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goblinconceivable · 4 years ago

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braindump: betty/daniel

I’ve been living with them for a while, notes taken, a few stories significantly started but there’s a gelling issue, which I’m hoping is at least partially down to a lack of proper braindumping. So, in no particular order and certainly not comprehensive:

Frankly I also got too hooked on the last 2 eps, which is likely where I’m blocked. It’s an abrupt emotional twist for them (esp Daniel), and in trying to make sense of that I’m losing focus on the 4 previous years.

- I’m a little bit obsessed in the scene where Betty tries to convince Matt she’s fearless by pointing out her bang-less-ness. And then runs into Daniel, who is at that moment half brain-washed, but yet when she asks about her fearless quotient his response is immediate and natural and entirely lacking in irony: “no bangs.” It’s a tiny little moment that shows how well he not only knows her, but understands her. Without judgment, without fanfare. Were I to have a husband, this is the sort of response that would confirm I’d married the absolute perfect guy for me.

- They’re too close for mirroring to be an important indicator, but there are two scenes that stand out in this vein: the first is when Betty thinks he may have pushed Christina down the stares and steals the video. She’s backing out the door, and he follows, matching her step for step. I love the direction choices because from her perspective there’s a sense of menace, Daniel as potential villain is stalking her. But from his guileless perspective he’s talking to her and if she’s moving, so is he. The second is from the penultimate, talking about Trista, where Betty’s rolling back and forth and he moves with her, rather than simply turning his head. It signals his full engagement in the conversation, seeking her attention, and is why the scene plays as flirting rather than their normal banter.

- That bulletpoint was getting a bit long, so second point on the flirting is that it plays against Betty shutting down the conversation “none of my business,” leading to the fight over involvement in each other’s personal lives, leading to the revelation that they know each other at that deep personal level so very, very well. Which was a very clumsy leadup to Daniel’s revelation during Hilda’s wedding speech, that could have been handled so much more deftly but those last two eps were quite rushed, I don’t know when they found out about the shortened season but it feels like they’d planned for more space and had to jab in exposition.

- Becaaaaause: they narratively broke his ‘aha’ moment onto “know you better than you do” while the strength of the message is really in the “do anything to protect them.” Which is, I believe, where they cut to his softened expression. Not coincidentally, this is precisely what a lot of fan-readings of the characters focus on: Daniel will do anything to protect Betty. Bobby might have said he’d throw himself under a bus for Hilda, but Daniel HAS done that for Betty- in fact literally doing so would probably have been easier than publicly shouldering the blame for the Tornado cover and giving away the profits. Due to the fact that he had time to consider the consequences and did it anyway.

- Which is tidy segue into an admission that I’m flying mostly blind on the Molly arc because I basically skipped all her scenes, but it’s my understanding that Daniel doing this was a pivotal moment for them. Ie, she was impressed that he did this thing. I mean, I really appreciate that he spent the whole press conference scene looking for Betty, so the show in no way undercut their relationship. But then they very clearly built the Molly relationship on the foundation of not only the man Daniel had become due to Betty, but choices he was making in large measure for Betty: it’s not that he saw Betty beaten down and resolved the situation: he was upset but lost, she yelled at him, and THEN he resolved the situation by taking the bullet. Did I break grammar by ending up with two colon’d clauses in the same sentence? It’s a braindump, ain’t gotta be pretty. XP

- Quick sidebar that the same thing happens with Alexis. She was expecting to come back to one brother, but then listens in on his pep talk with Betty and finds she’s returned to a different brother. This may be where I got the “an assistant” phrasing, if so, my bad. But basically, she was impressed with Daniel’s actions, not understanding that it was Betty specifically inspiring his actions.

- Follow that a step further and did Molly ever acknowledge how important Betty is to him? Legit question. I think her line here was about him doing it “for an assistant” (?) rather than even “his assistant,” establishing Betty as a non-entity for her. (Quoting a summary but I think I’m in the ballpark.) And I’m sure I’d have read about it somewhere if she brought Betty up during their discussion on who he’d date when she was dead.

- Just one last note on Molly, (okay it’s a multi-part though it veers off her as a character) but a possibly incorrect beef is that I hate the Daniel/Molly relationship because there’s no interesting or even real conflict? It’s perfect? I’m supposed to think this is magical “true love”? Molly has apparently been engaged for years to a man she doesn’t really love (and um... that’s lazy not strong), and helps inspire a vengeance filled betrayal by her ex because she’s so awesome everyone loves her? But she comes out squeaky clean because any emotional cheating on her part is balanced and thus “justified” by Connor falling for Wilhemina. And then the only “conflict” is that she’s dying, and is perfect throughout it? That’s... weak.

-That poem thing WOULD have been an interesting point of conflict but it was resolved by Betty’s intervention, rather than within the relationship. Which actually is an incredibly interesting beat. The problem with that being it’s so entirely consistent with the role Betty plays in Daniel’s life that it’s treated as just another beat, as if it doesn’t MATTER that a fundamental moment of intimacy and growth of vulnerability in Daniel’s very important romantic relationship is a door opened by a third party. There’s a strong argument to be made for something but I broke off to write the next point and now can’t remember what that strong argument is. I might remember later. It may have had something to do with Molly being a stepping stone in Daniel’s arc, but the cult-thing was so long and dominating that it didn’t work, it tied him too tightly for too long and coinciding with a loosening of his relationship with Betty there was flailing.

- Quick one: Daniel’s fast-forwarded and time-bounded relationship with Molly is the analog to Betty’s time-limited relationship with Henry. Which is a discussion I would like Daniel and Betty to have. Esp. noting that Betty and Henry had issues they worked through together (ice cream foreplay being one.)

- Player! So going back to a happy place, when Betty’s on the phone trying to fix the apartment situation and the camera pans onto Daniel just leaning against the doorway: this may be a legitimate little moment of “squee!” There’s so much denial in his laid back attitude at Player, but I still love watching how the informality of the environment reflects in the informality with Betty. He gives her free reign, and there’s many answers to “why,” and I (almost) don’t want to go into them because I totally adore how this Daniel is basically a College!Daniel only he’s latched onto Betty, who, meanwhile, is just being Betty. OMG how different his life would have been if he’d met Betty in college...

- Okay I actually don’t feel like going into whys, it’s just an arc to enjoy. With a small mention of how he TOTALLY was playing with the MODE book and handed it to Betty knowing she’d understand and use it to get them back in. Such a crazy subtle manipulation, to the point where I’m not sure it wasn’t almost entirely subconscious on Daniel’s part.

- The YETI recommendation letter. What I love is that this is another time when Daniel fvcks up, but fixes it, and more importantly displays competence and ingenuity alongside authentic caring and effort. Here’s the thing: YETI wanted Betty, even if it was just a quota thing (which it wasn’t entirely, at least one of the board was generally enthused.) So all that was necessary was to have them re-label her as from Player. Daniel knew this and did this. And told Betty that. BUUUUT that point was purposefully (by script and character) overshadowed by the gesture of the lengthy rec letter he put significant time into. Whose real audience was... wait for it... Betty. He even did a second draft! Which is more time and effort and a cleaner product.

- Also flaking on her practice run. I also enjoy how he (finally...) bounced back into the office clearly having forgotten her schedule, but having mentally shifted from Molly-space into Betty-space. He’s enthused, he’s engaged, he’s sort of bantering and I’d like to see where that scene would have gone if she hadn’t immediately gotten the acceptance call.

- So there’s this moment somewhat early on, pretty sure when Betty’s taking the writing class, and wants Daniel to give her feedback. And he’s all “why?,” coming from his “I don’t actually know what I’m doing” place. She responds that he’s her friend and wants to know what he thinks. And he does a little double-take at that word. Because until that point Daniel totally sees Betty as HIS Friend, and they’ve referred to each other as friends, with a little “f,” and he believes that. But it wasn’t until this moment that he even considered that HE might be HER Friend. Presumably because he doesn’t believe he has anything to offer her, beyond the power he holds as EIC and her boss - ie, “here run this show” and other such responsibilities.

- Which is a recurring theme. Pronounced on relationship stuff especially. When she asks him for input on the Henry vs Gio situation, when she’s trying to date the playwright. His response is always “I’m in no position to offer relationship advice/judgment on relationships.” He sorta dodges the first and is permissive on the second. I don’t know where to go with that so I’ll leave it (for now).

- When he was supposed to be in Rio, Betty wasn’t even at MODE, she was working for the “enemy,” and he was sending her regular postcards? First, they’d have been postmarked in New York and presumably with local stamps, so I’m not 100% on Betty not cottoning on. But it’s super cute that he was thinking of her when he was incommunicado with literally everyone else. Did he want her to figure it out (subconsciously)? It’s an act of reaching out, but also of convincing: he’s created a fictional narrative of being in Rio, fed and embellished by the media and swallowed by coworkers, but it’s through Betty that he’s establishing the fiction in a definitive way. He wants HER to believe it, because if SHE believes he’s there and having a good time, then he can believe it too, with a small piece of his imagination.

- Same convincing as in Player. BTW, how did all those messages on her phone work? He was 99% totally hiding the situation from her. a) why wouldn’t he just call her from his phone, as he always did in the past? b) he was creating another fictional space. Where her “number” was literally on a post-it on his temporary assistant’s monitor. It’s all play: “call Betty” happens many times, and every one is the act of doing it while knowing that he’s not really doing it. c) Betty does not point out that he should have been confused he never heard back, or more to the point, that he never heard her voicemail message. d) he was in a state of limbo waiting for her to come back, nothing is real until she does. At which point there’s lovely dramatic tension since he both wants her to fix it and get them out of there, and wants to draw her into this new reality and thus make it feel viable.

- 100th Anniversary edition. I love the idea that he’s hep on her writing his bio because he needs her name, at least, to be next to his. His identity as EIC is predicated on her being his partner, and needs that shown, even if it’s functionally an “in joke” because it’s not like she can be featured. In musing over his thoughts while flipping through the book right before deciding to quit, I usually come back to a realization of the transience of the role, but I want it to be a gutpunch of how he assumed, without being aware, that Betty would be next to him in picture, and that’s what they were heading for.

- I’ve actually got through most of my notes, so just a couple more. Daniel is super impressionable. He did what Becks told him to in the pilot. He did what Natalie told him in the cult-situation. Both against his better judgment - his look after Betty when he kicked her out for being “drama he didn’t need” - that’s the same look when he told her to clock out and was dragged off by the not-16-year-old. I’m too tired to go check the pilot, but assuming similar look there. He does what he’s told by anyone telling him to do something, but he WANTS to be rescued from the bad influences, who are so often so forceful.

- Final scene: okay so it turns out quick a lot of my thoughts are trying to understand Daniel. His growth is blatant and deep. So a second round will be more Betty-focused. ‘Cuz I identify strongly with her and don’t have a lot of surface questions about her motivations, but I’m LOST on side of the romantic coin. And plus she deserves a close look regarding how she grows during the series.

- I watched at least part of the reunion and very much like how AF answered the question of the final scene versus what EM says. Because I think they each, as actors, see it from the perspective of their characters, which means it was played authentically and grants insight. AF basically says that she saw it as Daniel coming to say thank you, and how it came down to Betty teaching him that he was good enough. Which came across a little funny because her phrasing implied they’d never talk or see each other again or something and that’s an alarming finality. But also implies that Betty really did see moving to London as a significant parting of ways, something that started as soon as she became an editor and their relationship changed. Probably before.

- She then challenged EM as to why Daniel didn’t say goodbye (as if she didn’t know and hadn’t thought about it? I’m guessing this was panel performance: asking the question “in character” and throwing the question to the other relevant actor.) But anyway, EM’s answer was “Because things were just starting.” Which is blatantly a shippy answer, and he even explains Daniel’s “revelation” as when he “really saw Betty for the first time through and through.”

- At some point in these things you’re like: oh but I thought of something else, and only stop when your brain falls asleep.

- I thought of something else. And then I forgot it. My brain is failing! But not yet failed.

- After Betty gets her braces off there’s this scene near the end, at the shoot. Daniel sees her and crosses quite purposefully to talk with her. He wants to banter and share this exciting moment with her. And the scene goes a little strange when Betty kinda goes “yeah, going now bye.” I expected more eye contact, a big smile, more conversation. That’s Betty. That’s them. But instead it’s a little awkward so Something Is Happening Here. Is she self-conscious? Did she see and hear something in Daniel’s look and comment right after she was detached from the bra and isn’t at this moment comfortable with him? Is this all fallout from her dream in which she and Daniel slept together/he thought she was a bad person/rejected her only they chose not to explicate this/cut a useful scene/thought I’d get that right away but I’m obtuse? I don’t think it’s the last one because while I can be horribly obtuse, I don’t think it was coded. But that’s what the obtuse would say.

- At any rate they don’t pick up on it again, next scene (next ep) they’re back to normal.

- But Daniel does immediately chase after Amanda and let go of her. Which is payoff for his convo with Betty earlier where she sort of disdainfully asks if he WANTS a more serious relationship with Amanda. I did sort of wonder if he actually does, but Betty’s judgmentalness is what convinces him he doesn’t. Usually I’d say Betty understands him so well she knows he doesn’t, but they’re not as close at this point, Betty is living her own life much more, so I dunno.

- But I don’t actually think Daniel was falling for Amanda, or that the show wanted us to think that was ultimately a viable path. Because of that moment when he’s in a car, calls Amanda, says “I really need to see you” and she turns him down. It parallels his text to Betty when Molly died. One text and Betty came over. This was an actual distressed voice convo and Amanda doesn’t care enough about him to be there, which is really great development for Amanda even though we don’t see her! She previously went after Matt when he was in jail, she’s interested in Tyler here, she’s not totally pining for Daniel!

- Daniel of course was using Amanda and their earned if mild emotional intimacy as a crutch, trying to fill the space Betty left. Also note when Amanda turned him down for sex and he stayed to “hang out,” - this is not supposed to be an analysis of Amanda but I wanna note I like that moment because it felt like she was pleased to think she wasn’t just sex to him, while still being over him romantically. Because she does care about him.

- Or for pete’s... I have this bad habit of writing notes which I later look at and am like... “huh?” This is a fic idea, from Daniel’s POV: “Betty had moulded him, often by sheer force of her iron will, into being a man who almost deserved Molly. And he'd turned right around and become a man who would never deserve Betty.” And I DON’T REMEMBER WHAT THE SECOND HALF MEANS. Specifically.

- Wedding dancing. Happens twice. Hilda’s wedding, we know what that is. But at Daniel’s wedding. I like that he wasn’t 100% Molly focused, ‘cuz, shipper. And I know why the show had Matt cut in, because gotta keep things moving. But isn’t it a thing that you don’t cut in on the groom/bride? It’s their day. Daniel just sort of nonverbally asks Betty if it’s okay (to leave her with Matt), but can’t help a) thinking he was a bit put out and b) want Molly to see his expression looking at Betty and have some sort of “aha” moment where she - do Molly and Betty have any scenes together? I don’t remember seeing any and I think I did skim through all the eps, but I need to do that again.

- Ooh, one of the things I forgot en route! I like that Betty has revolving love interests, because that’s textual argument for Betty never having feelings (romantic) for Daniel. Which is super, super important in this iteration of the story. There’s a couple moments - pilot and the first bridge scene - where she arguably has a momentary crush, which quickly settles into a developing platonic relationship.

- Jump back to Daniel finally seeing Betty as a true equal = romantic feelings. It’s a thing. Look my brain is deteriorting and wording is hard! So there’s two sided imbalance throughout. Daniel always saw Betty with this veneer of youth, and a great deal of his use for her is helping her “grow into the woman she’ll be.” And that’s the roadblock in him seeing her as a romantic possibility. Which was initially quite awesome because he was sleeping with people younger than her, even the “she’s actually 20″ girl was younger than Betty. And yet always saw her as in many ways more mature and competent than her. And double-yet he still saw how much further she could, and would, grow. His belief in her knows no bounds.

- Meanwhile Betty sees him as... someone who’s also becoming. Who has great potential. Bullying him into it if necessary. And because he’s guided by her, she can’t crush on him, he’s like her pet. Were she to have a crush, much less fall for him, it would have been horrifying. She needs to have a moment when she sees him as a true equal, someone who - look, everyone is always still growing so it’s not like he needs to be fully formed, and it’s a little murkier what the moment would look like when she finally sees Daniel “for the first time.”

- ‘cuz as noted, Betty has been there for pretty much every important moment of growth and crossroads in every facet of Daniel’s life. Whereas Betty consistently had many things and relationships in her life Daniel was not involved in. She’s always been way more self-reliant (not the word I wanted, is there one that starts with c?) It’s why they did sort of need to peel away through a chunk of S4, because Daniel needed to learn to cope without Betty propping him up, because it’s like a Miranda-thing:

- “I don’t need Gary. But I want him.”

- Daniel has to be able to be find without Betty before Betty can see him as a viable romantic partner. She has to see something she never has before. Daniel saw that the seedling he’d been protecting was not only strong enough to survive on its own had grown up and bloomed (process begun early in the season when he was being overprotective and she shut that down). For Betty... I guess Daniel... ... ..... it didn’t happen in the show. As EM noted, for Daniel, the ending was the beginning. Because his moment isn’t leaving MODE, that’s just the corresponding moment to Betty shaking him off. His moment is further down the road when he puts into practice everything he’s learned and ... something answered in fanfic because it’s spec and I’m tuckered.

#daniel x betty #detty #ugly betty #meta #braindump #my brain literally has nothing except #i got nothing #what a satisfying feeling #to have removed everything and set it in a magical tardis of a post

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selkiewife · 4 years ago

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Another perspective of the Sansa and Sweetrobin Dynamic

cw: contains mentions of rape, abuse, and sexual assault

@rhaenyra-snow I said I would tag you when I got my thoughts together. I am responding to your meta but also some of the comments and discourse I saw surrounding it. So if I get something wrong, let me know. But like I said, a large part of this is a response to the general discourse about Sansa and Sweetrobin. Obviously, you don’t have to read this, if it doesn’t interest you. It did get kind of long lol. And it’s primarily a Sansa meta. But I wanted to tag you, since you wrote the meta I am referring to. I am honestly not here to stir up any more drama, just offer another perspective of Sansa’s arc in regards to motherhood and her relationship with Sweetrobin.

First off, I completely unequivocally agree that Arya, Daenerys, and Brienne exhibit excellent maternal skills and I loved the parts of the meta that described those scenes. They were so lovely and I agree that it is a deconstruction of the typical “gnc character who isn’t maternal” trope. And I am totally here for that! For Arya specifically, as she is so compassionate and sweet and mature in the books!

And while I do think that it would be perfectly fine- and even very interesting for Sansa not to be maternal, I think it is too soon to tell that because of her age, the abusive situation she is in, and because I actually think that GRRM is doing something different in Sansa’s arc with motherhood than he is doing with Arya, Daenerys, and Brienne’s arcs.

I think that Sansa’s situation with Sweetrobin is arguably more fucked up than the situations with Arya, Daenerys, and Pod- not their entire arcs (those are incredibly fucked up, poor children!)- just the specific “tasked with caring for a child” situation. Because even though Arya, Daenerys, and Brienne have been sexually assaulted or threatened with sexual assault, Sansa is still currently being sexually assaulted by Baelish while trying to care for her cousin, who she was almost betrothed to, who was breastfed until eight years old by Sansa’s Aunt, who Baelish murdered because she was trying to throw Sansa through the moon door... there are just a lot of fucked up levels to deal with here. There is a lot to unpack.

