#but that’s like at a college so it’s more stable seeming I guess

[poor-mans-productions]

My cats have had diarrhea the past few days and my mom thinks I should call the vet and ask if they need to be brought in I freaking hope not I feel guilty every time because it’s mom who has to pay for it but I still don’t have a job yet. Ughh

[imfoive]

Bicycle Bandit

Bad Boy! Jeongin x Reader (fem.) Genre: College au!, Opposites-Attract, Fluff Warnings: mentions of drinking, cursing, illegal activities, somewhat proofread WC: 4k A/N: This is a rewrite of an old fic of mine (also made this banner before chk-chk-boom mv dropped and I saw graffiti and gasped lol) Feedback is always welcome, enjoy! ── MASTERLIST

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He was bad news, and Y/N was well aware of that. He skipped classes, partied hard with his friends, caused mischief. Clearly not the model student. Yet fate had entwined them in the same study group, making it impossible to avoid him. Y/N often wondered why he bothered with the his academics when his heart seemed set on everything but studying.

Yang Jeongin.

A heartthrob who knew he was hot, Y/N would be lying if she said she didn’t agree. Rumors swirled that he dated a different girl every other week, and some even whispered he was the dean’s son. However, that seemed a little far-fetched since he behaved more like a teenager than a responsible adult.

Speaking of Yang Jeongin…

   “Yo!” His voice broke the library’s quiet, drawing disapproving glances from everyone around.

What did he expect, shouting in a place of quiet study? Y/N tried to focus on her notes, subtly observing him as he casually dropped his backpack on the ground and took a seat across from her. After a few moments, he rifled through his bag, pulling out a biology textbook, post-its, and a highlighter. Clearly underprepared. She rolled her eyes, returning to her annotations. How could someone so unconcerned with school be part of their study group?

   “Do you have a pen?” His voice was a whisper, catching Y/N off guard.

She looked up, meeting his expectant gaze.

   “A pen... do you have one?” He repeated.

She nodded silently, handing him a pen. He flashed a grin that seemed to light up the room, and for a brief moment, Y/N found herself captivated. Quickly, she shook off the distraction. Her focus was on studying, on securing her future with a stable job. Yet, despite her resolve, she couldn’t help but steal glances at Jeongin. He lounged back in his chair, pen in hand, seemingly unbothered by the studious setting. She sighed inwardly and refocused on her work. Mentally scolding herself for her straying attention.

As their study session wound down, one by one, the others gathered their belongings.

   “See you guys tomorrow.” Someone whispered, and they all exchanged quiet farewells.

   “Okay, I have an appointment with the professor. I gotta go, Y/N.” Her friend next to her whispered, starting to pack up.

She nodded, watching as her friend glanced over at Jeongin, who remained seated across them, inexplicably lingering.

   “Bye.” He waved with a boyish grin.

Returning the wave politely, her friend hurried off, leaving Jeongin and Y/N alone in the lingering silence of the library. She could feel his eyes on her, chin leaned in the cup of his hands. She was surprised he wasn’t the first out the door, surprised he even stuck around.

   “I’m also gonna go…” She began, closing her notebook slowly.

He didn’t reply immediately, watching her gather her things, and the awkwardness settled between them.

   “I guess I’ll leave as well.” He finally said, rising to his feet.

Exiting the library, the sweltering afternoon sun hit them contrasting the coolness of the air-conditioned room they had been in. Y/N shielded her eyes against the brightness, noticing Jeongin beside her, sporting sunglasses to combat the glare.

   “I’m Yang Jeongin, by the way.” He introduced himself casually.

This was their second time meeting at these sessions, and it felt like he only greeted her because she lent him a pen. On top of all that, they even shared a class. It made her feel bitter as she frowned at him slightly.

   “I know…” She replied, clutching her notebook to her chest.

He eyed her curiously.

   “We’re in the same biology class.” She explained, turning away to begin walking, leaving him to his own thoughts.

Setting a brisk pace to put distance between them, she could feel his gaze lingering on her back even behind his shades, but she continued walking.

Jeongin’s presence had always been a disruptive force in their study group. A stark contrast to the studious atmosphere they tried to maintain. While others seemed content to overlook his disregard for academics, Y/N found herself increasingly drawn to observe him, to decipher whatever was behind that charming smile and nonchalant demeanor. Even if he didn’t remember her existence.

As she walked, she couldn’t shake the memory of his smile, brief yet disarming, making her wonder exactly how he coined his notorious reputation.

Her feet halted on her way to the her next class, eyes catching sight of bold words. She stared at the flier above the campus bicycle station, taking in the words of caution and the black-and-white pixelated CCTV image capturing a hooded person, likely a student, stealing two bicycles at once.

The Bicycle Bandit had struck again. It was surprising how he continued to evade capture, especially with the administration clearly on his trail. The remaining bicycles were securely chained to the metal rails. She sighed and turned away. Walking was always enjoyable, after all.

The weeks passed in a blur of lectures, late-night study sessions, and the occasional glimpse of Jeongin, who seemed to appear unexpectedly in places he didn’t frequent much. 

His booming voice would wave at her with a “Hi, Y/N!” Declaring that he had not forgotten her or her name.

Despite her best efforts to maintain a distance, their paths crossed as he decided he would start attending biology lessons more often, waving at her gleefully from a back seat in the lecture hall almost every time. Each encounter left a lingering impression that she struggled to connect with his bad-boy reputation.

Jeongin decided to skip the next two study sessions, and surprisingly, no one seemed bothered by his absence. Not that he brought anything to the table. It turned out their professor had recommended a study group as a last-ditch effort for him to pass. And he managed to follow through, as surprising as that was. Y/N guessed he did care about his grades after all, even if only a little. Her eyes glancing towards the door, secretly hoping he would walk through them.

About a week later, she ran into Jeongin again. It was early evening, and she was strolling towards a supermarket near campus. The streets were quiet, the air cool. That’s when it happened, when she literally collided with him.

   “Ack—!” She exclaimed, falling and scraping her knee on the rough concrete. Today was definitely the wrong day for a dress.

Jeongin stumbled on the sidewalk, breathing heavily as he glanced down at her, hands on his knees.

   “Oh... hey, Y/N.” He managed between deep breaths, catching himself. 

   “Are you okay?” There was concern laced in his voice, stretching out a hand to pull her up from the ground.

She hissed a bit but grasped his warm fingers, steadying herself as she stood, before shaking off the sting on her knee. 

His eyes scanned over her quickly to ensure she was indeed okay, but he also seemed distracted.

   “I’m fine, but why are you running?” She asked, looking up to his disheveled figure, genuinely curious.

He flashed a quick dimpled smile, brushing sweat-dampened hair from his forehead.

   “Just... enjoying the thrill of the evening.” He said, though his eyes darted nervously in the direction he'd come from.

She raised an eyebrow, noticing paint smudges on his fingers and face.

   “Really?” She trailed off, tone laced in doubt, but before he could respond, his expression froze.

The distant wail of sirens grew louder, and his head shot towards the source of the sound.

   “Shit.” He swore under his breath, his gaze flicking back to hers with a mixture of urgency and determination. 

Without warning, he grabbed her wrist and started sprinting. Her mind tried to figure out what was happening while her feet unconsciously ran behind his pull.

They veered into a narrow alleyway, the shadows swallowing them whole as they pressed against the cool brick wall, panting for breath.

   “What’s going on?” She managed to gasp out, her voice tinged with a mixture of fear and exhilaration.

Jeongin’s expression was unreadable, his features illuminated by the faint glow of the streetlights filtering through the alley.

   “Trust me, Y/N.” He said quietly, his grip on her wrist tightening reassuringly. 

   “Just…stay quiet.”

And there they stood, catching their breaths, caught in the tense stillness of the moment, the distant echoes of pursuit faded into silence. They were pressed close into the darkest shadows behind some shop. She could hear his heart thrumming loudly, or maybe it was hers. Yet, his presence beside her felt strangely comforting, his calm demeanor a stark contrast to the adrenaline coursing through her veins. She glanced up to observe his tense profile, eyes on the lookout, still trying to steady his breath.

Jeongin, the so-called bad boy, was living up to his reputation. Yet all she could think about were the moments he’d loudly called out to get her attention across the room, waving with his signature eye-smile. His actions always drew eyes, yet they felt oddly warm. She recalled his whispered questions during the study sessions he did attend, his brows furrowing as he tried to grasp the concepts she explained.

But what lingered most was the soft grip he still had around her wrist.  

Finally, he let out a sigh of relief, looking up to meet her eyes. He stiffened under her watching gaze, while she felt equally startled, her cheeks flushed. He cleared his throat, trying to mask the tinge of red on his ears. Releasing her wrist, he took a step back. He tossed his backpack to the ground, its contents clattering metallically in the quiet air.

She eyed the black bag that had lazily hung around his back while they ran. The faint clink of metal echoed from within had been evident even then. Curiosity piqued, she crouched down and unzipped his bag while he watched with amusement. Inside lay a heap of spray paint cans.

   “I knew it!” She gasped, staring at him in disbelief.

He laughed, standing up straight. “So what?” He challenged, crossing his arms.

   “You're running from the cops!” She blurted out, eyes wide.

Another chuckle escaped him. “Yeah, that’s illegal.” He admitted mockingly with a mischievous grin.

   “Yes. It is illegal.” Y/N muttered in a hushed tone, shaking her head with a worry.

He glanced out of the alley, checking for any signs of pursuit returning. 

   “Are you one of those types of people?” He asked casually, retrieving a can of blue spray paint.

Y/N knew exactly what he meant, but couldn’t resist making a face at him. “What do you mean, ‘those types of people’?”

   “You know, the goody-two-shoes, the law-abiding citizens.” Jeongin explained, spraying a small spot on the wall behind him, testing the color.

Despite knowing he had her figured out, she stood her ground.  

   “Hey, for your information, law abiding citizens know how to have fun too!” Y/N defended.

   “At least we don’t have to run from the police for vandalizing.” She added, folding her arms defiantly.

He turned to face her, paint canister in hand. “True, but we know how to run away. You just don’t know how to have that thrilling kind of fun.” He quipped, spraying five large stars onto the bricks behind him.

His comment wiped the smile from her face. He was implying she was boring.

   “Give me that.” She said boldly, trying to snatch the can from his grasp. 

But he pulled away, stretching his arm out of her reach. 

He raised an eyebrow. “This?” He teased, shaking the can in his hand. 

   “This spray paint? The illegal stuff?” He laughed.

Y/N pulled down his arm and deftly snatched the can from his loose grip, shaking it before starting to write on the wall in light blue.

   “Law-abiding citizen lives the life of thrill - Y/N.” She proclaimed proudly, scrutinizing her handiwork with a smirk.

He raised an eyebrow, a small grin tugging at his lips as he reached into the bag and uncapped another canister.

   “You’ve clearly never done this before.” Jeongin chuckled, swiftly spraying a layer of red over her name. “This isn’t an essay where you have to give credit to the speaker.”

   “Unless you want to get caught.” He added, muttering as he obscured her name with careful strokes, then transformed the red spot into a heart.

   “Cute, right?” He chuckled, admiring his creation.

She stood silently as he continued to add graffiti to the wall behind the ice cream parlor. The chemical smell of the paint filled the air, and Y/N instinctively covered her nose.

Ten minutes and numerous paintings of a fox character signed off with the letters “I.N” later, Jeongin grew bored of their rule-breaking escapade. He swung his backpack over his shoulder, and there she stood, leaning against the wall opposite the graffiti-covered one, uncertain why she had stuck around.

As he adjusted the straps of his backpack, Jeongin glanced at the observant girl with a playful smirk. 

   “Had enough excitement for one night?” He teased, his voice carrying a hint of amusement.

Y/N pushed off the wall, a wry smile playing on her lips. 

   “So much.” She replied with sarcasm, yet deep down there was still a mixture of curiosity and lingering adrenaline surging through her. Even if all she had done was write a line.

He chuckled softly, stepping closer. 

   “You did pretty well for a goody-two-shoes.” He remarked, nudging her lightly with his elbow.

There was a comfortable silence as they exited the alley, Jeongin occasionally glancing back behind them under the flickering streetlights. Then his eyes settle on her for a second before he sighs.

   “Let’s go.” He said abruptly, as he took hold of her wrist again.

   “Where?” Y/N asked, surprised by his sudden direction.

   “To rob a bank.” He replied cryptically, ultimately laughing at her shocked reaction.

They made their way to a nearby convenience store. Inside, he gestured for her to grab some cold beers. She nodded, still confused as she picked out a can of beer and a lemonade from the cooler while he disappeared into another aisle.

   “What are you up to?” She asked curiously, spotting him at the cash register.

Jeongin grinned mischievously, holding up a box of band-aids that he’d picked up. His fingers tapped on it knowingly. Y/N raised an eyebrow, starting to piece together his plan as they stepped outside.

   “Here, hold these.” He said, handing her the bag of drinks and snacks before crouching down and gently lifting the hem of her dress. She tensed slightly at the warm touch of his fingers on her skin.

   “Ah.” He murmured softly, examining the red and purple scrape on her knee. She stared in fascination at the top of his head, a kneeling figure skillfully tearing open a band-aid and carefully plastering it over her wound.

   “Thank you.” She said sincerely, touched by his unexpected gesture.

Jeongin stood up, his expression softening. 

   “I'm sorry.” He said quietly, taking the plastic bag from her.

   “Did you get hurt anywhere else?” He asked, eyes darting to look at places Y/N could’ve grazed.

She shook her head, feeling a warmth spread through her at his genuine concern.

They continued walking, and with each step, her hesitation grew, yet she followed him further away from the dorms. Darkness settled in, casting elongated shadows around them.

   “You’re so slow.” Jeongin teased, his hands gently tugging on hers. This time pulling at her fingers.

Flustered, Y/N didn’t reply, allowing his hand to envelop hers.

   “Oh! Your fingers are freezing!” He exclaimed, though she swore his touch made them feel warm and tingly.

He tightened his grip on her hand, and she bit her lip, feeling a mix of nervousness and exhilaration. Was this his way of using his bad-boy image to flirt and make her heart race? He chuckled softly, his eyes dancing with mischief, teasing her without saying a word.

They arrived at a playground, which was empty and quiet, with only the occasional squeak of the swings filling the serene atmosphere as they settled into them, their feet awkwardly brushing against the ground due to their adult sizes.

Apart from the crickets, the only sounds were the pop of his beer can opening and their conversation. Jeongin shared stories of mischief, including his runs as the campus bicycle bandit, trading bikes for tickets to a concert he ironically missed.

   “Wait, you’re the bicycle bandit?” Y/N exclaimed, astonished and intrigued by this revelation. Yet at the same time she wondered how no one made such a connection.

His laughter filled the air, his eyes crinkling at the nickname he had unwittingly earned. As she blinked, still processing how he managed to escape consequences, he noticed the questioning look on her face and reached out to smooth away the furrow between her brows with a press of his fingertip.

   “I have my ways. Plus, the Dean happens to be my dad.” He admitted casually, taking a sip of his beer.

Y/N’s eyes widened yet again, the pieces falling into place. The rumors weren’t just idle gossip after all.

   “What?” She managed, trying to absorb this unexpected revelation.

He laughed again, crushing the now empty beer can under his foot.

   “I thought you knew.” His hand reached over to take her lemonade, taking a sip from it nonchalantly.

   “I wouldn’t even bother with my grades if my dad wasn’t breathing down my neck.” He added with a shrug.

Y/N nodded slowly, taking back her drink and sipping, the faint taste of beer lingering on the bottle.

Silence settled between them once more as he swung gently, his legs hanging in the air, leaning back with his eyes closed, enjoying the peaceful night. She couldn’t help but smile at the sight of Yang Jeongin, his bleached hair catching the light of the park lamps.

As his swinging gradually slowed to a stop, he glanced at her before bursting into laughter.

   “What?” She asked, confused but joining in his infectious amusement.

   “I guess even boring things like this can be fun.” Jeongin finally concluded with a grin.

This time, She laughed along, nodding with a “I told you so.”

He walked her back to the dorms, hand still in hers, and despite the late hour, the warmth of their adventure together lingered long after the night had settled in. ─────────────────────── IF YOU STOLE THE CAMPUS BICYCLES, PLEASE RETURN THEM TO THE BICYCLE STATION!

The new fliers were hung all throughout campus, and Y/N stared at the one on the library door.

   “Yang Jeongin!” She muttered, half-shocked and half-amused by his audacity.

Beside her, Jeongin grinned mischievously, his eyes sparkling with amusement. 

   “Hey, they were just sitting there, begging to be freed.” He justified with a shrug.

She shook her head, trying to suppress a laugh. 

   “You’re unbelievable.”

Jeongin shrugged nonchalantly. 

   “It’s all in the name of adventure, right?” He leaned in, poking her cheek playfully.

Despite the absurdity of his actions, she couldn’t help but smile at his infectious grin. Before they could discuss further, another friend from their study group approached, clearly curious about the hushed conversation.

   “What’s going on?” Her friend asked while Jeongin waved it off with a casual smile. 

   “Oh, nothing. Just surprised there are such thieves on campus.” He shook his head, pointing at the flier with a mock expression of disappointment.

Y/N stifled her laughter and quickly headed out the door before she burst out laughing.

As they walked away from the library, her mind replayed the string of bizarre and exhilarating experiences Jeongin had brought into her life since joining the study group.

Four months had passed, and despite his abysmal grades, Jeongin still managed to show up to their study sessions. Still greeted her with a booming voice and grin as he waited for her outside her dorms, ready to head to biology class. He still managed to introduce unexpected and risky activities that made her heart beat in exhilaration. Jeongin was always injecting an unexpected twist into her mundane routine, and she enjoyed every moment of it. Though he often distracted her with his endless questions and quiet giggles.

As the others bid them goodbye, it was just Jeongin and Y/N once again.

   “What’s next for you, Mr. Bicycle Bandit?” Y/N teased, allowing him to carry her bag.

   “It’s Y/N’s bicycle bandit to you.” He corrected with a smirk, and she couldn’t help but giggle in return.

   “Coffee? Movie?” He asked, reaching for her hand with his free one.

   “Sorry, Jeongin,” She replied, shaking her head. “I’ve got a test coming up.”

He pouted playfully, nudging her as they walked. 

   “Come on! We just studied—Oh! I’ve got a new dirt bike. Let’s go for a ride.” His eyes lit up in excitement.

Y/N shook her head again, but he twirled her back towards him, making her stumble into his chest. He grinned down at her, pressing a surprise kiss onto her lips before he started to whine.

   “Let’s go on a date please?” He pleaded with puppy-dog eyes, his arms encircling her form.

She laughed, gently pushing his arms away. “No.”

His smile faded into a pout once more.

   “Go hang out with those girls who are always around you.” She teased, rolling her eyes.

He walked backward as he spoke.

   “The only girl that I hang out with is you, my girlfriend. Although you could sometimes be boring—”

   “Boring?” She interrupted, raising an eyebrow.

He grinned knowingly, waiting for her response. Y/N hesitated, biting her lip in thought.

   “I guess I could spare an hour or two…” She relented finally.

   “Great!” He exclaimed, pleased that she fell right into his trap.

Y/N groaned with exaggeration as he draped an arm over her shoulder, coming to a conclusion. 

   “Let’s do a boring activity.”

Rolling her eyes once more, she nodded in agreement. “Movie?”

   “Movie.” He confirmed, and they resumed walking, fingers intertwined around her shoulder.

   “So, how did you manage to get a dirt bike?” She asked, curious. “Didn’t your father cut down your allowance?”

Jeongin chuckled softly, glancing sideways at Y/N, slowly letting his grip over her drop. 

   “Don’t be mad, but I actually sold those campus bicycles for the extra cash.”

She stopped dead in her tracks, and he burst out laughing at her reaction, quickly jogging forward, fully aware she was going to chase him down to berate his actions.

   “I wanted to take you on a fun ride!” He yelled from a distance, still chuckling at her expression.

   “Yang Jeongin get back here!” Y/N ran after, her voice a mix of exasperation and amusement.

   “I thought you’d appreciate the thrill, A guy’s gotta impress his girlfriend somehow!” He shouted back, laughter dancing in his eyes.

His arms extended for her to fall into his embrace, accepting the playful smacks she gave him on his chest.

Jeongin had a way of turning even the most outrageous situations into the most memorable moments. His carefree spirit balanced Y/N’s more serious demeanor, and she found herself embracing the spontaneity and thrill that he brought into her life, while he learned to relish in the moment of the most mundane tasks. Despite his reputation and attraction for mischief, he was a pure-hearted man who found amusement in the sight of the furrow of her brows when she studied, poking his finger in-between them to soothe the crinkle. And no, he did not have a new girlfriend every week. That rumor was totally, absolutely untrue.

The bicycle bandit’s heart was stolen by the law-abiding citizen, who was definitely not boring. ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ end.

[alphajocklover]

I'd like to see how my life would have turned out, 20 years ago, had I joined my college football team instead of the college theater group.

Fuck. Fucking hell this fucking sucks. I’m sorry, I don’t mean to be rude. It’s not you, you’re not the reason I’m upset. Your request is interesting and I want to help you with it, I really do. It’s just… to do this, we’re going to have to use time travel. It’s not that it’s impossible or anything, I actually own a time machine so that’s not an issue. It’s that… I fucking hate time travel.

I don’t hate the concept of time travel itself. I think it can be a lot of fun in works of fiction. Doctor Who, Back to the Future, and Star Trek are all things that heavily feature time travel that I’m a big fan of. It’s just that, in real life, it gets so stupidly complicated. You know how every work of fiction seems to have different rules for turn travel? In real life time travel follows all these rules and none of them all at once. If that seems confusing, that’s because it is. It’s insane. But it’s the best chance for doing this, so we’re going to give it a try. Now, close your eyes and hold onto me tight. This is going to feel weird.

