#im just tired i dont want to live anymore
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I took the Crown Marilyn. Im funnier, deadlier, smarter, better than sny smerican who…..ever fucon lived on my earth. Any if rm from any rat race anihilated. Left looking lacking any real credibility. Shes laughing. Marilyn wasnt too keen in the end on americsn men. She would have prferred me over any if you as well. Just like all uour hottest women today america. Thats not anyonevwho bited for trump. Yiure a fuxon tire bitn bitch. And ill have your fucon heads now please. Look at that fire love it. I like to watch you all burn doen there. Its as much as america deserves from God. Listen trump ya fat bump i font see sny duelers. Yiur yellow berrers coward ass bitch? Yiure vmbaby seals yelliw too. Yeah i fing like you fatty nonce. Epstein buddy. Any friend of yiurs is an enemy of God himself. Well then shut ip we ll fight you in the streets where. Stupid dpoiled cunt sint got no power. Ill kill every fuxon last kne of uour people. When start seeing thrm vanish ftom my earth know your time is coming to see God too. What happened to give us your tired huddled masses? They sint hot nowhere to ho nobody wants them. Thry dont evrn feel like theyre ghuman anymore or snyone cares at all. Shoot them all. Itll be kinder than what youre planning. Aint got the fuckn balls fatty or cant see them over the fat? Allow me its cruel to do what we are doing yo them. A dlow painful death is worse. Ill shoot them if you sint got no stomach. I know its more merciful thrn letting them feel forgotten and freeze in limbo. Its kinder to kill them sll then ehat you leople are pknnong. Ill do it line them up ill shoot every one of them myself.
Marilyn Monroe on set in Nevada, 1960. Photo by Eve Arnold.
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i wrote this as a joke because I wanted to strangle a guy watching tiktoks without headphones on the bus, but im genuinely disturbed that we've gotten to a point where convenience comes first. and it depresses me even more that its used to justify and monetize greed
#like we have so many ways of doing things that could help us in the long run but because we're told it requires more work we just cant#its too resource intensive. or maybe its too much to maintain. we have to overlook benefits so money can go into more important things#we teach each other to do things a certain way so it works for everyone but who was it convenient for first? what abt who it might hurt?#i have to wonder if the rules our current system uses is worth listening to or following if it doesnt have our best interests in mind. u an#me and the ppl around us.. would we be better off if i ate my meals knowing the person who grew it wanted to feed others the way they could#feed themselves? and that isnt to say we're going to be happy doing it but i guess satisfied that its helping someone instead of quietly#accepting that itll eventually go in the dumpster behind a grocery store because it stopped looking appetizing or it wasnt on sale anymore#what about building homes so we can shelter each other? what if we were satisfied with what we did because we knew it would be paid back#with kindness? isnt that what we evolved to do?? heal each others bones and tell stories and help each other??#why dont houses come with solar panels or generators unless we find a way to make people pay to use the sun? why is our pooled money used#to fund genocides instead of education and hospitals? whose interests and convenience came first when we started this??#i wont pretend to know the answer because i dont. but we all know we're miserable and im sorry to say that i cant see myself fighting#for a world that wont fight for me too. why do we work if we cant live from it?? why did they stop us from plucking more teeth from our#bosses until they could build more walls around themselves and then go back to underpaying us??#im so tired. i cant even imagine making it to age 70#yapping#vent
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"Oh Clark is the sun!" "He's the brightest and the sunshine and the warmth and-"
I'm not gonna say you wrong, but have you considered that Superman physically can't survive without the sun? He basically photosynthesizes and needs the sun to keep him alive. In the same way he needs Batman to keep him alive, he can't live without him. His sunshine is Bruce, as he is to him. And he would sacrifice the people's sun if it meant he got to bask in his sunlight for even a second more.
And Bruce only ever hid from the brightness, never liked the chaos of the day. Found peace and tranquility in the quietness and stillness that only the moon was powerful enough to command. He felt the most protected and safe when under the light that was only worshiped by few. Superman is his only constant, the only one that can calm him down and treat him the way he's desperately wanted all his life. He doesn't hide from his moon.
No wonder he cares so much to protect only the night, and no wonder he trusts Clark to protect the day. The same way he trusts him to protect his heart like no other.
