#im on that thing like white on rice

[moeblob]

Rice. From my plot that's literally just a game of chess. (he's a rook)

[fairyhaos]

bro forget alcohol and drugs and whatever. do u know what the most addictive thing is ever? white rice.

[averysmolkirbo]

Ok so im not sure if this is an autism thing or a white people thing (probably both lets be honest) but my hottest food hot take is that bland food is GOATED. i love you white rice. I love you white bread. I love you unseasoned chicken. You never hurt me. You're always there for me. you're like that friend that jjst LISTENS to you and doesnt try to offer you the trendy remedy of the week. I expierience enough stimulation and flavor in my life from just Being Alive. i do not need need my food to yell at me and attack me and be in my face. i want it to be like a warm soft blanky for my mouth.

is this weird or is this like a semi normal neurodivergent thing?

[m00ngbin]

Whatever I just ate has to be the most disgusting thing I've ever made

[hookechoes]

its always a random sunday afternoon where i get fixated on accent/linguistics videos on youtube for hours on end

[notquiteaghost]

did not realise how entrenched into my vocabulary 'hewwo?' was & now at work i keep doing an absurd code switch where my customer voice is Just Some Guy Who Probably Went To The Tech n then a coworker will call my name n i will call "Hewwo?" back in full Autism voice. idk how else to describe Autism voice. i don't mean monotone i mean like. yknow newt geiszler from pacific rim?

[skenpiel]

oh ok. i just figured out what my fucking problem is. its the endometriosis -_-

[wellijustfinnihedoneofthebooks]

Blackwood farm may be a kinda questionable entry in the vampire chronicles BUT that is only because it wasnt told in what its true medium shouldve been, an internet arg

[xirae]

Really hope it's not soy bothering me bc it turns out Chef Boyardee has soy in it and I'm back to 0 hours free on that one .-. I would die w/o tofu so I'm praying it's not the culprit, but I really did eat a whole slab recently so I have to test for it

[natandacat]

@claudia-de-lioncourt No no speak up, you're right and you should say it. Gabrielle de lioncourt is in the room with us right now and she might have some words too lol

@black-market-wd4o ah but dont forget... Marius thinks of himself as "sharing the wealth"! He's just helping civilization and art along by harnessing the talent of wasted youth! Amadeo is once again not very impressed.

@platoapproved You're 100% correct and let us not forget why Marius (cough Anne Rice cough) is so racist towards Armand! Let's see why ukraine keeps being depicted as less european and more backward than the rest of eastern europe throughout the book -Marius tells us right here, dimissing Amadeo's all in all quite reasonable lack of faith in the society that enslaved and abused him:

Ah. The Mongol invasions. Right. Thats when it became a dark and savage land. Gotcha. Hey quickly Marius what are your opinions on Fortress Europe.

Like look at this

"See Amadeo I care about REAL working men... bankers and merchants" bdjwjdkfbfjf

Also the absolute clownery of saying that last line to the boy he bought from a brothel. I don't care that he ends up wanting to send him to university or whatever, he admits himself that amadeo was not supposed to have any options but to be his to mold. No shit Armand feels discouraged.

[thecherrygod]

man if youve never made a pdf on your phone and have no idea how it works you cant get mad if you ask others if they know how to and they say "it depends".

[viiennie]

i was watching stephanie soo and had an idea

spoiled!afabreader x loving!gojosatoru

in which: your billionaire father is now in the age of retirement and thought it was time for you to stop being so leisure and find a man to marry. it was one of your duties as the heiress after all.

tw: curse words, rich ppl, suggestive (gojo loves you a bit too much)

⋆.˚ ᡣ𐭩 .𖥔˚

“daddy! i dont wanna get married, im only 29!” you whine, stabbing the three thousand dollar steak on your plate angrily, pouting as your father sighs.

“dear, im 61 years old now. i was supposed to retire lat year, but i decided to work for another year because you told me you werent ready.”

