#im so sorry for ranting and i will delete this but im just getting more annoyed as time goes on somehow

[bookinit02]

thinking about this post i saw the other week where this person was saying how badly they wanted to be able to buy a nice mug without thinking twice about it. and all the comments were saying how they could just buy a cheaper mug. and they were like jesus fucking christ ITS NOT ABOUT THE MUG. because yeah

[cobaltfluff]

me: I want to move out, I would love to live on my own, even in an isolated area because I don't go out anyway, and I never really feel lonely on my own

*the prospect of exactly that arises*

me: NO but i dont WANT to live SO FAR away from my friends who I rarely see anyway what if I get LONELY

[wiredsmi1e]

hi yes ive got sm to do today istg i just wanna

[mirawhat]

am i dead? no. do i kinda wish i was? sure.

idk if its because of playing ffxiv(*), or because of adhd(***) or because of poor time management or because i live alone and have to do all the chores all the time all alone, but i do not understand what should i do ti have time for everything i want to do. i have so little obligations outside of 9hr work day but i just dont have time!!! for basic things!!!!!! and i hate this

[the-kipsabian]

i shouldnt be taking this so seriously but lmao kip being voted in top 5 worst gimmicks of last year :')

[synthshenanigans]

Ik its been said multiple times before but Vol. 1 is so interesting to me & its suck sm with how often the actual real parts of it get mischaracterized or just ignored

[theres a LOT of text here i apologize i just rlly like the album]

Gonna rant more about the way ppl characterize HMS more even just specific events people end up misinterpreting. Just using the "tines stabbed through eyes" line as an example, that line is usually given or seen as being about Heart when its not him who says the even says the line, it's Soul. The sides he's talking about IS Heart & Mind, its even in the { } marks to show that.

But aside from that, even just HMS as characters/concepts is misrepresented as well. Op already went into it very well but a major point of the album is showing that the each of the sides aren't perfect & that neither of them are the victim nor the villain of it. [mention of depression & suicide cos yk its CCCC]

Heart isn't some overly emotional child that is willing to kill Mind at any chance he gets. He's the part of Whole that gets so overwhelmed with everything that he lashes out & is pushed to shooting himself [Heart shooting Mind is just Whole shooting at himself, as stated in Mucka Blucka]. You cant just say "Oh well Hearts evil cos he tried to kill Mind" when it also would've just gotten Heart/all of them killed as well.

Good Day & Just Apathy is Heart getting tired of everything to the point where, in Heart Acoustic, he gives up and lies in the hole. Not caring about what happens to himself/Whole anymore.

Mind also isn't the smart one that is just "dealing" with Heart & the things he says and he isn't the villain trying to push Heart down or get rid of him at any point. He's just trying to get out of the depression dip just as much as the other two. But seeing Heart almost get them killed, he views that part of Whole the "wrong" half that will only make things worse. But then shown by Be Born & StAAS, he cant run it all on his own which is what pushes him the the point of Mind Electric where he's also just overwhelmed with everything & panics on the fact he has no idea how to stop it.

[Which speaking of THA & TME, THA is Heart giving a logical outlook on his actions & why he does things his certain way. While TME is Mind emotionally lashing out not knowing how to fix everything. Clearly showing Heart can be logical & Mind can be emotional]

All that just goes into Light. Where the both of then ask the other for help. Mind asking Heart for help on how to understand the things in life & how to get through them ["Languish in the numbers, falling under, drowning in the code. The questions we have pondered, time we've squandered. Don't you feel we're owed? Please, help decipher this life that we lead, for each step that we take the answer takes three].

Heart asking Mind to help him become more stable, not to spiral down so fast and violently. ["Humility's a virtue; pride, a sin or so it has been said. But every time I've hurt you or at least tried to, you've laughed and smiled instead. Kicked, scorned and damned by the forces that be not ever once did you fall to your knees"]

Both need the other to actually get out of the depression pit they've all been in [Which is what Soul tries to tell them before too]. Neither of them are actually evil or good or anything, just struggling to not feel so depressed all the time & just need the other to do that.

Now going into Soul, he main part into it isn't just "i hate my sides i want them dead". its a mixture of Heart & Minds worst answers/ideas that they get to in THA/TME. He can't handle how worse everything keeps getting & gives up on trying to fix it at a certain point, but he has no idea how to actually stop it so he's spiraling just as much as they are. So, as shown in the end of TSE, he decides that its all too much to deal with & decides Tridential Regicide is the only way to "solve" it. The Bidding being him giving them both one last chance to prove death isnt the best way out. He isn't an unstable madman trying to get the other 2 killed, he's just given up on trying to go another day & ends up with the idea that dying is better for them all/Whole ["We will be combined whether that be dead or alive"]

Main thing im also getting to here is that the three of them are just different ways that Whole is dealing with depression. Giving up on doing anything in life so either having something happen like the "Juno Incident" or just lying down, giving up & being unable to do anything [Heart]. Trying to stop it by just trying to push though the days and end up shoving your emotions deep down & spiraling even more downwards, confused and frustrated on how to stop it [Mind]. Then ultimately giving up on it ever getting better & thinking "Tridential Regicide" is the only way to stop it.

You can't really label HMS as wrong or right when its just about Whole's inner struggles & trying to stay out of that depression spiral [the loop that gets mentioned]. It's just complicated since its all about the brain & it dealing with mental health. Which is the ENTIRE reason Whole's line in Light, one of the very few he has in all of Cacophony, is "Sitting in the sight of every eye I believe in you. Open the window, look out and see me. That sad, sulking mess; this human you're being".