That being said, I am not blaming Sweetrobin at all for that. I agree that he is also dealing with PTSD. However, in real life, I would never expect a thirteen year old who is currently being sexually assaulted and groomed to be able to competently care for another child who is also dealing with PTSD, grief, etc. And I wouldn’t expect Arya, Daenerys, or Brienne to deal with it well either. If they do, that’s wonderful, but again, I wouldn’t expect it.

The way I read it, the reason she doesn’t want Sweetrobin in her bed is because he nuzzles her breasts, trying to breastfeed- which is not his fault of course, he is seeking comfort after the death of his mother- but Sansa has a specific trigger because that is where she was groped on her forced wedding night. In the discourse, some fans were saying that Arya would let Sweetrobin sleep with her without any problems. That might be true. But whether or not Arya would allow Sweetrobin to nuzzle her in the same way isn’t really a fair measure of maternal capability because, though she is also an abuse survivor, she may have different triggers than Sansa. Recovery is different for everyone and I would never expect one abuse victim to be okay with a situation just because another abuse victim is.

That being said, I saw in a lot of the comments that people thought Sansa defenders were trying to sexualize breastfeeding. I don’t think that is true. They were saying that Sansa is being triggered. Sexual assault victims can be triggered by things that were not intended to be sexual assault. That’s what sucks about PTSD- it doesn’t care about intent. In fact, even though statistically many mothers who are survivors of molestation and sexual abuse do want to breastfeed in larger numbers than those who don’t- it still can be incredibly difficult and there are support groups and lactation therapy interventions set up specifically to offer support with this issue. That being said, she still allowed him in her room for many nights until she couldn’t take it anymore. And that is because she is compassionate to his situation.

But even if she did not have that specific trigger, everyone has the right not to be touched if they don’t want to be- even if it is to make another person feel better. I know most people agreed with that. However, even though most fans agree with that, a lot of people were critical of the way Sansa handled getting away from her trigger- saying the way she handled the situation is proof that she is not maternal.

I also saw people saying that Sansa was being deliberately cruel to Sweetrobin when she had his door locked. I am not going to try to defend that choice. I don’t think it was the right thing to do objectively. However, I can totally empathize with the fact that she is completely out of her depth here and does not know how to handle the situation. And like most people her age, I do not think she thought it through completely. And even then, she does let him back in her room after this incident and he sleeps with her multiple times afterwards:

He cuddled close and laid his head between her breasts. "Alayne? Are you my mother now?""I suppose I am," she said. If a lie was kindly meant, there was no harm in it.

Would Arya have made the same mistake? I agree that she would probably have been more direct. But like I said, I do think that Sweetrobin is a more difficult situation that Weasel, Missandei, or Pod. I can’t imagine any of those three children wanting to be breastfed by Arya, Daenerys, or Brienne. I also don’t remember anything described about them having horrible temper tantrums where they throw porridge bowls at people or threaten to execute people by throwing them down the moon door. I’m not saying that it is Sweetrobin’s fault- it is a result of how he was raised and how frightened and grief stricken he is- But that does make it a bit more difficult for Sansa to do the perfect motherly thing all the time in this situation. It would be hard for an adult woman to be perfect as well. Even though it is more difficult to care for Sweetrobin (through no fault of his own) Sansa is the only person that is able to do it- and people call on her to do so all the time when they can’t manage him- which I think does show that she is maternal:

"If m'lady can talk him out of bed nice," the knight said, "I won't have to drag him out." We can't have that, she told herself.

and

"Be careful," Alayne told her. "He can hurt you, flailing. You wouldn't think so, but he can." They found a place for him, a cleft in the rock to keep him out of the cold wind. Alayne tended him until the shaking passed, whilst Mya went back to help the others cross.

This shows that she has compassion and understands that it is not his fault he has seizures. It shows that she is willing to stay and tend to him when others back off. She is also able to get him down the mountain when he is understandably terrified.

He is afraid, she thought, and with good reason. Since his lady mother had fallen, the boy would not even stand upon a balcony, and the way from the Eyrie to the Gates of the Moon was perilous enough to daunt anyone.

"Mya will keep the mules from biting," Alayne said, "and I'll be riding just behind you. I'm only a girl, not as brave or strong as you. If I can do it, I know you can, Sweetrobin."

Alayne took Robert’s gloved hand in her own to stop his shaking.

“Sweetrobin,” she said, “I’m scared. Hold my hand, and help me get across. I know you’re not afraid.”

He looked at her, his pupils small dark pinpricks in eyes as big and white as eggs. “I’m not?”

“Not you. You’re my winged knight, Ser Sweetrobin.”

“The Winged Knight could fly,” Robert whispered.

“Higher than the mountains.” She gave his hand a squeeze.

She makes him feel safe and she makes him feel capable. This in and of itself is an example of good mothering skills.

I said before that I think GRRM is doing something different with the maternal motifs in Arya, Daenerys, and Brienne versus Sansa. I think that in Arya, Daenerys and Brienne’s chapters the motherhood themes are there to reveal their characters- to show the readers how compassionate they are and establish them as protectors- on this we completely agree.

I think where we disagree is that I don’t think that the motherhood theme in Sansa’s chapters are there to deconstruct her mothering skills as an individual but more to deconstruct mothering itself. Sansa is a learning character- her arc has a lot to do with unlearning the patriarchal lies she has been raised with while also learning how to survive within those constraints. She fantasized about knights and princes. So she learns the hard way that knights are not always virtuous, that handsome princes can be horrifically cruel, etc. She also fantasized about motherhood. And now she is learning that motherhood is harder than she thought. Yes mothering instinct is one thing- and Sansa’s instinct is to be compassionate to Sweetrobin. But what happens when the child is dealing with grief or has special needs, or you have no real help or you are dealing with traumatic stress yourself? Motherhood is hard as hell even for adult women who chose it, not to mention how hard it must be for girls who are Arya and Sansa’s ages. In spite of that, I do think that Sansa is rising to the occasion- not as immediately as Arya, Daenerys, or Brienne perhaps. But steadily- and I think that fits her arc since her motherhood themes are character development ones instead of character illuminating ones.

Because of this, it kind of reminds me of when people wrongly call Daenerys a bad ruler based on her ruling of Mereen. That pisses me off so much! Because Daenerys is given the most difficult ruling arc in the series. I agree wholeheartedly with the metas I have read that she is the answer to GRRM’s original question about the knitty grittiness of ruling instead of “and he ruled wisely and well.” She is an excellent ruler but her chapters are showing that ruling is fucking hard, even when you are excellent. Just as Daenerys is the answer to “he ruled wisely and well,” I think Sansa and Sweetrobin is the answer to, “she took the child under her wing and was a perfect mother to him.” Given the incredibly difficult circumstances, she is learning to be a truly excellent caretaker of him.

And look, I am not saying that Sansa is perfect! I’m not saying she is not mean spirited or petty at times. I’m also not saying that locking Sweetrobin in his room was the correct way to deal with the situation. I’m not saying any of those things. But what is compelling to me (and what I personally love about Sansa) is that she has done mean spirited things, but also extremely kind things. She is capable of sass and meanness and also true compassion. I’m genuinely not trying to erase her flaws. I know some fans do that. But fans do that with literally all the characters. I personally love her, flaws and all. I mean, I am a Theon fan first and foremost so... it doesn’t bother me when I read about her frustrations with Sweetrobin. I think it’s a realistic reaction and understandable.

And we do see that she is frustrated as hell with Sweetrobin at times, but she never lets it show- she is always sweet and soothing to him after Lysa dies. Real mothers also get extremely frustrated with their children sometimes and they strive to keep the same kind of patience that Sansa does.

Perhaps we should view her locking him in his room as a thirteen year old abuse victim’s way of dealing with the fact that she didn’t trust herself to be sweet while voicing her frustrations with him. It was the wrong move, but she’s thirteen. Perhaps one of the actual adults in the situation could have stepped in at that point. But they don’t. And in spite of that incident, she does let him sleep with her again. She puts her own feelings aside for his. Which means that she lets him nuzzle her, even though it triggers her. It also means she gets up at night after he has a seizure to change the bed and to clean him up. This shows me that she is striving to overcome her own feelings in order to help this defenseless child. She even says here:

Why not surround him with Winged Knights? She had thought one night, after Sweetrobin had finally drifted off to sleep. His own Kingsguard, to keep him safe and make him brave.

This shows that she is continuing to let him sleep with her and also thinking about ways to protect him and give him a sense of security after he has fallen asleep. Which is incredibly maternal. Sansa is truly rising to the occasion of being motherly to Sweetrobin in spite of her triggers and her own current traumatic stress. But what is so heartbreaking is- she shouldn’t have to! And neither should Arya. They are both abused children that desperately need their own mother. So when they make mistakes with child care, I think we can view those mistakes with compassion.

Now, I know that all I just wrote might sound ridiculous if you believe that Sansa is knowingly poisoning Sweetrobin. I personally do not take that view. I think it is just as unfounded as people who think that Daenerys will burn Kings Landing.

I actually think that Sansa is going to eventually break out from Baelish’s manipulation and abuse and save Sweetrobin or at least try to. I think that Little Finger constantly making her an accomplice is similar to Theon with Ramsay and how he eventually saves Jeyne- but that is another meta for another time (which I do intend to write lol) and this has gotten way too long already.

Now, I could be totally wrong about all of this. As I said, this is just my interpretation- but who knows when it comes to GRRM? My faith in him has been significantly shaken based on the end of the TV series and the way he writes the sexual scenes in the books... Perhaps he is trying to say that Sansa is not maternal because she reacts the way she does to being triggered as a thirteen year old, while living in the same household as one of her abusers. But if that is the case, it is deeply misogynistic of him.

It’s also odd that we even have to have this discussion about children caring for other children as if they were adults. Is it really fair to judge any of these characters about their maternal instincts or how they rise to the occasion of being motherly when they are all children themselves and put in such horrible situations that would be daunting for adult women? This seems to be largely on GRRM’s writing. Also the fact that we never debate how “fatherly” Jon, Robb, Theon, or Bran are, which again, possibly has to do with the writing itself. So perhaps instead of fighting each other over whose interpretation is more misogynistic, we should take a hard look at how misogynistic the writing is in and of itself. Hopefully GRRM can tie this up so that it is not as misogynistic as I fear it might be. (I truly hope so.) But that is a larger conversation to be had.

#sansa stark #sweetrobin #arya stark #daenerys targaryen #brienne of tarth #asoaif #tw rape #tw abuse

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virtchandmoir · 4 years ago

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Ice dance star Tessa Virtue happily out of her comfort zone in Queens EMBA program

November 30, 2020

Canadian Olympic athlete Tessa Virtue poses for a photo at the Olympic Summit in Calgary, Alta., Saturday, June 3, 2017.THE CANADIAN PRESS/Jeff McIntosh

TORONTO -- Tessa Virtue doesn't feel the same sense of exhilaration or rush of adrenaline as she did standing at centre-ice after a gold-medal performance.

At least not on that scale or of that magnitude. And that's okay.

"There are so many things that are making me really content and joyful that were just impossible to experience as an athlete in training," Virtue said. "So, there's sort of something offsetting that where I might not be getting that adrenaline rush, there's so much that I feel passionate about and new goals that I'm striving for - which is both scary and exhilarating."

Virtue and Scott Moir were among the 114 athletes, artists, scholars and community leaders named to the Order of Canada on Friday. They're the most decorated ice dancers in history, capturing five Olympic medals, including a pair of ice dance gold in 2010 and 2018.

Virtue is swamped with school work these days as part of Queens University's Executive MBA program - one of the new pursuits that's pushed her out of her comfort zone.

She's typed out frantic text messages to retired Paralympic swimmer Ben Huot - who graduated from Queens' EMBA program - saying, "Have I made a mistake? What am I doing?" she laughed. "(Huot) been so wonderfully supportive.

"But I am so happy I did it. And it's an extraordinary cohort, everyone is so impressive and has accomplished such wonderful things and in such diverse spheres, and so the conversations are so exhilarating, and especially right now, I'm so grateful to have the chance to sort of expand my mind."

Virtue spent the first few months of the pandemic living in North Vancouver with boyfriend and Toronto Maple Leafs defenceman Morgan Rielly. The power couple joined Arkells frontman on an Instagram live stream back in March. They appeared virtually on the Great Kitchen Party: Home Edition a month later.

The couple is back living in Toronto now, and recently purchased a puppy they named Zoe.

Virtue and Moir's captivating free dance to music from "Moulin Rouge" in Pyeongchang will endure as one of the greatest Olympic figure skating performances ever. Just one of the numerous YouTube streams has over 1.3 million views.

But Virtue has barely watched it.

"I've seen parts of it here and there. And I love the feeling that it evokes in me," she said. "I'm still so proud of that moment of course. But I can't decide if it feels like it was yesterday or honestly if I feel just a few lifetimes away from it. So, it's like that disconnect, right, where I kind of hold onto the feeling that we had when the program ended.

"And when we reflect together, so much of our sporting life just seems so fresh that I'm sure there hasn't been enough time for perspective, right?"

Virtue and Moir, from Ilderton, Ont., competed for two decades. Earning Order of Canada honours, she said, was an honour that had her reflecting on their early days.

"This is not something we would have ever known to even dream for. We weren't seven and nine (years old) cruising around the ice together talking about this, it seemed unfathomable," she said. "And yet, we watched so many of our friends and peers along the way receive this incredible honour. I just feel humbled, and just so, so honoured."

Virtue talked by telephone Sunday before appearing virtually on Hayley Wickenheiser's "WickFest: Female Hockey Festival," calling a few minutes early to ensure she wouldn't have to duck out too soon.

Olympic athletes, both active and retired, have been front and centre in the battle against the global pandemic. Wickenheiser, of course, teamed up with actor Ryan Reynolds and others for "Conquer COVID-19," an initiative that delivered much-needed personal protective equipment to hospitals. Numerous other athletes have hosted virtual practices, information sessions, etc. for Canadian kids.

"It can be underestimated, I guess, what that kind of mentorship or connection with an athlete does," Virtue said. "I think about those kids watching the next Olympics and how invested they'll be and it's pretty neat to share that."

The international figure skating schedule has been a bust since last March when COVID-19 forced cancellation of the world championships in Montreal.

Keegan Messing is the only Canadian to have competed so far this season (Skate America). Skate Canada International was scrapped, and if Stockholm, Sweden does manage to host the world championships in March - organizers want to host it in a "bubble" - there's no guarantee Canada will even go because of lack of preparation, quarantine restrictions, etc.

"I think there's a caveat to everything in that it offers great perspective. You realize just how seemingly insignificant ice dance can be or skating," Virtue said. "But at the same time, in their relative spheres, and as far as their goals and pursuits go, it's huge to miss out on one competition, let alone a season.

"I think just changing that benchmark of knowing when to prepare for something, how a peak, how to maximize your time, the unknown, the uncertainty, like so many people are facing, must be really challenging. And my heart goes out to (the skaters)."

—The Canadian Press

#tessa #off ice #interview: the canadian press #this is a weird article #i think order of canada is meant to be the actual focus

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coffee-or-murder · 3 years ago

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OC Perspective Asks- Lemon: ⭐️ 🗣 Zimri: 💞 😮 Laura: 🗣 🙄 Amaryllis: 🫂 🤬

One day I will get through all of the drafts I have. That day is clearly not today but getting there at least!

Lemon:

⭐️ Write out what your character wishes they could say to another character.

“Why? Tell me why you left. I don’t want an apology I want an explanation. If you knew mother was…the way she is then why didn’t you take me with you? Or at least come home more then once every couple of years! I barely know what my own father looks like! I’m not sure I could even pick you out of a crowd and that’s just-never mind, just tell me why you left. Now.”

🗣 Write your character telling a joke.

“This is one of Uncle Benji’s, so it’s awful but still sort of funny. Why do seagulls fly over the ocean? Because if they flew over the bay we’d call them bagels!”

Zimri:

💞 Write what your character would say to compliment another character.

“Ra’d my love please explain to this extremely attractive but equally self deprecating woman that we would like to take her home for a very long time. While you convince her I’m not lying I’m going to call the pig boy. He can clean out a closet for her clothes while I get a California King set ordered. If I hurry I can get it to the apartment by morning. Kerri, you are lovely and you have beautiful arms. If I could chose how to die, it would be between your thighs, so please listen to Ra’d. She is physically incapable of lying. Frankly it’s adorable watching her try.”

😮 Write your character talking about a topic they’re passionate about.

“Partner dancing is honestly the most thrilling thing. When you find a partner you click with you move together like you’re one body, just extensions of the other sharing one soul. Sex isn’t nearly as intimate. People who don’t trust each other or even like each other fuck all the time, but you can’t partner well without that connection.”

Laura:

🗣Write your character telling a joke.

-insert her ragging on Liv and calling her Big Blue- Laura doesn’t really tell jokes, she’s more of like, a fool who stumbles on being funny sometimes? She’s very situationally funny so here’s my stab at it.

“So mom is a Dread Wavemistress, dad’s a barkeep don’t know how that worked and trust me I didn’t ask BUT, they call mom The Great Dread. Bit of a mouthful but nice title. You know what dad calls her? Katherine. The Great Dread, one of the great Wave Mistresses of the deep, and dad calls her Katherine. She let dad name me too, so when she came to see him and handed over my tiny self to this man and told him to name me, my dad brilliant man he is, named me Laura. Laura. The most normal name I’ve heard. How am I supposed to get a title to compete with mom’s with a name like Laura?!“

🙄 Write your character explaining a topic to someone they’re frustrated with.

“I know you just want to help but you cannot tie a knot to save your life, and in this case, that knot would be the thing between you and death by drowning when I throw you off of this ship because you will not let me knot in peace! So please, for my sanity and the continued safety of your lungs, let me work.“

Amaryllis:

🫂 Write your character describing the character they have the most positive relationship with.

Villian AU

“My father has always been there for me, through everything that has ever happened in my life he was there to offer his support. Despite his...let’s say difficult past with the woman who birthed me, he never let his feelings for her interfere with helping me to make a logical well thought out decision regarding my future in the family. I value his council more than any other. He taught me how to brew tea you know. Showed me how to care for the plants, when and how to harvest, how long to dry the leaves, every step he was patient and gentle. After I led my coup and took the throne he brought me tea. Sitting alone on the throne covered in blood and my father brings me tea. I try to let him know how much he means to be but I know lately I have been...occupied. I only hope that I make him proud.“

🤬Write your character describing the person they have the most negative relationship with.

Modern AU

“Mother and I....things are better then they were at least. I don’t know if I will ever forgive her for how she treated father after their breakup, she was so cruel for no reason I just don’t understand it. Then she demands he take me during the year and I spend summers with her it-it just still doesn’t sit right with me. Regardless, we're finally talking more like actual humans and not just her asking my tutor how I’m progressing in my studies. She even asked how my partners were doing! That’s incredible, especially coming from her.“

#dnd lemon #lemon dnd #dnd zimri #zimri dnd #Laura dnd #dnd laura #amaryllis dnd #dnd Amaryllis

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personalcoachingcenter · 3 years ago

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Women in Leadership – How Can Coaching Support Female Leaders

New Post has been published on https://personalcoachingcenter.com/women-in-leadership-how-can-coaching-support-female-leaders/

Women in Leadership – How Can Coaching Support Female Leaders

Lets talk about Women in Leadership

I would like to start by saying that I am very passionate about working as a coach with women, see how we think, dream, grow and change – celebrate our diversity.

