notquiteaghost

[notquiteaghost]

the way jon is Acting when reading statements in s1 but also he's not putting on a voice he's dropping the voice he's putting on the rest of the time... the eye's hot new form of lovebombing, 'what if you unmasked at work and it was completely fine'

been going a bit insane trying to prevent The Boredom when i dont have the energy to focus on processing anything new & what if. i relisten to the magnus archives

[notquiteaghost]

been going a bit insane trying to prevent The Boredom when i dont have the energy to focus on processing anything new & what if. i relisten to the magnus archives

[notquiteaghost]

Problem solving

English added by me :)

[notquiteaghost]

i miss her(the permit office)

[notquiteaghost]

i abandoned my tango ref wip and drew this instead

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[notquiteaghost]

its so funny to me (not funny haha but funny interesting) that you were like oh I think pregnancy kink is mostly about horror bc of 2000s LJ and therefore sexier bc I had equal but opposite experiences bc I was not on LJ in the 2000s but I was on the forums with the TF kink weebs and the pregnancy kink du jour there was more like "our love and lust for each other is so potent that we defied biology to have a child" and that's why it's sexy to ME. duality of man and the free internet I guess

truly fanfiction is about two things. 1) using blorbos to process traumas, 2) Love!!!! Devotion!!!! Have You Heard About Being So Head Over Heels For Someone You Defy Morals Good Sense Laws And What The Universe Agreed To Be Possible!!!!!! and i love that for us

[notquiteaghost]

[notquiteaghost]

I love this person

[notquiteaghost]

actually the thing abt matt murdock is there's stories disney could maybe (maybe) tell with some competence, like there's stories that can almost survive that degree of mass-appeal pro-establishment toothless passionless bullshit, but. daredevil? matthew michael daredevil murdock? if you disneyify matt he isn't matt anymore. daredevil is about the kind of bone-deep inextinguishable rage that ableism sparks and kindles in you. the way someone gets violent when violence is done to them ad nauseam. all superhero stories shld be about stepping up because you can't stand not to, but daredevil is that dialled up as far as it'll go

like. matt's whole deal is he is much more viscerally aware of the terrible shit most of us ignore, and his worldview means ignoring it is allowing it, and he is so incredibly traumatised. if a daredevil story doesn't piss anyone off it's a bad daredevil story. daredevil shld look u dead in the eye & say 'what are you allowing? what could you change?' because yeah matt is an insane person going above and beyond but he's trying to singlehandedly fix a community cuz if he doesn't who will. daredevil shld say solidarity with its whole chest.

[notquiteaghost]

Been a really long time since I've watched Daredevil but I do remember coming away from it feeling like it presented a pretty compelling internally-consistent moral justification for the vigilante thing. You're not planet-crackingly powerful, it's just that you can hear, in detail, every awful thing your neighbors are doing to each other, every night that they're doing it. You can't not know and you can't pretend not to know and when the kid tells you the next day that he just fell down the stairs you can't fall back on the provided ambiguity to absolve yourself of your responsibility to act. Semi-relatedly, you're really really good at martial arts. Start the clock

[notquiteaghost]

"it sucks you get tired of eating the same food over and over" skill issue

[notquiteaghost]

You can use any travel method you like, walking, public transport, so on. You can get an uber but their map has failed so you'll have to give directions. You can travel to other countries and count those libraries but you have to be able to completely navigate from your home without assistance. So you can catch a plane but must be able to travel to and from the airport. No limit on how long it takes. If you know which block it's on or which tram line but aren't sure precisely, but you feel sure you'd find it once you got there, count that as a yes (if you're not sure maybe google it now and see if your plan would work). You cannot rely on asking for directions though, this must be all your knowledge

[notquiteaghost]

Time for a Blast from the Past

please go to your browser and type in https:// [insert your url here] .tumblr.com/page/1000