Whole is even telling his parts that none of its really their fault, its just something thats very hard to deal with. I went more into it before but that line is just telling them that despite everything before they're still human & are just trying to get out of the depression spike they're in.

This is getting to be 12 paragraphs too many so ill stop here but, the album & HMS are not just some story about 3 guys fighting & hating each other. Its one guy trying to deal with depression & how complicated the brain can be when personified and struggling with everything. The way said characters are shown & made mean a lot to me & it's one of the few things ive seen that deal with it in an interesting way. so i just wish that was known & spread around more than it actually is

Mischaracterization in the CCCC fandom: a yapsesh (alternative title: Erm... What the Gore is Going On?)

Hi. Woaw. I'm actually making that post I talked about.

So. One thing I've noticed in the CCCC fandom is this weird fixation on gore, torture, violence, etc. Usually a level of graphic content that makes your average horror flick look... pretty tame!

Don't get me wrong, I enjoy horror! I even think a horror story based around psychological conflict similar to CCCC could work well!

But is it just me, or has this fandom COMPLETELY lost track of what the characters are like in the source material?

Like. Let's be real. Nowhere in the album does Soul do gruesome surgeries on Mind, nowhere does Mind go ripping people to shreds like Doomguy, et cetera. The closest thing we have to an implication of violence is what most of us call the "Juno incident"- as even "tines stabbed through eyes" is clearly a metaphor with the next line: "that the sides have condemned."

Im gonna talk ab the characters themselves under the cut

I feel the biggest victim of this mischaracterization is Soul. In the album he's... kind of a victim, really. He toughs out being dismissed and fought over and pushed aside and outright dehumanized for so, so long. Are we seriously just... going to characterize him based solely on his lowest point in TSE? Spring and a Storm and Mucka Blucka are also songs where he's present- along with his presence in Just Apathy that the fandom seems to outright deny to keep their characterization of him as some violent, abusive monster. (Which, again, is quite literally never alluded to! He's honestly kind of a victim, if anything!)

Ohhkay. Next topic. Mind. Oh boy I have thoughts on how people characterize Mind.

He's not emotionless. If you believe this, you've fallen for his stoic facade. All of his songs are just. So full of so much rage. Maybe even a little bit of grief and sadness and fear, masked by said rage. He isn't some emotionless robot- (Heart calls him an automaton as an insult, but that's another rant.) and honestly it feels like such a disservice to such an interesting character with so much unexplored depth to portray him as such.

Heart. Oh boy. Where do I start. Heart what did they do to you.

Heart is the emotional side, yes, but that isn't just some... smol innocent uwu baby who cries all the time. Emotions aren't small and cute and timid. They're INTENSE and PASSIONATE and EXHAUSTING. Strong emotions leave you so, so drained, good OR bad. This is so much more interesting than portraying him as some "uwu hai dere!!" type of character. Which is nowhere in the album.

Whole is hardly even a character. Soul worshipping and praying to whole is fanon.

This fandom's weird obsession with creating shock gore and one-upping each other in a violence competition has spiraled pretty far out of control, and it's honestly crazy. How do you go from an album about internal conflict to violence that would make even the cast of Resident Evil cringe? Brah.

Final notes uhhh. Soul is a victim who got pushed to his limit, not an evil heartless abuser. Mind is angry and unstable and hurt, not some emotionless robot. Heart is the entire emotional spectrum, not some innocent baby. Ok i . I think that's all. Have a good one

[melonyfelonyfellonme]

...

[martyrbat]

oh tracy chapman we're really in it now....

[the-artof-starting-over]

Once again questioning trying to progress at work cause all its giving is more stress for no extra pay or even extra time to complete more jobs? Wtf am I doing ???

[ganondoodle]

i didnt know there was a tag limit apparently- tags got cut off so im adding more here, though i cant remember what it all was (why doesnt tumblr warn you when you add too many tags??)

(but in short, theres lots of mental and physical health stress going on with my parents among more so im just .. trying to hold on to the best of my ability, but being not neurotypical and basically IRL friendless - isolated and with all the world trouble etc .. im jsut not doing good, though less openly depressed its like a surpressed stress- having my escape to all IRL stuff also become stressful is not exactly helping and i dont know how to handle anything)

so with echoes of wisdom .. i havent watched any of the trailers beyond the very first one and the thumbnails/screenshots and what others have said about it-

but with the world inside the rift being called "Welt des Nichts" aka "world of nothing/void" in german ('still' in english, for some reason) and demises title in french being "avatar of nothing" ... yeah my anxiety is shooting through the roof again

(hopefully you can be a little more forgiving for me being anxious/weird about it bc demise is my blorbo)

i had similar worries with totk, that werent proven true thankfully, but the darn book is making it all worse again with all those weird lore things the game doesnt even so much as hint at AND potential retcons- im in for a really rough time huh, not just stress in real life (more in tags.. its alot) but now about my specific hyperfixation from two things even (AND artblock still..)

