#im on that thing like white on rice

[moeblob]

Rice. From my plot that's literally just a game of chess. (he's a rook)

[m00ngbin]

Whatever I just ate has to be the most disgusting thing I've ever made

[noahwylie]

its always a random sunday afternoon where i get fixated on accent/linguistics videos on youtube for hours on end

[notquiteaghost]

did not realise how entrenched into my vocabulary 'hewwo?' was & now at work i keep doing an absurd code switch where my customer voice is Just Some Guy Who Probably Went To The Tech n then a coworker will call my name n i will call "Hewwo?" back in full Autism voice. idk how else to describe Autism voice. i don't mean monotone i mean like. yknow newt geiszler from pacific rim?

[readingwriter92]

See I’ve spent the last few months perfecting my ability to make rice on the stove (mainly bc it’s my. I woke up at noon and don’t want to eat meal for weekends).

Anyways so I bought some canned peas and carrots and ima start to slowly level up my cooking

[xirae]

Really hope it's not soy bothering me bc it turns out Chef Boyardee has soy in it and I'm back to 0 hours free on that one .-. I would die w/o tofu so I'm praying it's not the culprit, but I really did eat a whole slab recently so I have to test for it

[emizsc]

streamer!kozume kenma x wife!reader

notes: fluff + crack, this is 100% taken from a kenz & kydae moment i think about regularly, lowercase intended, married, brainrot, food mention, can be read as a stand alone but i have a part one and two to this series!!!

it was finally the day kenma hit his subscriber goal on twitch which was “ xx subs for cooking stream w the wife” so when time came, he made sure to clear the background for anything that might put you two’s safety at risk. he already asked you beforehand if you wanted to do this in the first place and what time you wanted to. he stated sternly that if you wanted to back out— even if it was in the middle of the stream and he was mixing ingredients for something— the second you felt uncomfortable, he’d stop the stream. his priority is always you.

you were very much a cook unlike your husband who’s somehow burnt hot chocolate before, so you decided on what to make! “szechuan beef with white rice sound good?” you say, looking up recipes. “anything you want.”

you put kenma in charge of the rice whilst prepping the meat. anytime you’d have to turn your back to the camera, kenma always lingered right behind you, draping his arm on your hip whenever he could.

once the rice was cooked, you pulled your sleeves down to cover your hands as makeshift mittens to hold the rice container. you tilted the bowl for the camera to capture. “rice looks nice and fluffy.. so ken can cook good rice at least!” you tease, laughing softly. “y/n is that not hot?” kenma says with a raised eyebrow, watching the steam coming off the top. “it’s not that hot, i can hold it.”

“A-ahh BRO! y/n that’s h-HOT-!! WE HAVE MITTENS, LET ME HOLD IT! YOUR HANDS ARE GONNA BURN!!!” “kozu, it’s fine, i’m literally holding it.” “What do you mean?! Owsssshttt.. I LITERALLT HAVE THE MITTENS ON AND I CAN STILL FEEL IT!” in the end, kenma put the rice on a heat resistant mat and he ran your hands through some cold water. the live chat was racing with comments.

steinogfineshyt: bro doesn’t understand the ‘cooking hands’

bxngchnz: did he call his wife bro????

souleaterpeak: KENMA LOOKS SO STUPID WITH MITTENS IM FRYINGGGG

kaikamalhuening: kenma valid crashout

alhaithamkisser: y/n +134340 aura, kenma -12700 aura

levimalewife: that was so sigma alpha male of y/n

mammonscreditcard: does y/n need a wife

kkumacoups: blah blah blah proper name place name backstory stuff ahh kenma bro 😭😭

shokoscigarette: y/n i love you please don’t die

“my wife is mine to love and she will never die.” kenma scoffed at the screen before turning back to you, just completely enamored, like it was his first time ever laying his eyes on you again.

notes: HELLO THANK YOUR FOR 2.1K NOTES + 100 FOLLOWES WHAT?! (ᯅ̈ )erm guys im just a girl who’s insanely brainrotted pls don’t expect so much but im soso grateful for all the support (ᵒ̴̶̷̥́ ·̫ ᵒ̴̶̷̣̥̀) !!!!this will probably be a pending series from here as i give up on things in three (3) seconds lawl ALSO PLS TRY SZECHUAN BEEF IF YOU HAVENT ALREADY ITS SO BOMB

[natandacat]

@claudia-de-lioncourt No no speak up, you're right and you should say it. Gabrielle de lioncourt is in the room with us right now and she might have some words too lol

@black-market-wd4o ah but dont forget... Marius thinks of himself as "sharing the wealth"! He's just helping civilization and art along by harnessing the talent of wasted youth! Amadeo is once again not very impressed.

@platoapproved You're 100% correct and let us not forget why Marius (cough Anne Rice cough) is so racist towards Armand! Let's see why ukraine keeps being depicted as less european and more backward than the rest of eastern europe throughout the book -Marius tells us right here, dimissing Amadeo's all in all quite reasonable lack of faith in the society that enslaved and abused him:

Ah. The Mongol invasions. Right. Thats when it became a dark and savage land. Gotcha. Hey quickly Marius what are your opinions on Fortress Europe.

