#im just saying as a woman who had people accusing me of sleeping with people to get ahead

[lover-of-mine]

Back again because of the video Kenny posted. Apparently the video is inappropriate because of the casting couch joke. IMO? To each their own. I am a survivor and I found it funny but I understand why some might not.

BTs love to blame Ryan for everything though. At worst Ryan masterminded the joke and roped poor Oliver and Kenny into it. At best they are all complicit but it still is more Ryan’s fault than anyone else’s. Bet you anything if Lou was part of that video they would not have a problem with it.

‘It’s no surprise that Ryan finds this funny. But Oliver and Kenny?’

‘rg never beating the allegations of being a piece of shit. But yeah, disappointed in all of them.’

‘Well not shocked they’re besties with a racist transphobe so why do I think this isn’t on brand for them’ (re: Oliver and Kenny)

‘Not a single woman was present during the filming of this ill advised video’ (meanwhile a female crew member filmed it and Aisha was laughing in the comments)

‘And obviously why was obviously rg who had to come out of the door doing that think with his belt… yeah’

‘Also the fandom using that disgusting video to speculate on OLIVER’s sexuality and insinuating he likes rg in that sense, ew.’

Cherry on top is that people are praising Lou for not liking the video. He has been ‘quick on the draw’ to like videos lately so obviously it is intentional that he has not liked this one. He totally disapproves of the video and is much more moral than all the other cast members.

(Unrelated: I saw that you think of me as blues clues anon and I LOVE THAT! Very nice thing amid a chaotic day lol.)

Hi baby 🩵

Obviously, Ryan is the root of all evil. I don't even know what to say. It would be funny if Lou liked it tho. But yeah, absolutely, if Lou was involved they would not care. But hypocrisy.

I'm glad you like my nickname for you 🩵

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for calling my dad homophobic?

I (18f) identify as an asexual queer girl, and i live with my parents. My dad (52m) as well as the rest of my family are all devout mormons. surprisingly, my mom (47f) took my coming out fairly well. there was a phase of her telling me we could fix it and a phase of her avoiding the situation altogether, but ultimately she’s grown a lot and has become a huge ally over the past two years since i came out to her.

my dad was a bit more of an issue. he took the coming out with a grain of salt, and has since admitted that he thought i was just trying to be rebellious, and he completely brushed me off when i told him i was leaving the church, telling me and i quote “i don’t care if you leave because i know you’ll come back”, which always irritated me but i brushed it off. he’s also gotten a lot better at being respectful and while he still makes tasteless jokes sometimes, he usually seems to respect my identity and love me for who i am.

flash forward to a few days ago. i get home from work and i end up chatting with my parents as i usually do. the conversation turns to sexuality and my dad mentions how accepting he and my mom are, and i raise my eyebrows and remind him how uncomfortable they were when i first came out. i wasn’t upset at this point, rather just poking holes in his story. i mentioned how awkward he was when i came out as asexual, and my mom (who has found herself to be a bit on the asexual spectrum as well) and i chuckle about it for a second, before my dad defends that he wasn’t weird about it.

i reminded him how he COMPLETELY brushed it off when i first told him, and he told me that it means im not gay. i asked what he meant at the time, and his response was that “i consider the definition of gay to be having sex with someone of the same gender”. my sister was in a serious committed relationship with a man at this point in time, but (being mormon) they hadn’t had sex, so i asked my dad if i had that same level of relationship with a woman, if he would consider it gay, and his response was no. i proceeded to ask him if i married a woman and spent the rest of my life with her, kissing and sharing a bed and everything, would he consider it gay? he kind of scoffed at me and said “well, if you’re sleeping in the same bed, then EVENTUALLY you’re going to have sex”. that really upset me at the time, but he had only just learned about asexuality, so i cut him a break.

flash forward to a few days ago, i bring this up and rather than shrug it off and cringe the way he and my mom had been at other behaviors of theirs, he scowled and began to defend himself. he said that it didn’t make any sense to him, and why should it matter if he thinks that? i pointed out that learning to respect other people even if you don’t understand them is important, and he got a bit huffy. i mentioned the not considering me gay thing, and asked if he still felt that way. i expected a no or some sort of explanation, but instead he said “well if you’re not having sex with another woman then you’re not doing anything wrong.”

that immediately made me upset, and i responded with “are you saying that being gay is wrong?” and my mom jumped in and accused me of twisting his words. i left the room and eventually he came in and gave an awkward apology without really saying anything just before he went to bed (one of those “im sorry you got upset because of what i said” apologies rather than an actual apology), and i reluctantly told him it was fine, but i still don’t feel fine about it. i feel like he’s invalidating my identity and pretending like he did nothing wrong, but i don’t want to confront him about it if i’m actually just making a big deal out of nothing. aita?

What are these acronyms?

[traceofexistence]

you know what I despise the most?

double standards.

so apparently someone translated the word kainyank, Lae'zel says to shadow when they are about to enter the helm after rescuing her. and it's not flattering at all, though I didn't find anything official myself, and that person claims a friend translated it to them, but regardless of the meaning, it is obviously diminishing by tone alone.

so that person is like "chill girl" and im like why should she?

did you say to shadow to chill when she outright go on about how Lae, A PERSON WHO SAVED HER ASS, is dangerous, that she knows of her kin, that you should not trust her, that "who put you in charge" line that gets the kainyank reply.

later on she keeps on saying that Lae left us, and we shouldn't look for her.

and then there is my playthrough were I failed the dice to open her damn pod, and mind you I didn't trigger Lae's "we have no time" dialogue, because I went straight to the machine. and since I failed the dice, and I need her ass to get the fire sword. I had Lae do the rescuing and talk to her, just go make a new game with a tav, and let Lae do the whole thing, and test all the lines, save scam and test them all, from the "I saved you cause you asked" to the rude ones, in every single case Shadow is ungrateful and refuses to join the party unless tav asks her.

in the case you dont save her, or not wake her up after the crush, she will be at the grove. and if you have Lae with you, she will unpromptly tell you, that Lae is going to stab you in the back, and you should ditch her if you want shadow to join.

Lae reacts with just saying "I offer a cure" she doesnt say anything that implies to exclude shadow.

so yeah "chill lae'zel, why wont you, this woman over there has only been racist to you from the moment you meet her, save her, offer her to join forces, how can you be so angry and rude and use whatever the diminishing word you said on her" /s

and if we are to speak plainly here, every single character EXCEPT KARLACH, be it companion, friend, or foe, has been racist at the very least to one race in the game, the goblins, the only one who said something good about them was Karlach.

and Lae'zel exhibits tendencies of unlearning and relearning, she had never been out of the astral plane, and her first reaction to tav, is "good im fortunate we can escape together" then when she's trapped, her first words are "I offer a cure" and when you release her, she says again "I have a solution and you gonna get it too" and she doesnt even know you so early in the game. you ask her what a creche is, and that yes you will join her to find it, and she instantly tells you you made a friend/ally in the githyanki.

when you correct her on the pronunciation of tiefling she doesn't disapprove(as in actively dropping her approval score) she rolls her eyes yes but what she says is that she doesnt know of and you will have to teach her.

so just up until the grove she has changed 40 times her world view, while shadow (and I pick on shadow cause no other companion is being anti lae) all she has offered is, insult after insult after insult, and discrimination, and bias.

if you have them together in the party, their banter is along the lines of shadow deaththreat and lae reacting with the same vigor.

later on lae asks shadow to tell her why she holds a relic of her people, accusing her of stealing it (which she did)

and the next thing we know is shadow trying to kill lae in her sleep, and even being canning enough to tell her "I will lie that you attacked me, everyone will believe me"

and you know what? lae could have killed her, if she wanted to, she's way stronger, and martially adept to do it, but she chooses not to.

and if tav takes shadows side, she kills lae

but if tav takes Lae's side, she simply hit her with a rock, but not kill her (even if the companions are bugged and talk about the massacre that just happened, while shadow is alive and well at her tent)

so if we compare the two, it's shadow that has to chill.

and dont get me wrong this is not some kind of attempt to hate on the character.

this is a mere observation and what actually happens in the game.

as I said at the beginning of this post, is the fandom's double standards that grind my gears.

[dystini]

2020 Indy 500 Prank

Some pranks are done and forgotten almost instantly. Some become sagas, stretching out over days and weeks, past the actual race. Here is one of those.

The Indy 500 in 2020 was delayed until August due to the pandemic. But this did not deter the pranks from happening. The Off Track with Hinch and Rossi episode where this was discussed is not easily available anymore but it was a good listen.

August 19, 2020 Alex Rossi, despite having a bus, does not sleep at the track except for the night before the Indy 500 and perhaps the night before qualifying. He’s said he prefers to sleep in his bed at home. This fateful morning, he was sent a pic of his bus.

He went PitFit, the gym many drivers use, and immediately accused James Hinchcliffe of being involved, going so far as to demand Hinch’s phone so search his texts for evidence. He found nothing.

As per Hinch:

���I’m standing in the gym, minding my own business, and Alex walks up in right behind me, gets really close into my ear and just goes “You’re fucking dead,” said Hinchcliffe, who needed “the better part of an hour” to clear his name. His innocence sufficiently was proved after allowing Rossi to look at various text conversations with Andretti Autosport employees.

“He was like an angry girlfriend,” Hinchcliffe said with a laugh. “‘Show me your phone!'”

With Alex’s tweet, news of the prank had spread wide and far, and it was a huge topic of conversation, both online and in interviews at the track. With Hinch cleared, Conor Daly was the next prime suspect, along with Colton Herta. Alex told all of the crew members (and likely anyone else who would listen) that he suspected them. This caused Conor to panic and he called Colton, not knowing that Alex was with Colton and listening on speakerphone. The conversation went as follows.

"Aw dude, how'd he find out," Daly asked Herta. "He knows it was us."

"Yeah, man," Herta replied. "He came into the engineering room and he looked right at me and said he knew it was us. And I didn't know what to say."

"Well, did you tell him?" Daly asked Herta.

"Nah man," Herta said. "But I'm not a very good actor."

Alex, now knowing that Conor was his target, attempted to procure Conor’s keys.

Rossi learned Daly would be on a date that night but didn’t know the woman or have her number. They talked after he reached her via an Instagram direct message, but she was unable to find Daly’s keys.

So Rossi went to the restaurant where Daly and his date had dinner and received permission from the parking valet (who was a friend) to search Daly’s Tahoe — fruitlessly — for the keys.

Rossi later learned the keys were in Daly’s right front pocket.

“The moral of the story was I couldn’t get the bus keys,” Rossi said. “I did everything I possibly could and couldn’t make it work.”

Conor also hid his golf cart somewhere on the grounds of IMS, no doubt aided by his stepfather, track President, Doug Boles.

August 22, 2020

Alex attempted his revenge, aided by Colton. This also failed.

August 27, 2020.

Conor attempted to defend himself with this tweet.

Colton denied involvement...

and went on to threaten to release Conor’s phone number.

Someone else, in a tweet now deleted, DID release Conor’s phone number.

The next day, Tim Durham, producer of Off Track with Hinch and Rossi decided to join in, aided by others, releasing the first few numbers of Colton’s social security number. This was not as dire as it sounds as those numbers are based on location and year of birth and apply to millions of people and can be deduced by knowing those two pieces of information, which for Colton, is public knowledge. It’s the last few digits that are the true identifiers so Colton was never in any real danger of identity theft as Tim and the others likely did not even know the rest of the digits.

The prank faded into the mist at this point, nearly forgotten until 2022, when Alex finally got his revenge. But that is another story.

[mithliya]

Hello miss mena. I’m sorry to bother you with another of these “am i a lesbian or not” asks you seem to get so many of. I don’t have anyone in my life to talk to, and you seem willing to answer for other people, so I thought maybe it would be okay. If not please ignore. Either way I hope you’re alright and having a good day and wish you well.

I’m not attracted to men. Sexually or romantically. I don’t want them to touch me. I don’t want to date one or sleep with one. I’m fine being friends with them or working with them. I prefer the company of women though. I can be attracted to some women, but I don’t know what aspects I’m attracted to, physically or emotionally.

I was trafficked, as a kid. From when I was 4-6, I think, but I don’t really remember and I have nobody to remember for me and nobody to ask. I got out when I was 18 but it involved sex with men and women that I didn’t get a say in. After that I’ve not been very.. healthy, sex wise, I don’t think.

I was married for four years to a woman I loved, but the marriage was dead in days when she found out my history. She said that by touching me she was touching every dick I had ever touched and I was raping her. So I did not touch her again and we got divorced. She said that she had been a gold star lesbian until I had touched her. If that’s what being a lesbian is, then I must not be one and never could be.

I’m still trying to learn that it’s not normal to just dissociate and get fucked in order to pay for something. My body still moves and talks like I’m there, but I’m not. I spent a while homeless until I found a guy who would let me live at his place and use his shower, but over time “one blowjob a week” turned into “not allowed to move or leave a room without explicit orders and god forbid you take the leash off.”

Once I got the money to be able to run, I did. I got a decent job. Stopped dating for years. Didn’t want to hurt anyone by touching them like I did my ex wife. If just touching me can make someone not a lesbian anymore I should stay away from people.

The next person to ask me out was a trans woman. I didn’t like them but that doesn’t matter if they like me, right? I like women and can dissociate through sex with dick and spent my childhood learning what to do with it so why not. But I couldn’t. Maybe I’m a bad person.

Saved up, moved again. I thought maybe this time when I made new friends I could just say I was an actual lesbian, make it so I didn’t have to deal with dick at all ever again. But I don’t have that right, do I. I’ve done it before. So I have to be open to it again. I dated guys in high school. I have no right to rule them out or say no. Just because I didn’t have a choice before doesn’t mean I get a choice now, does it? I don’t want to be a bi girl who says she’s a lesbian and then takes dick and makes people think that they can convince lesbians to take it. I don’t want to be a bi girl on a cycle who says she’s a lesbian until she’s moved on. I don’t want to add to the “lesbians are just traumatized” stereotype. I just. I wish I could be allowed to say no to men without causing other women harm. I’m sorry.

I was married for four years to a woman I loved, but the marriage was dead in days when she found out my history. She said that by touching me she was touching every dick I had ever touched and I was raping her. So I did not touch her again and we got divorced. She said that she had been a gold star lesbian until I had touched her. If that’s what being a lesbian is, then I must not be one and never could be.

..what the fuck? she accused you of raping her bc u didnt tell her of u being raped and trafficked ???! what???

if you were never attracted to men and continue to not be attracted to men, then anon you are not somehow bi just bc u were abused & taken advantage of. you sound deeply traumatised to me and im not sure why anyone would tell u that being abused and dissociating thru things is somehow bisexuality. thats horrible of them.