#superbat#im having feelings#can you tell i dont understand metaphors#?#clark kent#superman#bruce wayne#batman#dc#dc comics#i don't know anymore#their dynamic#is just everything to me#i love them#i want to hold them in my hand and carry tgem atound im my pockets and live thrm amd loose my mind#im very tired#if you dont understand bruce is clarks sun and clark is bruces moon
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#i walked into a situation today where my mom was effectively already dead. effectively bc her body was and is still alive. still breathing#painful groaning purrs. but her mind was gone yesterday. my dad said he showed her a picture of the mountains i took that day and told her#i loved her and she smiled. thats what he said. maybe he was just being nice. or maybe thats the last time she thought of me. i dunno. but#the human body is an incredible thing. shes got a heart still powering a broken body. too full of tumors to function anymore. stomach#streched like a pregnant mother. it happed really fast and now its happening very slow#im somehow probably better off than the rest of them. i only got here for the aftermath of a downslide. my daily life will b least effected#i only really saw her twice a year living so far away and she didnt text much. didnt call often. so life wont change much ill just kno shes#not there. which is sad. but theres nothing to b done abt it. life goes on. it hasnt been all bad tho. its nice to talk to my family abt her#how incredible she was. bc she was. wish her mom wasnt here tho. she doesn't deserve to b here. my mom wouldnt want her here. she didnt want#her here. but anyway. i wish her body would just let her go now. so we can sleep. so this can be over. so she can rest#but even like this shes stubborn and resilient. they say it could go on for days but i hope not. may the universe let her rest shes gotta b#so tired after 10 years of this. but i have no regrets. she knew how i felt abt her. and i dont think she had regrets either. she did so#much up to the very end. went out on a high note without the burdon of knowing it was coming#i dunno. its just such a strange experience to watch the empty shell of your mother sleeping like a gurgling baby#unrelated
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#i lasted less than 2 days without tumblr this is so sad#i logged out from one of my privs a few days ago and yesterday deleted twitter app from my phone#im just so bone tired of constant discoures like (shakes my 2020 self) HOW DID WE GET HERE#anyway my stance didn't change too much i hope she'll find some peace and better friends#not everything is forgotten and forgiven but im glad george acknowledged that she is hurt by what happened#and I'd rather leave on my own when im 100% not interested in their content anymore so yeah im staying#i dont want to be so invested in their lives anymore or at least not as much as i used to but I will watch some of their content#if you're not comfortable with that then you're free to unfollow or soft block me i wont hold it again you
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Sorry for all the depressing ass posts I'm just. So sad and tired all the time and I'm crying rn at like 3 am when all I want to do is sleep cause I rlly don't know what I'm gonna do with my life.
#my brain keeps circling the same thought#and unfortunately#that thought is that i should just kill myself and then i wont be such a fucking burden and nobody would have to deal with me anymore#but like i dont want to die. im just so fucking tired and habe never been good at anythiing in my life ever.#and its hard not to feel so small and pathetic and to live in poverty#and i always thought we'll i have family i can depend on so its not rlly poverty but no i dont think i can depend on them#which rlly fucking sucks#i dont know i just thought id matter more
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🌙☁️🌌
#evenings and nights are always the worst for me#when i feel this lonely.... :(((#when you're alone the nights are the worst bc#u dont have anyone at all really.. and it gets so obvious at night#just .. the loneliness gets intensified#and i can compare bc#there was a period of time where i talked to someone everyday#and i looked forward to the nights and their messages and comforing goodnight messages#and so i know firsthand what big of a difference that makes#for years and years i've had these bad loneliness feelings tho.. so it's not smth new#but it gets harder and harder to deal with them. esp as the world outside is getting colder and crueler#and people only get more and more mean#plus when i do have smth wonderful that made me warm and happy and comforted that i dont have anymore#and can compare and know what im missing#it does get harder :c#i try to watch videos and think of other things but oh god this loneliness hurts so damn much i crumble underneath the weight of it#maybe life will get better dealing with it all if i have a stable income and an apartment with my pets#and go to work all day and come home too tired to feel lonely... idk?#im so scared i'll never find someone that i can be together with. bc i think im the kind of person who needs that#but im also so different and difficult and idk how and if it'll happen....#and how do i live with these heavy painful feelings of extreme loneliness ? idk :c#i try mindfulness too. and listening to music. and reading. and cuddling my pets#but im just a human. i want someone i love to hold me and fall asleep with them close to me.#i wanna lie in bed and talk to them abt anything bc between us it is a judgement free zone#despite what ppl say i am not weak for needing and wanting that. and being incredibly alone without it.#it's what i need and want but idk if i ever will and the thought of being stuck with this heavy loneliness all my life makes me wanna die#ok. peace out 😑✌️
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I'm trying desperately hard to stay positive and not give into depressive thoughts but I feel very very stuck and like I'm making no progress ahhhhhhhh