Like look at this

"See Amadeo I care about REAL working men... bankers and merchants" bdjwjdkfbfjf

Also the absolute clownery of saying that last line to the boy he bought from a brothel. I don't care that he ends up wanting to send him to university or whatever, he admits himself that amadeo was not supposed to have any options but to be his to mold. No shit Armand feels discouraged.

[thecherrygod]

man if youve never made a pdf on your phone and have no idea how it works you cant get mad if you ask others if they know how to and they say "it depends".

[sainzzsturns]

tease

H. Fort x fem!reader

category: fluff

warnings: none, lowercase intended, sorry in advance for any grammar errors english it’s my first language.

summary: where reader finds it funny how grumpy and shy hector gets when teased by his teammates

a/n: for one of my fav players whose extremely underrated, like how is no one talking about his assist to fermin on thursday???

you were picking héctor up from his practice at the barça grounds since you would leave work around the time he finished up.

you noticed you were still a bit early so you parked your car and entered the hallway at the estadi olímpic.

your access was allowed since most of the people working there already knew you from picking your boyfriend up and sometimes giving his teammates rides.

you walked up the stairs in your light washed jeans and white long sleeve shirt covered with a pink jacket since it was more of a chilly day.

you saw xavi discussing something with frankie as you gave them a wave and sat somewhere in the stands to watch the rest of practice.

héctor soon noticed you and gave you a wave, you blew him a kiss back. you instantly noticed lamine going in his direction starting to tease him about his girlfriend.

“ooh héctor’s blushing!” he yelled, fermín soon joined the teasing as well.

you giggled looking at your boyfriend’s tall structure turning to the boys with a intimidating stare.

“oh he thinks he’s so strong and intimidating…” marc joined in as well, causing you to giggle even more.

“callate” héctor growled in response, trying to hide the reddened of his cheeks. (shut up)

the boys continued laughing until xavi told them they were good to go.

héctor ran up to you, giving you a kiss and collecting his things, which you had sat beside. he began walking out, shaking his hand out, signaling for you to take it, which you did.

you came across the rest of the team in the hallways, hugging joão félix and pablo, who were talking while filling up their water bottles.

“ah lamine do you need a ride again?” you asked when you spotted him, being that last time his mom wasn’t able to.

“i’m sure he doesn’t, if he does marc can give him one.” héctor said firmly, looking at the boy.

“oh my god dude you can’t seriously be mad, we were just teasing you!” lamine said.

“yeah it’s okay babe.” you said as well.

héctor rolled his eyes, “well do you need a ride or no?” he asked.

“i’m good thank’s for asking babe” he teased héctor again.

you swore you could see the littlest grin on your boyfriend’s face as he slapped the back of lamine’s neck as the youngest giggled.

“bye babe…” lamine sang as you and héctor left.

when you arrived home héctor made his way to the bathroom to take a shower while you prepared lunch for the both of you.

just as you were finishing up he came down the stairs in a pair of black sweats and a white t-shirt.

he hugged you from behind while you mixed the rice in the pan, his strong arms laying above your chest.

“it’s so funny how shy you get when the boys tease you.” you said to him.

“no it’s not, don’t even start.”

“but it is! you always have this mean face but you’re really just a soft little boy.” you said again, his hands moving down to your waist giving it a squeeze as he hid his red face in your neck.

“i’m not ‘soft’ im literally 6’1” he groaned into your skin embarrassed.

“well you’re just a big baby.” you said, turning to him. “my baby…”

“you’re so corny” he answered rolling his eyes and lowering himself to give your a kiss

“you love me!” you argued back.

“a lot, cariño” he answered. (sweetheart)

[bunlaozu]

Missing you.

[Redacted] X Reader

type: fluff (this time)

word count: 1614 (not super long this time)

warnings: none! (also this time, more interesting stuffs in the future tho!)

hai this is gonna be basically my intro to tumblr! first post yayyy (੭˃ᴗ˂)੭

i thought to myself hey, what is ren really like at home? and im sure my moots will know what i rly think of him but.. i thought it would be cute to write how i think he'd act a couple years post game, a small domestic moment i thought up for u (˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶)

(also pls pls ignore my bad grammar and punctuation, this is very beta)

You and Redacted had been living together quite a while now, almost two years! Really it was just shy of perfect, something was always happening in your apartment with them, some project or puzzle or new game they'd decided you must play together. This weekend was particularly lazy, with nothing to do actively around the house having done all the chores alone for once.

See, Redacted, you'd discovered early into your relationship, was a nerd. He loved his computers and his small robots, he loved to build and tinker and usually left his office quite a mess. He'd found a part he needed for his latest project off some internet forum, something no longer produced, "rare", he'd said. The only downside is that the pickup was almost 4 hours inland, meaning he'd have to be gone almost the entire day.

