#im literally just rambling ignore me
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trying to figure out how to stop yapping in my posts.. i feel like it's degrading the quality of my writing a lil but idk
#autism and the need to overexplain goes hard#i'm so used to having to explain everything to the t#so now idk what to do#dareiaspeaks#im literally just rambling ignore me
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I keep thinking about Merlin’s love for Arthur and how it’s so clearly portrayed in the show to the point that it practically drives the plot of the show. However when it comes to Arthur’s love for Merlin it’s more subtle and sometimes difficult to even grasp, and I started thinking why that was, aside from the obvious fact that Arthur has a lot of trouble expressing his emotions affection or otherwise. I think it also lies in the fact that Merlin knows Arthur intrinsically throughout the show; he is one of the closest people to Arthur, and sees him for who he really is. Arthur admits as much.
Sure, Arthur knows Merlin but the main part of the plot is that he really doesn't know Merlin. Merlin wants him to desperately understand him and “see me for who I am” but he can't yet. And I think this subconsciously creates a barrier in the way in which Arthur can care for Merlin, and how Merlin can let himself be seen by Arthur.
Which is why I think he was also so hurt when the magic reveal happens because more than the betrayal of Merlin having magic, it was the betrayal of Merlin not letting Arthur see him for who he really is and for hiding a main part of himself. Arthur says it himself “why did you never tell me” that’s what hurt him the most.
I think the most damning piece of evidence for this is the fact that while we see snippets of Arthur’s feelings for Merlin thought the show, the biggest signs are in the last episode after the magic reveal; in which he finally gets to understand Merlin, and this time REALLY know Merlin, and as the barriers of what held them back from understanding each other truly fall away, Arthur evidently “falls in love with Merlin all over again”. We see him actually express himself to Merlin.
This is another reason why I think if anyone was ever to create another season of Merlin after Arthur’s return, it’s physically impossible not to make it about Merlin and Arthur acknowledging their feelings for each other. Because there is no way forward without them acknowledging how deeply they care for each other, obviously anyone is free to argue what kind of love that is, but its impossible not to see the deep love there either way.
They always knew they loved each other, just maybe never realising how much and what that means, because its almost second nature to everything that they do.
#merlin meta#bbc merlin#merthur#ignore me im literally just rambling#im not sure this even makes sense but i had to yap it out anyway!!#i think merlins love for Arthur surpasses his destiny in a way#He foresakes himself and his people just to ensure Arthur lives#but that turned out to be the undoing of them all#I cannot stress enough how insane this makes me#its sometimes harder to look at Arthur and understand how his love for merlin takes form#but the way he starts taking small steps to check in on merlin when he's being particularly quiet#or noticing the changes in merlin is a good indicator because it is so completely opposite his nature#and ofc the way in which he trusts merlin so completely#remember this is a man who has constant problems with people he chooses to trust#and he also shows time and time again how far he's willing to go beyond the accepted norms to also protect merlin#I think it was always harder for him to allow himself to open about his emotions#and it was much easier to keep it under lock and key to avoid it being seen as a weakness#Obviously thanks to Uthers A+ parenting which could not have helped#but as the seasons go on he begins to open up and thats no small part in thanks to merlins influence in his life#and when it comes to the finale they are both boiled down to raw emotion having to face each other#merlin emrys#arthur pendragon
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queer tme ppl when they see an extremely transmisogynist TERF movement in a different country: "this is so punk rock" "based" "heck yea" "faith in humanity restored" "this is so cool to see" "literal history happening there right now"
#im not gonna lie seeing that post has almost 30k notes makes me not feel any safer here#i can just hope that most of these are ruisa's addition#but just going through the notes theres SO MANY tme queers cheering this shit on like ???#so you hate trans women. cool#transmisogyny#jeady rambles#these are all from the tags and reblogs of that post#the version without the edition the one that says 'no this is definitely not a terf movement just ignore them literally saying transfems ar#male spies and checking new members for adams apples and shit'
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long goodbye turns one year today!!
