#im so bored im in class doing nothing
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Found this somewhere cant remember where
so like.. if yall want-
Applies to me ooc and trystia+the book club members so u can choose :3
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i am so Bored .
#text#NOTHING TO FUCKING DO...!!! i cleaned my room a bit but not fully bc i Dont want to#and now im BORED . and one of my friends on campus has class today and the other is super busy#and i dont know anyone else well enough to ask to hang out#i definitely need to eat what if after that i speedrun Deciding not to have agoraphobia and go to dollar tree or something#im so sick of making purchases but . there's little treats there . and maybe theyd have fun makeup#But also. i'll say this and then the time will pass and i will not have done it. as per usual. so#but also if i go i'd get to listen to MUSIC on the BUS which is AWESOME#becaue i LOVE MUSIC AND THE BUS
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why can i literally not function at school like i swear i'm trying i just can't focus????
#luc posts#like i take notes but then i get bored and the doodle on the side of my page thst was meant to take 5 seconds took 10 minutes :(#and then im lost and bc im lost i get all fidgety and i keep doodling and then jts just a cycle#if i work for 20 minutes i feel like ive ran a marathon and i have to take a 40 minutes drawing/staring into the distance break#and im gonna fail maths but theres literally nothing i can do no matter what i do I can't focus for over 20 minutes at a time#and then its the end of class and i feel guilty bc oh i didnt do any work :( like i feel bad and i want to fix it but idk whats wrong so ho#can i fix it if i dont know whats wrong with meeeee#ugh#it literally makes me want to cry am i just lazy is that what it is am i literally useless why cant i work#like i was so ahead kf the average grades and i never learnt to study and now ugh i dont know how to function so i just dont#and it doesn't help that my friends are all geniuses#like they complain about their one mark away from full marks and im just like OH MY GOD if i could just focus then i coukd do so well#likr ok i guess i wont mention tjst i failed that test bc yall sre complaining about getting one mark off fukl makrs#likr fuckkkk okay i have so mucb potential why di i waste jt :(((((#i hate school so mucb#i genuinely consider dropping out sometimes like I CANT DO THIS hiw do these peiole di ut how hiw how someone tell me how to function#like these peiole getting top marks withiut eben truijgn and i tyr and i cant fishcis so i fail snd then ufh i want to die#bc its so embarassing i eas like top 10% of the class a few years ago and now i just cant function like how do these peiple do itso#someone explain ot me how oieolem focus and dony get distracted and ginish things kike ugh
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Idk if I'm a masochist or if I'm simply starved on content because I willingly click on videos that criticise RQ, FULLY WELL knowing it would attract an audience that didn't like the book either and then watch it AS WELL AS reading hate comments, all the while torn between laughing and thinking it's outrightly wrong lmao
I get a sick pleasure out of this that can be fulfilled with no other activity
And then I proceed to continue writing marecal fanfiction bcs fuck you I hv a soul destroying obsession with them and no amount of hate is going to change that
#tbf to the videos they do bring up valid criticism#nothing against them#its just far too entertaining to read abt people getting bored#while i was sitting in chinese tuition partially through war storm#and i was screaming internally so bad it leaked onto paper#no joke i was scribbling on paper “can they just get over it already#and “holy shit when is class ending i need to continue reading otherwise i will combust#i thought i would have gotten over the fandom within the month#and it's been 3 but im still here kicking and very much staying#red queen#glass sword#king's cage#war storm
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it has just occurred to me that ive reached the point in my life where im enthusiastically looking at travel vlogs. idk how to feel about that
#look i just never had much of an interest in traveling? growing up?#not that i think there's nothing to see or america's got everything i could ever want bc lol no obviously#but ive never really felt like.. super into the process of traveling. it's exhausting and im not even doing the planning yk?#not to mention 'im gonna be broke forever' mentality means i generally don't really consider it a serious option#but i am jumping the gun a Little bit by looking at like. jet program vlogs and stuff#which feels very 'optimistic baby's first japanese class' to me. but whats the harm in dreaming?#or at least daydreaming#anyway looking at other people eat cool food or stay at nice hotels wasn't my thing but APPARENTLY it's growing on me#and again idk how i feel about that#genuinely some of it might be that im watching shortform videos rather than like 20 min vlogs#so the information is limited to the most notable/funny/interesting elements rather than like. someone's shampoo packing strat#though unfortunately that might not be that boring to me anymore... im old yusuke.......#anyway i would kill to go wander some cathedrals or just some goodass beautiful hiking#im a simple girl