We live in a very masculine world still and it has been my mission to investigate the ways we can support each other as women, get to know each other´s needs, and face all the difficulties that come with our gender when working as professionals. We need to talk about changing the way things are and dream big, to know that we can do anything we want in our lives truly free, liberated, intelligent, and confident.

In this paper I will present the following topics:

The myths about female leaders

Difference between two genders

Female Leaders Coaching

Gender differences and Coaching

The Role of Coaching

Female Leaders Coaching Model – PASS

Survey

The Myths That Hold Women Back at the Workplace

Gender inequality exists in the workplace. As women we need to be diligent to keep the conversation about it going, talking about the diversity at work as well as how to build resilience. Inequality has been an issue for decades and concerns every woman that enters the professional career, therefore, tackling the issues has become especially difficult as we became desensitized, so it is essential to be bold and speak out about the common myths of gender inequalities as they appear.

The False Four (Common Myths About Female Professionals):

Women Choose to Devote the Time to the Family Instead of the Workplace

The assumption here is that women cannot handle the demanding family life and the dynamic work life. It is unfair to assume that a woman will not take the lead of the project because that would mean more hours or that the single woman has to take all the workload that nobody else wants to catch up on.

Having children is not an excuse to withhold a growth opportunity from a woman at work. Women are often pillars of our homes and our communities and children are not our excuses, they are our REASON.

Women are really good at multitasking. If you want something to be done, ask a woman!

Women Are Too Emotional to Lead

Women leaders are not too emotional, there is time and place that there is a space to show great empathy. A woman´s ability to show empathy uses thoughtfulness and her intuition is not a sign of weakness. It makes a very positive work culture and certainly does not lead to emotional decision-making.

Statistics on women’s leadership do not support this myth, Peterson Institute of International Economics of Business analyzed the data from 22.000 globally trading companies in 91 countries, showed that having at least 30% of women in leadership positions adds 6% to the net profit margin of a business.

Women Are Just Not Interested in Technology and Other Male-Dominated Industries

Women seek degrees in male-dominated industries at considerable rates but men are still preferred in the male domains more than women as well as receive bigger salaries than their female counterparts.

Younger Women Are More Valuable at Work Than Older Ones

This is not a competition. All women are valuable, and “when you are living and breathing you are not done”. Age and wisdom is an incredible asset.

Now, we need to remember that if you tell a lie often enough you really start to believe it, if we believe the myths and untruths about women in the workplace we will take them as factual representations of gender inequality.

The bottom line is that you do not have to accept the myths, the mold, the status quo, you can create your own reality.

Supporting other women is our mission!

Difference Between Two Genders

Men and women are guided by their own logic and perspective respectively. They think, act, and are educated differently. They look, observe, perceive, highlight and fulfill their needs in different ways. Some claim that the differences are due to socio-cultural, educational, psychological, and even biological questions. Therefore, one can start reflecting on the situation raising the question: Women and Men, two worlds or two viewpoints?

Social Viewpoint: Personal Relationships

Historically, there are different expectations towards men and women. Women are expected to provide support, be understanding and offer service, whereas men are expected to be successful professionally, provide for their household, be strong, decided, and in control.

Women´s satisfaction, in general, is related to their social interactions and their family bonds, so they choose to cooperate and accept that their contribution can serve a bigger purpose. Women need to find pleasure in their day-to-day activities, therefore, their professional life must allow for family time. The professional and family lives are integrated, they are one.

Psychological Viewpoint: Intuition and Creativity

Women use intuition as a tool when rational thinking is not enough in their workplace. Logic is indispensable to organize thoughts and emotions, however, it should not discard the intuitive intelligence, which for various reasons tends to be the female domain. Unfortunately, in the professional surrounding, intuition tends to be overlooked and its importance belittled.

Both intuition and creativity are mostly developed in the right hemisphere of the brain.

Emotional Viewpoint: Emotional Intelligence

Emotion – the definition says it is: ¨instinctive or intuitive feeling as distinguished from reasoning or knowledge.¨ Daniel Goleman defines Emotional Intelligence as a person’s ability to manage their feelings so that those feelings are expressed appropriately and effectively. According to Goleman, emotional intelligence is the largest single predictor of success in the workplace.

In the research conducted by Goleman, it is showed that on average women have more awareness of their emotions, show more empathy, and are more capable of creating interpersonal relationships.

Biological and Organic Viewpoint: Brain

According to scientists the differences between female and male brains can derive from genetic factors. Neuroscience states that each person develops based on their natural genetic identity. There is a biological platform that underlies the existence of two kinds of the brain: a masculine brain and the feminine one. The differences are observed in both: the development and reaching maturity of some parts of the brain, especially when it comes to children; girls´ brain seems to mature earlier than the boys´ one.

Not only do the female and male brains vary in their architecture but also in a way they establish the strategies to process information and emotions but also in a way of generating responses.

Furthermore, the magnetic resonance shows that man has more grey matter in the brain, which indicates more activity in the left hemisphere and predominant logical thinking and women demonstrate having more white matter, which in turn proves brain´s activity takes place in both hemispheres simultaneously, which reduces the division between logical and intuition activities in the female brain.

Female Leaders Coaching

Coaching strategies depend on the coachee, therefore I would like to describe the various coaching niches/gaps where coaching can support and help women. The following issues raised here aim at identifying a few contexts, in which a woman’s situation differs from the men’s one.

The gaps that still kept in several economic sectors, where a woman does not have equal opportunities to access certain positions and the energy and effort invested there is considerably bigger than the one required from their male counterparts.

The limiting beliefs engraved in women’s minds about the social roles and the way they ¨should¨ act, speak, look, be as professionals, mothers, wives, daughters, sisters, students, etc…

Self – limitations that a woman imposes on herself as a professional, which can cause a lack of self-esteem and confidence and finally incapability to peruse her goals.

A very short history of female leadership in the world requires paving the way for others without valid models or success stories to follow, that would help to learn and navigate in the man´s world.

Personal attributes and leadership qualities are demonstrated by a woman apart from her specifically feminine characteristics that she starts to express in the workplace and that is perceived as an added value to compete and develop.

The difficulties to reach a natural balance between the personal wellbeing and of others surrounding them that is projected in the work-life.

The above issues raise many existential topics for women, which question their values, personal and professional behaviors, the meaning of their realizations and satisfaction as well as future projections like:

Could my life be different?

Do I want it to be different?

Which aspect of my life do I want to be different?

How far do I want to get?

What is it that I really want, what does it mean to me to be successful?

Why do I desire something?

Am I aware of the internal resources I possess that I necessary to make the change in me and my surrounding?

Do I have a plan for life to achieve what I want?

How will I carry it out?

How can I include the people I care about in this plan?

How will I know that I have reached my goals?

What can I do to keep growing?

Coaching that can recognize personal circumstances and differences can be most effective in this internal dialogue carried out by the women.

Gender Differences and Coaching

Psychological Differences and Coaching

When it comes to coaching women it is important to remember that women are more motivated and interested in:

Self-development.

Achieving objectives for the whole team.

Team success.

Working in the atmosphere of cooperation rather than competition.

Tend to take responsibility for the mistakes rather than blaming others in general.

Taking the above factors into consideration can help the coach relate better, understand the problem properly and assist the coachee in coming up with solutions.

Communication Differences and Coaching

The main difference in communication between men and women is the reason why they decide to communicate and what they are talking about.

Jennifer Coates studied discussion groups of only men and only women and noticed that when women talk among themselves they reveal much more of their personal lives. They also tackle more personal issues, spend more time on them, and make sure that all of them participate in the conversation.

Men, on the other hand, do not tend to speak about their personal issues but choose to focus on topics like politics, religion, sports, news, art, history, etc. Jennifer also noticed that when the groups are mixed men tend to speak more, express their opinions with more confidence, irrespectively of their status or position in the company. In contrast, women strive to connect and generate intimacy while communicating.

The Role of Coaching

Coaching helps to make choices in the professional areas, assists the woman to find the passion and the meaning because it is essential to be successful, happy, and truly accountable. Self–awareness plays a vital role in this process as well as knowing what your strengths and desires are, who you are, what are your values, and being able to assess yourself every step of the way. It is important that the women can dream about what they really want to experience in their lives.

A coach can also help the coachee in building their self-confidence but getting to know themselves.

Another very important way, the coach can contribute to the growth of a woman coachee is to help her create a support network that consists of meaningful relationships, and establish the action strategies focused on achieving her goals. A coach can achieve that by:

Embrace and strengthen the way the woman sees herself (self–perception) at work and analyze the ways, the woman can emphasize their strengths when establishing new contacts, feeling authentic, true to herself.

Plan and prepare to generate new contacts proactively, defining where, how, and when.

Reinforce the existing contacts, focusing on deciding where to invest best.

Differentiate the professional contacts from the family, social, and others because each of them requires a different treatment and involves a different bonding style.

A coach can assist their female client to find the balance between professional and family life, develop themselves in all aspects of their lives to become complete human beings, and build resilience.

Resilience

Women and men that bear the positions of Leaders need to face lots of pressure, long working hours, and daily challenges. The difference between men and women is that women go to work, “change the hat” and start their “other” job, which is exhausting and may lead women to reconsider their careers. Some women flourish, some other diminish under such conditions.

Resilience is necessary to work and maintain your skills up high. Resilience is a process in which a person can think, act successfully under pressure, and recover quickly, adapt to new circumstances, and even become stronger.

Women are usually very demanding towards themselves when working and growing, however, to be sustainable in the process they need to overcome several problems and obstacles, they should also understand and reinforce their support system, physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual health. Therefore, the development of balanced resilience consists of:

Cognitive Resilience: Working on creating positive beliefs about themselves and the world by recognizing the negative beliefs, extending their ability to resolve the problems, and identifying their strengths.

Emotional Resilience: Recognize and develop their own emotions and other people´s emotions and the ability to manage their impulsiveness.

Attitude Resilience: build sustainable networks, take care of the physical aspects in the moments of crisis and reinforce the self-esteem by focusing on their strengths.

Female Leaders Coaching Model – Pass

I would like to present a PASS coaching model, which I will describe in detail in my coaching model paper. It consists of:

P – Personal – Here, a coach and a coachee create a relationship based on mutual trust and confidence. It is established by being present and accepting at all times.

This stage is very important for female coachees as in general they are all about bonding and creating relationships

A – Awareness – Here, a coach helps the coachee to gain self-awareness through several tools.

S – Structure – Here, a coach challenges the clients via powerful questions, helps them to identify their goals, and accompanies the coachee in finding the best-suited structure and action plan.

S – Support – Here, a coach supports the coachee in following through with their action plan and becomes the accountability partner, a team player, a kind and supportive mirror for the clients.

Survey

When I was writing this paper I conducted a mini-survey, I asked 35 women, professionals, from different countries and various walks of life about their present job satisfaction.

My main purpose was to measure their job satisfaction and to see what are the biggest motivators and obstacles for them.

The survey consisted of 10 multiple questions and according to the responses in questions number 9 women rely on the family members for support when tackling changes in the professional field. That would confirm the opinion I expressed earlier in this paper that women rely on the family members and the relationships they have built throughout the years.

In question 4, it is so clear to see that all women know their skills. I mentioned in previous points that women seem to be more directed inside rather than outside and they tend to know their strengths and weaknesses better.

In question 10, women mentioned that poor promotion and development opportunities seem to be the biggest challenge, but not only, creating relationships with co-workers is another big challenge, which also proves what has mentioned earlier that women are focused on creating relationships.

A Research Paper By Aleksandra Kowalska, Business Coach, in SPAIN

References

(203) The myths that hold back women at the workplace | Star Jones | TEDxVitosha – YouTube

Desarollo y Coaching de Mujeres Lideres, Fabiana Gadow, Granica

Emotional Intelligence, Daniel Goleman

Women, men and language, Jennifer Coates, Pearson Longman, London

Original source: https://coachcampus.com/coach-portfolios/research-papers/women-in-leadership/

#achieve all your goals #best personal development coaching #business success #coaching #coaching demonstration #coaching women #executive coaching #leadership coaching #life coach #optimize your success #personal development #personal development coaching #personal growth #personal growth and development #secret to personal growth #success mentor #women in business #women leadership #Personal Coaching

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mysterylover123 · 5 years ago

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Todoroki’s Relationships Analysis Part 7: Chapter 169-now. Culture Fest, Pro Hero, JTA, MLA & Winter Internship arcs.

(SPOILERS TO NOW)

Culture Festival Arc

The new, party person post retake arc Shoto

Shoto’s retake course has helped to change his perspective on things a little, and understand the value of fun a little bit more (which is what this arc is all about)

He remains critical towards Bakugou here, though Katsuki definitely starts it.

Or more accurately, the rest of the school starts it by acting like Class A asked to get attacked by crazy supervillains. Bakugou initially in this scene seems like he’s being a jerk, but he’s actually having one of his moments of kindness and empathy, as he defends his classmates from the rest of the school, and Shoto stops criticizing him once that lands.

Shoto spends most of the CF arc hanging around twith this group, whom he mostly gets along with on the level of fairly normal friendship, so there isn’t much to say about these scenes.

We see Shoto to be the most concerned classmate about Deku’s wellbeing, probably because he’s learned by this point that an unavailable Midoriya probably means he’s breaking his body in two.

He watches Izuku getting scolded by the teachers.

And hangs out with Iida during the Culture Fest event itself. (Iida is the universal bro)

Culture Fest Shoto is still fairly quiet, but much more sociable than before. He suggests throwing a big party for the school, which should probably tell you that he’s a very different kid from the start of the year.

Pro Hero Arc

This arc is mostly about Shoto’s relationship with his dad, though we get a quick glimpse of his classmates looking after him when the fight plays on TV.

Four classmates are specifically watching Shoto. Now, while Kiri and Shoto do have a friendship, Kiri is generally the “glue that holds the class together”, so essentially, he was written to be the kid who always looks after his teammates. The other 3 are Shoto’s 3 main ships: Bakugou, Deku, and Momo.

Though just about everyone comes over to him afterwards.

Included because how can you not.

joint Training Arc

Sero and Shoto sure have come a long way since “nice try” huh? And yes, Earlyroki is the phrase I want to use too.

Shoto is focused on watching Yaoyorozu’s fight.

He showcases some understanding of Momo’s tactical expertise and confidence in her ability to win. He believes that only a total assault on her could have been sufficient to actually defeat Momo.

He looks worried for Momo after she loses and states firmly that he “hopes she doesn’t get all discouraged again”, recalling her previous sadness and worrying for her in the future.

We see a moment of Todoroki and Bakugou being on the same wavelength here, as following the above panel Shoto immediately does just that.

Tetsutetsu pushes Todoroki to the point where he has to use way too much firepower. However, his team still loses/ties.

He has a Deku-like moment and this triggers his actions in the next arc (tears at BabyTodo in the left hand panel.)

This is his reaction to BlackWhip. He goes over to Deku after the JTA is over and after Deku’s training session with Bakugou and All Might and asks him directly, indicating he thinks Izuku has two powers.

Clearly, Shoto felt a bit betrayed that Deku asked him to go all out but was apparently holding back himself. I wish we could’ve had Shoto’s thoughts while the whole thing was going on.

He instantly believes Midoriya and doesn’t think to question this strange development. He compliments him as well, showing that Deku has joined Momo and Kacchan’s ranks as someone Shoto admires. Deku shoots right back at him.

Shoto, having tied while Deku and Kacchan, his two Official Rivals, both won with a complete knockout, obviously feels like they’ve surpassed him. This is, basically, his equivalent (though less angsty) to Bakugou at the end of the PLE arc, feeling completely surpassed by everyone.

The Joint Training arc sees, to Shoto, his classmates surpassing him, and spurs him to decide and seek out Endeavor as a Utility. We see his admiration for Momo, Kacchan and Izuku on full display.

MLA Arc

Newly minted Licensed heroes Todoroki and Bakugou are here to save the day Together!

They’re referring to each other as “we” and working together to end the villains.

Shoto’s showing concern for Kacchan, who as usual takes all concern for his wellbeing as an insult. (and as usual makes everything about Deku. Holy crap, was that really as powerful as the Sports Fest move?!?! They’ll have to bust out some sick animation for that).

Winter Internship Arc (up to present chapter, Chapter 250)

So Todoroki and Kacchan work together well. Are they friends? What does Shoto think of their relationship? His self-definition is that they get along well.

Todoroki apparently defines friendship as “spending a lot of time together”. Bakugou objects to this. Todoroki basically calmly insists that they get along anyway.

Shoto’s motto of heroism here is that he wants “to put others at ease’. We’ve got his manifesto as to heroism laid out here.

This is funny, yes, but also kinda heartbreaking. Shoto is incredibly awkward in his interview and doesn’t seem to understand that he’s being flirted with. It’s possible he doesn’t have much conception of what romance, flirtation and attraction even are. This is a facet I’d like to see explored more in shipping fics, actually, because any idea of Shoto as some smooth charmer with great flirting skills should be heavily dispelled by this instance.

Although he’s talking about his dad here, the words could just as easily apply to Midoriya.

Shoto instantly apologies to Katsuki, taking it as his fault that Bakugou was cut, because he’s not socially adept enough to get that Bakugou’s behavior is inappropriate. While one doesn’t have to, you could take Bakugou’s reply as him relieving Shoto of feeling guilty by telling him it wasn’t his fault. Just in Bakugou-speak.

Deku’s 3 most popular ships watch him try and conquer his quirk. Or is this in his head?

Some nervous solidarity between Shoto and Izuku, + bonus Jealous Bakugou.

ChristmasTodo notices Bakugou feeling down.

And immediately offers him and Deku internship jobs with the #1. Shoto’s motives her deserve some consideration. He states later on that he sees Endeavor, as far as regards his career as a pro, in a utilitarian manner. He views him as a means to an end for success (outside of their past and family drama, obviously). So Shoto is, essentially, offering Deku and Kacchan the best possible internship opportunity he can, even though it involves asking his old man for a favor. That’s some serious supportive friendship power right there.

Endeavor complains about having to teach all 3 but Shoto shuts him down quickly.

He agrees with Bakugou that Endeavor’s dismissive attitude is not what they signed on for or what he promised Kacchan.

Todo and Kacchan are again on the same wavelength here and act like they both find Deku’s constant chatter annoying.

In his big speech to Endeavor, he states that “competing with these guys” before correcting himself and trying to include the rest of his classmates in that estimation. But he ca’t take back that initial impulse. Deku and Kacchan are placed first in his estimation. They are the first ones he thinks of. And both, as well. It’s very clear that Deku and Kacchan (Twin Stars of class A indeed) changed his life. Thinking about it too...he didn’t immediately use fire after his match with Deku. It wasn’t until he hurt Bakugou by holding back and lost hte match that he really started to change.

“IN front of my friends”. Shoto again points out that he came her to use Endeavor, regardless of feelings. He insists on being treated the same as Deku and Kacchan, and tells Endeavor not to pretend to be dadlike to him in front of them. This impulse is interesting too. He doesn’t wish to present any kind of lie to these two.