You can open your eyes now. Be careful though, it’s going to take a second for your eyes to adjust. We’re outside now, on the football field of your old college. You don’t have to worry about anyone seeing us. I may hate time travel but the time machine is pretty useful. Time travel, space travel, and camouflage. But that’s not important right now. See that skinny guy standing on the opposite side of the field? You should recognize him. It’s you, 20 years ago, as a college freshman. You really wanted to join the football team huh? I can see the longing in your eyes… but also some serious nervousness. I’m guessing this is about when you back out and decide to join the school's theater group. Not this time though. Don’t worry, I’m not gonna change anything drastic. I’m just going to give you a little… push in the right direction. Have to get you to join the team somehow. I just have to whisper some things in his, or I guess your ear while we’re in camouflage… and just like that everything is going to change. Welcome to the football team. You’re a little late on becoming a jock, but you’re a hard worker. You’ll catch up. Speaking of which…

We jumped forward in time. I probably should have warned you, I was just excited to see the changes. We’re not all the way back to the present, not yet. It’s been a year since the other you joined the football team, and just like I predicted you caught up real quick. Even when you were in theater you were a hard worker, and now that you’ve dedicated yourself to football instead, you’re an absolute beast. You’ve had a major growth spurt and fit right in with the guys who have been playing football since middle school, a total jock through and through. Looks like this version of you acts a little more jockish too. Probably because you’ve been spending so much time around jocks, they’ve been rubbing off on you. Literally in one very special case. That’s right, the new you managed to do what you never could in college: get a jock boyfriend. In the original timeline he never even looked your way, but now Tim Wire, the most popular jock in school, is head over heels for you. You two seem to have a great relationship… Let's see if it lasts.

Another jump forward, a much bigger one this time. It’s been about 5 years since you joined the football team. You didn’t go professional, not because you couldn’t but because you didn’t want to. A guy like you could have been a superstar, but you and your fiancée Tim agreed you both wanted something more stable. So you opened up a chain of gyms. It’s a small business, but it has a lot of potential for growth, especially with you as the face of the operation. You basically have it made. You own a small, successful business, have a sexy husband, and are about to adopt a 3 year old. Your life is fucking perfect. Let’s see if it gets better.

A final jump forward. We’re 20 years after you joined the football team, back into the present. You’re still the old you, but that’s only because I have to ‘finalize’ the changes. Take a look around. You might not recognize this place, this huge mansion, but it’s your home. You, your husband Tim, and your adopted son all live here together. This must be your home gym, and I believe that’s you and him flexing over there. Looks like the little guy ended up taking after his dads. He’s huge for an 18 year old. He’s smart too, all ready to take over the family business when you retire. Your gyms are a very successful franchise now, if you can’t tell from the sheer size of your house. It’s just my opinion but I think your life really would have been better if you joined the football team back then. And now it can be. All you need to do is press this button, and finalize the changes. It’s your choice-

Ok, that was quick. I guess it was an easy choice. I hope you enjoy your new life. I would if I were you. I mean a muscular sexy husband, a son you can be proud of, a successful business and an incredible amount of muscles and confidence. You’ve got it made. I just hope we didn’t change too much. I didn’t realize you’d start a gym franchise. That could have a big impact.

I’m sure it’s nothing though. I mean, how many lives can a gym really change?

[quojae]

-where taking photos of idols turns into more that you ever would have guessed-

f!reader, sunoo x reader, fan x idol, fluff, meet cute, kissing

a/n: hello loves 𖹭 i hope you enjoy this fic i tried my best to make it cute and fluffy but it definitely gets raw and intimate towards the end, happy reading o(˶˃ ᵕ ˂˶)o

wc: 11.3k

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

you went to school for photography, photography had always been one of the loves of your life, you would see a scene and just have the urge to take a photo. although looking back, you almost regret getting your degree in it, people always say not to mix your passion and your work. you should have listened, photography is one of those professions where finding stable work feels like trying to catch lightning in a bottle. the industry is oversaturated, and the competition is fierce. jobs hard to score, and the pay is often inconsistent, making it hard to rely on it as a full-time career.

at the time, you were stuck working part-time at a mcdonald's in a rundown part of town. the job paid just enough to cover rent and bills, but the hours were long, the work was grueling, and the atmosphere was depressing. you had a camera, of course, but it felt more like a distant dream you once held as a naive college student than something real. that is, until one evening, when one of your coworkers - someone you didn’t really know that well - approached you with an unexpected proposition.

they had an idea - a suggestion so simple yet so completely outside the box that, at first, it felt almost too good to be true. you’d never considered anything like it before, it wasn’t a big corporate gig, or some trendy magazine cover shoot, or even a commissioned project for a local business. it wasn’t even a photoshoot in the typical sense, but that was exactly the point. it was something raw, something spontaneous, and - most importantly - a reason to use your camera again, reignite your childhood passion.

your coworker, the one you barely knew and could hardly remember the name of, was a fan of a particular idol. the idol wasn’t incredibly popular, they rarely made headlines but was a recognizable, familiar face, you had been interested in idol’s at one point but eventually had to abandon the hobby in favor of paying your bills. this idol was attending a private, high-profile event - an exclusive gathering with limited access - where fans rarely got the chance to meet them in person, let alone snap a photo. 

somehow, your coworker had managed to get tickets to this event, which in itself was a pretty rare feat, they had an idea: "why don’t you come with me as my plus one?" they asked casually, almost as if they were offering you a ticket to a normal night out. but then came the twist. "i’ll pay you for the photos you take while we’re there. you know, of the idol. if you’re up for it."

the offer caught you off guard. at first, you weren’t sure if you heard them correctly, pay you? to take photos? of an idol? you had spent years hustling to scrape by, working part-time jobs just to keep the lights on. you’d never even thought about something like this - photographing an idol for money on the spot. there was always official photos, and some fans took photos from their phones, but going into these events with a nice, high end camera taking candid photos of idols, the idea wasn't necessarily ground breaking, people have done it before, but it made your heart beat a bit faster.

the more you thought about it, though, the more it seemed to make sense. here was a chance to finally break out of the routine you’d been stuck in. you could do something different, something that didn’t involve working under fluorescent lights flipping burgers at mcdonald's. it wasn’t a perfect opportunity, but it was an opportunity. something real, something that could get you one step closer to doing what you loved for a living. 

sure, there was a risk. not getting good shots or you freezing up under the pressure. you weren’t sure, but then again, there wasn't anything to lose. it was a chance to take your photography out of the mundane and into the world of exclusive events, star power, and actual exposure - something you’d always dreamed about but never quite reached. 

you agreed, of course. you had to. the idea, while risky and untraditional, was too intriguing to pass up. it wasn’t the glamorous photoshoot you’d always imagined, but maybe this could be your shot. so, you packed your camera and tagged along, unsure of what to expect but knowing that this could be the break you needed. 

when you arrived at the event, the energy was electric—idols sitting at their tables ready to sign posters and chat with fans, photographers buzzing around, and security everywhere. you were just another face in the crowd, but with your camera in hand, you felt a strange sense of possibility. the idol you were there to photograph was charismatic, surrounded by an entourage, but the moment you snapped the first shot, it felt like the world had opened up in a way you hadn’t expected. 

sure enough, the photos you took that night were more than just decent, they were actually pretty great. the light was perfect, the atmosphere electric, and the idol looked natural in front of the camera, by the time the night ended, you had a batch of photos that would go on to be worth more than you had imagined. it was in that moment that you realized how little you had known about the potential of your work. you had been so focused on following the traditional paths, waiting for commissions, applying for jobs that never seemed to come through, that you’d never considered going outside the box.

your coworker was absolutely thrilled with the photos you took. they couldn’t believe how good they turned out, and the way the idol had looked so natural and approachable in each shot. the pictures weren’t just great, they were special. your coworker practically couldn’t stop talking about them. the excitement in their voice was contagious, and you could tell they were more than just happy with what you'd done; they were impressed. they handed over the agreed payment, which was far more than you expected for something that felt like a spur-of-the-moment gig. you’d never made that much from photography in one night, it felt like you were finally reaching your dreams, it felt like you were finally being acknowledged for your passion.

the real surprise came a few hours later, when your coworker posted the photos on their social media account. They tagged the idol, shared a few behind-the-scenes captions, and - just like that - the photos took off. almost immediately, the reactions started pouring in. fans of the idol who had been eagerly following the event began commenting on the post, captivated by the authenticity and energy you had managed to capture. the photos weren’t just snapshots - they were a window into a moment, and it felt like people were getting a glimpse behind the idols polished public persona.

at first, the comments were more along the lines of casual appreciation like, ‘my bby looks so cutee’ or ‘the lighting on these OMG.’ But as the hours went by, something bigger started to happen. fans were flooding the post, asking for more. a few commented on how they’d never seen the idol look so relaxed or how these photos felt so much more real than the usual, heavily edited promotional shots they were used to seeing. then came the requests: ‘i LiTERALLY NEED MORE RN’ or ‘can you post more pics like these… i love the style of these pics’ others tagged their friends, begging them to look how great their bias looks. then, more offers to purchase came through.

One day at work, you coworker was talking to themself “i mean, these are really good,” they said, scrolling through the growing number of comments. “i bet people would pay for these. like, seriously.” 

they were right. what had started as a casual favor to a coworker had quickly turned into something much bigger. the more your coworker engaged with the comments and shared the photos, the more requests started to come in - both from fans and even other photographers who wanted to know how you’d managed to capture such a raw, intimate vibe with the idol.

your coworker, now buzzing with new ideas, suggested something that would change the way you thought about your photography moving forward: “what if you could do this more often? go to events, take these candid shots, and sell them to fans? it’s like, exclusive content. i know so many people who would eat it up.” it was a wild idea, but as they continued to scroll through the endless stream of enthusiastic comments, you couldn’t deny it - there was something there. something more than just a one-time gig, and secretly you looked forward to going to another event to take photos. seeing the idols was breathtaking. at the time you had been so caught up in your camera you forgot where you were, who you were actually seeing. you could feel the happiness growing in your chest as you thought about that day.

that moment, when your photos started to go viral, you realized just how much potential there was in capturing these raw, behind-the-scenes glimpses of idol life, it wasnt that you wanted to stalk them home or anything, but being able to capture their raw emotions at events, the real them, excited you beyond belief. it wasn’t about posing for the camera, it wasn’t about perfection - it was about getting a fleeting, authentic moment and making it available to the people who longed for it. you had even longed for it yourself, and sharing it with others was such a great feeling.

the more you thought about it, the clearer it became, why not take this momentum and build something on your own? you didn’t need a fancy studio or a corporate client to make a living as a photographer. the fans had spoken loud and clear; they wanted real, behind-the-scenes moments, glimpses of their favorite idols captured in an authentic way. So, you decided to seize that demand, and to evolve your approach.

the first step was creating an online platform - a website, a social media page where you could post and sell your photos directly. it was a relatively simple concept, but it gave you control over your work. no middlemen, no agencies, no waiting around for a call back. just you, your camera, and the people who appreciated what you were capturing. the platform would allow fans to request specific photos they wanted, and you could price them fairly based on the level of access and the quality of the shot. 

you didn’t have to reinvent the wheel, there were plenty of online photography stores, but what made yours different was the personal, exclusive nature of the photos. the idea was to capture the moments that no one else was - candid shots, spontaneous interactions, and moments that felt intimate or unguarded. tt wasn’t about just selling any photo; it was about selling the photo, the one that told a story or showed a side of the idols their fans had never seen before.

the next step was gaining access to more events. you’d have to be creative, find ways into concerts, premieres, fan meet, maybe even award shows, or private parties where idols were likely to show up. this meant networking, finding connections, and sometimes even pulling a few favors, but you learned quickly that where there’s a will, there’s a way. whether it was through your coworkers, friends of friends, or even just by paying attention to social media and learning about events before they happened, you became skilled at getting your foot in the door.

once you were in, it was all about capturing those moments. you’d snap a few candid shots, focusing on moments where the idol was relaxed, in a natural environment. you’d also make sure to get a couple of highly polished, high-quality images to use as teasers. it was all about creating anticipation. you’d post a few shots on social media, teasing the full set of photos, and maybe even share a quick, behind-the-scenes video or an outtake to drum up interest. the goal was to make the fans feel like they were getting an inside look into the world of their favorite idol, something they couldn’t get anywhere else.

the best part? the fans responded just as they had before, eager, excited, and hungry for more. the teaser posts on social media would ignite the excitement, with fans commenting, sharing, and tagging others. requests would pour in, ‘he looks so hot here, i want moree’ or ‘i need the entire set or i might just break down’ the beauty of this model was that it wasn’t about a few one-off sales—it was about building a relationship with a community. as you gained more followers and more fans, it became a cycle. you would post teasers, people would request more, and you could offer them full, high-quality images for a fair price.

as time passed, your online platform began to grow. word of mouth spread, and more fans began reaching out. you found yourself getting access to bigger events, seeing familiar names pop up in your inbox, and even having idols or their teams inquire about using some of your shots for their own promotional purposes. each new photo was a stepping stone, each set you posted was not just a transaction, but an opportunity to connect with your audience and further build your brand.

being an idol fan yourself, this entire experience felt like a dream come true. you had spent so many years admiring these idols from afar, watching them shine in the spotlight, and now you were not only in the same rooms as them but capturing intimate moments of their lives through your lens. after being broke and not having any time to keep up with them, to being so close to them and actively in their world was incredible. the fact that you were interacting with the people you once looked up to - and even more incredibly, that they were appreciating your work - was surreal. it wasn’t just about taking photos anymore; it was about sharing the same energy, the same excitement, and being able to offer something special to other fans who shared that same passion. you were no longer just a passive admirer, you were now creating something that allowed others to connect with the idols you loved so much.

as your platform grew in visibility, so did your reputation. word spread quickly, and what started as a small side hustle became something much bigger. you became a recognized name in the idol photography world, known for your unique, authentic approach to capturing moments that no one else was able to. 

one of the benefits of your approach to this whole new life was the anonymity it afforded you. no one knew your face, and that made all the difference. you could attend high-profile events, interact with the idols, and enjoy the atmosphere without the pressure of being recognized or approached. you were able to experience these moments as both a fan and a professional, without the hassle of the typical fan interaction. there was no need for the autograph hunts or trying to get the perfect selfie; instead, you had the freedom to enjoy the event, capture meaningful moments, and leave without the distraction of unwanted attention. it was the ideal solution - living the dream of being close to the stars, but still having the privacy and space to appreciate it on your own terms. it felt like the perfect balance between work and passion, what you had always dreamed of.

✩₊°.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

it was supposed to be a normal event, just a fan meet, nothing too fancy, nothing too extravagant. you’d been to these kinds of things before, but this time you had put a little more effort into your outfit. you reached into the back of your closet and pulled out a blouse that felt just right, simple but elegant. you paired it with a cute black pleated mini skirt that gave off just the right vibe, mature, yet playful and cool. you accessorized it with a delicate necklace and some minimalistic earrings, thinking you looked polished without being overdone. you felt good about it, maybe even a little proud. this was your chance to blend in with the crowd but still stand out, to look like you knew what you were doing, like you belonged here.

but, of course, it was just your luck that, within the first five minutes of arriving, disaster struck. you hadn’t even made it past the entrance when you bumped into someone - just a girl in a hurry, not really paying attention. in the blink of an eye, her coffee went flying, splashing all over your pristine white blouse. your stomach dropped. of course, the one thing you had worked so hard to get right - your outfit - was ruined. the girl immediately started apologizing, her face flushed with embarrassment, but you waved it off, trying to brush it off as no big deal. "it’s fine, really," you assured her, even though your mind was racing. you just needed to get to a bathroom, quickly, before the stain set in and ruined your entire day.

you made your way toward the restrooms, hoping to fix things up. but, as luck would have it, the first two bathrooms you found were packed with girls, all standing in front of the mirrors, touching up their makeup, chatting, or taking selfies. there was no space for you to even get close to a sink, let alone grab some paper towels and start trying to clean up the mess. the minutes ticked by, frustration mounting as you realized that every second you spent standing around, the stain was likely becoming more permanent. finally, when you thought things couldn’t get worse, you spotted an empty bathroom at the end of the hallway - an oasis in your streak of bad luck. no one was around, the door was open, and you rushed toward it with relief, thinking you might still salvage your blouse. 

in your rush to get inside and fix things, you completely missed the sign posted outside the door. a simple, overlooked word, mens. you didn’t even register it before you burst into the bathroom. you grabbed a handful of paper towels, dampened them with water, and began dabbing at the stain with the urgency of someone trying to undo a mistake. it was already too late - the coffee had soaked in, and now you could only hope to minimize the damage. You could feel your heart pounding, trying to keep calm as you worked, praying that no one would walk in and catch you in the middle of your panic. 

a toilet flushed behind you, its sound startlingly loud in the otherwise quiet bathroom. you were so absorbed in your task, desperately rubbing at the coffee stain with a damp paper towel, that you didn’t even register the sound at first. your focus was on nothing but trying to salvage your blouse, one dab at a time. the stain seemed to mock your efforts, refusing to lift. you were lost in the rhythm of it - dabbing, dabbing, dabbing - when suddenly, the sound of footsteps broke your concentration. a man’s shoes tapped lightly against the tile floor, and before you could react, he was standing next to you, casually washing his hands at the sink.

it wasn’t until he looked up at the mirror that you noticed him. his eyes locked onto your reflection, and a squeak - more of a startled gasp - escaped his mouth. the noise was enough to make your heart skip a beat, and without thinking, you whipped your head around to see what had caused the reaction. the instant you turned, your eyes locked with his, and your stomach dropped, and you realized, you’re in the wrong bathroom. your pulse spiked as your mind raced, the embarrassing realization dawning on you at the worst possible moment.

for a brief, breathless second, there was complete silence between the two of you. your eyes widened, and before you could stop yourself, you let out a shriek of your own - a high-pitched gasp of shock and embarrassment that echoed off the walls. the man froze, hands still hovering over the sink, clearly just as surprised as you were. the realization that you had just walked into a men’s bathroom, had been standing right next to him, not even noticing until now, it hit you all at once. your face drained of color, and a flush of mortification spread across your skin, from your neck to the tips of your ears. you wanted to sink through the floor, to disappear entirely, but all you could do was stand there, paralyzed in the awkwardness of the moment. 

the man, equally stunned, stared at you for a long, excruciating beat, before his face turned a shade of red that could rival yours. every fiber of your being screamed to just run out of the bathroom, but you were frozen in place, desperately trying to act like you weren’t a complete disaster. you slowly took a step back, hoping to salvage what was left of your dignity - and maybe just run away before you could cause any more damage.

"i-i’m sorry," you stammer out, your voice faltering as your face burns with embarrassment. "i was in such a hurry i didn’t realize..."

"it’s okay," he replies, still blushing as he glances down at your blouse, his eyes briefly lingering on the stain. "you, uh... look like you’re dealing with quite the mess there."

"yeah... today is just a disaster," you admit with a sigh, your frustration evident in your tone.

he gives you a sympathetic look, then hesitates for a second, as though considering the best way to help. "it probably won’t come out with just water at this point," he observes, his voice trailing off as if he’s thinking through the best solution. without warning, he unzips his hoodie and pulls it off, handing it to you with a slight, sheepish smile. "here, use this. it should cover up the stain," he says, his eyes crinkling into cute little crescents as he smiles at you.

you blink in surprise for a moment, caught off guard by his kindness. "thanks," you reply, your voice soft, and you quickly slip the hoodie on, zipping it up. it’s a little big on you, but it feels warm and comforting, and you can’t help but return his smile, feeling a small spark of connection in the midst of your awkward situation.

"hey," he says, his voice hesitating for a moment, like he’s unsure of how to proceed. "i know this is kind of random, but… could i get your number? or, like, your instagram or something?" he looks sheepish, clearly embarrassed about asking, and you can’t help but find his shyness endearing.

you smile, feeling the awkwardness melt a little. "sure," you say, your heart beating just a little faster. he passes you his phone, opening a new contact, and you quickly type in your name and number. your fingers move quickly, but it feels like time slows down as you finish and hand the phone back to him.

"so, your name’s y/n?" he says, his eyes bright as he glances at the screen. "it’s pretty." he smiles again, and you feel your cheeks heat up at the compliment.

"thanks," you reply, feeling a little giddy despite yourself. "well, anyway, it was fun meeting you." you let out a small laugh, trying to diffuse some of the lingering awkwardness between you two. "i’d better get going so i don’t miss the start," you add, raising your camera to gesture to the event outside. "i’ve got photos i need to take, and fans i have to feed."

he chuckles, nodding in agreement. "yeah, fans have been pretty starving for photos lately."

you hesitate for a moment, unsure whether to leave or say something else. you stand there, awkwardly shifting from foot to foot, but decide to settle on something that feels right in the moment. slowly, you back toward the door, giving him an awkward wave and a smile. "text me," you say, the words leaving your mouth before you can overthink it.

he grins, his eyes still crinkling with amusement as you turn to leave. "i will."

as soon as the door closes behind you, you collapse against the nearest wall, your heart nearly pounding out of your chest. the rush of adrenaline, combined with the sheer mortification of walking into the wrong bathroom, has your pulse racing, but now there's something else, too. the encounter - the way he smiled at you, how effortlessly kind he was, the way your conversation flowed once the awkwardness wore off—it’s all a whirlwind in your mind. and then, there’s the fact that you’d just met the cutest guy you’ve seen in forever, and he’d asked for your number. your face feels like it's on fire, but there’s a grin spreading across your face anyway.

you squint up at the ceiling and slowly squat down into a little ball, clutching the wall for support as your heart continues to beat like a drum. the hoodie he’d given you smells faintly like him - fresh, with a hint of something sweet and comforting - and you close your eyes, inhaling deeply, trying to savor the feeling. the moment feels so surreal, so unreal, but you can’t help but feel like it’s the start of something unexpected.

for a moment, you allow yourself to daydream, imagining the possibilities. your heart is still racing, and it feels like it might actually burst from the excitement. you can hardly believe it - what are the odds? a mistake, a coffee stain, and suddenly you're having this perfect, bizarre, heart-thumping interaction with someone who, in any other situation, you might have never crossed paths with. if this keeps up, you might literally die from a heart attack - your heart can’t seem to slow down, and you can’t stop grinning like an idiot.