drew something to celebrate because this episode changed my LIFE to say the least
#fanart#big city greens#chip whistler#the day lg came out i started having a whole ass PANIC ATTACK when the camera panned to the graveyard#i literally had to pause the episode for a good 10 minutes when it showed chip putting the flowers because i actually couldnt breathe#long goodbye as a whole episode is amazing so special to me <3#hey guys did you know i had a whole ass theory dedicated to chip coming back in october 2022 and continously updated it until lg came out#okay enough rambles im just so happy right now arghh i love him ignore if this doesnt make sense im on call right now giggles#viewm arts
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fun challenge for tua fans!!!
listen to this song and read the lyrics while thinking about five and delores and try not to cry!!!! <3
“she may be the reason i survive, the why and wherefore im alive” are you trying to kill me? ill do it myself atp
fun fact: if you’ve ever heard that song “mr blue sky” this is the lead singer and writer in that band (electric light orchestra) and they’re one of my favorite bands of literally all time and SINCE IM ACTUALLY SEEING THEM IN CONCERT FOR THEIR LAST TOUR EVER (yes, im deadass and i’m freaking the fuck out over it) i was recently listening to some of the songs i missed over the years and immediately recognized this one and now im actually sobbing over the thought of five singing this song about delores.
sorry i know im kinda insane about five and delores even if she literally is not real but something about it makes me so emotional, its such a heartbreaking story to me man 😭 someone save me omfg
#also yes let me reiterate IM SEEING THEM IN CONCERT IN A WEEK#i’ve seen them twice before but it was years ago and i don’t remember much except for that they’re literally phenomenal in concert#like i already have goosebumps#one of the most underrated bands in my opinion. their music is so fucking powerful#anywho#ignore me having once again another breakdown over five and delores#i’m just insane is all#in other words#i’m just a girl#laur says stuff#laur rambles#the umbrella academy#tua#umbrella academy#five hargreeves#hargreeves siblings#tua s4#number five#tua season 4#tua five#tua delores#delores#dolores#tua dolores#five x delores#five x dolores#number five hargreeves#tua s1#electric light orchestra#jeff lynne
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hehe~~ i am soooooo sleepy and tired right now :3 i’m all cuddled up in all my blankets🥰 so warm and comfy hehe…..oh and also my past is haunting me😐
#girl help i tried to go to sleep but remembered the Anger™️#experienced a Situation recently that i have been very bravely and sexily ignoring#and - literally WHO would have known - ignoring it is not making it better lol#so now i lay down all comfy to sleep and my brain is just like: the thing😦#and then i gotta stay AWAKE😒 so i can distract myself from the thing#until im tired enough to sleep BEFORE my brain remembers the thing#smh#it sucks#also im good mostly!#it’s just hitting me worse rn because my period always puts my emotions out of whack😪#but im getting proper sleep and everything#and hope to take action to lessen the impact of the thing soon it just takes time ya know#like sometimes things ARE going to hurt you and bother you for a while#and that’s just how it is#but life will move on eventually and good things will come to steal some of the space those bad things take up#just gotta be patient😪#sorry for my nonsense rambles again#i just found it really funny#because tonight i really was legitimately more annoyed by the disruption to my sleep than i was about the life changing situation lol#sleep is my number one priority at any given moment fr#to be fair though i WAS so comfy and tired from cramps and really looking forward to sleep#so i think i was justified😤😤
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haikaveh... save me haikaveh...
i KNOW it's been talked about to death but. the haikaveh research project. it literally haunts my mind. i cannot get over the implications. alhaitham going through his school life as someone that most people dont even really know about because he keeps to himself and doesn't socialize, with kaveh being the one exception to that, finding his way into his life as his Best Friend, and then leading to alhaithams one and only time he participated in a research topic. his bio says he only ever did ONE joint project!!! one!!! the one with kaveh his best friend and i think also his only friend at the time!!!! and then it ended in not only the project falling apart but also alhaithams only friendship. kavehs best friendship. they were each others closest person. they had no family around - alhaithams parents having died when he was young and his grandmother dying before he joined the akademiya, and kaveh's dad dying when he was young and his mom having moved to fontaine. like even if you dont look at it through a romantic lens it's still undeniable how important they were [and are] to each other..........