Shoto pays a lot of attention to Kacchan and actually smiles when Bakugou calls Endeavor’s power a “rip-off” of Bakugou’s own explosion quirk. I guess he likes the chance to insult dear ol dad.

When Deku and Kacchan are both in a bad mood, Shoto plays supportive cheerleader.

He’s totally cool with the invitation.

He shows again some understand of (and criticism of) Deku.

This is where Todoroki comes to understand that Katsuki knows about his situation with Endeavor. Interestingly enough, while Deku is the one he told, he hasn’t shown any inclination to add more to that knowledge since the Sports Festival.

Deku shows some incredible understanding of Shoto’s mind here and supports his decision with Endeav either way. Shoto’s expression is astonished, as if he had never thought of his situation this way before.

He immediately opens up to Deku and Kacchan about Toya with Fuyumi’s help; once again, both know Shoto’s backstory.

He also reaches out to get the recipe from Fuyumi to give to Bakugou. Always the caring, considerate friend.

Presumably she doesn’t thank Bakugou too because he keeps insisting he totally isn’t friends with Shoto. Shoto looks so adorably embarassed here.

He’s solicited as a study buddy for Deku, and for now (until Friday) this is where we leave them. Jumping forward to save Natsuo.

So this retrospective on Todoroki’s relationships - Todoroki’s relationships only, from his POV alone - was interesting. And very informative, as it changed my perspective on Shoto’s character dynamics a lot. I hope you enjoyed, and let me know if there are any other characters you want me to do a Relationships retrospective on in the future.

#shoto todoroki #todoroki shōto #todoroki meta #todobaku #tododeku #todomomo #culture festival arc #pro hero arc #joint training arc #meta liberation army arc #winter internship arc

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flying-elliska · 5 years ago

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S5 Review pt.1 : the Good

Arthur season is over, time to analyze it as a finished story ! This meta in 3 parts will go over the good, the bad and the mindboggling. My general impression of the season : excellent beginning, very meh middle, interesting ending. In short : flawed but I feel people calling it a total disaster really are not making any effort to see it objectively. So ; let's dig into the why and how.

What I liked about this season :

A story made with and for Deaf people : It’s pretty evident when watching the interviews that Winona and Lucas really really enjoyed making the season and that it offered them an unprecedented level of representation. The creators obviously did their research, working with the people of the IVT. Personally I feel like I learned so much and the clips showing aspects of Deaf culture were among my favorites. It felt like a nuanced, rich, in-depth perspective, with details like choosing to get a cochlear implant or not, the testimony evening, the sign language class, Noee’s sign dance, the different ways to enjoy music, how to speak to someone who is Deaf, etc...showing that not everyone within that community has the same story or opinion, that they’re just people with their unique challenges but shared needs, as well as the really awesome culture that is part of being Deaf. It felt really respectful and a thousand miles away from the usual miserabilistic clichés - it brought up some concern about how difficult it is to be rejected/invisible in today’s society, but it was balanced with emotions like curiosity, admiration, and awe. I came to SKAM for the representation but I absolutely love getting educated about groups I’m not part of and I feel this is truly where the season shines. Learning from Deaf fans was also hella interesting.

A complex discussion about disability : A central plot point, and one of my favorites, was Arthur learning to overcome his (now internalized) ableism. We see that Arthur is an overachiever and this change in his life upsets this idea of the perfect life he has in mind. He repeadedly lashes out at the other Deaf people he meets, makes fun of sign language, underlines how he is ‘not like them’ at the beginning because he is still clinging to his own self image. We can understand where this comes from when we see how condescending towards any sort of weakness, and focused on performance over empathy his father is. But as he learns to meet actual Deaf people and see the diversity and beauty of the community, he learns there is no shame in that sort of difference and learns to stand up for himself and that was amazing to see. Another important part was Laura and Melchior’s inclusion and beyond being very funny, they highlighted the idea that although disabled people have different, sometimes competing needs, they also have things in common, and that deep wish of not being discounted/othered/excluded. All the disabled characters this season were complex, real people, not there just to teach others a lesson or inspire them or be pitied or the butt of a joke, and that is so sadly rare nowadays. Even though some bits did feel a bit like a PSA, I feel like overall it was very well done.

The politics of desirability : A theme running through the season is the idea that who we are attracted to is socially constructed and can really be biased by our prejudices. Alexia expressed this idea (albeit clumsily) in the bar scene early on, and this came back when she talked about her insecurities. This was also present in Laura’s insistence that disabled people have certain needs like everybody else. And finally, it’s present in Arthur’s own struggles - his fear of not being able to sleep with his girlfriend with his hearing aids, and his own difficulties in seeing what is happening with Noee and him saying ‘she’s deaf’ to the question ‘is she beautiful’ even as he is obviously into her. Our society gives us this incredibly narrow set of criteria for who is considered attractive - thin, white, able bodied, etc - but people’s actual real patterns of attraction and finding beauty are, when you set those prejudices aside, and see the beauty of people for who they are and not how well they fit a box, so much more broad and generous and diverse and I loved how this season highlighted that.

Technical excellence : God, the cinematography this season was absolutely off the charts, it makes me wish they could redo previous seasons with this amount of style. Shots like Arthur under the shower, or that party at the Asso with the blurry dancing, the shots in the pool, or the ones from the farm episode...INCREDIBLE. The sound editing was used sooooo well to put us in Arthur’s shoes, it was a wonder and I really felt how intense the change must have been for him because of that. And the acting is impeccable. You can really feel how well these actors know their characters by now, they have total mastery of their portrayal. Robin did an awesome job with tough scenes, but just...everyone was on their best game really.

A nuanced portrayal of abuse : Arthur’s relationship with his father was thouroughly heartbreaking, and it felt very real. I am very grateful that they didn’t try to redeem him - it’s important to show that even if you are trying your best, some people are toxic abusers and the best thing you can do is take your distance. I felt it right away, in the subtle way he was dismissing and belittling his wife and son, in the ways he was asserting his control over them, and I wasn’t surprised at all when more came out. It surprised me in the beginning that so many people were arguing that the father was caring, just strict - I feel like the signs were so obvious but I guess that’s the point. Abuse is a pattern that becomes visible over time and abusers can be perfectly charming and reasonable to people who don’t know what it’s like. Growing up with that is isolating and terrifying and it does awful things to your self esteem and your capacity to be in tune with your feelings. We can see that when Arthur basically defends his father’s actions because he is still so eager to have his love and placate him. Arthur’s behavior did not come from nowhere and it was inspiring to see him grow past that and realize he did not have to perpetuate the pattern and make his own choices. Also, his relationship with his mom was very sweet, supportive (her smoking weed with him was awesome) but complex - the way he was mean to her sometimes, condescending bc of her lack of studies ; the way she blamed herself for not seeing sooner - she must have been subjected to Patrick’s more emotional abuse, and so she will probably feel like she should have reacted sooner or known and that’s like...painful ugh. This whole thing was so raw and real. And it was incredibly important to see the nurse and her Jerome - adults, with medical knowledge - see Arthur’s situation and tell him that sometimes you just have to leave.

Highs and lows of friendship : Basile !!!! I was not a fan in s3 but the great aspect of POV shift is allowing us to see some characters through a different angle - even though I think Basile went through a lot of growth too. In Lucas’s season he was meant to be the annoying gross overly straight guy as a contrast - but for Arthur he is this devoted friend that is so open and sincere in his affection that his awkwardness comes off as endearing instead. You really understand why those two are friends : Arthur is smart, sarcastic, he can help Basile with social awareness and hype him up, but he’s also so painfully guarded and finds it hard to express emotion, I think, and it makes sense he loves Basile’s spontaneity and big heart. Meeting his grandfather was also so funny and endearing, as were all the marks of more physical affection he wasn’t afraid to show Arthur. I think having a friend like that is part of what allows Arthur to finally stand up on his own - whether against his father or deciding he needs to be single to figure himself out. As for the Gang in general, I loved the moments where they were all happy together (the early graffiti clip is truly one of the shining moments of the season for me) but their later spat is also quite understandable to me. I find it very realistic that although they are trying their best to accomodate their new friend’s disability, they’re going to mess up, that’s part of the process. The most important thing, I think, when faced with someone who is different from you, is to engage with it (respectfully) - ask questions, not assume. And communicate ffs. I also really liked those moments where the Crew and Gang came together, it gave this big end of high school vibe where all the squads merge and there is this feeling of having gone through an ordeal together that makes everyone closer. There were also so many funny moments that were absolute gold (the wheelbarrow ! the dinosaur balloons ! Imane getting attacked by chickens ! Emma and her horse! ).

Arthur on his own : I liked the more introspective moments we got this season. The successive alarms while he was angsting about his hearing coming back were such a clever way to put us in his perspective - there is already a lot of stress linked to a morning alarm, isn’t there ? We all know that moment in the morning where we don’t want to get out of bed and face the world, and taking that emotion and adding Arthur’s absolute stress at realizing that this change is lasting, it was really effective. Arthur’s link to water, as a symbol of another world where sound is much more diffuse, is quite interesting too. And the moment in last episode where he puts his glasses back on, too, as a more obvious sign of a disability that is very socially accepted and that is just part of who he is, just as his hearing loss is. We also got a moment with the bench of loneliness that was an interesting parallel with s3. (I love how the Buttes-Chaumont parc has become this double symbol in Skam France of both loneliness/alienation/putting on a mask and growth/return to authenticity.) And I like that he ended up the season single and deciding to figure himself out. It’s a big aspect of his character that he has spent too much time trying to conform to expectations and that he was super walled off as a result, that he hurt others without realizing, that he found himself boring, that he didn’t seem to open up to his friends, etc...and in the end he is a lot more open but he also knows there is a part of growth that being in a relationship cannot bring him. He can’t use women the way his father did. I respect that a lot, honestly, it’s what saved the end of the season for me, that they didn’t end up putting one girl above the other and made it about Arthur being lost and needing to find his way on his own.

The tornado and the sunshine : The new characters were awesome. Her role in the plot set aside, I really liked Noée as a character concept. I think Winona was awesome, and I liked Noée’s mix of warmth and feistiness. I like that they let her be angry at the way the world treated her, and compassionate at the same time. Also her headbutting that guy in the club that didn’t want to listen to her was !!! iconic. I loved her style, too, and that dance was so beautiful. Camille was a great addition to the team too, Arthur was lucky to find someone that patient and his dry humor but sunny disposition were great too. It was cute to see him with Mika as a couple of gurus - that we did get a Deaf/hearing couple was a good addition to the season, I think - and I hope we’ll see both of those new characters next season, too.

Queen Alexia : She was definitely one of the characters I had the most emotions for this season. She’s just so cool and her perspective on life is just so mature and interesting, her acceptance of herself and others so inspiring - a lot of the early clips with her were adorable. I loved how supportive she was in such a creative, playful way - that game she made for Arthur, the boards she brought, etc. The moments she talked about her insecurities, if bittersweet because of what happened later, remains one of my faves from the season. She was so beautiful framed by rainbows (also apparently that’s her sign name ? Amazing.) And the moment where she sings was just...oof. She was really brave and strong to be able to do that, to express her emotions and hurt in such a public, dignified and creative way. It was a moment of reckoning for Arthur, putting him on the spot and recognizing how much he hurt her, but it was done in such a graceful way - the way she signed to signal her acceptance of his Deafness, the reminder that she loves him and won’t be able to forget that immediately, and a rejoinder to recognize his feelings towards Noee, etc. She wasn’t perfect (organizing that meeting without asking really pushed it a bit too far - you can’t rush someone else’s self acceptance) but she was just ...really good.

Elu as an established couple : One of my biggest reproaches to s3 is that they didn’t give us enough fluff after all the drama (time constraints, I know, etc.) But this season they really delivered. And listen I know some fans love to blather about fanservice but fuck it, I just love seeing a healthy domestic queer couple on screen !!!! It’s just so bloody healing, because they feel real and in love like nothing I have ever seen on screen before. Maybe because so often straight actors are so awkward at playing queer intimacy and they’re really not. Seeing them in their new appartment was like a pure shot of serotonin - morning croissants ! fairylights everywhere ! but I also liked that it wasn’t too fluffy one note. We can still see that Eliott struggles with MI, that Lucas has some insecurities, but yet their devotion to each other is still as strong, as in “he’s my boyfriend and I love him.” It was a hopeful note throughout the season, Lucas being persistent and devoted all through the challenges of being with someone who is mentally ill. Also, I really liked Eliott’s role this season, as a sort of...provider for the Gang ? Getting them a van, bringing them to the cool graffiti place, making this fresque for them...you can feel he’s not 100% part of the gang because he’s older, already in college, etc, but at the same time he has sort of an observer role that can give them things no one else can. I feel like Lucas confided in him about the troubles they were going through and Eliott can empathize with being treated different, the fear of losing your friends...so Eliott helped them in his unique way, through art. And him having this new secret place he can bring more people to, and so full of color and sharing his art with people and !!!! God I’m emo he’s just my fave character ever really.

The pressure of the future : Listen the last year of high school in France is horrible, there is the pressure from the BAC + half the people are passing entrance exams and doing interviews for the stuff you want to do later and it’s so stressful and I’m glad they touched on that at least a little. Emma really embodied this theme this season, of the pressure of not wanting to know what you want to do later. It’s really when you realize that they’re all so young and being asked to make such big decisions for their entire lives is really sort of fucked up, and I think her being there is a way to dedramatize not knowing, and gives Arthur the freedom to see he doesn’t want to be a doctor ; I liked the apt comparison with Imane’s passion for medecine. I wish we’d seen more of Arthur figuring out his real passion (did he make that painting or what ?) but I appreciated this storyline.

Overall, I think this season was full of excellent moments - either funny, heartwarming, heartbreaking, or edifying - and it provided some much needed quality representation for the Deaf community. In that, and having educated a lot of people, it is at least somewhat a success. However, as a whole, it did not quite come together for me, which is what I will analyze in my next post.

#skam france #skamfr s5 #skam france meta #my meta #arthur broussard

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areeta9 · 5 years ago

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Hear me out: FGO, but with a late bloomer master

So I don’t know why this came to mind but I like the story potential of a master oc that hasn’t hit puberty by the time the Grand Order starts but does as time goes on. For the sake of avoiding the incredible awkwardness a female master would go through in Chaldea because they went from “a bra is not necessary” to “There is not a single shirt in existence that fully conceals my tits”, I’ll talk about my ideas for a male master.

So in the beginning, Mash finds a an elementary schooler asleep on the floor of Chaldea’s hallway. She wonders if a staff member somehow brought their kid, but notice’s that he’s wearing Chaldea’s master uniform. She wakes them up, they head to the orientation, the master falls asleep again, and Olga wonders why the hell there’s a child. He gets sent away but finds Romani is his room. Romani is like “Hey there little guy,” wondering why there’s a twelve year old here. He offers him his cake, which he accepts before corrects the doctor by telling him he’s 17, and one of the masters. It’s hard getting a regular part time job when you look the way he does, so he applied to Chaldea and got accepted.

Crap goes down just like in the game and the master and Mash come back from Fuyuki. The master starts summoning servants and every single time, any servant that comes through wonders why the hell were they summoned by a child. Nobody believes the master about his age until Da Vinci looks through his files and confirms it.

Life for the master is a struggle. He’s 4′9 and both the staff members and his servant habitually treat him like a child and often have a hard time taking him seriously. Because he has the physique of a grade schooler, he can’t lift anything heavy nor can he reach anything up high and often needs others help. The more mischevious servant bully him by putting his stuff on the top shelf and watching him struggle. Other servants have gotten into the habit of picking him up or just generally invading his personal space.

He has been trapped in a female servant’s marshmellow hell more times than he can count. He also has been forced into a lot of lap pillows. He has been forced to run from Medea when she wanted to use him as a dress up doll. Musashi was ecstatic when she was first summoned by him. Atalante get pissy when he stays up past 10. Nobody lets him drink coffee, let alone alcohol. Jack doesn’t even call him “Mommy”.

He forms a strong friendship with Hans because of their similar struggles of looking younger than they actually are.

At first he resisted and complained about this, but after awhile, he just gave up and went with it. He was used to this treatment back home, it wasn’t any different here, However, when he gets frustrated with his servants’ treatment of him, he has taken to hiding from them for a couple of hours and boy is he a hide and seek king. He can fit his tiny body in just about any corner of Chaldea and has become an expert at creeping around unoticed. Multiple times, the servants have had to have a caster scry where he was to find him.

Now, if things are really like this in Late Bloomer’s Chaldea, how do they have so many servants loyal to them? Two reasons:

Protective Instinct

His Hyper-Competence

Have you ever had the overwhelming feeling that you wanted to protect something or someone? That you just couldn’t leave them alone? That if you weren’t there to look out for them they’d get killed? That’s how a lot of the older servants feel about Master. The very sight of them evokes a parental/big sister/big brother instinct in them that they simply could not ignore.

This child is the one left save humanity? This one? He’s adorable, but how old is he? He can’t even reach the top shelf and you expect him to defeat demon pillars? Am I leaving then? Hell no! Like hell I’m leaving them to do this by themselves! They’ll get killed!

Perhaps it could even be said that some of them allowed themselves to be summoned because of this instinct. Raikou came in one ticket after all.

It’s a strange sight to see Mash call the “elementary schooler” Senpai.

However, allies and enemies alike are often caught off guard by his competence. The master has lived most of his teenage lives being underestimated for their looks, to compensate for this, they got good. They absorb information like a sponge and put it to practical use just as quickly. He once asked Robin and Geronimo to teach him how to trap animals. After one lesson, he caught, skinned, and cooked rabbits with no issue. The same thing happened when he asked Cu to take him fishing. They soon became proficient in first aid, riding, and climbing. His commands in battle became more confident as learned more about his servants abilities and developed better tactics. The enemy never expected the shota master to ignite explosives in the encampment by firing a flaming arrow with precise aim.

However, after Okeanos, Emiya and some other servants notice that their master is eating a lot more. They wonder where all that food is going as their master is a skinny little kid. In the following months and singularities they find out.

Their master hits a growth spurt. It starts off small. Master can no longer fit into some of his old hiding places. Then he starts hitting his head against low edges while in singularities because he’s never had to duck before. Then come the wardrobe malfunctions. He moves one way too fast and tears his clothes. He stops needing help to carrying stuff as his muscles grow. Slowly, his perspective on his servants change. He is no longer looking up at many of them. His female servants are now eye level with him but they will become lower as he grows closer to his male servants’ heights.

Despite all this, the master is so used to being small that he lacks awareness of the changes. He suddenly takes up more space, he’s bumping into everything, and his clothes don’t fit the same. This is where his male servants step in and show that they are truly his bros. It’s Lord El-Melloi that explains what’s happening to him. He relates to the issue because the same thing happened to him when he was 19. Romani redoes his measurements and gets him better fitting mystic codes. The others make a point to warn him of low cielings so that he doesn’t develop a concussion and help him avoid bumping into things.

By time the Grand Order is completed and they’re dealing with the Remnants, the late bloomer master has grown a whole foot taller. They’re 5′9, but that’s not all. Their features are more chiseled and because of their time travelling through singularities and regular visits to Chaldea’s gym, they are shredded.

Musashi and Atalante mourn the loss of his shota appearance. He overhears this and asks, with puppy dog eyes, if they don’t like him anymore. The look on his face draws huge blushes onto their faces. They eye say no before they hurriedly excuse themselves.