✩₊°.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

sunoo collapses against the sink, heart pounding in his chest, face flushed from the unexpected encounter. at first, when he saw her - y/n - he had just assumed she was some overzealous fan trying to snap pictures of him in the bathroom, which, crazy as it sounded, had happened before. it was a wild situation to even think about, but it wasn���t totally unheard of. the thought that she might be after some candid shot of him in a vulnerable moment made his skin crawl. but then he had noticed something that completely threw him off: she wasn’t even looking at him. instead, she was fixated on something else—the stain on her shirt. there was no glimmer of recognition in her eyes, no sign that she had any clue who he was. the realization hit him in an instant—she wasn’t here for him at all.

the more he watched her, the more he saw her quietly trying to clean up the mess, the more he found himself charmed by her. when she realized she’d walked into the wrong bathroom, it was so obvious how mortified she was. her face turned the brightest shade of red, and she stammered out an apology, looking like she might just melt into the floor. it was almost adorable. instead of being embarrassed for himself, he couldn’t help but find her genuine discomfort endearing. and on top of that, the way she casually interacted with him - it was like she had no idea who he was. no fandom craziness, no over-the-top fan-girling. just... a normal conversation between two strangers. it was refreshing in a way he hadn’t expected.

on a sudden impulse, he’d asked for her number. it felt like the most natural thing in the world. how could he not? a stunning, confident girl who was totally his type had just wandered into his life by accident. dating someone while being an idol was looked down upon, but as long as he hid it well it would be fine, it wasn’t even like he was the first in the group to get a girlfriend. heeseung had had a girlfriend before, and the members had all been through their fair share of relationships. still, the thought of a girl not knowing who he was felt almost unreal. he hoped she wouldn’t find out and suddenly treat him like a celebrity, though. it would definitely complicate things.he hoped when she learned that he was part of enhypen, the group she was supposed to be taking photos for, things wouldn't get weird. he hoped she wouldn’t suddenly act awkward or distant. he just wanted to be seen as... well, just him, the real sunoo, and despite his usual confidence about his appearance, he found himself hoping she would find him attractive, something he had never worried about before. 

he sighed, running a hand through his hair, and stared at his reflection in the mirror. things had been going so well, but now the uncertainty was creeping in. would she text him back? would she even remember him the way he remembered her? maybe he was overthinking it. he was always so fixated on how he looked, how others saw him. but with her, it felt different. like it wasn't just about appearance, but about a genuine connection. the last thing he wanted was for that to get ruined by the whole idol thing. the thought of her walking away, thinking he was just another fan-chasing idol, made his stomach churn. but all he could do now was wait and hope.

✩₊°.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

on your way to the main event, you spot a merch table tucked off to the side. surprisingly, the line is practically nonexistent—something that’s unheard of at events like this. on impulse, you decide to hop in the short line, intrigued by the merchandise on display. as you glance over the items, your eyes land on a pretty album titled simply ‘romance untold’. it looks cute, with soft, pastel-colored artwork and a sweet, romantic vibe. even though you have no idea what the idols look like yet, you feel a tug of curiosity. there’s something about the way the album is presented that draws you in. you’re sure you’ll fall in love with the group once you see them today, and it’ll be the perfect thing to flip through when you get home, a little memento of the day.

after making the quick purchase, you make your way into the main event space. you find a spot near the edge of the room, a nice angle where you can get some great shots of the idols. the excitement in the air is palpable, and the sea of eager fans around you buzzes with anticipation. you try to ignore the faint sense of discomfort as the crowd surges forward, pushing their way closer to the front. it’s always like this at big events - everyone wanting to be as close as possible, desperate for that connection with the stars they adore. you can’t help but feel a little bad for the boys, though. constantly surrounded by this intensity, always being viewed as more of a commodity than as people. of course, you know there are fans who genuinely care about their personalities, who want to see the candid moments behind the performance. but it’s hard to ignore the way others only see them for their fame. it must be exhausting, being unable to have a real, personal connection when you’re constantly on display.

the event officially kicks off when the boys walk on stage, and the crowd erupts in deafening screams, fans shrieking in excitement. you raise your camera instinctively, ready to catch the perfect shot. but as the boys make their way across the stage, your eyes widen in disbelief. standing right there, just a few feet in front of you, is the cute boy you met in the bathroom earlier. it’s him. the same boy, the one who had helped you with your coffee stain and awkwardly asked for your number. he’s up on stage now, dressed in a sleek stage outfit, his smile shining as the crowd goes wild for him. you freeze, your heart thumping as you realize the person you’d spoken to in such an unexpected, ordinary setting was a part of this incredibly popular group, standing in front of thousands of adoring fans. 

your fingers hover over the camera, caught between snapping a picture of him on stage and trying to process the surreal realization. he's an idol. you can't help but feel a mix of emotions, shock, excitement, and maybe even a little disbelief. everything from the moment you met him in the bathroom suddenly feels like it was all leading to this. and now, as you watch him interact with the crowd, you can’t help but wonder if he remembers you - or if your interaction was just one fleeting moment, lost in the sea of faces he meets every day. either way, you can't deny it - seeing him up there, doing what he loves, surrounded by the energy of his fans, makes him all the more captivating.

✩₊°.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

You get home to your small studio apartment that night with a jumble of feelings in your stomach, you really aren't sure how to feel about this whole situation. you can’t help but smile, remembering how he’d been so cute, but also completely sweet, offering you his hoodie as you stammered through an apology. for those few minutes, he was just a friendly, kind stranger who made you feel like a bit of a mess.

seeing him later on stage was like looking at an entirely different person. the easygoing, endearing guy you’d met in the bathroom had somehow transformed into a star everyone had come to see. the cheers, the eyes on him… it was like watching two different versions of the same person, both mesmerizing but worlds apart.

you wander to the tiny kitchen and pour yourself a glass of water, glancing at your camera where all those shots are stored - photos of the day, of him, some of his group mates too, but while at the event your camera couldn't help drifting to take more shots of him. you’ve always had an eye for capturing people in the in-between, those glimpses when they forget about the camera and just are, having those photos of him felt intimate and you almost didn't want to share them. 

you settle into an armchair by the window, watching the glow of the city outside. tomorrow, the photos will be waiting, and maybe when you look, you’ll find the boy from the bathroom shining through the idol on stage. for now, you close your eyes, feeling his kindness settle like a secret between you both.

✩₊°.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

a notification on your phone startles you awake, and you realize you’d fallen asleep in your armchair while trying to detangle the events of the day. the screen casts a faint glow in the dim room, and you blink a few times, getting your bearings. ten pm. not too late, but late enough that you’d be dragging tomorrow. you pick up your phone and open the notification—a text from an unknown number. your heart skips, then flutters just a bit.

unknown: hey, it's late but i wanted to text you. i hope i didn’t freak you out too much when you saw me on stage today, and i’m sorry i didn’t say anything… it was just so nice meeting you without all the screaming, you know?

a smile spreads across your face as you read it. the way he texted was just like how he talked - a bit of a ramble, slightly scattered, but somehow so sweet. he was trying to explain himself, worried he might’ve left you confused, even a little hurt. but underneath the words was that same earnest charm you’d seen in his eyes back in the bathroom, that natural warmth he’d shown before you’d known who he really was.

you type back, fingers moving faster than your sleepy brain can keep up.

you: well, it was definitely a shock, but once i got over it, i think i actually managed to get some good photos haha

a pause, and then you bite your lip, feeling that tug of nervous excitement. he’d reached out - he hadn’t had to, but he did. part of you wants to say something clever, something that hints at how surreal the whole day has felt, but instead, you decide to let the moment be simple.

his next reply comes almost instantly.

unknown: can i see them sometime? the photos, i mean. it’d be fun to see your side of the day :)

another rush of warmth fills your chest. he wants to see your work. you quickly save his number, tapping in a name that feels right, even if it’s a little embarrassing: my cutie. maybe it’s cheesy, maybe even cringe, but it fits him somehow - the endearing guy behind the idol.

before you can think twice, you hit send.

you: absolutely! i’ll go easy on you and choose only the coolest shots… mostly.

my cutie: so merciful 😌 

you laugh, covering your mouth as if he could hear you from miles away. the way he teased you, with that same lightheartedness, made it easy to forget who he was. at this moment, he wasn’t an idol, a star, or even the guy in your photos. he was just someone who’d crossed your path in the most unexpected way.

you lean back, watching the messages pop up one by one, each more endearing than the last. it’s not long before the clock creeps past midnight, and you’re still talking—about everything and nothing. he tells you about the foods he misses from home, you tell him about the weirdest photoshoots you’ve done. eventually, his last text appears on the screen, the letters a bit more spaced out as though he’s getting sleepy too.

my cutie: hey, don’t think too much about today, alright? i liked meeting you… just you. i hope you can think of me like that, not all this other stuff. sleep well, my photographer :)

you stare at the screen, reading the words over and over, your eyes catching on the last two words, my photographer. Maybe you were reading into it, but your heart raced and a blush creeped up your face

you: sweet dreams..

✩₊°.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

you woke up the next morning with a dull headache, the kind that reminded you you’d stayed up way too late. the soft morning light filtering through your curtains did little to ease the fog in your mind as you sat up and rubbed your temples. you really shouldn’t have stayed up so late. the night had been a blur of messages and thoughts, and now, in the quiet of the morning, it all felt almost surreal. your mind couldn’t help but wander back to the previous night, replaying the texts and wondering if it was all real. 

you grabbed your phone off the nightstand and unlocked it, scrolling through your messages. sure enough, there it was - your conversation with him, still fresh on the screen. your heart skipped a beat as your eyes scanned his words, and a flutter of giddiness spread through your chest. it was a feeling you hadn’t experienced in a long time, something light and warm that made you smile to yourself like you were holding onto a secret. 

you stretched and groaned softly, trying to shake off the lingering haze of sleep, but the thought of him made it hard to focus on anything else. after a few more minutes of half-hearted attempts to wake up, you started getting ready for the event you had scheduled today. normally, you'd feel excited to be at another idol meet, camera in hand, ready to catch those perfect moments. but today, something was different. you were a lot less excited about meeting the idols after meeting him. sunoo, with his sweet messages and even sweeter personality, had somehow made the whole idol experience feel less… important. how could you focus on anyone else when he was already occupying so much of your thoughts?

still, you pulled yourself together, slipping into your outfit and grabbing your gear. you left the house and made your way to the venue, your usual excitement returning as you walked through the crowds of fans, eager to capture the perfect moments for fans. you focused on your work as best you could, snapping photos with precision, but a part of your mind was always wandering back to the messages with him. your fingers hovered over your camera, your heart racing every time you thought of the next time you’d get to talk to him again. 

the day passed in a blur, each hour slipping by faster than the last. by the time you got home, you could barely keep your eyes open, but there was something more pressing than rest now, you needed to go through the photos. you decided to post a few teaser shots on your instagram, and checking your website to see if there were any new purchases. it was something you did every day, a small ritual, but today it felt like the least important thing on your mind. 

after a quick check of your sales, you set your phone down and settled onto the couch for a while. your excitement for the evening overtaking the exhaustion from the day, you picked up your phone again, your fingers itching to text him, to pick up where you left off. you couldn’t help but feel hopeful about the possibility of talking to him for hours, the way he made you laugh and made you feel seen - even if it was all still so new.

you jumped as the phone in your hand vibrated, the sudden buzz breaking the silence of the room. you glanced down, a smile tugging at your lips when you saw the name on the screen.

my cutie: hey, you free?

your heart fluttered. it was funny, you’d been just about to send him a message yourself, and now here he was, texting you first. you couldn't help but feel a little giddy at the thought.

you: yeah, what's up?

there was a short pause before his reply came through. you could almost imagine him typing, fingers hesitating over the keys, like he was still unsure.

my cutie: well, nothing really, just wanted to talk to you again…

your heart skipped a beat at his words. it was so simple, but the way he said it made you feel… special. he wanted to talk to you again. you smiled to yourself, feeling that warmth bubble up inside. 

you: that's fine with me haha, so how was your day?

there was a brief pause before he replied, and when his message came through, it felt so… gentle. his words were easy, like you were two old friends catching up after a long day.

my cutie: pretty good, actually. spent most of the day rehearsing, but it wasn’t too bad. honestly, it was nice to have a quiet day after all the craziness, and i kept thinking how nice it would be to talk to you again. so here i am. 😊

your heart skipped a beat. the way he said it was so sweet, and it made you feel like you were part of his day, something he looked forward to. you couldn’t help but smile as you typed your reply.

you: haha, glad! my day was pretty normal - took a bunch of photos, posted some stuff online… just the usual grind. but talking to you now is definitely the highlight of my day. 

you paused, then added another message

you: so, what did you get up to today besides being a super idol lol

a beat passed, and you could almost hear his laugh through the phone. when his reply came, it was exactly the kind of sweet, teasing tone you’d hoped for.

my cutie: oh, you know, just being a super idol... rehearsing, eating my weight in snacks, pretending to be a professional 😅 but honestly, i was kinda looking forward to this all day. 

you laughed, 

you: i bet the snacks were more important than rehearsal, at least they would be for me haha

my cutie: hey, snacks are an essential part of the idol lifestyle! gotta keep the energy up, right :)

you laughed out loud, feeling completely at ease now, like you’d known him far longer than you actually had. the conversation flowed easily between the two of you, natural and comfortable, and you found yourself getting lost in the rhythm of it. everything felt so normal despite everything that made this situation anything but.

you: i’m sure the snacks were well worth it. so, do you often just, like, have an evening off where you can do nothing?

my cutie: ha, you have no idea how rare that is. but, yeah, i get the occasional evening off. Although i usually just lay on the couch, eating snacks, and watching k dramas. sometimes i just need to forget for a bit. 

you: sounds pretty perfect, honestly. no better way to recharge.

there was a brief pause, and when his message came through, it was a little more thoughtful than the previous ones.

my cutie: yeah, it is. but honestly, talking to you like this is kinda the best recharge i’ve had in a while.

he quickly sent another message

my cutie: actually… i was wondering… how would you feel about meeting up sometime? we could, you know, hang out. maybe grab some food or something, just the two of us?

you blinked at the screen, your heart racing. it was such a simple invitation, yet it made your stomach flutter with excitement. He wanted to spend time with you, just the two of you. you quickly typed your reply, your fingers moving faster than you could think.

you: i’d love that. when were you thinking?

the reply came almost instantly, his message light and happy.

my cutie: how about this weekend? we can pick a spot, no pressure, just a nice, easy time together.

your heart skipped a beat at the idea of finally meeting him in person. it felt like everything was falling into place, and you couldn’t wait to share that moment with him.

you: that sounds perfect. i’m honestly so excited for it. 😊

my cutie: i’m really looking forward to it too. we can pick a spot, no pressure, just a nice, easy time together.

his words felt so relaxed and sweet, and the thought of a simple, carefree time together made your heart swell with affection.

you: can’t wait! talk soon, cutie. 😊

my cutie: talk soon! get some rest, okay? i’ll be thinking about you. 😌

You blush as you realize you called him a cutie over text. it wasn’t just a passing thought - no, you actually typed it out and sent it to him. You basically called him a cutie to his face, albeit through a screen, and now you're not sure if you're more embarrassed by the words or how quickly they slipped out.

✩₊°.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

sunoo was lying on the couch, completely sprawled out, his legs draped lazily over the armrest as he kicked his feet and grinned at his phone. he felt like a teenage girl, the way he was giddily tapping away, heart fluttering with every message from y/n. it was all so… effortless. so natural. talking to her felt like slipping into a warm blanket, and no matter how many times they texted, it never felt boring or dull. she was just so perfect in his eyes, so easy to talk to. the way she made him feel special without even trying, how her words were like little sparks of joy that lit up his day... he couldn’t help but smile at the screen, his heart swelling in his chest.

the conversations were always light, casual - never forced, always just right. but beneath the surface, sunoo felt something more. every message, every response, was like a sweet little secret they shared, even if neither of them had said it out loud yet. he was starting to realize he was way too invested, maybe even falling for her without meaning to. it was becoming obvious to him, but he still hadn’t figured out how to make her see it. 

his heart skipped a beat when he thought back to last night - he’d worked up the courage to ask her to meet up this weekend. well, he hadn’t exactly called it a date - he didn’t want to scare her off - but he had definitely dropped enough hints, he felt his face heat up at the memory of how nervous he’d been.

as excited as he was, there was a wave of uncertainty. he was so down bad for her, so caught up in these feelings that he couldn’t quite control. the reality of it hit him in waves, especially when he realized just how badly he was falling for this perfect woman. he couldn’t help but feel like he was a little out of his depth.

it had been so quick, but it felt so right. every time he saw her name pop up on his phone, he couldn’t wipe the smile off his face. and the best part was, she seemed just as genuine, just as real as when they first met, she always treated him like a real person, like he wasn't a global superstar, it was nice. and yet, there was still that little doubt gnawing at him. was she feeling the same way, or was he reading too much into their conversations? it didn’t help that his group members were starting to catch on. they’d tease him relentlessly, calling him out when he’d get all starry-eyed and distracted. 

sometimes, when they all gathered together, they’d look at him with knowing smirks, teasing him even more. but it wasn’t just his groupmates that were noticing. he couldn’t help it, he just stop thinking about her, couldn’t stop replaying their conversations in his head, imagining how things could unfold if they really took a step forward. it was terrifying and thrilling all at once.

and despite all that nervousness, that overwhelming feeling of uncertainty, sunoo couldn’t help but get even more excited. maybe it was reckless, maybe he should take it slow, but when it came to her, all he could think was what if… what if she felt the same way? 

✩₊°.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

you woke up early on sunday, excitement buzzing in your chest. you knew today was the day. you wanted everything to be perfect - especially the way you looked. it was silly, you told yourself. you wanted him to like you for you, for the person you truly were, not just the way you looked. but still, there was that little part of you that wanted to catch his eye, make him think you were cute, maybe even a little alluring. just the thought of him noticing you in that way made your heart flutter.

you picked out a soft, fuzzy sweater that felt like a warm hug, paired it with a cute skirt and tights, something simple but put-together. it wasn’t over-the-top, just enough to feel confident, maybe even a little special. you took a few moments to do your makeup, just enough to highlight your features but not make it obvious. you wanted to look effortless, but also effortlessly cute. after a quick check in the mirror, you grabbed your bag, checked the time, and rushed out the door, heart racing with anticipation.

the coffee shop was just a short walk away, and you arrived a little earlier than you had planned. upon checking your phone, you realized you had arrived twenty minutes early. you smiled to yourself, relieved that you had plenty of time to settle in. you thought about grabbing a table to wait for him, maybe look over the menu or just check your messages, but when you walked in, your eyes immediately landed on him. 

there he was, sitting at a small table by the window, already looking at you with those warm eyes, a slight blush creeping up on his cheeks. just like the first day you saw him, he looked effortlessly cute - his hair a little messy in that endearing way, his smile soft and inviting. he’s already here? your heart skipped a beat as your own cheeks flushed, warmth spreading across your face. 

for a moment, you just stood there, taking in the sight of him, suddenly unsure of yourself. was he waiting for you? was he nervous too? but before you could think too much, your legs carried you toward the table. you smiled nervously, trying to keep your cool as you sat down across from him. you sat down across from sunoo, the nervous energy in the air palpable. there was a slight flush on his cheeks, the same adorable color you saw the first time you met him, and the way he smiled at you made your heart flutter. 

“hey,” you said softly, smiling as you tucked a strand of hair behind your ear. “i’m glad you’re here.”

“me too,” sunoo replied, his voice a little breathless. he adjusted in his seat, fidgeting with his cup before looking back at you, his eyes soft. “i, uh… i hope i’m not making things awkward. i don’t really do this often, you know? go out on, um, dates…” he trailed off, clearly trying to sound casual, but you could tell he was a little nervous. it was endearing. the way his words came out, a little stilted and unsure, but with a warmth that made you feel safe.

you couldn’t help but smile, feeling your nerves settle a bit. “it’s okay,” you said gently, reaching for your drink. “i’m nervous too, honestly. but it’s nice, right? just getting to know each other in a quiet, relaxed place.”

sunoo nodded eagerly, a soft smile tugging at the corner of his lips. “yeah, i agree. i like this. it’s nice not having to worry about people... you know, staring at us, or... getting distracted.”

the way he said it, so simple, made you feel a sense of calm. the pressure was off. it was just the two of you. the conversation flowed easily after that, like old friends catching up. you talked about everything—the coffee shop, your favorite books, movies, random little things that made you laugh. time seemed to slow down, and the more you learned about him, the more you liked him. 

as the conversation continued, sunoo’s nervous energy seemed to settle, and he started to relax more, his gestures becoming a little more fluid. you noticed how his hands would gesture softly when he talked about something he loved, and how his eyes sparkled when he smiled at you. there was something magnetic about him, even in the small, intimate moments.

after a while, you both finished your drinks, and sunoo suggested moving on to the second part of the day. “so, i was thinking... do you want to go to the aquarium after this? i know it’s a little cliche, but i think it could be fun.” he looked at you with those wide, hopeful eyes, waiting for your response.

you smiled, feeling a wave of warmth fill your chest. “that sounds perfect. i love aquariums. it’s kind of romantic too, don’t you think? all those beautiful fish, soft lighting... it could be peaceful.”

sunoo’s face lit up. “yeah! exactly! i thought it might be nice, too.”

you both stood and walked out of the coffee shop together, the air crisp against your skin. sunoo seemed to walk a little closer to you now, and you couldn’t help but notice how your arms brushed occasionally. you could feel the electricity in the air—those small moments of closeness that made everything feel more meaningful.

when you arrived at the aquarium, the dim lighting and soothing sounds of water immediately set the tone. it was quieter here, peaceful. the gentle sway of the sea creatures and the soft glow of the tanks made everything feel almost dreamlike. as you strolled through the exhibits, you found yourselves walking slowly, side by side. sunoo kept glancing over at you, a soft smile on his face.

