#im just so exhausted and feel so sick but i have to go in for a group project and for a class thats graded | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

revelboo · 1 day ago

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Im not sure if these are updated based on request or based on your whimsy, but if it *is* request based, may I please beg for Ironhide? I love the old man >.<

If not, feel free to ignore and I will continue to patiently wait :) 👍

Love u so much for this blog; it gets me through the work day.

Honestly, it’s mostly based on people reminding me in the asks that I’ve neglected a character or story, because I’m not motivated enough to make a posting schedule I know I won’t stick to and those asks are sitting at over 300 at this point 😂 no matter how fast I go through them

Hold Me Down Pt 4

Ironhide x Reader

• “Rules,” he growls, servos flexing as you scowl up at him from where he’d unceremoniously dumped you on his cluttered desk. “You’re going to behave. Primus help you if I catch your sticky little fingers on anything that’s not yours.” And you’re looking around, ignoring him. Smacking a hand on the desk to make you jump and glare, he grins. “Act like a sparkling and I’ll treat you like one, darling.”

• Eyes narrowing at the big, red jerk, you curl your lip at him. He’d made it abundantly clear that you’re not getting away. That you’re stuck with each other and that he hates it. Well, that’s fine. The hate is pretty much mutual. He’d tried to give you a heart attack after all. And, okay, maybe you’d been trying to steal him at the time, but how were you supposed to know he wasn’t a real van? If anything, this is his fault. And what is a sparkling? Sounds like an insult. One thing you have figured out? He can’t hurt you or you’re pretty sure he’d have chucked you out while driving and that makes you brave to cover up the fear. “Look, demon van,” you say ignoring his pointed ‘it’s Ironhide.’ “You kidnapped me, so I have every right to make you miserable. And I’m going to enjoy it.”

• You’re grinning at him, no longer putting him in mind of a sparkling. No, they’re at least innocent. You’re a vicious little scraplet, all teeth and evil. “Try me.” Because he’s not putting up with any sass or attitude and unfortunately, you seem to be nothing but. He almost liked you better screaming. Bending slightly to get on your level, he reaches out and taps you on the head with a servo. Grimacing as you slap at him, swearing. Maybe gentler next time, he decides as you rub your head to send your hair into disarray. “I’d behave a little better if I was your size.”

• “Well, I’d punt you across the room if I was your size,” you mutter, rubbing your head. He’d thumped you hard enough to hurt. “Jerk. Demon van. Asshole.” Those big servos flex into a fist and you shut up. Know he can’t hit you, but the threat? Cringing and hating yourself for it, you glare up at him, heart racing.

• That shut you up, but it twists unpleasantly through him, too. That fear in your eyes so raw. It’s the look of someone expecting a blow because it’s familiar, cringing but still defiant. Resigned. “Look,” he grumbles, sitting down and suddenly exhausted. “I’m not going to hurt you, but you can ease up on the back talk.” Lips pressing into a thin line, you just shrug. Right. Brat. “If you haven’t noticed, I’m not cut out for taking care of sparklings.” And far too old for it besides.

• That word again. You’re beginning to suspect what it means and it’s not flattering. “You understand that I’m an adult, right?” When he just stares, you swallow a laugh. “I’m not a kid, pal. I’ve been on my own for years and I don’t need taking care of.” Or want it. Relying on other people, trusting them to look out for you, to have your back can only come back to bite you. The only one you can count on is you. You’ve learned that the hard way. Anything else just gets you hurt and you’re so sick of pain.

You're the echoes of my everything,

You're the emptiness the whole world sings at night.

