#im happy w it and that is what matters
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UH-OH! a comic about being trans. by me. part one of probably three :]
i felt bad about being transmasc so i decided to just give up and write about it until i hopefully didnt. i feel a little better getting this all on digital paper but there's still. a lot to draw. so. oops
i'll be posting the next parts. whenever they're ready (which will hopefully be soon) and linking them all here, so whenever you want just check back with the base post and i'll prolly add some links and maybe clean things up. yay!
text transcript / partial ID under the cut!
transcript:
looking back, there were a few signs i might have been trans.
[a sequence of events showing little me flinching and going "ow" at being called his deadname, little me reading a book and going "haha im like a tomboy but i dont like sports or being active or anything im just. a boy. haha", and little me having an active breakdown, crying and holding his glasses, with partially obscured text in a dark cloud around him. the only text visible shows his thoughts, and shows he's worrying that he's sexist for mostly only liking and relating to boy characters.]
...some.
however.
there were also a few things i considered signs of me not being trans at all.
EXHIBIT A:
[a drawing of little me, looking at his 3ds. he's thinking "as long as i make sure that i always play as the 'main girl character' in these games i wont cry because im a girl because i wont be me as a girl i'll be Them. roleplaying. as them".]
no dysphoria.
[caps] EXHIBIT B: [end caps]
[a crude drawing of little me staring at nothing. he's thinking "i don't hate women. and i don't like being mean to other people."]
[caps] I WAS A FEMINIST. [end caps]
and not toxically masculine.
i knew about trans people, but i didn't know trans MEN existed.
[a drawing of little me, with the caption "clueless". he's staring slightly up, and saying "huh?!"]
my mom was nonbinary, with a few trans friends, but people [caps] WANTING??? TO BE MEN??? [end caps]
to be
gross,
disgusting,
hateful,
cruel,
oppressive,
men?
[the background slowly gets darker until it reaches the final word, and that word is a significantly bigger font than the rest of the words.]
for a while, primarily due to my lack of research
[drawing of little me, staring at his computer (which is labeled "deviantArt machine") and going 'huh'.]
i figured, if i WAS trans, I was probably a trans women.
but of course, that was silly
you can't be a trans woman if you're already afab.
and there's no other ways of being trans,
right?
[a crudely-drawn drawing of a deviantArt favorite's tab. none of the favorited pieces have any detail, though several are the same width and length as classic deviantArt stamps.]
hm.
hmmmmm...
[a crudely-drawn drawing of a representation of one of the favorited stamps. it's a massive, pink stamp with the text "SHE/HER!" in it in all caps and pink lettering. bottom text states it is a "she/her pronouns badge by ...", though the rest is cut off.]
HMMMM...
[a picture of a mouse hovering over the 'favorite/unfavorite' button. the star is filled in, indicating clicking it would unfavorite the piece.]
[two wordless panels, side-by-side, showing little me staring at his screen, hovering his cursor over the unfavorite button.]
[two more panels, showing that little me has unfavorited the she/her badge. the panel showing his face shows he is grinning wildly, his hair has poofed up in excitement, and his glasses are now blue-ish purple.]
OHO!!!!!!!!!!!!1
.................and that's
quite literally
how it happened.
before i knew how bad the entire site was, i would frequent dA. CONSTANTLY.
it was baby's very first "social media" webpt site.
[a drawing of a tiny, cartoonish kitten with a small turf of hair, staring at wonder up at a computer, one hand on the mousepad. it is labeled "dramatic reenactment of me making my d a account."]
i wasn't really SHELTERED as a kid, i just didnt know fuck for shit, and my baby anxiety made learning annoyingly hard.
so i turned to memes as a sort of wire mother as opposed to my real, cloth one.
jokes can be easier to understand than reality, sometimes.
(this isnt a good thing.)
so, i sort-of-came-out on deviantart, home of the wacky, wild and weird, where i learned he/him pronouns were an option, and a choice.
[a drawing of little me, with blue glasses, gazing up at the sky and smiling triumphantly.]
and some crazy trauma but that's for a different comic. if i make it.
[a drawing of little me being hit with a cartoonish star, which is meant to represent the trauma.]
sooo...
that's it, right?
