#im keeping with it for the letters but i really dont like the rest. feels like “omg look at what i can do”

[artisanalpeanutbutter]

Started reading a book I've been looking forward to for a while and idk how I'm feeling about it tbh. Feels like the romance is moving too quickly but at the same time the characters are so clearly lonely that it makes sense.

Aside from that, I don't like much outside the actual correspondence aspect? Like, the parts that aren't letters just don't capture me. I find myself caring little for the characters when they're not writing to one another because of how purposeless those sections & their actions feel. I think they're supposed to feel purposeless but they feel purposeless & too self-congratulatory.

[dumbslvtforethan]

✁ THE DINER. ethan landry

inspired by "THE DINER" by billie eilish.

warnings: stalking, obssesion, posessive, no smut just plot343 words

navigation

𐙚 mdni!! ↓↓ 𐙚༘⋆ೀೀ

"DONT BE AFRAID OF ME, IM WHAT YOU NEED." That was the note slipped under your dorm door. You assumed it was from your so-called stalker, as your friends would tell you whenever they saw the notes he left. At first, they were things like, "I know we're meant to be" or "You're starring in my dreams." You leaned down to pick up the note when your roommate, Mindy, stopped you."No, Y/N, enough. Seriously, this stalker stuff is getting creepy.""Oh, don't call whoever this is a stalker. Look, it's nothing."Mindy picked up the note and read it. "Don't be afraid of me?? Is that what you call nothing? For me, this is sounding a bit Ghostface-like." She looked at you with judging eyes. "Come on, we're going to be late for class."You grabbed her arm, leaving your dorm. In front of Mindy, you pretended to brush it off. You knew she'd freak out, but in reality, you were also scared, terrified.

"So, how's stalker boy?" Tara asked while you two were walking to the lunch table."Tara, I'm starting to get scared," you said, stopping in your tracks."Trust me, it's nothing. Plus, think about it, someone is obsessed with you.""Yeah, you're probably right." You both sat down with the rest of the group."Hey guys," Chad said, smiling."Hey, where is Mindy?" you asked. She was the only one missing."Oh, she forgot her pen or something. She'll be back in a bit," Anika said. That was technically true, but Mindy was actually looking for more notes or letters from your stalker. An envelope was attached to the fridge, marked "From: Stalker Boy." Mindy yanked it from the fridge and tore it open.In the meantime, you were sitting next to Ethan. You two were never really close; you'd only talk because of Econ."Are you okay?" he asked, putting his hand on your shaking leg."Yeah, I'm fine, don't worry." You smiled sweetly, turning to face him, and he smiled back."Hey, I'm back," Mindy said, eyeing you. You stood up from the table and went to talk to her."Stalker boy wrote you a letter.""Wait, a real handwritten letter?"Mindy nodded. "Well, that's... weird.""Finally, you came to your senses. Anyways, I destroyed it.""Mindy! That could've been evidence.""Yeah, no, I don't think 'you could be my wife' is evidence." You both chuckled.Ethan was watching from the table, reading your lips. Knowing you knew about his letter just made him more aroused.

Later, you got ready to go to a random Halloween frat party someone was hosting. Maybe you should've worn an outfit that showed less skin because the number of guys hitting on you was obscene. Some were gentle, talking about your future together, while others were more aggressive, kissing you without permission. You needed to catch some air.You stepped outside, sitting on one of the steps of the doorway. "Hey, can I sit here?" Steve asked. He was from Econ, and you always thought he was cute."Yeah, sure.""So, are you enjoying the party?""Not really, actually. Guys keep hitting on me. I want someone who wants me for me, not just for my body," you blurted out."I guess I feel the same way." You both stared at each other. You leaned in and kissed him without much thinking."Oh my God, I'm sorry. I don't know what I was thinking." You put your hand over your mouth and got up."Wait," he ran over. "I liked it." He smiled and kissed you again. "Do you need a ride home?" You nodded, smiling. You couldn't believe you just kissed the boy you liked and now he was taking you home. You both walked over to his car, and he opened the door for you.What you couldn't see was Ethan watching. He tilted his head slowly, observing. He pulled his phone from his pocket and took a picture of you two, gripping his beer bottle, chugging one more time before throwing it on the ground when you both took off. He put on his helmet and rode his motorcycle to the diner.

He sat down at his usual place and wrote you another letter, more aggressive and explicit than the last one. He didn't even care if you'd be scared. You were his, and he was yours, at least that's what he thought.

You came back home exhausted. Mindy wasn't home; she texted you saying she was sleeping at Anika's. You entered your bedroom, set your purse on your bed.Sitting in the bathtub, you let the warm water envelop you, trying to wash away the anxiety that clung to you. The steam rose around you, and for a moment, you could almost forget about the notes and the unease they brought. After a while, you drained the tub and slipped into your softest pajamas, feeling a bit more at ease.As you walked back into your room, you noticed the clock on your nightstand blinking 11:45 PM. You sat on the edge of your bed, brushing your still-damp hair. Your phone buzzed with a text from Mindy."Are you okay? Did you get home safe?""Yeah, I'm fine. Just tired," you replied, setting your phone down.You tried to distract yourself by scrolling through social media, but your thoughts kept drifting back to the stalker and the unnerving notes. You considered telling the campus security, but part of you felt it would be dismissed as a prank or overreaction. Besides, you didn't have any solid evidence, thanks to Mindy's well-meaning destruction of the latest letter.After a while, your eyelids grew heavy. You turned off your phone and snuggled under your blankets, hoping sleep would come quickly. But as you lay there in the dark, every creak of the dorm, every rustle of the wind outside, seemed magnified. You couldn't shake the feeling that someone was watching you.

Meanwhile, at the diner, Ethan was finishing his letter. He wrote with a fervor, his handwriting becoming more erratic as he poured his obsessive thoughts onto the paper. The letter was filled with declarations of love, veiled threats, and vivid descriptions of his fantasies about you. He folded it carefully, placing it in an envelope with your name on it. As the night stretched on, you finally drifted off into a restless sleep, unaware of the shadowy figure lurking outside your window, watching. Ethan stood there for a moment, his breath fogging up the glass as he stared at you. He slipped the new letter under your door before disappearing into the night.You woke up in the middle of the night with a headache, feeling slightly more rested but still uneasy.

The memory of the kiss with Steve brought a small smile to your face, but it was quickly overshadowed by the sight of another envelope lying on the floor inside your door. Your heart sank as you saw another paper "310-807-3956" it was your phone number. you picked it up, the familiar handwriting sending chills down your spine.You tore it open, dreading what you'd find. The words were more intense, more disturbing than before. "i could change your life, you could be my wife" it read. "please dont call the cops, they'll make me stop, and i just wanna talk". "No one else can have you. I'll make sure of it." The explicit nature of the letter made your skin crawl. Suddenly, your phone rang. The caller ID displayed "Unknown Number." You hesitated for a moment before answering, your heart pounding in your chest. "Hello?" you asked, your voice trembling slightly. "Hey gorgeous, did you get my letter?" The voice on the other end was eerily calm, almost familiar. "Stop calling me, please," you pleaded, trying to keep your voice steady. "I memorized your number, now I call you when I please," he continued, ignoring your plea. "I tried to end it all, but now I'm back up on my feet. I saw you in the car with someone else and couldn't sleep. If something happens to him, you can bet that it was me." The call ended abruptly, leaving you in stunned silence. The phone slipped from your hand, clattering to the floor.

what the fuck.

part two?

@jchampionsgf on tumblr

a/n: heard the diner and decided to make history

[st4rgzer]

now playing…the tortured poet’s department (spencer reid)

summary: spencer left his typewriter in your apartment, maybe he was looking for something else

genre: fluffy fluff

cw!: talking briefly about a case involving children, non specified gender i think!

a/n: i want to make a part two cause it didn’t fit the rest of the song! tell me what you think🫶🏼 ttpd masterlist

you jumped up as three perfectly timed knocks came from your front door. like a puppy waiting for its owner to come home, you ran across your apartment, nearly slipping on the wooden floor. you opened the door hurriedly

“spence!” your eyes lit up at the image of spencer reid in front of you, hair tussled slightly and a soft smile on his lips.

“hi” he spoke quietly, deciding to stare at you for a few more seconds before enveloping you in a hug. the familiar scent of leather and espresso making you melt further into his arms.

you placed a sweet kiss on his cheek before pulling away slightly, he shut the front door with the back of his foot effortlessly.

“what’re you doing here? i mean, its not like i dont want you here, obviously i do ,but, its like 10pm?” you speak quick paced and unorganized, but spencer was, of course, very used to it.

“i left my typewriter here” he said with a smile “and also i really wanted to see you and didn’t want to wait ‘till tomorrow” the last part was said with a softer tone, looking down sheepishly.

you pouted slightly with a smile before planting gentle kisses to the bridge of his nose and his lips, before cradling his face in your hands.

“of course, baby. you can come here whenever” you said, your voice smooth and tender. you grabbed his hand and led him to the living room, where his typewriter sat on the coffee table. the night before, you had asked spencer to bring his typewriter so you could write letters thanking the team for coming to the dinner party you’d organized, and also, it was exciting to use one of those typewriter you had seen in movies. spencer obviously complied, accepting any invitation that served as an excuse to be with you.

“here it is, safe and sound” you said, lavishly pointing to the obvious bulk of a typewriter that rested on the wooden surface.

“thank you for keeping it in one piece honey” he joked, sitting onto the couch and examining the keys. he knew you had kept it secure, it was just a small habit of his. you nodded, sitting back on the couch, observing him attentively as his fingers grazed the sides of the device.

“who uses typewriters anyway?” you laugh, leaning on his shoulder playfully. he shakes his head and chuckles softly in return.

he sits back with you eventually. leaning his head to rest on your chest as you held onto him, sensing something was off.

“you wanna talk about it?” you say softly, treading on sensitive territory. you knew how difficult his job was, and how much he kept to himself. even if you insisted on him talking to you, you never pressured him into giving you any information that he knew you were better off without.

he sighed. you placed his head onto your lap, gently. delicately scratching his head, undoing any knots he had. that seemed to help.

“im sorry honey” “is there anything i can do to make you feel better” you press a kiss to his scalp, continuing to stroke his hair gently, and rubbing his back softly.

“just, be here. this is enough” his voice was tired, fragile. you did as he said, running your fingers through his hair. you felt his breathing slow down, and soon enough, soft snores filled the room. you smiled and pressed a kiss on his head, laying yours back on the sofa, eyes fluttering shut.

[deformedcat]

The 5 love language

pairing: artist male y/n x childhood friend oc

warning: vomiting, stalking, obsessive behaviour, gore, open ending, not proof read, v rushed 📣📣

Valentine's Day, a day to spend with your loved ones, something you didn't have.

Forget spending Valentine's day with anyone- you had work at the convenience store. Sure, you're an artist, but money won't magically appear onto your kitchen counter.