weird as it may sound, i dont want demise to get more lore, partly bc i dont believe theyd do anything with him that i would like (given their track record) but much more importantly- the fact that he has this little lore about him is precisely one of the reasons why i fell in love with him, i tend to like characters that are neglected by the narrative, and his story being both so flat and already done meant i can be very creative with what i come up with for him without necessarily contradicting anything in canon (which is ... or was a big point of how i wrote destiny's story and lore, working with canon in a way that reframes it all without straight up ignoring it ... but i suppose i urgently need to let go of that and accept i spend alot of time working things that will go to waste :( ) AND not having to worry that there will be more stuff with him that would massively change not only what im writing but also potentially how i feel about him since the game he was briefly in was the oldest chronologically and ended with his death- i didnt expect them to mess with anything that far back and thought theyd just go forward and leave the timeline behind and wouldnt mess with it again, given how botw seemed to be a sort of 'fresh start' that seemingly regarded the past as the past that needs to rest and that the timeline was finally no longer a discussion if everythings unified through botw and one thing going forward

but i suppose i was very wrong with that .__.

right now the only thing that motivates me still is the left over determination and spite to work on my zelda comic, since i have never gotten this far and really want to get something done for once, but i cant lie that im feeling like i should pause all work on it too to wait and see waht the book and the new game will do .. either to determine if i still have the will to keep working on it after those things are out (my love for tloz has been taking alot of hits lately ..) or if i have to change stuff (mostly bc of my lore problem trying to not ignore it ..)

[siasthoughts]

can i request for mortefi x f!reader relationship fluff hcs?

💌 → « CRIMSON SCALES. »

CONCEPT; HEADCANONS . HOW IS MORTEFI LIKE IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU?

TOPICS/WARNINGS; NONE

sorry if this is kinda bad 🥲 this my first time doing headcanons

ᡣ𐭩 MORTEFI who dedicates himself to work, and he usually dismisses your texts or attempts to talk with him during work hours. but know that as soon as he gets home, or off-duty, you're all his, and he's all yours.

he's greeted by you as he walks in the door, giving you a small forehead kiss. "oh how lucky i am to be greeted by an angel, what are we having for tonight?" he asks, setting down his things onto the couch as he savors the view of you.

ᡣ𐭩 MORTEFI who would usually come home exhausted, but if you ever needed to rest instead, he'd be happy to cook, clean, and so on.

he'd come home to see you plopped down on the couch, tired as you were barely awake, laying on your sides. he'd lean over to you, giving you a light peck on the cheek before heading to the kitchen to cook you both dinner.

ᡣ𐭩 MORTEFI who would not be scared to give you logical advice, even if it would sting a bit.

you found comfort in his arms as you ranted about some problem you encountered with an ex-friend. "well, sweetheart, i think you should just confront them and admit your mistakes."

ᡣ𐭩 MORTEFI who would spoil you with compliments, and acts of service. though if you wanted, he would spoil you materially too.

you'd be struggling to tie the back of your dress as you were getting ready to go out with him, before feeling a warm hand on your lower back, "you need help with this, my beautiful lady? or do you need a new dress for this stunning body?"

ᡣ𐭩 MORTEFI who would try his best to comfort and help you when you're in stress.

ᡣ𐭩 MORTEFI who would try to act okay even if he's exhausted to not get you to worry (you'd end up knowing anyway.)

ᡣ𐭩 MORTEFI who has a soft spot for you.

ᡣ𐭩 MORTEFI who is willing to shift his (very sacred) routine for you.

-`♡´-

sia's note: i really dislike the way i laid this out im so sorry 😭🙏 lowk i wna delete this the more i look at it omg

you have reached the end of this post

⌂ HOME?

[luvyeni]

LONELY; LEE MINHO

pairings. softdom!minho x touchedstarved!reader

wc. 1k+

warnings. oral (f receiving), unprotected sex, praise kink, breeding kink

this was a request but i can't find who sent it, it must've been deleted. i'm not good at angst but i tried.

lee know constantly being away was starting to get hard, especially during tour.

—

you knew what you were getting yourself into when you entered into a relationship with lee know, but it still didn't hurt any less when he was super busy.

like recently he started touring once again, flying from country to country, doing what he loves.

he recently returned from singapore, having a few days off in korea before he had to go back in the air to head to japan.

he was so exhausted when he came home, and all he wanted to do is rest by himself and take care of the cats before he had to go, and being the person you were, you didn't want to bother him, so you let him be.

but you couldn't help but crave his touch, not even sexually (even though you wanted that too), but you just wanted to be held by him.

"love, have seen my phone charger, i'm packing my bag for tomorrow and I need my extra charger?" you pointed to the dresser.

"thank you." he put it in his bag. "i can't believe we're going back to japan, it's crazy I feel like we've been there a hundred times."

he then went on rant of how many more countries they had to go, and as he went on, you couldn't help but start to tear up, you just want him to stay home with you.

"and then we- whoa what's baby what's wrongs?" he put his things down, rushing over to the bed. "are you sick?" you shook your head no.

"what is it?"

you felt so embarrassed for crying, but you couldn't keep it in anymore. "i really want you to stay, i miss you so much, i wanted to just touch you and be with you when you came home, but you wanted to be alone, so i didn't want to bother you, but now im gonna be alone again."

lee know felt bad, he knew you craved physical touch a lot due to things in your past. he didn't mean to shut you out these past couple days, he was just so exhausted he hadn't even noticed.

"my poor baby, i've been neglecting you haven't i?" you sniffled, nodding. "you just wanted to be loved and touched, and i haven't been a good boyfriend, im sorry." he cupped your face, wiping your tear stained cheeks.

he pulled you into a passionate kiss, his soft lips made your entire mind go fuzzy. he pulled away noticing your new state, your eyes glossed over. "my pretty baby, i got you." He pulled you into his lap.

he left little kisses along your shoulder blade. "i..i w..want you." iou whimpered. "i..i want you to touch me, please."

normally he would tease you, and make you beg for his touch, but he could tell you were not in the right headspace for this. "okay baby, lay down for me." you crawled out of his lap, laying on your back.