Look at the first 5 posts that come up

[notquiteaghost]

i have a disease where seeing fun jokey fan content abt smth canonically tragic just makes me think abt the canonical tragedy even more. this post is about post-order 66 commander cody working closely with darth vader

because, yeah, okay, lot of comedic potential inherent in that dynamic. but personally i can't think about vader for more than three seconds without starting to want to rend my clothes and wail, so, in that vein,

one of the Things about post-order 66 cody is, like. [bucky barnes voice] but i did it. as far as he knows he DID kill obi-wan! he did that! and even if he learns he didn't actually order the killing blow, he did still order the killing blow. whether or not obi-wan is still, technically, alive doesn't negate that order 66 killed him. post-rots obi-wan is a dead man walking, a ghost in the sense of that siken quote; a ghost is something dead that doesn't know it's dead.

and one of the other things is. cody, during the clone wars, is a man with absolutely no meaningful agency and no good choices trying to do the best he can. and then it turns out his best was functionally meaningless, it turns out even when he thought he was managing to defy his explicitly-given purpose he was actually playing right into the hands of it, nothing he has ever done has meant anything good. it's a very fundamental part of the story of star wars, imo, that almost no one involved in the defeat of the empire was there for the birth of it. the specific way sidious won is so insanely demoralising. you thought you were doing good! you were sure! (you told yourself you were sure!) how can you ever be sure again!

so. all my love to stories about cody defecting, but my go-to interpretation is. he stays with the empire, until it kills him too, because it is so incredibly easy to continue as you were. leaving would be a decision. leaving would mean he is capable of deciding not to follow bad orders, and then why didn't he do it sooner. there is no space left in him for agency, even if the chip does allow for some, because if he has no agency it wasn't his fault. and if it wasn't his fault he can get out of bed and try to mitigate damage where he can.

(or not even that. i do like the idea that the chips aren't straight-up overwriting personhood so much as making personhood deeply unappealing. what good has personhood ever done you. all that effort and for what? you're still here. isn't it easier just to follow orders.

like i don't think pre-tcw / pre-chips works treated the clone troopers with much respect but there is something There re: agency & following bad orders & how real non-mind-controlled people do terrible things for no good reason all the time. cartoon network show, not going to do moral complexity, anyway i'm getting off topic)

so!!! speaking of guys who fucked up and now can't acknowledge they fucked up or their whole everything will crumble out from under them like so much sand!!!!

vader is also a guy with a chronic lack of agency who was manipulated into horrible acts and has now sunk cost fallacy'd himself into continuing to do more horrible acts forever. this isn't me being an apologist (it lied), this is the point of vader's character. you CAN, at any time, choose to be better! vader didn't, though. vader didn't for twenty years, because, again, the thing about choosing to be better is it's hard. it means you weren't doing good before. it means you cannot just mindlessly follow someone else, it means you have to think and make choices and take action.

it says a lot about vader that he only turned back to the light at the end. it's a lot easier to throw the last twenty years of your life away when you've only got to reckon with having done it for, like, five minutes. vader is a cautionary tale about the slippery slope of refusing to reckon with what you've done.

so. putting vader & cody in the same room...... two guys blaming themselves for killing obi-wan kenobi (the republic) while actively working for the guy who actually killed obi-wan kenobi and also so many others (the republic). and i don't think they would ever talk about that. i don't think they'd ever talk about anything, i do not think you can lean that far into being someone else's tool and remain capable of talking about yourself. but there sure is an elephant in that room with them, huh. it sure is holding a lightsaber and wearing a robe and very, very dead.

[notquiteaghost]

oh this episode sure is about the way being around your parents reverts you to childhood in a way that is not good. and they do not apologise to you for it.

do we think the ds9 writers are aware just how good of an allegory it is that odo introduces dr. mora as the scientist who studied him and no one ever questions it... autistic person: this is the guy who abused me during my formative years. other person: ah yes of course, lovely to meet you