#bc if my friends cant text me first or respond to my messages at all

[professionaljester]

love my bad mental health, love being suicidal all the time

[skylilac]

i love talking to her but we are so bad at talking

[t3ag3rs]

♡ younger! s/o x bakugou headcannons !

YALL DONT THINK OF THIS IN A P3DO SENSE, I MEAN IT IN A WHOLESOME WAY. PLS DONT ATTACK ME. fair warning: this is HEAVILY unedited... pt. 2

you first meet each other when your mom invites his family over for lunch due to her and his mom working together. (yes this is gonna be a moms friends son trope bc thats whats happening to me 😈).

you walk down to greet the family- completely expecting to see the ugliest boy youve seen in your life. only to find out hes a ua student, built, and ofc... super fucking hot...

bakugou just stares at you blankly as you walk up and say hello to his parents and him.

recognizing his mom, you give her a hug with a big smile as she does the same.

"y/n! meet my son katsuki! hes a year older than you, but you two should get along just fine!" introduces mitsuki happily.

all you manage is a nod in response as you meet his gaze again. "um... nice to meet you bakugou.." you say smiling slightly. "just call me katsuki..." he responds gruffly as he stuffs his hands further into his pockets.

"y/n.. why dont you take katsuki upstairs and let him play on my ps5?" says your dad jokingly as he nudges your shoulder. you roll your eyes with a grin before motioning him to follow you back upstairs.

as you turn on the ps5 you hand him the controller, "we only have cod right now..." you say apologetically. "so, i heard you go to ua right...?" you ask questioningly as you sit on the other side of the couch facing him.

"yeah im in the hero program" he responds focusing on the game playing in front of him. you nod you head thoughtfully at his response "what year are you in katsuki..?"

"im in my final year, what about you...?" he says finally glancing back at you with his carmine eyes. "uh... im in 3rd year" you say fumbling over your words slightly.

"damn your young.." he chuckles as he shakes his head slightly, "hey at least im not about to go to college.." you retort with a small smirk.

bakugou cant help but grin at your response, "you calling me old shorty?" he asks with a slight smirk.

you internally melt at the sight but remain composed, "hey, im just being realistic here.." you respond as you raise your hands up.

"realistic my ass.." he mutters quickly turning back to the game, "what ass are you talking about katsuki?" you ask with a laugh.

suddenly, you hear the sound of laughter and turn to see his head thrown back as he struggles to keep himself composed, "you- you should not being saying stuff like that shorty..." he says in between chuckles.

throughout the rest of the time you and bakugou start talking more and more, almost as if you two were old friends reconnecting. heck, even his parents were surprised to see him actually talking to you like a normal person.

just before they leave you stand by the door quickly responding to a friends message. "shorty.." he calls, making you look up to see him handing you his phone. "lets stay in touch so i can keep an eye on ur bratty ass.." bakugou gruffs blushing slightly.

you widen your eyes but quickly agree as you type in your number. "ill text you soon shortcakes.." he grins before ruffling your hair and walking out right beside his parents.

All you can do is stand there rooted in your spot with flushed cheeks, grinning like a delusional idiot

[ai404]

yesterday, months after having gone to HR and reported that they have a problem with way too many creeps in the factory and expressed my discomfort at having my personal phone number on the first aid volunteer chart at work, i got a bunch of random texts from an unknown number and i'm POSITIVE they got it off that chart with my face on it because i dont give my number out, i fucking hate being asked for my number. and when i said idek who tf this is they responded with "you will soon" ... HELLO??!

i didnt bother going back to HR bc they've already proven they won't do shit. but my friend found the number linked to a cashapp and we pulled it up on the company directory and found out who his manager is and reported it to him and he said "i can fix that" lol. lmao. and THEN HE CALLS ME AND IS LIKE "oh no this guy lost his phone around lunch, somebody stole it" I DONT FUCKING BELIEVE YOU. HE GAVE ME HIS NAME AND IT MATCHED WHAT WE FOUND. PLAY BACK THE CAMERAS. DO *SOMETHING*. FIRE THAT FUCKING MAN BC IM NOT GOING BACK INTO WORK NOT KNOWING WHO THE HELL IS WATCHING AND MESSAGING ME. the blind fucking rage that ripped through me after i got off that call... i already told my manager im not coming in today.

and i cant even quit bc i dont have any fucking money LMAO like im so so miserable here and im so tired of being seen that way and it's so stupid and pitiful but a part of me gets so hurt bc i would LOVE for someone to actually bother to be my friend for once but all i attract is fucking creeps and pervy old men.

i'll go back in tomorrow and yes i will be armed to the teeth, as i always am. really wish i felt safe, ever, without a knife in my hands.

anyway no one is ever allowed to see me angry so it's fine im over it i just dont wanna be there rn and nobody at work will ever really know how much it upsets me and how disgusting and ugly i feel when stuff like this happens but it's fine, this is fine.

[i-am-an-arson-enthusiast]

sometimes i think wednesdays are cursed

you guessed it, it’s another post ranting about a shitty day but i’m writing this two days late 🤪

anyway. idk how much of this story i’ve told but someone who i thought was my friend asked my deadname. i know i’ve posted about it but who knows how depth they are. if you want more of a story go ahead and ask. so that’s the first wednesday that fucking sucked.

the next one is. a long one. i’ll try to shorten it. so tech doesn’t really give you any time at all to sit down and think about things bc by the time im done eating dinner it’s time for bed and i need my goddamn sleep. that adds to my stress and tech adds an UNGODLY amount of stress. like to the point of regular crying. so on wednesday the joke of the day was “yeah we have mental breakdowns on the daily back here”. and then we had two. one from my friend and one from me. and being stage manager, it was like fucking timed. i can’t just step away like others. i went over to the other side to talk with my friend and she really did help. then we had to close the red curtains but the person who does that doesn’t have an ear piece so i had to get my shit together and run over to tell him.

fast forward to me going home. i see my friend dmed me. and it says “for now on don’t talk to me” and by this point i was already breaking down all over again to my friend over text. i screenshotted it and sent it and we panic over it and in the span of twenty ish minutes my mental health plummeted the fastest it has ever before. i was at an all time low to the point where it physically hurt me. i was not ok and i would not have been ok.

but theennnnn he texted me apologising and we talked a bit :) and then he refriended me on discord and deleted that one message:) (which i never responded to so there’s a chance he is holding onto the idea that i never saw it) (who knows)

as of yesterday everything is ok and the whole thing was bc of the stress of tech and literally everything. which i get. so now im back to like a normal range in mental health. lower side of it but im surviving. my next goal in mental health is to start living for me and not for the people around me. bc i cant bear the idea of leaving them. and that includes a lot of my mutuals on here that i interact with a lot.

ok last thing: shoutout to the group therapy gc for having these very historical records in real time.

[gonancray]

you, i thought i could trust.

why did you lie. i just keep going back to those moments - when i looked you in the eye and asked if it was okay to be there - if we were intruding - the reality of our decision finally settling, the haze of adrenaline fading - and you looked at me and assured me that no, i wasn’t. no, we could stay.

why.

i asked you twice more during our stay, and again you responded the same way.

what hurts the most is the 180 you did the next day. if that had been a lie, if it had all been a facade, if you’d been able to go upstairs and text behind our backs and return with a straight face - as if we were some frightening “other” you needed protection from - if you had let me bawl into your shoulder, held ▇▇▇’s shaking fingers in your own so gently, with such softness in your eyes - then what the FUCK HAD BEEN REAL. 

I FELT SAFE. YOU FUCKING MADE ME FEEL SAFE AND OKAY AND LIKE I COULD FINALLY BREATHE SINCE THAT HORRIBLE GSA MEETING WHERE I GAVE ▇▇▇ THEIR GIFT AND LEFT IN TEARS BC I WAS SO OVERWHELMED AND ANXIOUS THE MEETING WHERE YOU LEFT ▇▇▇’s BDAY GROUPCHAT W NO EXPLANATON. 