“….”

your silent response is proof that you knew you were being unreasonable. “but i dont wanna get married to a stranger..” you mumble, now playing with the veggies on the side of the plate. you tried your best to find your mr. right last year, but everyone was just either so boring, so bland, or was only after your money. you were fine if they were intelligent men who were after your money, but noooooo they were absolute idiots who had the guts to be after your money.

“dont worry dearie, i wont allow you to be with a trashy guy.” your father pats your head gently, careful not to mess up your hair that he knows you spent forever to style.

indeed did your father keep his words. he had offered 65 million dollars to the man who will marry you under the condition that he loves you and you love him. not only that, but all the blind dates he set you up on absolutely exceeded your expectations. one of them rented out an entire theme park for the two of you to enjoy, one had emptied out a five star hotel, and one even had booked you both a flight to greece.

all these men were gentlemen who were from different rich families. they were kind, they were caring. but one thing always set you off.

they always looked like they were just there to complete a chore.

you grunt, mushing your face into the window of your rolls royce. another day, another blind date. this time you were on your way to the biggest mall in the country, about to meet the heir of the gojo group.

“miss, you might rub your makeup off.” ijichi warns, pushing his glasses up as he organizes your schedule. ijichi was your personal assistant, your best friend since day one who was always there to take care of you.

you pout, furrowing your eyebrows and closing your eyes in annoyance.

next thing you know is when you open them again, youre standing in front of a white haired man with the bluest eyes you’ve seen. he is your first date that’s wearing casual clothes.

“it’s nice to finally meet you angel, my name’s gojo satoru.” he smiles, showing off his pearly whites and offering a hand.

you raise an eyebrow, impressed as you place your hand in his, watching him kiss the soft skin of your knuckles. you feel a smile creep onto your lips as you then allow him to guide you through the crowdless mall, greeting all the employees and managers as he walks past the stores. you swear he is the most gentlemanly date you’ve had so far with the way he walks to match your pace, makes sure you arent tired, and stopping with the occasional, “how are you feeling princess, you tired?”

as you eat, he slices the meat for you, separates the green peas from the fried rice for you if you didnt like them, makes sure you know you dont have to finish the food if you didnt like it or if you felt full. after you’re done eating, he tells you to sit and relax first, assuring you that there was no rush in anything. “just sit your pretty self and rest there baby.” he hums, paying for the food before putting all his attention back on you.

he asks you about your father, how hes doing. about your friends, the drama going on. he asks you about your hobbies, your interests, your skills, your talents.

and youre so glad because this time you dont have to talk about the changes in the company when you are to be married, you dont have to answer questions like, “will you sign a prenup?” “how many guests will you invite at the wedding?” “how is the revenue?” “where should i invest?”

with gojo satoru, you can be yourself, and not be a business partner.

as you talked about how you had an eminent talent in horseback riding, satoru cant help but smile as he admires the way you constantly glowed. each word you said was just so perfect, like a melody that had him melting. god, he could just eat you up.

after you decided you had enough rest, satoru leads you to the shopping area, telling you to buy whatever you wanted. you squeal, this time being the one to lead the way and dragging along the rich man as you hop from nike, to chanel, to hermes, to dior, and so on. he ended up having to carry multiple shopping bags, but he didnt mind, because he absolutely loved seeing that smile on your face each time you swiped his black card.

he couldnt help but slowly get hard, groaning quietly whenever you got more comfortable and touchy with him, often hugging his arm close to your chest and pulling him to the next store.

he had to hold back whenever you’d say, “gojo, i wanna go there next pretty please!” and look up at him with those pleading puppy eyes of your, batting your lashes in hopes of charming him.

he nearly reached his boiling point when you asked him to enter the changing room, needing help with zipping up the back of a particular skirt.

as he kneels to reach, he catching a glimpse of your pretty lace underwear in a baby pink color, his cock twitches as he goes deaf to your questions, “is the zipper stuck? whats taking so long gojo?” you repeat almost thrice before he goes back to his senses, quickly zipping up the skirt before standing, doing his best to cover up the tent in his pants.

he didnt want to make you think he was a weirdo after all..

you twirl around with the most beautiful smile, “what do you think, gojo? is it pretty?”

he can only stare with a strained smile, unable to focus as he nods. “its beautiful princess.”

you can tell somethings bothering him, “is it the top? i have another option there if–” you pause when he takes a step forward, hesitantly placing his hand on your lower back and lifting your chin with his other hand, “you look stunning baby.” he reassures you, and you feel your face getting hotter.