i'm getting off track but my point is very specifically for alhaitham, the one time he got close to someone, made a friend, even agreed to join one(1) group project ever, it ended in disaster. it led him into a fight so bad that his one and only friend said he regretted that friendship!!!! it was so bad alhaitham left the project and he and kaveh didnt speak for ages until they just happened to run into each other again at the tavern!!!!! like obviously it has to be incredibly awful for both of them but i just think how this probably had alhaitham in the cynical mindset that friendships and collaborations like that might just never work out for him because the one time he let someone into his life, it blew up on him and he was all alone again. even though alhaitham never seems to care much if people dont like him, that clearly cant still apply to someone he was exceptionally close to. like if he didnt care he woudlnt have been the one to take his name off the project and mutually not speak to kaveh...... kavehs words are the ones that hit the most significantly to alhaitham.......... kaveh is said/implied to have had at least some other friends while at school / people knew who he was, but not so much alhaitham. people didnt know him and the ones that did just knew he didnt socialize/he was not easy to get along with. he only had kaveh and then, for a while, he lost him too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#the number of times i have reread alhaitham character story 4 and kaveh character story 5. like. dont look at me. kfjsdklfh#on one hand im tempted to think alhaitham would have a fully cynical view of friendship#and be like USELESS NEVER AMOUNTS TO ANYTHING but. i kinda dont think he works like that#well i dont think he would think that either way now but#even in times of friendship breaking up w/kaveh like#alhaitham is very FACTS AND LOGIC and i feel like he would still like#idk. understand the objective value of human companionship. whether or not he feels it works for him#HOWEVER. jkdlhfsd he is also the one who in his other lore bits was like 'grandmother the other children are boring at school'#AT AGE SEVEN god he was probably such an unintentionally funny child. i love u alhaitham u are so neurodivergently coded#so idk i feel like he would have a period where hes like okay. i was alone before and clearly that was the right call bc my 1 friend is gon#even if he does well alone i cant even imagine like. kaveh mustve been a huge impact and difference in alhaithams life#humans need SOME level of socialization!! and kaveh was his.... aughhh god they literally also read as having a bad breakup!!!!!#queer coded TO ME!!!!!! friends to rivals/friends to lovers to enemies to it's complicated..................#but again even if u dont think of it in a romantic sense like it's still so much. they were and are so significant to each other.#their bond is so complex and oughghdhgh they make me go bonkers#i do not think of any other 2 genshin characters so intensely as i do them .what have they done to me. what the fuck.#im alone in my stupid little genshin pit endlessly babbling about these motherfuckers!!!!!!!#and i love them. also i like that one scene in i think cynos 2nd character quest where al and kav r in the library or w/e#and kavehs like wtf no way u dont small talk w/coworkers. and alhaithams like no i just happen 2 hear people but i do not engage#hes so real he likes to eavesdrop but he does NOT want to get involved!!!!!!!!!!!!#also that same scene where kaveh goes 'WTF looking thru these will take FOREVER!!!!' alhaitham: 'ill manage'#kaveh: >:( FINE ILL HELP YOU!!!! like ok he did not ask. silly.#and alhaitham teasing him right after all that. 'teach me to pretend u werent listening' '...' '...' '...' '...HEY STOP IGNORING ME' 'see.'#theyre so goofy. kaveh u walked right into that one. ily.#i love when i talk about characters and it's literally just me going 'wow remember when character x said this. remember when he did that.'#i just love repeating scenes and dialogue and lore over and over and over and offering nothing new to say about it JKFLDSHKLFH#sorry i love them SO much and im bad at drawing and bad at fanfic so i just have to ramble in text posts forever#i do have. a fanfic outlined for them. i am just scared to write it#nothing crazy deep or whatever but yknow. im in a bit of a Funk Right Now dont worry about it#i need a constant stream of alhaitham and kaveh content constantly injected directly into my brain.