Despite that, it didn't bother you as much as the sight you saw around you that day. (though bother might not be fitting, more like envious) There were couples everywhere on dates, holding hand and showing their affection towards each other. Bleh. (translation: when is it my turn?)

Either way, you could complain all you want but life still goes on. Sighing, you walk towards your apartment, staring down at your phone to avoid the sights of couples. It wasn't until an envelope at your door caught your attention.

The envelope had a simple yet design with a heart shape sticker on it, you hesitantly take it and enter your apartment.

After sitting on your couch for abit, you cautiously and gradually opens the letter, wary of any potential pranks, but nothing happened.

"Dear y/n

Happy Valentine's day, well, it's not Valentine's day yet but it will be soon.

I've always had a big crush on you, but i never gotten the chance to confess to you directly. Truth to be told, i'm not a courageous person, but you give me the strength to do so today :).

You are the most strongest, admirable person I've met. Whenever i listen to your music, I'm hit in awe with how talented you are. I fall even harder everytime i see you. Your presence is already enough for me to keep going.

Do you know the saying "the 5 love language"? They are words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, and physical touch. I would love to know which one is your love language, but instead of asking, I want to let you experience all of them. I aim to make you feel loved in every way possible, starting with words of affirmation!"

..Ah.

A secret admirer,,?

You honestly didn't know something so cliche that would be done in a high school romance movie would happened to yourself, in real life.

The rest of the kettle had you fuming like a kettle, was this person a fan of poets? They sure had their way with words.

As sweet as the letter sounds, you couldnt help but feel crept out by this, how much does this person knows you? Do you even know this person?

You could only hope that it's not someone creepy, like a stalker.. You opened your phone and take a picture of the letter, sending it to your childhood bestfriend.

y/n:

photo.jpeg

hyeon:

?

what's this?

y/n:

love letter,

saw it in front of my

apartment

hyeon:

does someone have a lil crush on little y/n :0?

y/n:

hyeon:

Daniel's got a competitor 😄

y/n:

NEVER

im forever loyal to daniel

👎👎

hyeon:

haha

why are you showing me this?

y/n:

idk

felt a lil crept out

dont u think its weird??

how did they know where i lived? idfk who they are

hyeon:

hmm, thats true.

maybe it's a neighbour? they mentioned they could hear your music, they might be living around your area ?

y/n:

that make it even worse

hyeon:

lock your doors and windows, you wouldnt want to entice your little 'admirer' to break in do you?

y/n:

gtg, bye

hyeon:

i was just joking D:!

I'll be back from Russia soon, i promise <3

y/n

mm, maybe dont.

take care tho

A few days went by and nothing happened, you were beginning to wonder if the letter was just a prank from the kids around the area.

Regardless, you didn't care, you were to tired from your work ealier. Getting yelled at by your manager in front of the customers, for something rather silly. (you looked really tired but manager took it as "mf u dont like ur work isit) This was far fron the first time, and not the worst thing that had happened, but it didn't make it less draining.

you went into your apartment, turned on the light and fell right onto your couch. Rent was due in 3 weeks,, you were mentally preparing yourself to starve for the next few days to be able to have a roof under your head.

everything was tiring you out, and you just want a car to come running into you already, but the house isn't going to clean itself. You had to do chores because you have been putting off chores for a few days now. It's going to pile up the more you tell yourself "i'll do it tomorrow." so you pushes your body off the couch to start.

maybe you can start by taking out the trash.

problem was, the trash was missing. you stared at the empty, new plastic bag over the trash you didn't remember replacing. are you hallucinating?

you went over the sink to wash the dishes, to find them cleaned and kept neatly inside the cabinet. huh.

you must be going crazy, you were sure you did not wash those dishes nor keep them. even if you did, you wouldn't store them as neat as this.

are you going insane?

you quickly check the laundry, and sure enough, they were all done up. the dirty clothes were washed, the one that you didn't bother folding was folded and put away in your bedroom. Neatly.

was your landlord here this morning? Even if he was, he wouls never done something like this. He only ever told you to stop being so lazy and clean the messy apartment. He even once demanded you to clean everything up while be watched but thats it.

you hit your head against the wall, hard, to check if you had not actually fallen asleep on the couch and this was all just a dream. you winced at the pain on your forehead, that sure gave you an answer that youre not hallucinating.

maybe you're just overworked..?

you sat on your bed, noticing a familiar envelope with another sticker on your pillow.

what the fuck.

you opened the envelope, which in it read,

"dear y/n,

Surprise, it's an act of service this time! you're so hardworking that you tire yourself out,, so i decided to do somethinf to lighten the load for you. Remember to take a break when you need it okay?

I also cooked dinner for you, it's your favourite :). They're in the fridge, please enjoy, it's not healthy to starve yourself.

Eternally yours,

Your secret admirer 💌"

you wanted to kill yourself.

your stalker is in fact, a stalker.

how did they get in your house?

how did they know your habits?

you didn't even bother eating the food in the fridge, letting it sit there as you spend the night searching for cameras in your house.

y/n:

hyeon,

they broke in

the mf that sent the letter broke in

photo.jpeg

hyeon:

broke in?

how? didn't i told you to lock the doors and windows?

y/n:

idfk hyeon

they broke in and like

did my chores

and even cook dinner for me

saying its an act of service

hyeon:

are you safe?

y/n:

i dont know am i

i know this sounds weird af but im

not joking

i dont feel safe in my house rn

hyeon:

call the police.

y/n:

with what evidence

tell them that someone sent two envelope, broke into my bouse, did my chores and cooked a meal for me??

ill sound like a maniac

then they'll send me to a mental hospital

hyeon:

you'll never know unless you try,

y/n, this sound dangerous, your life could be on the line bere.

please just call the police and see if they can do anything about it.

do you still have that previous letter with you?

y/n:

yeah

hyeon:

show that to them, including the new one.

y/n:

ok

ill try

hyeon:

okay.

i wish i wasnt in russia right now.

im so sorry, please wait a bit more, ill come back soon.

update me whenever you can.

y/n:

dont be sorry,

thank you.

you never had a peaceful sleep for the next few days, the only thing keeping you sane is messaging hyeon everyday.

you have been so worn out from what happened that night. you had gone to the police, but after they didnt found anything suspicious in your house besides the two letter, they then left and told you to contact them if anything happened.

useless. you texted to hyeon.

neither did the police nor you could find any hidden cameras around your house, but that didnt mean you were safe. they could missed them, or not search at the right place.

you were sitting on your couch, scrolling down your phone to distract what had happened. suddenly, someone knocked on your door.

you groaned, thinking it was your landlord, you got up, walked to your door and peek from the peephole. nobody was there.

you opened the door slowly, immediately notices the stench behind the door. sitting on the floor in the dark hallway were two boxes wrapped like gifts with a gold ribbon.

crimson liquid was seeping through the boxes, on top of one of the box was an envelope, the one you had received a few days prior.

you suppressed the urge to throw up as you felt your breath getting quicker and shallower. you opened your phone and called the police and messaged hyeon

y/n

hyeon

when the polices arrived, they opened the boxes and envelope. one of the polices seems panickes and quickly rushes to you bringing the envelope, making you read it.

"Dear y/n,

Two, the number of hands one would need to do a heart, i thought it would be romantic to give you two gifts. After all, what's Valentine's day without gifts?

I've seen the way those two treated you, i couldnt stand watching them mistreated you. How prideful that human trash must be to push all his mistakes onto you then punishes you? Just because he's a manager? You don't deserve that, dear, so, this is for you.

And that bastard landlord of yours, the way he stares at you and put his hand at you is so disgusting. If he's gonna look at you like that, he don't deserve his eyes. Just because he's your landlord, does not mean he can put his hand on you like that, so i cut them off.

i hope you enjoy the gifts, dear. I guess this can be considered to be acts of service too? I look foward to spending some quality time with you. I can't wait to finally have you in my arm.

ps. inside the hand of your manager is a necklace. <3

Eternally yours,

Your secret admirer 💌"

you glanced at the content of the boxes, puking at the side after seeing the blood hand of your manager and your landlord's head with his eyes gouge out.

you felt helpless.

you had nowhere to go.

you didnt wanna stay here anymore, you dont feel safe anywhere.

you just want to die.

as the police patting your backs and gives you a bottle of water, you receives a text message on his phone.

hyeon:

hey, i'm here now.

i'm sorry i couldn't reply to you earlier, i just arrived in south korea.

y/n:

hyeon thank god

please

can i stay at your place for a while

i cant stay here anymore

hyeon:

Of course, i'll pick you up.

when you finally met hyeon, you collapsed into the taller man's arm, letting the tears out you have been holding in as hyeon holds you close, embracing you in much needed warmth and comfort.

"here," hyeon placed down a plate of fried rice in front of you, coincidentally it being your favourite food but you dont have any appetite after what happened.

"i can tell you havent been eating well, it's all i have at the moment, but its better than nothing."

you appreciated him, but didnt wanna eat anything at the moment, the sight of your landlors was still fresh in your mind.

"thanks, but i feel really sick right now." you felt bad for putting hyeon through the trouble, only to turn it down in the end. "i'll heat it up and have it tomorrow."

"maybe you at least drink some water?"

"sure." Hyeon was already pouring a warm cup of water for you, you were glad you at least had hyeon to come to.

you two spent a while in an awkward silence, it was like hyeon would not ask what had happened until you were ready to talk about it yourself.

"do you have work later?" you asked to distract yourself.

No, hyeon had alarms around the house. He would be notified of any suspicious activities detected.

"no, my manager said he'll take care of it."

"oh.."

then the silence were back again, until hyeon opened his mouth.

"are you going to sleep now?"

"I.." you were sure you would not be able to sleep tonight, you do not know where that stalker was, what if they too breaks into hyeon's house? will you put him in danger as well?

Even so, you're still on edge.

"do you want to share a room?"

"what?"

"you don't have to sleep alone when i'm right here for you to cuddle with!"

you sighed, "hyeon-"

"no really, maybe im just overprotective but i really dont want to leave you alone. We can catch up on the past month, and maybe if i talk enough, it might put you to sleep?"

you cried into his arms for the second time that night.

you could not remember the last time you was help to sleep, you didnt think there was ever a time actually. when he slept besides hyeon, the latter would always wrap his body around you like a koala.

not that it surprised you, hyeon had always been handsy with you ever since the two was young, but only around him.

whenever they ate together, hyeon would reach his hand out to wipe a grain of rice or a drop of sauce off your face.

whenever they play fight, hyeon would always hug you as a way to "immobilize you". when hyeon suggested decorating the house for Valentine's day to take your mind off of things, he would hold your hand and guide you through tying ribbons and hanging decorations.

And when you still couldnt stop the anxiety from rising, hyeon would hold you so close, no matter what time it is, he would remind you to breathe, and prepare plastic bags for you in case you pukes.