“o-okay, i’lltakethisthen!” you quickly say before shoving him out of the changing room.

satoru is glad he had the door blocking you because at this point he swears there might be a stain on his pants. embarrassed, he tried to pull down his sweater, sighing in relief when he looks at the mirror, seeing that it was oversized enough to hide his little gojo junior’s bulge.

it isnt long after when you tell gojo your daddy is telling you to go home before the sunsets, having to reject his offer to drive you home because you had ijichi waiting at the parking lot for you.

“well, i hope we’ll see each other again angel.” gojo smiles, having walked you till the exit of the mall. “hope i didn’t disappoint you today.” he adds honestly, letting go of your hand.

“oh, you didn’t disappoint me at all today gojo. i had lots of fun.” you smile, tiptoeing to place a surprise kiss on his lips. “i’ll see you again next week?”

gojo is dumbfounded, standing there as his brain goes completely blank, just staring at you with adorable wide eyes.

you giggle, taking that as a yes before walking off to the direction of your car.

as soon as youre sat in the backseat, you take out your phone, calling your dearest father’s phone number and with a big smile and a racing heart you tell him, “daddy, prepare 65 million dollars because i like this one!”

[thepandalion]

ok so like. I get what you mean? and I kinda agree but also in my brain the oil is the reason it's hanukkah food? like if I made latkes in the air frier they would be potato fritters and not Special Holiday Food (TM)

the reason I have this specification though is that I regularly have my mom make me holiday-specific foods outside their designated holidays (specifically. the like. forgot the word in English but yknow the thing you put in soup on passover. thats like made of the passover kosher flour. that. its my comfort food. but my mom makes it out of potato flour instead when passover flour isnt available so its got a Normal version and a Holiday version)

so it might just be a me thing and maybe Im not using the exact qords I want bc. Late. but to me without oil its not for the oil holiday. its just the potato fritters we have on friday nights to snack on until right before dinner the next night and that feels to me like its losing the point of holiday specific foods?

Had someone very seriously suggest to me that you could bake latkes to make them healthier and I was like. absolutely not. the oil is the point. the oil burned for eight days and eight nights and gave us light to see by. it is still possible, against all odds, to live in a time of miracles. the oil is the point.

[thereaderinsertlady]

how would you write a yandere bill? like, would he be overly affectionate, clingy as all heck, possessive, obsessive, willing to give you the frigin universe and more…or the latter, where hes just like an abusive caretaker who shields you from the world, and gaslights you all the time whilst not really showing any affection for you. i need to know, i love your work so much and im STARVED of bill content!!!!!

Haiii (glances over sadly to some of my bill requests. Sighs wistfilly). I REALLY need to get on some of those lol. But short little questions like these are easy for me to answer :3

Bill knows the horrors of humanity and how AWFUL humans can be (being old as shit has its perks sometimes). He's certainly be on the obsessive end, starting with observing you and getting very attached to your day-to-day rituals. You'd be some normal average joe, and he, of course, gets attached to you like white on rice. You were just so... silly! Just a little guy...... he HAS to have you. Like a collector, and once he's able to, he'll keep you somewhere safe, away from the rest of humanity. Any friends you've had? You don't need them! He'll keep them alive, sure, as per your wishes, but he was NOT about to let you see them ever again. Any family? Nooope, none of that either.

He would sort of teether on the line of a romantic relationship, but would likely keep things sexual. You don't make those pretty noises for free! So, he has to, ahem, get those out of you. And, he hardly lets you out of his sight, either. If he's not there with you and has to be busy, then he'll use his magic to keep an eye on you... literally. Ever see in some horror movies how the eyes move in the portraits?

So! That's how I would go about writing Bill- kinda a mix of the two things you've mentioned.