You're the laziness of afternoon,

#transformers x reader #ironhide x reader #idw ironhide

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cupiidzbow · 7 months ago

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im doing something different for commissions this coming time

#i have to cleanup/line/color/ the last of the work I have to do #and then im gonna take a break for a week or two #for the next batch it’s gonna be different I’ve decided #im probably going to make them ko-fi 6 or 8 slots first come first serve #im gonna raise my prices too. im sorry if this an inconvenience #im not going to get too personal but there like rough changes happening in my life and i feel very physically sick rn #i feel very ill and im feeling so intensely ever since being off my meds. I don’t want to make it anyone’s problem #im SO greatful to the people who want art from me. and im so greatful for the commissions i get.#I think I worked myself to the point of misery . im feeing the physical effects of it #im just physically exhausted and I don’t want to burn myself out #I can barely respond to people and I don’t want to have others deal with it #I have no other ways of getting money so I physically depend on these #I don’t want to feel like im only good for making art . i don’t want to make it seem like im lazy when im working everyday #hopefully I finish the rest of my work in the coming week. I appreciate everyone whose supported me and my art #and im sorry for being a bit of a downer. I’ll get back to regular posting 🧡#txt

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nabaath-areng · 11 days ago

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Having to micromanage your entire physical battery day in and day out is so exhausting, especially when your ability fluctuates without rhyme or reason with every single day. I'm starting to have to reframe how I view and tackle my task lists because otherwise the grief and frustration becomes so much that I get nothing done. I'd love to complete the entire list today, but I'm gonna have to limit myself to ticking off two tasks just so I don't burn myself out to the point of being unable to do anything later...

#and even then thats no guarantee since i could feel super sick later without warning #OR maybe i feel superdupergood and can do them all no problem and THEN some #but then i also have to prepare for being bedridden after if i dont keep track of how much energy i burn #the event horizon of which ALSO changes daily lmfao #meanwhile people assume youre lucky or even privileged for this #as if being homebound for your safetys sake and spending most of the time being unable to really do anything #is anything worth envying. people assume youre resting when frankly youre just keeping your face above the water #i dont have a choice either. i gave up all my dreams and ambitions just for the sake of trying to survive for once #i WANT to have a life i WANT to have the power to be independent and not be at the mercy of others until the day i die #god sorry URGH its so hard to not feel sad and hopeless and almost bitter about this sometimes #its so hard not to feel alienated and embarrassed by the fact that you practically live in a different reality to people #people whose lives revolve around careers and working to the point where they cant comprehend you as a disabled individual #and what that means beyond the assumption that being chronically ill and overall impaired is a choice and moral failire #whether or not people are aware of that baseline assumption concretely #and i feel stupid and annoying for whining about this when i have so much to be grateful for #just. guhhhhhhhhh idfk. i SHOULD get started here but i can barely move out of bed #exhaustion is killing me i miss going on daily walks my house feels like a prison #i need to stop moping im already spiralling lmfao #trying not to close my eyes lest i pass out yet again despite having gotten more than 12 hours of sleep #cause apparently to my stupid body thats not enough to even stand up #silvi talks

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icewindandboringhorror · 2 months ago

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"We can get through this by working together, reach out to your friends, community is all we have, a social network will be your security in the world, now is the time to lean on others!"

I do agree, and it's scientifically sound (pretty sure there is data about how people with better social networks live longer and etc) but also....augh..... what about the severe social issues, difficulty to leave the house, physical issues which lead to like zero socialization energy a majority of the time, etc. etc. Social support can be a replacement for structural support, but.. I guess I just wish it didn't have to be. Community is extremely difficult to build, even moreso if you're someone who has issues with social cues or group conversations or even just being around others in the first place. And blah, nuance, of course I'm just complaining or maybe being too negative or maybe misunderstanding, but, I hardly have the energy to brush my hair once every 2 months.. how am I supposed to maintain a wide social network and be active in a Community and Join Groups lol... sometimes it kind of feels like "er.. well if thats my only option then...... ruh roh". It's overwhelming