“this is nice,” he said quietly, his voice almost a whisper. “i’m glad we did this. it’s just… calm. and we can just… talk, you know? no pressure.”

you nodded, your heart swelling. “yeah, i feel the same. it’s nice to be able to take it slow. no rushing.”

there was a slight pause, the quiet around you only amplified by the soft bubbling of the water in the tanks. you stopped in front of a large tank filled with glowing jellyfish, their bodies floating gracefully. the soft light made everything feel even more serene. sunoo glanced at you and then at the jellyfish, his voice barely above a whisper. 

“i think i like that about you,” he said, his words a little hesitant but so genuine. “you make me feel like i can just be myself around you.”

you looked at him, surprised by the tenderness in his voice. your heart skipped a beat as you realized how much it meant to share this moment together, you responded softly, your gaze meeting his a slight smile on your lips, “i’m really glad i’m here, with you.”

sunoo’s expression softened, his eyes searching yours for a moment before his lips curled into a small, shy smile. “me too. i didn’t think it’d feel this… nice. i guess i was kind of nervous, but now…” he trailed off, taking a small step closer. “i don’t want this to end, you know?”

you could feel your breath catch at his words, and before you could stop yourself, you reached out gently, brushing your fingers against his hand. his eyes flickered down to your hand, then back to your face, a soft blush creeping up his neck. “i don’t either,” you murmured, your voice barely audible. “i like this. being with you.”

there was a moment of silence, the world around you fading into the background as you both stood there, just looking at each other. the soft glow of the aquarium illuminated his face, and for a second, you felt like you were the only two people in the world. everything felt so simple, yet so perfect.

sunoo took a deep breath, as if summoning the courage for something. “do you maybe… want to do this again sometime? i mean, not the aquarium. but… you know. like, a real date. with you.”

your heart skipped, and you couldn’t help the smile that spread across your face. “i’d like that,” you said softly, your voice filled with warmth. “i really would.”

sunoo smiled back, the shy, endearing boy you’d come to know so well, and for a moment, it felt like everything was falling perfectly into place. the date was everything you had hoped for - and more.

✩₊°.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

you left the aquarium, your mind still buzzing from the experience, but there was something else now - an undeniable tension in the air between you two. it felt different, almost electric. you couldn’t quite put your finger on it, but every time your hands brushed, it felt like something more than just a coincidence. 

then, as you walked side by side down the sidewalk, sunoo’s hand gently found its way into yours. the warmth of his fingers wrapping around yours made your heart skip a beat. you didn’t even have time to process the action before a blush crept up your cheeks. looking over at him, you noticed his cheeks were flushed too, and his eyes were slightly widened, almost like he was still surprised by his own boldness. it was the sweetest thing you’d ever seen.

the two of you continued walking, your steps a little slower, savoring the moment. when you reached a quieter part of the sidewalk, you stopped and turned to face him. sunoo paused too, his eyes searching yours with a hint of curiosity.

you felt your heart race, your mouth suddenly dry. "i was wondering..." you started, unsure of how to phrase it, the words coming out more nervously than you intended. "would you want to come over and watch a movie?" 

as the question left your mouth, you immediately felt heat rise in your face. it sounded so simple in your head, but now that it was out in the open, it felt much more vulnerable. “i-i’m just not sure i want today to end yet,” you mumbled, barely able to make eye contact, your blush deepening.

for a moment, the air seemed to hold its breath, and you were starting to feel like maybe you’d overstepped. but then you saw it—the way sunoo’s eyes softened, his lips curling into that familiar, shy smile you’d come to adore. he looked at you with a sense of warmth that made your heart flutter.

“honestly, i would love that,” he replied, his voice gentle, and there was something about the way he said it that made you feel like everything was falling into place.

your heart swelled with relief and excitement as you both continued holding hands, walking back to your place. the city lights around you were soft, casting a warm glow as you made your way to your apartment. it felt like the perfect end to a perfect day, and yet there was a sense of anticipation in the air, like something more was about to unfold.

once you got inside, the familiar comfort of your apartment seemed to settle around you. you slipped your shoes off and sank onto the couch, the soft cushions inviting you in. then, without really thinking about it, you moved a little closer to sunoo, leaning into him just enough to feel the warmth of his body against yours. you were suddenly aware of the way he tensed up a little, but it didn’t last long - he quickly relaxed into the position, and you could feel the slow rise and fall of his chest as he settled beside you. 

you could both feel the electricity of the moment, the growing closeness that you both had been dancing around all evening. your stomach fluttered with nerves, but it felt right. it felt like you were both figuring out what this was. you grabbed the remote, trying to distract yourself a movie. you chose one of the first films that popped up on the screen—something lighthearted, you thought. but as the opening credits rolled, you suddenly realized you had made a terrible mistake. you hadn't checked the rating, and it was definitely not the kind of movie you’d intended. the film was rated R, and as the characters in the movie started to get closer, you felt the heat rise in your face again.

you tried to keep your focus on the screen, but every time the camera panned to the characters, your eyes couldn’t help but dart over to sunoo. you caught him quickly glancing away, a nervous chuckle escaping him. his whole body was a little tense, like he was trying to avoid acknowledging the fact that you were both watching an incredibly intimate scene. 

the background noises from the movie only made things worse - moans and heated whispers. the tension between you two was palpable, like you could cut it with a knife. you were both blushing furiously, trying to ignore the scene unfolding, but it was impossible.

you tried to laugh, but it came out as more of a strangled cough. you grabbed the remote in a panic, fumbling with it as you quickly skipped ahead, fast-forwarding past the scene with a little too much force. but even as the steamy scene disappeared from the screen, the awkward energy lingered, and you both sat there, still feeling the weight of the moment.

for a long while, neither of you spoke. the movie played on, but it was clear that neither of you were really paying attention to it anymore. sunoo glanced over at you with a nervous smile, the soft lines of his face lit by the glow of the television screen. 

you couldn’t help but lean in closer, the pull between you two too strong to ignore. you knew you probably shouldn’t, considering that whatever was going on between you was still undefined, and maybe rushing it wasn’t the smartest thing to do. but in that moment, it didn’t matter. the space between you seemed to shrink with each passing second, and you just couldn’t hold back anymore. 

you glanced up at sunoo, and the warmth in his eyes made your heart flutter. there was a quiet intensity there, a longing that mirrored your own, and in that look, you found something you hadn’t expected - he wanted this too. 

without thinking, you shifted, positioning yourself so you were now facing him, your body comfortably nestled in his lap. he clearly hadn’t expected the sudden move, and you could feel his breath hitch in surprise, but there was no tension, no hesitation. he relaxed almost immediately, his hands gently settling on your waist, as though he was silently saying, it’s okay, I want this too.

you paused for a moment, just taking him in. sunoo wasn’t bulky, not like other guys you had met, but he was slender and graceful, his body still holding the quiet strength of someone who took care of himself. his frame felt right against yours, and his face - so beautiful, so expressive - made your heart race. there was something about him, something that made every word feel softer and every movement feel like it meant something more. 

his eyes flickered to your lips and back up to your eyes, a silent invitation, and without even thinking, you leaned in slightly. in a moment of shared understanding, he closed the distance between you two, his lips meeting yours in a kiss that was gentle. his lips were soft and warm, the touch sweet. everything about the kiss was tender, but you could feel the undercurrent of desire in it. it was like he was pouring everything into that moment - the way he pulled you closer, his hands now gently resting on the curve of your back, holding you to him as if you might slip away. it was a sweet, almost perfect kiss, just like him - full of emotion, but soft, full of warmth and affection, like he was telling you everything he couldn't quite say with words. you broke the kiss, your faces still inches apart, both of you breathing a little faster, hearts racing. the air between you was thick with unspoken words, but there was an understanding. whatever this was between you - however undefined or new - it was real.

he broke the silence with a simple sentence “i don't want to go on anymore dates that might not be dates,” he said with a laugh, “i really want to go out with you for real, i’m in love with you.”

you smile, your heart still racing, “me too, i'm in love with you too.”

[keen-li]

Marmalade : PEEL

Series : ongoing

Chapter title : PEEL

Synopsis: in order to keep this secret you and jungkook have from your brother, your Brother's friend gives you a condition.

"I won't tell your brother aslong as we keep fucking"

its not like you don't want to. you get you keep the secret from your brother and also get to fuck jungkook

. can you say no?

fuck boy jk.

Brother's best friend jk

college student reader

Warnings: mentions of weed (not direct with ocs), suggestive, time skips, flashbacks, smutty, mentions of sex, pet names, usage of y/n, marmalade.

Word count: 8k

Your shoes hit the concert of the pathway rhythmically as you strut down campus.  The music you're listening to aiding your confidence. Walking down this campus you need all the confidence you can get. You're not as fashionable as the girls around, so you need confidence to keep up. You don't feel the need to be fashionable anyways. Most girls do it for the guys, but It's just guys who spend their time in lame circles smoking weed and shit, don't even have a stable source of income. Nothing special to dress up for.

"But you should still try something new" the person you've been avoiding for three weeks now said to you.

You've been dodging jungkook like the plague recently. Hiding in your room for as long as you can when he's downstairs with your brother.  Wearing a large hoodie to hide your face when you're in public, not like it does much jungkook probably knows that hoodie. Or even using another route when going home just incase he might spawn somewhere on the road. You even went as far as turning off your phone at night, knowing that's the time jungkook mostly texts you.

Ever since that night in the kitchen.

"I won't tell as long as we keep fucking"

He honestly has the audacity to blackmail you. You  should've told him to fuck off, but you didn't. Instead you agreed.

Sigh.

It's not like you regret saying yes, its just the thought that jungkook might tell on you once he gets tired of you freaks you out. It's possible for him to grow tired and you know that,  he's got so many options. You're nothing special to him, though it does feels like you mean something when he has his hands all over you. Whispering how much time he has before your brother's back. Usually 30 minutes.  And he sure does make sure that time is used wisley, having you in all kinds of posi-

Beep.

You don't turn to look at the source of your distraction.  But in your peripheral vision you see a car slow down next to you. You walk a little faster hoping it's not him. It is, his voice tells you that.

"You can't ignore me forever" his voice is muffled by the music that's playing through your ears, but you can tell that smooth cheeky voice through whatever sound.

You sigh and roll your eyes. You've been caught, no running now.

You muster up the courage to finally speak head still faced forward.

"What do you want jeon" you speak nonchalantly.

"Oooh, were using last names" he says feigning a scared tone. You scoff at him.

"Why don't you come to my place so we can hangout" he says one hand on the steering wheel and the other arm against the window frame elbow out the window. He's eyes don't leave your figure that doesn't seem interested him but he knows otherwise.

"No"

You can hear him sigh as his car slows down even more and so do your steps, unconsciously.

"I guess I'm going to have to text him" you stop in your tracks as jungkook threatens to pull out his phone.

"Or maybe I should just call" he looks at you as if asking which one he should chose. He's so annoying.

You finally turn to him and speak "Don't you dare" you warn.

"Get in then" he looks forward wanting you to get into his car. He must think he's in some 80s movie with the way he's sat in his car. You've been avoiding jungkook for a reason and you can't let your efforts be blown away, but damn he makes it so hard to say no.

"Put your seat belt on" he says as you slam his car door shut. You then give him a i-was-going-to glare.

Soon his car's on the main road as you both sit in silence.  You try to distract your mind by staring at the moving objects but your mind still can't move from the man sat comfortably with his hand on the wheel. He looks like he wants to say something but's thinking it through.

"How was class?" He finally spits out, clearing the silence.

"It was okay" you say falling back into awkward silence.  Why is it so awkward all of a sudden between the two of you. Is it the unspoken tension. Where is it even coming from you wonder. For you maybe it's the unanswered  question of why jungkook would still want to fuck you. And for jungkook maybe its the fact that you've been ignoring him.  He couldn't help himself bit wonder if he crossed the line with his demand from that night. Did he make you uncomfortable? Did he fuck it up? He couldn't help but wonder these things,  he should've just asked you. But again how would've that made him look.

"Did you miss me?" He turns to look at you shortly catching you rolling your eyes making him grin.

"Why would I do that?" You spit

"Remember that call" you cringe at the thought. You accidentally butt dialed jungkook and when he called you back you clarified.  You and jungkook only call each other when you wanna meet up, so when you butt dialed him you were afraid he might get the wrong message. But after his few teasing comments he let it go. Not completely though.

"It was an accident I told you" you whine complaining.

"On purpose? an accident?" He takes a turn "there's a very thin line"

You scoff. Maybe he is right. You kinda wish he fought a little harder on that call.

" 'Kay" is what is he told you when you said it was really a mistake.  You were playing hard to get, couldn't he tell?  Even if you were ignoring him you still missed him. Just the physicals though.

-

You're leaning against jungkook's kitchen counter as he re-enters his kitchen, after getting a change of clothes.  You wish you could also have a change of clothes, these just smell of your lecture and you really don't want to be reminded of that.

"You should stop leaving your shit here" he says handing you something. when he walked in you didn't notice the little lip balm he was holding. He stretches his had out so you can get it but you just stare at it analysing the brand and the flavour. He nudges his hand so you can get it but you shake your head and he twists his face confused. Your facial expression is kinda fallen showing the disturbance.

"That isn't mine" you speak feeling a nudge at your chest. "I don't use that brand or that flavour"

Jungkook sighs realising what he's done.  But his next statement doesn't show any concern for a disturbed you.

"I guess yuji left it here" he shrugs turning around and placing the cylindrical tube, that's now your enemy, on the counter next to you. You just wanna pick it up and throw it against his head. Why are you even mad? You know what you and jungkook are, you shouldn't feel this way. Maybe it's the way jungkook doesn't care and goes back to talking like there isn't tension in your chest.

And cause you don't want to make a fuss about things and make shit awkward you decide to follow suit and just talk like you don't have a lump in your throat. Iys not like its his job to care or know what you're feeling.

"Want something to drink?" He asks back facing you as he stares into the fridge.  Why did he even bother putting on a shirt, that see through shirt isn't hiding shit. And your eyes can't help but wonder. Wonder across from shoulder to shoulder.  Wonder around the muscles that flex cause he's now bending slightly to see what's at the bottom of the fridge. Wonder down his spine to his tail bone where his Calvin klein band peeks out. Wonder,  wonder, wonder and too much wondering.

Jungkook turns to look at you for the answer and when he catches you drooling he chuckles.

"Got a thing for backs?" He asks sarcastically.  He's body is now turned to you and he places the canned drink next to you, since you haven't answered him he'll just give you what he wants. You clear your throat and straighten yourself awkwardly,  eyes wondering away from him now.

"I wasn't looking at you" you lie trying to save your already gone self respect. 

"Yea right? And I'm still a virgin" you chuckle at his childishness.  Can he blame you, he's got a great back. And you haven't seen it in a while. Those long hours at the gym finally showing through.

You both stand against the counters sipping your drinks from time to time. Jungkook stands by the counter opposite from you so you have a direct sight of his body.

"You should stop giving me rides" you say and jungkook's eyes meet your face confused. What's wrong he wants to ask but it sounds too intimate,  so he let's his eyes ask the question.

"Don't you think someone will think there's something going on?" You say voice a little timid. Your eyes fling to jungkook when you hear him release a chuckle.

"Everyone one knows I'm your Brother's friend, so giving you a ride shouldn't be that big of an issue" he shrugs off your concerns.

"I get that but people still talk" jungkook nods acknowledging.

"But do you know your Brother's the one who asks me to give you rides" he starts.

"The ones with my car atleast" he say with that cheeky grin of his. You get what he's saying and you throw him a stop it glare. Which he does as he adjusts himself against the counter and takes a sip of the liquid.

You calm from your chuckles "I didn't know he asked you to do that"

Jungkook doesn't say anything as you continue to speak.

"But still I don't  think we should be seeing each other whilst in public " Your body goes back to being freaking anxious. The way you say it makes jungkook laugh, and there he goes again diminishing your serious concerns.

"Y/n you're acting like I have my hands on you when we're outside" he's right.  Why are you making it so dramatic, its not that big of a deal but you still don't want any stories going around. The last thing you want is rumours and giving your brother ideas which aren't true, well they are but your don't want him to take it into consideration.

"I know but still..." your eyes fall as you stare at your feet against jungkook's floor. Pretty floor.

Jungkook understands your concern, rumours spread like wild fire on your campus. If you didn't have the 'jungkook is my Brother's friend' card to protect you, you're sure the both of you would be under heat right now. Mainly you cause everyone would want to know who jungkook might be fucking. In these situations no one really cares about the guy they just wanna find the girl and see if her looks match up.

Yours don't , that's what you think. During this time that you've been hiding from jungkook,  you've been thinking about the fact that jungkook is outta your league. Your not unattractive in anyway, and you know that especially when jungkook's expressing to you how attractive you are,  though you think it's the sex talking. You aren't unattractive,  it's just that you aren't someone who stereotypically people would think jungkook is sleeping with. You've never brought these concerns to jungkook cause he honestly doesn't need to know. Would he even care.

Though he has told you countless times that you are very beautiful, in many ways. By the way he looks at you, the ways he touches you and the way he kisses you. Its just something that you need to work on by yourself and you aren't gonna drag jungkook into it.

Jungkook watches how your fingers tap against the counter and he knows you're anxious. So to comfort you he walks to you and puts his hand over your hand , stopping it from racing. Your eyes move to the man standing over  you and when your eyes meet he can see that you're overthinking. His hand is warm over yours, you don't bother to turn to look at it knowing it's safe under his hold. It's calms you how Jungkook knows how to help you when you're overthinking, even though he doesn't know what you're overthinking about all he cares is that you realise you don't need to especially if it's about him.

"That's okay... if that's what you want " he reassures. You nod.

Jungkook doesn't know why he comforts you or feels the need to, maybe it's the fact that he's your Brother's friend so he feels that kind of need to protect you from whatever. Otherwise he doesn't know why he does it.

He watches how your lips pout, they're slightly tinted red, he knowsit's probably your lipstick, and he's always wanted to tell you how good you look with it on. And that whatever flavour you use tastes so good. He just wants to taste it once more and remove that pout and sad look from your lips. And so he does.

But before your lips meet he's interrupted by the buzzing of his phone against the counter.  He doesn't give any facial expression you can read, not even a hum or a sigh. He picks up the phone quickly wanting the call to end so he can kiss you. He should've just turned off his phone.

He looks at the caller Id and sighs internally.

It's yuji.

Jungkook gives you one last look. "I'll be back" he says as you nod and he walks out. You're left wondering if its your brother who's called him, and your heart is beating quickly. What if someone told him you got into jungkook's car? And he's calling jungkook to know where you are cause you're not home. Many theories run through your mind and you're gonna be fucked if any of them involve your brother.

You're theories are proven wrong when you hear Jungkook say,

"Yuji I told you I can't come today"

Yuji? You've heard that name on campus before. But for what. You think for a while then it clicks.

It's the girl that's always on jungkook, you've heard many rumours about them, which you've never told Jungkook about before cause its not necessary. He's probably heard all of them before and if he has he's never talked about them with you, that's not what your relationship is about.  Its kinda stupid to call it a relationship but you need a word for it and that's the only one that comes to mind.

You've heard some crazy rumours about jungkook and yuji. Some are that jungkook is obsessed with her and won't let her get into a relationship and that he beat up a guy she was chilling with, which sounds like bullshit and unlikely. You don't know jungkook enough to know if he's the jealous kind, you haven't gotten a chance to touch those waters yet. And if he is you aren't sure if you wanna touch those waters. You've thought about jealous jungkook whilst in bed before, helps you get off, but you don't think you'll ever get to know if he is. Cause your relationship isn't anything serious.

Another rumour is that yuji is the one obsessed with jungkook,  this one's more likely. Cause she can't bare seeing him talk to another girl or even mention another girl's name. You heard through the grapevine that she got a girl expelled for even threatening to fuck jungkook. Does she even have the power to do that? Well her family is well off, like very much. So maybe it is possible, childish but possible. It's funny how you learn everything through the grapevine.

Another rumour you heard, this one is the most shocking. You heard that jungkook got yuji pregnant and she had to abort it. Why does this girl bother jungkook so much, it bothers you so much. You just wish you could tell her to leave him alone, but you aren't in any position to do so.

Anyway,  you didn't want to believe the rumour but it was so hard when during that week jungkook was acting off. He never hangout with your brother or even responded to any one of your calls. You didn't want to bug so you left it. But the question ate at you every time, especially when you were worried about jungkook.  And shortly during that week jungkook had went out of town and when he returned he told your brother that he went to his parent's place. Seems like it was a good move cause he came back to his normal self, laughing and joking with you.

"Missed me?" He said the first time you talked to him after all that happened.

You really wanted to ask him what the actual fuck happened. Were the rumours true? Why was he acting so off and reserved? But its not like its any of your business.  So you didn't,  you just let the questions eat at you. You're just here for the fucks and gags.

After that one you stopped listening to the rumours, not any other one. Whether about jungkook, students or the ghosts on campus at night. You don't listen to any of them. Cause after the jungkook ones you were kinda disturbed,  out of it if you can say. You don't even know why, you just didn't like how people go around talking about others lives. Especially if it's someone you know.

Jungkook's call seems to be taking long and you're getting bored and tired. So you decide to look around his kitchen, throwing your now empty can into the bin on your way around. It's not like you've never been in his house, you have but when you have you've been too carried away by his lips and touches that you didn't even bother looking around. And even after you're done you're too carried with getting out of his house and rushing home. You've never spent a night in jungkook's House.

"You should get home before your brother gets suspicious" he says shirtless laying on the bed chest still sweaty from your deeds. He watches as you get dressed. You know that'd he'd ask you to go home, so you never even bother to stay longer.

"Let me call you a cab" he says reaching for his phone and the sheets covering his manhood move slightly.

"it's okay I've already called one" you knew that this would happen so you called a cab already. Always be prepared.  He doesn't walk you out to your cab, just says he's goodbyes and tells you to greet your brother for him, which is a cheeky joke he likes to make.