"good girl."

he kissed down your tummy, to your waist. "p..please."

he pulled your pants and panties down, tossing them somewhere in the room. "so pretty love." He kissed your thighs.

"you smell so fucking good princess." you wiggled your hips, but he stilled them with one hand. "i got you princess, i got you."

he gave your clit a little kiss, before licking a strip down your folds. "m..minho." you fingers ran through his hair, tugging at it as he ate you out.

"you feeling good princess?" his finger prodded at your wet hole. "so wet." He slid his finger inside, licking your clit, adding more stimulation.

"i..i'm g..gonna cum."

"g..go ahead, cum whenever you want princess." he added another finger, speeding up his process.

your eyes rolled to the back of your head, thighs shaking as you came on his fingers. "good girl." He kissed you, essence still on his lips, making you moan.

"c..cock, w..wan' your cock." you were a mess, head in the clouds... lee know thought you were a adorable, babbling mess.

"want my cock? okay, you can have it." he pulled his sweats down, underwear too. he stopped you from touching him , cooing at you when you whined in frustration.

"relax baby this is about you, it's all about your pleasure only today." he touched your cheek once more. "let me handle it."

he positioned himself at your hole, wasting no time, pushing inside you. "fuck baby you're so tight."

he slowly pulled out, before slamming back in you. "s..sso b..big!" he gave you another kiss to the temple. "im so -shit- im so sorry for neglecting you." he thrusted slowly inside you.

"i know you hate when i leave princess, i hate leaving you, wish i could take you with me." you whined because that's all you could do.

"keep you by my side at all time for motivation before a preformance, fucking you in the hotel room after the preformance." he tugged at your nipples.

"you're clenching around me fuck, you're gonna cum again? go ahead cum, be my good girl and cum." he began to pick up his pace.

"lee know- fuck! " with a scream of his name, you came around his cock. he rode out your high, feeling himself about to cum also.

"shit! i'm gonna cum- im cumming." you felt his cum paint your walls white, thrusting three more times, riding out his high. "good job, you did such a good job princess."

he pulled out of you, you whined at loss of contact. "im hear baby, i'm still here."

he waited for you to come down, smiling as you looked him in the eyes. "you're back." he caressed your cheek. "let's get you cleaned up."

you grabbed his hand, stopping him from moving. "no, please let's just handle it in the morning, i just want to cuddle with you." he nodded; laying next to you, wrapping you in his arms.

"i really am sorry, i didn't mean to ignore you, i was just so tired,i hadn't noticed." You nodded. "it's okay."

"never be afraid to tell me you need me okay? even if im tired, i will always make time for you, okay? i love you." you kissed his lips softly.

"i love you too."

he kissed your forehead, pulling you even closer if that was possible, and that's how you spent the rest of the night, in each others arm, enjoying each others presence in silence.

©️LUVYENI

[fleshwerks]

Thank you for your rant posts on DAV. They’ve been cathartic to read as they echo so many of my own issues with the game and how it treats its own lore and insults its fanbase. I feel stupid for caring about the oppression of mages and elves given how they sanitized and wrote out these cornerstones of the Thedas setting and it sucks! Im glad I’m not alone.

I had very little hope for this game given its mess of a dev cycle and how the company has bled talent, I thought it would be a very messy narrative as a result. And it is! But it’s worse, because it’s not just messy, it commits the greatest cardinal sin of writing: it’s boring.

I think you nailed it. I'm at the same point as you, especially as someone who's huge into DA lore and the intrauniverse sociopolitics, as well as the expected (foolishly) aspect of your deeds mattering, either positively or negatively.

I have a whole ass Inquisitor who can now stop feeling bad in his steppe-sky burial about his indecisiveness during his tenure as an Inquisitor: BECAUSE NONE OF IT MATTERED ANYWAY. 'Oh, you delayed some suffering for like, what, 7 years? 7 years is nothing when you're doomed anyway. I can already hear the argument "but what you do even in short term matters, too."

Yes, in real life. But I don't do RPGs for real life. I play RPGs to be able to fantasise about doing a bit more than I can do in real life.

On top of it just about everybody being so blasé about what's going on. This is the worst blight ever, two actual gods are loose, but here we are at the dinner table, arguing about Taash' mom being a strict, traditional jerkass and Bellara joining the list of people who hate themselves for having ADHD, and holding her hand through it. Boring.

Veilguard commits another sin: everybody blames themselves for everything, but it either gets fixed for them, or they're feeling sorry and do the thing they feel so sorry about anyway.

My kingdom for a character who can go 'it is what it is, I'm not perfect, but I'm not sorry for existing and having an impact on this world, especially if the impact is caused by something I couldn't really control; all that matters is what we do next.' Which would open up the world at wide: tackling things that make your personal issues microbial in comparison. These people don't have the luxury of crying into their chicken soup. Not to say these things can't be addressed, but in Dragon Age, characters are supposed to support the overarching plot and the worldbuilding. Instead, the world puts itself on hold until you've solved Lucanis' granny issues or whatever.

If you've ever watched campaign 3 of Critical Role, that series has the same issue. The cast is made up of people who by and large have no real connection to the world or the overarching plot, and a large part of the viewerbase has come down onto the same idea: if the characters don't really care and only keep reacting, and reacting with quippiness and laughs and occasional 'oh no, that's bad, right? Anyway,'... why should we care?