Heck, he even made sure that you had fallen asleep first before he would.

you felt safe by hyeon's side.

On the morning of Valentine's day, hyeon was still asleep which was expected, he had waited for you to fall asleep the night before.

You carefully and quietly slipped out of hyeon's tight hold, and headed towards the washroom, you decided to clean hyeon's office then cook a meal for him.

walking toward hyeon's office, you noticed a few paperwork on his table. It seems like it was the paperwork hyeon's had been doing last evening.

His handwriting was exceptionally neat, it had been quite some time you last seen it, but you could remember envying the man for having such a neat writing.

you noticed a half opened file on the floor, you picked it up and read the content of the files out of curiousity

they were mostly a bunch of statistics and numbers, percentages and whatnot. you wanted to stop reading but you felt drawn in his handwriting. To you, it looked familiar, like you've seen it before.

you stared longer at the words until you realized,

realized why he found it familiar.

you flipped to the next page, why did hyeon have your landlord personal informations?

you felt arms hugging you from behind, "what are you doing, snooping around my work like that? what if it's confidential?'

you didnt answer.

"y/n?" hyeon seemed to noticed you tensing up, "sorry, did i scare you that badly? you just seemed so focused on those papers, i just had to-"

"Hyeon."

"Yeah?"

You didnt know what to say, you did not know what to ask. You didnt know how to ask him.

you wish you were just dreaming.

Because.. wasnt hyeon in russia all this time?

"y/n?"

Hyeon couldnt have been in south korea. He couldnt have went into your apartment. He couldnt have place those.. letters abd boxes in your apartment if he wasnt even in the same country as you

ah.

"y/n, are you okay?"

"hyein,, can i take a look at your passport?"

"my passport? why?"

"i just want to.. confirm something."

Hyeon looked at you for a while, before letting go of you "sure, let me go get it."

As he went back to his room, you held ontobthe table tightly to avoid collapsing.

its okay.

you just had to look into his passport, then you would realize how dumb you are to suspect hyeon, the person that sheltered you when you had nowhere to go. the man that's your childhood friend who would sacrifice anything for you-

Hyeon returned, with his passport in hand. "here you go." you were about to take the passport from hum until you saw it

or more like the lack of it.

instead of handing the passport to you normally, hyeon had flipped it to the latest page. Hyeon had supposedly flew to russia first of december last year.

The last time he travelled, according to the passport,

was back in june.

"you were wondering about this, werent you?" hyeon stepped closer towards you, "when did it click?"

"your handwriting you bastard."

"ah right, that was my mistake, but dont you think it took too long for you to notice?"

Hyeon took the papers one by one, putting them together neatly, as if he was having the most normal and mundane conversation.

As if he wasnt the one that sent you all of that letters.

As if he was not the one who broke into your apartment.

As if he didnt sent that severed head and hands to you..

"i guess i should expected that, after all, i'm never the one whom you'll ever have eyes for, am i?" he smiled bitterly.

"Hyeon.." you wanted to be proven wrong, you wanted to be wrong so bad.

you wanted to believe hyeon was not capable of this.

you wanted to believe him, your closest friend, would never do such thing.

instead, you received a hug that felt so cold.

you wanted to strangle hyeon so bad. you wanted to strangle yourself.

you just felt so weak.

as much as you wanted to avoid it, the clues were all right in front of you, mocking you.

there was no one in the world who had heard and appreciated your music, who observed and knew so much of your lifestyle and habits besides ivan.

when the puzzle started coming together, you could feel yourself falling apart.

"so y/n, please tell me:

what is your favourite love language?"

you just want to die.

[draft messages]

y/n:

thanks for taking me in

im glad i hv u in my lufe

you better not tell anyone i said this,

but i dont think theres anyone else i trust

anyone else more than you

thank you.

a/n: zzzzz goodnight (disappears)

[huellitaa]

hello hello huelittaa 👋✨ do u have any tips for someone struggling with motivation to workout? or even to take a simple walk? thank uu 🤍

bee's physical activity handbook: motive 🎀 . ݁₊ ⊹

hiiii ml!!!!!!!! 🫶🏻🩷💗 sorry this has been sitting in my inbox for a few days BUT IM HERE NOW !!!!! honestly this is something i also struggle with myself ,, i am still recovering from depression personally so this is still difficult for me sometimes too but these are some things i do !!!! ♡

🧁𓂃 ࣪˖ 1. prepare urself for the possibility

so since i know i have this problem a lot, it helps me to be prepared for this in advance. i actually have a whole notion page filled with a table of letters to myself in specific situations i find myself in a lot, this included, and have a whole archived stored of cute photos and motivation and things like articles and videos and tumblr posts on the main page and in the letters that make me wanna get up and do shit and its my LIFESAVER. (should i make a post on this?)

but i'd suggest to keep a note or page or document , physical or digital, filled with just motivation for this specific thing, like things you like about it, photos romanticising working out or going outside, songs that motivate you, etc etc etc. the list goes on but you get the point ♡

🎀𓂃 ࣪˖ 2. detective chapter: analysis! ♡

figure out why you dont want to. this is the main thing that helps me and its so simple but once u figure out the root u figure out the rest and this applies just the same here too. is it laziness? mental health? exhaustion? overworking? burnout? you won't be able to continue until you haven't found the actual problem. it's like trying to travel with no path to travel on.

💭𓂃 ࣪˖ 3. pep talk!

one thing i do that helps me the most is literally just lay in bed or wherever you are where ur procrastinating and thinking about this over and over and going back and forth whether to do it or not is to force the thoughts out (literally. u can envision it if it helps!) and deadass bully myself into doing it 😭😭

(🗒🎀 note: i've also found it helps for some people to do this in the mirror, just so ur face to face w urself as it were. plus u get to admire urself at the same time so its a win all around)

if ur not into harsh motivation, another thing i love, esp when im not feeling great enough to deal w harsh motivation is pretend ur giving advice to a friend or ur child in this position. this is one of the greatest pieces of advice ive ever gotten i literally cannot stress this enough. do this‼️ p.s. you can do this in ur head or out loud. i usually do some mix of both because i am a professional at talking to myself constantly literally all the time

🧁𓂃 ࣪˖ 4. use gratitude in ur favour!

one thing i like to do is essentially guilt trip myself into doing it. erm. you can also call this gratitude it sounds a lot better. think of how grateful you are to even have the opportunity to go outside safely to go for a walk, to be able to work out and keep urself healthy, because there's always someone who's not going to be able to do those things. it is a privilege to live your life and this should be classed as one too.

🎀𓂃 ࣪˖ 5. all about the outlook

another thing i love that falls into the category of motivation is treating it as an act of love and luxury rather than a chore and changing ur outlook on it. for example,

"oh, i have to do this or i'm a failure" or "i really don't want to do it today"

🎀𓂃 ࣪˖ into...

"i deserve to do this for myself because i deserve to be taken care of and kept in good health."

and i find this makes me so much more open to it because you do deserve it.

🧸𓂃 ࣪˖ 6. romanticism; obviously!

okayyyy i know you hear this EVERYWHERE but ‼️its‼️because‼️its true‼️ romanticism is my LIFE not a day goes by where i dont act like im a silly girl in a pink girly shoujo world, and i do this even more so when i dont wanna get up and do simple tasks like this.

some things that give me motivation via romanticism is getting dressed up and cute even if i'm just going for a walk and listening to music and appreciating the world (🗒🎀 note: i love taking pictures or going on different routes whenever i go for walks! it makes the experience so much sweeter and more enjoyable ♡), or putting on cute clothes, loud music and grabbing a pretty waterbottle and hyping myself up to do even just 10 mins of pilates because something is always better than nothing!!!!!!!!!!!

🎀𓂃 ࣪˖ 7. something is better than nothing

with the last note from my previous point in mind, try and always do just a little bit, even if it's not the amount you intended. say you wanted to workout for 20 minutes every day, but you really weren't feeling it today? do 10 instead. this way ur still doing something. we always have tomorrow. take it at ur own pace. you wanted to go running every day? just go for a walk. you can always try again. there is no limit on how many attempts you have with these things. this is always better than just doing nothing at all. this is basically finding the middle ground when you do these things. which leads me onto my final point ,,♡

✨️𓂃 ࣪˖ 8. finding the middle ground

the no.1 thing in all of this is please don't beat urself up for it if you don't feel like it sometimes, but still keep to it as best as possible. say for example you really didn't want to one day but you had no real reason not to, you should still do it. but if your emotional or physical health or anything like that is in a bad place right now, then allow urself to skip for a day or two. dont beat urself up over it, but keep to it when and where you can because i know its difficult sometimes ♡

all my love, and u got this!!!!!!!!!! 🩷🫶🏻💬💗🎀

[the-s1lly-corner]

Seeing Kinger stuff is so nice gosh! Would it be cool to get the rest of the fluff alphabet with him please? Or if that's too much the ones you'd like to write about most

Kinger fluff alphabet! the whole thing!

two things one is more so one of my personal woe things unrelated to you but i deleted my masterlist immediately after finishing it because i didnt like the layout of it; 3 hours down the drain SOBS other thing! imma go ahead and link the other fluff alphabet stuff so its a complete list! actually third surprise thing, WHY DID NO ONE TELL ME I ACCIDENTALLY FORGOT TO PUT P IN THE FLUFF ALPHABET/lh/nm i fixed it now but i cant believe i skipped a letter i feel so dumb

ABSTRACT- if you were to ever abstract he would probably abstract himself. i mean if the things about queener/queenie are true and they were close, then that would mean this guy would lose a loved one TWICE. that would most definitely break someone, and kinger is already on the edge as it is. if he somehow doesnt abstract, he probably becomes even more paranoid; kind of shutting everyone out almost because he sure as hell knows he cant take a third heartbreak. rarely ever leaves his pillow fort, unless hes physically dragged out? sometimes he forgets you're gone, because he just refuses to believe the truth. sad stuff

BONDING- will rattle on and on about cool bug facts, if he has his own collection in his room he will show you it! maybe, if you want, he will let you hold some of the critters! tells a lot of stories, nicer ones from when things in the circus arent so... bad.. usually when hes in a good headspace! you get the feeling he embellishes his stories... not too different from a grandfather trying to make his experiences seem more glamorous and action packed than they really were

CUDDLING- he is very hard, due to him being a chess piece, but his clothes do a really good job at softening him! no arms :(... usually rests his hands on your back, or maybe has one on your shoulder and the other on your hip. switches between being big and little spoon, sometimes he wants to hold and sometimes he wants to be held

DATES- you can find them here!