#fucked up my whole summer and my academic career which is like the one thing that i feel gives me purpose#i just feel like im not smart anymore if i ever even was#i know im young and that its the depression brain talking but i feel like i have no future and that i've ruined any chance at feeling happy#im just sad and tired all the time. i really try not to be and i feel lazy and guilty about it#my SI is the worst it's ever been in my whole life and i think i genuinely might live like this forever#there's a lot of cognitive distortions going on i know that i know!!! i want to get better and be a functioning person#it's just so lonely and i feel like i can't talk to anyone abt it because i dont want to freak them out#and also i recognize how exhausting it can be to talk to someone who shuts down every piece of advice or suggestion with something negative#so tumblr gets my splurge lol
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being jewish with zero affiliation to israel and rather a generational line of activists for palestine is a hard line to walk and sometimes i wish i could just fall off
#i hate zionist jews i hate i stand with israel signs in my neighborhood i hate leftists who write and speak and act like theyve never met an#actual jewish person in their life and believe that were all genocidal monsters (in spite of our own genocide which i assume will eventuall#flip around to leftist holocaust denial) i hate that people are blaming israeli civilians for the faults of their deeply corrupt government#i hate that i cant say zionism is inherently antsemitic without getting fucking maimed i fucking hate it here the world is on fire just#fucking let me burn#anyways#sorry#free palestine#any other#jumblr#girlies (gn) relating to my vent#bc im started to feel ashamed of myself my culture and my people#and its such a fucking shitty feeling#like i can barely look in palestine / gaza / etc. tag without seeing blindingly blatant antisemitism coming from left right and center#like just say you hate jews and fuck off#i cant look at this shit anymore fuck#idk why im so worked up about this rn i just. btwn weeding out all the zionist blogs i didnt know i followed and just being so fucking-#and weeding out all the antisemitic leftist blogs i didnt know i was supporting its all just crashing down#im so fucking tired#and im so fucking tired of having to defend myself any time i talk about the jewish experience in any of this#and im so fucking tired of people equating judaism with religion only#and im so fucking tired of the double standard of also equating with only one race#like there arent jews of every race#the reason you cant see any of this shit is because nearly a century later were still dealing with the aftermath of the 6mil person murder#were always at the cross roads of some ridiculous double standard or the scapegoat for when things are going badly#like fuck i just#dont want to have this fucking identity anymore it makes me a walking talking breathing living fucking target#idk what to do I'm just#desolate
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#awi#personal#i dont want to go into work in the morning#i remember 2016 so vividly how my republican coworkers were acting like it was a football game their team won#ive been looking at new jobs new apartments new anything for a bit now and was starting to feel more hopeful#but now the uncertainty of the future has me hesitating something fierce#i was starting to seriously consider just quitting my job and finding some part time work for a couple months#live off savings and pray to any deity thats listening i dont get sick since i wouldnt have health insurance anymore lol 💀#just get some more time to exist on my own terms for a bit#im so tired#i bought my dad and i booze on my way home so we were both pretty loopy earlier and he was waxing poetic about me getting a new job#to have that feeling back#he's feeling similarly stuck i think#the older i get the more i am his kid fr#i am. so tired
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Im so close to crying
Me and my mom got in a fight right after me and my brother fight.
Love this life. I'm so bloody done. Screw this.
#im so tired of life#im so done#im so tired of living#i just dont want to#live like this#i don't want to live anymore
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I don't even care anymore. Like it's so funny how much I do Not care. Even as recently as a year back, when I'd see a bad take online (be it meanuingless fandom stuff or serious real-ass issues) I would have imaginary arguments in my head, try to think of valid counterpoints, try to maybe see things from their pov, etc. Now i just see sth rancid and my brain immediately goes nah. Fuck this shit I ain't even gonna argue with you inside my head, you're just fucking stupid. Block. Go be stupid somewhere else.
#this was about a take about zionism that a mutual somehow rbed and put on my dash#anyway they're not a mutual anymore. both them and op are blocked#sorry but yall are fucking idiots if you think zionism is an uwu innocent ideology that netanyahu just twisted#the creator of modern zionism himself was very clear as to what it means and coexistence was nowhere in his description#google is fucking free and im too tired of an entire year of genocide to even try and coddle your fucking idiocy#insert personal tag i forgot#even as recently as a year back id be comstantly scared of losing friends because of standing my ground#now? im sorry but if you think like that i actually dont think i want to be your friend. i deserve better friends#i wasn't really close to this particular person but still. im not scared of displeasing others anymore#not when those people are evidently not gonna give me the same courtesy#it's sad because i grow more bitter year by year. but sadly that's the world we live in i guess.
