want im on the brink of throwing up#don’t you just bloody love it how over the past 3 years you’ve only seen people the large total of…. 4 times!!! An average of seeing someon#outside of school 1.3 times per year!! What a bloody fantastic way to spend your teenage years!#Don’t you also just love it when people talk right to you about how they all went out together over the weekend and like did some stupid#shit like your average high schooler would do and you’re just like “oh. I went to my 1 and a half hour long dance class and got ignored the#entire time and when you did try to talk they just spoke over you” oh my fucking god I hate that place so much even the teacher fucking#ignores me once we were going in a circle and she was asking everyone what they got for Christmas and I was in the middle of the circle so#thought hey maybe someone will actually acknowledge my existence but she fucking ignored me and went to next person like why the fuck#And now I’m debating staying in that shithole bc I was invited to a gc for that class and I stupidly thought that someone might want me#There. I wasn’t even invited I secretly scanned the qr code to join over someone else’s shoulder#everyone else there is the best of bloody friends and I’m just there talking to one friend who I don’t even think is my friend#“Hey man I’m really fucking sad rn can I talk to you” “womp womp have you heard stupid fact no.3848594 about my ocs while I ignore you when#you talk about anything else about me” oh my god shut up literally no one else sane would see someone like that their closest friend rn#At least someone wants to talk to me#Like what is it that makes people not want to see my please just tell me I’ll change I’m amazing at changing my personality to fit others#promise me on that I’ve done it my entire life#Even just messaging me more than once every year and I’d consider you my best friend this is how bad I’m getting#What is so bloody bad about me that no one else likes I don’t care how badly you fucking word it just something#It shouldn’t be normal to wish death on people you call your mates bc you heard about them all going out together without you#Oh dear did the gc’s without me in it there’s one for every friend group I’ve ever been in why isn’t there one for the main group I’m in rn#Idfc anymore just tell me what I’m doing wrong I keep asking people if they want to go out or how far away they live from some place#And it’s always met with ignoring me talking over me or immediately changing the subject#Please if you’re someone I know irl what the fuck am I doing fucking wrong I can’t fucking do this anymore be as mean as you like#Why the fuck does no one ever want to be around me why do I hear so much about stuff others are doing together but never me#It shouldn’t be normal to prefer being in a toxic relationship than what I’m in rn#I fucking hate everything
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discovered miah_pie on t*ktok (<- i don’t have one btw i just stumbled upon her bc someone i follow on ig talked abt her) and her videos make me want to cry so bad. 24 year old dependent moment
#purrs#i went to a clothing store today to try to get new work shoes and pants bc the one pair i have of each literally have holes in them and are#falling the fuck apart on my body and it was a HORRIBLE experience largely bc i think everybody in town was out shopping for back to school#so it was super crowded and there were lots of screaming kids and it was extremely stressful + my dad got into a mini car accident while i w#was in the store (he was / is completely fine thankfully but the car is not which is so awesome 😍😍😍😍😍) and i was just so stressed and#overstimulated but also like… nothing fits me bc im so short lol. but anyway it was so horrible i was on the verge of starting to cry in the#store and then i came home empty handed and my mom got super pissed at me for… needing to go to the store / being the reason we were out lol#and then finding miah pie and her videos are all about making trips to the store SO much fun and buying little treats and saying yessir and#OHHHHHH MYYYYY and just finding the joy in smth that can be so stressful and unpleasant… it makes me want to cry happy and sad tears at the#same time like i want that soooo bad and i can’t do it fully yet but i want it. need it. fuck my stupid baka life#anyways im gonna start saying the stuff she says just to make myself feel better even when im not at a store. yessir! OHHHHHH MYYYYYY.#acquired. don’t mind if i diddly dooooo!#also btw i am not a dependent except for the ways i am a dependent. hope that helps 🫶🏻#the problem is really that i don’t have a car or a license and also that my mom throws a fit every time i need / want to get driving#practice bc it’s never a good time so. lol 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍 me doing drivers ed this summer was a fucking joke i forget literally everything i#learned and have only been behind the wheel 3 times and none of them have actually counted bc im just developing basic motor skills#(literally). fmlllll im never getting out of here who am i kidding 🤪#delete later
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do y’all think stars are happy