#Kind of like some post I saw a long time ago talking about how even the meanest shittiest most difficult to get along with #elderly people or whaever still deserve to have some sort of systems in place to support them so they're not just relying on the #grace of relatives or etc. who may not be able to deal with them. Not saying that I'm like mean and cruel or anything #but the fact of the matter is in most social situations either I am compromising or the other person is. Not in like an ~`ouuu im so weirdd #nobody willever understand my quirky swagg hee heee~' way but like a.. Just factually the things that make me happy and comfortable #are often incompatible with people. The way I communicate and process things is different from the way other people do and that #is always a barrier. I cannot have ''easy''' interactions. Even with 'understanding' people there is nearly always a significant #amount of effort. You can't walk into a group of people and then be like ''okay you guys all have to wear #masks and you also cant play music too loud and also we should communicate turns of speaking very clearly so group conversations #arent too stressful. and also i need this and that and we have to do this and that and '' etc. etc. You CAN. And some people will #go along with that. but they will ALWAYS secretly resent you for it. You will be the one person they're relieved to not have to be around.#theyre glad when you dont show up since they can go back to doing things however they want and not masking and all these boring #annoying things. OR you can say none of that and just deal with the loud music and the talking and the unmasked people. but then #YOU'RE compromising. and no matter how nice they are it's exhausting to be around and youre just further alienated #while in the presence of people and uncofmrtoabel the whole time.#Which I'm not saying the only form of community is a group setting specificially but just giving that as an example lol #I just wish there were a better option than ''well learn to socialize normally or just suffer then'' . Which I know is not what people are #saying. I guess I just always feel a bit scared when 'community is the answer'. Since its not like 'oh im just socially anxious and need to #get out of my shell~!' or something thats really that remedy-able. It's like.. my mostly unchangeable physical health issues combined #with the mostly unchangable literal way that my brain processes sensory informationand other things means that interacting with #others in a normal and easy way is incredibly difficult and often exhausting especially to maintain in any longform fashion. So then #when it's like ''the answer to staying safe is to maintain longform social connections!! :3 just reach out!!'' then.. ermm... O_O #also I'm not even one of the cutesy shy emotional hermits that's nervous. I'm the Bad Stereotype emotionless robotic cold seeming #looms in the corner of the room type of thing so people have less pity on you in that way. -_- ANYWAY gghj #I need like.. a designated social representative or something.. When I did work in that bookshop forever ago they gave me a #person who basically was just with me to help communicate with others on my behalf and supervise me and stuff. I need that.. Some #more extraverted person I can latch onto and they can maintain the Social Support Network for me and I can just be their +1 to all #of the Social Things and community. I have helpful skills I can contribute to other people and stuff it's just like.. I cant socialize lol #I cook food or something for you.. then you keep me in contact with Community.. a deal. (but then what about when I'm too sick to #contribute? as is often the case. there's not much place for people like me in communities sometimes i fear.. sigh.) ***

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bookinit02 · 4 months ago

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thinking about this post i saw the other week where this person was saying how badly they wanted to be able to buy a nice mug without thinking twice about it. and all the comments were saying how they could just buy a cheaper mug. and they were like jesus fucking christ ITS NOT ABOUT THE MUG. because yeah

#i’m so fucking. Exhausted #having to so carefully budget every single dollar #and feeling like a failure if i want to get like. some fancy cookies or something #or a nice blanket #and i am paying back my debt but also taking on more every year #and i personally don’t even feel that bad about it. like as long as i can afford the monthly payments idc #but then i see like three million tiktok/youtube videos shaming people who have less debt than i do #and im like. well ok.#like i am Trying idk what else to say😭#but i don’t want to try this hard like i’m not strong enough #i don’t have the work ethic or desire to scrape every penny into my savings like.#i just want to be able to buy fun things and see my friends #not even like. anything crazy expensive😭#i want to go out to a bar for karaoke without feeling guilty about the drink prices #it’s just. sooooo fucking frustrating and i’m worried it won’t ever end #sorry for the rant i am just spiraling a little bit😭#i’ll probably delete later #like i am Fine and actually doing really well rn #but i am so sick of not being able to afford to eat #and even when i start getting paid i still have to be so so so careful with my money #which i am. historically not good at doing #UGH #sorry😭#will delete #personal

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professionaljester · 1 month ago

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love my bad mental health, love being suicidal all the time

