#god i feel like shit
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Turns out HPF (hot professor friend) is also working towards long term sobriety (his whole polycule might be actually) so i have someone on a more intimate level to talk about sobriety and the more fucked up shit with and I caught him at the end of our shifts today and honestly I feel a little less like I'm drowning in it all
#my ability to comminicate with everyone really falls apart when life gets bad. i haven't seen him in months#he's similar when life kicks his ass he goes radio silent save for the occasional flare of a life sign#but his partner invited us to dinner to try and correct all this and im trying tp fix things on my end#so if you suddenly get a very apologetic message from me this week that is why#so i went to find him and we caught up a bit#im grateful i did#god i feel like shit#i just wanna jump in a lake again
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:)
#i’m so fucking done honestly#i’m so sick of feeling like shit#like how can i not have ONE good day lmaoooooooo it’s so stupid. as soon as things are going kinda well it’s just like 📉#everything hurts and i’m so fucking tired and i’m so dizzy and disoriented all the time#i don’t feel real i feel like im on a separate plane of existence than everyone else or even from where i was last year#i feel so locked out from the rest of society like what is even fucking going on#god i feel like shit#and it never ends either#it just continues to get worse#i’m so done#i just want to be done but nope i have years and years of this ahead of me#fuck#anyways#fuck it we ball!! :D#everything’s fine i’m just exhausted and idk how im going to make it through this year#but it’s fine i have good friends and family#it’ll be fine
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suddenly feel super fucking sick because the intense yearning for Varian came back out of nowhere but WoW is still so covered in slime for me that I feel like I'm gonna vom
but also I miss him so goddamn much i'm literally crying
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save me midol….. midol save me……
#god i feel like shit#also i’m having some weird side effects from my medication. this is fucked up.#this is what dying feels like#reymbles
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i can put all my grief and trauma into my fanfiction as is my god given right
#jay word vomits#ugh#anyway can anyone tell today was the funeral#god i feel like shit#BRING OUT THE BOY#time to put charlie slimecicle in situations
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sketchbook dump from this week 😛
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they should make a girl that can function in a social world without feeling like shes broken and curling up into a ball and hiding away from every one for no fucking reason
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🍄Mushroom friends🍄
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Me: mum can't do "brothers" birthday party this year so I'll do it instead
The universe: Mmm how about you go to hospital, get the flu and then get your period? That way you can't even buy him a present? How's that sound, as a compromise?
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chapter 4 trial.
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I just wanna mean something to someone... I wanna be the most important person to someone... The person they think about at all hours
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it's so fucked up getting sick on a weekend
like if I'm gonna be miserable for a few days, the least I ask for is those few days to be week days 😭
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Lol it's real tough not to get so insanely self destructive. If I was home alone I may have but
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It’s the hangxiety
#i didn’t sleep enough and now i can’t sleep because im so anxious feelig#i really hungry i want eggs and bacon and toast and hashbrowns and oranges and coffee#god i feel like shit#i am sooo embarrassed and ashamed of my selffdfff
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i hate that before i start anything ihave to sit and ask myself if i really have the energy causd these days all i can manage is one thing a day and if i start smth that i end up not finishing it feels even worse
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It's only the end of Tuesday and I'm already feeling exhausted...
#dear anons if you read this - don't worry. i saw your ask and I'll answer them#just later because i feel like shit in the start of this weekend#god i feel like shit#uuuuuuuuuugh#i don't like whining but ugh
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