[little me, with a cartoony bandage on his head, gently rubbing his wound.]
my mom was supportive & anyone who wasn't ...isn't in the picture now
that's the end
...right?.
end transcript.
#trans#trans man#transmasculine#ftm#comic#webcomic#klug's sketches#hoo boy this is rlly fucking personal so im a little scared BUT#im happy w it and that is what matters
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Time and Time Again comes back tonight!
Thank you all for being so patient with me, I know it was a long hiatus.
My health was struggling, my arm was (is) hurting, and I decided it wasn't worth it. I'd rather be slow!
So thank you for giving me that grace, and I hope you'll be there with me for the rest of the series.
#like straight up. it's not worth it. idc how many people get mad at me#i would rather work fuckin. anything else than maintain this impossible schedule and keep hurting myself#if thats what it takes to do comics full time. then i can't do comics full time. simple as that!#i hope that for my next work i can have a healthier schedule and still make this work as my job#but if not. I'm never going back#i can't do it. 3 more years at this pace will take my ability to draw#anyways. its really good!!!#like genuinely i can feel a marked improvement in my skills#which is WILD!!! And I'm extremely happy about that!!!#just one more step into being better built to give people the quality stories they deserve.#ive not properly had the fire under my ass to finish stuff up but. its fine.#like i said? not worth it.#if i have to pause again then ill pause again. like i literally simply can not my body can't handle it#so. hopefully stuff goes smoothly but whatever happens will happen#whatever will be will be#i keep getting distracted lmfao#im excited about it coming back#and also. will. probably be distracting myself...#other creators dont read their comments. I'm like straight up not capable of that LMAOOO#i check for comments like all the time#love seeing em. love reading people's thoughts about my work#it makes me a better writer and keeps me connected to what matters most. which is my audience!#so i dont regret doing that but also. jts extremely distracting#i get straight up nothing done on big update days#cause im in the comments absolutely massive eyed refreshing.#this sounds obsessive. and it is. no jk#its just fun and keeps me in touch w peoples perception which helps me learn to write better#plus people are nice and ask me questions that i wanna answer#or if someone is being an ass. then i wanna tell them to leave (cause i cant block people) cause i consider it my responsibility#time and time again
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Baizhu design :V ? For funsies totally not going to draw him or anything
had way too much fun with this one hahah
#listen i know that baizhu's eyes should be red in theory here but like#im too used to my golden eyed princess to change that#plus its funnier what with the whole childe crush list#also im sorry but i can't think how to explain it away rn#baizhu's not even a relevant character so it doesn't even matter but still#we'll just roll w it#anyway#we can name baizhu's snake smth else too#idk what#just in case anyone here doesn't realize gui is herbalist gui#hilariously enough gui also fits like. a good chunk of childe's crush list#like he's only missing the 'being able to beat his ass' and the 'deep voice'#the rest of it checks out iirc#childe; still a bit in shock at the revelation: huh- the husband is literally just some guy#gui; very friendly and polite and sweet invites ajax into the convo and never sidelines him and is always happy to meet new people:#childe; touched and charmed: yeah ok this makes sense actually. i get it#guizhong and ping yan only found out about the short crush like. months after LMAO#changsheng and gui are cannonically gossip buddies so i think the dynamic would be hilarious whenever baizhu goes to the clan#changsheng dumps a bunch of homework/tests on him to run and then goes sit w gui to the side to gossip for the rest of the day#she approved the husband from day1
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glass cathedral - an experiment in concepts and shapes and textures or whatever and refusing to ever ever finish the back of the build EVER
#mmmmmyea it’s a cathedral with a glass tower stuck in th middle of it. YUP. WHATTTTEVER!#needs 2 be powerwashed ASF#minecraft#mineblr#minecraft build#minecraft cathedral#bsl shaders#lode-builds#interior? i hardly know her.#do not ask about what the inside of this build looks like matter of fact dont even THINK about it!!#this is the biggest build ive made in a while and im happy with it but i thjnk it can also be improved#i got off to a great start w the shapes and stuff but kind of lost steam towards the top#and texturing it was harder than i thought itd be thats usually the easier part for me!!#idk i feel like i kinda just had a cool concept then lodeified it with the pipes and stuff so ill probably come revisit it later#and make it even awesomer#but im still glad I made something so BIG at the very least HEEHEE
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messy eater
#gritting my teeth clawing my desk trying not to caption this as gods favourite princess hot girl oopsie baby angel kyaa#anyways. happy ^^#vampire the masquerade#vtmb#<he is the fledgling. technically#vampire the masquerade bloodlines#vampire#/elias#art#digital art#vtm#artists on tumblr#toreador#wod#scarabocchi#ok im not FULLY happy w this the composition is. mh. i hate rendering objects and the anatomy is questionable at points#but hes so cuteee and thats what matters#if this flops i will be. sad
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I need people to realize how horrible 'stalking/constant surveillance/breaking into each other's homes is how the Batfamily show love' is. Like i really need someone to just acknowledge how horrific saying this bullshit is.