EMOTION- kinger is... odd... im not sure where he lies, because i think sometimes he does have moments where he remembers thing and it overwhelms him, so that may be the main time hes the emotional one. however, i guess this entire time for emotional ive been focusing on more.. 'bad' emotions, but i think kinger would gush about how much he loves you, like WOAH! he is just overflowing with feelings right now

FAMILY- honestly he gives me dad vibes, if this dude doesnt already have kids in the real world (wow thats a sad thought... dude is like MIA probably and his kids are left to wonder where he went. double owie if queener/queenie was his real life wife before things happened) so if you guys make it back to the real world and unite, you're gonna be a step parent! would he like to have more kids with you? i think it depends, he would want it, though!

GIFT- you know how some people put bugs in like, cases to preserve them or something? i feel like he would give you those with some of his prettier bugs! loves anything you give him, he always keeps them stored safe in his room!

HARSH- you guys dont really get into arguments, i dont think! kinger doesnt like hiding things from you unless its something deeply personal, but otherwise hes an open book to you

IN HOUSE ADVENTURE- here!

JEALOUSY- its not so much as him being jealous as it is him being paranoid that something is going to happen to him or you, so! even if he wasnt worrying himself half to death he doesnt exactly seem like the jealous type to me, tbh

KISS- its time for my favorite thing for characters with no mouth!!! he boinks his face into yours, i actually wrote something for this! not gonna link it since its so short and i can easily relay the idea: but he would internally hype himself up (usually does this if this is the beginning of the relationship, he gets more confident as time goes on!), and just lightly 'pecks' your cheek before pulling away. loves kissing your cheeks as well as the back of your hands. loves being kisses where his mouth would be as well as his cheeks

LOVE LANGUAGE- quality time!! this man follows you around like a love sick puppy, because he loves you so much but also because again, he worries.. he also likes doing acts of service for you, makes him feel like hes capable of doing things on his own (which he is!). loves it when you return the favor via words of affirmation

MENDED- is he dreaming? is he imagining things again?

nope, its really you. somehow, you've recovered from abstracting, and you're now out of the cellar. he wants to hold you and never ever ever let you go, out of fear that hes going to come to his senses any second and youll be gone. wants to keep you in the pillow fort with him, or at least within his line of sight

NO- its less of an active dealbreaker and more of a "hey this is going to stress him out and probably hurt his mental health" but like, i dont think he would pair well with a really really intense person. like sure caien is pretty intense, but its not like caine is going to be spending a significant amount of time with him everyday, but like. you know? like i talk about some characters enjoying being on their toes and left guessing in regards to their partner, but kinger is NOT one of those people. he needs stability

PDA- less of a case where he actively and knowingly indulges in PDA and more so a case where he subconsciously holds onto your hand to keep you at arms length and to feel you. due to his lack of arms he has probably wandered off without you (and his hand) at least once. is not opposed to PDA, though, so long as its not like. insane

QUIET TIME- quiet time between the two of you is very rare. sure kinger can be very quiet when hes alone, but when hes alone with someone else, someone he cares so much about.. he cant help but fill the silence with words, to keep the ringing in his ears at bay .. so really quiet time is talking time

ROSES- ill mention it again in V (i wrote v before this section), he loves giving you roses especially on special occations! loves receiving flowers as well, he seems like a rose kind of guy as well

SHH- the one thing he doesnt like talking about is queener/queenie, well, more so the last few days leading up to her abstraction. it brings up. well, memories. on one hand he doesnt want to forget her, but on the other hand he doesnt want to bare the pain of those terrible memories

TUNES- THIS THIS THIS THIS ONE ALWAYS COME TO MY HEAD WHEN I THINK OF ROMANTIC HCS FOR SWEETIDEAS FOR OLDER GUYS IDK WHY

UPSET- im going back and forth with a lot of these as i fill in the list so! tying this in with E, i mention one of the only times he gets emotional is when he remembers some unfortunate events that took place in the circus. you're going to need to console him and bring him back to the present moment :(. when you're upset he tries to distract you, takes you to his fort, and tells you stories

VALENTINE- on the chance that he remembers what day it is, hes going to give you the most sterotypical date he can give to you. i think it might be because i can kind of see kinger as like, a classic/stereotypical romantic when it comes to you. flowers, he cant take you out to dinner so he takes you out to the digital lake to gaze at the clouds and watch the bugs pass

WANT- he wants a companion, he wants stability, and thats something he needs. he wants someone to be compassionate about him, his wellbeing, and his interests

XOXO- here! as well as Yearn!

ZZZ- if you guys go to sleep together its always in his room, where hes more comfortable. he also has a thing where he insists on being the one closer to the door; almost as if hes offering himself as protection to you should someone unwanted to come in. huh. always sleep holding onto you, snores like a dad

[f0linasahl0]

more things about the livestream experience before i go completely insane.

(warning: this is going to be a long one)

1: why is [bishop] lisden's favorite song mulberry street and why is [bishop] sacarver's favorite (if i remember) the outside or stressed out....i just want to throw that out there

2: i absolutely adore the piano spread whatever thing tyler does before he goes and raps to migrane. i dont know what its called but when he runs his hand across the piano, it was good. how did he make it sound so good and musical...

3: why is the shy away livestream version the only livestream version that is on their official "the story" playlist??? i keep thinking about that (https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL3roRV3JHZzaU_kQ4-7uv-ahPbFabFmRW)

4: also thinking about how they cut off holding onto you before the outro. basically all there was of holding onto you was the "entertain my faith" part...thinking about the lore THERE. how a "good day dema" ad cut off the ending as well then they talk about how happy they are !! then how it goes to mulberry street after dan LISDEN says its his favorite then how it goes so blurry BEFORE THE AD??? ----"entertain my faith" sounds something like he..wants more from the religion but they cut him off from continuing the rest of holding onto you..like he got in trouble or something? i dont know man

5: "dema is bringing you this music collection that is vibrant with saturation"... "dema wants you to enjoy this collection"..."i just felt trapped before having this collection" ... "contentment"...."now that youve heard some of this collection you must be just like us, completely saturated"..."sometimes i close my eyes to try to escape...you know you cant escape sally...yes i know!" PROPAGANDA

6: why is he holding and grabbing his head so much. past the literal deadpan ass stare hes got through the majority if not all of the experience (like even while doing his little dances you'd think he'd be smiling during...), why does he grip his head so often-- i talked about this before but like what are they doing to him man he like grips his head in almost pain so much

7: also thinking about what the lore implications of jenna and debby being in this...because im pretty sure its shown jenna in levitate is a bandito i only assume debby was one too. why are they there?? were they caught too? or did dema make clones of them to use against josh and tyler?

8: "i cant wait to see you again"

9: ”in a world where this is as good as it gets…we miss you. we really do.”

10: also can we discuss the "CONTROLLED by" dma org and good day dema??? this photo is blurry as hell but CONTROLLED BY! not PRODUCTION OF! specific word choice..also dma org...dmaorg.info...why are clancy's letters posted on a website thats directly correlated with dema...letters from his time inside as well as time outside...can we like talk about that--like other than the obvious showcase that they have his letters and are using them to lie to the people, why are they going through dmaorg?? if clancy isnt directly with dema why are they--why are they going through there???

11: the whole cutscene before lane boy "there was a wonderful structure to the city that put my cares to rest and the responsibilities of the day seemed to be accomplished with minimal effort. once a task was taught and understood, our obligations timely, and it felt secure knowing tomorrows duties would be accomplished with the same efficiency. we all worked to represent our bishop with honor knew that each inhabitant of our region had a like-minded dedication to consistency....why do i kneel to these concepts? tempted by control, control by temptation. stay low, they say. stay low," then the direct contradiction of the redecorate rap he inserts, “with the bells and the whistles scaled back like an isolated track, and he feels trapped when he's not inebriated fair to say he's fairly sedated most days of the week. he might have made it if he lived on a different street. i repeat, scaled back and isolated he says he likes an open schedule but he mostly hates it if you're running to his room, take a breath before you break-in put your ear up to the door, tell me can you hear him saying?” using clancy's letters to show praise to dema then clancy (tyler) directly contradicting being like "no i hold zero praise for this city" and saying how hes isolated and sedated when hes not preforming--how he ALMOST made it out. how if he lived A LITTLE closer to the walls he wouldnt be there right now-

12: the way the old songs are "SCALED BACK AND ISOLATED" ???? A SCALED BACK AND ISOLATED TRACK????

13: the way ned is missing in chlorine when he was such a big part of chlorine

14: AGAIN this shy away version. one-why is it so important to the story, two-the 9 chairs for 9 bishops around the table, three-i fucking love the guitarist by josh i love his energy, four-THE WAY HE BREAKS A GLASS WHEN TALKING ABOUT BREAKING THE CYCLE IN HALF???, THE SCREAM !!!! so many things

[so many things you guys]

15: the fucking bishop ass dancers to stressed out....can we discuss that too. ALSO HOW THEY DRAG HIM TO THE NEXT STAGE FOR STRESSED OUT?

16: "but remember you should- *cut off*" YOU SHOULD WHAT SALLY SACARVER????

17: also firstly, how beautiful the ukulele part was...it was so gorgeous, also the transition was amazing. though past that, can we talk about how fucking sad he looked on that little boat with his uke? was that a mock to his escape attempts? to him singing to an empty sky in trench? singing to the banditos as they boat someplace safer? like...

18: THE MOCKING OF THE BANDITOS WITH THE FUCKING JUMPSUIT/HEAVYDIRTYSOULD PART?? why would dema do that? why would the bishops actively make josh and tyler look like the banditos if it wasn't just a mock? they dont like the banditos i thought why would they have them dressed up like that? like torchbearer bringing the torch to the stage and the look josh has on his face-then tyler also being in a bandito outfit. like--it has to be mocking his attempts. mocking the banditos or SOMETHING

19: heathens being in the livestream makes me think a little too but i dont know. "all my friends are heathens take it slow, wait for them to ask you who you know. please dont make any sudden moves you dont know half of the abuse."

20: also first, what was that alarm that was sounded before never take it? what happened there? second, the lore people have posted about never take it and how it was about the bishops? the way it was played while the alarm was going off and it was almost messier filming...

21: HIM ENDING THE LIVESTREAM WITH "nobody's coming for me" and his deadpan look (sobbing)

22: again, bringing up sally sacarver and dan lisden. sacarver and lisden being bishop's names and hosting this livestream. then showing directly how the bodies they are controlling are deteriorating as the show goes on. "The rules are that you can only seize or control a dead body, and only for a short while."

23: also just the heavydirtysoul part. starting to think about the: "I tricked Nico into taking me outside the walls. I created a fiery diversion. I escaped." i just keep thinking about that and:

24: "we've come for you, we've got people on the way, no chances, none at all" the way this is direct quotes from dan and sally, who are bishops, and it is also direct lyrics (or close to direct lyrics) from no chances. it just keeps cementing itself on everything ive already thought about

25: past just the livestream experience what is with josh and the bucket hat lol. i love it but like.-

26: "you ask me if its real, i see your shifting eyes, you dig in your heels, i dig my hole to die" also wondering why the "live from the outside" version is here rather than the original.-is it important

27: his little dances are my favorite thing-

28: CAR RADIO...car radio. thats it thats the point. just the car radio part is everything to me--its giving old car radio performances and im living for it. though also old car radio performances? did they put it together like that on purpose?