Why should I care? Because everything I cared about as a player has been deleted, and the cast of Veilguard is mostly just dicking around until the plot reminds them that hey: we have the worst apocalypse going on since Solas deleted Elvhenan. Can we like... react more to it? We can do the therapy sessions later when people have stopped dying.

Disclaimer: I fully acknowledge that I'm going off on a tangent and I'm most likely projecting and reading into it too much/not reading into it enough. But that's the problem. Most players will play it once. You can't rely on subsequent playthroughs to make someone care.

Worst part is, companions aren't even boring. They're just miscast for this particular plot, exacerbated by what BW did to all the established lore. The tonality of the game itself and its place in DA canon is just wack.

I'm likely being incredibly unfair, but there's something to investigate here, because if you've failed to bring players into the lore and invest themselves in such numbers, it isn't just Mari here talking shit, it's a wider problem. Lest we forget, your fiction, your work stops being 'only yours' the moment you publish it and allow people play with your toys. The author is king, but the author is only the king of their own version of their story. The moment it's read and played by many, it's not just your story anymore, it's everybody's, who's engaging with it.

God dammit my English literature and language degree is catching up with me, I've turned into That Guy. Uck.

[velvetvexations]

just need to rant but today i found out that the author of the pills that make you green comics is against the use of transandrophobia as a term and i feel like my heart was ripped out of my chest. literally her comics were so affirming and felt so transmasc positive and now shes reblogging posts saying that "pro transandrophobe" people are like gamergate men. im hurting so much inside and i dont know what to do. i just want somewhere safe, i want safe blogs that are affirming and not always debating whether or not my oppression is real. i feel like even though its so bad for my mental health, the only place where im safe is discourse blogs, because i Know what their stances are, im safe with blogs like yours and corey's, even if seeing the arguments hurt it hurts less than feeling tricked and lied to. im sorry, i dont have anything really Important to say i just needed to vent 🥺😭

maybe, do you know any pro-transmasc blogs that do more positivity rather than engaging in discourse? i think i really need more of that on my dashboard

@tpwrtrmnky As my anon pointed out when I asked if they'd allow me to tag you in this response, you've already deleted the post that inspired this ask and you say you're going to address why you were unsatisfied with it soon, so I'll wait before adding, if you would consent to it, my own commentary. However, I'd appreciate it if you could read what's been written because it's very emotionally moving to me and I feel as though it's important for you to hear it. Thank you.

I want to say to you, anon, that I understand how it feels. Similar things have happened to me, which I won't get into so as to avoid discussion on if the situations are entirely comparable or not because that's not really the point, and it's crushing.

As to your question, as a result of how easily I'm triggered I follow practically no one who ever even mentions queer issues at all so I'm unfortunately not the best to ask for recommendations of that nature. I recently started following Corey's side blog where he sometimes does trying to keep it mostly positive, but since you mentioned him you're probably aware of that'n (corezy if anyone else would like it).

If anyone else has any recommendations please put them in the replies or send me an ask.

[seonghw4ffles]

sunk cost fallacy

"im reeling in my brain again, before it can get back to you."

playing ricky montgomery ...

seonghwa x fem!reader

< chapter one > chapter two (?)

genre: 4am rant, angst, second chance, ex, seonghwa mc

w/c: 2.6k

summary: he ran for you like a fool when you called him saying your car broke down after fifteen months of no contact

tw: quite poorly written (its pretty much my vents into a fic), reader METAPHORICALLY referred to as "small," no happy ending (unless this gets attention), minor swearing, just sad, thats it though

note: the indented are memories. hi guys im back from school camp hehhee!!! i have never seen angst being on the s/o's side, its always carried on the y/n which frustrates me... might delete this cus i havent proofread,, yeah i might make a pt2 of hea if anyone cares 😭

"oh what am i supposed to do, without you?"

THURSDAY 04:17

seonghwa had no intent of anything, when he was unable to sleep.

seonghwa had no intent of anything, when he minimised himself across his bed.

his mind is a merry go round, already worn out. he doesn't know if these feelings in the air are beautiful or wretched.

seonghwa had no intent of anything, before his phone rings to a call.

he looks over and reads your name across the phone screen. it was almost a reflex when he instantly straightened himself, grabbed his phone and answered.

"y/n? hello?"

“hey, seo- seonghwa…” you shudder as you say his name. “could you help me?”

oh how he missed your voice. yet, his full name sounds strange under your lips.

and only after a moment of communication on the phone, he grabs his keys off the nightstand.

˖ ࣪⭑

"sorry. i couldn't afford a tow truck," you speak through the call.

"no, don't apologise. i'm coming for you."

he's already driving through the dark, apathetic to his dishevelled state. as well as the speed limit.

you’re trapped on the side of the road with a broken down car. you happened to be without any other choice but to call him. and honestly, thank the fates that this was the situation.

“are you okay? its so loud, are you driving safely?” you say, hearing influx of seonghwa’s very own car horns.