[mothlegs]

eurgh

dreamt basil abused me :/ or dreamt that i dreamt it? idk. it was all the same as before. i was still finding ways to take all the blame so he wouldn't have to change or ever be in the wrong

and like. i definitely did suck severely but so did he and i was the only one taking any kind of responsibility, just like irl

gehh. stupid dream

it was like. he left a message for me on amino that he was going to sleep and i should put that in my discord status and we'd talk in the morning? and cause i'm still a stupid loyal dog i did that. his profile picture was blue and his username started with knee ..??

but. in the dream i dreamt he sexually assaulted and i think physically abused me too? i was talking to someone about it, about how my real vision/memories had high contrast and the dream ones were the same just in grey. i wondered if it wasn't just a dream (i know it is irl since i never met him in person)

we fought, physically, for a while. think there was glass and knives involved. i triggered him on purpose and accused him of race faking and faking being jewish? which? irl he is white and Not jewish? i was doing it just to hurt him, i said that to the other person later, and it felt like this big revelation that would fix everything. i used to have those all the time, i'd realise something that could he viewed as being my fault and i'd immediately do everything i could to change, because he wouldn't change and i somehow thought that if i just did everything, that would make him care about me, would make him stop hurting me. god damn stupid i was

other dream stuff. i was friends with this guy whose brother was intellectually disabled? and it was the brothers birthday so i was invited. not a lotta other people were, just a few kids his age (6-8 idk)

they were like. rich.? and somehow i ended up. erughh just remembered what happened next. i somehow ended up babysitting the kid, his? her? idk im saying his- his name was tay, and he also had some movement related disabilities and i think food related ones too

i got along w this kid really well, he used AAC and even at the party i seemed to be the one including him the most?? like we were considering going to some place and i was the only one who actually Asked tay if he wanted to go or if he was ok with us going without him

but anyways. uhh something. Weird. happened. there was a Dude. outside. who was. imitating me.? like... trying to copy how i look. it was really freaky

i told tay to know what i looked like n stuff and to not ever trust that other guy, and then i went down to i guess fight him

and Fight Him I Sure Did. he had some kinda sharp weapon and i had. something. some kinds tools idk what they were

he managed to cut me once and *i* managed to stab him through the mouth into his head. at an angle where every time he moved, he crushed his skull further. the sound was so disgusting, i couldnt look at it and he wouldnt stop

i was screaming for help and some woman came over, said something about hannah, andd. idk i guess that was okay then

i went back in the house and tried to make food but i cant cook so it went bad. tay was sitting on the counter trying to guide me buy man i am Bad

then his dad came home and was like. i told you i put food in the fridge. and i jus OH. I. COMPLETELY FORGOT. SORRY. and he said it was fine blehbleh

i told him about the weird dude (really unsettling and scary the entire time something was Wrong with him) and he got kinda Hh and said something about hannah too, but also that we couldnt talk here. i understood, the walls had eyes, metaphorically.

aaand that was p much it. think thats all i remember. i kinda miss tay and also his brother they were cool. feel like i dreamt more but i forgot u.u

[lo-fi-charming]

People who are part of a marginalized group that you aren't are allowed to criticize how you portray them. You're not a trans man. Being non binary doesn't give you some magical immunity to having latent transphobia toward trans men. Yeah trans men can like their chests and long hair and feminine clothes, but when you only ever portray them with all those things (plus mostly drawing cis women alongside them) you comes off as someone who just thinks trans men are women.

whats up it's ya boi just got woken up by my cat at 6 am for her breakfast and saw this so im tired and annoyed at you and typing this all out on my phone so i can immediately go back to sleep Anyway,

1) never said it gives me immunity, just that I wasn't cis anymore, and mentioned it to explain why i removed the disclaimers

2) you are making SO many assumptions about me based entirely on how i draw ONE character. just because i draw jon most often with long-ish hair and Sometimes wearing more feminine clothing does not mean i only ever draw all trans men like that. i draw martin as trans, too - no top-op, but he's also fat and tall, typically only in "masculine" clothing. i also draw sasha trans, do you have a problem w her as well? oh i guess not since she's short and femme and has big enough boobs that you can assume she's just cis, bc only cis girls look like that (though her being fat too is probably pushing it for you!)

(you know, i have lots of my own characters yall don't see on here; if i had to say, i probably have more trans girls than trans guys, and girls overall, bc im gay about ladies. but no you're right the art of one character you exclusively see on my sequestered fandom blog gives you a great idea of my tastes overall)

3) you insist that my inclusion of drawing a trans man alongside a cis women = i think they're the same thing which is just REALLY WEIRD like ??? do people get less trans by association now?? i simply don't understand this point. am i no longer allowed to draw both and i have to chose one? (assuming youre the same anon as the first), you've got this weird fixation on how a trans man's (jon's?) body is 'the same as a cis woman's) but YOU'RE the one saying if a man has boobs and a vagina then he is the exact same beast as a cis woman. maybe actually Think about that for longer than a second and accept the fact that those physical traits do not a woman make. some men just look like this.

i agree it is important for people - especially those who are not part of The Group - to be Mindful of how they portray that group, but that doesn't mean not making things with or about said group. i mean what are you trying to tell me to do, even? stop drawing trans men period? or i can draw them but Only if they have top surgery? only if they look like cis men? only with other trans men? all of this sucks.

like this isn't criticism. you keep trying to accuse me of dodging criticism of my Apparent Transphobia, but you're the one making stupid rules about it. not to mention wilfully ignoring all the other trans men (you claim to be sooooo concerned about) who DO like my stuff, because it speaks to them and their experiences. so like. get tf over yourself and don't send me more messages like this, ill just delete them

[petite-ely]

Afraid // JJ Maybank

Seven- Mommy Issues

Pairing: JJ Maybank x fem routledge! reader

Warnings: mommy issues, mother abandonment, anger, maybe some mistakes, tell me if I missed anything

Description: y/n has always wanted answers about her mother, but the truth seems more harsh than what she had in mind.

A/n : hello, hello friends. Sorry for not updating sooner. I had absolutely no inspiration, lol. Anyways, hope you enjoyyyy! :) (also I know the gif is terrible quality but I really wanted to put this clip and I couldn’t find any cleaner option to make a gif)

Previously

Afraid Masterlist

Song recommendation

Gif made by me!

As a child, y/n never realized how her family was different than the others. A lot of kids on the cut had single parents, it wasn’t that big of a deal. Her mom had left when she was only three, to go pursue her dream job in Colorado. It wasn’t a bad thing in the girl’s eyes. It didn’t feel like she was missing out on anything.

As she blossomed into adolescence, y/n finally understood how unconventional her family was. She heard the other girls at her school talk about their mothers. About the cakes they made or the precious moments they spent together. Mother-daughter bonding moments. She had to admit it she felt jealous. Or maybe was it envious?

She had lived all her life without a mother to kiss her scraped knees or braid her hair before going to sleep. And she would have given anything to experience it, even for one single night.

It wasn’t that she didn’t love her brother or her father, far from it, she adored them. They were both so precious to her. Still, she felt as if something was missing from her. Or more like someone.

She didn’t remember her mother, she was so young at the time, but she cherished the stories her father had told her. She fed her imagination on these stories. Making up fake memories where her mother was still there. In her heart it was all real. Reality was bitter compared to the sweet comfort of her imagination.

By the time she was 12, she’d heard the famous story enough to know it by heart, each word of the letter engraved into her head. She begged her father again and again. She wanted more stories, even the smallest anecdotes, she wanted to hear them all. Anything to improve the sketch, constantly redrawn, of the woman she didn’t remember. The woman she couldn’t really call a mother.

She knew the story by heart and yet it felt incomplete. She’d heard enough fairytales and read enough books to know when a story was complete. This one wasn’t.

And she was right.

A week after the twins’s 13th birthday, their dad gathered them around the kitchen table. He wanted to talk. It was very important. Y/n had to admit, this was quite strange, as her father was never the one to bring up important issues. In front of him was placed an envelope, yellowed with the years.

The girl knew this envelope all too well. Every scratch, every little bump, she could almost feel them on the tip of her fingers. It was her mother’s letter. This time, when he pulled out the folded pages, a third paper came out. The missing part.

Big John didn’t say anything, only slid the pearl white sheet to the twins. And though no words came out of his mouth, a million could be seen in his gaze. He wore an unfamiliar expression on his face. It was mix of sadness, fear and regrets. It was the expression of a man who only wanted to protect his children from being hurt.

The missing paper read as so:

“This is my dream, John.

And I know you might think there’s a way for us to fix this, but there isn’t. This time you can’t fix it.

When I got pregnant with the kids, I was so scared. And when I told you, I saw this glimmer in your eyes. This flame suddenly being lit inside of you. You were so excited to have your first child and it was twins! You seemed so happy. It was beautiful.

Then I thought that maybe we could do this, maybe I could be a mother. I had you, so everything would be fine. My friends kept talking about this amazing connection that felt with their babies when they were carrying them. But I never felt it with the twins.

And I thought that maybe once I held them in my arms I would finally feel it. That motherly connection. It never came. And I tried, John. I tried so hard. But I just can’t.

I do love them, I love them so much, but not the way you do. Not the way a parent loves their child It can’t do it, I’m sorry. I wasn’t meant to be a mother. Life is cruel that way sometimes.

If there’s one thing I’m certain of, it’s that you were meant for this. I can see it in the way you look at them. You can do this, John. I know.

Be the parent I will never be able to be.”

Y/n’s curious eyes scanned the paper excitedly. Her face showed a variety of emotions in the span of a few minutes. First, excitement and joy, then, confusion and finally, anger. The tip of her ears burned red, her hand shaking beneath the table.

John B. placed the paper on the table, a loud sigh escaping his lips. Though, compared to his sister, he seemed relatively calm.

Y/n couldn’t contain it anymore. She stormed out of the house, her feet shoeless and her shoulders bare. She had no idea where she was going, but she ran.

It didn’t matter. As long as she was going somewhere. As long as she was moving and running, then she wouldn’t have to think. And if she was thinking, then her mind would take her to a bad place. She didn’t want to go there. So she ran.

The Routledges were never reputed to be angry people, much less violent. They were generally very calm, maybe a bit arrogant, but always composed. Of course, when a Routledge was after something, they would do anything in order to obtain it.

But y/n was one of the exception. She was the first Routledge woman in nearly 150 years. For generations, every Routledge man had sons, who had sons, who had sons until her father. He had a son and a daughter.

She wasn’t an angry person or mean in any way. On the contrary, she was kind and gentle. But compared to her brother and her dad, she felt emotions deeply.

And maybe it was her mother’s side and not the Routledge in her. It was so intense, sometimes. Almost blinding, at some moments. It was like the emotions took over her. It didn’t happen very often but it felt like she didn’t control her body anymore.

When she finally came back to her senses, y/n was standing on an empty beach. She hadn’t realized how far she’d gotten until she felt the warm sand under her feet. A cold breeze wrapped itself around her shoulders. She was so far from home. And so alone.

She walked to the ocean, letting her toes dip gently into the water. The water was cold but calming. Her anger slowly disappeared with each breath she took, until finally she could see everything clearly again.

Y/n turned away. She thought of going back home, when a wave of emotions hit her. She fell to the ground. It was like the air had been sucked out of her lungs.

Her chest burned, she felt like she had swallowed fire. Her shoulders shook and loud sobs escaped her lips. She dug her hands into the sand, trying to ground herself. It didn’t stop her tears from crashing onto her shirt.

A shadow appeared in front of her and she recognized its shape in a matter of seconds. It could only be one person.

“Are you hear to laugh at me?” She said through tears.

“No, not this time,” said John B. He sat down beside her, his eyes looking into hers. “Oh, y/n.” He wiped the tears off of her face

“I’m sorry,” she sniffled. “It’s just that, that,” he placed his arm around her shoulder, she took a deep breath. “Part of me always thought that she would come back.”

“That she’d come stay with us and finally be our mom. But she’s never coming back, ever,” her tone was almost accusing. “I lost so much time making up scenarios for her and she doesn’t even love us.”

“You know that’s not true,” reasoned John.

“Yeah, but it feels like it.”

“We don’t need her anyway,” stated the boy. “We’ve got dad, surfing, plenty of fish and well, each other. It’s not that bad is it?”

“No, you’re right.” She looked at him. “I just feel like I’m missing out on something. Like I’m,” she paused, looking for the right word, “incomplete.”

“I get it. If the roles were reversed and dad wasn’t there, I guess I would feel that way too,” confided her brother. “But don’t give her this much power. She doesn’t get to make you feel this way. You’re whole on your own, y/n/n.”

“Thank you, bird.” She slid her arm around his shoulder, letting her head rest on top of it. “You know, you can be an amazing brother sometimes.”

“Sometimes?”

“Yeah, sometimes.”

“Hey, bird?” “Yeah?”

“How did you find me, anyway?”

“You always come here when you wanna be dramatic.”

“I do not!”

“You so do!”

And slowly, the imaginary memories fell apart and disappeared. Y/n didn’t need them anymore. She’d be better in the real world.

Taglist

@kaelyn-lobrutto24 @poguestyle17 @im-a-stranger-thing @lasnaro @thoughtsofthestars @briandaflores19 @lunaposey @allycat449-blog @ifilwtmfc @kitty084 @coloradogirl07 @ponyboys-sunsets @chaoticbisous @p0gue420 @sloaneemily @babygal-babygal @itsagurl @mendesmaybank

If you wanna be added or removed or if I forgot you, tell me and it’ll be modified!

[obnoxiousgremlin]

The Proposal , Lets fall in love for the night [o.w]

A/N- The reader is 19 and Oliver is 20. He’s already been recruited to a team for quid ditch while the reader finishes their last year of hogwarts. This is a non-voldemort a/u.

Warnings- just fluff, super cute fluff.

y/n-your name

y/m/n-your middle name

y/l/n-your last name

“Can i take my blindfold off now?” you whine. It was your five-year anniversary with Oliver and he had a whole thing planned out, from the entire day down till your outfit. You hadn’t seen him all day and he left you nothing but a note in your dorm telling you to slip on the white dress and matching silver heels in the box [whatever you say the man had good taste] he left and meet him outside the common room at 5pm. Once you were ready you went and were met with Fred, who proceeded to blindfold you and take you to Oliver so you knew absolutely nothing. And that’s how you found yourself in his position, hand in hand with none other than Oliver himself blindfolded walking to god knows where. 

“Not just yet, darling.” he chuckled , carefully guiding you.

“I love you Oliver , but if I have to wear this for one minute longer we are over.” You didn’t mean it, of course you didn’t mean it but you needed that blindfold off.

He chuckled again , “Almost there love-” taking a short pause, “- okay, we’re here now.” He proceeded to take you blindfold off but not before a song started playing. “lets fall in love for tonight and forget in the morning-”  you gasped when the blindfold came off, taking in your surroundings. You were standing on the bridge where you had first kissed him, yes you because even oliver who was super confident was way too nervous to actually make a move on you. This same bridge shared all your big moments, its where he first asked you out, its where you first told him you loved him, the feeling was mutual of course. He had somehow managed to cover the gorgeous light wood railings of the tiny bridge in white fairy lights, illuminating the place. You turned around to oliver who was dressed in a white button up and black formal trousers and kissed him. You grabbed his face and kissed him. He was startled but kissed you back immediately. You broke the kiss and touched your forehead to his “This is gorgeous babe, i love it.”

He chuckled and said, “your squishing the flowers darling.”

“Oh. Shit-” you stepped back and looked down embarrassed , “-sorry.”

“Don’t be.” he handed you your favourite flowers [a/n- my favourite flowers are white roses, so that's what im basing this on but feel free to picture your own!], and kissed you again. 

He bowed down dramatically, “May I have this dance , your grace.” He said referring to Bridgerton ,the show you two had finished a week ago after which you had taken to calling each other your grace, thinking it was funny.

You bowed back. “You may, your grace.” you said chuckling. And there the two of you were dancing on the bridge to finneas sing. It was your song, yours and olivers. You rested your head on his chest and he swayed. He turned you around, your back to his front and you hummed. His warmth seeping into you. Suddenly, he stepped back and you whined, he chuckled once again, “Just a minute, love.” and you hummed in response leaning against the railings of the bridge admiring the view of the water and the purple sky. Autumn was setting in and you couldn't be happier.

He came back and handed you a glass of rose champagne leaning next to you with his hand on your waist. You both took and sip and you hummed to the wonderful taste. After a couple of minutes , he cleared his throat and you looked at him. 

He took your hand and took a couple steps back. He seemed a little nervous but then looked at you. Clearing his throat again he said , “ Okay, so i had a whole speech prepared and i was going to say a lot of things, i can't remember anything right now. So, im just gonna say something and hope it comes out right -” you interrupted him before he could say anything ,”Oliver?” 

He lifted a hand so as to shush you and continued, ”Darling, I love you. I love you so much that I can't explain it. I love going to sleep right next to you and i love waking up next to you. I love your laugh and i love your voice and i love you. You take my breath away.I think i might love you more than qudditch, actually no, i dont think, I know that I love you more than quidditch.  Every time i look at you, i want to be near you. I want to spend my entire life with you. I want to build a future with you. I want to take every next breath with you, i want to grow old and grey with you.-” He took a deep breath , by this time you already had tears in your eyes anticipating what was happening. He continues,” - And I- and i- It is one thing to meet a beautiful woman but to meet your best friend in the most beautiful of women is something entirely apart.” He grinned referencing to Simon’s speech about Daphne in Bridgerton making you laugh. He took another deep breath , “ When i first started playing, i didnt think i would ever experience anything that would ever compare to how i felt when i picked up the broom. I never thought i would find love because quid ditch was my entire world and then there was you, equally as fast. Equally as cunning, equally as sharp as me on the broom. Thats when i knew i loved you, when i first saw you on that broom.I knew then that nothing mattered as long as i had you. That even if i didnt have quidditch and i had you everything in the world would be okay. y/n y/m/n y/l/n , will you do me honour of marrying me, of becoming Mrs. Oliver Wood and being with me for the rest of my life?” At some point he had sat down on one knee and was now looking up at you holding out a gorgeous engagement ring.

You wanted to play with him and say no but the emotions of the entire ordeal had completely overtaken you and you ended up saying ,“yes, yes, yes ,yes, yes i’ll marry you.” He picked you up and spinned you not before placing the ring on your delicate finger, huh that's why Angelina wanted to get her nails done with you. After placing you on your feet he kissed you. “Really? You want to marry me?” he asked resting his forehead against yours. “Of course i want to marry you dumbass , and even if i didnt after that speech who could refuse.” you chuckled and he joined you. 