Redacted had slid out of your bed much too early in the morning and bade you a kiss goodbye, whispering you softly back to sleep before you'd even really noticed. That meant you hadn't seen him properly since the night before, which.. was fine, and it was normal for partners to be busy. but you missed him anyways, terribly even, especially in his absence of usual texts he sent constantly when not home.

It was about 7pm now and the blood red sunset on the beach cast a glow into your home, spreading across the pristine white marble flooring almost like spilled juice. you stood in the kitchen having decided to cook for once, in Redacted's absence who usually always insisted to do this. You stood at the stove, stupid pun apron on and wooden spoon in hand making spam fried rice with a fruit tart dish in the oven. It wasn't much but it was something he loved and you hoped to surprise him with it when he got home tonight, god willing it be before midnight since the location app the two of you shared wasn't picking him up anymore.

You paused a moment to admire the shining gold band on your left hand, a pretty diamond nestled in ornate but simple patterns. Not that it could be seen but when Redacted had proposed to you just 6 months ago you'd discovered he'd had your rings engraved, just a simple “always” but it was perfect. The metal glinted in the light of the kitchen and it brought a soft smile to your face before eventually you needed to pay attention to the food on the stove again but with a warm feeling throughout.

You stood in the kitchen humming along to some new love song off the radio, tapping the end of the spoon against the counter before ultimately deciding to use it as a microphone because, why not? No one was home after all. The sounds of the stove vent running and the sizzling of the rice in the pan coupled with the music covered anything else, a small little bubble of life which a certain someone was hearing from the foyer as he snuck through the front door.

You didn't notice a thing, eyes closed having a playful moment to yourself until large warm arms wrapped around your waist and picked you up for a spin. you squealed in surprise and wiggled around in his arms gleefully, wanting to get a look at your lover after a whole day gone. "I'm home~ did'ya miss me?" his low warm voice hummed beside your ear, making you giggle in his hold and immediately reach to shut off the stove knowing he was too clingy to allow you to continue cooking.

"Yes i missed you!! Let me go!!" his arms loosened around you just enough for you to spin around, coming chest to delicate paper with him and gasping the moment you saw what he held close. Between the two of you was a beautiful bouquet of flowers, an entire spring mix of beautiful blues and whites and purples with his smiling hopeful face above the flowers. "What do y-" "I love them!!! They're so beautiful, did you know you're my favorite?" you burst out not even letting him ask, taking the bouquet gently from his hold before leaping into his arms and pressing a hard kiss to his lips.

The two of you stood like that for a moment, wrapped up in each other with Redacted's hands running up and down your sides in warm paths till he seemingly had a new idea. He pressed you back and back and back, practically laying you down on the counter top while his kisses migrated across your face, over your hair, anywhere he could reach. his warm breath raised goosebumps across your skin and his smile pressed into your skin caused a new shiver, making you feel much too warm for an already toasty kitchen. "What are you.. a dog? All over me like a puppy.." you mumbled softly with a lovesick expression, hardly even an attempt at discouraging his overeager behavior.

"Missed you.. Can i not miss you? Missed you all day, missed you so much.." he rumbled softly against your skin where his mouth was pressed, hardly even kissing anymore so much as placing his mouth against your skin just to feel. He whispered the words reverently over and over, pressing the sentiment marrow deep to somewhere it would stick and take hold there, something that would grow. Redacted pressed his nose to your neck for a deep slow inhale, making you giggle at the sensation and finally decide to try and push him away while you squirmed in his arms. This only made things worse when he latched onto your waist tighter with a new determined look in his eyes not hiding the sparkle of mischief.

He left small breaths across your jaw and onto your face, pressing feather light kisses and making a point to be absolutely as close as possible. The cool brush from his nose only tickled worse but he refused to let up, leaving a delicate trail of breathy kisses all over your face and going as far to press his nose to yours, holding just like that for a moment. He slowly opened his mouth and bit on the tip of your nose, making you yelp in surprise and scrunch up with distaste. Redacted practically shook above you in a silent laughter, kissing the small nip better in a sincere apology with his soft eyelashes fluttering into a slightly remorseful smile.

"Redacted.. what is this? What are you even doing?" you said soft and endlessly fond, giving in and closing your eyes to his smirk pressed against your cheek, allowing him his fill of some much needed love. Once he started to nibble on your skin again you finally decided to gently put a hand over his mouth, snickering softly when he just started to gently nip and kiss at your fingers instead. You meant to push him away till his lips met the gold band on your finger, giving it a special devotion with your hand cradled between his own as if he held something to be worshipped. The sight was almost too much to bear, something fuzzy and warm tightening in your chest reminding you that you had this, he really was yours.

"Again, what'll i do with you??" you sighed with the fondest smile and a certain helplessness to your voice as he finally glanced up and your eyes met soft blue, a ghost of a hidden grin on his face, clearly very proud of himself. "Keep me?" he murmured in return, clearly gearing up to dive back in for more kisses which meant quickly squirming away off of the counter, wagging a finger in his direction.