And thus was the struggle of every young female servants in Chaldea. When the master looked like a little boy, they had cuddled and coddled him without a care but now that he looked like, like that, many were having trouble even looking him in the eye.

The Master was used to his servants invading his personal space, so oblivious to their newfound struggle, he found himself in theirs. Where in the past, hugs, handholding, lap pillows, reception of forehead kisses, napping together, and grooming each other’s hair was acceptable, suddenly many of the female servants would blush furiously or refuse whenever the master requested them or just took them like he used to. Servants who had only known the master in his more adult appearance were less prone to this.

Mash of course, suffered the worse. She first realized her adorable little senpai was now a SENPAI when he ran about without a shirt on when they were trapped on a deserted island. Now she couldn’t even imagine helping him dry his hair or even hugging him like she used too. Every time they accidentally touched, she’d be unable to speak.

The master remained oblivious to this until one day, it sharply came to a head. Excited, he had leaned in too close while speaking to Jalter and the servant, blushing and embarassed, smacked him across the face impulsively before yelling at him and stalking away.

He looked like a kicked puppy, holding his stinging cheek when he approached Da Vinci and Mash about the situation. He didn’t seem to get along with many of his female servants anymore. Had he done something wrong?

Mash blushes. Da Vinci laughs and tells him he looks a lot different than how he used to. Let’s just say puberty hit him like a truck.

Confused, he asks one of the male servants. They say he’s turned into a good looking guy.

He returns to his room and looks in the mirror. He calls Kiyohime, who crawls out from under his bed.

“Am I hot?” he asks.

“You’re just realizing this now?” she replies.

Sorry this was so long

#master #oc #master oc #mash #writing #Fate Grand Order #fgo #fate go #sorry for the long post #fanfiction #fanfic #rant

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star-spangled-eyes · 5 years ago

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Dirty Mind: Part 1: Simple Man

This alternate universe fan fiction uses characters created and owned by Pixelberry Studios. Character names, descriptions and likenesses are owned by Pixelberry Studios. Some dialogue and events in Book 1 of TRR are property of Pixelberry Studios. The MC, Bragnae Bennett, and story is created and owned by this author.

Book: The Royal Romance (Alternate Universe)

Alternate Universe Theme: Drake’s perspective

Pairing: Drake Walker x MC (Bragnae Bennett – *pronounced Brawn-yah)

Warnings for this miniseries: NSFW, Adult content, suggestive and strong language, angst, sex (including character’s thoughts and innuendos)

Masterlist

A/N: I wrote this miniseries in the first person perspective of Drake Walker. It follows events in Book 1 of TRR, but not everything is as you’d remember it from the story. Some things have been altered to better fit this fanfic.

I really enjoyed getting into the brain of Drake, and I hope you like it too. He’s a stud, and I love his sexual, angsty mind.

There are THREE parts to this miniseries. They will be released tomorrow and the following day. Enjoy!

Word Count for this chapter: 8707

Permatags: @burnsoslow @cora-nova @dcbbw @thorfosterlove @emceesynonymroll @edgiestwinter @of-course-i-went-to-hartfeld @msjr0119 @notoriouscs @drakewalker04 @pedudley @desiree-0816 @choices-lurker @kingliam2019 @loveellamae @drakexnadira @flutistbyday2020 @indiana-jr @yukinagato2012 @i-bloody-love-drake-walker

My name is Drake Walker and I have a dirty mind. I know what you’re thinking. Of course I have a dirty mind, I’m a guy, right? Well, I have to concede that one for that very fact, but it’s more than that. To me, a mind consists of three major influences that can make it dirty.

First, are the things you wish you could say to people, but it wouldn’t be proper including the wide variety of curse words known to the world. Next, are all the crappy experiences in your life that muddy up your outlook. I can admit, I’m snarky, angry a lot and a real pill sometimes, but it all comes with the territory. And last but certainly not least is sex.

What an incredible experience. So incredible that it’s constantly on my mind. Countless dirty questions fill my brain like when is the next time I’m going to fuck someone, where will it be, what position will she be in? Oh, the thoughts are endless. Throw in a particular woman? You’re fucked — mentally. That’s me right now, in case you were wondering. More on that in a bit.

The female body is the most beautiful work of art that God ever created — of course there are exceptions. Like when a woman has a smoking hot body but her personality is so hideous that her sex appeal is lost. At least to me it is. There’s plenty of those around, but thankfully, there are some that surprise you. The ones that have it all — endless talent, sense of humor, dazzling personality, and such stunning looks that you have to pinch yourself to make sure you’re not dreaming.

My brain has been working overtime ever since she walked into my life. Well, butted into my life is more like it. And it’s been hell. Everything was just fine before she came along. Not great, but fine.

I live in the royal palace in a small Mediterranean country called Cordonia. I know what you’re thinking and no, I’m not one of those stuck up noble pricks. My best friend might be the Crown Prince, but he’s not one of those pricks either. If he ever tried to be, I’d damn sure call him out on it. I wasn’t born into this life with a fancy title or hundreds of acres of land in my name.

I was born to wonderful parents, who despite their status as commoners in the kingdom, made me feel like I was the richest kid in the world. Not by money, of course, but with life experiences and lessons only those who work hard for a living can impart to their children.

My dad was a part of the King’s Guard in charge of protecting the two princes before he eventually moved up to Head Guard watching over the King and Queen. He’s Cordonian, born and bred.

My mom stayed at home with me and Savannah, my younger sister. She was born in a small town in Texas in the United States, but stayed in Cordonia after meeting my father during a European college trip she took with her friends.

They fell in love almost immediately and were each other’s best friends. I’ve always looked up to them. Always thought how great it’d be if I could find that too. I often dreamed of meeting a beautiful woman who I not only was in love with, but we were as close as two people could be. Friends, lovers, partners. What a fulfilled life I’d live.

Of course, that meant I’d have to actually find a woman who was willing to put up with my sarcasm, moodiness, and the permanent scowl on my face. And to be honest, it wasn’t looking that great.

Back to the dirty mind thing — don’t worry, I didn’t forget. As I was saying, a dirty mind can develop over time as a result of many things. And I’ve been through a lot in the 27 years I’ve lived on this earth. Okay, fine. It’s not as dramatic and horrible as some people have endured, but I’ve had my fair share of shit thrown at me.

My dirty mind, in particular, consists of many dirty words. You’re listening, so you might as well get used to it now. I cuss... a lot. You would too if you had to hang around the palace every day dealing with snobby, rich assholes who think their shit don’t stink, and that it’s perfectly okay to treat people beneath them like undignified trash. These people have no idea what life truly has to offer. All they care about is their political status in the kingdom, and how they can make more money doing as little for it as they can.

As you can imagine, I have to keep a lot of my thoughts to myself. Unfortunately, you’re going to have hear them all. Consider yourself warned.

My dirty mind also consists of all the shitty things that’s happened in my life that’s left a bad taste in my mouth.

Remember my dad? Head of the King’s Guard? Yeah, well, he was killed while attempting to save the king during an assassination attempt. That sure was nice growing up without a fucking father. I was 13. A brand new teenager with raging hormones and in desperate need of a strong, male role model to keep me on the straight and narrow. It fucking sucked. My dad was everything to me. He was a friend, a teacher, and the best father in the whole world.

When he died, I had to step up to be the man of the house. Sure, my mother was strong — she’d always been strong. But she was having a hard time coping with dad’s death. Savannah was only nine at the time, and was made fragile by the sudden and horrific change in her life.

I didn’t want my mom and sister to worry or feel unsafe with my dad being gone, so I immediately filled that role. And it was fucking hard at first. There was no time for me to cry or grieve because I had to be strong for my family. I had to show them it was all going to be alright even though I had no fucking clue if that was actually true.

My dad’s partner in the guard was Bastien Lykel. He was a great guy. About half my dad’s age, but just as competent. He learned a lot from my dad, but also brought natural talent of his own to the table. Anyway, after we lost dad, Bastien sort of stepped in for us. Not that he ever tried anything with my mom or pretended to be our father — he knew better than that.

On his off duty time, Bastien would spend most of it with my family. He’d tell us stories about working with our dad and help mom with any chores around the house. As time went on, Bastien kept up with what he could, but got increasingly busy with work as he moved up the chain in the King’s Guard.

Mom never really got over dad’s passing. I don’t blame her. I didn’t either. I still miss him every day. But she handled it differently. Money was a real struggle after he passed. It was something she constantly worried about.

Liam, my best friend and prince of Cordonia, talked his father into letting us move into the palace. The king was more than happy to oblige. He was grateful for my dad’s sacrifice so that he may live, and must have noticed how we were struggling. It was kind, and not what I expected as a commoner.

I was 16 by the time we had settled into our new digs at the palace. Savannah was over the moon about it. She always loved hanging around the noble girls her age. She was into all that crap. Fancy dresses, gaudy jewelry, fake smiles. Not that she assimilated to them. Thank God for that. Despite adoring that pretentious life, Savannah remained down-to-earth and never forgot her roots.

It wasn’t long after that when Mom left to move back to the United States. Yeah... wasn’t that swell? Not even a full-fledged adult yet and both parents were absent. Dad died protecting the king, but mom straight up left us. Don’t get me wrong. I love her and will always love her. I know she had to do what she needed in order to deal with losing dad. So did I. But it was hell on Savannah and me.

Mom must have noticed we were strong and independent enough to live on our own. We had stable living quarters at the palace, and were well taken care of in regards to basic needs: food, warmth, shelter. So... she split. Went back to her family ranch in Texas. We talk on occasion, but there’s definitely more than an ocean that comes between us. Hopefully, someday, we can repair that disconnect.

Okay, now that you know a little bit more about me, let me tell you about this girl. Her name is Bragnae Bennett. I first met her in New York when Maxwell, Tariq, and I took Liam to the States for a guy’s only trip — a bachelor party of sorts. Liam would soon have to choose a woman to marry that would eventually rule at his side as Queen of Cordonia. This trip was meant to forget about all of that and have fun – just us guys. At least that was my plan.

On the last night of the trip, we stopped in a crumby bar for a late dinner and drinks. And there she was wearing a white collared shirt, black pants and a maroon apron ready to take our order. Listen, the first time she strolled up to our table, my jaw nearly hit the floor. Luckily, she was looking at the other two as she introduced herself, which gave me a chance to wipe the figurative drool from my mouth.

Long, silky black hair pulled into a messy bun on top of her head, naturally tanned skin, sparkling amber eyes, and delicious curves that would elicit an arousing response in any man. And it did. Maxwell and Tariq were just as captivated as I was, not to mention Liam, who stepped into the bar a minute later. Now it was her turn to be captivated. Of course she was. They all were.

Liam stood six feet and two inches tall – two inches shorter than me, I might add – and he was nothing short of a blonde Adonis. The ladies already swooned for him because he was the prince, but take that title away, and he’d still have no problem adding notches to his bedpost. With his ocean blue eyes and well-proportioned body, Liam was every woman’s wet dream.

So, you can see why Bragnae would immediately turn her attention to him as he made his way to our table that night. We enjoyed our burgers, drank a ton of whiskey, and all stole glances at the goddess that was our waitress. Then, Liam boldly asked her to join us after her shift was over. A part of me was more than happy to have more time to look at her, but a bigger part was annoyed.

Obviously, she was taken with Liam, so there went my chance with her. I never stood a snowball’s chance in hell with women when Liam was around. Yes, I can admit that the good Lord blessed me with attractive features. Brown hair that looked good at any length with eyes to match, a strong jaw line, and the ability to chisel well-defined muscles on my body certainly helped me get laid. It damn sure wasn’t my personality. But with Liam there? It was no contest.

You’d think it’d be easy for me to hate the guy, but I can’t. He’s my best friend. My brother. We’ve been friends ever since we were kids, and we’ve always had each other’s backs. I’d do anything for him, and I have. Dropped out of college, a life I was keen on living away from Cordonia, and came back to keep Liam company after an attempt on his life. I wouldn’t give up my own happiness for just anyone. There’s few people I care about in this world, and Liam is one of them. The rest can all fuck off.

So, as you can see, I put up with all the bullshit for him. He needs me. He needs someone to give it to him straight, to keep him humble, and to keep him safe from all the selfish vultures that lurk around the palace wanting more for themselves than for their Crown Prince.

So, when Liam showed interest in Bragnae, I had no choice but to back off. It was stupid as hell for him to get her hopes up for the one night. Then again, maybe that’s all she wanted. A hook up. From what I understand, none of that occurred. At least a kiss and maybe some light fondling if I knew my friend. But whatever transpired between them that night after they snuck out of the club together was enough to prompt Bragnae to make a life changing decision to temporarily move to Cordonia for the chance to compete in the Social Season to win Liam’s hand.

Ugh. The Social Season. Don’t even get me started on that. As if Liam didn’t already have a parade of ladies vying for his attention, the kingdom made it a season for the prince to choose his future bride.

And Bragnae accepted Maxwell’s invitation to take part in it. I have to admit. I lost some respect for her when I saw her climb aboard our private jet back to Cordonia. I thought she was just another crown chaser, but believe me, I didn’t think that for long. She proved me wrong almost immediately.

I won’t bore you with everything that’s happened since she arrived in Cordonia, for your sake – unless you want me to tell you how many pathetic times I stroked my dick thinking of Bragnae, wishing I was inside her instead. Don’t worry, I’ll give you the highlights though.

Obviously, I wouldn’t be telling you any of this if the damned woman didn’t mean something to me. With her being a suitor for the prince, I knew she was off limits. Maybe that made me want her more. I don’t know. But she was more than just a pretty face and a sexy body. God, the dresses she wears. I get hard just thinking about it. The way she elegantly walks into a room, swaying her hips in an unknowingly sexy way grabs my attention every time. I’m not the only one.

Being the exotic foreigner, Bragnae had captured the attention of many men and even some women with her alluring ways. She truly was the complete package. She knew how to have a good time, spoke her mind, and was gracious, even to those who didn’t reciprocate. And oh boy, did she give me the business. Still does. It’s like I’m her number one target that she attempts to crack. She always wants me to have a good time. What did I do to invite that kind of attention from her?

I’m quite set in my ways, but damn if she hasn’t already broken down some of my walls. I hate her for it. Okay, more like, I hate that she was able to do it. She makes me smile, damn it, and I’ve worked on this scowl for years. How could she do this in such a short amount of time? I’ve come to the conclusion that she’s some sort of temptress. She has to be. Someone with mystical powers of enchanting men, and bending them to her will.

Yeah, I’ve got it bad, but there were specific occasions that led me to believe she might also be into me as well. I know, I know. As I’ve already established, no woman passes up Liam especially for someone like me. So, I’m sure I’m fantasizing about this.

Aside from a few looks and smiles she had cast in my direction at the Masquerade Ball and derby, there were some instances that felt deeper. Like when we went to Lythikos, and that witch Olivia mocked me and my sister for no reason whatsoever except to be cruel. Bragnae stood up to her for my sake, which I wasn’t expecting. I hauled ass out of there wanting some fresh air and a chance to see a meteor shower. Low and behold, Bragnae followed me out.

We ended up having a heartfelt talk that came out of nowhere. I think this was the first time I really started to like her. I was attracted to her from the beginning, but it was when we were lying in a snowbank looking up at the shooting stars above us when I felt a twinge in my heart. I badly wanted to reach out to her, but knew that wasn’t appropriate. As the snow started the fall and we walked back to Olivia’s estate, Bragnae surprised me by slipping her hand into mine.

I instantly felt electricity from her touch. I was almost too stunned to speak. She told me it was for safety, but I could see the truth in her eyes. We had connected in that moment, and holding her hand felt right. There was no way I was letting go. So, we held hands until we reached the manor. Everything changed for me after that night.

Perhaps it was just me and my wishful thinking, but ever since we left Lythikos, I felt that Bragnae was intentionally getting closer to me – physically. It seemed she would find ways to touch my arm during a conversation or sit by me when the opportunity presented itself.

After the Royal Regatta, we went to the beach for a little fun in the sun. She insisted on rubbing sunscreen over my back. I protested only for appearances. Thank God only the ocean could see my face because I was having a hard time keeping my sanity as she rubbed her soft hands up and down my shoulders and back. It sent a shiver down my spine.

Then, she let me return the favor. God, it was amazing. I had a legitimate excuse to touch her… in public… and she was wearing a swimsuit. Up until that day, I hadn’t see more than flirty cleavage when she wore her dresses. She was so close to being naked that day that my heart nearly stopped. As I worked my hands over her back, my eyes traveled down to her glorious ass. Her cheeks slipped out a bit. As soon as I felt my dick twitch, I knew it was time to bail.

We jumped in the ocean soon after that. Seeing Bragnae dripping wet from head to toe quickly moved to the number one slot in my spank bank. The release I had later that day after remembering our shared touches, and seeing her so deliciously drenched by the ocean was amazing.

And just a few days ago, after we arrived in Applewood, it was my birthday. Liam told Bragnae even though I asked him to not make a big deal about it, damn him. So, Bragnae took it upon herself to organize a night out at a country-western bar in town in honor of my birthday.

If it was anyone else’s suggestion, I would have heartily declined, but I was curious what she had planned, and definitely wanted to see her in a bar setting with a cold drink in her hand. When we arrived, she took me up to the bar and got me a free drink. She chose whiskey – my favorite. She didn’t make me suffer with some embarrassing girly drink. No, she ordered my most favorite libation on the planet.

I let it slip that I thought she was hot, and of course she called me out on it. There was nothing this woman missed. Later on, we found ourselves on the dance floor, and of all people, she shimmied over to me. Even though I told her I was a rotten dancer, she delicately placed her hands on my hips and told me it was as easy as swaying to the beat. She smiled up at me with a glimmer in her eye.

I could chalk it up to it being my birthday, and that’s why I received so much of her attention that night, but the vibes I was receiving from her was more than a friendly gesture. And as if that night wasn’t already better than I anticipated, I willingly shared a sappy story about my childhood birthdays with her, which prompted an unexpected embrace from Bragnae. She pulled me in tightly, her breasts smashed against my chest and her arms clutching my back as she stood on her toes to hug me.

I was stunned for a split second before my brain told me to wrap my arms around her soft, warm body too. She smelled like a fucking angel – citrusy and sweet. It’s my new favorite scent.

You’re all caught up now. Maybe you see what I do, and maybe you don’t. Either way, I’ve got Bragnae on my mind constantly, and it’s becoming a problem. I even began calling her by her last name in an attempt to seem nonchalant and casual on the outside, when I’m really about to hulk out of my own skin because I want her so badly. Hopefully, she couldn’t tell.

I’ve been trying to hide it for the past month now, and it’s becoming more difficult by the day. I don’t want to tell her how I feel, even though I really do want her to know, it’s not right. She’s here for Liam, and that’s that.

It was the morning after the Apple Blossom Festival. Thank Christ that bullshit is over. Bragnae looked cute in her authentic peasant costume, but that was the extent of the excitement for that day. Now, it was time to blow off a little steam.

Liam was actually available this morning for a little work out before he had to attend a few meetings later on in the afternoon. It was nice to have this time with him. Liam had been my work out buddy since we were old enough to start using the gym equipment, which is why both of us are exceptionally toned and buff. I spend a little more of my time in the gym than he does – sometimes three times a day when I’m really bored.

“So, is your dad putting pressure on you to pick a particular suitor?” I couldn’t help but wish they were pushing him away from Bragnae.