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a delete later wip so im turning off reblogs but yay my turn for a scene redraw
#minhmy rambles#going to rly ramble in the tags now so like ignore all of this#im going to delete it anyways i needed to ramble somewhere that isnt my twitter circle#more rambly tags just to rly shove it all down#and theennnn ine more#ok. so. i think work is rly killing me lol working every day is really taking a toll on me and i cannot draw and write as much as i want to#while also keeping up my social life and Also making sure i get some alone time too#its so hard its sooooo so hard to keep my spirits up im so tired all the time#and its not like i have a choice i have to work every day because no one else can cover my shift and its been like this since may#like ive only had 4 days off since then.#im getting another day off next week for grandfest bc i need it#and im getting a weekend in october but i don't think i can get any other days off in the year#ughghhhh my job is so easy literally i draw all the time right thats why most of my art is traditional bc im drawing at work#i can just sit at my desk and be on my phone if there's nothing to do its literally the easiest $19/h of my life#so i wouldn't trade it for the world but god i keep making mistakes bc i just havent had much of a break#ughghhh my mental state would be so much worse if i wasn't taking magnesium too#its just. raghghghh#you know? just like that#i can get through it. i am just struggling the tiniest bit
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today is such a stark contrast to yesterday in how much i fucking hate today (vent/rant in tags bc i forgor to do it on my vent one)
#[����] rambles ~#lmfao you speak up in this household? WRONG. MISTAKE. HOW DARE YOU OPEN YOUR MOUTH.#expressing your thoughts? fucking blasphemy#“oh you do know you can tell me anything anytime right? ” what a joke#gods#fuck this shit#you know what i need to learn properly? keeping my mouth fucking shut. keeping my thoughts to myself.#why do i even bother#I LITERALLY DIDNT EVEN SAY ANYTHING#just you know spoke the truth which is apparently forbidden or smth#its not my fault shes a hypocrite????? cant accept the truth thats her fucking problem#honestly i genuinely cant think of an adult around me who isnt a hypocrite but im sure there hopefully is#and then she comes again all sweet sickly smiles expecting me to shower her with love the next moment after being fucking scolded like hell#for saying ome single fucking line of my thoughts that she so encourages me to “express”#as if everything is my fucking fault#atp i hate myself as much too bc why do i let myself get affected i should have grown used to this shit years ago#i should know better than to let her get to me yet look at me being a sentimental lil bitch#god i just wanna get out of here please#anyways shit this didnt go to my vent blog fuck im sorry yall had to read that guys please feel free to ignore lmao#but yk i had to get my feelings out somewhere bc wwll i bottle up enough already lol#tw vent
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Hello Ultrakill fandom my name is m- /j
#scov.art#ultrakill#ultrakill gabriel#ultrakill v1#ultrakill v2#ultrakill ferryman#i have other doodles but they all either look bad or were me figuring out how to draw gabs and v1#theyre a couple months old so we’ll see if i post em#the left gabs doodle is based on a post i saw. abt the christian minecraft server thing#and also i just really like that line of his. i fucking burst out laughing when i heard it bc im so used to games being 100% serious#so any sudden swearing in a game (with good comedic timing) always gets a kick out of me#uh. the v1 doodle is just bc i really like the lust colour palette. and lust in general. its a fun + cool layer#also ignore the fact i forgot ferryman’s bracelets. i forgot#(<- literally had the ref up the entire fucking time)#i got. carried away with Bones#also. its funny. i prefer the whiteboard version over the finished version of the v1 piece#um. oh well lol#anyways rambling over. hi crow
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not a comment on a r/fatuiHQ meme of all things making me finally notice that childe activating FL all the way back in the golden house cutscene actually summons those black hole/collapsing star imagery things (looking Exactly like the narwhal boss drop at a specific frame too) behind him if u look at it closely at the right frame😭😭😭
(peak subreddit btw.)