"No more of you! Our dinner will get cold and then what?" you scolded, picking up your discarded wooden spoon to wave in his face. Redacted immediately crossed his arms and puffed his cheeks out in a pout, giving a small kick to the floor with a socked foot like there was any dirt to nudge while glancing up at you to see if his little show was working. "But.. y’could always reheat it..." he said petulantly, reaching for you and not expecting you to dance away, a smile on your face.

He reached for you again with a bit more speed and then it quickly became a game of cat and mouse, doing your best to slip and dodge from his reach while he became continuously competitive. He chased after you out of the kitchen and in front of the couch, smiling so hard it hurt and having worked up a slight pant. when he lunged for you this time you let him catch you, falling back onto the couch with a loud oof and a series of wheezing laughs knocking the breath from you both.

you reached up a hand to cup his cheek, brushing a thumb over the gentle flush from the exertion and excitement. "Got it out of your system? Can we have dinner now?" you said wryly, looking up at him with your best unamused expression. He put on an overly dramatic thinking face and hummed softly, looking around as if this were the hardest thing in the world to decide. his hands ran warm up and down your sides, sliding slowly over the skin under your shirt taking deliberately long touches to burn the feeling of his rough fingers into your skin. Redacted made a sound of affirmation and looked down at you with a smile "Nope. Missed you.”

Needless to say, dinner did need to be reheated and the tart was a little bit too toasty to taste good.

[thepandalion]

ok so like. I get what you mean? and I kinda agree but also in my brain the oil is the reason it's hanukkah food? like if I made latkes in the air frier they would be potato fritters and not Special Holiday Food (TM)

the reason I have this specification though is that I regularly have my mom make me holiday-specific foods outside their designated holidays (specifically. the like. forgot the word in English but yknow the thing you put in soup on passover. thats like made of the passover kosher flour. that. its my comfort food. but my mom makes it out of potato flour instead when passover flour isnt available so its got a Normal version and a Holiday version)

so it might just be a me thing and maybe Im not using the exact qords I want bc. Late. but to me without oil its not for the oil holiday. its just the potato fritters we have on friday nights to snack on until right before dinner the next night and that feels to me like its losing the point of holiday specific foods?

Had someone very seriously suggest to me that you could bake latkes to make them healthier and I was like. absolutely not. the oil is the point. the oil burned for eight days and eight nights and gave us light to see by. it is still possible, against all odds, to live in a time of miracles. the oil is the point.

[viiennie]

i was watching stephanie soo and had an idea

spoiled!afabreader x loving!gojosatoru

in which: your billionaire father is now in the age of retirement and thought it was time for you to stop being so leisure and find a man to marry. it was one of your duties as the heiress after all.

tw: curse words, rich ppl, suggestive (gojo loves you a bit too much)

⋆.˚ ᡣ𐭩 .𖥔˚

“daddy! i dont wanna get married, im only 29!” you whine, stabbing the three thousand dollar steak on your plate angrily, pouting as your father sighs.

“dear, im 61 years old now. i was supposed to retire lat year, but i decided to work for another year because you told me you werent ready.”

“….”

your silent response is proof that you knew you were being unreasonable. “but i dont wanna get married to a stranger..” you mumble, now playing with the veggies on the side of the plate. you tried your best to find your mr. right last year, but everyone was just either so boring, so bland, or was only after your money. you were fine if they were intelligent men who were after your money, but noooooo they were absolute idiots who had the guts to be after your money.

“dont worry dearie, i wont allow you to be with a trashy guy.” your father pats your head gently, careful not to mess up your hair that he knows you spent forever to style.

indeed did your father keep his words. he had offered 65 million dollars to the man who will marry you under the condition that he loves you and you love him. not only that, but all the blind dates he set you up on absolutely exceeded your expectations. one of them rented out an entire theme park for the two of you to enjoy, one had emptied out a five star hotel, and one even had booked you both a flight to greece.

all these men were gentlemen who were from different rich families. they were kind, they were caring. but one thing always set you off.

they always looked like they were just there to complete a chore.

you grunt, mushing your face into the window of your rolls royce. another day, another blind date. this time you were on your way to the biggest mall in the country, about to meet the heir of the gojo group.

“miss, you might rub your makeup off.” ijichi warns, pushing his glasses up as he organizes your schedule. ijichi was your personal assistant, your best friend since day one who was always there to take care of you.

you pout, furrowing your eyebrows and closing your eyes in annoyance.

next thing you know is when you open them again, youre standing in front of a white haired man with the bluest eyes you’ve seen. he is your first date that’s wearing casual clothes.