29: NEVER TAKE IT HAVING A BURNING CAR HOLY SHIT FIREY DIVERSION? LMAO just how close he is to the camera during this too...so many thoughts

30: "...you know you cant escape sally...yes i know!" IS THIS LIVESTREAM SHOWING CLANCY AND HOW HE DIDN'T ESCAPE EITHER?? SHOWING THAT HE HAS BEEN CAUGHT AND IF HE CANT ESCAPE, THE NOTORIOUS CLANCY, THEN YOU CANT EITHER???! SO MANY THOUGHT!!

[sorry for how long this is-]

DID THIS SHOW HOW MANY THOUGHTS I HAVE HERE. im going insane like i keep thinking about the lore implications of this goddamn livestream. i have more points (i will make a essay list whatever for it all so i don't go any crazier) but this is already a lot for one post. just wanted to like...throw this out there. i know some might be a stretch but please just hear me out. just hear me out :,)

[randomwriteronline]

frustrated abt brain not managing to write onewa getting laid. have at ye some brainstorming on the matter. as a curse

first of all why is Onewa specifically the one getting dicked down? because i say so. i wrote him getting pampered by all his teammates once (to shut him the fuck up) and now i want them to rock his world into next tuesday. something about him compels me. his bastard charms and attitude have bewitched me. so im unleashing the rest of the turaga upon him

second. communication game? pristine. top shelf. impeccable. these six have a whole system of little nudges and hints and stuff for "id like a bit of bangin if you would be keen on indulging me" and theyre never pushing at a refusal. these messages can be relayed anywhere from two weeks to five minutes before anything is in place and if the answers a no then its thumbs up and no problem. the matoran are none the wiser. not even Matoro. my boy can know all the secrets of the toa metru and shit but hes peacefully oblivious to the mindblowing Onewa Boning thats been going on behind the entire islands back for a thousand years. as he should be.

also im a sappy shit so theyre all sweet during intercourse bc it makes me :) and also because i need that stone bastard torn asunder by tenderness

now youd think mr hordika urges Matau would jump to the sex immediately given the chance and youd be dead wrong. bc first and foremost hes a romantic. hes gonna bone him to hell and back but to do that, he has to put in The Effort. must he? not really, but he wants to and it makes him feel happy n proud of himself. so hes nestmaking a new nest every time, and each one is the best nest hes ever nestmade bc hes always improving, and hes composing a lil treespeak song songsinging his lovers praises to hushwhisper in his ear while laying down on top of him, and after the first verse hes mumbling about how the next one should be accompanied by a slowdance if you catch my drift, and Onewa is fucking slurping it all up. he loves this. he can understand maybe a quarter of the whole thing bc the pronunciation is super strict but he can hear the intention and his ego is getting stroked. why thank you yes i AM the best. keep flattering me. oh a slowdance? well dont mind if i do...

Nokama on the other hand will pull him over, feel him up very gently until hes melted into a puddle, and then nudge his face into the pillow and dick him down so good he has to fight not to start screaming bc the entire ga-koro population is ASLEEP RN and he doesnt need them to be nosy abt this. she loves how he tries to buy time and fails miserably. shes speedrunning the foreplay for fun. see how fast she can turn him into a flustered mess. her all-time record was three seconds and a half but that was bc shed sent him a letter detailing how she was going to wreck him half a day in advance and when they actually got alone time he was still going insane about it so it doesnt really count even tho she insists it does

now you know hate-sex. ok. imagine that concept but less intense. like annoyance-sex. or mild inconvenience-sex. or "aw fuck, i cant believe youve done this"-sex. or that glare that you get after you say a stupid pun-sex. thats what Nuju and Onewa have. they NEED to do some light arguing before it bc thats half the fun!! usually Onewa bothers Nuju with something small and silly and Nuju then stands up and paces around very slightly angry for a moment or two before smoothly sliding back to him and pinning him somewhere he can bend over on. Onewa fakes the weakest struggle possible and tells him he sucks at a host bc he doesnt even take him somewhere comfortable for this smh, and then as soon as he gets very gently pushed forward he splays himself down all wiggly with excitement. its very cute and also satisfying to see the resident contrarian like that. plus Nuju knows this low quiet coo that makes Onewa shiver really hard bc he likes it a lot and you KNOW hes teasing the hell out of him with it. theyre playing :)

and he also sort of plays with Whenua but in that case its more like they affectionately insult and tease one another the whole time. Whenua will sit him on his lap with some excuse like teaching him how to deal with an earthquake or smth and go at it and then Onewa will say "is that the best youve got?" with a shiteating grin and hell laugh like fuck off you pillow princess i dont see you doing much, and they go back and forth like that until Onewa starts struggling to think straight, at which point Whenua will tease him mercilessly until the other is just straight up incoherent and its time to ease him down a little more gently before his brain explodes. and then once theyre all good n resting he jokes that his stamina sucks and Onewa goes how DARE you and they have sleepy aftercare banter until one of them starts snoring

Vakama is the only one who doesnt tend to dick Onewa down. thats because hes one hell of a cowboy. hell be all unassuming, invite him for tea after meeting with him, chat a while, yknow, typical turaga stuff, and then oh whoops would you look at that its gotten too late you should stay over... and when Onewa smiles and goes "ohhh you sly lil firespitting bastard you done trapped me huh?" Vakama acts all innocent and denies all accusations while also actively seducing him. master of looking like an angel going "i dont know what youre talking about" while very gently laying him down on the bed, climbing over him, and sitting right on his crotch. and Onewa just lets him bc its hot as hell when the firespitters sort of softly in charge like this. plus from his perch atop him Vakama always leans down to give him smooches on the chin while hes riding the absolute shit out of him so hard that Onewa gets genuinely winded and its the best

they sometimes all get together for this kind of thing too. I cannot describe the result bc words missing but yall can imagine it bc ive cursed you to. all you need to know is that Onewa is in the middle of it all and hes getting boned to hell and back very lovingly in a wide array of possible combinations. also his long legs are getting appreciated a lot

Onewa mightve also developed fantasies of engaging in passionate pre-toa trysts with his lads n lass back in metru nui. sneaking around. having semi public sex. he does Not talk about this bc its very confusing even for him and he might Die

and you know what the best part is? Onewa is Convinced that he likes sex for the sex, but hes wrong. he likes it for everything else

dont get me wrong he also likes the sex, its great and fun and he enjoys it, but its like a fun bonus. what he REALLY loves about it is all the work behind and after and around the actual sex part. he loves the planning and the nudges and the little silent communications, and he loves when the other turaga accept or pleasantly surprise him or when theyre the ones to ask first, and he loves the foreplay with all the teasing and bantering and touching and sweet things and getting comfy and the intimacy, and he looooooves being a lil loopy after its all over and getting to enjoy the aftercare and the snuggling and the falling asleep together and the waking up together because he fucking LOVES them and they love HIM and hes a lil starved for affection from back in po metru still

And he doesnt fucking notice bc his body goes "i want people i love to hold me" and his mind interprets it as "we're kinda sad, why dont we have sex? sex always cheers us up" and he goes Youre Right and misses the point

[pastanest]

if you’re wondering why I’m having to repost this, or why you were perhaps previously following me but no longer are, please refer to this post. I was able to retrieve this thanks to @rosieathena - thanks so much!! ♡

Spencer Reid x she/her!reader

part one can be found here

Gone - Part Two

Spencer blinked rapidly, his brain feeling life kicked back into it for the first time in two years as he storms into Hotch’s office, barging in without knocking on the door and slamming the piece of paper on his desk. Aaron’s eyes widen as he reads it.

“Where did you-“

Spencer cuts him off. “It was on my desk this morning. You know what day it is, this isnt a coincidence.”

He nods. “We can open the case back up, I’ll inform the team.” Aaron stands to his feet, but Spencer shakes his head.

“No, we cant. Last time we got involved, the unsub went dormant and has only come back 2 years on, when he knows we arent working on the case, when he thinks I’ve given up. He’s taunting me.”

Aaron‘s eyebrows furrow with concern. “What are you suggesting we do?”

Spencer begins to explain. “We have to act like nothing has happened. Im going to keep this note in an evidence bag inside my jacket, but when I walk out of this room we are going to act like we are talking about something completely different. We dont know how much this guy can see, we dont know how he operates, but by sending this letter he’s revealed one thing about himself.”

“And what is that?” Hotch questions.

“He wants to torture me. The first letter was sent to (Y/N)-“ His throat dries up just saying your name, he clears his throat with a cough and continues. “-because he knew that would get my attention, the rest of the letters were then sent to me because he knew I was gripping onto his every word. He wants me to be the only one thinking about this case, he wants to torment me while thinking Im getting no help from any of you. Our best shot at getting more information is to continue to act like nothing has changed, then he might send further clues.” Spencer explains.

Hotch nods. “I understand. This case is completely under your control, I’ll leave it up to you whether you decide to tell the rest of the team about this.”

“Thank you, I’ll tell them as discretely as I can.” Spencer turns to leave, but Aaron has more to say.

“As much as this unsub wants you to feel like this is hopeless, it isnt, Reid. This is a really good sign.”

And for the first time in two years, Spencer cracks a smile. “I know.”

Over the course of the next week, Spencer found ways to inform the team of what was going on. He managed to bring you up in conversation in a way that only one person would recognise. Spencer visited Penelope and he called her adorable, a word that (Y/N) used to describe her every time she saw her. Tears entered Garcia’s eyes and Spencer nodded at her, so she nodded back.

“Adorable, but quiet.” He clarified, and he could see the momentary confusion in her eyes before she made the connection.

“Only quiet when I have to be!” She chirped back, and Spencer knew she’d understood. Something new had happened with you, but she had to keep quiet about it.

“Does the rest of the team know how adorable you are?” He asked, already knowing the answer to his coded question.

“No..?” She said, unsure.

He nodded and smiled. “You should tell them.”

There was no way of telling what the unsub was capable of, whether he was listening or watching, but everyone had to be cautious of what they said. He could tell when the team began finding out through Garcia, because they all gave him knowing, excited smiles.

Sure enough, Spencer’s theory was correct. When he returned from the next case a week later, another note from the unsub was waiting for him on his desk.

“I’ll make sure Juliet knows you’ve given up. She’ll be with me forever.”

That told him you were still alive, he couldnt believe the unsub had willingly given such information out of sheer desperation for Spencer to pay attention to him and give him a reaction. He wanted Spencer to react so that he could go dormant again and torture him further, so Spencer had to act like he wasnt at all excited. He went to Hotch’s office again and showed him the note.