WHAT I HATE SM IS THAT I DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT IS TRUTH AND LIE ANYMORE. I GLIMPSED you in the library today and your face was so untouched. i didnt expect to feel so suddenly hollow. i didn’t expect those two seconds of eye-contact to engrave itself in my mind for the rest of the day - for me to be here, 10 hrs later, frantically scribbling in a notebook, dodging the wet stains on paper. im crying and i feel nauseous and i cant even eat

what was real? what of our friendship was real?

i cant help but remember that day when i spilled my heart to you on your bed, and you let me rest my chin on your shoulder and you held me the tightest you’ve ever held me and you rubbed circles into my back and ▇▇▇ was beside me and i thought maybe we could stay there forever

i bared my fucking soul to you. 

i’d shown you my self-harm scars and explained them. i’d shown you the rawest parts of myself. i’d told you things i’d never told anyone. i shared my grade 7 poetry with you. i spoke about my relationship to religion and the hijab and my sexuality and how i felt about labels. and i thought you bared your soul to me in turn. i thought you’d never be afraid to tell me anything. i thought you’d always tell me the truth.

now i dont even know who you are.

what does it mean that you were able to throw it all away in one night. what did it mean about the nature of our interactions so far, if the entirety of our visits to your house had been a lie.

i am heartbroken by you. 

i cannot be friends with someone i cant trust.

i just fucking wish you had told me. everything wouldve been fine if you had told me.

one of the first lines in that message you sent me was “fucking take accountability for your actions”

i remember staring in numbed shock, on a hard bench in the cafeteria, the voice of the guest-speaker turning to a low buzz in my ears

▇. you hadn’t told me i had crossed a line. you hadnt informed me of any boundary being crossed.

i had asked you and YOU HAD LIED TO MY FACE - through your words, your countenance, your actions, the stupid warm smile on your face.

what the fuck ▇.

how dare you take this out on me. how dare you reveal to me how little i know you at all. 

i fucking hate you

i want nothing bad to happen to you, but i hate you. i wish the best for you but i hate you

how to reconcile this newfound hatred with the old, lasting love. 

i hate that you will never see this. i hate that i let you have the last word, i hate that you will never know how much i am hurting, i hate how you will never know i can no longer stomach breakfast without feeling the urge to throw up. i hate how its been a week and here i still am, crying over what we used to be - and what i did to us out of necessity

most of all i hate how to u i am still the villain. to you, i was the one who did the hurting. i was the one who didnt give a shit abt you

so here: in the privacy of my notebook: i am sorry. i’m sorry for not thinking. i’m sorry for ambushing you, i’m sorry for getting you in trouble, i’m sorry for the hurt i caused, i’m sorry for the inconsideration i displayed.

i would have given you an ocean-full of apologies - if only you had let me. if only you had given me a chance before leaping to your insulting conclusions

but its too late now

cutting you out was like severing my right hand. every time i reach for something i mourn its loss

you were a constant in my life and now youre gone

now all thats left is to deliver the eulogy, shuck off my funeral clothes and walk on

[pyrait]

Friends after graduation

Kinda want to vent ab my uni friends

About a year ago, I finally agreed to go to my faculty's halloween party with my friends. This party is fucking big, like it's known in my city by every university student, tickets are super hard to get by, it's in a huge club and everybody dresses up.

Historically, ive hated parties. On one hand bc my alcoholic parents didnt give me the best experiences to handle drunk ppl, and on the other hand bc i had a lot of bad memories of when i used to black out when i was younger. But, this time, it was my last semester. I had only gone to this party on my first semester and ive become sober since, so i thought itd be a nice symbolic gesture to go, plus my friends really seemed to want me to.

Anyways, it's the party and im having a painfully normal time. I dont love dancing but i do like to talk to a lot of ppl, and i know a lot of ppl here. So i say hi to everyone i see and at one point i mix my main friend group and another couple of friends i know. I have to go to the bathroom, so i tell both groups and leave for a moment. When i come back, oh surpirse, literally not a soul on the dancefloor, not even a stranger.

Ofc, i start to panic. I don't remember if id ever told my friends, but another reason why i hate clubbing is bc, when i used to blackout, i usually did it with strangers. Strangers who obviously didnt care ab me, and basically left me to die everytime i got too drunk. This was kind of a trigger for me.

My phone was at 3%, and i've been left to die. Again. This time by my closest friends.

So i use my phone frantically to ask through the groupchat where everyone left to. Fortunately, it's inside the club. But, again, this club is huge.

They dont respond until after 15 minutes. They tell me where they are. I run. Theyre not there.

This goes on for literally an hour and a half. I couldnt go back home bc i didnt have my phone to ask for a taxi, and my friends didnt go looking after me even tho i was the only one who wasnt with the group.

By chance i find them and i start angry crying and scolding my friends as to why they left me alone. I told them that they knew how parties made me feel and they still cared more about themselves than me. One of them said "Sorry for leaving you, we just thought youd be perfectly fine on your own".

Now that i've been graduated from uni for ab six months, ive been feeling extra lonely bc im having a harder time socializing.

It's true what they say: once we´re all "adults", suddenly no one has time to hang out. It's not like we all have jobs, the majority including me's all unemployed and looking.

But i still see them posting pictures with eachother. They invite all eachother but me. They all support eachother in their crises but me.

Okay, about hanging out, maybe i havent been the most present friend. Im that type of person who loves you deeply regardless of how much we text or hang. But about treating eachothers crises, im always physically there. I send a little message, or i try to pay a visit.

This is not a victim competition, but some of my friends literally just break down for anything. And we're all still there reassuring them that we'll carry them.

For me, it's not the same. It seems like they feel the same way about leaving me alone at the club as they do for everything regarding me.

Even though I spent two months in bed and tried telling the people around me that i was going through a tough time and needed some support, no one came to ask me how i was doing. Like, why even try to bother when i got it perfectly all on my own.

I cant do it on my own. I need people. What do i have to do to be more lovable? What does their connection have that i cant fulfill?

[icyhawt]

haikyuu boys as things that men i’ve talked to have done/said

genre: humor? crack? idfk

warnings: men being dumb 🤡, 18+ nsfw themes

hinata:

sends you a video of him eating an ice cream sandwich w the caption, “pov: you are the ice cream sandwich”

bye he probably spent way too long thinking of that caption and thinks he’s soooo funny w it 😭😭- i mean i guess

osamu:

you tell him you don’t know how to ghost properly and he goes “oh yeah? lemme do smoke tricks w ur mouth?”

this is hot, yes samu u can do whatever u like 🥰

tendou:

sends you a hand pic w the caption “these would look good around ur neck”

sends these pics UNPROVOKED, ugh and his hands are so nice too, yes please choke me out—🥵

terushima:

swipes up on your snap selfie and says “so am i sucking on your tiddies or not?” (y’all have never spoken btw)

absolutely no ‘hi’ or nothing like ???? like damn at least ask how my day was first aknskdmfm

oikawa:

texts you “do u say that to all the boys u talk to or am i special :))” after you tell him he’s cute

tbh yes u do but he don’t need to know that!!

nishinoya:

in the middle of y’all flirting he texts you, “grrrr *playful bite* 🤭”

mf WHATSHEHDH- please and he is 100% serious

bokuto:

after about 3 days of talking he texts you like “can we have 5 kids when we get married????”

bye i cant. he hasn’t even seen u irl yet, sir please chill out 🥴

makki:

texts you “tell me why they was just shooting outside and i had to run into your dms” as a convo opener and when you respond w ‘what ????’ he screenshots it and posts it to twt like “cant believe she would let me die like this 🙄”

bye his friends in his replies laughing 😭 block him rn

atsumu:

offers to send a dick pic in portrait mode in exchange for your nudes

he would, he really would.. i mean at least he asked before he sent it 🥴

suna:

on the first date, y’all go to the mall and he drags you into the nike store and ignores you for an hour bc he’s too busy finding shoes on the clearance rack to sell for double the amount on depop or smth

bitch...at that point just leave him there and go shopping by urself bc 😭😭😭

daishou:

invites you out and makes it seem like a group outing but shows up by himself. he pays for absolutely everything for you, tries to get cozy w you while y’all were in the movie theater but fails to mention he has a gf. and when his friends ask if y’all were on a date says, “idk”

‘iDk’ mf i will fight u AND take mika away from u too

kunimi:

after a week of talking he sends you literal paragraphs telling you how much he wants to be with you and then tells you he’s moving across the country the next day

he don’t even like u girl, he’s doing this bc he thinks it’s funny. the mf isn’t even moving anywhere he just says it so everything is more dramatic- pls i HATE HIMMM

kenma:

texts you every single day for a month and is always so soft in his messages (dms are littered w ‘💖😚🥰🥺’) and then blocks you on all socials out of nowhere

bye hes an ASSHOLE for thisndjdjfn, fight him if u ever see him

a/n: yeah these are all very real things that have happened to me idk if i should laugh or cry aksnkdkfk

[hobidreams]

heyy rain .. just a tiny rant but feel free to ignore!! i really like this person and i know they like me back too but it’s like… i feel like i like them more and that just makes me feel clingy and overbearing and idk it’s not a very nice feeling :( im so confused cause im stuck between this “distance yourself so you’re not being clingy and annoying” but also i wanna talk to them !!!!! IDK i feel awful its a horrible feeling

hii baby!! im so sorry you feel that way! :( i know that feeling so well too. ik my words cant offer much comfort but... imo, if you both mutually like each other, i dont think there's anything to worry about if you're contacting them more? i say this as someone who literally spam texts my bf on the regular LOL. i'll tell him anything and everything even if he doesnt know about it or understand it (like a super cute moment in the drama im watching or some weirdo moment in a game). i just like staying in contact the whole day and that makes me feel loved, even if he just responds with "cool" or "lol" (bc what else is he realistically gonna say LMAO). it did in the past make me feel like i love him more, when we first started dating, but the truth of the matter is, he shows his love in a diff way. and he said he doesnt mind it when i asked him abt it. like it’s just a part of me that i want to tell him everything and talk a lot 🤣

TBH ive never been one to believe in the whole "play it super cool and detached so the person u like will be more interested" schtick. id rather tell/show people just how much i care about them outright. i'll double or triple text, idc haha. so honestly i think ur not being annoying at all <3 it makes me really happy when ppl wanna share stuff with me and show me things. it’s only natural to want to talk to the person you like! so please dont beat yourself up about it 🌹 we all do it!

bit of advice under the cut but if ur not looking for that and just wanna rant, feel free to ignore <3 this is a safe space!!!