#abc shut it #im tired of fighting it and trying to participate in life when it feels like i dont exist #love being lonely and then being told its due to my bad mental health so i pretend it doesnt affect me and i try and be myself #and no one likes me and i dont exist unless i remind people im a person so its kinda like #at a point where its not just suicidal ideation #its just a situation of /when/ and not if haha #ive been alive for 26 years and 20 of those have been exhausting as hell im ready to be done #exhausting and lonely and isolating im sick of it #i try and i try and my life doesnt get better or anymore worth living #and when i vent abt it i get told i need to try harder and im not trying at all and i need to stop being so depressed #its hard to not be depressed when the universe gives everyone around me a better experiences than me #i feel like im screaming that im here please pay attention #and nothing #i talk and my voice gets ignored or i get talked over #i post online to try and start conversations or make friends and i just get ignored #like do i exist at all to anyone else but myself #im trying to reach out and make friends but none of the ppl i wanna make friends with seem interested in having a conversation with me #i add all these people to discord and message them all the time #but nothing gets passed me sending them messages no one ever fucking messages me first #it feels like no one thinks about me and i dont matter #literally no one gives a fuck what i have to say #or anytime i talked im corrected on SOMETHING i say or i get a belittled in response #i cant do this shit anymore i cant #no one gives a shit about what i have to say and its really coming across that no one likes me #bc if my friends cant text me first or respond to my messages at all #why am i in the wrong feeling like im alone and have no friends when im the only one reaching out ever if i wanna have a conversation #and when i do feel like im allowed to talk i just talk and talk and talk and know the people dont give a shit abt what i have to say #i jsut feel like im here to be talked at and do things for other people and nothing more #that whenever i have an emotion its wrong and i need to bottle it up #and i dont eve get a chance to learn how to manage my emotions bc it feels like im going to get scolded or belittled for feeling things

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sundays-mutt · 4 months ago

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eight years in november and somehow i do not love him any less and i cannot imagine ever falling out of love either

#z.gen #i love him so much like its actually crazy #he is so easy to be with. i was dead tired and exhausted and it was still so easy to be with him in a loud cramped concert hall like.#he loves me so much too. made a joke about my throat hurting in the concert hall and he looked so worried and i was like ohh you love me #i learned today for the first time im the only person he lets touch his hair (he is black for context) and like. im going to chew him alive #like i LOVEEEEEE that man #he also accepts me so much but like. he really fr loves me hes so considerate of me for no reason at all i feel like kid around him #i just truly never get sick of him ever in my life like how can i still love you this much #i dont know how to explain it but i think describing it as luck is the most sensible thing i truly feel like i won the lottery #i love him so much i was i could show the mutuals him like show and tell like that one vid. that is the love of my life #it really is true about the ebbs and flows of a relationship bc we have been through tough ass shit lol but i like.#love him. like dffhkjsbhkfnsjsdkfd i love him so bad. i hang off of his every word and i want to eat him alive #even when we disagree or get moody with each other or whatever i simply Love Him So Much

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justmossyaps · 4 months ago

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:)

#i’m so fucking done honestly #i’m so sick of feeling like shit #like how can i not have ONE good day lmaoooooooo it’s so stupid. as soon as things are going kinda well it’s just like 📉#everything hurts and i’m so fucking tired and i’m so dizzy and disoriented all the time #i don’t feel real i feel like im on a separate plane of existence than everyone else or even from where i was last year #i feel so locked out from the rest of society like what is even fucking going on #god i feel like shit #and it never ends either #it just continues to get worse #i’m so done #i just want to be done but nope i have years and years of this ahead of me #fuck #anyways #fuck it we ball!! :D #everything’s fine i’m just exhausted and idk how im going to make it through this year #but it’s fine i have good friends and family #it’ll be fine

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rapidhighway · 6 months ago

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ughh my anxiety got so much worse recently and idk what to do about itt sorry I gotta vent in here cause google ain't helping horrible amount of tmi warning ig....

#im like constantly entering rooms and scared I'm going to find someone died or inkeep thinking someone has killed themself and it's fucking #exhausting and it's just so scary like i can barely enter a room or walk down the stairs without bracing myself for like #the sight of someone lying on the floor or whatever it just brings me so much distress #and i guess it's just like a sick combination of my intrusive thoughts too cause #i have thoughts of this as well as someone trying to kill me or attack me so im just going through world #getting random thoughts that someone isbgoing to suddenly drive their car into me or jump me or whatever #nad godni knowww it's not real but it's just fucking so much with my brain im literally exhausted from the amount #of distress im going through #and it's not like anything has happened recently that's related it's just that my brain is fucked I've always had these thoughts like for #years and years and years it's just worse rn ughhhh #like I feel like this is such an exaggerated fear it's almost comical like i would really open doors to rooms #and think members of my family would be dead and dangling off the ceiling -_-#yeah alright I feel bad even posting this but I can't talk about it to anyone so. uhh