[sainzzsturns]

tease

H. Fort x fem!reader

category: fluff

warnings: none, lowercase intended, sorry in advance for any grammar errors english it’s my first language.

summary: where reader finds it funny how grumpy and shy hector gets when teased by his teammates

a/n: for one of my fav players whose extremely underrated, like how is no one talking about his assist to fermin on thursday???

you were picking héctor up from his practice at the barça grounds since you would leave work around the time he finished up.

you noticed you were still a bit early so you parked your car and entered the hallway at the estadi olímpic.

your access was allowed since most of the people working there already knew you from picking your boyfriend up and sometimes giving his teammates rides.

you walked up the stairs in your light washed jeans and white long sleeve shirt covered with a pink jacket since it was more of a chilly day.

you saw xavi discussing something with frankie as you gave them a wave and sat somewhere in the stands to watch the rest of practice.

héctor soon noticed you and gave you a wave, you blew him a kiss back. you instantly noticed lamine going in his direction starting to tease him about his girlfriend.

“ooh héctor’s blushing!” he yelled, fermín soon joined the teasing as well.

you giggled looking at your boyfriend’s tall structure turning to the boys with a intimidating stare.

“oh he thinks he’s so strong and intimidating…” marc joined in as well, causing you to giggle even more.

“callate” héctor growled in response, trying to hide the reddened of his cheeks. (shut up)

the boys continued laughing until xavi told them they were good to go.

héctor ran up to you, giving you a kiss and collecting his things, which you had sat beside. he began walking out, shaking his hand out, signaling for you to take it, which you did.

you came across the rest of the team in the hallways, hugging joão félix and pablo, who were talking while filling up their water bottles.

“ah lamine do you need a ride again?” you asked when you spotted him, being that last time his mom wasn’t able to.

“i’m sure he doesn’t, if he does marc can give him one.” héctor said firmly, looking at the boy.

“oh my god dude you can’t seriously be mad, we were just teasing you!” lamine said.

“yeah it’s okay babe.” you said as well.

héctor rolled his eyes, “well do you need a ride or no?” he asked.

“i’m good thank’s for asking babe” he teased héctor again.

you swore you could see the littlest grin on your boyfriend’s face as he slapped the back of lamine’s neck as the youngest giggled.

“bye babe…” lamine sang as you and héctor left.

when you arrived home héctor made his way to the bathroom to take a shower while you prepared lunch for the both of you.

just as you were finishing up he came down the stairs in a pair of black sweats and a white t-shirt.

he hugged you from behind while you mixed the rice in the pan, his strong arms laying above your chest.

“it’s so funny how shy you get when the boys tease you.” you said to him.

“no it’s not, don’t even start.”

“but it is! you always have this mean face but you’re really just a soft little boy.” you said again, his hands moving down to your waist giving it a squeeze as he hid his red face in your neck.

“i’m not ‘soft’ im literally 6’1” he groaned into your skin embarrassed.

“well you’re just a big baby.” you said, turning to him. “my baby…”

“you’re so corny” he answered rolling his eyes and lowering himself to give your a kiss

“you love me!” you argued back.

“a lot, cariño” he answered. (sweetheart)

[tetedurfarm]

i promised y'all recipes but i forgor

it's ok im fixing it now tho

anyway. hi. hello. i eat a lot of rabbit. i am also blessed by god to be one of the few, the chosen, the descended from the acadians who were blessed with the ability to cook food that doesn't suck. you can trust me. màmaw cécil's ici.

just a fair warning though these recipes kinda assume you have basic cooking skills, and things are measured with the heart as my ancestors intended.

onward to the recipes

the tried. the true. the rabbit gumbo

one whole rabbit

half an onion

one package of andouille sausage (or other spicy pork sausage)

a bell pepper if you like

some okra if you like

some garlic

a jar of dark roux (savoie's is my go-to)

tony chacherie's

tabasco

filé

a good long-grain rice

debone the rabbit and cut into chunks, or pressure cook until it falls off the bones. you can also cook the rabbit IN the gumbo but this method takes a long time and is a PITA, but you do get all the good rabbit grease in the gumbo.