Like even fics where they're shown as happy and healthy and with good ties, you've always got this thing where none of them have privacy or any boundaries with each other. Which is directly antithetical to actually having good relationships. And this invasion via hacking and stalking and breaking into homes is portrayed as a positive, good thing; it's just how they show love and care to each other, after all. But for some reason I just personally don't find stalking, lack of privacy or boundaries, and emotional manipulation funny, endearing, or healthy, and just end up disgusted at the attempt to sweep it all under the rug.
#my dc posting#dc#batman#batfamily#jason todd#barbara gordon#bruce wayne#dick grayson#tim drake#damian wayne#listen i can only take so much of it before i just breakdown okay#apparently controversial opinion but a family where its normal to vreak into each others homes and manipulate each other and stalk and#invade boundaries and autonomy and privacy can NOT be healthy#no matter how much you try to dress it up all cute w 'this is just how they are' 'its how they show their love' its never not gonna be#unhealthy and bad and toxic#like yeah they do do that. they are like that. either acknowledge it or stop trying to justify it#god this actually irks me so much#i try to idk. suspend my disblief but theres only so much i can actuallt fucking take before just#its just. im trying to read happy fluffy fics. but i cant be comforted by a family that normalizes breaking boundaries n invading privacy#and its specifically that the author aleays disregards it. instead of fixing it or making it better they opt to keep it and come up w excuse#s for it#and thats what actually triggers me#'i broke into ur house cus if i asked if i could come over ud say no' is actuallt fucking horrifying stop trying to make it seem loving???#im writing this while having a panic attack dont mind me 👍#but its like. if you can write the batfam w/o bruce hitting his kids or any other horrific thing that they do#then why must you keep the boundary&privacy breaking? why cant anyone even seemingly try to write a batfam#where theyve worked their issues abt this out best they can n have healthy established boundaries w each other??#like if u can write them all hanging out together 24/7 n bruce being s good dad why is this one simple thing the One Thing#nobody even tries to address properly???#'aw dick broke into jason's saehouse bc he wanted to hangout but jason would say no if he asked' aw. maybe dick should learn 'no means no'
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#lol i love seeing just straight up bullying on tiktok(/s)#someone(im guessing) went into a discord server for proshipping#and then posted their face reveals on tiktok!?!??!?!#basically saying: look how ugly and weird they look#like what the fuck#just bcs you dont agree with someones opinion ON SHIPPING#doesnt mean you should blast them on socmed?#they posted those pics in a trusted space :(#why are people so cruel and vindictive nowadays#people who make it their whole personalities to shit on pros OR antis are so embarrassing#just keep to yourself and keep your personal moral highground you know?#like they go low we go higher etc#cause on tiktok people will post very bait proshipper tiktoks#to the point where i honestly think they're 100% antis who just wanna sow discourse and disgust#like when i see those people im like just ignore them???#just dont engage man. you end up encouraging people to do worse and worse just to cause drama#but yeah antis in return will make all their posts 'correcting' these obv bait posts#like both of you get a life and just do things that make you happy. not things that obv upset you#idk it kinda sickens me how much time people devote to activities that clearly doesn't make them happy#even if youre pleased about dunking on people you morally disagree w +#wouldnt you feel happier engaging with content that yknow. fills you with genuine enjoyment?#not enjoyment fueled by disgust or morally superiority#idk some people feel like children so i shouldnt care too deeply. but the amnt of toxic behavior is so disturbing to me#the posting of faces got on my nerves badly. no matter if you disagree with someone#you shouldnt just straight up expose their face on your big acct BECAUSE OF DIFFERENCES IN SHIPPING OPINION#and the fact that the point is to imply they're all ugly. so fucking childish and disgusting#i reported but idk if that'd do anything. i wish i could have an honest dialog w people like that tbh#catie.rambling.txt