#whimsy whispers#like do you think they’re all friends and that they never feel lonely#I’d like to think so#hi I’m sad and considering that if I HAVE to be reborn what I’d like to be reborn as#I’ve considered star but what if I’m just as lonely as a a star as I am now? being surrounded by people doesn’t mean you’re any less lonely#does that apply to stars as well?#also what would a star even do for fun#you’re stuck in the sky forever until you fell from the sky doesn’t that get boring#what if I felt jealousy for creatures that get to live life#but also I don’t know that I would because I am a creature that gets to live life and I hate it#I jsut like always say that if I have to be reborn I’d like to be a creature like a cat or a crow or a jellyfish#but that can still be a lonely and miserable existence#there’s no guarantee that no matter what I may be that I’ll be happy#that’s why I hope that there’s nothing after i die#I don’t even want there to be a heaven or whatever the equivalent may be but that’s largely because if there’s a heaven then there must be#a hell and I don’t think im good enough for heaven or whatever the closest Isabel thing to heaven may be#and if I have to deal with more suffering after I die then I simply think that wouldn’t be fair#this is a dumb post brought about because im still sad and feel like lonely so feel free to ignore this as you do any other post of mine
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I don't understand why so many religious weirdos claim dinosaurs never existed and the bones/fossils dug out of the ground were buried under rock by scientists and then dug back out. it makes no sense at all. does their religion book tell them they were fake? is that what it is? because they seem to love letting some old mistranslated book dictate their entire life, thoughts, feelings, actions, etc. they even make up stuff the book supposedly says to excuse their behavior and justify horrible things, which makes them hypocrites for not actually following their book they claim tells them exactly how to live their lives that they must follow exactly or they will go to hell. but they sure like to pick and choose what they follow and make up new rules. but anyway, why do they hate dinosaurs lmao
#rhetorical question. i dont actually care about their weird excuses. i know its probably weird anti evolution nonsense again#it's more of a why do they have the audacity to hate and deny dinosaurs and make up such ridiculous nonsense thats more unbelievable!#also by “religious weirdos” i mean mostly christians. its where i mostly see/hear this rhetoric. and the christian umbrella is large#but im sure other non christian religions have some book they follow that says dinos are fake or something so its#about them too#lee rambles#religion#people can believe in religion all they want if they arent harming others or forcing it on others#but i also think they shouldnt be allowed to deny reality and truth. some of them believe absolute fantasy and deny reality. its sad#and they often are the ones forcing it on others and harming others. because theyre so removed from reality they think#reality is an attack on their beliefs and think their beliefs are their life so they think we are trying to take their lives???? idk#do your thing but stop denying reality even if it contradicts your religion stuff. learn the difference between metaphors for#your religion and reality. maybe the book is fantasy that tells you stories with a moral lesson and arent meant to be taken literally#maybe they were never meant to replace reality and be seen as a real thing that happened#but no one who follows religion closely wants to criticize it by questioning things with logic#i guess it doesnt help we are taught to NOT question things of you go to hell. but i questioned anyway because my life is alreadg hell#and im doing way better now that i realized reality is better than a religion about sky daddy and his magic son#and following some outdated book about stuff that doesnt translate well to english or reality.#i rather feel like everything has its own energy/soul and we are all connected to the earth energy and a part of it because it feels nice#but i dont have to deny reality and force thst on others. you can think or do a thing that makes you feel better#but do it without denying reality or treating science and facts like an enemy religion or an opponent to take down#ah i could go on but this is getting long and rambly and off topic from main original topic. have many feelings about this#im glad at least my shoer religious family arent dino deniers. i grew up loving dinos so much and they let me love them#super* what is shoer 🤣
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watching tommys dsmp retrospective and its so bittersweet because on one hand i will truly never experience a fandom like that again and it was some of the best times of my life, but on the other, it has been soured by so many of the people involved turning out to be absolute scum of the earth. seeing tommy himself very meticulously edit out every clip and even any vague mention of You Know Who in his video even though their characters were so intertwined and he played such a huge role in the entire server is kind of .. Yeah .