fill a large stock pot about 3/4 the way up with water and set to boil. add salt until it's salty to the taste. add about five to seven heaping spoonfuls of roux and let it dissolve while the pot comes to a boil.

while you wait, chop the onion and bell pepper into a rough dice and add it to the pot. i'm sure someone's màmaw will tell you what to do with okra, but i don't like it so idk. i just know some people put it in their gumbo. not me tho. tbh i don't even like bell peppers but it's traditional. anyway you can put some garlic in too. and tony's. lots of tony's.

cut the sausage into about quarter inch rounds and throw 'em in too. if you did not precook your rabbit, add it now. if you did precook, you can add it once the vegetables and sausage are cooked. around this time is also when i put the rice on.

once all the meat is done cooking, taste for seasoning and adjust as desired. it should be salty and a little spicy (or a lot, if you aren't a coward.) now all you have to do is wait for the rice to finish.

when everything is done, scoop some rice into a deep bowl (a soup crock is ideal) and pour gumbo over, making sure you get a bit of everything. top with tabasco to taste, and a healthy dash of filé.

some variety of sausage

1 - 2lbs of ground rabbit

soy sauce

garlic rice wine vinegar (if you can't find it, normal RWV works just add more garlic)

rubbed sage

garlic powder

minced garlic (if not using garlic RWV) (or if you just want it)

brown sugar

drizzle a little oil (i like using sesame oil) in a saucepan and put in ground rabbit. as it cooks, cut it up into small chunks with your utensil. once it's cooked, throw in all the rest of the everything and season with salt and pepper and a little msg if you got it. measure with your heart and taste as you go. you are shooting for a sort of savoury-sweet thing going on. it should be closer to a breakfast sausage in taste.

this goes really good in a dumpling, fried into a patty, or turn it into a white gravy with some milk and flour and put it over rice with creamed corn for a nontraditional but still delicious rice and gravy.

german rabbit stew

this one is just a link because someone else made it up but it's real good: https://honest-food.net/german-rabbit-stew/

alfredo mushroom rabbit pasta

roughly one cup per person's worth of cooked, shredded rabbit

as many portobello mushrooms as your heart desires

minced garlic

a jar of alfredo (or make your own i ain't your mom)

your pasta of choice

pretty straightforward. put your pasta on to boil (we like penne.) chop up your mushrooms and sweat them out in a saucepan. when they're cooked enough, toss in the alfredo, the minced garlic, and your rabbit. season with salt/pepper/whatever else you like to taste. when the pasta is done, combine pasta and rabbit mixture and enjoy

just the filling part of pei wei's lettice wraps but on rice instead

1lb ground rabbit

half an onion

garlic

hoisin sauce

teriyaki sauce

hot chili oil

green onion (grunion)

sesame seeds

short-grain rice

set your rice to cook. when it's almost done, roughly dice onion and set it to cook in a little oil (i like seasme for this.) when it turns translucent, add ground rabbit and garlic. once the rabbit is cooked, throw all the other sauces in to taste. it should be hoisin-forward, a little sweet and savoury. add some cayenne and more chili oil, maybe some gochujang, whatever, if you want more spice. eat it with rice and top with sesame seeds and grunions, i like some shichimi togarashi too sometimes. maybe a lil fried egg if you're feeling sassy.

i made this up from a dupe recipe for a lettuce wrap i liked at a restaurant so you could put it in lettuce too if you wanted. i just don't ever buy a whole head of lettuce.

weird midwestern chili

1-2lbs of ground rabbit

half an onion

garlic

one large can or two small cans of petite diced tomatoes

1-2 habañero peppers (or none if you're yankee)

some sort of stock or broth, or water and a bouillon cube

chili powder

sometimes corn is nice in this if you have it

pasta of your choice

i use my instant pot for this, but you can do it without one in a normal stockpot, it'll just take longer.

brown the rabbit in a little bit of oil with the pot on sauté. while you wait, chop up the onion, garlic, and pepper. when the rabbit is browned, throw everything else in the pot besides the pasta. pressure cook for about 15-20 minutes.

in the meantime, set a pot of pasta to boil. we like farfalle.