“it’s nice to finally meet you angel, my name’s gojo satoru.” he smiles, showing off his pearly whites and offering a hand.

you raise an eyebrow, impressed as you place your hand in his, watching him kiss the soft skin of your knuckles. you feel a smile creep onto your lips as you then allow him to guide you through the crowdless mall, greeting all the employees and managers as he walks past the stores. you swear he is the most gentlemanly date you’ve had so far with the way he walks to match your pace, makes sure you arent tired, and stopping with the occasional, “how are you feeling princess, you tired?”

as you eat, he slices the meat for you, separates the green peas from the fried rice for you if you didnt like them, makes sure you know you dont have to finish the food if you didnt like it or if you felt full. after you’re done eating, he tells you to sit and relax first, assuring you that there was no rush in anything. “just sit your pretty self and rest there baby.” he hums, paying for the food before putting all his attention back on you.

he asks you about your father, how hes doing. about your friends, the drama going on. he asks you about your hobbies, your interests, your skills, your talents.

and youre so glad because this time you dont have to talk about the changes in the company when you are to be married, you dont have to answer questions like, “will you sign a prenup?” “how many guests will you invite at the wedding?” “how is the revenue?” “where should i invest?”

with gojo satoru, you can be yourself, and not be a business partner.

as you talked about how you had an eminent talent in horseback riding, satoru cant help but smile as he admires the way you constantly glowed. each word you said was just so perfect, like a melody that had him melting. god, he could just eat you up.

after you decided you had enough rest, satoru leads you to the shopping area, telling you to buy whatever you wanted. you squeal, this time being the one to lead the way and dragging along the rich man as you hop from nike, to chanel, to hermes, to dior, and so on. he ended up having to carry multiple shopping bags, but he didnt mind, because he absolutely loved seeing that smile on your face each time you swiped his black card.

he couldnt help but slowly get hard, groaning quietly whenever you got more comfortable and touchy with him, often hugging his arm close to your chest and pulling him to the next store.

he had to hold back whenever you’d say, “gojo, i wanna go there next pretty please!” and look up at him with those pleading puppy eyes of your, batting your lashes in hopes of charming him.

he nearly reached his boiling point when you asked him to enter the changing room, needing help with zipping up the back of a particular skirt.

as he kneels to reach, he catching a glimpse of your pretty lace underwear in a baby pink color, his cock twitches as he goes deaf to your questions, “is the zipper stuck? whats taking so long gojo?” you repeat almost thrice before he goes back to his senses, quickly zipping up the skirt before standing, doing his best to cover up the tent in his pants.

he didnt want to make you think he was a weirdo after all..

you twirl around with the most beautiful smile, “what do you think, gojo? is it pretty?”

he can only stare with a strained smile, unable to focus as he nods. “its beautiful princess.”

you can tell somethings bothering him, “is it the top? i have another option there if���” you pause when he takes a step forward, hesitantly placing his hand on your lower back and lifting your chin with his other hand, “you look stunning baby.” he reassures you, and you feel your face getting hotter.

“o-okay, i’lltakethisthen!” you quickly say before shoving him out of the changing room.

satoru is glad he had the door blocking you because at this point he swears there might be a stain on his pants. embarrassed, he tried to pull down his sweater, sighing in relief when he looks at the mirror, seeing that it was oversized enough to hide his little gojo junior’s bulge.

it isnt long after when you tell gojo your daddy is telling you to go home before the sunsets, having to reject his offer to drive you home because you had ijichi waiting at the parking lot for you.

“well, i hope we’ll see each other again angel.” gojo smiles, having walked you till the exit of the mall. “hope i didn’t disappoint you today.” he adds honestly, letting go of your hand.

“oh, you didn’t disappoint me at all today gojo. i had lots of fun.” you smile, tiptoeing to place a surprise kiss on his lips. “i’ll see you again next week?”

gojo is dumbfounded, standing there as his brain goes completely blank, just staring at you with adorable wide eyes.

you giggle, taking that as a yes before walking off to the direction of your car.

as soon as youre sat in the backseat, you take out your phone, calling your dearest father’s phone number and with a big smile and a racing heart you tell him, “daddy, prepare 65 million dollars because i like this one!”

[thereaderinsertlady]

how would you write a yandere bill? like, would he be overly affectionate, clingy as all heck, possessive, obsessive, willing to give you the frigin universe and more…or the latter, where hes just like an abusive caretaker who shields you from the world, and gaslights you all the time whilst not really showing any affection for you. i need to know, i love your work so much and im STARVED of bill content!!!!!

Haiii (glances over sadly to some of my bill requests. Sighs wistfilly). I REALLY need to get on some of those lol. But short little questions like these are easy for me to answer :3

Bill knows the horrors of humanity and how AWFUL humans can be (being old as shit has its perks sometimes). He's certainly be on the obsessive end, starting with observing you and getting very attached to your day-to-day rituals. You'd be some normal average joe, and he, of course, gets attached to you like white on rice. You were just so... silly! Just a little guy...... he HAS to have you. Like a collector, and once he's able to, he'll keep you somewhere safe, away from the rest of humanity. Any friends you've had? You don't need them! He'll keep them alive, sure, as per your wishes, but he was NOT about to let you see them ever again. Any family? Nooope, none of that either.

He would sort of teether on the line of a romantic relationship, but would likely keep things sexual. You don't make those pretty noises for free! So, he has to, ahem, get those out of you. And, he hardly lets you out of his sight, either. If he's not there with you and has to be busy, then he'll use his magic to keep an eye on you... literally. Ever see in some horror movies how the eyes move in the portraits?

So! That's how I would go about writing Bill- kinda a mix of the two things you've mentioned.