“Yes, of course, he is. He and Regina both keep talking up Madeleine.” Liam continued his set of bicep curls.

“And what do you think about her?” I knew what he thought because I thought it too. Again, just hoping for his attention to be swayed to anyone but Bragnae. I focused on pumping up my own biceps as I waited for his response.

Liam gave me a knowing look through the mirror. “She wasn’t good enough for my brother, and she’s definitely not good enough for me. I hate that they’re pushing her onto me like this. I feel bad for her in a way,” he said as he returned the weights to the rack. “She was so close to becoming queen before Leo abdicated the thrown, and now she’s back to try again. It’s pathetic.”

I loved when he was candid with me. He knew he can trust that I wouldn’t repeat his words. That’s what best friends are for. Support and total discretion. “She’s passionate at least,” I laughed thinking about her desperate need for the political spotlight.

Liam wiped his face with a towel. “Passionate for the crown, maybe. But me? It’s all a fucking show. If she’s chosen, I doubt we’ll even fuck. She hasn’t once tried to kiss me when we’ve had moments alone. All the others have. I don’t even think she likes men.”

All the others have. I shuddered at the thought of him being with Bragnae. I hoped to God they hadn’t had sex yet. I haven’t quite figured out what type of woman she was in that regard. What I do know is that she’s smart and adventurous. She dresses provocatively, but with a certain elegance. Who knows if she’s promiscuous or not?

I’m torn on the topic. I love a bold woman who knows what she wants and takes it. It’s nice when a girl comes with experience, but she’s also not just giving it away to anyone who asks for it. If that’s how Bragnae was, I would be happy to know that. Still, I couldn’t bring myself to ask Liam if they’ve gone that far. We’ve talked about sex plenty of times, but this was different. It might be too hard to listen to Liam tell me about how she was in bed. It’s something I’d rather find out for myself.

“Yeah, Madeleine stands out to the masses, but definitely not your style.”

Liam took a swig of water. “I’ll tell you, though, I really like Bragnae.”

Fuck. “Oh, yeah?”

“Drake, she’s amazing. She’s not only beautiful, but she’s insightful too. I feel like I can tell her anything. The people seem to like her, the press too. I’m really hoping my father and Regina give her a chance.”

Damn it. He really likes her. Am I fucking surprised? No. She is amazing. No doubt about that.

“What do you think of her?” Liam asked.

How do I answer this without making it sound like I really like her too? “I think she’s great. She doesn’t seem to have her head in the clouds like most of these women, and she’s genuine. You know that’s always something I can appreciate.” Okay, that was good. Very Drake of me to say. I think that was good enough and wouldn’t blow my cover.

“I’m glad you agree.” He said, taking a seat on one of the benches. He looked down at the floor with a smile on his face. “That body. She’s so fucking hot. I wish I could spend more time alone with her. I hate the fucking tight schedule they keep me on.”

I blew out a slow breath of relief. Sounded like he hasn’t gone all the way with her. Normally, at this point, he’d be boasting about his opportunity to be with her, but instead he was pining over it. But how long would it last?

“Yeah, I can imagine how rough it is.” They pull him in every direction they can. I wish he’d just tell them to shove it up their ass once in a while. “You’re the prince, man. Do what you want.” Why the fuck am I encouraging this? I hate myself.

Loud music was suddenly audible through the walls alerting us both. As we left the gym, Liam and I walked down the hall to a room where the door was cracked open a bit. Liam pulled it open the rest of the way, and halted in his tracks.

I noticed a stunned look on his face before I saw what was happening inside the room. I stepped up to the doorway, next to Liam, and saw Maxwell leading a choreographed dance flanked by Hana and Bragnae. My mouth fell open in shock as my eyes poured over Bragnae’s body.

She wore a hot pink sports bra top and black spandex leggings that were glued to her skin. Kevin Rudolf’s Let it Rock blared over the speakers as they danced in sync with each other. The beat was fast paced and lively. I actually liked the song – even more so now that I watched Bragnae dance to it.

She moved with ease, spinning, dipping, twirling in rhythm with the song, and it was mesmerizing. The way her hands explored her own body so seductively made my dick jump. Oh, fuck. She just bent over. Now, she and Hana were slowing it down, mirroring each other as they slowly dropped to their knees on the floor. Pumping their bodies on the ground and thrashing their long hair from side to side. Within seconds, the ladies slowly rose again.

I glanced at Liam briefly to see his reaction. He was enthralled, just like me. I was rarely jealous of Liam, but this was definitely one of those times. Not because he was the prince, and not because Bragnae was one of his suitors, but because he could watch her now – unguarded. He could look at her without suspicion as to why he’s fucking her with his eyes.

If anyone saw the way I was watching her with insane hunger and need, they’d think I was a creep or an asshole for gawking at one of the prince’s suitors. How I wished I could look at her openly the way I wanted to. So much of my life nowadays was kept in secret because so much of my life was consumed by Bragnae.

I had no idea she could dance like this. It was like watching a strip tease, without the stripping of course. God, I wish she was taking off her clothes, too. Damn it. She was confident in her body as she thrusted her pelvis to the beat three times. And there went my dick again. I had to readjust because the pesky thing wouldn’t stay down. I was wearing athletic shorts. Thank God they’re black. My hard-on won’t be as prominent.

The song came to a close as the girls ended in a pose with their backs arched and an arm stretched above their heads. Maxwell did his own pose, not that I gave a shit about how he looked. My eyes were trained on Bragnae. My heart raced and I was breathing quickly all of a sudden. I hadn’t realized it until now. I wanted an encore… bad.

Liam started clapping, which got their attention. Fuck. I wasn’t ready to be exposed as an onlooker yet. My dick was still hard.

“That was phenomenal,” Liam said as he made his way over to them. The room they were dancing in was quite large. It was a multipurpose room used for collective work out routines such as their dance and whatever else the royal family wanted to use it for.

I watched Bragnae as she spun around to face Liam with a surprised expression. Apparently, despite the few times she turned around in our direction, she hadn’t noticed she had an audience. Then, her eyes focused on me. A brief smile crossed over her lips before she looked away. She was embarrassed? Why? That was unbelievably hot. If I could hit replay somewhere, I would.

My dick finally gave me a break, so I walked into the room to where they were standing.

“Are you three practicing for a show that I’m unaware of?” Liam asked with a sparkling smile.

Maxwell laughed. “Nah. The girls just wanted to work out in a fun way, so we put together a flirty routine. You know me. I’m always up for dancing.”

“Yes, and it was incredibly exhilarating!” Hana said with enthusiasm, albeit a bit breathless. “I’ve never danced like that in my life. My mother would have a heart attack if she saw that.”

Yeah, I bet she would. That dance was pure sex.

“And you, Lady Bragnae? Do you dance like that often?” Liam asked politely, but I knew he wanted to see if there’d be a repeat performance in the future.

We were both thinking with our dicks in that moment. And I couldn’t blame him. I was still in awe of what I just witnessed, so I was perfectly fine letting Liam speak to satisfy both of our curiosities. I did my best reconnaissance when I observed with my eyes rather than inquired with my mouth anyway – usually because my words would get me into trouble.

Bragnae nodded as she finished taking a long drink from a water bottle. Her chest glistened from the work out, and her quick and heavy breaths pushed her breasts out every time she inhaled. Goddamn. I raised my gaze to her eyes again in an effort to keep my dick out of the matter. No need to awaken him again. Not until I could at least be alone.

“I dance recreationally like this from time to time, but I’m not a part of a crew or anything. Just for fun.” Bragnae offered up a dazzling smile as she regained control of her breath again.

“I asked the other ladies if they wanted in on this, but Kiara declined saying she was too good for it. Penelope always mimics Kiara’s responses, so she was out. Madeleine acted like she didn’t even hear me when I asked, and Olivia said, and I quote ‘dream on, home boy’.” Maxwell shook his head and chuckled.

Liam extended his arm to the three of them. “Well, why don’t we all walk next door and grab a protein shake. Drake and I just finished working out as well.”

Hana’s face lit up with excitement at the suggestion, and Maxwell put some equipment away before he started for the door. I waited until Bragnae agreed before I turned to leave the room. I was sure Liam was waiting to walk next to Bragnae as they left the makeshift dance studio, so I wasn’t even going to try.

It was convenient for me that Liam also enjoyed working out, and considered it as much of a hobby as I did. That meant that as we got older, the gym equipment got better and there was a small protein stand built into the estate. Here at Applewood and back at the palace.

I made it to the counter first. With chocolate and vanilla protein powders as options, they also offered a few other flavors as add-ins. I would shake it up from time to time, but my favorite was chocolate-cherry. I placed my order with Jean, the middle-aged woman that worked the counter, and stepped back for the others.

Maxwell ordered a chocolate-banana, Hana got chocolate-strawberry. Like I guessed, Liam and Bragnae strolled up a minute later in a slow paced walk. He offered for her to order ahead of him, but she declined so she could look at the options. Liam asked for vanilla-strawberry, his favorite.

Bragnae stepped up to the counter. “May I have a chocolate-cherry, please?” Jean nodded, and turned away to fix the drinks.

I looked down to conceal my smile. She ordered the same thing as me. I knew she had good taste.

“Drake? Here you go, honey.” Jean placed my shake on the counter.

I walked up to retrieve it. Bragnae was still standing there when she looked over at my drink. I removed the wrapper to the straw Jean had set next to the cup, and pierced the plastic lid.

Bragnae’s eyes met mine as I smirked. “You ordered the same thing as me, by the way.”

She beamed. “I did? Well, we have good taste.”

“That’s exactly what I was thinking.” Before I could think of what to say next, Jean had placed the other orders on the counter. I got out of their way and walked to a nearby table. The others joined me along with their shakes.

“You know, ladies, you’re welcome to work out in the gym, too, if you want. Here and back at the palace. I’d be happy to show you a thing or two if you need assistance.” Liam, the ever-willing prince. I chuckled at his invitation. This was guy code for, I’d love to see more of you in your tight clothes while working up a sweat. And then maybe we could take a shower together afterwards.

I knew my best friend, and I knew myself. We were both thinking the same thing. However, I doubt that comment was intended for Hana even though she was also beautiful and beyond talented in almost every capacity.

“That’s nice of you to offer, Your Highness,” Hana said before taking a drink.

“We got quite the work out in today. Full-body. Do you guys do that every time you’re in the gym?” Bragnae asked. She looked to Liam and then to me.

Liam had just taken a swig of his shake, so I answered. “Nah. We break it up. Today was just arms and abs.”

I kept my gaze on Bragnae as her eyes shifted down the length of my arm. She had her elbows on the table holding her shake up just below her chin. Her fingers absentmindedly moved the straw in and out of the lid as her eyes locked on my bicep.

I know I shouldn’t have, but I knew she was impressed, so I clenched my fist and flexed my bicep for a split second to gauge her reaction. I smiled inside as I saw her lightly gasp before taking a drink and looking away.

“Ooh, Bragnae, we better get going if we want to shower before the next event,” Hana said looking at her watch.

Oh, nice. A shower. Are they going to shower together? That’s what Hana made it sound like, or maybe that’s what my dirty mind wanted me to hear. Either way, picturing Bragnae naked in a hot and steamy shower was definitely an image I wanted to fill my mind with. If Hana happened to be showering near her, that’d be okay too. But I’d prefer to be in there with Bragnae instead.

“And what is the next event for you ladies?” Liam asked.

Bragnae and Hana stood from the table, prompting the rest of us gentlemen to do the same. “We are having tea with the queen. All the ladies are expected to be there and on time.” Bragnae emphasized the last part with a different inflection in her voice and widened eyes.

Liam laughed. “Yes. It’s best not to keep her waiting.”

“Oh, I know. If I’m late for another event, Bertrand will give me a very stern talking to for ‘besmirching House Beaumont’.” Bragnae spoke emphatically, and teased Maxwell by pinching his cheek.

“You and me both,” Maxwell told her. “Now, get going, so Bertrand stays off both of our asses.”

Bragnae laughed and waved before turning to walk away. My eyes traveled down to her magnificently presented ass. There should be a standing rule that Bragnae always be in tight, spandex leggings when she wasn’t wearing a dress. Jesus Christ, she could stop traffic. And I’m getting hard again. Time to go.

“Alright, I’m going to get cleaned up as well. I’ll see you fellas later.”

The next day was the traditional fox hunt for the royal party. Our ancestors used to hunt fox for sport, but today, the event only retains its name. Good thing too because I bet over half of these so-called nobles had never even held a gun, let alone knew how to use it.

This was actually an event I was happy to be a part of. We had to ride horses across a three mile trail through the woods and a bit of the mountains. This was my forte. Growing up with a mother who lived on a ranch in her youth, I was practically raised on a horse. I got up early and headed to the stables to pick out my horse for the day before the fussing nobles ruined the experience.

Since Lonestar, my mother’s horse, was at the stables near the palace, I had to find a different steed. Natalia was always my choice when we came to Applewood. We got along well, and she was better for more experienced riders anyway. She liked to run, so I thought I’d take her out to the field before the fox hunt to stretch her legs a bit.

After she was saddled up, I hopped on, and led her out to the field to trot, being sure not to tire her out too much before the trail ride.

Before long, the nobles had assembled and the fox hunt had begun. I was at the end of the procession, but I led Natalia to the sidelines, so we could pass a few people. There was no way I was going to be stuck behind Penelope while she was telling her hundredth story about her poodles that morning. Plus, I wanted to find Bragnae.

After seeing how she ogled the muscles in my arm, and not Liam’s, I figured it was time to stop playing this game. I needed to start being nicer to her, and explain myself. She deserved that. And out of all the people I wanted to be a prick to, she wasn’t even on the list. So, it would end today.

As I made my way through the trail, the crisp air was refreshing. The woods surrounded the manmade path. It was beautiful, save for the bickering nobles. I shook my head in disgust at them. It was a shame they couldn’t appreciate what was around them. Just shut the fuck up, and enjoy the ride.

I finally saw Bragnae up ahead. She was on a black horse – oh, wait, that was the horse who won the derby. Huh. I wondered how she happened to possess her. Bragnae was riding alongside Hana who was showing her some sort of dressage move. I smirked thinking about Hana’s plethora of talent.

I wasn’t going to intrude on their moment, so I kept my pace and position in hopes that Hana would ride off eventually. My patience had paid off as Hana rode ahead a minute later. Now was my chance.

I squeezed my legs around Natalia and gave her a slight kick with my heels to give her the sign to trot ahead. When she approached Bragnae and her horse, I pulled back on Natalia’s reins to keep up with Bragnae’s horse.

“Hey, Bennett. You look nice.” She did, too. She managed to find a rider’s outfit. A maroon jacket and tight, brown pants with knee-high boots.

Bragnae pulled back in surprise. “Wow. Opening with a compliment, huh? You feeling okay?”

I chuckled. “Yep. Just fine.”

“I’m surprised to see you out here today. I would have figured all the nobles would have repelled your desire to join us.”

“This is actually something I love doing. Riding horses, I mean. And it’s entertaining to watch the stuffy nobles fuss over their blazers. It amazes me how much they’re missing what’s around them, though.”

“Is that why you’re smiling more today?”

I couldn’t help but smile again as I looked at her. “It has more to do with who I’m riding next to.”

She feigned a surprised gasp, complete with a hand over her heart. “A second compliment!”

“If you’re lucky, you might get a third.” I loved bantering with her. It was always fun.

“Oh, then let me find a four-leaf clover really quick.” She winked at me with that dazzling smile I liked so much.

I sighed giving Natalia a couple pats on her neck. It was time to be honest with her. I needed to explain why I’d been such an ass to her. “You know, when we first met, I wanted to dislike you so badly.”

Genuine surprise highlighted her face. “Why?”

“Well, you were crashing Liam’s bachelor party. That was supposed to be our last night out together before all this nonsense. I don’t get to spend much time with him, and now, I’m lucky if I get to spend five minutes with him before a noble girl throws herself in front of him.” I also didn’t want to like you because I knew I couldn’t have you. Wish I could tell her that.

I looked over at her to see a somewhat pained expression. “Sorry. I didn’t mean…”

“I knew what you meant.” There was compassion in her eyes. Thank God. The last thing I wanted was her thinking I was insulting her in any way.

“Anyway, I know we got off to a bad start, but somewhere along the way,” I paused to gather my courage, “…things changed.” I hope she could read between the lines.

“I wanted to dislike you too,” she replied.

Now it was my turn to be surprised. “You did?”

“Well, yeah! I mean, you were a total dick to me.” She turned toward her horse, stroking its mane. I was a complete dick to her, and I hated that I did that. “But now…”

“Now?” My nerves were making my hands shake. I gripped the reins tighter as I waited for her response.

“It took time, but I figured out that you’re actually human under all those scowls.”

I shook my head as a smile crept over my lips. She wove a joke into her reply, and it was the cutest damn thing. Now the air was cleared, and it felt good. “Well, this has all been touching, but I need to rescue Liam from his family for a couple minutes. I’ll see you later.”

“I hope so,” she grinned.

Damn, that went well. I heeled Natalia again to get her to trot towards the front of the procession.

Soon, the trail led everyone to an old village where we would all have dinner. I was starving and very much looking forward to eating the giant feast. As everyone got in line to be served, I saw Tariq and Bragnae talking just ahead of me. His body language suggested that he was into her. I knew from the bachelor party in New York that Tariq was attracted to her, but he hadn’t done much more than mention it at the time. Not that I saw anyway.

As I moved forward in the line, I watched Liam trade places with Tariq. His body language was even more obvious. Liam had it bad. I could easily recognize when he was really into a woman, and there was no mistaking it here. But the stakes were even higher this time around. Liam was looking to pick a bride, a future queen. I didn’t know if he was in love with her, but he’d been much more preoccupied with her than any other girl I’d seen him with.

Later that evening after we got back from the ride, I helped the stable hands corral the horses and take their saddles off before I headed to my room. It had been a long day, but despite the length of the ride and being outdoors all day, I wasn’t ready to call it a night.

I needed to see Bragnae again. For some reason, I felt that I didn’t get my fill of her today. Then again, I felt like that every day even when I was with her. Maybe she’d like to go to the gym with me for a late night work out. Would that be too obvious that I wanted to spend time with her?

I decided I didn’t give a shit about that. Some of her signals made it seem like she was into me, so maybe she’d be happy to come along. I changed into a razorback tank top and athletic shorts and made my way to her room. I hoped she wasn’t asleep yet or otherwise busy. Her room wasn’t too far from mine. Liam made sure of that. At the beginning of the Social Season he had asked me to keep an eye on her. At first, I was unsure about it, but that quickly changed. If anything, I was grateful that I had an excuse to be hanging around her.

I came up to her room, and the door was wide open. Does the woman not enjoy privacy? I peeked my head in the door frame searching the room with my eyes before spotting Bragnae straddling the floor, resting on her knees. Her hands pressed against the floor in front of her as she slowly moved up and down.

My eyes nearly bulged out of my head. What the hell was she doing? She was still wearing her riding pants, but had removed her blazer and took her hair out of the bun it was in, and cascaded it over one shoulder. I was frozen. Only my eyes could move.

Bragnae’s eyes were closed, and I watched as her full lips transformed in what looked like agony to relief. It was incredibly erotic to watch her in this way. My dirty mind pictured myself underneath her. I wouldn’t mind at all if she wanted to ride me like that. Seeing her now made it easy to imagine her legs squeezing my hips as she felt every inch of my dick inside her.