if you are truly worried, then i would suggest maybe reaching out to them and asking if you're messaging them too much. if they'd prefer you do a daily call at the end of the day or something. i know that works for some couples and some people prefer it. but i think it’ll hurt more just worrying about it on your own! if this person cares for you, then i think they would be open to talking about your worries. they wouldnt want you to be upset over it, right? and you might find that they dont think ur being clingy at all :) i am an overthinker too so i really really understand. i would get myself into these huge “what ifs” with myself but when i talked to my bf about it, it wasnt actually how i thought he was feeling. so i truly believe communication can help ease our worries. 

best of luck, friend 💜 

[qis-diamant99]

before 2021 ends,

I want to wrap this up by sharing the things that i went thru this year. so many things happened in just a year. I feel like i’ve grown too, from all the mistakes, from the wrong ppl i met who hurt me, etc. I learn. i learned a lot. Earlier this year, i met someone. who i never thought would give me so much trauma, and pain. Till this day, when i think about it, i got gaslighted and manipulated to the point that it took me months to recover. To convince myself that its never me. Im not the problem. I was finding reasons why did the person have the heart to do tht to me cause i would never do that to him. I still justified what he did at the very beginning bcs i was inlove with him. I was depressed thinking if there’s anything wrong with me that made him do that. Basically, i was used. Taken for granted. He knew all along that he would hurt me at the end, yet, he kept me long enough for his benefit. when he was lonely, sad, thats when he searched for me. But when he didnt know what to do, he was confused, he just throw me away like im some trash. But im glad tht i threw him away too.. When he got back with her, despite telling me shits of how much he got hurt by that girl, he went back to that anyway? Whats the point rlly? I was the one tht told u to fix things with her. & the audacity of you to say “i cant have what i want” when u couldnt “leave her”. In other words, u’re saying tht she’s not wht she wants actually

I’ll never forget tht. I’ll never forget how u let me suffer alone without an apology for the argument, for the last call we had, for all the traumatic words u said to me. I still cant find myself to forgive u for tht. I’ll never forget when u said “u gave me comfort. And she didnt” now i cant even imagine if she knows u said that. I have all the call records of u saying tht in case u think im lying. And i can show tht to her too. Or to everyone if i wanted to. But see how i keep quiet? be grateful. Also, Remember when u gaslighted me with denying that u forgot tht u said u love me? I swear to god. Thats the worst thing someone can ever say. The damage i had to endure after hearing all that tho. U have no idea. Now imagine her even knowing that u said u love some other girl behind her back just easy? lol. When i was moving on from you, thats when i realise every single thing. Every thing was connected. I realised u did me so wrong & i just let it happen? And i even became the better person by apologising for something thts clearly not my fault in the first place. I was so manipulated. Yes, i sent u tht long message. I meant every single word i said there, at that time. Bcs i was so still inlove with u. When i even took my time to go to a quiet bookstore just to talk to you when i was outside with my friends, bcs u were scared of getting covid, i was shaking bcs i was so worried abt you. Wow i cant believe i did all tht to someone who decided to bluntly played me & had no remorse. & u had the audacity to tell me that she was there for you at the end of the day? After talking bad about her to me? After demonising her? And u didnt even tell me earlier? Do u even care about how i felt at the time, at our last call when u said tht? I was so well fooled. I was so so blind. and of course, you ghosting me just shows how much i deserve so much more than that & you def dont deserve me. I shouldve not responded to ur text when u start double texting me and calling me etc at the beginning when i tried to stay away frm you. And i made it clear. I had good intentions all along. My love was pure & but u decided to play around. Never again, i go thru tht. But thank you btw, thank you. Bcs of you, i learned not to settle for less. She can have you all she wants. Until she knows what u did to her of course. But thats not my job to let her know. When the tables have turned, good luck. U better be grateful, that i shut my mouth abt you. U better b counting ur blessings frm now on that i dont tell her anything until now. Just know tht the things u did to me, is such an asshole move. Remember, u dont get to treat people like this and pretend like nothing happened w/o any payback. Enjoy it while it lasts. What goes around comes around. Mark my words.

Happy new year to you. This will be the last time i talk about you or even think abt you or even say your name. For sure, i no longer feel the pain in my heart when i hear ur name. But i still find the things u did was unacceptable bcs i know i dont deserve it. No one deserves it. Im closing the book here, today. Also, Miss sabrina azli deserves to know the truth. I have all the proofs with me. but wtv, till then. Goodbye.

[checkers-dance]

so my friend was talking abt this the other day and it gave me this rlly funny idea so hear me out. i cant find it anymore but he basically said something about a soulmate au where the first words your soulmate says to you appear on your skin. not like those aus where you're born with them, they show up AFTER they say it.

so basically what he said was something about someone leaving a mean ao3 comment and then the author giving them an angry response and oh no, turns out they're soulmates!!!

so imagine that with that wincest vs destiel jookyun au BUT they arent idols so they dont know each other. so one day changkyun just leaves a whole essay on jooheon's fic about why his ship is WRONG and jooheon replies with something like "dont like dont read you fucking asshole" and later that day they notice something on their wrists and... oh NO

JDJSKFKSOFKSKFKSKFJ imagine jooheon's forearm is just filled w an entire wall of text in font size 7 bc otherwise it won't fit, and then changkyun's text is just...dldr in big bold letters. Ao3 doesn't have priv messages so they have to hunt each other down thru their profiles (of course neither of them want to mention the soulmate thing in the comments bc they're petty like that). Jooheon gets to changkyun faster and dms him a pic of his forearm w just an ominous :) after it. Changkyun knows who it is obvs (bc he'd also been trying to hunt jooheon down), so all he sends back is a pic of *his* forearm. Except it's not the marked one, bc, again, in this au they're just both petty like that. And also there's maybe a bit of shame coming from the fact that he wrote a huge comment and then jooheon only responded w "dldr asshole" and he wants to get back at jooheon for that

Anyway they can't have a proper conversation abt the soulmate thing bc they just keep trying to antagonize each other for at least a week, which ends in frustration for both of them and potentially a future mutual emotional breakdown

[ifyouknowme-stayaway]

Best Friend’s Confession

A Maeiso one-shot based off of a dream I had. Maehara confesses by text-ranting about how much he likes Isogai to his best friend, Isogai.

There are many feelings that you get when you fall in love easily. The smile that you can’t keep off of your face whenever you think of how cute they are. The want to protect them. How much you want to make them happy. The excitement of meeting them, talking to them, thinking of them. Those are all feelings that Maehara knows well, considering how easily he falls in love with a lot of people he meets.

But staring up at his ceiling on his bed, he’s pretty sure he can’t handle this one alone.

Seriously, he’s dealt with a heart beating fast, a mind that walks right into thoughts of whoever he’s crushing on the second he realizes he’s thinking, a hand that wants to hold the one he likes. It’s all normal at this point, something he’s well-accustomed to.

Unfortunately, his crush has never been quite as cute as Isogai, and he’s not sure how to fix the fact that his best way of expressing it would be the most aggressive keysmash in the history of keysmashes. Even more aggressive than the one Karma sent Kayano after he sent Nagisa his first pickup line.

He sighed. This is a crush he can’t go through alone, and he’s lucky enough that even as tired as he is after school, practice, and life in general, he knows exactly who he can confide in to feel better. 

He grabs his phone and scrolls over to his best friend, who he vented out his feelings for former crushes to hundreds of times before.

Isogai.

Maehara: BWXBHIWGIUWIUWUIUW

Maehara: ISOGAI I HAVE A CRUSH ON A GUY AND HE’S SO CUTE JUST WEYEDGYUWEBDYUWGUYD-

Maehara: JUST OMG ISOGAI’S SO CUTE LIKE HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO FUNCTION WHEN HE’S R I G H T T H E R E AND BEING ADORABLE??

Maehara: LIKE IM ALWAYS IMAGINING DOING CUTE COUPLE STUFF LIKE HAND HOLDING AND THAT KINDA STUFF WITH HIM

Maehara: BUT THEN IM ALSO LIKE “WOW GET A ROOM”

Maehara: BUT I CANT BC HE ALREADY HAS A ROOM IN MY HEART WHICH HE S T O L E BUT ACTUALLY DIDNT BC I GAVE IT TO HIM WHEN I FELL OFF MY ROOF AND IN LOVE WITH HIM

Maehara: JUST-

Maehara: BQWYDSGWDWEBWDHWEUDGWYG8WDW AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

Maehara: IN CONCLUSION HE IS THE CUTEST MOST PRECIOUS LITTLE BABY I WOULD DIE FOR HIM AND I HAVE NEVER HAD A CRUSH ON ANYONE THIS BIG

Maehara: BTW THANKS FOR BEING HERE FOR ME AND LISTENING TO ME VENT SO OFTEN

Maehara: BC EARLIER IT WAS BASICALLY LIKE AN AGGRESSIVE KEYSMASH AND I WANTED TO CRY BC HES JUST SO C U T E HE JUST AN ABSOLUTE ANGEL I LOVE HIM

Maehara: NOW ITS MORE LIKE A MILDLY FUNCTIONAL KEYSMASH BC VENTING TO YOU ALWAYS MAKES ME FEEL BETTER THANK YOU PRINCE CHARMING

Maehara: GOOD NIGHT SWEET DREAMS FALL AND DARK

Maehara: YK KINDA LIKE RISE AND SHINE BUT INSTEAD ITS FALL AND DARK

Maehara: WBDWHJVWGVFCGWVCEYUCBIW GN ILY

Feeling significantly less like his heart was fluttering like a baby bird trying to fly as it’s mom pushed it off a tree, Maehara gave into sleep with the comfort that only Isogai could give him without even saying anything. Such was the way of the crush/best friend.