#godddd godddddd duudeeee#im over it but also im not#i cant bring myself to enjoy any content from that time anymore because of everything that happened. its just bittersweet#rambles of a mad man#sorry its 5am i cant sleep so im reminiscing about the past (mistake)#the 2020-2021 era of my life genuinely feels like a distant fever dream to me now#i was sad but i was the happiest ive ever been i had a dozen friends and large intricate friend groups#i was on calls every day i stayed up until the next morning every day talking to people. i was just excited about everything#everything is just so different now#ive lost a lot
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seventeen's "loser line" in a relationship
[ requested by @valenhui ]
based off of the "losers when in love"* bullet point in this headcanon! theyre literally SO fuckinfg cute oml i might write full fics for them if i have time ><
*consists of junhui, mingyu, chan.
junhui
pathetic and adorable kind of loser. pathetic really.... is genuinely the best way to describe it. he's so desperately, pathetically in love with you and literally acts like he's still hopelessly pining over you even though you've already started dating. laughs super hard at your jokes and stares at you with sparkles in his eyes and flirts with you at every given opportunity like he isn't already dating you and hasn't already won over your affections ages ago. but hey, he's dedicated, and you can't exactly complain at being showered with all of his attention.
also randomly informs you that he's in love with you at any time of day. you'll be watching a movie in the theatre and he'll tug your sleeve, leaning into your space almost shyly and being like "hey. hey. i just wanted to let you know... im kind of in love with you" before scrunching his shoulders up all shy and leaning quickly away from you again. hes always so adorable, ears turning pink even as he flirts with you into oblivion before tacking on a cute "im in love with you, by the way" at the end. every time he says it, you feel so overwhelmed because god, you're so in love with him too
mingyu
wet puppy kind of loser. i'm talking whining 24/7, pouting dramatically whenever you're not clinging to his side, and snuggling into you whenever possible. it's like dating a large, overgrown puppy that doesn't realise he's as big as he is, if that puppy suddenly found out how to talk and cook and do the laundry and looks up at you with big, shining eyes when you come home and goes "hello!! i made every single one of your favourite foods when you were gone bc i missed you so much. how was your day??" at least twice a week. (you're beginning to worry that mingyu might have some sort of separation anxiety.)
also he Does Not care if the other members tease him for being so in love with you, bc hey, yoon jeonghan's just jealous of your lurrrve anyway. but he will sulk if You tease him about it bc hey :(( you're the love of his life :((( don't be mean to him :((( gives you those big, wet, sad eyes every time you tease him until you finally laugh and give him a big kiss to placate him. tells you he loves you every single hour of the day. the members can tease him all they want, but all that matters to him is that you're aware that he Genuinely loves you to pieces.
chan
devastatingly infatuated kind of loser. he literally just. ADORES you so much in a kinda adorable, kinda incredible way because it surprises you again and again when he does something and you realise he loves you so much. and he does things, a lot, because this man is literally doing everything for you. hangs onto your every word like they hold the secrets to the universe, and remembers everything you tell him like it's his life's mission to become an expert on your likes and dislikes. has definitely zoned out whilst staring at you too many times to count.
i gotta stress how in love this man is tho, like. would 100% change his profession into loving you 24/7 if he could. no one wants to go out drinking when the two of you are together bc when chan gets drunk, he just repeats how in love with you he is over and over again like a broken record. (hoshi made the mistake of joining you two, once. he recounts the incident with a look of mild horror every single gathering the 14 of you have.) he doesn't say ily to your face a lot, but it's mostly bc he just forgets cuz he's been staring at you in an utterly lovesick way for far too long.
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reactions tags: @weird-bookworm @minhui896 @bunnyiix @slytherinshua @haowrld @belladaises @newgirlygirl @moonlitskiiies @mirxzii @wonranghaeee @yonabutnotyuna @crackedpumpkin @wqnwoos @kthstrawberryshortcake-main @kawennote09 @a-wandering-stay @icyminghao @valenhui @sweet-like-caramel @odxrilove @kyeomyun @chansburgah @pepperonijem @jeonride @kellesvt @kikohao @astrozuya @eightlightstar @onlyyjeonghan @aaniag @starshuas @all-american-fangirl @f1uffyjun @sea-moon-star @nonononranghaee @isabellah29 @mcu-incorrect @hrts4hanniehae @suraandsugar @pan-de-seungcheol @dokyeomkyeom @melodicrabbit @bunnliix @bananabubble
#fairyhaos.works#seventeen#svt#seventeen fic#seventeen drabble#seventeen headcanons#seventeen imagines#seventeen scenarios#svt x reader#seventeen x reader#svt fluff#junhui#mingyu#dino#chan#junhui x reader#mingyu x reader#dino x reader#kim mingyu#wen junhui#moon junhui#lee chan
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EXPLORING- him
In which you find yourself being able to closely touch and see your boyfriend's body..aka body hcs, and you examine their scars...im not sure if this is the original artist but I found the pic on scara.meowing insta
...Wanderer...xiao...kazuha...