Whilst in the cab you wonder why it bothers you that jungkook isn't so affectionate afterwards. You kinda wished he'd atleast walk you out to the cab, you understand why he doesn't drive you home. But he could atleast walk you out to the door or even give you a little goodbye kis- you don't even know why you think of these things, it's the silence that encourages your thoughts.

Shit.

You grunt and curse at the pain in your toe, you just hit your toe on the cupboard. It hurts so bad and you hope jungkook didn't hear the sound or even your now wearing out grunts and curses. After you're done looking after your toe you decide to open cupboard right above your head. It's labelled 'MARMALADE' so that catches your attention even more cause its the only labelled cupboard.

Your hand grabs the handle gently and you open the cupboard. Once you do your eyes are met with the numerous glass bottles filled with an orange jam like substance.  Must be marmalade like the label said, but why does he have marmalade and why so many bottles.

You grab one carefully making sure not to let it slip and fall, the last thing you want Is to break something in jungkook's house when you don't even know how he'd react.

You play around with the glass jar admiring the orange colour and sweet citrus smell, you don't like fhe citrus smell but it does smell good. You're lost in the brightness of it that you don't hear jungkook enter.

"Sorry that took long" you're snapped out of it when you hear his voice.

"Just got a call from..."

"Was it my brother?" You ask

"No"

"Then you don't have to tell me anything" you don't even know what he was going to say but you don't need to know. He hums and mumbles a 'you're right'

He places his phone back on the counter.

"I see you've found my marmalade" he says nodding towards the bottle. You didn't even realise you still had it in your hands. You chuckle.

"Oh yeah found a bunch of them"

"Hope you don't mind " you look at him for assurance. And he shakes his head no.

"Looks like you like marmalade" you say placing the bottle down.

"Mhm"

"Why?" You ask. It might be digging too much in his personal life but you're just curious. It doesn't matter if he answers or not....

"It just tastes good" safe answer he thinks.

You look back at the bottle picking it up and analysing it once more.  You didn't notice before but now you realise that it's brandless.

"What brand is it?"

"I make it myself " he walks towards you and stretches his hand so that you give the bottle to him.

"Explains why you have so many of them"

"Wanna taste?" He lifts his brow to you but you shake your head.

"I don't really like marmalade" you confess and jungkook lifts he's hand over your head to open the cupboard. He places the jar back in its place and with his hands over your head he looks down at you and you up at him. And says in a whisper...

"Well you're looking at it like you wanna have a taste" he stares at you longingly trapping you between him and the cupboard. You feel small under his longing gaze. You love how even just by the way he stares at you you can feel the heat travel your body. Before he moves away he licks his lips that you've been staring at hoping he'd kiss you and like he can tell he chuckles.

"So you wanna try it or no?" He stares at you the fridge door open and an opened marmalade jar in his hands. He waits for your response.

It's not like you're allergic to it, why would hurt just to try it. Plus jungkook looks like he really wants you to try it.

"Sure" you agree, "couldn't hurt"

He closes the fridge and grabs a tiny spoon. He's now standing in front of you spoon digging into the jar, and when you see him scoop a large amount you hum in disagreement.

"What?" He looks at you

"That's too much" he looks at the spoon.

"It's not too much" it is too much.

"It is jungkook"

"Come on, you can take it." He moves closer to you moving the spoon to your lips. You move your head.

"It's too much"

"Come on baby you've taken much more" you scoff.

"That wasn't jam jungkook " he chuckles knowing it's true. "That's going to be too sweet" you nod towards the spoon.

"Plus I told you I don't like it"

He sighs. "Come on take it for me. You won't eat everything"

You look at him with a raised brow.

"Please"

It's not that big of a deal so you nod and open your mouth slightly, jungkook smiles and brings the spoon to your mouth. The sweet jam meets your lips and some goes onto your tongue. You can immediately taste the sweetness and citrus flavour.

Jungkook tilts the spoon wanting you to take everything. He's such a liar. When you realise what he's doing you start to hum for him to stop, but he doesn't, it amuses him actually. You turn your head away and in your struggle you cause some marmalade to fall off the spoon and into your open chest. You whine jungkook's name as you look at the drop of jam on your chest.

"Look at what you've done y/n" he says in a lecturing tone. Your eyes widen as you see him bend to your chest , his hands on both sides of you holding the counter.

"W-what are you doing?" You know what he's doing, and it makes your chest rise up and down at a quick rate. And now that he's by your chest you're sure he can see it.

"I'm cleaning your mess" he says and the way his eyes watch yours from under you makes you push your body close to him. He sinks in lower his breath now on your chest. His sleek tongue meets your skin licking the jam right off you, you lean your head back giving jungkook more room to roam.

"Sweet" he mumbles against your skin as he moves up to place a wet kiss on your neck.

"So how does it taste" he asks moving back to watch your flushed face. You even forgot about the taste of the marmalade, only remembering how jungkook felt against your skin.

"Uhh" you search your brain to see if it remembers what the marmalade tastes like. And after a hard fight to get through the thoughts of jungkook you remember.

"Not bad. Seeing that you made it yourself" he watches your face as you speak, finding joy in the way you say things.

"But i still don't like it " jungkook moves away from you, and you can physically feel the feeling of his loss of presence from you. You watch him as he takes back the jar.

"You will one day"

You roll your eyes at that.  Nothing can make you like marmalade.

You and jungkook talk about somethings, nothing to deep. Just some Harry Potter stuff. You go back and forth arguing about some situations in the movies and you laugh at the opinions he has and he scoffs at some of yours.  You never knew jungkook liked Harry Potter nor did he know you liked it too.

"I could've had voldemort on his knees in he first movie" you roll your eyes

"Oh please. You wouldn't survive."

"Have you even these?" He proceeds to flex his biceps for you and you burst out laughing showing him your pretty smile. Has he ever told you,you have a pretty smile. He joins you in your fit of laughter.

As you calm down from your laughter and have nothing else to laugh about or say, your mind begins to wonder why jungkook brought you here. You know why he brought you here but you don't know why he's taking so long with it, you thought licking marmalade off your bare chest was a perfect opening but he didn't use it. Most of the time it doesn't take long before both of you are at eachother. But today he's taken so much time that you've even gotten the time to talk about your personal hobbies, likes and dislikes. Which you haven't done before.

But you have enjoyed just talking with jungkook. Getting to know somethings you didn't before like he can make and likes marmalade or that he also likes Harry Potter.  Its nice to just talk like this. But you want to know why he brought you here still. Does he just wanna chat?

"Anywany why did you bring me over " a little straight forward but you want to know.  You don't wanna put your mind or any other vital organ in the wrong places.

"To hang out of course" he doesn't convince you and you keep a raised brow at him while he smiles suspiciously at you.

Hangout you did do. If you're talking about lips then yes you guys did hangout. You knew he didn't bring you here for fun and you're kinda happy that he got on with it immediately after you asked why he brought you to his home. You missed his touch, soft sweet touches like his marmalade.

And afterwards you left just like every other night. But tonight your thoughts are filled with wondering what other things jungkook might like.

-

You were chilling in the living room when jungkook came over to visit your brother.  He tried to kick you out of the living but you refused.

"You found me here" you say. Your brother, kept  bickering with you but you stood your ground. You notice jungkook chuckle at your bickering.

"It's fine maybe she's watching a good movie " jungkook says pointing to the movie you're watching and stopping your pointless arguing.  Your brother sighs giving in, why didn't he just do that instead of arguing with you.

"Brought these" he hands you a bag and your brother a bag.

"What's this?" Your   brother asks.

"Just some snacks"

"Thanks bro"

You can hear them talk in the background as you open the bag jungkook gave to you. Immediately you open it the citrus smell hits your senses and you scoff. You reach into the bag and pull out a sandwich in a clear zip lock bag. You analyse the substance in-between the bread.

Scoff.

You roll your eyes at jk and find him looking at you,  winking when your eyes meet. You roll your eyes and scoff placing the bag onto your side. He really thinks you're gonna eat it, or make you like it. Instead you take the drink that was in the bag and take a sip of that instead.

You don't pay much attention to your brother and jungkook's conversation, your eyes focused on the screen. But your casually steal glances of jungkook hoping he doesn't notice.

Your attention is caught when you hear your brother mention a girls name. Seems like he's talking about a girl he has his eyes on. They keep talking about it for some time until you hear your brother say.

"What's the name of the girl you're fucking?"

The air in your lungs is swept out when your brother asks that question.  Is he talking about you? If he was he wouldn't look this chilled about it.  But you still feel kinda anxious cause what if jungkook says your name. So you look at him but he's eyes aren't on you but you feel like that grin on his face is directed to you.

"Yuji" your brother exclaims remembering the name. Jungkook turns to look at you with that smirk and watches how your face relaxes. He chuckles at that and turns back to your brother.

"Yeah that's her name"

"How is she"

"She's okay I guess. It's not like we're dating for me to care" jungkook leans back onto the couch.

"You and your fuckboy ways"

"Don't say it like that" jungkook chuckles "I'm not a fuck boy.  I just don't commit"

Your brother gives a whatever-you-say hum. You start to feel a little awkward and weird in the room. You know jungkook doesn't commit but being reminded of it causes a pinch in your chest. You know better than to think anything more of what you and jungkook do. But it still kind of affects you.

"You can keep your badboy persona as long as you leave my sister out of it" you roll your eyes, why does he treat you like a child. It's so irritating.

"Don't worry..." jungkook turns to look at you, gaze filled with nothing but mischief.

"I'd never fuck or date your sister"

-

"You're bad for not eating my sandwich."

Jungkook speaks through your speaker. His voice low and you know he's laid back on his bed shirtless while a movie plays in the background.  You know cause onetime on a video call he was in that same position,  very distracting position.

"But you knew I wouldn't eat it" you say playing with the strings of your pajama shorts.

"Yes but I had hope you never hated me enough to not eat it"

You can hear him shuffle against his sheets. You chuckle

"You put your hope in the wrong places jeon"

As simple as your words are and unbeknownst to you, those words find a way to jungkook's heart.

You were right he did put his hope in the wrong places,  he did it so many times and foolishly that he swore to himself he'd  ever place his hope anywhere again.

"Gone silent?" he didn't even realise that until you spoke.

"Fuck no.."

"You just talk a lot. Was hoping you'd shut up"

You laugh cause you know he's just joking with you.

"I'll never shut up"

"If I was there you would " you can hear his cheeky and playful tone. If he was here you'd definitely shut up, even from across the phone jungkook's words always seem to find you and cause a swarm of butterflies to swarm in your stomach.

"Fuck off: you manage to say trying to hide the excitement caused by his words.

"Wanna come over"  and the butterflies are buzzing at this point. You wanna say yes but you remember his statement earlier and you take this time to tease him.

"After you told my brother you'd never fuck his sister "

Jungkook's low and deep chuckle follows after and you feel the ripples it causes in you.

"What can I say...I'm a good liar"

"How do you think I'm able to keep our little secret?"

You roll your eyes at his cheeky and proud tone. He's so full of himself.

"I'll be there soon" you hear Jungkook hum before you cut the call and prepare an excuse like; I'm going to one of my friend's house. You don't even need to tell your brother where you're going but you do it just so he knows you're okay.

-

"I'd never fuck or date your sister"

"I'd never fuck or date your sister"

"I'd never fuck or date your sister"

Thay phrase has been playing on your mind quite often lately,  you don't even understand why. Would jungkook really never date, did he say that seriously or was he saying that just for your brother. You know jungkook doesn't date but if he did, Would he date you? That's all you wanna know it's not like you care but you just want to know if you're date-able in jungkook's eyes. That's all you wanna know. That all.

"So you won't eat my marmalade sandwich but you'll eat that " you hear a voice speak and you don't even have to turn to know who it's for. Instead you turn your eyes to what you assume the voice is talking about. A chocolate donut.

"Just tastes professionally made" you say finally turning to the man standing by the table. He's in black sweats and a black hoodie. He always looks so good in that hoodie.

"These hands are professional babe... and you should know that"

You scoff at that and wonder what he's doing here.  Since when does jungkook come to the café on a weekday.

"Maybe my marmalade isn't good?" he pouts. You know he's sad look is just a facade, jungkook never gets emotional around you and you're not sure how you'd handle it cause jungkook always seems like an emotionally well put together person and you admire that. He doesn't let things get to him or atleast he doesn't show it.

"Your marmalade isn't bad. I told you I just don't like marmalade" you take a sip of your coffee as jungkook watches you intently. His mind slips into a thought and he smirks at it before speaking.

"Why don't I show you how to make it and maybe you'd like it after" he straightens his figure making him appear even taller than he did before. Why is he so head in about making you like marmalade.

"At my place tonight" he says winking at you causing to smile.you wonder if he genuinely wants to teach you or its just an excuse to do your little shenanigans. You're still thinking about what he's just said and before you respond you're interrupted by a soft feminine voice calling out jungkook's name. He turns his to eyes the girl who latches herself onto jungkook's arm.

She smiles up at him and he smiles back at her.

"Okay maybe not tonight...but I'll text you when"

The smile you had on your face had been wiped off at this point. You didn't notice but you were glaring at the girl, if looks could kill she'd be dead. You're not sure what emotion is triggered in you but you know its not anything friendly. You were excited about the idea of going to jungkook's tonight and you were gonna tell him yes, after playing hard to get a bit. But this long haired mini skirt wearing chick has ruined it. Looking at her description, she must be yuri. Doesn't make anything better.

You hadn't responded to jungkook and the nudge on your shoulder reminds you to do so. You nod not saying anything, afraid that if you opened your mouth you'd spew profanities at her, so instead you just nod finally moving your burning gaze off of her. She hasn't noticed your look cause her eyes are either glued to her phone or to jungkook.  She can't even bother to introduce herself. BRAT .

"OKAY see ya marmalade girl " he says walking away with the girl arm in arm with the food they just ordered.

You scoff. And after you do that you catch yourself. Why does it bother you so much, you don't care you shouldn't care. It just makes you a little mad,  just a little.  But you shouldn't feel this way, it doesn't matter whatever you feel, jungkook is never gonna change his ways and you should get used to that if you're gonna keep fucking jungkook.

Sigh.

You wish you hadn't said yes. Maybe it would've been better if your brother found out than you having to feel these unknown and unspoken emotions. Which are one-sided.

-

You've been unconsciously and unwilling waiting for the text jungkook promised to send you. Well he didn't promise but it did feel like one.  He doesn't even need to call you over, it's okay if he's changed his mind. That's what you've been telling yourself.

Your heart has been on the edge this week, especially when you hear that little notification sound. But after two weeks, felt like forever, he finally seemed to remember his promise and texted you.

"Wash your hands" he says to you. "I don't know what you've been touching" you roll your eyes at him and glare at him. You should be the one telling him that. Seeing that you've been hearing  about him and yuri together.  You don't even mean to indulge yourself in rumours but you can't help it when you hear jungkook's name especially if it's side by side with a girl's name. Cause you might never know one day that girl's name might be yours and that's a day you dread. Even the thought causes your heart to physically ache.

Jungkook hands you an apron and you admire the little orange whirly pattern on it. Its so cute. Kinda reminds you of what a grandma would have in their kitchen.  You'd never pin jungkook as the type of person who would care about having to wear an apron whilst in the kitchen,  but by the look of things he looks like he takes it very seriously.

"Careful we don't want a bloody marmalade" he says noticing the way your hand slipped when cutting the orange.  You really hoped he didn't notice but he did. You aren't usually the nervous kind in the kitchen in most situations you're usually what jungkook is right now in the kitchen, the teacher. But you do feel nervous under jungkook's gaze currently,  that's what's making you so clumsy. He watches you so closely and you feel kinda suffocated by his presence even though he isn't standing so close to you. He doesn't need to be close to you to make you feel small and vulnerable under him.

"Why do you even like MARMALADE so much" its more of a rhetorical question to tease him for his interest in Marmalade so much.

"I don't know" he starts.

"It's just got a taste I can't find anywhere else" he whispers into your ear, you didn't even notice that he moved his lips to your ear, the waves of his sudden tone sending electric waves to your core. The way he says it so calm and sure almost like he's speaking to you but you know he's just talking about Marmalade.

You muster up the courage to only hum not knowing what might leave your mouth if you opened it. Maybe a plea for jungkook to just bend you over right here over his counter.

"Now that that you're done we can start" you didn't even realise you had finished,  you're pretty sure jungkook watched you peel air for some time before deciding that he was amused enough by your lost look. He can tell what you're thinking, he knows when you get like that. And he loved watching your mind get lost in thoughts cause of him. He loved how your pupils would distance and you'd bite your lower lip thinking about him, he knew you were thinking about him. But he'd never dare tell you he knows cause he's afraid you'd might get shy and stop doing it, he knows you get shy sometimes and he likes it especially when it's him you get really shy for.

But he thinks you're so cute when you get shy cause of him.

Has he ever told you that?

It wasn't long after jungkook set the jam to boil that he had you bent over the counter pounding into you mercilessly. He couldn't hold in the burning feeling inside his lower belly anymore, with the way that shirt is hugging your breasts and the way he's been wondering if you're wearing his favourite panties inside those sweats of yours. You were. He loves these panties he kinda felt sad at the thought of removing them. So he didn't. He rubbed your heat and fucked you with your panties on.

You never knew how much of a turn on it was until now. Being bent over with your panties still on your face against his cold marble counter as he fucks into you.

A taste I can't find anywhere else.

He keeps thinking about that as you clench around him soon milking him for all he's got. Your little whimpers and whines guiding his movements.  He smirks as pride rushes through his veins at your occasional call of his name.

-

"Since when do you like MARMALADE?" Your brother asks you watching as you place the little jar into the fridge.

"I don't like it, jk just gave me some of what w-he made... I'm not even going to eat it" you close the fridge, turning to face your brother who shrinks his eyes at you.

"Did you know jungkook makes marmalade?" You say chuckling remembering your reaction to when you first found out.

"I did " he says not sounding as enthusiastic or excited like you, then you realise you probably shouldn't be so excited about anything to do with jungkook in front of your brother.

"I'd never say this to his face but even though I don't like it, I think it tastes quite good." You shrug in your own thoughts.

He watches you like a detective trying to decipher your facial expression. He doesn't think much of it only wondering why you're getting marmalade from jungkook or how you even got to find out that he makes marmalade.

"Are you hanging out with jk now?" The question comes out sharp and brutal and it snaps you out of your thoughts,  you turn to your brother who has his hands folded in suspicion.

"He just gave me some marmalade. What's the big deal?" You shrug it off hoping he doesn't pry. Did you fuck this up for you and jungkook.

"Don't get too close to him. He might be my friend but he will fuck you over if you get too comfortable" you know he's saying this cause he just cares about you and is trying to protect you. But he doesn't need to protect you from jungkook, you don't think jungkook would fuck you over like that. He might not be the most affectionate or open but you doubt he'd ever fuck you over. He's not like the other fuck boys you know, he's not even a fuck boy in your opinion.

But you do understand where your brother is coming from.

"I'm not even talking to him in that way. I don't even talk to him" your face grows sadder cause your brother is right, you can't put all your trust into jungkook, like you did the others, he might end up fucking you over too.

"That's how it starts. Plus he's my friend not yours" he says coldly as he walks out, his words prick at your heart and you're reminded of your place.

You never actually thought you and jungkook would come this far with your fucking around,  you thought it'd be a one time thing but it ended up not being that.

Do you regret it? No.

You just hate how the after effects feel, the realisation and the effort you have to put in to hide it from your brother. It's been such a burden on you lately on your heart causing you to feel things you can't explain. You just wish jungkook wasn't your Brother's friend. In another universe maybe. 

That night while having your nightly thoughts you got a text from jungkook.

[Jk] have you tried it yet?

You were glad that he was the one to text you in that moment especially with the way you're feeling, it's like he knows. But that's what you think he probably doesn't know and is texting you oblivious to your racing mind that always seemed to be calmed down by his presence even though he was the reason why your mind has been going crazy nowadays.

[You] Not yet.

you text back as soon as you can.

[Jk] why not?

[Jk] are you waiting to try it together?😏

And there goes the blush on your cheeks and the butterflies in your stomach.

[You] That doesn't sound like a bad idea.

you hope you sound confident through this text cause you aren't feeling quite like it while sending it.

[Jk] should we the next time we hang out?

Hang out? He honestly shouldn't even call it a hangout cause you do anything but hangout. Maybe he should call it a pending fuck session.

[You] sure that will be great.

you hope you don't sound desperate.

[You] and can you send me a written recipe

you've wanted him to send you one for some time you don't even know why cause you aren't even interested in Marmalade.

[Jk] is marmalade girl interested in making marmalade🤨

You can hear his mocking tone from behind that text and you scoff sending him the rolling eyes emoji.

[You] No

[You] Just wanna know how to just in case

[Jk] just in case what?

You feel the conversation turn a little emotional.

[You] just in case I wanna practice making it and you aren't around.

That's bullshit and you know it, you never plan on making marmalade you just said that cause you don't have an excuse for that message you sent. Its like marmalade is the only way you'll ever get to know more about jungkook and so you're gonna use it. You should honestly take heed of the warnings your brother gave you.

Don't get too comfortable.

Honestly you shouldn't why the fuck do you even want to know more about jungkook. You should honestly just stick to fucking and calling it a night its always been better that way.  You're not sure what other problems might arise from trying to get to know jungkook.

[Jk] I'm always gonna be around y/n

You'd honestly forgotten you were even talking about marmalade so when he said they it made a pull at a usual spot in your heart. A spot you left untouched and bruised.

[You] too sweet, you'll make it spoil

(Its a jam joke) you try and set the scene back to a comfortable and unserious one.

You know jungkook gets the joke when he sends you the laughing emoji

[Jk] I'll send you the recipe

[Attachment sent]

Open

Firstly peel your freshly washed oranges...