*TIME SKIP TO THE NEXT MORNING*

When Maehara woke up and remembered everything he had done, he was about 5 second away from internally combusting, and -9 hours away from needing his sister’s advice on how to survive without loving Isogai.

Panicking (and screaming, though he won’t ever admit it because his sisters would never let him live it down), he went right to his phone and desperately went Isogai’s contact. Which took a while because he constantly changed it from Isogai, Prince Charming, <3Angel<3, or some combination of all three. Maybe if he was fast enough, he could delete the messages.

He was not fast enough, because that little angel who was more diligent than a rooster screaming at the break of dawn, as Isogai had already woken up, read it all, and responded.

Ɛ>Iso the Angel Prince<3: SBWQHBSQWDUWYGC

Ɛ>Iso the Angel Prince<3: thank you??

Ɛ>Iso the Angel Prince<3: I did not realize my unrequited love was requited??

Ɛ>Iso the Angel Prince<3: I love you too

Ɛ>Iso the Angel Prince<3: gn sweet dreams Hiro

Yeah, scratch “5 seconds away from internally combusting”, he already had internally combusted, and was currently dead and in heaven but also revived and more alive than ever.

His oldest sister proceeded to crash through his door. “Why are you screaming at seven in the morning? It’s a weekend,”

In pure panic, he explained everything that had just happened.

He regrets it after his sister tells his other sister, and they both tease him to hell and back for the next three hours straight until Maehara mentions something about the middle sister’s crush/boyfriend and they shift into teasing her mercilessly instead.

Sometime in that day, Maehara manages to ask Isogai out on a date. They spend the next day at a park and Maehara gets the two of them ice cream.

The end, or something.

~

Any and all feedback is greatly appreciated (by that if you tell me legit anything about what you think of this I will die of happiness and validation). Hope you enjoyed <3

[star-and-the-motherverse]

Chapter 3 - Earth and the Lost Soul

The Butterfly Who Lost Her Wings

Word Count: 3981 | AO3 Mirror | Previous | Next

Summary: Marco returns to Earth and sets out to right a wrong.

✧·ﾟ: *✧·ﾟ:* ☾ *:·ﾟ✧*:·ﾟ✧

A rift in space opened up in the Diaz family’s living room. Marco emerged from it a second later, dimensional scissors in hand. He was exactly where he had intended to land, in the middle of his living room. But only when the portal had disappeared did he realize that he hadn’t fully thought that decision through.

His mother, Angie, immediately noticed his arrival from her standing place in the kitchen. “Marco, you’re home!”

A cold wave of dread washed over him as he caught sight of his mother’s unknowing smile. She threw her arms around him in a hug, but he was completely lost in his thoughts, dismayed by his realization. I’m going to have to be the one to break the news to everyone in Echo Creek…

“Welcome home.”

“Hi, mom.” Marco tried to politely excuse himself to his room, but Angie wasn’t about to let him go so easily.

“Did you get everything figured out with Star?” she asked, letting up on her grasp. “I know she didn’t leave on the best terms.”

He turned around slowly, opting to stare at the wall behind her instead of making eye contact. “Actually… can we talk about it later? I’m really tired.”

Unfortunately, Angie was smarter than that. “Is everything alright?”

“I’m tired,” he repeated. “I’m really, really tired.”

“Marco?” She could only repeat her son’s name as he turned his back and ascended the stairs without responding further. “Marco!”

He shut his bedroom door behind him, trying to listen through the door. When he was certain that his mother hadn’t followed him in an effort to demand answers, he slid down the wall to a seated position on the floor and sighed heavily, his exhaustion finally starting to catch up with him.

His phone in is pocket was being bombarded by incoming messages, now that he’d returned to a place with cell service. He remained there on the floor for several moments before he was able to convince himself to look through his notifications. There were a lot of unread messages from his friends, mostly Jackie. As he was attempting to read through them, he was bombarded by several new texts from Janna.

Janna: yo diaz

are u home yet?

u better answer me

Because of course Janna somehow knew that he was back on Earth. He supposed it really wasn’t all that surprising, once he thought about it. I’m not sure if I’m in the right headspace to put up with this right now…

Marco: Yeah I am, how did you know that?

Janna: not important

ur gf has been harassing me bc u werent responding

next time maybe give some notice before u disappear?

Guilt flooded over him. She had every right to be upset with him, as far as he was concerned. Everyone did. He was the one who left without notice, and aside from a parting message to Jackie—apparently she had still tried to contact him anyways—no one else in his immediate friend group had known where he was.

Marco: I’m really sorry

I didn’t mean to be gone as long as I was

Janna: save your sorries for your gf dude

u cant just disappear for a week w/o warning and pretend nothings changed. shes got every right to be mad if she is

i kinda do too, lucky for u im not the grudge holding type

did star come back with u or is she like staying on mewni or whatever

Marco collapsed backwards onto his bed, defeated. His phone fell out of his hand, currently of little concern to him, now that he was so lost in his thoughts. There’s just no escaping this, is there? Everything had always been about Star, and everything still was about Star. Just as suddenly as she had crashed into his life, she was gone, and there wasn’t a thing he could do about it. He couldn’t stop thinking about her, about how the last thing she’d thought to do before disappearing in that explosion was to apologize.

A piece of his world had went with her, and he couldn’t help but feel that he was somehow responsible. There had to have been warning signs, right? Should he have done something differently, or done something sooner? “I hate this,” he murmured aloud, burying his face in his hands. “I hate this…”

Star probably hates this, too, he admitted inwardly. She always did everything in her power to be a positive force in people’s lives. The last thing she’d want is for everyone who cared about her to be moping around. I really hope she knew what she was getting herself into…

He finally spared another glance at his phone.

Janna: ???

Marco: Sorry

I don’t know if I want to talk about it right now, if that’s ok

Janna: yeah sure

if things are awkward between u two now thats ur business, not mine

jackie isnt mad at you fr that btw

Marco: For what?

Janna: uh

at the party?

Oh, right, Marco grimaced. Just before she left for Mewni—and subsequently vanished—Star had confessed her feelings for him in front of everyone at their end-of-the-school-year celebration. Even now, he still couldn’t help but hold some resentment towards her for how hasty that decision of hers had been, especially when she knew he was dating Jackie.

It was almost like she knew that was the last time she’d ever see him, and that her true feelings had been a weight on her chest that she could no longer bear to keep bottled up.

And yet, at the same time, his resentment felt unfair. He had no way of knowing when these feelings of hers had actually emerged, but Star never stopped trying to help him get Jackie’s attention. Even once they were finally dating, Star still went out of her way to include both of them in her lives however she could. As much heartache as it likely caused her, she must have valued their friendship over everything else, if she was able to force herself to put up with it for such a long time.

Conflicted feelings about Star aside, he still had overwhelmingly negative memories associated with that party. He preferred to forget about it where possible.

Marco: Gee, thanks for that, Janna

I’d almost forced that party out of my recent memory, but now it’s back.

Janna: sorry lol

Marco: Why would Jackie be mad at me about that? Star having feelings for me doesn’t change anything

Just wondering why you think that

Janna: i dont, im just repeating what she told me

and she told me she wasnt mad at u, sooo

i dont think shes mad at all tbh? that was a week ago anyways

go talk to her urself dude, im no therapist

Marco: Alright

Thanks, Janna

Janna: no prob

Though he did feel a bit guilty for withholding the truth of the situation from Janna, he swore to himself that he’d be honest about what really happened as soon as he felt able to. Janna was a mixed bag, and even though they were friends—at least, I think we’re friends?—he had no idea how she was going to take the information. He wanted to give himself time to come to terms with it all before trying to explain it to his and Star’s friends.

He had some things he needed to take care of, first. There was someone that he needed to apologize to, more than anything. Hopefully she was home.

His door creaked open, and he slowly made his way back down the staircase. His mother looked up from the book she was reading on the couch, her eyes lighting up with concern. “Marco?”

“I’m gonna go see Jackie,” he said quietly.

“Okay…that’s okay.” Angie stood up and crossed the room to stand in front of him cautiously. “Just… if you need to talk, I’m here for you, sweetie.” She extended her arms in an offering for a hug.

“I know.” He accepted her gesture and rested his head on her shoulder. “I just need to talk to her first.”

He headed out to the garage. It didn’t take long for him to wheel his bike out of the garage and suit up. He never really felt like taking his bike out was all that notable. Nothing would compare to when he tried to teach Star a couple months back, but she—

No, stop it, he told himself, shaking his head as if it would help unscramble his thoughts in any way. Stop thinking about her.

He was sure that the last thing Jackie needed was for him to suddenly show up on her doorstep in tears, especially when he had already done such a terrible job of communicating with her during his impromptu trip to Mewni. His only message to her about the entire situation had been incredibly brief.

Marco: I’m going to Mewni to make sure Star is okay. It sounds like something bad is about to go down there. I’ll be back soon, I promise. Love you

If he could go back in time a week, he would have done a better job of explaining himself. But it’s too late to worry about it now. I just need to focus on the present.