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Saw james acaster tonight!! Second row seat! It was the closest ive ever sat to a stage and i see why ppl pay more for it cos it was exhilarating like he was in my phone and then he was there! within reach! I think this is the first time ive been properly starstruck bc ive never been that close to a person i watched on my phone before i could see the textures of his skin and creases in his clothes and it was a small theatre so it felt like he was looking out and make eye contact a few times even tho he almost definitely couldnt see the crowd with the lights and everything. Hes also taller than i thought he would be. Anyway he was amazing straight to the top of my power ranking of stand up acts ive seen live. Hes just so so so good at what he does he talks about hating doing stand up but its like bro u cannot quit this is literally ur calling. The show is called hecklers welcome and he did crowd work for literally half the show not even sure if it was planned?? Cos he started a story and never finished it bc he got sidetracked but hes so good that maybe that was also intentional idk. All the crowd work wouldve annoyed me if it was anyone else but it just seemed effortless for him idk. He made the unfunny heckles funny and it was so evident why hes the professional. Hes a guy whos already talented AND really studies and understands comedy AND i like his type of comedy 10/10 i had high hopes walking in and he did not disappoint
#i love seeing ppl do what they are good at. in any profession really#men who are funny are like the pinnacle of attractiveness to me. its sense of humour above all else it doesnt even matter#that hes british and wearing matching green sweatpants and sweater i was like love w him for those 2 hours.#which btw is also the longest comedy show ive seen he even had an intermission where he changed into a pink sweatpants/sweater outfit#anyway im so happy i got to see him at least once hes like the wayv of standup comedy to me (my favourite)#james acaster#sidney talks shit
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hiii ik you hear this a lot because your art is incredible but i’m saying it again YOUR ART IS INCREDIBLE AND IT KEEPS ME GOING THANK YOU FOR THE AMAZING DRAWINGS THEY MAKW MY DAYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! you do cherik so much justice with your art it’s amazing
i may hear it A Lil Often but that dont mean im any less very grateful to hear it THANK YOU SO MUCH 🥺 !!!!!!
#fave#snap chats#im always happy to hear you guys like my stuff it doesnt matter if i hear it every second of every day#it means a lot to me to know my silly goofy stuff can make even one persons day a lil better ... thats so cool and epic...#i recently saw a comic about fangirls and while Im Not A Girl it was a very resonatin piece#all the drawings i do is out of love for the stuff I Love so its really. Lovely when other people enjoy it with me#spreadin the love and sharin it and w/e...... its very fun and sweet and 🥺when i think of it a lil too long ...#so ONCE MORE now and forever thank you all for your love and support for my stuff ^^ !!!!!#its the start of the school week so that means i have to wait until i get to make more lovely stuff for everyone :(#me included i have to wait before i can even make stuff for myself NOOOOOOOOOOOO FUCK THIS BAKA LIFE#its ok. its what gives the weekends meaning .... or whatever my cope is . ..
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#im in my not talking to people abt my feelings era again bc even im annoyed of my complaining but#good god i am so fed up bro#ik it's only been a few dyas w my antidepressants but i rlly want them to be doing more than they are#and maybe ill be thriving in like a week or two but im juat rlly depressed rn#i feel like i try so hard to be happy#i fill my.room w decorations my younger self would have gone nuts for and i buy gifts for the peoplei care abt#i do facemasks to try to self care and talled abt my feelings and i went to a psychiatriat and i feel the same as always#i feel like im gonna be atuck the way that i feel forever no matter what i do#and i have to be up for work in 7 hrs and its a shift i hate#idk i just cant fucking believe all the work ive put in and changes over the years and im still just as hopelessly depressed as i was at 15#im gonma go watch a vod u til i can seleep and then be embarrassed at venting in tumblr tags on a blog yhat i only talk to 2 people on in#the morning 😐
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its just funny how 2/3 years ago i begged the universe w my whole heart for a soulless job and instead i was reborn and touched by the hand of goth . and found a group of idiot faggots who understand me to my core x u can beg and plead for something but if its not right it wont come . and if i did chase that dream of a career that was never right for me i would have succumbed to death by gash wounds (vertical, self inflicted)
#the world is beautiful actually and everything always falls into place x#and yes i am still trying to figure out what i want to do w my life but im letting go of the sense of failure i have w my career .#bc im happy in the places that truly matter . bc what is a career or stability without loving friends and ppl who truly get you .#i wasnt born to work !!! i was born to make art and love my friends#thas it . gn
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i am at the looking-at-dolls-as-self-soothing part of the night. i definitely wanna beef up my bratz collection since unboxing my alwayz bratz yasmin was just like... oh... oh man... and... and i didn't think it'd be like that for me man i didn't think i had as much nostalgia for bratz as i actually do not just buy owning some but by touching them and playing w their clothes and their hair.