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trying to decipher if the overwhelming dread & Thoughts are cause of the state of the world or cause i need a shower.
vent post in the tags. idk. do whatever 👍
#sorry bros im about to ventpost in these mf tags 👍#im so fucking tired man. im already suicidal to begin with but the Everything happening is making it Worse. Yippe Yahoo Hooray.#therapy in a week though so ive got that at least.#this is the worst time of year for shit to go south.but Uh Oh saying that makes me feel like a selfish fuckass because other people -#- have it worse. like. god fucking damn. i get Extra suicidal around september -> march range sure. but other people are literally suffering#like as we fucking speak. and ive done fuckall to help cause i dont know HOW to help. but thats not a fucking excuse#im just being comfortable in my lazy ass depression spiral cause im a selfish fucking prick. “i cant spare the energy to vett things”#other people are fucking dying and im over here like “noo im too tiwed :( i cant do anyfing so im not gona do anyfing cuz im wazy and tiwed”#what the fuck is wrong with me lmao. knowing me im not gona change shit anyway despite fucking complaining about it cause im just. fucking#Like That.#idk. i was reblogging some of those “hold in there dont kill yourselves” posts cause like. yk. suicide bad or fucking whatever. but someone#on this site said something along the lines of “ok but how many people reblogging/posting these told jews to kill themselves” and like.#i dont know. i dont fucking know dude. so i guess im not reblogging Those anymore.#theres bigger issues out there and here i am focusing on some queer people who might kill themselves. idk. i should just join them yk#cause i never fucking focus on the bigger shit cause “i dont know how” and “i dont want to make things worse so i just wont do anything” so#im not doing fuckall other than just being part of the fucking problem here.#i should probably just delete social media for a while and see from there.#or just fucking drink about it thats the other option. its worked for me before (lie) so i may as well do it again am i right#im sorry i never like. boost gofundmes or fundraisers and shit i just.#i dont have a fucking excuse. im just a lazy fucking bastard in my own stupid fucking comfort circle.#“oh no seeing that people are dying makes me uncomforyable :(” ok well people are fucking dying you self absorbed douchebag. why cant you#get off your stupid fucking ass and do something. get a job so you can fucking help people or *something#its not like you have to pay rent and shit.#<- all about myself. cause yk. self centered douchbag. hooray.#i dont pay rent and i dont have to pay for my own food. i still live with my parents. im fucking useless to society so i may as well get a#job and send the money i dont fucking need to somrone who DOES need it. but here i am.#in.my stupid fucking bed til noon cause “the world is scary and jobs are hard :(”#its fucking retail. retail isnt as fucking hard as like. construction and shit but here i am anyway “unable” to do shit.#i fucking could if i just fucking ballsed up and put up with shit. but no. here i fucking am going “nooo i should just kill myself instead”#vent post
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I'm actually so tired
#of everything#of existing#of having to have a stupid fucking job#of stupid dress codes and clothes and terms i dont understand#why does everything have to be such a fucking hassle anymore#I'm fucking miserable all the time!! literally nothing brings me joy I can't fucking STAND being alive#i live in a hellhole in my house already but now the country get to go to shit too and i can't fucking TAKE IT anymore#i cant keep doing this im so tired snd frustrated and angry and miserable and i hate doing shit i just want to be left the fuck alone#elliot rambles#vent
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im the one society marked as avoidant yet im always the only one who wanna fucking talk things thru. y'all are a fkn joke!!! im sry but u rlly are 💀 im the avoidant one. the one scared of conflict nd afraid of talking.... yet im always the one staying and begging to talk while the other one just leaves or is a wall nd refuses to talk abt it 😹😹😹😹😹
#im sick nd tired of it#sooooo many ppl say they wanna talk#nd blah blah fucking blah#it's never ever true#!!!!! im so sick of ppl jesus fucking christ#im sick of society telling ME im the sick one the distubed one#im the one w a personality#w a personality disorder lmao***#yet every one else are x100000 more avoidant than me#it's a joke!!!!!! absolutely fucking ridiculous#i barely have patience w ppl anymore bc all they do is blah blah blah but 1% of what they say is actually true#yeah yeah blah blah you're just wasting air atp maybe just stfu#dont say things u cant stand for#god im so fucking angry like????? why is it so hard for y'all to fucking TALK. say what u mean!! say what u wanna!!!!#talk things our instead of running away like a dumb fkn coward everytime smth gets a bit tough#or it's more like everyone have these extremely high nd uttainable expectations nd demands of u#nd if u dont live up to them suddenly you're trash nd they dont even want to talk abt things#bc you're not the perfect little thing they made up in their head#ugh fucking yikes people are so incredibly infuriating#i wish i could just find my ONE person nd then just go off nd be w them nd not bother w everyone else jfc#ok i obvi cant speelll when im angry whatever
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#Im so tired so fucking tired i dont wanna ask for help i dont want to be helped i want to take care of my own self i want to have my own#money i want to be independent i want to live by myself#i was fired in august ive been looking for a new job since january#and nothing i have fucking nothing to show for it#im so tired i just dont wanna go through this anymore#theres almost no food left and i need to pay rent and all the bills and i cant keep fucking doing this#when am i gonna be allowed a break or to fucking breath for a second#im tired im tired im so fucking tired
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