Once he’d shut the garage behind him, he headed off in the direction of Jackie’s house. His gaze rarely lifted from the street, and he couldn’t bring himself to make eye contact with any neighbors that he passed, out of fear of encountering someone who’d ask questions or demand answers.

It almost felt like some of the color in his life had been leeched away. The only thing that didn’t look any more faded to him was the moon, which was painted a vibrant and shadowy red, slowly climbing its way out of the magenta-colored morning sky—wait, what?

Marco rubbed his eyes fervently in an effort to snap himself out of it, but it didn’t work. No, his fears were completely correct, and he found himself staring up at the Blood Moon, hovering behind the clouds. It wouldn’t be visible for much longer before it sank behind the trees, but the fact of the matter was that it was here. It was still here, lingering in the background like a silent menace. A shudder ran up his spine as he watched it, unable to look away.

The front wheel of his bike suddenly collided forcefully with the curb, threatening to launch him over the handlebars. Miraculously, he managed to plant a foot on the ground to prevent himself from landing in a heap. He let out a trembling exhale as he stared up at it with an intense gaze.

Okay. Why it’s here isn’t important. You’re here to see Jackie, he repeated in his mind, over and over in the hopes that it would stick. She’s worried about you. You haven’t spoken to her in a week. You need to apologize.

With one last fleeting glance at the moon, he backed his bike away from the curb and continued down the road towards Jackie’s house.

✧·ﾟ: *✧·ﾟ:* ♦ *:·ﾟ✧*:·ﾟ✧

“King River has returned.”

Moon’s gaze snapped up from the book on dimensional travel she had been scouring through. Even if she had publicly said that returning Star wasn’t first on her list of priorities, that didn’t mean that she was about to drop all of her efforts. As she viewed it, her status as as queen was an entirely different person from herself. Queen Butterfly was the one who would look after the kingdom, and Moon was going to find a way to contact her daughter. But hearing the news of her husband’s return reminded her that this situation was far too great in scale to look at it in such a black and white way.

“Is he alright?” she demanded, standing up.

The guard nodded. “He appears to be, yes.”

Moon let out a breath that she hadn’t realized she’d been holding in. “Thank goodness…”

She left her notes behind and quickly followed after the guard. It was a slightly unusual scene that she walked into, as there were several large eagles perched around the foyer. But her husband was there, too, and that was all that mattered to her in that moment.

“Moon-pie!” he exclaimed, his eyes lighting up at the sight of her. Their common formalities were forgotten as both of them rushed towards each other and met with a tight hug in the center of the room. “I’m so glad that you’ve returned safely.”

“And I you,” Moon murmured, pressing a kiss to his cheek. “I didn’t know how much more of this I could take...”

He pulled back from the hug to hold her hands instead. “You know, you really had me worried, leaving so suddenly!”

“I’m so sorry,” she apologized.

“It’s not that I don’t trust you, because I do! But if you and Star had to leave so quickly, it must have been serious...”

She’d sworn to herself that she wouldn’t cry, but her composure was betraying her. “I’m so sorry,” she repeated, her voice choking up on the last syllable.

River frowned in concern. “Did something happen?”

“I-I tried— but I didn’t— Star, s-she— I couldn’t...” River brought a hand up to cup her cheek, and she met his gaze with sad, watery eyes.

“Moon-pie?”

She lurched forwards and buried her face in his shoulder, holding him close as tears began to flow freely.

The few knights that were left in the room lowered their heads and excused themselves from the room, granting them both some privacy.

✧·ﾟ: *✧·ﾟ:* ☾ *:·ﾟ✧*:·ﾟ✧

After a very brief internal pep talk, Marco was finally able to convince himself to knock on Jackie’s door. As anxious as he was to see her, he tried to focus on the floor as he waited, in the hopes of not overthinking anything.

When the door finally opened and he was face to face with her for the first time in an incredibly long week, he felt a grin take shape on his face. “Hey, Jackie—“

“Marco!” She darted forwards and caught him in a tight hug. “God, I was so worried about you, doofus!”

“Yeah, yeah, I know. I’m the worst.”

“No you’re not,“ she argued, holding him tighter. “I saw your message… but I sort of hoped you brought your phone anyways, just in case.”

“I can’t exactly get cell service on Mewni. Earth phones don’t work there,” he reminded her, chuckling halfheartedly. She laughed too, and it managed to brighten his smile a little. There was something comforting and familiar about hearing her laugh.

“I know! I know, it’s just… you left without much of a warning at all. First Star, and then you… you guys really scared all of us.”

“I’m really sorry. I should’ve talked to you first. I didn’t mean to make you worry so much.”

“It’s okay, Marco. I know you didn’t mean to.”

A beat of silence passed as he tried to think of what to say and she patiently waited. Where do I even start?

“Do you think we can go sit down and talk about everything? It’s… a long story.”

“Yeah, of course!” She nodded and beckoned him through the door. “Come on in.”

He followed her upstairs—after a brief hello to her parents—and took a seat in her desk chair. She sat down criss-crossed on the foot of her bed and looked at him expectantly.

Jackie was the first one that dared to break the temporary pause. Her voice was cautious. “I take it that something bad happened?”

Marco was surprised by her forwardness. “W-what?”

“I can tell you have bad news, Marco. Well, either that, or something exhausting happened. I can see it in your face.”

“Oh, uh... yeah, your first guess was pretty on point.”

Jackie frowned sympathetically. “I may not know much about this Mewni stuff, but hey, I’m probably easier to vent at than a brick wall, right?” She leaned forwards and put her hands in her lap. “So lay it on me.”

“...How much do you want to hear?”

“Tell me as little or as much as you want to. If it’ll help you feel better, I want to hear it.”

But there’s so much that’s happened! “Gosh, where do I start?”

“The beginning, maybe?”

Marco nodded, and, taking a deep breath to try and calm himself, he began his story.

“Well... there’s always been a bunch of monsters from Mewni that kept coming after Star. Their leader was named Ludo. He wanted her wand, but him and his lackeys are pretty incompetent, so they never managed to take it. Not until this guy named Toffee came along.”

“Toffee? That’s a weird name…”

“Yeah, I don’t really understand Mewni’s naming conventions, either,” he laughed. “Maybe it’s a normal name there. I mean, to be fair, most of Star’s family is named after celestial bodies, so it’s probably not that weird.”

“Yeah, I guess that’s fair.”

“Anyways, Toffee kind of showed up out of nowhere, and we could tell that this was a lot more serious than what we were used to with Ludo.”

“You didn’t ask anyone for help?”

“Star’s not exactly the type to ask her parents for help, so no, we just kind of dealt with it ourselves.”

Jackie pursed her lip. “That sounds like a really bad idea.”

“In hindsight, yeah, definitely. We had no idea who this guy was.” Queen Butterfly made it sound like he’s pretty infamous, he remembered, silently wishing he had asked for more information on Toffee when he had the chance. “He’s the only one who ever managed to take the wand. He kidnapped me, and then he tricked Star into—“

“Excuse me?!” She interrupted, somewhat outraged. “You got— you can’t just gloss over that!”

“But this isn’t about me!” Marco protested. “I’m perfectly fine now, so it’s no big deal.”

“If you’re that calm about literally getting kidnapped, I’m not sure how comfortable I am with you going to Mewni all the time...”

“It’s not a regular thing, I promise!”

“Okay, okay,” she sighed in defeat. “Fine. What happened there? Besides the whole hostage-taking thing.”

“He used me as blackmail to make Star destroy the wand.”

“I thought you said he wanted to take it?”

“That’s what we thought, initially,” Marco admitted. “He had Star use this really weird spell that set it off like a bomb. The whole castle blew up, Toffee included. We thought it killed him, but… well, it obviously didn’t. He came back.”

Jackie furrowed her brow, thinking for several moments. “Not to insult your storytelling or anything, but I’m really lost.”

“Yeah, I’m, uh... kind of skipping over a lot. Sorry.”

“It’s okay... I know there’s a lot to go over, probably.” She glances around her room once before an idea came to her. “Wait! What was up with the night of the school dance? In the graveyard, when that weird little bird dude showed up.”

“That’s Ludo,” Marco explained briefly. “Long story short... when Star tried to destroy the wand, it actually split it in two. Star kept the first half, and Ludo had the other one. That night in particular was when he stole the spellbook from Star.”

“What does that Toffee guy have to do with this?”

Marco tried to recall as much as he could about the days prior to Star’s disappearance, but the fact of the matter was that he hardly knew anything about Toffee’s involvement with the whole situation. There was obviously a lot more to it, far beyond his own knowledge.

“That spell Star used must have put him inside of the wand. For some reason, she used it again, and she got caught in the blast that time...” He took a pause, having a hard time thinking about those that few moments before she disappeared. “Toffee got out. Wherever the spell put him, it put her in his place. I think that might have been his plan all along.”

He was leaving out a lot of the details—he could tell from the slideshow of emotions on Jackie’s face that she knew his explanation wasn’t quite lining up—but frankly, he could hardly make sense of it, either. Even if he had visited Mewni several times now, everything about it and its magic was otherworldly.  He couldn’t imagine how crazy it sounded to someone who had never even been there.