Taglist: @skzthinker @kissyfacekoo @ohsweetmimosa @httpjeonlicious

[carrotoplyn]

taylor analysis under the cut because people don’t talk about her enough

as always, i’m writing this late at night, because that’s when my brain seems to work the best. i apologize for any typos, please ignore them

when it comes to taylor, no one seems to talk about how she is just self sufficient as tyler is. both her AND tyler ‘lost’ their mother, and even though tyler promised to take care of all of them as family, obviously taylor had to do thing by self. if feel like even though no one has actually stated it, i feel as if people have characterized younger taylor to practically be the same as marianna.

now, you may be wondering what i mean by her being characterized as marianna, it means that they make just kind of think that she couldn’t do anything and isn’t self sufficient. ( also if you don’t think this, good for you. i don’t care this just a general assumption)

but the thing is, she is obviously self sufficient because guess what club she’s in; the mechanics club for crying out loud! even though mechanics can obviously work together, let’s simply just use the stereotypical car mechanic as an example. majority of car mechanics work on cars alone. ( think of a car mechanic going under a car and working on it or something )

she might’ve took a interest of fixing things around the house when she was younger, and thought ‘if i do mechanics i can learn even more self sufficiency and learn how to fix things and help around the house even more!’

another reason the mechanics thing goes with the self sufficient thing is because of the fact that taylor mainly does mechanics so she can go to college and have stable job. it is quite literally canon.

i could write more, but i don’t feel like so feel free to add on.

[maristelina]

Mikoto T2 Neoplasm Voice Drama Translation

Take my translation with a grain of salt. I did try my best.

Es: Mikoto Mikoto: Oh…Hey Warden, Es: You… are Mikoto right? Mikoto: Eh? What are you talking about? It feels like it's been a while, doesn't it? Have you been well? Huh? What is this? Chains? I hate these, Take them off Es: Request denied. You are too dangerous. Physical restraint is essential. Mikoto: Uh.. Um… What are you saying, capturing such a harmless person like me? Es: As I thought, you have no self-awareness. Mikoto: Well, I get it. I must have caused a ruckus while I was asleep, right? Everyone told me that I really went all out with the chaos. Es: It seems so. Mikoto: I guess it's something like sleepwalking disorder. Lately I've been feeling drowsy more frequently too. Oh man, that's troublesome, isn't it? Es: Mikoto… Mikoto: I can tell from everyone's attitude that they're scared of me. I can read the room/atmosphere… I… Es: Hmm… Mikoto: It's frustrating, isn't it? I've been confused ever since I got here. Es: You really laugh when you're in pain/troubled, don't you? Mikoto: Eh? Es: You don't get angry or yell. You laugh like you're in a bind/at a loss. Mikoto: That sounds about right. I might have that kind of trait. Usually, if I laugh and gloss it over, things go well. I'm good at that kind of thing, so I manage somehow. But, it doesn't end, does it? My head is filled with things I have no memory of doing. Orekoto: I constantly feel irritated Es: There it is. Orekoto: Seems like you haven't been beaten up enough, huh, you brat of a guard. Es: Ah… Gr….. Orekoto: Hah? Cat got your tongue? Es: Even though you got done in by Kotoko. Orekoto: That was just because I was caught off guard. We fought while you were asleep, it's not like I lost or anything. Es: Multiple personality disorder. Is it correct to understand that you, who are speaking now, are a separate personality from the Mikoto earlier? Mikoto: You're accepting this quite normally, aren't you. Multiple personalities is ridiculous, right? Es: Yes. I didn't think something like that could really exist either. Mikoto: Yeah, exactly. If it wasn't me, I wouldn't believe it either. I'd just think it's a lie to escape the guilt of killing someone. Es: However, Milgram recognizes you as such. I'm just accepting it as fact and moving my thoughts forward. So, what should I call you? Orekoto: I don't know man. Call me whatever you want. Es: For convenience, I will call you John. Orekoto: That's a dog-like name. Es: It's used to refer to a person of unknown identity. It comes from "John Doe". Do you like it? Orekoto: Is it okay to show off knowledge like that? Es: But you seem quite calm today. I thought you were a monster. I didn't expect we could communicate this well. Orekoto/John: Don't get cocky. If it wasn't for these chains your face would be smashed in by now brat. Es: Oh? How scary. I'm scared. /s Mikoto: Hmph. Es: Then you are not Milgram's prisoner. The best proof is that Milgram's restraints are not effective on you. Milgram has judged Mikoto to be the prisoner, while you, a separate personality, are an exception. Orekoto/John: Ah I see. So for you, multiple personalities has been anything but confirmed. Es: That's why today, chair creaks I thought I'd hear you out as an important witness. I'm very glad we are able to have a proper conversation. Orekoto/John: But you know, this isn't a good thing. Probably. Es: What are you trying to say? Orekoto/John: I(Boku) might be disappearing (?!) Es: gasps Orekoto/John: Clearly, the time I'm(ore) out in front is getting longer. Thanks to that, my existence is becoming more stable. Isn't that the reason we can talk properly now? Es: makes a concerned sound Orekoto/John: Maybe it would have been better if I (ore) stayed a monster. … Oh? What's with that look? Es: I'm surprised to hear you speak so rationally, contrary to what I expected. Orekoto: I have a college degree after all. How does one develop Multiple Personality Disorder?

Es: To be precise, it is called Dissociative Identity Disorder. Generally, it is thought to occur when another personality is created and separated in order to protect oneself from suffering, stress, trauma, etc. Orekoto/John: Hm. 多分俺は僕の受けたストレスを解消するために出てきてる。俺が長く出てるってことは、それだけ僕が強いストレスを受け続けているわけだ。 I'm (ore) probably emerging to relieve the stress he's (Boku) under. The fact that I'm (ore) out for longer means he's (boku) under more severe constant stress.

Es: Stress huh? It's probably because of Milgram, I see. Orekoto/John: Especially the verdict of "GUILTY/Not Forgiven" He (Boku) feels tremendous stress. So he leaves his heart/mind to me. Es: I see. Orekoto/John: It's no wonder. To him, he's being blamed for a crime he has no memory of. / It's not unreasonable. From his (Boku) point of view, he is being blamed for a crime they have no memory of. Es: "If that's true, are you the one who actually committed the murder?" Orekoto/John: Yes. It was me. (Ore-da)

Orekoto/John: I'm (ore) the one who killed them. Es: ん… Orekoto/John: So, I (Boku) really didn't do it. Es: Why did you kill them? Let's hear your explanation. Orekoto/John: (むしゃくしゃして。) I was frustrated. Es: Who did you kill? Orekoto/John: (そこら辺歩いてた奴。) Some guy who was walking around.

Es: How many did you kill? Orekoto/John: I don't remember. That was the first time I emerged. It's hazy. Es: You have the audacity to say that without any shame. Orekoto/John: Legally speaking, what would happen to me? Es: You might get a reduced sentence based on a psychological evaluation, but depending on the number of people you killed, you might not be able to avoid the death penalty. Orekoto/John: (いや、やったのは俺だ。僕は寝ていただけだ。) No, I (ore) was the one who did it. He (Boku) was just sleeping. Es: As if things could be that convenient.

Orekoto/John (Boku): 僕の身にもなってやれよ。僕はただストレスに耐えていただけなんだぜ。一人でじっと耐えていたんだ。爆発するまで誰かを傷つけようなんて考えてなかったんだよ。 Put yourself in my shoes. I (boku) was just enduring the stress, that's all. I (boku) was enduring it alone. I (boku) never thought about hurting anyone until it reached a breaking point.

そういうことができない奴なんだ。気を使って空気を見て、周りの顔色を窺ってばっかで、そういうことができないから、爆発しそうだったから俺が生まれたんだ。あんまりだろう。何も捨てねえんだぞ。 I'm (boku) not the kind of guy who can do that. I'm (boku) always worried about the atmosphere/the room, watching people's expressions, so I (boku) can't do things like that. That's why I (boku) was about to explode, so I (ore) was born. It's too much. I (boku) haven't done anything wrong!

Es: Even if that's how it was, even if it wasn't Mikoto's intention, human lives have been lost. Orekoto/John: Urgh… Es: Even if the one inside was you, John, there's no way to prove it. At the very least, it won't fully hold up in court. It could even be deemed as a lie.

Orekoto/John: YOU!! Es: ! Orekoto/John: (お前はどう思うんだ？) What do YOU actually think?! Es: Mine? Orekoto/John: I (ore) did it. He (boku) didn't do it. You're just going by what Milgram says. Why the hell does it matter what the justice/criminal system thinks, what about YOUR judgement?! What do you think about me? Es: ... Orekoto/John: Forgive me (Boku) already. I'm (ore) the one who did it...

Es: I can't judge right away. It's not something I can decide to forgive so easily. In fact, Mikoto's mindset/emotional landscape was far too cruel. I judged not to forgive. / I've decided not to forgive. Orekoto/John: (You're saying that because you think) That's probably because multiple personalities could be fake. I (boku) truly did nothing wrong. I (ore) was the one who killed.

Es: …

Orekoto/John: Can you be satisfied with that? Imagine waking up in the morning and finding out you've become a murderer.

Es: The act of creating you could be called a sin. / It might be said that the sin is in having given birth to you.

Orekoto/John: !!!!!!!!!!!! … You are probably right…

Orekoto/John: I (ore) am his (boku) ideal self. I'm (ore) the one who doesn't just lie down and resign ourselves to unfairness and stress. If I (Ore) hadn't been born, he (Boku) would have surely reached his limit and broken down. Es: Then… you… Orekoto/John: It's true that I (boku) wished for an existence that could break everything. Maybe it's because of my (Boku's) weakness that I couldn't face it alone. But that's all. Is that a sin/crime?

Es: That's for us to consider moving forward. Orekoto/John: Talking with you, I (ore) understand that what I (ore) did cannot be forgiven. I (ore) accept that.

Es: Yeah, that's right. Orekoto/John: Milgram's subject of judgment is him (Boku), Mikoto. Not me (ore)… John that is. Es: That is correct. Orekoto/John: Please forgive him (boku). Otherwise he (boku) won't be able to endure anymore. Es: I see, you want me to decide that since it was another other personality that committed the crime, it doesn't count as his (Boku's) sin.

Orekoto/John: Yes. If you forgive him (Boku), then I'll disappear.

Es: !!

Orekoto/John: That's right, in the end I (ore) have to vanish. I'll take on everything and vanish. I will.

…Because I (ore) was born to protect him (boku). Es: For that purpose. You were born. Orekoto/John: If it's to protect him (Boku), then I'll do anything.

Bell Chimes

Es: John… Mikoto: Hm? What is it? A dog's name? Es: Mikoto… Mikoto: Warden, you have a pet dog? What kind of breed is it? Wait, let me think, not a Toy Poodle, but I might surprisingly like the ones that are ugly-cute. Not a French Bulldog or anything like that. Es: That's not it. (irritated) Mikoto: Then a pug? Es: It's not a dog's name! Mikoto: Ehh? Then, what is it? Es: It's the name of your friend. Mikoto: laughs No way! I don't know anyone with that name!

Es: Deep Inhale I suppose so. Mikoto: Huh? Es: Prisoner #9, Mikoto. Sing your sins…

[phoenixyfriend]

This is a bit of a silly question, but you honestly seem to know a lot about political, business, and economics, so I thought I would ask.

So I’m seventeen, soon to be applying to universities, but I’m already so disillusioned with the world. Like, don’t get me wrong, I still have hope in collective action and volunteering and voting and all that, it just makes me sad that the entire world has kind of gone to hell. I like english literature and I like history and I like studying them, so I used to hop to study both at uni. I wanted to get a job as a teacher, because I want to make a difference in the world and have more variety than a typical desk job.

However. Being on Tumblr since the age of thirteen has taught me that no matter how kind or good or hardworking one person is, or even a lot of people are, one politician can still screw things up for entire groups of people. I mean… a few politicians overturned Roe Vs Wade and that sort of thing. The disability benefits bank account thing. Politicians have an enormous amount of sway over the world, and that area seems to be where someone could make the most difference.

From what I’ve seen of a political science degree, I genuinely don’t think I would enjoy it much, but I could get through it. I want to make a difference in the world very badly — it’s the only sort of legacy I care about leaving behind. And I thought being a teacher could do that for me, but the scale of being a teacher and a politician are on entirely different levels, and Tumblr has really shown me that.

So I guess I’m just asking, since you seem to be passionate making the world better too. Do you think I should study politics, so that I can try and change things on a large scale? Or study what I love and make a much smaller impact.

I honestly don't think I'm the best person to ask this question. A lot of how I ended up where I am was a matter of luck, including the luck of having parents who let me live with them rent free while I put together some savings (and even while I was unemployed).

I don't know a whole lot about polisci. I was a business major and, honestly, that major did not come in useful when hunting for a job after college... partly because all the jobs it was a foot in the door for were uhhhhhh let's go with Not The Right Fit. Most polisci majors are... I guess probably pre-law and intending to become lawyers, and lawyers do in fact often become politicians, so there's that.

My first instinct is actually 'learn a trade and join a union.' The last few years have been pretty evidential of the impact that unions can still have on both the business world and politics in general: see the impact that UAW is having, at least in the media, on the presidential election. Unions are also a pretty solid option for local networking, which is pretty key when it comes to having an impact on local or regional politics. A trade job is also something that is in high demand, stable, and pays reasonably well in most places, including paid apprenticeships, so it would give you the financial stability to focus your free time on what you want instead of on stretching to pay the bills, or having to worry about student loans. It also gives you an expertise or specialty that you can then leverage as 'evidence' of understanding the working class as a unit when engaging in something like a town hall.

Being in a union or other local organization will also give you a more hands-on understanding of how politics and things like that work, as you'll have things like contract negotiations, union votes, and policy debates going on regularly.

If you aren't the kind of person who thinks they're a fit for trade work (I'm definitely not), then college might be the right fit! But I'd definitely consider going into it with a plan for how you want to impact the world. Look up some charities or impact organizations and see what it is that they need. A lot of places are looking for grants writers or financial coordinators, or just someone who can do the accounting. It's not glamorous, and it's not like you'll be held up as a hero the way a doctor in a warzone is, but keeping track of funds or writing letters requesting funding from the government, for something like Doctors Without Borders or Planned Parenthood or Coalition for the Homeless is still an important part of the process.

Local volunteer work is also often a lot more personally satisfying and requires less overhead, so more of the money goes directly into the community you want to help, e.g. the grant writers and accountants do need a salary in a huge organization, but a local soup kitchen can probably just hire someone from the local tax office once every few months and call it good. Doing volunteer work once a month, for a soup kitchen or a homeless shelter or summer childcare program, can make way more of an impact than maybe getting a position as a staffer for a politician you may not even like that much.

That said, if you think you're good at polisci, that you'd be good at law, or that you can get a different degree with polisci as a minor that would then help you enter politics directly... maybe college for polisci is the right choice for you. Maybe you have the finances to not worry about loans, you have parents that would be supportive, and you can find an effective position after you graduate.

I can't make that decision for you. If you have a guidance counselor and they're any good--not a guarantee, but let's hope--talk to them. If you don't have a guidance counselor, maybe find a trusted teacher, or a local librarian, something like that. I don't really know you or your situation well enough to tell you what to do, but hopefully I've given you something to think about.

[hangezoestherapist]

Hange Zoë’s First Time Smoking Weed (Hange x OC)

hi!! this is (obviously) incomplete, but i’d love feedback of any kind! i plan on posting the full version by this time next week!

My OC is the younger sister of Erwin Smith. She lives in his townhome alone with Hange Zoe and Levi Ackerman.

should i try turning this into a full story? let me know!!

gif taken from tiktok edit by @leonhrrts

︶⊹︶︶୨୧︶︶⊹︶︶⊹︶︶︶⊹︶︶︶⊹︶︶୨୧︶

“You’ve never smoked weed? Like, ever in your life?” I exclaimed at Hange, in utter shock. My brother’s roommate stared blankly back at me, a blush rising to their cheeks. “No, I never have.” They replied sheepishly. I gawked for a moment before asking them how that’s possible. “I wasn’t exactly cool in high school, and when I was in college I spent all my free time either in the lab, library or my bed. I’ve just never been offered the opportunity I suppose.”

I clapped my hands and jumped back and forth. “Well guess who’s offering the opportunity!” I grinned widely, desperately wanting to smoke Hange up. Their embarrassed grin turned into an intrigued one. “Well, I’m all for trying new things.” They said leaning back on my bed, their hands supporting their weight, all while staring me dead in the eyes. I tried not to inhale as sharply as I did, but it was definitely audible.

I quickly turned, trying to hide the effect they had on me. I walked to my closet and grabbed a pink box which held all my supplies. Erwin didn’t love me smoking in the house, but he had no problems with me smoking on the roof. I turned to them with the pink box in my hands and I set it down beside them on the bed.

“So what’s in here?” Hange grinned cheekily, opening the box. I took the items we’d need out, like my bowl, the little bag of weed I had bought earlier that week and my lucky lighter. “It’s all the shit I use to smoke…” I said hesitantly, noting the way the box was filled to the brim. Hange laughed, “I knew you were a stoner but I never expected it to be this bad!”

I shrugged, “I’m like a junk drawer full of surprises.” Hange grinned at my joke and nodded. I then crossed over the my open window which lead onto my roof, luckily for me it’s flat enough for me to sit on without falling off. I started climbing out and I turned my head, smirking slightly and asking, “Will you come out with me? We can’t smoke inside.” I tried sounding as stable and confident as possible, very well knowing that my heart was drumming in my chest.

Hange and I spend a lot of time together now that I moved back in with my brother Erwin. Him and his boyfriend have a mini apartment in the basement of our townhome, then Hange and I have our own rooms on the top floor. I’ve known Hange since I was a teenager. I met them when Erwin brought his two new college roommates home for Christmas one year, and I was immediately slammed with attraction for them. Thirteen year old me had instantly realized her sexuality when the brunette cruised casually into the living room of her family home.

Years went by before we saw one other again after I turned 18 and went off to college. Reuniting only when I was desperate for a place to stay and my brother happened to have an extra bedroom. I loved living here, especially when my longest crush of my life lives just right across the hall from me. Suddenly the age difference wasn’t creepy anymore. I knew that at any moment I could make a move on them. The only thing holding me back was the fact that I had no clue if they were into me in any way. As far as I know, they just view me as Erwin’s little sister.

Since Hange started teaching at the university nearest to our apartment with Erwin, they seem to have gotten even hotter as well. Something about their aura has changed, they seem much more mature and slightly more dignified than before. They hold their head higher and they walk with such purpose. I crave to know what that purpose is.

They stood up briskly and crossed to meet me in the window. I offered my hand and helped them outside with me. We sat down, and I pulled the bowl, lighter, and grass from my pocket. “Okay, so how does that work?” Hange asked, gesturing to my bowl. “Okay so, when you inhale, you want to cover this little hole see?” I held the bowl out to them, turning it to the side so they could see the small hole. They grabbed my hand with the bowl and brought it close to their face, examining it and holding it there. I jumped lightly, feeling their breath against my fingertips.

I snatched the glassware away from them, and started loading my weed into it. I pressed down lightly on it with my finger and lit it, inhaling slowly, allowing the smoke to gather in my lungs. I got the quick idea to look at Hange and exhale the smoke in their face. They laughed and waved it away, leaning in for me to bring the bowl to their lips. “Are you sure? I’m not like pressuring you right?” I asked tenderly. “Honey, you’re about 10 years younger than me, this isn’t peer pressure. Plus, I want to.” Hange grinned. I nodded and held the bowl to their mouth, which parted slightly in response. They grabbed the lighter from me and smoked the way I taught them to. My heart was skipping beats. They exhaled so naturally, like they’d been doing this for years. I was focused on their mouth the entire time, my breath hitching in my throat.

We passed the bowl back and forth for a few minutes, a solid high building inside me. They were also very obviously feeling the effects of the grass, since for once they were completely silent. Eyes redder than an apple.

I giggled and dumped the bowl into my ashtray once we had finished it. I leaned back onto my elbows and tried to avoid staring at them. Hange mimicked my position, except their eyes were busy scanning my face. “What is it?” I asked coyly. “You’ve really grown into your features Rori.” They replied. I laughed, smiling widely and looking at them. “Thank you? I know, my nose used to be so disproportionate to my face, and since I got my braces off my teeth look good for the first time ever.” I grinned. “You were a cute kid, but god you’re a knockout now. Is that weird to say?” They asked simply, like their words wouldn’t rock my world.

“N-no, that’s not weird at all.” I stuttered, avoiding eye contact as best as possible. “I think you’ve grown into a beautiful young woman Rori.” Hange said huskily, still staring at me. I turned back to face them, my cheeks burning pink. “You’re only saying that because you’re high. Being high makes people horny.” I muttered, making sure not to stumble over my words. “Are you horny then Rori?” the professor asked me, with such nonchalance that I couldn’t help but feel myself grow wetter from their words. My clit began throbbing in my jeans, they suddenly seemed much too tight.

“Hange?” I whispered, staring them down. “Answer me sweet girl.” They leaned closer to me, their scent driving me insane. They’ve worn the same cologne for years now, and the smell of it alone is enough to get my legs trembling. “I am..”

[redistrictgirl]

As of September 29th, 2024, Kamala Harris is moderately favored (74% chance of winning) in the race for the presidency.

No news is bad news for Mr. Trump.

The former president remains further from victory than he was in 2016, as Ms. Harris' odds of winning the Electoral College remain at 74%. Interestingly, this is due more to the national environment getting a little bluer than state-level polling, which has shown a very close race this week - as such, Mr. Trump's odds of winning the Electoral College but losing the popular vote have jumped to 11%. Now, as usual, it's time to look at the closest states:

North Carolina (55% odds for Trump) - The Sun Belt is hard to peg down this cycle, but we're increasingly seeing the same picture in the Tar Heel State - a dead heat even after reversion to the mean. Mr. Trump only hit 50% in one poll this week, while Ms. Harris hit that number twice, including an impressive 51-48 lead in an otherwise Trumpy set of polls from AtlasIntel.