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i like to think of myself as a yapper but i know that’s really not true because i can’t be properly active on more than one social media site at a time. 😭😭
i started actually saying things on twitter and now i haven’t made a textpost on here in forever
#ITS HARD I HAVE NOTHING TO SAY!! um idk. so busy with classes lately. started p/3/r and im watching ewbie play 2. um. thinking abt tactica#and rest in peace to my instagram accounts i havent made a post (besides art) since like… the holidays#i just feel like im so boring i have no thoughts and when i do have a singular thought i put it on one platform 😭😭#apologies i am persona-brained now so i’m on twitter and not on here as much#personal
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#focus who? i dont kno her#its so bad. i csnt focus at all. and ive got way too much to do. take me back to last week where i spent hours reading papers#annoying. also possibly lack of sleep cstching up with me#do u ever get very little sleep and not miss it at all? yea bitch all the time. then i get depressed and its sleepy time#and by sleepy time i mean i get like 8hrs of sleep lol#maybe ill just do nothing and completely fuck over my sunday lol#maybe i should go run up thr mountain rn before im stuck in a car for 2 hrs#bc im getting spikes of being insane. unfortunately i have no emotional object permanence so when i feel crazy its like#ive always felt like this ans its terrible forever. and then immediately afterward im like lol wot? nah im fine. ive always been fine#shout out to mood swings ✌️ like bro im trying to get materials together so i can teach a class. can u shut the fuck up? and focus?#well see how i do today with a ton of socializing. itll b fine. im normal i can b normal#or i can b endearing quirky. or whatever i usually i am. i dont think i have conversations like a normal person but i cant tell bc im not#there for conversations im not in. whatever everyone else has conversations in a way thats boring. i just wanna grill ppl til i understand#how they work. and then feel like im gonna die if im in a group conversation 🙃 let me study thr ppl around me#bc im very normal. god. i promise irl im not that weird. ppl think im nice and cool and successful#ok maybe not cool. but i think i can get away with being interesting. i got at least a lil charisma. im only a bit horribly awkward ;-]#but i try to own it. wtf was i saying. jesus. i cant with my brain rn. i shoulf have gone for a run this morning#being social just makes me anxious so im babbling i guess. but itll b fun. and itll b pretty im sure#maybe ill try to draw my ocs while im not paying attention. ive neglected them for so long 😭#unrelated
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Am I aroace or have I just been awake too long?
#rav speaks#its 2am and im listening to a mix of twice aqourus and J-metal girl bands while questioning everything in my life#anyway do people actually feel the way they describe in romance songs??#like idk ive had like 3 crushes in my life but like i dont think i could actually see myself in a relationship?#so either im aro or like I just have trouble imagining a relationship becuase ive been single my whole life#its like how sex is pretty interesting to me and id be down for it in theory but i cant see myself actually doing it#interesting in a im curious if its really all that people make it out to be#cuz it seems prettyyyy boring to me lol#specially since lesbo sex apparently takes agessss and i know for a fact i would not let a dick get anywhere close to me#anyway off topic#im trying to figure out if the way i feel about romantic relationships is the same way i feel about sex#like in theory id love to have a gf and like do datey things but like it seems like so much effort to get to that stage#got a dating app and im barely on it because ive realised i dont really want to actually talk to anyone#and like i was meant to meet up with someone today who when i first started talking to on said app i was like kicking my feet and blushing#but i noticed that im starting all the convos and decided i was just like fed up of that whats the point of trying to get to know someone#if they arent interested yknow. like they were meant to get a bus to my city and i was hoping they would just like tell me a bus time#and we'd go from there but nothing. so im just like. over it#and i feel like thsts probably not really how crushes really work?#its like i had a bit of a crush on a girl in my classes but once exam season hot and i stopped seeing her so regaually i just kinda forgot#i think she might be in 1 or w of my classes this term so maybe talking to her again will relight that but im prettyyyy sure shes staight#so prpbs better to loose the feels anyway#this is just a rambling mess now i really need to sleep#Maybe I'll figure myself out eventually but for now im gonna stick with grey aro cuz i think thst makes the most sense?#unless there are other micro aro lables i dont knoe of (very likely)#at least i know I'll always be an asexual lesbian even if i dont know if ill ever actually date girls#honestly life would be so much easier if i jsut loved my bestfriend it wojld be so cool if we could be in romantic feeling together but#alas we tried dating for lkke a week and i avoided her the whole time cuz i felt a deep deep sence of wrongness lol#its like again in theory i could see us as a great gf duo like if i was watching our lives as a show id be shipping us#but in practice its njst wrong#if anyone actually reads all of this you get a reward of uhh 🦎 goodnight!!