After a couple of moments of staying like that you took a deep breath, “I guess this would be the perfect time to tell you that im pregnant?” you said looking into his eyes. The second you finished that sentence fireworks burst around you. You looked up in awe but only for a second before oliver turned your face to him, he eyes glowing .”Your pregnant?” and you nodded. “I’m going to be a dad?” he asked again.

“Mhm, i found out this morning. I guess that's what you get for making your girlfriend, well now fiancee pregnant baby”  you said laughing at him. He grinned before jumping up and down. He stopped and kissed you, his hands going to your belly. “This is the best day ever, the most perfect, goddess-like woman agreed to be my wife and im having a baby!” his excitement had you laughing. 

After a moment you said, “So about those fireworks-” he looked down sheepishly, you smacked his chest “-Oliver how many people did you tell?” you said feigning accusation. “might've told everyone in the castle.” he mumbled under his breath. “OLIVER-” he broke you off before kissing you again. 

You broke the kiss ,”that was a good way of shutting me up, love.” he chuckled, ”I know, can’t wait to use it a lot more when i finally marry you.”

As you two headed back to the castle , finneas remained singing ,”lets fall in love for the night.”

a/n-i hope you liked this, its my very first time doing something like this. Also i know the ending is kind of crappy but i can't think anything else. 

*Do not post my stuff anywhere*

ignore tags-

[jae-daddy]

Duff (7)

im jaebum au series

one / two / three / four / five / six /  seven / eight / nine masterlist

pairing: im jaebum x reader  genre: angst, smut, cheating, CEO!  plot: you are the duff and guys use you to get close to your best friend, Heather, and turns out Jaebum is no exception, but as time goes on the tension between you and your best friend’s unofficial boyfriend grows a/n: if ya like send something in or leave a comment! I love reading them! next part is going to be interesting, hope yall liked the bit of spice. not edited, hope y’all enjoy it! <3

“Stop,” Jaebum ordered.

Every nerve in your body told you to disobey and continue to walk out of his office, but your feet stopped. Your back faced him as your eyes settled on the plain dull wall in front of you, save for a painting that wasn’t much interesting.

It wasn’t truly his office yet. Jaebum hadn’t added any personal touches to the cold space in the past month of him acting Director. He remained detached from the office, employees and the job as much as he could.

Except for you, Jaebum always seemed to be looking for a way to get under your skin. Find new ways to bother you, to annoy you. It was almost as if he enjoyed seeing you fume at him with anger. Your face red with fury brought him peace and happiness. It made that easy cocky smirk on his lips grow each time his melting eyes met your raging ones.

“You’ve been avoiding me,” he said.

You didn’t turn around instantly. Instead, you took a deep breath in and turned with a vacant expression, “I’m sorry, sir. Was there something you needed?”

Jaebum shifted in the chair, annoyed. Once again, he wasn’t seated in the big boss chair on the other side of the desk. He chose one of the two placed on the other side instead, with papers splayed out in front of him, on the desk.

Your eyes went to the mess and your lips pursed. Your hands itched by your side to sort through the junk and organise everything in a proper fashion. But Jaebum knew what he was doing, he knew exactly where each paper was. He worked like a genius; chaotic and completely self-relied.

You looked back at him to find his lips drawn into a thin line, his brows drawn together as he stared up at you. For the first time, Im Jaebum did not have the cocky smile that normally danced on his lips. His eyes didn’t watch you as if he understood every thought that zoomed through your head.

He looked at you utterly lost, distraught and confused.

“Don’t try to play this game, y/n. Stop that, tell me what’s wrong, why have you been avoiding me.”

He was almost begging at this point, and for the first time in the past week, you smiled. It wasn’t a kind smile, it was cruel and relished his misery. Your tight posture relaxed as you tilted your head holding his troubled gaze as you sang, almost taunting, “I have no idea what you are talking about. I have not been avoiding you, sir.”  

Jaebum rose out of his seat and towered over you in an instant. He gritted, “Stop calling me that.”

“Calling you what, sir?”

Jaebum’s eyes darkened as he took another step towards you. You didn’t move away, you held your ground, your head tilting back to meet his stormy gaze. His jaw ticked as he sneered, “Do you enjoy this? Do you find pleasure in torturing me like this?”

“Torturing you?” You tsked, the smirk on your face growing, hiding the pounding heartbeat in your ears. You turned walking away before spinning on your red-bottom heels, “If someone were to hear, they’d think I was actually hurting you, sir.”

“Stop it!” He spat, the anger leaving him. All Jaebum was left with was desperateness as he continued, “Stop calling me sir, y/n. I’m trying to have a conversation with you as a friend--”

“A friend?” You chuckled, cutting him off. “We are not friends.”

“So we’re back to this again?”

“Yes, we are.” It was your turn to sneer at him as you took a step towards him. All coolness evaded your body and all you felt was red and hot. Anger sparked through every core of your body, your eyes shone with distaste, as you looked down your nose at him, “I will never be friends with a loathsome disgusting dog like you.”

“Dog?” Jaebum snickered at the weak insult, but the embers of the fire began lighting up inside him as he watched your lips draw into a scowl.

“Yes, a dog. A terrible, horrible cheating dog.”

“Is that the best you can do?” Jaebum jeered raising his eyebrows mockingly. “Call me a dog and say nonsense?”

“I am not speaking nonsense, you bastard,” you spat. Jaebum flinched at your words, but you continued, the fire blazing inside you. “I saw you and that woman in your office that day. Don’t think I will forget that easily. I know how disgusting you are.”

“What day--”

“Or do you mean which day-” you cut him off, stepping closer to him. The poison hissing from your tongue, “You have flirted with any woman that you ever crossed path with; at the club, at work! It doesn’t matter to you that you have a girlfriend, and you might think it’s okay, but it is not. I would never do that to my friend. I won’t sit back and hold my tongue-”

“Then why haven’t you done something about it if I’m so bad,” Jaebum cut you off this time. The easy smile returned on his lips, dancing with malice as he looked down at you as if you were a crazy lady talking about stars and the end of the world. “If you can’t differentiate between being friendly with others and flirting, then that’s on you, not on me. It’s not my fault you're an emotionless closed off mumpsimus who doesn’t know that people can simply just be nice to one to another--”

“Yes!” You scoffed up at him. “Because almost fucking a lady on your desk is just being friendly.”

“I was not about to fuck her!”

“Oh yeah?” You nodded, sarcastic.

“I was not cheating. I was not flirting with her.”

“Then what were you doing, Jaebum?” Your eyes were blazing with so much rage you felt as if it would consume you. “Do you hug everyone on your desk? How did Paul like it when you dry-humped him on the desk and called it a friendly hug?”

“Oh, fuck off,” Jaebum groaned, “It was just a hug and she slipped! I was helping her get steady!”

“And I just happened to walk in that exact moment. What a crazy coincidence!”

“If you’re so certain, why haven’t you told anyone then?” Jaebum questioned, after a deep breath. “You tell Heather everything, why haven’t you told her this yet?”

“She already knows what I think of you.”

Jaebum tried not to flinch at your words, “But have you told her about what you apparently saw last week in this office?”

Your cheeks painted red, as you tore your eyes away from him. You stared at the wicked desk instead, “No.”

“Why not?” He drawled, as he took a step closer towards you.

Your chest swelled with resentment as you refused to look at him and the victorious smile you knew was on his lips. You bit your tongue before you answered, each word cutting your throat, “I was not sure.”

“What was that?” He crooned, you could hear his smile. You felt the chuckle in his cool breath as it brushed your forehead. When you didn’t reply, Jaebum placed a finger under your chin and lifted your eyes to meet his.

His haunting gaze still shone with anger, but his lips painted the picture of the easy ocean after a stormy night.

You wanted to smack that smile from his lips. You wanted to erase the victory bubbling inside of him. You met his eyes, not looking way. Your mind repeating one thought over and over again.

I hate you.

It was unfair to blame all these emotions on Im Jaebum when it was not all his doing. You knew Jaebum wasn’t a flirt by choice, but by nature. He was like a golden retriever who couldn’t help but spread love wherever he went. And he didn’t just get friendly with any woman around his age, but with old grandmas, mothers, other males and grandfathers too. It was just who he was.

You knew you were being harsh, you knew it. But you couldn’t back down.

You would rather blame it on Jaebum. You would rather pretend that it was all his fault that you hadn’t been smiling, sleeping or eating this past week. You didn’t want to give that asshole this power over you; you didn’t want to admit the power he still had over you.

Jaebum’s eyes searched yours and the storm in them vanished. His eyes held yours, his fingers on your chin holding you in place as he searched through your mind. And just like always, he finally found the answer. You saw the recognition shine in his eyes; he knew this wasn’t about him.

You knew it wasn’t this that you had you so removed from life. But it wasn’t like Jaebum didn’t do anything wrong too. You still didn’t know what had happened between Jaebum and that lady, or more like, what would have happened had you not walked in at that moment.

“I walked in too early, Im Jaebum,” you exhaled, the venom dancing on your tongue as you met his cool gaze. Your eyes burned bright once again in accusation, “If I had walked in a second later, I would have caught you red-handed.”

“Red-handed?” Jaebum repeated, the smile easy on his lips, the raise of his eyebrows graceful, “Red-handed doing what exactly?”

You glared at him, “I would have found you about to fuck her.”

Jaebum chuckled in reply. The burn of his fingers easing on your chin. He opened his eyes, a new kind of darkness in his eyes; his lips smirking with secrecy.

His fingers lingered on your chin, his thumb grazing your lower lip, his eyes falling for a moment. Your heart stopped when you saw him lean in closer, but then he stopped.

His fingers were a whisper against your skin. It lightly traced down your throat, over your faint collarbones and over your shoulders. His fingertips grazed down your back smoothly, his touch burning through the flimsy white shirt you wore. His fingers stopped on your lower back, before both his hands landed on your hips. His fingers spreading over the curve, searing you with its touch.

His hands gently nudged you backwards, making you take a step back. Jaebum’s steps followed you, making you walk backwards until you felt the edge of the dark wood on your lower back.

Jaebum’s eyes never left yours as he eased you onto the desk. Your legs parted effortlessly as Jaebum slipped between them; your skirt bunching up as it rose up your thigh. Jaebum’s hands finally left your body and your chest expanded.

The ghost of his touch burned you with its sudden coldness.

A strong arm reached behind you on the right. His left hand fell on your knees, slowly, dangerously moving up.

You weren’t breathing; you couldn’t breathe. You couldn’t move under his touch.

You couldn’t move under his heated gaze.

Jaebum’s eyes did not leave yours as he leaned in closer. His dark eyes flickering to your lips, a knowing small smile on his lips as your chest heaved. You gulped nervously as his lips drew closer, so close you could taste his breath on your tongue.

You closed your eyes as you felt him lean in closer. His tortuously slow left hand deliciously moved higher, his fingertips gracing the inside of your thighs.

His lips touched you, barely missing your lips. A small sigh left you, and you felt a smile blossom on his soft lips. Jaebum placed another kiss, lower, and then another. Another soft sigh fell from your lips when his lips kissed your neck; you felt his lips drag upwards towards your ear.

His fingertips dug into your thighs, as he gently blew into your ear. You held your breath to stop the whimper from escaping you. You felt so hot; you were sure if Jaebum's fingers as much as travelled any bit further he would be able to feel your body reacting to him.

You could feel your core tangled and a mess of nerves, and a heartbeat down below, in anticipation.

“I have barely touched you and you’re such a beautiful little mess, love,” Jaebum whispered into your ear. You closed your eyes swallowing the painful truth in his words and the shame climbing over your body. “Trust me, if I ever wanted to fuck someone you wouldn’t have to guess. You would know.”

You believed him. If something more was happening that day, you would have known.

You felt him move away, but you kept your eyes closed. Your breath leaving you shakingly as you tried to regain control over yourself. You could feel him look at you; you felt his gaze burn you as he took you in.

You wondered what he saw. How much could he see?

Could he see your cheeks deep with a blush? Your lips wet with anticipation? Your chest heaving? Your breath shattering? All because of him and his nearness, how much could he see... what did he think of it...

Could he see your mind racing with thoughts of him? Racing with all that could happen next? His lips on yours, your moans filling up the quiet office as he groaned, filling you up, spreading you wide open on his desk.

Could he see how you were trying to control yourself?

You opened your eyes and wished you hadn’t. You would rather see them clouded with rage, even unfiltered lust would be better than the softness you found. The honey brown in his eyes met your gaze with desire, want and longing.

It was disgusting.

It was terrible.

It was horrifying how Im Jaebum could make you feel when he was looking at you like that. As if his hands burned beside him, begging to touch you. As if he would cease to exist if he did not touch you, kiss you, hold you. As if you were all he could ever want in the world, but you were the only thing he could never have.

You would rather take animalistic lust over that.

You tore your eyes away from him. Jaebum took a step back and you hopped off the desk. You straightened your skirt avoiding his face. But Im Jaebum wasn’t looking at you as well, his gaze focused on the floor but his mind somewhere far away.

“I won’t worry Heather with this,” you croaked out. Jaebum nodded absent-mindedly, and you began walking out. You were almost to the door when you stopped. You bit your lip, unsure, but decided to say it anyway, “Don’t take it personally, Jaebum. It’s not you, I’ve just been in a mood and caught up with something else. I- I guess, that’s why you thought I was avoiding you.”

“Oh,” Jaebum replied, softly. You turned around to find him giving you all his attention, “Is there something I can do to help you?”

You shook your head with a small smile, “No.”

The moment you had been dreading finally arrived that afternoon.

“Good evening, Meridian Firm,” you answered, automatically. You hated answering phone calls, you would rather email.

“Hello, I’m calling from Spring Industries-”

You knew. You knew.

“I’m calling on behalf of our CEO Park Jinyoung,” the lady on the other spoke, and you tried to control your breathing. “He would like a meeting with Director Im.”

“I will let Director Im know.”

“Can we pencil a meeting date right now, and you can confirm it later? My boss really wants an answer,” the lady on the side spoke sounding more humane.

You knew what she meant by that too. You knew how he got when he didn't get what he wanted.

“Of course,” you pulled out the calendar planner looking for the next empty date, “How is next week Thursday at five-thirty in the evening?”

“Hmm, let me check,” you heard a few clicks on the other side, and prayed it wouldn’t match. “Oh, perfect! Hope to hear from you soon!”

“Alright, goodbye,” you say before hanging up. You sighed, tired, as you run your fingers through your hair.

You knew this moment was coming, but you hadn't expected it to come so soon. You weren’t sure if you were ready. Your stomach churned at the thought of seeing him again.

“Hey, you alright?”

You looked up to find Im Jaebum standing by your desk with concerned eyes. You nodded, smiling slightly at how adorable he looked worried, “I’m good.”

“I...” he started but trailed off. “Let’s go get dinner.”

You were about to say no when he added, “Heather and Bam are already on their way. And Heather said she wants you there.”

You sighed, exhausted, “Alright.”

“Oh, and uh,” you paused, biting your lips, breathless. “The CEO of Spring Industries wants to meet you next week Thursday at five-thirty, how should I reply?”

“Am I free?” You nodded in reply. Jaebum just shrugged, nonchalant, “Cool, tell them yes.”

You nodded once again, doom already clouding over you.

[7wanderingpaws]

Mess We Made - fourth/last (m)

(gif not mine)

Pairing: Baekhyun x reader

Genre: arranged marriage au (not bbh), doctor AU, angst, fluff

Words: 7.5K

WARNINGS: language, mentions of blood, mature content, cheating (not bbh)

Quick A/N: Hiii! Im gonna hide... Ive never written sth like this omg. (pls let me know your thoughts). This is the final part so I feel accomplished I wrote such long chapters in such a short time >< 

tags: @byunfirstlady @blackon @puppyeoliepop @in3vitably3v3​ @mangobaek @bobohumyonlyboo @wooya1224 @exortedgoods @gureuma (if you want to be tagged/untagged please reply to this post)

parts: first – second – third -- fourth (last)

masterlist

.

Mess We Made, last part

“What the hell did you think you were doing in the hospital?” you attacked him as soon as you arrived home after two days.

Frankly Minheob didn’t come to visit you anymore although you overheard some nurses gossiping that he went several times to the doctor’s office and had a chat with doctor Kim. As much as you wished to know why he would go the great lengths to try to tie you down, you also couldn’t care less as long as he didn’t come and see you.

Minheob frowned at you as he watched you cradle Hayeon. “Do you think I don’t know?”

“Don’t know what?”

He stepped closer to you and you wanted to move backwards but the baby’s crib was behind you, successfully caging you in. He grinned nastily. “Well, you really are so clueless. As soon as I found out your lover is also in that hospital, I rushed in to get you. You doing miscarriage and daring to cheat on me at the same time?” He scoffed. “That is unheard of.”