My hardened and impatient cock brought me out of my trance. I needed to make my presence known before someone noticed I was just standing in her doorway watching her like some fucking pervert.

“Need a hand there?” Fuck. That was my dick talking. Why did I say that? Fuck.

Bragnae’s eyes snapped open, and an embarrassed smile crossed over her lips. “Hey, Drake.”

“Whatcha doin’?” I was genuinely curious.

Bragnae slowly stood up. “I was just stretching. It’s been a while since I last rode a horse.”

Hmmm. Could that also mean it’s been a while since she’s ridden a man that way? I know if she rode a stallion like me, she’d be sore. No getting around that. Her inner thighs would strain to hold onto me as I would thrust into her over and over again making her come so hard she’d struggle to breathe after her screams of pleasure finally subsided.

I cleared my throat to push the thought out of my mind. “I ride pretty regularly, so I’m used to it by now.”

“What are you doing for the rest of the night?”

I’d love for the answer to be you. “I was actually going to head down to the gym, and I was going to ask you if you’d like to join me, but I guess you probably don’t feel up to it being sore from the ride.”

“No, I can still go,” she said immediately with a smile. “Just give me a minute to change.”

Wow. Cool. So, she doesn’t mind working out even as sore as she is. I didn’t want to get too excited, but I was pretty sure it was because of me. At least I hoped so.

I nodded after processing her response. “Yeah, sure. I’ll just be outside.” I closed her door behind me, and leaned against the wall.

My heart was starting to race again, and butterflies fluttered in my stomach. I took a couple deep breaths to calm my nerves. After another minute, her door opened and Bragnae emerged wearing an electric blue sports bra top, similar to the one she danced in, and black spandex leggings to match. Her stomach and lower back were completely bare.

My dick took over again. It was making my eyes get lost in her body that was standing so close to me that I could feel the heat between us. I had a sudden urge to tuck the tip of my finger just beneath her waistband, and roll it across her pelvis, undoubtedly making her tremble. My gaze traveled up to her top where the most spectacular cleavage I’d ever seen peeked out.

The tightness of her outfit pushed her breasts up and together. If I wasn’t mistaken, I was pretty sure she had pulled that zipper in the front of her top down even more than it had been the other day. She was flirting with her clothes, and I was completely onboard with that. If she only knew what her outfit was doing to me.

Thank Christ my brain woke up in time to save me from myself as my eyes returned to hers. “Shall we?”

#TRR Dirty Mind Fanfic #drake walker #drake x bragnae #trr drake #trr fanfic

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whocalledhimannux · 5 years ago

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TBATD Chapter 21 Note

~spoilers abound~

So here’s the thing about this ending:

I’ve had it planned from, essentially, the moment I came up with this AU.

I’ve been second-guessing it since that moment.

My personal struggle with this chapter (and, to some extent, the previous three) is because the focus of the plot shifts somewhat--for most of the fic we’ve been firmly with Katara, on how she adjusts to her life in the Fire Nation and her relationship with Zuko. And now the culmination of the plot is essentially on Zuko becoming Fire Lord and Aang becoming the Avatar--which, to be fair, is what happens in canon, too. In my version, Katara also doesn’t technically win her fight with Azula. And up until literally five hours ago, she didn’t fight Azula, because I assumed that Aang would go into the Avatar state in a rage the moment Katara was threatened with lightning, and I was concerned that reducing Katara to a healing role was kinda sexist. Then my dumb ass remembered that I established earlier in the fic that Aang actually does have legit control over the Avatar state in my fic because he’s been working on it for ~two years and it’s totally fine for Katara and Azula to have more back-and-forth until Aang decides to step in.

SO. My worries about internalized sexism have been somewhat assuaged, but I had already written out a shit-ton of meta about this ending so I’m just going to keep at it. Basically I dithered over this for months, but the fundamental ending never actually changed. Every time I tried to think of alternate endings, I came back to the real catalyst for this fic, which is Iroh’s insight from The Old Masters:

Even if I did defeat Ozai--and I don’t know that I could--it would be the wrong way to end the war. History would see it as just more senseless violence, a brother killing a brother to grab power. The only way for this war to end peacefully is for the Avatar to defeat the Fire Lord…Someone new must take the throne. An idealist with a pure heart and unquestionable honor.

I mentioned this way back in my first chapter note; when I sat down to write this fic, I decided I wanted to change the established world as little as possible. I wanted Katara and Zuko to have all of the issues with each other they had in canon. I wanted the essential position of the Fire Nation and the South Pole to be the same. I wanted their friendships and familial relationships to be the same. I even tried to keep Zuko’s field trips! And I wanted Iroh to still be right about the politics of this slightly altered world.

Throughout the fic, I’ve touched on the ramifications of Iroh’s decision to kill his brother, in his relationship with Zuko, in Azula’s response (albeit hidden until like… now), in the Earth Kingdom and Water Tribes’ perception of the Fire Nation, and a little bit in the Fire Nation’s perception of him as a ruler. Basically, he’s not trusted, nationally or internationally. And while Katara is, in my canon, very very well-liked, there are still some political limitations for her as a princess. So she can’t fix it until she’s Fire Lady--and she can’t be Fire Lady until her husband is the Fire Lord. Hence, Zuko becoming the Fire Lord takes a little bit of the focus in these later chapters.

Annnnnd then we get to the other part of Iroh’s statement, which is that the Avatar needs to be the one to end the war. Yeah. I think, if anything, that’s even more true in my fic than in canon. Think about it from the POV of, say, an Earth Kingdom general: “So, you’re telling me that they’ve had five Fire Lords in the last ~10 years, the first one died under mysterious circumstances after conveniently elevating his second son to the throne, the second one was killed extrajudicially by his brother, the third one was also accused of killing his nephew and abdicated to the fourth, who was then accused of being behind aforementioned assassination and was then usurped by the fifth one in a brawl that’s apparently totally legal by their standards… and I’m supposed to trust these people to be my friends?”

Somehow, I can’t see that working out. But the Avatar stabilizes things. The Avatar brings balance to the world, and is a neutral third party who can truly broker the peace… if and only if the people recognize his authority. Aang, in the world of this fic, disappeared for a hundred years, came back, died, came back again, and has been dicking around for two years while the adults solved all the problems. In canon, the world needed Zuko to be a good Fire Lord and Aang to be a fully realized and respected Avatar in order to achieve a true peace, and I felt that this fic needed those two things too.

I know that, since Aang didn’t appear for a big chunk of this fic, it might seem like a bit of a cop-out, but… I always felt energybending was a bit of a cop-out in canon, too. Sure, it makes sense when you know the broader context, but there was verrrrry little foreshadowing in the show itself prior to the series finale–and least for this fic you had the foreshadowing of canon!

Yes, that does mean that Katara doesn’t WIN-win the agni kai in this fic, but tbh I don’t know if she has to? Something I appreciate about Katara’s growth in the show is that, in Book One, her waterbending abilities and her access to combat instruction are really her main hangups… and then they’re not. From Book Two on, she is recognized as an unquestionable waterbending master and one of the most competent benders in the world, and she feels comfortable in that role--her conflict in the remainder of the show is more about her personal relationships and her “dark side,” so to speak.

The agni kai is a fitting end for her storyline in canon because it happens during the comet, when she should be at a massive disadvantage. Take that away, and like… yeah, Katara beat somebody. What else is new? I don’t think she has to prove her worth in this universe. She’s been living in the Fire Nation, which is comfortable with female fighters and doesn’t assume she’s weak… and she’s been earning a reputation as a total BAMF for the last couple of months.

Katara’s conflicts in this fic have been on those other insecurities: whether bloodbending is wrong, if her anger or resentment are justified, how she fits into this new home, how she connects with her old one, her relationship with Zuko. So the fact that she has showed up, that she’s publicly defended the nation, that she risked her life to save Zuko, those are all things she gets “credit” towards and things that wrap up her main character growth. Katara ending this fic as an incredibly popular Fire Lady with a strong, stable marriage is a win from my perspective.

BONUS: this was my favorite ending for Azula.. I am working on a follow-up fic that will follow Azula. I’ll be upfront with y’all in saying that it is not finished and will not be up for a few months, at LEAST. (The reason I was able to update this fic every two/three days is because I spent four months writing it w/o posting a word.) I always kind of wished we’d seen Azula’s breakdown drawn out a little more in canon, and I was reeeeaaaaally pissed when I saw how Azula was treated in the beginning of The Search. When I considered Azula’s end in this fic (and how she might progress in a follow-up fic), I thought long and hard about what rock bottom would really look like for her, specifically what kind of issues she might be dealing with instead of the generic “craziness” that is treated pretty terribly in the comics, and what recovery would look like.

I think being without her firebending is unquestionably Azula’s rock bottom. Her identity as a prodigy means everything to her. From her perspective, she’s never really been loved by her mother or her uncle or Zuko–it’s all been Ozai, and his love has been predicated on her success. In canon, she got a glimpse of how easily Ozai would turn his back on her, and that’s her real breaking point; in this fic, she never got that, so while she has been dealing with grief in a pretty terrible, unhealthy way, her real breaking point is the loss of The Thing that ties her to her father.

But I think that also offers her the best chance for true recovery and redemption, because it strips her of the delusion that she is perfect and untouchable and doesn’t actually need love. Azula defines herself by her success, and what is she without success? She would say nothing; Katara, Zuko, et al, would say you’re still a person, actually, still a human being deserving of respect and love and forgiveness. My version of energybending and recovery is going to be a bit different than how it plays out in LoK, because Selective Death of the Author, and I think her recovery of her bending in my way will parallel her recovery in general quite nicely.

So. that’s a lot of meta for an ending I changed halfway through. I have spent so much time thinking about this fic and it’s truly been a joy, even when it’s been a pain in the ass. Thank you all so much for sticking with me.

#tbatd

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theliterateape · 4 years ago

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Why Can't We Just Share the Last Slice of Pizza?

by Don Hall

I had the first TV dinner in possibly forty-years a few weeks ago and it was kind of incredible.

Sure, it was a Hungry Man® chicken and mashed potatoes concoction and had more sodium than a bucket of sea water but it was still oddly delicious and covered in a gravy comprised of nostalgia and gluten. I didn't buy the frozen tray in a cardboard box. No, my wife has, in the pandemic, taken to rebranding her self as a 'resource locator' otherwise known as a 'dumpster diver.'

It sounds odd but I'm convinced that when the Second Great Depression takes hold, I'm married to the most resourceful and extraordinary partner on the planet. She finds brand new shoes, genuine Shriner fez's, and food. Cans of food thrown away. Expired bags of pretzels. And still-frozen TV dinners.

The nostalgia of consuming this marvel of the fifties, the fully-prepared dinner, ready to heat and eat in front of the television comes from my youth. In terms of economic status there were times in my earliest days when we were 'poor'. Now, mom wouldn't let us use that word to describe our situation. She preferred to say we were 'broke'. That distinction was my first lesson in reframing your perspective to fuel optimism.

Whichever it was called it was common practice growing up to eat TV dinners and mom would cut each portion in half (even the weird lava-like brownie or apple-crunch) so we had a meal the next day as well.

When we couldn't afford a Swanson-manufactured meal, she'd make what she called 'Spanish Rice'—Minute rice, a green pepper, tomato sauce, and Tabasco—another rebranding that certainly made this odd and rough cultural appropriation seem both unsavory and about as white as it could be.

Mom worked hard. My recollection was that she was often working several jobs and doing the best she could to keep us in clothing and food with a roof over our heads despite the fact that the minimum wage at the time was $1.60. She also had a way of reframing things so that, at no point, did we feel like we were missing out on much.

On top of that raising me could not have been easy.

We moved around a lot so I was always the new kid in school. Even with teachers and administrators, there is a tribal imperative to put the new members in their place, establishing the rules of behavior and assigning the slot for the newest members. I was never much of a conformist so this dance of going along to get along didn't take. All of which made my struggling mother's life one of battling the powers that be to protect her less than socialized monkey-son.

There are stories. The time I was forbidden to speak in class so I drew pictures of a butt and a butt pooping to silently curse some kids out. The incident of my failing to stay put during classes and finding escape routes during lunch that caused an epic battle as the Vice Principal decided to ban me from the Free Lunch program out of pique and spite. The summer when I was caught beating up Cub Scouts because they wouldn't let me join due to my mother's financial inability to buy me the requisite uniform.

There's an image I have in my head of my tiny mother almost coming to blows with a much larger woman because the woman called us "poor white trash." We were white but my mother wouldn't abide her children embracing the twin ideas of us being poor or being trash.

“No, Donald. You cannot just eat the last piece of pizza. You need to learn to share.”

In Chicago there's a thing called 'dibs.'

Sometimes it snows big and the streets are plowed but the parking spots are all but obliterated by small mountains of snow. The diligent among residents get their shovels out of the garage and clear out the snow from in front of their homes so that they will then have a place to park. They have done the work, so they feel entitled to the benefits of that labor.

The problem lies with those who do not shoulder in and remove the snow yet still feel entitled to park on public streets that they, after all is said and done, have paid for with their tax dollars.

Thus 'dibs.' The shoveler decides to put a lawn chair or card table or statue of the Virgin Mary in the spot they have labored over so when they come home from work, the spot has been saved for them and them alone.

It all sounds silly until you look at from an economic perspective. There are more cars in Chicago than there are legal places to park. It's a fact. The demand for spaces is greater than the supply. Parking tickets cost drivers thousands of dollars a year and the 'ticket dicks' are as numerous as the homeless. When it snows and the plows come through there are suddenly even less spaces than there were the night before.

Given the city will clear the roads but not the curbs the solution for half the population is to carve out their own space and the other half parks wherever they can. Those who take the spots but do not shovel are capitalizing on the labor of those who do and it pisses them off.

“No, Donald. You cannot just eat the last piece of pizza. You need to learn to share.”

I was thirteen. I was growing. I ate like a fucking locust with the table manners of the Cookie Monster. There it was—the last piece. I wanted it. My sister was small and weak. What was she gonna do?

“Offer your sister the last piece.”

“…do you want the last…”

“YES!” she barked and shoved the whole piece in her mouth.

“That’s NOT FAIR! We coulda split it! That’s not sharing, that’s theft!”

That’s Capitalism. Cut throat. Haves and Have Nots. It is simply not in human nature to share. In all of recorded history there has always been, in every society and civilization, when approached with abundance, a small percentage of those at the top and a much larger percentage at the bottom. Call it what you want—winners and losers, the One Percent and the Ninety-Nine (great name for a prog rock band), Bourgeoisie and Proletariat—it all amounts to the same dynamic.

It occurs to me that in the fight to get people fired from their jobs for tweeting arguably terrible things the double standard in place is exceptionally capitalist. On the ‘cancel culture’ side is the idea that people should be held accountable for their words in the world and, if they cross the line, then employers should fire them. On the other side, these same people will scream that an employer who decides that a kid wearing the costume of his culture or using grammatically incorrect language cannot be fired.

Both are individuals putting themselves and their ability to express themselves at the center of a business that has little to do with the individual. Everyone should have the right to their own specific identity as they see fit but no one should have the right to exert themselves above a business that pays them a salary in order to center things on them.

It’s frustrating. Economic class is the true great divider in the world. Because it is so ingrained in the human experience to live with those who have the cash and many who do not, economic class seems an unassailable unfairness. It’s an immovable and undeniable trait in societies of every stripe.

The landlord who leverages herself to get loans to buy an apartment building, fix it up to be livable, and rents it out to people has shoveled the snow. The tenant who claims it is unfair to be evicted from that apartment building because they cannot pay the rent is parking wherever there is a spot.

And it pisses everybody off.

No, it is neither race nor gender that is the engine of inequity. It’s almost entirely economic class.

Since the existence of class is so ever-present and unmoving, we focus on other things to change society. The battle to curb billionaires has never really taken hold despite the obvious problems they present. So we focus on race, we focus on gender. We spend our energy ignoring that most of inequity that exists between humans is about economics and find as many differences between those of us on the Have Not side as we can.

Why is it so hard to get rid of billionaires and that pernicious One Percent? Because we all want what they have. We all want the last piece of pizza and the parking space. We all want the luxury of luxurious things. We resent the things we'd have to do to get that luxury so instead we tear at anyone and everyone to gain whatever slice we can.

No one wants to shovel out that goddamned parking space. Trust me. In thirty years of living in Chicago, I shoveled tons and tons of snow to get that coveted spot. I never did the 'dibs' thing but I empathize with the fury at someone taking that spot I've labored over.

Study after study indicates that it is economic class that holds us back far more than race or gender but the road to power is through a perception of grievance these days and the only evil when presenting poverty as the problem is human nature. Men and women can be demonized. That game has been around for-freaking-ever. African Americans can demonize whites (but not black Americans because African immigrants in America do, on average, far better economically than whites). We can go the People of Color vs White People but, in order to make that case, Asians have to be ignored or made white-adjacent.

No, it is neither race nor gender that is the engine of inequity. It’s almost entirely economic class. Not that acknowledging that will change anything.

The utopian ideals of Socialism and even Communism sound better than Capitalism. The problem is the humans are built from the DNA to compete. Compete for resources, for sexual partners, for jobs, for shelter. Competition is as instinctual as our desire to procreate and Capitalism is a competitive sport. Throughout history, progress toward learning to truly share that slice of pizza is slow because it goes against our very nature. Not impossible and thus worth the effort but fucking S-L-O-W.

A friend recently posited that maybe I have gained some wisdom in my aging. He then switched and decided that maybe what we think is wisdom is just age plus exhaustion. Whichever it is, I have learned to share. I've also learned that in order to share, I have to assume my offer of the last piece of pie is going to be taken and stuffed into my sister's mouth. I can be wounded by the gesture, I can even be annoyed by it. I have to let it go.

I'm comfortable with the concept of enough. Meaning, if I have enough to share, I have enough to survive. Even if it's only enough of my mom's Spanish Rice.

There will be those, always those, who are so imbued with the need to compete that there is never enough. There will be those, perpetually those, who have not had enough and are willing to tear it out of the mouths of those who have.

And there will always be those, unendingly those, who are fine parking in the open spot knowing that someone else put in the work and not caring enough about anyone else that they take up the space and benefit from the labor without contributing.

On the best days, I don't run into them.

#Class

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moonmint58 · 4 years ago

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Somerset Activity & Sports Partnership

Females Training Bursary Limelight 2

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Troon Hockey Club Junior Club Trains: Shona, Tracey, Catherine, Karen, Connie And Claire.

It Can Enhance Your Life.

While the number of female footballers has grown hugely because time, it has not necessarily been matched by females relocating into coaching, yet Signeul can see that altering. As somebody that has been in charge of ladies's football teams for 40 years and is still going strong, few people are better put to speak about the progression of females in coaching functions than Anna Signeul. The programme aims to assist women to navigate profession challenges and maximise their occupation capacity. It builds individuals' feeling of neighborhood as well as their ability to trainer each other. It also opens up communication channels between these groups as well as the organisation which can allow favorable systemic modifications. Join us for a night with Kate Oldridge as well as Lucy Widdowson - Leadership coaches specialising in creating females leaders. They will certainly use an interactive strategy to check out charlatan disorder as well as look into the typical barriers facing females in the modern office and also offer services to support breaking through these barriers.