“She’s alive!”

Aaron hugged him and the two man laughed together. The situation was funny in the sense that they were successfully tricking the unsub into giving them more information, but the laugh wasnt one of humour, it was one of relief. Obviously, everyone had hoped that you were alive, but knowing for certain that you were was the best news Spencer could have possibly gotten.

He went to visit Garcia in her office again straight after.

“Guess what else you are Penelope.” Spencer said, accidentally startling her.

“What?” She asked eagerly, knowing he was going to give her another coded message that gave an update on you.

“Adorable...and alive.”

Penelope gasped, standing from her seat and running over to Spencer, who hugged her and hid his beaming smile in her shoulder.

“Thank you.” She replied, acting as though him calling her alive was a compliment, in case anyone was listening.

“I’ll make sure everyone knows.” She whispered to him, too quiet for anything else to pick up what she’d said.

When Spencer came out of the bathroom that day, Derek approached him and pulled him into a headlock that anyone else would have viewed as him messing around with him, but there was so much more meaning behind it. It made Spencer laugh, much like the interaction would have done 2 years ago. It was this hidden sense of things starting to go back to normal, hope restored.

The unsub makes a truly fatal mistake in his next delivery. This time it isnt a letter, but a gift, a small box. Spencer opens it and finds a tape inside. A tape gives a clue to the unsub’s age. Penelope manages to find a tape player for him and he takes it into one of the interrogation rooms. There is no image, it‘s only audio.

“Juuuuuliet, tell him what you want him to know.” The unsub was so desperate for attention that he made no attempt to mask his voice at all.

“You’ve given up.” Spencer chokes upon hearing your voice for the first time in two years. “Im staying here forever. I cant believe you would leave me here.” Your voice was hoarse and you were sniffling, he knows you had been crying.

That was all that was on the tape, so, where is this fatal mistake, I hear you ask? Well, Doctor Spencer Reid is very smart, but the thing is, so are you. At a few intervals in that message, you coughed, and when you did, you whispered things that would be unintelligible to anyone who didnt remember absolutely everything about your voice. And the only person in your life with the memory capacity to recall every single minute detail about your voice, happened to be the one the tape was delivered to.

Notes. That was the first thing you whispered, he knew you were referring to the post-it notes, telling him the man you’d written about seeing was the one who had taken you.

‘15m’ was the next thing you whispered. You likely wouldnt have been able to tell how many miles or metres you had travelled, and the only other value for ‘M’ that was useful in this scenario was minutes. 15 minutes away from your home, you’d counted the minutes it took for you to get to where you are now, and for two years you have held onto that.

Wear, that was the last thing you whispered in a cough, and that was the most difficult one for Spencer to figure out. It took a whole 7 seconds. Were you wearing something in particular? It cant be that. Could you have meant where? But that gives no clue. Ware! As in warehouse! That has to be it!

With no time and nothing to lose, Spencer bolts back to Hotch to fill him in on everything he’s figured out. The team meets at the round table to officially re-open the case, and Penelope starts searching for warehouses in a 15 minute distance from your home. Spencer is beyond frustrated at how quickly Penelope finds where you are, he cant believe that all this time you were held captive by someone foolish enough to only keep you 15 minutes away. But maybe that makes the unsub the opposite of a fool, because even a detail as small as the actual distance between you and Spencer is meant to torture him, knowing that you were so close by all this time is another wound to him. The team pile into separate vehicles, all heading to the same warehouse, and on the way there Spencer begins to overthink. What if you really do think he’s given up? What if you’ve given up on him? What if you dont love him anymo-

Derek nudges Spencer. “Hey, kid, I can see you doubting yourself in your own head just by the look on your face, stop it. She’s gonna have missed you just as much as you’ve missed her.”

The suddenly insecure Spencer looks to his friend for answers. “You really think so?”

Derek smiles. “I know so, she’s always been crazy about you, man.”

This reassures him, and he settles back into his seat with a deep breath, watching the streets blur by as he makes his way to you.

Thanks to the speed they were allowed to drive, the team makes it to the warehouse in under 15 minutes, and they position themselves at different entrances to the building. Derek kicks down the main door and Spencer runs in, gun aimed and ready to fire, but he falters. Because directly in front of him, little more than a few steps away, tied to a chair, is you. Spencer stumbles over to you and collapses to his knees in front of you, pulling you into his arms as you both sob into each other.

“Spencer, Spencer oh my god you’re here, I’ve missed you so much!” You cry, and he’s quick to untie you so that he can hold you again.

“I never stopped looking (Y/N), not even for a second!” Spencer tells you, pulling away enough for you to see his face so that you know he isnt lying, but you can tell he’s not.

“I know, I know! I never stopped believing you’d come and get me.” You reassure him, smiling for the first time in two years, and despite being muddy, bloody, bruised and beaten, Spencer is absolutely certain that you have never looked more beautiful.

An ambulance is called to the scene and you’re assisted onto a stretcher, while Rossi and Derek bring a handcuffed man out of the warehouse. Spencer sees red as he strides over to the middle aged, seedy, stubbly man that held you captive.

“Ah, Spencer Reid, I was wondering when we’d finally meet. How’s my Juliet?”

Spencer is not going to let that smug tone continue to live.

“She is not yours. I’d rather you called her Juliet than her real name, because if you breathed so much as half a syllable of that I would tear you limb from limb.” Spencer seethes.

The monster leans closer. “I ruined her.”

Spencer laughs darkly. “Do you really think that the woman Im in love with would let herself be ruined by some middle-aged, poor-excuse-for-both-a-Romeo-impersonator-and-a-killer, pervert? You underestimated her, and you underestimated me. We won.”

The kidnapper rolls his eyes, but Spencer can tell he’s taken aback. “I wont get much time for this, and once Im out, you’ll rue the day you insulted me!”

“Tell that to the pictures of little girls and boys we found under your bed upstairs! Along with letters about tax evasion, fraud accusations, the list goes on.” JJ calls as she makes her way out of the warehouse with a stack of papers in her hands.

Spencer takes a step closer to the man, towering over him and speaking in a low voice with wrath unmatched. “I dont know what your name is, and frankly, I dont care. You are going to prison for a long time, I will make sure of that. And once you’re in prison, I will find out which one, and I will personally deliver the message to every single one of your inmates that you are a pathetic pedophile low life who thought he could challenge me.”

Spencer turns away from him and starts walking towards the ambulance, but the idiot speaks up again and stops him dead in his tracks.

“She’ll be mine again, Agent Reid, and that’s a promise!”

Spencer is back in front of him in an instant. “I’ll also make sure to inform your inmates that Im the one who broke your nose.”

The scum frowns in confusion. “What?”

And just like that, Spencer’s swift right hook pummels the man’s nose.

“It’s Doctor Reid.” He tells him, voice low.

“For the record, we’ll say that happened when we arrested him.” Rossi says, and Derek nods.

Finally, Spencer runs back to you, sitting at your side in the ambulance as you lie on the stretcher. You smile at the sight of him.

“Hey love.” You greet him

“Hi sweetheart, sorry Im late, I had to break someone’s nose.” Spencer replies, his voice far softer than it had been a few seconds ago.

You chuckle and take ahold of his hand. “Of course you did.”

Spencer’s hands wrap around yours and bring it to his lips so that he can kiss each of your knuckles, so softly you barely feel it, but you do. Placing your hand against his clothed chest, you raise an eyebrow.

“Did you start wearing necklaces while I’ve been gone?”

Spencer’s eyes widen as he realises what you’re referring to. “N-No!”

Your curious expression intensifies as you reach around his neck to tug the chain out from under his shirt. “Then what’s-oh my goodness, Spencer...what’s this?”

In your hand is the engagement ring that Spencer planned to give you, and has been wearing every single day since you were taken.

“I-I was planning to ask before, but then everything got in the way and I was going to ask once I came back from that case, and then you were gone so I kept it because I didnt know what else to do with it and it felt like part of you was with me even though you’d never even seen it let alone worn it but I dont think this is the right moment to ask so maybe if we just-“

“Yes.” You cut him off.

Spencer feels all words escape him, and all he can manage in response is a stuttered, “Wh-Wha?”

You giggle. “Yes, I’ll marry you, Spence.”

Attempting to lean up on your arms to reach him, you hiss and fall back down in pain, but Spencer catches you before you hit the stretcher and lowers himself to capture your lips with his.

You passed out from exhaustion a few moments later, and Spencer sat beside you holding your hand as you slept. She wants to marry me, the words repeat themselves in his head like a mantra, and he finds himself utterly dumbfounded. How he managed to woo a heart as beautiful as yours, he doesnt know. He beamed all the way to the hospital but naturally, the moment you woke up, Spencer was sure he’d misheard you.

“Are you positive you said you would marry me?”

“Yes, Spence.”

“Do you actually want to marry me?”

“Yes, Spence.”

“Are you completely and utterly 100% sure about that?”

“Spence.”

“Yes?”

“Yes.”

[little-flowers]

When the insomnia hits hard, my rambling hits harder.

Things that have happened to BigB or he has done on secret life that make me wondering what it up: a list

1. The red secret. Now for the people who have not watched BigBs videos his secret is red. Compared to all the rest that are white. And even beyond that the name of his secret book has red letters. Its definitely very intentional. Because theres no reason for it to be red. Scars hard one wasn’t red, only BigBs.

2. The lies. BigB has lied a fairly decent amount and not the ‘Im just protecting myself lies’, but lies about a lot if things. Its very evident in the first one, with the whole conversation with Grian. Especially since theres no reason he shouldve lied!! He turned in his task, he could’ve just said his task was to dig a hole, nobody would’ve been like ‘thats a weird task’ because its the first session. I mean even grian barely knows how the tasks work. He left it all up for everyone else to decide scars fate. Nobody would’ve batted an eye.

3. His tasks in general. Now while something as small as the task ‘dont say any mobs name for 30 minutes’ seems mundane and basic. The whole point of the series is to push everyone together, while at the same time keeping them all apart. Almost every single task involves to some degree interacting with other players. But both of BigBs were very solidarity, he didn’t need anyone else’s input in order to complete it. Theres maybe 2 tasks? (don’t quote that number) That aren’t BigBs that don’t require other players. And don’t get me started on the wording of the 3x3 hole one- its so long and complicated and so oddly specific. I could dedicate a whole point to that task alone. But back to the point, his tasks are just so out of character if you compare them to everyone else’s.

BigBs character i feel is gonna be so crucial to the future of secret life. I’m excited for future sessions, and so so curious to figure out how BigB ties into everything. I have my own ideas (hes gonna go a bit crazy/manic when red) but thats for another day. So many characters are so so interesting and im just really excited.

[wienertit]

SUPER LONG ITAPAN RAMBLE INCOMING!!!!