Your heart rate sped up at his words. There was no way you cheated on him. Baekhyun did come several times to check up on you, sometimes you even swore he was there while you were sleeping and felt something soft brushing your cheek, but you never did anything more than what a doctor and a patient would do. Did Minheob know about Baekhyun? If he did then how did he find out?

Minheob laughed out loud at your shocked expression, and reached out to caress Hayeon’s hair but you moved her away from his touch. “She is my daughter too, you know.”

“How dare you accuse me of cheating on you,” you muttered sternly, trying to keep your voice down so as not to trigger the baby.

“Well, then let me put you into perspective because the past year you’ve been amazingly oblivious.” He made a dramatic pause and you almost lost all your wits. He took a deep breath and like a snake, licked his lips in mischief. “How many times have you moaned his name when you were coming, huh?” he whispered, carefully watching you from up close. “How many times have you thought it was him instead of me? You were so full of him while in bed with me... What made you ever think I wouldn’t find out that you still kept in touch with him?”

Blood drained from your face and you knew you were done for. And Baekhyun too. Your stupid mistake would bring him into this huge mess that you created again.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” you dared to lie through gritted teeth and hugged your baby even tighter. “Nor do I care what your twisted mind came up with, Minheob.”

He laughed, stepping away from you. “So this is the way you want to act? I will gladly moan out his name for you, maybe then you would remember?” he asked with a low tone.

You started walking towards the kitchen, deciding to mix the baby formula so that Hayeon could eat. You were not breastfeeding her, you only did so for two weeks before you gave up. Your breasts took too long to bring out the milk and even if they did, it was bloody. Another reason to be miserable. You couldn’t even feed your child.

“Stop pretending you didn’t hear me,” snickered your husband and grabbed your wrist, yanking you back to him.

You gasped, holding Hayeon tighter. “I didn’t cheat on you!”

“I don’t give a fuck whether you did or not! You just stayed in hospital for two days for nothing because he wanted you there!”

When you opened your mouth to retort something, he muttered: “Baekhyun wanted to keep you there for himself, didn’t he? Good way to make use of you,” he snarled. “A woman that lost her child. He could still fuck you over-“

Your hand flew out before you could think twice, landing a stinking slap on Minheob’s face. “Get him out of your filthy mouth,” you muttered lowly, sending him death glares. Minheob was shocked just for a moment before he was about to rebuke, but you beat him to it: “Baekhyun has nothing to do with me. Stop blaming innocent people-“

“I cannot believe you had me fooled! I had his best friend stalked to make sure he wouldn’t make moves on you, the Park Chanyeol kid, and then it was the fucking doctor the whole time!” he shouted but you didn’t flinch, only proudly noted how his cheek was becoming redder with each passing second.

“I never fooled you,” you answered, “it’s you who does the dirty job. Leave Baekhyun alone.”

“I can see how angry you are becoming. Protecting your secret lover.”

“He is not my secret lover.”

“I can see the way you are looking at me right now. You hate even the idea of me saying his name, don’t you? You hate your entire family for making you marry me when you could have him-“

“Enough.”

“But you’re stuck with me and he will most probably find another woman-“

“I said enough!” you screamed loudly, successfully making Hayeon cry in your arms while your husband had a victorious smile on his face. He paused for a moment and pushed his hands into the pockets of his jeans. Turning away from you, he said: “Good luck taking care of that weeping machine. It’s annoying. I’ll be out.”

When you heard the door slam, you felt your cheeks burning up with anger while the tears you didn’t know you were keeping in, spilled. Quickly shushing Hayeon, you went over to grab the formula as you originally wanted to, while sniffing.

“C‘mon, Hayeon, don’t cry,” you tried gently but she was relentless.

You didn’t want her to be scarred by the toxic relationship you had with her father. Everyday you tried your best to be good for her and make her happy so that she would grow up well. But having Minheob breathing down your neck was making it hard.

It was almost one hour later, Hayeon still slowly sucking on the milk from her bottle while you had the big TV turned on with a comedy show when the doorbell rang.

Sighing tiredly, you walked over to the intercom to check the camera, and your heartbeat sped up when you noticed Baekhyun’s profile as he was waiting for you to let him in.

What the hell was he doing here? He shouldn’t be here!

Despite your racing thoughts, you let him in and walked over to the doors with Hayeon in your arms. She was tapping on your chest with her small hands as she was looking at you with huge eyes.

You were cooing to her softly, hoping it would ease your nerves. And it did. You didn’t hear Baekhyun approaching, only realizing his presence when he was two meters from you, casually leaning his shoulder against the wall, his arms pushed in his dark-blue jeans, and observing you with a warm, gentle smile. It made your heart skip a beat.

“Baekhyun,” you breathed and he lazily stretched his lips before walking over to you, standing a tad too close as he was looking down at your daughter.

“Being a mother really suits you,” he murmured softly, looking up to catch you staring.

Quickly recovering, you blurted: “You shouldn’t be here, Baek. I’m not sure when my husband will be back-“

“He won’t be coming for a while, don’t worry,” he replied calmly.

You frowned. “Did he go after you?” Just the idea made you dizzy with worry.

Baekhyun chuckled, taking in your expression. “No, but he is with doctor Kim.”

You frowned.

“Won’t you let me in?”

“Ah, right,” you stammered and moved aside, letting him in. You weren’t sure you wanted him to see the place you’d been living in with another man that wasn’t him. Baekhyun looked out of place as you followed him to the spacious living room. “Please, sit down. What can I get you?”

He did as you asked and looked at you with expectant eyes. He smiled sheepishly. “This is probably too much but… do you maybe have wine?”

“I do but… aren’t you driving?”

“My brother will come and pick me up. He is nearby doing some business.”

You nodded. “I’ll have a glass with you, too. Just let me put her-“

“I can hold her,” he offered smoothly which made you stop. “Only if you don’t mind. I’ve held quite a few babies,” he grinned proudly.

Smiling, you gladly handed him Hayeon and gave him her little bottle. You realized you were too close because when you glanced up, Baekhyun’s nose almost brushed yours. Pulling away, you turned to go when he asked: “Aren’t you breastfeeding? You shouldn’t drink.”

Preparing two wine glasses, you told him you weren’t. He was silent and when you came out with the glasses and two kinds of bottles he looked up at you holding the options up for him.

“Red,” he said with a smile.

You nodded and poured the both of you a glass and faced him. Humming, you noted: “Being with a baby suits you.”

He smiled knowingly. “Oh, yeah? Well… this one looks a lot like you, to be honest.” He gave a loving caress to Hayeon’s head and you felt your heart squeezing painfully.

“Luckily.” You cleared your throat. “What brings you here?”

Baekhyun cooed at Hayeon a little bit longer before he murmured, catching your eyes. “I was worried… he would do something to you.”

“But you never cared before.”

“That’s not true and you know it.”

You bit your lip. “Why is he with doctor Kim again?”

Baekhyun pressed his lips for a moment, thinking over your question. “He is…” he let out a perplexed laugh, as if unsure what to say, “I don’t know how to put it in words.”

Baekhyun earned your full attention now. “What do you mean?”

“He is in love with doctor Kim.”

Your mouth fell open, the news catching you off guard. “H-he what?”

“Shh,” he shushed gently like he always did with you, and nodded towards Hayeon who was drifting off to sleep in his arms. Your heart squeezed painfully once again, the sight was bittersweet. Your child in his arms. “I found out today too. He had been visiting her for a long time. Turns out they have known each other since high school.”

That sounded awfully familiar. “And now he is trying to get her?”

Baekhyun shrugged once and looked down at Hayeon, her eyes peacefully closed but still diligently sucking on the last droplets of milk. “Maybe?”

“And here I thought he went there to stalk me.”

He turned his head towards you. “Does it matter whether he actually wants doctor Kim?” he asked quietly, the unvoiced actual question palpable in his voice. Do you love your husband enough to be hurt that he wants another woman?

“I feel sorry for her,” was your blunt answer. “But if that means he will change I wish he would ditch me.” You looked Baekhyun in the eyes. “I’ve been wanting this whole nightmare to end for two years, Baekhyun. Two years of being completely helpless, not even able to see you properly. I want him to ditch me and I want to be with you.”

He was listening to you carefully, his eyes sometimes drifting to your lips and the way they shaped when you pronounced some words. “If I told you I have someone else…”

Within seconds your eyes burned up in despair. “No, you don’t.”

Without an answer, he was looking at you; observing the way your cheeks became red along with your nose while your eyes were full of unshed tears. You were so beautiful even after miscarriage. You were ethereal in his eyes even though he just made you cry. Now that Baekhyun thought about it, he didn't remember the last time he saw a genuine smile on your face; it was always either a tired, insincere smile or crying. If he only saw you like that, how many times must have you cried when he wasn't there?

“Please don’t tell me you have someone else,” you whispered when he wouldn't answer.

“It's only natural I would find someone else,” he reasoned matter-of-factly but in a gentle tone so as not to upset you.

“And you came here to tell me this?”

Baekhyun was helpless. He knew your jealousy could be blinding, but he thought with time it would simmer down. “I didn't come here to talk about my private life-”

You snorted sarcastically. “Right. Your private life is how we call it now?” You reached out for sleeping Hayeon and took her into your arms. Without a word you walked to the bedroom. In case you would become even more emotional, you didn't want her to wake. You heard Baekhyun shuffling after you, a conflicting gaze following your every more.

He waited by the door, silently watching you putting Hayeon into her crib. With teary eyes, you observed your daughter a little longer, thinking how wrong everything was at that moment before facing your guest.

Baekhyun didn't move when you closed the door behind you, instead he took hold of your wrist to make you look at him. “I'm sorry. It all came out so wrong.”

“You have nothing to apologize for,” you said evenly. “It's your private life and it's none of my business. Which means you may go. Now that you made sure I wasn't dying on the bedroom floor - because you really care about my well-being - it's time to leave.”

Baekyhun was slowly losing his patience. “Stop acting so freaking stubborn.”

More tears welled up in your eyes. “You are right. So leave. I want to be alone.”

He sighed when you tried to push his hand away. “Sweethea-” he stopped himself, biting quickly into his lower lip. Your heartbeat sped up but then he murmured your name softly and you deflated again. “I didn't mean I'm in a relationship.”

“Then what did you mean?” you pressed.

“I was with other women while I wasn't with you. That's all,” he replied truthfully. “I haven't been in a relationship ever since you left me.”

“But you slept with other women,” you finished.

He nodded, staring into your eyes with pure honesty. He had his heart on his sleeve for you, and you still couldn't help the boiling feelings of betrayal. Maybe it was because you were still recovering from the happenings of the past three days or maybe it was just the way you would always feel when Baekhyun was with another woman, be it romantically or purely physically.

“I still don't get why you are telling me this. I still don't understand why you had to come here now, out of all the times.”

“I want you back,” he whispered. “Even though it is impossible, I want you back. With everything you are.” Your breath hitched in your throat and your heart restarted its wild beating. “It's so fucking difficult to keep my hands off of you, to not touch you, to not be there for you when I know you don't have anyone else to turn to and share your burdens with. I know your asshole of a husband mistreats you with your entire family helping him out. I'm tired of it and if it means going against all the rules, then so be it.”

Hope was making your eyes come alive, he could see it. Even though they were teary, hope sparked through and Baekhyun felt relieved.

“Are you doing this now because you know Minheob has feelings for another woman?”

He was shocked. “W-what? No, it isn't about it-”

“Yes, you are,” you said, not even listening to him, “you wouldn't have come here if my husband wouldn't be seeing doctor Kim right now. Otherwise-”

“No, wait, listen to me-”

“You wouldn't fight for me if it weren't for-”

He murmured your name in warning. “Listen-”

“I can't believe you-”

“For Christ's sake just listen-”

“Make me.”

Baekhyun was furious. Both of you were staring down each other, both of you hurt and desperate. “Make me listen, Baekhyun,” you said again with a steely voice and he grabbed your face and crashed his lips on yours. You let out a moan, his lips so soft against yours despite the kiss being anything but soft. He cradled your face and you didn't waste time in bringing your arms around his neck, bringing him closer. You heard Baekhyun inhale sharply as he sucked on your lower lip before licking it, asking for entrance. He growled when you complied but would fight him for dominance. It was a game of push and pull and he pressed you against the wall next to the bedroom door; the room which you shared with someone that wasn't Baekhyun.

It was thrilling, exciting and you wanted more. Baekhyun tasted much sweeter than you could remember and there wasn't a chance that you'd get enough. When it came to him, it was never enough for you. Thirstily, you pressed your middle to his, causing him to grunt while he sucked on your tongue, his hands on your neck to angle your face for him. You could feel your lips were already swollen but you didn't care. Your hands were buried in his hair, messing it up, pulling on it as you wanted more. More, more, more. You wanted him to devour you, to take you and to never return you.

But it was still Baekhyun. This was unfair to him. And so he was the first one to disattach, pulling away from you slightly to press his forehead against yours while the both of you were panting. You looked at his lips, the way the skin around them was turning a gentle pink, his lips particularly red. God, you loved those lips and how cutely they were shaped.

He caressed your jaw with his thumb, bringing your attention up to his droopy eyes. “I love you,” he confessed.

Your throat went dry for a second. It was like reliving all your happy memories with him all over again. “I love you, too, Baekhyun,” you replied, making sure you were staring into his eyes.

A soft smile spread on his face and he leaned in to kiss you again but stopped just before his lower lip could touch your upper one. “We shouldn't do this, though. You are married, have a baby and it's not right.”

“You already kissed me,” you urged him, not sparing even a heartbeat to think about his words, “it won't make a difference if you do it one more time.” You raised yourself on your tiptoes and kissed him before he could retaliate. He moaned so subtly it almost made your knees buckle. His hands travelled souther, caressing your shoulders before they went to your back where he drew sensual circles, making you feel all sorts of inappropriate things. You dared to bring your hands to the hem of his shirt that was tucked into his jeans and pull it out, wanting to feel his skin under. He let out another moan when he felt your fingertips trailing the outline of his abs- wait, abs?

You pulled away. “Since when are you so ripped?” you breathed which made him chuckle. You lifted his shirt slightly to see that he had a freaking six-pack. Your mouth went agape, but you still felt Baekhyun's hand on the sliver of skin that showed between your jeans and shirt. He didn't dare to go further than that, though.

“Where else can I use my frustrations if not in the gym, hm,” he murmured in a low voice that made your insides squeeze with want.

You rested your head against the wall, looking at him with content. “I caused it all. I'm sorry.”

He sighed and stepped closer, one leg between yours as he cradled your cheek. “I knew from the start it would go like this, you know. Don't apologize.”

“I'm still sorry 'cause I never should have made you go through the things that me and my terrible family did.” You paused for a moment. “Let's start over, together,” you suggested eagerly. “Let's run away.”

Baekhyun took a deep breath. “You know that isn't possible, love.”

“It is,” you insisted, “of course it is. Let's just disappear and not let anyone know.”

“I have to make a living. And I love my job. You need to take care of your daughter as well.”

“So is that a no? Even if I get a divorce and a chance to start over… is that a no?” you asked quietly.

“Look, doctor Kim knows about us. She knows about our relationship because I couldn't focus whenever I knew you were in the clinic. My behavior gave me away and she is a great senior that understood me well. She was the one to tell me to come here and she called your husband over. I'm sure she is lecturing him.”

“What?”

“Yeah,” he nodded, running his thumb over the naked skin of your hip. “I'm sure with time, we can slowly start over again, hm?” he prompted gently, tapping your skin a few times. “Time is all we need.”

“I have to wait more to have you?” You were being greedy. You knew you were. But you couldn't help yourself.

“We waited a long time for each other,” he breathed, “we can wait a little longer. Doctor Kim will help us.”

“Then kiss me one last time. To seal it,” you demanded. “As a promise that you will come back to me, Baekhyun.”

And Baekhyun did.

///

It had been weeks now that you found out about Minheob having feelings for the kind doctor Kim. You weren't sure if it was because you were aware of it, but Minheob seemed to become less interested in you overall. He didn't call you when you were busy with the shop, he didn't care if you came home a little later, and not once mentioned Baekhyun to you anymore. It was almost as if that argument never happened.

Even though that seemed to get better, you were still sour because Baekhyun kept the contact between you two quite limited even though he said he wanted you. Sometimes you would exchange texts, because you couldn't keep still; your need to know what he was doing, how he was doing and where he was, was stronger.

It could have been frustrating and maybe now you got a taste of how he must have been feeling the entire time after your break-up. You expecting him to be alone and wait for something to happen was so greedy it made you feel embarrassed. Of course he would have found a woman for pleasure.

You weren't disappointed; hurt maybe because you despised any idea of him being with another woman. After all, you wanted to be the only one to know how he was like in bed, how he would treat a woman after the love-making was done.