Arizona (62% odds for Trump) - Mr. Trump is now hitting 50% in polling from this state fairly often, but narrowly enough that the Vice President has a meaningful chance here, especially when coupled with the national environment and intriguing news from its neighbors (more on that later.)

Georgia (75% odds for Trump) - The Peach State isn't exactly looking like a tipping point right now, but it's nevertheless competitive. Polling has narrowed for the first time in a few weeks, with what I believe is Ms. Harris' first 50% poll in the state coming out of Fox News, but Mr. Trump is also hitting 50% more consistently, so I presume my model would like to see those trends last longer before bumping Democrats up, especially as the battlefield narrows.

Pennsylvania (78% odds for Harris) - This all-important state has gotten marginally better for Mr. Trump, getting his only 51% here in a month from AtlasIntel, but the fundamentals are starting to look fairly weak for him here, too.

Maine's Second Congressional District (80% odds for Trump) - The first polity to make it on the Top 5 based purely on fundamentals, as there is a severe lack of quality polling in New England this cycle and traditional swing states are tightening up. The GOP candidate won this district comfortably in his past two campaigns, but Democrats did very well here in 2022 (even ignoring beloved congressman Jared Golden), so my model has spotted this red dot a bit of uncertainty.

Now for the other flashy swings:

Michigan (85% odds for Harris) - We're seeing some reversion to the mean here as both candidates only managed to reap a single 50% apiece from the 7 quality polls released this week. A similar story to Pennsylvania here as fundamentals soften the blow for the Democratic candidate.

Nevada (87% odds for Harris) - Two fantastic polls for Ms. Harris this week, with a 51-48 from AtlasIntel and a mind-boggling 52-45 from Morning Consult. She has now hit 50% in a majority of polls over the past two weeks - that's apparently enough to make a serious impact in my model.

New Mexico (93% odds for Harris) - A SurveyUSA poll released early this week (technically from last week) showed Mr. Trump at a lowly 42% as his rival holds a majority. Not a huge deal on its own, but this was never exactly a tossup, either, so this seems to have pushed the model quite a bit back towards the mean.

In short, despite some close Sun Belt states breaking toward Mr. Trump and the Blue Wall evening out, Ms. Harris has improved her national standing well enough and uncertainty has decreased enough that the model treated everything roughly as noise. I'd rather see a stable model than a hypersensitive one, so everyone remember - take a deep breath, don't hyperventilate over single data points (unless you care about New Mexico, I guess), and get ready for a close election with a clear Democratic edge.

[callsign-songbird]

OK ok ok, my mind is churning with an AU

So, we know Charlie's wonderful slasher Simon AU, right? Well, I just finished the second scream movie and BOY do I have thoughts for my own vaiernt of the Slasher Simon AU.

College.

Sports.

Murder.

Of course, not for any convoluted reason like Micky or Ms. Lumen, no. Just because Simon had a rough upbringing, and it's one of the only ways he knows how to releive stress. Besides, he's always found knives and firearms fascinating, especially his KBAR and his Snake Eye. The first time was an accident, the second time felt good, and after that? After that was just... Ghost.

They can go to an rotc specializing college (idk if those exist, but it's 4 am, I'll finesse the details later) ANYWAY they can be split up by Dorms!! Like, dorm TF141, and K0RT4C.

Laswell could be the headmistress, or Vice President

Price would totally be the golden boy dorm leader. He has to make sure that the boys under his jurisdiction stay safe and abide by dorm rules. He totally acts like the father of the group and always gets mistaken for a teacher (although, he does tutor students who fall behind, even if they aren't in his dorm)

Gaz could be the clumsy right-hand man who always has the scoop around campus (Golden retriever boy) always wears a baseball cap or letterman jacket, sometimes both.) He's the little brother of the group, definitely. Not to the point where he is baby, but definitely to the point where the others help him out a bit more and tend to give him advice (whether it's warranted or not) and he totally looks up to Price.

Soap is a study abroad student from Scotland who takes his studies almost as serious as his Rugby. A total Jock, but not the sleazy kind, the kind that takes a drunk girl home and writes her a note explaining what happened while leaving a bucket by her bed and some pedialite on the bedside (because not everyone can drink like him) going with the brother theme, Soap is TOTALLY the older brother, you can't tell me I'm wrong. I totally headcannon that he grew up in a stable household with three younger sisters, so he's just used to being the big brother.

Simon would (obviously) be the Ghostface. The scream movies are really good at keeping you guessing who the killers are, so it really wouldn't be obvious at all. He's buff from sports and the time he spends either at the gym or training in martial arts for his expected military career, of course he still likes dark humor and really bad jokes, and has a penchant for skull themed clothes, going as far as to wear a skull-print balaclava in winter. (Soap has declared himself as Simon's best friend. Simon won't admit it, but it's true.) Keeping up with the brothers theme, Simon is DEFINITELY a middle child. Quiet, reserved, brooding, tries to keep to himself so people tend to overlook him. Middle child all the way in this dorm dynamic. (Though, being a murder isn't exactly his LIFE, more of a hobby to let off steam, so it isn't really the focal point of the AU so much as college shenanigans)

And Roach (Because in my AU roach is alive and well) if the dorm is a family, then Roach is the pet, or the Wine uncle who occasionally shows up at 3 in the morning to steal snacks. Roach is the dorm party animal, always up to trouble, always has a drink, everyone loves him, and he always seems to know everything about everyone on campus. But he's also a feral gremlin who says and does weird things (like taking naps in the ceiling on lunch) all the time, so half the time no one takes him seriously. Odd and feral as he may be, he's still part of the dorm, and everyone treats him as such.

I still have to think about the K0RT4K dormmates and their dynamic, as well as the Ghosts squad, but oh my gosh, let me know if you want any more, and please send asks if you're interested! Though, I'll probably be drabbling more about it anyway, lol

[krirebr]

So, I've been going back and forth about sharing this here but it's really been dominating my thoughts for the last two days, and while I've talked about it a lot with friends, I'm hoping that writing everything down will help me process things. And maybe other people, especially aspec people might be able to relate.

I mentioned on Wednesday that I'd had a really terrible evening that had really shaken and upset me. Below the cut, I want to share what happened.

TWs for references to depression, aphobia, exclusionism, and bad therapy (there's probably a better word for it but I'm not sure what it would be.)

So some of you know that I started this year with a pretty intense depressive episode. It was bad enough that I had to take a leave of absence from work and pretty much spent that whole time crying in bed. It's taken a lot of work over the last few months to get myself back to a more stable place. A big part of that work has been regularly going to therapy.

I went to therapy on and off as a kid and in college, but not at all since then. All of my previous therapeutic experience was long before I came out as aroace. There's a long, ongoing history of aspec identities being medicalized and pathologized and that's something I was very aware of while looking for a therapist this time around. But I was also really desperate for help. So I chose as wisely as I could and crossed my fingers.

I chose a queer therapist who specialized in LGBTQ issues. I told them I was aroace in my first session and while they didn't seem very familiar at all, they also didn't make me overly explain myself or want to focus on that rather than the very real and urgent issues I had come to them for, which is what I'd been most worried about.

As I continued to meet with them weekly, they would sometimes ask questions about it, and while it was pretty clear they didn't really get it, they were respectful about it and it wasn't interfering with the help I actually needed.

That brings me to my appointment this Wednesday. I didn't have anything really pressing to discuss so they asked about my plans for the week and I mentioned that I was getting my hair cut and I was excited because I've been feeling lately like my hair is really hetero (I use that word instead of straight because my hair is so, so curly 😂) and I was looking forward to having queer hair again. They stopped. "Wait," they said, "I'm confused. Why did you use that word to describe yourself?" It had never occurred to them that aspec identities would be considered part of the queer community. They, in fact, had an incredibly narrow definition of the word queer - gay, just gay. And they didn't consider asexuality or aromanticism to be orientations at all.

My memories of the following conversation are pretty jumbled, but some highlights included such chestnuts as "What if you meet the right person one day?", asserting that the A in LGBTQIA+ stands for ally, there has to be a sexual component to romantic relationships, and "everyone has to have attraction, humans are sexual beings." They also said that we should dig into my childhood going forward because they were sure there was something there that caused this. I had a pretty traumatic middle school experience (bullying and some psychosomatic stuff that stemmed from that) and they were pretty eager to blame all that for this.

I became increasingly defensive and combative as this conversation went on (which if you know me, isn't like me at all). It ended with us both feeling very bad and uncomfortable.

I think they kind of came around a little bit by the end. They seemed open to educating themselves and even sent me a link to an article they'd found after our session. And that's great, I guess? But the whole thing made me want to crawl out of my skin. I cried a lot when I got home.

I'm not exactly sure what to do from here. My initial plan was to go next week, talk through what happened, offer some context for why I had gotten so defensive, and discuss together whether this was going to be a good long-term fit. But that's feeling less and less likely the more I think about it (I haven't been able to stop thinking about it). This is just such a big part of who I am. And it's a part of myself that I like and am proud of! And I just can't imagine a situation where I would ever feel safe talking about this aspect of my life with them. And I don't really want therapy where I'm constantly having to censor myself. So do I even go to my next appointment? I really don't know.

I know there's a lot of hopelessness in the aspec community around getting mental health care and I really don't want to add to that. I don't want to believe that we can't get help for our actual issues without mental health professionals just wanting to fix things that don't actually need to be fixed. And I hope that's not the moral or ultimate outcome of this story. I've talked to my very lovely network of queer friends and several of them have already said that they'll reach out to their contacts to find some recommendations for me. I deserve to get the help that I need in a space that is actually safe. And my need isn't as urgent as I was. I can take my time now to find someone I'm fully comfortable with.

I'm not sure exactly why I shared this. I don't always get so personal on here. And some of you have already heard it (thank you for being such good friends, seriously). But it's just been festering inside of me for the past two days and I really needed to share it. Thank you for listening.

[skylarmoon71]

Matt Murdock (Daredevil) - Oneshot

Longer Post: 4K+ Words. Enjoy!

Coming to Hell’s Kitchen was your new start. 

After spending the entirety of your high school and college life being a hero, you decided that your adult life needed to be more stable. New York was the place for change.

You were starting your new position as detective at the north precinct and you were ready to tackle cases with your expertise on the more subtle side of the law. 

Stepping into the precinct, you were greeted by the captain and introduced to a few of the officers as well as other detectives. It seemed like a good enough place. Considering the state of this city, you knew you had your work cut out for you. 

“This is Kevin Debbler. I’ll let you two get acquainted. He’ll be your temporary partner until Tony gets back from leave.” You nod at your captain, greeting Kevin. 

“Play nice kids.” he patted your arm, stepping away and you just sent a smile. 

“The captain seems like a solid guy.” 

You were aware of how deep the corruption got, so the fact that your evaluation of the man in charge didn’t give away any type of malice had you more at ease. Just from his gait you could tell he was someone to be trusted. Your eyes shifted back to Kevin. 

“I heard you closed every case you ever worked on.” 

You nod. 

“I guess my closure rates aren’t too bad.” 

He smiled at that, but there was something behind it. You didn’t give anything away, just studied his body language. When he pulled out an envelope from his suit jacket, you raised a brow. He held it out. 

“This is for you. Read it carefully. They’ll be expecting you tonight. I think it would be best if you kept this to yourself.” 

You took it, aware of the way he was now whispering and acting like some common drug dealer. 

“See you tonight.” 

Nothing else was said, he just walked away. Your eyes directed at the enclosed letter.

Skeptical. 

For the rest of the day you got settled in. At some point you had gotten around to reading the letter. It was some kind of formal invitation. Sender unknown. You did however notice the address printed below. It was a law firm. An established one at that. 

Whatever this was, it couldn’t have been good. That’s why the moment you got off you decided that you needed to know exactly what was going on. Stepping out of the cab, you stared at the skyscraper. Letter in hand, you walked right through the front door. The receptionist lifted her head upon your entry. 

“Good day, I’m here for-” 

“You’ll be heading right down the hall, first door on the right.” 

Her immediate response was unnerving. She was still wearing a smile. 

“Thank you.” 

She nodded. 

“Enjoy your meeting Ms. Maximoff.” 

The fact that she already knew your face and name didn’t breathe confidence. You eyed her until you were out of her view. As instructed, there was a door.

You opened it and as you stepped in, you noticed Kevin standing next to a man with a pair of glasses and another. From his presentation, it’s clear he was the one in charge. 

Tall, bald, and something about his aura just felt malicious. 

Tainted. 

You closed the door behind you, stepping in fully. 

“We’re glad that you could make it Ms. Maximoff. Please, have something to eat.” Glasses spoke. 

There was an entire buffet set up on the tables behind them. 

“No thanks, I already had dinner.” 

Kevin’s jaw clenched. You could tell he was displeased, but the bigger man in the back was wearing a smile. 

“Let’s get right to it then. My name is Wilson Fisk. I see no reason for pretenses. Your skills are remarkable. I’d like to have someone of your intelligence be a part of my empire.” 

“Is that why we’re meeting here?” 

They’d obviously not given you enough credit. It’s clear that they’d done their research. Being a detective himself, Kevin no doubt has access to your files. 

“You underestimate me, I guess that’s why this room has three exits and your receptionist was careful to turn off all the cameras in this building. There were also two vans outside. A contingency plan I’m assuming. “ 

Kevin looks impressed but Fisk just laughs. 

“You see Wesley, innovative, observant, headstrong. She’s outstanding.” Fisk’s praise meant nothing to you. 

Wesley stepped forward, eyes displaying an ease that came with the type of control you have when you know that you’re connected. 

Powerful.

Untouchable. 

Kevin moved at his side almost like a bodyguard, or a lackey. You’re not even surprised. 

“What we’re offering you is a chance to use those skills to obtain power you can only dream of. Your contribution to Mr. Fisk’s cause will no doubt be beneficial to every party involved.” 

“What exactly would I be doing as a part of this contribution?” 

Wesley adjusts his glasses. 

“Whenever Mr. Fisk requests your services, you will make yourself available in every manner of speaking. There are some people you’ll need to talk to, encourage so that they see things from a more reasonable point of view.” 

“So basically you want me to carry out bribes, intimidate common civilians and look the other way when you’re committing terrible acts.” 

Fisk just smiles. 

“Essentially, yes.” 

You know the only reason they would be this transparent is because they assume there is no way you would even think of turning down this offer. They have this place cased, they definitely know your address and your desk has probably already been bugged. 

Now that you have a general idea of what exactly is going on, you smile. 

Holding out the letter, you rip it in half, dropping it on the floor. A frown sets on Wesley’s face. 

“Sorry, but this just isn’t my kind of crowd.” 

Kevin looks furious. 

“You bitch!!” 

He charges at you, and you dodge the punch he throws, delivering one of your own. Wesley steps back and Fisk just watches as Kevin’s body hits the ground. He’s groaning on the ground, hand pressed to his now bleeding nose. 

“S-She broke my nose!!” 

His yell doesn’t gain much of a reaction. Both doors at the back open and a group of men begin to file in. About a dozen of them. Wesley casually picks up the torn piece of paper. 

“We really hoped you would be more cooperative. No matter, a few broken bones should be enough persuasion.” 

Wesley makes a hand gesture and they all run in your direction. You flick your wrist and they stare at the red tendrils that trail from your palm. Your irises ignite in a ruby glow and Wesley looks startled. So does Fisk. All twelve bodies hit the wall, now held up by similar red streams of light. When the light seeps into their skin, there is a flicker in their eyes, right before every body present drops. 

Unconscious. 

You smile and Kevin just gapes. 

Now they seem uneasy. 

“I’d be careful not to fuck with me boys. When I said I wasn’t joining, it wasn’t a request. If any of you so much as breathe in my direction again, you’ll wish that you were experiencing the nightmares those men are now.” 

Their eyes trail to the fallen bodies, watching the way they all seem to be frowning or thrashing about. 

“Have a good night.” 

Your whisper is followed by a rush of red light that encompasses the whole room. Wesley, Fisk and Kevin drop to their knees, eyes wide with fear. You can’t imagine what individual nightmares they are having, but you hope it’s as painful as possible. Stepping out the door, you roll your neck, marching right past the receptionist who appears shocked. 

“E-Excuse me Miss!” 

“Go to sleep.” 

Your instruction makes her body freeze in place. The red light travels right beneath her eyes and she falls to the floor. 

“Damn it.”

You hate the fact that your quiet life has been disturbed. It hadn’t even lasted a full day and this whole hero thing was surfacing again. As you leave the firm, you go through what your next steps are. 

When you get in the following morning, you’re not surprised to find out that Kevin has transferred. 

That spineless coward. 

No matter, your only goal is to close as many cases as possible and avoid all things vigilante or otherwise. You’re careful to stay updated on the stream of corruption throughout law enforcement. That night you’d taken your own precautions because you had a feeling you would be walking into an unsavory situation. 

Sometimes you hate to be right. 

For the next few weeks you hear a lot about this devil of hell’s kitchen. 

After word about the Russian mob, it doesn’t take a genius to see he’s trying to dismember the major organizations responsible for the rise in crime. You would commend his work ethic if it wasn’t for the fact that you’ve been in his shoes. 

Putting the lives of others before yourself for the greater good. With your abilities it felt necessary. You’d done a lot of bad in the world for the sake of some ideal of peace, or maybe it was just vengeance.

That’s why you joined the team, but when you lost your brother it just became very clear that your dues were paid. You did your part and it cost you everything. You have no intention of reliving that. This time you’re attacking as a cop, not some hero. 

At least that’s the plan. 

As you’re heading home that night, it’s clear that you’re not the only one good at investigating. 

“(Y/N) Maximoff.” 

You stop in place at the voice. Taking this short cut would be foolish to anyone else, but you’re not exactly afraid of the dark, or criminals. Standing on the empty street behind the building, you turn. A figure steps out.  

It's him. 

“Daredevil.” 

He straightened. 

“That’s what they call me.” 

You sigh. 

“What does the devil of hell’s kitchen want with an innocently helpless detective like me?” 

He tilts his head. 

“From what I heard there’s nothing helpless about you.” 

“I guess it depends on who you speak to.”

“How about Wilson Fisk.” 

Of course. If he’s taking down criminals, there’s no way he would bypass a crime boss like Wilson Fisk. However, it’s unlikely he’s actually spoken to him face to face. Not yet, especially not like that. 

“Someone like Fisk would sooner put you in the ground than let you walk out of his grasp. Especially with the damage you’ve done. So I’m guessing you probably just bashed a few henchmen.”

“Doesn’t seem like the information was bad. Standing here now you should be terrified. Yet your heart rate hasn’t increased, not even a little. You’re calm, collected. For a woman being questioned in a dark alley by a guy who punches people, you don’t seem very worried.” 

“Should I be?” 

“Not unless you’re hiding something.” 

At the moment, it probably wouldn’t matter. 

“Those men, when they spoke about you all I could hear was terror in their voices. They’re afraid of you.” 

You grin. 

“Gosh, you really know how to flatter a girl don’t you.” 

From his shift in position, you can tell he’s not amused. 

“You’re not working with them, so you must want to take them down.” 

You can already tell where this conversation is going. 

“I’m not getting involved.” 

“Innocent people could die.” 

“That’s not my problem, horns. Find someone else.” 

You turn and he rushes forward, grabbing your hand. You just halt, but don’t turn around. 

“You have to help.” 

“I don’t have to do anything. But you..” 

Turning your head, you glare. 

“You have five seconds to release me otherwise you’ll know why they were so afraid.” 

“You can’t just-” 

“Five.” 

He flinches when his body rises on its own, smacking into the wall. You can hear his struggles, but he won’t budge. You let out another sigh, massaging your wrist. 

“This isn’t my war, horns. I’m sorry but I can’t help you, not on this side of things.”

He listens to your steps right before they seem to just vanish from the ground. Once his body drops, he looks up. He could be mistaken, but it almost sounds like you’re..flying. 

That encounter made it obvious that this little battle in hell’s kitchen would go on for a while. You needed to start bringing in the calvary. 

At least the legal one. 

That’s what your visit to Nelson and Murdock was for. 

“Matt, Foggy, we have someone here to see you.” 

Karen gestures you inside and you smiled at her, taking a seat when you got to the desk. Foggy was wearing a bright smile and Matt sat, waiting patiently for you to speak. 

“How can we help you?” 

You placed the folder in your hand on the table and Foggy just raised a brow. 

“My name is Detective (Y/N) Maximoff. I’m here to help you take down Wilson Fisk.” 

Everyone in the room became tense at the statement. 

You just opened the folder and Foggy stared at the bank statements, marked conversations and the flash drive you have before him. 

“I’ve been gathering information for the last few weeks. A month ago I was approached, they tried to recruit me to be a part of their little crime syndicate. I figured it was a trap the second I got the letter so I was prepared. I have recordings, profiles and meetings from each case that I’ve solved that had some connection to Fisk. I think with the right approach this should help with your investigation.” 

Foggy now looked weary because they hadn’t really breathed a word of their current case to anyone. 

“How do we know we can trust you, trust this? How did you even find out about us working on this case?” 

Karen seemed just as unnerved. 

“You cleared Karen Paige’s name. She saw something she wasn’t supposed to. They sent someone to kill her but the vigilante saved her. Ever since then you all have been handling small cases leading up to corruption. Am I wrong?” 

They couldn’t deny it. 

“Last night I was approached by him. That vigilante. He tried to recruit me because he’s doing the same thing. But he’s trying to do it all by himself by punching the shit out of people. Senseless violence won’t keep someone like Fisk off the streets. You need evidence, something tangible that the court can see. This is how you’ll stop a Kingpin.” 

Karen steps over, intrigued. 

“You said he confronted you, tried to recruit you. Why?”

“Let’s just say I have a certain set of skills that a lot of people would like to get their hands on.”

“That’s awfully cryptic.” Foggy mutters sarcastically. 

“Whether you believe me or not, the evidence doesn’t lie. Look through it, then make your decision.” 

They still seem hesitant, not that you blame them. Standing, you slide the chair out. 

“Wait.” 

Matt’s words have you turning.