It wasn’t that unlike the Neverzone, in that way, though Mewni was certainly a lot less intense. A few things had stuck with him once he left—mostly learned skills, like how to drive a dragoncycle or wield a katana—but all the rest of his memories of that place had faded in a matter of weeks. He supposed it was time shenanigans of some sort, but it was still weird to him that he had acquired these skills when he didn’t remember practicing them at all.

Jackie had remained silent, mulling over his words. In the temporary break in conversation, Marco went on, saying, “Apparently this guy has been involved with Star’s family in the past, but I don’t really know how.”

Finally, she spoke up, offering an idea of her own. “Can’t someone use the same spell, or something? Anything at all?”

Marco shook his head. “I don’t think it’s that simple. The wand seems to be broken for good now, and I think that’s the only way to get to where she is.” He stared at the floor as he was reminded of just how dire this situation was. “She’s trapped in a dimension that no one can get to, and… I can’t tell if that’s worse.”

Jackie immediately dipped her head in understanding, and her sadness was apparent on her face. “Gosh, this really sucks.”

“That’s a heck of an understatement.”

“You were there when this happened? I can’t imagine how hard that was.”

He nodded once, averting his gaze from her when he felt his eyes begin to tear up again. “It should be so easy, but it’s not… everything that could have possibly gone wrong did go wrong.”

Despite his efforts to hide it, Jackie was quick to notice his defensiveness. “Hey... come here.”

He hesitated for several second before finding the energy to move. When he got up, she stood as well and met him halfway in a hug.

“I-if I had known that was the last conversation I was going to get to have with her,” Marco mumbled, his voice never rising above a whisper, “I, I wouldn’t have just let her leave without—“

Wordlessly, Jackie pulled him in tighter, resting her head against his shoulder. “I know,” she murmured. “I’m so sorry.” Marco could tell from her tone of voice that she was upset, even if she wasn’t really showing it in the same way he was.

In that moment, he felt awful for subjecting her to all of it. She and Star knew each other, of course—it was hard for anyone not to be charmed by Star’s infectious personality—but he wasn’t sure if him dumping all of the information on her without warning was a fair way to relay it. I hope she doesn’t feel guilty about what happened.

Nobody should have felt responsible. Not Jackie, not Janna, not Marco. It felt awful to admit it, but Star had been a victim of bad circumstance, and that was all. It wasn’t his fault. He wasn’t supposed to be a mind reader.

A shudder went up his spine. But why do I feel so guilty?

“I’m so glad you’re here, Jackie,” he said, attempting to redirect his thoughts.

“And I’m glad you’re back,” she replied. “I’m so happy that you’re safe.”

At least he didn’t have to wake up for school tomorrow. That was something he didn’t think he could manage.

[survivormetaverse]

Episode 1 - "I know the game will pick up eventually" ~Shaad

chile lemme not get thrown out for making all these stan twitter bitch references I'M LICHERALLY HARMLESS I DON'T MEAN MOST OF WHAT I SAY DKJFHASJKLDG

~

ngl tho i'm kinda shitting myself over these challenges bc i don't wanna get tossed on the first round JKAHFSJKDGHJ my ant eye et tea is through the ROOF

~

oh girl, first impressions? ngl, the gays and girls here seem quite lovely, hopefully they won't have to carry me the entire time LMAO

Okay like the only person I like/talked to is Jodi but she seems like a smart cookie so ima sleep with one eye open. But idk I'm ready to put on my fake ass smile and my fake ass kind words and get through this part. It's interesting with 6 people per tribe like if we lose I don't have that solid "core" yet but theres a chance that it would be me, jodi, amy because we were the first three on and active so idk. the immunity challenge is cool, the hunt challenge is cool too. im not good at timed puzzles, so I don't think I'm gonna go for it but a part of me feels like everyone across the tribes isnt gonna do it becsuse theyre scared so thats a good opportunity to sneak in and play with less people against me? idk idk idk ahhh

🎶Oh my god we're back again🎶 Hey peeps!! :DDD Here I am againnnn, how fun! Tbh I forgot this was today lowkey and Dylan reminded me and I was like oop 😳 also I am so sorry to everyone that I cannot help but sprinkle the fact that we are now dating in all of my first convos bc IM VERY GAY apologies✨ for how often I'm mentioning it I mean 😂 My tribemates seems so cool, Jennifer and Babs are newbies but seem up to the challenge, Jay A and Colin already giving off immaculate vibes✨ Me and Dyl are hosting Ingary in a month and I do have like work and everything so I don't know exaclty how active I'll be in this game/ how far I'll make it but we'll see won't we!!

not me being a leader of whateva

~

it's the lack of reading comprehension for me (that was shade directed towards myself)

In the fools tribe !!! Moth is in my tribe which is good because we have played together before. The immunity challenge is divide and conquer! So I believe I will be doing the endurance one. I think I’ll be okay... and the hunt announcement is a good twist !!! I’m not sure if I’ll participate in the first one.. but I’ll probably change my mind. ANYWAYS, I’m ready to kick some ass 

Hey guys it's me Brayden and I am so here. I'm so excited to be playing again and stuff and I have already predicted the future that I'll be the winner. Anyways I was at an award ceremony for like the first 3 hours of the game which is kind of scary bc I feel like I missed alot but I'm trying to talk to people and stuff and see what's going on. I've briefly talked to Jodi, Amy, and Ginnifer (who is so hard to talk to btw I like send her messages trying to start a real conversation and she will just respond being like same or something). Anyways the other 2 people on my tribe are offline rn so ig I missed my chance to talk to them tonight so I'll do that tomorrow. Anyways I signed up to do counting and I'm so excited bc I literally KILLED the counting challenge on Kyoshi Islands so I'm so excited to hopefully kill it again. I also decided to play the hunt challenge even though I only have 3 chances bc I'm hoping alot of people will be scared to use one of their three chances to play in the first round and I can have a better chance of winning it. But I think I'm bad at puzzles. I didn't think it through that hard I think I got excited to play a challenge but whatever I'll probably win the advantage then in a few weeks win the whole game anyways see u later.

SO its the morning after the premiere!! Everyone's settled in!! and I kinda don't know how to feel?? Overall the premiere was kinda quiet, nothing happened worth noting tbh. Everyone on the tribe showed up, so thats good, but i think we're all just feeling each other out at the moment as for the people on my tribe! everyone seems chill but also i can't put my finger on it but SOMEHOW this tribe radiates chaotic energy. I don't know HOW or WHY but I just know it DOES. The way we're interacting in the tribe chat it seems like there's a very wide range of personalities and vibes. They're either gonna complement each other or clash, and I guess we're just gonna have to wait to find out which one!!! here are my quick night 1 first impressions that no one asked for :) Anastasia - she showed up kinda late bc she had life happening, understandable. BUT she kinda just jumped right in and started vibing with everyone!! so I think she's gonna be a strong social player. I talked to her and she seems really funny, I think I might really get close with her if I'm able to talk to her more Babs - IF our tribe does end up being chaotic, it's going to be because of Babs. They're definitely the most talkative and prominent person on the tribe, but I think they might come off as messy to others. they're really funny though!! so again I can see myself wanting to work with them if I can get to know them more. They are the biggest question mark on the tribe for me currently Elle - AH. I LOVE THEM ALREADY. Within minutes of us talking they mentioned Dylan and then I found out that they're DATING and I was SCREECHING. cutest shit i've ever heard. I'm so excited to meet and play with them. Dylan is one of my fave people in the org community so ofc I wanna get to know Elle and connect with them as well!! Jay - I think Jay seems like just a very genuine open person?? Like we talked for quite a while yesterday just about games and he was asking me questions about my experience with them and all that. idk if it's because he sees me as a threat or if its because he just actually wanted to get to know me. He lowkey gives me heterosexual vibes and idk if thats true or not but idk how to bring it up. but I def wanna keep talking to him and getting to know him!! I think he might be someone I can form a genuine friendship with Jennifer - kinda have no opinion so far. I think shes the quietest on the tribe. at least for me I didn't get the chance to hear from her much. kinda gives catfish vibes. kinda gives early boot vibes. idk. we'll see what happens!

Not too much yet tbh. Just finding my footing. People are loving my energy so hopefully they’ll keep me around

So i realized Amy is runner up from the season before mine in another org and so we connected over that... of course we are not going to tell anyone else but we did have that going for us to get started. brayden is only 16 but he told me he loves magic and wanted to learn more about it so i told him id teach him some stuff! dennis and i called and connected well BUT hes kinda playing SUPER hard and wanting to throw challenges already to vote people out.. this has never worked out for anybody!! josh is cool, he works at a grocery store so he's gonna kill the "b" challenge. ginnifer has been the most MIA but i have faith that we'll work together well for the popularity contest. yall know i cant play the reverse flirt game i so badly want to coin, but i do have romance tea for yall tomorrow. stay tuned........

Jay and I talked last night so i guess we're best friends. We decided to make an alliance and try to get Elle in it. But everyone has been pretty inactive besides Jay and Collin. I've only slightly talked to Jessica this whole game and Babs hasn't even said one thing to me and I texted them hi. And apperently Babs has left Jay on opened too so they might just suck at talking right now. Hopefully Babs will talk to me they seem so funny and cool D:

I won endurance 👑!!!! Hopefully the fools tribe wins this!!!! I played against Jennifer and Dennis. I could see myself playing with Dennis down the line if we merge. I haven’t talked to anyone but Moth. So I messaged my whole tribe Introducing myself. Hopefully things work out for me! 