You groaned gently, the intruding thoughts not doing you any good. Plus, you were on your period. Maybe you shouldn't have thought about it too much. He confirmed he still loved you and that was all that mattered.

It was almost four months later, your relationship and communication with Minheob almost non-existent and Hayeon a curious toddler, when Minheob said a sentence you never thought you would hear:

“I want a divorce.”

You swiveled around from where you were sitting on the carpeted floor, watching over Hayeon while your tablet was sitting in your lap, going through the new lingerie sets that were supposed to arrive anytime soon. With it, finally, the “unlock, bbh” one as well.

“What?”

“You heard me,” he sighed, sitting on the sofa, emotionlessly looking at an ever-bright Hayeon. “I want to divorce you.”

You were silent, carefully thinking over what to reply next. Maybe you didn't seem as shocked to him as he would have expected you to, but he didn't care at that point.

“I am with another woman. And I want to become a better person for her.”

“I see…”

He rolled his eyes. “At least pretend like you're shocked.” “I am, Minheob. You never told me you are seeing someone else.”

“Just like you never told me you are cheating on me with that doctor of yours.”

“I never-” you started, offended, but all too quickly you remembered kissing Baekhyun in that very house. Minheob couldn't have known about that, though. “I didn't cheat on you. Not like that.”

He let out a dishonest laugh and looked away. “Either way, it doesn't matter anymore. I want it to be as soon as possible.”

“What about Hayeon? She is your daughter.” Minheob didn't care about Hayeon, you knew it. He barely ever tried to initiate anything with her, let alone ask if the baby was doing well.

“Yeah,” he rolled his eyes, “you couldn't even give me a boy. It had to be a daughter.”

You puckered your lips, trying hard not to pick a fight. “I'm sick and tired of you being a misogynistic prick,” you told him in a calm voice. “She is a healthy child and you should be fucking thankful.” You turned to look at Hayeon who was playing with huge baby-safe lego pieces. “I will raise her to become much more badass than any man ever will.”

“Sure, you will.” He was silent for a while. “I will try better. I will take care of my part on her behalf, of course. And the matter with your family - they are all to stay just as usual.”

Not turning to look at him, you hummed. “Good way to become a better person, Minheob.”

“I'll deal with all the paperwork. Let's get everything settled by next week. Since we both agree on divorce.”

Sudden eagerness ignited your hope to be with Baekhyun much earlier than you anticipated. Just the idea of it made you feel elevated.

“And about this house…”

You turned your head to look at your soon-to-be ex-husband. “I will leave with Hayeon, don't worry.”

“Good.”

“Good.”

///

You headed to Baekhyun's that evening. Packing up the baby bag for Hayeon, you put her in the baby carrier basket once you arrived. You knew his new address but not once you visited. Having Minheob as a husband had its perks after all; you could easily look into the employees' personal records.

Baekhyun lived in an upscale apartment building, typical for families that had money. It made you realize just how much he developed professionally.

Shushing Hayeon, you waited for Baekhyun to open the door and when he did, he still looked surprised, even after letting you in through the intercom. “Hi,” you smiled, “I came to talk.”

Baekhyun took you in, noting the sleeping toddler. “Sure, come in,” he said quietly, not wanting to disturb the sleeping child.

“Sorry for coming unannounced,” you muttered sheepishly, admiring the way he looked in simple grey joggers and a white shirt. 

Baekhyun stopped you from going further into his apartment. “Are you okay? Did something happen?”

“No,” you smiled softly, “I have some good news.”

Sitting close to each other, you talked for about two hours; about your future. About the current situation and about the way it all evolved. Baekhyun was surprised but you were relieved when you saw his eyes light up with the same hope that it did with yours. For amoment you were worried he wouldn't reciprocate the excitement but when he almost ducked to kiss you, you knew he still felt the same.

Your faces were so close, you could feel his breath on your cheek. “I was thinking about looking for an apartment…” you trailed off. “Maybe somewhere close to yours?”

“Silly,” sighed Baekhyun affectionately, “you'll come straight to my place.”

Your heart skipped a beat as you eyed his lips. “Are you sure? I will have Hayeon with me,” you admitted, not wanting to sound as sad as you actually felt. It made you sound like a bad mother and maybe just a little bit, you were. Hayeon was such a delight of a child, but she was Minheob's. Baekhyun didn't have anything to do with her and even though you loved her, it also made you mad that you didn't have a child with Baekhyun.

“You know I never had anything against Hayeon. She is innocent and too young. She is barely one, sweetheart. She is your child, how can I not love her?”

Baekhyun's words made your eyes snap up to meet his tender ones.

Slowly he lifted his hand, cradling your cheek. “She looks a lot like you, you know?”

You closed your eyes. “You already told me.”

“And I'm saying it again. She is gorgeous. I bet she will grow up into a beautiful lady just like her mother.”

You smiled, shaking your head gently as to not let his hand fall. “Will you help me raise her into a good and loving child?”

“Of course,” he breathed, his thumb wandering to your lower lip. “We will raise her together.”

Your smile grew wider, now opening your eyes. “I love you so much, Baekhyun. You really have no idea how perfect you are, do you?”

He smiled and leaned in, nudging your nose with his. “I would do anything just to see you smile like that again. I want to keep that smile on your face forever, baby.”

Electricity cursed through your veins. You leaned in, wanting to finally overcome the teasing distance between your lips but Baekhyun stopped you. “Hayeon is sleeping here.”

“She will sleep for a while now. She always sleeps the best after a car ride,” you muttered, still eyeing Baekhyun's lips.

He hummed, acknowledging your words. Then he grabbed your hand gently, intertwining your hands and made you stand up. Eagerly, you followed him to his bedroom and once he closed the door, you stared at each other for a moment before the both of you leaned in at the same time. Kissing each other passionately, he walked you towards his bed and sat down, making you straddle him.

You whimpered at the feel of his wandering hands. “You don't mind kissing me now?” you asked, wanting to be sure you weren't doing something that made him feel uncomfortable.

Baekhyun was looking up at you with huge eyes full of lust and love. The raw crave in his eyes was undeniable and it turned you on. “No. I should have just stolen you a long time ago.”

You giggled but he silenced you with another mind-blowing kiss. Letting him touch you everywhere, you found yourself needing air quickly and Baekhyun moved to your cheek, jaw and neck, sucking gently on the sensitive skin. Your hands were messing up his before they found the way to his shirt, once again wanting to feel up his abs that contracted under your touch.

“I missed you so much,” groaned Baekhyun when he squeezed your backside as he licked your collarbones before biting. You hissed, but he didn’t stop.

“I missed you much more,” you breathed, closing your eyes in pleasure. “You have no idea how much.”

He hummed and grabbed the v-line of your shirt, yanking it down to show your bra. Hungrily, he attached his lips to the swell of your breast and you moaned loudly, burying your hand in his hair. “I missed these, too,” he muttered, making you chuckle.

When his other hand wandered south to your jeans, you grabbed his hand in alarm.

“B-Baekhyun, I’m on my period,” you breathed shakily, your arousal growing with each touch of his. Because of your stupid monthly issue you wouldn’t be able to enjoy Baekhyun but to your utter shock, he muttered:

“I don’t care.” With that, he hoisted you up in his arms, making you let out a silent squeal as he smiled and brought you to his private bathroom. “Unless you mind,” he added warily.

“No,” you shook your head quickly. “I crave you too much to care.”

The doors closed shut and you were pushed against them, his middle pressed to yours causing you to let out a wanton moan. He wasn’t even inside you but you felt like a bone shattering orgasm was on its way already.

“Fuck, I missed you so much,” he whispered urgently as he sucked on your neck, his other hand supporting you on your backside, and the other wandering inside your shirt.

Your hand was in his hair, grabbing on it, pushing his head into your chest needily. “Jesus, Baek, I need you. No teasing, god.”

This would be a first time for the both of you to be intimate while you were bleeding. As much as it was a little off-putting, neither of you built up the boundaries that seemed to be nonexistent in your relationship.

He grunted as he brought you to the shower stall and gently put you down on your wobbly legs. You were already taking off your shirt and jeans and he was mimicking you, desperate to finally feel each other’s skin. When the both of you were naked, Baekhyun stepped closer to you and reached behind you to turn on the shower.

The first wave had cold water which made you squeal and jump, attacking and hugging Baekhyun to yourself who caught you with a handsome laugh.

“I’ll make you all hot and bothered very soon, princess,” he murmured in your ear, his nose pressed to your hair as you felt his hand caress you over your stomach before he let it slide to your womanhood.

“Baek-“ you started quickly, sudden anxiety eating you away because you were bleeding.

“Shh, no words,” he said and brought his face back to yours, diving in to bite your lower lip. “Just our bodies talking.”

“But-“

“I said,” he pressed and just then he spread your womanhood, his middle finger teasing your lips and the sensitive bud before he quickly let it dive into your hole. Your knees buckled at the sensation and Baekhyun was fast to press you against the wall, letting the water wash away your blood and arousal from his hand.

“Fucking gorgeous,” he grumbled and pushed two fingers inside of you, humming when he watched you open your mouth in an airy moan, your eyes closed in pure ecstasy.

You were panting heavily and when you opened your eyes to look at your lover, you felt like your chest would combust with repressed emotions. You grabbed the back of his head and smashed your lips together, bringing out another pleasurable moan from Baekhyun. The vibration of his chest rang against yours, connecting two wildly beating hearts.

He scissored his fingers inside you, pumped you slowly, in and out, making sure you were well stretched out.

A whimper was what made Baekhyun pull away from the heated kiss. “Do you think you’re ready for me?” he asked in a low voice, his eyes full of affection, desire and lust.

You nodded eagerly. “Yes, yes, just get on with it.”

You reached for his member that had stood up proud in the meantime, keeping close eye contact with his owner. “Since we are doing it while I’m on my period, I can feel all of you,” you breathed as you stood on your tiptoes to kiss him again while you wrapped your hand around his shaft, spreading the pre-cum over the tip with your thumb, closely checking your partner for any reaction. “You can come inside of me.”

Baekhyun hissed and followed with a deep groan as his arm slid around your waist bringing you to him so he could rest his head in your neck. He left open-mouthed kisses lazily on your skin and he squeezed your body when you played with his balls. “Fuck!”

Without warning, he pushed your hand away. “Do you trust me?” he asked, his hands already trailing down your sides, his member pressed to your stomach.

“Always.”

“Then jump for me,” he whispered passionately and was fast to catch you, your legs around his waist and your center just on his manhood. “I will fuck your brains out.” He informed you and you could only plead for him to finally move on. And he did. With just his tip at your center had the both of you close your eyes and moan into each other’s mouths before he slowly pushed in.

“Ahh, yes,” you let out and wiggled in his grasp. Baekhyun hissed sharply biting your earlobe when he managed to slide almost all of him in. “Shit your slick.”

Both of you looked down to where you were connected to see the water wash away a chunk of blood. “Ready?” he asked gently. “Tell me immediately if somethings off.”

You smiled at him deliriously and nodded in confirmation.

Baekhyun started with a slow pace, his thrusts careful, making you feel every single inch of his member, every vein and plain. Being on your period made your womanhood extremely sensitive and aware of every single movement inside you which was the reason your forehead fell into his shoulder, a moan after moan leaving your mouth.

He took your passionate reaction as a yes to speed up, and he set a faster, stronger pace, sliding swiftly in and out of you, each fraction sending pleasurable waves through Baekhyun’s body.

“Fuck yes,” he groaned when he slammed harshly into you, aiming for your gspot, sliding you up the wet wall while you arched your back.

“Yes, Baekhyun, right there!” you screamed, the slight cramps in your lower abdomen wonderfully changing into a wave of ecstasy bringing you closer to the edge. 

“I know my woman well,” he hissed, watching your erotic face expressions with hooded eyes as he gave you another powerful thrust. “Only I know all your secret spots.”

“Yes, yes,” you gasped and leaned in, pushing your tongue into his mouth, your teeth clinking in the process as his length kept filling you up, stretching you so well he was touching your cervix. You felt another chunk of blood releasing and Baekhyun panted, your walls starting to pulse around him, telling him you were close. He quickly fumbled with his hand and brought it to your lower lips, massaging sensually with long fingers while he pounded into you, chasing now his own release as well. The buildup was almost unbearable. Just the idea of him taking you would send him to another world and the fact that he truly had you in his arms, you wrapped around him inside and outside made him release spurts and spurts of cum, his panting coming out in high-pitched moans just when you started to milk him.

You screamed loudly and Baekhyun was mouthing at your breasts hungrily, just as he always did when he was releasing. He gave your nipple a bite as he turned his thrusts into lazy hip-rollings, helping the both of you ride out your highs.

The shower was still fully on but it did little to no help to block out the sexual pants both of you were heaving out.

You locked eyes with Baekhyun’s and caught him smiling in satisfaction. “Kiss me,” he muttered and you gladly leaned in, humming when he licked his way inside, meeting your tongue for a small battle for dominance. You pressed against him, pushing his tongue aside, wanting to win but he whimpered and bit you which made you withdraw with a hiss. You separated with a loud smack. “Cheater,” you whispered in disbelief, your lips red and swollen.

“Am I now?” quirked Baekhyun, flirting, and let you down slowly, slipping out of you. He cradled your face and kissed you innocently as if to make up for the ruined kiss, enjoying the touch of your lips as the water was mixing in.

“That was fucking amazing,” you told him in bliss, hugging his neck. You brought his ear close to your mouth. “Let’s do it again.”

“Nobody said we were done, princess.” Baekhyun had a shit-eating grin when he trailed his fingers up your sides and gently groped your breasts that made you sigh in pleasure right away. Your nipples were already hard and aching but his touch made you feel like you were levitating.

“You’re so damn sensitive. Who knew sex during your period would be this much fun? You are so responsive to every single touch of mine,” he murmured sexily as he let the tip of his nose trail your cheek, darting his tongue out to lick on your skin.

You were aroused yet again and begging for him to resolve this issue.

“You aren't leaving my house tonight,” he told you as he brought his head back to look into your eyes. “I'll take care of you.”

///

2 years later

Baekhyun squeezed your hand with a huge smile as you were both sitting on the ground opposite his parents while Hayeon was running around, playing in Baekhyun's childhood room. A room that held so many memories that were dear to you.

“Sweetie, eat a little bit more,” prompted Baekhyun's mother lovingly. “You are bearing a boy. You need to make sure he comes out all sturdy and ready to face this world.”

You giggled, as you caressed your baby bump, Baekhyun joining you.

“She is quite sensitive, mum. I don't want her to throw up everything afterwards,” commented Baekhyun.

He was right. As painless as Hayeon's pregnancy was, this little boy inside of you was making you nauseous 24/7. You found it quite ironic how your family wanted you to bring a boy into the family when you were with Minheob, yet now, when you were with Baekhyun, it was a boy. It was more exciting because Baekhyun did the ultrasound and finding out the gender of your baby had its own magic when he was the doctor.

The past two years, everything was so different yet the same. Living with Baekhyun was perfect despite typical arguments. He was understanding and you were trying to be okay with his busy schedules at the clinic.

Baekhyun wanted you to settle in properly in his house along with Hayeon before you would start a family with him. Being careful in bed was not the most fun for you, as you always wanted to feel everything he could offer, but once the both of you gave each other the green, your life became much more exciting. You were eager to get pregnant with Baekhyun's child. Finally, the old, rusty dreams you had as a teenage girl could come true.

After hearing some rustling, you stood up. “I'm gonna check up on Hayeon,” you said and strolled over to Baekhyun's bedroom. “Hayeon,” you muttered, seeing her going through some old biology books. You laughed. “Out of all the things in this room, this is what caught your attention?” you asked her, and walked over.

“Mama, look!” she pointed at some drawings Baekhyun had in the corner of the page.

“Oh, what is that,” you faked excitement and then you looked properly. Decoding Baekhyun's terrible scribbles, you gasped quietly.

hottest chickkk in the entire school >< and shes mine woow

love is not as bad as guys make it out to be

because i love herrr

“The hell is this?” you murmured, not even noticing Baekhyun standing behind you.

He laughed loudly and you looked up at him in question. “Well, what do you think it is? It's about you, silly,” he said and crouched, hugging you from behind. “Many guys were crazy about you, yet I got you.”

You snorted a laugh. “Sure, half of the school envied me and the other hated me for being who I am,” you said, looking at his side profile.

“Ah, look at you talking and talking instead of kissing your gorgeous husband,” muttered Baekhyun playfully, letting his hands slide over the baby bump. In response, you kissed Baekhyun's cheek.

“No kissing daddy!” Hayeon complained.

Hearing Hayeon calling Baekhyun her father warmed your heart. “I can't kiss daddy?” She didn't respond, instead observing you and Baehyun. “Together?” you tried.