and one of my issues of course is that i'm a redhead and as a redhead my Default Lookalike Doll is meygan (not that having a doll that looks like you is the most important part of bratz, but it is so much of the fun right? the fact that there's a character out there for just about everyone?). and i like meygan as a character well enough, that's not the issue. but of the meygan dolls that have been reproduced, there's none of them that are like, hardcore needs for me except for sweetheart meygan. and i did not buy sweetheart meygan in time. i was not really collecting at that point. that was like 2022. i had a few... na na na surprise dolls at that time. which is funny bc i have four of those that i got all either on clearance or w giftcards and i do really like them even though a lot of doll collectors thought they were kinda dumb, and they were. i just liked the gimmick of the fabric bodies and there were just enough dolls i thought were really cute that i kinda caved at one point. i also knew it was a brand i wouldn't go overboard with. anyway. we were talking about meygan...
sorry meygan back to you girl. i know original 2000s bratz that have not yet been reproduced at crazy expensive on the secondhand market and it's genuinely out of control. but sweet heart meygan, both the repro and the original, are selling for triple digits on mercari, ebay, what have you. that's just ridiculous. frankly. i'm not buying her at that. i don't even like her enough to hunt for her regularly, if that's how it's gonna be. there are plenty of more readily-available bratz dolls that are either regular retail price or clearancing online andin stores. did you guys know alwayz bratz jade is going for 15 bucks on amazon right now? that's crazy. the other always bratz dolls aren't going for that low if they're even marked down yet. that release wasn't even that long ago. anyway i'm thinking of getting jade from that line bc i know some ppl thought that alwayz jade was a let-down, but i thought she was cute. yasmin was my favorite from that line and that's why i got her but jade was my second fave there easily.
i also wanna get the kumi they reproduced sometime and maybe girls nite out cloe since i see she's still available. it's funny there aren't that many core girls i've wanted from the repros but if i go for any of the cloes, new or old, it's gotta be girls nite out. cloe isn't even usually my favorite character no offense blondes she's just kinda. she's just kinda cloe to me. idk i love her but i'm not gagged over her most of the time. these are still bratz standardz we're talking about here so obviously i love her.
there's nothing going on in the world right now other than my bratz dolls. and if someone we won't mention wins the election, i'm definitely going doll crazy. i'm gonna be buying dolls after this anyway, but i'm gonna justify spending an unusual, nearly-irresponsible amount of money. you know. bc i'm an adult and i can.