Thoughts after the first 24hrs: https://youtu.be/I62bDSzgf68

You hear something ??? Same. Why is my tribe so quiet 😂😂😂😂 I’m trying to read off the vibes but I see nothing. 

I really love my tribe and the fact that they don’t know I played last season is a good strategy to play on my end

tbh i wish we lost i wanted to go to tribal and vote one of these people out :(

Welp we got second place in the first challenge :| which isn't bad!! But it's not first place 😂😂. But I had a fun day taking pictures so whateverssss. I said I would be chaotic in this game but the opportunity hasn't presented itself yet... Guess we'll have to wait and see✨

I think at this point, my team is shady and won't say anything to me so I am nervous.

The challenges were way harder than I thought. I didn't do well at all and let my tribe down. I feel like I will be the first to get voted out if we have a tribal hearing.

We lost yay. I had a feeling. Hopefully the tribe will keep me around for now since I won endurance.... lhsisowjshwowpwpwheowowhfiwpqpqpjw. Jared thinks we can vote Bri out. Which I’m fine with, I haven’t really talked to her at all. Jared and I are going to message the others and see where everyone’s head is at. Honestly I don’t care who goes home as long as I’m safe. Everyone is quiet which is so annoying. Blahhhhhhhhhh 

Well it’s my 3rd time playing and it’s not off to the best start, no one seems to be talking to anyone. And we lost meaning we are going to tribal council. So fuck- I have no idea what about to happen. I’m just hoping it’s not me or Jess

if i must confess, my strategy is to have a 4-3-2 alliance. i need a 4 to have a majority, but i dont have a 4 yet. within the 4, theres a three person alliance w me jodi and amy, but within that three i believe that the core 2 is myself and jodi. i really dont care who the 4th is. i like having jodi and amy as an alliance because theyre both doing wayy too much which is great for me :) i dont think any of these people have idols but who knows. i would love to throw the next immunity i wanna go to tribal!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Looks like we’ve got something good. We’ve got an alliance that’s set to (hopefully) vote out bri due to inactivity. Let’s just pray it works

~

Trying to talk in this tribe is so difficult In both my other seasons I was pretty quiet all the time It is like that x10000 I was hoping to stay under the radar but that doesn’t work if no one talks at all I suppose it depends on if I’m being played or if everyone just doesn’t talk. I think there’s a plan. Let’s hope it goes well 

OKAY SO. Moth, Jared and I have a little alliance going on. We are set on voting out Bri. I just talked to Danny and Shaad and they are down with voting Bri out. I have high hopes that I’ll be safe at tribal. 

Better communication.. in sticking with that fact, our communication in my team could be better and we need to put more effort into what we do, I believe in us!

https://youtu.be/595h7hmL6VY

The start to this game has been a freaking snails pace...it’s unbelievable to me that these people do not want to talk that much, especially when it’s a tribe of 6. Colin and I talk the most, I’ve gotten a decent amount out of Anastasia, and to me it feels like those 2 wants to work with me and I am fine with working with them. Usually in a larger group you want to figure out who you can work with long term and use the first few tribals to establish trust, I may throw that out the window since there’s only 5 other people on this tribe. My strategy needs to be who the hell can get me past these first few votes before a swap happens, and I feel like I can rely on Colin and Anastasia for that. I’d like to pull in Elle, because she’s the one who’s talked to me the most out of her, Babs, and Jennifer. Everyone seems nice, but it would be lovely if people would be more active. 

I’m enjoying the fact our tribe won the first challenge everyone is very nice I love it :)

This round has been pretty smooth sailing. I know the game will pick up eventually but for now, we are just going with the flow as a tribe