She grinned with her tiny teeth and Baekhyun laughed at her cuteness. “Come over, my little princess,” he opened his left arm, not letting go of you. Hayeon squealed, jumping straight at Baekhyun which made him grunt. Without waiting, she pressed her mouth to Baekhyun's cheek while Baekhyun turned to you with a mischievous glint. He pressed his lips to yours and you smiled widely.

“Love you three so much,” said gently Baekhyun, looking at you and Hayeon while caressing your bump.

“Love you more,” you whispered and stole another kiss before Hayeon could notice.

Even though not everything was perfect, you finally were together as you should have been since the start of the mess. With most of it being resolved, you were excited to face a brand new chapter with Baekhyun and with the family you created with him.

//

.END.

/// /// /// /// /// /// ///

A/N: Hi! If you read till now, THANK YOU SO MUCH. My first angsty-smutty story phew. I am red and I do need to take a break lol. >< I really hope you liked this story and that you are satisfied with the happy end. ^^ I am satisifed. On this blog I have rarely a bad-ending stories soooo... Yes!

Thank you, pretty please leave a comment (cc) to let me know your thoughts?

See you soon!

[definitelyseven]

deal | eleven

summary: when your step-mom unexpectedly offers you a deal you can’t resist, you decide to give her a taste of her own medicine by seducing her potential suitor, Im Jaebum.

one (m) | two | three (m) | four (m) | five | six (m) | seven | eight (m) | nine | ten | eleven | twelve (m) | thirteen | fourteen | fifteen | sixteen | seventeen - final |

The trip with you was supposed to be a couple of days only, but with her it lasted a week. After that night, you immediately went back to your room, packed your things and left Taiwan. It was obvious you were not wanted, and him staying in Taiwan for a week only proved you right. 

“I’m glad you transferred,” Jackson smiled as he handed you a file. 

You smiled back at him softly. “Are you sure it’ll be alright with Mr. Im?”

“Jaebum’s stubborn and sometimes unreasonable, but he’s my best friend. We’ll get over it,” he reassured you. You nodded before heading towards the door. 

“I need to talk to you,” Jaebum said barging into Jackson’s office. He was back in the office today. “Can you give us a minute?” he asked Jackson. Jackson nodded, stepping out of his office to give you both some privacy. The both of you stood their awkwardly, looking at the floor.

“Is there something I can help you with Mr. Im?” you asked professionally. 

“You left.”

You chuckled softly, “What was I supposed to do? Stay and watch you love her?”

Jaebum was shocked by your response. “I can explain,” he said walking towards you. You stepped back, lifting your hands up as a sign for him not to come any closer. “I didn’t have a choice.”

“There are always choices, Jaebum. It all depends on what you pick.”

“She’s my fiancé.”

You chuckled softly again at his excuse. “I know that. I know she’s your fiancé and I have no right to be mad or upset. I’m the home wrecker. I deserve it but I didn’t deserve to be humiliated like that.”

The thought of him making love to her haunted you. Every time you closed your eyes, you hear him moaning her name. His words engraved into your mind - “I’ll fucking get you pregnant.”

“That was never my intention,” he explained.

“Sometimes we say or do things with no intent on hurting people, but it does. And it doesn’t mean it hurts any less,” you said getting emotional. Not only were you constantly reminded of it, your heart stung every time. It became hard to breathe and your stomach felt like it was in knots 24/7. 

“How can I make it up to you?” he asked sincerely.

“I don’t think you can,” you revealed. She’s his fiancé. He was only doing what couples do.

“I never meant for this to happen. I honestly thought,” he begin to say before you interrupted him.

“You thought it would work out? That I would be your secret mistress forever? Let’s be honest with ourselves Jae. This was fun but it was never going to work out.”

“You’re right. I just didn’t expect it turn out like this. I thought we would be able to talk it out, ends things mutually when the time came.”

“No matter what I say you’re still going to marry her,” you realized.

You had to be honest with yourself. He’s too loyal to leave her. She’s his best friend.

“You don’t love her,” you whimpered. “If you love her as much as you say you do, you wouldn’t be sleeping around,” you exposed. 

“I do love her,” he admitted. 

“You don’t love her. You love the idea of having a mother for Minguk and that shows how selfish you are. The both of you are selfish.”

“How are we selfish?” he asked rhetorically. “I’m doing this for my son.”

“Have you ever thought how that would make Eunbi feel? You’re only with her so she can be the mother of your son - that’s not love. And I can’t be the only one that sees right through her.”

“She knows I love her.” 

“You don’t love her like you loved your dead girlfriend,” you said honestly.

“Don’t you dare talk about her,” he spatted, charging towards you. Jaebum pushes you against the wall, the back of your head hitting the corner of the bookshelf. You winced in pain. “I swear to God if you talk about her again,” he warned. He was angry with you; angry enough to hurt you. You tried to push him off you but he was too strong. 

“Would she want her to be Minguk’s mother?” you continued to speak. “Would she be proud of what you’re doing?”

“I said stop fucking talking about her,” he threatened. His grip on your arms tightened - so tight that you were sure he’d leave a mark.

“Jae you’re hurting me,” you said squirming in his arms. “Jae!” you screamed causing Jackson to run in. 

“Jae let her go!” he shouts from across the room. Jaebum ignores him, his eyes staring straight into yours. Jackson makes his way over to you.

“I’m okay,” you whimpered, looking at Jackson. Jackson stops moving towards you. He quickly runs back to shut the door, knowing you didn’t want other people in the office to find out what was happening in here. Jackson stayed in the room with you to make sure you were okay. 

“If we’re so bad then what are you? How are you any different than her?” he accused.

You took a deep breath in, calming yourself down. “The fact that you think I’m anything like her shows how much you didn’t know me. You only cared for me when you needed my body,” you sobbed quietly, afraid that people on the other side might hear.

“I know one thing different about her. The difference is I’ve known her all my life. Even if she was after my money, I know she will help me take care of Minguk. You? I’m not so sure.”

“It was never about the money,” you whispered. 

It never was. It wasn’t even about him. It was about seeking revenge against her; the woman that stole everything from you.

“I’m so stupid,” you whispered to yourself with tears clouding in your eyes. “I was so stupid to think even for a second that you liked me back.”

“It’s not that I didn’t like you,” he began to explain, his grip loosening. “You’re just not her. She’s my best friend. She’s my fiancé.”

“It doesn’t matter what I am to you anymore. I’m done,” you whispered with pearls of tears in your eyes that were threatening to fall. “I don’t want to play this game anymore.”

Jaebum nodded slowly because he knew there was nothing he could do or say to make you change your mind. He had no intentions of making you stay either. “You don’t have to transfer departments. We can still work together.”

“Maybe you can. But I can’t,” you revealed. “I can’t look at you and pretend that everything is okay between us. I can’t look at you and pretend we didn’t share a bed together.”

You should’ve known better. What did you expect would happen when you played with fire?

“Why Jackson? You don’t even know him,” Jaebum tried to convince. 

You shook your head, “I don’t even know you. At the end of the day we’re just fuck buddies.” You didn’t care if Jackson found out what you really were at this point. Jaebum finally lets you go because you were right.

“Jae I think it’s time for you to leave,” Jackson said. Jaebum straightens out his suit, gathering himself together before clearing his throat. He looks at you and then at Jackson before leaving his office. “Are you alright?”

“You can’t tell anyone,” you whimpered. 

“Are you alright, Y/N?” he asked again. 

“Promise me. Tell me you won’t tell anyone.”

“I promise,” Jackson said comforting you. 

You fiddle with the food on your plate - pushing it around, uneasy. “There’s something I want to say,” you announced. Jaebum and Eunbi looked up from their plates. “I’ve been thinking about moving out.”

“Oh that’s great!” Eunbi said ecstatically. 

“Why?” Jaebum asked.

“You guys are getting married soon. You need your privacy and I need my freedom.” 

You don’t want to play this game anymore - not with her and certainly not with him. So you lose - you admit you lost.

“I didn’t expect that,” Eunbi said breaking out of character for a second. “But I’m all for independence.” Jaebum remained silent while Eunbi couldn’t hold in her excitement.

For a second, you thought Jaebum would have said something to make you stay but he didn’t. You laughed at yourself before chugging a glass of wine in the wine cellar. 

“When are you leaving?” someone said behind you, making you jump.

“Tomorrow,” you whispered. 

“Where are you moving to?” Jaebum said making his way towards you. He grabs the bottle of wine and refills your glass before pouring himself a glass. “To Jackson’s?”

“I don’t think that’s any of your concern anymore,” you said frankly. 

"Do I have any say in this?” Jaebum asked, slightly raising his voice. 

“Nope,” you responded, chugging your glass of wine. You set your glass down and walked past him to go back to your room. He grabs your hand and pushes you against the wall again. “What? Are you trying to hurt me again?” 

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, rubbing the area where he gripped you too hard this morning. “Does it hurt?”

“Now you care?” you asked, upset. Jaebum strokes your arm with his thumb. His touch made you weak and your stomach churn with butterflies. 

“It doesn’t hurt as much as your heart hurts, right?” he asked rhetorically. Your heart stung every time you were around him, but it seemed like you were immune to this pain. It hurts, but it won’t kill you. In fact, you craved this pain because it made you feel something. He strokes your cheeks with his thumb. “Don’t be mad at me,” he whispered. “Please baby...” he cooed. 

“Don’t...” you mumbled once you feel his lips on your cheek. Tears formed in your eyes as he traces his fingers across your skin. 

“Does this make it better?” he asked as he leaves subtle kisses on the bruises on your arm. You don’t respond. “What about this?” he asked again, kissing your cheek and down your neck. 

“We can’t do this anymore,” you whimpered with tears in your eyes. 

“You and I both know it can never be our last time,” he tries to convince. 

“It has to be,” you tell him, reaching for his hand that was stroking your cheek. “It cannot be good for either of us and I know I’m the one who will end up getting hurt.”

“I would never hurt you,” he said, ignoring how your hand pushed him away.

“But you already did,” you reminded. He hurt you emotionally and physically. How could he say he would never hurt you out loud?

a little to note from jennie: forgive or forget? let me know if you would forgive or if you would forget him!

also did you see got7′s new teaser image? <3

[detective-gum-chew]

okay okay okay

i know this isnt an orginal idea by any means but roleswap!narumitsu is just so good

so youll have to indulge me because this lives in my head rent free and i want to write it down concretely somewhere (also this gets LONG so ill pop a cut in here)

alright so:

1. at least in my writing of it, this is also a no-dl6/gregory lives au. but as well at that, miles and phoenix didnt go to school together

2. this means that there was nobody to defend phoenix at the class trial (yes i know the money stolen was edgeworths but shhh lets pretend it was someone elses, kay?) this lead to phoenix becoming not only bitter, but somewhat obsessive over the idea of punishing people that do wrong

(if someone can find that quote where phoenix talks about how he could have become a prosecutor because of the trial i will give u a gentle kiss on the forehead) 

3. Edgeworth was raised by Gregory and ends up becoming a defense attorney

4. in this, Von Karma goes down and Franzy is adopted by Gregory, and she assists Miles in his cases. (she can still have a whip, as a treat.)

5. anyway with that set up, lets get into some cases

6. Larry gets accused of Cindys murder, Miles defends with Franzy

7. Lets say Mia was in the crowd of that trial and decided to contact miles, seeing as he appears to be another uncorrupt lawyer and asks him for his help in taking down Redd White

8. He agrees, and she sets a time for him to meet at her office so they can talk. Mia then calls her sister and updates her on how shes going to recruit another person (Redd White hears this)

9. Much like the original case, Mia gets murdered, but this time, Maya isnt here to be blamed. Instead, its Miles himself, as the name that White heard over the phone (so basically we’re speed running to the “defend yourself in court” part)

10. the prosecutor today is Phoenix Wright.

11. but before that lets go into some backstory actually. Phoenix had encountered Mia previously during the Terry Fawles case. He had respected her as a peer, if not for just her determination and deductive skills. (After all, he was young at the time and solely focused on punishing the wicked) After Diego’s poisoning, he had briefly reached out for condolences

12. but anyway, Phoenix had distantly respected Mia, and now that she was dead, he was going to be tough on whoever he thought murdered her.

13. Miles proves his innocence, although it takes some baiting to get Redd White out of his building and actually into court. 

14. Wright is... not pleased about this, but theres not much he can do. His displeasure for Mias murder has shifted, but theres a new displeasure for Miles, the man who could beat him in court. (”well well well, you managed to save your own skin. But you should hope you get as lucky as you did in your next case”)

15. Next case! We know Miles is a steel samurai fan, so even without Maya it takes very little convincing for him to take the case. (Fran is not as amused but trusts her brother... enough.. to follow his lead)

16. Case proceeds mostly as normal, with Phoenix requiring Dee to re-do her testimony (maybe something deep within him still itches to put the true bad guy away, even if its harder than the accused)

17. I dont think Phonix would deliver the unnecessary feelings line, although there definetely is that moment in the lobby where hes like “hm. maybe you arent a bad person, but that doesnt mean i have to like you.”

18. and now, now now now, we finally get to the part where i somehow managed to put the most thought into. (for context it is nearly 2 am when i am writing this)

19. sleep schedule aside, you couldnt have thought i would made this WITHOUT some good angst, so here we go. case four is similarly structured to the original, but with an extra side of Phoenix angst.

20. Miles wakes up to Franzy shaking him. She points to the television. the news is on, but the voices are drowned out by a distant ringing as he stares at the image on the screen.

Famed Prosecutor Phoenix Wright Arrested For Murder

21. it just doesnt make sense. So he gets out of bed and into the closest clothes he can find and out the door with his sister in tow. He sits in the cold detention room, thinking about the other side of the glass.

22. Phoenix Wright looks dull. He asks what they want. Miles says he wants an explanation. Wright sneers and asks why. For some reason, that pisses Miles off. He slams his badge to the glass and Wright looks surprised.

“Do you know what this is? It’s my attorneys badge.”

“the badge doesnt mean youre a good lawyer.”

“Well Mr Wright, its 2-0, so i dont think you have any right to say that.” Miles glares at him and Wright sits back in his seat. He watches Miles for a long time.

“If im going to defend you, you need to tell me what happened.“ Wrights eyebrows shoot up and Franziska squawks at his side

“What do you mean defend him!”

“What she said.”

Miles narrows his eyes at Wright as he ponders to himself the answer. Why is he doing it? the answer comes to him. 

“Because i dont believe you did it.”

For all his snark, Miles cant bring himself to believe that the man in front of him would kill someone. Theres something about him, either in his eyes or the way he carries himself that makes the idea itself preposterous. Wright looks at him for a long time after he says it.

“Very well.”

21. Miles doesnt seem him until court, but at least he testifies. The next person up, a red head by the name of Melissa Foster, gives a testimony that seems airtight.

22. that is, until he looks over at Phoenix, who is pale as he looks at the woman on the witness stand. Phoenix catches his eye, and very carefully, very slowly, mouths one name.

Dahlia Hawthorne

23. (I really wish i could continue with the more narrative parts of this but im honestly running out of steam and ill get to the point lol. Maybe ill finish it later.)

24. Terry Fawles dies on the stand. Diego Armando falls into a coma. Dahlia Hawthorne walks free. Even after what happened to Diego, Phoenix is convinced he can do better. He sets up a meeting with Dahlia.

25. Doug shows up, trying to persuade him away from it, saying he overheard Dahlia’s plan to kill Phoenix when she arrives. Phoenix is cocky, and the pair fight. Doug gets shoved into the powerline. Phoenix, thinking him dead, panics and runs.

26. Dahlia, having overheard, goes back and finishes him off, drops some poison into his mouth perhaps. With an accidental death with a cause so obvious, nobody bothers to run blood tests (until Miles)

27. Its years later, and Phoenix gets a note that tells him they know what really happened to Doug. Phoenix arrives to a meeting place to find a dead body. He picks up the vial of poison almost absently. 

28. After all, Dahlia had gotten rid of Diego and Mia was dead. Now all she had to do was get rid of Phoenix

29. It plays out similarly to case four, with Phoenix being absolved of the first murder, then confessing to the old one. Miles has gone through the work to save his life once, that he cant not do it again.

30. but happy endings (ish) for all, with Phoenix being freed, Dahlia imprisoned and Miles having a better understanding of both him and Phoenix.

31. maybe more happens but we’re at bullet point 31 so its time to stop for now lmao. uh but yeah! roleswap au..... brainrot really.