“yeah. don’t worry. just a whole lot of mindless drivers,” he replies. people who couldn’t drive should get off the road.

as he speaks, he notices how exhausted his voice sounds, as though he hasn’t spoke in so long. but one couldn’t really get a chance to talk if there was never anyone to talk to.

more horns fill the air.

seonghwas hunches forward. he is on the brink of smashing the pedal, just to distract himself from his own overwhelming mind. the drive is so damn slow.

as he steps back, he cries, realising all is gone. "what about my friends? my parents? they all hate you. fuck it, they hate me too. im sorry. i just can't."

somebody blocks his way, and he punches the steering wheel. well, it’s more because of the memories that begin to trespass his head, however it is impossible for him to care less.

he hates himself for the way he took your vast, beautiful hope for granted during then. for how he was so dense, so scared to let his love take over his fear. and now that everything all had dissolved, he wishes he did something differently. so that perhaps the current state wouldn’t be so.

and so perhaps you wouldn’t be stranded in the middle of nowhere but a road, all alone, in the night. for hours.

you’re in trouble. and he is obliged to save you, be your hero, the way he used to, and the way he was always supposed to.

“are you alright? are you cold? do you have a jacket?” he asks through the phone, almost at your location.

he waits for a response, but he's only met with silence.

"y/n? hello? y/n??"

and there was still no answer.

his heart rate drastically increases. he's really smashing the pedal now.

"y/n,, answer me? please?? hello???" he shakes.

a hundred, a hundred and ten, a hundred and thirty.

he's so scared.

he's yelling over the phone at this point, but you're still not responding.

"Y/N!! FUCK," he yells, almost to tears, vigorously pushing his back against the seat as he continues the drive.

and when seonghwa sees your familiar vehicle in the far distance from his windscreen, he swerves his steering wheel to turn to the side. he doesn't care if he's too far to stop. he roughly slams his hand to the gear for adjustment and swiftly releases his seatbelt, stepping out of the door and slamming it behind him. he leaves his car resting diagonally out of the highway, half onto the grass, because he really doesn’t care about anything else right now.

he runs desperately towards you in the soft moonlight.

it was windy and cold while he’s wearing nothing but a thin shirt and trousers, when he appeared outside your car door, finally laying his eyes through the window.

his heart stops for a little bit, seeing you for the first time in what felt like ages.

he finds that you're asleep, and he's so relieved that you're safe. yet what currently alters him more is your mere presence right upon him. you look so fragile and so small, your knees huddled to your chest, and his stomach twists. you're prettier than he could ever remember.

and he misses you so, so much.

he gently knocks against your glass window.

and you gradually open your eyes to his panting, his wide eyed gaze, and the wind in his hair.

"y/n?"

he steps back as he watches your beautiful figure exit the car. you are thankfully wearing a thin jacket.

the moment you shut your car door, he walks over to you and engulfs you under a tight embrace.

oh how it felt for him, to hug you like this again.

"seonghwa."

he immediately noticed how you tensed up when he pulled your frame into his body, and he softly released you.

his heart breaks a little bit. he's so ashamed of his thoughtless actions.

he looks down at you, his heart twisting as he realised he was undeserving of your comfort, and takes a step back.

"my bad," he mutters under his breath, covering his face to accept the fact that he just messed up the moment he got to see you.

"no, don't worry. it's alright," you reply, smiling in a way which looks so obviously forced.

he doesn’t know what to say, as there was no excuse for the way he treated you. all he could do is look at you, noticing every little crack in your demeanour.

he guides you back to his car.

when you fell back into the structure of the road with him, the air was empty and silent.

you were unsettled of the vast tension.

"how are you doing?" you manage to say out loud, but even you flinch at your own words. a such normal phrase sounds so drastically different than it did before.

doing? how does he answer that question if he had done nothing for the past fifteen months and four days, supposedly since the day of when his love of his life had disappeared?

"i'm doing good. how about you?"

he swallows hard as he sees your lifeless expression through the corner of his eye.

he had always seen you uplifting and cheerful, yet right now he couldn’t fathom how you’re the same person. you appear so worn.

"i'm great. just a bit tired tonight."

he stares endlessly at the many lights flashing from his windscreen.

one could say it was awkward, but he is too dismantled to conclude this precious moment like that. he's happy enough that he gets to see you again, although he knows he shouldn't. but he hopes you feel the same too.

"how long were you there for?" seonghwa asks for an attempt to keep the conversation.

"well, since twelve."

he almost crashes to the car in front.

"what? are you alright?" he says. "the hell were you doing for four hours?"

"sorry. i mean.."

"no, why are you apologising? i'm just.. why are you-"

your instinct to apologise hits him greatly. seonghwa knew he was the reason for your anxiety, and he despises himself. he turns to you, and for a second, he sees all that he put you through.

"i should've listened to my friends," seonghwa tells you, broken in state. "you've done nothing but cause me stress."

he wants to throw up.

"what were you doing for four hours?? why did you have to wait four hours to call someone???" he asks with great worry.

"it was dark, and there was nobody i could contact. i called all my friends, and none responded. i assumed they were asleep."

although he is happier to find you again, it still hurts that his wound is severely reopened by this moment beside you alone. it hurts that he couldn't even blame your search for him. 

"i initially planned to wait until the next morning, but i lost patience. i called you, and you picked up almost instantly," you conclude.

after when you said the last sentence, he suddenly felt like you knew him too well.

perhaps you also knew that the sole reason he never falls asleep was because of you. because he is waiting for you. because he still loves you so much, he couldn't sleep bearing the thought of his feelings unrequited.

"you're safe now," he says.

you tighten, bringing your arms closer to yourself. "thank you so much. for this. seriously. i know i'm probably not the person you wanted to see."

"don't be sorry. please don't. i'm happy to see you again."

the moment was now quiet, but calming to the ears.

he felt lucky he didn't give up on the sunrise too soon. if fifteen dreadful months led to having an hour with you, he's more than grateful. 

he wonders if you feel the same. that you're happy too.

he wanted to convince himself that maybe you lied when you said you couldn’t afford a tow truck. that maybe, just maybe, you wanted to see him again.