hey also and of all the lines they could've reproduced why is their most recent slumber party? why? why? when the poll posted by mga had tokyo a go go WINNING? bc tokyo a go go is the correct option? i mean the slumber party line is cute and i like the base dolls and the accessories especially the stuffed animals are cute. but. everyone knows the bratz audience these days is adult collectors. which adult collectors are losing their minds over dolls in pajamas and bathrobes? again they're CUTE. but why. also why did they reproduce bratz babyz when those things were nightmare fuel
#tales from diana#yeah and i have the jimmy paul pride two-pack w roxxi and nevra arriving tomorrow :)#i'm still probably gonna buy all these dolls i'm talking about at some point but i'm just gonna space them out#now is a pretty good time to be a budding bratz collector bc there have been AFFORDABLE OPTIONS once again#but they are not all that way#and i'm so happy for my own sake that i had no emotional investment w the mean girls dolls bc that shit was ridiculous#fuck mga for that one for real#yeah the bratz i have now are the alwayz yasmin and the campfire felicia repro#i should've unboxed felicia first bc i honestly like her better and her hair (being braided) would've been way less of a mess#i have to wash yasmin's hair and im worried about it bc i've never washed doll hair before#but i'm gonna be so honest w you. the state that shit was in? was borderline unacceptable. lol#it's so hard and gelled that i cannot just brush it or anything#the back ie what you could not see in the box is especially nasty... like come on#the alwayz bratz as much as i do like them overall are not the same quality as 2000s bratz. i have to say#not just bc they don't come w a second outfit but the fabric quality and construction just isn't what it used to be#they're still good dolls don't get me wrong. but i feel like they're less pressured bc of how cheap barbies are nowadays#they don't have to put in the same elbow grease to be 'better'#anyway i'm glad i'm talking about bratz dolls which are the only thing that matter in the world to me right now#la la la la la i'm plugging my ears. la la la la la nothing is going on#i have to get a sasha at some point too but idk which one i want? and i want one that's on shelves now not a secondhand. not dealing w that#i think i'll hold onto the hope of tokyo a go go being reproduced bc that's one of my favorite sashas. & she's the best in that line imo#her hair and makeup are just gorgeous and her outfit is adorable#that's like peak sasha and peak bratz to me#but i also like the new pretty n punk sasha. idk. i will wait for suuuuure. don't rush diana#i don't think i wanna have more than one doll of any character before i have a more extensive bratz collection#so who i choose to get for the core 4 is vital... i'm happy w my current yasmin though. the other 3 are kinda up in the air
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marker practice ayumu
#love live#ayumu uehara#my art#myon's marker training arc#i think the light grey i have is running out of ink#it was a bit of a struggle#markers are scary#how do i graduate to colour when b/w is so comfy... LMAO#i was writing a lengthy blog post that featured all of my experimental ugly wips with explanations but then tumblr did an oopsie and#none of it saved and like; man.....#but i'm pretty happy with my progress!! the really early experiments were super ugly LMAO#once i feel comfortable with b/w ill probably toy with colours but its a bit conceptually foreign to me#cus there's only like#select colours#so you have limited colours to pick from? and to blend with?#and i dont really know how to mix pigments#aand on top of that im not sure what are the best ways to mix mediums (like if i wanted to do a colour wash#i can use water colour right??? is there an order??)#(like water colour is obviously water but copics are alcohol based so like does it matter what order one goes on the other??? AHHHH PANIC)#i have many questions... and for whatever reason started rambling in the tags#i like ayumu 😊#(im have a lot of tutorials to watch)
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while I enjoy an AU where sect cultivators stood by wwx in his defiance against the cultivation world or supported the wen remnants with him, they can't hit like canon does bc they always feel a little...hm. like if the author is super invested and insists THIS is what should have/would have happened its like they're missing the point of all the characters and their arcs?
#annoyingly confident posts like 'YOU CANT TELL ME JIANG CHENG DIDN'T ADOPT A-YUAN BC LOOK AT HIS ANGRY UNCLE ENERGY#sorry but he canonically doesn't give a shit abt that kid#like I don't know if I can see cql jc MURDERING him but uhm. that character isn't jc it is a projection of someone else#and jyl's timidity and lack of social power wasn't the only thing that kept her doing exactly what the rest of the sect leaders were doing#like...she's not a cruel or harsh person she simply doesn't focus on politics she focuses on domestic matters and her family#and she was very happy to get married into a sect who was at odds w her brother bc she was in love#when hearing the wens running and screaming she simply said they were being 'taken care of'she is very happy to sit back and let characters#in positions of power do what they will...like she did give wen ning soup shes not HEARTLESS. she's just#very focused on her family and home#which isn't unreasonable esp after she's lost so much!#but I don't see her tact extending to politics honestly. unlike say mm or myu she doesn't rly care for it#and she's timid! she's easily intimidated! and these are just...parts of her character that feel real#she's happy in her family bc she feels protected but outside of that her emotional and psychological safety is guarded#I mean....myu nonwithstanding#anyway. I like when authors see her for a timid homemaker who cares primary abt the domestic sphere#and still respects that and engages with it#not my usual preference for female characters but family is EVERYTHING to jyl. and without that focus it just doesn't feel as much like her#the aus rly are fun tho#NOT THAT those responsibilities on her were always light or that she didn't sacrifice anything bc of course she did - she was jc and wwx's#crutch for YEARS#and I realize I compared her response to the sects leaders'. I know she's not a leader!#but like...I also understand her priorities and how devastated she was when wwx left#and why that loss for her overshadows the high moral principles wwx is adhering to#she doesn't want innocent people hurt she simply wants her brother back etc.#family being everything to her also.means it gives her her strength and courage and resolve tho!!!#EP25 DEFENSE OF WWX AT DAFAN ONE OF THE BEST SCENES IN THE SHOW >>>>>>#im on mobile but I made a typo I meant NOT guarded. you know#cql txp
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I've always known that my dad loved us, but nothing's driven that home as much as everything we've found in the After.