OKAY. OKAY. its been a while since ive rambled on this account so today im going to clear up how i see itapan so that no one gets confused when i say “i dont think they would ever date” and then proceed to draw them making out or whatever.

when you hear “one sided itapan” you might think italy has the stronger feelings (because he’s the one approaching and hugging and kissing japan or whatever) but i feel that it’s actually japan with the stronger feelings.

when italy’s affectionate towards japan, its not because he’s necessarily attracted to him, but that’s just how he behaves. i think that he’s kind of trying to lead him on so japan is nicer to him. italy has been coddled his entire life like he’s been taken care of by austria and hungary and spain and france and germany and literally everyone loves him. and he KNOWS that everyone loves him so he purposefully babies himself to others so he can get even more special treatment. hes an annoying little asshole who uses his good looks and weakness to get out of trouble and i love it!!!

throughout the series (both in anime, manga, and a little in hetamyu), japan actually grows a bit of a soft spot for italy because of how weak and pathetic he makes himself seem. at first he’s polite and awkward because he idolized italy to be strong and capable, but once his expectations are SHATTERED he gradually begins to want to take care of him in a way. he doesn’t get mad at him as often and sometimes even defends him when germany is upset or lecturing him (like in hetalia fantasia). he tucks him in bed and lets him sleep on his chest and share a bed and bathe together and do the gayest shit ever. i probably would’ve thought “well thats because he’s too polite to refuse” but he ACTIVELY wants to do this stuff with him. he puts a hand on his back to keep him in place when he rests on his chest. he visits italy often and loves to cook with/for him. he wants to learn how to hug and kiss him back even after italy says its fine. he writes him letters and a SONG where he asks italy to visit him and gives him a pressed flower bookmark. japan goes out of his way to return italy’s affection and spend time with him while italy just does it because he’s italy.

i dont really think it’s a “sad” one-sided crush because in the end they’re still friends! they still both care about each other and confide in one another and hang out. italy isnt just affectionate to japan because he wants to lead him on and get more special treatment, but because they’re friends and he does still like him platonically! they can act like a couple without actually BEING one and thats insane!!! i love that shit!!!!!

ive mentioned how itager/gerita was my first hetalia ship and it still stands as one of my favorites. the problem is that im PICKY with it because i dont like a lot of the fandoms’ interpretations of them. i guess i wasnt as picky with itapan and liked it simultaneously with (although much more than) itager. but when i rewatched all of hetalia over the spring i realized how much MORE i liked itapan in the context of itager, which kind of blew my mind. like i remember mentioning to some itapan friends how i think they would never date and i still stand with that today. like italy and germany are too busy trying to win eachother over and they would just get together instead. japan actually likes his friends though and wants them to be happy so he would just go “ok” and move on while still doing all that gay shit with them. i guess jt makes itapan more of a brotp but it doesnt make it any less enjoyable for me. i LIKE to see them hanging out and being friends and dont really mind fanart where they’re dating or whatever because i can just pretend that they’re not!

anyways sorry for being a little insane i hate itapan but i actually love itapan okay i love them okay yahoo!

[tadpolesonalgae]

just finished cbmthy and it was so well written as always but that conversation with feyre made me so uncomfortable, i kind of figured it wasn't this bad between her and her family, just that she tended to isolate herself and everyone is always busy and shit at talking. but not only feyre hasn't spoken to her since her bday but also was just there awkwardly and not even ask about anything other than about bas because she was worried (which i guess is good she worries for her sister but to me it just shows that az isn't the only one who doesn't trust her judgement at all) also the way she said everyone helps with nyx and named everyone basically besides reader was so? she could at least ask her to join her for like dinner or something to see nyx, i dont really care for children and reader doesn't give me that vibe either but that's her baby nephew so it feels weird knowing she's distanced from everyone like this. there's no way they think she's okay like this and as much as reader would probably deny any invitation, those would at least show that they care for her and it doesn't seem like they even do that. and i like her dynamic with eris a lot but it always leaves me wishing she was like this with her actual family and that we only get to see her like this with him or bas. i dont know, as much as azriel already has to grovel i think the ic does too at this point because az not paying attention to her is one thing since he just doesnt like her like that (even if she likes him and he went too far, hes really not obligated to look after her bc at this point he's an acquaintance) but her sisters and their mates who are technically her family now too not even caring is weird, i want reader to stay in the night court and with azriel but at this point she really doesn't have any reason to and since it's already been 2 years of this they have a lot to make up for. also maybe i read it wrong but has no one (besides maybe elain and azriel being a dick) talked to her since her bday? that was a shitshow and no one thought to maybe check on her 💀

im still excited about her powers and i like that she's doing something about them but her choosing to do it on her own even though she obviously doesn't know much about magic in general is kinda dumb of her (after seeing the conversation she had w feyre i get that she really just doesn't want to have any help because of her own feelings and fears of being a burden and stuff but still) also as sweet as the hand cream was (and it was) i wish az had pushed her a bit more this time (since he clearly has no trouble doing it), i dont mean being mean to her obviously but at least ask her if she's sure about her decision to do this alone or if she wants his help or someone else's because she might get herself hurt doing it on her own and it's frustrating to see her go through it alone when she has 3 sisters who went through literally the same thing as her and the rest of the ic who helped said sisters, at this point it might really be eris helping her with her powers all the way from a different court and idk how the ic and az would come back from that. also it's good to see her inner thoughts about eris because it contrasts with how naive everyone seems to think she is, i just really wish she showed it, instead of trying to act how she thinks they expect of her

- 🧶

In Feyre’s defence, reader did very suspiciously and frantically shove away a letter with writing on 😭 I’d be curious too if (heavy theoretical) my sister did something like that. Especially if she had a tendency to keep to herself—I’d want to know what’s going on in her life :)

She did initially come to talk with reader about what happened after giving her space and time to approach them, and to be fair, Feyre was just happy to find out that she has someone who she actually kind of wants to spend time around? Rather than trying to be nosey (which she kind of was, despite trying otherwise), Feyre really did just want her to be safe, and some people may think that’s a bit infantilising, but to be fair, Feyre’s been mistreated by a lot of people, while reader hasn’t had many opportunities in her life to find out how vicious people can be?

And with the Nyx thing, I suppose they (Feysand) don’t want to push responsibility onto other people, and reader doesn’t want to bother them, so it kind of goes round in a circle 😭

(Also Nyx is theirs, they want to be around as much as possible; treasure every moment because of how Rhys’ father and Feyre’s mother weren’t there for them as children so I kind of feel it would be weird for them to invite reader to look after their kid? That could just be me though.)

‘but her choosing to do it on her own even though she obviously doesn't know much about magic in general is kinda dumb of her’

See with this, she has the entirety of Rhys’ library at her fingertips and enjoys reading and learning new things, so for her, unless she absolutely has to, doing it by herself is just more preferable?

It’s not like it’s unreasonable from her perspective? Having gone from the human lands where libraries were so rare to having such a massive and extensive one just beneath her feet—it would be weird to think there’s anyway a subject isn’t covered?

Even though, as the actual readers, we can assume that her powers are similar to Nesta’s in the sense there hasn’t been anything like them before, there’s no way she would know that? I know it might be frustrating to see her doing something we doubt will be actually productive, but I feel quite strongly that she genuinely believes she’s capable of managing on her own with the help of books 🧡💛

Well, she’ll find out for herself one way or another 🤷

‘i wish az had pushed her a bit more this time (since he clearly has no trouble doing it)’

He’s inadvertently pushed her in the past, but with this time there were actual obvious signs (trembling hands) of her discomfort instead of silence which could be a multitude of things? Also, he now knows how Nesta had trouble with facing her own powers, and to add to that, reader’s had two years of absolutely nothing, while all three of her sisters have proven useful in some capacity?

‘and idk how the ic and az would come back from that.’

On one hand, it could be the blade that completely severs their relationship, but on the other, it could be the beginning to something else…👀

‘instead of trying to act how she thinks they expect of her’

I was honestly kind of concerned this part might be overlooked, so I’m so relieved you’ve zeroed in on it. Again, I’m not sure if I’ve properly elaborated on it, but she certainly changes some aspects of herself to what she thinks people want of her, which can be confusing on the receiving end :/

Also, I really hope when I respond to these longer asks, it doesn’t sound mean or anything like that? I really love seeing all your thoughts, and I’m sometimes torn between trying to explain things (without sounding like a dick) without giving spoilers as to perhaps why certain characters act potentially a little differently from how they’re portrayed in the books and accidentally saying or alluding to something that hasn’t happened yet?

(And, to be fair, it could always be down to me just genuinely writing a character badly or wrong 😬)

Anyway, I really hope these responses just come out as conversational and they don’t put you off from sending in your thoughts :)

[betweenthings2]

hello!!! warning you now that this is going to be the longest thing ever because i’m allergic to being concise but it’s finally time for me to actually send you an ask to gush and discuss your incredible writing. i’ve been interacting with your work on ao3 and tumblr for over a year now and i just lurk and heart everything because i refuse to use tumblr how it’s intended to be used🫣 but it’s time to show my face (even though this is anonymous oops) and say the quality of your writing is genuinely unparalleled to anything else i’ve ever read online and dare i say it comes close to/ overtakes some of the published books i’ve read and loved. you are such a talent it drives me crazy. you’ve quite literally spoiled fanfiction for me because i’ll read something for a different fandom and think “ugh it’s good but it’s not betweenthings2😔😔😔”

i saw you answer an ask a while ago asking what your goal for writing is and you said something along the lines of wanting to move people with your work. when i saw that it made me smile because you’ve achieved it ten times over and im worried you don’t realise it!!! so im going to tell you about my experience reading Roadkill for the first time (side note but in my opinion this is your best and therefore most underrated piece and i would love to talk about it further)

i remember being at a cafe that day by myself having a little drink and sweet treat and getting the email notification that you’d posted something to ao3 and nearly dying from anticipation for the rest of the day because i knew i wouldn’t do the fic justice to just quickly read it in a noisy cafe. it would be a waste of art. so in the evening i lied to my parents that i had plans with friends and wouldn’t be home for dinner and instead walked to the park near my house with a block of chocolate and sat on a park bench in the slightly-chilly-but-still-nice-out australian dusk. trust me i remember it so vividly because it’s like a core memory for me now. i’d been going through a really tough time mentally and felt super disconnected from everything and everyone. when i tell you i read all 35k words in one sitting and wept like a baby. i’m a very emotional girl dont get me wrong but the release that your writing made me feel was something so special that i’d never felt before. the whole piece is so devastating and confronting and just misery but it made me feel so seen and whole and human. if i could describe your writing in one word i think it would be human. everything is always raw and vulnerable and messy but so tender it just makes me insane. i sat in that park and cried for such a long time and even though the whole experience was so heavy and i could feel the grief you manufactured in my gut i left that park feeling lighter and grounded. i think that’s how anyone would feel after witnessing such greatness. (side note but i’ve actually banned myself from re-reading roadkill for the minute because it makes me lose my mind a bit too much but that’s just a further testament to you. can’t wait to get back to my scripture later on)

your other fics on ao3 and perfect as well and i read Second Letter From St Julian, All This Barley Getting By, I Forget A Lot Of Things But I’ll Never Forget You and Me And You vs Them religiously. they are my comfort fics through and through🩷 maybe the hyper fixation has gone too deep for me but when i’m trying to fall asleep i use the plots of your fics to expand on in my head and it’s just the perf combination to lull me to sleep.

now for imo the main event of this ask- i need to tell you the extreme and life threatening brainrot THIS specific line from Of Bouquets And Back Rubs has given me.

