#god i feel like shit
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Turns out HPF (hot professor friend) is also working towards long term sobriety (his whole polycule might be actually) so i have someone on a more intimate level to talk about sobriety and the more fucked up shit with and I caught him at the end of our shifts today and honestly I feel a little less like I'm drowning in it all
#my ability to comminicate with everyone really falls apart when life gets bad. i haven't seen him in months#he's similar when life kicks his ass he goes radio silent save for the occasional flare of a life sign#but his partner invited us to dinner to try and correct all this and im trying tp fix things on my end#so if you suddenly get a very apologetic message from me this week that is why#so i went to find him and we caught up a bit#im grateful i did#god i feel like shit#i just wanna jump in a lake again
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:)
#i’m so fucking done honestly#i’m so sick of feeling like shit#like how can i not have ONE good day lmaoooooooo it’s so stupid. as soon as things are going kinda well it’s just like 📉#everything hurts and i’m so fucking tired and i’m so dizzy and disoriented all the time#i don’t feel real i feel like im on a separate plane of existence than everyone else or even from where i was last year#i feel so locked out from the rest of society like what is even fucking going on#god i feel like shit#and it never ends either#it just continues to get worse#i’m so done#i just want to be done but nope i have years and years of this ahead of me#fuck#anyways#fuck it we ball!! :D#everything’s fine i’m just exhausted and idk how im going to make it through this year#but it’s fine i have good friends and family#it’ll be fine
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what's your late-night regret? mine's not comforting my best friend after she buried her father
#existenceunrelateds#personal shit#cw death#havent used those tags in a while#hahaha it's one in the morning and i just remembered that#god i feel like shit#why did i LEAVE
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suddenly feel super fucking sick because the intense yearning for Varian came back out of nowhere but WoW is still so covered in slime for me that I feel like I'm gonna vom
but also I miss him so goddamn much i'm literally crying
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save me midol….. midol save me……
#god i feel like shit#also i’m having some weird side effects from my medication. this is fucked up.#this is what dying feels like#reymbles
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i can put all my grief and trauma into my fanfiction as is my god given right
#jay word vomits#ugh#anyway can anyone tell today was the funeral#god i feel like shit#BRING OUT THE BOY#time to put charlie slimecicle in situations
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sketchbook dump from this week 😛
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they should make a girl that can function in a social world without feeling like shes broken and curling up into a ball and hiding away from every one for no fucking reason
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🍄Mushroom friends🍄
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Me: mum can't do "brothers" birthday party this year so I'll do it instead
The universe: Mmm how about you go to hospital, get the flu and then get your period? That way you can't even buy him a present? How's that sound, as a compromise?
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chapter 4 trial.
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I just wanna mean something to someone... I wanna be the most important person to someone... The person they think about at all hours
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I was accidentally rude as hell to one of my favorite teachers over text and she answered with this really nice and articulated response with a bit of a critique. I've never taken critique well, so naturally I'm bawling my eyes out, but I wrote a very apologetic response and I'm really hoping she doesn't dislike me for this going forward, because I really liked the relationship I had going with her.
#reading it back i can really see how it could sound accusatory and such and that's completely on me#god i feel like shit#existenceunrelateds
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it's so fucked up getting sick on a weekend
like if I'm gonna be miserable for a few days, the least I ask for is those few days to be week days 😭
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Lol it's real tough not to get so insanely self destructive. If I was home alone I may have but
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