Wanderer
The wanderer isn't one to let just anyone see his body,
Even thinking about being so vulnerable in front of someone leaves his head aching and sends a weird feeling up his spine
Letting someone see the scars he has obtained from throughout his life is something he won't ever agree to doing,
So if you wish to be able to see him, you'll have to find a roundabout way to do so,
Luckily for you, for the past few days, he's been complaining about back aches from being hunched over all day trying to complete his assignments from being a vahumana student
You offered a massage which after much pain and annoyance he agreed to.
After he agreed he turned around from you and took off his kimono, slipping it off with ease as he moved to remove the top half of his black body suit as well, cheeks slightly flushed as he was basically stripping in front of you.
He laid on his stomach starting forward, his usual snappy self is a bit quiet, it isn't every day he's laid bare in front of you for you to touch without engaging in promiscuous activities.
"hurry up what are you starin-" Suddenly the boy goes quiet as you run your hand down his spine, chuckling to yourself at his immediate quietness
Imprints of big circles are left on his back, most likely from the tubes that once connected him to his shouki no kami, large red indents are all that's left on his puppet body, and his back tenses once your fingers trace the circle following it's track.
Your fingers trace his skin where forgotten scars lay healed, scars mostly gained by cruel experiments at the hands of the doctor, his face sours when you touch them, constricting in...annoyance? Sadness? Or perhaps at the reminder of bad memories.
And when your hand traces up his spine to a strange purple symbol on the back of his neck, one that represents the electro symbol but not quite.
And as your hand touches it, it's as if a bolt of lightning is sent through his body, his hand immediately reacting to slap away your hand from it, quickly getting up and backing away from your touch his panicked eyes look into yours his breathing ragged for a moment before calming down
"I'm...im sorry" his voice comes out in a whisper, as if that's all he could manage..
Xiao
If you thought getting the wanderer to show himself to you was hard think again.
In no circumstance will he ever allow you to massage him just because his muscles feel sore
He's too proud as an Adeptus and as a Yaksha to allow that.
No matter how many long nights he's fought allowing himself relief in this form is out of the question.
It's not just his pride speaking though, he's far too selfless to allow himself rest.
Only when his karmic dept clings to him and dark miasma swirls in the air that surrounds him does he agree to allow you to touch him, albeit very reluctantly.
Only after being pushed to his physical limit does he allow you to touch his bare body, his bare body that he despises so much.
Your hands, which remain untainted by the dark miasma that surrounds him, untainted by the blood of thousands of innocents, he isn't deserving of your touch.
But he holds his tongue, letting your hands roam over his toned back without arguing, not so much as a pip is heard from the man,
He has a small frame, and an even smaller waist but the muscles he's trained from over a millennia are quite clear and pronounced
Your hands ghost over healed scars that he's long forgotten the stories too, claw marks which indicated a time his very flesh was punctured and bleeding.
Those scars he had gained admits battle, those roughly edged scars that you touched oh so very sweetly. He doesn't deserve this. In his mind he doesn't even deserve you but this especially.
He breathes deeply, it's okay, it's fine, he doesn't mind as you touch the scars he obtained during wartime, a time when he used to fight with his brothers and sisters
But his breath does hitch when you touch a scar that...even after thousands of years is stuck deep into his skin, a scar he received long before being rescued by Rex lapis.
His fists clenched as the memories flashed before his eyes,, the memories of him..his breathing increased almost to the point of him having a mini panic attack..
He only calmed himself once your hand moved away from there and to his arm as you traced the tattoo on it, gently tracing its edges as you reassured him that it would be alright.
Kazuha
Kazuha does not mind one bit if you want to see his body
He'll make a sly remark about your request of course
But he'll never deny nor say no to you
He doesn't have any insecurities regarding his body
He's confident in them and the scars he has obtained over the years of being a samurai
He'll raise an eyebrow at your request and give you a sly smile, yet when you explain your reasoning he'll smile gently and he chuckles nodding to your request set
Taking off his shirt for you and laying on his stomach, you can see his arms wrapped in bandages and some freshly obtained scars on his back are too.