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#about to rant so ignore me#but like#okay. i have gotten over my assigned professor being changed. its okay. if she says this is better i trust her decision#and the forgetting to tell me and my new professor not having understood he had to read my stuff now is just an unfortunate accident#it happens. im unlucky like that i should be used to it#but now i still havent gotten even a single 'read' or whatever like they do with all my other classmates#if i go to class tomorrow just to find out no one still hasnt read what i have been working on for the last 5 weeks im#im going to explode#i already feel like shit for not meeting my self imposed goals#and its not like they could forget i have had no revisions BECAUSE I REMINDED THEM AGAIN TO PLEASE CHECK THEM OUT ON THE EMAIL I SENT#im just. so desmotivated#im already having the shittiest fucking weeks. maybe months. trying to get myself to work and do stuff#and this makes me feel like im that forgettable or that im gonna get hit with a 'change EVERYTHING' in the worst last possible moment#im so tired my intentions are good please someone for the love of god remember IM HEREEEEEEE#nothing is enjoyable i have no energy i just want to sleep everyday!!!!!!! i feel like im a burden and a bore to anyone!!!!!!!#im not wanted anywhere!!!!!! im fucking painted in here!!!!!#i have begun to talk about stuff unrelated to what i was originally saying 🙃 but oh well#its too much too many things all at the same time#i just want one fucking time where im not forgotten by literally everyone and made feel like a last fucking choice i want good things!!!!!#and im so tired of coming to terms with me never being anything to anyone just for someone to come and make me think maybe im wrong#just for everything to go to shit again!!!!!!!#i want to scream and take space and say how mad i am no more fucking 'dont worry its okay' 'sorry' no fuck off!!!!!!! SCREAM!!!!!#haunted.txt
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anyone else constantly feel like there glass between them and rest of the world and like they're not allowed to join in
#i see soooooo many people with the same stuff and same interest and everytime i reach out they look like at me like im crazy#or ignore me#i give up on friends and people#im so tired of doing everything everyone suggests and getting weird stares#no one wants new friends no one needs new friends#everyone already has theyre established selected and treasured group of friends and im just shit out of luck#im just forever the friend you talk to when you have nothing better to do#or when youre bored#or when they dont want fail a class
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genuinly dont think ive ever met anyone else more obsessed with the sound of their own voice than myself
#this blog is all the evidence you need#and itll literally be the most boring pointless meaningless things but if its me talking about it ill do it for hours#maybe i should be a writer huh#only problem is of course just cause im obsessed with the sound of my voice doesnt mean anyone else is#hmm maybe a public speaker then so they cant escape#if a drink a couple of litres of coffee pled a vodka or so then maybe id even be able to pull it off#or a uni lecturer maybe#reminds me like when its a class at uni i actuallly have something to say in or just find interesting#then ill always be wanting to contribute even if someone elses speaking and i have literally nothing valuable to add at all#and then sometimes ill put my hand up and start saying something and realise i have absolutely nothing worthwile saying in a university#setting and ill look like an idiot and be horribly embarrassed#surprising enough i put my hand up at all since usually i can barely speak but drinking coffee makes me want to more#and the seminar setting is less awkward cause youre meant to so its not like going up to someone who almost definitely wants nothing to do#with me or something and like even if someone talks to me i usually cant think in the moment and say something so stupid#or such a stupid variant of nothing at all that that person never bothers to speak to me again#and this isnt just me being dramatic or anything i mean this completely literally i have empirical evidence of this happening almost#every time#i mean yeah no one talks to me cause i dont make the effort but i literally cant bbecause my brain and other people are literally#incapable of e isting in the same room at the same time#and the only way of fixing this us by speaking to more people til i get used to it and the only way of doing that id to be capable of#speaking to people in the first place which i cant do#stupid bloody checkmate unsolvable paradox
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#you set up something to bring joy to others (and yourself tbh)#and one person has to kick up a stink to the point where you dread going#im still not over wednesday night ugh#“i've invested now!!”#girlybop i am the one who spent money on this from the start#im the one who bought allll your little resources you can't live without#im the one who paid for a web presence#im the one suggested our venue based on familiarity#you hen#you show up late every single week#interrupt the gm to go make a coffee when you decide his storytelling is boring then get confused about whats going on#you still dont know the difference between a d8 d10 and d20 after ten months#you dont know how to read your character sheet#you get other players to do combat and make decisions for you#you then insult the gm when we say we're moving venue#saying the new venue is a risk (???? hardly lmfao) and the streets around there are just as bad for crime and theft (delusional)#then you attempt to lie by omission but get caught out by one of our other players who basically works in our current venue#caught out by that you then try to say “well i cant do wednesdays anyway” and attempt to railroad us into a monday#but “what we'll do is start at 5.30/6pm and ill join for 30 mins then you can continue til 8.30”#and when you're told “no a whole bunch of us leave work at 6pm” you just dig your heels and repeat yourself#there's more but im just dreading wednesday atp#im so sorry for ranting and i will delete this but im just getting more annoyed as time goes on somehow#ugh#she rants!#tbd#the whole town is middle class like#the only crime here is spraypaint vandalism#thats it#oh and wheelie bin theft. other than that..? nothing honestly