when the chili is done cooking, season further to taste with more chili powder, cayenne, tony's, whatever you like. serve on the pasta. i know, i know, it ain't chili to me either, but that's what my friend's minnesotan family calls it and whatever it is, it's damn good so i forgive them.

rice that is dirty AND ugly

1-2lbs ground rabbit

half an onion

garlic i guess

about four or five rabbit or chicken livers

long-grain rice

tony's

set the rice to cook. brown the livers in some oil until they are just barely not-raw. then blitz 'em up in a food processer until they are mush. while you do this, brown some ground rabbit and onion and garlic if you want it in a saucepan. when it's browned, add the livers and just. stir it all together. if it's too dry you can add stock or some water. does it look horrible? you're doing it right. season to taste once it's cooked through. add in rice and mix. i promise to god it tastes better than it looks.

for bonus points, mush dirty rice into balls and dredge in egg and seasoned cornmeal and deep fry or air fry until golden brown. ta da, your very own boudin balls.

i guess you can also run the mixture into a sausage casing for 'normal' boudin too.

('but what about the gizzards cécil' i have tried for years and i can't make gizzards palatable. they just end up weird and tough and i don't like the texture in the dirty rice. you know how to make 'em work, you go for it.)

mexican meatloaf that is neither mexican nor meatloaf

1lb ground rabbit

half an onion

garlic

one can of petite diced tomatoes

one can of whole corn

one can of pork n beans

(optional can of kidney beans or other bean you like)

taco seasoning

shredded yellow cheese

sour creme

tabasco

fritos

chop onion into a rough dice and put in a saucepan with a little oil. when onion is translucent, throw in rabbit to brown. when meat is cooked, thrown in everything that comes in a can, and the taco seasoning. i use about half a packet, but you can do to taste. once it's cooked, spoon over fritos and top with shredded cheese and sour creme. i like a dash of tabasco too.

absoutely a 'hear me out recipe' but if you like frito pie you will probably like this. most importantly, though, it makes a TON of food and for very cheap. excellent end of the month meal. also idk why it's called mexican meatloaf that's just what my mom called it and i'm pretty sure she made it up herself lol

rabbit jambalaya that makes my ancestors cry

approximately one half a rabbit's worth of shredded rabbit

one can of petite diced tomatoes

andouille or other spicy pork sausage

half an onion

bell pepper if ya like it

celery if ya like it

rabbit or chicken stock/broth

tony's

long-grain rice

if you are starting with a whole rabbit, either debone, chop into chunks, and cook, or pressure cook the rabbit until it falls off of the bone. set your rice to cook.

chop veggies and toss em in a saucepan with a little bit of oil or butter. sauté until soft, then add your tomatoes, broth, andouille, and rabbit. when it's all warmed through, add the rice in and mix. season with tony's, crab boil, cayenne, whatever, to taste. put some tabasco on that bitch before you eat, and enjoy.

(my ancestors cry because i'm cajun and traditionally we don't put tomatoes in our jambalaya. mais c'est bon, escuse-moi les anciens.)

creme cheese rabbit joes or whatever

one whole rabbit

one block of creme cheese

one packet of ranch seasoning

jar of pickled jalapeños

shredded cheddar cheese

your favourite burger bun

we use an instant pot, i guess you could probably do it on a stove if you had to but keep an eye on the liquid levels. pressure cook rabbit with half of the ranch seasoning packet and as much jalapeño juice as you want (it should have a kick.) when meat is tender, remove bones and drain liquid into another container (it makes a great stock if you want something with a little pizzaz.)

turn the instant pot on saute, and then put meat, creme cheese, cheddar cheese, jalapeños to taste, the rest of the ranch powder if you want, and as much jalapeño juice or the stock you just made until it's the consistency you want. it should be pretty creamy and a little gloopy. toast your buns, slop the goop on, and enjoy.

well these are the ones i can remember off top my head/that i actually eat regularly. we also make burgers and stir fry and curry rice and shit too, but those are like...y'know. don't really need a recipe for burgers and stir fry.

go forth and eat your fuckin animals