https://youtu.be/UZVzZ6d6GRU

~

ok so apparently ginnifer isn't famous. she's just a bit quiet and mysterious. ok with me, just gonna take a while because I'm a loud and outspoken person (and player). amy, dennis and I have an alliance called "fang gang" (it's really just 3 emojis of vampires) and we're going to run the premerge hopefully. I do like brayden a lot, and maybe I'll propose a 3 with him, amy and myself to have a solid 4 control the votes until a swap. round 1 not bad so far!

~~~

Edgics:

Power Rankings:

Phantom

Jodi: I believe Jodi is thriving on this tribe. She is very obviously a social player who picks up on the littlest details. I’m sure she can sniff out a plot if it comes down to it. However, Jodi is the plot. She is the leader of her tribe and is easily the most active person in the game at the moment. So long as she keeps a smile on her face and doesn’t overextend to do something messy, she will find that she will make it safely to merge. Allying with Amy could be dangerous however since Amy has stated she needs to be voted out before a certain date. This means that Jodi needs to socialize with other members of her tribe and get new allies before hers will inevitably be voted out of the game.

Amy: Even though she wants to get voted out, Amy has set herself up perfectly at Jodi’s side. She can take the heat off of herself using Jodi and is able to hide better than others. As always, her UTR game has come out to shine. She hasn’t had anyone call her out and even though Jodi has seen her play she is still able to gain her trust.

Josh: Doing so well in the challenge has earned Josh’s place here. He makes his worth known early and has a great personality as well. This makes him very safe for any early tribal councils as no one is going to want to take him out; they want him on their side. Similar to Amy, he just seems to be using an under the radar social game which he is executing well at the present moment. And, as the star of the challenge, he makes himself safe for future tribals before the swap. However, I do fear that this early impression of competition prowess will come back to haunt him if he makes it to the merge.

Dennis: I would put Dennis higher, but Jodi, his ally, already is suspicious of him. She seems to think of him as a bit of a sneak and, as the tribe leader, her opinions matter the most. It is good that he is able to be Jodi’s ally so she might stray away from voting him out. However, his desire to go to tribal and play the game so early may bite him in the butt later down the line. I can definitely see him being called out for trying to play too hard too fast. At the moment, he remains high because he seems to be decently social and no one except Jodi has sniffed him out.

Brayden: There’s not much to say on Brayden’s game. He doesn’t seem to have any allies, his challenge performance wasn’t as good as others on his tribe, and he is not in any alliances yet. This spells disaster for Brayden if his tribe goes to consecutive tribal councils. Additionally, even though he was one of the few to play in the Hunt, he didn’t win and wasn’t even close to doing so. He even gave up part way through to do the immunity challenge. I would be saving them if I were Brayden, but hindsight is 20/20. If Brayden can squeeze into being the fourth of the Jodi, Amy, Dennis alliance instead of Josh then maybe his game forecast will be better.

Ginnifer: The thing that lands Ginnifer on the bottom is that she said that her tribe could vote her out if they lost the challenge. This primes people to already be willing to get rid of her in this game. Additionally, some people have expressed difficulty with talking to Ginny such as Jodi and Amy. The former still wants to give Ginny a try at being an ally while the latter was ready to vote her out if necessary. Ginny just needs to pick up social steam and outperform in the next comp if she’s going to have longevity in this game.

Fools

Jessica: In lieu of a clear leader, Jessica has stepped up as she started the first alliance on her tribe with Moth and Jared. No doubt, Jessica’s prior relationship with Moth helped facilitate. Additionally, this seems to paint them as the “active” members of this not active tribe. Therefore, it will be very easy for Jessica to dictate votes without getting labelled as a threat since her tribe is not active enough to do so. I can definitely see her leaning on Moth as a crutch, but for now she is the topdog of her tribe. Especially so since she was the only member of her tribe to win a challenge in Divide and Conquer.

Moth: As Jessica’s right-hand person, Moth is a secure spot. It also helped that they have played this game before and is on a not active tribe. This vibes well with Moth’s gameplay style since they aren’t a social powerhouse like Jodi or Colin. Instead, she keeps it more lowkey which makes this tribe in particular a great tribe for her to thrive in.

Jared: While he hasn’t provided a confessional yet, it’s clear he’s positioned himself well with Moth and Jessica. As the topdogs of the tribe, they are key people to get in with. Besides that, he seems to be a little more active than some others, but there’s not much else to say as of right now.

Danny/Shaad: Him and Shaad can trade spots on this ranking because they are playing similar games at the moment. They are both quiet and inactive, yet are not part of the core alliance of this tribe. This could spell danger for them in upcoming tribal councils if they don’t start working on people now. They seem to be safe for now based solely on Bri’s inactivity, but, otherwise, they need to pick up their socio-strategic game before it is too late.

Bri: She seems to be the most likely person to get voted out. She was not online at all for the first two days of the game and has since remained inactive. She is easy pickings for the top 3 of this tribe which really hurts my heart. I know her in real life and she is very sociable and easy to get along with. I have no doubt that in a real life game of Survivor or Big Brother, she would kill the social game.

S.E.E.S.

Colin: Similar to Jodi, Colin is the most social person on his tribe at the moment. However, unlike Jodi, he has not taken a leader position which works to his benefit. Despite being social, Colin has been able to slip under the radar of most people with a lot of them wanting to work with him. Colin is easily going to survive until the swap, but I will caution him from getting too many allies too quickly. This tribe in particular has a wildcard willing to blow things like that up so he needs to be careful.

Elle: Similar to her previous games, Elle plays an extraordinary social game and becomes very well-liked very easily. They have no problem fitting into any situation and I foresee them making it far if they gain the right allies. What puts her at number 2 as opposed to number 1 is that she hasn’t made any strategic comments yet. Instead, she is focusing on a social game which is not a bad thing. Colin has just shown more of his gameplay in these rounds.

Anastasia: Anastasia, despite being late to the premiere, has been able to socialize with key people such as Colin and Jay. Her prior connection with Elle has also sparked an interest in Colin in working with the two of them as an alliance. Overall, her and Elle sort of share the 2 and 3 spot since they are both well-liked, did well in the challenge, and are prime allies for Colin whose word will feel like law if this tribe ever goes to tribal.

Jay: Jay is neither here nor there. He isn’t in the bottom, but he is not calling the shots either. It is good that Colin wants him as his number 1 and that Anastasia likes him. Out of the three outside of this potential Elle, Colin, Anastasia alliance, he seems like he will be most likely to be saved until a swap occurs. His calls with people have certainly been helping with that as people are able to bond more with him through there. His activity could use work, but he doesn’t need to be active if he’s liked.

Babs: With another Jodi comparison, Babs has taken the leadership position of their tribe. However, they are not as social and, in fact, considered a big threat since they are so willing to talk freely and openly in the tribe chat. Their gameplay is going to be Messy, and people have already pointed that out, making them a clear target if this tribe goes to tribal council. Despite that, they aren’t at the bottom since some people, like Colin, have expressed interest in working with that kind of player as a sort of shield. If Babs were to tone it down and be more social with people (another problem with their game), they may be able to crawl up these rankings.

Jennifer: Sadly I have to put another phonetic Jennifer at the bottom. She did the worst in the challenge across her tribe and isn’t active either. For this round, it seems she would be the easy vote if this tribe had gone to tribal. She needs to start being more social and be more of a presence in people’s minds.

[spiderrrling]

Alright then, you asked for it. For the personal asks 4-73 😌

aight but you gotta read them all 

4: What do you think about most?

sadly, school

5: What does your latest text message from someone else say?

fab texted me “you should never trust teenagers” 

6: Do you sleep with or without clothes on?

i sleep in a t-shirt and underwear 

7: What’s your strangest talent?

my hyperflexible joints

8: Girls… (finish the sentence); Boys… (finish the sentence)

girls are amazing, boys are amazing sometimes

9: Ever had a poem or song written about you?

no and i hope it will never happen

10: When is the last time you played the air guitar?

air drums is my preferred method of air instruments and just earlier today

11: Do you have any strange phobias?

needles, cant do them at all i will physically hurt you if you try

12: Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?

i mean i did a covid test does that count? i shoved a perler bead up my nose when i was 4 

13: What’s your religion?

i am atheist 

14: If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?

walking or maybe camping i love me a good camping trip

15: Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

behindddd i am very awkward in photos

16: Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?

at the moment, all time low

17: What was the last lie you told?

i told my mom i studied for this test that i havent studied for 

18: Do you believe in karma?

fairly yeah

19: What does your URL mean?

this one is nothing special, just the spiderrrling 

20: What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?

i actually dont know, ive been told im very emotionally strong due to what would probably be my greatest weakness, my chronic pain

21: Who is your celebrity crush?

idk if you could guess but its tom holland

22: Have you ever gone skinny dipping?

no not really

23: How do you vent your anger?

i write or i text friends or i rant here on tumblrdotcom

24: Do you have a collection of anything?

books, i have a lot of books

25: Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?

depends on the person im talking with

26: Are you happy with the person you’ve become?

yeah mostly

27: What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?

hospital beeping sounds, cant stand them. i love the sound of rain

28: What’s your biggest “what if”?

i didnt quit gymnastics

29: Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?

i mean technically we are aliens, there is no way we are alone in the universe 

30: Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.

my right, my wall

my left, nothing

31: Smell the air. What do you smell?

smells like rain bc my window is open and it just rained

32: What’s the worst place you have ever been to?

idk maybe a place in denmark?

33: Choose: East Coast or West Coast?

never been to the us

34: Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?

alex garskath

35: To you, what is the meaning of life?

42

36: Define Art.

art is anything if  you ask me 

37: Do you believe in luck?

sometimes

38: What’s the weather like right now?

it just rained but its gonna rain more

39: What time is it?

10.27 pm

40: Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?

no i dont drive

41: What was the last book you read?

i just finished volume 3 of heartstopper and currently reading northern lights 

42: Do you like the smell of gasoline?

honestly yeah

43: Do you have any nicknames?

i do! for those who dont know im fox, ive gone by fox for many years and i respond to it like its my name

44: What was the last film you saw?

i rewatched howls moving caslte

45: What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?

my knee is really bad from gymnastics

46: Have you ever caught a butterfly?

yes!

47: Do you have any obsessions right now?

yes multiple, UCLA gymnastics, generally gymnastics, plague doctors, books, percy jackson

48: What’s your sexual orientation?

i am a raging bisexal

49: Ever had a rumour spread about you?

id like to not get into this just bc it happened very recently

50: Do you believe in magic?

yeah 

51: Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?

depends on what they did

52: What is your astrological sign?

i am a scorpio

53: Do you save money or spend it?

i save money but i also spend it

54: What’s the last thing you purchased?

i bought 58 books on a discount book store

55: Love or lust?

love

56: In a relationship?

sadly i am very single

57: How many relationships have you had?

one

58: Can you touch your nose with your tongue?

no

59: Where were you yesterday?

at school then at home studying

60: Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?

probably but my room is dark rn

61: Are you wearing socks right now?

not wearing socks rn but i only own black socks anyway

62: What’s your favourite animal?

foxes or penguins or polar bears, i like most animals to be honest

63: What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?

just be nice and be able to deal with my ranting 

64: Where is your best friend?

way too far from me in norway

65: Give me your top 5 favourite blogs on Tumblr.

@uglypastels @hey-its-grey @wvllywest @hauntedtom @anxieteandbiscuits

66: What is your heritage?

norwegain/swedish

67: What were you doing last night at 12AM?

sleeping, i need my sleep

68: What do you think is Satan’s last name?

i think thats his first name

69: Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off?

who hasnt

70: Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?

i mean i bake, cook and give great hugs

71: You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?

i have too much anxiety to be late

72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?

a. i tell those i care about 

b. live my life to the fullest

c. i already have what? 4 chronic conditions?

73: You can only have one of these things; trust or love.

trust is its own kind of love in my opinion

there u happy now z? now its your turn

[ateezgf]

♡ you can ignore this ♡ 

ok i just have to be sad on main for like.. a second because it’s been bothering me. it’s like.. a really small thing. i just need to say it SOMEWHERE because it’s just been eating me up on the inside and having no one to talk about it to irl sucks and i dont like having these pent up emotions yknow?? okay anyway,

i had to restart my phone so i essentially lost all my messages and stuff but that’s fine since i have it on my mac & ipad still. but it’s like.. the way my two irl best friends haven’t messaged me once. whiCH IS ALSO FINE LIKE, we’ve always been pretty low-maintenance friends so we dont heavily rely on talking every day to know our friendship is still strong. like we’re all busy with school/work/our own issues. like that’s perfectly fine, im not upset about that part. but it’s just.. i dunno. like i do occasional check-ins where im like “hey just messaging to let you guys know i love you <3″ in the group chat but they never respond to those. lowkey they never respond to my texts NGJKSFDG. one time i was having a pretty bad mental health moment & i tried talking to them but none of them responded until i was like “well ignoring my breakdown, yall wanna help me pick selfies” AND THAT WAS THAT WHICH LIKE HURT A LOT BUT ALSO LIKE YEAH. like i dunno, it’s fine. they’re NOT bad friends so it’s not in the terms of “theyre shitty people and i dunno what to do”. like they’re the best friends i could ask for here irl. 

but it’s just more i feel... ✨ lonely ✨ still. like im still the second choice friend. i stopped watching anime because it’s just ? hard to focus for some reason so they have that in common and gaming-wise too. they have more in common with each other and im just ~there~. and i also know they have their own other friend groups out of our trio (or like 4-people group if we include my friend’s bf, who is also cool) and i only really have...... them. like my friend has her nusring school friends, her cosplay friends, her streaming friends, etc. and my other friend has his two best friends, his thrifting friends, his gaming friends. and then i have..... them. (and i guess everyone here too which is 💗 fantastic because well, no kpop friends irl so it’s nice to have friends here to talk to). but like NKGJSDNG yeah it sucks sometimes. we wanted to go on a picnic [before my city went back on purple-tier] & she mentioned a place and they were talking about it while i was at work and i texted asking where it was & i got no response NGKFJDSG AND THAT’S THE LAST MESSAGE IN THE GROUP CHAT I LOVE THAT. 

but yeah, i only have these two people and it still feels very ✨lonely✨ . like i know i can text them first and all that but i dont wanna text with like.. no purpose yknow? like i dont wanna be like “hey wyd / nothing, you? / nothing either” LIKE I DUNNO IT’S KIND OF DUMB AND IT’S JUST ME FEELING SAD/LONELY and like.. a second choice but it’s okay <3 i’ll be fine and i’ll deal with it on my own ngkfdjsg. im not rly askign for advice or anything. i just need to vent these feelings out somewhere to someone bc i cant do it anywhere else without making them feel bad, so if you read this then, thanks love ya mwah <3