[tetedurfarm]

i promised y'all recipes but i forgor

it's ok im fixing it now tho

anyway. hi. hello. i eat a lot of rabbit. i am also blessed by god to be one of the few, the chosen, the descended from the acadians who were blessed with the ability to cook food that doesn't suck. you can trust me. màmaw cécil's ici.

just a fair warning though these recipes kinda assume you have basic cooking skills, and things are measured with the heart as my ancestors intended.

onward to the recipes

the tried. the true. the rabbit gumbo

one whole rabbit

half an onion

one package of andouille sausage (or other spicy pork sausage)

a bell pepper if you like

some okra if you like

some garlic

a jar of dark roux (savoie's is my go-to)

tony chacherie's

tabasco

filé

a good long-grain rice

debone the rabbit and cut into chunks, or pressure cook until it falls off the bones. you can also cook the rabbit IN the gumbo but this method takes a long time and is a PITA, but you do get all the good rabbit grease in the gumbo.

fill a large stock pot about 3/4 the way up with water and set to boil. add salt until it's salty to the taste. add about five to seven heaping spoonfuls of roux and let it dissolve while the pot comes to a boil.

while you wait, chop the onion and bell pepper into a rough dice and add it to the pot. i'm sure someone's màmaw will tell you what to do with okra, but i don't like it so idk. i just know some people put it in their gumbo. not me tho. tbh i don't even like bell peppers but it's traditional. anyway you can put some garlic in too. and tony's. lots of tony's.

cut the sausage into about quarter inch rounds and throw 'em in too. if you did not precook your rabbit, add it now. if you did precook, you can add it once the vegetables and sausage are cooked. around this time is also when i put the rice on.

once all the meat is done cooking, taste for seasoning and adjust as desired. it should be salty and a little spicy (or a lot, if you aren't a coward.) now all you have to do is wait for the rice to finish.

when everything is done, scoop some rice into a deep bowl (a soup crock is ideal) and pour gumbo over, making sure you get a bit of everything. top with tabasco to taste, and a healthy dash of filé.

some variety of sausage

1 - 2lbs of ground rabbit

soy sauce

garlic rice wine vinegar (if you can't find it, normal RWV works just add more garlic)

rubbed sage

garlic powder

minced garlic (if not using garlic RWV) (or if you just want it)

brown sugar

drizzle a little oil (i like using sesame oil) in a saucepan and put in ground rabbit. as it cooks, cut it up into small chunks with your utensil. once it's cooked, throw in all the rest of the everything and season with salt and pepper and a little msg if you got it. measure with your heart and taste as you go. you are shooting for a sort of savoury-sweet thing going on. it should be closer to a breakfast sausage in taste.

this goes really good in a dumpling, fried into a patty, or turn it into a white gravy with some milk and flour and put it over rice with creamed corn for a nontraditional but still delicious rice and gravy.

german rabbit stew

this one is just a link because someone else made it up but it's real good: https://honest-food.net/german-rabbit-stew/

alfredo mushroom rabbit pasta

roughly one cup per person's worth of cooked, shredded rabbit

as many portobello mushrooms as your heart desires

minced garlic

a jar of alfredo (or make your own i ain't your mom)

your pasta of choice

pretty straightforward. put your pasta on to boil (we like penne.) chop up your mushrooms and sweat them out in a saucepan. when they're cooked enough, toss in the alfredo, the minced garlic, and your rabbit. season with salt/pepper/whatever else you like to taste. when the pasta is done, combine pasta and rabbit mixture and enjoy

just the filling part of pei wei's lettice wraps but on rice instead

1lb ground rabbit

half an onion

garlic

hoisin sauce

teriyaki sauce

hot chili oil

green onion (grunion)

sesame seeds

short-grain rice

set your rice to cook. when it's almost done, roughly dice onion and set it to cook in a little oil (i like seasme for this.) when it turns translucent, add ground rabbit and garlic. once the rabbit is cooked, throw all the other sauces in to taste. it should be hoisin-forward, a little sweet and savoury. add some cayenne and more chili oil, maybe some gochujang, whatever, if you want more spice. eat it with rice and top with sesame seeds and grunions, i like some shichimi togarashi too sometimes. maybe a lil fried egg if you're feeling sassy.

i made this up from a dupe recipe for a lettuce wrap i liked at a restaurant so you could put it in lettuce too if you wanted. i just don't ever buy a whole head of lettuce.

weird midwestern chili

1-2lbs of ground rabbit

half an onion

garlic

one large can or two small cans of petite diced tomatoes

1-2 habañero peppers (or none if you're yankee)

some sort of stock or broth, or water and a bouillon cube

chili powder

sometimes corn is nice in this if you have it

pasta of your choice

i use my instant pot for this, but you can do it without one in a normal stockpot, it'll just take longer.

brown the rabbit in a little bit of oil with the pot on sauté. while you wait, chop up the onion, garlic, and pepper. when the rabbit is browned, throw everything else in the pot besides the pasta. pressure cook for about 15-20 minutes.