Our prominence in his home (pictures, father's day cards, gifts on display, the letter), the way he prioritized us... and a damned good life insurance policy, set up specifically so that if he died early (always a possibility, since driving jobs are more dangerous than many) then we would have enough to get ourselves Set.
He raised us to become as independent as possible as soon as possible. Made sure we knew how to cook, clean, handle our finances (though he was hilariously kind of bad at that, himself), and much more. I've been doing my own laundry since I was about 10 years old, so it's a surprise when I hear about people going off to college still not knowing. Utterly unimaginable to me.
He wanted us to finish college so we could live more comfortable lives than he did. My sister accomplished this in good time. I have not. But with his final gift to us, this life insurance money, it's a very real thing I could do. I could Realistically pay for the rest of my schooling and not even have to work through it. And in not having to work as I take classes, I can dedicate myself to them more thoroughly than ever before, and hopefully Finally finish my degree.
Just as he wanted for me.
I'll always miss him, since having him in my life was worth more than any amount of money I could have. But I'll always be grateful to him for everything he gave to me.
I dont need a mother, however much mine is trying to scrabble for us right now. I haven't had a true mother in a long time (or maybe Ever).
Instead, I had the best father I could've ever asked for. He was the only parent I needed.
#speculation nation#actually not feeling too bad right now. emotional sure. but not as bad as the past few nights.#the revelations of the day just kinda. rocked me a bit.#it's a Damn good life insurance policy.#and coupled with my in-state tuition (aka kind of a lot lower than average US college tuitions) and#yeah. yeah it really could cover The Rest of my schooling.#and ykno. he was an atheist to the end. he didnt believe in an afterlife. so im not gonna think hes watching me or anything#theres no figment of my father hanging out in heaven or w/e that's watching me & who i need to Make Proud#it's more a matter of self satisfaction. wanting to live a life that i know wouldve made him proud.#he's dead now. he doesnt exist anymore. but it would make me happy to live up to what he wanted for me.#so. in his memory. i will. i'll put my nose to the grindstone (as he'd often say) so i can finish my degree.#and as for where i go from there... we'll see.#one step at a time. finish college first. i'll figure out what comes After when i get there.
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good mornin & happy tues my loves (,,ᴗ ̫ ᴗ,,)ꕤ*.゚im ever so slowly waking up for the day w my iced latte in hand & a lil smile on my face <33
#ᕱ⑅ᕱ.* journals!#& i made it in a lil glass mason jar!! (*ノ>ᴗ<) the vibes are !! IMMACULATE !!!#i got my stuffies & my cozy blankies & my ipad (*ᴗˬᴗ)⁾⁾⁾ what a great start to my day off!!#the only thing i have planned is doin a lil more laundry at the laundromat!! but other than that im a free bun!! ໒꒰ྀི∩˃ ᵕ ˂∩꒱ྀི১#oooo i have been rlly wanting to color so mayhaps i will get some new colored pencils & a cool coloring book!! :3#& im DEF going to be playin more genshin today hehee (๑´>᎑<)~♡#i do wish my body would let me sleep in but im happy i get to watch the sky turn dif shades of blue in a matter of mins ₊˚⊹ᡣ𐭩#earth is so NEAT & being here on this rock w all of you has been the v best thing EVER!! ദ്ദി ˃ ᵕ ˂ ) lets all have a fantastic day!! MWAH!!
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