"Sorry," Matty apologizes.

George sighs, but doesn't stop. "I'm going to start talking to your therapist if you keep apologizing for things you don't need to apologize for," he says.

what the hell. you can’t just write that and expect my whole world to not revolve around it for the rest of my life. that line ping pongs around my head at all times. at work, in the shower, when i’m on a walk, when i’m laying in bed, it’s literally always on my mind. i don’t know why but i just thought you should know that’s it’s STUCK with me. like i’m truly affected. (if you ever wanted to expand on it you know you have at least one devoted fan of the idea)

hopefully this will be my first of many asks because it’s so nice to finally tell you how deeply in love i am with your words. to hold me accountable i’ll claim the matcha emoji 🍵 if that’s something you do!!!!

i just realised i didn’t tell you how your prompts make me melt but they do and i wouldn’t survive the commute to tafe without them. just little bites of pure literature you spoil us so much.

thanks for giving me something to lurk on and obsess over- it’s been an honour🩷 (also ps i wonder if you can figure out who this is based on the freaky amount of times i heart your posts. someone has to sit me down and explain that this isn’t instagram🤕)

Hi, newly christened Matcha Anon!! =)

I meant to answer this yesterday, but I just kept reading through it and being so incredibly touched and blown away by all of your kind words that I didn't entirely have a response, but I think I do now. I will also be long.

First of all, I am so touched (and a little surprised) that you find my writing to be on par with published novels, so thank you so much, that is such an amazing compliment!!! I can't believe I've spoiled you for fic. I'm getting back into the swing of things now that I'm home, so I'll have more fic for you soon.

I'm also so glad to hear that I've creating something moving. Sometimes I think I take things a little too seriously, particularly writing fic, but I'm thrilled to hear that you find my work moving. This will be stuck in my head forever:

"it would be a waste of art."

Roadkill was a lot to write because it gets so bleak and some of me is in there, but I'm so moved by your experience of reading it and honored that you would share it. That's my goal, generally--to create catharsis. And to see my fanfic called greatness? Oh my god. Oh my god. I have no words other than oh my god and thank you so, so much!!

I'm thrilled to see that Of Bouquets and Backrubs resonated with you, particularly that bit of dialogue. That whole fic was a little bit last minute, to be entirely honest and I was working so hard to make it fluffy, rather than angsty. I might expand on that fic in the future, but I also really like how it ended. Who knows what will happen. I don't.

I'm also so happy that you like the prompts! I think they're really fun to write and very low stakes for me. Apologies for not having a more regular schedule for posting anything, but there's no way I could keep that up for more than a week or two. I would explode.

Thank you so much for all the compliments and reading what I write!!! 💚💚💚

[multiplicity-positivity]

hey, this... feels awkward, but could you maybe make a post for persecutors who are trying their best to become good? its really hard sometimes...

or maybe.... like.... i didnt feel like a person before, i just came around when the host was upset, to further antagonize him. hurt him. i... i wasnt really a person, more just... a feeling. but then our friend helped me figure out that im more than just the hosts self-hatred. he helped me pick a name, and now im trying to be good, trying to be a person. fronting is scary, and hard, and i feel like i cant keep up with anything, i... i feel like i wasnt meant to be anything more than pain, like its just not possible for me to be normal, or to do chores and shit.

is that anything you could post about? becoming a full person instead of just a role or whatever? even just a response would be greatly appreciated.

sorry, this.... feel free to ignore this, i... i dont know why im sending this, its not your problem, i should just deal with it on my own.

Hi! We are so sorry to hear you’re struggling right now. System persecutors are often hated and demonized in plural spaces, which in turn makes it more difficult for these headmates to hope for and achieve positive change. But the thing is, persecutors are headmates just like the rest of their system, and they deserve peace, kindness, respect, and understanding just like anyone else! You deserve this, and other persecutors do too!

We’re pleased to learn that you’re trying to change for the better. Breaking bad habits is easier said than done, especially for system members whose bad habits have made up core aspects of their identities for as long as they’ve existed! Trust us, we see your pain, and the persecutors in our own system are going through something quite similar. We hope that you can continue to make strides towards positive growth - even if it gets hard and even if you slip up in the future! We know you can do it, and we believe in you!

We wrote a little love letter to persecutors who are hoping to change for the better. It’s in the queue, and should be up on our blog on Friday night at 8:00PM EST! We seriously hope you and other persecutors like you can find some solace in it. We really do wish you the very best in your future endeavors! We’re hoping fronting will get easier for you with time, and that you can remember to show yourself a little kindness and patience too! ^^

🌸 Margo and 💫 Parker

[gayshitinfinite]

16, 20, 23, 25 🌷

xxx

16. compliment the person who sent you this number.

one of the smartest, coolest people i know (like go through their blog SERIOUSLY). she's really funny and well-versed in her memes ( i have no idea how u possess the talent to think/find those things and edit so quickly. like how????? the talont, the skills, i could never).

finder of cursed emojis and maker of the cutest crocheted (crocheyed?) baymax plushie, i bow down to you. i admire your strength to keep going no matter how long it takes. thank you for every time you've listened to my problems and for sharing (and for "bringing me" ramen soup (i hope they make a kanji one soon.... or not. the ramen one is really good too), you are a good friend<3333

16.what do you want most in the world right now?

self control?(......that sounds so bad dude). to be more conscious of whats happening instead of just letting things happen (u ever wanna get out of your body and shake yourself by the shoulders and scream 'bitch u have agency, u can make decisions, u can make actions. u r not some character doomed by the narrative or something'). motivation. i'd really like some motivation abt now. god i just wanna do something. anything really. just start something, or pick up something i left off, or idk finish things.

i really want to scream 'stop leaving shit and stop being scared of trying or doing something all the time. GOD' at myself

do something. yeah i really wanna do something ( she sounds like she cud be talking abt drugs. she is not. she's talking abt painting a mushroom (the fungus), 2 girls kissing,funny pictures of cats. binding a book, making funny/cute earrings (or just fucking completing her eng h.w for god's sake)

i'd really like to do things again. i miss it so badly u have no idea. i no longer want to pretend to be cool and mysterious and like, its hard to make me smile or amuse me. i wanna feel joy like that again. i wanna love passionately. i just want to learn and create something. i want to practice a skill and see it's effects bear fruits, uk. im so tired of laying around watching time pass me by and feeling regretful and disappointed and so so guilty for no reason. like can u do something different for MY sake plsss. im so tired and i dont wanna rest. im so tired of resting. i'd really like to stop being paralyzed and overwhelmed by the things i want to do. and instead just start something. or complete one thing i left off. just pick it up again. one thing. one thing for now.

so.. yeah, get my shit together and do something. thats what i wud like to do

23.favorite piece of clothing?

a frilly (kind of) white shirt with little bit lace on it that makes me feel like a pirate. a blue jacket (actually a hand-me-down-shirt), a handme down tshirt.

25. what’s the best personal gift someone could give you (playlist, homemade card, etc.?

honestly, i really love hugs. getting hugs or holding hands with people i love and care abt. but i guess that's not a 'personal gift'.

i really love notes or like letters. like write me something stupid and I would probably keep it forever.

i love being send memes, or articles or quotes or poetry(esp. if it like breaks something in me and puts me back together or something for a sec). ig i like getting written stuff. huh thats something i havent noticed abt myself.

i also like getting music recs or cute jimkis(jhumkis) or hanging earrings.

thankyou sumi for the ask<33333( calling you sumi without chechi added feels weird. should i call u chechi?)

[12thbiologist]

ok hello! :3 pocketbook sized annihilation anon again! so Obviously there are . um some discrepancies between the book and the movie and i've been really fascinated to hear your ideas on how it couldve been adapted better! now i Cant promise anything But! i'm receiving a camera for my birthday and im thinking an Annihilation mini web series could be obtainable and Incredibly fun to do! so could i ask you for more ideas on how to translate the book to videos (and how to possibly do the affects of Area X on a well Much Smaller budget)

this is open to anyone who sees this ask and has ideas btw!! gonna keep a running list on ideas so any and all opinions on how to do this best are welcome! thank you!

- 🪢 (gonna claim an emoji for myself if thats alright! since i might become a regular around here :3)

YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU JUST ENABLED IN ME OKAY. i have soo many ideas and even if you dont end up making anything it is so fun to think about regardless

incredible news about area x effects: there are none!!!! or at least, there doesnt have to be. the movie makes the border really really showy and fancy and prism-looking, but its actually inaccurate for the book's version of area x: the border is completely invisible! it just looks like a regular patch of swampy florida wilderness but you take a step too far and you're swept up into area x/the border. area x looks almost entirely just like a normal wilderness, save for certain things or animals feeling just slightly Too human. so thats good for low budget!!

the hardest things to adapt in area x are definitely the crawler and the tower, probably, and theyre not in the movie at all. unless you know where a giant staircase covered in green glowing stuff is, thats gonna be tough. your best bet is prooobably to try and find an empty spiral stairwell thats dark-ish and somehow get ambient green lighting in there and put lettering on the walls if you can find somewhere that will let you. the crawler is basically impossible to adapt to film in any good way outside of some crazy impressive cgi, but if i was shooting an annihilation adaptation i wouldnt even try to! instead of trying to get the crawler right, just focus on the individuals seeing it and let the viewer's imagination do the rest. like the shot in the movie where lena is staring into the alien blob and the light is reflecting in her eyes. the brightness is also hard, but not necessary to adapt visually since it is (mostly) an internal feeling of brightness

as for how to adapt specifically annihilation, thats kind of dependent on how you want to format the story. found footage would be cool and also quite easy to do, plus theres actual found footage from the expeditions so theres precedent + reference for how video gets fucky in area x!!! if it's a bit more of a linear story/a direct adaptation of the book, i absolutely recommend using a lot of nature imagery + nature stuff in the photography and obscuring the people as much as possible- especially the biologist!!! not sure how viable this is for a small project, but using reoccurring visual motifs would also be cool (like associating the biologist with circular/spiraly stuff, the husband with birds, area x with tall shapes, etc.)

also i am So down to try and help with like, concept art or storyboards (??) for this because it sounds so fun and i want an excuse to draw cool southern reach compositions