"are you hungry?" he asks to fill the air. you must be.

"no," you reply.

"lets stop to eat."

"no, it's okay. i'm not hungry."

"you lie too much. you've been stuck in some damn car for half a lifetime. we're eating, yeah?" he says, and there's no stopping him.

truthfully, he did not care if you were uncomfortable eating with him. he felt selfish, inconsiderate. he panicked when he watched the gps get closer and closer to you're place. he only wanted to use this chance to find more time with you regardless, because he knew you would never come back to loving him no matter how hard he tries.

"fine," you admit. but it sounded like you really wanted to stop to eat with him. and he wanted to believe that.

"what about convenience store food?" he says.

he knows you love miniature food. it's far more accessible to have many small packs of diverse dishes, rather than otherwise.

you smile, and his heart flutters ballistic.

you laugh once you walk into the bright, empty store with him.

"i want sushi… i really craved sushi," you say, pointing to the aisle.

"of course you do," he smiles, following you.

you take a compact sized pack that's fairly cheap, and now it starts.

he waits there in the corner as you run around the small store, taking almost anything you think looks good. he watches you far happier than before, and he felt something in his chest that wasn't fear. more so, it felt like he finally released all that he carried.

seonghwa felt alive again for the first time after fifteen months.

"this!!" you suddenly come into sight, holding about six or seven packets of food that you almost struggled to carry.

"you want that?" he chuckles. "alright."

there was no queue, so he went straight over with you to pay. seonghwa gets nothing but a small coffee.

if he could at least be your friend again, there's nothing more that he could ever want.

he leads you out of the place, back into the car. he held the door for you.

"thank you," you say. "thank you so much."

"don't worry," he replies.

once he gets in the car, he views you opening your food. although he used to recognise himself as a mass eater, he doesn't remember the last time he did. his body is destroyed with nothing but coffee and water.

and when he starts driving, he watches you enjoy your food. he softens more than ever at the sight. 

"want some?" you ask, holding out a whole ice cream tub you're just scooping with a spoon. you're quite of a silly person.

seonghwa laughs. "i'm driving."

sooner or later, you hold up the same spoon of vanilla ice cream to his face. his heart beats faster before he takes a bite out.

"shove it in," you laugh at the way he's struggling. 

he tries his hardest not to laugh in order to properly eat the ice cream.

"goodness, you're so peculiar," he says after he managed to consume the load.

"no, you are," you say. "youre the strangest person i know."

he smiles and turns to you for a second, unable to say anything. "well, i dont eat my ice cream off its tub."

"i dont eat four ramen packets at once," you rebut, hitting his shoulder playfully.

"oh be quiet right now," he replies.

you laugh, scooping another piece straight from the tub.

"i don't care about that. i know its impossible, but i want to believe its possible," you say, with the eyes of the most warmth so generously offered to him.

and there the two are, acting as though nothing had happened between them, acting as two lovers.

˖ ࣪⭑

he follows you to the apartment complex you stay in, and he's unable to let you go.

as you say your farewells walk away into the building, he catches your wrist, and you turn around.

"i still love you. im sorry i messed up before," he whispers to you. he steps closer as he takes his slightly trembling fingers to guide a stray hair behind your ear.

you didn't expect the sudden confession. "seonghwa.."

he shuts his mouth. the way you hesitate sort of leaves him uneasy. he stops to look at you, to cherish this little time he has with you. who knows if this will be the last time he sees you?

no matter how far it hurts him to admit, he couldn't deny how beautiful you are.

"can we try again?" he says almost mindlessly. he felt like he lost everything with that sentence, and wishes he could take it back.

it was silent for only a moment. those few seconds were more anticipating than he had ever felt, he wishes he were gone.

you looked down, as though trying to find what to say. there was nothing but ringing in his ear, until you answered, "i’m interested in somebody else."

"im sorry," he mutters, shamefully pulling away. he covers half his face with his palms to look down upon for a second. it's shattering when he absorbs all your words, burrowing them deep under his anguished heart.

you moved on already?

"its okay." you reply.

who is this new man? is it your really close colleague he never liked? or your guy that's always been part of your friend group?

"why is it so hard for you to just trust me?" you yell, and it seems as the glass tipped over.

he lets go of his arms. "who is this guy?" he asks, almost instictively. he spoke more aggressively than he intended.

"i don't think you're obligated to know."

he tightens his eyes shut.

so fast. you’re so fast. everyone is so fast. it had been fifteen months, yet he’s still in the same place he was in those fifteen months ago.

you’re moving on, while he had stopped. how does he fill the gap that does not shrink?

you’ve really given up on him.

you like someone else.

it's all over.

he subtly bites his lip, stepping back. he couldn't even look at you anymore. "well, i..." he barely mumbles, his voice trembling. "i really wish i could be the man you fell in love with again. i really do."

you almost flinch, looking away from him. you couldn't believe he could say such a thing. you seemed like you pitied him, for how vulnerable he currently reveals to you. "i’m sorry. just... leave me alone for a bit, yeah?"

it felt like knives to his heart. "you want me to leave?"

his voice is breaking. he looks back up to you, trying so hard to find a hint in your expression that you wanted to take it back, even a tiny hint, but he couldn’t.

"if thats okay," you say, as he freezes at your words. he felt like he said something he shouldn't have. what if this is the last time? what if this is really the last encounter? is this the moment everything is said?