in the meantime, set a pot of pasta to boil. we like farfalle.

when the chili is done cooking, season further to taste with more chili powder, cayenne, tony's, whatever you like. serve on the pasta. i know, i know, it ain't chili to me either, but that's what my friend's minnesotan family calls it and whatever it is, it's damn good so i forgive them.

rice that is dirty AND ugly

1-2lbs ground rabbit

half an onion

garlic i guess

about four or five rabbit or chicken livers

long-grain rice

tony's

set the rice to cook. brown the livers in some oil until they are just barely not-raw. then blitz 'em up in a food processer until they are mush. while you do this, brown some ground rabbit and onion and garlic if you want it in a saucepan. when it's browned, add the livers and just. stir it all together. if it's too dry you can add stock or some water. does it look horrible? you're doing it right. season to taste once it's cooked through. add in rice and mix. i promise to god it tastes better than it looks.

for bonus points, mush dirty rice into balls and dredge in egg and seasoned cornmeal and deep fry or air fry until golden brown. ta da, your very own boudin balls.

i guess you can also run the mixture into a sausage casing for 'normal' boudin too.

('but what about the gizzards cécil' i have tried for years and i can't make gizzards palatable. they just end up weird and tough and i don't like the texture in the dirty rice. you know how to make 'em work, you go for it.)

mexican meatloaf that is neither mexican nor meatloaf

1lb ground rabbit

half an onion

garlic

one can of petite diced tomatoes

one can of whole corn

one can of pork n beans

(optional can of kidney beans or other bean you like)

taco seasoning

shredded yellow cheese

sour creme

tabasco

fritos

chop onion into a rough dice and put in a saucepan with a little oil. when onion is translucent, throw in rabbit to brown. when meat is cooked, thrown in everything that comes in a can, and the taco seasoning. i use about half a packet, but you can do to taste. once it's cooked, spoon over fritos and top with shredded cheese and sour creme. i like a dash of tabasco too.

absoutely a 'hear me out recipe' but if you like frito pie you will probably like this. most importantly, though, it makes a TON of food and for very cheap. excellent end of the month meal. also idk why it's called mexican meatloaf that's just what my mom called it and i'm pretty sure she made it up herself lol

rabbit jambalaya that makes my ancestors cry

approximately one half a rabbit's worth of shredded rabbit

one can of petite diced tomatoes

andouille or other spicy pork sausage

half an onion

bell pepper if ya like it

celery if ya like it

rabbit or chicken stock/broth

tony's

long-grain rice

if you are starting with a whole rabbit, either debone, chop into chunks, and cook, or pressure cook the rabbit until it falls off of the bone. set your rice to cook.

chop veggies and toss em in a saucepan with a little bit of oil or butter. sauté until soft, then add your tomatoes, broth, andouille, and rabbit. when it's all warmed through, add the rice in and mix. season with tony's, crab boil, cayenne, whatever, to taste. put some tabasco on that bitch before you eat, and enjoy.

(my ancestors cry because i'm cajun and traditionally we don't put tomatoes in our jambalaya. mais c'est bon, escuse-moi les anciens.)

creme cheese rabbit joes or whatever

one whole rabbit

one block of creme cheese

one packet of ranch seasoning

jar of pickled jalapeños

shredded cheddar cheese

your favourite burger bun

we use an instant pot, i guess you could probably do it on a stove if you had to but keep an eye on the liquid levels. pressure cook rabbit with half of the ranch seasoning packet and as much jalapeño juice as you want (it should have a kick.) when meat is tender, remove bones and drain liquid into another container (it makes a great stock if you want something with a little pizzaz.)

turn the instant pot on saute, and then put meat, creme cheese, cheddar cheese, jalapeños to taste, the rest of the ranch powder if you want, and as much jalapeño juice or the stock you just made until it's the consistency you want. it should be pretty creamy and a little gloopy. toast your buns, slop the goop on, and enjoy.

well these are the ones i can remember off top my head/that i actually eat regularly. we also make burgers and stir fry and curry rice and shit too, but those are like...y'know. don't really need a recipe for burgers and stir fry.

go forth and eat your fuckin animals

[kaleidoscopic-quiddity]

i cant stop thinking about how fucking illegal bluelock is...

as has already been pointed out, these kids are NOT getting fed properly

also the whole 'score more goals and you'll get better food' thing like, has to be against the geneva conventions or something

directly tying sufficient nutrition to physical labour performance CANNOT be legal

also you're telling me none of these kids have dietary restrictions? like oh you're celiac and can't eat miso soup or gyoza? have fun surviving solely off of white rice ig

why does the bluelock building have no windows. do these kids get sunlight and fresh air any time other than when they're playing football?? are they all just super vitamin D deficient???

is the grass on the football pitches in bluelock even real? or is it all artificial?? im pretty sure not being around any kind of nature/plantlife for months at a time is bad for your mental health

(it probably explains why everyone in bluelock is so rabid, when's the last time any of them saw a tree?)

also the lack of windows is a fire hazard, does the building even have fire escapes? smoke detectors? emergency exits?