“Why do this? You’re a cop, couldn’t you just take it up the chain of command? Why ask us?” 

You smile. 

“Because I trust all of you. I heard what happened with Elena Cardenas.” You swallow, because you recognize the change on their faces at the mention. 

They’d represented her. 

“I met her once. She was a good person. She didn’t deserve to die. The people who are doing this, they aren’t going to stop, not unless someone does something. I..I can’t get involved to that degree, so this, this is the least I can offer. Please stop Wilson Fisk.” 

Your voice is a bit of a plea. You don’t care that you’re begging, you need them to understand the importance of the situation. 

Foggy rises, and so does Matt.

“We’ll do our best.” They respond in unison. 

You smile, because you realize that you can leave it in their hands. 

The next few weeks you keep an ear out. There’s been chatter of cops getting killed. It’s getting messy. Maybe that’s why you aren’t surprised when you see the lawyer sitting on the staircase in front of your apartment. 

“Mr. Murdock, aren’t you out past your bedtime?” 

He smiles. 

“I was hoping I wasn’t the only one. Can we talk?” 

You nod, and he stands. On instinct you reach for his arm. When you grasp his bicep you pause. 

“Damn Murdock, you packing?” 

His eyebrows lift, and then he laughs. 

“What if I was?” 

Well, he’s pretty smooth. 

“Don’t think you can seduce me just because you’re blind. I’m all about equality. I’ll drop kick you if you try anything, disabled or not.” 

“I appreciate the heads up.” 

You both head inside. Once he’s seated, you offer him a drink, but he shakes his head. You make yourself comfortable. 

“So how can I help you?” 

“I know this might be asking a lot, but I was hoping you could keep me in the loop about any changes within your department. We’re getting close.” 

So that’s what he wanted. 

“Sure, I’ll keep an eye out. I’m guessing you guys have vetted the information I gave.” 

“We have. Foggy was impressed. We made copies, just in case there’s another break in.” 

You straighten. 

“Someone broke in, are you guys alright?” 

He nods. 

“We’re fine. It happened while we were gone. Whatever they were looking for they didn’t find it. Karen’s a bit paranoid and I don’t blame her. It really came in handy. They busted our printer but it was close to death anyway so I think we’ll survive.” 

You smile, leaning back. From your visit it’s clear that they deal with a lot of pro bono cases. They’re not making as much as most law firms, but they’re still putting in the work. 

“I’ll get you guys a new printer.” 

“You really don’t have too.” 

“It’s not a problem. Think of it as a gift since I’m on the sidelines.” 

He smiles. 

“I appreciate it, thank you.” 

You just nod, and when he tilts his head, you can feel another question coming. 

“Before, you mentioned not being able to help from that side. What did you mean?” 

You should have expected it. He’s a lawyer, naturally curious, inquisitive. You can just lie, it’s not like he’ll know the difference. But, somehow maybe if you’re honest it’ll take the burden off. 

“A few years ago I was part of a team. They were sort of like that vigilante. Each of us had certain skills that made it easier for us to help. For most of my life I did some terrible things because I thought it was in the name of justice.” 

The memories of working with Hydra was not something you could escape. 

“My brother and I switched sides when we realized the people we were working for only wanted death, destruction. They weren’t trying to bring the peace they promised. I didn’t want to hurt innocent people so we fought. We fought for the good guys but in the end my twin brother died.” 

There will never be a time where it’s not painful to think about. 

“I’m sorry.” 

You brush your hand under your cheek. 

“It’s fine.” 

It’s been years, but you never forgot. 

“This probably might sound crazy, but I’m strong, and I’m not talking feminist protest type of strong either. I’m dangerous. That’s why it's important that I help from this side.

Whatever that Daredevil has planned, I can’t be a part of it. You, Foggy, Karen, you all have to bring Fisk down the right way. It’s the only thing that will stop him. He needs to know that he’s not untouchable, that people out there can actually hurt him because if you don’t..” 

You pause, closing your eyes when you feel the familiar burn of your power trying to push through. You need to get a grip, losing control right now is not ideal.

With a steady exhale, you open your eyes. 

“I know it’s unfair, but I need a guarantee that what I’m doing to help you won’t be in vain.” 

“It won’t.” 

You nod, relaxing against the couch. 

“That’s all I need to know.” 

You can rest easily. 

“So, you’re a feminist.” 

You roll your eyes at his cheeky smile. 

“Don’t make me go to prison for attacking a blind guy.” 

Matt just laughs. 

It was nice, even though he was basically a stranger you were reassured because since that day it seemed like they’d gone all in. 

You almost didn’t believe it when you heard that Wilson Fisk was apprehended and arrested. You were wrapping up a case when the news broke out.

Apparently Fisk wasn’t the only one they took down. They’d cracked down on everyone involved. Politicians he paid off. People he bribed. Law enforcement he endorsed. The Feds had raided and broken down just about every angle. 

You felt content. 

Now you wouldn’t have to worry as much when you left for your assignment in Washington. You could head off with a clear conscience. 

Wrapping up for the day, you slipped your hands into your pocket as you intended to venture home. The clicking sound coming up the street caught your eye. You turned. To your surprise it was none other than a certain honorable lawyer. 

“Mr. Murdock, what brings you to my side of town? I thought you would be celebrating your most recent victory.” 

He smiled. 

“I was actually hoping to share the victory. A lot of the information you provided played a part in taking him down. We’re grateful.” 

“Well I’m glad. I was just about to head home and pop myself a bottle of wine.” 

“Care for some company?” 

You grin. 

“Are you trying to seduce me again Mr. Murdock?” 

He just laughed. 

“I don’t think it would be that easy.” You nod, walking closer to offer your hand. Once you're within reach, he takes it and you smile. 

“I’d love the company Matt.” 

He looked happy at the statement. 

That’s how you both ended up back at your place, practically wasted. 

Matt was telling you about some of his memories with Foggy and you were laughing at each crazy and entertaining story. You had to admit that you were a bit envious.

You hadn’t been close to anyone since you lost your brother. You forgot what it felt like to have friends, people to depend on. Riding solo has become your life after you quit your team of superheroes. Burning your red suit was what had made it absolute. 

You had no intention of going back. 

It seems like you made the right call, because now your life consists of getting drunk with an esteemed lawyer. 

You hiccup, and Matt straightened the best he could given the amount of alcohol he’d ingested. 

“I lost my dad. Since then it’s just been me.” 

He was telling you of his past, maybe because you’d previously shared your own. Turns out you have a lot more in common than you thought. You couldn’t help but let out a dry laugh. 

“Guess we’re just a bunch of orphans then huh.” 

He nodded. 

Had you both not been absolutely inebriated, maybe you would have worked up the strength to cry. Instead you’re laughing, clicking your glasses together, downing another drink. The burn made you hiss slightly and you clumsily placed the glass down. Matt was laughing when he heard how hard the cup connected with the table. You pointed at, giggling and hiccuping. 

“D-Don’t laugh at..*hic*..Me!” 

With slurred words, you slightly swayed. Matt just continued to smile as you fought to put words together. He tried to stand, but he barely made it off the couch before he fell back. He was now slightly leaning on you and this time you were the one laughing. 

“I-I knew you were trying to..seduce me!” 

His glasses had fallen off his face and he shook his head, still smiling drunkenly. 

“I’m not..promise.” 

He made a cross over his chest and you just kept giggling, placing your head on his chest. 

There was no doubt that you would have a blasting headache tomorrow. Matt finally got himself a bit more upright, his hand running down your arm. Your laughs had somewhat settled, now you both were just sitting there in a comfortable drunk silence. 

“When are you leaving?”

It was a bit of a whisper. 

You lifted your head the best you could. 

“Next week…big case..need my help..” 

Your words were spotty, he expected it. He still wore a smile, now tracing patterns on your skin. Earlier you had given a much more detailed explanation of why you were heading to D.C. A rampant serial killer and some very well connected criminals. You would be gone for a while. He realized that any chance he had to get closer wouldn’t be possible. 

He might have missed his window. Because there was a chance you would become caught up in the work there and decide to stay. He shifted, hand moving to your cheek. He couldn’t see your expression, but he heard the soft stagger in your breath when he was now sitting upright. You were still fairly close, looking right at him. 

“When you come back I’d like to take you to dinner.”

“Diner..?” 

He smiled. 

You were far too wasted to truly process his words, so he nodded. 

“Yeah, diner. Would you be interested?” 

You nodded vigorously. 

“Yep, Matty's cute!” You chirped. 

He chuckled, leaving a kiss on your cheeks. 

“Till next time then.” 

That’s all he could really hope for.

[neddea]

Polaroid Go tips and tricks - I really love this camera!

This is basically the post I wish I had read before and after I bought the Polaroid Go. I haven’t been able to find much info on tips and tricks, so I’m gonna share what I’ve learned, also with the intention of getting some feedback and hopefully more knowledge from the community 🙏🏻 Also, beware of the long post, I guess!

(NOTE: This is about the 2nd Gen Go, idk anything about the 1st Gen version).

The reasons I bought the Go instead of any other Instax or Polaroid camera:

☑️Analog camera instead of digital (I wasn’t sure about many other instant cameras). I wanted to restrict myself and not even have a screen to be able to tweak things or choose which picture I wanted to print. The goal for me was to learn photography in itself by using the “simplest” tools. If the picture turns out well, it’s because I’ve understood how to use the tools and how to get the most out of them (and sometimes I’m just lucky, let’s be honest!)

☑️Easy to carry around. I have ADHD, so I know that I will never do something if it feels like a bit too much work to get started on (for example, taking pictures outside if carrying it is a hassle). The Go was by far the best one in that sense.

☑️The film is cheaper than the other Polaroid films (at least that I’m aware of). This is huuuge for me, since I wanted to take as many pics as I could and not feel as bad if I “wasted” film with experiments and trials. Still not as affordable as Instax film though, but closer than other types.

☑️It has filters. I know, this might seem like a dumb reason, but I really wanted to get into this hobby because I wanted to relearn photography and go back to that feeling of physicality that used to inspire me back in college. I wanted to experiment with cellophane paper and with the chemistry of the film itself and whatever idea came to mind, and the filters added to that goal. Some instax cameras have unofficial filters, but they didn’t seem as… sturdy? Properly made? Idk, looks deceive and they could be great for all I know (if anyone has experience with them let me know, I’m curious!)

☑️Double exposure and flash On/Off options. Two other huge reasons why I chose this camera! For the same reasons as the one before: I wanted to experiment and be able to control the tool to take the pros and cons to the extreme.

☑️Accessories to carry it around and keep it safe (although I have things to say about some incompatibility issues).

That being said, things I don’t like as much:

🔻Can’t control exposure times and diaphragm aperture (sorry if the terms are incorrect, English is not my mother tongue and I learned the basics in Spanish). There are only two options and they’re automatic, so it’s a bit difficult to get it right. You can half press the shutter button to lock focus distance and light sensitivity though, but I haven’t mastered it quite yet.

🔻Polaroid film is not the most stable (I find it difficult to put this as a downside, I’m actually quite happy and even grateful that it works like this to the point that I count it as an extra tool and a huge part of the artistic process. Then again, sometimes you want things to work as you planned, so I’m guessing this can be a bad thing for many people).

🔻The film is still expensive, especially if you add shipping expenses. There aren’t nearly as many options as with other Polaroid cameras, the only available editions are the white frame and the black frame. I’d love to be able to use the peach frame, or a monochrome film, or the Bowie edition… but it seems like Polaroid doesn’t pamper the Go as much as its siblings

🔻Pictures tend to not be as sharp as the bigger films or it’s harder to get them right.

🔻Too much contrast between shadows and lights.

All in all, I’m really, really happy with it! I think it was the perfect choice for me, and I’m sad to see it isn’t as loved in the community (I’ve read though that the 1st gen wasn’t great, so that might be one of the reasons).

I also wanted to share my tips and tricks for different things!

🔳Double exposure: I'm still figuring things out, but so far my best takes have been in total darkness with very intense and direct light sources (a phone's flash directed to the camera, for example). For anyone who has never tried or doesn't know how this works: think of photography as painting with light on a black canvas. Total darkness means total lack of light, so you're not painting anything, right? This is especially useful for double exposure, which basically means taking two pictures in one. If you have absolute darkness with one small source of light and you take the first exposure, you still have plenty of "blank" canvas left, so the second exposure's lightened parts are gonna superimpose over the darkness of the first one. For example, in the first pic below the first take was for the two lines and circle (with the blue filter) and the second was for my friends' portraits (with a yellow filter). Play around with the shadows and lights, you can for example give some texture to the shadows of an otherwise well lit figure. For this reason I don't recommend using the flash, but hey, there's probably a good way to use both!

��️BUT WAIT! THERE'S MORE TO IT. You wish you could take more than two exposures?? YOU ACTUALLY CAN. I just discovered this and I'm over the moon: double tap the flash button to turn on the double exposure mode, take the first one, turn the camera off; turn it on again, double tap for double exposure, AND THERE YOU GO, you are gonna take three exposures now. Do this ad infinitum if you want to (probably not the best idea for the film though). I'm so happy about this, you have no idea.

🔳Filters: I’m still getting used to them so I might be wrong, but generally speaking they reduce contrast. Pure blacks and whites will still be there if it's a well lit place, but you get more details on parts that would be otherwise slightly overexposed, and the middle tones don't get as dark. I also have a feeling that the flash works wonders on closer shots, tinting that plane more strongly with the filter, but as the flash reach fades into the background, the filter is not as visible (again, I'm basing this in just one picture that looks like that, I'll have to do more research). Another rule of thumb: yellow is the lightest color and blue is the darkest, so use them wisely. The blue filter is probably going to make the shot look a bit darker, and the yellow one might make it look too bright. I want to hear how anyone else feels about them, I might be completely on the wrong track with these!

🔳Incompatibilities between accessories: This one is annoying. I bought all together the hard case, the silicone skin, the travelling bag, the mini album, the wrist band, the bigger band and the filters. The main issue is the silicone skin, since if used the camera doesn't fit inside the hard case, AND you cannot add the filters to the camera because there's no window for it. I had to cut the frontal part of the skin so I could fit the filters, which is not ideal. I don't know how Polaroid has overlooked this particular thing, but yeah, be aware of that. The bands and the mini album have a ring with a clamp that allows you to attach them to each other or to other bags pretty easily.

🔳Using the countdown to get sharper pics. If your pulse is as unstable as mine and you're shooting a picture under dim lighting circumstances, I'd advise you to use the countdown tool to avoid any blurriness and shakiness. At least for me, when I click the shutter button I end up moving the camera slightly, which has slightly ruined some pics (this is not just Polaroid, it's just a general photography thing, but heavier cameras are not as sensitive to movement, I think. Physics, idk). So to avoid that, I just press the flash button for several seconds until a LED light lights up on the front of the camera. When you press the shutter, it counts down to 9, I think, and then takes the pic.

🔳Film temperature and development: Listen. Some people might complain about this, but I actually see it as another tool to take the shots that I want. I feel it's more impressionist-like than any other kind of photography, since it captures not just what the eye can see: it also kinda captures the impression and feeling of the moment. I've taken several pictures of my hometown, and it was around freezing temps outside, so when I took the first pic of course the shadows came off looking blueish and greenish, and they didn't get too dark at all. At first I was confused and a bit disappointed, but after two or three more shots I was ecstatic about it. It reminded me of the blueish greys Monet used in his paintings. I made some experimentation with the amount of time the pics developed in the cold and it's just so much fun. So yeah, id say use it in your favour! Remember to keep it close to the body in the cold to avoid it, and maybe some insulated pockets for the heat (Polaroid sells a bag for the camera with one such pocket, but I feel it doesn't work too well against the cold, would have to try in hotter temps). ALSO, sometimes it will take several days for the shadows to get as strong as they'll get! Especially if the pic developed in cold temps.

🔳Let entropy be part of it. Just experiment with the camera. Take lots of double exposure pics to try specific things without wasting as much film. Remember: sometimes the pics won't come out as perfect as you'd like, but often enough the reason might be something you might have done wrong; other times, it's just bad luck with the film or something else. Sometimes those imperfections add to the feeling of the picture. And sometimes you half-assedly take a shot and it turns out to be especially interesting. It can feel like every pic is a conversation between you and the camera (as cheesy as this might sound), and some things that you find compelling the camera might not be too thrilled about; sometimes you can convince it, and sometimes it shows you the beauty of something you didn't pay too much attention to. Take all of the pictures as learning opportunities, adapt to the tools you have. This camera can be really good for what it is, but it has its own personality (and so does the film), and sometimes it takes a while to warm up to new people, right? (Instead I feel like I just found my new best friend right off the bat LMAO)

🔳Finally, Polaroid's app isn't necessarily created for the Go, since it doesn't have any Bluetooth tools, but it does help with scanning. I'd recommend giving it a Go (pun intended), since it already crops and fixes the perspective of the image to show just the frame and photo. I normally have to edit it so that it looks a bit closer to the physical picture, but that's just me going the extra mile.

I think that's it! I'm still thinking about how to store or showcase the pictures in a nice way, do you guys have any ideas? How do you do it? I'm also saving all the used film cartridges (is that the right word?), I don't know what for but I want to do something with them! I've seen people displaying pictures in them though... Any ideas?

Thank you for coming to my TedTalk (I’m so sorry for this stupidly long post)

[chronurgy]

economic navel gazing and weird childhood situations under the cut I guess

Apparently there's some poll going around asking about how much your parents made/your economic situation growing up and it's weird for me.....

Growing up my parents divorced when I was very young. My mother had primary custody and her economic situation was......complicated. I'll come back to that in a minute. But my father was very well off. Possibly not at that time, definitely later. But I didn't.... Well frankly I saw little to none of it for a number of complicated reasons. Except when I got older I definitely did benefit from it so that's even more complicated. It's just a weird situation all around.

Uh, but getting back to my mother. I know there were time periods things were very bad for us. I know especially early on after the divorce and then after 2008 it was food stamps bad. I knew things were really precarious for us at times, that's part of why I got my first job. I needed to help contribute to things like my clothes, school supplies, etc.

But. Um. Well frankly, it isn't clear how true to life that precarity I felt was. There were times when it truly, genuinely was bad, I know that for sure. But it also seems like there were plenty of times where it wasn't nearly as bad as I was told/assumed it was, especially in my later high school and college years. During that period there were definitely times where my mother leaned on me to pay for clothes and food and my half of the phone bill when she probably didn't need me to. She just, uh, found it more convenient to leave me to my own devices. Like with my wisdom teeth (and the road trip after that, oh boy) and the dentist more generally and when I was sick and really any time she just didn't feel up to things. So there are a lot of things looking back where it isn't clear that we didn't have the money for it so much as we had the money and she didn't want to spend it on me.

So I don't really know what we had going on, money wise. I think I definitely assumed we were of a lower economic class than we actually were, at least later on. I probably didn't need to have part time jobs plural in high school. I think I would've kept them anyway because I liked having a source of money that I could rely on, one that wouldn't change its mind or hold it over me if it bought me something. But I thought it was all necessary back then and in retrospect I don't think it actually was. More weird feelings all around there. Just. Yeah. I don't actually really know what economic class it would be fair to say I grew up as. I usually stick with middle class because that feels fair, I grew up in a house in a nice suburb and that felt mostly stable, so I had most of the trappings of that sort of upbringing. And sure we were poor at times but to a lower degree and for a shorter period of time than I realized, I think. So middle class seems fair enough, I don't think I'll net any complaints about that. It's just......weird. There was a period of time where I thought we were really poor. Where I didn't ask for things because I thought/knew we didn't have the money. It's weird to have to rethink and reframe it all in light of what I know now/have learned since. It's just weird.

[queenlua]

30's meme: 1, 11, 45, 52?

1. What was the first piece of furniture you bought?

my *very* first piece of furniture was a futon whose cost i split with three other roommates, freshman year of college. i napped/lounged/homeworked on that futon probably more than anyone else all four years of undergrad, lmao. we got it from a habitat from humanity sale and it was CLUTCH

my first non-cheapo/non-ikea furniture would be the wooden dinner table i split with my husband when we moved in together. it's SO pretty and nice and i love it so much... and he DEFINITELY had to talk me into it because i have no sense of ~*~interior decoration aesthetics~*~ and was like "do we really need this idk it seems too fancy...." (he was 100% correct and, come to think of it, is responsible for pretty much all our furniture. it's ok, i contribute all the stuffed animals, i'm helping)

11. What’s something you saved up for and then regretted buying?

for years all my skibrah buddies were like "bro you gotta get an Epic Pass it's the only way to ski bro" & one year i FINALLY caved and got an epic pass and... then due to illness/injury i wasn't even able to USE the thing to the fullest, and also, most of the bit of skiing i wound up doing was at a NON-EPIC MOUNTAIN, so. all i got was the warm n fuzzy feeling of "paying lots of money to the evil conglomerate that's slowly jacking up the price of skiing all across the entire world." UGH

45. What’s something you wish you had more time for?

if i had an extra three hours a day i could do job + all my hobbies + get adequate sleep. however i do not have those three hours so more-often-then-not i sleep less than i'd like (and uhhh sometimes i job less than i should, but, don't tell my boss that)

52. Did your relationship with your parents get better when you stopped living with them?

Oh yeah, absolutely. Though I guess there was a little back-n-forth, like...

High school: Relationship with mom was so-so but overall fine

College: Relationship with mom gets much worse. In hindsight, she was definitely working through some Empty Nester Feelings TM and i kinda got the brunt of that, but also, I probably wasn't as nice about it as I could've been haha

First job out of college: Mom's SO much more chill. So chill that, when I end up doing a residency in another city & plot to land a job on the west coast, I'm like "why don't I just move back home for a bit in-between gigs"

Living at home again: BAD idea lmfao. Things are really tense and bad

West coast job: Both mom & I are still a little wounded for a year or two, but stuff's much better from there on out, and nowadays I definitely count mom among my best friends.

(my dad was present through all this but that relationship's always been stable, by the virtue of me being Basically The Same Person As My Dad, lol)