Most though, are healed each one having a story behind it,
Whatever scar you trace he'll have the story behind it, from the smallest of cuts to the deepest of gashes he'll tell you, in depth how, where, and when he got it
Scars trace throughout his body down his arms that are wrapped in bandages, perhaps this day, he'll let you redo them for him,
Other than his scars his skin is soft and smooth, it's quite fair and he definitely has a tan line, his face is a bit darker than the rest of his body due to him always being out in the sun
He sometimes likes going into gruesome details about how he got a specific scar, but when you asked him about one he got on the day tomo was killed, he hesitates.
Going quiet for a moment, thinking deeply about what to say or tell, but unlike the other boys, he's more open with you and he'll tilt his head back as he recounts the story of that scar.
He won't tell you the whole story but...little by little he'll start mentioning little details here and there, leaving you some empty spots for you to figure out.
#genshin x reader#genshin impact#genshin imagines#genshin hcs#genshin xiao#xiao x reader#xiao fluff#alatus#xiao hcs#wanderer thirst#wanderer x reader#wanderer#wanderer headcanons#kazuha fluff#kazuha x you#kazuha x reader#kazuha#wanderer x you#scaramouche imagines#wanderer imagines#xiao imagines#kazuha imagines#gensgin impact#scaramouche x reader#scaramouche x you#scaramouche
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i was gonna wait til i had my Sadness, Joy and Anxiety drawn to post this but im impatient!!!
ive seen some people designing their own personal versions of the emotions so im gonna do that!!! This is my personal Ennui 💜 she has a bit more Lore that ill throw beneath a cut :)
Ennui is typically inebriated with a marijuana - type substance, as a distraction from her chronic and crushing sense of apathy and emptiness. She was introduced early in life, and in Joy's opinion, WAY too early. She has a contentious yet cordial relationship with Joy, who she replaced as emotion leader at a young age. A lot was happening in those days, too much for a child to handle, so a large degree of detachment was needed to handle it. However, her early pairing with Sadness and Anxiety thanks to a rough childhood created a dynamic that pushed Joy almost completely out of the way, and Ennui became the unwitting spearhead of a developing borderline personality disorder. Taking on a lot of these effects, she is often very apathetic and unenthusiastic, still addicted to her phone but also using more adult means of distraction ( smoking, drinking ) . They are responsible for massive early memory loss ; this was something they and Joy begrudgingly agreed on in an attempt to salvage the Sense of Self when trauma became an overwhelming issue in the teen years. Joy still has never forgiven them for this act, even if it was deemed necessary... Mostly because most of those early memories are the ones when Joy was still the leader, for the brief time she was able to be.
They have a very aloof and unapproachable personality, with morbid ideals and questionable self worth that directly effects the person they care for. They refuse to step down after nearly 20+ years of being the leader, and not that they want to be, but because they believe everything will crumble without their hand on the wheel. She has a romantic relationship with Sadness, who is equally too involved in the emotional state of their host. The two of them create a very prominent joint component of the borderline personality disorder, even if they don't mean to -- they have known and worked with each other for nearly their entire lives, so it only made sense that they would become so close. Unbeknownst to most others, she deals with passive suicidal ideation, and thinks about it as often as she breathes, but tells no one, believing that talking about how she feels is a waste of time when she could just smoke and sleep it away.
She smells like nag champa incense and orchids, and she is represented by grunge fashion, and doom / sludge metal music.
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angel dust redesign🕷️
(click for better quality)
and since theyre the first sinner ive posted, they get a human design!
rambling under the cut
(if my handwriting in the second image is unreadable you can check the id)
-angel dust was a sinner that died in 1948. they were a member of a large mafia family and led a secret life as a drag queen
-they were born into the family, and were unable to leave bc. you know. life of crime
-much of their family looked down on them and mocked them bc of their feminine mannerisms
-they had a particularly bad relationship with their father, who saw them as a failure of a son
-so they turned to drag and underground queer clubs instead (angel dust was their drag name that they adopted full time after dying, anthony was their "real" name)
-they also turned to cocaine, often stealing from their family's stash
-their death happened because they were lousy hiding the tracks of their theft- the family got a tip off that angel had been stealing and that they were currently in an aforementioned queer club
-mafia family storms the queer club, angel comes out off their head on cocaine, their father finds then and shoots them in the chest before slamming their head against the wall repeatedly, killing them
-their and all of their family's (except their sister) demon forms are spiders, symbolising the web of lies they spun😎 because angel died in drag they also have a much more feminine demon form
-they enjoyed life in hell for a while, but soon enough other members of their family started dying and began looking for them. this caused them to flee to the nearest hiding space they had, a place called Valentino's that promised a safe haven against any threats
-as we know this promise is absolute bullshit
-angel signed the contract that allowed them entry to valentino's. they were panicked and signed it hastily, not looking at the fine print.