i mean its not Completely new for a motif his teleporting in the 4.2 opera cutscene is a much more clear example of the same exact visual effect but. Dang i never slowed the 1.1 cutscene down enough to see it for myself there before
what a cool detail and reccurring motif there! now let me lose my mind and credibility for a bit Thanks
(actual nonsense warning lmao its just cool black hole sfx but gone downhill)
(a Completely unrelated compilation here Surely. yes the narwhals spout attack thingy is less Obviously the same visual but its a pretty picture of my beloved. sue me. also its close enough 2 me)
anyway isnt it Curious how all these effects are ummmm black holes. like there are stars visibly collapsing here uwu. and black holes are. Collapsed dead stars. wouldnt it be funny if the narwhal boss drop archive entry somehow directly implies that the eye of maelstrom (a black hole) could simply be the echo of its prey. Which are. Yaknow. sometimes stars. for a cosmic whale. so an echo of its prey is an echo of a dead star. crazy ik. if anything like that existed i mean
oh JEEPERS. next thing youll tell me stars are archons forbid often used as a sort of allegory and very prevalent reference to some sort of an important category of people. like a descender or something. crazy ik (2: Electric boogaloo)
WHAT!!!! (and like 4 billion other examples i couldnt bother to gather and sc sorry)
and like. sure sure lets not get too crazy we need to remember skirks usage of this same power as well thats a good point. i should remain skeptical of my own insanity thats very true. we all get a sticker for responsible behavior UwU
so she indeed turned the narwhal into a black hole there yes. She Did That. so maybe its just the power from beyond thing. its void power its quantum but genshin. the black hole/collapsing star stuff is all surtalogis power okay lets consider that for arguments sake. well i guess that means its just surtalogis brand of transcendent abyss power and not about black holes slash dead stars that may or may not be dead descenders. thats fine
Whew i guess thats it then we solved it guys. okay i can accept that. its abyss power because surtalogi things and childe and the narwhal displaying it is all because of surtalogis plots and teachings and powers. something like that
and even if that may be a bit anticlimactic of a conclusion for a narwhalpilled truther like myself (with a penchant towards Theres Some Descender Shit Going On With Ajax antics as well) at the very least its good that there isnt any datamined book series in which some particularly pygmy-esque individuals Strangely fitting of our current descriptions and knowledge of of dain + the sinners band together to merk some guy from beyond teyvat with special powers that may or may not be the irminsul-proofed historical account of a particular descenders death so nothing like THAT can throw a wrench into our very confirmed conclusion of surtalogis power and by extension childe and maybe even the narwhals black hole motifs just being basic abyss element power that has absolutely Nothing to do with any descenders or... dead stars? yeah its a good thing nothing like that exists .
OH SH----
#NO I CANT MAKE IT MAKE SENSE IT JUST DRIVES ME INSANE. THESE THOUGHTS. I DONT HAVE A GOOD POINT OR ANYTHING IM JUST#DYING OVER THERE THANKS. HOLDS HEAD IN HANDS#BLACK HOLES.... WHY IS IT BLACK HOLES... COLLAPSING DEAD STARS..............................#(also as u might notice. thanks 2 catwithbluehat for yt genshin cutscene compilation for da screenshots o7)#anyway#even if i dont actually happen to have any particular point or theory to offer here. i just find it inch resting how this motif repeats .#strange. odd even. certainly scrumptious#like . Curious. whatever may they be implying. and like ultimately i just think its soooo funny#whyever would a Particular 14 yo awaken a whale that Happens to be drawn to eating Stars Specifically. like what is it abt Him there huh.#hey wouldnt it be EVEN funnier if that purple guy inside the narwhal. with a LITERAL black hole in his chest. that also transforms into.#that eye of the maelstorm there . during the battle. and protects the core of the narwhal in its stomach#was ever called like. idk an ancient nemesis or maybe just a shadow of such nemesis too. in an early beta or sth. for a TCG summon mby#like even more strongly suggesting the dark shadow = narwhals prey = a dead star = a....dead descender even??? jkjk for last part. (unless)#but the first 3... like if it ate its nemesis and the nemesis is thusly that echoed shadow of a prey..... hmmm how Curious#why would a whale that chases stars ... chase that guy too enough to eat him ............#(this is a jkjk unless way of being like. what if the dudes ajax but a past incarnation hehe. what if theyre soulmates like that. tee hee.)#(what if a dead descender has been reincarnating all this time like that . wouldnt that be quirky . also they should kiss)#(ignore me im dying inside.)#anyway . for real tho . idk what the fuck any of this Actually means it just lives rent free.#like idek what im trying to say with any of this shit qskjwajkwdjJKWJKWDJKWDJKD#also the photo quality w the yt scs is kinda ass but thats on me lmao.#rambles#genshin#childeposting#narwhalposting
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Call back to that one comment in the "evil as can be" karaoke parody and someone casually stating that Killbot 86 was from WanderOverYonder only for someone to reply with a hatred toward Killbot 86 all because he "jumped on peeper"
#chewys notes#killbot 86#woy#wander over yonder#just random ramblings#im not mad about it#nor am i shaming them#i wouldve wanted to say that it was the opposite#Caused literally peeper failed to do his job and Killbot 86 got 'paid' to capture wander and Sylvia by lord hater#Literally Peeper jumped on him#not the other way around#Killbot 86 didn't do anything to him#as a matter of fact#he was even caught off gaurd by him#probably all like “where the fuck did you came from??”#But yeah#I wanted to correct them in a kind manner and say that's no true#but I don't know if they'll care or tell me to fuck off#Not that im assuming that what they are#But it was on Twitter and im not taking that chance#I have to ignore it despite me wanting to inform/defend killbot 86#Killbot 86 was just doing his job bro- 😭😭😭#commander peepers#woy commander peepers
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Now that I'm thinking about it.