“okay. then i'll.. then i'll see you,” his voice slightly trembles.

"im sorry. i'll see you," you reply, watching him leave.

"i wish i was strong enough. for us,” he says.

seonghwa steps back, and follows hesitantly. he stares to the cold, stone ground, exiting the complex as all his instincts scream against him.

the way you speak is destroying him piece by piece. he doesn't want to step any further away from you. he could never accept that you no longer love him. but if this is what you choose, he couldn't really do anything.

his love for you is overflowing in his hands. who else could he give this to if you refuse it? it hurts to carry.

its okay. he’s is willing to wait more for you. for something to happen again.

but how long will it take?

[thatdeadaquarius]

Reader that can emit sounds from their memory(like as an aura)

Walk into a room? Why do I hear boss music

Comedic timing? Fuck yeah.

Bored? Jumpscare noise.

Zhongli talking? Jeopardy theme.

Someone is annoying? Earrape.

Think about it!

Hello! I’m the 12th Harbinger, aka as CHIL- bitch shut the fuck up, WHATS UP ITS YA BOY AQUARIUSSS- /ref

lmao imagine you walking into a room like this in teyvat, with like that audio I SAVE BY GIVING IT CPR- TIGHT AS VIRGIN BOY DONT GET NERVOUS-

(also ill stop apologizing for the late replies to these, bc as we all know by now that im slow and u will get answered eventually i promise tumblr most likely didnt delete u guys asks im just hoarding them LMAO)

I’ve been super busy running in circles so sorry about ghosting! I still very much enjoy and love u guys and love seeing you guys enjoy my stuff :’) 

Still cant believe that, but thank you!

JEOPARDY THEME MUSIC WHEN ZHONGLI TALKS

HE’D BE SO CONFUSED

THINKIN HE GOT AN ANCIENT CURSE HE DOESNT KNOW ABT PUT ON HIM OR SMTH BC HE’S ALWAYS BEING STALKED BY THIS SONG-

(tbh unless the person is super observant I dont think most ppl would get that it’s YOU causing this chaos lmao)

◇

Like I can see Zhongli eventually getting it lol, other ppl I could see after the first few weeks of interacting with you (esp bc you mix it up, honestly it was only bc u kept playing the jeopardy theme over and over when Zhongli ranted on too long that he got it was you 💀):

Heizou (he’s the best detective on all of Inazuma’s islands, ofc he got it! no he will not acknowledge that he totally thought you were hiding a very musical tanuki somewhere on your person at all times lol)

◇

Alhaitham and Cyno (haitham took like, two hours of walking around town with you and knew, bc he’s a little know-it-all lazy bastard like that, and Cyno is actually just really aware, despite what most ppl think, he’s the General Mahamatra and not just a regular Mahamatra for a reason after all)

◇

Tighnari (i stg he can like, smell when bullshittery is happening in his vicinity …or... hear?)

◇

Venti (unsurpringly, he’s totally in love with this power of yours, i mean he definitely loves you cares about you a lot he says, but you’re starting to think he’s just lying to butter you up into pranking Diluc, Barbara, Jean, and really the entirety of Mondstadt more often  including Zhongli just so he can laugh until he’s on the ground again, also he definitely once asked you to make a dragon sound that’s the equivalent of shouting FUCK at Dvalin when he was flying overhead one day)

◇

Hmm

Hm hm hmmmm

Who elseee, i need a characcctterrr lisstttt…

Albedo (duh, he’s albedo, you think he has an entirely too thick folder dedicated to your recent obsessions, you rant a lot about it while playing and also he can access your browsing history 👀, and he somehow doesn't know that about you?? You’re like, literally one of his long-term, there-for-life, has-bought-a-house-for-free-in-his-head-you- arent-even-on-rent-anymore, hyperfixations or special interests. Autistic!Albedo is autistic, Because I Am Your God, And I Say It Is So.)

◇

Dehya (always knows when its you walking around near her bc you like to listen to your old world’s songs too often when you arent pranking bitches, she actually rlly likes it and your music tastes…)

☆

HOLY FUCK SPEED RUN BC GOD THERE’S TOO MANY BITCHES WANNA BE YOUR BABY, RIDING AROUND IN A DAMN MERCEDES-

OKAY-

SO not all in the same way or at the same time, or even the same length of time did they realize you literally change background music or some shit so I’ll let you just- you know okay- like you get it- you get it.

Xiao, Kazuha, Kaeya, Diluc, Ayato, Yae Miko, Keqing, Qiqi, Klee, Sara, Kuki, Nahida, Ningguang, Rosaria, Scaramouche/Babygirl, Dainsleif, Kokomi, Xinyan, Yun Jin, Yelan. 

Jfc got the whole damn pride flag up here

Anyway everybody else outta luck, at least takes em a month or longer to get it lol

♡

Sorry abt the end there i didnt feel like writing out all those bitches bc the few I did before were already longer than I thought they’d be…

Also, I am posting these spam of drafts (and that old follower 100+ event possession headcanons in prep for the next 2 weeks bc I will be really busy, again :/

Got spring break shenanigans this week, then I’ll be running around like a cat with zoomies bc im getting ready to install/actually submit my artworks for the gallery exhibition! 

…wish me luck or prayers or anything good from any god you believe in, I need the strength. 

With love, safe travels,

💀♒️

♡the beloveds♡

@karmawonders / @0rah-s / @randomnatics / @glxssynarvi / @nexylaza / @genshin-impacts-me / @wholesomey-artist