[shinysobi]

i came in from the outside, burnt out from the joyride (ii)

this was born out of a conversation with @akinosakiya, so all credits go to her >.<

chapter 1 | chapter 2 | coming soon

ao3

(A/N: so... i am extremely sorry for not updating,,, uni and life has been generally kicking my ass pretty horribly (im in my final semester lol) and while i am not generally very happy with this chapter, it is important because it sets up a lot of things in the future yeeet)

word count: 4955

Attorney Park wishes her good luck as she leaves for the courthouse the next day, and Sol can’t help but feel as though he was laughing at her for some reason, and frantically checks for food stuck in her teeth on the way to the courthouse. There isn’t any, so she’s left to wonder exactly what the hell he meant when he had sent her off with a very cryptic “see you soon, Kang Sol.”

“What did he even mean?” she mutters to herself, calling her sister, “Ah, Byeol, remember to go to your academy today, all right?”

“Okay, eonni,” her sister replies, “you’re at the courthouse, aren’t you?”

“Hmm, I have a case to win,” she replies, and Byeol wishes her good luck before the call goes silent, and she allows herself a rare moment of self-reflection, taking in the image of the Courthouse. It’s imposing, but she curiously feels at home here, in the middle of the city where the noise of the cars is so loud, she can’t hear the person next to her sometimes. There’s something magical about the courthouse, and she isn’t romanticising it, but the idea of fighting for justice, no matter how imperfect, it fills her with pride, even more so when she knows that what she is doing is for good.

Not to say that there aren’t any downsides to it, either. She gets threats almost on the daily, from disgruntled clients and from people who want her to take the case, even though she knows it would be an affront to her dignity. The Dean’s voice floats into her ear, reciting the Attorneys-at-act law that allows her to reject a case if she wants to. Right. It does not feel like an insult to her now like it had done then, the act, because she chose to take this case on, and yet, here she is, standing in front of the courthouse, wearing her nicest clothes (Yeseul had raised an eyebrow, but she was too tired to pay any attention to her) and dreading her turn to go inside.

“Eonni!” a voice calls out, and it’s Yeseul, dressed for a case, “how long do you have before you have to go in?” Sol doesn’t need to check her watch to tell the time that is left, ten minutes on the dot, and she’s waiting for her client to come through, still in police custody, something which she had failed to stop, “are you staring off into space again?”

She recovers quickly, “no, I was just waiting for the defendant to be brought here by the police.” She turns to Yeseul, who’s evidently not had much sleep, “why are you here in my case? Didn’t you wrap one up today?”

“Ah, I did,” Yeseul smiles, taking a hold of Sol’s arm, “but I’m here now, aren’t I? I thought you would need some support, you know, since you—”

She doesn’t complete the sentence. She doesn’t need to. Sol smiles at her, loops their arms together, and says, “do you want to have coffee?”

Yeseul grins, “I’d love to.”

—

No matter how many times she’s walked in here, and no matter how much the courthouse makes her feel at ease, there’s still a part of her that is anxious when she stands in front of it, hoping that she might be able to provide adequate justice to the person she was defending. It throws her off sometimes, the court of law. But she can always find her way back to it, and perhaps this is why she loves it, loves being able to defend people from being betrayed by the same system that they had put so much trust in, betrayed, just like she had been. It’s as though the law is apologising to her, albeit in its own, slightly twisted way.

The defendant, Je Sang-Hee, sits at her designated position, looking at her, and Sol draws herself up to her full height, careful to not catch anyone’s eye on the other side of the courthouse. Its oddly suffocating, the courthouse today, the air thick with a sort of anticipation that she doesn’t really want to address. Yeseul squeezes her arm, whispering, “you’ll do good, eonni,” and all of a sudden, she’s standing there, alone, with only her wits there for help. Shit. I wish I had had gotten drunk last night. At least this would have been hazier.

She approaches the bench, the defendant sitting silently, and tries to reassure her, “don’t worry, we’ll clear your name, all right?” she’s met with silence, as Sang-Hee only nods, her eyes welling with unshed tears. It’s heart-breaking, the way Sang-Hee has accepted her punishment, accepted that she would be going to prison anyway, so, nothing really matters. Sol doesn’t want that for her. She doesn’t want that for anyone, not even the worst of criminals. Sure, she may not be defending them in the court of law, but everyone should benefit from the assumption of innocence. She may not be the one speaking up for them, but she does wish that people have the opportunity to prove themselves innocent.

There aren’t many people in attendance in the courthouse today, which is a blessing, but she also has to deal with pesky reporters stationed outside, who seemed to have taken an interest in the woman accused of attempted murder, despite having really, no evidence against her. It was funny, how people jumped to conclusions, just because of the person’s backgrounds, or due to a particular defamatory article that may have been published about them online. Sang-Hee had had one published about her, filled with lies so vile that Sol couldn’t even read through it once.

“Sang-Hee ssi,” She says, approaching the defendant’s bench, “how are you feeling today?”

Je Sang-Hee looks at her, eyes still shining with tears, and lowers her gaze. She can’t even speak. Sol is angry, of course, but even more than the anger that simmers inside of her, is frustration, for not being able to protect her client, frustration at being unable to be the person there for the victim.

“Eonni,” Yeseul’s voice drags her out of her little reverie, “eonni, I think Joon-hwi oppa is here now.”

Sol squints at the younger girl, “who told you that?”

Yeseul holds up her phone, “Bok-gi is going to be here too, so he texted me. The two of them are going to come along, him and Jiho. Jiho should be here by now, but he hasn’t texted yet.”

Sol just—stares at Yeseul for a moment, trying to understand the volley of information that had just been thrown at her, in a manner not unlike that of Professor Yang, the man who, Sol recollects with regret, had heard about this whole mess from Sol B, but had not once offered to help. She didn’t need his help, though. It’s just that he could have offered to help her, and it would have been nice.

“Eonni,” Yeseul says, warning evident in her voice, “he’s here.”

What she doesn’t say, but Sol knows, is the sentence, don’t worry, I’m here for you. I’ll be here for you. She didn’t need it, per se, but it felt nice to know that at least one person had her back in this courthouse. Bok-gi was of course, on her side too, but she knew he wouldn’t sacrifice Joon-Hwi. Not now, anyway.

“You have your back to the Prosecutor’s bench,” Yeseul elbows her lightly, and she realises that yes, she has indeed been standing with her back towards the Prosecution’s bench all this while, and most importantly, there was someone behind her.

“Attorney Kang,” She knows that voice, has heard it in her head for years now, but Kang Sol finds herself unable to lift her gaze from the linoleum floor as she grasps the warm hand that was now being offered to her, “nice to meet you, finally.”

There’s a teasing lilt to the last word, a certain edge to the syllable that she knows all too well, having been subjected to it for hours on end, in classes, in the copy room, in the café, even in her mind. It’s from a voice she knows all too well, someone she had wronged.

Courage, Kang Sol.

“Hello, Prosecutor Han,” she looks up, extending one hand to the man in front of her, and—

She didn’t have any expectations of how she would meet Han Joon-Hwi after so many years, but in the deeper recesses of her mind, she had a thought; of his eyes widening at seeing her face for the first time in so many years, her falling in love with him all over again. She had thought of looking—no, not just looking, looking at him, for the first time in so many years, after that one fateful day when she ignored the words of her heat and went running far away from him, perhaps falling in love all over again.

Instead—she feels nothing. Perhaps a pang of guilt somewhere in the recesses of her mind, but when she looks into the eyes of Han Joon-Hwi, her best friend, the person she had fallen in love with, Kang Sol doesn’t see anyone but a weathered prosecutor, the boy who had called out her name on graduation day in Hankuk Law school long gone. Even though he looks not a day older, even though his eyes still crinkle in the same way when he smiles, and his hand still holds the same weight when he takes her hand for a handshake, but she can’t find the boy she was in love with anymore.

“Attorney Kang,” he grins, and his voice is the same, teasing when he looks at her, smiles at her, but he is her opponent, she has to defeat him today. This isn’t preparing for mock trials and judicial competitions, where they only played at being lawyers and prosecutors, this is real life. Je Sang-Hee’s life depends upon her, Kang Sol, winning this case. Against him, Han Joon-Hwi.

“Noona, nice to see you again,” Bok-gi pushes forward, giving her a warm hug, which does its job to dissipate all errant thoughts of a boy whose smile had haunted her in her dreams, “I’ll be watching today, my law firm asked me to—”

“Don’t worry about that,” she assures him, “you can take all the notes you want.” He’s still looking at her, she realises when she lets go of Bok-gi, Han Joon-Hwi is still staring at me. Do I have something in my teeth? “Good luck today, Prosecutor Han.”

He grins at her then, dimpled smile making her heart skip a beat, and says, “I don’t need luck, Attorney Kang,” before sauntering off to his seat.

Kang Sol clenches her jaw. Asshole.

--

He wasn’t sure how it would be—their meeting for the first time, but Joon isn’t going to say he’s dissatisfied with it. sure, she’s grown up now—she isn’t Kang Sol A anymore, she goes by just Kang Sol, and he doesn’t have the pesky tag of second-round judicial passer hanging around his neck anymore.

She had stared him down, and to no surprise, he still found her beautiful. Sure, he had always thought that there was a sort of magnetic aura around Sol, something that commanded the attention of an entire room when she walked in. She looked the same as she had looked, five years ago, when he had tried to confess to her, and she had rejected him. Sol hadn’t told him that she was rejecting him, at least not explicitly; Han Joon-Hwi was a man who could take a hint, especially if it ran away from him while he was in the middle of his confession. Really, Kang Sol. You made me chase you all the way to this courtroom.

A hand slams down on his desk, and Seo Jiho’s irritated voice tells him, “If you’re going to stare, at least do it properly.”

He sputters, suddenly thankful that his co-prosecutor was running late, as he stood up to stare at his ex-roommate, who was porting a very uncharacteristic grin, “what do you mean by that? I wasn’t staring.”

“Sure, you weren’t,” Jiho says, and even Bok-gi sniggers at him, “you were just looking in the general direction of Sol noona, so much so that everyone in the room thinks that the two of you are either dating, or that you want to kill her. Personally, I prefer the latter.”

He doesn’t say anything, just grumbles under his breath, and Jiho presses on, “did you prepare well for this case? You do realise that your evidence is weak, do you?”

“Ah, of course, hyung knows it,” Bok-gi steps in to intervene, and Joon-Hwi thinks for a moment that yes, Bok-gi was always one of the better ones, and then he opens his mouth again, “he’s just ignoring all the things he said before entering the courthouse, and proving to all of us how much of a hypocrite he is.”

Joon glares at Bok-gi, who is giggling at him now, and turns to look at the judge’s bench a pout on his face. Sure, he had proclaimed in the car that he would “not be looking at her, nope”, and the fact that it had taken him exactly three minutes to break that promise was bit laughable, but his friends didn’t have to rub it into his face.

“I don’t understand,” Bok-gi asks, “why are you still hung up on her? You basically took this case just so you could meet her again, and even though the two of you haven’t talked in years, you still talk about her, you still ask about her when you get the chance, so what is going on?”

Joon-Hwi doesn’t answer. He knows what is going on, why he has been so intent on meeting Kang Sol, even after so long, but he doesn’t want to—no, he can’t tell Bok-gi that. He feels a pang of guilt whenever he even thinks of telling Bok-gi the actual reason behind him running after Sol, even though she had made it abundantly clear that she didn’t want to have anything to do with him.

He wonders, sometimes.

His co-prosecutor arrives in the courtroom, almost gliding over the floor to take their seat, and he can see Kang Sol shrink back a little, obviously intimidated. He doesn’t hide his smile anymore, not that he needs to either. She didn’t have to get flustered over his co-prosecutor entering the damn courtroom. She’s never done that, at least from what Bok-gi and Yebeom have told him; even Jiho had pitched in with his own comments sometimes, knowing exactly how much it pissed him off, but he still did it. Every time he met Bok-gi or he met Yeseul, he would ask about her, waiting for them to respond with “oh, she’s doing okay, oppa” and “I met her a few weeks ago, she was fine, hyung” and they move on after that, but he can’t.

They don’t possibly expect him to move on from her, do they?

“All rise,” the bailiff announces, and he dutifully stands up, watching out of the corner of his eye as Sol gently helps the defendant to rise up alongside her, before being seated again. She still did that little thing when she looked around the entire courtroom for people watching her, he thinks to herself. She’s still the same Sol. No, she’s different now. We both are. We both are different, but there’s still things about her that remind me of the times we spent in Hankuk.

“Prosecutor Han,” the judge tells him, and he stands up quickly to his feet, “begin.”

“Thank you, Your Honour,” He says, walking out to the defendant’s bench, “defendant Je Sang-Hee, you were indicted on charges of attempted murder, following an attack on your fiancé, Seo Changmin, on the fourteenth of November, two weeks prior to your indictment.”

“Yes, I was,” she begins, “but I didn’t do anything to—”

“I’ll be the one asking questions here,” he cuts her off with a dismissive wave of his hand, and out of the corner of his eye, he can see Sol draw an almost-imperceptible breath, shaking her head at him. She isn’t flustered. He’s very sure she isn’t flustered, because the two of them have been on opposite sides of each other, time and time again, “could you confirm that Seo Changmin suffered injuries because of you?”

She stares at him, defiant, and replies, “he did not suffer injuries because of me, I found him and I called the police, I’ve told you this.”

“Yes, you have,” Joon walks to the front of the witness’ bench, “but your whereabouts were also unknown that night, until that fateful moment when you actually found your fiancé, and proceeded to assault him. Is that right?”

She looks at him, scowling. He’s hit a nerve, apparently. They had been harping on that aspect for far too long than what was necessary, Joon had noticed when he had been preparing. He couldn’t go that way when he questioned her, because he knows Sol has prepared for it.

So, he changes his track of questioning, “Ms Sang-Hee, would I be wrong in assuming that Mr Changmin had visited you five times over the three days prior to the accident?”

She stares at him, “he is my fiancé. Or he was, before the accident happened. It wasn’t unusual for him to visit me multiple times in a single day.”

He stops, “and yet, when the police asked you about the reason of his visits, you chose to remain silent, evading the question—”

“Objection,” Sol says calmly, standing up from her seat, “the prosecution cannot ask leading questions.”

“Sustained,” the judge replies smoothly, even before Joon-Hwi has a chance to respond, “Prosecutor Han, you cannot possibly expect me to accept this in the courthouse.”

He nods his head, slightly irritated, now that she has taken his advantage away, “moving on, Ms. Sang-Hee, when you found Seo Changmin unconscious, why did you not call for an ambulance? You waited ten minutes to call an ambulance, which most people would argue, looks strange, does it not?”

She doesn’t back down an inch. Good. He hadn’t thought she would either. They didn’t have enough evidence to show that she was guilty, her indictment based primarily on circumstantial evidence that even the most punishment-happy of all judges would find difficulty agreeing with. But they had had her indicted, and now they were here, trying to get her a sentence that would be as heavy as possible. Sol had been right. He didn’t have to worry about the defendant, not as a prosecutor. He just had to punish people to the full extent of the law.

“I tried to wake him up multiple times, but he didn’t respond,” Sang-Hee responds, staring at the judge, “I didn’t think it was out of the ordinary, since he had always had a drinking problem, but when he didn’t respond to me calling his name in the morning, that was when I grew worried.”

She looks at him once, then back to her lawyer, Sol, who looked as though she wanted to strangle him. good. This means I’m winning, and turns back to him, “it was like him to come back drunk, so drunk that he could barely remember where he was, and his friends would drop him off at my house, with apologies, but he would repeat his behaviour. I wasn’t too worried when he didn’t respond to my calls at night, but by morning, he would usually be awake and demanding breakfast. That was when I started to get anxious.”

“Anxious? Not worried?” he asks, curiosity spiked by her peculiar choice of words, “were you anxious that he was actually dead? Or were you anxious that your—”

“he’s my fiancé, of course I would be anxious if he was not responding to my calls,” Sang-Hee stares at him, “you must not have dated a lot if you think I wouldn’t have been worried about my fiancé.”

A wave of laughter runs through the court, and he can feel the tips of his ears turn red. Even the judge cracks a smile, and he can see both Bok-gi and Jiho sniggering. They’re never going to let me live this one down, “so, you called the police then, who found your fiancé almost dead from a drug overdose.”

“Yes,” she looks at her hands, fingers intertwined, “they told me he had taken it about four hours before I called them.”

Ah, there it is. He knew it would come to this, he had known there was no way to win this case after all, even if he really did want to win. There were things he couldn’t do after all, despite being what they called a ‘star prosecutor’. “No more questions.”