-they become trapped at valentino's, forced to be a prostitute
-until valentino himself visits and likes the look of angel, deciding that he wants angel for himself
-he takes on angel as a prostitute/porn star/stripper/whatever valentino wants them to be today, with valentino abusing them behind the scenes
-valentino lovebombs them often, buying them expensive gifts they are required to wear and feeding their drug habit
-despite being famous, most of the money angel makes goes straight into valentinos pocket. this is what leads them to finding charlie's hotel, as they do not have enough money to pay rent and the happy hotel offers free accommodation.
-angel's best friend is cherry bomb, an anarchist who wants nothing more than to free them- but she has no money, no connections and is banned from most places on sight due to her habit of blowing stuff up. when angel dust gets sad and mopey, she gets angry for them
-angel uses they/them, but hell isnt the most progressive place, so few demons use it for them. they dont really care though, they have bigger things to worry about
-they actually physically cannot harm valentino, as part of their contract states that any harm valentino goes through also happens to them
-they like to keep up with the latest trends, and have a decent sinstagram following
-they are hypersexual due to trauma
-i think thats it. if i forgot smth im gonna be so mad
oki thanks for reading :33
#angel dust#angel dust hazbin hotel#halfway house art#hazbin critical#hazbin hotel critical#hazbin hotel redesign#hazbin hotel rewrite#halfway house rewrites#hazbin hotel criticism#angel dust redesign#violence tw
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everyone arguing with material analysis/assertion about how art is a "luxury" has rarely if ever spent rent or food money on art, if they even pay rent or buy their own food, and if they did that would be considered extremely dysfunctional, and thats what i/we mean. artists are not providing a necessary service.
our plane crashes in the Andes and you are not particularly excited about my "can draw that Playboy centerfold of Marge Simpson from memory" like that is not an essential survival skill. lots of extremely skilled workers work in luxury artisan and craft jobs, it's not an insult to say even a very famous and very talented and influential artist is not producing a commodity necessary for the furtherance of human life. none of us are doing that, no matter how we stretch and strain the definitions of "essential" or even things like "morale" or "group identity". i will burn my copy of Finnegan's Wake to stay warm and thats what it comes down to.
i get foamy crazy snarling and biting about the idolization and obfuscation of what artists actually do because it is a labor issue! the public conception of artists as people possessed of a divine talent they dont consciously work to develop like any other skill, and the public idea that we are simply pleased and privileged to make art all day and "not work", something people say to my face every time i get asked "what i do", is largely responsible for the absolute dogshit reality of how subsistence and working class artists have to survive. we usually dont have health insurance unless we're so poor we qualify for medicaid AND live in a state that will enroll us. most of us are too disabled or crazy to go to a real job every day. most of us have tried, over and over, to enter the normal workforce, and have failed, and been forced to develop alternate skills that allow us to make rent in the ten hours per month we're actually functional. many of the artists i know work from bed because standing up is dicey. this has been turned into a charming eccentricity of famous artists and writers instead of people wondering why a person would need to stay in bed all day and take the enormous bother of bringing their stupid pens and paper and writing board or typewriter or whatever to their bed instead of just getting up and getting dressed and going to work. ive done this, i spilled ink in my sheets. its a huge hassle.
and artists play along with this mystique because people dont want to buy paintings from sadlords! they want to buy paintings and books and marge simpson nudes from cool guys who get a lot of chicks and wear rockstar outfits and party a lot, because of the transitive properties! of course!!! this is basic marketing!!!!! and if the artist doesnt play along they turn into Sad Story Artist where they're doing emergency commissions and posting about how sick they are all the time. this is not cool or fun or sexy. it's a sand trap and its very hard to recover from. im struggling with this right now!