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My cats have had diarrhea the past few days and my mom thinks I should call the vet and ask if they need to be brought in I freaking hope not I feel guilty every time because it’s mom who has to pay for it but I still don’t have a job yet. Ughh
#personal#I’ve been doing this stuff to work with turbo tax or whatever#its boring#everything is fucking boring but the only thing I’m even somewhat interested in are things my mom doesn’t want to help me with financially#like with this tax stuff she offered to buy me a laptop#but with the game writing course that I’m ya know actually excited about#nothing#and then she started talking about how bad the economy is so i couldn’t even find the guts to ask#I really hoped she’d offer I mean with my siblings she’s always helped them out#but that’s like at a college so it’s more stable seeming I guess#I dunno#I fucking hate asking for things#I feel like I’m constantly asking for either help or permission just to be here#just to fucking exist#because I don’t want to be here I don’t want to exist#so I’m just failing over and over at what everyone else can seem to do so easily#and I’m so tired#I’m so tired and i don’t even feel like i should be allowed to be tired#I mean seriously I take a boring class three times a week and im falling off the deep end#for fucks sake#everything just feels so hard#why is everything so hard
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genuinely cannot believe it is term time again sigh
#lib chats#no bc wdym i had work yesterday and have a day off tomorrow aND THEN HAVE SCHOOL THE DAY AFTER???#like at least in the holidays id go to work knowing i had more days off#and idk its just different in the holidays#also we're doing stuff but also simultaneously nothing in all of my classes#(aka working but not actively doing internal assessments)#and im so so bored i need to be DOING shit yk#and my math teacher isnt even here im so confused#but thats a whole nother textpost 💀
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little known con of being unable to do any of my schoolwork is that i am. unable to do any of my schoolwork
#im literally so bored#2/4 classes so far i havent been able to do Anything in#the other class where i could do sumin it was literally like nothing at all . just review#which you cant even review that well when you cant get on school sites#next hr...i am SO hoping we have something to do but also poetry unit yuck
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sorry for diary posting so much on main but this is the last one today prommy
#it's in the tags anyway so#SO#i didn't go get my masters. or rlly try for a phd because i felt like i was bad at school right#(because i failed two classes in freshman year and i'd never ever done that before)#(and i failed those because. my meds made it very difficult for me to retain any information/make memories or whatever)#and it was just so WEIRD and i felt so dumb because never in my life had i been bad at school before like that#so that kind of killed my general confidence in academia#so even tho i got into a decent program i just decided to go work instead#(and yes a big part of it is that my current job is awesome and i didn't know if i'd get this kind of opportunity again)#and i kind of just realized#the last year and a half have LITERALLY JUST BEEN SCHOOL#OR WHAT A MASTERS PROGRAM WOULD BE LIKE#sort of. like an engineering masters.#except technically i have come up with new stuff too it's just operational and not research#but i spent the last year and a half learning something completely new that i knew nothing about at all.#and i've been teaching classes while i was learning and taking exams#and my exams went WELL#the last oral exam i had my evaluator told me it was the best one he'd seen#i went to talk to one of my senior instructors recently about the last big class i taught to become certified#to fucking important ass terrifyingly smart people#and he told me i was a model for all new people and i did super well#and then he told me not to tell anyone he said that because he didn't want people to think he was a softie#(he's a gigantic softie. i can't believe people are scared of him)#when he gets mad he expresses it and honestly he's valid for it sometimes people are dumb bitches and need to hear it. but apparently some#oh that's a tangent. anyways. if i can do this i can probably go back to academia right...#and jesus fuck girl it doesn't have to be mit. it can be a normal school#i can Lower my Standards because they aren't about to lower theirs. haha but what if.... anyways im gonna stick with the same major as my#bachelors cause i did actually enjoy it. and aerospace is boring in comparison. and i wanna figure out how to keep people alive both in#space AND under the ocean. at pressures we were never meant to survive at! Now THAT' would be fun.
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