The smile on Sol’s face is enough to tell him that he’s lost this case. Oddly enough, he doesn’t feel disappointed, even as his partner shoots dirty looks at him, a clear violation of courtroom conduct, but he can’t bring himself to care, fixated on the way she looks while cross-examinating the defendant, the way she turns to the judge and says “no more questions, your Honour.” It’s a far cry from the Sol he remembers at law school, the one who would have him act as prosecutor whenever she went up in a mock trial, even if he had been assigned the role of prosecutor, going up against her. She always asked him to help her practise, and like the fool that he was, he always helped her. Even now, as he stands there, watching her, it’s almost as though he is back at Hankuk; almost, but not quite.

“Court adjourned for the day, and will convene for the next trial on—” Joon can feel himself growing more and more antsy, as the judge announces the date for the next trial, and that Sang-Hee can be released from Judicial custody, especially since her health had been failing due to the stress of the trial and asthma, from which she had suffered since she was young.

He hurries out of the courthouse, only to be cornered by Jiho and Bok-gi at the entrance, Bok-gi with a large grin on his face and Jiho with his trademark expressionless look, although he knows both of them were going to tease him about this, possibly till he died and perhaps even then, they would find a way to sneak it into his eulogy.

Strangely, he didn’t mind it at all.

“Hyung, where are you going?” Bok-gi asks, even as Joon desperately tries to catch a glimpse of Sol through the now-closing courtroom doors, “shouldn’t you be preparing for the next date?”

He looks at Bok-gi for a second, eyes widening, “what are you talking about?”

Bok-Gi’s smile gets wider, if that’s possible, “really? What were you thinking about, hyung? I was talking about the next court date.”

Joon-Hwi huffs, “I was thinking about the same thing, Min Bok-Gi; now, if you will—”

Jiho opens his mouth to say something, but Joon barrels past the two of them, running down the stone steps and to the driveway, where his car was parked, and, presumably, Sol’s too. She’s walking faster now, and he has to run to keep up with her. Her ponytail bobs as she takes quick steps, in a hurry to get away from the courthouse complex. He doesn’t blame her at all.

“Sunbae!” he calls out, loud enough to catch the attention of quite a few people, “Sunbae!”

That catches her attention all right, and she stops in her tracks, turning to him, an irritated expression on her face. It doesn’t stay for long, however, fading just as quickly as it came, “so, you’re still sticking with that name, Han Joon-Hwi?”

He grins, “of course. It wouldn’t be me and you, if I didn’t call you Sunbae, Sunbae.”

She stares at him, with an expression he can’t quite place. “I thought we didn’t have that sort of a relationship anymore, Prosecutor Han.”

And, there it is. He can’t deny it and say that it doesn’t hurt to be treated by Sol this way, but he’s nothing if not tenacious, so he pushes on, “you did good today, in there.”

She doesn’t say anything, simply nods her head, before replying with a curt, “good job today, Prosecutor Han.” Of course, she would say that; he doesn’t want to admit it, but it sort of feels like she had slapped him full across the face. Who am I kidding, if she had done that, it would have perhaps hurt less. He feels like a fool, standing in the middle of the road, calling out her name, and a years-old nickname that she didn’t like, and one that he felt only held significance for him.

What they had not had was closure; or at least for him, it was that, the absence of a final answer to his unasked question, something between them still hanging in the air. She could ignore it, live on with her life, but he cannot. There should have been closure, he’s told himself time and time again, or was I just too unimportant for her to even give a damn. It isn’t true, he knows, Sol wouldn’t do that to him, or to anyone else for that matter, but on some nights, it becomes impossible. He doesn’t blame her either; he blames his own self for the loss of his closest friend. If only he hadn’t been stubborn enough to ask her out on the day of graduation. He should have waited a little bit more.

But then, should he have waited?

“Sol!” he calls out again, jogging lightly to keep up with her steps, “Sol! Wait up for a minute—”

He’s interrupted, Sol turning abruptly to meet him halfway, which results in him having to backtrack, “what do you want now?”

He smiles brightly, “how about Pyongyang naengmyeon? I know a place nearby that’s good.”

She stares at him, like she can’t really figure out his deal. He holds up his hands, “look, all I’m asking for is a meal. No strings attached.”

Surprisingly, she nods once, turning on her heel, “lead the way, Prosecutor Han.”

--

I should not be doing this.

Her phone buzzes, and it’s Yeseul. You should not be doing this, the text reads, and Sol has to gather all her willpower to not scream in the middle of the street, I know, I fucking know, I shouldn’t be doing this with him right now, going for lunch when there’s—no, I just cannot do it.

She thinks it would be good, for her to have one lunch with him, to get him out of her system, Yeseul’s wisdom about not having lunch with someone who is technically her opponent in the court be damned. She just needs to have lunch with him once, and then she can stop feeling this way.

The restaurant is small, but bright light filters in through the large windows as they take a seat at one of the empty tables. There are a lot of them, she thinks, looking around, just after the lunchtime rush, or the restaurant wasn’t a very good one. Either way, she was supposed to be having a meal with Han Joon-Hwi right now, and as Sol takes a seat, she realises she had been vastly unprepared for this meeting.

He doesn’t look like the Joon she knew back in Hankuk, that is certain, but he doesn’t look like what her imagination had unhelpfully supplied her with either. He looks every inch the prosecutor, with dark circles underneath his eyes and that slouching posture she supposes every prosecutor has, as though he had been carrying the weight of the whole world. It’s sad, somehow.

“Are you going to order?”

“Hm?” She turns her gaze, and sure enough, he’s looking at her just like he had done all those years ago, when she had a stupid letter attached to her name like a real-life suffix that followed one around, and he used to lean over tables and grin all up in her face and mock her by saying Sunbae. It’s—uncomfortable. She didn’t think she would revert to her university self so easily, but with him, it feels like second nature, “You said Pyongyang naengmyeon, so we should get Pyongyang naengmyeon.”

“All right,” he teases, but it’s light, the kind of tone one would use with a co-worker, which strikes her as somehow offensive (am I not more important than a co-worker?) and she spots a glint of something else in his eyes, but shakes her head free of the thought, just as he says, “so, how is work?”

She rolls her eyes, “I don’t think you asked me to lunch after all these years just to talk to me about work, Han Joon-Hwi.”

He smiles, “right, I didn’t, two orders of beef bone soup, please.”

She stares at him, “it’s summer,” and turns back to the ahjumma, “two orders of Pyongyang naengmyeon, please.”

He just shakes his head, looking at her in that funny way, and asks, “so, do you remember, or do you not?”

What is he even asking me about? “No, I don’t,” she replies, pouring out water for the both of them, “what are you even talking about?”

He shakes his head at her again, “never mind. Let’s eat.”

She can’t help but feel as though she had just missed something important, at least by the look on his face. Or maybe that’s the naengmyeon talking.

[spitefulqueenofdemons]

https://spitefulqueenofdemons.tumblr.com/post/643713435650113536/sleep-deprived part 2

Pushing Up Daisies chapter 3

Tw: language, murder, guns, cops, mentions of drugs

Word count: 1373

Summary: After having woken up tied to a chunk of concrete under water and doing an unspeakable act (for your survival??) You find yourself out of options and people to help. Well almost, the only one you think might be able to help is the one who got you in this situation in the first place

After a long shower and several hours on the internet searching for anything that could tell you what was going on. Apart from a few hundred movies and books with undead content the most concrete actual zombie anything you could find was mostly about the voodoo dust that people used to put others under control. And back in the 18, and 1900s people accidentally being buried alive. 

There was virtually nothing about zombies in Seattle. All you knew for sure was what had happened to you. You confronted Blaine, he grabbed you, shot you, dumped you in a lake and you woke up you dont know how long after underwater with no need to breath. 

As you thought and absently read yet another article about 'Haitian Zombies' you rubbed your hand against your wrist that Blaine had grabbed you with. The scratch marks on your arm were as faint as old scars but you could feel them still.

And just like that realization hit. The red eyes made sense. Blaine was a zombie, and that lady who was working the front counter probably was too. It had to be some sort of virus or something that could be transferred through scratch. The teenager in you was thrilled that zombies were real and not mindless corpses that just wandered around destroying everything it came across. Sure when you first emerged from the lake you couldnt control yourself and killed that poor innocent man but you were literally starving. 

Perhaps that was the down side. The hunger is enough to blind you from any moral standing. Even more unfortunate, you didnt know how long what brains you did eat earlier would keep you satiated and you didnt have a way to get more without committing more murder. You didnt know anything about the zombieism other than the scratch causes it. 

You really only had an one option. Go back to Blaine. He had options. Once you got there he could kill you, or turn you away, or kill you. You had gone in only, according to your microwave, 8 hours ago guns blazing accusing him of being a utopium dealer. How could you expect him to help. 

Now you also knew you couldnt go to the police. As an officer you knew they would either freak out or hide it. And by hiding it you knew that would mean hiding you, IE killing you and sweeping it under the rug. They might turn you over to some higher part of the government. The type that does a bunch of invasive and usually very painful experiments and research. 

You could just drop it. Leave town and change your name. But then again that brings up the issue of how will you eat? Murder is just too horrible an option for you. Grave robbing coukd be viable but half decomposed chemically drowned brain is almost as bad as the moral stand still of murder. 

Deciding on your course of action you breezed to your closet, choosing a simple black hoodie, dark jeans and boots, and a ball cap to hide your snowy hair to wear. You grabbed a glock 19. Not the gun you had when you went to visit Blaine in the first place. That one was gone, probably in Debeers' personal stash now. This time though if he pulled so would you. 

Without a vehicle, you assumed it would no longer be parked where you left it in front of MEATchute, you were instead forced to catch a bus to the opposite side of town. The open sign was off but you could see people behind the counter. It looked like they were counting the drawer.

You beat on the glass with an open palm, hard enough for it to make a lot of noise but not hard enough to shatter the glass. The older woman from when you first came was the one to open the door. She looked like she had seen a ghost, but still somehow like she didnt care. 

"Cant you read the sign? We are closed. That means you dont have to go home but you sure as shit cant stay here." She half growled. 

You rolled your eyes, half willing to punch her in the face if she wanted to get cocky. "Move. Wheres Debeers?" You demanded, eyes flashing past the stumpy woman and to the counter where a large man with dark hair stood sizing you up. "You," you said. You recognized him as one of the names that gave a name that then gave you Debeers. "You work for him. I shouldnt be surprised." 

He cocked an eyebrow. "Cissie, let her through." The man said. He looked like a knock off version of Patrick Warburton. "You are supposed to be dead little lady. You got lungs of steal or are you one of us?" 

You scoffed, wanting to hit them all. You knew it wasnt a part of the zombieism either. These fuckers were all instrumental in your death. That enough was reason for a slight beating. "I got nothing to say to you Julian. I'm here for Blaine and I'm not leaving till I get to talk to him." You demanded, stomping up to the counter. 

The man sighed as if this was one of the last things he wanted to deal with. "Well he isnt here but I'll call him. See if he wants to talk to you. Follow me." He said, gesturing to you. 

Not exactly happy, but pleased you were getting what you want, you followed the man behind the counter. He took you further into the building and finally into a room off the kitchen that actually looked like a real office. The large mahogany desk was a mess with files and papers, on top of them all was the stolen file from your apartment. There was a few random art pieces. 

"Wait here. Someone will be by soon." He instructed, leaving you in the room alone. Trusting that you wouldnt snoop. Normally you would but this situation was not the time. You needed help, and had already pissed off two of the three people you knew had a hand in that. Snooping through Blaine's real office would be like flipping the bird after you already spit on and slapped someone. Definitely not a good idea on your part. 

It took less than 20 minutes before the door opened again and a familiar blond haired blue eyed gangster opened the door. "Ah Detective. What an unpleasant surprise. I didnt know you walked amongst the undead." He said with an air of genuine shock. "When Julian told me I really didnt believe him. You took those bullets like a mortal. What happened?" 

You laid out your wrist on the desk, the marks almost completely gone. He crossed to the other side and sat down, moving the little lamp that was sitting at the corner of the table. He shone the lamp over my arm and the little pink marks showed up. 

Blaine 'tsk'ed. "Was it me?" He had a fake look of disgust on his face. "It was me wasnt it. Damn it, I knew I shouldnt have blown off my manicure appointment this morning." He shook his head. "Thats why you arent dead. You gotta be starving though. Would you like a snack? Pudding? Crackers and cheese? Brains?" He questioned. 

You looked at the mark on your wrist in the light, your jaw clenched a little. "No thanks I already ate, but that is part of what I would like to discus." 

At that his eyes widened with actual shock. "Um, you already ate? Did you kill someone or dig up a body?" When I didnt answer he nodded knowingly. "You killed someone. Oh I bet that was a sight. Sorry about the cinderblock by the way. I didnt think you would be waking up. Im sure it wasnt the best alarm." 

You scoffed, a little thankful he stopped asking about your food source. "Waking up underwater was definitely a new experience, but then again so far my whole evening has been new experiences." You told him. 

"Well, allow me to formally welcome you to the land of Zombies. I'll explain everything."

[withoutgloves]

a problem noted by an asexual woman

this might be a little incoherent but im worked up.

also my identity in this post only matters in so far as the following: i don’t experience much (if any) sexual attraction. because of this, ive personally been privy to a experience that i wouldn’t label traumatic so much a deeply concerning. the whole point of this post is to validate young asexuals (there will be a focus on young girls and women since that is my perspective and i am most comfortable speaking from experience but my concern is that this is not an experience limited by gender but instead asexuaity itself) and let them know that 1) they are not alone and 2) there is a problem.

when i was young i was worried that i was doing puberty wrong. i shit you not, i thought sexual attraction was a meme for a long time. when i found out people really DID want to bang, i was terrified of my own lack of interest.

there is obviously more to it, and experiences vary - but this was mine, and i know i am not alone because ive spoken to people and seen aces online who wrestle with the desire to be legitimized in the eyes of our peers - not just straight people, but even a portion of the lgbtq+ community.

by the way, this isn’t a debate on whether or not aces belong in queer spaces or whatever else nonsense. don’t bring that discourse here because that is NOT the point. the purposes of this post, the IDEA is to highlight that young aces often have a difficult time finding communities to openly discuss their experience and find validation (especially if they do experience romantic attraction that would allow them to pass in heterosexual spaces) or even advice. the point of this is: these young children, these underage kids who are struggling to understand themselves and where they belong, are ostracized.

so the alternative is often to find answers out on the web alone - and while that can be an amazing experience, it opens the door for predatory behavior. looking back, it is disgusting how often i would come out as ace and be told examples of the following;

“You just need to find someone to have sex with to see if you’re REALLY ace”

“Just have sex it’s not a big deal”

“You might just be doing this for attention.”

“You might actually be lesbian or Pan. Have you considered sleeping with a woman?”

“Asexuality isn’t real, it just means you’re afraid of sex”

a lot to address here, i know, but bear with me. these responses are dangerous in general, imo- but so much more so for children. all, ALL, of these responses are predatory, because the ultimate “solution” to these suggestions boils down to having sex.

this is wrong. not only because these responses are generally directed at asexuals - BUT OFTEN MINORS. the amount of men ESPECIALLY that ive seen and even had tell me personally that it’s a problem that young girls specifically should not identify as ace is fucking bonkers. but it wasn’t always men. the point is, a lot of people were and are willing to bend over backwards to tell actual children that they need to have sex and discredit their identities.

this is peak predatory behavior. there is no excuse ever to invalidate someone’s identity and EVEN MORE SO never EVER a reason to pressure a minor into working to DISPROVE their sexuality by sleeping with someone.

and people will try. they’ll say an ace is just too naive to appreciate sex. they’ll infantilize aces, or accuse them of being “afraid” or “close minded”. the manipulative language used against the ace youths often implies that either a young ace needs to “grow up” by accepting their “real” sexuality or “prove they don’t like it” by engaging in sex (do you know how often we are told ‘how do you know you don’t like it if you’ve never tried it ‘?).

it’s honestly so disgusting how often this kind of manipulation is hand-waved as seeking to assist young aces in “growing out of” their sexuality. and here’s the thing, even if a person grows up and finds that they DO experience sexual attraction - that does NOT mean that a) their previous identity was invalid or b) people were right to goad and pressure them. holy fuck.

for the young asexuals who are reading this post and need to hear it, i want you to know that you are valid in your identity in the now. even if you grow and find that you aren’t ace, the fact that you feel this way now is not artificial. the point is you feel this way now, you experience it now - and you may forever (and that’s okay too!). your value is not diminished or defined by who you don’t want to sleep with. there are people who will pressure you to “prove” your sexuality, and these people are either horrifically misinformed or purposefully malicious - and regardless of which one it is, you do not owe them an explanation, proof, and much less sex. you have done nothing wrong and there is nothing wrong with you.

please grow up safe in the knowledge that as horrible as it is that you are not alone in your experience; you are NOT alone. please stay safe and navigate this world in a way that is comfortable and set to your pace. make your decisions based on your comfort please, and not to appease someone else.