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fadeintoyou1993 · 6 months ago

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having to explain to people things like. if i have to go out to do something and run errands i need to have it all mapped out and planned w like. at least a week in advance. and if i go out that day i cannot do anything else because That will be it. if i have multiple commitments that cannot be put on the same day i need one full day in between those commitments so i can rest and be recharged for that next thing otherwise i might have a breakdown in the middle of the street (again) and then That will render me unable to function for like a whole three days. and then people look at me like i choose to live like this?

#txt #audhd tag #just venting a little #its crazy because ppl around me are like I understand your limitations However why dont you-#So you dont understand my limitations?#like okay yeah i understand that it must be Weird for people that are not Inside my brain and hard to understand that i PHYSICALLY CANNOT>#do things that they dont even think about. alright! but to sit and tell me Yeah we get it! but then try to either fix it or >#> come up w a New Incredible Way To Fix Me as if half of what i talk abt w my therapist isnt Exactly This #like yeah i dont fucking like it either. i wish i could do shit like other ppl do. i wish i could remember things.#i wish i didnt feel exhausted all the time i wish simply leaving my bed wasnt the most difficult task every single morning #but it pisses me OFF when people try to talk me through these Limitations i have that They Understand<3 like. can you be accommodating or no #one of my closest friends and oldest friends since i was like 5 had her bday on friday and she ljterally messaged me like #Hi we r having something w my family but theyre rly loud and extremist on the right wing side and i barely wanna be here u dont have 2 come>#> but i wanted to invite u anyway so u dont think ur being left out! and i was like Yayy nice thank u bc lbr i probably wouldnt go anyway.#and she KNOWS that. and she literally was talking to me like she alwahs does and That felt accommodating and understanding and i felt loved #cut to my mom last night trying to make me feel guilty for not going because Shes my friend and i should have gone anyway.#i told her off and she backtracked but thats still innmy head like. that shit is so irritating #okay sorry vent over im just aboht to get my period so this is making me sick #want to yell into the void and forget about it. Hits post

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pink-lemonadefairy · 4 months ago

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🌻 ₊˚⊹ ࿔ 🌳

#the weather is so lovely today. it’s breezy and cool but the sun is warm so it’s not too cold or too hot out.#i wish it was like this forever.#ive been feeling so tired lately. physically n mentally & idk if its an underlying health issue or bc i haven’t been sleeping super well #the past few days i wake up in the middle of the night but im able to go back to sleep fairly quickly. but i STILL feel exhausted.#im supposed to talk about my lab results w my doc tmrw on the phone so. i hope everything is okay but tbh i wouldn’t be surprised if #something wasn’t optimal. my iron was okay last time i checked it though. sigh i just idefk anymore.#im sick of everything. im irritable for no reason. i don’t wanna do anything. like anything. i just want to rot in my bed #and even my interests are slowly slipping away from me. writing? couldn’t care less if i don’t write anything for the rest of the year tbh.#reading? i couldn’t even care to browse the shelves when we went to the bookstore the other day and it scared the shit out of me #kpop? meh.#i have a massive to do list and uni starts in a month and i have no energy. + dealing with my own brain and nonsensical thoughts on top #of that. overthinking anxiety all that super great stuff.#im also sick of putting in 110% into my relationships and getting half of it back. family friends whoever. and it makes me so sad. +#i feel like nobody even understands me. or even tries to or wants to.#im just tired #sick and tiredddddd #actually a bit sick too my throat hurts #anyways whatever #it’ll be fine i guess #i don’t want to give up but i don’t have any desire to push through im sort of just. floating. ill deal with it when i deal with it #♡ dear diary…

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moonlit-orchid · 8 months ago

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When your friend needs you to be there to comfort them, but you have no energy for serious conversations and so you're stuck wondering if youre being a selfish asshole or if youre justified in not wanting to be the one to sort their problems out