none of these kids fucking consented to being a livestreamed reality TV show/sports documentary

do they get royalties from BLTV? its obviously making money but somehow i doubt that ego is giving all the bluelockers a cut of the profits

also; i forget which volume its from but theres an extra with the top 5 most popular BLTV clips, one of which is kaiser confronting/issuing his declaration of war to isagi in the BM locker room

this suggests that theres cameras and mics in the locker rooms in bluelock, the locker rooms where people change clothes, the locker rooms where TEENAGERS change their clothes

idk the exact intricacies of sports academy type situations but japan has child labour laws and im pretty sure that making kids work out so much every day theyre regularly throwing up or can barely stand goes against said labour laws

also like; safe guarding, and duty of care, and child protection laws, probably

schooling is only compulsory up to the end of middle school in japan so technically none of the bluelockers have a legal requirement to be recieving an education

BUT; doesnt bluelock essentially make them high school drop outs?? its not as if they can miss months of class and then still graduate on time

what happened to all the kids who got locked off?? are they just repeating a year or did ego crush their regular career prospects along with their footballing ones?

do the NEL coaches (minus loki i suppose) have the correct legal permissions to be coaching minors?

typically, adults need qualifications and background checks to be in a position of authority (like coaching) over children or teenagers, so like do we think the NEL coaches have that orrrrr... ?

also like how the fuck does all that work with Loki, who's only 17?

the way pre-NEL, ego was constantly popping up to chime in on conversations suggests that he was visually and auditorally monitoring these kids 24/7, including in the communal bedrooms

if thats not technically ilegal then its at least DEEPLY FUCKING CREEPY

whatever the fuck is going on with kunigami and the wildcard HAS to be some kind of illegal, like i think we're actually bordering on human experimentation and/or psychological torture at this point

the NEL is like multiple weeks long right? what fucking VISAs are all the non-japanese players on?? a solid chunck of them are probably under 18 too right?? this is a paperwork nightmare

does the NEL bidding system constitute as gambling under japanese and/or international law? what laws are there when it comes to betting on u-18 athletes/athletic leagues? is this extortion? i feel like this may be extortion

this is such a minor detail but that one colour spread of ubers doing barou's hair shows aiku holding scissors and like im pretty sure sharps being accessible to minors (not aiku obvi, but most of the other bllkers) with no adult supervision is a safeguarding issue

there's fucking tasers in their suits, tasers that they didnt know about

im like 99% sure even manufacturing those clothes is illegal, let alone having people, especially minors, wear them

also, again, isnt that a massive safeguarding issue? what was ego gonna do if he sent shidou into cardiac arrest?

so i know they all 'consented' to participate in the bluelock project and live at the facility (if you can call impulsively running through a door 'consent') but that wasnt with the knowledge that they'd basically never get to leave unless they flunked out

so like, does this count as unlawful imprisonment? there was something about parents consenting too so maybe not, but it still feels iffy, especially considering most of them didnt get their phones, their ONLY means of communication with the outside world, back until after the u20 match

which is, again, a safeguarding issue; denying anyone (but esp kids) communication with the outside world for weeks at a time is cult shit, if it's not specifically illegal in japan it's still, in the very least, immoral

speaking of the u20 match, did the bluelock XII get paid for that or what? it counted as a professional football match right? i feel like they should be getting paid for it

same goes for the NEL actually too, like even forgetting about the BLTV aspect, the bluelockers are playing in a professional football league on the u20 squads of professional football clubs, they should be making fucking wages from this

i know theyre getting bid on but theyre not actually GETTING that money rn so are they just doing all this work for these clubs for free currently?

do the tracksuits have the taser function too or is it only the athletic body suits? what if team Z had decided to jump kuon in the communal bedroom after lights out? does ego have any way to stop these kids from beating each other to death when theyre not on the pitch??

like, are there any staff at bluelock other than ego, anri, the canonically-mentioned-but-never-seen-medics, and what i assume must be a decently sized team of catering and cleaning staff??

also; no way was putting shidou in a fucking straightjacket and muzzle legal

like, even the cops in japan are only allowed to handcuff people or hold them in restraint positions, let alone ego and anri having someone forcibly cosplay hannibal lecter, shidou should sue

honestly i think the whole 'throw away your self preservation and dedicate your every breathing moment to football' ideology probably counts as emotional abuse and/or brainwashing

in chapter 204 after he collapsed at the end of the BM vs MC match, isagi wakes up in a bed in noel noa's office

he'd been changed out of his clothes whilst unconcious and then, rather than kept in the infirmary or sent back to his own room, was left alone with an adult in a room with (im pretty sure) no cameras or other people for literal hours???

not that im saying noel noa would do anything creepy, but just that conceptually that whole situation is an absolute legal nightmare on so many levels

do you think the non-bluelock NEL players get to leave the building orrrrrrrr..?

im fully aware that half of these thing are explainable by suspension of disbelief and also that kaneshiro and nomura werent thinking about this stuff when they wrote it, but please consider the following; i love being a hater <3