What are the 3 main coaching styles?

There are three generally accepted styles of coaching in sports: autocratic, democratic and holistic. Each style has its benefits and drawbacks, and it's important to understand all three.

I have actually come out of this experience a calmer, a lot more kicked back, less fiery leader. I 'd advise Lynn and also her group to any person requiring knowledge, understanding and the individual tools to do a great work. To successfully coach females who are at, or coming close to, this leading side implies matching them with a trainer whose qualifications likewise enable them to be an important thought-partner.

Troon Hockey Club Junior Club Trainers: Shona, Tracey, Catherine, Karen, Connie As Well As Claire.

In collaboration with sportscotland we remain to offer the Females in Coaching Programme. The focus gets on ladies trains leading coaching in a range of club atmospheres. Delegates will have the ability to experience a secure group mentoring setting with other likeminded women. This program is structured in such a way that you can focus on what is most important to you and also your scenarios.

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It is both organized and strategic, aiding you establish perspective, greater emotional knowledge, and better total psychological versatility. We are a training service that concentrates specifically on women that wish to redefine their variation of success. We are experts in emotional knowledge, durability and also confidence.

It Can Improve Your Life.

It appropriates for any females who want to advance their careers, are undergoing change, desire even more self-belief, confidence or assertiveness or simply time out to reassess and re-evaluate their values, objectives, function. The courses themselves allow for development of skills but additionally a meeting of minds. " Having access to the most current mentoring techniques as well as application, access to analysis is actually interesting," claims Signeul, that is also a UEFA technological observer and also technical teacher. " The opportunity to network with other instructors is a truly important aspect of the diplomas. That is where I have my sounding boards." The Finland head trainer has actually been preparing her side for the big UEFA Women's EURO qualifying game with Scotland-- a team she led for 12 years and understands very well.

UA women offer sophomore first Power 5 home - Arkansas Online

UA women offer sophomore first Power 5 home.

Posted: Sun, 17 Jan 2021 08:29:10 GMT [source]

UK Sporting activity is identified to see better variety across the high-performance neighborhood as well as this program will certainly concentrate on seeing more females at the top end of high performance. Trains, alongside professional athletes, go to the heart of our high-performance neighborhood and we securely believe that a more diverse mate of extremely competent coaches will certainly assist more of our Olympic and also Paralympic professional athletes realise their potential. Leadership, profession and also exec coaching for organization specialists. We know as well as value the outcomes achieved through respectful listening. This training constructs higher self-awareness and also confidence in your very own leadership. It helps you depend on yourself and your own design of leadership better, integrating strenuous reasoning as well as instinct, as well as valuing difficult and soft data.

Our trains come from diverse histories with knowledge in a variety of specialisms. They bring an extensive understanding of the value and also point of view ladies bring to the office that allows them to incredibly support women leaders. We take fantastic treatment in matching women leaders to their coach, consisting of chemistry calls with 2-3 recommended trainers so that the females leaders can choose their ideal thinking partner. We additionally use eventually imaginative coaching programs on a regular basis in Leeds and Manchester for women that intend to be aggressive, tactical and enjoy an extra effective and also satisfied life. Mikaela Jackson is an individual efficiency train as well as devoted champion of females who aspire to be the most effective variation of themselves, develop success by themselves terms as well as live a life they like with positive impact. https://hemel-hempstead.trusted-coaching.co.uk/women/ can be through sharing instances of finest practice, experienced coaches supplying tips as well as recommendations to striving instructors, or just being able to relate to others and also get in touch with your peers.

Who are the top life coaches?

50 Best Life Coaches in the WorldNo. 1: Christian Mickelson. Business Coach for “Coaches” No. 2: Susan James. Human Potential Coach. No. 3: Esther Hicks. Law of Attraction Coach. No. 4: Bob Doyle. Law of Attraction Coach. No. 5: Cheri Huber. Zen Coach. No. 6: Bob Proctor. Money Coach. No. 7: T Harv Eker. No. 8: Aryana Rollins. More items•

, bespoke freelancer as well as company training and also mentoring for female company owner or particular programs and webinars to improve strength. Recent readily available data shows that although 85% of all primary teachers were women, simply 73% of main headteachers were women. In addition 63% of all additional teachers were female whilst simply 38% of secondary headteachers were females. This information shows that women are under-represented in management positions, specifically at secondary degree. The DfE's National Coaching Pledge welcomes all leaders to make a voluntary pledge to instructor aspiring women leaders. Females Leading in Education and learning is aimed at supporting ladies into management functions, via growth chances, sharing of good technique and access to a range of valuable sources.

Women to Work concentrates on ladies's advancement, both 'into' the office and also 'within' the workplace. Training can be helpful in a range of scenarios; to sustain service startups, to help enhance performance at the office, to sustain job life equilibrium, to assist somebody with their profession. trusted coaching Women business coach Richmond is packed with essential features can be utilized in family circumstances, with young adults, with people experiencing difficulties in life and also in details areas such as training or sales. This is for senior women in the work environment to supply a private space to share, show as well as prepare their management method. We additionally trainer aiming women leaders to assist them accomplish board or collaboration positions. General training has been widely helpful for me as a reflective space where I'm able to evaluate previous experiences, what I did and also what I wanted I had done, as well as informing how I would certainly do points in a different way in the future. I feel I have an entire brand-new 'internal resilience' that will remain to expand and offer me in the future.

Coaching women through unplanned pregnancies - The Catholic Spirit

Coaching women through unplanned pregnancies.

Posted: Wed, 13 Jan 2021 21:37:19 GMT [source]

Whether youre a brand-new or seasoned coach, or are just interested, were below to sustain you on your coaching trip. The Rugby Football Organization are pleased to introduce the new coaching and also monitoring team that will lead the England Pupils Women's program via to the 2021 Celebration of Globe Cups. You have what it takes to make an adjustment in your life, occupation and business. Book a 15-minute phone call to figure out how a management train can help you in your career. Mentoring females leaders is necessary since it can boost their self-confidence as well as partnership to function, which can be two of the obstacles that stop women from getting to management settings in the first place.

#women coaching #coaching service women #women business coach #women coaching uk #coaching service women uk #women business coach uk

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amandaoftherosemire · 6 years ago

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A Lost Hour

Fandom: Marvel Avengers AU

Pairing: Natasha Romanoff X Reader

Characters: Natasha Romanoff, Steve Rogers

Author: @amandaoftherosemire

Rating: Mature

Word Count: 2,807

Format: One-shot

Warning: Language, fluff, implied smut

Summary: On a mission alone with Natasha Romanoff, you try to keep from annoying her as you hide how much you adore her.

A/N: Written for @buckysforeverprincess’ Hop Into Spring 3K Challenge. Congratulations on 3000, darling!! You’re amazing and you deserve all the love and adoration! My prompt was “Don’t forget daylight savings.” Writing reader inserts is like exercising my brain (second person is not second nature, that’s for damn sure) because I like to make them as neutral as I can. Except, since I’m female, I tend to write from that perspective, which means that all of my reader inserts have been fem!reader. This time, I wanted to stretch my brain in a new direction, so I wrote as neutral as possible, including gender. Please feel free to let me know what you think, including ways I failed. I’m always trying to do better and learn more, so I’m absolutely open to criticism.

A Lost Hour

Natasha watched you out of her peripheral vision from across the motel room. You were standing at the other queen bed unpacking, laying out everything you’d need for the mission the next day, your movements brisk, economical, and lethally efficient for all you were humming what sounded like ‘Hollaback Girl’. Nat appreciated that when it came to the work, you were a silent, stone-cold professional. She would put you at her back any day of the week, her highest compliment.

That said, when you weren’t actively on a mission, you never seemed to stop making noise. If you weren’t talking, and somehow you never ran out of things to talk about, you were humming, singing, muttering, laughing, or just making weird noises with your mouth. If she was the sort who gave in to such things, you could have her literally climbing the walls like the spider for which she was named.

To be fair, it wasn’t that the noises were in reality all that irritating. No one else seemed to notice, for instance. If she was being honest, she wouldn't classify the sounds you made as irritating at all, really. What drove her crazy was that they made it impossible for Natasha to ignore you, though she'd never had that problem before.

She couldn’t quite put her finger on what made you so compelling to her. It wasn’t your looks, though she thought you incredibly attractive. That would never have been enough to capture her attention on its own, however. She’d used her own for both good and evil often enough to know how little beauty truly counted. The fair of face couldn’t catch her eye.

Though she most often pretended to ignore you, sometimes she put on that she found you annoying in order to insist that you be quiet. As a matter of fact, she found your voice, the sounds you made, too appealing. She had to concentrate to tune you out, her ear seeming to naturally tune itself to the timbre of your voice.

She also found your little rants funny, though she groaned as loudly as anyone when you started in on one. You had any number of random little pet peeves and there was no way to know when someone might inadvertently step into one in the course of normal conversation. When you got going, however, was when she found it most difficult to resist the urge to kiss that chattering mouth. Lately, it had only gotten worse.

Because though she could see that you found her physically attractive, she was almost certain you didn't really like her. She was painfully attuned to the tone of your voice and could hear it was often a touch colder when you spoke to her than when you spoke to any other member of the team. You were warm and pleasant with everyone, so it wasn't as though you were mean or rude even then; only Natasha would ever notice the difference.

She refused to let it bother her, but it made it easy to pretend she didn't like you right back.

Once she'd finished the double-check that she had what she needed for the mission in the morning, she repacked everything as it had gone in except for her night clothes and her toiletries bag. You had long since moved on to flipping through the channels, your preparations for the mission less meticulous than hers, though you were hardly sloppy or haphazard. You were still humming under your breath, but you were unusually quiet and she was having a hard time placing the melody.

You were watching Natasha out of the corner of your eye, trying to keep the humming to a minimum. You knew it drove her crazy and you were trying not to irritate her on this mission. You'd been half in love with her almost since you met her. You hated that you annoyed her, but you also couldn't change who you were, so you tried to stay as quiet as possible when she was around.

You'd hotly anticipated and deeply dreaded this mission. Any time you spent with Natasha was nerve-wracking, but an overnight mission, just the two of you sharing a motel room seemed like a recipe for disaster. Disaster for you, at least. You doubted Natasha would even notice you unless you irritated her by talking or humming too much, or if you fucked up your part of the plan.

You, on the other hand, were going to spend the next 24 hours on pins and needles, trying not to give away how absolutely magnificent you thought she was. Sometimes you went too far in the opposite direction, but it was better than her knowing you spent most of your time in her presence internally sighing dreamily

Obviously, she was beautiful. You had eyes; you could see she was gorgeous. You were no more immune to her appeal than the next person. That said, it was her strength that you found most captivating. In addition, you respected her competence and efficiency and you had a nice healthy fear of her lethality. You weren't frightened of her, but like a razor-sharp blade, you didn't take her bite lightly. Her capacity for loyalty had surprised you, but only until you got to know her. Her humor charmed you, made you wish you didn't annoy her because you found her hilarious.

Of all the things about her that made you wish you could at least be friends, however, it was the sweetness laying close to her bones. She hid it well but, where she cared, she was kind and deeply loving in her own quiet way. On more than one occasion, you'd had to start ranting about something stupid to cover for the puppy-dog-eyes you'd been giving her.

When she settled onto her bed with her tablet and a bottle of water, you spoke softly. "Do you want to pick?" you asked as you offered her the remote. "If you leave it up to me, I'll end up watching the crokinole championships on ESPN Twelve like a lunatic."

Natasha frowned a little and lifted puzzled eyes to yours. "What in the world is crokinole?"

You laughed and flipped back to the channel airing the niche game's championship. "Fuck if I know," you replied and settled back against the pillows with a grin, "but in about twenty minutes I bet I'm going to have a whole lot of opinions on technique and strategy."

A half an hour later, both you and Natasha were watching the classic dexterity game with rapt attention, discussing the ongoing bracket as though you'd been following the game for years. You'd looked up the rules on your phone, not that you really needed to. The point of the game was absolutely clear once you'd watched for even just a few minutes, but the Wikipedia page clarified some scoring questions the two of you had.

"Oops, he left a hanger," you were saying as Natasha's phone rang, Steve's number lighting up the screen. You snickered when you saw the picture she'd used for him; it was some promotional shot from the 40s when he was being used to sell war bonds and he had the dumbest cheesy grin on his face.

You loved that she teased Steve in this way, taking potshots at the public persona, the piece of propaganda rather than the private man or the real symbolism of the shield. Steve was one of those she cared about; you always enjoyed watching their dynamic at play.

“If he can pick up the twenty and knock the other guy’s puck into the gutter, I think he’s won it,” she replied as she swiped the screen. She’d gotten as into the game as you had, the two of you finally bonding a little. She didn't notice because she was answering the phone, but you were caught in full-blown puppy-dog-eyes mode.

You sat in silence, watching her smirk at Steve and assure him that she had things well in hand while you grinned at her like exactly what you were, a moron with a desperate crush.

“You’re on speaker if you’ve got anything to tell us both,” Natasha turned to focus on you as she hit the button on the screen. Her eyes met yours, warm and full of fun, then rounded ever so slightly in surprise at the lovesick smile on your face. For the first time, she wasn’t seeing any coolness or reserve in your eyes and she wanted it to never stop. She smiled timidly back at you.

“Just stay safe, watch each other’s backs, and don’t forget about daylight savings.” Steve’s voice snapped you out of it, made you aware you were being stupidly obvious in the way you were staring at Natasha. The smile on her face was almost shy and sweet and was making your heart gallop like a thoroughbred. You latched on to the last thing Steve said like a lifeline.

“Ugh! I hate daylight savings!” You fell backward onto the bed with a groan of annoyance, partly to be dramatic, but mostly to stop looking at Natasha. “Especially Spring forward. You know the whole thing’s pointless, right? It doesn’t even do what it’s supposed to, and some think it’s actively detrimental. But no, we keep doing it because we’re stup��"

“I’m on it, Cap,” Natasha cut you off with a good-natured chuckle as she got up to sit next to you on your bed. She patted your knee affectionately as she finished the phone call and hung up. You propped yourself up on your elbows and watched her, nervous but oddly excited.

Natasha had never been this friendly before.

“I thought you didn’t like me,” she said quietly. This evening with you, learning the intricacies of a game neither of you had heard of before, had seduced her in ways she’d never thought to expect, let alone guard against. The uncomplicated adoration she’d seen on your face as you looked at her gave her the confidence to speak bluntly.

“No!" you cried, distressed that you'd made her think so when you thought so highly of her. You gave her a sheepish smile and ducked your head. "I know I can be annoying,” you said, wrinkling your nose. “I don’t want to irritate you by scampering after you.”

Her mouth curved and her eyelids lowered in an expression both earthy and ethereal. Your heart skipped and you knew you were in way over your head. “You’re not irritating or annoying,” she said. When doubt flickered across your face, she felt a pang of remorse. “You’re distracting,” she murmured.

“Distracting?" You frowned a little, not sure if that was a compliment or not. "Is that good or bad?” you asked, a little breathless. The look on her face was making your heart race.

“Well," she said softly, and leaned in ever so slightly. You were painfully aware of every movement she made, and your breath caught in response. "That depends." You had seen her flirt for work; this was nothing like that. Her eyes were direct, her body language straightforward, and you would swear that she was trying to be as honest as she could.

"On?" you prompted and sat up. You and she were face to face now, but neither of you moved, though you were both practically holding your breath in anticipation.

The corner of her mouth lifted in the slightest of smiles, your eyes following the movement with meticulous care as you waited for her next words with a heart pounding in desperate hope. "On if I'm trying to ignore you," she replied, her smile spreading and her eyes turning surprisingly shy. "I tend to ignore that which I don't think I can have. Or whom."

Her eyes seemed to sear into yours, the dreamy green going sharp as jade. You shifted forward a fraction of an inch, your hand twitching towards hers before you stopped it, terrified to overstep and fuck up this exhilarating conversation. "And I don't know how to shut up, especially when I'm nervous."

Natasha wasn't smiling now, but you had absolutely no idea what she was thinking, her expression inscrutable. "I make you nervous?"

You gave a quick, disbelieving laugh. "Have you met you?" You didn't know why, because she hadn't moved, but you started to feel like she was leaning away from you. You kept talking, because you were terrified you were fucking this up, and you always talked too much when freaked out. "Between your strength and skill, oof, and your mind, you'd be the most intimidating woman on the planet. Add in the humor on top of everything else and you're spectacular. I'm astonished whenever I manage not to babble."

By the time you managed to shut yourself up, she was smiling again. You didn't know it, but she had thought you were going to start yammering on about her physical appearance and nothing was more likely to make her dismiss someone as not worth her time. Marks underestimated her because of her looks; she didn't waste her real self on marks. Instead, you were charming her with your chattering about how intimidating you found her, not her face. "So, you're telling me I don't need to ignore you."

"Not if you don't want to," you said, making her smile wider with your earnestness. You went on, shy yourself this time. "And if you don't mind if I babble."

Wasn't this a pleasant surprise? she thought. The discovery that you found her as appealing as she found you was the best thing she'd learned in a while. She decided to live a little and tell you the whole truth. "When you babble, it makes me want to kiss you."

Your eyes popped open and your mouth spread in a wide smile. You didn't know what had led to your good fortune, but you weren't going to question it. You licked your lips and your heart kicked when her eyes followed the movement. "Even when I babble about something stupid, like daylight savings?" you asked, audibly breathless.

She smirked a little. This time it was she who eased forward a little, causing you to sway toward her without thinking. She was close enough now that you could see the flecks of gold in her eyes and her mouth was close enough that you imagined you could feel her breath on your skin. That tempting mouth curved in amusement. "Especially when you babble about something stupid like daylight savings.”

"People think it's for farmers," you immediately launched into anything you could remember about why daylight savings sucks and is stupid, but you were barely thinking about the words coming out of your mouth, "but that doesn't make sense in a modern era with electric ligh--"

Natasha laughed, which had you slowing down, delighted to make her laugh out loud for the first time. She'd tell you later that she laughed internally at the things you said all the time. For now, you were simply enthralled at the sound of her laugh when you inspired it.

You didn't stop talking, however, until she took your face in her hands and stopped your words with a soft, almost tentative kiss. Slowly, gently, you slid your arms around her, pulling her close as she melted against you. She slid her arms around you in turn, enchanted by the soft generosity she found in your mouth, in your arms.

A long time later, she pulled away reluctantly, only to sink back in with a chuckle at the misty-eyed look of awed adoration you gave her. Silent and smiling, you'd been struck speechless and so opted to let her have her way, happy to follow where she led.

The next morning at 5:00 AM, according to the phone buzzing next to the bed, and 4:00 AM according to your body, Natasha leaned across you to turn off the alarm. When it was quiet in the impersonal dark of the motel room once more, she snuggled back down under the covers, her arm sliding around your waist as she rested her head on your shoulder. You smiled at the ceiling, delighted by the sunset cloud currently tickling your nose.

"You're right. I hate daylight savings," she murmured.

"See!" you whispered hotly as you cuddled close, delirious at the feel of her satin skin sliding against yours and incensed that you were going to have to give it up soon. "If not for daylight savings I’d get to spend another hour in bed with you. It's fucking stupid." That was as far as you got before Nat was rising over you in the dark to press her mouth against yours again.

For the first time in either of your careers, you nearly missed a mission because of daylight savings.

The End

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