famous and successful artists and writers are constantly ending up 60-90 years old with cancer and multiple sclerosis and dementia, being the subject of some sort of public, last-ditch, humiliating GoFundMe because painting paperback covers fr 60 years means you dont get a pension, you often dont even have kids who can take care of you, you dont have life insurance, you dont have health insurance. 'died penniless and alone' is one of the stereotypical artist endings for a reason, that is not fiction. this happened to more artists than i can list on two hands. look up what happened to Peter S. beagle, the guy who wrote The Last Unicorn. you write a book like that you should be set for life, right? NO. thats not how it works
i'm not saying 'all artists are disabled and working class or poor' because that isnt true, observably. nepo babies and trust fund artists exist, obviously. but they take an outsized portion of the spotlight when the public thinks of the concept of "artist". they are not actually the norm. the average artist is probably making under 40k and living in extremely precarious circumstances and has had periods of homelessness, illness, extreme debt and/or bankruptcy.
this is true even for the 'successful' artists. having one or two or ten good projects and being a household name does not save you from just not having the safety net provided by a normal career path. i was very close with a major, famous 2000s network television creator and team that you have heard of. they won awards, they changed culture entirely, they were a big deal. one of them was turned down for a half dozen projects by the same network that made millions or bilions on their franchise over several years (each pitch is completely unpaid btw, imagine carefully preparing a PowerPoint for morons for months at a time for no reimbursement and thent he morons ask you if you can put a teenage witch looking for her lost cat in the alps in it and you're like, haha, well, it's a 4 part hard sci fi miniseries set on Europa and takes place entirely inside a pressurized lander settlement, i mean Ridley Scot said he was interested already and he pitched a bottle episode about a carbon monoxide poisoning, soooooo....and the executives look at each other and they're like "it's jst not really what we're looking for right now, thanks for coming in" and you go to coffee bean and tea leaf and kill yourself and thats sort of what its like. i made that example up it didn't actually happen i'm using an illustrative example), worked on a canceled film, and just. gradually ran out of money. thats what happens. that guy ended up slowly selling off all his belongings, getting roommates in a one bedroom apartment, and then eventually having to just live on a friend's couch for years. famous guy. you probably know his name. another major member of that same team ended up in GoFundMe/commission hell for years (might still be there) because they had to take care of their two dying, dementia patient parents by themselves. these are people who go to GenCon and sign autographs for four hours at a time. THE PUBLIC IS NOT AWARE OF THIS SHIT and i'm sick of it. im sick of going to a gallery opening night ("vernissage") and drinking bad wine and having a guy with an email job that pays six figures and benefits tell me being able to push "undo" on the computer is cheating. that's a real example, that has actually happened to me. more than once.
artists currently have zero labor protections whatsoever. all of us are undercutting each other in an unregulated market and relying on welfare and private insurance and not having families or buying houses. zero security until we get so old all our illnesses and dysfunction finally ground us permanently and then we get turned into a charity case by fans (humiliating) or just fade away into ghosts and die
whats my punchline? idk i dont have one. it's possible and likely that any given artist you meet is permanently in precarity and will be until they die, even the famous ones. the culture of selling art demands that artists do not admit to this in public unless shit gets really really bad. i guess my point is you should know this, as a person who looks at or listens to or reads things that people have made for your amusement, not for your survival
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TG: a guy can be sad and make jokes at the same time GC: YOU 4R3 S4D, BUT NOT BROK3N UP 4BOUT 1T? GC: 1 DONT UND3RST4ND
Come on, Terezi - you're a savvy girl. I'm sure you're capable of understanding that it's possible to mourn someone who mistreated or abused you. People are complicated!
I guess it is a little different for trolls, since their guardians are (largely) non-sentient animals - but I'm sure that there were still trolls in Vriska-adjacent situations who felt the same way Dave does.
GC: […] YOU M4Y B3 4M4Z3D TO L34RN 1 4M NOT TOT4LLY 1N TH3 MOOD FOR YOUR DUMB SM4RT4SSY HORNSWOGGL3RY! GC: 1 H4V3 LOTS OF MY OWN PROBL3MS H3R3, 4ND TH3Y 4R3 B1G, B1G PROBL3MS
Well, you say that, but you're still taking the time to check in on Dave's emotional state. Methinks you really do care a little more than you used to.
Anyway - what are Terezi's big problems? Because that depends heavily on where we are in the timeline. For all we know, she's calling from before Murderstuck started, or long after it ended.
GC: SO WHY DONT YOU JUST T3LL M3 WH4T YOU 4R3 TH1NK1NG FOR ONC3? TG: its pretty simple TG: im just thinkin about how im gonna take this sword
There's really only one solution, and you know it - although I don't think Bro's sword will actually be that useful. It's not like it's alchemized, or anything.
Maybe Dave thinks he needs to take up his brother's mantle, or something. That definitely feels like something he'd try and pressure himself into.