Why the fuck did I make my sona a fish. It should've been my favorite animal. So either a cat or the fucking red panda. I'm stupid
#MAKING A SONA IS HARD#I LOVE THE FISH#BUT MAN#WHAT THE HELL#watch me become a furry now#stiff talk#im literally so tired i have just had a 12 hour long shift on 4 hours of sleep#ignore my stupid ramblings#or dont idk. i cant tell u what to do here. do whayever you want
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its so mindboggling that people can go “how can you say free palestine if you’re queer” as if the opinions a person has changes the validity of their life??? yall sound real similar to the people saying trans people are a danger to society
#like how can you seperate that#mass murder of a group based on something they habe zero control over is wrong full stop#stg though i see this So Much and it makes zero sense#yeah ok i dont like the values the far right holds but i dont think they should all die?#and like also completely disregards even the *possibility* that there are queer ppl in palestine?#So Interesting to me bc as soon as you can depersonalize ot suddenly you side with the oppressors#i just actually cant stop thinking abt this#like how can you say ‘trans rights’ and then turn around and ignore the bombing of hospitals#how can you say ‘equal rights’ for any marginalized community while not seeing this as a genocide#whats different?#genuinely what is different#yall literally sound like the transphobes trying to say most people regret transitioning when there’s overwhelming evidence this isnt true#like holy texts didnt matter when they were used against gay ppl but now you use it as justification for the mass slaughter of palestinians#obviously not to say the bible actually said any shit against gay people but like. yall fr#since when have we let people’s *interpretation* of holy texts validate murder#what is different#i know im prolly preaching to the choir and also im lowkey terrified of this reaching an audience that disagrees#bc i am not prepared to come up w evidence based arguments#i do not have time for that#rambles
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BLISS BLISS HI BLISS I MIGHT JUST EXPLODE. IF YOU EVEN CARE.
i Don't even know what to say. This thing is INCREDIBLE !!! Its like if i was a beast of some sort. i would Love to be a Beast
#answered#bliss#PIPAAAA OH MY GOD THERE IS A BEAST IN MY INBOX ITS NOT EVEN FUNNY. ARAGGHGHRRR#you are literally so nices and so sweets#literally putting a tiny thang in my inbox#Also. bare with me while i decide what i want bliss's text to look like#she is strange and unusual and i want to convey that in her text but i also feel compelled to#do all the proper writing text. but im not sure !!!!#Im going to keep playing around with it for awhile until i figure out how i like it i think#also ignore if this side view of her antennae is weird ive never even thought about what she;d look like. if she turned her head#so this is just me experimenting with ideas and seeing if it is presentalbe#Omg i love you rambling in tags ok bye
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"thought about Hypnos from the hit game Hades (2018) for a second too long" incident 58 dead 367 injured
#snep rambles#i could write an essay but it all bois down to im so sad#they only start accepting him when hes useful to them and does his job#they all see him as useless and a bother UNTIL HES USEFUL#and then suddenly they like him#he just wants to hang out with his family but his brother hates him and his mom ignores him#even zagreus is mean to him sometimes#can you tell hes important to me#and also he literally cant help dozing off its PART OF HIM#and they hate him for it#id love to replay hades but im gonna lose it if i have to see people being assholes to him gor no good reason#and thanatos only apologises to him when hes useful im going to bite my hand off#i cant remember if nyx ever apologises#but i do remember nyx not allowing hypnos to call her mom#nyx is a better mom to zagreus than she us to hypnos#dont me wrong flawed characters are good and i think shes a good character im just sad about hypnos ok#its almost 5 am
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