TG: pulling swords out of things isnt how i roll TG: im not john remember GC: 1 4M NOT FOLLOW1NG TG: im not a hero TG: my bro was TG: john is TG: im not
And if that’s not the thesis of Dave’s entire psyche.
This kid's been made to feel small for his entire life, and that's not something you can shake in a day. Or three days, for that matter.
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SPIDERMAN CLASSIC …. miles morales ⟡
… ꒰ঌ ໒���
#MILESMORALES brooklyn’s one and only spiderman!
⟡ genre: fluff | warnings: platonic/romantic pov, implied aged up જ⁀➴ note!: first time actually using miles as a graphic wow also hype up my 1610 fics more damn
the large metal doors shut behind you as the music became muffled. your makeup was nicely done, your dress beautiful, but not for the one it was intended to be seen by.
yup. you got stood up at prom.
he was this guy you liked, you considered a friend. and he stood you up. the grey message from your screen illuminated on your face as you leaned against the alleyway. you were disappointed, yeah. but nothing to cry about. the thing to cry about is how humiliating it was.
you left after a few drinks, you friends toning down your sadness. but it didn’t last long. you just wish-
“hey!”
“wh-?!”
well, this was a surprise. here laid infront of you was the infamous spiderman who saved your city every day. or spiderman 2, most people called him. the only thing different was he was wearing a suit with a bowtie and flowers. and it matched your dress. coincidence? also he was upside down. that’s normal.
“spiderman?”
“yeah! that’s me,” he rubbed the nape of his neck “sorry, is it weird to see me out of character like this?”
“more or less. why are you so dressed up?”
“long story short— i’m finding a prom date last minute.”
that was both true and a lie. the boy behind the mask was finding a prom date last minute, yeah, but it was purposeful in a way. you could have swore he was younger. he sounded like a freshman or sophomore to you.
“um.. yeah. that’s all im really in for. what are you doin’ out here? arent you cold?”
“a little. i got stood up tonight by my date. sucks, huh?”
he nodded like he didn’t know. you didnt hear it from me, but, that was no mistake. he webbed the guy to a nearby alleyway a few blocks down. apparently he had been that pickpocket going around all throughout this week.
a win is a win in miles’ eyes.
“…would you like to be my date? you can say no of course i was just asking-!”
“that.. would be nice. amazing, actually.”
his lenses went wide, taking up most of his mask which was pretty cute. underneath, he could feel his face warming up. and not because he was upside down.
“really?”
“yeah! then i can brag to my friends how i went to prom with spiderman or something, it would be fun.”
“.. would you go with me if you knew who was under this mask?”
“mmm. depends. you seem sweet. my parents say you’re a jerk. you know, that week that rhino destroyed my dad’s car and blamed you? i saw the whole thing so i thought different.”
his face was heating up more, definately not because he wasn’t right side up.
truth was, miles may have been stalking you for a while. he liked you a lot but was too shy to directly confront you, so he watched from the sidelines. found out everything you liked. everything you loved. he just wishes he was a part of that list.
“also, you sound familiar. have we met?”
“what? nonononono- i’ve never seen you in my life!”
“uh huh.”
you did wonder who was underneath, now. you never suspected it would have been someone you knew, but the drastic change in tone once he dropped the fake deep voice made you wonder.
you wanted to pull his mask above his eyes to see if you did know him, but he waved his hands at the point where it reached over his nose. he seemed like a really shy guy, despite him being the hero of brooklyn.
you hummed in contentless, “well, my friends might hear an earful from me about this encounter. and how i’m going to be dancing with the savior of new york. so thanks for that, spidey.”
you gave him a small kiss on the cheek and he froze, fully expecting a kiss on the lips. peter told him about this whole ‘spiderman kiss’ thing and he wanted to try it. its how he won over mj, after all.
even if it didn’t turn out the way he hoped.
“woah..”
“didnt expect that?”
“absolutely not!”
afterwards notes: rewrote this twice also hype this up wtf
©hiimayee loves you !
#miles morales#miles g morales#miles morales x reader#across the spiderverse#miles morales blurbs#earth 1610 miles morales#earth 1610 miles morales x reader#spiderman 1610#miles morales 1610#earth 1610#spiderman kiss#1610 miles x reader#miles 1610#earth 1610 miles fluff#miles morales fic#miles x reader#miles morales fanfiction#miles morales imagine
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